Jeans pushed only halfway down his thighs, Mulder pulled quickly at his cock. There were no fantasies, tender, twisted or otherwise to encourage him. Only the need to relieve some fucking unbearable sexual tension drove him. Only the bone-jarring desire to fuck the man he'd walked out on earlier this evening.
"God," he groaned. "Oh, fuck."
His hand moved faster, and a hard growl rumbled in his constricted throat as he came, coating his fist and belly with a river of warm semen.
His hand fell away from his cock, and he lay motionless, his body spent, and his mind now mercifully blank. He fell asleep that way, waking some time later to the distinct feeling that he wasn't alone. His eyes opened slowly, and they moved back and forth, scanning the ceiling before drifting downward and coming to rest on the figure seated at the foot of the couch.
Stretching first, he pulled his pants up then moved into a sitting position.
"Sorry. If I'd known I was going to have company, I'd have made sure I pulled my pants back up when I was finished."
Eyes straight ahead, Alex said nothing.
"Uh..." Mulder got to his feet, pants still unzipped. "S'cuse me a minute." He held his hand up. "My fingers are starting to stick together."
Alex sat quietly, fingers intertwined.
Mulder lowered his hand and shuffled toward the bathroom without another word. When he came back, his demeanor was a bit more subdued. He sat down several inches from Alex and studied the younger man carefully.
"Why did you come?"
Alex was quiet for a moment then asked, "Did you mean it?"
He didn't feel up to playing coy.
"Yes, I meant it."
"...When did you know?"
"A little while. I don't think I could pinpoint a date and time, though, if that's what you're looking for."
Alex sat quietly for a while then continued.
"How?"
"No fuckin' idea."
"Do you wish you didn't?"
"Lately, yeah. This hasn't been the most fun, y'know? But..." Mulder lightly slapped his knee. "Such are the ways of love."
"That's why you wish you didn't..." Alex stopped just short of saying the words. "Because we're going through...this?"
"Mostly. It just...it hurts," Mulder said truthfully. "I miss you. I'm lying here alone, jerking off, wishing you were here and...I just keep thinking that it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love you."
"You're right to be wishing that. For the reason you just told me, I guess, but mostly because I...you just shouldn't."
"Shouldn't what?"
Alex went silent.
"Come on, Alex. Try it on for size."
Alex got up and stalked across the room, stopping at the window.
"You shouldn't...love me. That's what I came here to tell you."
"Really. And a phone call wouldn't have sufficed?"
Nothing.
"That's not what you came here for," Fox said softly, getting up and approaching the younger man from behind. "You came here to make sure that's how I felt. You wanted to hear it again. You needed me to say the words. Didn't you?"
Alex shook his head.
"It's okay to like it, Alex. It's all right for your heart to pound when you hear the words." Mulder stopped at Alex's back, lifting his hands to the other man's shoulders, massaging gently. "I love you."
Alex's eyes closed, and he bit down on his lower lip, stopping just short of making it bleed.
"Alex..."
"You can't."
"Sure, I can. It's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be."
"It should be impossible. I'm not...I'm...I'm not the kind of man someone loves."
"Apparently, you are."
"Don't, Fox. Don't waste it on me."
Mulder turned Alex around, forcing the younger man to look at him.
"Don't tell me what to do."
The words were uttered softly, without the slightest bit of anger. Mulder leaned in, having every intention to kiss Alex, but the other man backed away, stopping when he felt the cold window pane at the back.
Emitting an exasperated sigh, Mulder grabbed Alex's jacket and hauled him forward. Clamping his arms around the younger man, he laid a ravenous kiss on him and refused to let go until he felt the other's body go slack and relax against him.
"You were saying?"
The whispered words caressed his mouth, and Alex gasped softly before submitting to another heart-stopping kiss. By the time their lips parted, every thought in his mind, every one of his defenses had been decimated.
"Can we talk about this in the morning?" Mulder asked, his tongue dipping in past Alex's parted lips.
The only answer Alex could give was a soft, frightened, intensely aroused whimper.
"Don't you want me, baby?" Mulder asked, now caressing Alex's rear.
Alex groaned as the older man's mouth stroked over his, and his hand involuntarily stole up into the golden-brown hair, clutching desperately in the strands as he initiated the next kiss.
Moaning into Alex's mouth, Mulder began to back up slowly, coaxing his lover to follow. As they disappeared into the bedroom, he made a silent promise to himself that they would somehow get this all straightened out. He'd make Alex talk about everything that was upsetting him, and he'd do his best to understand and make it all better.
Tomorrow.
But for tonight...
But for Tonight
by Aries
The television droned softly, doing little to drown out the harsh gasps of the man jerking off on the sofa.
