Double or Nothing I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep.
Wherever you go, I'll be with you.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
Watching shadows move across the wall,
Just can't stand up for fallin' apart.
Wherever you go, I'll be with you.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep.
Wherever you go, I'll be with you.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
The Flame By Cheap Trick
Middle of the day.
The petite woman wove her way through a mass of bodies as the lunchtime crowd
hurried through the halls of the Hoover Building. The hulking form of her boss
moved steadily beyond her reach despite her efforts to catch up with him. She
hated to shout at him, but...
"Sir? A.D. Skinner!"
The man stopped in his tracks and turned around to find the owner of the voice
he recognized as that of Agent Scully. He stopped and let the agent approach,
peering down into dull blue eyes.
"When did you get back?"
"This morning."
"I take it you had no luck."
"No, sir."
Skinner released a heavy sigh. "I don't know how much longer I can let this go
on, Agent Scully, before I have to write him off."
"Please, sir, just give him a little more time."
"How much more? He should have been back five weeks ago. Five, Scully."
"I know, I..."
"I should've canned him long ago, considering the reason he's disappeared,"
Skinner grated under his breath, looking around the hall to make sure no one was
listening. "You explained it to me yourself, and I still can't believe it."
"I know," Scully whispered, moving closer. "But legally, there's nothing we can
do about that. Krycek is free and clear."
Skinner shook his head and looked away.
"One more week, sir. Please. Give me one more week to find him."
"I don't understand how you haven't found him by now."
"He must be on the move."
"Which means he could be anywhere. So, how much good do you think another week
will do?"
Scully looked down at her shoes. "I honestly don't know. I just can't believe
he's disappeared off the face of the earth."
"Did it ever occur to you that he found Krycek, and the two of them have taken
off together? You did say he'd pretty much washed his hands of you, so you can't
think he'd call you to let you know where they are."
"Yes sir, that thought has occurred to me. But what if that's not the case? I
have to keep trying."
The A.D. thought for a moment then gave Scully a curt nod. "Very well. One more
week. If you don't find Agent Mulder by then, I'll have no choice but to take
action."
"I understand. Thank you sir."
Skinner watched the woman turn and retreat back down the hall, and he closed his
eyes, massaging away the beginnings of a throbbing headache.
Come on, Mulder. Show up. I don't want to have to give up on you.
"I can still hear those bells in my head," the middle aged man laughed, walking
into the hotel room he shared with his lover of two years. "Fifty thousand!
Damn!"
"I know," the other man sighed as he fell onto the bed. "It's hard to take it
all in. We gotta spend some of it on something totally frivolous. Maybe then
I'll believe it."
"Yeah. Like what?"
The man on the bed thought a minute then grinned.
"We've been talking about a threesome..."
"You, Michael. You've been talking about a threesome. With Jack, no less."
Michael folded his hands behind his head. "Yeah, that was dumb. It could get
complicated with someone we know."
"No shit."
"But what about..." Michael crawled to the end of the bed, then rose to his
knees, rubbing his hands over the other's chest. "...a total stranger?"
"What're we gonna do, Mike? Go trolling for a good looking guy down in the
casinos? What if he reacts badly to our proposal?"
"We've got money, John. If we get us a professional, we won't have to worry
about that."
"You... you mean a hooker?"
"Yeah. This joint is crawling with them. I'm sure we can find one we can both
agree on."
John thought for a moment then smiled.
"It's actually not a bad idea." He wound his arms around the kneeling man. "No
attachments, no uncomfortable moments afterward...and how much could it possibly
cost?"
"There he is again."
"Who?"
The heavily made up hooker nodded to the tall, somber looking man, who wandered
the strip, searching the crowds.
"Been here three nights in a row."
"Fussy shopper?"
"I don't know. Never seen him walk away with anybody."
"He's cute," the other hustler commented, looking the man up and down. "Think
I'll go talk to him."
"Go ahead. I could use a good laugh."
Hands on his hips, the other looked his friend up and down. "What d'you mean by
that, miss thing?"
"You're not what he's lookin' for."
"What, you think you are?"
"If I thought that, I would've hit him up by now. I think he's lookin' for
somebody in particular."
"Yeah," the other leaned down to look in a car window and smooth his eyebrows.
"Me." He straightened up and snapped his fingers in his companion's face.
"Watch this."
Sashaying across the street, he approached his target and stood in front of him,
smiling.
"Hey, handsome."
Dull, hazel eyes met sparkling brown then slid away.
"Been hangin' around a lot lately. What're you lookin' for?"
"Somebody."
The hooker slithered closer, skimming the tip of his tongue over his teeth. "I'm
somebody."
"Somebody else."
The hustler stepped back, clearly irritated. "What's wrong with me?"
The tall man closed his eyes. "Nothing, I..." He pulled a picture out of his
wallet and showed it to the hooker. "Have you seen this man?"
The hooker's eyes flicked too quickly over the photo then rose to other's face.
"Nope."
"You didn't really look at it. Please."
The prostitute heaved a hard sigh and had a longer look.
"Ain't seen 'im."
"You sure?"
"Look man, I said I haven't seem him. I'd remember a face like that."
The man turned an adoring gaze down at the photo. "Yeah."
The hooker stared. "Yeah. Right. Very sweet. Look baby, you must be lonely. How
'bout some company?"
The man looked down and shook his head.
"Come on," the hooker purred, letting his fingers glide over the other's arm.
"It'll take some of the edge off. You know...to tide you over while you look for
your baby."
The man backed away. "No."
"What if you never find him? You never gonna fuck again?"
Hazel eyes blinked rapidly as the man's brain tried to wrap itself around that
very real possibility.
"Body like that's too good to waste," the hustler murmured, looking the man up
and down. "Let me put a smile on that gorgeous kisser. I'll give you a good
price...anything you want..."
"No." The other man backed off another step. "No, I..." His voice trailed off as
he backed up and, never having finished his sentence, turned and walked away.
"Who the heck is..."
The bearded man belted his robe and looked down at the familiar face through the
peephole of his front door. He quickly undid the various locks and swung the
door open.
"Is something wrong?" he asked as the diminutive redhead swept in. "Mulder? Did
you find him? Has something happened..."
Scully spun on her heel and faced Byers, cutting him off. "No. No, I haven't
found him. That's the problem."
"It has been for weeks now, so..."
"Skinner's reaching the end of his patience. I have one more week to find Mulder
before he takes official action."
"Damn."
"Yeah, I..." Scully looked around the room. "Where are Langly and Frohike?"
"Those two morons are at a Red Dwarf convention in Vegas."
"What in the hell is a Red... " Scully stopped and shook her head. "You know, I
don't even... never mind. Byers, I need your help."
"I'll help in any way I can, Scully, you know that, but what more do you think I
can do than I've already done?"
Scully raked a hand through her hair as she began to pace. "I don't know. I
really don't know. Damn! How could he just have disappeared? Doesn't he care
about his job? Doesn't he care about anything other than that slimy bastard he's
chasing?"
Quietly, Byers watched Scully stalk the length of the room.
"Transparent snake. All that contrite, subdued, starry-eyed... crap..."
"Starry-eyed?"
"Oh, yeah. He'd give Mulder this sappy, 'I worship the ground you walk on' look,
and Mulder'd just melt into a puddle of goo at his feet. It was disgusting.
It...it was vile."
"Maybe it was genuine?"
"What? Oh, God, Byers, not you too."
"Just think about it, Scully. I know that Mulder is impetuous, and I'm as
shocked as anyone else about this, but would he literally throw the rest of his
life away on Krycek if there wasn't really something there between them?"
"If he thought there was something as deep between them as Krycek has led him to
believe, then, yes. He would. He is. The man is a deceitful, smarmy, low down,
good looking, sneaky worm, and Mulder just fell under his spell."
Byers looked down at his hands and said nothing.
"Byers?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you going to help me?"
"Umm... yes. Of course."
"Good. Now...he had withdrawn money a little over a week ago in Palm Springs. By
the time I got there, he had disappeared. Now, I've been thinking about this.
And if I know Mulder," she sighed, removing a map from her pocket and spreading
it out on a nearby table, "he's thinking that Krycek is pretty screwed up, and
he's gone back to walking the street, and he's hitting every red light district
in the state of California."
"That could take a very long time."
"And that's time he just doesn't have. Not if he's going to have a life left
after this."
"Scully, I know how close you and Mulder are, but...don't you think there comes
a time when you have to step back and let him make his own decisions?"
"Mulder makes all his own decisions, Byers. That's why he's in the predicament
he's in now. Ordinarily he's a brilliant man. Intuitive and clear-thinking...but
in certain cases, most especially this case, it all goes to hell. I will not
stand by and watch it happen without at least trying to do some kind of damage
control."
"You're risking your friendship."
"As of the last time we'd seen each other, there wasn't much left to risk."
"Then, why? Why kill yourself trying to find him?"
"You don't just stop caring about someone because they're being an idiot. He
could never speak to me again, and I would live with it if it meant I'd saved
him from turning his life into a disaster."
Scully looked back down at the map, playing her words over again in her head.
She was right. She was right, and she would find him.
"Now, let's get a plan working..."
John trudged behind his lover, wearily searching for a man they could agree on.
"How about that one?"
"He's kinda scrawny."
"C'mon, Mike, you've shot down all my choices. I'm getting tired."
"Hey, you didn't like mine either." Michael stopped and sighed. "Maybe we're not
gonna find one tonight. Wanna give up for now and try again tomorrow?"
"Yeah, okay. Too bad. I was really getting excited about it."
The two men turned back toward the hotel, traveling not more than a few yards
when a black limousine pulled up, and a dark figure emerged from the vehicle. A
very well dressed man got out after him, and as John and Michael passed, the man
pulled a few bills from his wallet and stuffed them into the inside pocket of
the hustler's leather jacket.
"A little extra for you. Talent like yours should never go unrewarded." He
smiled at the other man. "Perhaps we'll see each other again soon."
"I'll be here," the hustler murmured flatly then turned and walked away.
"Now he's nice," John said, nudging his companion. "And if you tell me he
isn't, you're insane."
"I'd have to be insane to say that. He's very nice. "Michael smiled at the
other man. "Want him?"
"God, yeah."
"Okay, let's go for it."
The two approached the man, who had since made himself comfortable on a bench
several feet away. Michael sat down next to him, and emotionless, green eyed
drifted in his direction. When the hooker made no effort to speak, Michael
cleared his throat and attempted to engage him in conversation.
"Hey."
No answer.
"We're uh...we're looking for a little three way action tonight. Think you can
help us out?"
The dull eyes looked from the seated man to his standing companion then back
again.
"Maybe," the gruff voice responded. "Think you can afford me?"
"Oh, I think so. Name your price."
"Tell me what you want first."
Michael shrugged. "Johnny here has always had this thing about sucking another
man's cock while I fuck him..."
The hooker shot the one called Johnny a cold look.
"Ain't all it's cracked up to be."
John shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
"Mike, maybe it's not such a good idea..."
"What, you're gonna take the word of a hooker? Come on, babe." Michael reached
out and stroked his lover's thigh. "I'm hotter than hell just thinking about
it."
"Yeah?"
"Hell, yeah. I love you, babe. You know I wouldn't let anything happen to
you..."
The hooker snorted.
Noooo. You just want to see him suck a total stranger's dick. That's love,
man.
John smiled down at his lover.
"Okay."
"Great. Are we all set now?"
Michael turned to face the hooker.
"Then we want to do you."
"No kink? No cuffs, no floggers, none of that crap?"
"No, no kink. I don't think John'd survive it." Michael smirked at the other man
and blew him a kiss. "Just fucking."
The third studied the two for a moment then quoted his price.
"Fifteen hundred."
Michael blinked, clearly unprepared for such an amount.
"Fine."
Sable eyebrows arched then immediately dropped back down into place, and the
other bowed his head.
Michael leaned over, looking into the downturned face. "Okay?"
The dark head lifted, and the hooker focused on Michael.
"Cash up front."
Michael started to reach into his pocket, but the soft, rough voice stopped him.
"Not here. When we get to where we're going."
"Oh. Sure." Michael rose as did the third in their newly formed albeit temporary
party. "Well...let's go."
The three started off in the direction of the hotel, Michael and John leading
the way, and their hired companion following at a leisurely pace. Less than
fifteen minutes later, they were standing in the middle of a large, ornate room.
"All right, gentlemen," the hooker rasped. "I believe we have some business to
get out of the way."
Fifteen hundred dollars was counted out and handed over, and the hooker removed
his jacket, draping it over the chair he stood in front of.
Two pairs of brown eyes watched hungrily as he undid the first few buttons on
his shirt and stepped forward.
"It's your show," he informed Michael softly then looked to his lover. "Make a
move."
Licking suddenly too-dry lips, Michael reached out and stroked the exposed,
smooth skin of the hustler's chest. "Soft," he murmured. "Touch him, John."
The other man hesitated then timidly raised his hand to join that of his lover,
caressing the other. His mouth trembled up into a smile, and he looked to
Michael.
"Nice."
Michael pulled the rest of the prostitute's shirt out of his pants and finished
undoing the buttons. Nodding his approval, he moved around to the third man's
rear, pulling the shirt down and off while John continued to touch the bare
chest and abdomen.
Sable lashes fluttered shut, and John immediately jumped to the wrong
assumption. "Feel good, gorgeous?" The other gave no answer. He was too deeply
immersed in memories of the one he'd left behind.
God, it hurt. It hurt so fucking much.
He'd been so close to heaven he could taste it. So close to that perfect life.
The one he'd neither expected nor deserved. And now it was gone. He was gone.
The one who had loved and protected him. His beautiful, sweet...
"God, what a fox."
Green eyes snapped open and turned up to John's face.
"What?"
The older man gave him a weak smile. "Guess I'm showing my age, huh? It just
means that you're beautiful."
The hooker willed his heart to stop its wild thrashing.
"I know what it means."
"You okay?" Michael asked, massaging the man's taut muscles. "You don't look so
hot all of a sudden."
"Fine." The dark man breathed deeply and released it. "You sure?"
"You gonna stand here asking questions, or are we gonna fuck your bitch?"
Michael's mouth twitched as his lover moaned at the crude question.
"By all means...let's fuck my bitch. Johnny...why don't you finish undressing
our friend, here?"
John bit down on his lower lip and let his fingers skim over the waistband of
the hooker's jeans, then he undid the top button and pulled the zipper down.
His own cock throbbing, he was more than a bit surprised to find the other's
completely unaffected. He threw Michael a quick look that implied that something
was peculiar, and Michael followed his gaze downward.
Masking his surprise, Michael gave his lover a reassuring nod of the head and
motioned for him to continue.
Fox...
The asshole had had no idea what he'd said, but the innocent mention of the word
struck an agonizing blow to the hooker, and at this moment all he wanted to do
was crawl into a dark corner and let the pain have him. But he'd been hired to
do a job. And besides, he deserved this. He deserved it for being so fucking
stupid.
He never should have let him in. Never should have dared to believe that it
could work. He could never be what his love deserved. He'd tried so hard, and
he'd talked himself into believing that it was okay. But reality had struck in
the form of a little red headed bitch, whom so rudely had intruded on his
fantasy and smacked him back into the real world.
And now it was all over. And he was back to this.
"Hey."
The vacant green eyes blinked and refocused on the man in front of him.
"Are you sure you're all right?"
"...Yeah."
John ran his hands over the broad chest and shoulders.
"Undress me."
The hooker complied, attempting to get his mind back on the job at hand.
He worked slowly at the first couple of buttons, and before he could reach the
third, Michael walked up behind him and pressed against his back. He was, the
hustler discovered, completely naked, having removed his clothing only seconds
before.
Michael leaned in, his lips only a breath's distance from the younger man's ear.
"Rip it off of him," he whispered. "He'll go nuts."
The other closed his eyes, giving himself a quick pep talk then grasped the
edges of John's shirt and gave each a violent pull. Buttons scattered, and the
older man sucked in a sharp breath as the shirt was tugged from his body and
thrown aside.
"Like that Johnny?" Michael called over the hooker's shoulder.
John nodded, panting softly.
"Of course you do, you slut. Go ahead," Michael murmured, stroking the length of
the younger man's back. "Finish undressing him then go lie down on the bed."
The prostitute did as he was told, and Michael approached his lover, wrapping
one arm around his waist and grabbing a handful of hair with his free hand.
"I want you to go over there, kneel between his legs, and suck him like you do
me."
"But Mike...he's not hard. How am I going to get a rubber on him?"
"Good point." Michael gave the other man a fast kiss, then the two walked toward
the bed, sliding up along either side of the hooker.
"We'd really love to get this show on the road," Michael began, lightly
caressing the younger man's chest and abdomen, slowly working his way south,
"but we seem to have a little problem here." He pointedly eyed the other man's
limp cock. "Are you tired? I know you had just come in from another job..."
"Yeah," the other answered softly. "Yeah, I uh...guess I'm tired."
John smiled at Michael and lowered his head, kissing a moist path down the
hooker's body.
"Maybe we can help," Michael whispered, nuzzling the other man's jaw. As he
moved over the bowed lips, the hooker jerked his head away. "What is it?"
"No kissing," the younger man breathed, avoiding the deep brown gaze.
"Okay. Uh...just relax. Let John and me take care of you."
Alex...whatever's wrong...whatever's got you out here doing this...let me help
you. Let me take care of you.
"Shit, he just tensed up like a spring." Michael turned the hooker's face to his
and looked into glazed eyes. "What happened? What's wrong?"
The younger man looked up at the ceiling, respiration becoming shallow, an
expression of sheer grief on his face.
"Hey." Michael tapped the smooth chest. "Say something." He looked across at his
lover. "It's like he's completely zoned out."
John tried. "You in there?" he asked, rubbing the other's cheek. "Jeez, Mike,
what the hell's wrong with him?"
"I don't know," the other man mumbled.
"You think he's on something?"
The prostitute let out a shuddering breath.
"I'm sorry, Fox..."
"What the hell is he talking about...what's this Fox?"
No answer.
"Mike, he's gone," John whined softly. "Damn, damn..."
Michael shushed his partner then turned back to the tormented man between them.
"Is Fox a person?"
Sable lashes squeezed shut, and a drop of moisture spiked the tips, but the man
said nothing.
"Michael..."
"Shut up a minute, John." He turned his attention back to the man between them.
"Listen, I sympathize if you're having personal problems, but we paid you for a
job here, and if you can't do it..."
Nothing.
Michael looked up at his lover and shook his head.
"Christ. We were so close."
"What're we gonna do now?"
"What the hell can we do? Try to snap him out of it and get him out of here."
John heaved a disappointed sigh and carefully placed a hand on the hooker's
shoulder, shaking gently.
"Hey. Come on, you're in no shape for this. Go home and get some rest."
No sound but the erratic respiration of the man fighting to suppress his sobs of
despair.
John tried again.
"Go see this Fox, whoever he or she is. Get your shit straightened out."
The moisture that had been gathering on the prostitute's lashes accumulated
enough weight to drop onto his cheek and roll away. Startling the two men, he
jerked himself up and slid to the end of the bed. He stood up and began
gathering his clothes.
"So, you're leaving?"
No answer.
"Hey."
"See any..." The hustler paused, trying to draw a steady breath. "...any point
in me staying?" He retrieved the fifteen hundred from his jacket pocket and
shoved it at John, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed. "S-sorry I wasted
y-your time."
"Why don't you keep it?" Michael asked, incurring a surprised stare from his
lover. "Use it to get yourself home."
"Don't have a home."
The younger man dropped the cash on the seat of the chair to his right then
finished dressing.
"Everybody's got a home," Michael argued softly, "My guess is, yours is with
this Fox..."
The hooker stopped and drew a deep breath in through his nose as his eyes
dropped shut. "Stop," he whispered, his crackling voice barely audible. "Just
shut up, okay?"
The two men watched, at a loss for what to do next as the third finished
dressing and moved to the exit. He slipped quietly into the hall, then closed
the door behind him.
Another long, hot, fruitless day.
The exhausted man sat at the small table in his motel room, picking at the
dinner he'd picked up on the way in. He picked his head up, looking out the
window into the gathering darkness, eyes scanning the desert. Where the hell was
he? Five weeks, and he'd turned up next to nothing on his missing lover's
whereabouts. He knew from experience that Alex Krycek was the master of the
disappearing act, but he was a pretty damn good detective when he had to be.
And he had to be now. He would find him or die trying. He couldn't go back to
D.C. and the life he had before. Not after the few brief weeks he'd spent loving
Alex.
Closing his eyes, he reviewed the past few weeks again.
When he'd finally arrived in town the day Alex had taken off on him, he'd rented
another car and canvassed the area, giving Alex's description to everyone and
his brother, but no luck.
Deciding Alex might have headed back to L.A., he'd hit the road. When he'd
reached the city, he'd driven straight to the younger man's apartment and found
all of Alex's clothes gone. He'd picked the lamp up off of the end table and
hurled it at the wall, cursing Scully to hell and back then headed to the place
he'd first seen Alex.
An hour later, no one had seen the one they knew as 'The Executioner', and Fox
had really begun to worry. When he'd found his first rental three hours after
that, parked in the lot of a nearby bus station, his hopes had soared. He'd
strode into the station, flashed his ID and got all the cooperation he'd needed,
but to no avail. No one had seen anyone fitting Alex's description boarding any
of the buses. He had obviously gone to a fair amount of trouble to cover his
tracks.
And so Fox had done the only thing he could think to do. He'd checked every bus
and train station and airport in the area, finally hitting pay dirt early the
next morning at the fourth bus depot he'd checked.
A desk clerk took a look at the picture he'd shown her and nodded. Said that a
man looking very much like Alex had boarded a bus the day before for Palm
Springs. A quick check had revealed a large gay community there, and Fox had
headed out toward what he'd hoped would be an end to this nightmare they'd both
been plunged into.
As soon as he'd reached Palm Springs, he'd checked the terminal Alex's bus had
come into and learned that the younger man had likely not boarded any other
buses out of that station, so he'd checked every other terminal he could find in
that area. There had been no reports of a man fitting Alex's description buying
any tickets to anywhere, leading Fox to the only conclusion he could make.
Somewhere in that city, his despondent, disconcerted lover was wandering around,
and he had to find him.
Fox had spent over a week there, searching high and low, day and night, driving
himself to exhaustion, and still no luck. If Alex had been there, he'd stayed
well out of sight.
In the meantime, he'd kept checking the stations, and then one day he'd gotten a
break. A porter at one of the bus depots recognized the man in the picture and
told Fox that he'd gotten on a bus two days before. Unfortunately, he couldn't
remember precisely which bus. There had been two departing buses going in almost
the same direction in the time frame he'd indicated, but he'd had no idea which
one Alex had taken.
Fox had gone back and grilled everyone else inside, but absolutely no one could
give him any information. He'd obtained the routes of both buses and began to
zigzag between the two, and now, here he sat, in this tiny, depressing motel
room on the road to Las Vegas; no closer to finding his missing love than he had
been five weeks ago.
The last lead he'd received was over a week ago, and he'd had nothing since. But
he'd been led this far, and instinct told him to go to Vegas. Plenty of action.
Plenty of horny men with more money than they knew what to do with...
It killed him to think that Alex had returned to hooking, but it was a logical
assumption. The younger man had been so stuck on thinking that he wasn't good
enough, and then, just when Fox had thought that they'd finally had a
breakthrough, Scully, damn her to fucking blazing hell, had swooped in and made
him doubt himself all over again. And then he'd disappeared.
Fox leaned over, burying his face in his hands.
Jesus Christ, why'd you believe her and not me? What the hell did she say to
make you run away from me?
He lifted his head and again stared into the darkness, whispering to his absent
lover.
"Where are you, Alex? I know you know I'm looking for you. You have to know I
wouldn't just go back. Christ, how can you not know?"
"...Now, he seems to be moving in a north easterly direction, heading toward
Nevada. Which..." Scully stopped long enough to sip at the coffee Byers had made
for her. "...is a likely place for him to look. Vegas is crawling with hookers."
She looked up from her map. "Hey. Didn't you say Langly and Frohike were there?"
"Yeah." Byers picked up the phone and started to dial before Scully could ask
him to. "I don't know what good it's going to do, but I'll try and reach them
and have them be on the look out for Mulder."
Five rings later, a chaotic sound assaulted his ears, and he winced, yelling
into the phone.
"Frohike? Huh? Oh, Langly? It's Byers.... Byers. Look, I've got something
important to talk to you about. I said I've got something to talk to you about!
Can you tear yourselves away from the slots for two minutes so we can hear each
other?" He looked to the woman and nodded.
"They're going to go outside where it won't be so noisy....Langly? Yeah, that's
better. Listen, I need you guys to do something...yeah. Scully has reason to
believe that Mulder might be out there. Could you just keep an eye out for him?
I know you're surrounded by a gazillion people. Just keep your eyes open, okay?"
"Come on, Langly, what's he saying?"
The skinny blonde waved at his diminutive companion as though he were nothing
more than an annoying fly.
"Yeah, Byers, we'll do that, but it'd take a miracle for us to find him."
"Find who?"
"Mulder. Now would you shut up so I can hear?"
"What?"
"Not you, Byers. I was talking to Frohike."
"Mulder's here?"
The blonde heaved an exasperated sigh. "Scully thinks he could be heading in
this direction...if he isn't already here...or been and gone..."
"I know, Langly," Byers said, "that's a very real possibility. Just look around,
though, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. We'll definitely keep a look out, and let you know if...I'll be
a..."
"What? Langly, what?"
Langly hit Frohike on the shoulder, and before the other man could complain, the
blonde pointed to the man just walking out the front door.
A bit slimmer and the air of arrogance he'd once worn, undetectable, but...
"Langly."
"Byers, you're never gonna guess who we're looking at."
"Mulder?"
Scully perked up, waiting for confirmation of what she'd just heard.
"No," Langly spoke softly into his cell phone. "The other half of this freaky
equation."
"Huh?"
"Krycek, Byers, Alex Krycek."
"What?"
"Byers," Scully demanded. "Byers, what the hell's going on?"
"They just spotted Krycek."
"What? Do they see Mulder?"
"You guys don't see Mulder anywhere?"
"No." Langly looked around. "No, just Krycek."
Byers relayed the message.
"No, they just see Krycek."
"Tell them to tail him. Don't let him out of their sight. I want to know every
move he makes, and more importantly, where he goes."
"Langly, you and Frohike follow Krycek. Don't let him see you. Tell us what he
does and where he goes."
"Okay, got it. I'll contact you soon."
Langly disconnected and smiled down at his friend. "Let's go." "Where?"
"To follow Krycek."
A pair of bushy eyebrows arched in surprise. "Follow him? What if he sees us?
He could snap both our necks before we even have a chance to scream for help!"
"He's not going to see us," Langly snapped, dragging the small man along with
him. Just keep your head down and your mouth shut."
For over two hours they followed their quarry while he wandered the streets,
discreetly checking in with Scully and Byers from time to time. Finally, they
tailed the other man to a low-rise apartment complex and watched him go inside.
Langly called D.C. again and gave his report, and Scully instructed him to keep
an eye on the building and contact her on her cell phone should Krycek move
again.
The moment Scully hung up, she called the airport and booked the first flight to
Las Vegas. That done, she turned to Byers and asked if he wouldn't mind giving
her a lift.
"But," Byers sputtered, "you've got no clothes, so..."
"No time. I gotta go now. There's a flight leaving in two hours. I'll pick
something up when I get there."
"All right, but...why are you going? They saw Krycek not Mulder."
"But maybe Krycek can lead us to Mulder. This is the biggest lead I've had,
Byers. As much as I'd like to just let the bastard drop off the face of the
earth, I can't. I have to find out where Mulder is."
"Even if he knows, what makes you think he'd tell you?"
"He'll tell me," Scully vowed, gathering up her things. "He'll tell me or he'll
be the sorriest son of a bitch on the face of the earth. Now let's get to the
airport."
Alex moved through the dark apartment, not bothering to turn any lights on as he
headed into the bathroom. Once there, he hit the light switch and reached into
the shower to turn the water on, then began to slowly strip away his clothing.
He dropped everything into the clothes hamper in the corner then stepped into
the tub, letting the warm water flow over him. As he washed, thoughts of the two
men who had been surprisingly kind to him seeped in.
Decent guys, Michael and John. More so than he'd first thought. He hadn't met
anyone who'd displayed any kind of concern for him. Not since...
He closed his eyes and fell back against the tiles, gritting his teeth against
the wave of pain that had just washed over him.
God, when was it going to stop hurting? When was he going to stop remembering
those few weeks of heaven, and when was he going to stop wishing every night
that things could have been different?
And when was he going to stop feeling Fox's mouth, so soft and sweet on his own,
his hands, teasing and caressing...his cock, filling him...driving him to
incredible, joyful madness...
Whimpering the name of the man he'd never see again but loved more deeply every
day, Alex's hand dropped down to his throbbing erection and began caressing the
rock-solid shaft, imagining it was Fox's hand on him. His head rolled from side
to side as he touched himself the way Fox would have, and his mind conjured up
images of his love, wet and slick with soap, pressing him into the wall,
whispering soft words of encouragement as he took him ever so slowly to the
outer edges of satisfaction.
His body trembled and rocked, pushing his cock into his curled fist while his
other hand clawed at the wall. He could feel Fox's mouth grazing his ear, and
his tongue playing lightly along the outer ridges and curves, then working its
way deeper, sending hard jolts of electricity thundering along his sensitive
nerves, pushing them toward overload. He could feel the heat of the other man's
body, warming him in a way the water could not, and as ecstasy approached, the
image was lost, drowned in a sea of blackness, and all he could do was hear
Fox's voice, telling him that he loved him and demanding sweetly that he
surrender...
His cries of completion quickly turned to ones of despair as reality descended,
and he found himself alone.
"Fox," he sobbed, letting go of his withering cock and bracing himself against
the tiles as he pressed his face into its smooth coolness. "I miss you..."
He stood motionless for a while then pulled himself together and continued with
his shower. When he was finished, he dried himself off then crawled naked into
bed, curling himself into a tight ball of misery.
More than making love with Fox, he missed the time they spent afterward, lying
wrapped in each other's arms, his lover's gentle embrace bringing him a sense of
peace and love he'd spend the rest of his worthless life missing.
He closed his eyes and fell asleep wishing that he would never open them again.
Morning.
Gray-green eyes blinked sluggishly, and Fox moaned as the light stung them.
Three hours sleep on top of the seven hours he'd had in the last two days added
up to not nearly enough to keep a rational thought in his head, yet somehow he
functioned. He walked, and he talked, and he drove. And drove. And Jesus, he
drove. Toward what, he wasn't sure. He might have been just chasing his tail
these past weeks, searching for that which might never be found. He might spend
the rest of his life alone, knowing what it was like for one brief moment to
truly love and be loved, and knowing that that moment would never come again.
"No."
He pushed himself out of bed, forcing his body to wake up, and he got moving,
showering and preparing for another day on the road. If he stopped only for gas,
he thought he should make it into Vegas by early evening. Then he could spend
quite a few hours searching.
Making one last check around the room to make sure that he hadn't forgotten
anything, he picked up his keys and exited, closing the door on yet another
empty expedition.
"Where is he?"
"Hey, Scully, how are you? We're fine. Having a good time out here in Sin
City..."
"Sorry, Langly. I'm just a little anxious. You haven't lost him, have you?"
"No, we haven't. Frohike's still outside of the apartment building we saw him go
into. You know how many hours we've been staking that joint out?"
"I'm sorry, Langly. I really appreciate it."
The man led Scully to the blue compact at the curb and gave her an inquisitive
look.
"No luggage?"
"Didn't have time."
"Okie dokie."
As soon as both were settled inside the car, Langly headed away from the airport
and straight to the place where they'd trailed Alex to. When they arrived, they
found Frohike sitting across the street from the building, dozing against a
rock. "Frohike!"
The small man practically jumped out of his skin, losing his glasses in the
process.
"What?"
"You're asleep?" Scully screeched. "What if he's left?"
"Hey doll, look, I'm sorry," Frohike replied, readjusting his glasses. "But you
sit out here all night and not get tired."
Scully exhaled sharply. "Okay, look. I'm going to go see if I can find out which
apartment he's in."
"You want us to stay here?"
Scully stopped in her tracks and turned around. "I've got no car, remember? Of
course I need you to stay here."
As the redhead stalked across the street and into the building, Frohike shook
his head.
"God, she's even hotter when she's pissed."
Langly rolled his eyes and said nothing.
Frohike rested his chin in his hand and emitted an exaggerated sigh. "Hey, how
about you give me the keys to the car, and when she's ready to go, I'll drive
her."
"What the hell am I supposed to do?"
The small man shrugged. "Walk. It's good exercise."
"I had my exercise last night. We walked all the way here from the casino, then
I had to walk back for the stupid car. I ain't walking a damn place."
"How the hell do you expect us to go parking with you in the car?"
"You're insane, you know that? What the hell makes you think that Scully would
make out with you?"
"She wants me," the other man grinned.
"She hides it well."
"She's afraid of her feelings for me. She knows that if she lets herself go just
once, she'll never be able to live without me."
Langly sighed and looked toward the building.
"Freak."
The world was brightening, leaving Alex lingering in another kind of darkness.
Dammit, why? Why'd he have to wake up? He didn't want to be here. He wanted to
stay in his dream...the only place where he could be with Fox, but cruel morning
refused to allow it.
Slowly he sat up, running his hands through his hair, when an odd feeling came
over him. He dropped his hands and looked up, his heart stopping then starting
again triple time as his gaze fell on the woman sitting in the chair a couple of
feet to the left of the foot of his bed. He stared in stunned silence as Scully
raised one hand to display her weapon. "Where is he?"
Confusion joined anxiety, and Alex frowned at the woman. "What?"
"Where is he,
Krycek?"
Alex's mouth opened and closed several times before he could speak. "I don't...I
don't know, I...is he missing?"
"Like you didn't know."
"I don't know. I haven't seen him in over a month...like you wanted."
Scully released the safety on her gun and pointed it at the man's chest.
"I don't believe you."
Alex shook his head, trying to control the tremors than ran through him.
Missing. God, Fox was missing...
"You expected to find us together, didn't you? We're not. I haven't... seen
him. I left that day not long after you did."
"Why?"
Alex emitted a soft, bitter laugh.
"Why? You more than anyone else know the answer to that question."
Scully studied him for a few long seconds then spoke.
"He never came back to D.C. He's been out here all that time looking for you. I
thought he might have found you. I'm still not entirely sure he hasn't. You're
hardly trustworthy."
Alex's heart leapt. "If you haven't seen him, how do you know he's looking for
me?"
"He called me not long after you took off. He was pissed as hell. Put all the
blame on me, and when I asked him what he was going to do, he said he was going
to keep looking for you. Said Skinner could fire him if he wanted, but he was
going to find you. His career is over, Krycek. You hear that? It's over in one
damn week if I can't find him and bring him back."
"I..." Alex shook his head, eyes pleading for Scully to believe him. "I would
never let him give up his career for me. I don't want him screwing up his life.
That's why I left. Scully, I don't know where he is."
The woman stared silently.
Alex remained quiet for a moment then asked, "How did you find me?"
"Stroke of luck...for lack of a better word. You out here whoring?" Alex lowered
his eyes. "It's what I do best, right?"
Blue eyes roved over the sleep-tousled man, and the question popped out before
she could think twice about it. "So. You do women too, or just men?"
Alex blinked in surprise. Fox had been gone for over a month, and Scully was
sitting here wanting to know about the details of his profession...
"What...why are you..."
"Curious. So, do you?"
"I haven't."
She looked him up and down. "But for the right price?"
"What's with all the questions, Scully? Shouldn't you be out searching for your
partner?"
Scully regarded Alex for a moment then, "I want to know how you did it."
Growing ever more uncomfortable under the heated blue gaze, Alex gathered the
sheet around his waist. "Did what?"
Turned him into your loyal disciple. What is it about you? Are you that good?"
"Scully..."
"I saw you. I got a good long look at the two of you that first night. You had
him. His sister could have reappeared at that precise moment right in front of
his eyes, and he wouldn't want to tear himself away from you long enough to say,
'Hey Samantha, long time no see.' What is it Krycek? What is it about you that's
got him so crazy?"
Alex looked away.
Scully put her weapon away, rose from her seat, and walked over to the bed.
"Come on, Krycek. Tell me. I want to know. How do you do it?"
No answer.
The nearness of him. The flush of his skin. The goddamn green of his eyes...
She'd despise herself later, but she had to know.
Alex focused on the hand that had just come down in front of his face. More to
the point, what was in the hand. He raised disbelieving eyes to the woman who
stood over him.
"What's the matter?" Scully asked softly. "Not enough?"
His voice was a hoarse whisper. "What the hell are you doing?"
What the hell are you doing?
"I want to understand," Scully answered, tired of listening to her inner voice.
She drew her hand down, letting the bills scratch over the stubbled cheek. "I
want to know what he felt when you touched him."
"Thought I was a diseased piece
of shit?"
"Piece of shit? Yeah. Diseased? You could well be. But I'm not so stupid that
I'd touch you without good protection. Now I want to know what it is about you
that's got Mulder so hot."
"You can't."
"Why? Because I'm a woman?"
"Because as much as you don't want to believe it, it wasn't just meaningless sex
with Fox. I loved him, Scully. I still love him. Maybe not the way he deserves,
but as much as I'm capable of loving him."
She removed her jacket and dropped it at the foot of the bed. "You're a whore,
Krycek. You don't know the meaning of the word."
Alex looked away and said nothing.
"Do you do a good business?"
"Okay..."
"You do better than okay. When I left the cabin that day, I went back to L.A.
Started snooping around the vicinity of Mulder's hotel, and I ran in to some of
your...co-workers. You're a very popular guy with the customers, Alex. You scare
them, but your talent must overshadow your fierceness because you certainly got
the lion's share of the johns down there in your little corner of the cesspool."
"I don't get it," Alex rasped. "You insult me...cut me down every way you can
think of, and then you proposition me."
"I told you, I want to understand what it is Mulder sees in you.
Besides...couldn't you use a few extra bucks?"
Alex shook his head in disbelief. "You're...I told Fox you were his friend. I
didn't want to come between you. You hated me. I left because you'd convinced me
that I'd never be good enough for him..."
"You're not good enough for him. If he was just fucking you, Krycek, I could
deal with it. I can see it. You're an incredibly sexy man. It's the love part
that I can't accept. Mulder's my best friend. He's family. And I won't stand by
and see him hurt."
"And you don't think that fucking me would hurt him? He loves me." Oh, God, he
still loves me. "What do you think it would do to him if he knew that you were
here trying to get a piece of me?"
"He'd never know." Scully stroked the bills over Alex's chest. "I sure as hell
wouldn't tell him."
"You bitch," he whispered maliciously. "I wouldn't touch you for all the money
in the world."
Anger simmered in the woman's eyes.
"You know, I may be nothing more than a lowlife whore, but apparently you're not
much better. In fact, you just may be a little worse. Wanting to fuck the man
you know your best friend is in love with...conniving, back-stabbing cow."
The ensuing slap snapped Alex's head to the side, and he was out of the bed and
on Scully in a flash, spinning her onto her back on the mattress, hand around
her throat.
"Fucking bitch," he hissed, tightening his grip just a bit more, his body
shuddering with the rush of adrenaline that had just crashed through it. It'd be
so easy to snap her scrawny little neck. So damn easy...
Bright blue eyes gazed up at him, a combination of fear and arousal clashing in
their depths.
"Your dick is hard, Alex," Scully wheezed, arching into the obvious erection
that pressed against her leg. "Is that for me?"
Alex spat out a bitter laugh. "It's hard at the thought of offing you, not
fucking you. Been a long time, but I guess that killer instinct never really
completely goes away." He loosened his grip but didn't remove his hand. "You're
not worth the sweat, though."
Scully managed a sneer. "I knew that sweet, demure bit with Mulder was bullshit.
You can't be yourself with him, can you? He wouldn't love you if you were." She
writhed beneath the weight still pinning her to the bed. "You don't have to be
something you're not with me. It doesn't matter. All I want is that animal I saw
fucking my partner that night."
Alex heaved himself off of the prone woman and stalked over to the dresser,
pulling out a pair of jeans. Quickly he jerked them on, and before he could get
the zipper up, Scully came up from behind, running her hands up and down his
bare back.
"Come on, Krycek. I've never heard of a choosy hooker before."
Alex spun around and shoved the woman away from him. "What the fuck's the matter
with you?" he shouted.
"Nothing," Scully spat. "Maybe I'm just tired of denying myself the things that
I want."
"You don't want me," Alex replied, zipping his jeans. "I don't know what the
hell you've been smoking, Scully, but get out. Go sleep it off. When you wake
up, you'll feel better."
He'd pushed her too far when he'd shoved her down on the bed and lay over her.
He'd inadvertently let the feral part of her loose, and she couldn't stop now.
"I'll feel better after you've made me come five or six times." She moved
forward again, unbuttoning her blouse. "Come on, Krycek. Why don't you come play
on the other side of the fence for a while?"
Alex stared in dazed silence as the last of the buttons was undone, and Scully's
blouse hung open. Pressing her lace-covered breasts against him, she slid her
hands up his arms.
"Come on, Krycek. Fuck me, and I won't tell Mulder that the bruises that are
sure to form on my neck are from you trying to choke and rape me."
"He wouldn't believe you," Alex sniped, again shoving her away.
"No?" She tugged violently at one sleeve of her blouse, ripping it at the
shoulder seam. "I've got two friends outside waiting for me. I go running out of
here like this and tell them what... happened, and Mulder will have no choice
but to believe it."
"You're fucking nuts!"
Scully shrugged. "Just doing what I have to, to get what I want. That's a
quality someone like you should be able to respect."
"No." Alex shook his head. "No, you wouldn't do it. You couldn't hurt him like
that."
"I figure it this way, Krycek. A little hurt now is better than a lot of hurt in
the future. I'd be saving him. So. What's your choice? Fuck me now, and I won't
tell him I ever saw you, or...don't fuck me, I'll tell him you attacked and
tried to rape me, and he'll be hunting you down for a different reason."
"Fuck you," Alex said flatly. "I'd rather live with him thinking I'd betrayed
him and knowing I hadn't than letting him continue to love me, with me knowing I
had."
"Really? You'd hurt him needlessly? I thought you said you loved him, Alex."
"I..." Alex hesitated, then began again. "I do love him."
"Oh.....so?"
"Don't,"
he whispered. "Don't do this. If it's a good fuck you're after, I can find you
somebody. There are plenty of good looking guys around..."
Scully shook her head. "It's you I've been thinking about all this time. I hate
that I find you attractive, but I do. I'm not complaining, but I gave up my
whole life...everything I wanted for Mulder. I'd do it again, but dammit,
once...once in my life I want to be able to have something I want."
Alex heard the change in her voice. The harsh, desperate whine.
"You should have a life," he agreed softly. "You should have the things you
want. But Scully...it can't be me."
"Why are you trying to be so fucking honorable?" Scully railed. "I mean, it's
just a bit two faced isn't it? You screw God knows how many men every night for
cash, and you can't bring yourself to touch me?"
"You've been friends for years!
He trusts you!"
"No he doesn't!" she shot back. "He hates me for pushing you away! He couldn't
see that I was trying to protect him!"
"Like you are now?"
Scully stopped, blinking up into forest green eyes.
"I understand how our passions can sometimes get the better of us," Alex
reasoned. "I also know that we sometimes end up bitterly regretting the
consequences if we act on those passions. You'd regret this...like, except for a
few short weeks, I regret every minute of my adult life. Please don't hurt him,
Scully. Don't hurt yourself."
"You don't give a damn about me," she said almost inaudibly. "Don't pretend that
you do."
Alex made no attempt at denial. But he did beg.
"Scully, please. If he means anything to you at all, don't make things any worse
for him. Leave now, and forget you ever saw me."
Scully paused for a moment then began to button her torn blouse.
She couldn't do that. Shit. Shit, shit, what the hell was she thinking? Is that
what unchecked lust did to a person?
"He won't stop looking for you."
Alex's heart pounded at the thought of Fox finding him.
"He will in time."
"He won't. He's obsessed with you."
"I'll..." he had a hard time getting the words out. "...I'll lay low. He won't
find me."
Scully picked her jacket up and smoothed her hair. "Then he'll just keep
looking. If he isn't back to work in a week, Skinner's going to can him." She
drew a deep, stuttering breath. "I don't want that to happen."
"What are you
saying?"
"I'm saying," the woman droned, slipping into her jacket and turning to look
Alex in the eye, "that the only way to get him to come back home is let him have
you. Maybe after a while...after he's been with you long enough, he'll come to
realize that you aren't everything he thought you were."
"I'm not going back to Washington with him. He's not going to find me."
"Why
isn't he? Isn't this what you wanted?"
"Nothing has changed. I wasn't good enough for him then, I'm not good enough
now. Be proud of yourself, Scully. You made me see that. I won't hurt him all
over again."
"Krycek, if you don't let him find you, he won't go back!"
"You didn't give a damn about that just a few minutes ago. Why now?"
Scully turned away, suddenly unable to meet Alex's eyes.
"I had a few minutes of insanity. I'm back now. You have to let him find you and
talk you into coming back with him. Let him figure out for himself in time that
it was a mistake."
"And then I can crawl back into my cesspool?"
"If that's what you want. But you're a resourceful man, Krycek. I'm sure you
could find something legal to do and still make good money. And if you stayed in
the D.C. area...who knows? Mulder would have gotten rid of you. You'd be free.
You wouldn't feel that obligation to him..."
"Scully....stop."
She looked at him, an odd expression on her face. "I'd give anything if I
could." She straightened her jacket and checked her appearance in the mirror.
"Let him find you, Krycek. Then let him dump you. You owe him that."
She walked to the door and stopped but didn't turn around.
"I never would have told him you tried to rape me. I wouldn't do that to him."
She drew a deep breath and held it a moment before exhaling.
I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have done that to him. I wouldn't....I wouldn't.
Alex watched her leave then leaned against the wall and slid to the floor.
Jesus, what the hell am I going to do?
Putting the crap that had just gone down with Scully out of his mind, he
concentrated on Fox.
He'd thought...on some level even hoped that Fox had gone back to Washington,
but he hadn't. Instead he'd spent over a month out here looking for him,
spending his money...putting his job in danger...
For me.
He buried his face in his hands, whimpering softly.
Maybe Scully was right. Maybe he did owe it to Fox to let the older man find
him. Right now Fox thought he was in love with him, and he was clearly miserable
over their separation. If Alex gave him what he wanted and let him realize for
himself that it was a terrible mistake, then Fox could kick him to the curb
without the pain of wondering what could have been.
And what about you? What about the pain you'll suffer having him again for
however long it takes for him to understand what a waste you are, then losing
him when he does?
He lifted his head, letting it thump back against the wall and uttered an almost
silent, bitter laugh.
One of you is going to suffer. It's inevitable. Which one would you rather it
be?
"Jesus, what took you so long? We were starting to think he'd killed you!"
"We had a long talk," Scully threw at the two men, not stopping until she
reached the car.
"And?" the two men asked in unison as they followed her.
"I'm uh...I'm hoping I convinced him to let Mulder find him."
"You want Mulder
to find him?"
"Yeah," Scully sighed, covering her face with her hands, partially to cover the
blush that still stained them. "Mulder needs to go through it. He needs to let
this fantasy he'd started run its course. He needs to end it himself. It's the
only way he's going to have any kind of peace. It's the only way I'm going to
get him back home. I...I came to that conclusion today."
The three got into the car, and Langly drove toward the hotel. "Makes sense, but
what about Krycek?"
"I explained it to him the way I just explained it to you. I think I might have
made him understand, but he gave me nothing definite. I just left him to chew on
it for a while."
"What if he just takes off? Then we'll be back to square one."
"Then I'll hunt him down and kill him," Scully answered flatly. "I don't think
he will, though. I think he's realizing that it's the only way not to hurt
Mulder."
"But Scully," Frohike began, a tinge of surprise in his tone. "If he went along
with that...wouldn't that mean that he does care about Mulder?"
Scully's head snapped around, and she stared at the man in the back seat for a
moment, then turned back and stared silently out the window.
Dusk was falling, though the outrageously bright lights of the casinos kept the
district suspended in eternal daylight.
Fox drove along the strip, kept awake only by the hope that this time would be
the end of his search for his missing lover.
Okay, he thought to himself. Look around for two hours then go back to the
hotel and get some sleep. It'll do you no good if you're falling on your face in
the gutter.
Thinking maybe some exercise would help, he parked the car and walked the strip,
bloodshot eyes scanning the crowds for the face he so longed to see. Three hours
had gone by, and he was still walking...bordering on staggering, and he had
shown Alex's picture to hundreds of people, but no luck. Finally he decided it
was time to give up for tonight and start again fresh in the morning after he'd
had some sleep.
Weaving in and out of the maze of bodies, he made his way slowly in the
direction of the car. Not more than ten yards away, the blazing lights of the
casinos began to blend and blurr, and the sounds of the strip warped then faded,
and the next thing he knew, he was leaning against a car with two men standing
in front of him.
"I think he's coming around."
"Hey," one man called, touching his shoulder then drawing his hand back.
"You gonna make it? You wanna go to a hospital?"
"No," Fox struggled to right himself then focused his gaze on the two concerned
faces. "I'm...what happened?"
"You were walking by us...you started to go over like in slow motion, and John
here caught you before you hit the pavement." He looked at the car. "We just
propped you up against the nearest thing. You sure you don't want to go to a
hospital?"
"I'm sure."
The man studied the red rimmed, bloodshot eyes and smiled. "Out on a two day
bender?"
"No," Fox rasped. Just really tired I guess." He looked around. "I was heading
to my car to go to my hotel room so I could get some rest."
"Well, the rest is a good idea but the driving part isn't. In your state you're
liable to kill somebody. Why don't you let us get you a cab?"
"Yeah, I..." Fox ran his hands over his face. "I guess that'd be a good idea."
John moved away. "I'll go flag one down."
"Thanks."
The other man stood watching silently as exhausted, sad, green-gray eyes
searched the crowd. "Looking for something?"
Fox shrugged and lowered his eyes. "Yeah...somebody, actually."
"Oh no, you didn't lose your wife in this mob, did you?"
A wry smile curved the full lips. "No." Fox looked up at the other man and
reached into his back pocket for what seemed like the millionth time that
evening. "I'm looking for him." He handed the picture to the man and absently
asked, "Don't suppose you've seen him, have you?"
Michael looked from Fox to the picture and inhaled sharply.
Eyes glazed over with fatigue quickly cleared.
"What?"
"It's him, it's..." He looked to the man who was now jogging toward them. "It's
him."
"It's who?" John switched his attention to Fox. "I got your cab waiting. C'mon."
"No...wait." Fox turned pleading eyes to the other man. "You recognize him?"
Michael grinned at the third man. "You're Fox, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How d'you..."
John's head snapped back toward the other.
"No way!"
Still grinning, Michael handed the picture back. "We've seen him."
"You know
him? You know where he is?"
"Yes, we know who he is...sort of, but no, we don't know where he is, exactly."
Fox's balloon partially deflated.
"Oh."
"I mean," Michael attempted to clarify his statement, "as of yesterday he was
here." He watched the other's eyes brighten again. "But whether or not he's
still around is anybody's guess."
"Where exactly did you see him?"
The two men shot each other an apprehensive glance.
"Uh..."
"You picked him up, didn't you?" Fox asked softly. "He was...selling himself."
"So you do know. We weren't sure if you did or not."
No answer.
"Anyway, yeah. Yeah, we hired him for the evening. But nothing happened,"
Michael added quickly. "John had said something that brought you to mind, and he
just kinda fell apart. We know your name because at one point he said, 'I'm
sorry, Fox.' We tried to talk to him a little, but he didn't want any part of
that. He gave us our money back, apologized and left."
Fox doubled over, hands resting on his knees. "He's here...God, he's here," he
whispered then straightened his back. "Show me where you found him."
"C'mon, pal, you're beat. You can just about stand up..."
"I'm not going anywhere," Fox snapped at John, then his tone softened. "I can't
now. Not until I find him. Please just tell me where he was last night."
"Okay." John looked to his lover while he spoke to Fox. "Kinda stupid to think
you'd want to sleep now."
Michael gave the other man a smile and nod then waved Fox along. "It's not that
far from here."
The three began to walk, the two men flanking Fox in case he decided to take
another header into the sidewalk.
As they moved, Fox scanned his surroundings, flashing on and discarding every
face that came before his eyes. His heart pounded in time to his footsteps, and
his mind raced ahead at double the pace.
Over a month spend searching, and in just a few minutes it could finally be at
an end.
And the fear set in.
What if Alex saw him and bolted? What if he refused to speak to him or listen to
what he had to say?
Then you'll hit him over the head, hogtie him, drag him to your hotel room,
and keep him there until he's rational.
Says the guy who's considering what amounts to kidnapping.
He mulled that point over for all of twenty seconds before deciding he really
didn't give a damn what lengths he had to go to, to get Alex back. It wasn't
like he'd left because he'd wanted to. Fox's former friend and partner had
driven him away with her razor tongue, in a very short time smashing to bits all
that it had taken Fox weeks to build. Well, he wasn't having it. He was in hell,
from what these two men had just told him, Alex was in hell, and he would not
let it stand.
"Here."
Fox snapped out of his inner thoughts and looked around.
"Right here?"
John nodded. "This very spot."
Carefully, Fox surveyed the area.
"Not much action."
"It's still a bit early. In an hour or two, it'll really be jumping."
"Okay. Thank you for your help."
Michael gave his partner a curious glance then gave voice to the question in his
head. "What're you going to do?"
Fox shrugged. "Sit here and wait. See if he shows up."
"You fall asleep out here, and someone'll roll you faster than the time it'll
take you to wake up."
"I'm not going to fall asleep."
"You don't think so? You were out on your feet just a few minutes ago."
"But I'm not now. I've got good reason to stay conscious." Fox gave the men a
weary smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Well, look. John and I are gonna let you sit here, but we're going to walk
around and see if we can't spot him."
Fox studied the two men for a moment then nodded. "That's very kind of you.
Thank you."
"No problem."
Fox nodded, giving the men a tired, grateful smile.
When they had gone, he settled back against the bench he'd claimed and looked
around.
People everywhere. Winners and losers, easily discernible by their posture and
the expressions on their faces as they passed. Tourists leisurely strolling the
strip, stopping every few yards to point at this spectacle and that. Staring in
awe as the strip's perennial denizens propositioned perspective customers. But
the busy throng offered up not even a glimpse of the one he'd searched long and
far for.
"Show up, Alex," he whispered, eyes flicking back and forth. "Please, show up."
"No, I'm sorry, there's no one listed under that name."
"Try M.F. Luder."
"M...F...L.U...."
"D. E. R."
The desk clerk scanned the computer, shaking her head.
"Nnno, no, I'm sorry. No M.F. Luder either."
"Great," the redhead whispered then thanked the clerk and walked outside to meet
the rest of her party. "No luck?"
"No."
"Maybe he isn't even in Vegas," Langly offered. "Or maybe he's been and gone. Or
maybe he just said screw the whole thing and went back home. Why don't you try
calling him?"
"He hasn't gone home," Scully answered quickly. "I know Mulder. He's like a
pitbull. He won't let go of this."
Frohike covered his face, stifling a yawn.
"Well, we've checked every hotel, motel, and bed and breakfast in the area, and
he's not at any of them. So, why don't we all go get some sleep then start again
in the morning?"
"You two go if you want." Scully held out her hand. "Give me your keys. I'll
drop you off at your hotel."
"And what're you gonna do?" Langly asked, recalling Scully's pitbull remark and
thinking about that people in glass houses saying.
"I'm going to call Washington. Get a picture of Mulder sent, then re-check all
those places we've been to."
Frohike tilted his head back and groaned.
"Okay. All right. I'll go with you. Langly?"
"Yeah," the blonde moaned. "I'm in."
"You guys really don't have to come. I can manage fine on my own."
"Yeah, we know. But it'll go faster with three of us. Then maybe we can actually
get some sleep before the sun comes up."
Scully gave the oddball pair a hint of a smile.
"Thanks, guys. I really appreciate your help." She turned and started in the
direction of the car. "Well, if we're going to get this done before sun up, we'd
better get moving."
Alex lay still and silent, staring up into the darkness. Hands clutching tightly
to the material of the shirt he'd taken with him the day he'd fled the cabin, he
pulled the garment up to his nose and inhaled. The scent of his love had long
faded away, but he wore it anyway, every night, wrapping himself in memories of
the one who had for such a brief instant lit the darkness and showed him the way
to life...
He should have gone out tonight. He'd heard that there was a florist's
convention in town, and there was sure to be a lot of business to be done, but
he couldn't. His encounter with those two men the night before and most
especially his run-in with Scully today had done him in.
He emitted a soft sigh and considered the two incidents.
First, there was John and Michael. After they'd realized the frame of mind he
was in, they'd treated him so decently and wanted to send him back to Fox. Then
Scully...she treated him like shit...and wanted to send him back to Fox.
Fox...
Sweet, insane, beautiful Fox, who was probably wearing himself to a frazzle,
spending all this time...all his money, risking his job and his future. For
what?
For me, he thought in disgust. Jesus, for me.
"You can't do this, Fox," he mumured to no one at all. "I can't let you."
And the only way he could think to stop him was to do what Scully had suggested.
Find him. Or let him find you. Scully thinks that he's headed here. Keep
yourself out in plain sight. Be where he'd most likely expect you to be, and let
this thing play out. Inside of a month, he'll have become so disillusioned that
he'll be relieved to see you go. He can chalk it all up to a temporary fit of
madness, and he'll be none the worse for wear.
And you, on the other hand, will be ready for a nice long stay in a rubber
room.
"If I make it that far," he moaned, looking at the clock.
Eleven-ten.
The strip should be jumping about now. If Fox was here, he'd probably be
blanketing the most thickly prostitute populated spots, and that would certainly
be one of them.
Convincing himself that this what was best for Fox, he slipped out of bed,
removing and lovingly folding the shirt, then placing it at the foot of the bed.
He pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed his jacket, and he left.
Fox was fading. Any minute now he'd be down for the count, and nothing save for
a really long, really good night's sleep would pick him back up.
John and Michael approached, both men shaking their heads at the sight of the
younger man struggling to keep his eyes open.
Fox jumped slightly then blinked up at the two, who stood over him as one spoke.
"You can't do this any more tonight. You've been sitting on this bench for about
two and a half hours."
One hand rose to swipe at his face. His voice, when it finally made it past his
lips, sounded a low, gravely, one-word question. "Nothing?"
"Sorry." Michael sat down beside him. "Come on, Fox. You can't sit out here any
more. Let us get you to your hotel. Get a good night's sleep, and you can start
fresh again in the morning. Please. You're going to get yourself into trouble
sitting out here in this state."
Fox was about to answer when another voice, distant but clearly recognizable
called to him.
Three heads lifted to watch the small, redheaded woman and two men jog toward
them. "Oh my God, Mulder, look at you!"
"Scully, what the hell are you doing here?" Fox droned, too tired to be as
pissed off as he wanted to be.
"Looking for you! My God, I never thought I'd find you. Do you know that Skinner
is this close to..." She stopped abruptly, looking over the two men with her
partner. "Who are you?"
"They're helping me," Fox answered before either of the other two could speak.
"Helping you what?"
"Do what you never would," Fox snapped, simmering anger bringing back some of
his energy. "They're trying to help me find Alex. He's here. In Vegas. They've
seen him."
Scully took a deep breath, telling herself that she had to do it and just hope
that Krycek would go along with it.
"So have I."
"What?" Fox breathed, clutching the back of the bench for support as he boosted
himself to his feet.
"It's true, Mulder," Langly cut in. "Frohike and I saw him too."
"How the hell is it that everyone's seen him but me? Where'd you see him,
Scully? When?"
"Earlier today." Another deep breath. "At his apartment."
Tired, hazel eyes flared to life. "You found out where he lives?"
"Yeah. Langly and Frohike saw him first, yesterday. I happened to be with Byers
when they told him. I made them follow him and stake the place out until I could
get here."
"To what?" Fox began to tremble with premature fury. "Did you talk him? What did
you say?"
"Yes, I talked to him. I told him that you were still out looking for him after
over a month. That information surprised him. I told him that he should see you.
That you needed to work this stuff out."
"You told him that," Fox murmured cautiously, waiting for the other shoe to
drop.
"Yes, I did. Not because I'm particularly anxious to see him back in your life,
Mulder, but because if you don't have him, you won't come home. And your career,
and your life will be shot to hell. Skinner is ready to deep six you. You know
that by right, he should have done it long ago. He gave me another week to find
you and convince you to come back before he started proceedings to have you
dismissed."
"Where does he live? Tell me."
"What?"
"Alex. Where does he live?"
"Mulder, have you heard one word that I've said to you? Do you care?"
"I heard you, Scully. The only thing I care about right now is getting to Alex.
I'll deal with the rest later."
"If there is a later for you."
"Whatever. Where is he?"
Scully looked at the other two men, who were watching in silent fascination.
"Come with me, and I'll show you."
Fox turned to the two who had been kind enough to assisst him and smiled. "I
gotta go. Thank you so much for your help."
The two smiled back, and John spoke for them both, handing Fox a card with his
name and number.
"You're very welcome. We're glad it worked out for you. Now, go get 'im. Make
him understand how you feel if you have to beat it into him."
Fox smiled at the man's intended humor, and he began to follow Scully's lead.
"I'll keep that in mind."
"And then get some sleep!" Michael yelled as the group moved farther away. "I
hope they'll be okay."
Michael turned to his lover and gave him a soft peck on the tip of his nose.
"I'm sure they will be. Clearly, that Fox is a persistent bastard."
The other nodded. "A cute, persistent bastard."
"A cute, persistent bastard, out of his mind in love. You can see it all over
his face."
John chuckled, scratching at the back of his head as they moved on.
"Yeah, I guess a foursome'd be kinda out of the question, huh?"
Alex moved down the strip, fending off propositions and ignoring the leering
grins of those lecherous individuals who were regulars in this part of town.
Tonight he was out here for one reason and one reason only. To find Fox and help
him get on with his life.
He walked the strip, searching everywhere for the man he never thought he'd lay
eyes on again, but he had no luck.
Maybe the casinos.
He checked a few of the more densely 'populated' halls, but still nothing. How
the hell do you expect to ever find him amongst all these people? he asked
himself, exiting the third casino. Or maybe Scully was wrong. Maybe he isn't
here. Maybe he isn't coming at all. Maybe he's just given up and turned around
and gone home.
Alex stopped on the steps of the building and drew in a long, steadying breath.
It would be the best thing for Fox if he'd made the decision to forget about him
and go on with his life. Alex knew that, but that tiny hope...the one that
Scully had raised in her cruel way, had already taken root and grown within his
heart. The thought of being in Fox's arms again...the idea of waking up next to
him and looking into those beautiful eyes...
He wanted that. He needed it, even knowing the way it would surely end. He knew
it would kill him to walk away again, but he would at least have the
satisfaction of knowing that the next time it would be under Fox's terms, and
that it wouldn't hurt him as it had this time.
You owe him, Alex. Keep looking. If you don't find him by one, you can stop
and start again after you've had some rest.
Rest. That was a good one. The last time he'd truly rested was over a month ago.
He remembered the feeling well. Strong arms wrapped securely around him, his
head nestled under his lover's chin...the steady beat of Fox's heart beneath his
hand, and that soft, gentle voice saying the words that he would carry in his
heart forever, even after Fox had long forgotten them...
Giving himself a mental shake, Alex finished descending the steps and continued
on toward the next likely spot.
"So, tell me, Scully. What made you think I'd be here in Las Vegas?"
Scully looked across the back seat of the Gunmen's rented car at her partner.
"I'd been trying to find you since you disappeared. I'd tracked you to Palm
Springs on the last bank transaction you'd made, and I made the logical
assumption that you'd be heading toward Vegas. As I've already said, I was with
Byers, asking him to help me find you, and he called these two," she explained,
motioning to the men in the front seat, "to tell them to be on the lookout for
you. While they were talking, they spotted Krycek leaving the casino they were
in. I had them tail him in hopes that you'd already hooked up and were together.
"I took the first flight out and came straight to his apartment building. Asked
the super for his apartment number, and I went and confronted him."
"That's what I want to hear about," Fox interrupted. "You'd done enough damage
that day at the cabin, and you'd better believe you're going to explain that,
but right now I want to know what you said to him this time."
"I told you what I said to him."
"Yeah, and what else?"
Blue eyes slid away from the agitated, gilded stare.
"Nothing else."
Fox's eyes narrowed on his partner.
"I don't believe you. You drove him away, Scully. Whatever you said to him...it
had to be pretty bad to make him run away from me like that. So, I don't believe
that you just bopped into his apartment, told him that he needed to come back to
me, then bopped on out. You must have found some way to twist the knife."
"Mulder, I..."
"We're here."
Fox instantly forgot his conversation with Scully and pointed to the building
they pulled up in front of. "This is it?"
"Yeah," Frohike answered, turning to look from Fox to Scully. Before he could
say another word, Fox was throwing his door open and jumping out. "What
apartment?"
"Second floor," Scully murmured, pointing to the third window above them.
"Number twenty-one."
Glazed eyes flicked from the two men to the woman.
"Somebody cover the other entrance. One of you watch the front here." He turned
his cell phone on. "If he comes out, call me."
He allowed no more time for conversation as he bolted into the building, leaving
the other three to sit in silence. Finally, Langly spoke. "Guess one of us had
better get around back."
"You two go," Scully instructed softly. I'll stay here."
The two men nodded and left the car, jogging around to the back of the building,
leaving her alone with the dozens of emotions clashing inside her.
God. Mulder back with that...there isn't even a word bad enough for what he
is.
Uh huh. But you want him. You made a damn fool of yourself letting him know
it, too.
Sex. That's all it is with me. That's all I want from him. I mean, there's no
denying that the bastard is magnetic, and I haven't had any in a very, very long
time. My heart wouldn't be broken if he disappeared, never to be found again.
She settled deeper into her seat and stared up at the second floor.
And Mulder's heart wouldn't be broken if he found out what you'd done earlier
today? Jesus, Dana, haven't you hurt him enough?
He won't find out. Krycek won't tell him.
And why's that? Certainly not because he's afraid Mulder won't believe him.
So, why? Why wouldn't he tell him?
"He can't," she whispered to herself. "He's incapable, he's...a snake like him
couldn't possibly know how to love..."
Fox climbed the steps to the second floor, sheer adrenaline carrying his tired
body forward. When he reached apartment twenty-one, he paused at the door,
pressing one hand to the wooden surface, and then his ear. He listened for a few
seconds and, hearing nothing, he curled his hand into a fist and knocked.
Nothing.
"Alex. Alex, are you in there? It's Fox."
No answer.
"Baby, please open the door. We need to talk."
Silence.
"Alex, if you don't open the door, I'll kick it in. And don't think about trying
to sneak out a window or anything; all avenues of escape are covered." He waited
a few seconds more, listening. When still no sound could be heard, he determined
that Alex must not be there.
Quickly picking the lock, he let himself in and looked around the dimly lit
room.
Small but neat as a pin. Definitely an Alex trait as the few weeks he'd spent
with the younger man had taught him.
He walked into the middle of the room and scanned his surroundings. Nothing
recognizable except...
Fox walked over to the television and fingered the mantle clock he'd remembered
seeing at Alex's other apartment. It obviously had some meaning to the other
man, or he wouldn't have taken it with him.
A faint smile touched his weary lips.
Sentimental. Who'd have guessed?
He checked the small kitchen, the bathroom, and finally the bedroom. No Alex. As
he passed by the bed, an object at the end of the mattress caught his eye.
Reaching down, he lifted the celery green shirt that he recognized as his, and
stared at it. He hadn't even noticed that it was missing.
Fox closed his eyes, clutching the shirt to his chest for a moment before
putting it down and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. He punched in
Scully's number and waited for less than two whole rings before she answered.
"Scully."
"I'm in."
"Oh. Is...is he there?"
"No."
"Well, he sure didn't come out, so I guess he wasn't there to begin with."
"Yeah. You and the guys can go."
"Go...Mulder, what about you?"
"I'm staying. He's bound to come back sooner or later, and I'm going to be here
when he does."
"Well umm..."
"I'll call you."
"When?"
"Whenever."
He disconnected, turned the phone off, then looked around the bedroom once more
before unbuttoning his shirt. He removed the garment, dropping it down on the
bed, then slid the other on. Bringing the material to his face, he inhaled
deeply, his body tingling as Alex's scent permeated his senses. Slowly, he
climbed up onto the bed, finding it vaguely curious that the sheets were rumpled
as though Alex had gotten up and left quickly.
Too tired to figure it out, he lay down, hugging one of his lover's pillows to
his chest and closed his eyes.
Three a.m.
Alex trudged up the stairs to the second floor, tired and unsure as to what his
next move would be.
He supposed he could try and locate Scully, much as he despised the notion.
Though, if she had seen or heard from Fox, he supposed he would have known it.
He walked to the door and entered the apartment, hating the silence. It added to
the pain of loneliness, and there were times when he thought he'd surely go mad
if he spent one more day without Fox. But dammit, his mind stayed intact. Just
another of life's little punishments.
He walked through the darkness, removing his jacket and draping it across the
back of a chair, then moved toward the most hated room in his apartment. There
was nothing worse than lying alone night after night, staring up at the ceiling,
remembering what it had been like to have Fox beside him...on him...under him...
And when he finally did fall asleep... The dreams. Damn, the dreams. They were
so real. He could see Fox. Smell him...taste...
He walked through the door, unbuttoning his jeans then froze in his tracks as he
focused on the dark lump on the bed. His heart and head began to pound in unison
as he cautiously moved around the bed to view the side of the body that the
light from the window hit.
The pounding turned thunderous as for the first time in over a month he looked
down at the face he loved.
He sank to the floor, his legs no longer able to hold him up. The soft thump
startled the other man awake, and he sat up quickly, clearly unsure for a moment
of where he was.
Alex stared dumbfounded as Fox focused on his face. As the older man reached for
the lamp beside the bed, he skittered back and stumbled to his feet.
"Alex," Fox whispered hoarsely, terrified that he would spook the younger man,
and he'd bolt.
"What're you..." Alex began, choking on his words. "...how did..."
"Scully. She...she said she'd seen you. She found me and brought me here." Alex
stared, trembling violently. He wanted...God, he wanted to fall into Fox's arms.
And he wanted to run. Scream. Die from the shame that consumed him as he looked
into the eyes of the man who had so wrongly trusted him.
Instead he did nothing. His bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Fox rose
from the bed and approached slowly, stopping when they were only a foot apart.
"Alex?"
No answer.
"I've missed you so much," he said very softly. "I've been looking for you..."
He thought he heard a tiny whimper, but he couldn't be sure.
"Talk to me. Tell me what happened. What did Scully say to you to make you leave
me?"
"I'm sorry, Fox," Alex whispered, lifting his head and looking everywhere but at
the man in front of him. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be sorry. Just tell me what happened."
The confused, green gaze settled momentarily on the other man's face then
dropped away.
"You look tired."
"Yeah," Fox breathed. "Haven't slept much."
A deep crease formed between Alex's eyes, and he looked down at the floor.
"Alex, I know this is Scully's doing. I know that, but...why? Why did you choose
to believe whatever it was she was shoveling, over me?"
Alex shifted nervously, shaking his head.
"Was there something I could've done?" Fox asked, his voice crackling with
barely restrained emotion. "Something more I could've said? Tell me, Alex. What
did I do wrong?"
"Nothing," Alex exhaled softly. "You did everything right. It was perfect." He
lifted a heartsick gaze to the other. "You were perfect. So much more than I
deserved."
"And so you ran away. And put us both through hell for more than five weeks
now."
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't think, I...I didn't mean to hurt you, I just..."
Fox watched Alex fight the breakdown he could see coming. Feeling pretty close
to the edge himself, he pushed harder, wanting them both to fall.
"You told me you'd never let another man touch you again, Alex."
The younger man's hands clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms.
"You said you hated it...that it made you sick. But you're out here doing the
same thing you were doing in L.A., aren't you?"
The inclined sable head nodded slightly.
"Why?"
"Because that's what I am," Alex croaked.
"It's not."
"Worthless, filthy whore..."
"You're not!" Fox roared, pounding on the nightstand beside him for emphasis. He
grabbed Alex's shoulders, shaking the startled man with all the strength that
his exhausted body could muster. "Those are Scully's words, and they're not
true! You're the same man you were at the cabin! You're there under all this
fucking doubt and self loathing, I know you are!" His eyes burned into the
other's. "I see it," he rasped, hands sliding away from Alex's shoulders to the
front of his shirt. His fingers curled in the material, and he swayed slightly
as what remained of his energy waned.
"I love you, Alex," he half panted, half sobbed. "And this hurts like hell."
Alex wrapped his arms around the older man to keep him upright, then maneuvered
him to the bed and laid him back against the pillows.
"I'm sorry, he whispered, brushing the hair away from Fox's face. "I swear, I
never meant to hurt you, Fox. I was trying to keep from hurting you."
"How could you think that?" Fox droned, fighting to keep his eyes open. "How
could you think that loving you the way I do, what you did wouldn't tear me up?"
"I don't know, I...I guess I wasn't thinking straight."
"What did she say to you?" Fox's voice was now barely audible.
"It doesn't matter."
"Five weeks, Alex." Heavy eyes looked up at the younger man. "It matters."
Alex hesitated then spoke.
"She just...she spoke her mind. It wasn't anything I didn't already know..."
"So all the time I spent trying to convince you that you were good enough...that
you were exactly what I wanted...it was all wasted? You never believed a word of
it?"
"Fox, go to sleep. You can hardly keep your eyes open."
"Answer me."
The tone in Fox's voice left Alex no choice but to obey.
"I did believe you. I wanted to so much. Until she reminded me of who and what I
was. How can a man who's been what I've been possibly give you all the love you
deserve to have?"
"It isn't your call to make," Fox said sternly. "And it sure the fuck isn't
Scully's. It's mine." He lifted a trembling hand to the younger man's face.
"Alex, you've given me more than I could've ever hoped for. You're everything I
want in the world..." He blinked to clear the tears that suddenly blinded him.
"Please believe me."
Alex's eyes welled up as he looked down at the man whom he had no doubt loved
him more than he could ever deserve.
Sitting at the edge of the bed, he leaned down, laying his head on Fox's
shoulder, and the older man wrapped him in a snug embrace.
"I love you, baby," Fox sniffed, brushing the silky hair with his mouth.
"You can really love me knowing that I've turned around and done exactly what I
promised you I never would again?"
Fox tightened his hold on the younger man, burying his face in his hair. "Scully
screwed you up," he whispered. "She caused all this."
Alex felt his guts twist a little more.
"I could've just gone into hiding, but I didn't. Scully didn't hold a gun to my
head and force me back onto the street."
"You didn't just up and decide that you wanted to leave me and go back to
prostitution, Alex. Scully watched you. She studied you, and she found out where
you were most vulnerable, and then she hit you where it hurt. What happened is
her fault...and it's mine."
Alex's head jerked up and stared wide-eyed down into the other man's face.
"No. Nothing is your fault."
"I think it is," Fox said wearily. "I should've known that in just a few weeks I
couldn't erase all the damage that it's taken years to do. That was pretty
damned egotistical of me. I'm just realizing that right now. I'm sorry, Alex.
I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you."
"No. No. Stop it. You didn't do anything wrong. I won't let you take the blame
for my shit." Alex looked down into almost closed eyes. "You're so tired, Fox.
Please go to sleep."
The older man shook his head but said nothing. "Why not?"
"I'm afraid that when I wake up, you'll be gone again."
"I won't. I...I won't go anywhere."
Fox stared doubtfully up at the younger man.
"I sh...I shouldn't have run away that first time. I won't do it again."
Fox's gaze softened. "You promise you'll stay, and we'll work this all out?"
Alex nodded. "I promise." He brushed the golden-brown eyelashes with his
fingertips. "Go to sleep."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"You're tired too."
"A little."
"I'll sleep if you do."
Alex fidgeted for a moment, giving no response, but Fox's voice, so soft and
profoundly missed drifted back up to his ears.
"I missed sleeping with you."
Alex looked down into a shimmering sea of green, blue and gold, filled with
infinite love and sorrow, and his insides melted even as his heart leapt into
his throat.
So beautiful. God, he could never forget how beautiful this man was. The memory
of him lingered, staying as vivid as the fusion of colors in his magnificent
eyes.
There was nothing else to do. No other decision to make. He swung his legs up
onto the bed and lay down beside Fox, their bodies mere inches apart.
Not good enough.
Fox reached out, pulling the younger man into his arms, satisfied only when they
were pressed intimately together, sharing breath and heat.
A deep, weary moan rumbled in Fox's chest as he drew one hand up and down Alex's
back.
"Nothing matters," he whispered into the sable hair. "The past...what you did,
who you were...none of it. This is what's right. Only this. Just you and me."
Alex could feel himself falling again. God, it was so easy. So simple to listen
to that soothing voice saying all the things he so desperately wanted to hear
and believe. But there was another voice. Tucked way back there in his mind,
interfering with Fox's promises of heaven, telling him not to get too wrapped up
in the fantasy because soon enough the glow would wear off, and he would be
alone again. This time for good.
Drifting steadily into darkness, Fox thought he felt a wet warmth begin to flow
over his chest, but was too far gone to question it. Seconds later, he descended
into the first real sleep he'd had in weeks.
Alex arose from a heavy slumber, startled to find a pair of hazy, green-gray
eyes staring at him. He closed his eyes and dragged in a deep breath, then
opened them as he let it out.
"What is it?"
That soft, husky monotone. God, it was real.
"I j...I thought last night might have been a dream."
Continuing to stare, Fox said nothing.
"How long have you been awake?" He really didn't need to ask. He'd learned from
the color of Fox's eyes to the timbre of his voice how to determine his state of
wakefulness. "Not long. How did you sleep?"
"Okay. You?"
Fox reached out, stroking the younger man's hair. "Better than I have in over a
month." He fell silent for a while, letting his hand drift down to Alex's face,
caressing the lightly stubbled cheek.
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you miss me?"
The younger man's gaze lowered to Fox's chest, and he nodded.
"How did it feel?"
"How did what feel?"
"Being alone again."
"....Appropriate."
Fox emitted a deep sigh.
"...Excruciating."
Fox nodded. "How about now?"
Alex kept his eyes averted.
"...Awkward...frightening."
Fox's brow creased.
"It...I'd hoped it would feel good."
"I...I don't," Alex stammered, "I'm too scared to feel much else."
"Why are you
so afraid?"
"I don't know. I..." Alex went silent, not knowing how to explain.
Fox moved closer, draping an arm over the other man and pulling him into his
warmth.
"You were scared the first time, remember?"
"Yeah..."
"The fear went away, didn't it?"
"Mostly...after a while." Wary green eyes rose to meet Fox's. "Didn't last for
long, though."
"An unfortunate interruption," Fox murmured, stroking his thumb across Alex's
lower lip. "We can pick up where we left off now. Start again if we have to.
We'll take it real slow. You'll have complete control."
Alex cocked his head in curiosity, and Fox gave him a reassuring smile.
"You tell me what, where, when, how much. My main concern is that you're
comfortable. I don't want you to be scared."
Alex lowered his head, rapidly blinking away the moisture he felt stinging his
eyes.
"All I've done to you, and you still want to take care of me."
"I love you," Fox answered simply. "And I'll do anything for you."
Alex knew it was true. And that fact made him ache.
"S..." God, he hated even saying her name. "Scully said that if you weren't back
to work in a week, Skinner was going to have you dismissed."
"Yeah."
"You have to go back."
"I don't have to. If you don't want to go back to D.C., we can stay here. Or we
can go someplace else."
"No," Alex argued softly. "I won't let you give up your job. I'll go back to
Washington with you. I was out looking for you this morning to tell you that."
"Is that what you were doing before you came back here?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. I thought you might have been..." Fox's voice trailed off and he lowered
his eyes.
Alex knew what he was going to say.
"No. I was just out looking for you."
The older man nodded then raised his eyes. "Alex, you don't have to..."
"I know that," the younger man cut in. "I want to."
Fox studied the other man, shaking his head.
"I know I probably shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but...you took off
on me...left without a word. We're together after five weeks of hell, only
because I came to you, and now you're just going to up and come home with me?"
"I told you I shouldn't have left," Alex murmured. "It was stupid to let Scully
run me off." He forced himself to look up at the older man. "I should have
ignored her and listened to you."
"What you should've done, Alex, was trust that I knew what was in my own heart.
"Scully sees me as a stubborn child who refuses to do what's good for him just
because she says so. So now, she's attempting psychology on the psychologist.
She thinks that if she backs off and lets me do what I want to do, that I'll
realize on my own, in time, that you're not what I want, and this'll all blow
over. Is that the bullshit she tried running on you when she came to see you?
She convinced you that I'd be better off if you let me dump you, right?"
Alex lowered his head and said nothing.
"It is, isn't it?"
Still nothing
"Alex?"
The younger man raised his head, hearing the soft, emotional utterance of his
name.
"Please don't see me the way she does." Fox cupped the younger man's cheek, eyes
searching for what he needed. "Please trust that I know what I want. I didn't
follow you all this way just to dump you a few months from now." His thumb
rasped across the stubbled flesh. "Have faith in me," he whispered, desperation
edging his tone. "I swear to Christ, I won't hurt you."
So sincere. So damned sure. Why shouldn't he believe?
"I trust you, Fox," Alex croaked. "It was never a question of that."
"Then, what is it a question of?"
Alex sighed and looked away.
"Can I trust myself?"
"To do what?"
"To not fuck up."
Fox turned the younger man's face back to his.
"I'm not looking for perfection. Everybody fucks up at some point in their
lives. All I need is your love and your trust. Give me those two things, Alex,
and the rest will all fall into place."
Alex snorted softly, shaking his head.
"I should've known."
"What?"
"That you would have figured it out. I'm no better than Scully is, I suppose."
Fox sought to reassure the younger man.
"She's very good at knowing how to work a person's vulnerable spots. She knows
the guilt you're lugging around. She knows you love me, even if she'll never
admit it, and she's trying to use it to rein me in."
"She wants to keep you from ruining your life. So do I."
"At your expense. She doesn't care if you come away damaged in this little plot
of hers," Fox accurately predicted. "In fact, it'd be a nice little extra added
bonus for her, I'm sure." He shrugged. "That's fine. Let her think she's
succeeded. She'll figure out in time that I've got exactly what I want, and I'm
not letting it go." He rested his forehead against the younger man's, his voice
oozing with tenderness. "And so will you."
Alex closed his eyes, trembling as silent hope swelled in his heart.
"I want you to be yourself, Alex. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to be
flawless for fear that I'll become disillusioned and throw you aside. I know who
you are. Baby, look at me."
Sable eyelashes fluttered then opened, and deep emerald eyes turned up to the
older man's face.
Fox caressed Alex's jaw, and he leaned in, dusting his lips with a soft kiss.
"I love you. Not some delusional notion of what I could turn you into. Not some
non-existent image that my addled, juvenile mind may have cooked up. You." He
searched the younger man's eyes. "Is any of this filtering through?"
The younger man drew a shaky breath and nodded.
"Then why do you still look so scared?"
"Because I...I don't know what to do."
"What do you feel like doing?"
"You probably shouldn't be asking me that."
"I wouldn't ask if I really didn't want to know....Alex?"
Silence.
"Please tell me."
Alex opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before finding his voice.
"I used to be pretty good at deluding myself," he began hoarsely. "Making myself
believe that there wasn't anything or anyone I needed." He turned a glistening
gaze on the other man. "You blew all of that right out of the water..."
Fox lay silently, listening.
"You said Scully views you as a child....no. Not you. I'm the one. And the thing
is, it doesn't feel wrong. I find myself wanting to just...close my eyes and let
go. I want to put myself in your hands and let you take care of everything..."
"If that's really what you want to do," Fox said, gently nuzzling Alex's cheek,
"then just go ahead and do it."
"It's not fair to you," Alex replied almost inaudibly. "You don't need an
emotional leech."
"That's not what you are."
"It's what I feel like. I want to hold on to you, Fox, and never let go. I'd
never felt balance or safety until you brought it to me. And once I had it, I
never wanted to lose it. I swear to God, I don't know where I found the nerve to
leave you at the cabin. I don't...I don't know how I kept driving. The farther
from you I got, the colder it was...the emptier I felt. But I kept hearing..."
Fox waited to see if Alex would continue. When he didn't, he asked softly,
"Hearing what?"
"Scully's voice." Alex looked cautiously up into the older man's face. "Telling
me how I wasn't nearly good enough for you. That I was cheap and unworthy of
you. It was easy enough to believe since that's what I'd thought to begin with."
"Alex..."
"I knew you loved me, Fox. I did. And I thought that maybe it had blinded you to
who I really was. I figured it was easier for Scully to see..."
"How? If you could think I was blinded by love, why couldn't she be blinded by
hatred?"
Alex bowed his head. "Guess she could. But her opinion of me somehow seemed more
accurate."
"Does it still?"
Alex shrugged. "I still think you're crazy for wanting me, but I'm grateful that
you do. The last five weeks have been...I can't even describe it. I just...I
lived with the agony of what I'd done every minute of every day. But I was
determined that I wasn't going to go back and fuck up your life. I...I needed to
try and do right by you. Only it turned out to be the stupidest thing I could've
done. I never expected you to be out all this time looking for me. You've risked
your career...probably spent a small fortune...I'm sorry, Fox. You'll never know
how sorry."
"None of that means anything," Fox answered evenly. "And I don't want those to
be the reasons you stay with me. Stay because you love me."
Alex focused a forlorn stare on the other man. "I left you because I love you."
Fox nodded and kissed the tip of the younger man's nose. "I knew that," he
murmured. "That's why I never gave up looking for you. I had to find you to tell
you what an incredibly stupid move you'd made." He gave Alex a lopsided grin.
"And to drag you back...hogtied and gagged if necessary."
Alex emitted a short burst of laughter, ending it on a soft sob as he laid his
head against the older man's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, losing his brief struggle to hold back the tears he
felt building. "I really screwed up..."
"It's okay," Fox murmured soothingly. "It's all right now."
He lay quietly, stroking the younger man's back, listening to his restrained
sobs and wishing that the little redheaded horror he'd once thought of as his
best friend was here to bear witness. Although she probably wouldn't for a
minute believe that Alex's tears were genuine...
When the tremors had ceased, and Alex had gone completely quiet, Fox lifted his
head and smiled down into glassy, bloodshot eyes.
"So now that you've soaked my shirt..."
Alex's regard fell to the large wet spot on the older man's celery green...
He looked up and gave Fox a reticent smile. "Sorry, I..." He gently stroked the
material. "I just wanted something of yours."
"I didn't even know it was gone.
You wear it?"
"Yeah," Alex croaked, curling his fingers in the loose folds. "I usually sleep
in it...I could smell you for a little while, then it faded."
Fox brought the collar to his nose and inhaled.
"Now it smells like you. That's why I put it on last night." The back of his
hand brushed the underside of the younger man's chin. "I told you before that I
missed you, Alex, but it's not sufficient. There aren't words enough."
Mesmerized by the other man's loving gaze, Alex timidly raised his hand, and his
fingers trembled across Fox's mouth.
"I know," he whispered, moving closer, replacing his fingers with his lips.
"Every day without you was hell. Every night was a torture worse than anything
I'd ever experienced. I'd close my eyes, and I could feel you. I could smell you
and taste you, and...I'd open my eyes, and you weren't there."
"I'm here now."
Alex nodded in response to the raspy statement then offered his mouth to the
older man. He clung tightly to Fox, drowning in his tender kiss and the joy of
once again being wrapped in his arms...and in fear of waking up and finding that
this was just another vivid dream.
Fox's fingers tangled in his lover's hair, and he deepened the kiss, compelling
Alex to understand that it was real. That he would not vanish and leave him in
agony, but as he'd come to realize, Alex's insecurities ran deep, and when Fox
tried to break the kiss and pull away, the younger man clutched at him,
whimpering softly.
"I'm not going anywhere," Fox soothed. "Nothing could make me leave you."
He shifted position, turning Alex flat on his back, then draped himself over the
other, stroking a few wild locks of hair away from his face. "I just want you to
relax."
"Stupid, huh?" Alex droned, his voice breaking as he shuddered slightly. "I take
off on you, and now I'm afraid of you leaving me."
"It's not stupid. You feel how you feel." Fox leaned in and placed a tender kiss
on the tip of Alex's nose. "If it makes you happy, I won't leave your sight. I
can cuff us together if you like."
Alex reached up and, twining his arms around Fox's neck, pulled the older man
down to lie on top of him.
"I've got no right to ask anything of you," he sighed even as he held Fox
tightly to him. "But I can't turn it off. Can't stop it..."
"It's all right," Fox assured him, kissing the curve of his neck. "You just need
some time. The fear will go away."
But time, if Scully got her wish, would prove to be his enemy.
No. Oh, no. No, no, no.
He couldn't go back to the cold desolation of the life that lingered just
outside the warm circle of Fox's embrace. He couldn't lie beneath one more man,
pretending to enjoy his foul touch while the ghost of Fox's love haunted him. He
couldn't do it. He wouldn't. He'd sooner die, and if that turned out to be his
only option, then so be it. The world wouldn't be any the poorer for his
passing, that was for damn sure.
But he wanted to stay. Deserving or not, he wanted more than just a few weeks or
a few months. He wanted a life revolving around this man lying here with him.
He'd gladly pay for his sins a million times over in the next world, but in this
one, he needed to realize the paradise promised to him in the beautiful,
green-gold eyes that looked on him with such genuine love.
And he'd do whatever he had to do to keep it. "Baby?"
Alex pulled himself out of his thoughts and turned glassy eyes up to the other
man.
"You were pretty far away," Fox said softly, brushing his fingertips over the
younger man's cheek. "What were you thinking about?"
"Just...how grateful I am that I've got a second chance to do this right. And I
will," he vowed. "I promise, Fox, I won't screw up again. I won't...I won't give
you any reason to regret wanting me back."
Figuring that any type of argument at that moment would be pointless, Fox simply
nestled into Alex's embrace, scattering soft kisses over the younger man's
throat and collarbone. When he lifted his head and looked down, it was into eyes
filled with so much love and pain, that his heart skipped several beats before
finally settling into a hard rhythm.
"Alex."
Liquid, emerald eyes stared up at the older man in silent response.
Fox lowered his head, brushing his mouth over Alex's.
"Do something for me."
"Anything," Alex whispered, meaning it with his whole heart and soul.
"Put everything out of your mind. Absolutely everything...and let me make love
to you."
The room temperature felt to Alex as though it had shot up thirty degrees, yet
he began to shiver like it had dropped well below freezing.
"Alex?" Concern glazed Fox's eyes as he rolled to his side, pulling Alex into
his arms. "What is it? Tell me what's wrong."
"You want me," Alex gasped softly then closed his eyes and buried his face in
Fox's shirt. "Even though I..."
"Jesus, Alex, of course I do," Fox interrupted, hugging the younger man to him.
"Do you not understand that that's what I've been saying to you?"
"I...I'm just...you know what I've been out here doing." Alex looked up at the
older man, sheer misery etching his features. "I left you and everything I knew
of love, and came back to this." He trembled more violently. "What does that say
about me? God, Fox, you're too good for this filth. You shouldn't have to accept
it..."
"Alex, listen to me." Fox kissed the sable head and ran his hand slowly up and
down the other man's back. "I hate that other men have touched you. I hated it
when you weren't mine, and I detest it even more now that you are. But I love
you. And I know that in your heart it isn't something you wanted to do. I know
you're hurting, baby. Let me try and make it better."
Two drops of moisture slid from the tips of Alex's lashes as he blindly searched
for his lover's mouth, easily finding the soft warmth. He broke the kiss only
briefly to tilt his head into a more comfortable position, and when he returned,
he could taste the salt of his own tears on Fox's mouth.
"Love you," he croaked between desperate kisses. "S-so much."
"I know," Fox breathed, gently rolling Alex onto his back. "Never doubted it."
Alex lay panting, trying unsuccessfully to control the violent tremors that
passed through him as Fox began to slowly remove his shirt.
"And I love you," the older man swore. "No matter what." He pulled Alex's arms
out of the shirt and let it drop to the floor. As he started on the previously
unbuttoned jeans, he shifted his head, bringing his mouth in line with the other
man's ear. "And you belong to me," he rasped possessively, knowing it was what
Alex needed to hear.
Alex drew in a stuttering breath and let it out as the heat of Fox's words
danced along each raw nerve. He clung helplessly to the older man as he was
stripped of the rest of his clothing, and when Fox's weight lifted off of him,
he opened his eyes, panicking only momentarily until he realized that Fox was
now undressing himself.
Starved green eyes watched as Fox slithered out of his shirt then went to work
on his pants, smoothly removing all of which stood in the way of mind numbing
pleasure. The instant the last article of clothing hit the floor, Alex held his
arms out, welcoming his lover's naked body back into his embrace.
"Jesus, I missed you," he gasped, running his hands over Fox's back and the
curve of his rear just before the older man took his mouth in a breath-stealing
kiss.
The bright light that flooded the room faded to a dull red as Alex's eyes
closed, and he sank into an ocean of sensuality.
More than a month had passed, but nothing had changed. Desire for this man still
burned as hot as it had then. It consumed Alex, obliterating every thought that
didn't revolve directly around his need to die that shattering, exquisite death
in his lover's arms and be brought back to life with soft words of love and the
tenderest of kisses...
Fox pulled away from Alex's mouth, his heart pounding triple time as he watched
his lover's sinfully long lashes flutter and rise. Forest green eyes stared up
at him, and that perfect mouth formed words which Fox strained to hear.
"Could kiss you forever."
The older man smiled down at the one beneath him.
"For a man who refused to let me kiss him at all at first..."
"Refused everybody. Don't know why, but I had to preserve some part of myself.
But that second night with you...even though I didn't know it was you...you made
me feel so wanted. So safe. I wanted to give you everything...all that I had
left. I still do." Alex gazed up at the older man, a thoroughly, heartbreakingly
earnest expression in his eyes. "Please, Fox. Take it all. I realize it isn't
enough, but all I've got is yours."
Fighting the sudden threat of tears, Fox lowered his head, his soft, shuddering
sigh whispering over Alex's lips before he began to feed gently on them. His
trembling hands wandered, rediscovering the familiar, satiny texture of his
lover's skin, and all at once, the urge to taste it overwhelmed him.
Alex stifled a small cry as Fox's mouth left his and began a lazy trek over his
chin and down his convulsing throat, sucking and licking at every inch of skin
in its path. Fox's soft growl of pleasure as Alex kneaded and caressed the
tensing muscles of his back, resonated throughout the younger man's body, and
fueled his desire to please his lover. He arched beneath Fox, moaning his name
as the older man moved lower, letting the tip of his tongue flick across a
constricted nipple, and Fox shivered at the sound.
To hear Alex's voice again, so soft and pleading, calling his name, swelled his
heart and his cock to ludicrous proportions.
"What is it, baby?" he whispered then pulled the nipple into his mouth, dragging
his tongue across the tip as he sucked lightly.
Alex whimpered frantically as he writhed beneath the other man, and his fingers
dug into Fox's shoulders, squeezing the flexing muscles.
"Fox..." his voice trailed off, fading into a low hum as the other man's teeth
grazed over the nipple, and he moved over to its neglected twin.
Having lavished equal attention on the second brown peak, Fox lifted his head
and focused a smoldering, gilded stare on the younger man.
"Hearing you say my name still makes my cock throb."
Alex moaned at hearing the stark admission and slipped one hand between them to
caress his lover's rigid organ. "So warm," he whispered, letting his fingers
glide lazily over the shaft. "I've been so cold inside, Fox. So dead way deep
down inside. I miss your heat. I need it..."
Half closed eyes studied the younger man, and Fox moved his hand down to cover
the one stroking slowly over his cock. "It's there for you. You feel it?"
Alex nodded, releasing a quivering rush of breath before submitting to his
lover's kiss.
Drowning in tenderness, he hardly noticed when Fox grasped both of his hands,
pinning them to the mattress on either side of his head. Only when Fox broke the
kiss an eternity later and moved down to suck at the curve of his shoulder, did
he fully realize that he'd been restrained.
Squirming beneath the older man's grip, Alex panted and whimpered, his actions
conveying his arousal as eloquently as any coherent words could have. Fox's
answering growl as he moved on to the younger man's exposed throat spoke of his
own excitement, and when Alex arched up against his mouth, he had all he could
do not to sink his teeth into the tender flesh.
Contenting himself with inflicting a vivid mark of possession, Fox dragged his
tongue across the wounded patch of skin then looked up at the other.
"We need a couple of rubbers."
Alex wiggled under the other man and tried to stretch in the direction of the
nightstand.
"I'll get them."
"Don't you move," Fox commanded softly, pressing Alex's hands to the mattress
for emphasis. "I'll get them."
Pulling the drawer open, he shifted slightly to look inside. The sight of five
boxes of condoms and several tubes of lubrication in the deep compartment shook
him for a moment, but he composed himself quickly, took what he needed, and
returned to his lover.
Remorseful green eyes met Fox's gaze, but Alex said nothing.
What the hell could he possibly say? He caught the look on Fox's face as the
older man got a load of his 'work supplies', and no matter how well aware Fox
was that Alex had gone back to hustling...no matter how quickly he had recovered
from the initial jolt of seeing the contents of the drawer, it wasn't fast
enough to keep Alex from seeing that 'slapped across the face' hurt in his eyes.
Unable to face that look, he started to turn away.
"Don't," was all that Fox said, grasping a handful of sable hair, giving Alex no
other choice but look up directly into his eyes.
How this man could still want him, and, Christ, still love him was far beyond
his capacity to understand...
Eyes never leaving his lover's face, Fox ripped one package open and rolled the
condom over his own erection then opened the other and gently slipped it down
over Alex's cock.
"What do you want me to do, Alex?" he asked softly, lubing himself. "Do you want
me to lose my mind? Tear this place apart and beat you within an inch of your
life for running out on what we had and coming back to what you'd promised me
you were through with?"
He lifted the younger man slightly, positioning the head of his cock between the
cheeks of the other's ass.
"Do you want me to wring my hands and whine and cry over all the men you've
fucked after you swore I was all you wanted?"
He pushed slowly, stretching the ring of muscle he encountered, and drawing a
soft sob from the man beneath him.
"You want to witness the vast extent of my pain so you can feel justified in
hating yourself and then go and fulfill the destiny you still believe is yours?
Or do you want me to just come to my senses, get my ass the hell out of here as
fast as I can, and never look back?"
Alex pressed his lips together in an attempt to prevent their trembling, and
said nothing.
"Can't do any of that," Fox gasped, plunging deeper into his lover's body. "I
love you. It doesn't matter how many men you've fucked. Nothing could hurt me
more than losing you."
A choked cry broke past the compressed lips as Alex twisted the sheets in his
clenched fists.
"You don't belong to that life," Fox pressed on, establishing a steady rhythm.
"I won't let it have you." He picked up the pace as desire and anxiety
increased. "You're mine."
Alex's eyes filled with tears as joy, agony, and the intense need for release
clashed within him. Unable to sort out the massive jumble of emotions, the tears
began to flow, and his muffled cries became louder and more frenzied until he
lost complete control.
"It's okay," Fox whispered brokenly, grasping his distraught lover's cock and
pumping it in time to his thrusts. "Let...let it all out..."
And Alex did let it out. All the pain, all the love, all the misery and hate and
pent up hunger came pouring out all at once, catching both men up in its fury.
Sobbing frantically, he clung to Fox, fighting to keep them connected as Fox
reared back into a kneeling position. He wrapped his legs around the older man,
bearing down to insure that the cock inside him was in as far as it could go,
then he began to rock wildly, urging Fox to match his pace.
Clamping both arms around the younger man, Fox pulled him closer, trapping his
cock between them and moved in counterpoint to Alex's erratic thrashing. "Been
too long," he grated, feeling the finish fast approaching. He pulled Alex's head
up off of his shoulder and looked into overflowing eyes. "You're home, baby."
His fingers curled just a bit more tightly in the sable strands they held,
pulling Alex's head down and brushing their cheeks together as he breathed into
the younger man's ear, "Come for me."
Alex clawed at Fox's back, whimpering wildly as they rocked against each other,
and he felt the beginning of his climax approach. He wrapped himself tightly
around his lover, holding on to Fox as if he'd never let go, and the older man
released the grip on his hair, allowing Alex to drop his head onto his shoulder.
Fox hugged the other man to him, glorying in the heat of his lover's passion and
suffering every fragment of his agony as they tumbled together into the abyss.
He grated urgent, broken words of love into Alex's ear as the younger man
thrashed against him, wailing harshly, and when his own roars of pleasure died,
and he again became aware of his surroundings, he realized that Alex was now
slumped against him, shuddering violently, his shoulder muffling the younger
man's cries.
Finding the strength he needed to move, Fox leaned forward, gently lowering Alex
to the mattress. Using one hand to support the other's back, he used the other
to withdraw his cock and remove the condom. Next, he slid Alex's rubber off of
his spent organ and disposed of both, then settled himself over the younger
man's chest. He brushed a few damp strands of hair away from Alex's forehead and
kissed one tear-drenched cheek before speaking.
"Easy, sweetheart," he said softly to the gasping man as he forced himself to
control his own emotions. "Come on, take a breath."
With much coaxing from the older man, Alex's sobbing abated, and he finally
managed to get his respiration under limited control. The tremors, however,
remained, vibrating through his body at regular intervals.
"You gonna be okay?"
Alex looked up into his lover's concerned face, and then his eyes snapped shut.
The tremors again turned to intense shudders as he fought to hold back a fresh
round of tears. "Alex?"
I'm so scared, Fox, I know what you said but...I want to be what you want,
I'll try so hard, just don't ever leave me or make me leave, please, I couldn't
take being away from you again...I'll be good, I promise, I'll be good...
"M'okay."
"You're not."
Alex forced himself to open his eyes and look up at the other man.
"I...am, I...never...never thought I'd see you again, or..." Alex took a great
gulp of air to try and steady his words. "...touch you..."
Fox believed the few words Alex had just spoken, but he wasn't so stupid as to
believe that was all there was to it. Sighing softly, he rolled onto his back
and pulled the younger man into his arms.
Alex responded immediately, wrapping his arms around Fox, tucking his hands
between the older man's back and the bed. Head wedged securely under Fox's chin,
he squeezed his eyes shut and pretended, even if just for a minute, that none of
the previous five weeks had ever happened. He'd never run away, leaving Fox to
wonder what the hell had happened...never picked up and moved and did the things
that he'd done...he'd never been disloyal to the one person in the world he'd
rather die than betray.
He'd never let all those men fuck him...
Yeah, he had.
He stifled a tiny whimper as the images of every customer he'd had in the past
five weeks spun in his head.
The rodeo cowboy from Oklahoma who was apparently fond of riding his men as hard
as he did the broncos he busted...the boxer who just had to take his split
decision loss out on somebody...the Shriner who preferred to sit back whacking
off while Alex and another hooker went at it...
Then, of course, there was that gang bang he'd been the guest of honor at not
long after he'd arrived in Vegas...
He'd had so many cocks up his ass and in his mouth that night, he'd lost count.
And when it was over, he'd simply gotten up, got dressed, and walked away
without a second look or a word to any of them.
He'd returned to his apartment directly and, not even bothering to remove his
jacket, dropped down onto the sofa and pulled the wad of cash from his pocket.
He'd spread the money out on the coffee table and sat staring at it long after
the faint rays of the morning sun had come filtering in through the blinds.
Then, finally at around nine a.m., he rose, leaving the money where it was, and
showered and crawled into bed, where he'd remained for an entire twenty four
hours.
So many thoughts had passed through his head in the few waking hours he'd had,
not the least of which was the very tempting desire to bring his long ignored
gun out of retirement and use it one last time. But something kept stopping him.
He'd very easily ruled out the will to live; an existence without the one he'd
loved and abandoned was hardly what he could call living. Cowardice had been a
definite no as well. He'd never feared death, and in this case, it would be a
welcome visitor.
But, he'd convinced himself that a quick death would have been too good an end
for him. He'd deserved every bit of the agony he was suffering and more. That
was it. Punishment. Severe and painful as possible. It was what he'd deserved.
It was all he'd deserved.
And so the next morning, he'd risen. And started it all over again. So it had
gone until last night, when he'd walked in and found his heart's deepest desire
asleep here in his bed. And the hell of what he'd done had stepped forward to
lay claim to his soul. But now Fox was here. He'd come for what was his. And
hell was in for one bitch of a knock down, drag out fight...
"Every night," Fox murmured, kissing the top of the younger man's head, "I lay
awake in some strange bed, and I thought about the nights we'd spent
together...remembering how good it felt to have my arms around you..." He let
one hand glide up and down the other's back. "...How smooth your skin was...the
sound of your voice, all soft and breathless after we'd both come, telling me
how much you loved me. All those things and so much more are what kept me
looking for you. I knew it wasn't a lie, what we had. And I knew that you were
hurting just as much as I was."
Alex hugged Fox tightly and nodded. "I'm sorry," he sniffed. "I was so stupid.
So..."
"Messed up," Fox interjected. "And scared. And easily thrown off balance."
"Guess I still am."
Fox coaxed Alex to look up at him. "It's okay. We'll get through it together. I
love you, baby, and I'm here. I always will be, I promise." He tightened his
hold on the younger man. "We're going to fix everything. And we're going to have
that life we talked about before Scully came and ruined it."
Silence. "Alex?"
The sable head lifted, and Alex fixed an unsteady gaze on the other.
"I heard you," he whispered and attempted to give Fox a smile.
"But you don't believe me."
Again Alex lowered his head to Fox's chest, trying to get closer to his lover's
warmth.
"I believe you," He said, trying to sound convincing. He might have got away
with it had it been anyone else he'd said it to, but Fox could hear the
undercurrent of uncertainty running through every word.
Talk is cheap, Mulder. It hasn't done a whole lot for you so far, remember?
Just show him. And keep showing him until he gets it.
"Hey."
"Hmm?"
"I just realized I'm starving. How about some breakfast?"
Alex lifted his head and shrugged as he looked down at Fox's chin.
"I don't know that I've got a whole lot here. Haven't been to the store in a
while..."
"That's okay," Fox answered, his hands continuously moving over his lover's bare
skin. "I was actually thinking about going out for something, anyway."
"Oh. Uh...yeah, w-well, I could," Alex stuttered trying to lift himself away
from Fox, "go get something and bring it back..."
Fox held on to the younger man for a moment as he studied him, then nodded and
loosened his grip.
"If that's what you want to do," he said quietly and evenly. "But I'll go. Name
your poison. Bagels, donuts...Egg McMuffins...whatever. Just point me in the
right direction, and I'll run out and pick it up."
"No, you stay here and rest," Alex insisted, squirming out of the circle of
Fox's arms. "I'll go."
With a soft sigh, Fox released the younger man and watched him rise. He tracked
Alex's every move as he drifted naked around the room, gathering his attire for
the day. Then he disappeared into the tiny hall giving only a quick backward
glance, and a ghost of a smile.
Fox heard the faint sound of the shower going on, then he propped himself up
against the pile of pillows he'd arranged, and he sat staring at the nearest
window.
Window.
He sat up quickly, startled as a thought entered his mind.
Shit, is there a window in there?
No, stupid, think about it. There are only windows on this side of the
apartment. The bathroom's on the other side.
Fox relaxed against the pillows and let out a deep sigh of relief.
But you can't see the bathroom from here. What if he just leaves the water
running and sneaks out the door?
Knock that shit off. He won't do that. He promised you last night. Trust him
the way you want him to trust you.
Fox eased himself back against the pillows and sat quietly, eyes closed, until
some five minutes later he heard the water shut off. He opened his eyes then,
and let out a long breath.
Minutes later, Alex appeared dressed in faded jeans and a plain white t-shirt.
His still damp hair glistened in the morning light as he tentatively approached
the bed and stopped about four feet in front of it.
"I'm uh...I'm gonna go now," the younger man announced, meeting Fox's eyes
briefly before he started to turn away.
"Alex."
The single word stopped him in his tracks and turned him around to face the man
in his bed.
Fox crooked two fingers, motioning for Alex to approach, and he did, stopping
when his thighs hit the edge of the mattress. Fox reached up and, curling the
fingers of one hand in his t-shirt, pulled him down for a tender yet thorough
kiss.
"Don't be long," the older man instructed softly, nuzzling Alex's cheek and jaw.
"I w...I won't," Alex responded, more than a bit disconcerted by his lover's
nearness, and the strong reaction of his body not more than an hour after they
had finished making love.
Fox smiled and kissed him again then released his hold on the shirt.
"See you soon."
Alex nodded and took a few steps backward, then turned and exited the room
quietly, leaving Fox alone.
Hearing the front door close, Fox slid down until he was lying flat then turned
onto his side, pulling a pillow to his chest. He closed his eyes and smiled as
he inhaled the lingering scent of his lover.
Hardest part's done. I've got him back. All I need now is time and patience,
and the rest'll come.
Fox yawned and hauled himself out of bed, heading for the bathroom and a warm
shower.
"Four cinnamon raisin bagels and...gimme a half a pound of cream cheese and two
large coffees, black."
"He takes his coffee with cream and sugar."
Alex spun around and looked down into the grim face of lover's partner.
Composing himself, he cocked his head a bit to the side and gave her a slight
sneer.
"Three sugars and a splash of cream to be exact, but this place never gets a
coffee order right, so I'll add the cream and sugar when I get it back to my
place."
"So, he's still there."
"Obviously. And what are you doing here, Scully? You following me?"
"No, my friends and I," she said, nodding to the two sitting in the corner who
were trying desperately not to look like they were watching, "were having
breakfast. This is obviously a popular place despite the fact that they can't
get a coffee order straight." She changed the subject. "He was supposed to call
me. I'm still waiting. You couldn't take your dick out of his mouth long enough
for him to call and say that he was all right and let me know what he was going
to do?"
Ignoring the dig, Alex answered.
"I'm sure he'll call you when he's ready."
"He'd better be ready soon, Krycek. We don't have a whole lot of time. I have to
call Skinner."
Alex turned to pay for his purchases then picked the bags up off of the counter.
"I'll remind him," Alex mumbled and started to walk away.
"You do that. Hey, Alex."
The man stopped and waited.
"Aren't you going to thank me?"
Alex pivoted slowly, glaring at the redhead.
"What the hell for?"
"For bringing him to you. I'm sure you two are as cozy as a couple of little
lovebirds about now, aren't you?"
Refusing to give her the satisfaction, Alex again turned to leave, Scully's
words following him as he walked toward the exit.
"Enjoy it while it lasts."
Frohike and Langly quickly bowed their heads, feigning intense interest in their
breakfast as Alex tossed them a glance on his way out. Both men looked up,
waiting expectantly for Scully to fill them in when she came back to the table.
When the woman did nothing but glower into her coffee cup, Langly spoke up. "So,
what's the deal?"
"Mulder's still there at Krycek's apartment," Scully muttered. "They're having
breakfast. Isn't that sweet?"
"Everybody's gotta eat," Frohike commented. "What's so sweet about that?"
Scully responded with a silent glare. "Is he gonna call you or what?"
"When he's damn good and ready, it would seem," Scully answered Langly's
question then picked up her fork, inspecting the tip of each tine with the pad
of her index finger.
The two men practically jumped out of their seats as did a good number of people
in their immediate vicinity when Scully suddenly slammed the utensil down on the
table.
"Hey, red, come on," Frohike whispered, giving a few people an apologetic smile.
"Take it easy."
"Easy," the irritated woman grated. "Are you kidding me?"
"You're the one who decided it'd be better to get them back together, remember?"
Frohike continued to whisper. "Well, now they are. So, what's your beef?"
"Nothing," Scully snapped. "Okay? Nothing."
The two men cast sidelong glances at each other, and Langly reached out and
patted Scully's hand.
"It must be pretty hard on you, I guess."
Cerulean eyes darted up to the blonde man's face.
"What must be pretty hard?"
"Well, you know....Mulder...and Krycek. You two have been closer than this." He
display two crossed fingers. "There had to be some kind of feelings there, and
then Mulder just up and falls in love with someone else...Alex Krycek to be
exact. It's gotta be pretty damn hard to take."
Scully blew out a soft snort. "Mulder's my best friend, Frohike. I want him to
be happy."
Bushy eyebrows raised above the rims of the small man's glasses.
"Well...what if he is happy? I mean, he's got to be wild about this guy. Why
else would he spend over a month looking for him?"
"Pure, unadulterated insanity?"
"Is that any way to talk about your partner?"
Scully cut her eyes away and said nothing.
"So," Langly pushed, "if you're not jealous, why else would you be so bent out
of shape about this?"
"Hell-o!" Scully practically growled. "The man my partner thinks he's in love
with is a hooker! And before that, he was a spy. A liar. An assassin. Can you
morons really not see why I'm so upset about this?"
In unison, the two men looked down at their hands and said nothing.
"Guys," Scully called softly, immediately regretting what she'd said. "I'm
sorry. I didn't mean to be so...I guess this thing has got me a little crazy."
The two eyed Scully warily but said nothing.
"You guys have been a huge help to me. If it weren't for you, Mulder's life and
career might have been toast by now." She sighed heavily. "Although it still
might be if I can't call Skinner soon and tell him for sure that Mulder'll be
back."
"Did you mention anything about it to Krycek?"
"Yeah. He said he'd bring it up to Mulder."
"Well," Langly said around a mouthful of garlic bagel, "I guess all we can do is
sit back and wait."
Scully sat drumming her fingers on the table, her mind racing.
"No. Uh uh."
"Uh uh what?" Frohike asked, suspicion creeping into his tone.
"I'm not waiting."
"What d'you mean, you're not..."
Before Frohike could finish the question, Scully was up and heading for the
door.
"Scully..." Frohike threw an incredulous glance at his companion then called
again to the redhead. "Scully! Where the hell are you going?"
"Wait to hear from me," she called, throwing the door open and disappearing into
the mid-morning crowd.
"Ohhh, crap." Frohike turned to the blonde, shaking his head. "Tell me she's not
gonna do what I think she's gonna do."
"No can do," Langly replied, then met his friend's eye. "Have you ever seen her
so unreasonable? I mean, I know what she just said, but I've seen Mulder
throwing himself into other really bad situations, and she's never lost her cool
like this."
"I know what you mean," Frohike murmured, again looking to the door. "I wonder
what the hell's going on."
"Mmmm." Green-gold eyes fluttered open, and Alex removed his hand from Fox's
cheek. Sinfully lush lips turned up into a sleepy smile, and the older man
stretched then pulled himself up into a semi-sitting position. "Damn, I fell
asleep?"
"Guess so."
"Was more tired than I thought, I guess. I got up after you left and had a
shower to wake myself up." Fox grinned. "Maybe I should have taken a cool shower
instead of a warm one. So, you just get back?"
Alex nodded then held a styrofoam cup out in offering. Fox took the cup, and
Alex reached for the one he'd placed on the nightstand.
"Thanks." Fox took a sip of a hot liquid before refocusing his attention on
Alex. "You okay?"
"Yeah." Alex forced a smile then got up. "I'm going to go toast the bagels. You
want me to bring them to you, or..."
"No, I'll get up." Fox handed the cup back to Alex and slid out of bed. "Uh, you
got something I can borrow?"
Alex set both cups down on the nightstand and, doing his best to keep from
staring at his lover's naked form, he started to rummage through his dresser
drawers. "Sorry, I should've thought to get some clothes out for you."
"S'okay." Fox walked up behind the younger man and ran his hands up and down his
back. "God, you're tight. Alex, are you sure you're okay? If you're not, I wish
you'd tell me."
Alex turned around cradling a pair of jeans, some underwear and a t-shirt. He
handed the items to Fox and shrugged.
"Y-you gotta call Scully."
"I know," Fox answered a bit suspiciously. "I was going to do it after
breakfast. What made you think of that?"
"She was...she was at the bagel place with Frohike and the other one. What's his
name, the blonde."
"Langly."
"Anyway, they were down there having breakfast, and she saw me."
"What'd she say?" Fox asked, anger already edging his tone.
"Said she's been waiting for you to call her."
"Yeah, well, she can wait a little longer. We're going to have a nice, leisurely
breakfast, then I'll call her."
Fox dropped the clothing onto the bed and began to dress.
"What else did she say?"
"Not much."
"Not much has got you wound up tighter than a spring?"
Alex shrugged. "Just being near her is stressful, you know?"
Before Fox could reply, a knock sounded at the door. An immediate crease formed
between Alex's brows, and he gave his lover a curious look.
As Fox quickly finished dressing, Alex left the room to see who was knocking.
"Who's there?" he called, stamping down the feeling of dread that washed over
him when no one answered.
Fox entered the room, fully dressed, weapon drawn, and he nodded at Alex to open
the door.
A pair of startled blue eyes stared down the barrel of Fox's gun as the door
flew open. "God!"
Fox secured the weapon and glared down at the woman, who stood panting in Alex's
doorway.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Why've you got your weapon drawn?"
"Force of habit, I guess."
Scully looked from her partner to his lover then back again.
"Did he tell you he saw me? Did he give you my message?"
Alex muttered something which neither of the other two caught, and retreated
into the kitchen. Fox, on the other hand, took an aggressive stance, blocking
Scully's entrance.
"Yes, Scully, he did. So, why are you here? Why didn't you wait for me to call
you?"
"Because I wasn't entirely sure he'd tell you. Look, Mulder, just answer a
question for me, and I'll let you two get back to...whatever. Are you coming
back to Washington?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"That's two questions, Scully. You said a question."
"Mulder, stop being such a pain in the ass, would you? If it weren't for me, you
wouldn't have spent last night all snuggly and warm with..." Scully waved in the
direction in which Alex had gone. "Now, dammit, give me something I can call
Skinner with."
"We'll see about getting a flight out tomorrow, okay? Is that good enough for
you?"
"Fine."
"Wonderful. Now go call Skinner, grab the first flight back to Washington, and
leave us the hell alone. Oh. Wait. You answer a question for me."
"What?"
"What did you say to Alex earlier?"
"What do you mean?
"I think it's a pretty straightforward question, Scully. What did you say to
him?"
"Nothing. I asked him if you were still here, he said yes, and I asked him to
ask you to call me. He said okay, and he left."
"And that was it."
"That was it."
"Bullshit."
"Well, I see you've already made up your mind that there was more to it, Mulder,
so why'd you even bother to ask me?"
"I guess I was just hoping that you'd tell me the truth."
"What'd Krycek tell
you?"
"Pretty much the same thing you did."
"So, he's lying too?" Scully emitted an exaggerated gasp. "Nooo. Can't be. Saint
Alex a liar?"
"Get out."
"Mulder. God, Mulder..."
"I don't want to hear it."
"Mulder, I'm sorry. I'm...I know you don't like to hear anything against Krycek,
but I...you're so blind when it comes to him."
Fox cocked his head, giving the woman a blank stare. "You're so dead set against
Alex and me, yet you go and bring us back together."
"Would you have come home
without him?"
"Nope."
"Well, there you go. I did what I had to do to salvage what's left of your
career."
"And that's all, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
Fox snorted and shook his head.
"Nothing, Scully, just go home. My coffee is getting cold."
"Fine. I guess I'll see you back in D.C."
"Yeah, right."
Scully nodded and, not knowing what else to do, turned and left, twitching at
the slam of the door behind her.
Fox stood at the door for a number of seconds, breathing deeply, then he made
his way to the kitchen, where Alex was just pulling the bagels from the toaster.
"Sorry about that."
Green eyes rose to meet Fox's gaze.
"She didn't think I'd give you the message, right?"
"Right." Fox approached the other man and wound his arms around his waist.
"What'd you say just before you left the room?" A smirk curved his lips. "Were
you calling her bad names in Russian?"
Alex returned the grin. "Maybe one or two."
Fox's amused chuckle preceded a soft kiss, and then he backed up, tugging Alex
along with him.
"Let's have breakfast."
For the next half hour, the two sat quietly eating, exchanging brief, sweet
glances, and when they were through, Fox rose to clear the table.
"I'll do that," Alex offered, but was gently rebuffed . "Uh uh," Fox responded,
pushing the younger man back into his seat. "You went out and got breakfast;
I'll clean up."
Offering no more argument, Alex watched as his lover disposed of the remnants of
their bagels then proceeded to wash the used utensils.
"So, how'd you get rid of her?" he asked softly.
Fox shrugged. "Told her we'd get a flight out tomorrow, then I told her to get
lost."
Alex nodded, a bit of a smile touching his lips.
"Guess I'd better look like getting my stuff packed, then."
Fox turned around, leveling an apologetic gaze on the other.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't...I wasn't thinking about the fact that you'd have to
clear things up here first."
"It's okay," Alex answered, rising from his chair. "It's not like I'd signed a
lease or anything. And the furniture belongs to the apartment, so all I really
have to worry about is my personal stuff. Go ahead and book for tomorrow."
Fox approached the other man and pulled him against his chest.
"You sure? It's no big deal if we take a couple more days..."
"Yes, it is a big deal. Fox, you've been AWOL for weeks. It's a miracle you've
still got a job to go back to. Scully's going to tell Skinner you're flying back
tomorrow. If you don't show up when he expects you, he'll be well justified in
canning you. You can't let that happen."
"I can't bring myself to care as much as I guess I'm supposed to." Fox lifted
one hand and traced the line of Alex's lower lip with his fingertips. "You're
what I care about."
"Fox..."
A ghost of a smile touched the other man's lips. "I never expected this, Alex.
Not in a million years. I never asked for it, but here it is. I love you and
without you, I don't care about anything."
"You don't mean that, Fox. It isn't in you not to care," Alex argued softly.
"You couldn't have come as far as you have without caring. You couldn't have
stopped Smokey and his boys and saved the whole damn world without caring."
"I couldn't have done it without you...and a number of other people, but mostly
you." Fox pulled Alex closer. "I let myself conveniently forget that fact. And I
let you go. I was stupid. But that's not what we were talking about. You..." He
backed Alex to the counter and pressed against him. "...are my priority."
Alex stared mesmerized into twin pools of green and gold as Fox leaned in close.
"We go together, or I don't go."
Alex closed his eyes and said nothing.
"You and me," Fox whispered, tugging at the fringe of hair at the base of his
lover's neck. He nuzzled the stubbled cheek and planted a soft kiss there, then
pulled back. "Baby?"
No response.
"Alex, open your eyes."
Sable lashes rose, unveiling forest green eyes, shimmering with uncertainty and
regret.
"I'm here. Hold on to me as tightly as you want to, for as long as you need to.
I'll never push you away. I swear on my life."
"Never?"
"Never."
"Even if you were sick to death of me clinging to you?"
Fox drew a hand up and down the younger man's back.
"How could I ever get sick of you?"
"It could happen."
"Alex, I'd spend every second of every day with you if you'd let me. That's no
exaggeration." Fox cupped the other man's chin in his palm. "I know it's
probably not easy for you to do, but if you would act on that desire to let go
and allow me to take care of you, I promise I'd do a good job."
"I know you would."
Fox moved in, brushing soft kisses over Alex face. "Then let me," he whispered,
catching the younger man's earlobe between his teeth and tugging gently.
Alex's arms snaked around his lover's waist, and he unconsciously writhed
against him.
"You make me want to. God, so much."
"You can, baby," Fox purred against his lover's unshaven cheek. "You just have
to have complete faith in me...and yourself."
Alex studied Fox for the longest time, searching the sparkling depths of his
eyes.
It'll be all right. Be everything he could ever need or want, and he'll let
you stay.
Didn't he say he wants you to be yourself?
"That's not good enough."
"What?"
Dazed eyes blinked then turned up the Fox's face.
"Hmm?"
"You said something."
"I...I did?"
"Yeah. You were mumbling though; I couldn't make it out."
Alex shook his head, stuttering softly.
"I...I, I don't know. I...I didn't realize I was saying anything."
Fox watched the eyes that looked everywhere but at him.
"Alex."
The younger man forced his gaze to stop wandering and focus on the concerned
face before him.
Making a last minute decision to say nothing, Fox leaned forward and took Alex's
mouth in a tender kiss. His semi-erect cock stiffened quickly at the sound of
the other man's soft moan and the warm press of their bodies, and when Alex's
tongue slipped into his mouth, it began to throb.
His lover's breathy groan vibrated against his mouth, and Alex plunged his
fingers into the silky, golden brown strands of Fox's hair, deepening the kiss.
If only this was all there was to it. If sex alone would keep him in Fox's good
graces, he'd have no worries at all. But Fox went so much deeper, and as profuse
as his reassurances were, Alex did worry. The uncertainty of his future with the
only man he'd ever love would plague him until the day Fox booted him to the
curb...
Every nerve ending in Fox's body tingled as Alex spun them around, now trapping
him against the counter. For that one brief instant the other man released his
mouth then claimed it again, this kiss infinitely more hungry than the last.
Alex felt the change. The posture Fox had assumed. The tone of his moans, the
way his hands moved as they stroked his back. He read the older man's needs
precisely, and he gave him what he desired.
Fox grunted softly into Alex's mouth as the other man's hand slid down over his
ass, pulling him closer. The gentle grind of the younger man's hips turned the
grunt to a sigh, and when Alex pulled away and took his hand, he followed
willingly, moving through the living room and back into the bedroom.
Pulling Fox back into a sizzling kiss, Alex worked the older man's shirt out of
his jeans and let his hands wander underneath, caressing and kneading the tense
muscles of his back. His tongue pushed into Fox's mouth, stroking and teasing,
and when the man in his arms began to writhe against him, he broke the kiss and
backed him to the bed.
"Lie down," he commanded softly, dragging his tongue across Fox's mouth. Fox
fell onto his back, gazing up at his lover through a heavy veil of lashes. His
unsteady respiration grew more erratic as he watched Alex peel his shirt off and
slowly undo his jeans, freeing his cock from the confines of the denim. Forest
green eyes never left his as the younger man stroked himself.
"I missed you so much," he murmured, squeezing himself gently. "I'd close my
eyes at night and imagine you here with me..." His eyes drifted shut for a
moment, and when they reopened, they appeared nearly black. "...that
mouth...God, that unbelievable mouth around my cock, driving me so fucking
insane. I never felt so good or so wanted." His hand stopped, and he stared
intently down into the other man's eyes. "Do you want me, Fox?"
Fox nodded, gasping softly.
"Take your clothes off."
Holding Alex's gaze, Fox slithered out of his borrowed t-shirt and jeans, then
slipped both hands past the elastic band of his underwear, stopping momentarily
to fondle himself before pushing the cotton garment down and off. As Fox
undressed, Alex removed the rest of his own clothing then stood over the older
man, staring down at him. He raised one hand to Fox's mouth and gently traced
soft swell of flesh.
"I know you want me to fuck you," he rasped, his fingers trembling as Fox began
to lick and suck at them, "but I need you to do something for me first."
Incurring a frustrated grumble of protest, Alex removed his fingers from his
lover's mouth and pulled the nightstand drawer open, removing a condom and the
lube. Tearing the packet open, he efficiently applied the latex and tossed the
foil aside.
Needing no instruction, Fox moved to the edge of the bed and, grasping Alex's
cock at its base, tentatively nuzzled the shaft before dragging his tongue along
its length.
Golden brown lashes rose halfway, and a glittering, gilded stare fixed itself on
Alex as the prone man continued to slowly lick his cock. Fox's other hand slid
down over his own erection and began caressing the rigid organ, drawing an
intensely aroused gasp from his lover.
Alex lovingly petted the other man's head then clasped his fingers in his hair
and thrust forward gently, pressing the head of his cock against the full mouth.
"Take it," he whispered unevenly, suppressing a sob when Fox opened his mouth
and swallowed him completely.
"Shit," he breathed, knowing that being in Fox's mouth again would be sheer,
fucking heaven, but this was far more intense than any of his tormented
imaginings. The hot flush of lust ricocheted through his body at lightning
speed, tensing every muscle and taking him treacherously close to the edge.
"Fox...God, Fox," he croaked softly, praying that Fox heard the desperation in
his tone because there was no way in hell he was going to be able to call up
enough strength to stop him.
Reluctant though Fox was to release Alex, he understood his lover's unstable
condition, and relinquished his hold on his prize. He gazed up at the younger
man, displaying a stunning pout while he writhed against the rumpled sheets.
"Alex..."
"I'm sorry," Alex cooed, regaining a fragment of control. "But I was ready to
blow." He reached out and cupped the other man's cheek, winning a soft moan and
an agitated nuzzle. "Later, okay? When, hopefully, I'm not so sensitive."
The pout remained until Alex lowered himself to the bed and kissed it away.
"You know how much I love to feel your mouth around me," he murmured, letting
his tongue pass over Fox's lower lip as one hand roamed the length of his torso.
"It's been so long, baby. I can't...I just can't hang on."
Fox watched his lover's eyes, whimpering at the touch of his hand, and the sound
of his voice.
Alex tucked the wandering hand under Fox's rear and squeezed gently.
"I want to be deep inside you...and I want it to be my hand around your cock
when we come." He lifted his head a bit, staring down into adoring eyes. "Do you
understand? I want to make you come. I need to."
Saying nothing, Fox laced his fingers through Alex's hair and pulled him down
for a heated kiss that when broken, left them both gasping. He turned over then,
lying on his stomach, letting Alex caress his back and ass before assuming the
position of ultimate submission.
Hand still trembling over his lover's back, Alex pulled himself up to his knees
and began kissing along the same path. His tongue inched out, occasionally
licking at the warm, velvety skin, and by the time he reached the small of Fox's
back, the older man had already begun to unravel.
"Please," Fox whispered breathlessly, his plea lost in the softness of the
pillow his face was pressed against.
"So pretty," Alex murmured against the curve of one muscular cheek before
dragging his tongue over the smooth surface. Fox twitched and moaned as the
contact grew more intimate, and he lifted his head, insuring this time that he
would be heard.
"Alex...baby, please."
"Please what?" Alex nipped at the tensing flesh, incurring an abbreviated yelp.
"Fuck me," Fox whined, slowly thrusting his hips. "Give it to me...I need
you..."
"Will you always need me, Fox?" Alex asked, removing his condom and donning
another.
"Always."
"Do you swear?"
There was a desperate kind of uncertainty hidden in the soft, smoky question,
but Fox was too far gone to hear it.
"Yes," he hissed, jerking against the blunt head of his lover's cock as it
pushed forward. "I swear...swear to God I'll always need you. I love you, Alex.
Christ, I love you so much..."
A barely audible sob escaped Alex's throat as the heat of Fox's words and his
body simultaneously enveloped him. He fought back the sudden sting that
threatened his eyes and nose, and willed himself to concentrate on Fox and the
incredible sensations generated by his cock driving deeper into his lover's
tight ass.
Golden brown lashes swept down over passion-glazed eyes as Fox felt himself
being completely filled. He emitted a soft whimper as his body trembled with the
joy of once again being claimed by its sole owner, and it began to move as Alex
moved, rocking slowly to the tempo the younger man had set.
With his whole heart and soul he had missed Alex. Missed him to the very edge of
complete mental breakdown. And his body...his body had ached every day and every
night for the only one who could ever make him feel whole. It had cried its need
with every painful breath and every vivid memory. Fox had never felt agony like
it, and the thought that he might never again feel the heat of Alex's
possession, the sweetness of his love, would have surely driven him mad. But the
nightmare was over. Alex was here. Holding him. Buried tightly inside him, and
he was whole again.
Alex thrust gently, fully into Fox, loving the expression of bliss on his
lover's face. One hand wandered the length of his back, stroking the tensing
muscles as the other guided his hips, and Alex gave voice to Fox's thoughts.
"I missed you s-so much," he gasped, holding himself in check as he continued to
slide in and out of the other man. "Dreamed of you...this...every
night...every...never felt so much pain..."
He disengaged, turned Fox over onto his back, then, encouraging the older man to
wrap his legs around his waist, slid back inside.
"I want to see you," he whispered, brushing his fingers over his lover's
exquisite mouth. "Beautiful Fox." His hand left Fox's mouth and wrapped his
erection in a loving grip, stroking lightly.
Fox arched his throat, tilting his head back into the pillows, and his mouth
fell open, allowing a soft moan to escape. His hands glided up his lover's arms
and came to rest on his shoulders, caressing and massaging as Alex took him
slowly to heaven.
"Alex..." The word left Fox's lips on breathy sigh, and his head rolled slowly
from side to side as the speed of Alex's thrusts increased ever so slightly. He
attempted to speak further, but the sound refused to come out as anything other
than a desperate groan.
"So beautiful," Alex murmured, leaning in for a soul deep kiss. As his tongue
swept the interior of Fox's mouth, his hand tightened its grip on the older
man's cock, pumping faster. He began to thrust with a bit more force, and Fox
tore himself away from the kiss, screaming as the younger man's cock nudged his
prostate.
"Oh, God," Fox cried, arching up against his lover. "Alex, I...can't.
Can't....please..."
"I know," Alex gasped, moving faster. "I know..."
"Don't stop," Fox begged, clutching at Alex, pulling him in close.
Alex gritted his teeth as he felt the rush of orgasm fast approaching. "Never,"
he grated, jerking Fox in time to his now frantic thrusts. "Come with me. Now,
Fox..." He couldn't hold it another second. "N-now."
Almost simultaneously, the two men exploded, screaming and twisting together,
their bodies shuddering with the force of release. Alex collapsed onto Fox's
chest, gasping for air, and slipped out of him. He removed the spent condom and
tossed it aside as the older man wrapped him in a weak embrace, purring with
contentment.
"Jesus, you're incredible."
Alex emitted a deep sigh and lifted his head. Looking down into sparkling
green-gold eyes, he shook his head.
"You're incredible. You make me feel so..." He drew a steadying breath.
"...loved..."
"You are," Fox whispered, pulling Alex in for a tender kiss. "Someday I'm going
to make you understand how much."
They lay together quietly, caressing and stroking each other until Alex pulled
himself away and looked down at his fatigued lover.
"I should get my stuff together."
Fox listened to the soft announcement and nodded. "I know. I'd better call the
airline." He went silent for a moment then asked once more.
"Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to..."
"I'm sure," Alex replied, reaching out to smooth the hair away from his lover's
face. He gave Fox a soft smile then rose from the bed, picked up the discarded
condom and quietly left the room.
Fox lay alone, basking for a bit longer in deep satisfaction, then he hauled
himself out of bed and located his cell phone. Getting the number for the
airport from information, he dialed the airline.
"Good afternoon. I need to make reservations for two one-way tickets to
Washington D.C..."
"Welcome back, Agent Scully."
"Thank you, sir."
A.D. Skinner rose from his seat and walked around to the front of his desk.
Sharp eyes peered down at the woman who stood before him.
"Have you spoken to him since he told you he was coming back?"
"No, sir. I tried calling his cell phone when I landed, but he hasn't got it
on."
Skinner nodded. "And you really think Krycek is coming back with him?"
"I'm almost a hundred percent sure. He wouldn't leave there without him."
"This is just too unbelievable for words."
"I know, sir. But if we want Mulder back at the Bureau, we've got to accept that
Krycek is part of the package. For a little while, at least."
"What do you
mean?"
Scully inhaled deeply then let the breath out.
"I'm betting....I'm hoping that in a relatively short time Mulder will come to
realize on his own that Alex Krycek is not the divine being he's made him out to
be, and this farce of a relationship will end."
Skinner shook his head, keeping his gaze fixed on the redhead.
"What if he doesn't? What if Krycek keeps him so mesmerized that he doesn't see?
We both know what a good actor he is."
"That's true. But even the best of liars can't keep their true natures
suppressed for long. Krycek is...well, I told you what he's been out there
doing. He'll get tired of playing the monogamy game. He'll screw up, and he'll
be history."
"You sound so positive."
"I am."
I'll see to it.
Skinner paused for a moment, thinking about what Scully had just said. He gave
the agent a curt nod then moved back behind his desk. Taking his chair, he
dismissed the woman. When she was gone, he leaned back, staring into space.
The day Alex Krycek had removed himself from their lives had been one of the
oddest in his memory. A combination of relief and some other feelings he'd just
as soon not think about had settled over him, all of which faded with the
progression of time. As well it should have. But he couldn't help think from
time to time about that night on his balcony. The night he'd hate himself for,
for the rest of his days.
Not that he'd given a particular good damn about how it affected Krycek. The man
was scum. Worse than scum. It was his own reaction to the bastard that had eaten
at him afterward. It bothered him still, though not as often as it once had.
But now, with Krycek's impending return, the memory had resurfaced. In vivid
detail.
Shit.
He recalled the anger. The hatred. It was so strong. So palpable. He could feel
it coursing through his every vein. He could taste its bitter tang in his mouth.
And when after he'd cuffed the younger man to the railing of his balcony and
then started roughing him up, it just sort of progressed from there.
He hadn't intended to do what he'd done, but once he'd started humping the
restrained man's back, he couldn't stop. And when he'd finished, he'd fallen
away from Krycek, stumbling dazedly to his feet and moved into the apartment
while the younger man silently curled into as small a ball as his position would
allow.
He'd regained his composure and gone up for a shower, then dressed and left the
apartment without so much as a glance in Krycek's direction.
He'd lain awake many a night after that, trying to come up with a plausible
explanation for his behavior, and that little voice, the one way back in the
deepest, darkest recesses of his mind whispered the same thing over and over,
and he tried his utmost not to listen.
He's a fucking sexy boy, Walt. Double crossing, murdering liar or not.
Everything about him screams 'fuck me'. And you want to. You know you want to.
And now, within a matter of a day or two, he'd be back.
With Mulder. Christ. His lover.
And according to Scully, Mulder wasn't fooling around. His patience was
absolutely nil in regards to any Krycek bashing. His protection mode was in
overdrive, and God help the fool who so much as sent a funny look in Krycek's
direction...
Scully was right. If Mulder were as intensely focused on Krycek as she said he
was, it wouldn't last. It couldn't possibly go on like that for long without
burning itself out.
Or being doused with a little cold water.
It won't last. It'll die, then he'll be gone. And you won't have to worry
about a thing.
What's to worry about? It's not like you're going to lose all control and go
running over to Mulder's the minute you know Krycek is alone. You're not to
throw him up on the nearest table and fuck the hell out of him.
You'd like to, though, wouldn't you?
Giving himself a quick mental shake, Skinner left the silent question unanswered
and went back to work.
"You're very quiet."
Alex looked away from the window and into the face of his concerned lover. He
gave Fox a hint of a smile and shrugged. "You feel okay?"
"Fine."
Fox covered the younger man's hand with his own. "We should be landing soon.
Having second thoughts yet?"
Alex shook his head.
"Okay, but do me a favor?" Fox tightened his hold on Alex's hand. "If you decide
you can't do it...if being back in D.C. is getting on your last good nerve, or
you can't stand to look at Scully, or whatever...I want you to tell me. Don't
go taking off on me."
"I won't run," Alex promised softly.
"And you won't keep things from me? If something is bothering you, you'll tell
me?"
There was a fraction of a moment's hesitation, then Alex nodded.
"Alex? You promise?"
Emerald eyes slid away from Fox's face, and the other man nodded again, this
time adding a soft, "Mmm hmm."
Not at all sure he believed the half -hearted assurance, Fox let the subject
drop. He raised the younger man's hand to his lips and deposited a tender kiss
on the back.
"I love you," he whispered then blew out a soft sigh as Alex slowly leaned over
and rested his head on his shoulder.
They sat that way for the remaining twenty minutes of the flight, incurring a
few disapproving glances, but Fox's answering glare discouraged the offended
few, and they quickly turned away.
As the plane dropped its altitude and broke through the clouds, rain fell in
torrents, mercilessly pelting the window.
Alex lifted his head from Fox's shoulder and looked out, barely able to make out
the lights of the field below. He drew a shaky breath as the captain announced
their approach to Dulles, and he turned his eyes to the front of the cabin.
"Hey," Fox called softly. "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"You sure? You look a little pale."
Alex shook his head. "Just...not one for landings."
The older man smiled. "Huh?"
"I can live with takeoffs. I'm fine with the actual flight, but I don't...I
really don't like landings. 'Specially in bad weather."
"I didn't know."
"How could you?" Alex sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and glanced briefly
out the window before again looking to Fox.
Fox reached for the younger man's hand, lacing their fingers together, and
squeezed gently. He spoke no words, but his touch, and the tranquil green and
gold of his eyes held enough comfort for Alex.
The plane landed smoothly despite the weather, and most of Alex's tension
drained away as they disembarked and headed hand in hand for the baggage
carousel.
"You gonna call Scully?" Alex asked as they walked.
"Nope."
"Fox..."
"It's late," Fox explained. "She'll see me at the office in the morning."
"She's
gonna be pissed that you didn't call."
"Like I care."
"You shouldn't get your homecoming off to a bad start. It's bad enough you
brought me back with you, but if you don't at least call to let her know you got
in safely..."
Fox heaved an exasperated sigh as the two stopped in front of the carousel.
"Okay, look," he started, eyes scanning the passing luggage. "After we get our
bags and get a car, I'll call her." He located his own bag and pulled it off of
the belt then glanced at the other man. "Okay?"
Alex nodded and pointed to the black leather bag heading their way. Fox got to
it first and hefted it up off of the belt. Alex's second bag showed up a few
seconds later, and the younger man retreived it, then the two made their way to
the car rental agent. Within half an hour of arriving at the airport, they were
on their way to Alexandria.
Alex sat quietly beside Fox, listening to the rhythmic sweep of the windshield
wipers as they continuously pushed away sheet after sheet of rain. His eyes
watched his lover's hand as it moved in the darkness, reaching into the inside
pocket of his jacket.
Fox withdrew his cell phone, turning it on, then grinned over at Alex as he
punched in Scully's number.
"Actually, I'll enjoy waking her out of a sound...Scully...it's me."
Scully pulled herself up on one elbow and squinted at her alarm clock. One
thirty-eight.
"Mulder?" she whispered, trying to shake off the sleepy fog she was in. "Where
are you?"
"In a rental car, on our way home from the airport."
"Oh...uh..." She ran a hand across her face and through her hair. "Thank...thank
you for calling me."
"I wasn't going to. Alex insisted."
Wasn't that sweet of him?
Fox listened to the silence, smirking.
"You there, Scully?"
"Yeah. Well. Are...you're coming in to the office tomorrow, right?"
"I'll be there."
"All right. See you tomorrow."
Fox disconnected without saying goodbye and shoved the phone back into his
pocket.
"See? She didn't appreciate your thoughtfulness."
"That's okay," Alex replied, turning his face to his lover. "It wasn't her I was
thinking of."
Fox smiled and directed his attention back to the road.
A while later, the car pulled up in front of Hegal Place, and Fox killed the
engine, looking out at the rain.
"I'd kinda hoped it'd let up, but..." He looked to Alex and shrugged. "Guess
we're gonna get wet again."
Alex nodded and opened the door, flipping up the collar of his leather jacket as
if it would shield him from the freezing downpour. He moved quickly to the back
of the car and helped Fox remove the bags, then the two entered the building.
As they made their way to the fourth floor, Alex glanced around, remembering how
many times he'd snuck in and out of this building. Now he was walking through
the hall, heading for apartment forty-two again, not to steal or to plant
anything.
To live. For a while, anyway.
They approached the door, and Fox pulled out his keys, fumbling with them for a
few seconds before finding the correct key and opening the door. He entered the
apartment first, turning on a couple of lights, then spun in Alex's direction.
"Come on," he called softly, holding out his hand to the younger man, who had
only come a few steps into the apartment.
Alex put his two bags down and stepped forward, taking Fox's hand. The older man
pulled him forward, wrapping him in a warm embrace, then kissed the tip of his
nose. He looked around the room then back at Alex.
"Do whatever you want to do to make it feel more like home."
Alex frowned at the other man. "No, I...I'm not going to start turning your
apartment upside down..."
"Why not? Don't you think it could use a little redecoration?" He grinned. "You
know it's looked exactly the same for years now."
"Obviously because you like it that way."
"No, because I'm lazy." Fox inhaled and let the breath out slowly. "I...it was
just someplace to sleep before. Now, it's gonna be a home." He leaned forward,
pressing their foreheads together. "Now you're here."
Alex submitted to a tender kiss then found himself pressed to Fox's chest, his
head resting on the older man's shoulder. His arms wound around Fox's waist, his
fingers curling in the soft leather of the other's jacket.
"After all these years," Fox whispered into Alex's hair, "this place is finally
going to feel like home." He drew back and lifted Alex's head, fixing a shining,
gilded stare on him.
"We're starting out fresh. Please go ahead and change whatever you want." A
thought came to him. "Unless you think you might want to get a different place.
Someplace bigger, maybe..." He grinned broadly. "A house..."
"Wait, whoa, whoa," Alex interrupted. "Slow down, okay?"
He couldn't even let Fox think about taking as huge a leap as buying a house. A
house was so...permanent...
"I...I'll just..." he looked around. "Pick up a little here..."
"Yeah, it is a little messy," Fox admitted, looking at the clutter. "Sorry, I'm
not much of a...son of a bitch!"
"What?" Alex stood where Fox had left him, staring in confusion as the older man
strode over to his aquarium.
"You little..."
"What's wrong?"
"They're gone. All except for that little bastard." He jabbed his finger at the
glass, indicating the angelfish that darted back and forth between the little
skin diver and the pink plastic bush.
Alex came to stand beside Fox and peered into the tank.
"Where are they?"
"Ask him."
"Huh?"
"He ate them."
"How d'you know?"
"He's done it before when Scully and I have been away for more than a few days.
All this time I've been gone, she'd probably still been coming to feed them, but
if he doesn't eat every single day, he starts eyeing the other fish. The little
fucker."
Alex camouflaged an amused smile. "So, why do you keep him?"
"I ask myself that every time this happens. One day," he sneered, pointing at
the fish, "you're going to catch me in the wrong mood, and I swear, you're going
to meet the Tidy Bowl man."
"He's a survivor," Alex commented softly. "You can't fault him for that."
Fox grimaced at the lone fish once more then turned to Alex.
"I'll decide what I'm going to do about him tomorrow. You tired?"
Alex shrugged. "Not really. Out west it's only ten-thirty."
"I know. I'm not really tired either, but I guess I should try and get some
sleep. Gonna be a long day tomorrow." He looked at their bags. "What d'you say
we just leave these here and worry about them tomorrow?"
"Okay."
They removed their jackets, and Fox took the younger man's hand, leading him
toward the bedroom. He stopped only a couple of feet into the room and cursed
softly.
"Ah, damn. Gotta make the bed."
He walked over to the closet and, pulling out a set of sheets and pillow cases,
dropped all on a nearby chair except for the fitted sheet. As he began to
wrestle it onto the mattress, Alex pitched in to help, and in no time the bed
was made.
That done, Fox approached his lover, winding his arms around him.
"Thanks. Now, how about a shower? Maybe it'll make us sleepy."
Alex nodded and followed the older man into the bathroom, where the two
undressed then stepped into the tub and under the warm spray. As Fox closed his
eyes and turned his face up to the deluge, Alex watched, mesmerized as the water
ran down his lover's body, zigzagging in frantic, crooked lines. His gaze darted
to Fox's hands, following them as they moved over his chest and arms then
smoothed his drenched hair away from his face. They reached for the bath sponge
and shower gel, and as Fox began to wash himself, Alex reached out, covering the
older man's hands with his own. Soft, greenish-gray eyes met deepest green, and
Alex removed the sponge from Fox's loosened grip.
A low moan excaped Fox's throat as Alex began to wash him slowly, his hand
moving with gentle purpose over every inch of flesh. He stood motionless,
feeling the glide of the slick sponge over his skin, and the warmth of Alex's
breath against the back of his neck as the younger man came to stand behind him.
His head fell back, and a long sigh rose and blended with the swish of the water
as Alex's hands slid around to the front of his body, each moving of its own
accord, distributing thick trails of lather everywhere they could reach.
"Close your eyes," Alex whispered into Fox's ear, his hands stroking steadily
downward.
Fox obeyed the soft command and waited, trembling as the sponge brushed the tip
of his engorged cock. Alex lingered there for a brief time, teasing the flushed
head, then moved on, stroking Fox's rigid length before closing his hand and
wrapping the sponge around the base.
The older man's body spasmed once, and he sounded a clipped grunt in response to
the soft, soapy presence that now glided over his cock. He raised his arms,
dropping them back and around the younger man's neck, and his head fell back on
Alex's shoulder as his hips began a slow rocking motion.
Alex smiled against Fox's stubbled cheek then turned the older man's head toward
his. He teased his lover's flushed lips with his own as the hand that held the
sponge continued to work the other's thrusting cock.
So good...oh, Christ, so...no...no, too...too slow. Faster...harder, please. I
need...need...
Thought after fractured thought passed through Fox's muddled mind as Alex
continued his leisurely pace, clearly in no hurry to get him off. But he was
unable to give voice to any of them. All he could do was stand there on
passion-weakened legs and accept the pleasurable torment that his lover had
chosen to inflict upon him.
Alex felt the vibration of Fox's whimper against his mouth, and his already
throbbing erection began to pound. Pushing his agony as far away as he could, he
brought his free hand down to Fox's chest, stroking the wet scattering of hair
before skimming a constricted nipple. Fox's body shuddered violently against
his, a loud gasp escaping past his gritted teeth, and when Alex rolled the
nipple between his fingers and tugged gently, the gasp converted to an insistent
whine. He wasn't going to last much longer. As aroused as he was, Alex's gentle
touches did little to allay his body's increasingly insistent need for release.
Only complete cessation of contact with his lover's hands would stop it, and
Alex was well aware of that fact.
If tomorrow had not been a weekday...if Fox didn't have to go to work and face
Skinner, Alex would have teased him for a while longer. But Fox needed to be as
well rested as he could be for his walk into the lion's den.
The thought of Fox having to sit there while Skinner reamed him about his
'irresponsible actions' the last several weeks went up one side of Alex and down
the other, but there was nothing he could do about it. There was plenty he would
like to do, and one thing that he should do, but all were out of the question.
All he could do was be here when Fox got home and try somehow to make it up to
him...
Fox stiffened, his back arching sharply, and he cried out desperate, nonsensical
sounds as Alex firmed his grip and pumped his cock more quickly. The pressure
was building, his endurance was at its limit, and Alex, God love him, didn't
attempt to hold him off. Arm banded around his chest, the younger man held him
in a tight embrace and took him the rest of the way.
As Fox squirmed against him, Alex gritted his teeth and forced himself to remove
every last shred of focus from his aching cock, which was snugly wedged between
himself and his lover. He pressed his lips to Fox's ear and gave soft
encouragement as the older man teetered on the edge.
"Come on, baby...let go. Let it go..."
Fox's deep groans of pleasure filled the enclosed space as he came into the
sponge quickly milking his cock, and were it not for the arm clamped securely
around him, he might well have sunk to the floor of the tub. But Alex held fast,
and when Fox had been completely drained of his strength, he leaned heavily
against the younger man, a soft moan rumbling in his throat.
Alex kissed the side of Fox's head and gently turned him so that they were now
face to face.
"Better hurry up and get out of here before the hot water runs out," he said,
rinsing the sponge under the water then reaching for the shower gel. As he
straightened up, Fox pitched forward, resting his head on his shoulder.
"Tired now."
"Good," Alex whispered into his lover's dripping hair then put a couple of
inches space between them. "Then let's get washed and get to bed before you wake
up."
A few minutes later, both men were washed and dried, and Alex led a sleepy,
satisfied Fox to bed. He got his lover settled under the sheet then hesitated a
moment before crawling in next to him.
The moment Fox felt his warmth, he gravitated to Alex's side and wrapped himself
around the younger man. As he did, his thigh came in contact with the rock solid
evidence of Alex's unfulfilled state.
Alex stopped the hand that had traveled down to verify his condition, and
brought it up to his mouth, planting a soft kiss in Fox's palm.
"Alex..."
"Shh. Go to sleep."
"But you..."
Again Alex interrupted the sleepy voice. "I'm fine. Now, come on; morning is
going to come awfully quick. You need to sleep."
Fox emitted a soft sigh but put up no more argument. Minutes later, Alex lay
listening to his soft, steady breaths and knew that he was asleep.
Repeatedly, he combed his fingers through Fox's hair as he stared up at the
ceiling, wondering what new hell tomorrow would bring.
Four a.m.
Jesus Christ.
Walter Skinner shifted position for the twelfth time in the last half hour. He'd
seen two-thirty, three o'clock, three-thirty...
And now he was considering just saying 'fuck it', and getting up. Maybe a good
hard work out would do more for him than a decent night's sleep....which he sure
as shit didn't get.
He'd spent all of the previous evening thinking about today and his first
meeting with his errant agent in just about two months. He'd thought about what
Mulder would have to say for himself...what he'd say in return...considered
disciplinary action and wondered if such measures would do more harm than good.
And he'd thought about Alex Krycek.
And thought about him.
And thought some more.
Finally, he'd picked himself up and gone to bed at around twelve. He'd dropped
off quickly, but just before two-thirty, his eyes had opened. In the short time
he'd been asleep, the dark, Green Eyed man had invaded his dreams and woken him,
bringing him into a stark upright position, eyes wide, heart and cock pounding.
He'd managed to calm himself enough to lie back and try to sleep, but sleep
would not come. And now, almost two hours later, he lay here still thinking
about him.
Malevolent shadow, appearing and disappearing without a trace.
Conscienceless killer. Seductive, deceitful, double dealing...
Fucking gorgeous whore, who had somehow managed to secure a place in Fox
Mulder's life.
This morning, after a night of God only knew what, they shared Mulder's bed. He
could see them tangled together in the sheets, warm and naked, and flushed from
hours of satisfied sleep.
The image irked the shit out of him.
What the hell was on Mulder's mind? Okay, so he was sure that Krycek was a
superior fuck...he just...it was one of those things he just knew. But Jesus
Christ. To risk his career, his friendship with Scully...
Scully had informed him that Mulder had gone around the bend. Actually thought
he was in love with the snake. He wondered what Krycek could possibly have done
or said to so completely mesmerize the one man who had more reason to hate him
than any other. Whatever it was, he'd apparently done a hell of a job.
And now, Mulder was going to be harder to deal with than ever before. What to
do, what to do...
Skinner dragged his hands over his face and the top of his head.
Wait. Just wait and see what happens today, and take it from there. What the
hell else can you do?
He threw the sheet and light blanket off, groaning at the discomfort of his
enduring erection as he heaved himself out of bed, and headed for the shower.
Oh yeah, this day's gonna be one for the books.
A soft sigh arose from the pile of pillows, and the sable head slowly lifted and
turned. Matching eyelashes rose halfway, and dark eyes, clouded by sleep looked
across the brief distance at the fuzzy image in front of them.
A tiny smile curved Fox's lips as Alex began to awaken.
"Time to get up?" the younger man mumbled, struggling to open his eyes
completely.
"For me it is," Fox answered, lifting a hand to the other's head. "You go back
to sleep."
"No. No, I'll..."
"Alex, go back to sleep," Fox insisted, kissing the warm forehead. "It's six
o'clock. There's no reason for you to be up this early."
"Except that you are." Alex shifted onto his back and skimmed Fox's jaw with his
fingertips. "Can't send you off to the trenches without a decent breakfast at
least."
Fox smiled, brushing his lips over his lover's fingers. "Thanks," he croaked,
"but after almost two months away, I don't think there'd be anything here worth
eating. Besides, I haven't got an appetite this morning."
"Worried?"
"Nah. But I can't say that I'm looking forward to tangling with Skinner. I don't
know how well I'll be able to hold myself in check." He gave the younger man a
sheepish grin. "Maybe I shouldn't try. Then he'll fire me, and it'll all be
over."
"Don't say that. I couldn't stand for you to lose your job or anything else on
my account."
"Okay," Fox sighed, kissing the tip of Alex's nose. "I'll behave."
"Thank you."
"Unless he really pisses me off."
"Fox..."
"Better get my ass up." Fox started to rise from the bed then dropped back down.
He cupped Alex's stubbled cheek and placed a light kiss on his mouth. "When I
get home," he whispered, his thumb sweeping back and forth over the roughened
skin, "I'm going to give you a proper thank you for last night."
"I don't need any thanks," Alex murmured, understanding what Fox was referring
to. "Don't you know that touching you feels as good to me as it does to you?"
"Yeah," Fox said, directing a steady, greenish-gray stare at the other man. "It
was more than obvious last night."
No answer.
Slowly, Fox lowered his head and strung a trail of tender kisses along Alex's
collarbone.
"Fox..." Alex brought his hands up between their bodies and pushed gently
against the older man's chest. "You'll be late."
"Can't get much later than I already am. What's another half hour or so?"
"No, Fox." Alex succeeded in putting some distance between them. "Skinner'll
think you're thumbing your nose at him. You don't need any more trouble than
you've already got."
"I'm more concerned right now with what you need."
"What I..." Alex closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as Fox swept back down to
suck on his throat. "...What I need is for you to get to work on time."
Fox raised his head and gave the younger man a beautiful, sulky pout. "You mean
you don't need me at all?"
"You know I do," Alex whispered, arching his hips and letting Fox feel the
extent of his 'need'. "I'll save it for you."
Fox heaved a long sigh then smiled down at the younger man. "Promise?"
"Scout's honor."
Low chuckle. "You were never a boyscout."
"How d' you know?"
"Call it a hunch."
Alex returned the chuckle. "Okay, come on. Up."
Finally, he got Fox up and into the shower, and while the older man was in the
bathroom, he poked around the bedroom, finding underwear, socks, a suit, and a
decent tie.
Fox emerged from the bathroom, towel draped around his waist, hair damp and
wild, and found his clothes all laid out for him on the chair at the foot of his
bed, and Alex, now dressed only in the jeans he'd discarded last night,
unpacking his suitcase. The younger man gave him a brief smile then returned to
his task.
"I can do that later," Fox offered, running his fingers through his hair.
"Why? I've got all day," Alex argued, sorting the clothes.
"You're not here to do my laundry, Alex. I don't expect you to. You're not
domestic help."
Alex dropped the shirt he held into the pile on his right and approached the
older man. Winding one arm around Fox's neck, the other stroked his warm chest.
"I know that. But you keep telling me you want to take care of me, right?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why do you want to take care of me?"
Fox's hands moved slowly up and down the other's bare back, and he leaned
forward, until their foreheads touched.
"Because I love you."
"Uh huh. And I love you." His voice softened and took on a pleading tone.
"Can't we take care of each other?"
A slow smile spread across Fox's face, and he nodded in silent agreement.
"Good," Alex whispered, planting a soft kiss on his lover's mouth. He released
Fox, picked up his undershirt, and pressed it to his chest. "Now get dressed,
dammit; you've wasted enough time."
At last, Fox got ready and the two moved into the living room, where he pulled
his coat out of the closet. He turned to face the other man and took notice of
the expression on his face.
"Babe?" he called, reaching out to touch Alex's face. "What is it?"
Alex shrugged and cast his gaze down to the floor.
"I guess it's just..." He looked up into Fox's worried eyes. "You look like
Agent Mulder again."
Fox's mouth twitched into a tiny grin. "That's Special Agent Mulder." He stepped
forward, holding the other's eyes with his own. "And he loves you." He kissed
Alex again and moved to the door. "I'll see you later. Oh, and listen, there's a
spare apartment key in the top left hand drawer of my desk, okay?"
Alex nodded and stood quietly while Fox opened the door and stepped into the
hall. The door closed softly a second later, and he remained in that spot,
staring at nothing in particular. When he finally decided to move, he pivoted
and looked around the apartment.
Home?
Aesthetically speaking, it was no worse than either of the apartments he'd had
out west. A little bigger maybe. Not as neat, but Fox did tell him to do
whatever he wanted to make the place more presentable.
He shuffled his hands through his hair and sighed.
Okay, that was do-able. Though it mattered little . The only thing that truly
mattered was that Fox was here.
And so it was home.
At least until Fox decided otherwise.
Walt Skinner stood looking out his office window, watching the Hoover Building
come to life.
When he'd come in at seven, the place was almost deserted. He'd ridden the
elevator up with only A.D. Miller, and when he'd gotten off on his floor, the
sound of his footsteps echoed loudly in his ears.
He'd walked into the empty outer office, passing his secretary's desk, and
entered his inner office. He'd draped his jacket over the back of his chair and
tried to settle down with some work, but the imminent appearance of Fox Mulder
kept invading his thoughts.
And now he stood here, watching as scores of people entered the building,
beginning their day.
And he waited for the one who would surely add an inordinate amount of stress to
his.
The soft knock on the door startled him, and he turned in time to see Kimberly
poke her head in.
"Good morning, sir."
"Morning, Kimberly."
"Is there anything you'd like before I get started? Coffee? Any calls I need to
make?"
"No, thanks...Kim, wait. There is one thing. I have a meeting this morning with
Agent Mulder..."
"He's back?" The smile faded from the secretary's lips face when the A.D began
to scowl.
"Yes. When he comes in, please hold my calls and don't let anyone in to see me.
Our meeting is not to be distrubed, is that clear?"
"Y-yes, sir. Is that all?"
"That's all."
The secretary nodded and quietly slipped away, leaving Skinner to turn back to
his place at the window.
"You're here."
"Told you I would be." Fox walked into his basement office, passing his partner
and setting a small bag down on his desk.
Investigating the items on top of the oak surface, he returned his attention to
the bag, pulling out a styrofoam cup. He removed the cap and, blowing at the
steaming contents, took a small sip.
"What, Krycek didn't whip you up a four course breakfast this morning?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she began to curse herself.
"Good, Scully, that's good. I've been here, what? Thirty seconds and already
you're starting?"
Scully held both hands up and backed away. "Sorry. Reflex."
Fox snorted and took another sip of his coffee.
"When're you going to see Skinner?"
"When I finish my coffee."
Scully nodded and turned to pick up a file from her desk. She rifled through the
pages for a number of seconds then cleared her throat and spoke again. "How was
your flight?"
"Fine."
"You got in pretty late. Couldn't have had much sleep."
"Enough."
"You must have some jet lag, though. Maybe you shouldn't put in a full day
today. Maybe you should go home early and try to catch up on your sleep."
Fox turned and gave the woman a curious look.
"I've never stopped being concerned about you, Mulder. No matter what you
think."
Fifteen minutes later, Fox tossed his empty cup into the trash, closed the file
he'd been studying, and adjusted his tie. "You going to see Skinner now?"
"Yeah."
Before Scully could wish him luck, Fox walked out of the office, closing the
door behind him.
Buzz.
Deep breath.
Buzz.
Skinner sat down and hit the intercom button.
"Yes, Kimberly?"
"Agent Mulder in to see you, sir."
"Send him in."
Seconds later, the door opened, and Fox strode in, looking a bit weary, but
otherwise unchanged after his two month absence.
"Long vacation, Agent."
And we're off.
"I wouldn't exactly call it a trip to Disneyland," the agent answered. "Not all
of it, anyway."
Skinner rose from his seat and came to lean against the front of his desk. He
crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the other man, who had remained
standing.
"Do you want to give me one reason, Agent Mulder, why I shouldn't can your ass?"
"I assumed you already had a reason," Fox deadpanned, "since you haven't done so
already."
The A.D.'s top lip twitched, and he swallowed down the urge to strangle the
younger man where he stood.
"You're awfully sarcastic for a man who's skating on some pretty damn thin ice."
The other man said nothing. He simply stared blankly into Skinner's eyes. "What
is this Scully's told me about Alex Krycek?"
"I'm sure Agent Scully was very precise in her report. Do you really want to
hear it again?"
"There are some things Agent Scully does not have the answers to. I want to hear
what you have to say. I want to hear from you how something like... this could
possibly have happened."
Fox shrugged. "How is not an easy thing to explain. I'm still not sure myself.
But I've stopped questioning it."
"Why?"
"Because..." Fox stopped, inhaling deeply then exhaling. "It's not important any
more."
"You know, Agent Mulder, I guess you're right about that. It isn't important any
more. What's important now, is why it's continued." His voice rose a few levels.
"And why the hell you took over five weeks unauthorized leave to chase a man
who's never been anything but trouble to you...to any of us!"
"That's personal, sir, and excuse me, but no business of yours."
"No?" Skinner growled. "You made it my business when you decided to go UA for
weeks on end."
Fox displayed a wry grin. "I could give you your explanation. But you won't
believe me any more than Scully does."
"Try me."
"Okay..." Fox moved to his usual chair and dropped into it. Clear, hazel eyes
looked up at the man standing in front of him. "I love Alex."
Skinner's head snapped to one side, and he said nothing.
"But that's not news to you. Scully's already told you that crazy,
off-his-rocker Mulder thinks he's in love with Alex Krycek."
"Yes, she did. But hearing it from you...Mulder, forget about all the things
Krycek has done in the past. Think about what he is now. He had a chance to
straighten his life out after everything was over, and what did he go and do?
What did he choose as his next profession?"
Skinner pushed himself away from the desk and stalked back to the window. He
spun around and, teeth clenched, continued his tirade.
"God almighty, Mulder, he's a prostitute. He sleeps with people for money..."
Fox sat quietly, watching as the older man ranted. "Does this little fact really
not bother you?"
"I hate what he was doing. He knows that. But he hated it too. Did Scully tell
you why he was doing it?"
"Could there possibly be an acceptable reason?"
"Cancerman had drained him dry. He had no money left when the consortium went
down. But he'd already agreed to leave, and so, per our agreement, he went. He
took what little he had stashed, and he went as far away as he could afford to
go.
"He'd wanted to disappear. Live alone in the mountains somewhere. Quiet, lonely
life. He could have done that if he hadn't been cleaned out. So...he did what he
felt he had to do to make up for the money he'd lost."
"And, what? They wouldn't let him wear his leather jacket over the Dunkin'
Donuts uniform?"
Fox paused, staring daggers at the A.D. before continuing.
"He needed to make a lot of money in a short time if he was going to salvage
what precious little was left of himself. To that end, he decided on something
he knew he was good at, and didn't involve killing anyone."
"And he knew he was good as whoring? Was he doing it here too?"
"In a manner of speaking. He was the consortium's 'boy'."
One dark eyebrow arched over the rim of Skinner's glasses.
"Before he became a player, he was on call...for more than just your garden
variety spy assignments. The old men had an itch, they made him scratch it."
A look of disgust crossed Skinner's face, but he remained silent.
"Pretty repulsive, huh?" Fox asked softly. "Well, if nothing else, the old
bastards had good taste. He is pretty irresistible." He fixed a hard, amber
stare on the other man. "Isn't he?"
Skinner blinked. "How would I know?"
"You know. And I know you know."
The older man stood frozen, holding his last breath.
"There's nothing I can do about things that happened in the past. Nothing can be
changed or erased, but just so you know..." The stare grew more intense. "I
won't stand by and let him be hurt in any way. I love him, and I'll protect him
to my last breath."
Skinner's breath left him finally, in a hard snort. "Since when does Krycek need
protection?"
"Since he's grown too tired to do it for himself. Since he's finally allowed
himself to be open and vulnerable. It's a new experience for him, and he doesn't
quite know what to do with it. He's easily thrown off balance, easily hurt..."
"And a damn good actor. Of course, we always knew that about him. Some of us
still know it."
"You know nothing," Fox hissed. "Neither does Scully. Leave him alone, Walter.
Both of you."
Skinner stared at the other man, noting the determined, feral gleam in his eyes.
His only defense was to assert his authority. He drew himself up to his full
height, squaring his jaw, and stared directly at his angry agent.
"You're hardly in a position to issue warnings, Agent. You've put your job in
serious danger because of this...man..."
"So you've said. Look, do me a favor, okay? Reprimand me, suspend me, fire me;
do whatever you're going to do, and let's dispense with all this posturing."
"That's it? You've got nothing else to say for yourself?"
Fox shrugged. "Just this. I did what I had to do. I'm not sorry about it. Given
the same circumstances, I wouldn't do it any differently. So...don't expect an
apology. You're not going to get one."
Skinner stared in mute frustration.
His unrepentant agent stared back, not backing down an inch.
Then finally, "You're suspended. Three weeks without pay, and a formal reprimand
will go on your record."
Fox nodded without expression and rose to leave, but Skinner's voice stopped him
before he could open the door.
"Mulder."
Fox pivoted and cast a flat gaze at the older man.
"Scully and I, we...we're concerned about you."
"Thanks."
"This could end very badly for you."
Fox cocked his head and gave the other man a curious look.
"End?"
"It will end, Mulder. It's just a question of when."
Fox nodded. "I can give you an approximation if you'd like."
Skinner waited in silence.
"About forty, fifty years."
Sharp brown eyes squinted at the other. "Do you really believe that?"
"With all my heart."
"That scares me."
"Why?"
"Because..." Skinner stopped to draw a cleansing breath. "...if you truly
believe that Krycek is going to spend decades with only you, you're in for some
major league pain." His voice lowered to a hoarse whisper. "I don't want to see
you hurt. Neither does Scully."
"Then leave us the hell alone," Fox droned, and before Skinner could respond, he
opened the door and stepped into the outer office.
"See you in three weeks."
The door closed softly, and he was gone.
Wonderful. That's just....that's wonderful.
Skinner dropped heavily into his chair and brought his fingers to his temples in
an attempt to head off what would surely turn out to be a very large headache.
"That didn't take too long."
"Oh, no?"
Scully rounded her desk and leaned against it .
"No, I actually thought he'd have you in there most of the morning."
"Sorry to disappoint you both."
"Mulder."
"There was nothing for us to discuss, Scully. I took weeks of unauthorized
leave. Skinner took disciplinary action...it's done."
"He didn't..."
"Didn't what? Try to counsel me?"
"Talk, Mulder."
"Sure, he did. I told him what I told you. Stay out of my personal life. Leave
Alex alone."
"He's concerned about you, Mulder. He considers you a friend."
"My friends would understand or at the very least respect my feelings."
"Your friends also would try to stop you from rushing headlong into disaster."
Fox opened his mouth to fire back, but Scully interrupted quickly.
"But...I've tried that. Several times already, and it's done absolutely no good.
It's time to step back..."
"Oh, yeah, and let me figure out for myself what a skanky rat he is."
"I never said that, Mulder."
"Wasn't too hard to figure out." He shrugged. "That's okay. Just know that
you're going to have one bitch of a long wait. Speaking of long waits..." He
picked up his coat and keys and headed back toward the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Home. Skinner suspended me for three weeks."
Scully grimaced as her eyes dropped shut.
"Damn."
"Did you expect that he'd just shake his finger at me, pat me on the bum and
send me on my way?"
"I...I don't know what I...I'm sorry, Mulder."
"Sorry that I got suspended, or sorry that Alex and I will have three long weeks
together before I have to come back to work? 'Cause I gotta tell ya, that's
definitely the shiny, bright side of this as far as I'm concerned."
Scully turned away and said nothing.
"Well, I'm going home, now," Fox announced, a smile in his voice. "Maybe take
Alex out for a nice lunch."
Scully stood quietly until her whistling partner had departed, and then she
released a loud growl, swiping her arm over her desk, knocking several items to
the floor.
"Shit! Three weeks," she muttered, beginning to pace the length of the office.
"Three goddamn weeks."
Not what she'd had in mind. Not at all what she'd had in mind.
"Honey, I'm home."
A grinning Fox walked in to the apartment, tossing his keys onto the dining
table and began to remove his coat. "Alex?"
Silence.
Frowning, he moved into the bedroom and looked around. The bed was neatly made,
and all of the clothing had been picked up and put into the hamper beside the
closet. Fox walked into the bathroom, noticing that his hairbrush sat on the
counter alongside another. A smile replaced the frown, and he opened the
medicine cabinet door.
Two toothbrushes.
Simple thing, yet it made his heart pound with happiness.
As he moved back out into the main room, he looked around, noting that nothing
out there had really changed except for the addition of the mantle clock on his
bookshelf, which had just begun to chime the quarter hour.
Another sappy grin lit his face as he walked over to the clock and fingered the
old mahogany.
A valued possession, he was sure of it now. Family heirloom perhaps. He'd have
to remember to ask Alex about it.
He looked around the empty room once more and sighed.
Speaking of Alex, where the hell was he?
"Sir, Agent Scully to see you."
Skinner groaned softly and nodded to his secretary, who stepped aside just as
the petite redhead blew past her.
"Sir..."
"I know what you're going to say, Scully," the A.D. murmured. "I know that
handing him over to Krycek for three weeks was not what we wanted to do."
"No, sir," Scully huffed, "it was not. I understand that you had to take
disciplinary action but, suspension?"
"I thought about this all night, Agent Scully. I lost sleep over it. I went as
easy as I could on him without abusing my authority."
"That may be so, sir, but these are extenuating circumstances."
"And would you like me to explain them to the Director when he asks why I went
so easy on Mulder?"
No answer.
"I have to walk a fine line here, Agent Scully. I'm sure you can appreciate
that."
"Yes sir, but this is Mulder's life we're talking about here. And whether he
knows it or not, he needs our help."
"But he doesn't want it. He's made that abundantly clear. You know Mulder, and
you know he hates to be pushed. I think the best thing we can do is leave him
alone."
"I know how stubborn he gets. I know we should let this thing run its course;
it's what I'd intended to do, but I don't know that I've got the patience. It's
very hard to stand by and watch him fall deeper and deeper under that snake's
spell. And three weeks with him... alone..."
"I'm very sorry, Scully. I wish there was more I could do."
Unable to give voice to her true frustration, Scully nodded and turned to leave.
"I'd be interested to know how things are going," Skinner called as the woman
opened the door. She paused for a moment, then azure eyes turned his way.
"I can't imagine that Mulder's going to let me get close enough to find out.
Guess we'll have to wait the three weeks to find out how much more damage has
been done."
Skinner wanted to say something; opened his mouth to, but nothing would come
out. Instead he lowered his head, keeping his gaze to the floor long after the
door had opened and closed.
Fox exited the bedroom, pulling his t-shirt down over his head as he heard the
key in the lock. The door opened, and Alex walked in, hauling seven plastic
grocery bags with him. He blinked in surprise as Fox rushed forward to help him.
"I was wondering where you went."
"What're you doing here?"
Fox grinned in answer and took the bags out of Alex's left hand, allowing him to
flex his cramped fingers.
"I missed you."
"So you left work before noon? Oh...wait...wait...Fox, tell me Skinner hasn't
started dismissal proceedings."
"No, I just got suspended."
"Shit. For how long?"
"Three weeks without pay."
"Shit.
"Okay, you don't sound nearly as happy as I feel."
"Because I'm not. Fox, you were suspended. I...I didn't think he'd do that to
you. Jesus. Is that it?"
"Formal reprimand."
"Shit."
"You said that already."
"Because I don't know what the hell else to say."
"You don't have to say anything." Fox turned and walked toward the kitchen, Alex
a few steps behind. "So, what'd you get? And how'd you get it all back here?"
"Taxi. Fox, I..."
"You should've waited for me. I could've gone myself, or you could have taken
the car..."
"Dammit, Fox."
The older man set the bags down on the counter and turned to face his distressed
lover.
"Come on, babe, don't be so upset."
"How can I not be? This is serious. And it's because of me."
"No, it's because I disregarded Bureau policy."
"Because of me. Because you were chasing after me."
"Because Scully ran you off."
"Because she...she cares about you. And she's afraid for you."
"No, because she's a self righteous know it all who thinks I can't take care of
myself."
Alex prepared to launch into his comeback, then stopped short.
"We're getting way off track, here. Fox, you were suspended and reprimanded..."
"Yeah, I was. What would you like me to do about it? I'm not real good at
groveling, so..."
Alex lowered his head, emitting an exasperated sigh.
Taking the remaining bags from the younger man's hand, Fox put them down
alongside the others. He reached out, grasping Alex's wrist and pulled him
against his chest.
"It's all right, baby," Fox whispered, brushing Alex's lips with his own.
"Please don't go and put all the blame on yourself."
"That's where it belongs," Alex replied just as softly.
Fox hugged the other tightly to him, feeling the pain in his voice.
"Cut it out, or I'm going to start thinking you don't want to spend three weeks
alone with me."
Cut it out, or he's going to get sick and tired of your whiny guilt trips.
"M'sorry," Alex murmured, his face buried in the side of Fox's neck. "I give
thanks for every second I can spend with you. I...I'm just..."
"I know," Fox interrupted softly. "I appreciate your concern, I really do." He
smiled into the younger man's hair. "I know it's 'cause you love me."
"I do." Alex clutched the back of Fox's t-shirt, rubbing his face against the
other man's shoulder. "Please don't ever forget it."
Gently, Fox grasped a handful of sable hair and pulled Alex's head up and back.
Their eyes met, and Fox began to massage the back of the younger man's head.
"I won't."
Alex submitted to a tender kiss, then was pulled away and made the focus of a
loving, amber-flecked stare.
"Let's put this stuff away and go somewhere for lunch."
"If you want...but, Fox, listen. I'm paying for lunch. And the groceries, and
the rent..."
"Whoa, whoa."
"Please, Fox," Alex begged softly. "While I was out this morning, I opened a
bank account, but I..." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his
wallet, withdrawing the three thousand dollars he had originally taken from the
other man. "This is yours. And God only knows how much you spent chasing me
down. I need to give that back to you. I need to start..."
"Alex," Fox cut the younger man off. "I didn't ask..."
"I...I know you didn't. But I need...I...I need to feel like I'm not..." He
stopped and heaved a deep breath.
"Hey." Fox pulled Alex back into his arms. "Come on, finish. You need to feel
like you're not what?"
Alex looked up into his lover's eyes and momentarily lost track of his thoughts.
"Tell me."
"I...uh...I don't want to feel that I've taken advantage of you in any way."
Fox's first instinct was to argue the point, but common sense intervened and
told him that this is what Alex needed, and it would be far from productive to
deny him his wishes.
"All right. If it'll make you feel better."
"It will. How much do you think you went through during those five weeks?"
Fox shrugged. I don't know. We can work it out later, okay?" He gave the younger
man a mischievous grin. "I need some time to pad my numbers."
The comment made Alex laugh, and the somber mood was broken.
"C'mon." Fox lightly slapped the other man's ass then released him and began to
empty the first bag. "Let's get this stuff put away and get out of here."
Fox finished unloading one bag and went to work on the next, frowning as he did
so. "What's all this?"
Alex stored the milk carton and turned to see what Fox was talking about. He
chuckled softly and walked over to where the other stood.
"They're called fruits and vegetables." He reached into the pile and held one up
before Fox's eyes. "This is an orange. And this is a head of lettuce..."
Fox stared blankly as Alex continued to identify the produce.
"Here we have a tomato..."
"Funny. Why are they here?"
"We're going to eat them."
"You're not going to make me start eating healthy, are you?"
"Something wrong
with that?"
"You were living in California too long."
"I'm not a complete health freak or anything, but I do enjoy fruits and salads.
Even before I moved to California." Alex fished through the remaining bags and
pulled out a bag of salt and vinegar chips then a box of chocolate chip cookies,
presenting both to the relieved man. "Feel better?"
"Yeah. For a minute there, I thought we were going to have to tape a line down
the middle of the refrigerator."
Alex issued a soft grunt, and the two finished stocking the groceries. When they
were finished, Fox led him into the living room, where he retrieved hid jacket
from the hall closet.
"Where d'you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alex answered. You're the one who's starving; you pick a
place...and remember, I'm paying."
"Right." That devilish grin appeared again, and Fox snatched up his keys as he
led the way out of the apartment. "That's why wherever we go, it's gonna be
someplace expensive."
DC Rain II
Part I
by Aries
Another night slowly closes in,
And I feel so lonely.
Touching heat freezing on my skin,
I pretend you still hold me.
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you.
I can't believe you're gone.
You were the first, you'll be the last.
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.
I feel so frightened.
I wanna run to you, I wanna call,
But I've been hit by lightning.
Can't see through this veil across my heart, over you.
You'll always be the one.
You were the first, you'll be the last.
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you.
You'll always be the one.
You were the first, you'll be the last.
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.
