DC Rain III continued... Going Under by Aries Maggie Scully nearly jumped out of her skin when the doorbell rang. Her daughter barely registered the sound. "Honey, I'll be right back." She rose from her place on the sofa and leaned down to kiss the top of the red head. "Okay?" Not expecting an answer, she walked on shaky legs to the door. Watery blue eyes lifted to the somber faces of the two men on the porch, and she backed up slowly, allowing them to enter. "Mrs. Scully," Fox began gently. "I'm...I'm sorry that this is happening. I..." "You and Dana are friends, Fox." "We were friends. She ended it." "She'd never do anything to hurt you," Maggie insisted. "Not consciously. She's gone out of her way to protect you. Surely you can see that something would have to be terribly wrong for her to do the things she's done." "That's what I'm here to determine." Maggie nodded. "You gave your word you wouldn't upset her." "I gave my word that I would try to keep a level head, and I will try," Fox responded honestly. Maggie paused for a moment then looked past the two men. "Where's..." "He's in the car," Skinner answered. "Since Dana thinks he's dead, we thought it wouldn't be the best idea to bring him in." "Thank you. I don't know that she could handle it. Come with me." They followed the woman into the next room, first Skinner then Fox, and the two men stopped in the doorway. Eyes on the still woman, Fox gritted his teeth and waited. "Dana? Honey, Mr. Skinner is back to see you. And he...he's brought Fox with him." For the first time in many hours, Scully looked up at her mother. "Mulder?" "Yes, sweetheart. He's come to see you." Blinking, Scully looked around, the room, her gaze stopping on the pair by the door. "Mulder. I was worried about you." Saying nothing, Fox entered the room and sat on the sofa. "Skinner said you were real upset about Krycek." She cocked her head and gave him a gentle smile. "Don't be upset, Mulder. It's over. It's all over. We can go back to things the way they were now." Fox focused an incredulous stare on the seated woman. "Are you kidding me?" "Mulder..." Fox lowered his head and took a deep breath. He lifted a hand to Skinner, signaling that he was all right. "So." He returned his attention to Scully. "Everything's fine now?" "Sure. I mean...I know you thought you were in love with him..." Fox ground his teeth. "...and I know you must be upset that he's gone. But it'll pass," she said sweetly. "And we'll be friends again. Partners. Won't that be nice?" "How do you think that's possible? I love Alex, and he's..." Fox closed his eyes; the pain of how true his intended statement nearly was, hitting him hard. So hard, he couldn't say it. "...How could everything ever be all right again?" "You'll see," Scully said. "It will. You only thought you were in love with him. Nobody can love someone like him." "Someone like him." "He was a whore, Mulder. Nobody's loves a whore. You fuck a whore..." Maggie flinched at her daughter's blunt words. "A whore gets passed around from hand to hand, and nobody gives a damn about him." "And that's..." Fox paused, taking a deep, shaky breath. "And that's how you think of him." Scully shrugged. "Because that's what he was." "And you tried to prove that to me by setting him up to be raped and having pictures taken." Maggie lowered her face into her hands. "But you still couldn't see it," Scully said calmly. "You thought you had something sweet and wonderful, and you had such a big head about it." "And you hated it. And you decided you had to punish me." "Well..." "And Alex." "But I didn't mean for him to die," Scully said. "I really didn't. I just wanted a little piece of him. Would it have killed either one of you to let me have a little bit?" "He's not a slice of cake, Scully," Fox said, his voice rising in volume. "No, he was a cheap whore." "Stop saying that." "But he was." Scully shook her head. "You need to live in the real world, Mulder, and not this...this fairy land that you had built up in your head. Now that Krycek's gone, you can do that. I can help you," she offered supportively. Fox turned to give Skinner a wide-eyed stare. A quirk of the other man's eyebrow spoke volumes. He turned back to Scully. "You'll help me." "Yeah." Scully laid a hand on Fox's knee. "No matter what's happened between us these past months, I'm still your friend, Mulder." Fox lowered his head and closed his eyes. "Aww, anyone can make a mistake, Mulder. Krycek was pretty. He was magnetic. I wanted him...Skinner wanted him...hundreds of men wanted him. It just so happened that you fell in love with him. You've always been easily swayed. There's no shame in it." Several seconds passed before Fox lifted his head and looked into guileless eyes. "Yeah. Uh..." Slowly, he rose to his feet and backed away. "Are you leaving?" "Yeah, I have to go." "But you just got here," Scully said, tears springing suddenly to her eyes. She reached out and caught Fox's hand, holding on to it. "Please don't go, Mulder. Don't leave me. Tell me we're friends again. I didn't mean it. Really, I...I just felt so left out, you know? I just..." She swiped at the moisture now dropping on her cheeks. "Please stay." "I can't," Fox husked. I...I have to go." "Okay," Scully said softly, voice dripping with dejection. "Will you come back to see me? We can talk some more. M-maybe have lunch or...remember when we used to have lunch together?" "I remember." Scully nodded, looking hopeful. "So you'll come back?" "Maybe," Fox said, his voice just barely audible. "'Kay, well...see ya, I guess." Fox moved slowly away from the sofa and through the door, not looking back until Mrs. Scully stopped him and Skinner at the entrance. "Fox?" He waited as the woman approached. She stopped inches from him and looked up into his eyes. "I didn't say it before, but...I'm sorry...for all you've been through. You and your...I'm sorry, I don't recall his name." "Alex," Fox said softly. "Alex. Y-you can see that Dana's not well." Fox looked from Mrs. Scully to the doorway of the room from which he'd just come, and he nodded slowly. "Yes, I..." He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and went quiet. "I understand how you must feel, but...but as a mother, I'm not above pleading for my child. Please, Fox. Before you do anything. Please remember what you saw here and call on all your compassion, all your humanity to help you decide." Fox stared quietly at Scully's mother, reading her heartbreak and fear in her eyes. He reached out and gently touched her arm before turning and walking out the door. Maggie exchanged a silent look with Skinner before he followed Fox to the car. From the passenger's side of the front seat, Alex watched the two men exit the house and walk toward him. He took a deep breath and held it as they opened the doors and got into the car. His gaze slid from Skinner to Fox, who had settled into the back seat, looking not at all well. "How did you find her?" he asked, almost afraid to hear Fox speak. "She's..." Fox began then fell silent, letting his head hang. Alex looked to Skinner, who took over. "I think he might realize now that what I was saying was no exaggeration." Alex threw his door open, moving from the front seat to the back and put his arms around his quiet lover, offering comfort. They remained silent for the entire ride, Alex only speaking when they pulled into the parking garage of their building. "We're home, baby," he whispered into Fox's hair. The older man lifted his head and looked around the garage. Sighing softly, he waited until Alex grabbed his shoulder bag and exited the car. He slid out, letting Alex pull him to his feet. Skinner opened the trunk, and the three unloaded the bags then carried them silently up to the couple's floor. "Thanks, Walt," Fox said, speaking for the first time since leaving Maggie Scully's house. Skinner nodded. "You guys get some rest. I'll talk to you soon." Alex waited a few seconds after Skinner had walked away, then he unlocked the door and followed Fox into the semi-dark apartment. Alex turned two table lamps on to supplement the light from the fish tank, and he sighed, looking around. "Good to be home," he murmured. "Didn't think I'd ever see it again." Fox lowered his bag to the floor and walked up to the younger man, wrapping him in a tight embrace. "I was so scared, he whispered. Alex nodded, his arms constricting around the older man. "I'm so sorry for all I put you through." "Not you," Fox croaked. "You didn't say anything about Scully," Alex said, laying his head on Fox's shoulder before drawing back and meeting his eyes. "Seeing her made you really stop and think, didn't it?" Fox lowered his head. "Yeah, I..." "Fox? What is it?" "I'm just...I'm realizing that this is my fault. I mean...Skinner told me. He said the words but they didn't sink in. Not really. Not until I saw her. This is my fault. It's all my fault." The crease appeared between Alex's brows, and he cocked his head. "What is?" "All of it. All the hurt you've suffered...all she's done to you, and her breakdown...it's because of me. My fault." "No, Fox." "Yeah," Fox insisted softly. "Scully's followed me to the ends of the earth, and she's lost so much because of it. Her sister, months of her life...her ability to have children, a personal life, and finally, her mind. It's my fault she is the way she is now. It's my fault that you've gone through the hell that you have. I caused it." Fox's lower lip began to tremble, and his eyes misted over. "I did." Alex shook his head and pulled Fox into a tight embrace. "No," he whispered. "No, no." "It's true," Fox gasped, shuddering in Alex's arms. "God...my God." "Fox. Listen to me." Alex petted the back of his distraught lover's head. "You didn't force Scully into anything. She was an intelligent, strong-willed woman who knew her own mind. Anything she did while you were working together, she did because she wanted to. If the stress of it was getting to her, no one knew. Maybe she didn't even know until you and I got together. It doesn't matter. It isn't your fault." "It has to be," Fox droned. "Who else's would it be?" "No one's," Alex answered. "It just happened. That's all. You can feel bad about it. There's nothing wrong with that. But you can't take the blame. Not for her and certainly not for me. I won't let you." Fox said nothing more. He merely held on to Alex, allowing the other man to comfort him. Minutes later, Alex drew back and looked into weary hazel eyes. "We can unpack this stuff in the morning. Let's get something to eat and just relax. If you're tired, we can go to bed." Silently, Fox nodded and let Alex lead him over to the sofa. "Let me go see what's edible in the kitchen." Fox watched Alex disappear from the room, and he tipped slowly onto his side, sinking into the cushion and staring straight ahead. Alex reappeared several minutes later and kneeled down in front of his still lover. "I stuck a frozen pizza in the oven. It'll have to do until I can get out to the store." Alex stroked Fox's head. "Fox? You in there?" Fox's gaze traveled up to Alex's face, and his eyes began to well up again. Alex leaned over him, wrapping him in his arms. "I hated her for what she'd done to you. I would've broken her neck if given the chance. Come to find out, it was me. I did it all." "You didn't . You didn't do anything." "I did, I did, I...by dragging Scully so deep into my world, I paved the way for you to be raped and blackmailed and driven back out onto the streets..." Fox started to shake, then he began to cry. "It was my fault that you were so tortured...it...it was my fault you almost died." Alex lifted himself to the sofa, lying beside Fox and pulling the older man against him. "Come on, baby. You wouldn't stand for me taking any blame on myself, and I won't accept it from you either. Scully's sick, yes. But you aren't the cause of it. And you are not the cause of anything I've been through. You've saved my life a dozen times over, and you know that." Fox lay clinging to Alex, his sobs turning to sniffles. "God, we're all so fucked up, aren't we?" Alex asked, kissing Fox's head. "So damn fucked up." The two lay quietly together until the beeping oven forced Alex up. "Dinner's ready." He kissed his lover's slack lips. "Be back in a minute." Fox sat up and ran his fingers slowly through his hair then scrubbed at his face. He sat silently, head bowed until Alex returned with the sliced pizza. "This is a stupid question," he began softly, setting the pizza down, "but...are you okay?" "Been better," Fox answered hoarsely. "I don't...it was all so clear in my mind. So set. Now...I don't know what to do." Alex put down the slice he'd lifted from the platter. Turning to Fox, he took the older man's hands in his. "Let go of the things Scully has done. Let her mother get her the help she needs. Then you and I help each other through what's left of this hell we're in, and we live the life you've been telling me we were meant to live." Fox lifted his eyes to Alex's. "I know how you'd been feeling all this time." Alex cocked his head in question. "All the guilt. All the regret and grief. I understand it now. I didn't before...thought I did, but...but I do now. I was so damned arrogant, wasn't I? So sure I could just sweep in and change it. How do you get over this feeling? How does anyone?" "I'll let you know when it happens. But it will . In time it will." Alex whispered confidently. "I know that. Know how I know? Someone told me. Someone I love and trust and with all my heart. And now I know something else. I know how you felt, Fox. Seeing you like this is eating a hole straight through me. It's ripping me up. Like it's been ripping you up." He cupped the back of Fox's head and drew forward, resting his forehead against the older man's. "And all I want to do is what you've been wanting to do all this time... make it all okay. We can do that for each other." He drew back, making sure that he had Fox's attention. "You and me. 'Kay?" Fox's eyes closed, and a tiny trace of a sad smile graced his lips. "You sound like me." Alex nodded then closed in on the other man, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "You should be happy to know that I've actually been listening to you." Fox sighed softly and melted into his lover's arms. Alex held him for a while then gently pushed him back. "C'mon, let's eat before this gets cold." They managed to finish the pizza, and a while afterward they lay tangled together in bed. The silence stretched out for what seemed like forever, and though it was long enough for both men to have fallen asleep, they remained wide-awake. "I've had a pretty hard time looking at myself in the mirror, lately," Alex said flatly, the statement coming out of nowhere. Fox said nothing, but Alex knew he was listening. "I couldn't face myself, knowing all the hell I'd put you through those last several days. I..." He paused, his thumb drawing small circles on Fox's bare shoulder. "...I don't want you to feel like that. Ever. I don't want you ever feeling like I'd be better off without you or that you've let me down or...I've felt those things for as long as we've been together, and they hurt so much, Fox. I don't want you to hurt like that. All I want is for you to love me and know with everything you've got in you, that I love you. No matter what." "It's hard not to think about the rest of it though, isn't it?" Fox asked, his voice barely above a hoarse croak. "Yeah," Alex answered honestly. "In time it'll get better." He stroked Fox's hair. "It will." Almost three hours later, Alex woke to find Fox standing by the window, staring down into the street. Grunting softly, he turned onto his side and watched a while before speaking. "Fox." At first Alex was unsure that Fox had heard him, but then the older man turned his head and looked at him. "How long have you been awake?" "Never really went to sleep," Fox answered honestly. "So, what've you been doing?" Fox shrugged. "Nothing. Thinking." Alex pushed the blanket away and got out of bed. Making his way over to Fox, he came to stand behind the other man and wrapped his arms around him. "Want something to help you sleep? Tea? Some milk? A good stiff shot of something?" Fox shook his head. "There's one other option," Alex murmured, kissing the back of Fox's neck. The soft insinuation didn't have the desired effect, but it didn't offend Alex. He simply hugged Fox to him and changed the subject. "You wanna tell me what you're thinking about?" "I don't know, just..." Fox sighed heavily. "My mind won't stop working." Alex nodded and fell into a thoughtful silence. Several seconds passed, and Fox turned his head to the side, glancing at Alex out of the corner of his eye. "Why don't you go back to bed?" "What about you?" "Not tired." "I'll stay up with you, then." "You don't have to." "I know that," Alex answered softly. Fox returned his gaze to the window view. "Never completely quiet out there, is it?" Fox asked after long minutes of silence. "No," Alex responded, watching the occasional pass of a car or two. "Doesn't matter what time it is. Somebody's always gotta be somewhere." "...Scully thinks you're dead. I know Skinner felt he had to do that to get her to crack, but now...you think we should continue to allow her to think it?" "I don't know," Alex murmured, stroking Fox's chest. "I...it doesn't seem right that she doesn't know the truth. But...how would she react in the state she's in now? We might do her more harm than good." Fox nodded. "Maybe we should wait until she starts receiving whatever care she needs, and a doctor can tell us what she's able to handle." "Yeah, I think that'd be best." There was more quiet, then Fox gently grasped Alex's wrist and nuzzled his lover's cheek. "I love you." "I love you too," Alex whispered, and the two returned their attention to the street below. "I hope they're going home," Fox said of the handful of cars that had passed during the last several seconds. A couple more cars went by, splashing through the small puddles formed by the heavy drizzle that had started sometime after they'd gone to bed. "Hope there's someone waiting there for them." Alex sighed softly and closed his eyes as he drew Fox just a bit closer. "Me too." "No. No. Absolutely not." "Mrs. Scully..." Skinner squatted beside the distressed woman, his square hand swallowing hers in its gentle grip. "Please think about this before you make a decision. Dana's illness might be a little more than you can handle alone." "I will not leave my daughter in a mental institution." "She needs professional help." "She needs her mother . You're asking me to leave her here with a bunch of people who don't know her or love her. I can't do that." "You can visit her every day, Mrs. Scully," the doctor said from his position against his desk. "We don't want to isolate her from you. That wouldn't be the best thing for her by a long shot. But she does need more care than you're equipped to give. If you want her to get better, I strongly suggest that you admit her." Eyes tightly shut, Maggie bowed her head. "You know things could have been so much worse for her," Skinner murmured confidentially. "Mulder and Krycek were very generous." "I know," the woman whispered then lifted her head. "Well. It seems I don't have a whole lot of choice, do I?" "Mrs. Scully, I understand your feelings. But you are not deserting Dana. You're doing the thing that's going to give her the best chance of getting well." Maggie was quiet for a while, then she looked up at the doctor with bloodshot eyes. "How long will she have to stay here?" "There's no way of determining that," Dr. Craig said. "Even after we begin treatment, we won't know anything until and unless she begins to respond. I have to caution you. It will be a long process." Mrs. Scully stared up at the doctor, trying to absorb his words. "What...what's the worst that could happen?" she croaked. "There's always the possibility that she might never make it back. But we can't go into treating her with that attitude. We've got to confront her illness with optimism and positivity. And then we'll see." Nearly three hours later, Maggie sat with her daughter in a pleasant, sunny room. Skinner stood quietly by the door. "Well, isn't this a nice room?" Maggie asked cheerfully, looking around. "There's a lovely view of the grounds," she said, pointing to one of the two unbreakable windows. Scully said nothing. "Dana? Honey, you're...you're going to be staying here. Just for a little while," Maggie added quickly. "And when you come home, everything will be fine. You'll be well, and..." "Have you heard from Mulder?" Scully asked, interrupting her mother. "He didn't come to the house yesterday. I thought he'd come to visit." "N-no, Dana. I haven't heard from him. He's probably resting. There's jet lag and...and..." "Maybe he really doesn't want to be my friend." "I'm sure that isn't the case, dear. We'll hear from him soon." Scully picked up where she left off, leaving her mother to wonder if she'd heard a word she'd just said. "Maybe he's still mad at me." And then she broke into tears. "Everybody's mad at me." "No, honey," Maggie sniffed, pulling her daughter into her arms. "No, of course not. I could never be mad at you. Mr. Skinner isn't mad either." "But...but you're leaving me here. You don't want me at home with you." "That's not true." Maggie insisted. "Don't you think that. It's just that you need some help, Dana. The people here are going to help you so you can go home. Scully sat still while her mother dried her tears. "But Mulder's mad...isn't he?" "I don't know, honey. Mr. Skinner will talk to him, okay?" Watery blue eyes darted to the man still by the door. "Tell him not to be mad. Maybe...maybe if you tell him to, he'll stop thinking about Krycek, and he won't be so mad at me." "I'll talk to him," was all that Skinner said. Scully nodded and turned her attention to the window. "Is Daddy mad at me?" Maggie's face went slack. "What?" "Because I broke Missy's doll. I know he doesn't like it when I misbehave. I didn't mean to." "No, dear," Maggie said, her voice full of controlled anguish. "Daddy isn't angry at you." "Not about Krycek either?" "No, Dana." Scully went silent for a while, continuing to look out the window. "Can I go outside?" "Uh...m-maybe later. I think Doctor Craig wants to come see you first." "Dr. Craig?" "Yes, honey. You remember we met him yesterday at the house. He was a nice man, wasn't he?" "Ohhh, yeah." Scully smiled faintly. "He kinda looks like Santa Claus." "Yes, I suppose he sort of does." "Yeah, he was nice." "Well, he's going to come visit with you for a while. Then we'll see if you can't go outside for a while." Scully got up and walked over to the window. "There aren't any kids out today." Maggie raised a hand to her head, massaging gently. "N-no. Not today." "Weird. It's so nice out." The touch of Skinner's hand drew Maggie's attention away from her daughter. "I'm going to get going now." "Are you going to see Fox today?" Skinner nodded. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to talk to him yesterday, but I really felt they needed to be left alone for a day." "I understand. Just...ask him please, if the doctor says it's all right, if he thinks he can see Dana. She needs to know that he's not mad at her." Skinner took a deep breath. "Alex told me yesterday that neither he nor Mulder was going to seek any kind of punishment, but I didn't talk to Mulder directly. It could be that Krycek merely talked him into backing off. It doesn't mean that he isn't still good and upset." "But we need to know for sure." "I agree. I will go to see him today and find out where he stands. And if I think he can remain calm and composed, I'll see if he'll come to visit her, after we check with the doctor." "Thank you." Skinner stepped around Mrs. Scully and treaded softly over to where her daughter stood. "Dana, I've got to go now. But I'll be back to see you soon." "Okay...Mom said you're not mad at me." "She's right. I'll see you soon, okay?" Scully nodded and watched Skinner turn and leave the room. When he was gone, she turned back to the window. "I wonder where all the kids are." Fox carefully placed the last of his folded underwear in the bottom drawer of his dresser and turned to begin folding Alex's. They'd unpacked everything yesterday but had done little else. Fox couldn't work up the interest, and Alex had no desire to push him. Today, after a fairly decent night's sleep, Fox got up and began doing laundry. Encouraged by his lover's initiative, Alex took the opportunity to go food shopping, leaving Fox alone for nearly two hours. He'd called only an hour after he'd left on the pretense of asking Fox if they were running low on laundry detergent, but Fox knew Alex had really called to check on him. He couldn't help the smile as he played along, answering the question. He told Alex he loved him, hung up then went back to work. As he put the last of the laundry away, he heard the door open. Rushing from the bedroom to help Alex with the groceries, he slowed to a walk when he saw Skinner walking in after his lover, carrying a load of plastic bags. "Is that it?" he asked as Alex hustled the bags into the kitchen, followed by Skinner. "Yep," Alex called. "Lucky for me, Skinner was pulling in at the same time I was." Fox crept into the kitchen, immediately catching Skinner's eye. "Thanks," he murmured, stepping forward to help Alex put the items away. Skinner nodded and spoke. "I was coming to see you anyway." "Oh?" "Scully's been settled into a psychiatric facility." Continuing with his task, Fox asked, "How is she?" "In and out of reality. Hard to explain it any other way. One minute she's gone back twenty-five years, the next, she's in the present. Then she...combines the two." Skinner shook his head. "It's damn painful to watch." Arms folded across his chest, Alex leaned against the counter. "How's her mother?" "Heartbroken that she has to leave her daughter in the care of strangers, but she knows it's for the best." Skinner looked from Alex to Fox. "Scully keeps asking for you. She thinks you're...mad at her." Fox said nothing. "Will you see her?" "...I...I can't, Walt." " Are you still angry with her?" "I..." Fox lowered his head. "I don't know what I am." "I don't understand." "I'm sorry, Walt. I..." Without finishing his sentence, Fox walked out, leaving Skinner alone with Alex. "You been having a hard time with him?" Skinner asked forcing Alex's attention from the empty doorway to his face. "He's taking personal responsibility for Scully's condition," Alex answered softly. "And for everything she's done." Sighing, Skinner rubbed at his forehead. "Wonderful. I take it you haven't had much luck convincing him otherwise." "Not as much as I'd like." "You two are quite the pair. When are you going to stop wrapping yourselves up in misery? You haven't asked for what's happened to you. Why are you so insistent on taking the blame for it?" "I've told Fox that none of this is his fault." "And what about yourself?" "I...I'm working on it." "Are you?" "Yes. Seeing Fox like this has made things a little clearer for me. I have a different understanding of his feelings." "And it's changed yours?" Alex nodded. "Enough to get you both to where you belong?" "We'll get there," Alex murmured. "We've come through too much shit to give up now." Skinner studied the younger man for a moment then nodded. Then, "You think you can get him to see Scully?" "I don't know. I'm sure as hell not going to push him." "No. Of course not. It's just that she's asking for him, and I don't know how much longer we're going to be able to distract her. I don't know how she'll react if he doesn't show." "It won't do her any good to see him in the frame of mind he's in now." "Agreed." Skinner released a heavy sigh. "Guess we'll just do the best we can with what we've got." "Yeah." Alex pushed away from the counter. "I gotta go check on him." Skinner followed Alex into the living room, stopping by the door as he watched the other man head toward the windows were Fox stood. He saw Alex's lips move but heard no sound. Fox responded with a shake of his head, and Alex wrapped his arms around the older man, pulling him into a comforting embrace. At that, Skinner slipped out of the apartment. He stopped on the other side of the door, staring at the wall for a moment before continuing down the hall. Back inside, Alex hugged Fox tightly, murmuring softly to him. "You know I'm not going to ask you to do anything you don't want to do or aren't ready to do. The most important thing is for you to get right with yourself. Once you do that, you can start working on everything else." "If...if I don't go see Scully, what does Skinner think is going to happen?" "He doesn't know," Alex answered honestly. "I think he's a little afraid of how she'll behave, but..." "So, she may sink deeper into her psychosis." "She may do that anyway, Fox, whether you go or not. No one knows. But I do know this. And you know it too. If you decide to see her, you need to be emotionally ready to do it. Whether that's next week, next month or next year , it's okay." "What if I'm never ready?" "Then, that's okay too." "Somehow I don't think Mrs. Scully'll see it that way." "Mrs. Scully'll have to live with it. Her daughter could be in a much worse situation, and she knows it." Alex stroked Fox's hair and kissed the side of his neck. "Wanna come help me put the rest that stuff away?" Fox nodded, and Alex released him, heading toward the kitchen. Following a few steps behind, he reached out and plucked at the younger man's shirt. Alex stopped and turned around, finding himself again with an armful of brooding Fox. "I love you," Fox mumbled, burying his face in the curve of Alex's shoulder. His hand traveling up and down Fox's back, Alex nuzzled the older man's head. "I love you," he returned and held Fox for a while longer before the two proceeded hand in hand to the kitchen. The soft knock startled Maggie Scully out of her thoughts, and she turned to find one of her two sons standing in the doorway. "Charlie," she breathed, rising to her feet and practically falling into her son's arms. "Got here as soon as I could." The young man hugged his mother and looked around. "Where's Dana?" "In her room. I'm heading back there as soon as I talk to Dr. Craig. He got held up with another patient." Maggie looked around. "Did you come alone?" "Yeah, I...I could only get two days off, and since it's the middle of the week, the kids are in school and..." Maggie nodded her understanding. "How is everyone? When I talked to Pam last week, she said that you've been working some pretty long hours." "Yeah. It's a tough time of year at work. But I'm fine. The kids are fine." "I hope you're getting enough rest, Charlie. You know, you didn't have to come if your schedule was so tight." "Mom, I rarely get back here anymore. How could I not come when you called? You sounded so..." "I'm sorry, Charlie. It's just...I don't know what to do." "Is she that bad?" Maggie nodded. "She's done things that...she's gone, Charlie. Her mind is just..." Charles winced at the anguish in his mother's tone. "What happened? I don't understand." As Maggie prepared to give the best explanation she could, Dr. Craig entered. "I'm very sorry to keep you waiting, Mrs. Scully." "Dr. Craig, this is my son Charles. Charlie, Dr. Craig." The men shook hands, and Charles took a seat beside his mother. "My mother was just about to explain to me what's wrong with my sister. Maybe you could do that." Twenty minutes later, between Dr. Craig and Maggie, Charles was fully apprised of his sister's condition. "You know, Bill always said that that Mulder character that Dana was working with was going to be her undoing. I guess he was right." "Don't blame Fox, Charlie," Mrs. Scully said, surprising her son by coming to Fox's rescue. "You know your brother. He gets an idea in his mind, and it's next to impossible to change it. All Dana's decisions were her own. You know and I know that no one can force her into doing something she doesn't want to do. She wanted to work with Fox. She wanted to go everywhere and do everything they'd done. Just like us, Fox had no way of knowing that she would end up this way. It was as big a shock to him as it was to us." Charles shook his head. "This is...it's just unreal." "I know." Maggie held her son's hand and looked to the doctor. "What did you want to see me about?" "I had a visit with Dana before you got here this morning. I was able to get very little out of her except that she wanted to see this Mulder you'd told me about. I'd like to discuss him, since he seems to be such a big part of this." "I'd given you the facts," Maggie said. "You know what she's done, and why he's so angry with her. I was actually going to ask you whether or not you thought it'd be a good idea to let him visit her...providing he wants to." "You don't know that?" "No. He's very upset. I don't blame him. Dana doesn't realize the harm she's done, but it doesn't make it any less devastating to Fox and his...friend. If he never comes to see her, I can't complain. He's been more than generous, given the amount of pain she's caused them." "I understand. But if we can't quell her anxiety concerning him, I don't know how much progress we're going to be able to make. Can you speak to him and see where he stands?" "Actually, Mr. Skinner was supposed to do that yesterday. I haven't heard from him yet today, so I don't know what the results were." "Well, let me know when you find out. I'd like to speak to him...him and his companion, actually, and..." "Oh. I didn't tell you," Maggie said, interrupting the doctor. "Dana thinks that Mr. Krycek is dead." "Krycek...is this the companion we're speaking of?" "Yes. Mr. Skinner was desperate to get her to admit to what she'd done, and he thought he could expedite a confession if he shook her up a little." "And what were the results?" "She thinks that she and Fox can be friends again, since Mr. Krycek is out of the way." "Hence the obsession to see him?" "She's got this... thing about not wanting anyone to mad at her. Mr. Mulder especially. So...as far as his friend goes...do you think she should stay in the dark about him?" "That's a good question. While I understand Mr. Skinner's motives, I don't generally advocate deception. Since it's already done, we have to work the situation from that angle. I would assume that it probably won't be the easiest thing in the world for Mr. Mulder to pretend his companion is dead when he isn't." "No, I don't suppose it will be." "And the last thing we need is for him to blurt out the truth in a moment of anger." "So, are you saying that we shouldn't allow her to see him?" "No, I think I'm saying that I'd still like to meet with him first...and his partner if possible. That way I can better judge whether or not a meeting between him and Dana should take place." "What if you decide it isn't a good idea?" Charles asked, now speaking up. "You said it yourself. She's fixated on Mulder. It may harm her further to keep him from her." "If I find that it won't benefit her, we'll just have to work through things as they stand. I'm not saying it won't be difficult. I anticipate that anyway." Craig looked at his watch. "I really must be about the rest of my rounds. Mrs. Scully, when you hear from Mr. Skinner, call me." "I will." The doctor shook Charles' hand. "Good to meet you, Mr. Scully." Charles nodded, and the three exited the office, separating in the hall. "I don't know what to say, Mom," Charles said at last, walking with Maggie toward Scully's room. "Dana really did the things you told me about?" Maggie nodded. "It's too unbelievable, isn't it?" "That's an understatement." As the two approached the room, a low baritone sounded at their rear. "Mrs. Scully." Maggie and Charles turned to find A.D. Skinner walking toward them. "Mr. Skinner," Maggie breathed, waiting until Skinner stopped in front of them to introduce him to her son. The men briefly exchanged pleasantries, then Maggie got down to business. "Did you talk to Fox?" Skinner nodded. "He won't come. He can't." Maggie inhaled and exhaled a shuddering breath. "Why not?" "Seeing Dana the other night did a number on him. Until then, he'd been so sure about his feelings. He was clear on what he wanted. Now he's confused and feeling a tremendous amount of guilt." Maggie Scully cocked her head. "He feels that your daughter's condition is his fault. He takes personal responsibility for what's happened. To her, and to Alex as a result of her condition." Moaning softly, Maggie closed her eyes and rubbed a hand over her forehead. Dropping her hand, she trained a hazy gaze on Skinner. "Dr. Craig had asked if he might see Fox and...Alex?" Skinner nodded. "Alex. I'm sorry; I'm not very good at retaining much information lately. Uh...I told him that I'd have to let him know after I spoke with you." Skinner firmed his lips into a straight line. "I don't...I don't know. Mulder said he couldn't see Scully . I don't know if he'll talk to her doctor or not. I suppose I can ask." "Thank you. I know you probably hate bothering them, but..." "It's all right." "Can you stay a while?" "No, I...I just have a few minutes, then I have to get back to the office." Maggie nodded and moved to the door, swinging it open. "Hi honey," she called to the woman who sat quietly by the window. Scully's head turned slowly, and recognition lit her eyes as they found and rested on her brother. "Charlie." "Hey, kiddo." Charlie made his way over to Scully, drawing her into his arms as she got to her feet. "I haven't seen you in so long," Scully murmured, drawing back to look at her brother. "What're you doing here?" "Mom called. Said you were a little under the weather, so I thought I'd come see you." "I've been sick before, and you've never come." "I know, and I'm sorry, Dana." "It's okay," Scully soothed. "I'm not mad at you. Life's too short to go around being mad. Mom?" She looked to her mother, who stood with Skinner at a distance. "You talk to Mulder?" "I talked to him," Skinner answered. "I'm sorry, but he can't come see you. He's...he's gone away on a case." "He's working?" "Yes, he...he thought it'd be the best thing for him." Scully lowered her head then nodded. "It probably is. Is he going to come see me when he gets back?" "We'll see." "Mulder fell in love with this whore, who used to be a triple agent," Scully explained to her brother. "But he killed himself. And now Mulder's kinda mad at me." Charles shifted a startled look from his sister to his mother, who slowly closed her eyes and said nothing. "Oh. Oh, uh...why's that?" "'Cause I had to do some stuff...I had to make him see what he was getting into, and just like always, Krycek went and blew everything way out of proportion. He made everything worse by killing himself. I told Mulder that it'd be okay. All he needs is some time. Then he'll be fine. He'll be over Krycek, and he and I can be friends again." "Well, m-maybe he needs more time than you think. It's hard to lose someone you love. Even if that someone might not be worthy of your love. You can't tell people how to feel, you know?" Scully nodded. "Yeah, I know. So, you think maybe Mulder just needs me to be patient with him?" "I think so. Can you do that?" "I'll try. He's my best friend. I want him to be okay." "I know you do." Charles dropped a kiss on his sister's head. "So...this is a nice room." "It's okay. I'd rather be home with Mom, but she says this is where I have to be for a while. I really haven't been feeling well, Charlie." "I know," Charles whispered, stroking Scully's head. "You're in the right place to get well, though. When you leave here, you'll be better than ever." "I hope so," Scully agreed. "I don't like to see Mom crying so much." Before Charles could respond, she changed the subject. "Did you see any kids out there on the way in?" "Kids?" "Yeah. Outside. We've had such nice, sunny days, and I haven't seen one kid out playing." Charles covered his mouth with one hand. "No, I...I haven't seen any kids." Scully looked from her brother to Skinner. "When you talk to Mulder, tell him I said hi, okay?" "I'll tell him." He stepped forward. "I have to go now. I just dropped in to say hello and see how you were." Scully nodded. "'Kay. Have a nice day." Maggie turned to walk Skinner out, and Scully turned her attention back to her brother. "What about Bill? Did he come?" "He couldn't make it right away," Charles answered. "But I'm sure you'll see him soon." "What about Missy?" "Missy," Charles breathed. "Dana...Missy..." "Oh, yeah. Sometimes I forget things. Guess you're stuck with just me." Maggie re-entered the room and sat with her children. "Wasn't that nice of Mr. Skinner to come see you before he went to work?" Scully nodded. "Hmm hmm." She began looking around the room. "What're you looking for, honey?" "Phone." "A phone? What for?" "I was thinking about calling Mulder. Maybe he could use some help with his case." "Oh, I don't think that's such a good idea." "Why not?" "Fox will be fine," Maggie said. "You've got to concentrate on yourself. Hey," she said, smiling. "Guess what? Doctor Craig said that we could go outside today. Would you like to?" The distraction worked. "Oh, yeah. That'd be nice. Charlie, wanna go for a walk with us?" "You bet, kiddo." Casting his mother a worried glance, Charles rose to his feet and held his hand out to his sister. "Let's go." The two started for the door, but Scully stopped just shy of the threshold. She turned to her mother, who still sat in her chair, head hanging low. "Mom? You coming?" Maggie lifted her head and drew a deep breath. "Yes, honey. Of course I'm coming." Stiffly, the woman rose from her seat and followed her children out the door. "Hello." "Alex, it's me. Listen, I hate to bother you guys, but I have to bring a request to you." "Request from..." "Scully's doctor. He'd like to meet with you and Mulder." "What for?" "To get a better insight on what we're facing with Scully. He wants to know as much as possible about the events in her life that led up to this illness." "That makes sense." "Do you think you can get Mulder to agree to see him?" Alex sighed. "I don't think it's the best idea." "Why? How is he?" "Quiet." "That's it? Just...quiet? He hasn't talked about any of this?" "Not really. It doesn't mean his mind isn't working, though. I can hear it clicking away a million miles an hour. I don't want to give him any more to think about." "So, you won't talk to him about it?" "I will, because I won't keep anything from him. But I don't think it's a good idea for him to see anyone associated with Scully right now. Not yet." "All right, then." "You see Scully today?" "Yeah. She's the same. Still fixated on seeing Mulder. One of her brothers came to see her." "That's good. At least her mother has someone with her." "Yeah. Well, I got a meeting with the director soon. I'll talk to you later." "Okay. Have a good one." Alex hung up and turned to face Fox, whom he sensed standing in the doorway between the living room and the bedroom. "How was your nap?" "Didn't sleep much." Alex sighed his disappointment at the statement. "Was that Skinner?" "Yeah." "What'd he want?" "To see how you were. And to make a request." "What?" "Scully's doctor wants to meet with us." Fox's gaze dropped to the floor. "What'd you tell him?" "I said I'd mention it to you, but I didn't think it was a good idea." "I know why he wants to talk to us. Any good doctor would." "Yeah. But we have to do what's best for you." "I sh-should think about Scully," Fox argued quietly. "What's best for her. I...I owe her. I can't believe I'm saying that after all that's happened, but...I never thought about what our work on the x-files was doing to her. That was selfish. I'll talk to her doctor. And...I'll see her." Alex studied the older man for a moment then shook his head. "No." "I have to." "You don't have to. And you won't. I won't allow it. Not until you're ready." "I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be." "That's not true. We're going to work this out. And you're going to feel much better. But it's going to take some time. When that happens, you'll see her." "I can't wait that long. I've done enough damage. I have to try and repair some of it if I can." "No," Alex said, his voice rumbling with authority. "You're not even close to ready. You're not going to go in there just because your conscience tells you that you should. This could screw you up good, and I won't have it." "But..." "No buts," Alex said decisively. He gently threaded a hand through Fox's hair. "You've been taking care of me...dealing with me and my problems for a long time, now. It's my turn to take care of you." His fingers lightly massaged Fox's scalp. "And that's what I'm gonna do. You're my priority. Not Scully, not Scully's mother or her doctor. Just you." Fox lowered his eyes and said nothing. "Sounding more and more like you, aren't I?" No response. "I know how hard it's been for you all this time, Fox, dealing with me, and I'm sorrier than I can ever express. You never gave up. You never gave in, and neither will I. I love you baby, and I'm going to do everything and anything I have to, to make sure you get through this." Fox lowered his head to Alex's shoulder, eyes closed as the younger man held him close. "It doesn't seem right," Fox whispered. "Scully's the one in an institution, and I'm the one you're worrying about." "You're the one I love," Alex answered softly. "I feel for Scully. I do. But she could be someplace a lot worse. We've done plenty for her. We owe her nothing now. You're all that's on my mind. You're all I care about. If and when you're ready, we can talk to the doctor and maybe you can see her. But not now. It's out of the question." Fox was quiet for a while, then he rubbed his head against Alex's shoulder. "Is that your final word on the subject?" "Yes, it is." Fox nestled closer, clinging to Alex as if he'd never let go. Alex stroked his back tenderly, and in the stillness he felt the beginnings of an erection blooming in Fox's jeans. His lashes drifted down over his eyes, and he took a long, uneven breath. Fox's head lifted from his shoulder, and the two stared at each other. Alex lifted his hand to Fox's face, tracing the swell of his lower lip with his thumb before moving in for a soft kiss. When Fox's body sagged against his and Fox opened his mouth for a deeper kiss, Alex took total control. Gently, his tongue plunged into the older man's mouth, scouring its depths and pulling a deep moan from him. Fox wrapped himself around Alex, shivering at his lover's kisses, and his cock hardened fully, pushing against his jeans and Alex's own rock solid erection. His restless hands wandered over Alex's back and shoulders, and his heart pounded out an erratic rhythm. "Alex..." There was definite pleading in his voice, and Alex's cock swelled to even greater proportions. "Come on." Taking Fox's hand, Alex led him across the floor and into their bedroom. Stopping at the edge of the bed, he looked up into Fox's eyes and found them sparkling with need. Taking another breath, he lifted his hands to the other man's shirt and undid each button, slowly and deliberately. When he had the shirt undone, he swept it away from Fox's shoulders, moving in to dust the curve of his lover's neck with kisses. Fox tipped his head to the side then back, baring the sensitive skin of his throat to Alex's mouth. The offering shook Alex's hands as they pulled Fox to him, and he fastened his lips over the furiously pounding pulse. He sucked gently at first, tasting his lover's skin, reveling in the soft, frantic moans, then he increased the pressure, sinking his teeth into the vulnerable flesh. Fox's knees weakened, and he cried out some unintelligible thing as he his fingers clenched in the material of Alex's shirt. With one arm still wrapped around Fox's waist, Alex reached out with the other, supporting his weight and Fox's as he lowered them to the bed. He released Fox's throat then, leaving what would later become a sizeable, vivid mark at the base, and he moved downward, dragging his tongue over the older man's chest in an erratic, zig zag pattern. He stopped at one rigid nipple and sucked it into his mouth, drawing another sharp cry from Fox. Panting heavily, Fox's fingers tangled in Alex's hair but didn't remain. Only seconds passed before Alex lifted his head, and he grasped Fox by the wrists. Pressing them to the mattress over the golden-brown head, he came down again for a breath-stealing kiss. His hands left Fox's wrists, dragging downward and over the other man's sides as he returned his attention to the abandoned nipple. Fox fought to obey Alex's silent command. His hands rolled into fists, his fingers digging into his palms as he endured the sweet torture his lover was inflicting on first one nipple then the other. When Alex moved a couple of inches to his right and marked him again, his body lifted off the bed, and a harsh whine rumbled in his throat. His cock lifted as well, straining toward the man looming above him. It didn't go unnoticed, and Alex moved lower, rubbing his cheek over the stony shaft before pressing a soft kiss to the base. The urge to suck it into his mouth brought with it an ache so intense Alex had to lift himself away. Fox was affected just as deeply, and he sobbed his lover's name as he arched upward, begging for more. Alex shook his head as he reached over to open the nightstand drawer. "Not yet," he whispered, kissing Fox's quivering lips. "Soon. We're almost there," he promised even as a wave of pain jabbed at his thundering heart. "Almost, baby." Withdrawing the condoms and lube, Alex applied both with shaking hands then helped Fox lift his legs. Holding his cock at the base, he guided it between Fox's ass cheeks and easily found his way home. A hard gasp broke past Fox's lips, and he clutched at the sheets as Alex slowly pushed inside him, filling him with heat and more pleasure than his already overloaded senses could handle. "Mmmh...ahhh...God. I...God, God, God..." Alex thrust harder and deeper, hitting Fox's prostate as he grabbed his cock and began to pump it, and the other man wailed, bucking wildly beneath him. "Now. Can't...can't..." Fox's mouth dropped open, and a scream escaped, so loud, so feral, Alex was sure that had Skinner been home, he would be able to hear it several floors up. That, and the seizing of Fox's muscles drove Alex over the edge, and he came, his hoarse cries almost as loud as Fox's. He collapsed exhausted over Fox's chest, and he lay motionless for a while before moving to disengage. He dropped a few kisses on Fox's cheek as the older man moaned in protest, then he removed the condom and disposed of it in the small basket they kept under the nightstand. Turning onto his side, he pulled Fox to him, sighing at the feel of his love, warm and naked, cradled against his chest. He closed his eyes and slipped into darkness, and nearly two hours later, the ringing phone roused him out of sleep. Reaching over his moaning lover, he answered the phone. "H'llo? No, there's no Carrie here. You got the wrong number." Hanging up, he groaned and stretched then looked down into sleep-softened eyes. "Guess we fell asleep." Fox nodded, his gaze still fixed on Alex's. "Uh..." Alex drew small nonsensical designs on Fox's chest. "How d'you feel?" "Okay." "You kinda took me by surprise. D'you know where that came from?" Alex asked, referring to their most recent encounter. Fox shook his head, finally dropping his gaze. "We haven't made love since we got back from California. I...I know we're both tired, and you've been so upset, and...but something got you heated. What was it?" Fox stalled for a moment then spoke up. "Don't laugh," he croaked. "Why would I laugh?" "I don't know...you know earlier? When you were telling me that you weren't going to let me talk to Scully's doctor and all that?" "Yeah." Fox gave his lover a tiny shrug. "You were so..." Alex got it. He started to smile. " Manly ?" "Not the word I would have used." "I'm not manly?" "Of course you are. But I mean...I don't know. It just...got to me." "So, if I want to turn you on, all I have to do is be bossy?" "You know there isn't much you have to do to turn me on," Fox answered, "but it does give me a tingle." "That was more than a tingle you got," Alex purred. "It's amazing nothing fell off the walls." "I wasn't that loud," Fox argued softly. "Yeah, you were," Alex insisted, kissing the top of the older man's head. "I can't tell you how it makes me feel to know that I can drive you that crazy. It's such a high." Fox sighed and cuddled against Alex's warmth. "You do that and more. I'm sorry I've been kind of out of it the last few days. I don't want you to ever think that I don't want you." "It's okay to not be in the mood," Alex broke in. "Even for us men. We've been through so much, Fox, it's a wonder either of us has been able to get it up." Fox went quiet for a while then spoke. "Guess maybe I should get myself together and go to work tomorrow." "You going because you feel up to it or because you think you should?" "Both." Fox lifted his head and met his lover's eyes. "I'm feeling better, really. Good enough to be back at work, anyway." Alex studied him for a moment then nodded. "Okay, but I'm going to make sure Walt keeps an eye on you. If he thinks you're not right, you're coming home." Fox's lashes lowered, and a tiny smile played at one corner of his mouth. "Is that an order?" "You gonna get all hot and bothered if it is?" Fox shrugged but the smile grew. Chuckling evilly, Alex rolled Fox onto his back. "Fine. Don't answer. I'll just see for myself." six days later Maggie Scully walked down the quiet corridor of the hospital, talking softly with Dr. Craig, and as they turned the corner heading for her daughter's room, a voice sounded from the nurses' station, drawing her eyes up. "Mom." Blue eyes widened, and Maggie gave her eldest son a welcoming smile. "Bill. What are you doing here? I didn't expect you for a couple of weeks." Bill met his mother halfway and bent for a hug. "I got someone to cover for me for a few days." "Why?" "Because I hate the way that you sound when I talk to you. I couldn't wait two weeks." Maggie released her son and gestured to the doctor. "This is Doctor Craig. He's been treating Dana." Bill grasped the other man's extended hand. "Doctor. How's my sister doing? I couldn't get in to see her." "Yes, I'm sorry. All visitors have to be on the list. I'll make sure the nurses add you as soon as we're finished here. Uh...Dana is about the same. Of course, it's hard to expect results in a little over a week's time. Has your mother explained her situation to you?" "Yes. I don't understand how something like this could happen. My sister has always been so strong-minded." "It could happen to anyone, Mr. Scully. Your sister had been through an amazing amount of trauma: of the mental and physical variety. I've seen people succumb to a lot less pressure than she's been under." "Do you think you'll be able to bring her back?" "I certainly hope so. I've told your mother that the process will be slow, and with these early obstacles..." "What obstacles?" "She's quite obsessed with Fox. She talks about him every day. She keeps asking to see him, but he hasn't come," Maggie told Bill. "Mulder?" Bill's tone switched from concerned to angry in an instant. "Personally, I wish she'd never met the man, but..." He turned his attention to the doctor. "Would it help for her to see him?" "I don't know. That's why I'd like to talk to him myself first and see if a visit would help her." " Would like to talk to him. You mean he hasn't been to see you yet?" "No. Mr. Mulder has some issues of his own regarding all this and..." "To hell with his issues!" Bill shouted. Maggie grasped her son's arm. "Bill..." "Come on, Mom. I've been saying for years that he's done nothing but screw up her life. All our lives. I said it. The man is poison. Now proof of that sits right there in that room, and we're standing here discussing his issues ?" "Bill," Maggie called softly. "You don't...you don't know. I haven't told you everything." "What do you mean , everything?" "I told Charlie all of it that first day I called you boys. I told him because I had to tell someone, and I knew he wasn't as hot headed as you are. But now that you're here, I'll tell you. Come with me, and we can talk." "What about Dana? I want to see her." "Go with your mother," Dr. Craig instructed. "I'm about to go in and have my session with her, so you won't be able to see her for about half an hour, forty-five minutes, anyway." As Maggie and Bill turned to leave, Craig stopped them. "Oh. And Mr. Scully? However you're feeling at the end of your conversation with your mother, please don't carry it into Dana's room. Negativity of any kind is counterproductive to what we're trying to accomplish here. All right?" Bill nodded then let Maggie lead him away. Finding a quiet spot outside, the two sat and Maggie began explaining everything to him. "What?" Bill hissed almost an hour later. " What ?" Maggie lowered her head. "I couldn't believe it myself. But it's true, honey. Dana's done some terrible things. And Fox and his...Alex have been the targets of all of them." Bill sat for a few second, trying to take it all in. Then... "Anything that's happened to him, he'd brought on himself." "Bill..." "And this... boyfriend ?" He laughed bitterly. "I'm not surprised. I always figured Mulder to be a little light in the loafers. What I am surprised at is that he'd be stupid enough to get himself involved with a hooker ." "Bill, it's not for us to judge. We don't know the whole story." "Why are you sticking up for him?" Bill asked, incredulous. "You've got one daughter who's dead because of him, and another in a damn psycho ward!" Maggie shook her head. "Bill, Fox is a good man. It's not his fault that these things have happened. Dana made her own choices. You need to understand that." "Well, I can't," Bill said, turning away from his mother. He had a thought and turned back. "And why hasn't he been to see Dana's doctor yet?" "Mr. Skinner tells me that he's feeling tremendous guilt over all of this, and he just can't face it right now. When he's better able to handle it, he'll..." "He can't handle it, huh? So not only is he a fruit fly, but he's a coward as well." "Bill, stop. Please." " Stop ? I haven't even started ." "This is why I didn't tell you when I called you," Maggie snapped. "Because I knew you were going to act just this way. Dana doesn't need this, William. And if you can't get your temper under control, I'm not going to let you see her." Resting his hands on his hips, Bill tipped his head back and drew in a deep brew. It came out in a rush, and he looked at his mother. "Okay. I'm okay." "Are you sure ?" "Yes. I'm all right. I promise, I won't say a word to upset her." "All right." Maggie looked down at her watch. "Dr. Craig should be done by now." The two headed back into the building and up to Scully's room in silence, and when Maggie pushed the door open, she turned on her brightest smile. "Hi, honey. I've got a surprise for you." Scully looked up from the People magazine her mother had bought for her the day before, and she returned the smile. "Mulder?" Maggie stepped into the room, followed by the hulking form of her son. Scully jumped out of her chair. "Bill!" "Hey, you." Bill stepped forward and lifted his sister in a bear hug. "How are you?" "Okay," Scully answered, beaming up at her brother. "I thought you were Mulder." "Sorry to disappoint you." "I'm not disappointed," Scully answered. "I just thought it might be him. Last I knew he was on a case." She frowned. "That was a while ago. Mom, do you know if he's back yet?" "N-no, honey. I don't know." "I gotta ask Skinner the next time I see him." Scully smiled at her brother. "I'm being patient like Charlie said. I don't want to push Mulder. It might take some time for him to get over Krycek being dead." Bill's hands curled into fists but he kept his cool. "Yeah. Uh...do you like it here?" "It's okay. Everybody's really nice. It's nice to be someplace where people are always smiling. Mulder never smiled at me any more. He was always mad. It's not good for you, you know. Being mad all the time." "No, it's not," Bill said softly, covering his sister's hand with his own. "Don't worry, though. Everything's going to be fine." For the rest of the visit, Maggie and Bill tried to keep Scully concentrated on pleasant subjects, but every now and then her mind would detour back to her father or the incident with her sister's doll, and every off thought would end with Fox. When it was time to leave, they said their good-byes, and Bill gave a lame excuse to his mother, explaining why he wouldn't be following her directly home. He promised he'd be there soon though, and he drove away, leaving her to wonder what business he could possibly have to attend to so far from home. Skinner removed his glasses, letting them drop to his desk as the phone rang. Rubbing at corners of his eyes, his answered. "Yes, Kim?" "Sir, I have a call from Mrs. Scully. Are you available?" "Yes. Put her through." "Mr. Skinner?" "Yes. Is everything all right, Mrs. Scully?" "My eldest son Bill came up to visit for a few days." "That's good." "I'm not so sure. Bill has always resented Fox, and with things the way they are now, it's worse than ever." "I hope he's not letting any of his hostility show during his visits with Dana." "He kept himself under control today, but I could see how upset he was. Um...anyway, we left the hospital a little while ago, and instead of following me home, he said he had some business to attend to. Mr. Skinner, the more I think about it, the more sure I am that his business has something to do with Fox. Is he at work? "He was, but he left early for a dentist's appointment. He's probably home by now." "Is he easy to find?" "He is listed in the phone book," Skinner murmured. "Maybe seeing Fox isn't what Bill's got in his mind at all, but I'd like to be sure. I don't want any trouble, Mr. Skinner." "No. Neither do I," Skinner said, his mind already conjuring up the kinds of 'trouble' Bill Scully could be getting himself into if he did go to confront Mulder. "I'm ready to leave the office now. Uh...how long ago did your son leave?" "About ten minutes." "I should still make it there before he does," Skinner predicted, "with time to spare. Don't worry, Mrs. Scully. If that's where he's headed, there won't be any trouble." "Thank you," Maggie breathed. "I feel better." "All right. I'll be in touch." Practically slamming the phone down, Skinner gathered his things and raced out of the office. As he made his way to the elevator, he tried calling Fox and Alex's apartment. When he got no answer, he tried both cell phones. " Damn ." He jumped into the elevator just as the doors were closing, cursing to himself and hoping that Bill Scully wasn't really stupid enough to go gunning for Mulder. "God, I'm starving." Fox stopped at the door as Alex passed through it and glared at the younger man. "Oh." Alex hid a blossoming grin. "Oh. Sorry, baby." He looked at his watch. "I can wait." Fox rolled his eyes and stepped into the room. "How long did they say it'd be before you could eat?" Fox held up two fingers, indicating the amount of hours before the novocain sufficiently wore off, and he could eat without dribbling food all over himself. "Okay, how 'bout this? I'll go get dinner started, and you can relax. Maybe take a nap. I'll wake you in two hours." Fox shrugged his agreement and accepted a gentle kiss before Alex disappeared into the kitchen. Just as he was about to trudge into the bedroom, the doorbell rang. "Got it," he muttered then walked to the door. Checking the peephole, he frowned and opened the door. Before he could mumble any kind of greeting, Bill Scully's fist connected with his jaw, spinning him a hundred and eighty degrees and sending him several feet back into the living room, taking out the floor lamp that Alex had liked so much. "That's for what you did to my sister, you son of a bitch," the other man growled as he stalked into the room, intent on inflicting more damage. But before he could get a good grip on the front of Fox's shirt, he was grabbed from behind. The hands jerked him back and spun him around, and just before his face exploded with pain, he caught sight of a pair of black, evil eyes and stark white teeth, bared in a ferocious snarl. Alex held on to the man he'd just hit with all his strength and hit him again. Before he could finish the fucker off, he found himself being wrestled away. "Get the fuck off me!" he roared, but Skinner held fast. "Listen to me, Alex! That's Bill Scully. Dana's brother." "I don't give a fuck who he is!" Alex yelled. "I'm gonna kill 'im!" "Cut it out!" Skinner shouted, struggling to keep a hold of the enraged man. "Alex." The pained whisper drew Alex's attention, and thankfully he forgot about Bill Scully for the moment, concentrating on Fox, who sat on the floor beside the toppled lamp, hand pressed to his cheek. Skinner let him go then, and he leapt to Fox's side, tenderly touching his fingers to the side of his lover's face. "Same side?" Eyes closed, Fox nodded. "What the hell happened here?" Skinner demanded through his teeth. "He hit me," Fox whispered. "Did you say anything to him?" Skinner asked. "Didn't get a chance." Skinner checked the groaning man over. "Dammit, Alex. I think you broke his nose." "That all?" Alex snarled while cradling Fox against him. "He's a lucky fucker then, isn't he?" "I'm gonna sue you," Bill Scully moaned, "for assault." Alex started to get up, but Fox held on to him even as Skinner put himself between Alex and the cowering man. "Might I remind you, Mr. Scully, that you threw the first punch," Skinner rumbled. "You assaulted a federal officer without provocation." Bill Scully settled down then, chewing on that statement while Skinner checked on Fox. "You okay, Mulder? Anything broken?" Wincing, Fox shook his head. "Just...hit me on the same side the dentist was working on." Skinner groaned softly. "Sorry, I...I thought I'd get here long before he did, but traffic was..." "You knew he was coming here?" Alex asked, his eyes going stormy again. "Mrs. Scully had a suspicion. I tried calling you guys." "We'd only just come home," Alex said. "And both our phones were off. You can't keep 'em on in the dentists' office." He looked down at Fox. "You okay to stand, baby? Just long enough to get you to the couch." Closing his eyes again, Fox nodded. As Alex helped him up, the younger man threw a venomous look Bill Scully's way. "Get him the fuck out of my apartment." Skinner hauled the other man to his feet and started him toward the door as Alex went into the kitchen for some ice. "None of this changes what you've done," Bill Scully called as they approached the door. "Shut up," Skinner grated, reaching for the knob. "You're still a selfish, insensitive prick , and you've ruined my sister's life!" Alex chose then to come back into the room, and Skinner had to step between him and the other man, pressing a hand to Alex's chest. "Let it alone, Alex. Go take care of Mulder. And you ," he muttered to the other man. "Shut the hell up before I let him have you." Skinner shoved Scully's brother out the door, and Alex slammed it behind them. Once the men were gone, he joined Fox on the sofa, gently touching the ice pack to his lover's face. "Hurt much?" "Probably hurt a lot more once the novocain wears off," Fox said, trying not to move his mouth. "That bastard is lucky Skinner came in when he did." "He's upset," Fox said. "His sister is in a psychiatric hospital." "And?" "He's never liked me. He always thought I was screwing up Scully's life. Now he's sure of it." "He can think whatever he wants to. But he got it all wrong when he set foot in our apartment and put his hands on you. I should have killed the motherfucker." Fox said very little, knowing that he would and had done the same. Closing his eyes, he leaned against Alex and let the younger man tend to his bruised cheek. "What the hell were you thinking?" Skinner asked, driving Bill Scully to the emergency room. "What did you think was going to happen if you walked into Mulder's apartment and took a swing at him?" "He deserved it," the other man muttered, hand lightly covering his busted nose. "After what he's done to my sister." "He's done nothing to Dana," Skinner grated. "I know your mother's told you that. Do you know how lucky you are that I got there when I did? You could have been in a lot worse condition." "Who knew a fairy could pack that hard a punch?" Skinner rolled his eyes and let out an irritated sigh. "Your ignorance is showing, Mr. Scully. That... fairy ...could have killed you without even breaking a sweat. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to launch a surprise attack on some unsuspecting person." Once they made it to the hospital, and Bill was being seen to, Skinner stepped outside to call Maggie. "...Hello?" "Mrs. Scully." "Oh, Mr. Skinner. Tell me you found him." "I did." "Thank goodness. Where is he?" "Unfortunately, he had headed to Mulder's place, and he made it there a little before me." "What happened?" "He...attacked Mulder." " Attacked ?" "Yes. He was only able to get off one punch before Alex came into the room." "Oh, Lord. What happened then?" "Well...we had to detour to the hospital to get him patched up." " Hospital ?" "Yeah. Uh...Alex...broke your son's nose." Maggie bent at the waist, putting her head between her knees. "Oh, my God. Is he all right?" "He will be." "Is anyone talking about pressing charges?" "Well, your son started talking about suing, but I reminded him that he was the one who attacked an FBI agent first, and he settled down." "What about Fox?" "Poor Mulder had just come from getting a tooth refilled, and Bill hit him on the same side of his face, so he was a little out of it. He won't take any legal action, though." "What about his companion?" "Alex wanted to kill him, but it's over. He'll let it go because that's what Mulder wants. Just as long as your son keeps his distance, everything will be all right." "Thank you," Maggie breathed. "I...what hospital are you at? I'll come and get Bill." "No, you rest. I'll take him home when he's through." "Mr. Skinner, you've been so good. I can't ask you to..." "It's no problem. You relax, and I'll have him home as soon as they're finished with him." "All right. Thank you again." Skinner disconnected and walked back into the hospital, taking a seat in a plastic waiting room chair. Tipping his head back, he closed his eyes and groaned aloud. It was always something with these people. //Yeah, and you're right in the middle of it, aren't you?// "Stupid," he whispered to himself then sat silently, waiting. Fox ate slowly, Alex wincing every time he did. "Novocain wearing off?" Fox nodded. Alex sighed and reached out, brushing some of the hair away from Fox's forehead. "You're starting to bruise." "Great." "I think I need to kill him." "No," Fox whispered. "Bill Scully's always been an asshole, but he's an asshole who's worried about his sister. He sees me as the cause of all her problems. You can't fault him for that." "Why not?" Fox lowered his gaze. "Because it's true." "I walked into that one." Alex got up from his seat and kneeled beside Fox, putting his arms around the other man. "It's not true. And if that asshole so much as breathes in your direction again, he's a dead man." Shaking his head, Fox leaned against Alex. His body began to relax as Alex stroked him, and as his eyes slipped shut, he felt Alex shift and gently jostle him awake. "If you're gonna fall asleep, do it someplace comfortable like the bed." "You're comfortable," Fox murmured, and Alex smiled. "C'mon. Up. I assume you're done eating, but if not, I can put it on a tray for you." Fox shook his head. "Done." "'Kay...you need anything? Some aspirin or something?" "Yeah, I...that might help." Alex lifted Fox out of his seat and walked him to the bedroom, where he undressed then tucked the older man into bed. "Be right back." In a matter of seconds Alex disappeared and reappeared, holding a glass of water and two Aleve. Fox took them then settled back against the pillows. Sighing gratefully, he closed his eyes while Alex sat beside him, petting his head. Nothing was said in the roughly fifteen minutes it took for Fox to fall asleep. When he was totally out, Alex dropped a soft kiss on his head then picked up the glass and exited the room. The doorbell sounded as he was walking into the kitchen, and he detoured quickly, running for the door before the bell could ring again. "How is he?" Skinner asked as Alex opened the door to him. "Tired. His face hurts." Alex's mouth formed an angry line. "It's bruising." Skinner nodded. "You'll be happy to know that Bill Scully's a lot worse off." "I'd be happier to know that he was dead." "Well. Be that as it may, you're going to have to satisfy yourself with the knowledge that he'll probably never look the same." Alex shrugged. "He was an ugly bastard to begin with. How much worse can he be?" Skinner shook his head and entered the apartment. "Mrs. Scully was very upset." "Yeah, well, I'm sorry for that. She's got enough to deal with without having to worry about her shithead of a son. How long's he gonna be around, anyway?" "Few days." " Really ." "Alex..." The younger man sighed heavily. "I'm not gonna start anything. But he'd better not either. Because no one's going to be able to stop me from finishing it next time." "Just...be on your best behavior, okay? You don't know the headache I've got from all of this." "You are kinda caught in the middle, aren't you?" "Just a little." Alex folded his arms over his chest. "You want some dinner? I made spaghetti, and there's a lot leftover. Fox didn't eat much" Skinner cracked his neck and groaned. "Garlic bread?" "Yup." "You talked me into it." As the two started for the kitchen, Skinner looked at his watch. "A little early for Mulder to be sleeping, isn't it?" "Yeah, but he's been keeping some pretty weird hours since we got back from California. He wakes up several times a night, and sometimes he's up for the day at three." "Three." "Mmm hmm." Alex served the food and took a seat at the kitchen table. "Sometimes he has nightmares." "He tell you about them?" Alex nodded. "He dreams about that last night in the mountains. The night you found me in the lake. He says he keeps seeing me lying on the ground, pale and motionless. He wakes up in a sweat, thinking I'm dead." "Damn," Skinner whispered. "What about you? You're the one it happened to. How're you doing with it?" "I don't focus on that part of it," Alex answered. "The part I'm having a hard time with is that I almost killed myself over something that wasn't even true. I almost ended two lives. And Fox is still suffering because of it." "You've got to stop this circle of blame and guilt, Alex, or it's just going to keep going round and round," Skinner said. "I can't say that enough." "I know. I'm trying as hard as I can to break it. I hate that Fox feels the way he does. He doesn't deserve it. And...neither do I." "That was tough for you to say." "It was. But I have to make myself believe it. I have to learn to stop taking the blame for the things that have happened in our lives. It's time for us to be happy." Staring at the younger man, Skinner nodded. "You keep that attitude. Keep trying. You'll make it." "Thanks, Walt. I don't know if you know this or not, but you've been a huge help to us." Skinner shrugged and took a bite of his garlic bread. "You've been there for us through all of it, giving encouragement, kicking our asses...you've literally saved our lives. We'll never be able to repay you for everything you've done." Skinner let out a breath of a laugh. "Repayment." Lifting a heaping forkful of spaghetti, he saluted Alex with it. "Just keep feeding me." Alex gave the other man a grateful smile. "You got it. So...you wanna hear about dessert?" A soft, hoarse groan rose from the rumpled blankets, and a hand fought its way out of the pile to slam down on the shrilling alarm clock. Wild, sable hair poked out next, then Alex's head lifted, and he squinted around the room. Finding Fox nowhere in sight, he moaned softly and stretched then rose from the bed and headed toward the bathroom. As he drew nearer, he could hear the shower going. He opened the door and shuffled over to the toilet, emptying his full bladder before washing his hands and brushing his teeth. While he was in the middle of rinsing, the water shut off, and the curtain opened. "Son of a bitch." Alex dried his mouth and walked over to Fox, who had grabbed for a bath towel and begun to dry himself. "It's not that bad," Fox assured Alex as the younger man's ire rekindled at the sight of the black and blue mark covering Fox's left cheek. "The hell it's not," Alex growled through clenched teeth. His hand rose to gently caress the area. "Does it hurt much?" "Just a little sore...how come you're up?" "Alarm went off." "Damn. Sorry, I forgot to shut it off when I got up." "When was that?" "'Bout half an hour ago." "Did you sleep?" Fox shrugged. "A little better than I have been." "Good." Alex moved forward, kissing Fox and helping him dry off. "You got time for breakfast. Hungry?" "Yeah, a little." "'Kay. Let me jump in the shower real quick. And I'll make you something." "How about I cook?" "Uh...if you want to. But you'd better not get dressed until after." Fox gave the younger man a grin. "You trying to tell me I'm a slob?" "No," Alex argued. "I'm just saying that should you spill anything on yourself, you won't have to change twice." Fox leaned in for another kiss then chucked Alex under the chin and left him to his shower. Fifteen minutes later, Alex walked into the kitchen, where Fox had indeed started breakfast. Dressed in nothing but underwear and a t-shirt, he stood at the stove, tending the scrambled eggs. "Wanna get the juice?" Fox asked, sensing Alex's presence in the room. Silently, Alex pulled the orange juice out of the refrigerator and poured two glasses. Then he set the table, poured the coffee, and checked the bacon in the microwave. "Is it done?" Fox asked. Alex shut the door and set the timer for another minute. "Almost." A few minutes later everything was done, and the two sat at the kitchen table together. Alex picked at his breakfast, his gaze constantly going to Fox's face, while the older man skimmed the newspaper. "It really isn't as bad as it looks," Fox said without looking up. "I still want him dead." Fox reached across the short distance and took Alex's hand, drawing it to his lips. "I understand how you feel. You know I do. But it's better all around if we just forget about it." Alex took a deep breath and let it out. He knew Fox was right, but it didn't make him feel any better about letting Bill Scully live. "C'mon, finish your eggs." When breakfast was over, Fox looked at his watch and sighed softly. "I gotta go." He rose from his chair and started to clear the table, but Alex stopped him. "I'll do that. You get going." "It's my mess." "And?" Fox shrugged and lifted his eyes to Alex's. "Out." Treating Alex to a sweet smile, Fox wrapped him in his arms and came in for a long kiss. "I'll see you tonight." "Okay." Pulling away, Fox delivered a light slap to the younger man's ass. "Be good." "Am I ever bad?" Alex asked, humor lighting his smile. " Yes ," Fox answered quickly then added, "and I love it." One more kiss, and Fox went off to work, leaving Alex alone in the kitchen. Pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, Alex sat again at the table and picked up the paper. The short, rotund man stroked his snowy white beard as he read the case file in front of him, trying to get caught up. If he didn't make it home by six tonight, Ruth would have his head. The ringing phone drew him out of deep concentration, and he picked up, murmuring to his receptionist. "Yes, Sally?" He frowned curiously. "Tell him to come in." A few seconds passed, and the receptionist opened the door. Craig looked the tall man in the expensive suit over quickly then stood to shake his hand. "Mr. Mulder. I've been waiting to meet you." Fox looked around the room then grasped the doctor's hand. "I'm uh...I'm sorry I didn't call ahead. I just...I was on my way home, and I just sort of found myself here." "That's all right," Craig said then motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. "Please. Have a seat." Fox stepped forward cautiously and sat down. Dr. Craig sat in the other chair and faced him, smiling kindly. "That hurt?" he asked, pointing to his own cheek but looking at Fox's bruised face. "Not too much." Fox changed the subject. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," Fox said, absently fiddling with a button on his jacket. "It's been difficult for you." Fox lowered his eyes. "Yes. Dana Scully is...was my partner and best friend for several years. A lot has happened." "I know what she's done to you and your partner, Mr..." Craig searched his memory. "Krycek?" "Yes." Craig nodded. "I know what Dana's mother and Mr. Skinner know. What I'd like from you are the details...if you're willing. Maybe there's something we haven't yet learned. Something that can help. Will you talk to me?" Fox looked down at his hands and nodded. "Excellent." Dr Craig looked at his watch and sighed to himself. //So much for getting home to a warm dinner.// Alex looked from the computer screen to his watch for the fourth time. Quarter after six. He returned his attention to his stocks but soon enough he lost all concentration. It wasn't that late, really. Sure, Fox was usually home by five lately, but something could have distracted him and... //If he isn't home in another fifteen minutes, call him.// He sat back, slouching down in his seat. //No, don't. He's a big boy. Do you really want him thinking you're checking on him like a child?// //No, but...// Twenty minutes went by, and he sat, leg bouncing up and down, looking at the phone. "Shit." Quickly, he snatched it up and dialed. "...Walt? It's Alex. Where are you?" "Just leaving work," Skinner answered, walking toward his car. "Do you know if Fox is still there?" "Uh...Skinner looked around the vast garage. "I don't know. You can't reach him?" "I haven't tried." "Why not?" "I don't want him to think I'm treating him like a kid." "But if you're worried..." "I am, but...could you just check and see if his car's there?" "Okay, hang on." Skinner made his way over to Fox's parking area and drew the phone back to his ear. "His car isn't here." "Well, he must be on his way home." "There you go. Now you don't have to call him." "Yeah. Thanks, Walt." "No problem." Alex hung up and, feeling better, he went back to his stocks. The two men sat quietly. One immersed in the pain his recollections had dredged back up, the other absorbing all the new information just given to him and reviewing his notes. "Thank you, Mr. Mulder," Dr Craig said kindly. "I can see how difficult this has been for you." Fox said nothing. "I understand why you were so angry with Dana. But you do realize that everything she's done is because of her illness?" "Yes," Fox said, his voice barely registering. "It's my understanding that you feel the blame for her condition rests on your shoulders. Is that right?" "If she'd never gotten sucked into my work...my world, none of this would have happened." "We don't know that. I mean...these exact events wouldn't have taken place, but sooner or later something might have happened to make her snap." "Maybe. Maybe not," Fox countered. "The fact is, things did happen this way, and now Scully's sitting in a mental hospital, and Alex..." Fox lowered his head and stopped talking. "Alex...your partner?" Silence. Craig put two and two together. "Your guilt stretches beyond Dana's condition, doesn't it? You take the blame for all that's happened to Alex as well." "It's all connected." "Mr. Mulder. The blame for what's happened in the lives of these two people is not yours. They're simply victims of circumstance. As are you. None of you chose to have the terrible things that have happened to you, happen. Remaining a victim of these events is a choice, however. A harmful one." Craig paused then continued. "You must deal with this. Without delay. If you can't do it by yourself, might I suggest someone to you?" "A counselor?" Dr. Craig tipped his head in acknowledgment. Fox displayed a humorless smile. "You and I sound just like Alex and I." "I'm sorry?" "Alex has been feeling guilty and responsible and unworthy since we first got together. And I've told him everything you're telling me and more. Except for the counselor suggestion. I thought I could handle it myself." "Most people think that at first." "Not everyone is qualified, though." Fox sounded a short, soft laugh. "Fat lot of good it did." "Are you a psychologist?" "Earned my B. A. at Oxford. From there I profiled killers for the FBI." "Then you're more qualified than most to know that the things I'm saying to you are true." "Oh, yeah. But there's a big difference between what you know and what you feel. Not that I didn't know that , but now I'm living it." "I understand." "No, you don't." Fox looked across to the other man, eyes dull with pain. "You ever have someone you love more than life so screwed up mentally that they try to kill themselves because they think you'd be better off without them? You ever sit by their hospital bed for hours, days on end, terrified that they might not ever wake up? Gives you plenty of time to work up some good, strong hate, let me tell you. "And I hated Scully. All I could see was the damage she'd done to Alex. The horror she'd inflicted on him. I didn't care why. It didn't matter to me. Until I saw her at her mother's house. Then it all hit home. Finally. " I screwed Scully up. Scully screwed Alex up. That makes him a victim of my insane, hazardous, messed up life, once removed." "And so you've transferred that hate to yourself." Fox's lack of a response was answer enough. "You've implied that you love Alex deeply," Craig said. "If that's so, you must think about what's best for you...your relationship. I think you'll agree that this isn't it. I really believe that you may benefit from a few sessions with a good counselor. I can recommend someone for you if you like." "I...maybe...I'll talk to Alex about it." The doctor turned to his desk and scribbled a few names on a piece of paper. He handed it to Fox. "Any one of those counselors is a good choice. In the meantime, I don't know if you'd planned on it or not, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to see Dana. I don't come by that decision easily; she asks for you on an almost constant basis. But in your present state of mind, I don't think it'll do either of you any good." Fox nodded. "She thinks Alex is..." "I know. I think it would be a mistake to tell her any differently right now." "That came so close to being the truth. I can't...I..." He blinked back the stinging he felt in his eyes and nose. "...can't even pretend that it happened." "You don't have to. We'll find a way to work through her insistence on seeing you." Fox closed his eyes and dropped his head. Dr. Craig laid a gentle hand on the other man's shoulder. "Why don't you go home? Talk to Alex. You'll feel better once you both decide to seek help." Fox rose slowly from the chair and lifted a listless gaze to the doctor. "Thank you," he whispered then turned and walked out. Alex paced the length of the living room, arguing with himself over whether to call Fox. Enough time had passed that he should have been home, yet Alex hadn't seen or heard anything from him. He kept telling himself that Fox was fine, and that he was worried for absolutely nothing, but the feeling that something was wrong wouldn't leave him. Making his decision, he snatched up the phone and began to dial. As Fox's phone began to ring, Alex heard it at the door as well as on the phone. The sound of keys in the lock confirmed that Fox was home, and Alex hung up. Turning to face the door, he waited as Fox pushed it open. Every question he was prepared to ask went away as Fox drifted into the room, looking utterly drained. Saying nothing, Alex went to him and gathered him into his arms. Fox buried his face in Alex's shoulder, holding tightly to him. Alex stroked Fox's back, knowing that something was obviously wrong but unable to bring himself to ask when Fox was clearly so unready to talk about it. They stood quietly, holding each other, then Fox's voice sounded, soft and strained. "I'm sorry." "I was worried," Alex murmured gently, kissing the side of Fox's head. "Where were you?" "Chestnut Hospital." Frowning, Alex carefully lifted Fox's head from his shoulder and fixed a confused gaze on him. "I don't know why. I just...I hadn't intended to. I just found myself there." "You saw her?" "No. N-no, her...her doctor doesn't think it's a good idea for either of us." "I told you that." "I didn't go there to see her, anyway. I can't. I...I still can't. I went, I suppose, to talk to him." "And?" Fox shrugged. "Look what it's done to you," Alex said. "What did you talk about?" "I told him everything in the hope that there was something he could use to help Scully." "So you had to relive it all over again." No answer. "Dammit, Fox." There was no anger in his words. Just quiet anguish. "I know that burying everything isn't the way to do it," Alex said. "But you need time. Just...time to settle in. To rest. You've had so little rest the last couple of weeks." "Neither have you." "I know. We both could use about a week straight of sleep." Alex kissed the other man gently. "Why don't you go put on something comfortable, then we can eat." "'Kay." Fox turned and walked out of the room, leaving Alex standing in the middle of the floor. He clasped his hands over the top of his head, tipped it back and closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths. A bit calmer now, he headed for the kitchen to get dinner. "How're you feeling, Mom?" Maggie Scully looked up at her son, wincing at the black and blue that covered most of one side of his face, and the bandaged nose. "Not great." "That's what happens when you let yourself get run down." Bill set the tray down on the coffee table. "Try to eat a little, okay?" Maggie nodded. "I should go with you." "No, no. Dana will understand if you don't see her one day." "But no one's been there all day. She must be upset." "Dr. Craig said that he was going to explain. Don't worry." "She doesn't understand things the way she did. She's so...childlike." "I know, but I'll be there soon." Bill sighed. "Who the hell knew we were going to be at the doctor's so long. Come on. Eat." "I will. Just please get going, okay? I'm so worried about her." "All right. You stay here on the couch and rest." As her son got up and started for the door, Maggie's voice stopped him. "Bill...don't forget. You're going to make something up to explain your face." Bill's jaw clenched, and he nodded then shuffled out the door, leaving his sick mother to her soup. Alex watched Fox's food slowly disappear from his plate as he forced his own down. "Two of our stocks jumped today," he said by way of conversation. "...Yeah?" Alex nodded. "I'm keeping a close eye on them. We may have to be ready to sell soon." No response from Fox. "And...I was thinking of taking a pottery class...make us some new lamps." "Mmm hmm." "Black elephants trimmed in gold." An absent nod. "Fox..." "Dr. Craig wondered if we'd thought about getting some help...for us." Alex cocked his head. "Like...a counselor?" Fox nodded. A short sound came from Alex's open mouth. He closed it then opened it again to speak. "Maybe it isn't such a bad idea. You know...have someone help us sort everything out." Fox nodded and lifted his head. "Maybe." "Did the doctor give you any recommendations?" "He gave me a short list." "You want to call one?" "I want to stop feeling the way I feel right now. I haven't been much help to you, I really don' t know if I can pull myself out of this, and I sure as hell don't want to put that kind of responsibility on you. I think maybe we should give it a shot." "Okay, then," Alex agreed. "We'll do it. This is good," Alex smiled. "Maybe it was good you went to see him. We're gonna get help. And we're gonna get straight." Fox returned the soft smile. "I don't wanna get straight ." Alex burst into laughter and got up, pulling Fox with him. "Not a chance of that . Come on. Let's get rid of this stuff, then we can spend the night making sure you stay bent." Scully looked up from the television and smiled as her brother came in. "Bill! I'm so glad you came. I...what happened to your face?" Bill Scully shook his head. "Nothing for you to worry about. Sorry neither of us has been here all day, but...did the doctor tell you that Mom's not feeling well?" "Yeah. How is she now?" "She's tired. Her stomach is pretty upset. But you know Mom. All she can think about is you. I left her with some soup and crackers, and here I am. How are you today?" "Okay. Does that hurt?" "Uh...a little." Dana smiled. "You sound funny." "Yeah. Well. I..." "Did anybody hear from Mulder today?" Bill stared at his sister for a moment then, composing himself, he answered. "No." "I wish I knew what this case was about. Knowing Mulder it's got to be something really weird." She laughed. "You should hear about some the of cases we've been on." Bill attempted to change the subject. "I called home this morning. Everyone sends their love." "Oh, that's nice." Scully cracked a grin. "Did I ever tell you about the time we walked into a town full of vampires? And Mulder got dragged through the mud behind this runaway camper?" She broke into girlish laughter. "What a..." "Dana," Bill snapped then caught himself and lowered his voice. "Can we talk about something other than Mulder?" "I know you never liked him, Bill. But you would if you just gave him a chance. He's my best friend. He's smart and he's funny and..." "And he's the reason why you're here . Him and that hoodlum boyfriend of his." Scully blinked at her brother's harsh words. "Bill..." "You wanna know what happened to me? I'll tell you," Bill rattled on, anger consuming him. " He did it. That fag Mulder's little boyfriend!" The sweat ran in rivulets over Fox's skin, combining with Alex's as he pushed into his lover's body. Pinned face down on the bed by Fox's weight, Alex grunted with every strong thrust. His fingers curled in the sheets, pulling them loose, and his entire body shuddered as a blinding orgasm danced within his reach. Fox groaned harshly into Alex's shoulder as the younger man's muscles contracted, milking his cock. Managing to work a hand under Alex, he grasped his cock and began to squeeze. Alex's head lifted from the pillow, and he let out a hoarse cry as he came, filling the tip of his condom with semen. Fox followed quickly, pumping hard until exhaustion forced him to stop. Completely sapped of strength, he collapsed onto Alex's back, moaning softly. Alex lay quietly, enjoying the way his lover's hot, slick skin felt on his. "Mmmmm." "You alive?" Fox moaned again and slid off of Alex, removing his condom and disposing of it. Alex sat up and did the same, then he turned to Fox and into a long, sweet kiss. "Sheets are drenched," Alex murmured when they parted. Fox nodded and came in for another kiss. "Guess we should change 'em, huh? Unless you think they're gonna end up getting all sweaty again in a little while." Alex laughed. "Well, maybe . Let's..." The ringing phone interrupted his statement. Growling, Fox reached for the phone. "Hold that thought. Hello? Yes, it is...Mrs. Scully? What is it? What's wrong?" Fox's eyes grew wide as he listened to the crying woman. "What? How did...yeah. All...all right, I'll...okay. Take it easy. She'll be okay...yes, I'll...I'll come." Fox hung up and buried his face in his hands. "What happened?" Alex asked in a hushed voice. "Scully's brother went to see her alone tonight. He told her that you hit him." "But she thinks I'm...oh, shit." Fox nodded as he got out of bed. "She's completely freaked out. That was Mrs. Scully, asking me to come to the hospital." Fox stopped and faced the bed. "Alex, I gotta go. I don't know what I can do to diffuse this, but I gotta try." "Fox, I...don't. I don't think it's the best idea." "I know. But how can I leave it like this without even trying to do something?" "I don't want you hurt," Alex pleaded, knowing that he was going to lose this one. "Don't go. We'll figure something else out." "I have to," Fox breathed. "Please understand." After a brief pause, Alex got up and started gathering clothes. "I'm going with you." "I don't know if...maybe she shouldn't see you still." "I'm not going there for Scully. I'm going for you. I'll stay in the hall." Showering together to save time, both men dressed quickly then raced out of the apartment. Bill Scully sat in the hall, forehead resting on the heels of his hands. He lifted his head as his mother moved slowly out of the room and leaned against the wall. "How is she?" "Practically catatonic." "I'm sorry, Mom." "How could you, Bill? How could you lose your temper like that? You knew what you weren't supposed to say, and you went right ahead and..." "Mrs. Scully." "Fox," Maggie breathed, pushing her tired body away from the wall. "Thank you. Thank you for coming." Red eyes went from Fox to the man at his side. "I know how you feel about seeing Dana, but she's so upset. The doctor finally had to give her something to calm her down." Fox's eyes went from Maggie to the man seated to their left. "What the hell were you thinking?" Bill stayed in his seat, pinned there by Alex's withering glare. "I didn't mean it," he muttered. "It just came out." "Good job." "I said , I didn't mean to." "Watch your tone, Billy," Alex rumbled, his laser green stare burning into the seated man. "Mr. Mulder, thank you for coming." Everyone's attention turned to Scully's doctor, who was just now coming out of her room. "This is Mr. Krycek, I presume." Alex took the offered hand. "How is she?" "I've given her a little something to relax her, so she's calmer. But before that, she was in a state of very high anxiety." "Did she believe it when her brother told her that Alex was alive?" Fox asked. "She kept screaming that it wasn't true. Then she broke down crying and saying that she'll never see you again. You'd never be her friend again." "She was inconsolable," Maggie added. "It's breaking my heart, Fox. Please. Please see her and let her know that it isn't true." Fox lowered his eyes. "I...I know what she's done is horrible, and I apologize." She looked at Alex. "To you both." She turned back to Fox. "You came. You must care. Please help her, Fox." Fox lifted his gaze to Dr. Craig's. "Earlier you didn't think it was a good idea for me to see her." "I'm still not sure it's the best idea if you can't keep a handle on your emotions. But I have to ask if there's any way you think you'll be able to do that." "I don't know, I...I'll try. What about this situation with Alex?" "If you do go in to see her, I need you to be as diplomatic about that as possible. Don't tell her it was a lie designed to draw her out. She needs to feel she can trust those around her. Tell her it was a mistake and that yes, he is alive. Tell her, if you can, that you are her friend, and that all that's happened between you can be worked out... if you can." Fox blew out a heavy breath and closed his eyes as his head lowered. Alex stepped closer, winding one arm around his disturbed lover while the other caressed his arm. "Don't push yourself into doing this," he whispered. "Sit down. Give it some thought." "Mr. Krycek is right," Craig agreed. "Give it serious thought. "You will not be helping Dana or yourself if you can't keep control of your emotions." Running his fingers through his hair, Fox looked up to find the pleading eyes of Maggie Scully on him. He looked to the side, meeting her son's hateful, accusatory stare. "I'll go." "Fox," Alex called softly. "Let's think a little more about this, huh?" "I have to," Fox said, taking Alex's hand and squeezing it. "I'll be all right." "I think this is a bad idea. At least right now," Alex insisted gently. "I know. But what else can I do?" "You can let me take you home. She's calm now. We have time to think about it." "How much more time do you need ?" Bill Scully asked spitefully. "She's been here how long?" "Shut up," Alex hissed. "You're working my nerves just by being in my sight. I don't need to hear your mouth too." "Bill," Maggie snapped. " Stop ." Bill fell into a brooding silence, tossing dirty looks Alex and Fox's way as soon as they'd turned away. "Fox," Maggie called, approaching the two men, hands outstretched. "I understand your hesitation. Truly I do. But she is pretty well sedated. You won't have to talk much with her. Can't you just let her know you're here, and that you're not angry with her? Maybe that will be enough." Fox looked from Maggie to Alex. His eyes begging the younger man to understand, he drew Alex's hands to his lips for a tender kiss before he backed toward the door and went in. Alex stood his ground, eyes closed for long seconds before walking several feet away and dropping into a chair. Maggie followed and carefully took a seat beside him. "I..." she began softly. "I'm sorry. I know you're concerned about him." "You don't know," Alex whispered. "I understand that your daughter is your priority. I do. But Fox is mine. You're not going to see when he falls apart. You're not going to stay up nights with him because he can't sleep for being wracked with guilt over your daughter's condition." "He shouldn't feel guilty." "I know that. You know that. Skinner knows that, everybody knows that except for Fox and your son over there. Which, by the way, I should apologize to you for, but I can't. He got what was coming to him." Maggie bowed her head. "I know he threw the first punch. I know you were just defending Fox. I hate to see my children hurt, but I know that Bill and his temper brought that on himself." Alex nodded and looked down the hall and toward Scully's door. "It's quiet." Maggie smiled and gave him an uncertain pat. "Maybe that's a good sign." Red eyelashes fluttered and lifted, and sleepy blue eyes focused hard on the man sitting by the bed. "Mulder." Scully fought to hold on the consciousness. "You came. Didn't think you would." Fox took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the woman in the bed. "I didn't think I would either. Uh...you know that Alex is alive." Scully's eyebrows drew down into a frown. "How? I don't...Skinner said he was dead. He was dead, and you and I could be friends again. Now he's alive, and you'll forget about me again." "Skinner was mistaken about Alex," Fox lied. "And I never forgot about you. But you made it hard for us to still be friends, Scully." "I know I shouldn't have been so mean to him, but...you wouldn't listen to me. You should've listened to me. You should've let me just...." "Let you just what?" "Play with him a while. I just wanted to play with him for a while." Fox stared. "...He's not a toy." "Just wanted to play." "He's a man, Scully. And I love him. I told you that. You needed to respect it. If you had done that we would've still been friends." He remembered what he was told. "If you can do that now, we can be friends again." "Best friends should share. Like sisters. Daddy was so mad at what I did. But it was Missy's fault. He should've been mad at her." She paused. "Mom told him that I have his temper." She stopped again and thought for a minute. "I don't think I do. He can get pretty mad." Her blue gaze pinned Fox to his chair. "You're mad too, huh?" Fox forced himself to stare back at Scully. "I'm not mad," he whispered. "You were," Scully reminded him. "Remember you kicked me out of the cabin? You made me transfer because you didn't want to work with me any more? All because of him. He caused all the trouble. And now he's back. And he's going to cause more trouble, and you're not going to want to be my friend any more...he should've stayed dead." Fox's hands squeezed together. "Don't say that." "I felt bad when I heard. I didn't mean for him to die, but...it was good. Everything was going to be okay. Now it's all messed up again. Send him away, Mulder." She was pleading. "Make him go away." Fox shook his head. "I'll never do that. I love Alex, Scully. You need to understand that. Can you do that? Do you hear me?" Scully began to cry. "You jerk. You were never my friend." "I was always your friend." "Uh uh. You were just hanging around with me because you had nothing better to do. You didn't have any other friends. Everybody thought you were crazy. They didn't like you. Well, now I don't like you either. I hate you." She turned onto her side, refusing to look at Fox any longer. "Go away. Go back to your stupid, cheap whore boyfriend. Guess he's the best you can do." Fox remained seated, and he stared at the curled up figure on the bed. A few days ago he would have been furious at her rant. Now it was a red-hot dagger in his chest. "Scully. I'm...I'm sorry." Scully covered her ears and curled into a tighter ball. Fox stood up and took half a step toward the bed. "I am sorry. And uh...I hope you feel better." Scully didn't move or speak, and Fox backed up, turning when he reached the door. He didn't look back as he walked through it. Alex lifted his head and moaned deep in his throat as Fox drifted into the hall. He was on his feet in an instant, moving toward his pale, shaken lover. He said nothing, unsure that Fox would even hear him. The other man stumbled into his outstretched arms, and he held him as Maggie and Dr. Craig moved in. "Did she speak to you?" Maggie asked, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible and still get her answers. Fox nodded. "What did she say? How is she?" "She hates me," Fox said. "She fought like hell against the sedative to make sure that I knew that." "What? No. No, Fox. She's been completely stuck on seeing you all this time. She doesn't hate you." "Oh yeah, she does. I don't blame her." "Fox," Alex whispered, petting his lover's head. "Let's go home. You've had enough." "Fox. Wait. Just another minute," Maggie pleaded as Alex tried to move Fox away. "No," Alex snapped quickly. "No more," he finished in a softer tone. "But..." "Mrs. Scully, please...if he's up to it, he'll call you tomorrow. It's late, and I want to get him home." Wringing her hands, Mrs. Scully stepped back. "All...all right. I'm sorry, Fox." Saying nothing to anyone else, Alex led Fox away. "Well, that did a whole lot of good, didn't it?" Bill asked, rising from his chair. "No," Maggie sighed, looking down the now empty hall. "I'm afraid it didn't." She turned to Craig, her eyes full of tears. "Guess you were right. It wasn't a good idea for him to see Dana." Dr. Craig laid a comforting hand on the woman's shoulder. "I understand your need to help your daughter." "But I didn't. That much is obvious." "Let's go in and see her." Bill remained outside as Maggie and the doctor entered the room. "Dana?" Maggie called, approaching cautiously. "Honey, are you awake?" There was no answer, and Maggie crept around to the other side of the bed. Curled up tightly, Scully lay with her eyes closed and her hands still over her ears. "Dana?" Scully's lashes lifted only a fraction. "Honey, are you all right?" "Tired," Scully sighed almost inaudibly. "I know. You can go to sleep soon, okay? Dana, what happened when Fox came in?" Scully frowned, and her eyes closed. "Can you tell me?" "He won't make Krycek go away." "He...Dana, you can't expect him to do that. It isn't fair, honey." "What about me?" "He'll still be your friend, Dana," the doctor said. "He wants to be. Friends are happy for each other's good fortune." Maggie waited to hear her daughter's answer but none came. "Honey?" "I'm tired," Scully repeated then said no more. "All right, Dana." Maggie moved in and pressed a kiss to her daughter's head. "Sleep well, sweetheart. I'll see you tomorrow." Maggie preceded the doctor into the hall. Bill got to his feet, waiting to hear what had happened inside. "She didn't say much, but she's obviously very upset," Maggie informed her son. "We didn't want to push her." "Well," Bill breathed. "He's managed to make things worse than he already has. This guy's unbelievable." "Bill, I..." Maggie stopped, checking her anger. "It's late. Let's go home." The doctor saw the Scullys out with the promise to meet with Maggie in the morning. Once the two reached the parking lot, Maggie began chastising her son. "When are you going to stop?" "Stop?" Bill asked, bristling with indignation. "I can't believe you're taking that man's side. He did this to Dana. He ..." "Enough!" Maggie spun, facing her son, her eyes blazing with anger. "You're not helping, Bill. You're...you're not helping at all. I think it would be best if you just went home." "What?" He couldn't believe it. "You're...you actually want me to go?" "You can't hold your tongue around Fox Mulder. You've gone to his home for goodness sake and started a fight!" Bill pointed to his face. "Who's the one who got his nose broken?" "It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't gone looking to cause trouble!" Maggie shouted back. "You couldn't even control your impulses for your sister's sake! You went in there and told her that Alex Krycek was alive after you were told specifically to say nothing! If that's the kind of help you're offering, Bill, I don't need it and neither does Dana! Go. Home ." Maggie stormed toward her car, leaving her son standing speechless in the parking lot. Alex glanced from the road to the quiet figure beside him. Knowing that words right now would likely have very little effect, he simply reached out and stroked Fox's cheek. He watched the other man's lashes drop over his eyes, and heard the soft intake of breath. A long while later, Fox spoke. "I'm sorry." "What for?" "For tonight. I shouldn't have gone. I should have listened to you." "You did what you felt you had to. I know it would have been nearly impossible to tell Mrs. Scully that you wouldn't go, given how upset she was." "It did no good. None. In fact, I think I might have made things worse." "That'll be for the doctor to say. And if it did set Scully back, it's not your fault. Her jackass of a brother started this. And then her mother begged you to see her." "She...she said that y...you should have..." Alex waited. "She said you should have stayed dead," Fox murmured, radiating pain. I almost lost it, but I..." Fox tilted his head back, resting it on the seat. "There's no one to be angry with but myself. There's no one to blame. No one to hate." "No, Fox," Alex whispered. "No one at all. Not Scully. And most especially not yourself. I know all about self-loathing. I know what it feels like. I know the damage it does. You're not going to do this. I'm not going to let you." Fox gave no response. Sighing softly, Alex combed through the soft fringe of hair at Fox's neck with his fingers, and silence settled over the compartment for the rest of the drive home. "You look like hell." Fox avoided the sharp brown stare and settled behind his desk; organizing the files he'd left there the night before. "I talked to Mrs. Scully this morning," Skinner said, settling his impeccably dressed, perfectly pressed frame into the chair in front of Fox's desk. "She told me what happened last night." Fox carefully placed the file he held into the pile to his right then folded his hands in his lap, staring disinterestedly at his blotter. "You've got guilt written all over your face. Why'd you go see her? I know that Mrs. Scully was pressing hard for it, but why'd you go? What did you hope to accomplish in your frame of mind?" "I wanted to help her," Fox said, his voice rusty from lack of sleep. "I wanted to try and clean up some of the mess." "How did you expect to straighten anything out with her when you're not even right with yourself?" "Mrs. Scully sounded so desperate, and I..." "You felt you owed her something." Silence met Skinner's theory. "The only person you owe, Mulder, is yourself. I understand how you feel about Scully. I knew you would once you actually met with her and saw for yourself what I was talking about. But you can't do a damn thing for her if you're eaten up with guilt over her condition." More silence. "What the hell are you doing here today? I'm surprised Alex let you out of the apartment like this." "I've taken way too much time off lately. Gotta get my nose back to the grindstone." "You gotta get your head screwed back on straight," Skinner offered. "I'll be okay." The A.D. studied the quiet man for a while, then he got to his feet. "If you need more time off, I'll arrange it. Even with all the time off you've taken over the last year, you've got more yet on the books. Plus there's personal and sick time..." "I'm fine," Fox insisted with no strength in his assertion. Skinner paused then nodded and left the office, closing the door softly behind him. The moment he started down the hall, he pulled out his phone and hit speed dial. The soft, rough hello on the other end sent a twinge through him. "It's Walter." "Yeah. What's up?" "That's my question to you. Mulder is in here looking like he's on his last leg, and you don't sound too much better. I know you went to the hospital last night. I know it wasn't pretty. What happened after?" Alex sighed heavily. 'We went to bed. He lay awake all night, and I watched him. We got up this morning, I asked him to stay home and try to get some rest, and he insisted he was fine and that he could work. Truthfully, I felt like he wanted to get away from me this morning. He barely looked at me." "What are you thinking, Alex?" "M...maybe he realizes that all of this is happening because he..." "For Chissakes, Alex don't . Don't start this vicious circle again." Skinner rubbed at his forehead. "It's becoming more and more obvious to me that you can't break it on your own. Get help. I want you to call somebody. Today." "Dr. Craig had given Fox some names, and we'd agreed on doing that." "Well, good. That's a step in the right direction." "But I don't know if he even wants to do that now." "Yes, he does. Of course he does." Alex said nothing. "Have you got the list?" "It's here on the dresser." "Go get it. Make the calls." "I...I can't do it without him knowing. We have to agree and..." "Fine," Skinner said. "Fine. You haven't heard the last of this." Hanging up without saying anything else, Skinner whirled around and stormed back toward Fox's office. Without so much as a quick knock, he threw the door open and stalked up to the surprised man. "Come with me. Right now." Confused, Fox rose from his desk and started around the front of it, but Skinner's voice stopped him before he could reach him. "Get your jacket. You won't be coming back to your office today." "What's going on?" Fox asked, picking up his jacket and following in the older man's wake. "Is something wrong?" "Plenty's wrong," Skinner rumbled, heading toward the parking garage. "And we're going doing something about it before it gets any worse." They made their way to Skinner's car, and the A.D. unlocked and threw the passenger's side door open. "Get in." "Where're we going?" Skinner gave no answer until he dropped into the driver's seat and started the car. "Home." "Home?" "That's right. You and Alex are going to call a counselor, and you're going to get the help you need sorting all of this out." "How did you..." "I just called him. I mentioned that I thought you could use some professional help, and he said that Scully's doctor had given you a few names. He wouldn't call any of them without you. He's not sure you want the help any more." Fox turned and looked at the other man. "He thinks that maybe you're realizing that he's to blame for all that's happened." Fox closed his eyes and lowered his head. "Jeez." Skinner hit a red light and turned to face Fox. "What's that?" Fox said nothing for a bit, then he lifted glistening eyes to Skinner. "Thank you," he whispered. "For taking me home." The light turned green, and Skinner nodded before continuing his journey to Crystal City. Alex sat at the computer, staring sightlessly at the screen. There were things he could have been doing but depression kept him anchored in the chair, and he simply couldn't work up the energy to give a damn. The key in the lock drew his attention away from the monitor, and he watched as the door opened, and Fox walked in followed by Skinner. Alex sat frozen, staring until Fox's slow advancement brought him to the desk in the corner of the room. Alex rose cautiously and looked into weary, incredibly sad eyes. He glanced quickly past Fox at Skinner then his gaze went right back to Fox. "Where's that list of counselors?" Fox croaked. Alex blinked for a moment then answered. "Bedroom." "You uh...you wanna..." Fox stopped, clearing the gravel from his throat. "Let's make some calls." Alex's eyes widened almost imperceptibly as he looked down at the desk then back up at Fox. He nodded then stepped around the desk. He'd almost made it past Fox when the other man reached out, wrapping a gentle hand around his wrist. He stopped and, not quite meeting Fox's eyes, waited. "I'm sorry," Fox whispered. "For last night. And this morning, and..." Before he could go on, Alex moved toward Fox and laid his head on his shoulder, sliding one arm around his waist. Fox then pulled him into a full embrace, burying his face in the curve of his neck. "I love you. I will not let this beat us." Alex curled his fingers in the back of Fox's jacket while he pulled the other man closer. "I was scared this morning. You w...wouldn't look at me." "I didn't feel like I could face you. I was afraid to see what was in your eyes." Alex lifted his head and stared at his lover. "It's not right that we should be afraid of each other." "No, it's not." Alex stepped back and, taking Fox's hand, he led the way to the bedroom. As they passed Skinner, he caught Alex's eye and spoke. "I'll just wait here until you come back and tell me that you've called someone and made an appointment." Alex nodded, and he and Fox disappeared into the other room. Sighing, Skinner entered the apartment and walked to the other end of the room, watching as the two angelfish chased each other around the tank. No more than ten minutes went by before the two men emerged from the bedroom hand in hand. "We've got an appointment with a Dr. Tanner next week," Fox announced softly. "Good. Until then, you two take it easy, stay away from Scully and try to remember that none of what's happened is your fault." "Thank you, Walt," Fox said. "You always seem to be there when we need you." "Yeah," Skinner breathed. "It's my curse." The statement earned him a hint of a smile from Fox. "Why don't you give me your keys, and I'll get your car back to you tonight." "Oh. Yeah, I..." Fox rummaged in his pockets and handed the keys to Skinner. "Thanks." "Okay. You two relax. Spend the rest of the day together and...get back in touch with each other. I'll see you later." They watched Skinner leave, then Alex turned to face Fox, their hands still linked. "You look really tired." Fox shrugged. "You too." Alex nodded. "You wanna try and take a nap?" "That actually sounds good." Slowly, the men walked into the bedroom, Fox stripping away his jacket as Alex reached for his tie. Fox stood quietly as the younger man loosened the knot and slipped the tie over his head then undid two buttons on his shirt. Fox kicked off his shoes and Alex did the same, then the two lay down face to face. Barely able to fight the weight of his own closing eyelids, Fox sighed and let a hand drift over Alex's cheek. "I love you." Alex caught the wandering hand and drew it up to his lips, pressing a tender kiss in the open palm. "I love you , Fox. Whatever else you may see in my eyes, that'll always be there. Always." Nodding, Fox leaned in and kissed the other man gently before closing his eyes and descending into sleep. While he didn't think that he be able to sleep, Alex snuggled close and shut his eyes. Not more than a few minutes later, he was out, joining Fox in a deep, surprisingly peaceful slumber. "Mmmmm..." Something brushed Alex's jaw. A soft whisper of a caress. Then his cheek. His mouth. He sighed again, and this time it was swallowed by Fox's mouth covering his, Fox's tongue snaking inside, caressing the smooth, inner walls. He felt his cock awaken and stir, and he pushed against Fox, moaning deep in his throat. The kiss was broken, and he opened his eyes to find Fox watching him. "I woke up a little while ago," Fox rasped, "and I...I was looking at you." He stroked Alex's cheek. "You're so beautiful. And I..." Fox sucked on his bottom lip for a moment before releasing it. "I need you." Alex stared, drowning in twin, glistening pools of green and gold. Slowly, his hand slid up Fox's arm and shoulder, cupping the older man's cheek before sliding around to the back of his head and pulling him into a deeply passionate kiss. A stinging rush of tears burned his eyes as he pulled at Fox's clothing, stopping only long enough to let the other man work his t-shirt up and over his head. Fox's hands wandered over his now bare upper body as he continued to rid his lover of his clothing. Once Fox was completely naked and Alex was down to just his jeans, Fox rolled Alex beneath him, drawing him into another searing kiss. There was a quiet desperation to his actions; a profound need that Alex felt just as keenly, and when Fox released his mouth and slid lower to suck at a nipple, a tear escaped Alex's closed lids, and he gasped his lover's name on a broken breath. The emotional rasp sent Fox into a controlled frenzy, stroking, licking, devouring the warm, almost hot flesh. As he moved, his cock rubbed against the worn denim of Alex's jeans, and he fought to keep control. When Alex's fingers tightened in his hair, and the younger man pushed up against his mouth, he nearly lost the struggle. Alex whimpered and reached for Fox as he pulled back, panting. He saw the older man's hand go down to his jeans, felt them being loosened, but it wasn't until his cock was freed that he stopped his wordless pleas for more. He lay quietly now, teeth clenched, lips trembling, waiting. Fox gently worked Alex's jeans and underwear down and off, then kneeled over the younger man. Pulling a condom and lube out of the nightstand drawer, he knelt by Alex's hips and ripped the package open. Positioning it over the head of Alex's cock, he lowered his head and drew the sheathed organ into his mouth; sucking in inch by inch as his hand rolled the latex down. Alex's hips lifted from the bed, and he emitted a shocked cry. They had never done this before, and he'd supposed it was because they were saving it. Waiting for the day they could without needing a condom. This now took him completely by surprise, and his mind and body reacted forcefully, exploding into a million shards of sensation. Fox's cock throbbed as he listened to Alex's desperate, breathy cries and felt the deep, uncontrollable shudder of his lover's body. Alex's cock, even sheathed in the unpleasant tasting latex felt wonderful as it filled his mouth and touched the back of his throat. He took a deep breath and pushed forward, burying his nose in the crisp, dark pubic hair then sucked gently on the shaft. Alex's head lifted from the pillow, and his hoarse cries reverberated in the otherwise quiet room. Before he could warn Fox, he came, shooting copious amounts of semen into the condom's reservoir. His head fell back onto the pillow, and he lay trembling as he tried to catch his breath. Blown away by what had just happened, Fox blindly groped in the drawer for another condom, preparing himself with shaking hands before taking Alex as gently as he could under the circumstances. Alex's breath caught in his throat as the first stroke filled him almost completely. He barely had time to compose himself before Fox withdrew a fraction then drove all the way in. "Nnnnmmh...ahhh." Fox held tightly to Alex, his body hunching over and over in an increasingly hard rhythm. Alex's hands slid over his back, stopping at his ass, gripping the hard muscles and pulling him in, encouraging him to take what he needed. Fox bit down on his lower lip, plunging into his lover's warmth, his own insides coiling tightly until he snapped. Alex held Fox to him as the older man shuddered and gasped his way through orgasm, and when he finally relaxed on top of Alex, moaning softly, the tears that Alex had been fighting back began to fall, and his body shook as he sobbed quietly. Fox lifted his head, frowning when he saw the tears streaming down Alex's face. "Baby, I..." Brushing the hair away from the other man's forehead, Fox searched his eyes. "...I don't...are you okay?" "M'sorry," Alex managed to whisper as Fox brushed away his tears. "Sorry? No . I...is it because I...damn. I shouldn't have... I just...I couldn't help myself." "No, Fox," Alex sniffed. "It was so...I...I never thought I could feel so..." Fox waited nervously. Alex closed his eyes and another tear escaped. "Amazing. Oh my God, so amazing." A relieved smile lit Fox's face. "You didn't mind? I thought maybe you were upset." Alex shook his head. "We were safe. I just...you took me by surprise. I didn't think we'd do that until we were in the clear, and we didn't need any protection." "I know, but it just...it's hard to explain. I just felt this need. Are you sure you're not angry or upset?" "I'm sure," Alex whispered. Fox lay his head on the other man's chest. "It's gonna get better, Alex. Wait. In a couple of months it's gonna be unbelievable." Alex moaned at the thought and stroked Fox's back. "We're gonna get there, aren't we?" "We are," Fox whispered, kissing Alex's collarbone. "You and me...and all our baggage." Alex broke into a smile and a sudden, brief burst of laughter. "We got a lot of it, don't we?" "More all the time it seems," Fox murmured. Then he began to laugh. "Wait till that counselor gets a load of us. We'll probably scare him right out of the profession." Swiping at his cheeks, Alex chuckled in genuine amusement. "God, we're a mess." Still smiling, Fox caressed Alex's chest. "I feel better right now than I have since we got back home." "I was worried," Alex admitted, his smile fading. "I didn't know if we were gonna get through this." "I'm sorry. That's my fault. But all the time I was handing you all that stuff about not feeling guilty, I should've been listening to my own words. I promise I'll try to keep it in mind from here on out." "Hard though, isn't it?" Alex asked, nuzzling Fox's head. Fox nodded, all traces of humor gone. "I really understand now what you've been feeling. Painful doesn't even begin to cover it." Alex drew a deep, even breath. "I don't want you to feel that kind of pain. It hurts like to hell to think that you do." "I know that feeling too," Fox answered softly. "It's like a big circle we're going in, isn't it?" "Yeah." "You know, I..." Fox stopped, sighing heavily. "This counselor thing at first was sort of humiliating. I felt so useless not being able to handle this myself." "I hope that means that you don't feel that way now," Alex said. "You're just way too close to it to be objective, that's all." "I know. I...I'm seeing that now. I'm sorry it took me so long. If I'd realized it sooner, if we'd gone for help..." "Fox..." "I know, I know. Damn, this is tough." Alex hugged Fox tightly and closed his eyes. "Yup." "I hope it gets easier." "Can't get any harder." Fox groaned, and Alex bit his lip. "Oops." "You did it now," Fox droned. "We're cursed for sure." A tiny smile twitched at Alex's lips. "Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." The smile grew wider. "Wanna punish me?" Fox burst into laughter. "You mean you want me to cook dinner for you?" "I said punish me, not kill me." Fox picked his head up. "Oh yeah?" Alex's heart rate picked up as he looked into gleaming eyes. "Uh. What I meant was..." Fox gave him no chance to explain. He barely allowed the opportunity to breathe as he attacked quickly. Shrieks and giggles turned to moans and whimpers as they made love a second time. When it was done, Fox dragged himself off of the bed and pulled Alex up with him. They showered without teasing, made a light supper together then turned in, making love yet again before finally turning in for the night. Alex fell asleep after Fox, feeling infinitely better than he had since they'd returned. They were communicating, they were getting help...it looked like they were about to get back on the right track. For the umpteenth time. Hopefully for the last time. over two months later The couple sat side by side on the therapist's couch, Alex's hand enfolded warmly in Fox's. Both were quiet while they waited for the doctor to enter. Alex surreptitiously glanced down at his watch and took a deep breath, letting it out softly. Seconds later, the door opened and Dr. Tanner entered. "I'm so sorry," Tanner murmured in his quiet, soothing voice. "Had to take care of a little problem at home." He took his usual seat across from the sofa and smiled at the two. "Two teenagers in the house. Always some kind of emergency." Fox nodded in mock understanding. "So. How are you today?" Fox looked at Alex then back to the therapist, answering for them both. "A uh...a little nervous." The doctor nodded. "I know that the last time you did this you got the scare of your lives." Fox swallowed past the dryness in his throat. But you recall that a second test revealed that Alex wasn't infected. And that increases your chances significantly that everything will be fine." No response. "But that doesn't make it any easier," Tanner concluded, his tone full of understanding. "What time?" Fox looked down at his watch again. "In three hours." The doctor turned to Alex, who had yet to say a word. "What are you feeling, Alex?" Alex looked up at the doctor then directed his gaze at Fox. He paused for a moment then looked down at the hand resting in his lap. "I don't know," Alex murmured. "A lot of things." The doctor smiled. "So pick one and go with it." Alex took a deep breath and let it out. "N-no matter what the results are today...things are going to change." "And that scares you." No answer. "Either way it goes." Again nothing. "Tell me what you would have to fear if the test reads negative?" Alex paused and closed his eyes as Fox squeezed his hand reassuringly. "All this time...s-since Fox and I got together in California things have been...the drama, in one form or another hasn't stopped. And this has always been with us. If I test negative now, there won't be that to focus on and...and there'll be nothing to hide behind." The doctor and Fox cocked their heads. "What d'you mean?" Fox asked gently. "I won't be the double-dealing ex-triple assassin. I won't be the wounded, insecure ex-hooker with an inferiority complex. I'll be just me. Just plain Alex." "Is that a bad thing?" "I've never been just plain Alex with you. I've always been someone else." Understanding dawned. "And you think I wouldn't be interested in plain Alex?" Alex's silence was his answer. "When did you starting thinking about this?" "Last month or so, I guess." Fox drew the hand he still held to his lips for a tender kiss. "Alex, you've got more facets than any hundred people I know. Each one of them as mesmerizing to me as the next. There's no way ever that I'd lose interest in you." Alex lifted his eyes to Fox's. Fox kissed his hand again. "Don't be ever be afraid of that. Okay?" Alex stared, love and uncertainty shimmering in his eyes. "I'll try." "Is there something else?" Fox asked. "It occurred to me that I don't have much practice being an ordinary person." "I know. Me either. We'll learn together." Alex squeezed Fox's hand. The doctor studied the two then spoke. "Alex?" Green eyes left Fox's face and rested on Tanner's. "Tell me about your other fear." Alex lowered his head, shaking it slowly. "It's okay. Tell me." "I didn't say that I was afraid of anything else." "No, you didn't. But you didn't have to." "I can't, I...I don't want to think about it." "But you are thinking about it. Aren't you?" The crease that said that Alex was troubled about something, appeared between his brows. "I don't want to. I...I'm supposed to be getting past that. I am. I...I'm getting past it." "I don't believe that you have. You don't believe it either." "We've been through that hell," Alex rasped finally. "We can't go back. I can't let..." The therapist waited for a moment then asked, "Can't let what?" Fox knew what he was going to say. "Alex." "I can't, Fox. I can't let you go through that again." "What about you?" Tanner asked before Fox could. "What about me?" Alex asked softly. "What about what you'd be going through?" Tanner held up his hand. "I know that Fox is your primary concern. That's very plain. But please, Alex. Try, just for the sake of this conversation to think only about yourself." Alex's mouth opened, his jaw working but no sound came out as he looked from the doctor to Fox then back again. "I..." "I know how difficult it is for you. Just try," Tanner directed gently. "I've..." Alex began. "I've always managed on my own. When Fox came back into my life, it...I'd never had anyone who wanted to take care of me. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be to let him. I hadn't realized how much I wanted someone who would do that. But...in a situation like the one I might be facing, I...I can't..." Alex looked up at the doctor, unmistakable anguish in his eyes. "How can I love him and ruin his life?" Fox closed his eyes and lowered his head, letting the doctor take it. "What does it mean to you, Alex, that Fox doesn't feel that way about it?" "You might not think that I understand, but I do. I'd feel exactly the way Fox does if our situations were reversed." "So why the double-standard?" "Because he's worth..." Alex pressed his lips together and said no more. "You're fighting that terrible opinion you have of yourself, but you're not there quite yet, are you?" "Guess not." "We'll keep working on that. Now. You haven't told me how you're feeling about yourself. Tell me your darkest fear. One that has to do with you...your future...but nothing to do with Fox." Alex wasn't sure that there was anything in his life that didn't have to do with Fox. He looked at Fox, who had yet to take his eyes off of him. He wanted to fall into that green and amber ocean and never climb out, but now wasn't the time he supposed. He took a deep breath, looked away and dug deep. "I...I've never been weak. Or sick. Nothing that I ever gave in to, anyway. My life, my survival depended on my strength. I never let myself think of giving in. There were people out there who would've loved to have seen me break. I'd never have given them what they wanted. I was Alex Krycek. Hard a nails, smarter-than-your-average-thug, hard to catch...thumbing my nose at all of them. The thought that I might not be having the last laugh after all is..." He shook his head. "I was never afraid to die. A bullet...an explosion...I was okay with that. It's the other ways of going. The way I might be going. I'm...I'm scared of that. Scared of becoming frail and sick. Scared of...I don't want to die like that. Truth is that now , I don't want to go at all. Not until I'm very old and have had a life." "That's a very normal thing to feel." "Is it?" Alex asked on a whisper, letting Fox draw his shaking body closer. "Sometimes...when it's quiet...after Fox has gone to sleep, I lie there and think of what it would be like to be so sick so that I can't stand. Can't feed myself or wash myself or..." He looked to Fox, his eyes brimming with tears. "I don't want you to see me like that. I'd rather put a bullet in my head than have you see me like that...especially knowing how I got that way." Choked with emotion, Fox said nothing. He merely shook his head and hugged Alex tightly to his chest. "And that's why you walked into the lake that night," the therapist said. Alex nodded. "We've made progress today, Alex. When we began two months ago, all you would say was that you didn't want Fox to ruin his life by having to take care of you for who knew how long. Now we know that you're afraid of more than that. And we can deal with it...if we have to." Tanner turned to Fox. "What about you, Fox? How are you feeling today?" He wanted to say that he was fine. Confident that everything would turn out the way they wanted it to. He would have said that had he not been sitting there across from a therapist, whose job it was to get him to face his true self. "I know you said you were nervous, but can we go a little farther with that?" Fox inhaled deeply and let it out. "I'm..." He bit down on his lower lip, enough to bring pain. "...I'm afraid too." He hadn't wanted to say the words. Though he'd been sure that Alex knew in some way that he was frightened, Fox hadn't wanted him to hear the words come out of his mouth. Tanner nodded. "It was worse than hell...what we went through. I saw what it did to him. I spent every day and every night watching it take him farther and farther away from me. I almost lost him forever, and it was a lie. What'll happen if that was a warm up? A dress rehearsal for the truth?" He took another breath, this one shaky. "I'm terrified that he'll run. I can't lose him." He looked over at Alex, who sat quietly, head down. "He needs to know...you need to know, Alex...once and for all that if you leave me, my life is done. Physically, mentally...however else it is that I exist in this world. It'll be gone." A tear dropped onto Alex's leg. Fox slipped his fingers under the younger man's chin and lifted his head. Eyes tightly shut, Alex frowned as another tear formed on his damp lashes. "You think I'll hurt for a while then I'll go on. As long as it's been...as many times as I've told you, and as hard as you've tried, you still can't understand that I will not go on. If we get the worst news today, Alex, and you leave, it's over. I'm done." "No." Alex choked on the word, scalding tears streaming down his cheeks. "It's true," Fox whispered. "Please, Alex. I'm so scared that you'll take off and I won't find you this time. Whatever happens, don't leave me. Promise me." He squeezed Alex's chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Promise." A rusty croak was all Alex could manage at first, but Fox waited, not allowing him to look anywhere but into his eyes. "I promise." "You and me?" Alex stared spellbound through the heavy mist coating his eyes. He gave Fox a slight nod of his head. The therapist watched quietly, letting them have their moment. Then he spoke up softly. "You have my cell phone number." "Yeah," Fox lifted his head from the one nestled against his shoulder and cleared his throat. "Yeah, uh...I've got it." "I'd like to hear from you later. And if you need to see me, I'll clear some time." "Thank you," Fox sighed as Alex tightened his arms around his waist. "Have you spoken to Dana's mother?" Tanner asked, changing the subject. "Last weekend," Fox answered, not giving any more than that. "How is she doing?" "There's some slow improvement. Her doctor thinks she might be ready to see me in another couple of months or so." "Will you be ready to see her?" "I can't see that far ahead. When we get through today, I'll think about it." They wrapped up the session twenty minutes later with a promise from both men to contact the doctor later in the day. The drive home was silent; Fox steering with one hand while he held Alex's in the other. As the car turned onto the Crystal City exit, Alex spoke. "Wanna go have lunch?" Fox glanced quickly at Alex then back to the road. "Really? You're hungry?" "Yeah," Alex lied. "A little. And it's lunch time..." "O...okay. How 'bout that little place on Pleasant? You know, the one on the corner?" "That's fine." Silence descended again until Fox pulled into the small parking lot ten minutes later. Emerging from the car first, he waited for Alex to join him before entering the restaurant. They were seated at a table by the window, and after the server had finished taking their orders, Alex sat quietly, looking out the window. Fox watched him for a while then reached out to take his hand. "I'm sorry." Alex's gaze shifted to his lover, and he stared, confused. "I never wanted you to feel anything but optimism from me. I never wanted you to know that..." Fox pressed his lips together, cutting off his words. "That you were afraid?" Alex asked. He shrugged. "It's okay. You're human. And after what we'd gone through...I guess we're both suffering a little post-traumatic stress." Fox nodded and looked down at their joined hands. "It's worse this time than it was the last." "Maybe because this is the last time." Alex looked at his watch. "In less than two hours we could be free." //Or we could both be prisoners.// Alex did his best to bury to thought. Fox took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. "Yeah. Alex, did...do you really think that my feelings will change once we settle into a more normal life?" "I don't know, I...I guess there's just all kinds of weird stuff going through my head lately." "Weird or not, you must believe it at least a little or you wouldn't have said anything about it." Alex didn't answer. "Did you believe me when I said that I'd never lose interest in you?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" Alex nodded. "Why don't I believe you?" "I don't know." "It's okay," Fox said softly. "When we're in our eighties and whacking each other with our canes, I'll remind you." Alex smiled despite all his lingering doubts. "That's good to see. You haven't smiled in days." "You either," Alex reminded Fox, drawing his hand up for a kiss. "We're gonna have plenty of reason to smile in a very short while." "Yep," Alex sighed. Little else was said as they ate lunch, though Fox noticed how slowly Alex ate. When they were finally finished, Alex decided he'd like a cup of coffee. "You...really?" "Yeah. Didn't have any this morning, and I feel like a cup." Fox glanced quickly down at his watch then up at Alex. Ten more minutes and they'd be able to call for their results. His eyes narrowed slightly on the younger man. And Alex knew that. He was stalling. Meaning he was still pretty damn scared of hearing what the lab had to say. "Okay." Fox waved the server over and ordered two cups of coffee. Almost thirty-five minutes later, Alex sat still nursing nearly half a cup. "That's gotta be ice cold by now." Alex shrugged, taking another sip. "Alex..." The younger man set the cup down, staring into it. "I know," Fox whispered. "I know. But we have to call sooner or later." Alex frowned into his cold coffee as his index finger slowly traced the handle. "Let's go get it over with. What d'you say?" Eyes glittering with fright rose to meet Fox's, and Alex took a deep, stuttering breath. It came out just as broken, and he nodded. "It'll be okay," Fox promised. "It will." The tension radiated off of Alex in waves as they made their way home. Fox had more success concealing his anxiety, but as they walked through the door of the apartment, he began to tremble slightly. If Alex noticed, he didn't say anything. Fox found the phone number for the lab, and he picked up the phone, hesitating for just a moment before dialing. "You first," Alex whispered shakily before Fox could hold the phone out to him. Fox nodded tightly then drew the phone up to his ear. "Yeah, it's Mulder. Sure...uh...sure." He reached out to Alex, taking the younger man's hand and gave him a tiny smile while they waited. "...I'm here...okay. Thanks." He drew Alex's hand to his mouth for a soft kiss then handed him the phone. "One down." Alex closed his eyes, offering up a silent thank you, then he swallowed past the huge lump that had formed in his throat as his trembling, free hand reached for the phone. "I'm..." He stopped to clear his throat. "I'm here." Fox held his breath as he waited. His chest constricted as he watched Alex sway and nearly drop the phone. "I...c-could you repeat that? All right. Yeah. Thank...thank you." Fox couldn't move. He stared silently as Alex's eyes lifted to his. "It's negative." He barely heard the whispered words through the thundering in his head, but the relief on Alex's face was unmistakable. Tears sprang to his eyes then and flowed freely, almost blinding him. He leaned forward at the same time Alex did, and the two fell into each other's arms. "Negative," Fox sobbed, and Alex nodded. Fox's fingers dug into the material of Alex's shirt as he pulled him closer. He breathed deeply, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his lover's hair, his skin. He pressed even closer, his body aware of every inch of Alex's. "We're free," he whispered, his breath ruffling the hair at the back of Alex' neck. "We made it." Alex closed his eyes, and his body went limp as the incredible tension left it in a rush. Also weak with relief, Fox found enough strength to guide him to the sofa. Lowering himself to the cushion beside the younger man, he slumped into the corner and again pulled Alex into his arms. "We've just started that life I've been telling you we'd have," Fox sniffed, stroking Alex's back. "How's it feel?" "It...I...I don't..." Too overwhelmed to speak coherently, Alex gave up and burrowed into his lover's warmth and squeezed his eyes shut. Fox held tightly to the shuddering body in his arms, soothing Alex with kisses and loving touches. Resting in Fox's arms, Alex attempted to compose himself enough to speak. But his mind was in such a state of turmoil that he couldn't manage it. Fox seemed to understand and contented himself to bask in the unbelievable joy of the moment, in silence. Early evening shadows fell on the room, slowly swallowing the daylight. As if noticing for the first time, Alex lifted his head from Fox's chest and looked around before his gaze fell on his lover's. Fox's eyes looked almost black in the growing dimness, but they glittered with a blissful light of their own. Alex searched for something to say but found himself still incapable to put what he was feeling into words. His body took over and spoke for him. Fox drew in a long breath as Alex's hand rose to his face, stroking the stubbled surface of his cheek. He exhaled, and his lashes fluttered as the hand wandered slowly down the column of his throat. It stopped at the base and swept upward again, fingertips lingering at Fox's lips. A barely audible moan left Fox's throat as his lips parted, and he extended his tongue, touching it to Alex's fingers. Sable lashes dropped down over Alex's eyes as he slipped two fingers inside Fox's mouth, and the sinfully lush lips closed over them, sucking gently. Alex drew his lower lip into his mouth, chewing it lightly as he watched Fox tease his fingers. His body tingled at the thoughts that ran through his mind, and he slowly withdrew from Fox's mouth. His damp fingers traced the outline of Fox's jaw then again trekked downward. Toying with the first fastened button of the other man's shirt, he moved in for a deep kiss. Fox arched up against Alex, sighing softly into the kiss as his fingers feathered through the silky strands of his lover's hair. Warm, gentle hands continued to free the buttons of his shirt, parting the material and caressing his skin. He lifted himself slightly to allow Alex to pull the shirt free of his pants, and an instant later, the shirt was dropping to the floor. Hot, moist lips touched his mouth, his throat, his collarbone, his chest, sweeping over and over, stopping long enough to tease then moving on. His head rolled from side to side, his chest rising higher and faster with each breath as Alex's hands wandered aimlessly over his lower body. His cock strained against his pants, aching to be freed, and when Alex began tugging on his zipper, Fox nearly fainted with joy. Despite his shaking hands, Alex made fairly quick work of Fox's zipper, then one had stole inside, his knuckles grazing the erection, which was still concealed by Fox's underwear. The quick, sobbing intake of Fox's breath drove him on. He lowered his head and, sucking a half -erect nipple into his mouth, thrust his hand inside Fox's underwear and grasped his cock. Fox's head lifted from the cushion as he gasped in profound pleasure. As his head dropped back down, he ground his teeth, groaning deeply as the tip of Alex's tongue flicked hard at his nipple. //Fuck me//, his mind screamed. //Rip the rest of my clothes off and fuck me blind. So long. I've been waiting so long to feel you...// At any other time it would have been a phenomenon that piqued his intense curiosity, but at that moment, the fact that Alex's mind seemed to have heard his only filled him with desperate joy. Alex released Fox's nipple with a soft sucking sound and concentrated on removing the rest of his lover's clothing. Once he had Fox naked, he got to his feet and stripped off his own clothing. Holding out his hand, he waited no more than a fraction of a second for Fox to take it. He pulled the older man to his feet and into his arms, where they engaged in a slow, bone-melting kiss as they writhed against each other. One naked, velvety cock met the other, rubbing, pressing together, the sensation igniting desire so intense, it was impossible hold back. Alex gripped Fox's ass, pressing harder against him, grunting and sobbing into the other man's mouth, and as Fox did the same, orgasm hit them in a rush, one after the other. They stood gasping, clinging to each other, and as Alex came back to himself, he felt the slickness of their combined semen between them. He began to move slowly, swaying his hips, enjoying the slippery feel of his lover's slowly deflating cock against him. Fox moaned and gently ground his hips against Alex's in answer then began to back up slowly, leading Alex toward the bedroom. Drowning in the glittering dark pools of Fox's eyes, Alex followed. They reached the darker interior of the room, and as the backs of Fox's legs hit the bed, both men fell; Fox on his back, Alex on top of him. Their mouths fused in another heated kiss, their hands everywhere, stroking and kneading, and in almost record time, they were ready again. Fox wanted desperately to feel Alex's hard, bare cock, stroking forcefully into him. Wanted to hear Alex sob his name as he flooded Fox's insides with hot semen, but that time would come. Tonight. Soon. What happened until then was up to Alex. This was their night, their victory, but Fox decided that now was Alex's moment. And he would have it. Alex writhed against Fox as they kissed hungrily. His hands stroked the older man's sides, traveling down to his hips then back up again, coming up under Fox's arms and lifting them above his head. One hand held Fox's wrists together and the other gripped his jaw, turning his face to the side as Alex sank his teeth into his neck. Fox gritted his teeth, grunting harshly even as he arched his throat, offering himself to Alex completely. Alex's answering growl rumbled against his vulnerable flesh, and the younger man's hand tightened on his wrists as he sucked hard. Fox cried out at the increased sting, and his entire body jerked, forcing his cock against Alex's thigh. The jolt that action sent through him brought him to the edge of another climax, and he whimpered frantically, twisting in Alex's grip. Alex put Fox's struggle down easily, pinning the older man to the bed with the weight of his body but making sure that all contact with his cock was removed. Leaving a vivid red mark on Fox's throat, Alex's mouth moved on, sucking lightly at the curve of his shoulder, then his chest. He continued in a downward motion, licking and nipping at the overheated skin, moaning against the quivering muscles of Fox's abdomen as the older man bucked, bringing his cock within very close proximity to his mouth. Hands stroking over Fox's hips, Alex lingered, teasing along the line of downy hair that led down to the thicker, darker patch that surrounded his cock. His heart pounded out a thunderous rhythm as he drew nearer. They'd waited so long for this day. Doubted it, agonized over it, prayed for it. And now fate had been kind enough to allow it. Alex's hands shook as the tip of his lover's cock brushed his chin. No more sleepless nights. No more worry. He lowered his head, letting the warmth of his breath flow over the rigid shaft. He didn't have to be afraid any more. He was fine. Fox's safety would not be compromised. His lips grazed the warm, satiny head, touched his tongue to it, and Fox arched against his mouth, whimpering. Alex opened his mouth, covering the head and sucking delicately. His tongue passed over the tip, sweeping away the gathering bead of pre-come, and tears began to sting his closed eyes. For the first time ever he was able to feel Fox in his mouth...really feel him, and the moment was overwhelming. Slowly, he took more in, and more until half of the older man's cock was engulfed in the moist heat of his mouth. His tongue swirled around the shaft, mapping and exploring every vein and every ridge, committing it to memory. Fingers clenched in the pillow, Fox whimpered uncontrollably as he began to thrust his hips upward. The sensation of being in Alex's mouth exploded through him violently, and all he could think about, all he wanted was to drown in the unbearable ecstasy of it. Fox's harsh, tormented cries permeated the fog surrounding Alex, and he slipped farther down on the long shaft, taking in every inch and tasting the salt of his own tears as they flowed unchecked down his cheeks and into the corners of his mouth. The vibrations of his soft sobs traveled the length of Fox's cock and sent the older man over the edge. Fox's screams echoed in the room as he came violently, pumping long streams of semen down Alex's throat. His hips lifted again and again, moving erratically then stilling finally as Alex continued to suck him gently. Except for the heaving of his chest, he lay motionless, utterly drained. Reluctantly, Alex released his cock from his mouth, dropping a tender kiss on the slick head before rising to lie over him. Fox opened his eyes, focusing a misty gaze on tear-drenched eyes. He lifted a hand to Alex's face, slowly wiping the dampness from his cheeks as his own tears fell. Saying nothing, he reached between them and gently grasped Alex's aching cock, stroking the sensitive underside with his thumb. Alex's eyes rolled up into his head, and he began to shudder as he groped for the nightstand drawer. Instinctively, he reached for the box of condoms and lube, and it wasn't until Fox took the box from him and tossed it across the room that he realized what he'd done. Smiling through his tears, he applied the lube to himself then moved in for a long, deep kiss as Fox wrapped his legs around his waist. Unable to stop his body from shaking, he grasped his cock at the base and guided it between Fox's cheeks. It was real, it was real. Oh, God , it was real. He'd sucked Fox's naked cock down his throat, drained him dry, and now he was sinking unsheathed into his lover's beautiful ass. And it felt incredible. His mouth fell open, and he took faltering breaths as he thrust in as far as he could go. So tight. So silky hot. Alex withdrew slowly, whimpering as he fought to keep control, then he slid back in, gritting his teeth. Fox knew Alex was trying hard to hold on, and he knew it was all but killing him. But there was no need for him to torture himself so. This wasn't any one shot deal. They weren't going to wake up tomorrow and find it all gone. It was theirs to keep. For always. And Alex had had more than enough angst in his life. A loud, gurgling cry broke from Alex's constricted throat as Fox's strong, runner's legs pulled him in tightly and Fox bucked against him. "It's all right," he whispered, stroking Alex's back, relaxing his muscles before rising up again, this time harder. "It's all right." The words penetrated Alex's brain, shattering his fragile control, and freeing his barely contained lust. He sounded a low, feral moan and, tangling the fingers of one hand in Fox's hair, he grasped the older man's hip with the other and withdrew halfway before surging forward, driving the air from Fox's lungs. He repeated the action again. Faster. Harder. In seconds, he was frantically fucking his lover, sobbing and snarling and completely beyond any control. Fox held on to Alex, his hands beginning to slide on the perspiration-pricked skin. He turned his face into the dampening sable head pressed to his shoulder, whispering senseless, breathless things. Fox's hot breath, the sound of his voice, hissing broken words of encouragement incited Alex further, and he thrashed wildly against his lover until he snapped a short time later. Warmth flooded into Fox, and he closed his eyes, shuddering at the experience. Never before had any man come inside him, and he broke into a trembling smile, thinking that this was another first and only with Alex. "I love you, Alex," he whispered, licking Alex's earlobe and tightening his legs for emphasis. "Now we're whole." Alex's movements slowed until they became only an intermittent twitch of his body, then his muscles went weak, and he slumped on top of Fox, fighting for breath. It began to slow for a moment, then his chest started to heave, and he broke into heartrending sobs. Fox tightened his arms around Alex, shedding his own silent tears as the overwhelmed man cried. "It's over," he croaked, letting his hand drift up and down the other man's back. "No more waiting, no more fear." He kissed the side of Alex's head. "We have what we've been waiting for. We can be happy now. Not for just a few minutes or a few days at a time." Alex choked back his sobs, sniffing and taking shaky breaths. He lifted his head from Fox's shoulder and gazed down at his lover, his overflowing eyes alight with real hope. "For the first time, I..." He paused, wiping at his nose. "I believe it." Fox combed his fingers through Alex's hair. "How does it feel?" Alex's mouth opened and closed, and he shook his head. "Yeah," Fox whispered, giving the younger man a tiny grin. "That about covers it." He pulled Alex down for a thorough yet tender kiss then wrapped the other man in his arms, moaning softly. "You feel so good inside me," he sighed, pushing against Alex, trying to keep the younger man's softening cock from slipping out, but a short time later it did. "Damn," Fox whined. "How long d'you think it'll take before uh..." His hand slipped downward, following the curve of Alex's ass. Alex began to laugh. "Probably not very long." He lifted his head again. "Feel free to reverse our positions if you get there before I do." Fox gave Alex a full grin. "I have had a little longer to recoup than you have, haven't I?" Alex nodded. "Mmm hmm." Fox moaned happily. "I don't think we're gonna make it out of bed for the rest of the day." Alex returned the smile then dipped his head to nuzzle the older man's jaw. "We should call the doc...and Walt. I'm sure he's dying to know what's going on." "'Kay," Fox breathed, his eyes closing as Alex moved up to his ear, teasing it lightly with his teeth and tongue. "Where's the phone?" "Living room, I think." "Can you go get it?" "Okay." Alex made no move to get up. Instead, he covered Fox's mouth in a blatantly sensuous kiss. When they broke the kiss several seconds later, Fox growled hungrily and rolled them so that Alex was now lying beneath him. "You gonna get that phone or what?" "Uh huh," Alex murmured absently, licking at his lover's mouth. "Right now." He pulled Fox down for another kiss, this one longer and a little hotter than the last. Shortly thereafter he was being rocked violently, taking all that Fox was able to give him and still begging for more. Fox slammed into him, growling and sobbing and creating a dull thump as Alex's head occasionally hit the headboard. His cock, which he had been sure wouldn't be able to be revived so quickly, stood erect and rock-hard, and the friction of Fox's body was more than enough to drive him to another ferocious orgasm. Fox followed immediately, his own roars of satisfaction joining with Alex's to create a noise that their neighbors, in spite of the building's superior soundproofing, were sure to hear. Nearly half an hour later, Fox came to, lifting his head from his unconscious lover's shoulder. "Jesus." "Hmm." Fox gave a tiny shake of his head, attempting to rid himself of his lingering lethargy. Kissing Alex's slack lips, he again rested his head on the younger man's shoulder. "You with me?" Alex moaned again. "I don't remember what the hell happened after we came," Fox murmured. "I don't remember falling asleep. Do you?" ".......No." "God, we must've passed out," Fox chuckled weakly. "My head hurts," Alex whined sleepily. "Think you gave me a concussion." "Huh? How?" "Slamming my head against the headboard." "Slam...get outta here...did I?" "Well...maybe not slam but I did hit it a few times." "I'm sorry," Fox cooed. "Does it really hurt?" Alex nodded, trying to mask a grin. "Now you gotta keep me awake all night to make sure I don't lapse into a coma." Another chuckle. "Oh, yeah? How do you propose I do that?" Eyes still closed, Alex smiled an evil little smile. "I might have a suggestion or two." "Okay, well, hold on to those suggestions," Fox advised. "We gotta...oww!" He winced as Alex's teeth sank into his shoulder. "You're being bad, Alex." Alex smiled sweetly and bit him again. "Shit! Ooooh, you're gonna get it." "Gotta make those phone calls first," Alex teased. "I got your phone calls," Fox growled before he attacked. Skinner sat in the dark, flipping through channel after channel, not paying much attention to what he was seeing. It was after nine-thirty, and he'd yet to hear anything from Mulder or Krycek. After the last time, he was more than a bit wary of the silence. He'd already talked himself out of calling down to their apartment three times, telling himself that if the tests were negative, and he was sure that they were, Mulder and Krycek'd more than likely be celebrating, in which case, calling him would be the last thing on their minds. He stopped on a news program and tried to concentrate on a segment about the summer Olympics when the phone rang. "Yeah?" "Walt. Sorry, we meant to call you earlier." Mulder. Well, he sounded okay. Tired, but... "It's all right. Everything okay?" "Yeah," Fox breathed. "Everything's great." "Wonderful. I'm so happy for you both." "Thank you for seeing us through all of this, Walt. You've been a better friend than we could've asked for." "I'm glad I could be there for you. You deserved to have someone on your side." Fox smiled into the phone. "We wanna celebrate with you. Go out for dinner and drinks or something." "Sounds good." "Okay. We'll talk to you tomorrow about it." "Fine. You go ahead now and finish enjoying your evening." "We will. Thanks again, Walt." Walter hung up and stared at the phone for a while before a trace of a smile appeared on his ordinarily tight mouth. Taking a deep, relieved breath, he let it out heavily and picked up the remote again. Three-twelve a.m. A single bedside lamp dimly lit the bedroom, casting faint shadows on the figures on the bed. Their frenzied movements resulted in a soft squeak of the bedsprings, but it could hardly be heard above the assortment of groans and snarls. Alex kneeled behind Fox, his hips working like a piston as he fucked the older man for the third time that night. On his knees, shoulders to the mattress, Fox rocked back against his lover, crying out with every slap of their joining flesh. He'd been so positive that this time there was no way he was going to get it up, but damn if he hadn't. And now, from the increased volume of Alex's groans, it seemed that they were both ready to come for the...actually, he'd lost count. He reached for his cock and began to stroke it feverishly in time to Alex's thrusts. Not missing a stroke, Alex reached down, grabbing Fox by the hair and pulling him upward, forcing him into a hands and knees position. His other hand gripped Fox's hip, guiding his movements. Fox winced at the almost painful grip Alex had on his hair, and his body throbbed with increased excitement. He tipped his head back to try and relieve some of the pressure, but Alex only pulled harder, making it impossible now for him to drop his head back down. "I'm....mmmmhhh....ffffffff..." Alex couldn't put two coherent words together. He fucked Fox like an animal, mindless of everything but the pounding need of his own body. He released the strands of hair tangled between his fingers only to grab a greater handful as the unbearable coiling in his lower body began. " Nnnnnnnnnnh! " Fox felt the quick release of Alex's semen, and he jerked himself twice more then exploded, coming into his tightly closed fist. " Fuck . Oh, Christ! " Fox shuddered through his orgasm then let himself drop, Alex's dead weight following him to the mattress. "Jeez. Ohhhhhhh, Goooooood," he breathed. That was it for him. It had to be. He wouldn't be able to survive another round. And if Alex thought that he was going to... "M'done." //Damn good thing.// Fox turned his head to the side and opened his left eye halfway. "You are?" "Mmm hmm," Alex mumbled. "Don't you even think about any more." "Don't worry," Fox murmured back. "I had no intention." Alex moved off of the older man, letting him turn onto his back, then he curled himself against his lover's warm, flushed body. "Don't think I'm going to be able to sit down tomorrow." "I know," Fox sighed. "God, what a night." Alex chuckled softly. "Is this what freedom is going to be like? Is it going to turn us into even more insatiable animals than we already were?" "Wouldn't be a bad thing, would it?" "If we ever want to get anything else done, it might be." Fox laughed. "I'm sure we'll level off." He sighed deeply. "In the meantime, let's just go with it. It's an amazing feeling, isn't it?" "I can't tell you how amazing," Alex answered, drowsiness creeping into his voice. "This may sound corny as hell, but I feel reborn." "Not so corny," Fox assured him, stroking his hair. "How d'you feel?" The older man broke into laughter. "Sore. I thought you were going to pull my hair out by the roots." "God, it's a wonder we didn't kill each other," Alex groaned, reaching up to massage Fox's scalp. "Sorry, baby." Fox closed his eyes, moaning softly at his lover's gentle touch. "If we gotta go, this is the way I want to do it." Alex nodded and said nothing. "I sure could use a shower, but I don't think I have the strength to stand." "Mmm, m-mm." Fox kissed the top of the younger man's head. "I love you." "Sure." He grinned at the unconscious answer. "Tomorrow, I'm going to quit the FBI and become a sword swallower in the circus." "'Kay." Snickering softly, he kissed Alex again. "G'night, baby." Fox closed his eyes and slept. "You two look fried." Sharp brown eyes further assessed the two men as Skinner entered the apartment. "Did you sleep at all?" "A little," Alex answered, looking truly exhausted but happier than Skinner had ever remembered seeing him. "We had a lot to uh...talk about," Fox threw in. Skinner held up a hand and turned his face. "I don't want to know. Now, what's this about a dinner?" "Oh, yeah. You wanna go out Saturday night? Dinner at a nice restaurant? Drinks at a jazz club maybe?" "It sounds good, but I've been thinking." Skinner displayed a slight grimace. "Won't I be like...a third wheel?" Fox smirked. "Like on a tricycle?" Skinner folded his arms over his chest and glared at the other man. "No, you won't be a third wheel," Fox insisted. "It's just dinner and drinks...some music." "Sounds like an intimate evening that'd best be shared by only two." "We promise we won't do anything to make you uncomfortable," Fox said. "No kissing, no hand holding..." He shot Alex a sly smirk. "...no groping each other under the table..." "I wouldn't ask you to do that." Skinner paused, his gaze going from one man to the other. "Even if I thought it was possible. But..." "But nothing," Alex cut in. "We're taking you out on Saturday. Keep your calendar clear." Skinner laughed to himself. "No problem." Then he changed the subject. "So...things are looking a lot better today, I'll bet." Fox motioned to a chair, and Skinner walked over to it, sitting while the couple took the sofa. "We woke up to a new life," he said, curling his hand around Alex's as the younger man nestled against him. "I can't describe it." "Told you it'd happen." Alex nodded, lowering his head. "It didn't seem possible. Not with all that was going on. We're so incredibly lucky." "You sure as hell are. Don't ever forget it. Appreciate every minute of it." Fox laid his head on top of the one that had just come to rest on his shoulder. "We will." Skinner changed the subject again. "I talked to Mrs. Scully this morning." Fox's mood sobered a bit. "How's Scully?" "She hasn't had any outbursts in a while. She'll talk about you now, but still refuses to associate you with Alex." "I spoke to Mrs. Scully a little over a week ago. She said that Scully's doctor thinks she might be ready to see me in a couple of months." "It'd be progress," Skinner murmured. "Last month she couldn't hear your name without throwing a fit." Fox sighed and nuzzled the sable head resting against him. "I wonder if she'll ever be the same." "Don't know," Skinner answered. "I don't think any of us will be, really." "...I miss her," Fox said softly. "The person she was." He shook his head, a profound sadness coming over him. "I never thought anything would be able to break her." Skinner nodded. "I know what you mean. Whenever I thought of you, Scully and I in future terms, you're the one I saw in a robe and slippers, drifting around the halls of some asylum." He shrugged as both Fox and Alex shot him a look. "Sorry. I just call 'em as I see 'em. And since I'm spewing words of truth, I'll also say that I think that Alex is the only thing that has saved you from that." Fox hugged the younger man to him. "I believe that a hundred percent. I've told him as much. I wish Scully had been able to be saved. Maybe if I'd been a little more tuned in to her I could have done something." "Her own mother didn't see it," Skinner said, trying to console Fox. "Her mother didn't spend a quarter as much time with her as I had over the past several years," Fox countered. "I thought I knew her inside and out. I should've known." "Known what?" Skinner asked. "I don't know... something ." "But you didn't. And you've got to accept that and deal with the situation as it is." "I know. I'm working on it. Guess it's going to take a while longer." "Well, with the biggest worry off your mind, you'll be able to concentrate more fully on that and any other remaining issues, and really make some progress." "That's what we're hoping," Fox replied, rubbing Alex's arm. "You can do it." Skinner assured him then got to his feet. "I'll leave you alone now." The couple walked him to the door. "See you Saturday if not before." Fox shut the door after Skinner then turned around to find Alex studying him intently. He stared back for a second then spoke to the younger man's unasked question. "I'm okay. Thinking about Scully makes me a little sad, that's all." "She's getting better," Alex murmured, rubbing his lover's back. "But it's going to take time before she makes it all the way back." "If she ever does," Fox droned, eyes cast to the floor. Alex sighed softly. "I guess...I guess we just gotta keep thinking positive." Fox took a deep breath then looked up into darkened eyes. "Yeah," he said, giving the other man a hint of a smile. "You look worried." Alex drew Fox into his arms. "I just hate seeing that look in your eyes. I want you to be happy." "How can I not be happy?" Fox asked, wrapping his arms around Alex. "We've finally got our life." "But the person who was once your best friend is sitting in a mental hospital, behaving like someone you don't even know. I know how that kills you." "It's no thrill," Fox murmured, laying his head on Alex's shoulder. "I know. It'll be okay," Alex promised softly. "Now, come on." He took Fox's hand and tugged him toward the bedroom. "Come to bed and let me see what I can do to make you feel better." Over an hour later, Fox lay purring contentedly in Alex's arms, all disturbing thoughts banished from his mind. He listened to the faint sounds of his lover's sleep and, smiling softly, he burrowed into Alex's warmth and closed his eyes. Saturday The smooth sounds of a three-piece combo filled the small club nestled in the middle of downtown D.C. Its patrons enjoyed the music and each other's company. In one corner of the room, the striking trio sat, not unnoticed by the large concentration of gay men in the establishment. "How the hell did you find this little hole in the wall?" Skinner asked, nodding his thanks to the waiter as the young blonde placed his drink down in front of him. "You'd be surprised at what kinds of places a person can find downtown if they're looking," Alex smirked as he sipped his drink. Skinner glanced around uneasily, realizing that be was being sized up by more than one pair of eyes. His gaze shifted back to his company, meeting amused hazel eyes. "You look a little pale, Walt," Fox purred as Alex caressed his back. "What's wrong?" "I don't...I'm just sitting here thinking...what if someone sees us here?" "To do that, they'd have to be here too, wouldn't they?" Alex reasoned. "In which case, what could they say to you or about you?" Skinner fell silent and looked around again. "You have an admirer." "What?" Fox nodded at the sandy-haired man at the bar. "Third seat from the end. Dark gray pants, white shirt." Skinner scanned the man quickly, watching as the other's eyes avoided his. "He's not looking at me." "He was," Alex grinned. "Why don't you go talk to him?" Skinner looked stricken. "Are you serious?" "Sure," Fox answered. "Why not?" Skinner shook his head, looking down into his glass. "I don't pick up people." "Who said anything about picking him up? A little conversation. Maybe a dance," Alex coaxed. "Nothing wrong with that." "It's just...it's not me, okay?" "Then how are you ever going to meet anyone?" "Who said I was looking to meet someone?" Skinner asked Fox. "C'mon, Walt. Don't you get a little lonely sometimes? Wouldn't it be nice to have a little companionship?" Skinner said nothing. "Want me to go get him?" Skinner gasped. "What?" "I'll go talk to him," Fox offered, smiling. "Check him out. See if he's someone you might be interested in." "No. I..." "What've you got to lose?" Alex asked, chuckling. "If you don't like him, we'll toss him back." Before Skinner could reply, Fox was on his feet and heading over to the bar. "Mulder... Mulder ," Skinner called through gritted teeth. The younger man ignored him and kept walking. "Too late," Alex sang softly, grinning from ear to ear as he watched Fox glide up to the man and start talking to him. "God. Oh, my God, I can't believe this." "Relax, would you? If the man's not interested, he won't budge. But if he is..." And he was. Five minutes later, Walter watched Fox turn and start walking back. He stopped when he was only two steps away and gently coaxed the other man forward. A few seconds later, they made it to the table. "Who've we got here?" Alex asked, slipping his arm around Fox's waist and pulling the other man down into his lap. "This is Jerry," Fox answered, allowing his cheek to be nuzzled. "He's here alone." Fox's eyes went to Skinner. "And a little shy, so I promised we wouldn't all jump him if he came over and sat with us. Jerry, this is Alex, and that's Walter." "Hey, Jerry," Alex called, reaching around Fox to shake the other man's hand. "Have a seat." "Oh. No, uh...that's your chair, isn't it?" Jerry asked Fox. "I'm sure we can have another brought over," Alex answered. "But he's comfortable here for now, aren't you, babe?" Fox gave Alex a little wiggle of his ass. "Yeah, I'm comfortable." He smirked down at the younger man. "Are you?" Alex grunted at the slight swelling that was now occurring in his pants. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." Fox motioned to the empty chair. "Please." Casting a wary glance Skinner's way, Jerry sat on the edge of the chair. Alex gave Skinner time to say something, but when the silence began to get uncomfortable, he jumped in. "So, what're you doing here, Jerry?" Jerry shrugged. "I like jazz. "The place is small and intimate and not really known for harboring creeps." "Well, that's good to know, isn't it?" Fox said, directing his gaze toward Skinner, who had yet to speak. "What do you do, Jerry, if you don't mind me asking," Alex pressed, smiling at the newcomer. "I'm an assistant district attorney." " Really ? Well, how about that? You and Walt here have something in common." "We...we do?" "Yeah. Walt here is an assistant director of the FBI." Jerry's eyes widened. "No kidding?" Skinner glared at his smirking friends then cleared his throat to speak finally. "Yeah." "That is quite a coincidence," Jerry said. "I've never met someone so high up on the food chain in here." Noting Skinner's discomfort, he held up a hand. "I...Jeez, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." "It's okay," Skinner assured the man. "I should be the one apologizing. I'm just not used to this. "I don't..." Jerry waited. It would have been a damn long wait if Fox hadn't spoken up. "Walt doesn't get out socially very often. Not very often at all." Jerry stared for a moment then nodded, understanding Fox's meaning. "You don't have to be concerned about me saying anything to anyone. I firmly believe that what people do outside of the workplace is absolutely no one else's business but their own. I believe that or I wouldn't be here." Skinner relaxed a bit then, and the conversation lightened. The passing of a couple of hours and consumption of a few more drinks found Skinner talking more freely and actually chuckling much to Fox and Alex's delight. "...and A.D. Fitzgerald said..." Snicker. "...I lost him at the Pentagon. I thought the Director was going to have an aneurysm." "So, what happened?" Fox asked when he'd finished laughing. "He made Fitzgerald gather up his agents, leave the meeting and go back to look for him. When he got there...' Skinner was almost giggling. "...he couldn't find him. He had everybody and his brother looking. Finally he had to give up and go back to face the Director. When he got there, who was sitting in the conference room? The ambassador." "How'd he get there?" Jerry asked. "He took a cab." "Was he furious?" Alex asked, idly stroking Fox's back. "Nope. He came in smiling, asked for a cup of tea, then preceded to tell us what a wonderful time he was having in Washington. How could the Director really take any official action against Fitzgerald after that? Fitzgerald was on his personal shit list for a while, though." "Poor Fitzgerald," Fox mused. "Everything seems to happen to him. Remember when he backed into a water pipe in the garage?" Jerry burst into laughter. "Nooo." Skinner chuckled as he recalled the event. "And then, what did he do? He jumped out of his car and got soaked. After maintenance got it under control, he had to go all the way back home and change. It wouldn't have been as big a deal as it was, except that he was going to be really late for a meeting with the Director and some Congressional bigwigs." Skinner shook his head. "I don't know who spent more time in the Director's office, him or me." "Uh oh. You in trouble a lot too?" Jerry asked. "Yeah. See, I've got this maverick agent. Hard to rein in." "So, of course you're responsible for him." Skinner cut his eyes at a smirking Fox. "Yeah." "I don't get it. If he doesn't play by the rules, why are you still dealing with him?" "Because I happen to believe in his work." Jerry looked from one man to the other, and his mouth dropped open. "Is...is it you?" he asked Fox, receiving a soft chuckle for an answer. "So...you're all in the FBI? "No," Alex said. "Just them." "Oh. What do you do?" "I'm...independently wealthy." "An entrepreneur?" Alex shrugged and said nothing else. "Okay..." The subject was changed, and Jerry's fourth drink gave him the courage to ask Skinner to dance. That sobered Skinner quickly. His jaw nearly hit the table, and he shook his head, not knowing where to look. "I...I don't...I'm not much of a dancer." "All right," Jerry said softly, looking down at the table. "I just thought..." He dropped the subject without having finished his sentence. Fox and Alex looked back and forth at the two men, waiting for someone to come to their senses. When it didn't happen, Fox spoke up. "So, that's it? That's all? End of conversation?" Jerry looked at Fox helplessly. Skinner looked into his drink. "You can't slow dance ?" Alex said to Skinner. "Bullshit. Come on, Walt. Get out there. Live a little." Skinner lifted his head and sent Alex a half-hearted glare. "Would you feel better if Fox and I danced too?" When he received no answer, he pushed Fox up and got to his feet. "Let's go. Come on." "Alex, I..." "You what?" Alex waved Skinner to his feet then shoved him toward Jerry as Fox pulled him out of his chair. "You wanna thank us? Well, that's nice." He and Fox herded the two men to the floor. "Come on, Walt. Live a little." Fox pulled Alex into his arms, and the two began to sway to the music. Skinner and Jerry stood by, watching and looking every bit as uncomfortable as they felt. Fox's eyes drifted open, and he lifted his head from Alex's shoulder, scowling at them and motioning for them to get dancing. "I'm...I'm very sorry," Skinner apologized. "I've never..." He trailed off, leaving Jerry to guess. "Never danced with another man?" Skinner nodded. "But you've danced with women?" "Yeah." "Not much different except we'd have to decide who was going to lead." He gave Skinner a passive smile. "You look like a leader." Skinner said nothing. "I'm willing to give it a try," Jerry said. "If...if you are." Skinner thought on it for a moment then stepped toward the other man. Jerry met him halfway and before they knew it, they were dancing. "Hey," Fox called softly to Alex, rousing the younger man out of the sensual haze he was immersed in. "Look." Alex lifted his head and smiled as the other couple moved awkwardly together. "Isn't that nice?" Fox asked. "Clumsy, but nice," Alex agreed. "They'll find their rhythm." "You think they're gonna be dancing long enough to do that?" Fox shrugged. "Maybe. Skinner might find that he really likes it." And he did. He had no real intention of letting anyone know that, but when the song he and Jerry were dancing to flowed into another, they continued on "See?" Fox sighed as Alex nuzzled his ear. "They're getting better." "Mmm hmm." The older man chuckled softly. "What're you doing?" "If you have to ask..." "We don't want to embarrass them, do we?" "Maybe we'll give 'em ideas," Alex offered. "They just met . It's a little too soon for that, don't you think?" "Need I remind you, Fox, that they're both men?" " Yeah , but..." "Skinner's a big boy," Alex murmured into his lover's ear before nipping at the lobe. "If he wants to take Jerry home and shake the walls, he's allowed." His tongue probed the interior of Fox's ear. "Now uh...speaking of shaking the walls..." Fox inhaled deeply and let it out in a shudder. "Yes?" "What d'you say we go do that?" "Skinner came with us," Fox warned the other man. Ignoring the reminder, Alex's hands slid down to Fox's rear, and pulled the older man against him. "Feel that?" he asked, grinding his hips against Fox's. "Sorta hard not to," Fox moaned. "What are you gonna do with that?" "Wanna shove it down your throat." Fox shuddered at the stark statement. "Then," Alex purred, "when I've had enough, I want to tear all your clothes off, lean you over the nearest chair and ram it up your ass." Fox's knees felt as though they were ready to buckle. "You want that, baby?" The golden-brown head nodded as Fox tried to catch his breath. Alex smirked. "Too bad we gotta wait for Skinner." Fox groaned. "Maybe he's ready to leave." "I don't know about that," Alex said, looking in Skinner and Jerry's direction. "They're looking more and more cozy all the time." "Well, maybe they'll leave together." "Weren't you just telling me that it's way too soon for any of that?" "Yeah," Fox began. "But as you so kindly pointed out to me, they're men . "Okay, so how do we find out what's going on?" "I don't know," Fox said as Alex licked at his bottom lip. "Maybe if we got a little closer." Skinner didn't even notice as his companions glided up behind him. He was too involved in his conversation with Jerry. "...And then we just...went our separate ways." "Did you ever love her?" "I wanted to. I tried to. But when it came right down to it..." Skinner shook his head. "I think she knew, though she'd never confront me with it. She just...let me go." "Does it make you sad to talk about it? You look sad now." "I suppose. She was always a good woman, but..." Skinner bowed his head. "I can't believe I'm talking about this." "You don't have to if you don't want to," Jerry said. "Some things just aren't easy to discuss...especially with a stranger." Skinner looked up into an understanding, sincere gaze. "But I...I think I want to talk to you. Umm...m-maybe we could go somewhere quiet." Jerry gave him a soft smile. "I'd like that. Where?" Skinner took a long breath and, gathering his courage, he said it. "My place isn't too far from here." He looked away quickly. "God, I can't believe I just said that." "You wanna take it back?" Skinner's lips formed a thin line. "No. No, I don't. I have to see if my friends are ready to go, though. I came in their car." "We're ready." Skinner turned around to find Fox and Alex grinning at him. "Have..." Skinner spoke through his teeth, his jaw not budging an inch. "Have you two been listening to us?" "We didn't hear it all," Fox promised, still smirking. "But enough." Skinner glared at him. "So, come on; let's get out of here," Alex chimed in, already grabbing Fox's hand and heading toward the exit. "Walt, you ride with Jerry." "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Skinner called. "You can't just tell Jerry he's gotta drive me home." " No ! I'd...I'd love to ride with you," Jerry said. "If you want to." "He wants to," Alex answered for the mortified man. He pulled Fox back against him and licked the side of his neck. "Believe me, Walt, you want to." Skinner rolled his eyes and turned back to Jerry. "He's right. When they get like that, it isn't good to be around them." Jerry smiled. "Okay, then." The couples split up in the parking lot, and with a leering admonishment from Fox for them to behave; Skinner and Jerry got into his Lexus and made their way to Crystal City. "So..." Fox said, trying hard to keep his attention on the road as Alex unbuttoned his shirt and slipped a hand inside. "...Jerry really does seem like a nice guy." "Yep." "I hope he is what he appears to be, and that he and Walt get along," Fox sighed. "It'd be nice for Walt to have a social life." "Yeah, it would," Alex murmured, only half listening to Fox as he teased the older man's nipples to hardness. "How naked do you think I can get you before we get home?" Fox choked. "Uh...what?" Alex repeated the question as he began to undo the older man's pants. "Alex, I...I can't get out of the car naked." "It's late. Nobody'll know." "I don't have that kind of luck. Somebody'll see." Alex thought about it and shrugged. "Okay. I won't take all your clothes off." He reached inside Fox's pants, stroking his erect cock through his underwear. "Mmmmm." "Good?" "Yeah. Cut it out." Alex grinned. "Why?" "Because I don't want to wrap this car around a tree." "When are you going to learn to multitask?" "I'm very good at multitasking," Fox countered, grunting as Alex gently squeezed him. "This is a horse of a completely different color." Alex laughed softly. "What?" "Just funny that you should be talking about horses, since you're hung like one." Fox's eruption of laughter ended on a whimper as Alex squeezed him a little harder. "A horse . Isn't that a bit of an exaggeration?" "Doesn't feel like an exaggeration when it's down my throat," Alex murmured. "God...Alex, really...I'm having a hell of a time concentrating on what I'm doing." Sighing, Alex removed his hand. "Fine." He began to undo his own pants, and Fox gasped. "What're you doing?" "You won't let me touch you ..." "Touching yourself is just as bad!" Fox complained. "C'mon. We're almost home." "Okay," Alex said slyly. "But you 're gonna make it up to me when we get there." Fox didn't ask how. It didn't matter. All that counted right now was getting home as quickly as possible. He hit the gas and, just breaking the speed limit, made it to their apartment building in good time. Not waiting for Alex to say anything, he got out of the car and came around to the passenger's side, where Alex was just emerging. "Let's..." Before he could get the rest of the words out, Alex had him by the front of his shirt and was pinning him to the car. "Let's what?" Fox looked upward. "Uh..." Alex ground his crotch against the older man's "Yes?" "I...I don't know." "Let's get off a quickie right now." "Is that what I was going to say?" "I think so." Fox looked around the empty garage. "This is not a good idea." "You never have bad ideas, baby," Alex purred, licking and nibbling at Fox's throat. "Never?" "Uh uh." "What about that movie the other night?" "Okay, that was the exception." Alex undid the rest of Fox's buttons and pushed the material aside. He leaned in, dragging his tongue over the other man's chest, and Fox's head fell back. "Oh, man. I...Alex, I...fuck." The last word came out on a breathy whisper, and just as Fox was about to give in, another vehicle pulled into the space two aisles over. "Oh, for..." "What's wrong?" Jerry asked, following Walt's gaze. "Oh. Uh..." "Self-restraint is not one of their strengths." Jerry looked away, blushing. Skinner opened his door and stepped out. "I'd better go break it up before they get too carried away." While Jerry remained hovering in the background, Skinner approached. "Need help finding your apartment?" Golden brown lashes lifted, and Fox cast a hazy stare on the older man who came to stand behind Alex. "Hmm?" "Come on, guys. What would've happened if someone else got here before I did?" Alex lifted his head and smiled at Skinner. "But no one did." "Well, get up to your apartment before some one does ." Alex turned back to Fox, smirking. "He's so uptight." Then he shifted around to eye Skinner and the man standing at a distance. "You know what you need?" Skinner's jaw tightened, and he glared at Alex, warning him silently to shut the hell up. "You need to get laid," Alex whispered softly enough that Jerry wouldn't hear. "Why don't you take Jerry upstairs and see to it." Fox chuckled. "Remind me to never go out with you two again," Skinner muttered. "Now please . Get your asses upstairs before someone else drives in." Alex heaved a heavy sigh and took hold of one edge of Fox's shirt. Smirking, he pulled Fox past Skinner then nodded at Jerry as they sashayed by him. "You have a nice evening, boys." Fox waved as they made their way to the elevator. Skinner joined Jerry, and they watched as the two men fell against the wall of the car, kissing madly as the doors closed. "They always like that?" Jerry asked, a bit embarrassed but titillated nonetheless. "More now than ever," Skinner said and began walking toward the other elevator. "I don't understand." Skinner shook his head and motioned Jerry through the open door. "It's a very long, very complicated story." The door opened, and the couple burst through it, practically falling into the apartment in their haste to tear at each other's clothing. Shirt half undone, pants unzipped, Alex grabbed Fox by the hair and pushed him to his knees. He helped Fox get his pants down, then his fingers again tangled in his lover's hair as his cock was quickly enveloped in wet, sucking heat. "Ahshit!" He locked his knees to keep them from buckling. Fox had sucked him off at least half a dozen times in the last few days, and he'd yet to get over the incredible rush. He shuddered, moaning deeply as Fox hungrily sucked at his engorged cock. The vibrations of his lover's ravenous groans and growls sent him into a state of irreversible frenzy. Teeth tightly clamped together, he held Fox's head with both hands and thrust into his mouth, using quick, short jabs. The pressure built to an intolerable level, and even if he'd wanted to stop, to prolong the moment, he couldn't. His orgasm blasted through him, leaving his body as violently as the scream that broke from his throat. Fox swallowed Alex's semen, slurping noisily, but before he could finish, Alex's legs gave out, and he caught the younger man, softening his fall. He lowered Alex to the floor, giving him a sweet kiss before sliding lower to finish the task of cleaning him up. "Nnnnnnnnnnn, God," Alex moaned softly as Fox licked him tenderly. Weakly, he stroked the golden-brown strands beneath his fingers, and he fought to open his eyes. Losing the battle, he moaned again then went silent. Fox finished with a soft kiss to the tip of the softening organ then slid up, smiling as he looked down at his lover's slack features. "So much for bending me over the nearest chair, huh?" Shaking his head slightly, Alex held up one finger then let his hand drop. "I don't know," Fox said, resting his head in one hand as he traced erratic designs on Alex's chest with the other. "I think you're done." "Like hell," Alex droned. "Gimme a minute." "A minute, huh?" Fox asked genuinely amused. "You gonna saw a lady in half for your next trick?" "Better," Alex mumbled. "Gonna send a Fox to the moon." Fox laughed. "You mean like, bang, zoom?" Eyes still closed, Alex smiled wearily. "There'll be lots of banging, I can promise you that." Fox woofed softly then got to his feet and pulled his groaning lover up after him. "Groovy. Let's get the rest of this stuff off and go get comfortable." Walter moved around his pristine kitchen slowly and deliberately, more than a bit nervous about spending time alone with man he'd known for just a few hours. //What the hell were you thinking?// He peeked out into the living room and caught sight of Jerry, standing by the balcony door. //You're thinking he's a decent looking nice guy...what you know of him anyway, and it'd be not altogether unpleasant to keep company with him. Now get the hell out there before he starts thinking you don't want him here.// Jerry turned around and smiled as Walt entered the room, carrying two glasses. He accepted the wine with a nod and motioned to the glass door. "Nice view." "Yeah. It was a big factor in my decision to take the apartment." "How long have you lived here?" "A few years." I moved in after my divorce was final." "Was it painful?" Skinner shrugged. "I don't think any divorce is easy. But Sharon did what she could to make it a smooth transition." "That's good. It could've been worse, you know. My sister went through one hell of an ugly divorce. Her husband did everything in the world to make things hard for her. The terrible thing is, there were kids involved." "Some people aren't happy unless they're completely screwing up the lives of everyone around them." "Ain't that the truth." There was quiet for a few moments, then Jerry cleared his throat. "So uh...if you were married..." He paused, trying to decide if he really wanted to ask such a personal question. To his relief, Walter stepped in and answered without having heard the whole question. "It wasn't a front or anything. The marriage, for as long as it lasted, was real. My breakup with Sharon had nothing to do with my interest in men. When I was with her, I was with her . "S-so you kinda go both ways, I guess?" Skinner nodded. "Didn't admit to it for a long time, but...how about you?" Jerry gave the other man a sheepish grin. "Strictly a man's man. I did have one date with a girl when I was about fifteen and still in the closet. It was a disaster from beginning to end. I came out not too long after that." Skinner leaned against the glass door, holding Jerry's gaze. "How'd that go over?" "My parents were shocked of course. My mother actually took it worse than my father. She's much better about it now, but for a while there, I wasn't sure that we'd ever be close again." "I'm glad she came around," Skinner murmured. "Both my parents are gone, so I don't know for sure how they'd have reacted. I believe my mother would have made her peace with it. I'm not so sure about my father." Another stretch of silence. Skinner sipped at his wine then looked toward the sofa. "Would uh..." He shifted his gaze to Jerry. "Would you like to sit down?" Jerry gave the older man a hint of a smile then led the way to the sofa. He sat first and Skinner followed, surprising him by sitting only inches away. "I'm...I'm really sorry if I seem so awkward," Skinner said softly, looking into his glass. "This really isn't something I'm used to doing." "I guess you haven't had many dates then...with men, I mean." Skinner paused, looking extremely uncomfortable as he shifted position twice. "Never." "N...you've never been out with a man?" "No. I went from the Marines to marriage to the FBI. There just never seemed to be a good time, if you know what I mean." "Wow. Has there ever been anyone that you thought you might be interested in?" "A couple. But I'd never approach them." "I hope you don't mind me saying, Walter, but it seems you've been about as far back in the closet as you can get." Skinner nodded. "I don't...so how did Fox and Alex find out about you if you've played it so close to the vest?" Skinner sighed softly. "That's a very long story." "Another one?" "Maybe I'll tell you about it someday, but..." Someday? Jerry smiled. Skinner continued. "Let's just say for now that I inadvertently tipped my hand to Alex a long time ago, and it came to a head years later." Jerry's eyebrows lifted. "Sounds like an interesting story." "I suppose it would be to someone just hearing it for the first time." "However it happened, it's good that you've got a couple of friends who know you for who you are." "Yes, I..." Skinner looked up at the other man and gave him a wary smile. "I suppose it is." Two beads of sweat rolled off the end of a lock of Alex's hair and dropped onto Fox's back, mingling with the older man's own sweat as he thrashed against him. Teeth clamped tightly together, he gripped Fox's hips, jerking him back into his hard thrusts. A fierce growl rose from his throat each time their bodies slammed together, and Fox's hoarse sobs sounded at almost the same time. He reached down, grasping his lover's cock with one hand and began to jerk it in time to the pounding rhythm. "C'mon," Alex grated as Fox threw his head back and let out a raucous cry. "You know what I want. Give it to me." Fox 's body tightened as the coming explosion churned and rumbled through the center of him then broke free violently. His coarse screams were joined by Alex's own jubilant howls of satisfaction. The intensity of his orgasm pulled him inside out, and he crumpled to the mattress, Alex's full weight dropping on top of him. He hadn't the strength to speak or even breathe, and he lay there in a reddish black haze until Alex's voice came to him an eternity later. It was soft and hoarse, and filled with sweetness. "Now, what was that you were saying before about me being done?" Fox smirked into his lover's shoulder. "My mistake." "Damn right." Alex lifted his head and trained a sparkling gaze on the older man. Fox moaned happily and wrapped his arms around his lover. "So, how 'bout now?" "Now, I might be done," Alex croaked, rubbing the tips of their noses together. Fox shook with silent laughter. "Sleepy?" "A little." "Wanna watch a little t.v.?" "Sure." Alex looked at the clock then back to Fox, grinning. "You think Jerry's still upstairs?" "How long's it been?" "Couple of hours." "Probably not," Fox sighed. "I can't imagine Skinner being chatty enough to keep a virtual stranger comfortable enough to stay all this time." "Maybe they're not talking," Alex offered, grinning slyly. "No way," Fox laughed. "...You think?" He thought for another second. "Nahhhh." "It's one o'clock." Jerry put his glass down. "I'd better go." "Oh. Uh...you don't have to leave on my account," Skinner said, hoping he didn't sound as desperate to Jerry as he did to himself. "It's late," Jerry said, looking guilty. "I don't want to keep you up." "I spend every Saturday night alone," Skinner countered. "Unless Mulder and Alex invite me downstairs for dinner and a movie. And even then I'm usually back upstairs and in bed before midnight. I'm really enjoying this. So..." he took a deep breath and plunged in "...unless you really want to leave, I'd like for you to stay a while longer." Jerry stared wide-eyed for a moment then nodded. "I...I'd like to." "Good. I uh...I'm sorry, I'm not much good at being a host. Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat? I might be able to scare up something to snack on." "I'm fine," Jerry assured Skinner. Skinner nodded. "Well. Now that I've talked you into staying a while, I guess I'd better come up with something to talk about. Uh...tell me more about yourself." Jerry looked down at his hands, smiling. "Okay...I was born in Massachusetts. Lived there with my parents until I went to college. I've been in Washington ever since." "Where in Massachusetts did you live?" "Pittsfield." "Oh. That isn't on the coast, is it?" "No. Why?" "Mulder was born and raised on Martha's Vineyard." "Oh, no kidding? We vacationed there once when I was about eleven. Really nice. Ever been?" "Not on vacation." "I'd love to get back there one day. Mulder...uh...why do you call him Mulder? Is it a work thing?" "Yes and no. He doesn't much like his first name. Nobody calls him Fox but Alex and his mother, I suppose." "Oh. Anyway...has Mulder been back home lately? Maybe he can give me a few tips on where to visit." "The last time he was there was a few years ago, and that was on a case...sort of. That's also when I was there. You can ask him about places of interest. He still might have some idea." "Okay. So anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. I'm thirty-eight. Got an older sister living in Colorado." Jerry shrugged. "I like jazz, obviously, but I listen to other kinds of music. Classical, country...what do you like to listen to? Besides Jazz." Skinner shook his head. "I don't really listen to much music. Not that I don't like it, I just...I don't know. I never think about listening to the radio, I guess. I uh...I work out before going in to the office. Box a little." Jerry wanted to say something about noticing what great shape Skinner was in, but he thought better of it. "Do you read?" "I read a lot. Case files. Reports..." Jerry tilted his head and studied the other man. "Tell me to mind my business if you think I'm out of line, but...are you punishing yourself for something? " Skinner picked up his head. "I'm sorry?" "It...it just seems that way to me. You're a handsome, magnetic man. Yet, by your own admission, you cloister yourself away here unless your friends invite you over. You do nothing for the sheer enjoyment of it...is it guilt over the divorce?" Skinner blinked and shook his head. "I don't...no, I..." He fell silent, thinking about it. "I'm sorry," Jerry said, noting the look on Skinner's face. "I gotta stop doing the lawyer bit when I'm outside the courtroom. I didn't mean to push." "No, you...you didn't push. Maybe you're right. God knows I've had plenty to feel guilty about." "Another really long story?" Jerry asked softly. "Actually, part of the same really long story." Jerry stared for a moment then spoke. "You're an intriguing man, Walter. I think I'd really like the chance to get to know you." Skinner's heart skipped a beat. "You might be sorry you said that. My story is not for the squeamish." "I'm tough," Jerry promised. "I think I can take it." "Well." Skinner stared directly into the other man's eyes. "We'll see, then." Alex opened his eyes and met an alert green and gold stare. He stretched and gave Fox a lazy smile. "Hey." "Morning." "God, I slept like the dead. What time is it?" Fox turned and looked at the clock, which sat on the nightstand on his side of the bed. "Eight-ten." Alex grunted and closed his eyes again. "Go back to sleep," Fox said, dusting the younger man's forehead with a kiss. "What about you?" "I'm too wide awake. Maybe I'll get up and do some laundry or something. When you wake up, we can have breakfast." Alex's lashes rose. "You hungry?" "A little." "Me too. I'll get up now." "But you look like you're still tired." Alex pulled the other man down on top of him. "We can take a nap together later." Fox grinned down into his lover's face. "And maybe fool around a little?" "Maybe a lot," Alex murmured. Growling softly, Fox moved in for a teasing kiss. "So, what d'you want for breakfast?" Alex asked as they parted. "Who's cooking?" Soft laughter. "What if I said you?" "Frozen waffles." "And what if I said me?" Fox's grin grew wider. "Texas French toast, scrambled eggs, Canadian bacon, hash browns..." "You got a lot of nerve, you know it?" "I'll show you about eight inches of nerve." Alex burst into laughter. "Yeah? Let's see." "After breakfast. And after we call Walt to mind his business." "Oh, yeah. I wonder if he'll tell us the truth about what happened last night." "I don't know. I think he'd be a gentleman whether he was with a woman or a man." "So, you think he won't tell us?" "I think he'll be careful about what he says." "We gotta work on that man." "I know." Fox lifted himself from the bed, pulling Alex up after him. "I'll call him while you're cooking." "Do you really want all that stuff?" Alex whined as he followed Fox into the bathroom. "I might be persuaded to forego the hash browns." "Oh, yeah? And how might I persuade you?" Fox's laugh was low and dirty. "Use your imagination." "Damn!" Skinner drew his hand back quickly from the steaming mug of coffee as some of it spilled out. Automatically drawing the hand to his mouth, he reached for the ringing phone. "Yeah." "Oh. Ooh. You don't sound too happy this morning. Guess that answers the question I was going to ask." "I'm fine, I just...the phone startled me, and I spilled some coffee." "Ah. Sorry. So uh....you alone?" Skinner rolled his eyes and sat down. "Yes, Mulder. I'm alone." "He's alone," Skinner heard Fox say to Alex. "Damn!" Skinner shook his head. "Is he gonna be okay?" "Yeah. He'll get over the disappointment." "Did you two actually think he was going to spend the night?" "Well..." "Need I remind you that we only met last night?" "Okay, okay. So..." "Was there at least some kissing?" "Alex wants to know..." "I heard him. No, there was no kissing." "No kissing." "Groping?" "No!" "He said no." " Jeez . What the hell did they do?" "Tell him we talked." "They talked." " Talked ?" "That's what I said." "For how long?" "He left at around two." "Two?" " Two ?" Alex shouted. "And all they did was talk?" "It's possible, you know, for two people to do nothing but talk." "Alex and I talk," Fox informed the other man. "We talk plenty." "Yeah, okay." "So anyway...since he stayed so long, does that mean that you hit it off?" "He's a nice guy." "What'd he say?" Alex asked as he started the eggs. "He said Jerry's a nice guy." "Nice enough to go out with?" "Alex is asking..." "Yeah, yeah, I heard him. "Maybe." "Maybe?" "What's maybe mean?" "Probably." "Look, Skinner," Fox grumbled. "Stop beating around the bush. Are you going to see him again or not?" "We're getting together next Friday night." "They're getting together next Friday night!" "Friday? Where are they going?" "Where're you going?" "Dinner and drinks." "Dinner and drinks." "Okay, that's a start. Tell him he's gotta get at least one kiss in, though." "You heard?" "I heard. And you can tell him that I am not kissing a guy I only just met." "Sorry, babe," Fox said to Alex. "No kissing." "What if Jerry wants to kiss him ?" "He said what if..." "He is not going to want to kiss me." "But what if he does?" Skinner let out a big sigh. "I'll cross that bridge when and if I come to it." "You gotta let him," Fox said. "If you pull away or look uncomfortable, you'll blow it." "Blow what ?" " Whatever ." "Mulder...listen. Go do whatever you were doing and let me get back to my coffee." "Okay, but this isn't the end of the conversation." "I'm sure it's not." "Talk to you later." "So, they hit it off, huh?" Alex asked as Fox hung up. "From the little bit I could gather. You know how tight-lipped he is." "Yeah, well, he'd better get 'em loosened up before next Friday." "I don't know," Fox mused, watching his lover's ass as Alex moved from the counter to the stove. "I think he's way too new at this to even think about trying to kiss Jerry." Fox got out of his chair and approached Alex from behind, slipping his arms around the younger man's waist. Alex moaned as he felt Fox's lips, soft and teasing at the nape of his neck. "How d'you expect me to cook with you doing that?" "You mean the king of multitasking can't do two things at once?" Alex almost lost his grip on the spatula as Fox bit down gently. "Fox..." One of Fox's hands slipped lower, brushing over the growing erection in Alex's jeans. "Hmm?" "You're the one who wanted all this," Alex reminded the other man. "You're gonna eat it." "I will," Fox promised, squeezing gently. "I just wanna touch you." Alex closed his eyes and tipped his head back as Fox teased him. "These eggs are going to burn." Fox removed his hand and allowed Alex to tend to the eggs before moving in again. "God," Alex whispered as Fox licked the side of his neck and rubbed the now obvious bulge in his jeans. "Fox, you're killin' me." "How much longer until the food's done?" Fox asked, gently pressing his crotch against Alex's rear. "Not long if you'll let me see to it." "Okay, I guess I can wait." Fox moved away, leaving Alex moaning at the loss of stimulation. He walked back to the table and sat down, watching quietly as Alex finished cooking. As the pair ate, Fox continued to watch the younger man. "What?" Alex asked, smiling, as his fork stopped halfway to his mouth. "Nothing. Just...you're gorgeous, you know that?" Alex laughed softly and looked down into his plate. Fox continued. "And sexy as all hell." His voice lowered. "Do you know how embarrassing it is for me at work when I sprout a boner in the middle of the day because I'm thinking about you?" "Well, cut it out," Alex teased, looking up at the other man through his lashes. "Easier said," Fox murmured. "And if you don't quit looking at me like that, I'm gonna clear this table and throw you up on it." Smirking, Alex looked down into his plate. "Finish your breakfast." A short time later, after everything was cleaned up and put away, Alex found himself pinned against the counter, groaning through clenched teeth as Fox drove into him with quick, hard thrusts. His cock begged for attention, but when he reached for it, Fox's hand was there first, grasping his wrist and twisting his arm behind his back. "Noooo," Alex whined. "Let me. Fox..." "I'm gonna let you," Fox growled. "When I'm done, you're gonna fuck me ." Alex tipped his head back, moaning. "Nnnnnn, yeah." His mouth quirking into a smile, Fox continued to pound into the younger man. The smile quickly faded into a sensual grimace as Alex's muscles clamped around his cock. "Ohhhhh, God. That's good, baby. Like that. Yeah....yeah..." Alex tried to ignore his own need long enough to concentrate on driving Fox to a fast orgasm. He contracted his muscles in a steady rhythm, milking his lover's cock, and in seconds, Fox was gasping and groaning behind him. "Damn...Alex, I....ohhhhh, God ." Fox came long and hard, slumping over Alex's back when he was finished, but Alex wasn't up for allowing him any recuperation time. Quickly, he nudged Fox backward then switched positions with him, shoving him against the counter. Fox sobbed at the sudden intrusion then relaxed into Alex's driving rhythm. He smiled vaguely at the fast growing grunts and growls, and he knew it wouldn't be long at all before Alex blew. "Baby...Fox," Alex grated. "Oh, shit...oh..." In a grip certain to leave bruises, Alex jerked Fox back against him as he surged forward, again and again until he came, sobbing incoherently. Wrapping his arms around the other man, Alex rested his cheek on his shoulder and moaned softly. Fox allowed him to relax for a moment before pushing up. "Damn," Fox whispered, straightening up then turning to wrap his arms around Alex. "Like that?" Alex asked, kissing the side of Fox's neck. "Stupid question." Fox hugged Alex tightly. Smiling, Alex nestled into his lover's arms. "So..." "Yes?" "What're we gonna do?" "About what?" "First off," Alex said, leaning back to meet a twinkling hazel gaze. "We're standing in the middle of the kitchen with our pants down around our knees." Smirking, Fox shrugged and let Alex go so that they could pull their pants up. "Second," Alex said, "What d'you want to do today?" "I don't know," Fox sighed. "Anything you want." "I want to know what you want to do." "I don't know what I want to do. What do you want to do?" Hand in hand the two walked through the living room and into the bedroom. "Okay, look. Decide what you want to do." " You decide." Fox began to laugh as they passed into the bedroom. "What're you laughing at?" was all Alex had time to ask before Fox threw him down on the bed and attacked. "What..." Manic giggle. "What're you doing?" "You insisted I decide, right?" Fox said, pulling at Alex's shirt. "Uh...yeah..." "So, I decided. We're gonna stay in and play all day." Alex laughed as he reached for Fox's shirt. " All day?" "And night." "That's a lot of hours." "Yup." "Why...oww!" Alex retaliated for the sharp nip just delivered by Fox, then he finished. "Why are we doing this all day and night?" Finally ridding Alex of his shirt, Fox reached for his already undone pants. Then, smiling sweetly, he moved in for a long enthusiastic kiss. "Because we can." Fox's sneakers didn't make a sound in the already quiet hall as he made his way toward the room at the very end. He stopped in the doorway and watched the silent woman as she carefully folded a sweater and placed it in the suitcase on her bed. He lifted his hand and knocked so softly, he wasn't sure she'd hear. But the red head turned, and eyes as blue as they'd always been stared warily in his direction. "Can I come in?" There was the slightest bit of hesitation, then Scully nodded and retreated to the seat by the window. Fox advanced cautiously and stood for a moment by the chair by the bed before lowering himself to the cushion. "How are you?" "Okay. Well enough to go home, I guess," Scully answered softly. Fox nodded and looked down at the floor. "I was surprised that you'd agreed to see me," Scully said, drawing his attention back up to her. "It's been so long." "Seven months," Fox answered, almost saying the words to himself. Then he looked up at Scully. "I've kept in contact with your mother." "I know." "She says you've made good progress. I'm glad." Scully looked down at the hem of her blouse, picking absently at it. "Really?" Fox said nothing. "I figured you'd probably never want to see me get out of here." "For a while I didn't," Fox answered. "In fact, I wanted worse for you. I couldn't see...maybe I didn't want to, that you'd paid a much higher price for your devotion to me and my quest for the truth than anyone had ever thought. All I could see was the terrible things you'd done to Alex. And I wanted you punished for them. Severely." "I remember everything," Scully said quietly. "All the feelings. The hatred. The jealousy. But the things I did seem kinda like a dream. The...the feelings were mine, but the actions...I don't know who that was." Fox lowered his eyes and said nothing. "How's Krycek?" "He's good," Fox said, eyes still cast to the floor. "I know his last test was negative. You must be really happy." "We are." Scully nodded then changed the subject. "I probably won't be able to come back to work. Skinner's been trying to see what he could do for me, but..." "I know." "Can't blame the Bureau, I guess. I did really go off the deep end, and I'll probably be in therapy for quite a while to come." Fox sighed softly. "I'm sorry, Scully." "Don't, Mulder. You're not responsible. I didn't do anything or go anywhere that I didn't want to. And you couldn't...you couldn't help that you fell in love with Krycek. If that's what ultimately sent me over the edge, that's my problem, and obviously only the last straw in a decades-long hidden illness. It just...I want you to know that in my right mind, I'd never have done anything to hurt you...no matter what my feelings were about Krycek." There was a long silence, then Fox lifted his head and met clear, alert eyes. "Do you know why...how you could hate him so much yet want him to the point of such dangerous obsession?" Scully shrugged. "Part of the sickness for sure, though I can't profess to know enough to explain it. Not yet. I hope to understand it all in time. I promise that when I do, you'll be the first to know." Fox nodded in agreement. "So," Scully breathed. "You're s....you're uh..." She stopped then started again. "Can I ask you a question? I'm...I don't know if it'll offend you or not." Fox studied the woman for a moment then motioned for her to go ahead. "You said you were happy. I guess that means you're still...in love with him." "Still," Fox murmured. "Always." "I'd be lying to you if I said that I've had a complete change of heart about that, but I...I hope that you'll give me the chance to try and...make up for the things I've done. I hope you'll let me...try and get to know you and him and understand. I want to understand, Mulder. I want to accept your relationship so we can maybe be friends again, even if we can't be partners." Fox looked away, blinking. "You don't want that," Scully said, reading Fox's expression. "I..." Fox heaved a heavy sigh. "There's just so much. I know that you're working through your issues. I know I should want to help you if I can. And I do , but..." He hesitated, licking his lips, looking for the right words. "You don't want me near him," Scully whispered. "You think I'll do something I shouldn't." "He's been through so much," Fox answered. "I don't know...I've tried so hard to do everything I could to protect him, and I've failed miserably...I can't risk him being hurt. I can't fail him again." Scully nodded slowly. "So. That's it, then." Fox opened his mouth as if to say something then closed it again. "I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else," Scully said softly. "Thank you for seeing me." Fox closed his eyes for a moment then focused a pained, muddy-brown gaze on his former partner. "Scully, I...I don't know what to say. I don't want to...we've meant too much to each other to leave it like this." "What more can be done?" Scully asked. "Krycek comes first. I've got enough of my faculties back to understand that." "I hate this," Fox moaned. "You need to know how much I hate it. We were the best of friends, Scully, and I... hate that we've come to this. I don't want this. I wanna love Alex, and I want you to be my happy, supportive best friend. I want you to find a life, and I want to be happy for you like I'm happy for Skinner and Jerry, and..." "You want a lot, Mulder." Scully interrupted then paused, considering his words. "Who's Jerry?" "Oh. Sorry, I'm...I'm sorry. I should have known that Skinner hadn't mentioned Jerry to you. They've been seeing each other for several months now." Scully's eyes shifted to a spot just beyond Fox's shoulder. "Jerry? That's n-nice. So, I guess he's over Krycek." "Yeah." "And you're all friendly with each other? Go out and do things together?" "Now and then, yeah," Quiet fell on the room for a while then Scully spoke. "So...about these things you want. They may never happen, but they'll never even have a chance if you don't give it a try." "I know that," Fox whispered, looking at his folded hands. "You know what you want, but you don't want to take the risk," Scully concluded. "It can't be both ways." "No, it can't." "So we're back to square one." Fox raked his fingers through his hair, looking for some way to get around the impasse they seemed to be at. "It's okay, Mulder. If someone had done the things to someone I loved, that I'd done to Krycek, I don't think I'd be able to trust them enough to let them back into my life either." Fox turned a helpless stare on the woman. "I've missed you, Scully. I've missed us." Tears pricked Scully's eyes but she didn't turn away. "I'm so sorry, Mulder. I don't know what to do. I don't know what else to say. As much as I wish I could, it wouldn't be fair to make you any promises except that I'd try my best. Under the circumstances, I understand that that just isn't good enough." Fox closed his eyes against the pain he heard in Scully's voice. "Go on home, Mulder. Live your happy life with Krycek. Just do one thing for me. Try not to remember the bad stuff. Try to remember the time when we were friends. Remember the good things about me." Fox opened his eyes. They were swimming with tears. "I...Scully, I..." "Thanks again for coming to see me." Scully got up and pulled some more clothing out of the drawer. Fox sat a while longer, at a loss for something more to say or do. Finally, he rose slowly and walked out of the room. With a pink blouse clutched in her hands, Scully turned toward the window and watched the late morning sun dance off the damp tree leaves. It had rained hard last night. For hours. Now, as the cheery brightness of the day made the tears that had been welling up in her eyes spill over, she wished that the rain had never stopped. END MMCUSN@aol.com

Going Under By Aries Part three of the DC Rain series X-Files M/K Rated NC-17 for m/m sexual situations and language Summary: There are lots of ways to drown Archive at all the usual places. If anyone else wants it, just ask! Feedback? Well, if you reeeally want to... MMCUSN@aol.com http://denofsin.slashcity.net/aries/ariestitle.html https://www.squidge.org/terma/aries/aries.htm back to top

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