Nobody Has to Know by Aries Part Eleven: Silence Silence There are many silences. There's the peaceful silence that descends on a house when all the kids have gone to sleep. The lonely silence in a cemetery. The uncomfortable silence on a blind date...sweet silence, understanding silence, shocked silence... So many silences filled Alex's bedroom as the two men stood almost motionless, each trying to come to terms with the horror of Alex's childhood. Grievous and confusing. Pained and apologetic. Sable lashes lifted, and vacant, green eyes stared out into the sparkling blue afternoon sky. Still gently held in the warmth of Fox's arms, Alex took a trembling breath. "Go back and lie down, Fox. You need to rest at least for today." Fox's first reaction was to refuse. To stay put and give Alex all the comfort he could. But there was something else in him that insisted he do as he was asked, and he did. Slowly, he released his hold on the other man and made his way over to the bed. Carefully, he slid up onto the mattress and watched as Alex continued to stare out the window. The other man's efforts to pull himself together showed in everything from his tense posture to his clenching jaw. When he'd succeeded to his satisfaction, Alex turned around and faced the man who still watched him warily. "You look tired. You should take a nap." "What about you?" Fox asked softly. "I'm okay," Alex promised in a voice equally as soft. When Fox continued to stare, he walked toward the bed and smoothed the sheet around the older man. His fingers passed over Fox's hair, and Fox could feel them trembling in that brief contact. "I'll be in the living room if you need anything." Fox wanted to ask him to stay. He wanted to talk more, but something in him sensed that Alex had talked enough for now. He needed time and he needed space, and Fox let him have it without another word. He settled down against the pillows, getting an approving nod from Alex, and then the younger man left the room quietly, leaving the door cracked a bit as he exited. Fox closed his eyes and moaned as his mind immediately began to review the things Alex had said to him. What kind of a fucking bastard made his child do the vile things that Spender had made Alex do? There was evil in the world; pure, unadulterated evil, he'd always known it. He'd seen it, felt it. But Alex had lived with it for most of his life. It made his control issues and his inability to verbally express love more than understandable. It made Fox want to rip that decrepit old cigarette smoking son of a bitch in two. It made him want to go out there and take Alex in his arms. Hold him and kiss him and do what he could to make all the pain, the memories disappear. That's what a person did when the one he loved was hurting. Ordinary people did that. No one could ever accuse them of being ordinary. Alex sat in the quiet of the living room, staring at nothing in particular. He'd done it. He'd told Fox what he never thought he'd tell a living soul. Now what? Fox had seemed so understanding, so sympathetic. But where did they go from here? Blindly, Alex fumbled for the CD remote and turned the player on. Turning the volume down as low as it would go, he closed his eyes. Fox awoke with a start, staring around the dark room. He swallowed breath after hard breath, telling himself that he was in Alex's apartment, in Alex's bed; not in the back room of The Boardroom. Convinced of that, he sat quietly, listening for any sound from the living room. Hearing nothing, he slid out of bed with a slight wince and walked to the door. There was pale light on the other side, and the barely audible strains of Tchaikovsky reached his ears. He pulled the door open and set one foot over the threshold before coming to an abrupt halt. Turning around, he retreated back into the bedroom. Alex hovered on the outer edges of sleep but never quite reached it. The music echoed softly in his head, and his muscles slowly relaxed. It'd been a long, long couple of days, and he didn't know how tense he really was until he allowed his tightly wound body to rest. His heart rate was slowing, his respiration evening out, his mind going mercifully blank. It was a good place. He wouldn't mind staying a while. The feeling that he wasn't alone infiltrated the comforting haze that had settled over him, and his lashes lifted slowly. His vision focused almost immediately on Fox, standing by the chair, watching him. He inhaled deeply, and his cock gave a hard jerk as his gaze swept over the man dressed in nothing more than one of the black thongs that Alex had bought for him, and his collar. Fox hesitated for a moment then moved forward and slowly sank to his knees in front of Alex. The younger man watched, speechless as Fox moved between his parted knees and tentatively rubbed the sides of his thighs. "Were you asleep?" "No." The word came out in a hoarse whisper. "Just...resting." He didn't know what else to say. His body reacted so strongly to the nearly naked presence, it was next to impossible for him to concentrate on anything else. "I didn't thank you." Alex managed to focus his eyes on Fox's. "For last night," Fox explained softly. "You're always there to pull my ass out of the fire, even when I don't deserve you to." "Don't think that you deserved for Shane to do that to you." "I behaved like a child, rebelling when I couldn't have what I wanted." "I hurt you," Alex reasoned, reaching out to stroke the older man's hair. "You weren't thinking clearly. Shane wouldn't have been able to take advantage of you if you had been." "I didn't want him," Fox promised. "I could never...give myself to him." Glistening eyes stared intently at Alex, willing him to understand. "We might never have laid eyes on each other again, Alex, and it wouldn't have mattered. "I'd only ever belong to you." Alex took a long breath, held it then let it out slowly. And a note of resolve resonated in his voice as he spoke. "It isn't fair to you. You deserve better than this. You..." Fox knew that tone. He knew exactly where Alex would be taking the conversation, and fear crept into his voice as he spoke. "No. No, Alex. Please. Don't. I...I don't...don't ask me to leave." Alex lowered his head. "It's the best thing for you." "It's not," Fox insisted softly. "The best thing for me is to be with you." "I've got so much baggage, Fox," Alex said misery lacing his tone. "More than you could have ever guessed. God knows how long it's going to take me to sort it all out, and I don't have the right to ask you to wait around." "I want to help," Fox croaked. "Anything I can do to help you, I'll do." Alex kept his gaze on his hands, folded tightly in his lap. "Even if it means spending all your spare time sitting at my feet, mostly naked and doing everything I say?" "Yes, Alex." Alex shook his head. "It's not right. I can't use you like that. If I do, I'll be no better than Shane." "You can't compare the two," Fox said, stroking Alex's thigh. "You wouldn't be using me. You'd be accepting the help of the man who loves you." Alex closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, and Fox's heart sank. "I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to...to... It's okay, Alex, really. I understand that you can't return my feelings. It's all right. I'm fine, I swear." "You shouldn't be," Alex rasped. "You deserve better. So much better." "No," Fox gasped. Alex, please." "I'm not trying to get rid of you," Alex promised. "I'm not cutting off contact with you. We can talk on the phone and see each other on the weekends. I just...I don't think you staying with me is the best thing right now." "For who?" Alex forced himself to look up and into muddy brown eyes. "You. You, Fox." "Not me. It will not be good for me. I told you that. Why can't you believe it?" "Because I don't think you know what's good for you right now. All you can think about is what I've told you, and it's affecting your decision making." "No, it isn't," Fox argued, beginning to get angry. "I'm a big boy, and I can well understand the difference between love and sympathy." He knew what he just said, and he couldn't find it within himself to be sorry for it this time. Closing his eyes, Alex ran his fingers through his hair. Fox waited a good long time for him to say something. When he didn't, the older man gently squeezed his knee. "Alex?" Still, he said nothing. Fox waited a while longer, then he rose slowly to his feet. "Fine, I...I guess I'll go get dressed...then I'll go." Alex looked up quickly and finally found his voice. "Fox, I...I didn't mean for you to...you're hurt. Let me take care of you." "Why?" Fox asked, defeat and profound sadness edging his tone. "You're hurt. You won't let me take care of you." He turned around and walked into the bedroom, leaving Alex staring after him and consumed with pain. The sharp ring of the doorbell startled him. It took him until the next ring to get up, then he slowly trudged to the door. C.J.'s smile fell away from his face as the door swung open, and the morose features of his friend greeted him. "Shit. What now?" When Alex didn't answer, he began the third degree. "Did you talk to him? Did you tell him what the hell's been eating at you? You didn't, did you? Jesus, Alex..." "I told him," Alex mumbled then turned and walked away. "And what?" C.J. followed the other man inside and closed the door. "You don't look any better than you did. What happened?" Alex said nothing. "Where is he?" "Bedroom." "Is he asleep?" "No. He's changing." "Into..." "His clothes. He's leaving." "Leaving. Why the hell's he leaving?" Nothing. "Ah, Christ." With that, C.J. whirled around and headed into the bedroom, where he found Fox buttoning his shirt. "Where the hell are you going?" "Where'd you come from?" Fox asked, not looking up at the other man. "I just got here. Now answer my question. Alex is out there with a face a mile long. Where are you going?" "Home." Why?" "He wants me to." "Did he tell you that?" "Yes." "I don't believe it." "He doesn't want my help. He wants me to leave." "Your help. Did he really tell you what his problem was?" "Yeah." "And?" "And it's horrible. It's terrible, and I wanted to stay and comfort him and help him however I can. He doesn't want me to." C.J.'s eyes widened. "Is...is he all right? He's not sick or anything, is he?" "No." "Jeez. You scared me for a minute. So, why doesn't he want you to stay? Has he told you?" "He says it isn't fair to me." "What isn't fair?" "That I should hang around indefinitely, doing whatever it took to help him over his problem, and he wouldn't know when or even if he'd ever be able to return my feelings." "Christ," C.J. whispered. "Fox...I have no idea what this horrible problem of Alex's is, but I do know this...he does return your feelings." Fox lifted his head and looked at the other man. "He loves you," C.J. said matter of factly. "He can't say it, he can't even admit it to himself, but believe me, he does. You didn't see the state he was in this last time you left him. He was a mess. And you didn't see the rage in his eyes when he went to the Board Room to deal with Shane and his friends. Or the tenderness or the worry when he was taking care of you. Believe me, Fox; he loves you." Fox sank heavily onto the bed and buried his fingers in his hair. "You can have all that stuff without love. I think he cares a lot for me but...it doesn't matter. He wants me to leave." "Because he loves you, and he's trying to be unselfish. Don't go, Fox. You stay right here and fight for what you want...what you both want." "What if you're wrong?" Fox whispered. "Me? Wrong? Not a chance in hell." There was silence for a while, then Fox turned an apprehensive gaze up to C.J.'s face. "You really think he loves me?" "There's not a doubt in my mind. The day's gonna come, Fox, when he's able to recognize and understand it, and he won't be afraid. But he needs you. No matter how long the road might be, he needs you to be there to walk it with him." "I agree with you, C.J.," Fox murmured. "It's Alex who doesn't see it that way." "Put your foot down," C.J. encouraged. "You tell him you're not going a damn place, and he's just going to have to live with that." "I don't know," Fox whispered. "I don't know how he'd react if I really asserted myself. Without going into too much detail, control is a very big issue with him...I don't know what else to do but what he wants." "But he doesn't want this, Fox," C.J. insisted. "I know he doesn't. He'll be miserable as hell if you go. You will be too. Don't do it. Please stay with him." Alex heard the door to his bedroom swish open, and he fully expected Fox to come out with C.J. But only his friend walked into the living room. Stopping in front of Alex, C.J. looked down at the seated man. "Don't fuck this one up, please?" Alex lifted his eyes to C.J.'s and stared in silence. C.J. backed away slowly then turned and headed for the door. "I'll see you later." And then he was gone. Alex's eyes went from the door to the hall. What the hell did C.J. mean by that? Why the hell didn't you ask him? While he contemplated picking up the phone, his bedroom door opened, and Fox came out, fully clothed. But instead of moving toward the door, he walked over to where Alex sat. He hesitated a moment then carefully lowered himself to the sofa. He let a few moments of silence pass, then he spoke softly but with resolve. "I'm not walking out on you. So, unless you're prepared to throw me out bodily, get used to it." "C.J. needs a good ass-kicking," Alex murmured, then he looked up at the other man. "What did he say to you?" "He just helped me make up my mind to do what it was I wanted to do in the first place. I'm staying. And I'm going to help you through this." "Fox." A whisper. A plea. Fox stood firm. "No." Alex closed his eyes and lowered his head. Fox slid down to his knees in front of the disturbed man. "...Would you like some breakfast? I can make you something." His submissive demeanor had returned. "I'm not hungry," Alex murmured then lifted his gaze to Fox's face. "You're really not leaving." Fox shook his head then lowered his eyes. "No, Alex." Slowly, Alex leaned forward until his head touched Fox's. The two remained frozen in that position for several minutes before Alex sighed softly and bestowed a tender kiss on Fox's forehead. He rose to his feet and held his hand out to the older man, pulling him up. With Fox's hand enclosed in his, Alex moved into the kitchen and sat him in a chair. >From his seat, Fox watched Alex go to the refrigerator and remove the eggs and a carton of milk. "But y...you said you weren't hungry." "I'm not, really. But maybe by the time I'm done cooking, I will be. And even if I'm not...what about you?" "I'd have waited until you were hungry." Alex drew his lower lip into his mouth and paused for a moment before beginning to crack the eggs into a bowl. "Alex, can I...would you let me do the cooking?" Fox asked from his seat. "No," Alex said gently. "You stay put...how do you feel?" "I'm okay. Sore, but that's all. Perfectly capable of doing the cooking or...or anything else you'd like." Alex set the milk down and walked over to the table. Pulling up a chair, he sat in front of the other man. "You're not my slave, Fox. I don't expect you to wear any of the stuff I'd bought. No thongs, no collar. I don't expect you to be at my beck and call. You don't have to cook for me or serve my meals or...you know...make yourself available to me..." "What if I want to?" Fox asked quietly, lifting his eyes to Alex's. "You had...asked me about having a more equal relationship." "I was just curious to know how you would feel about it. It didn't mean that it was what I wanted. I might someday. Might. But I might not. I don't know. What I do know is that right now I want to be what you need. Anything you need. I need to be. Please let me." "Fox..." "Don't tell me it's not fair. How can it not be fair to me if it's what I need too?" Alex had no answer for it. "I loved doing things to please you. It made me feel good. Effective. If you want to be fair to me, don't take that away. And don't deny that at least for the foreseeable future, you need the security of being in control." He would have to pick a psychologist to get involved with. Alex lowered his head for a long minute, and when he lifted it, he looked Fox in the eye and gave the older man a sad trace of a smile. "You are hotter than hell in that stuff I bought you." Fox returned the smile. "What would you like me to put on?" "Whatever you're most comfortable wearing. You know, until all the soreness goes away." Fox nodded and rose from his seat, followed by Alex. He turned and got only a few steps away before Alex called softly to him. He turned back and stopped a scant few inches from the other man. Alex gently slipped an arm around Fox's waist and pulled his lover against him. Cupping Fox's cheek with his palm, he brushed their lips together before settling in for a sweet and all too brief kiss. When Alex pulled away, Fox dropped his head to the younger man's shoulder, rubbing his cheek against it before pulling out of his loosened embrace and leaving the kitchen. Alex took a deep, steadying breath then turned to tend to breakfast. "You've reached Fox Mulder. Leave a message." "Dammit." Scully disconnected and dropped the phone down on her sofa. She'd been calling Mulder all weekend and had yet to reach him. Even the two trips to his apartment were fruitless. Where the hell had he gone? Though she was still plenty worried, suspicion was starting to creep in, and she just couldn't stop herself from wondering if Alex Krycek had anything to do with her partner's disappearance. "They're done," she told herself. "They're done. There's gotta be something else." Then her thoughts went to that Shane character who had been so interested in Mulder a couple of days ago. What if they'd hooked up? It was possible. Mulder had been missing Krycek, and he could very well have been vulnerable to a charming, good looking man, which Shane had certainly been. "God, would he?" With a man he didn't know? Why not? If he could sleep with Alex Krycek, he could sleep with anybody. Okay. But spend the weekend with him? The worry returned. Picking up her phone and keys, she quickly left her apartment. Fox set his fork down and looked up at Alex. The younger man had finished his breakfast minutes before and had been sitting quietly, watching him. Amber-flecked eyes rose to meet emerald green, and Fox trembled in the intensity of his lover's stare. "It was good," he said, his voice rasping softly. "Would you like me to clean up?" "....No." Fox waited. Alex reached across the table and slipped his index finger under Fox's hand. The other man lightly curled his fingers around it and rose to his feet after Alex, following the other man out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. There, Alex piled the pillows up on the still unmade bed and propped himself against them. He pulled Fox down, directing the other man to straddle his hips. Sitting astride his lover, Fox kept his eyes averted as Alex reached up and traced the top line of his collar. "I need you to do something for me." Fox lifted his eyes to Alex's. "Anything." "Don't immerse yourself so deeply in this that you begin to lose yourself. You're too special. I...like who you are," Alex murmured, stroking his hand down the older man's bare chest. Fox looked up through his lashes. "Even the part of me that doesn't behave?" "Even that part," Alex answered in a soft, sweet tone. His knuckles brushed over Fox's awakening cock, nestled in the soft, velvety pouch of the thong he wore, and the other man emitted a small whimper. "Your stubbornness, your combativeness are part of who you are." Fox arched against Alex's hand as he gently kneaded the growing bulge. "And I wouldn't change any of it...any more than I'd change all those sexy little noises you make when I touch you." Fox tilted his head back, and his eyes fluttered closed. It had been far too long since he'd had the other man's hands on him, and he was drowning in need. Panting softly through parted lips, he rocked his hips back and forth, unconsciously asking for more. Alex stared through heavy lashes, utterly overwhelmed by the stunning beauty of the man straddling him. The thought that he'd come very close to watching Fox walk out his door this morning twisted his insides, and he silently thanked C.J. for popping in just in time to meddle once again. Fox let out a breathless moan as Alex squeezed him a bit harder, and he jerked against the younger man's hand. It jarred Alex back to awareness, and he loosened his grip. Again stroking the other man gently, Alex fixed a smoky gaze on him. "Not yet, baby. It's been a while since we've been together. Let's take our time and enjoy it, all right?" Fox took two audible breaths before his eyes slitted open, and he nodded. When he spoke, his voice came out in a raspy whisper. "Yes, Alex." The man stacking chairs stopped and looked up as a band of bright light illuminated the club then disappeared. A well dressed redhead entered and walked slowly through the maze of tables, looking around. He watched her for a moment then spoke up, visibly startling her. "What can I do for you?" Scully looked in the man's direction and stopped walking. "I'm looking for someone." The man straightened up and gave her a smile. "Someone in particular, or will I do?" "I'm looking for Shane," she said, ignoring the second part of his question. "Shane." "Yes. You know him?" "'Course I do. But uh...Shane ain't been around last couple of days." "Do you know where he is?" Scully asked, dreading the answer. The man chuckled. "Had his ass kicked good the other night." "...And that's funny?" "He had it coming." "You don't sound like a fan." "Gee, no?" The man shrugged. "Guy's an asshole. He thinks he can get away with anything 'cause he...sorry; you a friend of his?" "No, I'm actually looking for a friend of mine who might possibly have been in his company over the last couple of days." "What does your friend look like?" "Tall. Good looking. Hazel eyes, medium brown hair, prominent nose..." The man pointed to his face. "Sexy little mole about here? Mouth that looks like it was made to suck....uh...nice mouth?" Scully shifted from one foot to the other. "Yeah, I...I guess so." "He was the reason Shane got the shit beat out of him." "I don't understand." And she wasn't sure she wanted to. "Shane and two of his friends took him in the back for a little of his special brand of fun and..." "What does that mean?" Scully interrupted. "Like I said, Shane's an asshole. He's smooth, he's good looking...well, he was before the other night. Anyway, because he was so good looking, he got more than his share of tail. But he uh...he plays hard if you get my meaning. He would have done a real number on your friend if it wasn't that some guys saw them together and got the information back to his boyfriend." "Whose boyfriend?" "Your friend's." He saw the confused frown turn to one of angry disbelief, and he smiled again. "Oops. Did I let you in on some big secret?" "Apparently. This boyfriend. What's he look like?" The man moaned softly. "Tall with laser green eyes. Dark. Dangerous. Sexy as all hell." Scully took a moment to compose herself and gather her thoughts. "What happened?" "Well, like I said, Shane and his cronies took your friend in the back, and a while later, the dark one showed up. He cut Shane's three hundred pound guard down then went in after his man. He beat Shane and his friends down, bundled your friend up and took him out the back. Haven't seen any of them since." "Dammit. Was Mul...was my friend all right?" The man shrugged. "I heard that Shane had been able to play with him a little bit before his boyfriend got here, but I don't know how much damage he'd actually done." "God. And you don't know where they went?" "No idea." "These people. The ones who let the...boyfriend...know what was going on...do you know who any of them were?" "One's name was Lucas. He comes in here sometimes. That's all I know." "Lucas. Lucas...I don't know that name. Can you describe any of them?" "Lucas is blonde. Average height, blue eyes. One was tall and bald...buff...the other..." "C.J." "Yeah. Yeah, I think that's his name. It rang a bell as soon as you said it." "Thank you," Scully breathed, spinning around and heading quickly toward the door. "Yeah, okay," the man called after the retreating woman. "Come back and see me sometime." Blinking in the bright light of day, Scully practically ran to her car. Minutes later, she was pulling up in front of the club that C.J., Alex, and even Mulder had hung out at. She burst through the door and made a beeline for the bar. "Is C.J. here?" she called out to the man who was in the middle of hanging some glasses. "Not until later," the man said. "You wanna leave a message?" "Where's Alex?" The man began to laugh. "Are you nuts? What makes you think I'd..." Before he could finish, Scully shoved her badge in his face. "Because you don't want to have to explain to your boss why this place is crawling with federal agents tonight, do you?" "No. No, I don't. Uh..." "His address," Scully demanded. "I know you must have it around here somewhere." "I...I don't...I'll have to look for it." "Then look for it." Ten minutes later, clutching a slip of paper with Alex's address on it, Scully tore out of the club and headed out in search of her partner. Fox lay beneath Alex, drowning in bliss as his lover pushed into him at an increasingly frantic pace. His fingers dug into Alex shoulders, neck arched against the younger man's demanding mouth. Each powerful thrust pulled a sharp gasp from him, and his cock ached for release. Before he could voice his need, Alex shoved a hand between them and wrapped it around the lengthy shaft. A gurgling cry made its way past his lips, and he tensed, squeezing Alex's cock tightly. "Mmmh. Ah, shit," Alex growled as Fox's muscles contracted around him. "Yeah. Mmmmm, yeah. Again," he panted. "Do it again." He pumped his lover's cock as he drove into the tightening passage, and in a blinding few seconds, one man came, followed by the other. Alex collapsed on top of Fox with a long groan, and his cock fell out of its warm haven. He lay motionless until he felt the slow glide of Fox's fingers through his hair. He lifted his head slightly and trained a weary, satisfied gaze on the other man. An equally satiated stare met his, and Fox gave him a sweet smile. "I missed you," the older man whispered, and Alex returned the smile and reached out to caress his cheek. "I missed you too. Please understand why I almost let you leave earlier." Fox lowered his eyes. "I do." When they lifted again, his heart began to thump wildly. Alex hadn't said anything, but the look in his eyes spoke volumes. He lowered his head, brushing the tip of his nose against Fox's before moving in for a slow, deep kiss. As his tongue slipped into the other man's mouth, the doorbell sounded. Alex broke the kiss and stared down at Fox. "I'm gonna kill 'im." Fox smiled despite his irritation at the interruption. "How do you know it's C.J.?" "Nobody else comes here." "But he's already been here once today." The bell rang again. "I know. I think I'm gonna have to sit him down and have a little discussion with him after I kill him." Alex kissed Fox soundly before boosting himself to his feet. He pulled his jeans on and ran his fingers through Fox's hair. "Stay put. I'll be right back." Emitting a contented purr, Fox snuggled down into the pillows and waited while Alex left to deal with his overzealous friend. The bell rang once more before Alex reached the door. Undoing the lock, he threw the door open. "C.J., you and I gotta..." The words died in his throat, and the line of his gaze dropped about a foot to the angry woman in the hall. "Scully." "Good guess, Krycek. Where's Mulder?" "How did you find out where I live?" "Wasn't that hard. I'll ask again. Where's Mulder? Don't bother to deny that he's here. I know he is." "He's here," Alex said nonchalantly, his cool back in place. "In the bedroom." Scully slipped past him and looked around. "Mulder. Mulder!" Fox bolted into a sitting position and listened. It couldn't be. It...it wasn't her. "Mulder!" "Shit." He jumped out of bed, looking for something to put on. Picking up the thong, he let it drop immediately, thinking better of that idea. "Shit!" He ran into the bathroom, wrapped a towel around his waist and hurried into the living room. Before he could get a word out, Scully approached, firing questions at him. "Mulder, what the hell are you doing here? What happened to you this weekend? Are you all right? Why are you here?" She stopped long enough to notice his injured nipple, and her eyes flew up to his face. "Scully..." "What the hell happened? Did someone do that to you? Was it that Shane?" Fox paused, clearly taken aback by the question. "What do you know about Shane?" "I know you were with him. What did he do to you?" Fox's gaze went to Alex. "Alex...is it okay if I talk to her?" "What the hell are you asking him for?" Scully fumed. "And take that damned thing off!" What damned...the collar. He'd forgotten about that. Ah, crap. "Scully, listen..." Fox stopped then turned back to Alex. "Alex?" Ignoring the scowling woman, Alex stepped around her and really ticked her off by brushing a soft kiss across the other man's lips. "I'll be in the bedroom. Will you be all right?" "Yes, Alex." Without a second look at Scully, Alex retreated into the bedroom, leaving them alone. Not waiting for Scully to get started again, Fox went first. "I was going to explain everything to you on Monday," he promised. "I just needed some time..." "Time to what?" Scully asked. "And please, Mulder, for Christ's sake, take that thing off and go put some clothes on. I can't even look at you like this." "All right, Scully. Look...I...I'll be right back." Mulder hurried from the room, leaving Scully to look around the spacious apartment. She hadn't been quite sure of what she'd expected, but it damn sure wasn't this. She walked further into the living room, taking in the incredibly high end furnishings and electronics, and she shook her head. "I don't even want to know." She ran her hand along the back of a leather chair and was astounded by its softness. The bastard was big on comfort, that was for sure. "Best of everything." She turned and looked in the direction that Mulder had gone. Why couldn't he see that he was just another possession? Alex looked up as the bedroom door opened, and Fox crept in. "What happened? Is she gone?" "No," Fox croaked. "She uh...she won't talk to me like this. I came to put something on. Is it okay?" Alex stood up and went over to the dresser, pulling out some clothes. He handed them to Fox, who dropped the towel and quickly slipped into the jeans and t-shirt. When the older man didn't immediately leave, Alex cocked his head curiously. "Is there something else?" "She wants me to..." Fox looked down at the floor. "...To take my collar off." Alex drew an even breath. "Do you want to?" "...No. But...but she won't even look at me if I'm wearing it." Alex nodded, sensing the conflict in Fox. "You need to talk to her. If that means taking the collar off, then go ahead." "But..." "It's okay," Alex murmured. "Take it off." Fox hesitated for a moment then lifted his hands to the buckle. They paused then curled into fists, and he let out a frustrated sigh. Alex stepped forward, and gently pulled Fox to him. Depositing a tender kiss on the other man's lips, he reached up and undid the collar. "It's all right," he whispered. "It's enough to know that you want to wear it." Frowning, Fox looked down at the strip of leather now dangling from his lover's fingers. "Go on," Alex coaxed. "You don't want to leave her simmering out there for too long, do you?" "No, I...I guess not." Yet, he didn't move. "What is it?" Alex asked softly. "I'm just...guess I'm really not up for getting yelled at." Alex stroked the side of Fox's head. "If you don't want to do this, I can go ask her to leave." "I just need a minute." "You sure?" "I have to deal with this," Fox resolved. "The longer I wait, the worse it'll be." He gave Alex a hint of a smile. "Besides, she hates you enough already. I wouldn't want to give her any more reason." The two men stood quietly, Fox wrapped in the warm comfort of Alex's arms, then he reluctantly pulled away and went out to meet his doom. The minute Fox shut the door behind him, Alex spun around and picked up the phone. Viciously jabbing at the numbers, he waited only a few seconds before someone picked up on the other end. "Tell me you didn't tell Scully where I live." "Huh? ...Alex?" "Yeah, Alex. Did you give her my address?" "Who? That little redheaded chick? Hell no! I haven't even seen her." "Well, she's here." "You're shittin' me. What's she want?" "My head on a stick...Fox in a straightjacket..." "Where is she that you're talking to me so freely? Where are you?" "I'm in my bedroom. She's out in the living room. Fox just went out there to talk to her. Somehow she found out about all the stuff that went down this weekend, and she's out for blood." "Well, if she knows everything that happened, she should be thanking you, not looking to kill you." "Fox is here, C.J. With me. That's all Scully'll ever need to want me dead. It didn't help that he came out of the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and his collar. "Ohhh, shit." "Uh huh." "So, they're still talking? Can you hear anything?" "No. Which means things are either very calm, which is good, or she's killed him." "Nah," C.J. said, only half-joking. "If she'd killed him, she'd have come after you already." Alex sighed. "I'm gonna give it about ten minutes. If I still don't hear anything, I'm going to poke my head out and see what's going on." "Just be careful." C.J. paused for a moment then changed the subject. "So...he was wearing a towel and his collar, huh? Guess that means you got things settled." "He's staying," Alex murmured. "I should kick your ass for interfering yet again, but...I...I didn't want him to leave. I just thought it would be best for him. I was thinking about him." "Well, that's sweet Alex, but a little misguided. It's clear to me and should be to you too, that what's best for him and you, is to be together." Alex closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "I just don't want to hurt him." "I know you don't, buddy." "Buddy." "Sure. We're buddies." "Who told you we're buddies?" "You can stop the gruff act," C.J. teased. "I know you're really a pussycat." "You're pushing your luck, y'know?" Alex asked, putting soft menace in his tone. C.J. wasn't buying it. "Forget it, Alex. I've seen you with Fox, remember? I know there's a sweetheart under all that vinegar." "You're not Fox," Alex reminded the other man. "Aww, that's sweet. You're saving all your schmoop for one man." Alex sighed in exasperation. "Are you looking for an ass kicking?" "What, you didn't whoop enough butts the other night? I heard Shane really looks like shit, by the way." "He's lucky he's alive," Alex rumbled, real anger now evident in his tone. "I know. You jacked him up so bad though, he'll probably never be able to show his face anywhere again. For somebody as vain as he is, that's a better punishment. Well, I'm gonna go now. I'm having Mick over for lunch, and he should be here soon. You make sure that little redheaded harpy hasn't done any permanent injury to your baby, and I'll see you later." Alex hung up and sat quietly ruminating for a moment before propelling himself off the bed and creeping over to the door to listen. Fox finished his story, and Scully stood with her back to him for a second longer before turning slowly. "Sssso...you're telling me that Krycek rode in on his white charger, slew the evil Shane dragon, swept you up in his arms and carried you off to his penthouse, where he's been tenderly caring for you ever since." "A bit over dramatic, Scully, but yes," Fox answered. Scully sighed and ran her hands over her face. "Let me see your wounds." Fox backed away. "I'm okay. Alex has been taking good care of me." "Mulder, unless Krycek can produce a medical degree, I want to check them out for myself." Fox remained at a distance. "For God's sake, Mulder, there isn't an inch of you I haven't seen before. Now drop your damn pants." In the bedroom, Alex heard the rather loudly uttered command, and a soft growl rolled in his throat. He quickly checked his rising anger, telling himself that it was completely unwarranted. Scully was Fox's partner and a medical doctor. Her concern was for his physical well being. It was a good thing that she was checking him out. Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly. There. Better. "I don't understand, Mulder. How could you let anyone do this to you? This had to hurt like hell." There was a murmur from Fox too soft for Alex to hear, then Scully spoke again. "Is it very tender?" "Oww!" "Guess so." Alex's composure began to crack, and he laced his fingers together, squeezing until his knuckles showed white. She was....touching him. Oh, God. Get a fucking grip, would you? He forced himself to loosen his fingers and walk away from the door. Fox would be fine. If Scully started screaming and acting like a lunatic, he'd hear that, and he'd go in and toss her out on her little ass. Taking slow, even breaths, he made himself comfortable on his bed then, stroking Fox's collar over his cheek, he stared at the door and waited. "So...how did this happen, Mulder?" Scully asked when she finished checking him over. "How did you end up back with him...again? I mean okay, he busted into that club and saved you from really getting messed up, but is that reason enough to fall back into bed with him? What's changed since that day you showed up at my apartment looking like the world had come to an end?" "A lot, Scully," Fox answered softly. "I understand now why Alex said what he'd said to me." "Oh. Had a good reason for breaking your heart, did he?" "...Yes." "I'm dying to hear." Fox shook his head. "I can't tell you." "What's the big secret?" "It's...it's deeply personal for him, Scully. Please just trust me and believe that he was doing what he thought was best." "Mmm hmm. But now everything is just peachy." "No. Not by a long shot. The difference is, now I know what's going on. I understand. He needs me, Scully...and I'm going to stay." "Stay. Here?" Fox answered with resounding silence. Scully heaved a long sigh. "I know how pointless it is to try and reason with you when you're like this." "Like what?" "When you get all...'man on a mission' on me. Just answer me this. What exactly does he need you for?" Fox shrugged. "To be here for him." "Here for him to....slap a dog collar on you and treat you like his damn slave? Tie you up and...and do whatever disgusting things he does to you? How's that helping him other than in the obvious way?" "You don't get it, Scully." "By all means, Mulder, explain it to me." "I told you; it's personal." "He's got you snookered, Mulder. He's faking whatever issue it is you think he has." "For what purpose?" "To use you! To humiliate and degrade you. It's fun to him, Mulder. He's having himself a hell of a good time at your expense." "No." "Yes." Scully closed her eyes and tipped her head back, taking a moment to regroup. She refocused on Fox and spoke calmly. "You're going to get hurt, Mulder. Again. Don't let him hurt you again." "He doesn't want to hurt me, Scully. He wanted me to leave so I wouldn't get hurt." "Mmmmbut you wouldn't go." Fox shook his head. "Because he needs you. To help him resolve some deeply personal issue." "Scully, listen." Fox lowered his head. "Just...go home. I'm all right. I'll be all right. I'll see you at work tomorrow." Scully ran her hands up over her face and through her hair. "Without the collar, okay?" When Fox said nothing, she turned and headed for the door. He followed at a distance and joined her at the exit. "I can't believe I'm leaving you here," Scully sighed. "You don't have a choice," Fox said softly, then he reached out to stroke her hair. "I appreciate your concern, Scully. You're a better friend than I probably deserve." Scully stared for a moment. "I know you think you don't have to, but be on your guard, Mulder. Please. Don't let Krycek take what's left of your soul." With that, she opened the door and walked away. Fox watched her until she was gone from his sight, then he shut the door and turned and moved without hesitation toward Alex's bedroom. Quietly, he turned the knob and crept in, his eyes finding Alex stretched out on his bed, fingers closed loosely around the black collar, which was lying on his chest. Sable lashes lifted, and Alex stared as Fox moved halfway into the room and stopped. With Alex's eyes on him, he slowly undressed, neatly placing his clothing on the chair. Lifting himself off of the bed, Alex approached Fox and studied him closely. Finding what he was looking for in the warm depths of his lover's eyes, he lifted his hands to Fox's throat, gently refastening the collar. When that was done, one hand rose to the older man's cheek, caressing it tenderly, while the other dropped to his pants, undoing the button. Fox drew an audible breath, and his heart began to pound double time as he listened to the metal hiss of Alex's zipper. The younger man's fingers raked through his hair, closing in the golden brown strands, and he was gently pulled down to his knees. He watched through glazed eyes as Alex freed his cock. He breathed in its scent, felt its heat on his lips as Alex brushed them with the head. Carefully, almost timidly, he touched his tongue to the velvety skin. Alex let Fox's tongue wander over him for a few seconds before he moved away. Hand wrapped around the base of the shaft, he rubbed his cock over the older man's chin then the side of his face, and he shuddered slightly at the sensation of his lover's stubble against the sensitive skin. "She doesn't understand, does she?" Eyes fluttering, Fox nuzzled the rigid organ. "No, Alex." Alex allowed Fox to suck briefly at the head then withdrew and continued to rub it over his face. "Did you...tell her what we talked about?" "No, Alex." The younger man drew a deep breath, and when he let it out, there was a slight tremor to it. "Fox." Golden-brown lashes lifted, and Fox stared up into Alex eyes. "I..." He brushed his cock over Fox's lower lip as he licked at his own. "...I n-need this. Need you to..." Words failed him then, but there was no need for such communication. Fox knew what he needed, and he did his best to provide it. Slowly, Alex's lashes drifted down over his eyes as Fox gently took his cock into his mouth. One hand stroked over the surface of his lover's hair, and he whispered sweet obscenities into the air. Gingerly, Fox sucked on the head of Alex's cock as he carefully grasped the shaft and began to slide his hand along its length. Alex's fingers clenched in the silky strands of the older man's hair, and he moaned softly as his head fell back. "She thinks I'm using you," he whispered roughly. "...Maybe I am." Fox pulled away with a soft sucking sound and looked up at Alex through his lashes. "It's all right." Alex lifted his head and looked down at the man at his feet. "No. No, it..." "It's fine," Fox repeated, kissing a spot a couple of inches below Alex's navel. "I want you to use me for whatever you need." He saw the turbulent mix of anguish and desire swirling in the other man's eyes, and the ache in his heart matched the one in his cock. "I know I'm more to you than just an available warm body." "You are," Alex croaked. "You...you are," Fox blinked back the hot sting of tears then took a deep breath and slowly swallowed as much of Alex's cock as he could. Alex softly sobbed his name and stood trembling, fighting to remain on his feet while Fox lovingly attended to him. "God...oh, God," Alex breathed, his fingers raking restlessly through Fox's hair. "Baby...m-mmm...my Fox..." His mouth fell open on a long groan as Fox gripped his cock, pumping as he sucked harder. "Don't...God...don't stop...don't...n-nhhh...don't..." A gush of warm semen hit the back of Fox's throat, and he choked it down. Above him, Alex jerked and moaned as he emptied himself into his lover's mouth, then he went still. Fox felt the strength seep out of him, and he rose to his feet, breathing deeply to quell the tiny threat of his stomach's revolt as he guided Alex over to the bed. He laid Alex back then settled in beside him, nestling into his warmth. Several seconds passed, and Fox felt the soft flutter of Alex's fingers in his hair. "You okay?" The words came in the barest of whispers, and Fox nodded, stroking the younger man's chest. "Yes, Alex." Fox lifted his head and looked down at the other man. "Are you all right?" Alex drew in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "I thought my head was going to explode." Fox offered his lover a shy smile. "Is that good?" Alex nodded and lifted a hand to weakly pet Fox's head. "Better than good." Fox lowered his gaze. "I'm not really..." He paused, unsure of what he wanted to say. "...confident...about...oral sex. I'm sure you've had plenty of men who were better at it." "If you mean more experienced, yeah," Alex admitted. "But none...not one ever made me feel the way you do. Not even close." He pulled Fox into his arms. "Don't ever feel insecure about what you give me. Don't wonder if you're good enough." He tightened his hold. "Don't ever wonder that." The quiet stretched out for several minutes, then Fox lifted his head and looked down at Alex. "Can I ask you a question?" Alex nodded. "Those boys you talked about...the ones you were raised with at the orphanage...do you know what happened to any of them?" "No." Alex sighed softly. "I thought about trying to track them down a million times. But then I'd think about actually finding some of them. I'd always imagine them to be well adjusted, upstanding guys with wives and kids and a...lawn." Fox had to smile. "A lawn?" Alex shrugged. "Isn't that what normal people do on the weekends? Mow their lawns?" "Had a lawn as a kid. Mowed it plenty. It ain't all it's cracked up to be." Alex stared past Fox's face. "Still...I kinda thought it'd be nice to have a house with a lawn someday." "...And a wife and kids?" It was Alex's turn to smile. "Not exactly." "...You've never tried to find them." "No. I can't." "Why not?" "What would I tell all those accountants and doctors about myself? I don't think they'd be especially thrilled about having their kids call a gay, ex-triple agent/assassin with enough baggage to put American Tourister out of business, Uncle Alex." "You don't know that they've all become accountants and doctors," Fox chastised softly. "And even if that's so, you don't know that they wouldn't want you around. You were what that bastard made you." "Even you don't believe that entirely, do you, Fox?" Alex asked sadly. "I had a choice. I could've run away or at least tried. "I could've absolutely refused even if it meant being beaten within an inch of my life and locked in that cellar until the end of time." "It's easy to look back now and say that you should have done x, y and z. But back then...while it was happening to you...could you rationalize as well?" Alex offered no response. "You were a child," Fox whispered. "And you were abused in the most horrible ways. They ravaged your body and your mind. They took your childhood and your innocence. Every last one of them deserved to die for what they did to you. I'd kill them myself if I could." Sable lashes lifted, and Alex trained a desolate stare on the other man. "Don't say that." "I mean it." "...I know you do." Fox lowered his head and said nothing more. Only a gentle hand on his cheek brought his attention back to Alex's face. "It isn't an easy thing...accepting such extreme devotion when everything inside me tells me that I've done nothing to deserve it. When I'm so afraid that I'll...you've been hurt so much already." Fox nuzzled the hand at his cheek. "You know...despite all that they'd done to you, ultimately, those bastards failed to break you. They may be battered and in need of a little care, but your heart and your soul are still intact." "How do you know that?" Alex asked in a voice so soft it was almost inaudible. "There's a softness about you," Fox answered "...in your eyes...your voice. A softness that wouldn't be there if they'd been completely destroyed." "Softness," Alex repeated. "Don't you know that Alex Krycek has never displayed an ounce of softness in his life?" Fox smiled. "Doesn't Alex Krycek know that he's a different person since he got mixed up with Fox Mulder?" Alex stared up at the other man for a long while, then his hand began to move, brushing gently over Fox's chin and his mouth then down his throat. Feather-light fingers wandered over his chest and circled the uninjured nipple, and Fox closed his eyes, moaning softly at the intimate caress. "Yeah. He knows." Gently, he rolled Fox beneath him and made love to the older man until they both collapsed in an exhausted heap some forty-five minutes later. It was mid-afternoon before they rose and showered and wandered into the kitchen for something to eat. As they settled down in the living room with their meal, Alex's phone rang. Sighing loudly, he reached across Fox's lap for the receiver. Checking the number, he groaned and jerked the phone to his ear. "Yes, C.J." "Everything cool?" "Yes." "Good. Up for some company?" "Haven't you been here already today?" "Yeah. So? Can't I come back?" "No." "Aww, c'mon, Alex. I wanna introduce you to Mick." "Met him." "No, you haven't. Not really. I want to formally introduce my man to the my best friend." "Well, why don't you go do that and leave me alone?" "Ha ha. I'm talking about you, and you know it." "When the hell did I become your best buddy?" Figuring out the gist of the conversation, Fox smirked and took a bite out of his sandwich. "Are we going to go through this again? Come on, man. I already told him that he was going to get to meet you and Fox." "You shouldn't have done that." "Why not?" "We're busy." "Alex..." Hearing his name, Alex looked toward Fox, and his tone gentled. "You siding with him?" Fox lowered his head, nuzzling his lover's shoulder. "Be nice, 'kay?" Alex grumbled softly and turned his attention back to the caller. "Fine. You can come over for a little while." C.J. chuckled into the phone. "He's got you wrapped around his little finger, doesn't he?" "Shut up, C.J., or I'll change my mind." "Okay, okay. We'll be there soon." Alex hung up and gave his smiling lover a blank stare. "He coming over?" "They. C.J. and his boyfriend." Fox nodded. "I'd like to be able to thank them both. I mean, I...I thanked C.J., but not his boyfriend...Mick, right?" "Yeah." "I'd like to see Lucas at some point too. I know he was part of your little rescue operation." "Yeah." Alex petted the head resting against his shoulder. "He's a little guy, but he's got balls of granite." He sighed softly. "I actually owe them all a big thank you, too." He kissed Fox's forehead. "If they hadn't been there, God knows what would have happened to you." He tightened his hold on the other man. "I don't even wanna think about it." Fox was silent for a moment, then he lifted his head and looked at the younger man. "When are they coming?" "Soon, I guess." "Maybe I...should I go put something on?" "Yeah," Alex answered softly. "Go ahead." "What do you want me to wear?" "You'd probably be most comfortable in something loose. Why don't you just throw on my robe?" Fox smiled at the thought of wearing something of Alex's. "Okay. Be right back." Fox lifted himself from the sofa and moved quietly into the bedroom. He reappeared a couple of minutes later wrapped in Alex's black silk robe. "Looks good on you," Alex murmured, pulling Fox against him and lightly stroking the other man's back "Very sexy." "Anybody'd look good in silk this expensive," Fox countered, lowering his eyes. "No, not just anybody," Alex argued, sifting his fingers through the older man's hair. "Feels good against your skin, doesn't it?" Fox nodded. "Like your sheets. I never felt anything so decadent." Alex gave the other man a trace of a smile. "I grew up surrounded by wealth but never really got to experience it firsthand. When I started to accrue my own wealth, I...I wanted to have the best of whatever money could buy. My life was an emotional void, and I guess I tried to fill up whatever was left of it with expensive stuff. Figured if I couldn't be happy, I could at least be comfortable." He hugged Fox tightly. "Never occurred to me that one day I could have a shot at being both." Fox clung to Alex, eyes closed, and he imagined that one day was now. And all the things that had hurt the younger man so deeply were a distant memory. And they were happy. And Alex loved him.Consciously. Openly. But now was now. And one day seemed years away. The couple pulled up in front of the high rise, and the passenger in the car looked up at the building, whistling softly. "He lives here? Daaaaamn. I must be doing something wrong." C. J. smiled and parked the car. "Wait until you see the inside." The two left the car and walked into the building. "So, let me get this straight. He's rich...because he's gotta be to live here, and yet he hangs out at an S&M club and even takes the occasional client or two?" C.J. shrugged and smiled. "Everyboy's gotta have a hobby." Mick laughed softly, and the two boarded the elevator that would take them to the top floor. The couple reclined on the sofa, Fox's back to Alex's chest, the older man purring contentedly as his lover stroked and kissed him. "Know what I'm thinking right now?" Alex asked, the husky words vibrating against the back of Fox's neck. Fox smiled. "Is it dirty?" Alex emitted a low moan as his hand brushed over Fox's silk covered crotch. "Oh, yeah. Wanna hear?" Before Fox could answer, the doorbell rang. "Shit," Alex muttered soflty then gave the growing erection a gentle squeeze. "Ten minutes; just long enough to say hi and thanks, and then they're out of here." Before Fox could respond, Alex got up and stalked toward the door. He threw the door open and, staring at the smiling faces of the couple in the hall, he flat out informed them of their time limit. "You got ten minutes." C.J. shook his head and entered with Mick in tow. "Is that any way to talk to guests? Hey, Fox. How're you feeling?" "All right," Fox answered quietly, giving C.J. and Mick a hint of a smile. "Fox, Alex, this is Mick," C.J. announced proudly, slipping an arm around the other man's waist. "Hey," Mick said, lifting a hand in greeting. "Good to meet you," Fox said, rising to shake Mick's hand. "And thank you for the other night. Don't know of too many people who'd help a total stranger the way you did." Mick shrugged. "Heard so much about you from C.J. that I kinda feel like I know you. And even if I didn't...people like that Shane can't be allowed to get away with the sick stuff they do." Fox's gaze lowered to the floor as he recalled the events of that night. Alex approached from behind and wound an arm around him. The younger man coaxed him back to the sofa, motioning to C.J. and Mick with his free hand to sit. The two dropped into the chairs opposite the couch and watched smiling as Fox curled against Alex and dropped his head to the other man's shoulder. "I wanna thank you too," Alex said to Mick as he hugged Fox to him. "I didn't get to do that before." Mick nodded. "I'm glad I could help." He grinned. I'm a bit of a romantic sap, and seeing you together after all I know you've been through...it does my heart good." "So...what was all the ten minutes baloney about?" C.J. asked as if he couldn't guess. Alex emitted an audible sigh. "As usual, C.J., your timing is impeccable. He slipped a hand under Fox's chin and lifted. Focussing a sultry gaze on the older man, he continued to speak to his friend. "We were busy......weren't we, Fox?" "Yes, Alex," Fox breathed softly then submitted to a long, tender kiss. "They're so hot," Mick whispered to C.J. who, grinning from ear to ear, nodded in agreement. Alex broke the kiss but stayed close enough to drag his tongue across Fox's lower lip. The older man whimpered and pressed closer, and Mick sighed. "Very, very hot." He looked toward C.J. "Think we should go and leave them alone?" C.J. folded his hands over his chest. "Maybe if we're quiet enough, they'll forget we're here and give us a free show." "Forget it, asshole." "Awww," C.J. pouted at Alex. "You're no fun." "Whatever," Alex mumbled then dragged his attention away from Fox. "I'm sure you boys can entertain yourselves well enough. You don't need any extracurricular stimulation." C.J. grunted good naturedly, then he had an idea. "Hey. How about we all have dinner together some time?" "We all?" "Yeah. The four of us." "You mean like a double date?" Alex droned. "Gosh, Wally, what about the Beav?" C.J. chuckled. "The Beav?" "Yeah. Lucas. If we're going to go out, I'd like to invite him," Alex said, surprising C.J. with his willingness to socialize with them. "I'll treat you all to dinner...it's the least I can do to show my appreciation for your help." C.J. gave his friend a wide grin. "Never let it be said that I turned down a free meal. You got it. Name the time and the place, and we'll be there." "Next week sometime," Alex answered, pausing to think. "Saturday. Give Fox enough time to feel better," he said, stroking his lover's hair. "Okay, great." C.J. turned to his companion. "That okay with you, babe?" "Sure," Mick smiled. "That's very kind of you, Alex, thank you." "Thank you," Alex murmured then sighed heavily as he turned adoring eyes on Fox. Fox met his gaze for a moment then lowered his eyes as Alex pulled him in for a tender kiss on his forehead. "God, they're sweet," Mick moaned, then he reached over and tapped C.J.'s arm. "C'mon, C. Let's leave them alone." The couple rose to leave, and Alex got up followed by Fox. "It was great meeting you," Mick said, reaching out to shake Fox's hand. "I'm so glad you're okay." "If it weren't for you guys, I might not be," Fox said softly, lowering his gaze. "Thank you again." The couple turned to leave, then C.J. spun around quickly. "Almost forgot. You need Lucas' number, Alex?" "Oh, yeah. Uh..." He looked in his general vicinity for something to write with. Finding nothing, he finally turned to Fox. "You got it, Fox?" Fox nodded. "Go ahead, C.J." "You don't want to write it down?" "I'll remember it." "You sure?" "Yeah." "Okay..." Fox memorized the number as C.J. recited it, then he and Mick took their leave. "Mick seems really nice," Fox said as Alex led him back to the sofa. "C.J.'s really gone on him." "You could tell that from the fifteen minutes that they were here?" Alex asked, dropping down and pulling Fox onto his lap. "The vibe was so intense I could feel it." "Yeah?" Alex asked softly then arched upward. "Can you feel that?" Fox grinned and wiggled against his lover's growing erection. "It's hard." "Mmm hmm. And getting harder. What're you gonna do with it?" Fox's eyes closed, and he snuggled up against the younger man. "Anything you want me to." Alex was silent for several seconds, only the minute sounds of his breathing reaching Fox's ears. Then his hand stole into the opening of Fox's borrowed robe. "Take this off," he murmured. "Then go get some lube. When you come back, take off my pants." Fox moved to do as he was told, and when he had Alex naked from the waist down, Alex gently grasped his cock and pulled him forward. "Down. Face me." Fox straddled the younger man's legs, trembling as he waited. "Are you cold?" Fox shook his head. "No...n-no, Alex." Alex pulled Fox in for a long, thorough kiss and several brief ones before finally releasing him. His hands rose to Fox's chest, traveling in a leisurely pace over the smooth skin. Avoiding the injured nipple, he paid special attention to the other, caressing and teasing it into a tight bud. Fox's head dropped, and he moaned softly, and then Alex circled the nipple that Shane had pierced. He watched his thumb make a lazy circle around the still swollen nub, and he felt anger begin to bubble up in his chest. "I should've killed him," he said softly. "You did enough damage to him," Fox breathed, shifting so that his cock nudged Alex's. Both men groaned, and then Alex shook his head. "He doesn't deserve to live." His gaze lifted to Fox's. "He could've done so much worse to you if Lucas hadn't seen you there. But...but he never would have gotten his hands on you at all if I hadn't driven you away. What happened to you is my fault." "No. No, Alex. Please stop thinking that way." "It's true," Alex said, letting his hands fall away from Fox's chest. The reality of it began to truly sink in, and the pain closed his eyes. "I've fucked up so much and so often, I don't know how you can possibly...I...I don't know why you want to be with me." Fox stared for a long moment then leaned forward and silently lowered his head to Alex's shoulder as his fingers traced the length of the younger man's cock. "God," Alex whispered as he laid his cheek against Fox's head. "But I'm glad that you do." Fox's hand closed around the solid muscle and stroked gently, and Alex moaned, hugging the older man to him. "I need you to be with me. I can't help it. I can't..." A hard whimper sounded in Fox's throat as Alex suddenly pushed him away. Panting, he watched Alex snatch up the lube and quickly slap some of the cool gel onto his cock, then he was jerked into a searing kiss. As he fed on the plush lips, Alex coaxed Fox onto his cock and groaned into the other man's mouth when he felt himself being enveloped in tight warmth. He began to buck instantly, pushing himself as deeply inside Fox as he could get. There was no slowing things down. No time for sweet caresses or teasing pauses. He couldn't. His increasingly frantic movements pushed Fox into a matching frenzy, and he began to thrash against the younger man, sobbing wildly as the head of Alex's cock nudged his prostate again and again. Alex tore his mouth away from Fox's, gasping for breath as he gripped the older man's cock and began to jerk it quickly. Groaning through gritted teeth, Fox began to shudder, then he tensed, shooting streams of semen onto the front of Alex's shirt. His muscles tightening around Alex's cock drove the younger man to his own orgasm, his hoarse sobs vibrating the air around them. When both men finished, Fox fell forward, collapsing against Alex's chest. Slowly, the other man lifted his arms and wrapped them around Fox, weakly petting the golden brown head nestled against his shoulder. "I'll be with you as long as you need me," Fox whispered after a long silence. "As long as you want me." Eyes closed, Alex thudded joyfully, painfully as he absorbed his lover's words. "As long as I want you," he repeated softly. "I won't ever hold you to that, Fox. If you ever feel that you can't do this and you need to go, I'll understand." Fox slumped a bit in Alex's arms, and the younger man drew back to look into his eyes. "What is it?" Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, Fox shook his head. "Tell me," Alex demanded softly. "I don't...I don't want you to understand. I..." Alex waited but Fox said no more. "Fox." "Nevermind. I...it was nothing." "It wasn't nothing," Alex insisted. "I want to know what you were going to say." He dug down deep and made his next words sound like a firm order. "Fox, tell me." Golden-brown lashes fluttered, and Fox dropped his head. "I...I want you to want me to stay. No matter what. I want you to need me that much." "So much that I completely disregard what you need?" Alex brushed his fingers through Fox's hair. "I can't do that to you." "But this isn't about me," Fox whispered. "Is that why you didn't want to tell me what you felt?" Fox nodded. "You're wrong," Alex said. "This is just as much about you as it is me. If I didn't feel that way, you'd be out of your fucking mind if you didn't put as much distance between us as possible, and fast." He sighed softly. "I want you, Fox. I've told you that. I need you. More than I've ever needed anyone. You know that too. But I can't let that need hold you prisoner." Fox stared for a moment then slowly sank into Alex's arms. "What if I want to be your prisoner?" Alex hugged the older man to him. "What the hell am I going to do with you?" he breathed. "Anything you want." Fox snuggled closer to Alex. "Just ...don't try to make me leave....please?" Alex's fingers clenched in the back of Fox's shirt. His eyes slipped shut as he rubbed his cheek against the older man's head. "I don't think I have a choice any more," he murmured. He sat stroking Fox's back for a long while, then the other man lifted his head and looked him in the eye. "Remember what we were talking about before C.J. and Mick got here?" A few seconds of silence followed while Alex thought, then he gave Fox a hint of a smile. "Yeah." Sparkling eyes hid behind a sweep of golden-brown lashes. "Was it really dirty?" "Filthy." Alex gently pushed the older man off of his lap and took his hand. Tugging him toward the bedroom, he began to grin. "Come into the bedroom, and I'll tell you about it..." "Come in, Alex.....well, don't you look nice today? Did you wear those nice new clothes just for me? You're a good-looking boy; has anyone ever told you that? When you grow up, you're going to be a heart-breaker........come in, come in..........that's a boy. Now, take off those nice pants and bend over the arm of that chair..." A soft whimper rose from the rumpled pillows, and Alex frowned in his sleep. "...Yes....ohhhhh, yes. Wonderful. Just....do you love me, Alex? Tell me...tell me you love me..." "No...n-no..." Alex sat bolt upright, eyes wide. When he realized where he was, he closed his eyes and drew a deep, unsteady breath. Then his eyes flew open again, and he looked down at the spot beside him. Before he could wonder where Fox was, he heard the toilet flush. He lay back and listened to the water run, then a few seconds later the bathroom door opened, and Fox crept back into the room. Alex closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe normally. When Fox was again settled beside him, his eyes opened, and he lay staring up at the ceiling until he fell asleep several hours later. Cerulean eyes watched as for two hours now, the man at the desk stared through the file in his hands. "Okay, Mulder. What the hell's going on?" Fox looked up at his partner and shrugged. "What d'you mean?" "I mean, you've been looking at the same file for damn near two hours now. What's eating you?" "Nothing." "Don't hand me that. You walked in here this morning with a long face, and despite your lukewarm assurances to the contrary, I know something's wrong. Did Krycek do something to you?" "Scully, I told you everything's fine." "And you really expect me to believe that. He did something, Mulder. I know he did something." "He didn't do anything, Scully." "Fine. But something is wrong.. Tell me." Fox shook his head and looked down at his desk. "Mulder." Scully let out a long sigh. I promise...no judgements, no yelling. I'm your friend. If something is wrong, you can tell me. Come on. Get it off your chest." Fox chewed at his lower lip for a while, then he looked up at his partner, sadness filling his eyes. "I can't tell you what's wrong because I don't know what's wrong. Alex was very quiet this morning. Very withdrawn. He said he didn't sleep well, but..." Scully raised her eyebrows. "But? You don't believe that?" One shoulder lifted then dropped. "He might have had trouble sleeping, but I don't think that's all there is to it." "Has this got something to do with that very personal problem of his?" Scully asked sounding more suspicious than sympathetic. "I think so." "Why don't you just ask him?" "I thought it'd be best to give him time to work it out on his own." "What if he's still in the same mood tonight? You gonna say something then?" Fox nodded. "I don't want him to be brooding all night." He paused for a moment, staring into space, then he shook his head. "I...I don't know what happened. We had a good night. I thought he slept well...I did. And then this morning, he was so pensive. And..." "And what?" "I don't know, I...maybe I'm just imagining it." "Imagining what, Mulder?" "He seemed...distant." Scully rubbed her forehead then took a deep breath. "Mulder...please. Please, for God's sake, please. If he's in a mood tonight and won't talk to you about it or whatever...I want you to give some serious consideration to getting the hell out of there." Fox shook his head. "No. No, Scully." "Why do you want to do this to yourself? Whatever this big issue of his is, it's making you unhappy too." "I'm not unhappy," Fox argued softly. "I'm just a little confused about the change in Alex's mood. I'm sure he'll be fine by the time I get home tonight." "...Home. Are you talking about your apartment? Or are you calling his place home now?" "Home is where he is." "That's very cliche, Mulder." "I don't care what it is. It's my honest feeling." "I believe you're sincere," Scully sighed. "I don't know, Mulder, I...I just don't think he deserves such sincerity. Or loyalty...or anything good from you." Her voice lowered. "Look at the kind of life he has you living. It's...it's...appalling." "You don't understand," Fox whispered. "I don't expect you to. Just know it's what I want." Scully said nothing, and Fox lowered his head. "I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me. I'm...I'm sorry if I turned out to be someone you don't feel you know any more. But I've only just begun to feel as though I know me. Really. For the first time." "Well, that's...that's...great...for you," Scully said, measuring each word. "I just...I...God, Mulder, I just don't know what to say to you about this." "Don't say anything," Fox murmured. "Just try and respect my feelings, okay?" "Why aren't you worried about Krycek respecting you? Because I sure as hell don't see that he does, Mulder. Not with him treating you like...like..." She coudn't find the words, and that was fine because the expression on her face said it all. "It's not disgusting, Scully," Fox whispered, lowering his head. "You just...you don't understand." "Can you explain it to me so that I do understand?" Scully asked. "To understand, Scully, you need to totally open your mind," Fox said. "I don't think you can do that." "You're my best friend, Mulder. Closer to me than either of my brothers." Scully approached her partner's desk and pulled up a chair. Settling into it, she folded her hands in her lap, focusing an earnest stare on him. "I want to try." Alex slid the milk carton into its place in the refrigerator and shut the door. As he turned to store the grocery bags, he heard the front door open. Instead of going out to meet Fox, he continued with his task, waiting. More than ten minutes later, Fox entered, wearing the clothing he found on the bed. "I'm sorry I'm late," he murmured, eyeing Alex warily. "Scully wanted to talk, and..." "What should you have done when you relaized you were going to be late?" Alex asked softly, shutting the broom closet door then turning his gaze to Fox for the first time. "I should have called." "Why didn't you?" Fox took one step forward then stopped. "Scully wanted to talk. She wanted to understand. Really...understand. And I...I think she does. She listened to me, Alex. She really listened, and she promised to lay off. It was such a good conversation, I guess I was afraid to interrupt it." "That's no excuse for not calling." Fox stared, surprised at Alex's response. "I...I'm sorry." "Don't let it happen again." Fox's gaze dropped to the floor. This was not the reaction he'd expected at all. Yes, he realized later that he should have called home, but this...chilled response...he had no idea what to make of it or how to react. He stood quiet and still as Alex moved past him and began preparing for dinner. Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen. Fox remained in the same spot, almost motionless. Only his eyes followed Alex as the other man worked in silence. What the hell was going on? Why was Alex acting like this? He had to know. He couldn't take this, he couldn't... "Alex?" "Be quiet, Fox." But... Alex turned and pointed to the far corner of the kitchen. "Go stand over there and don't say anything. When I want to hear from you, I'll let you know." Fox obeyed the soft command after a very brief hesitation. He stood there trembling slightly as he tried to wrap his mind around all that had happened since this morning, and he couldn't. He didn't get it. What the hell happened? Why was Alex behaving this way? They'd had such a good night. Alex had done things to him that...and then they had fallen asleep hours later and blissfully exhausted, Alex coiled possessively around his body. His eyes closed at the memory. It had been so perfect. So good. He should have awakened this morning to lingering kisses and loving touches, but instead he opened his eyes to an empty, cold bed. Alex had barely spoken ten words to him in the hour and a half before he'd left for work, hardly looked at him even, and when he walked out the door, it was to nothing more than a soft, flat goodbye. No kiss, no hug, no smile. And now this. Reveiwing every waking moment from last night to now, Fox tried to figure it out. Tears of frustration spiked his lashes, and he pressed his lips together to keep any sound from escaping. I don't know, I just don't get it. He swiped at his eyes with the back of one hand and forced himself to breathe normally. Whatever Alex wanted, whatever the reason was that he was behaving like this, Fox would go along with it. Sooner or later he'd find out what was wrong, and then he could try and fix it. Yeah. Until then, just take it easy. Don't ask questions, do whatever he wants, and everything'll be fine. It'll all be fine. He remained in his corner until the light dinner was finished; fifty-five minutes total, and then he moved slowly over to a chair at the kitchen table and sat down when instructed. Alex served his meal, plated some food for himself and, without a word, took his food and left the room. Fox stared down at his plate long after his dinner had gone cold, trying to decipher Alex's bizarre mood. So long that Alex had finished his meal and had come back into the kitchen with his half-empty plate. The younger man glanced at Fox's uneaten dinner as he passed then empited his leavings into the disposal. Rinsing and loading his dish into the washer, he turned and leaned against the counter. "Not hungry?" Fox dropped his gaze. "No...no, Alex." There was silence for a long minute, then Alex pushed away from the counter. "All right. Empty your plate then come into the living room." With that, he was gone, leaving Fox to do as he was told. He didn't know why his hands shook as he scraped the food from his plate except that something in Alex's low, even tone suggested that he should be nervous. He completed his task quickly then crept into the living room, where Alex was sitting at one end of the sofa, legs crossed, listening to Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony. He stopped by the coffee table and waited. And waited. For nearly twenty minutes he waited until Alex finally spoke, and then he had to strain to hear. "Sit here by me." Fox moved to the spot on the floor that Alex had indicated, and he lowered his head, waiting in silence. One song faded into the next and the next, and then Fox felt the gentle touch of Alex's hand on his head. He closed his eyes and breathed a silent sigh as the other man's fingers stroked through his hair. It was okay. It was going to be okay. Whatever had happened, Alex was going to get over it, and... Alex's fingers tightened slightly in his hair, and the soft grind of the younger man's zipper echoed in Fox's ears. He opened his eyes but did not lift his head. And then he was being pulled back between Alex's legs. He turned into the younger man, and the next thing he knew, his face was being pushed into Alex's bared crotch. "Suck me," Alex instructed thickly. "Slow. Easy." He shuddered as Fox's warm breath flowed over him, and when he felt the delicate touch of the other man's tongue, he grunted softly. "Easy," he whispered again, his fingers clenching in the golden-brown strands. Slowly, Fox's tongue danced over the velvety shaft, pausing here and there so he could nibble and tease. Shaking hands came up to Alex's denim-clad thighs, stroking gently, and he nuzzled the younger man's cock, feeling it twitch against his cheek. Alex's head fell back against the cushion, and his eyes rolled up in his head. The faint scratch of stubble gave way to the soft, moist warmth of Fox's mouth, and he groaned deep in his throat. So good. So fucking amazing. How could Fox ever be insecure about this? No one had ever made him feel this good...made him want to lose control the way his body was screaming for him to do now. "Mmmmh..." As slowly as Fox was moving, he knew that it wouldn't be long before Alex was ready. And he thought that if he could make it really good...so good that Alex wouldn't have a choice...if he could take him all the way, then... Alex's mouth fell open, and a hard gasp tumbled out. His hips snapped up, pushing his cock deeper down Fox's throat, gagging the older man. Quickly, Fox backed off a bit, taking deep breaths in through his nose and forcing himself to relax. Slowly, he sank back down, determined to take all of Alex's cock this time, and he did. Alex's groaned appreciation of his efforts filled Fox with pride, and his head began to bob slowly up and down on the thick shaft. Alex's groans soon turned to frantic whimpers, and he began to squirm and buck, and Fox knew he had him. Softly, he moaned around his mouthful, sending delicious vibrations down the length of Alex's cock. "God," Alex panted. "Ah, fuck." He tried desperately to hold on, to retain some small shred of control, but it was impossible. One hand clutched at the sofa cushion while the other continued to clench in Fox's hair, and he let loose with a loud cry as he exploded. Fox choked on the first gush of semen as it hit the back of his throat, but he recovered quickly and swallowed the rest down then lovingly licked Alex clean. When he finished, he laid his head on the drained man's thigh and listened as Alex's labored breathing slowly returned to normal. He sat quietly, doing his best to ignore the demands of his own cock, then finally Alex spoke. And Fox's heart sank. "Go into my bedroom. Take...what you need and put it in the spare room." Fox lifted his head and focused a disbelieving stare on the younger man. His mouth opened, and a soft clicking sounded in his throat before he found his voice several seconds later. "I...Alex, I...am I being punished? Please...please tell me what I did wrong so I don't do it any more." Alex forced himself to look at Fox, and he steeled himself against the despondent, pleading gaze. "Have you forgotten so soon?" "N-no, I...but what about this morning? You were being cool to me even then. I don't understand. I don't...I don't know what I did." "Fox, are you refusing to do what I asked you to do?" "No, Alex. But I..." Fox stopped and swallowed down the salty threat of tears. "I just don't understand the entire reason that I'm being punished." "Am I your master?" Fox lowered his head and nodded. "...Yes, Alex." "Is this not what you wanted? What you told me you needed?" "Yes, Alex." "Should you question your master?" "No, Alex." "Then go. Do what I asked." Fox sat quietly for a moment then asked in a barely audible voice, "After that, what do you want me to do?" "Go to bed. Tomorrow morning, before you get ready for work, come to my room. Make sure you're slick and ready. Understand?" "...Yes, Alex." Fox rose to his feet and, gaze still to the floor, he left the room. Alex watched him shuffle out, his insides twisting painfully. He's hurt. He's confused. He said he'd do anything,// he told himself indignantly. //He said he needed to, so why should he be hurt? Closing his eyes, Alex pitched forward and put his head between his knees. "Fuck." "Morning, Mulder...oh, God; you look like hell." Red-rimmed eyes looked away from Scully's face, and Fox returned his concentration to his computer monitor. "Did you sleep at all last night?" Fox sighed softly and looked down at his desk. "Not much." "From the look on your face it wasn't for any good reasons. What happened? You didn't find out what his problem was, did you?" Saying nothing, Fox shook his head. "Mulder, I can't stand this. You look so tired and sad." "I'm okay." "You're not. What happened last night?" "He...sent me to sleep in the spare bedroom. Made me move my stuff out of his room." "Did he say why?" "I asked, but..." "But what?" "It's...it's n-not my place to question him." Scully felt her blood begin to heat up. "Not your...Mulder. Do your hear yourself? Not your place. You're a grown, independent man, not a slave." "I'm his slave." The words pierced Scully gut, and she squeezed her eyes shut. "It's my choice, Scully," Fox explained, hoping she would understand. "I can walk away any time I want." "Then why don't you? Clearly he's distancing himself from you. Whatever his reasons are, they're making you miserable." "He's not distancing himself completely." "Wait. Let me guess. He still wants sex. Mulder," Scully began, sadness filling her eyes. "Don't you feel used?" "He is shutting himself off from me emotionally, but he still needs me," Fox said, avoiding the question. "Something is wrong, and I know it's just a matter of time before I find out what." "But this is hurting you, Mulder. I can see it in your eyes." Fox bowed his head. "...Yes, it hurts," he whispered. "But it'll be okay. I just have to be patient with him. He needs patience and understanding and whatever support I can give him." "Even if it's only in the form of sex." "He can get sex from anyone," Fox countered. "It's more than that. I know it even if he doesn't." Scully speared her hands through her hair, clutching at the red strands in frustration. She promised. She promised. "Mulder," she said calmly. "Swear to me...if he hurts you...physically...swear to me you'll get the hell out of there immediately and give this up." "He won't do anything to hurt me." "Mulder..." "I promise," Fox sighed. "All right." Scully walked over to her desk and sat down. "Now, I suppose we ought to get some work done." Saturday Fox stood in front of the mirror, checking his appearance. Sure that Alex would approve, he turned to exit the spare bedroom and came to an abrupt halt. Standing in the doorway, Alex fixed an appraising stare on him. He met the youngr man's gaze briefly before lowering his eyes and standing for inspection. "Are you wearing the thong I laid out with the clothes?" "Yes, Alex." Alex approached, stopping only inches from Fox, and he leaned in, almost touching his nose to the side of the other man's neck. "Wear this cologne from now on." He looked at his watch and moved away. "Let's go." Chewing on his lower lip, Fox followed Alex out of the bedroom and to the front door. Alex switched on the lamp on the table by the door, picked up his keys, and the couple left. "It was so nice of Alex to do this," Lucas said to C.J. as he looked around the restaurant. "And such a nice place." "He really appreciates what we did," C.J. answered, stroking Mick's back. "Fox means everything in the world to him." "You should have seen them the other day," Mick sighed. "They're so sweet together. I'll bet Alex is still babying the hell out of him." The subjects of their conversation entered the restaurant minutes later, and the hostess led them to their table. The wide smiles faded from all three faces as Alex stopped at the table, and Fox came to a halt at least a foot behind him, head bowed. "Uh...hey, Alex...Fox." C.J. looked from one man to the other then back again. He didn't know what else to say. "Guys." Alex took his seat then looked up at Fox and motioned to the other chair. As Fox slid into his seat, Lucas and Mick exchanged glances. "Hello, Fox," Lucas said cautiously. "How are you?" "You can talk to them." C.J.'s head snapped around, and he stared at Alex even as Fox lifted his head and spoke. "I'm...I'm okay. Thank...I wanted to thank you, Lucas for what you did for me last week." "I didn't do much, but you're welcome," Lucas answered. "People like Shane make my blood boil. I thought Alex was gonna kill 'im for sure." Fox's gaze fell to the table, and C.J. reached over and rested a hand on his shoulder. "You feeling okay, Fox?" "I'm fine." Deep frown lines creased C.J.'s brow, and before he could ask any more questions, the server arrived at the table, smiling as she surveyed the group. "This must be my lucky night. What a handsome bunch." Her gaze fell on Fox and lingered. "Would you like to order some drinks and appetizers to start?" His guests ordered first, then Alex asked for a glass of chenin blanc for himself, and when the server turned to ask Fox what he'd have, Alex ordered another glass for him. All eyes went to Alex, including the server's, and he stared back at the woman. "That'll be all," he said evenly, and the woman nodded and bustled away. He turned his attention to the men, and three set of eyes immediately shifted to the table surface. An uncomfortable silence followed, then Mick cleared his throat. "S-so. How 'bout that thunderstorm last night, huh?" "God, that rain came down in buckets, didn't it?" Lucas added. "And the lightning. It must have been spectacular from high up, huh, Alex?" "I didn't notice." "You didn't...how could you not notice a storm like that?" Lucas turned to Fox. "How about you, Fox?" "I watched it for a while." The drinks and appetizers arrived, and the others dug in while Alex sipped at his wine. Only Fox touched nothing. "Hey, Fox, aren't you hungry?" Mick asked, really beginning to be concerned. Fox looked up at Alex out of the corner of his eye and shook his head. "I want to save room for dinner." "Drink your wine," Alex instructed softly, and Fox obeyed, lifting the glass to his lips. "Hey, Alex," C.J. called in a low murmur. "Would you come to the men's room with me?" "You need an escort to go to the men's room?" "Yeah.I've got this phobia about public restrooms. I need someone big and strong to hold my hand." C.J. stood up. "Come on. Please?" Alex glared at his friend for a moment then stood up. "I'll be back," he said to Fox, briefly touching the back of the older man's head before following C.J. toward the back of the restaurant. The minute they reached the men's room door, C.J. whirled around to face Alex. "What the hell is going on?" he asked in an urgent whisper as he reached behind him and threw the door open. Fortunately, the bathroom was empty, and C.J. began to pace from one end to the other. "I can't believe what I'm seeing out there! What happened? Why are you treating him like a...a...." "I'm giving him what he wants," Alex broke in, meeting C.J.'s shocked then disbeliving stare. "What he wants. No. No, no, Alex. I could believe that if he didn't look the way he does, but there's not the tiniest hint of happiness in his eyes...or yours. This is not what either of you wants. So the questions remains. Why is it happening?" "Don't worry about us, C.J.," Alex said, the words taking on a warning tone. "We're fine." C.J. ignored him. "Fine. You go back out there and look. Really look in his eyes and tell me again that he's fine." No response. "Shit, Alex, why do you keep fucking things up with him? Explain it to me so I can understand." "You know, C.J., you've got this stupid notion that we're best buddies, but I never fucking said anything to that effect. Stay the hell out of my business." "I would if I thought you had a handle on it, but clearly you don't. You're screwing Fox up, you're screwing yourself up, and for what? Some past issue that recently came back to haunt you?" Alex simply glared. "Tell me about it, Alex, " C.J. coaxed. "Let me try to help. I know Fox is trying, but I think he's way too emotionally wrapped up to be effective." "And you're not? Buddy?" Alex sneered. "Not so wrapped up that you can burn me the way you have Fox." C.J.'s tone softened. "He loves you so much, Alex. He aches with it, and right now you're just...trampling the shit out of that. He's so fucking hurt, but he'll continued to be there...to do anything you tell him to, because it's what you need." Alex stood leaning against one of the two sinks, eyes to the floor. "Are you through?" "Not by a longshot. But we're here for a nice dinner, so I'll just say this for now...whatever it is that you've got stuck up your ass, deal with it. You've got a beautiful, brilliant, loyal man who loves you like no one else is ever going to. Whether you admit it or not, he means everything to you. I was there, Alex, and I saw the rage you were in the other day at the club. It had nothing to do with Shane having the gall to mess with what was yours. It had to do with him hurting your baby. Isn't that right?" Alex stared at the patch of floor by C.J.'s feet. "I don't care what you do, Alex," C.J. went on. "You can't hide how you feel about him. In fact, the harder you try, the more obvious it becomes." "Believe whatever the fuck you want, C.J. Just stop trying to shove your views down my throat." "You're a stubborn bastard. But I know what I see." "You see nothing. He's mine. I'm good to him. I take care of him. And yes, it pisses me off if anyone messes with him because he does belong to me." "Why do you insist on doing this with me? I've seen too much, Alex, or have you forgotten that I was at your apartment after he walked out this last time? You were drunk. Drunk. You said things that night and even the next day that you can't deny you said. This man fucks you up like nobody's business. I can understand that that might be really hard for someone like you to admit. But hard to the point where you start running the very great risk of losing him? For good?" "Does he look like he's going anywhere?" C.J. stared for a minute then walked toward the door. Hand on the knob, he faced Alex. "You tell me, man." Alex watched the other man walk out, but he didn't immediately follow. Still leaning against the sink, he stared down at the floor. Back at the table, Fox watched C.J. approach and sit down. He looked curiously in the direction of the men's room then back at C.J. "Where's Alex?" "He'll be along," C.J. answered. "Fox, listen. I don't know exactly what's going on, but in my opinion, being so submissive is not going to help Alex with whatever his problem is." "You don't know what his problem is," Fox said softly. "What did you say to him in there?" "I simply tried to find out what kind of drama we're into now. And I told him he really should stop being such a dick and handle his business the right way." "Leave him alone, C.J.," Fox pleaded more than ordered. "He doesn't need any aggravation." "And you don't need to treated like an object." "You don't know what I need," Fox whispered. "Listen, Fox. You and Alex are not your everyday Dom and sub. You're too headstrong. Alex understood that, and he...wanted you so much, he was willing to make modifications to try and give you what you both needed. Now, all of a sudden, you're going to tell me that you want to be treated like the people who walk into the dungeon and pay to be humiliated? I ain't buyin' it." Mick and Lucas split their attention between the two men, listening quietly as they went back and forth. "C.J., please. Just leave it alone. I can handle it, okay?" C.J. opened his mouth to say more, but he caught sight of Alex approaching and decided to quit before things got out of hand. Alex took his seat, and Fox's head quickly lowered. Saying nothing, Alex picked up his menu and began to read. C.J. kept glancing from him to Fox, hoping something would have changed. It wasn't until the server arrived and everyone else had ordered that Alex spoke. "I'll have the twelve ounce filet, medium...baked sweet potato and the house salad." "And for your companion?" the server asked less than cordially. Alex spared her a glance then looked to Fox. "What would you like, Fox?" Fox's head rose, and he gave Alex a confused look. "I...I thought..." His head went down again. "I hadn't looked at the menu." Alex turned his attention to the woman. "Give us a few minutes." As the surprised server turned to leave, Fox spoke. "No. No, I don't want to hold everyone's dinner up. I'll have what you're having." Then everyone had something to say. "No, Fox, it's okay." "You take your time and look the menu over." "We're not starving to death; we can wait." Alex nodded at the server, who was still standing there, and she smiled down at Fox. "Take your time, honey. I'll be back in a while." Alex watched the woman leave, then he turned to Fox. "Have a look at your menu, Fox, so you can be ready to order when your girlfriend comes back." Fox's head lifted, and he fixed a wide-eyed stare on Alex. "I...I didn't..." "I was kidding," Alex explained flatly, cutting Fox off, then he nodded at the menu. "I..." Fox looked down at the heavily embossed bill of fare, but he didn't open it. He closed his mouth and said nothing more. "You don't have to have the same thing I'm having," Alex insisted quietly. "But...I want to." Alex studied Fox for a moment then nodded. When the server returned, the men ordered then continued to pick at their appetizers while they made small talk. "So," Lucas began. "Where'd you and Alex meet, Fox?" Fox glanced at Alex, but the other man said nothing. He merely lifted his glass to his lips and sipped at his wine. Fox cleared his throat softly and answered. "Work." "Work. Yours or his?" "We worked together." Everyone seemed to lean forward at once, waiting for Fox to elaborate, but he said nothing more. So C.J. pushed a bit. "Where'd you work?" Again Fox looked to Alex, and still he remained silent. "We worked for the government." "Oh! I thought maybe you'd done something before you joined the FBI. So, Alex...you were a g-man?!" Alex gave him a blank stare. "Damn, C.J. said, shaking his head. "I'd ask why you're not there any more, but I'm sure you wouldn't tell me." "So, Fox," Lucas cut in. "You're still in?" "Yes." "No shit! Really?" Fox nodded. Lucas chuckled. "Jeez, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing to have an FBI agent as a friend." "You working on any big cases?" Mick asked, enthralled. "N-not really." "What d'you usually investigate? Gangland murders? Drug smuggling rings?" "Sometimes. But my area of investigation is usually quite different than that." Now Mick was really interested. "Yeah? Like what?" Another glance at Alex. "Umm...paranormal type stuff." C.J.'s eyebrows shot up. "You mean like ghosts?" "Way cool!" Lucas squealed, leaning farther in. "Can you tell us about some of your cases?" "Wait a minute, wait a minute," C.J. interrupted. "You're telling us there's a section of the FB friggin' I that deals with ghosts and ghouls?" "And other types of unexplained phenomena." "And Alex, you were involved in this at one time?" Alex finally spoke. "You sounds skeptical." "No...well, I...I've never experienced anything paranormal, so I guess it's hard to wrap my mind around it." He looked from one man to the other. "Have you ever actually seen something you couldn't explain?" "Plenty," Alex said, and when it was clear that was all he planned to say, C.J. turned to Fox. "You too?" "We could be here for a week, and it wouldn't be enough time for me to tell you about all I've seen." Lucas bounced up and down in his chair like an excited child. "Tell us about one...please?" I don't know, I..." He looked at Alex, seeking permission. Alex gave him a shrug and took another sip of wine. As Fox recounted the story of Robert Modell, the food arrived, and his friends encouraged him to continue as they ate. "Are you serious?" Lucas asked around a mouthful of lobster ravioli. "Russian roulette?" Fox nodded. Lucas stared. "And you put the gun to your head and pulled the trigger. Not almost pulled the trigger. Pulled. The trigger." "Yes." "And you couldn't stop yourself?" "...No." "That's insane," Mick breathed. "But you resisted when he made you turn the gun on your partner." " I was very close to pulling the trigger. If she hadn't hit the fire alarm, I don't know if I would've been able to keep from killing her." C.J. rested his face in his hand and frowned. "This is interesting. It seems you fought him alot harder when he tried to make you shoot Scully than when you turned the gun on yourself." Fox shrugged. "You had such little regard for your own life?" Alex looked from C.J. to Fox, waiting for an answer. "It...I guess it wasn't something I ever thought about." "I love to psychoanalyze people," C.J. said with a sheepish grin. "Call it a hobby. Anyway, I'd be curious to know if there were other times when you'd unnecessarily put your life in danger." Fox lifted one shoulder and let it drop. "I guess it depends on who you talked to about that. Scully would tell you yes." "Hmm. Why do you suppose that was?" "You're out of your depth, C.J.," Alex said flatly. "What d'you mean?" "Just what I said. You're talking to as complex a man as you'll ever meet. If you had the rest of your life to figure him out, you wouldn't be able to do it." C.J. grinned at his friend. "Really. Well, what about you, Alex?" He winked at Fox. "You got a lock on what makes him tick?" "I know what a master needs to know about his slave." At that, Fox's head lowered. Mick saw the hurt in his eyes before his head went down, and he squeezed C.J.'s knee and quickly changed the subject. "So, what other weird cases have you had, Fox?" Still looking at the table, Fox shrugged and shook his head. "Aww, come on, Fox," Lucas coaxed. "This is fascinating stuff." "I...I don't...maybe another time, okay?" Lucas shot Mick and C.J. a concerned look, then it turned sympathetic as he looked to Fox. "Sure, Fox. That's okay." The men finished their meals while Fox only picked, and when they were finished, Alex paid the bill while they chatted over the last of their coffee. "So, what're you guys doing tonight?" Lucas asked C.J. and Mick. "Well, I gotta spend a couple of hours at the club. I got a few appointments I couldn't get out of." "Aw, man. What're you gonna do while he's in the dungeon, Mick?" Mick shrugged. "Just hang out." He smirked at C.J. "Hope he's not too tired afterward to give me a good spanking." "Ha," C.J. murmured, anchoring his fingers in Mick's hair and pulling him in for a deep kiss. "Never." Mick growled softly then smiled at Lucas. "You wanna hang out with me for a while?" "Sure!" Lucas grinned brightly. "I was dreading going home and being bored. Hey, what're you guys doing after this?" he asked Alex. "Maybe we could all hang at the club together." "I'm tired," Alex said softly. "We're going home." "Oh," Lucas whispered, looking at Fox out of the corner of his eye. "Okay, well...thanks large for dinner. It was really nice of you." "Yeah, Alex," C.J. added. "Everything was delicious." And Mick agreed. "You're welcome. And thank you for your help," Alex said in the first real show of graciousness that evening. He paid the tab, and the friends walked out to the parking lot together. Mick and C.J. arm in arm, Lucas alongside C.J., and Fox walking a few paces behind Alex. As they parted company, they thanked Alex again, said goodbye to Fox, and with one last meaningful look from C.J. to Alex, everyone got into their respective cars and drove away. Fox sat quietly, staring out the window at the passing buildings. For several blocks Alex kept his eyes on the road, but then they wandered in Fox's direction. When the older man didn't look back, his eyes went back to the road. A couple of minutes later, he spoke softly. "When we get home, go to my room and undress. Wait for me there." The words sank into Fox's brain, and he turned slightly, looking up at Alex through his lashes. A slight nod was his only response, and he turned back to the window, fixing a now unfocused gaze on the passing scenery. Minutes later, they pulled up to Alex's building, and Fox followed Alex into the elevator. They made the ride up in silence, and when the door opened, Alex stepped out first. Fox crept along behind him and waited with his head down as Alex unlocked the door. When they entered the apartment, he went without delay to Alex's bedroom and began to strip off his clothes. Remaining in the living room, Alex walked over to the glass door as he undid the first couple of buttons on his shirt. Leaning against the door frame, he watched the criss- crossing headlights of passing cars, and though he was too high up for the glare to hurt his eyes, he closed them and leaned his head against the glass. The dream hadn't come to torment him last night. Maybe that last one was just one of those things. Maybe he wouldn't have it again. If you don't, you can let him stay in your bed tomorrow night. But Fox had been so unhappy tonight. Yes, he knew it. He didn't need C.J.'s stunning insight to tell him that. And yet there was that crack about masters and slaves. There was no kindness, not even a smile.You know just the smallest show of tenderness would have been enough to comfort him. If you fuck him then send him to the spare room, you deserve to wake up tomorrow morning and find him and all his stuff gone. Sighing heavily, he opened his eyes and watched the thinning traffic for a while longer, then turned and headed toward the bedroom. He opened the door and found Fox standing in the left hand corner of the room, eyes to the floor. "What...what are you doing, Fox?" "You told me to get undressed and wait for you," Fox answered in a bare whisper. And that's just what he's done. No more, no less. Sighing very softly, Alex unbuttoned and removed his shirt, draping over the chair. Fox remained in the corner, eyes to the floor as Alex finished getting undressed, and it wasn't until the younger man got into bed and called his name that he lifted his gaze. "Come here." Fox shuffled over to the bed, and Alex flipped the covers back and motioned for him to get in. Carefully, Fox slid in between the sheets and sat waiting for his next instructions. Propped against the pillows, Alex studied the older man's profile. Thick lock of hair spilling over onto his forehead. Eyes, usually a clear, beautiful hazel, now dull, muddy brown and heavily shaded by drooping lashes. And that sinfully sexy mouth, turned down into a heartbreaking pout. "...Are you unhappy, Fox?" "No..." Fox cleared his throat and began again. "No, Alex." "I don't believe you." And he waited. Fox gave no answer. He wasn't being insubordinate; he simply didn't know how to respond. "You want to be my slave." "Yes, Alex." No hesitation. "But on your terms." Fox blinked and looked up at Alex. "I...is that how you feel? Is that why you're unhappy with me?" "You're the one who seems unhappy, Fox. Because things aren't the way you want them." "No. No, it's not that." He had that deer caught in the headlights look that twisted Alex's guts. "I just...I don't understand why..." He closed his mouth and looked down. "Why what?" "Why you've been so..." He couldn't bring himself to finish. "Say it." Fox's lower lip quivered a bit before he firmed it and made himself say the word. "Cold." "Is that what you feel I've been?" "...Yes, Alex." Alex waited several long seconds before he reached up and tangled his fingers in Fox's hair. He pulled the older man down then rolled on top of him, taking his mouth in a passionate but restrained kiss. Fox's response was immediate and welcoming, opening his mouth to the gentle, insistent push of Alex's tongue. He tasted like wine and rich coffee, and Fox couldn't get enough. It had been days since Alex had kissed him, and he had begun to feel as though there would never be any intimacy between them again. Alex moaned softly and deepened the kiss, drinking in Fox's needy whimper. Fingers clenched in the older man's hair, his hips began a gentle grind. Two stony erections rubbed together, and Fox gasped into Alex's mouth and lifted his hips to gain more contact. Alex pulled out of the kiss then, and he turned a heated gaze on the man writhing beneath him. "Is this cold?" Struggling to control his respiration, Fox shook his head. "No, Alex," Alex murmured into Fox's ear before biting into the tender flesh of his throat. A harsh gasp preceded Fox's desperately whispered, "No, Alex," then he turned his head to the side, giving Alex better access. Leaving a mark that was sure to last at least a week, Alex moved lower, sucking the uninjured nipple into his mouth. A strangled cry fell from Fox's lips, and his fingers dug into Alex's shoulders as he arched against him. "God.....oh....mmmmh." He'd be confused later. Right now all he wanted to do was feel. And enjoy the attention he'd missed so desperately. Alex sucked hard, flicking his tongue rapidly over the rigid peak, and Fox cried his name, a plea for release contained in the single word. But Alex wasn't quite finished with him. Withdrawing, he reached over, pulling open the nightstand drawer and withdrew the lube. He moved to his knees between the other man's parted legs then helped him lift them onto his shoulders. Coating two fingers, he brushed the tips of them over Fox's anus and watched the older man's satisfying reaction. Gathering up fistfuls of silk sheets, Fox squirmed and pushed against the teasing fingers. Alex worked one inside of him, and he sobbed his lover's name, pushing hard against it. "Don't move." Fox's eyes snapped open, and he stared up at Alex, not quite believing what he'd just heard. "And I want you to be quiet." Was he fucking serious? At that point, he inserted the second finger, and Fox bit down on the inside of his lip to remain silent, and he forced himself to stay still. His eyes closed to help him concentrate on his impossible task, and Alex went and made it worse by softly demanding that Fox open his eyes and look at him. Black-green eyes zeroed in on the tortured man's face, and Alex began to slowly finger fuck him. A light sheen of sweat broke out on Fox's brow as he struggled against the sensations Alex's fingers inside of him were producing. Being quiet during sex, he found, was not something he excelled at, and doing so now was murder. But he'd do it if it was what Alex wanted. "Is it hard?" Alex asked, his tone soft and sandpaper rough. "Being quiet and still?" "Yes..." Small whimper. "...Alex." "Discipline, Fox. It makes me happy when you obey me." A frown formed on Fox's brow, and he blinked back a sudden rush of tears. He wanted to challenge the statement. Ask why, if that was so, had Alex relegated him to the spare bedroom, and why had he begun treating him like nothing more than a slave, and...and...he'd been good, he reasoned. He'd been so good... His thoughts fragmented and were forgotten when Alex's fingers were withdrawn and replaced by his cock. He stifled a sob and forced himself to remain motionless as Alex began to move slowly inside him. It felt so good. God, it felt so good. Alex's hands on him, stroking, caressing. His mouth. So soft and warm. The cold void in his eyes, gone... He could almost make himself believe that the last few days hadn't happened. That the Alex who had surfaced during that time had been just a figment of his overly-fertile imagination. It had hurt to be made to feel like nothing special, like he didn't matter. It...he would be Alex's slave, happily...always. But he couldn't take the coldness. With the exception of sex, the almost complete lack of contact. The total lack of affection. He'd been so lonely. So alone. But he'd told Alex that he was going to stay. That he would do anything Alex wanted. Be anything he wanted if it would help Alex deal with the horrors of his past. He'd promised. But nothing he'd done so far had seemed to help. It wasn't until tonight that Alex seemed to have come around a bit, and Fox wasn't entirely sure that it wasn't due to whatever C.J. had said to him while they were in the men's room. While he wished that C.J. had not confronted Alex, Fox had to admit that at the moment at least, he was grateful for C.J.'s interference. Alex pushed slowly into Fox, moaning as he completed the long glide home. As he began to withdraw, his hand found the rigid length of Fox's erection, and he stroked it gently. Fox's lips pressed together as he struggled to keep from crying out. It was torture when everything inside of him screamed to react, but he retained a tenuous grip on his composure, and Alex rewarded him for it. "Fox." The word came out in a shaky rush as Alex thrust harder and deeper. "It's okay." He tightened his grip and began to pump the other man's cock more vigorously. "Come on. Let me hear it." Fox released a relieved, gurgling cry, and his hips snapped upward, pushing against Alex, then he quickly fell back to the bed, remembering that Alex had not given him permission to move. "It's all right," Alex whispered, dropping his head to nip at Fox's ear before rasping into it, "Help me, Fox." Fox's mouth fell open, and a loud whimper fell out as gratefully, he wrapped his arms around Alex and began to move against him. Alex's groan vibrated in his ear, and he rocked almost frantically against the younger man, desperate for the explosion which was now well within his reach. Alex increased the strength of his thrusts, drawing a strangled sob from Fox as he nudged the other man's prostate. "That's the spot, huh, baby?" He hit it again, and Fox came apart. A hot gush of semen coated his hand as Fox screamed and convulsed around him. "Nnnh. Oh, yeah," Alex grunted as Fox's muscles tightened around his cock, and he came hard, emptying himself into his lover. He finished on a long, satisfied moan, and he collapsed on top of the older man, drawing in breath after labored breath. Several minutes passed before he moved, turning onto his back with a soft sigh. Without being asked to, Fox slipped out of bed and padded into the bathroom. Alex heard the water go on, and shortly afterward, Fox returned and sat on the edge of the bed. Gingerly, he washed Alex's spent cock, then he carried the cloth back into the bathroom. While Fox had been washing him, Alex had watched him silently, studying his every move, drinking in his quiet beauty, and he'd wanted so much to pull Fox into his arms and kiss him senseless, but something wouldn't let him. When Fox once again emerged from the bathroom, the discomfort in his expression was plain. He stood by the door, not knowing what to do now. "I...um...w-what do you..." Alex sat up a bit and called softly to Fox. Glittering eyes looked up to the younger man's face, and Fox waited. "Come back to bed." Fox hoped Alex wouldn't hear his heart thrashing, but the closer he got to the bed, the more sure he was that it was about to pound out of his chest. He quietly slipped between the sheets and lay on his back. He was only inches from Alex, but it felt like miles. He watched as Alex reached above his head and pulled out the restraints that were still there and lay docilely as he was gently cuffed. Lying on his side, Alex rested his head on one arm as he reached out to tenderly pet Fox's hair. "Are you tired?" Fox cleared his throat. "A...a little." Alex was quiet for a moment then spoke again. "Tomorrow, we'll go out to dinner, just the two of us. Would you like that?" "Yes...yes, Alex." "Your eyes are getting heavy." Well, it was hard to stay alert with Alex's hand stroking soothingly through his hair. "Go to sleep." The words were uttered so softly that had Fox not been paying close attention, he might have missed them. Obediently, he closed his eyes, and less than fifteen minutes later, he was indeed, asleep. Alex remained awake for a while longer, languidly combing his fingers through Fox's hair, watching him sleep. Trying to forget the last few days and the cold way he'd treated the only man who would ever be crazy enough to love him. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really going to let a few bad memories and a couple of nightmares get in the way of what you want? Staring intently at the sleeping man, he sighed softly. He turned to shut the light off and, moving closer, he wound an arm around Fox and closed his eyes. Tonight is our last night together for a while, Alex. Let's do something special. A deep frown creased the forehead of the slumbering man, and a soft, deep sound rumbled in his chest. Take off your clothes. Alex's respiration quickened, and he rolled away from Fox and onto his back. Do you know what this is, Alex? It's called a dildo. Big, isn't it? Let's see how much of this you can take, shall we? Alex whimpered softly in the dark stillness of his bedroom "No." No. Please... Now, Alex. Big boys don't cry. And you're a big boy, aren't you? Get on your hands and knees.. "No!" Fox's eyes snapped open, and after a brief struggle with the restraints, he sat up. He reached blindly for the lamp and turned it on, gasping as he looked into wide, terrified eyes. "Alex." Gently, he touched the shaking man's arm and jumped when Alex recoiled quickly from his hand. "It's me, Alex. It's Fox." Alex sat panting for a moment, staring at Fox, then he bolted out of bed. Fox watched, confused as Alex barreled around the room, gathering up clothing. "What...what are you doing?" Alex didn't answer as he began throwing the things on. "Alex, where are you going?" Fox got up and walked over to Alex, hoping he could calm the agitated man and get him to talk. "Tell me what you were dreaming about. It's supposed to help if you talk about it." "It was nothing," Alex rasped, jerking on his shirt and hastily doing up the buttons. "Go back to bed." "It wasn't nothing," Fox argued, following Alex as he headed for the door. "Alex, please." He grasped the younger man's shoulders, and before he could turn him around, Alex spun around on his own and slammed Fox into the nearest wall. "Don't fucking touch me," he hissed then snatched his hands away. Too shocked to speak, Fox watched as Alex whirled around and disappeared through the door. He stood there, back to the wall and listened to the living room door open and slam shut. He didn't know how long he remained in that spot, staring at the floor, his mind trying to process what had happened and come up with a way to fix it. When he finally moved, he shuffled dazedly back to the bed and paused for a moment before pulling off the rumpled sheets. Discarding them into the hamper, he put on a fresh set, made the bed then dragged himself into the spare room, where he lay wide awake, staring into the darkness and listening to the silence. Part Twelve: The Price of Poker The distant thump of bass filled the head of the man chained face-first to the wall. Only the intermittent crack of a whip and his own muffled cries interrupted the sound. The music could have been part of the scene; heavy. Primal. But it came from above, where scores of others drank and danced and copulated in the darker corners of the building's main room. He couldn't see the man at the other end of the whip. The leather hood over his head prevented it. But he'd seen him when he'd entered. Tall. Long and lean muscled. Dark with hard, unreadable eyes. His dick had shot up quickly and painfully at the thought of the leather clad god disciplining him. It was rock hard even now as he took stroke after stroke, and he wondered hazily if there was any chance at all that his punisher would allow him to suck him off afterward. He'd ask. Beg. And maybe, if he promised to make it really good... The Dom looked at the clock on the wall and lowered the whip. "Time's up." The smoky rasp went up the restrained man's cock like a warm tongue. A few seconds later he was being released. When the hood was removed, he blinked in the sparse light then kneeled at the Dom's feet. "Master," he managed in a rough whisper. "May I suck your cock?" "No." "Please? I promise, you've never had anyone suck your cock the way I can..." Anger glittered in the Dom's eyes, but he held it in check. "Get up. Put your clothes on and get out." The man knew better than to ask again. He did as he was told quickly and quietly, and he left the room with little more than a backward glance. The door closed softly shut, and the man left behind put the vibrator that he was cleaning down and sank into the nearest chair. He stared at the floor for several minutes before lifting himself up and continuing on with his task. "There he is." C.J. belted down the rest of his drink and covered Mick's hand with his own for half a second before rising from his chair. Taking a very deep breath, he turned and searched the crowded room. "Where?" "Right there." Mick pointed, his hand moving as their quarry stalked through the crowd. "Passing the bathrooms." C.J. moved quickly then, intercepting the other before he could reach the exit. "Hey, Alex." "Hey," Alex replied distractedly, and he said nothing more. "Heading home?" "Yeah." "Good." "Why good?" "Well...Fox must be pretty lonely. Y'know, with you here every night..." "Fox is fine." "Because he told you, or are you just guessing?" "Why are you giving me the third degree, C.J.?" All pretense of nonchalance disappeared. "Because I'm worried, man. You've been here every night for almost three weeks, down in that dungeon. This shit has gone on long enough, Alex. I can't keep quiet any more, hoping that you'll talk to me. What the hell is happening with you?" "Nothing is happening with me." "The fuck it isn't! You're leaving Fox home alone every damn night to be here, whipping men." "You do it." "It's my part time job. And Mick is here. Not sitting somewhere else, alone and heartsick, wondering what he did wrong to make me not want to be with him." "Really. And how do you know that's what's going on with Fox?" "It has to be! I'll bet my last dime on it. Why would you want to do him like this, Alex?" No answer. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...here it is. If this is how it's going to be from now on...you need to let him go." "This from the man who drove me out of my mind when I was trying to do just that?" "That's when I thought there was some hope that you were going to work on dealing with your problems. But that hope fades more every night I see you in here without him." "I could bring him with me," Alex said with a sarcastic lilt in his voice. "And what? Leave him in the car with the window rolled down? Maybe if he's a good boy and doesn't make a mess on your leather seats, you'll let him suck your dick while you drive home, then you can ignore him for a few more days." "You're getting real close to the edge, C.J.," Alex said, his tone full of dangerous intent. "I'd advise you to back off." "You wanna beat me down, Alex, go ahead. But you know that this is wrong. You know you're putting a hurtin' on Fox that he doesn't deserve. And you know that until you face your demons and allow yourself to be helped, this is going to spiral farther and farther out of control." "Thanks, C.J. Really." "He's going to leave you, Alex," C.J. warned him again. "Or you're going to break him down so completely that he'll never again be who he was. Either way, buddy...you're going to lose him." C.J. was the first to walk away, leaving Alex standing there, staring out at nothing. He remained that way for several long seconds, then walked slowly toward the exit. The door opened and closed without a sound, and the man on the bed went on sleeping undisturbed. In the near darkness of the spare room, Alex looked down at Fox. His chest constricted as C.J.'s words echoed in his head. He knew they were true, but... Fox stirred, sighing softly then turning onto his back. He'd risen far enough out of sleep to realize that there was a presence looming over him, and he opened his eyes. Alex's dark outline came into focus, and he froze, simply staring up at the other man. When Alex said nothing and made no move toward him, he pulled the sheet down, exposing his nude body, and he slowly turned over and raised himself up on his knees, keeping his shoulders to the mattress. Alex's cock twitched and began to fill. That's all it took. Not a word needed to be said, not a look needed to be given. In mere seconds, his body was ready to go. Just like it had been every night for almost three weeks. He reached out, his fingers gently brushing the soft, pale skin of Fox's rear. They brushed over each cheek, made a shallow foray into the darkness between them, then he withdrew his hand. Fox made no sound. He didn't move. He just waited. And he waited until Alex's soft voice drew his attention. "Turn over." Slowly, Fox turned onto his back. But instead of looking up at Alex, he kept his gaze averted. Alex's eyes left his face and drifted down the length of his body, coming to rest on his flaccid cock. He stared for a while then stripped off his leather jacket, tossing it onto a nearby chair. The rest of his clothing followed, and he was on top of Fox, pulling the older man into a deep kiss. Fox gave back just enough to keep Alex's cock interested, but they both knew that his heart wasn't in it. He'd stopped being able to get it up for Alex over a week ago, and he hadn't been at all sure that Alex had even cared. And now, with Alex's mouth feeding tenderly on his, and his hand slipping between them to whisper over his cock, he was too weary to hope. For three weeks now Alex had been more distant than Fox had ever seen him. Every night he would disappear from the apartment with little more than an ÔI'll be back later', and he wouldn't return until the wee hours of the morning sometimes. And when he did, he would come into the spare room where Fox now slept without exception, fuck him, get up and leave. Now, with Alex kissing and stroking him, he wondered what had happened to make tonight any different. Whatever it was, he was sure it wasn't anything that would last, and that knowledge further deepened his despair. Alex's mouth moved from Fox's, kissing over his chin and down his throat, stopping to bite into the muscled padding of his shoulder. When there was still no show of interest from the other man's cock, he lifted his head and turned a sharp gaze on Fox. "What's the matter?" Fox kept his gaze shifted away from Alex's face. "Nothing." "You're still soft." It sounded more like an accusation than a concern. Fox said nothing. "Why?" "I don't know," Fox lied. "Maybe because I'm tired." "Well, if you're tired," Alex started, sounding not at all pleased, "go back to sleep." He lifted himself up, and Fox made a weak attempt at stopping him. "You don't have to...I...I mean...if you want to, I can..." "Forget it," Alex said flatly. "I have no desire to fuck a corpse." Tears stung the backs of Fox's eyes, and he apologized. "I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to..." Alex reached the door and spun around. "Is this the first time this has happened?" So, he hadn't even noticed. Fox stared, not knowing what to say. "Is it?" Alex demanded. "N-no, Alex." "So, you lied about just being tired." Fox looked away, chewing on his lower lip. Alex stared for a moment then threw the door open and stalked out, slamming it shut behind him. Fox jumped at the loud bang, then he closed his eyes and rolled himself into a miserable heap. On the other side of the door, Alex barreled down the hall and into the living room, where he came to an abrupt halt. He heaved a long, hard breath then bent over, resting his hands on his knees. "Jesus." He straightened up and looked down the hall at the closed door for a moment before clenching his fingers in his hair and stumbling back toward his own bedroom, where he dropped down on the mattress, burying his face in the silk-encased pillows. It was all going to hell. C.J. was right. One way or another, he was going to lose Fox. And it would be all his fault. The thought of coming home one day and not finding Fox there clawed at his insides, leaving a pain so raw, all he could do was curl himself around a pillow and wait for it to subside. He fell asleep before that happened, and sometime before dawn, the dreams came. Fox blinked his eyes open, his sluggish, sleep-drugged mind trying to register the distant sounds he heard. A voice. Pained and frightened, crying out for mercy. Begging to be left alone. Alex was dreaming again. Fox lay fully awake now, hands over his face, listening. He'd learned over the past few weeks to stay away, no matter how bad the nightmares were. The couple of times that he'd tried to comfort Alex had ended in Alex's angry, almost violent rejection of his attempts at consolation. And though his psychologist's mind told him that Alex's reactions stemmed from what had happened to him and his inability to relinquish any ounce of control, his heart couldn't understand. And it ached unbearably. During the past week he'd seriously considered leaving, but every time he thought he had his mind made up, he'd look at Alex and see in his eyes a glimmer of the pain the other man was trying so hard to hide. And he'd decide to try a bit longer. The anguished cries ceased, and Fox sighed softly, wondering as he did every night if Alex had remained sleeping or if the dream had awakened him, and he was now lying alone in his bed, shaking and in need of comfort that it seemed he would never allow Fox to give. He'd been so close. The day he'd spilled his guts to Fox. Fox had been so sure then that together they were going to work things out, and that in time they would find happiness. Now he was sure of nothing. Hugging his pillow tightly to his chest, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Red rimmed eyes stared into the steaming pool of blackness. Alex stood leaning against the kitchen counter, hunched over his coffee, seemingly oblivious to Fox as he slipped into the room, dressed and ready for work. Eyes that matched his, risked a glance in his direction then skittered away as Fox began to speak. "I have to..." He stopped, attempted to clear the gravel from his throat, then began again. "I have to drive to Culpeper today, s-so I'll probably be late." Alex's eyes lifted to Fox's face, and he noticed for the first time how tired the other man looked. "How late?" "I d...I don't know. S-so, if it's too late, I may have to get a room for the night." Bloodshot eyes narrowed, but Alex said nothing. "I'll try to make it back tonight, though." Still, Alex said nothing. "I'll call you if...if I..." "Don't bother." Fox's mouth fell open, and a soft click sounded in his suddenly tight throat as he tried to decipher the flatly uttered words. "I...I don't understand." "You don't have to call," Alex said simply. "Just tell me right now you're not coming back tonight." "But I don't know that," Fox argued softly. "I might not be that late." "Okay, let me put it this way," Alex countered. "Don't come back here tonight." Fox stared, his eyes filling with hurt and confusion. "You...you don't want me to come back? I...Alex, did I do something wrong?" The mask of indifference Alex wore started to turn into something else. "Culpeper isn't that far. There's no reason for you to have to stay there except that you really want to." "...What?" "You want to be away from here tonight. Maybe you're working up to leaving all together." Fox shook his head in mute disagreement. Alex continued, his agitation really beginning to show. "If that's where this is going to be heading, do us both a favor, okay, Fox? Go. Pack your shit right now and get the fuck out." "No." Fox followed Alex as he chucked his mug into the sink, cracking it almost in two and whirled around, storming out of the kitchen. "Alex, I don't want to leave. That's not what this is..." He stopped in mid sentence as Alex came to an abrupt halt and spun around to face him. "Back off, Fox. Go to work. Go to work and leave me the fuck alone." "I can't. I...Alex, please. Can't we talk? This isn't right. It's not..." "It's not right?" Alex said, his tone deceptively soft as he moved closer. He stopped when he and Fox were a breath apart. "You're my slave. A pretty fucktoy. Who are you to tell me what's right?" Deep frown lines creased Fox's forehead, and his eyes glazed over. But he wasn't ready to give up. "Tell me about the dreams, Alex. Please," he whispered. "They're doing this to you." One tear welled up and fell. "Don't...don't let them. You don't want this. I know you don't want this." Fox thought he saw a tiny flicker of something in Alex's eyes, but as soon as it had appeared, the light was smothered. "You're right. I don't want this. You know what I want? Quiet. Peace and fucking quiet. Keep your mouth shut, suck my dick when I tell you to, bend over for me when I want to fuck you, and that's it. Simple. If you can't do that, get out." The tears began to flow more freely, and Fox trembled with the attempt to stifle a sob. Alex's hands clenched into fists at his side, and he steeled himself against Fox's tears. "You're going to be late." He turned his back and stalked in the direction of his bedroom. "Go to work. I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe." Alex disappeared into his room, leaving Fox alone with his misery. Scully zipped up her laptop case and looked at her watch for the third time. If he wasn't there in ten minutes... The office door opened, and Fox dragged in. "Mulder, where've you..." Scully turned around and stopped in mid-sentence. "Mulder...what's wrong? You look like hell." "Scully, can you...can you handle this case yourself?" "...Yeah, I...why?" "I can't go." "What d'you mean, you can't go?" "I can't go. I have to stay here." "What for?" "I have something to take care of." Scully studied him for a moment then closed her eyes and sighed. "Should I guess?" No answer. "Mulder..." "Scully, please don't start with me, okay?" "I won't start with you. Just...tell me why." "He's been really out of sorts lately, and I wouldn't feel right if I left now." "Out of sorts. Is he sick?" "N-not physically, no." "Ah, yes. The mysterious emotional issues." "Can you handle the case alone?" "Can I? Yeah. Should I? I'm not so sure. I'm feeling a little uneasy about the tone in your voice, Mulder." "I'm fine. I just need to...I can't leave him now, Scully. I can't." The redhead narrowed her gaze. "What are you afraid of, Mulder?" Fox pressed his lips together and took a deep breath in through his nose before answering the question. "I'm...I'm afraid that if I leave, he won't let me come back." "If he does that, then he didn't want you to begin with." Fox shook his head. "No. That's not true. It's his state of mind, Scully. If I go, he'll feel like I'm getting ready to abandon him. And before I do that, he'll cut me off." "Preemptive strike?" "Something like that." "Well, if he's stupid enough to..." "You don't understand, Scully. You just..." "I'm sick of hearing that I don't understand, Mulder. I want to understand, but you won't let me." Fox rubbed his forehead, trying to soothe the headache that had been steadily getting worse since this morning. "Will you just...will you help me? Please?" "All right, Mulder. I'll handle the case. You handle Krycek. But remember what I said to you before. Please...for God's sake, please. If he does anything to hurt you, walk. Run. And don't stop until you're as far away from him as you can get." "Yeah. Okay...okay." How could he tell her he'd already been hurt more deeply by Alex's behavior than any physical kind of attack could do? Scully stared for a moment then turned to gather her things. "Call me if you need to." "I will." She didn't believe him, but what could she do? He was a grown man, and if this was how he chose to live his personal life... Fox watched his partner grab her jacket and walk out. He leaned against his desk for at least ten minutes, staring at the floor, then, telling himself he'd better get to work, he moved to his chair and began sorting through the new items on his desk. Ring. Ring. Fuck. Ring. Alex lifted his head and checked caller ID. C.J. Again. Letting the phone ring, he dropped his head back to Fox's pillow, hugging the other, pressing it to his face so he could smell the other man's lingering scent, and he closed his eyes. Three o'clock. Fox dropped the case file he'd been reading onto his desk and ran his fingers through his hair as he stretched. He'd read the same file twice already, and halfway through the third time, he realized that he wasn't going to get any more work done today. Thoughts of the way he'd left Alex this morning, and the nagging fear that the longer he waited, the more chance he had of finding his belongings in the hall, crowded his brain and left no room for anything constructive. Clearing his desk, he grabbed his jacket and keys, locked up the office and started for Alex's apartment. Fox slowed his walk to a crawl as he approached Alex's door. He carried with him the small travel case he'd packed this morning, hoping that he wouldn't be ordered to take it, his other belongings and himself back to his car. He hadn't called to tell Alex that he'd be back, and he wasn't sure how Alex would react, but he was about to find out. Alex bolted upright as the soft click of the front door broke the silence. He jumped off of Fox's bed, and as he emerged from the bedroom, he saw Fox shutting the front door. Looking around the empty living room, Fox's gaze then turned toward the hall, and made immediate eye contact with Alex as the younger man walked toward him. "What're you doing here?" Fox's gaze dropped to the floor between them. "Scully went on the case without me." "Why?" "...I asked her to." "Why?" "I...I thought it was best for me to stay." "Why?" "Because I...I didn't want to leave you." Alex cocked his head slightly. "Why's that?" Then he added, "It wasn't so important to stay this morning." "Being with you is always important to me," Fox argued softly. "I j...I just hadn't considered that Scully could deal with the case herself. And...and I hated the way things were left this morning. I couldn't leave with you so mad at me." "I'm not mad at you. There. You can go join Scully now." Fox stamped down the hurt that had just bubbled up at Alex's words, and he shook his head. "No. I-I'm not going anywhere." "You'll go if I tell you to go." "Please don't make me leave," Fox said softly, not looking Alex in the eye. "I don't want to leave." Alex crossed his arms over his chest and studied the other man. After a good long while, he spoke. "It's not about what you want...is it?" Fox closed his eyes and swallowed hard before answering. "No...no, Alex." "You should remember that." Fox said nothing. "Go take that stuff off. Put on your collar and nothing else, then come back out here and kneel in front of me." Eyes to the floor, Fox walked slowly past Alex and, even after he had disappeared into the spare room, Alex would not allow himself to react. He stood quietly, shutting himself off from the deluge of emotion that threatened to overtake him, and he waited. In the bedroom, Fox removed his loosened tie, draping it over the back of the chair in the corner, and as he turned around, unbuttoning his shirt, his gaze fell on the bed, and he froze for a moment. When he regained the use of his legs, he moved toward the bed and looked down at the rumpled linens. Alex had been lying on his bed. And from the vertical position of one of the pillows, it looked as though he'd been hugging it to himself. He'd probably been there right up until Fox had entered the apartment, or he would have straightened everything out before he'd left the room. Fox closed his eyes, deep frown lines creasing his forehead. "Alex," he whispered in the direction of the empty bed. "Please let me in." He finished undressing, put his collar on, then went out to find Alex. He located the younger man, standing by the balcony doors, staring pensively out at the city. Quietly, he approached, and when he came to within a couple of feet, Alex finally turned around. Blinking as though he was actually surprised to find Fox standing there, he watched as the other man kneeled in front of him. He took a deep, slow breath and let it out silently. "So. You blew off a case and your partner to stay with me." "Yes, Alex." "...Why?" "Because I..." Fox bit his tongue. "...You're my master. My place is with you. To do everything I can to please you. I haven't done a very good job of that lately, and I want to make up for it." "How do you plan to do that?" "That's for you to decide," Fox said to the floor. Alex was silent for so long that Fox's knees began to ache. He shifted uncomfortably, and Alex noticed. "Get up." Fox obeyed the soft command, and he stood before Alex, gaze still fixed on the floor. "You want to stay with me? You're staying. Except for when you go to work, you won't leave this apartment. Do you understand?" "......Yes, Alex." "That was a long pause. Do you have a question?" "I...what about when you're not here?" "If I want to take you with me, I will. If I don't, you'll stay here and wait for me." Fox said nothing in answer, and when Alex turned and walked away, he didn't know what to do. He didn't have to wonder for long. "Go shower then meet me in my room." Fox obeyed, showering quickly then walking into Alex's bedroom. where he found the other man gathering some objects from his dresser. Heart thudding, he stood in the doorway, waiting until Alex turned around and pointed to a spot on the floor directly in front of him. "You're going to wear this until I decide to take it out," Alex said, holding up a black butt plug. Fox swayed slightly. While the object wasn't overly large, it wasn't small by any means, and he imagined that it would be fairly uncomfortable if Alex made him wear it for any length of time, which, it appeared, was going to be the case. A time not so long ago, his cock would have hardened instantly at the thought alone. But that was when Alex was interested in their mutual pleasure. Now, it seemed only about power and control. And though Fox understood the reasons for Alex's behavior, it didn't make it hurt any less. And the pain was so great it killed any arousal he might once have felt. He followed Alex's direction to climb up on the bed. He lowered his shoulders to the mattress and raised his hips and waited while Alex lubed the plug. His eyes closed, and he pressed his lips together, feeling himself being stretched and filled, and when Alex instructed him to rise, he did. He fought to keep the tears that threatened to spill over in check as the other man handed him a pair of tight, black underwear. "Put these on." Wincing at the discomfort in his ass, Fox bent over and pulled up the shorts. They did the job that Alex intended, holding the plug snugly in place, and Fox felt the heat of the other man's stare. "Very nice." Alex walked over to the dresser and leaned against it. "Remember that first night, Fox? The night you appeared here in my bedroom and asked to be mine? I was in bed. I can't tell you the how I felt, seeing you crawl to me in those tight leather pants and that see through shirt." He took a long, audible breath and let it out. His hand went to the front of his jeans, undoing the button and zipper at the leisurely pace. "Crawl to me now, Fox. Slowly. Then kneel in front of me." Fox sank to his knees and obeyed the softly uttered command. He stopped in front of the younger man, pulling himself up and keeping his eyes turned away from the hand that was now pulling out Alex's very rigid cock. "Put your hands behind your back. Keep them there. Now look at me." Fox slowly lifted his gaze. Forced himself to look up into fathomless, dark eyes, and he waited. Alex grasped the base of his cock and brushed its head against his mouth, teasing the pouting flesh with light strokes. "Do you know what would please me, Fox? Do you know what I miss? You...squirming and panting and begging for me to touch you. It wasn't so long ago...do you remember?" Fox swallowed hard and answered. "...Yes, Alex." "Beg me now, Fox." "...Please...please, Alex. Touch...me..." "Try again." Alex tapped Fox's mouth with his cock. "And make me believe it, this time." "....I n-need you to touch me...please, let me...let me suck your cock..." Another tap, this one aimed at his cheek, and delivered a bit less gently than the first. "I'm not feeling it, Fox." Fox whimpered but not with excitement. "I w-want to suck you, I...I n-need to. Please...please..." The next tap stung. "More." "Give it to me. Fuck my mouth..." Slap. "More." "Ram it down my throat..." "Yeah..." Slap. Fox's eyes snapped shut, and he flinched. "Look at me." Another slap. "Keep going." Fox couldn't continue, but the blows kept coming, raining down on his face. "Beg me!" Alex snarled, clearly out of control, now. "Come on, you little bitch. Don't play innocent with me. You're older than your years, aren't you? You want it. You can't get enough. Open your mouth. Open your mouth, you fucking little prick!" Fox was crying now, openly weeping, but Alex didn't hear him over the roar in his head. A violent climax overtook him, and he exploded, the geyser of viscous fluid coating one side of Fox's face, then he slumped over, gasping for breath. Several second passed before he was able to straighten up. When he did, his eyes fluttered open, and he saw Fox still kneeling in front of him. Hands still behind his back, still looking up at him, his face drenched in semen and tears. He choked back a harsh grunt, and he pushed away from the dresser. "Go clean up." Fox hesitated for a moment then pushed himself to his feet, wincing at the discomfort caused by the hard rubber presence still in his ass. He shuffled slowly from the room, leaving Alex to recover alone. Standing on shaky legs, Alex pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes then slowly raked them through his hair. He took a few more moments, composing himself as best he could, then he zipped up his jeans and left the bedroom. In the guest bathroom, Fox stood in front of the mirror, refusing to look at his reflection as he ran the water in the face bowl. He couldn't think, he couldn't react to what had just happened. All he could do was stare blankly down into the running water. Only the sharp slam of a door jarred him out of his trance. He washed his face and walked out into the living room, sensing that he was now alone in the apartment. Slowly, he walked from room to room, checking each and finding that he was indeed by himself. He began to tremble slightly but uncontrollably, and a chill came over him that he couldn't seem to shake, so he made his way to the spare bedroom and crawled into bed. Pulling the covers up to his chin, he lay shivering until he fell asleep hours later. He didn't hear Alex come in at almost three, and it wasn't until he felt the blanket being pulled away from his body, that he awoke. Blinking in the glare of the light that had just been turned on, he found Alex standing over him, gazing at him in silence. "You can take the plug out now." That was all Alex said before turning and leaving the room. He should have been pleased that Fox had obeyed his earlier command, but his tone held no such emotion. Slowly, Fox peeled the skin tight short off then clenched his teeth as he worked the black plastic out of his rear. He wanted to hurl it across the room, but as the sound of it hitting the wall would probably bring Alex back into the room, he thought better of it. Instead, he slipped out of bed and took the thing into the bathroom. There was an odd, empty feeling where the plug had been, and he shook it off, figuring that the sensation would go away by morning. He washed the plastic thoroughly, using hot, soapy water, dried it, and left it on the counter, then he crawled back into bed, shutting the lamp off before burrowing into the pillows. He lay there for almost two hours, his head swimming with thoughts of what had happened earlier this evening, and as the third hour approached, he pulled himself out of bed and went to the closet. He stood in front of the door for an eternity then opened it and reached for his bag. Placing it on the bed, he returned to the closet for his clothes, but before he could pull one shirt off of a hanger, he stopped. Images of Alex lying on his bed, curled around his pillow filled his head and his heart, and he couldn't do it. He returned the bag to the closet, and he sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Scully would kill him, then she'd have him committed if she knew about tonight. He could hear her voice clearly in his head, furious and worried, and well, furious, telling him the things he apparently could never make himself believe. He's hopeless, Mulder. You're wasting your heart on him. He doesn't want you, he doesn't give a damn about you. You're an object. Something for him to use and abuse and toss to the side until he wants to abuse you some more. Stop this now. For God's sake, salvage whatever tiny bit of dignity you have left. Tell him to go to hell. Leave and never, ever see him again. Leave Alex and never see him again. The thought of it made Fox's insides constrict and his hands shake. He wouldn't do it. More to the point, he couldn't do it. He knew Alex had become an addiction, but his inability to leave after this proved to him just how much. I know you love him, Mulder. But, dammit, even love has to have its limits. You don't understand, Scully. You just don't...I know I haven't given you reason to, and it isn't that I don't trust you. It's just...if it was me, you know I'd tell you. But it's Alex. It's his private issue, and if he's going to trust me...I know that sounds insane to you considering who we're talking about, but...what can I say after I tell you that I love him. Yes, he's made me feel bad lately, but he doesn't mean it. I know he doesn't. I just don't know how to get through to him. Some psychologist I am, huh? He let himself fall sideways, lifting his legs onto the bed, and he stared out at nothing until he fell asleep sometime near five o'clock. Scully shouldered her way past the breakfast mob at the local coffee shop and practically fell out the door as more people pushed in past her. "Sheesh. White wax coated bag clenched between her teeth and her mocha latte in one hand, she unlocked the car door with the other. Once she was settled behind the wheel of her rental, she checked the time. Setting the cup in the pop out holder, she took her phone out of her pocket and hit Fox's speed dial number. "......Mulder." "It's me, Mulder. How are things?" "Fine. How's everything going over there?" "I'll probably be here until tomorrow. I have a meeting with the detective in charge, and I've got a couple of autopsies to do." When Fox didn't ply her with a barrage of questions, she knew something was up. "Mulder..." "Yeah?" "Did something happen last night?" "Happen?" "Yes, Mulder. With Krycek. You don't sound like yourself at all." "I don't?" "No, you don't. Now stop answering my question with more questions and tell me. What happened?" "Nothing much, okay? He's still out of sorts, and I just spent a restless night worrying about him." ".....Really?" "Yeah." He hated lying to her. "Really." "All right, then. I'm not entirely sure I believe you, but I've got no choice but to go along with you, do I? Would you like to hear about this case, now?" "Yeah." Scully filled him in quickly, they agreed to talk again before Fox left work, then Fox hung up and tossed his phone onto the surface of his desk. Sighing heavily, he rubbed at his eyes. Lack of sleep left them red and stinging, and rubbing them wasn't helping at all. Deciding to try some cold water, he started to rise from his seat when his cell phone rang again. He groaned and mumbled into it, fully expecting to hear Scully's voice again. "Mldr." "Fox? Hi." "Hi.....C.J.?" "Yeah. I uh...how are you? It's been a while since anybody's seen you." "I'm okay," Fox answered softly and said nothing more. "You don't sound like it." Silence. "Fox, I...I don't want to interfere, but...things just aren't right with you and Alex; I know they're not." Still, Fox said nothing. "I wouldn't do this if...well.... somebody's gotta do something. Fox...do you know where Alex goes every night?" "...No. I didn't know, but if you're aware that he's not staying home, I can only guess that it's because he's been at the club." "Yeah." "Is there...someone?" "No. Not like you're thinking. But he is spending every night downstairs. Things are bad, aren't they?" Fox paused a good long while before answering. "......Yes." "I've tried to talk to him, Fox. The only thing I succeed in doing is piss him off. That's only when he pays me any attention at all. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this to you. I never thought I'd...you might have to consider leaving him. You've got to be miserable as hell, and you don't deserve to be. I know you don't want to, but I don't know that you've got a choice any more other than to do something extreme..." Fox didn't hear much after that. As C.J. continued to talk, his mind began to click. Extreme. You might have to do something extreme. "...because it took you leaving before for him to realize how much he wanted you. I also know this is a different situation. It's much more serious, and if you leave this time, it might be for good. God, I hate the idea of..." "C.J., I gotta go. I ....I'm sorry to cut you off." "Oh. Sure. Sure, Fox. Sorry, buddy. I know you're at work." "I'll talk to you again. Sorry." Fox hung up and leaned back. Chewing on his thumbnail, he stared at the cluttered top of his desk and further considered C.J.'s words. He spent most of the day in contemplation, getting very little work done. So deep in though was he, that quitting time came and went, and when he finally realized what time it was, more than half an hour had passed since the time he should have left. Shit. He bolted out of his chair, grabbed his jacket, and hurried out of the office. He locked the door and spun around, almost colliding with A.D. Skinner. "Sorry, sir. I...have a good night." "Agent Mulder, hold it a minute." Shit "I know it's the weekend, and you're obviously in a hurry to get out of here, but I just want to talk to you for a minute about your last report." "Uh..." Fox looked from Skinner to the empty hall then back again. "Okay. What is it?" Skinner motioned to the door with the file he held. "In your office, if you don't mind?" Fox hesitated then unlocked the door and let Skinner enter first. Checking his watch, he groaned inwardly and followed the other man into the office. The sounds of Beethoven filled the otherwise quiet apartment as its only inhabitant paced the length of the living room. Checking his watch for the ninth time, he tented his hands in front of his mouth and continued to pace. The sound of the door opening stopped him in his tracks, and he watched as Fox warily entered. "I'm sorry I'm late," the older man began, "but I lost track of time for a short while, and then, just as I was leaving, Skinner came in and wanted to discuss a case." Alex just stared. Fox blew out a silent breath and waited there in the doorway. "Come here." Alex spoke the words softly and much too calmly. Fox advanced toward him, and he paused an uncomfortably long time before speaking again. "We've been through this before, haven't we?" No sense in trying to give him excuses; he wasn't going to listen. "Yes, Alex." "Merely talking, obviously, hasn't solved things, so I guess we have to try something else. Come with me." Alex turned and headed into the hall, stopping when he sensed Fox had not followed. He stood with his back to the other man, waiting ten full seconds before Fox moved up slowly behind him, then he continued into his bedroom. "Take your clothes off," he ordered softly while unbuckling his belt. Eyes on Alex's hands, Fox began to slowly undress, his hands shaking a bit as he removed his shirt. Expressionless eyes watched him as he took off the rest of his clothing, then Alex nodded toward the wall to his right. Fox moved over to it, and waited. "Hands against the wall. Feet apart." Don't do it. Stop this now. Right now. "Alex...Alex, please..." "Do it." He didn't have to obey, dammit. He didn't have to. He could tell Alex to go fuck himself, put his clothes on, get his shit together, and leave. He kept telling himself that even as he turned and faced the wall, placing his hands against the cool surface. His mind screamed it as Alex's belt struck his ass. "You'll obey me, Fox." Another strike. "Do you hear me?" Fox yelped as the belt hit again, this time catching the tops of his thighs. "You'll obey or I promise you, you'll wish to God you had." Fox pressed his lips together, trying to keep from whimpering as Alex continue to flog him. The final strike was the hardest yet, and his body jerked with the force of it. A pained, piteous sob sounded in his throat, and he had to consciously fight to keep from crying as Alex threaded the belt back through the loops of his pants. "I didn't cook anything, so we're going out to dinner," Alex said in a conversational tone as he buckled the belt. Go shower and get dressed. Wear the clothes I put out on your bed, then meet me in the living room." Forehead pressed to the wall, Fox tried to process what Alex had said to him. He heard the other man leave the room, but he didn't move immediately. He stayed in Alex's room for several minutes more, trying to compose himself. When he thought he'd sufficiently done so, he walked slowly out of the room, moving down the hall and into the spare bedroom. Lifting his eyes to the bed, he found the clothing Alex had put out for him. Picking up the underwear, he studied the sheer scrap. Don't. Just... don't. He won't talk to you, and when he does, it's isn't with any bit of kindness...he treats you like a possession...which wouldn't be such an issue if he did it with affection. He just took off his belt and beat you for being an hour late. And you stood there and took it, didn't you? It wasn't that bad. Yeah, it hurt, but... He continued to talk to himself even as he dropped the underwear and walked into the bathroom. You should have gone with Scully. You should have forced his hand. He showered, wincing at the sting of the water on the red welts that had risen on his rear, and he put the clothing on. Wiping away the tears that had sprung to his eyes, he buttoned the shirt, then he walked slowly into the living room. Alex looked him up and down, then his gaze fell to the older man's neck. "Where's your collar?" "My..." Fox looked confused. "But we're going out." Alex stared straight at him. "Yes, we are." Fox stared back, not really believing that Alex actually meant for him to... When Alex didn't blink, he lowered his eyes and crept past the younger man, toward the bathroom, where he'd left the collar. He lifted the leather strap from the counter, where he'd put it this morning and looked up at himself in the mirror. Are you actually going to do this? Do you know the looks you're going to get in a restaurant? How far are you going to take this? He thought again of Alex lying on his bed, hugging his pillow, miserable, missing him, probably afraid that he really wouldn't return, and he moaned softly. Lifting the collar to his throat, he fastened the buckle with trembling hands then exited the bedroom. When he appeared in the living room, Alex approached and reached out. He stopped when Fox flinched away from his hand, and an odd look passed across his face before it went blank again. He undid the first three buttons on the black silk shirt, then he turned and walked toward the door. Fox followed, trailing him out into the hall, and stood in silence as Alex fastened the lock. He waited until the other man moved ahead at least three steps, then he followed him down the hall. Alex sipped at his sparkling water then lowered the glass to the white linen covered table. Fox sat across from him in silent humiliation, gaze to the table so he wouldn't have to see the looks he was surely getting by those who had noticed his collar. Alex watched him for a while then spoke. "You haven't touched your salad." Fox paused for a moment then picked up his fork and speared some greens. Keeping his head down, he stuffed them into his mouth and chewed slowly. "What's wrong, Fox? Are you not hungry?" "...Not really." "Did you have a big lunch?" "I didn't have any lunch." "Breakfast?" "Some coffee." "Well. You should be starving, shouldn't you?" "Yes, Alex." "Why aren't you?" "...I don't know." "Sure you do...look at me." Glazed eyes lifted and blinked at the other man. "You're embarrassed about the collar. You think people are staring at you." No answer. "Right?" "...Yes, Alex." Alex shrugged. "You don't have to keep it on if you don't want to. Go on. Take it off." Fox eyed him warily. "...Then you can go." "....Go?" Alex stared silently, and Fox realized what he meant. He felt the all too familiar sting of tears, and he lowered his head. Alex sat motionless except for his right hand, which was repeatedly clenching around his rolled up napkin. ".......Are you going to take it off?" Gaze still fixed on the table, Fox shook his head. The stinging passed, and he looked up at the other. "No...no, Alex." Alex relaxed slightly, and he dropped the napkin beside his plate. Reaching for his menu, he looked it over for the third time. "Let's order. Are you hungry?" Fox opened his mouth to remind Alex of his answer to that question not more than three minutes ago, but, thinking better of it, he gave a different answer. "...Yes, Alex." When their meals arrived, Fox forced himself to eat most of his lasagna then sat quietly as Alex finished his chicken florentine. When the server came back around to see if anyone wanted dessert, Alex declined for himself and for Fox. He asked for the check, paid it quickly, then he preceded Fox out of the restaurant. Ten minutes into the ride home, he reached across the seat and stroked the underside of Fox's chin, startling the older man. "It's a nice night. Let's take a ride." They drove until it was dark, then Alex pulled off into a secluded area and parked. Shutting off the motor, he turned to Fox. He stared for several minutes at the man who continued to gaze out into the darkness, then he spoke. "Wanna make out?" Fox's eyes closed for a moment, then they reopened, and he looked Alex's way. "Are you asking?" Alex was taken aback. Not so much by the question but by the tone in which it was posed. It'd been a long time since he'd heard that tone. "Did it sound like a question?" "Yes, but..." Fox stopped. "Yes, but what?" Now Alex's tone was changing from light to snippy. Fox stood his ground. "That doesn't mean anything. Do you actually want to know if I want to, or was it just your way, as it has been for some time, of saying I'm going to suck your dick, and/or you're going to fuck me?" Alex went from snippy to angry in nothing flat. "Well, if it didn't mean that, it does now." He jerked his pants open and grabbed Fox by the hair. As he attempted to pull the other man's head down to his lap, Fox fought him. "No. No." Alex let his hair go and shoved him away. "Get out." "Alex..." "Get the fuck out of my car!" Defiance gave way to pleading. "Alex, please. Can't we talk? We n...we need to talk. Please. I'm begging you." "Do you want me to throw you out bodily?" "What happened, Alex?" Fox rattled on, ignoring the threat. "What happened to change things? You said you wanted to fix what was wrong. You said you were going to try. You weren't going to let them win. You were going to beat them. But it's...it's like you've given up before you've even really started. You're shortchanging yourself. You're shortchanging us." "Us." Alex fixed a wild-eyed stare on the other man. "Do I have to say this to you again? You're nothing more than a toy. You got that? My property. Chattel. In short, my slave. And you're a fucking lousy one at that! There's no us, Fox." He couldn't stop the crack in his voice as he uttered those last words. He started the car and slammed it into gear. Fox went silent, choosing not to escalate the situation any further. The tires threw up a shower of dirt and gravel as Alex floored the gas and sped back toward home. Fox kept his eyes averted for the duration of the ride, and when they arrived back at the apartment, Alex came to a screeching halt in front of the building. He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead. "Get your stuff." His voice was low and barely controlled, "Then go. Leave the key under palm by the door." "...Are you throwing me out?" Fox asked in a calmer voice than Alex would have predicted. "Call it what you want," the younger man answered not looking Fox in the eye. "Just leave." Fox looked down at his folded hands for a moment then opened the door and lifted himself out of the car. He barely got the door shut when Alex took off, tires squealing. He watched the vehicle disappear from sight, stood quietly for a few more minutes, then he turned and walked into the building. "Nooo!" "I'm tellin' ya." C.J. stopped to chuckle. "You should have seen his face when I..." He stopped, immediately noticing Lucas' attention had turned somewhere else. He spun in his seat as did Mick, and they searched the crowd, finding the focus of their friend's stare. "Shit." "I guess your talk with Alex didn't do any good," Lucas said. "Of course not," C.J. sighed. "I was hoping that my talk with Fox would have, though." "When'd you talk to Fox?" Lucas asked, watching Alex disappear past the door at the back of the club. "Earlier today." "What'd you tell him?" "I asked him if he knew where Alex has been going every night, and he figured it out. Then I spoke to him about what we were talking about." "You really did suggest that he leave Alex?" C.J. nodded. Lucas sighed. "God. What did he say?" "I don't think he wanted to hear it. He kinda cut me off...said he had to go." "You can understand why," Mick said softly, stroking C.J.'s arm. "He loves Alex so much. It must be the toughest thing in the world to walk out on someone you love." "I know," C.J. murmured. "But what does love mean if only one person is in it?" "Alex loves Fox," Lucas reminded C.J. "He didn't do what he did to Shane and his friends just because they were fooling around with his property without his permission." "I know," C.J. moaned, running his hand over his head. "But since then Alex has done a hundred and eighty degree turn in the wrong direction, and he just isn't seeing the hurt he's causing." "Or he does, and something is preventing him from stopping," Mick offered. "Either way, Fox sticking around isn't doing any good. I don't know what approach he's taking, but whatever it is, it isn't working. He's way too close to this to be objective or effective. The only thing left for him to do, I think, is to get the hell out of Dodge. Sometimes, self preservation has to be the most important thing." Lucas lowered his head. "Don't think that's easy for me to say," C.J. said to the little blonde. "One day Alex will snap out of this and realize just what he's lost. And he's going to be in a worse hell than the one he's in now." "Isn't there anything we can do," Lucas asked, "to stop it from getting to that point?" "If anybody can think of something new to try, I'm all ears," C.J. answered, stopping to thank the server, who'd just brought a second round of drinks. The small group fell silent then, mulling over the current situation while they nursed their drinks. Nearly half an hour had passed when Mick looked around the club and frowned. "Wonder what's so interesting." C.J. surveyed the room and noticed that the attention of a good many men was directed toward the front entrance. He shrugged and looked back down into his almost empty glass. "Probably just some fresh meat." Several seconds passed when a loud gasp from Lucas snapped C.J.'s and Mick's heads around. Jaws dropped when the object of the other patrons' attention came into clear view. Three pairs of eyes followed the tall man wrapped in skin tight leather through the crowd, and it wasn't until he stopped in front of their table and trained a steady hazel gaze on C.J. that any of the seated men moved. Mick spun in his seat to stare up into Fox's face, and Lucas leaned across the table so he wouldn't miss anything. "Where is he?" From his tone to the look in his eyes, to the clothes that screamed ÔDom', everything about Fox said to the three seated before him, that he meant business. C.J.'s mouth curled into a slow smile, and he nodded toward the back. Without another word, Fox turned and headed toward the rear door. All eyes followed as he prowled through the crowd, and Lucas whimpered audibly as he saw one gloved hand reach into the pocket of the black jacket and pull out a pair of handcuffs and what looked like a long, slim rope. "Shit. Ohhhhh, shit." "Gentlemen," C.J. murmured, still smirking as he watched Fox disappear through the door, "the price of poker has just gone through the roof." Part Thirteen: Mexican Standoff The room was dark. Too dark to see clearly. Not that the blindfolded man could see anything anyway. There was also silence. It stretched out for an eternity, and when there finally was sound, it was accompanied by the sensation of a huge vibrator penetrating his ass. The sound was a loud groan, rolling in his throat. A dull buzz followed, and he shuddered. Wave after wave of intense pleasure washed over his prostate, but the cock ring he wore stopped him from reaching orgasm. His head jerked from side to side, and he grunted frantically as a leather strap striking his ass added a new layer of torture. The man at the other end of the strap drew his arm back, sneering as he struck the blindfolded man again. "You like that?" Soft whimper. "Yes, sir." "Do you want more?" "Mmh...y-yes, sir." "Beg for it." He hit the man again. "Beg for it, you pathetic shit." "Please, sir. Oh, God, please, I..." A hard grunt and the sound of a body hitting something solid cut him off. He listened, confused and more than a bit frightened as a violent scuffle ensued, and he heard the Dom's voice, angry and out of breath demanding to be released. "What the fuck are you doing?" A metal click sounded and then another. "Let me go!" The ruckus continued, and the sound of things breaking made the man jump. "What...what's going on? He struggled against his bindings. "What's wrong? .........Help! Help!" "Shut the fuck up." Another voice. Different but also breathless and just as angry. Frightened, he obeyed. "I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, Fox, but I'm gonna..." The threat was muffled, and a furious growl sounded as Fox gagged the bound man. Checking the cuffs at Alex's wrists and the ties around his ankles, he strode to the door that led out into the parking lot and opened it. Returning to the struggling man, Fox pulled him into a sitting position and met blazing green eyes. He stared back, showing no weakness. Saying nothing, he rose, hefting Alex to his feet and balanced him before lifting the younger man over his shoulder. Alex growled his outrage and began to buck, almost toppling them both, but Fox managed to maintain his equilibrium and carefully moved toward his car, parked only ten feet away. He let Alex slide to his feet, pinning him against the rear passenger's side door as he opened the front door. He wrestled the supremely pissed off man inside the car, then, wiping the sweat from his face with the leather sleeve of his jacket, he slipped into the driver's side and started the car. "I've had it with this shit. Now, we're going to do things my way...in case you were wondering." The already visible crease between Alex's eyebrows deepened, and he snarled at the statement. Fox turned away from the withering glare and drove out of the lot. When he looked at Alex again, they were almost home. The restrained man was quiet and still now, but Fox was very sure that he hadn't fallen asleep. He drove into the parking garage, put the car in its spot, and he exited the vehicle. Coming around to the passenger's side, he opened the door and found Alex in an almost trancelike state. He inhaled deeply and blew out a soft breath as he gently stroked the top of the sable head. Alex hissed sharply and jerked away from his hand. He turned a glazed, spiteful glare on the older man, but Fox refused to look away. "We're going upstairs. Are you going to walk, or do I have to carry you?" He removed the gag to hear Alex's answer. "You've lost your fucking mind," Alex rumbled. "Let me go and get the fuck out of here." "You're not in charge any more," Fox said evenly. "I am. And I said, we're going upstairs. How we do it is up to you." Roaring furiously, Alex jerked back and forth, slamming his back into the seat. "Take this shit off me!" "Okay, so I guess we're doing it the hard way," Fox sighed. "Are you going to at least be quiet, or do I have to gag you again?" "Are you going to let me go, or do I have to beat you within an inch of your life?" Alex snapped back. "That answers that." Fox repositioned the gag, though far from easily. Alex fought him savagely, and when he finally got it back into place, he pulled the growling, snarling man out of the car and again lifted him onto his shoulder. Fortunately, it was late, and no one was in the lobby as he trudged to the elevator and dumped his burden onto the floor as gently as the bucking man would let him. There was a small thump as the back of Alex's head hit the wall, and Fox hit the button to close the door before he bent to remove the gag. "Are you all right?" A litany of curses was his answer, then Alex glared up at him. "Have you thought this shit through, Fox?" he asked, his voice still rough and breathless. "I don't think you have. You're going to have to let me go sooner or later, and God help you when you do." Fox pushed the button for the top floor, then he squatted down and looked the seated man square in the eye. "I'm not your pretty fucktoy any more," he said softly, using Alex's own words. He stared at the quietly infuriated man for a moment, making sure that information sank in, then he went on. "I would have done anything for you. You know I wanted to. Even with all that's happened, I still want to. But I can't. Not now. And if that pisses you off, I'm sorry. But anything that happens from here on out, keep this in mind...you brought it down on yourself." The door opened, and Fox attempted to bring Alex to his feet, but the younger man drew his restricted legs back and kicked at him, forcing him to jump back. "I could leave you in here," Fox said calmly. "I'm sure someone'll find you by morning. How would you like that?" "Fuck you," Alex spat with all the venom he could muster. "You're going to be one sorry son of a bitch when I get loose, I promise you." "Threats aren't going to help you any," Fox said, rising to his full height. "In case my demeanor over the last several weeks has encouraged you to forget, let me remind you now. You don't scare me." "You fucking prick!" Alex roared. "Let me go!" "That's not an option. These are your choices, Alex, and there's no room for bargaining. You can behave yourself and let me take you into your apartment, or I can put the gag back on and leave your ass here for the next person who gets on this elevator to find." Alex fixed a hateful stare on the older man, but he said nothing. "I'll take it that you've chosen number one." Fox moved in again, carefully reaching for Alex then helping him to his feet. Once more over the shoulder, and he started to walk slowly toward the door. "This'd be a lot easier on both of us if I could trust you to walk," Fox grunted as he made his way to the door, "but I just know you'll try something stupid." Balancing Alex with one hand, he unlocked the door and entered, kicking the door shut behind him. He went straight to Alex's bedroom and unloaded the surprisingly quiet man onto the bed. "Okay. Let's get you comfortable. Do you need to use the bathroom?" Alex turned his head and gave Fox a black stare. "Is that a no?" "Are you going to let me go by myself?" "If you're asking if I'm going to untie you, the answer is no. I'll help you." "The fuck you will." Fox shrugged and began to remove Alex's shoes. "When you can't hold it any more, let me know." He pulled the restraints that Alex had used for him, from behind the bed, and gently pulled the younger man's arms above his head and quickly switched him from the cuffs to the more comfortable shackles. "I'm going to untie your legs. No kicking." He unknotted the rope, freeing Alex's legs, then he reached up to undo the other man's belt, and Alex twisted away, emitting a soft, almost frightened sounding grunt. "Keep still. I'm trying to make you more comfortable." Alex refused to stop struggling, but Fox managed to get the belt undone and then went to work on pulling Alex's shirt free of his pants. "No! Don't! Leave me alone!" Frowning, Fox let the squirming man be, and he moved away, seating himself in the chair by the bed. He winced at the discomfort from the pressure on his rear, but he shifted position and remained seated, staring at the one he'd secured to the bed. "Alex." No answer. "What did you think I was going to do?" Still, nothing. Fox sat in silence for a long while, just watching, then he got up and began peeling off his clothing. Alex watched, wide eyed as he draped the leather over the back of the chair and walked out of the room. The moment he was gone, Alex began to struggle against the restraints. When he had first placed them there for Fox, he had fixed the chains so that they were easily detachable from the cuffs, but the bastard had obviously modified them so that there was no escape. Son of a bitch! How long had he been planning this? Oh, he was soooo dead. The knowledge that he was stuck here until Fox decided otherwise really sank in, and he began to yank violently at the chains. When they would not give, the rage again broke the surface. "Fucking asshole! Let me go!" He continued to scream demands and obscenities until Fox reappeared some twenty minutes later. Dressed in a black tank and shorts, Fox ran a towel through his damp hair. "You were saying something?" "Yeah," Alex spat. "I was saying that you're going to die a slow and painful death if you continue to fuck with me!" Fox ignored the threat as he had all previous threats. He sat down at the edge of the bed and took in the wild, dilated eyes and heaving chest, and he gently laid a hand on the other man's shoulder. "It's late. Try and get some sleep. Is there anything you need before I turn out the lights?" "I don't want to sleep!" Alex shouted, shrugging away from Fox's hand. "I want you to get me out of these fucking cuffs!" "I can't do that," Fox answered softly but firmly. "Don't think it makes me happy to do this, Alex. I'm not enjoying it. But you've left me with no other choice." "If you were tired of being my slave, you could have got the hell out. I'd invited you to do just that, many times, Fox," Alex sneered. "You had that choice." "A choice that would have killed me...and you." Alex ignored the last part of Fox's statement. "No. This is the choice that's going to kill you." "When are you going to stop threatening me?" "When I'm able to make good on them." "And yet you want me to remove the cuffs?" "You have no right to do this to me!" Alex shouted, thrashing on the bed. "Let me go!" "Alex, stop." "Fuck you! Let me go, let me..." He strained against the leather cuffs. "...go!" "You're going to hurt yourself if you keep that up," Fox warned, "now, stop it. Alex, stop!" Alex wasn't listening. He continued to growl and buck, leaving Fox no choice but to straddle his chest and pin his wrists to the bed. "Get off me! the restrained man screamed. "Let go!" "Alex. Alex! Stop! I'll let you go when you stop!" "No! Leave me alone! I don't wanna! I don't...don't make me!" "Don't make you...Alex, what're you..." And it came to him. "No. No, no. I'm not going to make you do anything. I just want you to calm down. That's all. Alex, that's all. Take it easy," he crooned, "Come on...easy." "Please don't make me," Alex gasped, his strength waning a bit. "Please..." "Alex, look at me," Fox called, pain lacing his tone. "It's me. I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never hurt you." Alex began to quiet down several minutes later, and as he lay panting, vacant gaze fixed on nothing, Fox bowed his head, closed his eyes and prayed for the strength he was going to need to see his plan through to the end. Carefully, he lifted himself off of the other man and settled himself in the chair by the bed. "Go to sleep," he whispered. "If you need anything, I'll be right here." For a long time Alex didn't move, then he finally turned onto his side and curled up as much as the chains would allow. Fox watched him until his eyes couldn't stay open any more, then they slipped shut, and he drifted into an uncomfortable sleep. When they opened again, the room was awash in pale light, and Alex was shifting restlessly on the bed. A soft whimper caught Fox's ear, and he rose from the chair, groaning softly as he slowly unfolded his muscles. "Alex," he called so softly it was almost inaudible. "Are you awake?" He sat down on the edge of the bed and tenderly stroked the younger man's hair. When Alex jerked away from his hand, he sighed heavily. "Did you sleep?" he asked and got no answer. "I didn't sleep very well, but I guess I couldn't expect to, sitting in a chair. Are you okay? Do you have to go to the bathroom yet?" No response. "You're not going to be able to hold it for much longer." Alex maintained his silence. "Come on, Alex. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Let me take you to the bathroom. Let me help you get cleaned up...change your clothes...okay?" When Alex curled more tightly into himself, Fox stood up. "I would think it'd be a lot more embarrassing for a thirty five year old man to wet his bed, but maybe not. I guess I'll go take a shower." Five minutes after Fox had left the room, the phone began to ring. The phone. And it was right there on the nightstand. There was one thing Fox hadn't thought about. Alex was able to reach it fairly easily. He lifted the receiver from its cradle and checked the caller ID. C.J. For the first time in he couldn't remember how long, he was happy to hear from that bald menace. "C.J." "Alex. I...hadn't expected you to..." "C.J., listen to me. I need your help." "My help?" C.J. sounded deeply disappointed. "With what?" "Fox has lost his fucking mind." "Oh?" Hope flickered. "How so?" "He snuck into the dungeon last night and kidnapped me. He's got me cuffed to my bed, and he won't let me go." If he could have heard the smile in C.J.'s voice, he would have been pissed. "Oh. Uh....how come?" "I told you, he's gone nuts," Alex answered through his teeth. "Now, come get me out of this!" "Can't do that, buddy." "What...what the fuck do you mean, you can't?" "After all the trouble he went through, I think Fox'd be pretty mad at me for cutting you loose." "You...you knew what he was up to, you fucking lousy piece of shit?" "Alex...he was at the end of his rope. He had to do something." "Did you encourage this?" "I had no idea what he was going to do until I saw him last night. And even then he didn't let me in on any of the details. Alex, I know what a control freak you are, but...just...take it easy, okay? Put yourself in Fox's hands. Trust him to take care of you." "Take care of me? He's got me cuffed to my bed! And you're not going to lift a finger to help me, you son of a bitch?" "I don't expect that you'll understand this right now, Alex, but the best help I can give you is none at all." Alex's answering curses were cut off abruptly then resumed as Fox came in and took the phone from him. "C.J.?" "Yeah, man. God, Fox, what the hell happened? How come Alex answered the phone? I understand you've got him cuffed to the bed." "I forgot to move the phone. I guess he didn't realize it either until it rang." "He's pissed, huh?" "S-sorry, C.J., I can't hear you. Alex....shhh. I can't hear C.J." "Fuck you, and fuck C.J.!" "Wait a minute, C.J." Fox moved into the hall and shut the bedroom door. "Okay, that's a little better. Now, what'd you say?" "I just said he's pissed." "Oh. Yeah, he is. Before I forget, did you find the guy in room three?" "Yeah. Poor bastard was scared to death. He didn't know what to make of what had happened. From the looks of the room there was quite a scuffle." "He didn't go quietly," Fox answered. "But I had the element of surprise on my side." "So...now that you've got him, what are you going to do with him?" "Not much right now. He's way too wild. I gotta try and calm him a little before anything else." "And you think keeping him tied to the bed is conducive to that?" "Probably not. But if I let him loose, he won't exactly be a captive audience, will he?" "No, I'm sure he won't. So, you're hoping to wear him down?" "Yeah," Fox sighed. "Good luck, my friend. I've never met anyone as single minded as Alex. Well," he laughed. "You're pretty stubborn, too." Fox smiled into the phone and said nothing. "Looks like we're gonna have us a Mexican standoff," C.J. moaned. "How long are you going to hold out?" "Until Alex comes around." "Fox, that could be the Tuesday after never, you know that. Now, you're going to have to go to work on Monday. What are you going to do? You can't leave him chained to the bed all day." "I'm taking a leave of absence." "Are you serious?" "Yes. When I decided to do this, I knew I had to go all the way or not bother. I love him, C.J. And he's worth it." "...You're a hell of a man, Fox. I wish you luck. And if you need anything, you know where to find me." "Thanks, C.J. I'll call you again. But right now, I should get back in there to him." "He hasn't quit hollering yet, has he?" C.J. asked, "I can still hear him." "Yeah. And that's through the closed bedroom door," Fox sighed. "God, you got your work cut out for you. Talk to you later, Fox." "Bye." Fox hung up and took a deep breath before opening the door. ".....his liver and shove it down your throat!" "Sorry, I missed most of that. Did you want to repeat it?" "God, I fucking hate you!" Fox maintained his bland expression despite the pain Alex's words caused him. "You don't mean that. I understand that you're angry..." "You don't understand jack shit," Alex spat. "If you did, you wouldn't be pulling this insanity." Fox sat down. "So, you think I'm crazy?" "You've got to be! I can't think of another reason you'd be taking your life in your hands like this." "You're forgetting the obvious reason," Fox threw back softly. "I love you. I didn't say that to you for a long time because I didn't want to upset you. I was wrong to do that. You need to hear it. And you're going to. Until you understand it and accept what it means." "I know what it means," Alex rumbled. "It means you're a stupid, unrealistic, hardheaded asshole, who doesn't know the damn difference between love and a good fuck. Tell me, Fox," he asked in a leering tone. "If I hadn't shown up that first night and saved your stupid ass from those guys in the club, would you be in love with one of them right now?" Fox said nothing. "Or how about Shane?" Alex went on. "By now he would have had your other nipple pierced, and maybe your dick too, huh? And you would have been madly in love with that prick." "Sorry to disappoint you, Alex," Fox murmured. "But there's only one prick I'll ever be in love with. But...speaking of those two instances, tell me. Why did you save my stupid ass?" "Force of habit." Fox rested his chin in his hand. "Oh? And that's it, huh?" "No, not it. The first time it was because I wanted you. The second time you belonged to me, and no one fucks with what belongs to me." "I see. So, it was just a possessiveness issue." "Yep." "You feel nothing for me." "I feel plenty for you. Let me go and I'll show you." Fox shook his head and stood up. "Where the fuck are you going?" "To get some breakfast. You hungry?" "I'm not hungry, you goddamn fuck!" Alex began jerking against his restraints. "Get me out of these things!" "I'll be back in a while." "Fox...." The older man walked out, leaving the door halfway open. "Foooox!" When Fox didn't return or answer, Alex let out a window rattling roar as he fought the cuffs with all his strength. The violent action would certainly have rubbed his wrists raw had Fox not padded the cuffs well. He continued to thrash and fight until his fury spent itself a long while later. Fox entered several minutes after that, carrying a tray. "I made you something anyway. I figured you must have worked up quite an appetite making all that noise." Chest heaving, Alex cast a glazed stare on the other man. "Fuck...you. Motherfucker. Cocksucking little bitch." Fox gave him a hint of a smile. "You're not going to vomit pea soup all over me now, are you?" "Nnnnnaaaaaaahhh! I'm going to kill you, you fucking shit!" Fox put the tray down and picked up a plate full of scrambled eggs. "I'm not much of a cook, but I do breakfast pretty well. Wanna try some eggs?" Panting heavily, Alex glared at the other man. "Just a little," Fox coaxed gently. "Please?" Nope. Fox sighed and shoved the forkful into his own mouth. "Choke on it." Fox swallowed and stared at the other man. "You'd better hope I don't, or you'll never get loose." Fox finished the eggs, having offered some to Alex twice more, then he lifted the glass of orange juice that he had brought in on the tray. "I'd offer you some, but since you haven't had a thing to eat since yesterday, the acid'll tear up your stomach lining. How about some tea? I'll go make you some if you want." Alex gave no verbal answer, but he stared daggers at the older man. "Alex, you have to at least drink something or you're going to get dehydrated. I don't want you to get sick." "Aww. Well, isn't it just too fucking bad that I don't give a shit what you want?" "You should," Fox said, previous gentleness gone. "Why?" Alex sniped. "Because you're the man in charge? For now?" Fox downed half of the orange juice then set the glass on the tray. He picked it up and turned to walk out of the room. "Call if you need anything." Fox exited the room and started down the hall, more than half expecting Alex to start another ruckus. But silence followed him. So, when his phone began to ring, it startled him a bit. He hurried to the kitchen and set the tray down, then answered. "Mulder." "Okay, you wanna tell me why I haven't heard from you?" "Sorry, Scully. I've been kind of busy." "Doing what? Catering to Krycek's every whim?" "Not so much." "Then, what has kept you so busy that you can't seem to find any interest in this case?" "It does involve Alex, but uh...I'm uh...taking a different approach with him. Trying to snap him out of this downward spiral he's in. And to that end, I've taken some time off." "Time off...from work?" "Yeah." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "How much time?" "A month." "A month? Mulder, are you kidding me?" "I've got the time, Scully, and this is important." "Oh, my God, oh my God. Mulder...do you know what could happen in a month?" "What d'you mean?" "Do you know what he could do to you?" "He's not going to do anything to me. Though, right now he wants to so badly he can taste it...at least he thinks he does." "What the hell are you talking about?" "Don't lose your mind, all right, Scully?" "I make no promises. What's going on over there?" "I've got him chained to his bed." "Y...you what?" "Believe me, I've considered all other options, and there were none. I didn't want to do this; I had to." "No, Mulder, you didn't have to. You could have walked away. That's the most obvious solution, but one, I'm willing to bet, you never even gave a thought to." "You're wrong," Fox said softly. "I did give it thought. I got as far as getting my bag out of the closet. I was ready to pack it, and I couldn't do it." "Oh, God, Mulder. You've lost it. He's finally driven you crazy." "I know it must look that way to you, Scully. But believe me when I tell you, I'm completely sane, and I know what I'm doing." "I didn't expect you to say anything else, Mulder," Scully sighed, sounding very tired all of a sudden. "So, uh...how's he reacting to all of this?" "To say he's unhappy would be a gross understatement of the facts," Fox answered. "So, he's furious." "Wild. He's leveled every threat he can think of against me and called me every name in the book." "Mulder, sooner or later you're going to have to free him. Have you thought about what's going to happen then? I mean, if he's that pissed..." "He's going to break before he gets the chance to do anything he'd end up deeply regretting." "So, you do think he's capable of hurting you." "In his present state, he's not only capable, he's dying to." "How can you say that so calmly?" Scully asked. "You're freely admitting, Mulder, that a stone cold killer is pissed as hell with you...pissed enough to do you harm if given the opportunity, and this doesn't concern you?" "Why do you think I'm keeping him chained up? I mean, aside from the fact that it's the only way to keep him in one place long enough to break him down?" "This is one hell of a dangerous game you're playing, Mulder." "It's no game," Fox said flatly. "It's a necessary evil." "Necessary for whom?" "For both of us. For Alex and for me." "Mulder, I've always told you what I thought. Always the truth as I saw it. Do you want to hear it now?" "I'll always hear you out, Scully." "Okay. Here it is. This is by far the stupidest move you've ever made. I don't believe you've thought this through nearly as thoroughly as you should have, and I can't see anything but really bad stuff coming from it." "I understand your feelings, Scully. And I appreciate your honesty. But I believe in what I'm doing, and I'm going to see it through." "Well. All right, then. I guess there's nothing left for me to say but be careful and please keep your wits about you. I don't care that he's restrained. Alex Krycek is dangerous in any situation." "I know. I promise I won't take any foolish chances." "You already have, Mulder. Call me tomorrow." "All right. Bye, Scully." Fox disconnected then walked into the living room and dropped down on the sofa, letting the phone fall out of his hand. He leaned his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes. Fatigued mentally as well as physically, he let sleep take him, and he didn't wake up until mid afternoon. Eyes drifting open, he took notice of the change in light in the room, and he jerked his head up, wincing at the cramp in his neck. He checked his watch and cursed softly, rising to his feet. He headed straight for the bedroom, figuring Alex had to be really bullshit by now. But when he opened the door, he found the younger man lying quietly on his side, staring at the far wall. "Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you alone for so long. I fell asleep. What d'you say we get you a nice shower and something to eat?" When Alex gave no response, he moved toward the bed and gently touched the other man's leg. "Alex? Okay?" Still, no answer. Fox waited for a few more minutes then threw caution to the wind and began to unbutton Alex's shirt. Alex twitched but didn't fight as Fox pushed the material away from his chest, but when Fox's hands moved to undo his pants, he became very animated, writhing and whining and trying to avoid the older man's touch. "You can't take a shower in your pants," Fox reasoned as he tried to hold Alex still. "No," Alex grunted, again twisting out of Fox's grasp. "No." "Alex, cut it out. I'm not going to hurt you." "Leave me alone," Alex hissed, still struggling. "Leave me alone!" "I can't," Fox said calmly. "You need a shower, you need to use the bathroom, and you have to have something to eat and drink. Now, knock it off, and let me get you undressed." Alex didn't make it easy, but Fox finally managed to get the younger man's pants off. Once he did, Alex quieted, seeming almost subdued as Fox cautiously released him from the bed and finished removing his shirt. He sat Alex up, shackled his hands in front of him, shackled his ankles, and led him without a struggle to the bathroom, where he stopped in front of the toilet then backed up a step. "Go ahead." Alex stared at the toilet for a long while then inched forward. Lightly grasping his limp cock, he aimed it at the bowl. Fox kept his eyes on the younger man's face, taking in the blank expression that Alex was trying so hard to keep in place, and he waited almost thirty seconds before he heard the sound of water hitting water. He watched the heavy curtain of sable lashes sweep downward, and Alex's lips press into a thin, trembling line, and his heart ached. Alex finished, and he felt Fox's presence at his back. "Is that it?" Alex's eyes opened slowly, and he turned his head in Fox's direction. "It'll have to be, since I'm cuffed, won't it?" "I'll uncuff your wrists but not your ankles," Fox offered. "And I'll turn my head, but I won't leave the bathroom. Deal?" "Hell of a choice." "Well, it's that, let me help you, or hold it until you explode. Which'll it be?" Alex thought seriously about it for a moment and, the call of nature being just a bit stronger at the moment than his desire for blood, he took Fox up on his first offer. Carefully, Fox undid the wrist shackles and backed off just far enough to give Alex some space. He waited patiently but remained alert as Alex took care of business. When he heard the toilet flush, he returned his gaze to the younger man and gave him a hint of a smile. "Thank you." "What the fuck for?" Alex asked as Fox refastened the restraints around his wrists. "You could have tried something. But you behaved yourself." Alex said nothing as Fox led him to the shower. "You'll feel better once we get you clean." Fox turned on the water, testing it before motioning for the younger man to get inside. "How the hell do you expect me to wash like this?" Alex grumbled, ignoring Fox's silent instruction. As Fox began to removed his own clothing, his eyes grew wide. "What're you doing?" "It isn't like I've never washed you before," Fox answered calmly. "No," Alex gasped. "No. You're not touching me." "What do you think I'm going to do?" Fox asked as he continued to undress. "Not a fucking thing," Alex growled in answer. "Get away from me." "Alex..." "Fuck off!" "Do I need to pick you up and carry you into the shower?" "Try it," Alex challenged, his eyes sparkling with anger. "You're not going to win this," Fox informed the younger man. "I'm not going to let you destroy yourself. I can't. I love you." "Stop!" Alex bellowed, lifting his restrained hands. If he could have covered his ears, he would have. "Stop it, you fucking bastard!" "I told you, Alex. You're going to hear it again and again until it sinks in." The younger man glared at him. "Okay, motherfucker. Come on. Get in the shower, with me. Maybe you'll accidentally slip on the soap and whack your temple on the faucet. You'll bleed to death on the floor, because," he shrugged. "You took the phone away, and I had no way to call for an ambulance." Fox studied him for a moment, determining the extent of his sincerity, then he advanced slowly. Gaze fixed on Alex's face, he stopped when they were only a breath apart. He stared quietly into glittering, dark eyes, then reached out, snatching the short length of chain between Alex's wrist cuffs before the surprised man could react. Without a word, he walked off, pulling Alex along behind him. When Alex recovered from his shock, he began to fight, spewing curses at the other man. "It won't take much for me to take you off your feet, so I wouldn't struggle too much if I were you," Fox said, reminding Alex of his restrictions as he hauled him into the shower. "I hate you," Alex hissed as the warm water hit him. "My chance will come. And when it does, you're all fucking done." "I'll take that under advisement," Fox droned, beginning to wash the infuriated man. Soaping the incredibly tight muscles of Alex's shoulders and arms, Fox continued to stare into his eyes. "Relax, Alex," he murmured. "I promise I'll be all business." Alex's eyes filled with something Fox couldn't adequately identify, and then it was gone. He remained tense, staring transfixed at the wall behind Fox as the older man quickly and efficiently washed him. The only times he showed any signs of life were when Fox got near his groin and rear. He twitched away from Fox's touch once each time then forced himself to stand still for the brief, impersonal contact. When Fox concluded, he led the now docile man out of the shower and gently dried him. "See?" Fox said as he patted Alex dry. "There was no need for all that hostility." He finished and led Alex back to the bedroom. "Lie down." "I don't want to lie down," Alex whispered. Then, his voice grew a bit stronger. "I'm sick to fucking death of lying down. And you're tracking water all over my fucking floor!" "I'll take care of it once I get you settled." Fox looked from Alex to the bed and back again. "I can...prop the pillows up, and you can sit. There's enough chain to do that." "Is there enough to wrap around your neck?" "Probably," Fox said evenly. "Not sure." "Let's try it and see," Alex offered. "Let's not and say we did." Fox gestured to the bed. When Alex didn't move, he sighed and physically moved the other man forward. He guided Alex down to the mattress, piling the pillows up before attaching the chain to the cuffs and letting Alex lean back. "That good?" "Peachy. Gee, I don't know why we haven't done this before. Oh. I know. Because it's fucking insane! How long do you think you can keep me here like this?" "As long as I have to," was Fox's simple answer as he started opening drawers and pulling out clothing. "I've got plenty of time on the books, and I'll take every second of it and then some to see this through." His tone and his gaze softened. "Know why?" Alex's already stormy expression darkened further, and he said nothing. "Because I love you." Alex closed his eyes as though doing so would shield him from the words. "Do you know how sick you sound? You kidnap me, you chain me to my bed, and you say that to me?" "Say what to you, Alex?" Fox coaxed softly. "Tell me." Alex turned his head. "Come on. It won't hurt; I promise." "I'm not telling you shit," Alex rasped, unconsciously testing the few links of chain between the cuffs. Fox was quiet for a moment then changed the subject. "Are you hungry?" No answer. "You must be. C'mon, Alex. Have something. Don't do it for me. Do it for you. How are you going to kill me and make your escape if you're weak from lack of food and water?" "You think it's a big joke, don't you?" Alex asked, his anger rising. "Let's see how funny you think it is when you're gasping your last breaths." "I don't find any of this funny," Fox answered. "If you think I'm having a good time, you're very wrong. If there's another way to get you to face what happened to you and stop your nightmares, you tell me, and I'll be all for it. Until then, you're staying put." "You can't break me down," Alex warned. "Men who do it for a living have tried and failed. You're in way over your head." "Am I?" Fox asked, genuinely interested in what Alex thought of the situation. "You think putting on some leather and chaining me up puts you in charge?" Alex laughed bitterly. "Think again." Fox tilted his head to one side. "So, what'll convince you that this is my show?" "Weren't you listening? Nothing." Fox nodded thoughtfully then proceeded to dry and dress himself. He walked toward Alex, carrying a few items of clothing in his hands. "I'm going to get you dressed. Please behave." Alex stared at him as though he had three heads. Fox uncuffed and dressed him, keeping an eye out for any sudden movement, then he refastened his restraints. Fox straightened up and stared down at the younger man. "'Thank you. Uh...would you like some music?" Alex gave him no answer. "I thought it would be nice." He walked over to the portable CD player. "Classical?" More silence. He loaded the player and turned it on. "Well, I've got some things to take care of. Let me know when you get hungry." He cleaned the water from the bedroom and bathroom floors then exited the room, leaving Alex alone with his confusion. C.J. sat sprawled across his sofa, pants lying in a heap beside him. The man at his feet, sucking voraciously on his cock moaned and hummed around his mouthful, and C.J. panted with the effort to stay in control. "Christ...ah, shit. If you slow down, Mick, I'm gonna..." The ringing phone startled both men. Mick pulled back with a groan of frustration, and C.J. cursed as he reached for the phone. "Sorry, babe. It could be Fox." "I know." "...Hello?" "C.J. It's me." C.J. nodded at Mick, confirming that he was right. "Hey, Fox, what's up? How's he doing?" He's waiting." "For?" "For his opportunity to kill me." "Still pissed?" "You could say that. I just gave him a shower, and he wasn't the slightest bit happy about that. He's still refusing to eat." Fox sighed softly and went quiet. "And you really think he's going to break down?" C.J. asked. "I mean, God, I hope so, but Alex Krycek is by far the most strong willed, nastiest, scariest son of a bitch I've ever met." "Yeah, he puts on a good show, doesn't he?" "You think it's a front? I don't know, Fox. I've been witness to his temper, remember?" "I know he's all those things and more, but his life has made him that way. It's the way he feels he's gotta be to survive. I've seen the other side of him." "Yeah, true," C.J. agreed. "He'd never admit it...he'd get aggravated with me when I brought it up, but, before whatever this is got a good grip on him, I could see how he felt about you. Everybody could see it. There was no hiding the love in his eyes when he looked at you." Fox was silent for a while, then he spoke. "He's so out of it right now, I don't doubt that if he sees an opportunity, he will attack me." "He won't be able to live with himself if he hurts you," C.J. assured Fox. "Maybe if and when he snaps out of it that'll be true," Fox answered. "But the way he is now...the way he's been...there's not enough left of him to regret it." "The way he's been...Fox, has he done anything to hurt you?" "...Yes." "God. Physically?" "Sometimes," Fox answered softly. "Not anything really horrible, but bad enough." "Shit." "The mental stuff was worse. Definitely enough to make me wonder why the hell I was still here." "We both know why you're there." "Yeah. The tough part is to get Alex to understand and accept it." "I know you're not gonna tell me what his problem is, but can you at least tell me what his issue is with the love thing? Why can't he accept that you love him? Why can't he admit that he loves you?" "It's all tied together," Fox murmured. "I can't tell you that without telling you the rest." "Damn, Fox. I'm not trying to be nosy, really I'm not. But don't you think that spending all this time with Alex, as weird as he's gotten, might make you a little kooky if you're not able to get this shit off your chest?" "Maybe," Fox admitted. "But he told these things to me in confidence. I won't break his trust." "You're a hell of a guy," C.J. sighed. "I hope Alex is able to fully appreciate that one day soon." "Don't get me wrong, C.J.," Fox replied. "I'd love to be able to share this with you and Scully and get your opinions, but right now Alex hates me for so many reasons. I can't give him one more, you know? He's drowning in blackness right now. That connection, that one little unbroken trust between us is the only pinpoint of light." "I understand," C.J. said, stroking Mick's hair. I just feel so bad that you've got to shoulder it all by yourself." "I'll be okay. Just knowing you're there is a help. I gotta get going, now. I got some stuff to do." "Okay, buddy. You stay in touch, okay? Call me any time you need to." "I will. Thanks, C.J." Fox hung up and looked in the direction of Alex's bedroom. All was quiet. He wondered if he should go in and make sure everything was okay, then he thought better of it. Alex was restrained well, and there was no way he could get loose. Leave him alone. Give him time to think. Think about what? How he's going to get free and cut your heart out with a broken CD? Groaning softly, Fox turned and set about taking care of his chores. Alex was drifting. In and out of sleep he went, each moment of wakefulness considerably shorter than the last. The fourth CD finished, and he was out. His sleep was peaceful for a while, then the dreams came. And once again he was a child. In one of the cavernous rooms in his stepfather's sprawling house, servicing the man he hated most. You're a beautiful boy, Alex. Do...do you know that? Your...m-mmh. Oh, God, that's good....your father chose well. Such a....s-sweet mouth...smooth skin....oh, yes. Good boy. That's a good boy. I do love you so... Fox's eyes opened as a sharp cry broke the silence. He quickly shook off the effects of the deep sleep he had fallen into, and he bolted out of the chair by Alex's bed. "No...please...leave me alone! I don't wanna!" The frightened, childlike voice felt like a searing hot knife plunged into Fox's gut. He lowered himself to the mattress and attempted to gently wake the frantic man. "Alex..." "Hurts...noooo, it hurts..." "Jesus. Alex, please. Wake up. You're dreaming..." Alex's eyes blinked open, and he stared dazedly at the dark figure looming over him. He recoiled as much as the chains would allow him to, and he whimpered softly. "Go away. No more." "It's me, Alex. It's Fox." He reached out to stroke Alex's forehead, and the younger man flinched away from his hand. "Don't touch me," he hissed, trying to control the tremors running through his body. Fox withdrew his hand. "Okay. I won't...I won't touch you. But, Alex..." Fox switched on the bedside lamp. "...Talk to me, okay? Tell me about it." Alex turned away from the older man's concerned gaze and stared at the wall. "Alex, please. I can see what this is doing to you. Let me help. Please, let me. I hate that you're hurting so much. I love you..." "Shut up!" Alex shouted as he turned and tried to hide in the pillows. "I'm not them, Alex," Fox pleaded. "There's no pain or humiliation attached when I say it to you." Alex said nothing, remaining curled up as far away from Fox as he could get. Sighing softly, Fox shut the light off. He sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes longer, then he went back to his chair. He stared at Alex's motionless form until his vision blurred and his eyes began to burn. Finally, he closed them and fell into a restless sleep. a week later "Ah! Shit." Fox hopped to the sofa to answer his ringing cell phone. Snatching the phone up from the spot where he'd thrown it down earlier, he fell onto the sofa and rubbed his bare foot. "Yeah." "Whatsa matter? You sound a little winded." "Hey, C.J. I ran into the living room to get my phone, and I whacked my foot on the leg of the coffee table." "Ah. So...I haven't talked to you in a couple of days. How goes the battle?" "Oh, you know...he's a stubborn bastard. Still won't talk, eating and drinking only when he really has to..." "So, there's no change at all?" C.J. asked, sounding every bit as disappointed as he felt. "After all that, yes, actually, there is a small change. Last night, after a pretty intense nightmare, he didn't try and fight me off when I came and sat next to him on the bed." "That's it? All you did was sit with him?" "Yeah. Just so he knew I was there. I try it every time he has a nightmare, and he hollers and thrashes around. It kills me to do it, but I end up going back to my chair and watching him from a distance." "Your ch...Fox, you're still sleeping in that chair?" "Yeah. I can't bring myself to leave him." "God, you must be sore." "It's not that bad." C.J. sighed heavily then changed the subject. "You talk to your partner lately?" "Yeah. Actually, I called her this morning." "She still trying to talk you into giving this up?" "Of course. She's worried, y'know? I can't get mad at her for that. I'd probably have the same concerns if our situations were reversed." "Yeah. Let me ask you, Fox...what if your vacation is over, and Alex is still being, well...Alex? What'll you do?" "If he wins this waiting game, C.J., we both lose. I can't let that happen. I guess I'll have to take a leave of absence." "How big'll that go over with Scully and your boss?" "It's not something I've ever done before, so I don't think my boss will give me any trouble. Scully will be another matter entirely." "She really thinks you've lost it, doesn't she?" "Absolutely. If you knew our history with Alex, you'd probably understand why she's so upset." "You were partners at one time," C.J. said. Is there more to it?" "A buttload more," Fox answered but didn't go on. C.J. wasn't going to let him leave it at that. "So, what's the story?" "Let's just say our partnership didn't end on a very good note, and things got plenty worse from there." "That's all you're gonna give me? Come on, Fox, spill it!" "If one day Alex wants to tell you, he will. I don't want to tell you things about him without his knowledge or permission." "God, you're killin' me," C.J. grumbled. "But I guess I understand." "Thanks. Well, I gotta go get his lunch. Not that I think he's actually going to eat it since he had a little breakfast this morning, but I have to try." "Okay, buddy. I'll talk to you later." "Later, C.J." Fox disconnected and slipped the phone into his pocket as he headed into the kitchen. Quickly, he put together a light lunch and took it into Alex's room. He warily eyed the other man, who was staring sightlessly at the television that Fox had brought in for him. "Whatcha watchin'?" he asked cheerfully, never expecting Alex to answer. But he did. "Quiet. My soap's on." Fox rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. "How about some lunch? You didn't have a whole lot of breakfast; you must be hungry by now." He set the tray down over Alex's legs and stepped back. His jaw dropped when Alex picked up the sandwich and actually began to eat. He stared for a moment, coming close to saying something, then he thought better of it, instead deciding to turn and leave. A single word could bring progress to a screeching halt, and he had no desire to rock the boat. Alex gave no indication that he noticed that Fox had left, nibbling slowly at the sandwich as he refocused his attention on the television. Nearly half an hour later, Fox snuck back in to find the food gone, and Alex watching Montel Williams. He stopped beside the bed and followed Alex's gaze to the screen. He watched in silence for almost five minutes before asking a question. "Sooo....she doesn't know that the father she hasn't seen in over thirty years is waiting backstage?" There was silence for a few seconds, and then Alex grunted softly. "Does he know why he's there?" "...Yeah." Fox looked at the younger man out of the corner of his eye then glanced back at the TV. The father walked quietly out onto the stage, coming up from his daughter's blind spot. It wasn't until he was almost upon her that she felt his presence and turned around. She began to scream, knocking the chair over in her haste to jump up, and she threw herself, crying into his open arms. The camera panned to a few audience members, conveniently dabbing at their watery eyes. One corner of Fox's mouth slanted up in bemusement. "Brother. Do you believe any of this? I mean, don't you think that it's all a bunch of contrived bullshit?" "Maybe. Or maybe there are some people who don't value their privacy as much as others." Holy shit, they were having a conversation. "Yeah. I just don't see that thirty-three minutes on TV. is worth half the country knowing my business." Alex shrugged and said nothing more. Damn. He'd thought that too soon. "I'll take this away." Fox reached down to remove the tray and turned toward the door. "You want anything else?" he asked before leaving the room. "...No." "Okay." Fox disposed of the remnants of lunch, and he walked quietly back into the bedroom and lowered himself into the chair. He sat silently for a good long while, sneaking sidelong glances at Alex, then he decided to take a chance. "How are you feeling?" Gaze not moving from the TV., Alex shrugged. "Okay." "Anything you need?" Alex's head turned slowly, and he stared blankly at Fox for about ten seconds before turning back to the TV. "Does that mean that you still want my head on a stick?" Alex let his silence speak for him. Fox nodded at the floor. "'Kay." The silence that came after stretched on for over half an hour, then Alex spoke. The words came out so softly that Fox had to strain to hear. "This is not going to end the way you want it to. No matter how long you manage to keep me here." "I don't believe that." "I'll make a believer out of you." "One of us is living in denial, Alex, and it isn't me," Fox said as a matter of fact. He rose from the chair and stretched briefly before starting toward the door. "Call me if you need anything." He disappeared from the room then stuck his head back in. "I love you." The words still felt like a knife in Alex's gut, but now a week later, they burned just a little less. He supposed hearing it twenty-five times a day had somewhat desensitized him. He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, Fox was gone. He sighed heavily and dropped his head back against the stack of pillows behind him. A week. A fucking week in this room. Chained to this goddamn bed. Trapped. Being fed and bathed and shaved and...dressed. Fuck. Why did Fox dress him? Alex had thought he would have kept him naked in an attempt at psychological control. But he dressed him. No questionable touches, no comments, no anything. Even after the dreams, when he was at his most vulnerable, Fox didn't try anything funny. He just sat by the bed, speaking soft words of comfort. Oh, the torture. Okay, so he wasn't being directly tormented. But shit. What about the fact that he was being held against his will? What about that? Mother fucker. Son of a bitch. And...and what if all this was just a front? What if Fox was just trying to soften him up for what he really had in mind? He's pissed at the way you've treated him the last several weeks. He wants revenge, and this is the way he's trying to get it. You can't let your guard down. If you do, you're screwed. More than you already are. He tested the chains for the eighteen hundredth time. He didn't expect them to give, but it didn't stop him from being royally pissed off anyway. He jerked violently against their strength, growling furiously. Several seconds passed before he realized that he was no longer alone in the room. Sedate hazel eyes watched as the irate man stopped thrashing against his restraints and cast a hateful glare at him. "Let me out of these things," Alex hissed through clenched teeth. "You know I can't," Fox whispered back and approached the bed. "What happened, Alex? You haven't lost your temper lately. What's wrong?" "What's wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?" Alex shouted and began to buck again. "Let me go...let me go!" "Alex...come on. Take it easy, okay? It'd be all right if you'd just relax and trust me." "You're holding me prisoner in my fucking bedroom!" Alex shouted. "How the fuck do you expect me to trust you?" "You could be in a world of hurt right now, Alex, and you're not. You know my intention is not to harm you. You know all I want from you is your trust." "That's not all you want from me." "No?" Fox sat down and stared at the other man. "Okay, smart guy. Tell me what I want." Alex said nothing. "Come on. I'm waiting." "You can wait until you die. I'm not telling you shit." Fox rubbed at his temples. "What's the matter, snookums? Headache?" Fox answered the question with one of his own. "If I asked you if we could go back to the way things were, would you do it?" Curiosity made Alex ask. "The way things were, when?" "Just a couple of weeks ago. When you were fucking me and nothing more. Did you like that? Would you go back to it if you could?" "No." "Why not?" "That time has passed. All I want now is to be free. Free of these fucking cuffs, and free of your crazy ass." "You'd be miserable without me." "Is that right?" "Yeah, that's right. C.J. told me what you were like when I'd left. You lost it." "C.J.'s full of shit." "You wanted me back. And not just because I belonged to you. You missed me. You said that to me yourself." "Shut up." "You needed me." "Shut. The fuck. Up." "Why? Did I hit a nerve?" "No, I'm just sick to death of listening to you." "Really? Well, that's too bad, because I'm not done talking yet." "Jesus..." "Remember how sweet you were to me? Before this thing got a grip on you?" Alex looked away. "I remember," Fox went on. "I would have done anything for you when you were like that. All I wanted was for you to treat me like I meant something to you. And you did for a while. You'd seemed to have worked it out, and things were good then, weren't they?" When he received no answer, he went on. "And then you started having these dreams. And everything went to hell. You knew what was happening, Alex. You knew what it was doing to us. Why have you allowed it? Are you that afraid?" "I'm not afraid of anything," Alex snapped. "Get that straight." Fox sighed softly and lowered his head for a moment before lifting it and again directing his gaze at Alex. "Until you can admit to yourself that this has got you scared, we're at a standstill." "Awww. Does that upset you? See, Fox? I'm hopeless. Might as well give up." Fox stared for a moment then slowly shook his head. He turned and walked out without another word. three days later "Phone for you, C.J." "Thanks, Ron." C.J. finished coiling his bullwhip and hung it in its place. He picked up the phone, hit the flashing button and dropped into the black leather chair at the desk. "C.J. here." "C.J., it's me." "Fox! You're a mindreader, dude. I was thinking about calling you in the morning. How's it going?" Fox sighed. "Lousy." Oh, he sounded tired. "For the first time, C.J., I'm thinking that he's going to win this one." "Why?" C.J. asked, disappointed. "The last time I talked to you, things looked at least a little hopeful." "Yeah. That didn't last very long." "...Are you thinking of giving up?" "No. No, I...I just needed some encouragement. A few positive words." "Things that bad?" "It's wearing on me, C.J.," Fox said. "Much more so than I anticipated. God, he's a tough nut to crack." "Fox, I...I admire the hell out of your persistence, but you gotta think about yourself too, man. You're under a hell of a strain. It's no good for you physically or mentally." "That's why I called you," Fox answered. "I needed to talk to a reasonable, rational person." "Okay. What d'you want to talk about? Sports? The weather? What Mick and I had for dinner?" Fox smiled into the phone. "How are things with you two?" "Great," C.J. gushed. "He's all but moved in with me, and I couldn't be happier." "Great, man. Good for you." C.J. groaned inwardly at his friend's wistful tone. "Uh...he and Lucas asked me to tell you hi when we spoke." "Tell them hi back...I miss seeing them. And you. I miss..." He stopped. "Miss what, buddy?" "The way things were. They weren't perfect, but they were a hell of a lot better than they are now." "I'm so sorry, Fox. I...I don't know what else to say. You don't deserve this. Neither does Alex. I know what's going on now has everything to do with whatever happened to him before. All the same, it must be hard to remember when he's behaving the way he is toward you." "It is a little difficult to maintain my perspective when he looks at me and all I can see in his eyes is pure hatred." "He doesn't hate you, Fox," C.J. said quickly. "Really deep down in his heart. You know that, right?" "Usually, I do. But there are times...when I'm feeling a little weak, I guess, when I'm just not sure." C.J. let out a long sigh. "I guess I can understand that. Hey...why don't you take a night off? Go out and get your mind off of things." "I can't leave him alone," Fox said, surprised that C.J. would even suggest that he do so. "I know that," C.J. answered. "But what if I stayed with him while you went out for a couple of hours with Mick and Lucas?" "I...I couldn't ask you to do that." "You didn't ask. I offered. You need a break, Fox. Let me do this for you." "...You're a good friend, C.J. Let me think about it, okay? I'll let you know tomorrow." "What's to think about? Fox, you need some time away from him. Please. Go. Have a nice night with the guys. I promise, I'll take good care of Alex." "I don't know..." "You think I can't handle a man chained to a bed?" C.J. smirked into the phone. "I get paid for that kind of stuff, remember?" "The men you chain up want to be in that situation," Fox reminded his friend. "They don't curse and spit and threaten your life." "No, that's true. But don't worry, buddy. I can handle Alex." A short laugh erupted over the line. "Of course, that's only because he's restrained." Fox said nothing. "So...I'll ask Mick and check with Lucas, and I'll get back to you about tomorrow night" "T...tomorrow? Uh..." "What's wrong with tomorrow? It's Thursday. The club won't be too crowed if you want to go there, and Mick and Lucas won't be able to keep you out too late since it's a work night for them." After a long pause, Fox agreed. C.J. again reassured him that everything would be fine, and he hung up. The minutes ticked by endlessly as he contemplated how he was going to tell Alex about his night out. What's to worry about? He went out for how long with nothing more than a word or two? I'm sure he didn't spend even ten seconds worrying about how he was going to break the news to you. Yeah. But you weren't chained to the bed. You could have got up and left any time you wanted to. This is different. This is sooo different. Okay, so it's different. Does that mean you're not going to go? You need a break, Mulder. You need this to keep yourself together. You crack, and you're going to lose a lot more than just your mind. Having talked himself into believing his decision was the right one, Fox took a deep breath and went in to see Alex. ".....You gonna say something?" A blank green gaze stared straight ahead at the television, and the man on the bed remained silent. "I figured you'd either be pissed that I'd have the nerve to go out while you're stuck here, or you'd be happy to not have to look at my face for a night." "What difference does it make?" Alex droned. "Either way, you're not letting me loose, and I still have to see your face tomorrow. There's nothing to be pissed or happy about." "When you put it that way," Fox said with a slight shrug, "I guess you're right. Well..." He looked around the room then rose from his chair. "If there's nothing you need, I'm going to go do some laundry and a few other things before bed." He waited a moment, and, getting the non response he expected, he quietly left the room. "Man, you look like shit." Fox looked down at himself. "Whatsa matter with me?" "I'm not talking about the way you're dressed," C.J. said, looking his friend over as he passed through the door and into the apartment. "I mean you look worn out." The other man ran his fingers through his hair. "Do I look that bad?" "You need some serious r and r, buddy. A lot more than a couple of hours out." "Yeah, well, this'll have to do." C.J. let out a heavy sigh. "This is not good, Fox. It's not good at all." C.J. skimmed the top of his head with his palm. "Let me help you out. More than just tonight, I mean. Maybe between you, me, Mick and Lucas, we can..." "Thank you, C.J.", Fox broke in. "Really. But I have to do this myself. He's got to have only me to depend on. It's me he's got to learn to trust." "I understand that, Fox, I really do. But standing here looking at you, it makes it almost impossible to go along with. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?" Fox shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. When I shave, brush my teeth..." "But you're not really paying attention," C.J. insisted. "Your eyes are all dark underneath, you've got lines around your mouth...you're pale..." Fox crossed his arms over his chest and moved a few feet away. "Are they downstairs?" "Yeah. Yeah...they're in Mick's car." "Okay. I'm going to go say goodnight to him. If you forget any of what I told you, you can find all my instructions tacked up on the fridge." "All right." Fox nodded then headed for Alex's room. "I'm gonna get going now," he said to Alex as the younger man stared at the TV. "Have a great time," Alex murmured. "It'll just be for a few hours. C.J.'ll take good care of you while I'm gone." "Whoopee." "I'll see you soon. I love you." Alex didn't spare him a look as he made his exit. Walking over to the sofa, he picked up his jacket and turned to face C.J. "Call me if there's any problem." "Relax, dude. Everything'll be fine." Fox scratched his head as he walked slowly toward the door. He stopped before his hand could reach the knob, and he spun around, almost colliding with C.J. "C.J..." "I don't wanna hear it." "But I..." "Get out," C.J. ordered, opening the door and gently shoving Fox out. Fox sighed and walked away slowly. He turned and looked at C.J. when he reached the elevator, and the other man waved at him then stepped back inside and shut the door. Once he was alone in Alex's living room, he leaned against the door and looked up at the ceiling. "Christ." Moving cautiously toward Alex's room, he nudged the door all the way open and knocked softly. "Hey, Alex." The man on the bed stared straight ahead for a good long time, then his head turned slowly, and he fixed an icy cold gaze on C.J. "Say something, man." "What does one say to a dead, man?" "I know you're upset with me, Alex, but..." "You think I'm upset?" Alex purred. "Aww, C.J. Why would you think something like that?" "Alex." C.J. sat in the chair that Fox usually occupied. "..There was no choice. Fox didn't want to do this. It was his very last resort." Alex looked away. "He loves you." "Oh, God!" Alex growled. "Don't you two ever fucking quit?" "I thought a couple of times that Fox should quit," C.J. murmured. "And I told him so. I hated like hell to say the words to him, but I did. He didn't listen. He'll never quit, Alex. All you've done to him, and still he's devoted to you." "You call this devotion?" Alex shouted, rattling the chains as he thrust his cuffed wrists out in front of him. "You're just as fucked in the head as he is!" "If he's fucked in the head, Alex, guess whose fault it is?" "You're trying to tell me I got myself into this situation?" "In a word? Yes." Alex relaxed against the pillows and looked away. "Yeah, well, y'know...maybe you're right about that." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Maybe I did do this to myself. I made the mistake of bringing him into my life. But now...I'm asking you to help me correct that. Help me, C.J." "Alex..." "I thought you were my friend. If you were, you'd help me." "I am your friend, Alex. And I am helping you." His anger began to seep through. "You're helping him." "He's my friend too. I'm helping you both." "Bullshit! It's me or it's him, C.J. It can not be both. Now let me go!" "Stop asking, Alex. It's not going to happen." "I'm not asking," Alex hissed. "Unlock these fucking cuffs, or I promise you, asshole, you and your buddy will die together!" "You know...I believe you mean that." "Damn right I do..." "Right now. Because you're not in your right mind. That's right, pal, you're fucked up too...in case you didn't know it. And if you do manage to do something to hurt him, you'll never be able to live with yourself." "You think so," Alex said, giving the other man a venomous smile. "There's a lot you don't know about me, C.J. If you did, you'd never be so stupid as to credit me with having a conscience." "I'm sure there's plenty I don't know about you," C.J. agreed. "For instance, I have no clue what happened to get you this crazy. And Fox won't tell me out of loyalty to you. But this much I know. You love him. Your rage is blinding you to that fact right now, but you do. And the instant you do anything to hurt him, that'll be it. It'll finish you." "Shut up. You have no idea what you're talking about." "Yeah, I do. Apparently, I have to keep reminding you that I was there when Fox left you. Every time that he left you. I saw how it affected you. And I saw what you were like when you were together. You were a different person when you were with him. You're the hardest man I've ever known, Alex, but there was no hiding the softness in your eyes when you looked at him...in your voice when you talked to him or about him. You were ready to kill the assholes who'd hurt him. I saw your rage. I felt it. "Then something happened. Something drastic happened, and you hurt him. In more ways than Shane and his friends ever could have. You hear me saying it to you, Alex, and yet I know it isn't really sinking in. Whatever this is has got too tight a hold on you." "No. Fox has the hold on me," Alex snapped, jerking at the chains. "And the longer this goes on, the worse it's going to be for him...and you." "So, you're just going to ignore everything I just said. Okay. Fine." C.J. got up and looked down into hate-filled eyes. "I'll leave you alone. Call if you need anything." Alex glared at C.J.'s retreating form, and when he was gone from the room, he slouched against the pillows and stared sightlessly at the flickering television. "It's so good to see you, Fox," Mick said, taking his drink from the bartender then handing Fox his. The three men made their way to an empty table and sat down. "It seems like forever since we've been out together." "It's been a while," Fox agreed as softly as the blaring music would allow. "I just wish this was under better circumstances." "Yeah," Lucas said. "It'd be so nice if C.J. and Alex were here. But uh...I guess Alex isn't doing too well?" "Not really, no." Mick gave him a small smile. "That night you showed up here to get him, looking like you did, I couldn't believe my eyes...I guess Alex wasn't as impressed, huh?" "Guess not." "Shit. I almost peed my pants," Lucas sighed. "That's Ôcause you're a pussy," Mick laughed, ruffling the small blonde's hair. "You did look like you meant business though, Fox. You could have had two dozen men on their knees that night." Fox laughed softly. "It wasn't really for Alex," he confided to his friends. "I just thought that dressing the part would help me maintain my nerve." "You looked so fucking hot," Lucas whimpered. "How Alex didn't just fall at your feet is totally beyond me." "You don't know Alex," Fox said matter-of-factly, then he looked down into his drink. "I wonder how he's doing." "He's fine, I'm sure," Mick said, patting Fox's shoulder. "C.J.'ll take good care of him." "He's already so mad, though. I can see him thinking that I'm out having a great time while he's chained up there. I can imagine the anger that thought must be generating." He went quiet for a moment then shook his head and started to rise. "I shouldn't have come out. I gotta...I gotta go. Mick, will you take me home?" "Nooo." Mick tugged at Fox's sleeve. "C'mon, Fox, sit down. You've been cooped up with Alex for weeks now. You need a break." "He's not getting one," Fox countered. "I shouldn't have one either." "Yeah, but you're not the one we want to crack." Fox lowered his head, resting it in his hands. "He hates me, you know." "He only thinks he does," Lucas assured Fox. "I promise you, Fox. Alex loves you with a passion like most of us will only ever read about." "He's right," Mick agreed. "Stay strong, buddy. He'll come back to you." "Thanks," Fox said into his hands then lifted his head and looked at his friends. "It's a good thing I've got you guys. I've missed you." His head went down again. "I miss Alex." Lucas reached out and took Fox's hand. "We know. But like Mick said...he'll come back to you. He will be back." Fox nodded then picked his head up and took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah...he'll be back." He looked around the room then back at his companions. "Anybody wanna dance?" It was almost one o'clock when C.J. heard Fox's key in the lock. He pulled himself upright, rubbing at one eye as the door opened and Fox entered quietly. "Have a good time?" Fox glanced down the hall at Alex's door as he walked into the living room. He dropped into a chair and leaned his head back against the leather cushion. "It was nice to spend some time with the guys." "I'll take that as a yes?" Fox gave him a tiny smile then tilted his head back further. "How's he been?" "Nasty. Stubborn...threatening...you must be exhausted, Fox. I've only been here a few hours, and I'm worn out. What the hell keeps you going?" He looked into the other man's dark eyes and shook his head. "Never mind. Stupid question." Fox sat in silence for a while, then spoke. "Mick said he'd be at your place. But he'd probably be asleep by the time you got there." "'Kay." "...When was the last time you looked in on him?" "'Bout half an hour ago." "Was he asleep?" "No, it...it almost seemed like he was in a trance. Just staring. Staring at the TV. I tried to talk to him, and it was like he never even heard me. Does he do that to you?" "Yeah. When he doesn't feel like talking, there's nothing that I can do or say to get him to respond. He won't even look at me." "It's pretty damn unnerving." "I've grown accustomed to it. Though, I have to say that all things being equal, I prefer the threats. At least then he's responsive." "I hear ya." "Did he eat anything? Drink? Go to the bathroom?" "Nothing. I asked several times. All he did was hiss and growl at me." "Isn't he cute?" Fox asked without humor. C.J. slapped his thigh then got to his feet. "God bless you, Fox. You are a man amongst men." Fox gave him a sad smile. "You wanna tell that to Alex?" C.J. laughed. "If it makes you feel any better, he's going to kill me right along with you; me being your accomplice and all." "Wonderful," Fox breathed as he got up and accompanied C.J. to the door. "I'll call you in the morning...well...not too early in the morning." "All right. Thanks, C.J. I really did need this." "I'm glad I could help. And even though I just finished telling you how Alex wore me out, I mean it when I say, I'll be glad to give you any help you need." Fox stared for a moment then stepped forward and hugged the other man. "Thank you." "Any time. Now go check on him, because I know you're going to, then get to your chair." "Actually, I've moved to the other bedroom." "Really. How come?" Fox shrugged, giving the other man a tired smile. "Thought I'd give him the chance to miss me." "Riiiight. Well...g'night." Fox let C.J. out then took off his jacket and headed slowly into Alex's room. The dim glow from the TV. was the only light in the room, but it was enough for Fox to see that Alex was still awake. "It's late," he almost whispered as he advanced further into the room. "You're back. Goody." "Aren't you tired?" "Yeah. I had a really hard day today." Fox ignored the comment. "Can I get anything for you before I turn in?" "The only thing I want you to get right now is out of my sight." "But I just got here." "Mmm. And how was your night, honey? Did you have a good time with the boys?" He couldn't resist. "It was nice to be with people who appreciate my company." "Aww. That's nice. How about people who appreciate your talent?" "Talent for..." "Sucking cock. Did anyone get to appreciate that?" Fox tilted his head and studied Alex. His eyes were blank, his words steady and cool, but still, there was something... "Why do you want to know?" Alex looked away, giving Fox an insolent shrug. "Just making conversation, that's all." "I don't think that's all. Not by a long shot. But I'll answer your question. I did a little dancing. And only with Mick and Lucas. No one even approached me." "No? Gosh, do you think you're losing your charm?" "Well," Fox sighed, scratching the back of his head. "I guess it's possible. But I think it's more like everybody knows that I belong to you." "Everybody needs to be set straight then, don't they?" "Why?" Fox asked softly, moving closer to the bed. "I am still yours, Alex." "That'd be great news if it weren't for one little thing," Alex said in a nearly inaudible tone. "I don't fucking want you." Fox came closer still. "Look at me and say that." ...Nothing. "Can't?" "......I've had enough of this game." "Okay. But it's only four words. Well...five, if you include the expletive. I'm just asking you to repeat them...while you're looking me in the eye." "I'm not telling you shit." "Why not?" Alex turned his head and glared at the other man. "Because you want me to." Fox folded his arms over his chest. "Ah. I see. Well....I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to turn in now. Is there anything you need or want before I go?" Alex gave no answer. "All right, then. Call if you need me...goodnight, Alex. I love you." Fox walked out, pulling the door only far enough to block out the dim light in the hall, then he stopped and leaned against the wall. So. He was feeling something besides rage. He was feeling jealousy. Possessiveness. Was it just some leftover emotion, or did it really mean something? He closed his eyes. It was too late, and he was way too tired to contemplate the question. Unbuttoning his shirt, he trudged slowly to the spare bedroom. "Nooo. Please, I...I can't... can't...don't wanna! No!" Fox shot out of bed and was in Alex's room in seconds. "Alex...Alex, wake up." "Mmmmh...." "Come on." He gently shook the other man. Alex stopped thrashing, and his eyes opened. He drew a long, shuddering breath and, registering that Fox was sitting on the edge of the bed, he turned his face into his pillow. Too late, as he felt the tender brush of Fox's fingers, wiping away the tear that ran down over the bridge of his nose. "Don't touch me," he whispered with little conviction. "You don't mean that," Fox whispered back. "Do you?" Alex gave no answer but moved away from the comforting hand. Sighing softly, Fox stroked Alex's hair, determined to maintain some contact. When Alex allowed the touch, Fox spoke in a soft, reassuring tone. "You're safe, Alex. Those men can't hurt you. Never again. But the memory of what they did is destroying you. You've survived too much else to let this do you in. Talk to me. I swear on my life you can trust me. You started to, remember?" Alex gave no response. "I want nothing more than to help you and love you. I know that the word holds no more meaning to you than pain and humiliation. But that was at their hands. It isn't that way with me, and it never would be. Let me show you the true meaning of the word. I promise that if you put yourself in my hands, it'll be all right. I won't hurt you, Alex...can you please talk to me?" Alex fought to keep the trembling of his lower lip under control. "Please? I love you so much." Alex grimaced as another tear fell. "Fuck...fuck you." Fox closed his eyes and reluctantly removed his hand. "...Try to go back to sleep." Alex felt the mattress rise and heard the soft shuffle of Fox's retreat, and then he was alone. His hands closed into fists, and he lifted them to his mouth, pressing them against his lips. His body spasmed once then tightened. He held his breath and willed his emotions under control. Once his eyes had dried and his head had stopped spinning, he lowered his hands and lay motionless, letting his mind go mercifully blank. Fox trotted into the living room, towel draped over his damp head, and he snatched up his phone. "Mulder." "It's me." "Hi, Scully." "How are you?" "Okay. You? How's work?" "If I hadn't called you, you wouldn't have given a thought to me or work, would you?" "I have so much on my mind, Scully. I'm sorry." "Mulder, you don't...tell me you haven't still got him tied up." "Chained. Uh...actually, he's chained to his bed." "That's it. Mulder, you are officially insane. You gotta let him go." "I can't." "Then I'm stepping in." "No. You're not." "I have to. This has to stop. Right now." "Scully, listen to me." "No, Mulder, you listen to me. I'm coming over there. And you are going to let Krycek go. Then you and I are leaving." "Shut up, Scully," Fox snapped. "You have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about. You don't know the situation, and you don't know his state of mind. You stay away from here, you understand me?" Scully forced herself to calm down. "Mulder. Mulder, listen to yourself. You sound like a raving lunatic." "Because you don't listen to me, and yelling seems to be the only way to get my point across!" Fox shouted back. "So, while I have your attention, hear this. If you can't support me, you need to stay the hell out of it. I can't deal with your shit and worry about Alex at the same time." "My shit, as you call it, Mulder, is being terrified that you're going to wind up dead or insane because of this...this... obsession of yours." "It's not an obsession, Scully," Fox countered, willing himself to calm down. "This is what you refuse to understand. I love Alex. And I will not abandon him." "Okay...okay, Mulder. Whatever. I don't have the energy to talk to you about this any more." "Good. Because I don't have the energy to listen." There was a brief silence then a soft sigh, and Scully asked if there was anything he needed. "No. No, I...I'm fine. Uh...thank you." "If you do need anything, you can call me, you know." "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Scully, uh...shit. Scully, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a..." "A stubborn ass?" "Not exactly what I was thinking." "Well, that's what you're being," Scully said without malice. "You know I'm just worried about you, right?" "I know that. And I appreciate your concern, Scully, I do. But you've got to trust that I know what I'm doing. He was close last night. I could feel it." "Close to what?" "A breakthrough...or maybe a breakdown. I don't know. But it was something more than that blind rage. This isn't going to go on forever. I promise you." "God, Mulder, it already seems like forever." "I know. He's such a stubborn bastard." "You say it as if it's something to be admired." "It's part of who he is. And I love all of him." "It really is a tragedy that he can't appreciate your devotion, Mulder...for both of you." "Are you starting again, Scully?" "No," Scully said tiredly. "...No. I...I'll check on you again." "All right. Take care, okay?" "I will. You do the same." Fox disconnected and stared at the phone for several seconds before sighing and returning to the bathroom. He placed the phone down on the counter and finished drying his hair, then he checked in on Alex, who had absolutely refused to let Fox touch him this morning. "What d'you think?" he asked, giving the other man a gentle smile. "Ready to get cleaned up now?" When Alex gave him no answer, he walked over to the television and shut it off. The moment he turned to face Alex, it went back on. "Alex...come on; give me your attention for just a second, okay?" He shut the TV. off again, and again, Alex immediately turned it back on. He moved toward the bed and held his hand out. "Give it to me." Alex stared down at the remote clutched in his right hand but made no move to relinquish it. Fox's hand sliding over the cool black surface brought him to life. He snatched it away and gave the older man a challenging glare. "I only want to get you showered and dressed," Fox said softly but firmly. "Now, come on. Give me that." Alex dug in his heels. "I'll give it to you. Bend over." Fox said nothing, instead choosing to make a grab for the remote. Getting a good grip on the exposed end, he pulled, but Alex was just as fast, jerking it back in his own direction, and the struggle was on. "Jesus," Fox grunted, trying to pry Alex's fingers away from the remote with one hand while still holding on with the other. "Alex....you...let go!" Alex held on, grimacing with the effort it took to resist Fox's prying fingers. "Stubborn....bastard....cut it out!" He should have just forgotten the whole thing. Let Alex have the damn remote and walked away. He could have tried again later to get him into the shower, but he couldn't...something wouldn't allow him to let it go. And now here he was, wrestling with his chained up, pissed off lover, and...wait. That wasn't right. Alex wasn't his lover. Not any more. And the way things were going, Fox wasn't sure if he'd ever be again... Alex fought wildly, trying for all he was worth to keep Fox from gaining the upper hand. Soft, feral sobs rolled in his throat as he tried to roll away from the other man and tuck his hands beneath him. When that didn't work, he began to kick and buck, the sobs growing louder and more frantic. "No...get offa me. Get off!" "Gimme the remote and I will!" Fox shouted back, so irritated that for the moment he'd put Alex's mental state to the back of his mind. "Leave me alone!" Alex wailed, losing his grip. As Fox pried the remote from him finally, he began to cry hysterically, snapping Fox out of his anger. "Alex," he croaked, instinctively reaching out to console the weeping man. Alex folded himself up as best he could, fingers clenching in his hair. He didn't try to push Fox's hand away, and Fox got the distinct impression that Alex, for the moment at least, was unable to process his touch. "It's okay," he whispered helplessly, not knowing what to do to comfort the younger man. Then, before he really knew why he did it, he pulled one of Alex's hands away from his head and pressed the remote into it. Alex began to quiet down, pulling the returned object to his chest. Fox watched, dumbstruck as Alex lay whimpering quietly, the remote clutched to his body. He barely breathed, hardly blinked for what seemed like hours, then he ever so slowly lowered himself to the bed, gently pressing his body to Alex's. When Alex made no move to put distance between them, he wrapped his arms around the other man and dusted the back of his head with a tender kiss. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so...we're gonna figure this out," he vowed in a hushed murmur, burying his face in the tangle of sable hair as he tightened his hold on the man in his embrace. "We'll figure it all out, and then we're going to fix it. I promise." Alex lay quietly now, but holding on to the remote for dear life. Fox's words as well as the warmth of his body vaguely made it through the screaming tangle of confusion that had set up shop in his brain, but he hadn't the strength either mentally or physically to respond. Fox fell into silence too, sending up a desperate prayer that this would be the beginning of something more positive. Yeah, or maybe you just sent him completely over the edge He squeezed his eyes shut, prayed that that wasn't so, and he waited. MMCUSN@aol.com

Nobody Has to Know By Aries for Peja's "I saw what you did last night" challenge X-Files M/? Rated NC-17 for m/m sexual situations Disclaimer: Mulder belongs to Chris Carter. Oh, EWW! Uh...you know what I mean Summary: Someone saw Mulder do something bad. But Mulder doesn't know what. Archive at all the usual places. If anyone else wants it, just ask! Feedback: I'm just getting over an allergic reaction to a sugar substitute that I tried this morning, so be nice to me! MMCUSN@aol.com http://denofsin.slashcity.net/aries/ariestitle.html https://www.squidge.org/terma/aries/aries.htm back to top

[Stories by Author] [Stories by Title] [Mailing List] [Krycek/Skinner] [Links] [Submissions] [Home]