"I don't know, Mulder. Don't you find it awfully strange? If this place is Consortium owned, should it have been so easy for us to get this close to it?"
"I was told there would be no guards on duty tonight," Mulder breathed, checking out the exterior of the house.
"And we're just going to believe that?"
No answer as Mulder continued to look around.
"Okay, I guess we are. So, what are we doing, Mulder? Just standing out here and waiting?"
"He said he'd meet us here at nine-thirty."
"I don't like this," Scully mumbled. I just don't like it. This could be a trap."
"You don't have to go in, Scully. But I have to. You know I have to."
"Mulder, that picture was so grainy. It could have been anyone."
"It was her."
"How do you know?"
"Forty years could go by, Scully, and I'd know my sister."
"It might be another clone; you ever think of that?"
"'Course I have. But I'm not going to know that until I get in there, am I?"
"Mulder, I'm just...I'm asking you to take a couple of minutes, take a deep breath, and think this out. We were on a plane out here as soon as you got that picture."
"I'm going in, Scully," Mulder said. "With or without you."
"I'm glad to hear that, Agent Mulder."
The agents spun around, gaping at the man who had come up behind them.
"Are you the one who sent me that picture?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I understand you've been looking for her for many years, and it's time your search was ended.""
Mulder pulled the picture from his pocket and pointed to the image. "Is this Samantha Mulder, or is it a clone?"
"It's your sister, Mr. Mulder. Now, please. You've got to come with me now."
Mulder began to follow the man when Scully grabbed his arm and spun him around.
"You're just going to go with him? Mulder, we don't even know who this man is! I know I've said it once already, but I gotta say it again. This could be a trap!"
"Yes, it could be," the man said, turning around. "But it's not. Agent Mulder, if you want to see your sister before they come for her, you have to come with me."
Mulder's eyes widened at the man's statement. He looked to Scully then back at the man and started to walk. Cursing softly, Scully followed in their wake. Their guide opened a side door and slipped inside.
"What did you mean, if I want to see my sister before they come for her?" Mulder asked as they moved through the deserted hall. "Before who comes for her? Where's she being taken?"
The man kept moving and said nothing.
"Tell me," Mulder grated, spinning the man around and shoving him against the wall.
The man stared for a moment then said simply, "She had an accident. She's brain dead. They're keeping her on life support until they're ready."
Mulder took huge, gasping breaths. "Brain dead. Wh...what..."
Scully took advantage of Mulder's discomposure and began to grill the man.
Who's keeping her on life support? Until they're ready for what?"
"...To do the transplant."
Mulder stared, confusion mixing with agony.
"Transplant."
"Mulder," Scully called, her teeth clenched. "We can't trust this man. He's saying things that he knows are going to get you in there."
Mulder wasn't listening. "Take me to her," he croaked.
The man extricated himself from Mulder's grip and again started down the hall. They entered what looked exactly like a hospital room, and Mulder stopped. His knees began to shake, and he whispered his sister's name as he moved toward the bed. He looked around at all the tubes and machines, and his eyes filled with tears. Leaning in to get a good look at the woman in the bed, he lifted a hand to stroke her hair.
"What happened to her?" he asked through his anguish. "How did she get here? Who brought her here?"
"You know who."
Mulder shook with rage. "Did he do this to her?"
"Indirectly. In an escape attempt, she was hit by an incoming truck. It threw her quite a distance, and she landed on her head. Broke her neck and damaged her spinal cord beyond repair. Her brain swelled, and the doctors couldn't control it."
Horrified, Mulder spun around to find his partner.
"Scully."
"If that's what's wrong, Mulder...there's nothing anyone can do."
He knew that, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"Where is he?" he choked. "Where is that motherfucker?"
"He's not here. None of them are. Just the medical staff, myself, the three guards, but I took care of them. And..."
"And who?" Scully asked, folding her arms across her chest.
"Another patient."
And then Mulder got it. "Do they want to cut her up to do a transplant on this other patient?"
"Yes."
Mulder fought for breath. "No one's cutting my sister open."
"Agent Mulder..."
"He has no right!" Mulder shouted, tears beginning to flow. "That bastard took her away! He's had her all this time, keeping her against her will...she's dead because of him, and now he thinks he has the right to harvest her organs? Over my dead fucking body!"
"Agent Mulder, please keep you voice down," the man whispered harshly.
The staff..."
"I don't give a shit if they hear!" Mulder roared. "I'm taking her out of here." A murderous glint coated his tear-filled eyes. "And I want someone to try and stop me."
"Mulder, I...I can't believe I'm saying this, but...assuming this is Samantha..."
"It is," Mulder rasped, caressing the still woman's bruised and cut face. "I know it as surely as I've ever known anything."
"Wouldn't you like some good to come of her death? If a life can be saved..."
"If this transplant candidate is connected to that fucker, you can be sure that it's someone the world would be better off without."
"Actually, the candidate down the hall agrees with you."
Mulder's head snapped around, and he stared at the man.
"What?"
"He's scheduled to get her heart. He doesn't want it."
Scully frowned. "Why not?"
The man looked from Scully to Mulder and held the other man's eyes.
"Because it'd be the ultimate knife in your back."
"What?"
The man said nothing more.
"Who is this candidate?" Scully asked, moving forward to place a comforting hand on her partner's shoulder as he hovered over the woman in the bed. "How does he know Mulder?"
"Go see him," the man said, looking at his watch. "There's not much time. They'll be coming to prep him soon."
"Nobody's prepping anybody," Mulder growled, "because this surgery is not taking place!"
"See him," was all the man would say.
"I'm not leaving Samantha," Mulder said. "I don't care who's down the hall."
"Mulder," Scully whispered. "She's gone. And I am so sorry, but she's not coming back. Now, against my better judgment, we're here. We've got to see this other patient."
"I don't want to," Mulder said in a soft, broken whisper.
"This person knows who you are," Scully said. "He doesn't want your sister's heart for a very curious reason. We need to see him, Mulder." Scully rubbed his shoulders. "Mulder...just for a minute."
Mulder stared at his sister for a while longer then leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"I'm sorry, Samantha," he whispered to the deceased woman. "I won't leave you here. I promise."
Scully reached out, taking her partner's hand, and the two followed their guide out of the room. They made their way further down the hall, and the man stopped in front of the last door on the right. Motioning for the agents to remain where they were, he opened the door, checking the room. He stepped inside then waved them in.
Scully slammed into Mulder's back as he came to an abrupt halt. She followed his shocked gaze, and her mouth fell open.
"It...it isn't...it can't be."
She moved around Mulder and came closer to the bed. Her hand involuntarily rose to her mouth as she looked down into the deathly pale face.
"Oh, my God."
Thick, dark lashes rose, and a tired gaze focused on her. A soft, unintelligible sound clicked in the dry throat, and she saw something that resembled fear flash in the other wise dull green eyes.
Scully looked up at Mulder, who continued to stare wordlessly. Her gaze shot to the other man.
"What happened to him?"
"They did it to him," the man murmured, something in his voice catching Scully's attention. "Over the years. Tests. Drugs. We had no idea until he started getting sick about six months ago. Feeling tired...run down. He would be out of breath with the slightest exertion. He just figured it was stress and overwork. He's really gone downhill the last few weeks. They were going to let him die. But when your sister was hit, they saw the opportunity to experiment."
Scully pulled the blanket back, taking in the swollen legs and feet, then gently pressed on Krycek's abdomen. She pulled the blanket back over him and looked at the other man. "Experiment. With what?"
"Some new technology. It supposedly eliminates the risk of rejection."
Mulder finally started to move, walking slowly toward the bed. When he stopped, the other man's gaze shifted slowly his way.
"Mulder."
The voice was soft and broken, and barely understood through the oxygen mask.
"Don't want. "He stopped, reaching up to pull the mask away from his face. "Let..." His eyes closed, and he concentrated all of his strength on forming the words. "...me...die."
Mulder stared blankly at the man in the bed.
"Don't worry, Krycek. I will."
"Mulder," Scully gasped.
Mulder's head snapped up. "You don't think for half a second that I'm going to let them put my sister's heart in this worthless piece of sh..."
"Mulder, think about this. I know what you feel right now. But I know you. You're a man of conscience. If you let Krycek die, it's going to haunt you for the rest of your life." She looked to the other man. "I assume they're compatible or this would be a non issue."
"Yes," the man said then looked at Mulder. "More than you know."
"What the fuck does that mean?" Mulder snapped.
"C.G.B. Spender is Samantha's father...and his."
Mulder stumbled backward. "You're lying."
"I'm not."
"How do you know this?" Scully asked. "Do you have proof?"
"I do." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out two folded sheets of paper, handing them to Scully. "I knew you'd ask." As Scully read, he walked over to the bed and gently replaced the oxygen mask over Krycek's face.
"Spender had several children," he said, stroking the ailing man's head. "It's disgusting that a man like him would be able to father kids. He treated them more like lab rats than his children. Most of them are dead now...at their father's hands. Some have disappeared. There was only Alex, Samantha and one other left. Alex had no idea that Samantha was his half sister. Not until about three months ago when I found those papers you're reading and showed them to him."
Before Scully could ask any more questions, the door opened, and a nurse walked in.
"What...Mr. Tate, who are these people? What are they doing here?"
"They're here at my request," the man, said, his voice ringing with authority. "Are you here to prep the patient?"
"Yes, they're almost ready for him."
"No," Krycek whispered. "No."
As the nurse went about her business, Mulder looked to Scully.
"Scully...those papers."
"They say that C.G.B. Spender, to ninety-eight percent accuracy is the father of both Samantha Mulder and Alex Krycek."
Mulder lowered his head and began to tremble. Scully approached and laid a hand on his arm.
"There's something you can do for Samantha, now, Mulder. Help her give her brother a chance at life."
Eyes to the floor, Mulder asked in a small voice, "Is this new technology alien?"
"Yes, it is."
"And he'd be the first one they tried it on?"
"He would."
"So, there's a chance that it might not work."
"There's every reason to believe that it will."
Mulder hesitated for a moment then moved back toward the bed. Desolate, pleading eyes looked up at him, and Krycek pulled the mask away again.
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't..." His voice quit on him, but he continued to stare, begging with his eyes for Mulder to understand.
"Shut up, Krycek. Save your strength. You've got a lot of hours of surgery ahead of you."
Krycek shook his head, the action barely visible. His mouth formed the word no, but no sound came out.
"Our sister is gone," Mulder said, resigning himself to the fact that he and Alex Krycek shared such an important common thread. "There's nothing I can do for her now but this."
Krycek's eyes closed, and a single tear slipped free.
"And don't you go dying on the table," Mulder warned. "If you waste my sister's heart, I'll fucking dig you up and kill you again."
After the other man again replaced Krycek's mask, Scully and Mulder followed him out of the room, and they stood in a semi-circle, staring at the floor. Organizing her thoughts, she lifted her gaze to the man.
"You said there was one other sibling."
"Yes."
"Do you know who?"
"Yes," the man said softly, holding Scully's gaze. "Me."
Mulder's head slowly rose, and he eyed the man as Scully ran her fingers through her hair.
"This just gets stranger and stranger. So, you and Krycek have only known for a few months that Samantha was Spender's daughter?"
"Yes." He turned to Mulder. "Even though he found out that she was our sister, he didn't know where she was. It wasn't until he got very sick, and I brought him here that he found out she was here. He begged me to contact you. Before he died, he wanted to make sure that your sister was returned to you. I did nothing until almost the very last minute." He looked down at the floor. "You see, when it came to guts, between the two of us, Alex got the lion's share. I was afraid. Afraid of what our father would do. After all, I'd seen what he was capable of with his own children. Anyway, after Samantha was hit, he changed his mind about wanting me to contact you. He thought it would be better if you never knew that Samantha had lived and died at the hands of that smoking bastard. And he didn't want you to know that he was her brother, and...he did not want the guilt of walking around with her heart. But I thought that if I could bring you here and explain it to you...I thought that you could tell him it was okay."
"It's not okay," Mulder whispered, thinking about his sister waiting down the hall to be removed from life support and sliced open. "But Samantha was always a sympathetic, generous girl. She would have wanted to do this for a complete stranger, let alone a brother. I'm allowing this to honor her."
"Whatever your reasons, I thank you. I understand there's a lot of bad blood between you and Alex, but he's my brother. The only sibling I have left. I don't want him to die."
Mulder stood rubbing his eyes, then he dragged his hand away from his face and looked at the other man.
"I don't even know your name."
"My name's Peter."
"Do you and Krycek have the same mother?"
"No. Every sibling had a different mother. It's hard to believe a man like Spender would have that many women, but he did. God only knows what they saw in him."
Peter stopped talking as the nurse came out, wheeling Krycek's bed in front of her. Peter walked beside the bed and reached out to take Krycek's hand.
"You're gonna be okay, baby brother," he promised the other man. "Everything's gonna be fine. I'll be right here when you come back."
He walked as far as the operating room doors, then he came back.
"They'll uh...be coming for Samantha soon, if you wanna go and..."
Mulder bowed his head for a moment then dragged himself back down the hall to the first room. Leaning his head against the door, he took a long, painful breath and walked in.
Scully and Peter followed and waited at a discreet distance, watching Mulder lean over the bed.
"I never stopped looking for you," he said softly, stroking the curly, chestnut hair. "You were my first thought when I woke up in the morning, and my last thought before I went to sleep at night. I'm sorry I couldn't do better for you. I'm sorry, Samantha."
Tears came to Scully's eyes as she listened to her partner cry. She'd always hoped for his sake that his quest would some day come to an end, but not like this. Jesus, not like this.
Several minutes later, Mulder had stopped crying. He kissed Samantha's cheek once, picked himself up and turned to the other two.
"I'll wait long enough for them to...do what they have to, but once they don't need her any more, I'm taking her out of here."
"I'll see to transportation," Peter whispered then led the agents into a nearby waiting room. He left the two alone while he went about his business, and Scully sat by Mulder's side, holding his hand.
"I'm sorry, Mulder," she said finally. "I can't tell you how sorry."
"...So, you believe now that Peter wasn't scamming us?"
"It's all too damn strange not to be true. And while he's very good, not even Krycek could fake the symptoms of heart failure...I know this is the last thing you expected to find, Mulder, but you're doing the right thing. The human thing."
Mulder sighed and looked at his feet. "It's over. I can't believe that after all these years, it's over...just like that. My sister is gone. And it's just me."
Peter came back in then, and Scully got up to speak to him.
"I have some questions for you."
"I'll try my best to answer them."
"First of all, where is your father?"
"In Europe. He had business there, and he won't be back for at least a week. He put me in charge here while he was gone, which is how I could get rid of the guards so easily."
"His daughter is dead, his son could be as well by tomorrow morning, and he's in Europe on business?"
"He has no emotional attachment to us."
"What about you? He's made you his second in command."
"Only here," Peter said. "Only because I follow his instructions. There's nothing earth shatteringly important about this place as a rule. It's sort of all-purpose. When it's needed as a hospital, it's a hospital. When it's needed as a confinement facility, that's what it is. Samantha was brought here after she had come upon some information that had led her to believe that she'd been lied to about who she was. She'd started to dig and found out that she'd had another family out there. She began asking questions, demanding that our father answer them. Of course, he refused, that inflamed her even more, and he had her shipped out here to the boonies. She tried to escape, and the accident happened. He came here just before he left yesterday, told me what he wanted done, and then he was gone."
"So...assuming that Krycek survives the surgery and recovers, what are his plans for him?"
"I don't know. From what I understand about heart transplants, he'll need to be in the immediate area for three months at least so his doctor can keep an eye on him. After that I'd like to get him away from here. It's going to take a while for him to fully recover, and he needs to do it someplace quiet."
"And Spender's going to allow that?"
"Alex doesn't answer to him."
"So, I don't understand. If Krycek isn't one of your father's drones, what's he doing here at his hospital?"
"As I said, I brought him here. He was too weak to do little more than object. It was a chance, but...I'd hoped that if our father saw him...saw how sick he was, he'd take pity and use his considerable resources to find him a heart. I was stupid to think that he'd feel any kind of fatherly emotion for a dying son. Samantha and I took turns taking care of him. Alex kept begging us to forget about him and concentrate on getting Samantha back to Mulder. When it finally hit us that he was really going to die, we decided to honor his last wish. I ran interference with security, and she took off. She only got as far as the main road when that truck hit her.
"With an available heart right under his nose, our father couldn't resist the opportunity to try his newly acquired knowledge."
"My God," Scully whispered. "Every time I think that this man can't possibly be any more of a monster. Saving your child's life not because he'd your child, but because it's a good opportunity to experiment." She closed her eyes and let out a long breath. When she opened them, she looked Mulder's way.
"This has got to be hard as hell on him," Peter said, following the woman's gaze.
"You have no idea."
"Telling him how much I appreciate it won't do him any good, I'm sure, but...I do." He backed up a step. "I'm going to go...leave you two alone. When he's able to take Samantha, I'll come and let you know."
Scully nodded and watched Peter leave. When he was gone, she walked back to Mulder, sitting beside the slumped over figure. Taking his hand in hers, they waited in silence.
Peter sat alone in the hall, glancing every now and then from his watch to the doors that led to the operating room. The ninth time he looked up, he saw someone coming toward him. Jumping from his seat, he waited.
"The body is ready to be transported," the nurse informed him.
"Oh. Uh...thank you...how is Alex doing?"
"We've got a long way to go, but he's holding his own."
"Thank you."
Having delivered her news, the nurse went back to the O.R., and Peter started down the hall to the room where Mulder and Scully were waiting. He knocked softly and entered, finding Mulder stretched across the sofa, head in his partner's lap, asleep.
Stroking Mulder's hair, Scully cast a weary eye his way.
"She's ready."
The soft words brought Mulder's head up, and he looked groggily around the room. Scully took the opportunity to stretch her legs.
"Mulder...Mulder, Peter's here. Samantha is ready to go."
Mulder sat up and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.
"There's a van outside for your use. We'll take it around to the side of the house. Remember I said that there was no one else here, so you and I, Agent Mulder, will have to load the body into it. When you get to the airport, go to terminal C. There'll be a plane waiting for you. Leave the keys in the van at the lot. Someone will be by to pick it up later."
Scully nodded her acknowledgment and turned to Mulder.
"I guess we should go."
Head bowed, Mulder followed Scully and Peter out of the room and up a flight of stairs to the main floor. Walking through what looked like a regular house, they reached the front door and found a nondescript green van in the driveway. The three got in, and with Scully driving, they rounded the front of the house and pulled up to the side door. Peter got out and went into the building, and ten minutes later, he wheeled Samantha out, enclosed in a white body bag. Stopping at the back of the van, he gently laid a hand on the bag.
"Thank you, Samantha," he murmured. "I wish I'd had the chance to really know you."
Taking a moment to compose himself, Mulder stepped forward and helped Peter lift the body into the van. He closed the doors then turned to the other man. "Thank you for contacting me," he said, and that was all.
"Thank you for giving my brother a second chance. I know how hard it was for you."
Mulder averted his eyes.
"Goodbye, Peter," Scully said, drawing the man's attention and giving Mulder the chance to get into the van. "Mulder will never say this to you, so I will for the both of us. Sorry for the loss of your sister."
"Thank you. Though I'm sure you can understand when I say that while I'll always wish that it had been possible, I hadn't the time to form any real emotional bond with Samantha." He nodded to the still figure sitting on the passenger's side of the van. "He's the one who needs your sympathy."
"He's got it. Well...it's time we got out of here." Scully took one step away then turned. "I'd like to hear from you...to know how Krycek made out."
"I'll contact you in a few days."
Scully nodded and got into the van. Peter stood in the driveway watching as the agents drove away, then he turned and headed back into the house.
the next morning
Peter sat slouched in the ICU's only chair, listening to the disquieting sounds of the ventilator and monitors filling the room. He hadn't taken his eyes off of the ashen face of his brother, waiting, praying for some sign of life other than the beep of the heart monitor. He didn't hear the door open or the approach of the duty nurse, so when she spoke to him, he sat up with a start.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Tate, I didn't mean to frighten you. Mr. Spender is on the phone. He'd like to talk to you."
Cursing softly, Peter got to his feet. Checking Alex once more, he shuffled out of the room and left the hospital area. Entering the downstairs office, he pulled his mask and hat off as he reached for the phone.
"Yes?"
"How's our patient?"
"He's alive," Peter said flatly, not wanting to give the bastard too much. "Hanging in."
"The doctor said he sailed through surgery," the cheerful voice said.
Peter remained quiet.
"They're very hopeful. You should be thrilled."
//So should you, motherfucker. Like any parent would.//
"What about the body?"
"...Properly disposed of."
"Good, good. Well, since things are going so well there, I've decided to extend my stay from one week to two. There are some things here that need my attention. I trust you'll have no problems while I'm gone."
"I'm sure I won't."
"That's the spirit. All right, then. You have the number where I can be reached if need be. Otherwise, I'll talk to you in two weeks."
"All right. Good-bye."
Peter hung up and tapped his fingers on the desk.
//The bastard. The fucking bastard.//
He didn't know why it pissed him off so much that the old prick didn't give a shit about them. It was nothing new. And it would certainly never change.
Pounding once on the desk, he pushed the chair away and exited the office.
The nurse had just finished checking Krycek's monitors for the umpteenth time and left.
Peter sat dozing in the chair when something woke him up.
There was no sound other than those he had begun to grow accustomed to, but there was something. A feeling.
He sat up and looked toward the bed. A huge smile formed, and he rose to his feet. Coming to stand over the bed, he watched as voluminous sable lashes swept up and down, and Alex tried to focus on his surroundings.
"Welcome back," Peter said softly when his brother's confused gaze fell on him. "It's me, kid. Guess I'm sort of unrecognizable in this getup, huh? But I have to wear it if I want to be in here with you."
Krycek lay quietly for a moment as if gathering his fragmented thoughts, then he made a soft, impatient sound in his throat, and his eyes filled with tears.
"Don't," Peter said. "Don't, Alex. I couldn't let you die. You know I couldn't."
The agony in his brother's face stabbed at Peter's heart, and he tried to comfort him.
"No one held a gun to his head, kiddo. He did what he knew our sister would have done herself. There's no need to feel guilty about it."
Alex closed his eyes and winced as he tried to turn his head.
"You got a lot of tubes and whatnot coming out of you. You gotta try and stay as still as possible. I know it must be uncomfortable, but now that you're awake, they'll probably take the tube out of your throat, and if you do well enough, the catheters will come out tomorrow...I'm gonna go get the doctor."
Peter slipped quickly out of the room, leaving Alex alone with his muddled, tortured thoughts.
The man and woman stood hand in hand, looking down at the fresh patch of earth. Mulder had wanted to stay to watch them bury Samantha, and no one had objected since it was just he and his partner at the funeral.
He squatted and rearranged the two bouquets of flowers then stared down at them.
"Been a long road."
"She's at peace," Scully murmured, reaching down to stroke her partner's hair. "Now, you need to find some for yourself."
Mulder said nothing.
"Come on, Mulder. Let's go home."
Long moments later, Mulder got to his feet and followed his partner back to their car.
"Your color is starting to come back...and I bet you feel a lot better without all those damned tubes and catheters."
No response.
"I talked to the doc before I came in. You're progressing well. They're going to get you up tomorrow. How 'bout that?"
"Why did you call him, Pete?"
Peter sat down. "I did it for you. So maybe you wouldn't feel so much guilt over taking her heart."
"I didn't want it," Krycek croaked, his throat still sore from being intubated.
"I wasn't going to let you die, Alex. No matter what you said. You needed a heart, and Samantha provided one. I'm sorry she died. But in doing so, she saved you."
"It wasn't worth it. Not worth it."
"I know what you're feeling."
"You have no idea."
"I do. After all those years of searching for his sister, Mulder finally finds her only to discover that she's dead. And to top it off, the man he despises turns out to be her half brother, who just happens to be in need of her heart. It was awful for him. But he made it through and made a decision worthy of her. And that's what you have to do. Let go of the guilt, Alex. Let it go and live. Don't make her death meaningless. That would hurt him as much as any of this has. And though I don't know why, I do know that it means something to you."
Krycek closed his eyes and gave no response.
"Never mind all that," Peter said. "We shouldn't be talking about anything that's going to upset you. Let's talk about something else." He leaned in, smiling. "Three months from now, you're going to be free of these doctors. I was thinking that we could go away. Someplace far away from here. We'll pick a place where we can be close to good hospitals and doctors, but where we can still live in peace and quiet. Where you don't have to do anything but relax and recuperate."
Krycek's eyes remained closed, and Peter groaned softly.
"Alex..."
"You had no right," Krycek whispered. "You should have respected my wishes."
"I couldn't," Peter said, begging his brother to understand. "You're all the family I have, Alex. I couldn't lose you. You're all I've got."
"Samantha was all Mulder had," Alex rasped. "Now I've got her heart, and he has nothing."
"'Alex, don't take this the wrong way, but...you've fucked plenty of people over in your life. I've never seen you sweat any of it like you do this. What is it with Mulder?"
He got the non-response he'd expected.
Letting out a long sigh, Peter patted the younger man's hand.
"Just...rest. You've got a long recovery ahead of you."
two days later
Scully entered the office, a white paper bag between her teeth, and an armful of files. She kicked the door shut, frowning as her partner, who sat at his desk, peering over his glasses at a newspaper article. She dropped the files down then took the bag out of her mouth.
"Mulder, what are you doing here? You promised me you'd take a few days off."
"I tried," Mulder answered. "But being home with nothing to do just left me more time to think." He turned a weary gaze up to her. "I need to work, Scully."
"Mulder..." Her phone rang. "Wait a minute...Scully...yes? Yes, how did..." Scully slipped a glance at Mulder, who had returned his attention to his paper article. "...And there've been no complications so far? No signs of rejection?"
Mulder's head lifted.
"...That's...that's good. Well, yes, that is sometimes a problem, but...good. Good. Well, thank you for calling, and I will convey your message. All right...goodbye."
Scully disconnected and waited to see if Mulder's curiosity would get the better of him. It did.
"I take it he survived the surgery."
"Yes, he did. Peter says he's doing fairly well, physically. He had a problem with his kidneys and had to be put on dialysis, but that was only temporary. They've taken all the tubes out, and they've got him up and walking..."
"What do you mean, physically?"
Scully looked down at her desk. "He's very angry with Peter for bringing you there. He didn't want you to suffer any more hurt than you already have."
"Sweet. You think being on his deathbed softened him? Too bad his heart didn't give out on him a lot sooner. Maybe we could have avoided some of the shit we went through the last few years."
Scully said nothing.
"What was that about conveying a message?"
"Peter wanted me to let you know that he's more grateful to you than he can say, and he hopes you're doing well."
"Wonderful."
Scully ignored the snide comment.
"I hope Krycek gets over being upset with his brother. He got to know deep in his heart that Peter loves him and had to do everything in his power to save him."
Mulder continued to stare at his desk, his hands clenching in the newspaper, crushing it in his grip.
"You mean deep in Samantha's heart."
"Hey! Look at you!" Peter walked in, grinning at his brother and the therapist as they walked slowly around the bed. "You'll be running in no time."
Alex said nothing as the therapist helped him back into bed.
"I'll be back later this afternoon, and we'll go around again," the man said.
"Can't wait," Alex muttered, wincing in discomfort as he tried to get comfortable.
Peter followed the therapist out into the hall. "How's he doing?" he asked, nodding at the nurse who entered the room with a breakfast tray.
"It's slow going, but that's to be expected. He's tired, he's uncomfortable, and he's grouchy."
"I hope he's not..."
Krycek's voice, pained but loud sounded inside the room, cutting Peter off.
"I said, I don't want any breakfast. Now, get this shit out of here!"
Cursing softly, Peter hurried into the room.
"Look. It's my job to make sure that you eat. Now, if you refuse, I'll have no choice but to call the doctor."
"Oooh, I'm scared."
"Alex," Peter called in a chastising tone. "What are you doing?"
"I'm not hungry," Alex said, his teeth gritted against the pain.
"Alex, you must keep your strength up, or it's going to set back your recovery. Is that what you want?"
"Everything tastes like cardboard," Alex muttered.
"The doctor said that might happen," Peter explained. "You know that. You know he also said that it would come back. Now, please stop giving the nurses such a hard time."
"I've dealt with entire pediatrics wards better than him," the nurse growled.
Alex glared at the woman.
"I'm sorry," Peter apologized. "He's just so uncomfortable. He'll get better."
"I hope so," the nurse threatened. "Because if he urinates on my hand one more time while I'm trying to bathe him, I'll..."
"What'sa matter, Nurse Ratchet?" Alex taunted. "Don't like water sports?"
Peter rolled his eyes then tried to mollify the nurse. Pulling her aside, he murmured softly to her.
"He's very upset. I don't know if you know it or not, but our sister died several days ago, and it was her heart he received. He's really strung out about it."
The nurse eyed him for a moment then sighed. "I'm very sorry about your sister. And I'll try to be a little more patient. But I can only take so much."
Peter nodded. "Of course. I understand. I'll try to get him to behave."
The nurse left the room, and Peter paused for a breath before turning to Alex. He had every intention to scold him, but his irritation turned to concern when he saw his younger brother's face pale and contorted with pain.
"Alex." He ran to the bed. "Alex...what is it?"
Receiving only an agonized whimper, he snatched up the small control box on the side of the bed and pressed frantically at the blue button, yelling for the nurse at the same time. She was back in seconds, checking the patient's heart monitor then taking his pulse.
"What is it?" Peter asked anxiously.
"His pulse is racing, but that's probably just because he was worked up. I'll get the doctor."
"Yeah. Yeah, get the doctor. Hurry up. Go."
Moments after the nurse had run from the room, the doctor appeared and hustled Peter out. He came out a while later, and Peter stopped pacing.
"Is he okay? What happened?"
"He'll be all right. But he has to stop yelling at the nurses, and he has to watch how he moves. The man just had major, major surgery less than a week ago. Too much strain on those stitches, and we could have a problem."
"I'll try and make him understand," Peter said, relieved that nothing serious had happened.
"If you can't, we may have to restrain him."
Peter nodded, thanked the doctor and re-entered the room, where Alex was lying quietly, responding to the sedative the nurse had given him.
"Alex..." Peter took his usual seat and placed his hand on the edge of his brother's bed. "You need to take it easy. No fooling around, man. If you can't behave yourself, they're going to restrain you. I know you won't like that very much...Alex?"
The sedative had taken effect quickly, and he was already starting to drift. Peter watched him in silence, and a while later, a word slipped past Alex's lips on a soft sigh.
"Mulder..."
Frowning, Peter sat forward. He listened for more, but Alex had passed into complete unconsciousness. He sat back, slouching in the chair and staring hard at his brother, trying to understand his inscrutable preoccupation with Fox Mulder.
"That's it. You've done extraordinarily well, Alex. You'll be happy to know I'm going to let you go home."
Peter grinned at his brother.
"You hear that?"
Krycek sat against his pillows, looking down at his folded hands. His color had returned, the swelling in his extremities was gone, and he could breathe again. Yet, for all these miracles, he couldn't find it within himself to be thankful.
"The biopsy doesn't show the least little sign of rejection," the doctor said. It's amazing. You're a very fortunate young man, you know. Heart transplant recipients have to be on anti-rejection drugs for the rest of their lives."
Smiling at his brother, Peter took the doctor aside for a private talk.
"What if somewhere down the line he does start to reject the heart?"
"That's why we need to monitor him closely. We can't assume that the technology is foolproof, even though we've been assured that it is. If he shows any sign of rejection, we'll have to hospitalize him immediately and get him started on meds. I won't b.s. you, Mr. Tate. We've taken a big chance not starting him on the drugs as soon as we performed the surgery."
"I know. But this was his only chance. It had to be taken." Peter sighed. "Will he be able to get that treatment anywhere?"
"The anti-rejection drugs?"
"Yes."
"He can, but if any...unexpected adjustments need to be made, who else would know that?" The doctor raised one eyebrow. "You follow me?"
Peter closed his eyes.
"If he did begin to reject the heart, wouldn't you want him to be in the place where he'd have the best chance for survival?"
Peter opened his eyes and gave the doctor a brief smile.
"Thank you, doctor. I'd better go get him ready to go home."
"I'll see him back here in two days, all right?"
Peter nodded and returned to Alex's bedside.
"Let's get you up and out of here, what d'you say?"
Alex made no move for a long while, then he slowly pushed the light blanket aside and moved stiffly to the edge of the bed. Peter helped him to his feet, and together they prepared to leave.
Helping Alex with his underwear and pants, Peter picked up a shirt and held it out, waiting for his brother to slip into it. But Alex stopped. He walked away from Peter, heading slowly into the bathroom, where he turned on the light. Peter paused for a moment then followed. He found Alex standing in front of the mirror, watching his fingers travel alongside of the scar that ran almost the entire length of his torso.
"It's very new. But they did a good job, kid. In time it won't look so bad."
Alex's gaze dropped from the mirror, and he turned, taking the shirt from Peter's hands as he shuffled out of the bathroom.
"Are you ever going to say more than three words at a time to me?" Peter asked as he watched Alex slide the shirt over one arm.
"What do you want me to say?" Alex asked softly, wincing as he reached around for the other sleeve.
Peter was there in an instant, helping his brother.
"That you're not mad at me any more. That you understand why I did it...that you're glad to be alive."
"I'm still mad at you...I do understand why you did it...I'm not glad to be alive."
"Jesus. Alex..."
Alex turned to face the other man.
"But I am alive. And I'm trapped."
"Trapped. How?"
"You think I don't know that these doctors right here are the only ones who stand a chance of helping me if the technology turns out to be a load of shit and my body starts to reject the transplant? I can't go far, can I? I gotta stay here...under their microscope."
"Alex, I'm...I'm sorry. All I could think about was saving your life. You're all I have in this world. Alex, please. Can't you see what a gift this is?"
"I have no right to it."
"Alex, promise me you won't do anything."
"Anything?"
"...To yourself."
Alex began to button the shirt.
"That's part two of the trap, brother."
"I don't...I...what are you talking about?"
"I'm stuck in this life, now." He looked up at Peter, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears. "I can't waste Samantha's heart. You've made me a prisoner twice over."
Paralyzed, Peter watched Alex finish dressing and walk out of the room. He stood there, staring for quite some time before forcing himself to follow his brother out.
'...and the witness states that upon her return, she found her husband in his recliner where she had left him, asleep in front of the television. He was completely unaware that he appeared to have aged twenty-five years. As yet, Agent Scully and I have no working theories. Lab results pending...'
Mulder finished and saved his report then spun around to look out the window.
It was late, and the street was quiet. With nothing for him to focus on, his thoughts went to the sister he'd searched more than half his life for.
All this time. All these years. In the wrinkled, gnarled clutches of that chain smoking son of a bitch. Father or no, he had no right to take her. She was just a little girl, and theirs was the only family she'd known.
What had he done with her all these years? How had he treated her? What kinds of lies had he told her? Had he abused her? Experimented on and pumped her full of drugs like he had Krycek?
There was a thought he could have done without having. Krycek. With his sister's...their sister's heart.
Mulder's hands clenched together as a tidal wave of grief and anger washed over him.
That old bastard was his sister's father. What the hell had their mother seen in him? Had his father known about it? Was that what all the arguments had been about all those years ago?
//Maybe she had been forced. Maybe all the women had been forced...more subjects of his twisted experiments. Maybe...//
"What does matter now?" He murmured to himself. "Any of it?"
The were all gone. His father, his mother...and now Samantha. Cancerman wouldn't answer any of his questions even if Mulder could track the fucker down.
But...Krycek could...maybe.
Mulder chewed on his lower lip for a while then spun his chair around and leapt out of it.
//And you think because you were generous enough to let that lying prick have your sister's heart, he'd suddenly turn into a human being and tell you the truth?//
Pacing the floor, Mulder ran his fingers through his hair.
//Forget it. Just forget it. It isn't worth facing him again.//
He stopped pacing and dropped onto the sofa, closing his eyes.
"It isn't worth it."
"You're doing well, Mr. Krycek. Stitches look good, heart seems to be working well, your color and pressure are good. How's your appetite?"
"I'm eating," Krycek said, his voice barely audible. The doctor looked to Peter.
"He is."
"I'm so glad to hear it."
The doctor and Peter turned their heads at the same time and watched the old man enter.
"You're looking well, Alex," he said, coming around to face his son. "Much better than the last time I saw you."
Dull green eyes lifted to meet watery blue. Alex said nothing.
"You don't seem very happy for a man who's had a second chance at life."
"Your daughter is dead," Krycek rasped.
"An extremely unfortunate turn of events. But she lives in you."
"And now I'm your own personal science project. You should have gone with your first instinct."
The man cocked his head curiously.
"You should have let me die."
Peter bowed his head.
"Come now, you don't mean that."
More of the blank stare.
"Or maybe you do." He squinted at the seated man. "But I can trust you, can't I Alex? I don't have to take steps to insure that you don't try to do away with yourself."
"You don't have to tie me down."
"Glad to hear it. You had me a little worried there for a moment."
A tiny breath of a laugh pushed past Alex's lips, and he looked away.
"Well, I have business. But before I go, Peter, I'd like to see you outside for a moment."
Peter followed the old man out into the hall and waited.
"It was very generous of you to allow Agent Mulder to see his sister and to help him transport her remains back for burial."
Peter tried not to let his surprise show. He stared straight at his father and said nothing.
"Alex's independence seems to be rubbing off on you."
"It was the decent thing to do. The man's been searching for his sister for years."
"Yes, of course. Poor Mulder. I suppose it's the least we could have done for him."
"We didn't do it."
"Yes, well, be that as it may...I should be angry at you, Peter. After all, you did arrange all this without my knowledge." He gave his son a sickly smile. "Or so you thought...but since this facility is nothing special and the circumstances were extraordinary, I'll forgive it."
"Gee, thanks."
Spender stared at Peter as he withdrew a pack of Morleys and slipped a cigarette between his lips.
"Yes, you are definitely picking up some of your brother's traits. So, how did he feel about our Alex receiving his sister's heart?"
"How do you think?"
"But he didn't try to stop it."
"I told him the truth about who Samantha, Alex and I were to each other. He was shocked to say the least, but under the circumstances, he knew that the right thing to do was to let Alex have her heart. Above all else, he's a man of principle and compassion."
"I wonder how far that principle and compassion would have gone if it had been me he found dying in that bed," Spender mused. "Not very, I think. Oh, well. I've got to be going now. I'm late for a meeting. You boys behave yourselves, now."
He pushed away from the wall and started to walk away. Four steps down the hall, he stopped and turned around. "I'll check on you every week or so, and Doctor Scott will keep me informed of Alex's condition."
And with that, he was gone.
Peter stood in silence for a while then came back into the room.
"Are we all done, doc?"
"Yes, you can go. Just keep up with your therapy, Alex, remember not to lift anything heavy, and I'll see you next week unless something comes up."
Alex paused for a moment then rose from his seat and walked out of the office, Peter right behind him.
"Is there anything you want to do before we go home?" Peter asked, following his brother to the door.
"What did he want?"
"Huh? Oh, the old man? He just wanted me to know that he knew that I'd brought Mulder here and had given him Samantha's body."
"Is he pissed?"
"No."
"Too bad."
"Yeah. So, do you want to do anything?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"What would I want to do, Peter? Go out for ice cream? Visit the zoo?"
Peter sighed. "I thought maybe you'd like to have lunch. Then we could go rent some movies."
They walked slowly to the car, and Alex stopped at the passenger's side door.
"Sure."
"...Yeah?"
"Why not?" Alex asked as Peter unlocked the door, and he got in. "What else have I got to do?"
Peter sat slouched in the chair across from the sofa, where Alex lay, watching the movie he'd chosen. Every once in a while his gaze would slip to the side, and he'd check to see if Alex was awake. He'd found the younger man's eyes open each time, but he hadn't been entirely sure that there was anything going on behind the listless green gaze.
"Pretty good movie, huh?"
No answer.
"I kept resisting it because I thought it was a chick flick, but it's good."
Alex gave no response. He lay staring at the screen and seeing nothing but the image of Samantha's smiling, concerned face as she leaned over him, and then the face of her brother, shocked, full of hate and anguish as he left Alex with a gift he had no right to have.
With those images in his head, he finally fell into a restless sleep.
With one eye on Alex and the other on the television, Peter continued to watch the movie. When he'd made it to the last fifteen minutes, Alex shifted, moaning softly.
"Mulder..."
Peter's head snapped around, and he stared at the sleeping man.
A look of agony wrinkled Alex's brow, and he whimpered as if in excruciating pain.
"'M'sorry..." The sable head lifted, and matching lashes lifted to reveal confused, unfocused, dark eyes as he again called out the name of the man who haunted his dreams.
"Mulder..."
"Alex."
The younger man's eyes shifted in Peter's direction, then they closed, and he lowered his head back to the cushion
Peter rose from the chair and came to squat in front of the sofa. Resting one hand on Alex's arm, he called to him.
"Alex...please. You gotta talk to me. What is this with Agent Mulder? I've never seen you so remorseful about anything like you are with this. You can't continue this way. Whatever the deal is with you two, you gotta see him and talk it out. Settle it with him so you can get on with your life."
Alex draped one arm over his face and gave no response.
"Alex...come on, man, this is ridiculous."
And...zip.
"Okay. Okay, fine." Peter boosted himself to his feet. "You won't talk to me...maybe Mulder will."
As Peter began to walk away, Alex bolted upright, groaning at the discomfort it caused.
"Don't."
"Don't what?" Peter asked, turning around.
"Don't you call him."
"You won't talk, Alex. You sulk, you brood...you call out his name in your sleep, and you won't tell me why. I gotta know. And if you won't tell me, then I'll find out from him."
"He doesn't know," Alex gasped, swinging his feet to the floor. "Leave him alone. Please, Peter, leave him alone."
"That's the most you've said to me at one time, in two and a half weeks." Peter came back to the sofa and sat down beside his distressed brother. "Tell me what's going on, Alex. Why the hell are you so bent out of shape about Fox Mulder?"
"I just want you to leave him alone," Alex insisted. "He's had enough shit thrown at him; he doesn't need any more."
"Why are you so concerned about it?"
"Because I've been the cause of so much of his hell. And me having his sister's heart is the icing on the fucking cake. Just...leave him alone. Let him try and forget about this if he can."
"That doesn't really answer my question, Alex. You wouldn't feel this much anguish over anyone else. Why him?"
"Stop it, Peter, okay? Leave me alone, and leave him alone." Alex heaved himself off of the sofa and walked as quickly toward his bedroom as he could. He opened the door and turned to face his brother, who had followed him halfway into the hall. "I mean it. You've done enough damage. Don't fuck things up any more than you have."
Peter flinched when the door slammed shut, and he sat quietly, processing what had just passed between him and Alex. Looking toward the other man's room, he pulled out his cell phone and went into his own room, searching through his programmed phone numbers.
Scully set her dinner down on the coffee table and picked up the remote only to slam it down when her cell phone rang.
"Damn." She spun around, trudging into her bedroom, where she'd left the phone in her bag, and she answered.
"Scully."
"...Agent Scully. It's Peter Tate."
He didn't sound good. Ah, damn.
"Mr. Tate. What can I do for you? Is...is something..."
"Alex is still doing all right physically. Mentally, it's a different ball game completely."
"If he's suffering from depression, you should think about seeing a therapist. If he continues that way, it could adversely affect his recovery."
"I don't think therapy is going to do it. Alex has some seriously deep issues concerning your partner, and he will not talk about them. I was hoping you could enlighten me."
"Well..." Scully walked back into the living room and dropped down on the sofa. "How much do you know?"
"Alex never spoke about any of the projects our father assigned him to. But I heard things, you know? Enough to know that he's had a hand in some majorly rotten stuff involving your partner."
"He killed Mulder's father," Scully said. "Did you know that?"
"No...Jeez."
"Or that he was involved in getting me abducted?"
"Yeah, that I heard about that. And I know that he was there when your sister was shot. What else has he done?"
Scully ran down the list, and when she was finished, Peter sat in silence for a while before clearing his throat.
"Umm...I...I knew about some of that but...I don't understand. I don't think I could ever be big enough to allow someone who'd done the things to me that Alex has done to Agent Mulder to have my sister's heart."
"Mulder knew that Samantha would never want him to let anyone die if it was within his power to save her. Mr. Tate..."
"Peter...please."
"...Peter...uh...Mulder has been searching for his sister for many, many years. It's killing him that he wasn't able to find her in time. The last thing he could do for her was to abide by the wishes he knew she'd express, and give her heart to someone in desperate need of it. It was a gut wrenching twist of fate that that person happened to be your brother."
"I still don't get this, though."
"What's not to get? He should feel guilty about all the crap he's pulled over the years."
"Yes, but...Agent Scully, I love Alex. He's my brother. And our father being who he is, we really have no one but each other...but the truth is, he isn't the type to really feel things like guilt and remorse. Not as a rule. Yet, when it comes to your partner...uh...he doesn't know I'm talking to you. I had threatened to contact Mulder, and he had a fit. He thinks I've done more than enough damage already. This just is not typical Alex behavior."
"Maybe when he got sick, he started taking stock of his life. It happens, you know. Even to the worst of us."
"I'll go along with that, but why just Mulder? Alex has...he's had dreams. He won't tell me about them, but I know Agent Mulder is in them. Alex calls his name sometimes. He had one earlier today...he seemed so upset...restless. He said he was sorry. I've never heard Alex say he was sorry in his life. Even when we were kids, and he was getting punished for one thing or another. I admired that about him. I'd start apologizing before the old man ever touched me, but not Alex. Not once. Guess that's why he got all the action, and I got the peon assignments. Uh...anyway, he's got me really concerned."
"Are you afraid he'll try and commit suicide?"
"No. He...he's mad as hell at me. He says I've trapped him in this life."
"I don't understand. How is he trapped?"
"You remember what your partner said to him that night?"
Scully thought for a moment. "Yes. Yes, I do...and you think that's what's keeping him from just letting go?"
"I know it is. Fox Mulder's word seems to be law. And that's why I'm calling. Do you think he'd come and talk to Alex...tell him it's not okay for him to simply exist?"
Scully rubbed at the inside corners of her eyes. "You're asking for an awful lot, Peter. Mulder's having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that he actually let Krycek have his sister's heart...and that Krycek was her half brother. I don't think Mulder's going to be able to deal with being anywhere near him."
"I don't know what I'm gonna do, then. I know as sure as my name that for whatever reason, Agent Mulder is the only person who'd stand a chance of getting through to him."
"Let's say the impossible happened, and Mulder decided to go talk to him. Won't Krycek be mad as hell at you for going to Mulder?"
"I'm sure he would. But he barely speaks to me now. What would I have to lose?"
"Look, Peter, I...I'll talk to him. That's all I can promise."
"That's...thank you. I appreciate your effort, I really do." Peter blew out a hard breath. "Do you have much influence on him?"
"Not when he's being stubborn, I don't."
Peter laughed softly. "Alex is stubborn as a mule too."
"Aside from Samantha, it's probably the only thing in the world they have in common. Well...I'll try talking to him tomorrow."
"Thank you again. Should I call you tomorrow night?"
"Yeah. Around this same time will be fine."
"All right then. Goodnight, Agent Scully."
"Goodnight."
Scully hung up and speared her hands into her hair, curling her fingers around the red strands.
"Oh my God, what am I getting myself into?"
Determined not to dwell on it all night, she picked up her fork and dug into the lasagna.
"Ah! Dammit!" Getting up, she picked up the plate and shoved it back into the microwave. When it was hot again, she carried the plate back into the living room and dropped down into front of the television.
"Hey, Mulder," she mumbled to herself, playing with the lasagna. "How are you this morning? Oh, by the way, I spoke to Peter Tate last night, and he wants me to ask you if you'd fly clear across the country to have a talk with Krycek." Cutting into the lasagna, she studied it before shoving it into her mouth. "Yeah. Ohhh, yeah, that'll work."
Peter watched as Alex shuffled into the room and sat down at the kitchen table.
"Morning."
Getting no answer, he spooned some scrambled eggs out into a plate and set an empty glass down in front of the brooding younger man. He turned to get the orange juice and continued speaking.
"You look a little rough around the edges. How do you feel?"
"All right."
"Did you sleep?"
"No."
"When we get back from therapy, you should go back to bed."
Alex lifted a small amount of eggs to his mouth, chewing slowly, then he took a sip of his juice.
"Alex? Okay?"
Alex pushed the eggs around the plate before eating a bit more.
"Yeah."
"How long are we going to go on like this?" Peter asked, trying not to betray much emotion.
"Like what?"
"Like we're damn strangers, Alex. Are you ever going to forgive me?"
Alex took another bite of his eggs.
Peter closed his eyes, sighing softly.
"I've got to stick around for a while to make sure you're okay, but in a couple of months, I can move out."
"It's your place."
"I'll find another one."
"I don't want to live in a Consortium-owned apartment," Alex said, staring down into his juice. "I'll find my own place."
Peter let it go and ate his own breakfast. He waited for Alex to finish, then the two left for Alex's appointment with the therapist.
Scully slipped into the office, glancing at Mulder, who seemed engrossed in some slides he was hunched over.
"Morning."
"Closer to afternoon."
"Yeah, well, when Skinner schedules two autopsies for me first thing in the morning..."
"Find anything interesting?"
"Nope."
"Then why'd he ask you to do them?"
"Johnson is on vacation and Freidrich is out with the flu."
"Ah."
Scully threw herself into a chair and stretched her arms and legs. "God, I could use a nice long massage."
"Is that a hint?" Mulder asked, cracking his knuckles.
"Thanks, Sven, but no thanks. If I have a massage, it's going to be by a paid professional who knows what the hell they're doing."
Mulder shrugged and went back to his slides.
"What are you looking at, anyway? And why aren't you using the projector?"
"Broken. These are from a three year old's birthday party. There's something in the background of each of these frames that's very, very strange."
Scully got up to look.
"What? This little blob here that looks like fog?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe it is fog."
"I knew you'd say that."
Scully shook her head and walked away.
"The thing is," Mulder called after her, "it was very localized. And the temperature in the area that it passed over dropped to more than thirty degrees below the actual temperature."
"Mulder, most backyards have two or three microclimates."
"Where it the temperature drops by more than thirty degrees?"
"I suppose you want to go investigate."
"Don't you think we should?"
"Of course I do, Mulder. Where are we going?"
"Douglas, Arizona."
"Arizona?"
"Oh, now you're interested?"
Scully sighed. "You didn't tell me it was in Arizona." She scratched at the back of her head. "Well, I guess this is as good an opportunity as I'm going to have, so..."
Mulder looked up at his partner curiously.
"I got a phone call last night."
"Yeah?"
"It was Peter Tate."
Mulder's gaze dropped. "What'd he want?"
"He's having trouble with Krycek."
"...And?"
"He was hoping that maybe you'd give him a hand."
"No."
"Don't you even want to think about it?"
"Don't have to."
"Mulder..."
"I've given that bastard quite enough, don't you think?"
"I know. I know. But while he's doing the things he should do post-surgery, he's doing them because he has to, not because he wants to. And sooner or later, it could affect him in a bad way. It takes more than going through the motions, you know? If the will isn't there..."
"So, why's he just going through the motions? Krycek doesn't strike me as the type who does anything he really doesn't want to do."
"Peter believes it's because of you."
"Me."
"Before we left Krycek's room, you told him that if he wasted Samantha's heart, you'd dig him up and kill him again...remember?"
"Yeah."
"Well, apparently, he took that as gospel. Peter thinks that Krycek feels he literally owes you his life. He feels he's got to stay alive now, as much as he wishes he weren't. He didn't want it, but now he's got your sister's heart, and he can't let it die...because it'd hurt you if he did."
Mulder thought about it for a moment then shook his head.
"I can't...I...I can't look at him, Scully, I can't..."
"That's what I thought...a phone call?"
"...I don't think so."
"All right. I'll tell him when he calls tonight."
Scully let the subject drop, and Mulder went back to his slides, but his concentration was broken, and soon he shoved the slides aside.
"I'm going to make our reservations."
"Okay."
Mulder called the airport and got a flight to Arizona, leaving in the morning. Not a word more was spoken about Krycek, and at the end of the day, the partners went their separate ways.
Two hours after coming home, Scully's cell phone rang, and she answered softly.
"Scully."
"Agent Scully."
"Hello, Peter."
"How are you today."
"All right. You?"
"Tired, got a splitting headache...brother won't talk to me..."
"Still nothing?"
"Nope. You have any luck with Agent Mulder?"
"I'm sorry, Peter. I tried. I had a feeling he wouldn't go for it." She could hear the sigh of frustration. "I even asked Mulder if he would consider just talking to him on the phone. No go."
There was a brief silence, then Peter spoke, sounding utterly defeated.
"Well, I guess that's it, then. Thank you for trying, Agent Scully. I really do appreciate it."
"I'm sorry I didn't have better news for you."
"So am I."
"I can't believe I'd actually feel bad for Alex Krycek, but I think I do. I know I feel bad for you."
"Thanks. That's very generous, considering. You're clearly a compassionate woman."
"Mulder is compassionate too. Overly so, sometimes. It's just that when it comes to Krycek, he loses all reason."
Peter sat, tapping the phone with one finger. "...They sure freak each other out, don't they?"
"I never thought of it that way, but yeah. I guess they do."
"Interesting. Well, I really should go now. I gotta get out to the market for a few things before I start dinner."
"All right. Umm...would you mind if I called from time to time to see how things are going?"
"No. Not at all. And if you don't mind, I'd like to call you once in a while. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to."
"That would be fine."
"All right, then. Talk to you soon...and Agent Scully? Thanks again."
"You're welcome. I'm sorry it didn't turn out better."
"Goodnight."
Scully hung up and fell back against her sofa, her mind full of things she never thought she'd be thinking.
Almost two thousand miles away, Pete Tate was doing the same thing.
Mulder circled the yard for the third time, stopping here and there to observe any noticeable climate changes. He looked at the pictures he'd had printed from the slides then checked out the bushes and flowers growing in that area. Finding something of interest, he pulled out a Ziploc bag and a rubber glove. Scully, who'd been interviewing members of the family, noticed, and called to him.
"Did you find something, Mulder?"
"I don't know. There's a residue on these plants here."
Scully immediately turned to the woman of the house.
"Have you used any kind of insecticide or plant food recently?"
"No," the woman answered. "Nothing."
"Have the plants received any water?"
"Agent Mulder told us not to water, and it sure hasn't rained."
Mulder finished collecting his samples, and he returned to the small group. He held the bag up for Scully to see.
"Mulder it may be just some sort of fungus," Scully said, looking at the crusty gray substance.
"Possibly. But fungi usually grow where it's damp and dark. That area of yard...the only area of the yard where it's turned up, is neither." He turned to the woman and her husband. "We're going to have this analyzed and get back to you. In the meantime, if anything else out of the ordinary happens, call me." As he handed his card to the husband, Scully's phone rang. Recognizing the number, she walked away and answered.
"Scully."
"Agent Scully. I'm...I'm sorry, I know you probably didn't think you'd hear from me this soon."
"Peter, what's wrong? You don't sound well at all."
"You could say that. I'm in the hospital."
"You...what happened?"
"I was in an accident day before yesterday."
"The last day we spoke?"
"Yeah. I was on my way back home from the store, and some jackass blew through a stop sign and smacked right into me. Totaled my car. I guess I'm lucky to even be here."
"You really do sound like you're in a lot of pain. How were you injured?"
"Broke my leg in two places, and busted two ribs."
"Oh, my God. How long are you going to be there?"
"Another few days at least."
"How's your brother getting along?"
"He says he's managing, but I'm sure that's to keep me from worrying. You see, if anything good came out of this, it's that Alex is talking to me again."
"Hell of a way for it to happen, but...who's taking care of him?"
"That's why I called. I know you said that Agent Mulder won't have anything to do with Alex, and you're so far away, but I have no one else to ask..."
"We're actually not as far away as you think. We're in Douglas, Arizona."
"Really? What's that, about a three hour drive?"
Scully sighed as she looked to her partner, who was still grilling the family.
"I don't know how I'd get him out there."
"Please, Agent Scully. There's no one else. I would never ask our father to help us, and Alex would hate me for life if I did."
"I'll see what I can do. What hospital are you at?"
"Casa de Oro."
"What's your room number?"
"Two-twelve."
"I'll call you back. Until then, try to relax, okay?"
"It hurts too much to do anything else."
Sully disconnected and rejoined Mulder, who was just saying his goodbyes to the family.
"Who was that?" he asked, walking down the driveway to their rental.
Scully waited until she got into the car to tell him.
"Peter Tate."
Mulder's mood changed instantly. "He's calling you an awful lot, isn't he?"
"He won't dare to call you, so..."
"So, what's this all about?"
"He was in an accident day before yesterday."
"Who was?"
"Peter. He's in the hospital."
"I take it he's going to live, since he's able to make phone calls."
"Yeah, but he's going to be out of commission for some time."
Mulder cast a suspicious glance Scully's way. "...And?"
"There's no one to take care of Krycek."
"What's wrong with daddy dearest?"
"Mulder, they hate him. They don't want him anywhere near them if they can help it."
"Scully, you're not suggesting..."
"We're only about a three hour drive from Las Cruces."
"If you think I'm going to drive to New Mexico and baby sit that..."
"They've got no one else."
"I've got work to do here, Scully. If you want to go, be my guest."
"Nothing else has happened here, Mulder. All you have to do is turn that substance over to the lab, and we can go. You can get the results over the phone. They can send a copy of the file to your laptop."
Mulder voice got louder. "I'm not going."
"What are you afraid of?"
"What?"
"You heard me. What are you so afraid of?"
"Nothing. Is it so unbelievable to you that I don't want to be anywhere near Alex fucking Krycek?"
"No, Mulder. It's not unbelievable."
"Then, what is this?"
Scully lowered her head. "What do you think Samantha would want you to do?"
Mulder's head snapped around, and he stared at his partner.
"That's dirty, Scully."
"I'm sorry, Mulder, but really. You've done the hardest work. Don't you think Samantha would want you to help her brothers out if it was within your power to do so?"
Mulder sat behind the wheel, chewing on his lower lip so hard, Scully was afraid he was going to tear the skin off.
"Fine. We'll go to Las Cruces to help Samantha's brothers...again."
Mulder started the car and headed to the police station.
Alex stood in front of the refrigerator, trying to decide what to have for lunch. Without making up his mind, he shut the door and shuffled into the living room, running his fingers through his hair. He slowly lowered himself to the sofa and picked up the remote. He dropped it again before even turning the t.v. on, and he sat staring into space.
//You gotta get with it. Do you know how close you came to losing the one person in the world who gives a shit about you? What the hell would have happened if Peter had died in that accident? Who would you have to turn to?//
"Nobody," he whispered, desolation dripping from the single word.
The agents walked down the hall, bustling with activity, and they stopped in front of the door marked two-twelve. Scully looked up at her partner, but he refused to return her gaze. Sighing, she pushed the door open and walked in.
Eyes almost as blue as her own and glazed with discomfort and exhaustion watched warily as they entered the room.
"You're here."
"I called and told you that we were coming," Scully reminded Peter as she gave him a friendly smile.
"I know, I...I just was afraid to believe it, I guess."
Mulder looked toward the window and said nothing.
"How're you feeling?"
"Been better."
"You look awful. Have you slept?"
"Not really. The painkillers relax me, but it's hard to sleep when the nurses are in here every hour taking my vitals." Peter looked to the silent man. "Agent Mulder, thank you for agreeing to come. I know how hard it must be."
"You have no idea how hard it must be," Mulder muttered.
"Okay, you're right. I don't know. But I do thank you." His eyes went to Scully. "I'm so worried about him. He told me he's eating, but there can't be much left in the house. I have no idea what happened to the groceries that were in my car after the accident. Alex can't lift anything yet, and he can't drive, so he can't go shopping."
"And you think with you not there, he's going to follow those rules?"
"I think so. He really has been okay about doing what he's supposed to."
"Even though he doesn't want to," Mulder said, surprising Scully by speaking.
"Right," Peter said. "You can chose not to believe this, Agent Mulder, but there's only one reason he's playing by the rules."
Mulder walked away from the bed.
Peter and Scully watched him then turned their eyes toward each other. They stared for a few seconds, then Scully broke contact.
"If you'll uh...tell us where the nearest market is and give us your address, we'll go bring him some food."
"Thank you. And uh...he's got a therapy session and a doctor's appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning at eleven."
Mulder whirled around.
"So?"
"S-so, he needs to..."
"He can take a taxi. We're out of here tomorrow morning."
Peter cast an anxious look Scully's way.
"Mulder," Scully said gently. "We can't just let him..."
"The fuck we can't," Mulder growled, stalking back toward the bed. "Look. I don't know what the hell's going on here. I don't know why you're suddenly so gung ho to help Krycek out, but I don't want any part of it, you understand? We'll go do his shopping, we'll drop it off...hell, I'll even put the stuff away. But that's it. That's it."
Mulder spun around and stormed out of the room, leaving Scully to apologize to Peter.
"He's really having a hard time with this," she explained. "Harder than even I thought he would."
Peter nodded. "I'm sorry I brought you two hundred miles out of your way just to go food shopping."
"I'm going to talk to him again and see if I can't smooth some of those ruffled feathers."
"Good luck," Peter murmured, his eyelids growing heavier by the moment. "I think you're gonna need it."
Scully gave him another smile. "I'm sure I'm gonna need it. Take care. I'll call you once I've seen Krycek."
"All right. Thank you again. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
Scully nodded and backed toward the door.
"Well, I'd better go now before Mulder drives off without me."
Without another word, she left the room. She found Mulder sulking in the car, and when she got in, he shot her an icy look.
"What is all this?"
"What d'you mean?"
"Did I miss something? Did you get something going with Krycek's brother while I wasn't looking?"
"Get something going?"
"Yeah. You seem awfully friendly. Calling each other, giving each other those looks..."
"Looks. Mulder, what have you been smoking?"
"Are you gonna sit there and tell me that you weren't just making goo goo eyes at each other?"
"What? Mulder, you're insane."
"What else is new? But I know what I saw. Is this why you're all anxious to help little brother Alex out? Trying to score brownie points with Peter?"
"Shut up, Mulder, all right? I know you're grieving for your sister, and I know you hate Krycek. But when you start sniping at me, you've gone too far."
Mulder fell into a brooding silence, and they drove away, finding the grocery store easily enough. Mulder sat in the car while Scully did the shopping. She returned half an hour later with a cart full of bags. He helped her load them into the trunk, and they were on their way to Peter's apartment.
Finding the building with a minimum of fuss, Mulder pulled up in front of the door, He and Scully gathered the plastic bags, and hauled them into the elevator and up to the third floor. His tension increased with every step, and when they stopped at the door, it radiated from his body in waves.
Her hands less full than Mulder's, Scully pushed the buzzer and waited. When more than a few minutes had passed, she rang again and called out.
"Krycek. If you're on the other side of that door, open it. We've got grocery bags, and they're getting damn heavy."
There was a bit more of a pause, then they heard the soft click of a lock being undone. The knob turned, and the door opened slowly. As it did, Alex Krycek backed away, following the door's movement.
Hazel eyes set in a stony expression flicked over the man standing at the door. He'd never seen Krycek dressed in anything other than suits or his basic black bad boy gear. But there he stood, looking almost like an ordinary guy, wearing blue jeans and a baggy, pale yellow, button down shirt, which he self consciously pulled in around his neck as Mulder's gaze flicked momentarily to the top of his scar. His hair had grown out a bit from the short spikes. It fell in soft, fluffy layers over his forehead and down his neck. It made him look almost vulnerable. That just pissed Mulder off more.
Dark green eyes peeked warily out from under the heavy sweep of sable lashes, and Alex cleared his throat and spoke. His voice was soft and rough as he asked what they were doing there.
"Your brother didn't call you?" Scully asked, entering the apartment, followed, eventually by Mulder. Alex shut the door behind them and answered Scully's question.
"No. He knows you're here?"
Scully looked around the bright, spacious apartment.
"He asked us to come."
Alex closed his eyes and lowered his head. "Why?"
"Because he can't take care of you while he's laid up in the hospital."
"I'm not a five year old; I can take care of myself."
"He knows that. But you're just a few weeks out of heart transplant surgery. You need some help."
Krycek risked a look at Mulder, who stood there staring daggers at him. He looked back to Scully.
"So you came all the way from Washington to bring me groceries?"
"We were in the neighborhood. Where's the kitchen?"
Alex pointed. "Through there."
As Mulder turned to follow his partner, Alex stepped forward and offered to take some of the bags.
"Let me get some of those."
Spinning away, Mulder said nothing and carried all six bags into the kitchen. Krycek stood where he was for a few seconds, drawing a few deep breaths, then he followed. "I'm sorry," he said in a small voice. "Peter shouldn't have called you."
"That's what I keep thinking," Mulder muttered, dropping the bags on the counter.
Scully tossed him an impatient look and turned to Alex.
"How are you feeling?"
"Been better. And I've been a lot worse."
"I understand they don't have you on any anti-rejection meds."
"No. They can't say the technology is a success unless they give it every chance to fail, can they?"
"They're at least keeping a very close eye on things, aren't they?"
"Yeah, I get to be their poster boy for alien heart transplantation."
"Did they say how long it'll be before they call it a success?"
"No. But it's a pretty sure bet I'll be a resident of the city of Las Cruces for a very long time."
Mulder listened to the conversation, gaze lowered to the counter.
"Do you not like it here?"
"I don't like not having a choice."
"Why don't you have a choice?"
Krycek and Scully turned to face Mulder at the same time, then Krycek averted his eyes before he answered.
"I...if I start to...reject the...the uh...heart, I need to be near my doctors or..."
Mulder stared at the younger man for a number of seconds, looking for all the world like he wanted to say something, but he kept his thoughts to himself.
"Do you need anything else, Krycek?" Scully broke in, watching Mulder for a moment before returning her attention to Alex. "We'll be here until tomorrow morning."
"No. No, I...thank you for the food. I uh...I'd like to pay you back. How much was everything?"
"Don't worry about it," Scully said, drawing a glare from her partner. "It wasn't that much."
"I may be an invalid, but I'm far from poor," Alex countered. "I don't need any handouts."
Mulder fished through the bags and found the receipt in the third one.
"One twenty-eight," he said flatly.
When Alex nodded and exited the kitchen, Scully whirled around to face Mulder.
"What'd you do that for? I paid for that stuff, not you."
"Why should you give him anything?" Mulder asked. "You're treating him like some down on his luck friend instead of what he really is."
"A human being, Mulder?"
"Since when do you see Alex Krycek as human?"
"You know, Mulder, I wasn't going to say anything, but I've about had it with this. You wanna know what I think?"
Mulder cocked his head, waiting. Before Scully let loose on him, Krycek returned with a hundred and thirty dollars. He handed it to Scully and thanked her before beginning to empty the bags.
"Don't forget," Scully said. "Call if you need anything between now and tomorrow morning." Mulder walked out of the kitchen and she turned to follow him then stopped. "And, Krycek? Don't be upset with your brother about this. He loves you, and he's worried about you. It's what family does."
"Not all family," Alex mumbled, then he looked up at Scully. "I know. I'm trying to understand."
Scully nodded then turned and followed Mulder out. Krycek shut the door behind her, and she made her way to the elevator, where Mulder was already waiting.
"So, what were you going to yell at me about?"
The door opened, and the pair stepped inside.
"Nothing, Mulder."
"You were ticked off about something. What was it?"
"Never mind. There's no point," Scully sighed as the elevator reached the first floor and opened. She stepped out and walked quickly to keep ahead of Mulder.
"No point."
Alex put away the last of the groceries then wandered into the living room and lowered himself slowly to the sofa. He sat there until well into the evening, and he didn't get up until the phone rang.
"...Hello?"
"Alex...I...I've been worried. How are you?"
"I'm not angry with you," Alex said to his brother. "I'm done being angry with you. I understand why you called them here."
He heard Peter breathe a pained sigh of relief.
"How're you feeling today?"
"Everything hurts, but I guess I can't expect to feel better right away. They might let me go home in a few days."
"That's good. I...I'm sorry, Pete. I should be there with you."
"Don't even think about it. You need to stay put and worry about yourself. You...you've got a therapy session tomorrow. Have you...got transportation?"
"I'll take a taxi."
"Oh. I...I thought..." Peter's voice trailed off and he said nothing else.
"They brought me food. They're leaving in the morning."
"He didn't...talk to you?"
"About what?"
"Anything?"
"He used very few words."
"...But?"
"His hatred...his anguish...that came through loud and clear. Peter, please. Please...never ask anything of him again. Let him be. Just let him be."
Peter was silent for a moment, then he agreed.
"All right, Alex. I promise. You have to know that I'd never purposely upset you. But my first priority right now has to be your health. And I thought you'd do better if he would just..."
"Just what?"
"Talk to you. Since he seems to have some influence on you, I hoped he would tell you to let go of that damned guilt you're carrying around. It's no good for you, Alex. It doesn't matter if you eat right, go to your therapy and doctor's appointments, get enough rest...your soul isn't in it. You gotta get right with it. I thought he could tell you that and you'd believe it."
Alex said nothing.
"Have you eaten?"
"Uh...I...I was just going to go make something before you called."
"Well, I'll let you go do that. Call me after you get back from your appointments, okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, okay."
"Damn, I don't like the idea of you taking a cab."
"I'll be fine. You get some sleep, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Alex hung up and sat for a while longer before picking himself up and dragging into the kitchen to find something to eat.
Mulder lay in the dark silence of his motel room, stripped down to his shorts and staring up at the ceiling. He'd been trying to sleep for hours it seemed, but sleep would not come. He couldn't get images of Krycek out of his mind.
Gray skin, sunken eyes, ready to die...dark and dangerous, that hint of an arrogant smirk curving his lips...and he saw him as he was today. Slightly pale, clearly weakened by his ordeal but on his feet...vulnerable, wary...incredibly sad...
"I didn't know him long, Fox, but he was my brother...like you were."
Mulder's eyes darted from the ceiling, and he sat up, looking around the room. There in front of the bathroom, he found her.
"...Samantha?"
"I know you're angry with him. I know the things he did, and you don't think there's any good in him. I spent time with him in that house...while he was sick. There's more to him than what you know. Much more."
"Samantha," Mulder whispered, squinting at the vision. "I'm...I gave him your heart because I knew that it's what you would want."
"Yes. You did the right thing. Now you need to do something else for me. Will you?"
Mulder's eyes filled with tears. "Anything."
"Don't leave him alone."
"Please...Samantha please. "Don't. Don't ask me to."
"Don't leave him alone, Fox. He needs you. You need to help him."
Mulder's brow furrowed.
"Why me?"
"You'll know in time."
"When?"
"It'll all make sense in time."
Confused, Mulder shook his head. "Samantha..."
"Do it, Fox. Do it for me."
The image faded away.
"Do it for you."
"Samantha. Samantha."
The tears dropped heavily from Mulder's eyes, soaking into the sheets as he willed his sister to return. When he remained alone, he dropped his head into his hands and wept softly.
Morning came quickly. After a restless night, Scully showered, packed her things then went to knock on Mulder's door. It opened a few moments later, and bloodshot eyes blinked out at her.
"You look like you got less sleep than I did, Mulder."
Not answering, Mulder ran his hand over his stubble covered cheek and walked into the room. Scully followed, looking around.
"You'd better get your stuff packed so we can get on the road. You don't want to miss our plane this afternoon."
"I'm not going."
Scully stopped, staring blankly.
"You're not going where?"
"Back to D.C."
"Mulder, what the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm going to put in for a leave of absence and stay here for a while."
"Uh...why?"
"I have to."
"Again I ask...why?"
"Krycek needs help. I have to help him."
Scully dropped her bag and held up her hand. "Wait. Wait a minute. Were you not dead set against giving him any kind of help just last night?"
"You women haven't got a lock on changing your minds, you know."
"No, Mulder. No, no. What happened here last night to make you do this one-eighty?"
Hands in his back pockets, Mulder stood staring at the floor.
"Samantha."
"Samantha?" Scully asked, knowing that because this was Mulder, he meant more than that he was just thinking about what Samantha might want.
"Last night." He pointed to the bathroom door. "She was right there. And she asked me not to leave him."
"So, you're staying."
"I have to," he murmured, still looking at the carpet.
"How are you going to handle this, Mulder? You can barely look at the man."
"I don't...I...I have to."
"Mulder...I'll stay with you."
"I'll be all right, Scully. I promise I'll be fine. You go back."
"I don't think I should. You're going to help Krycek, but who's going to help you?"
"I'll call you if I feel like I'm going to snap."
"The way you've reacted to him so far, that should be sometime later tonight."
"I'll try to keep it under control." Mulder looked at his watch. "I guess I'd better get over there if I'm going to get him to his appointments on time."
Scully looked at her own watch. "I'll drop you off."
"I can take a taxi."
"There's no need. It's only a few minutes away."
"Okay. Thanks."
Minutes later, they were on their way to Peter's apartment. Mulder sat quietly, looking out his window wearing a pensive expression.
"Mulder? When you saw Samantha...were you dreaming?"
"I was wide awake."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. Absolutely and completely."
Scully pulled up in front of the building, and Mulder took one quick breath then opened his door.
"Last chance to leave with me or ask me to stay."
Mulder gave her a ghost of a smile then got out of the car.
"Call me when you get to the airport."
"I had every intention."
Scully watched her partner turn and start toward the building. Not entirely sure she was doing the right thing, she drove away. When she was less than a block away, she picked her cell phone up out of her purse and dialed.
"....Peter. It's Dana Scully."
"Hello, Agent Scully. I didn't expect to hear from you today."
"I didn't expect I'd be calling you today, but I've got news. I'm on my way back to Arizona...alone. Mulder is staying."
"What?"
"He informed me this morning that he was going to stay and help Krycek."
"Are you serious? Well, of course you are. What changed his mind?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
"...He said Samantha visited him last night and asked him to stay and take care of Alex."
"Is he serious?"
"Absolutely."
"So...I don't have to worry about him trying to kill Alex or anything."
"No. He won't take any kind of joy in his task, but he'll take good care of your brother. He believes with everything that's in him that Samantha wants him to do this, and he's already so broken up about not being able to reach her in time, he'll do anything he feels he needs to...anything he thinks she wants."
"You don't sound like you believe he really saw her."
"I believe that he believes it."
Peter remained silent.
"I'm going to try to return."
"You are?"
"Yeah. I'm going to go wrap this case up, tie up a few loose ends then take some vacation time."
"They're going to let you both take time off at the same time?"
"Neither Mulder nor I take very much vacation time. As long as I don't leave any cases hanging, I shouldn't have any problem."
Peter perked up considerably. "That's...I'll look forward to seeing you."
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"All right. Thank you, Agent Scully."
"...Dana."
"What?"
"You want me to call you Peter. You can call me Dana."
"Okay, Dana. I'll talk to you later."
Peter hung up and stared up at the ceiling, a soft smile lighting his features.
Alex stepped gingerly out of the tub, slowly patting himself dry and being extra careful around his incision. As he sat on the toilet lid and began to dry his legs, the door buzzer sounded.
"Who the hell..."
Draping the towel around his waist, he made his way from the bathroom to the front door and peered into the peephole. His breath left him when he saw Mulder standing there alone. The buzzer sounded again, and he jumped back, startled.
"Krycek. Are you in there?"
"...Wait. Um...wait a minute."
His legs trembled as he went into Peter's bedroom and found his brother's robe hanging in his closet. Wrapping it securely around himself, he held the lapels snugly around his neck and went back to the door.
//Scully probably made him come by before they left to check on me. He'll be gone in a minute.//
He opened the door and stared out at the other man.
Mulder looked him up and down and stepped into the apartment.
"Your appointment is at eleven, isn't it?"
Alex blinked a couple of times then turned to face Mulder. Unable to say anything at the moment, he nodded.
"Well, you'd better go get dressed so we can get going."
"We...we?"
"You got a car here I assume?"
"Mulder...wh-why are you here? What are you doing?"
"You need looking after. Your brother is in no condition to do it, so I'm going to."
Stunned, Alex just stared.
"You got a car or what, Krycek?"
"...Yeah."
"Well, go get dressed so we can get out of here."
Too shocked to protest, Alex moved into the bedroom and pulled his clothes out of the closet. As if in a trance, he got dressed then walked out into the living room, carrying his sneakers. He looked at Mulder, who was standing by the window, looking down into the street, and he lowered himself to the sofa and began putting on his shoes.
Mulder turned around and watched for a moment before moving toward the sofa.
"You need help?"
"Huh?" Wide eyes turned up to the somber face. "No. Uh...no, I'm...I got it."
"You look like you're having a hard time."
"It just takes a little while."
Mulder waited until Alex got his sneakers on, then he started toward the door. Alex rose from the sofa, located the spare set of keys then followed Mulder out. The two walked to the elevator in silence, and once they boarded, he snuck a glance at the older man.
"You...you couldn't wait to get out of here yesterday," he said softly. "Why are you doing this?"
"Just protecting my investment," Mulder said flatly.
Alex said nothing more until they got into the car.
"Where's Scully?"
"On her way back to Arizona."
"What? What about you?"
"I'm staying."
Alex's eyes got wide again. "S...staying? How long?"
Mulder adjusted the seat a bit and fixed the rearview mirror. "As long as I have to."
"Why?"
"I don't know yet."
"What?"
"Never mind. Are we going to the place where they did the surgery?"
"No. The doctor has offices on Hamilton."
Alex gave Mulder the directions, and a short while later they were on their way. They drove in silence, and when they reached the office, Mulder accompanied Alex inside.
"Good morning, Mr. Krycek," a pleasant looking woman in her fifties said as the men walked into the office. "We're ready for you down the hall." She smiled at his companion. "I'm glad you found a friend to be with you while your brother's in the hospital."
Alex lowered his eyes and said nothing.
"Will you be helping him with his therapy?"
Mulder looked from the woman to Alex then back again.
"Do I need to?"
"Well, he should be keeping up with it at home, and it's easier to do with someone's help."
Mulder nodded. "Well, I'll go in with you, then."
Krycek's brow creased but he said nothing.
"They're very simple exercises," the nurse said, beckoning the men to follow her. "We want to avoid anything that's going to put a strain on his upper body. These exercises are simply to keep him moving and in shape."
Mulder listened attentively as Alex's vitals were taken and they began the exercises. He watched carefully, asked questions, and looked for all the world to anyone watching like a genuinely concerned friend. When they finished, the nurse took Alex's vitals again, then they were led into the examining room.
While they waited for the doctor to come in, Mulder walked the circumference of the room then stopped in front of the only window.
"Have you been exercising at home?"
Krycek sat at the edge of the examining table, hands clenching together.
"A little."
"We'll work out a schedule," Mulder said matter-of-factly. Before Alex could think to say anything in answer, the doctor walked in.
"Good morning, Alex." He spared Mulder a glance, nodding politely then looked back to his patient. "How are you feeling today?"
"Okay."
The doctor put the stethoscope in his ears and approached.
"Undo your shirt, please."
Alex knew the drill, and usually he'd have the shirt undone already, but with Mulder standing there watching...
Eyes cast downward, he reached slowly for the first button.
While the doctor waited, he looked to Mulder again.
"I'm glad to see he didn't have to come alone today."
"Fox Mulder," Mulder said. "I'll be taking care of Alex while Peter can't."
Alex stopped at the third button, closing his eyes against the sound of his first name leaving Mulder's lips.
"Alex? Are you all right?"
Sable lashes swept upward, and Alex focused on Doctor Scott's tie.
"Yeah. Fine." He shifted slightly, trying to keep Mulder from viewing his incision as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. He shivered a bit when the cold steel touched his chest, and he inhaled deeply at the doctor's instruction.
Quietly, Mulder took a few steps to his left and lifted his gaze to the seated man. He studied the long, weeks-old scar, and as his gaze rose higher, it met tormented, glazed eyes. Alex looked away quickly, and as soon as the doctor was finished, he pulled the edges of the shirt together and buttoned it as quickly as his trembling fingers would let him.
"Everything looks good, Doctor Scott announced. "We'll make an appointment for a biopsy in a couple of weeks, and I'll see you next week for your regular appointment."
Alex nodded and slid down off the table. He said goodbye to the doctor and started out the door, not waiting to see if Mulder was behind him.
"He still seems quite depressed."
Mulder looked toward the closing door then to the doctor for clarification.
"It's very common. Especially for someone who's used to being very active. Has he been snippy? Impatient?"
"I don't know," Mulder answered. "I've only just come from out of town."
"I see. Well...if his mood does seem off, be patient. The emotional aspects of this type of surgery are every bit as taxing as the physical."
Mulder nodded and took his leave, easily catching up with Alex as he shuffled down the hall. He walked silently along, keeping a couple of steps behind the other man, and when they got outside, he sped up and reached the car first. Unlocking the door, he held it open for Alex, and the younger man got into the car without a word.
A few minutes into the drive, Mulder looked to his right. Alex sat quietly, looking out the passenger's side window.
"What does it feel like?"
"What does what feel like?" Alex asked, his voice barely registering in Mulder's ears.
"Having another heart pumping in your chest. Does it feel different from your own?"
"When it was working the way it was supposed to? No."
Mulder went quiet for a while then asked another question.
"How many times a day are you supposed to do those exercises?"
"Twice, if I don't get too tired."
More silence, then...
"Is it true you wanted to get Samantha back to me once you found out where she was?"
"...Yes."
"Because you wanted to do one good thing before you died?"
"Something like that."
In the ensuing quiet, Alex closed his eyes. Not because he was tired, though he did feel a bit weary. He did it hoping to hide from the man sitting in the unnervingly close confines of his sports car. Terrified of what the next question might be, he thought that if he looked like he was sleeping, Mulder would back off. He knew it was no permanent fix, but he'd take what he could get for now.
Mulder glanced at the other man and, seeing that he'd closed his eyes, he kept his next question to himself. Sighing softly, he made a right then looked back at Alex. His hands tightened on the wheel of the car as if they remembered all the times they'd struck him in the past, and were itching to do so now.
Mulder snapped his head back to the front, unable to look any more at the resting man. The ache in his heart over his sister's death and the confusion over her appearance and stunning request crashed down on him just then, and it was all he could do to keep his attention on the road where it belonged.
When he reached the apartment, he parked in the spot he'd earlier vacated and took a deep, shaky breath before calling to Alex.
"Krycek."
He watched sinfully thick, sable lashes lift, and he looked away as Alex blinked and looked around.
"We're here." And with that, Mulder got out of the car. He waited until Alex emerged from the other side, then he headed into the building. As they entered the apartment, Mulder looked down at his watch.
"It's lunch time. I'll go fix you something, then you should try and take a nap."
Alex said nothing, which Mulder took as agreement. He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving the younger man standing in the living room and, glad to be alone, he leaned up against the counter and closed his eyes, taking deep, gulping breaths.
//Samantha. Samantha, please. I...it's so hard...looking at him, knowing that he's literally carrying a part of you with him. Help me. Please, help me.//
He stood there a while longer then checked out the kitchen, learning the location of the cooking utensils and gathering the things he needed for a simple, low fat lunch. When everything was ready over half an hour later, he made himself walk into the living room. Finding it empty, his heart began an inexplicable, heavy thudding. He checked the apartment room by room, and then he found Alex in what he assumed was the younger man's bedroom, stretched across his bed, asleep. He entered the room, stopping halfway then stood there, frozen. Watching the rise and fall of Alex's chest, listening to the soft, steady breath. When he found his legs and was about to leave the room, Alex sighed and shifted, drawing his attention back to the bed.
"Mulder..."
Mulder stared.
"Didn't want...so sorry..."
His eyes widened, and his breath left him.
"...Mulder, please..."
Alex's eyes snapped open, and he drew a hard, fast breath. Startled, Mulder backed up and hit the dresser. Alex turned a disoriented, frightened gaze on him, and he quickly attempted to pull himself together.
"I...came to tell you that lunch was ready. I was gonna leave and let you sleep, though."
"No," Alex breathed, wincing as he sat up. He drew a hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment to try and clear his vision. When he opened them, Mulder was still there, staring intently at him. "I'll be there in a minute."
Mulder paused then nodded and left the bedroom. He stopped on the other side of the door, trying to process what he'd heard Alex say in his sleep. There was such anguish in his words. So much pain.
What had he been dreaming about?
Clasping a hand over the back of his neck, he tried to massage away the beginnings of a massive headache as he went back into the kitchen.
In the bedroom, Alex pulled himself to the edge of the bed and sat there, staring at the door.
Mulder had been in there...watching him sleep. For how long?
He thought about the dream he'd awakened from, and he remembered that Peter had told him that he'd called Mulder's name while dreaming. Had he done that again? Had Mulder heard? It would explain the stunned expression on the older man's face.
He buried his face in his hands and groaned softly.
What the fuck was happening here? How did Fox Mulder, the man who had every reason in the universe to hate his guts, come to be his nursemaid?
As he pondered the hell he was now in, the phone rang.
Peter.
Peter.
"Hello?"
"Hey, kiddo, how are you? How was your appointment?"
"What the hell have you done to me?"
"...Done?"
"You know he's here. I know you know."
"Dana Scully called and told me. Alex, as far as I knew, they were both heading back to Arizona today. The choice to stay was all his, and I can't say that I'm not glad. You don't know how sick I am that you've been there alone."
"Peter," Alex gasped. "You....you just have no idea what this is like."
"No, I guess I don't. Why don't you tell me?"
"It's hell on me, it's hell on him."
"Why?"
"What are you asking me, Peter? What do you want me say?"
"I want you to tell me why having Fox Mulder looking after you for a while freaks you out the way it does."
"Because it freaks him out, and he's got damn good reason for it to. Why's it so hard for you to believe that I feel like shit about all the stuff I've done to him?"
"Because it's just not you, kid. Right or wrong, you've never cared about what anyone felt before. I asked you this before, and you wouldn't answer. I'll ask again. Why him?"
"...I have to go, Peter. My lunch is waiting. Tell me how you're feeling first."
Peter sighed heavily. "Better today. I'll definitely be able to go home day after tomorrow. But I'll still be out of commission for a while. How did your visit go?"
"Fine."
"Good. Maybe you can ask Mulder to bring you to see me tomorrow? I'm feeling a little lonely."
"I...I'll take a taxi."
"A taxi...Alex, what's the big deal about asking him to drive you?"
"I said, I'll take a taxi."
"I don't want you to do that. A taxi driver isn't going to make sure you're okay. If you won't let him bring you over, then don't come. I'll see you in a couple of days."
"Peter, I...I feel like such a shit. You were there with me every day in the hospital, and..."
"Alex, there's no way in hell I expected you to be here with me. I'd be damn upset with you if you were. That wasn't a tonsillectomy you had, you know?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Don't worry about it. You take care of yourself. Let Agent Mulder help you, and I'll be home in a couple of days. Now, go have your lunch. And don't forget to do your exercises."
"I won't forget."
"Later, kiddo."
"Bye, Pete."
Alex hung up and bowed his head. Squeezing his hands together, he fought for control. He managed to rein in his emotions a long while later, and when he emerged from the bedroom, he heard Mulder in the kitchen, talking.
"...I don't know what it was about; I didn't ask him...no, it sucks. I'm uncomfortable, he's uncomfortable...not that I give a shit, but I'm just saying...yeah, his doctor said the same thing. What d'you want me to do; paste a smile to my face and act like there's nothing in the world I'd rather be doing? I...I'm not trying to be. That's just the way it is...yeah, well she didn't say I had to be pleasant. ...No, I haven't yet. I'll call him after lunch...yeah...no, Scully, you don't have to do that. You...what? Tell me the truth, Scully. You interested in each other? Come on. Calling each other by your first names, talking on the phone...yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure...no, I don't...I don't know. All right, fine...I will...I will. Christ. Yeah, I'll talk to you later."
The conversation ceased, and Alex waited a few seconds before entering the kitchen. He walked over to the stove and picked up a bowl, getting ready to ladle out some soup, and Mulder stopped him.
"Sit down."
"I'm supposed to do things for myself as long as it isn't too strenuous," Alex insisted softly, and Mulder backed away.
"Fine." He leaned against the counter, watching Alex serve himself. He hadn't planned to ask about the phone call Alex had received, but curiosity got the better of him. "I heard the phone ring a little while ago."
"Yeah." Alex sat down and stirred the hot soup around. "Peter was calling to see how my appointment went."
Mulder nodded. "How is he doing? Does he know for sure when he'll be home?"
"Day after tomorrow. Maybe you can make your flight reservation for later that afternoon."
"I won't be leaving then."
Alex looked up. "Why not?"
"He won't be in any condition to help you. He won't even be able to help himself much. You'll need more help than you do now."
"We'll be all right."
"Trying to get rid of me, Krycek?"
"I know you don't want to be here. I don't understand what you're doing here."
"I don't understand either. I just know I have to be."
"You don't."
"I do."
"Why?"
"Because I do." Mulder turned around filled a small plate with chicken salad and placed it down in front of the seated man. "Scully bought low fat ranch dressing. That okay?"
Not answering, Alex dipped his spoon into the soup and brought it to his mouth. Mulder ripped the paper strip off of the bottle and set it down by the salad. Alex looked up then back down to his bowl.
"You...aren't you hungry?"
Fox hesitated a moment then got a bowl and took some soup out of the kettle. Remaining against the counter, he began to eat.
"...Have you seen Peter since he's been in the hospital?"
Alex stopped eating but didn't look up.
"...No."
"I'll take you tonight if you want to go."
Nothing.
"Well?"
"...All right."
Mulder nodded and finished his soup then turned to wash his bowl while Alex still picked at his own lunch.
"When you're done, why don't you go finish your nap? I'll wake you around four, and we'll get those exercises out of the way, then we can go see your brother."
Eyes on his lunch, Alex nodded. He felt Mulder leave the kitchen, and it wasn't until then that he lifted his head and stared at the door.
Had Mulder been listening to his conversation with Peter? He...no. No, he couldn't have been. He'd been deep in conversation with Scully when Alex came out of the bedroom, and...maybe it was Scully who'd put him up to it. She'd been far more understanding of the situation than Mulder, which still had him completely stumped.
Sighing, he finished his lunch, washed his utensils then retreated to the bedroom with only a sideways glance at Mulder, who was talking on his cell phone again.
"...Yes, I realize it's rather sudden, but I really do feel the need for some time off...no. No, I'm fine. Just very tired, I guess, and I need a rest...Scully's going to see to that. Right...I will. Thank you, sir...I will...goodbye."
Mulder hung up and looked toward the hall, where he'd seen Alex only seconds ago. Alex wasn't there now, probably having disappeared into his room for that nap Mulder had kept pushing on him.
That was fine. Better than fine. It was great. What the hell would they say to each other if Alex had decided to sit up in the living room?
Mulder got up and walked around the room, looking at this and that, then he stopped in front of the bookcase against the northern wall and investigated the items there. In between two book series, he found a picture in a square, gold frame.
Four children. Ages possibly ranging from three to ten. Three boys, one girl. He didn't recognize the two older boys, but the youngest...the three year old. Round, cherub face, dark hair and lashes, pink, perfectly bowed lips. The picture was too small to identify the color of his eyes, but Mulder knew with certainty that the boy was Krycek. Therefore, one of the other two boys must have been Peter. And the other two must have been some of their other siblings.
Mulder studied the picture, his attention glued to the chubby little face.
Krycek as a baby. He'd never considered that the bastard had ever been a child, which of course was ridiculous when he thought about it. But that sweet, innocent face had taken him so by surprise...
"He'll surprise you a lot more. Open your mind, Fox."
Mulder looked up to find Samantha standing by the television.
"Samantha," he whispered. "I didn't think I'd see you again."
"I thought you could use a bit more of a push."
"I don't understand. Please explain to me why I have to do this."
"You have to find out for yourself, Fox, to make it really worthwhile."
"What?"
"You told Scully that I didn't tell you that you had to be pleasant. I know it's hard for you. But please...search your soul and see him as a real person. He's suffering too, Fox. He's suffering a lot. And I'm not just talking about the physical effects of the surgery."
"What are you talking about?"
"Do as I ask, Fox, and you'll know."
Mulder closed his eyes and raked his fingers through his hair. When his eyes opened, Samantha was gone. His eyes scanned the room, and when he found nothing, he returned his attention to the bookcase. Lifting the picture, he studied the child's face more closely.
"What will I know?" he asked softly. "What the hell will I know?"
"Krycek."
Alex heard the voice as if in a dream. Mulder's voice. It was soft and devoid of harshness or anger. It called to him again, and he answered in his mind.
//Hmm?//
Something touched his shoulder briefly then moved away.
"Krycek."
His lashes fluttered then rose, and he blinked up into Mulder's passive features. His brow wrinkled in confusion. Was he still dreaming?
"It's a little after four. We gotta do your exercises so you can go see your brother."
Alex inhaled deeply then let it out. He drew himself into a sitting position, rubbing at his eyes.
"How do you feel? Are you all right?"
Krycek stopped and stared at Mulder for a moment before dropping his gaze.
"Yeah. Still a little tired. I'll be all right once I get up."
Mulder nodded and straightened his back.
"I'll be in the living room."
Alex watched Mulder leave, and he attempted to shake himself fully awake.
What the hell was that? Mulder seemed so subdued...almost concerned.
Frowning, Alex dragged himself off of the bed and walked slowly into the living room.
"You need a few minutes?" Mulder asked, setting the exercise step he'd located in the closet on the floor.
"No, I'm awake." Alex circled the room a few times then lowered himself to the floor, and he began his leg exercises with Mulder's assistance.
"I uh...I know this is just as weird for you as it is for me," Mulder said softly, helping Alex bend his leg. "It might be a little easier if we found a way to be a little more at ease with each other."
Was he kidding?
"...How do we do that?"
"Maybe we could say more than five words at a time to each other."
Here it was. The hook.
"What do we talk about?"
They finished with one leg and started on the other.
"...That picture on the bookcase. That's you and your siblings, right?"
"Yeah."
"You look to be about three there."
Alex paused and sent a brief look of astonishment Mulder's way. "I'm...I was almost four."
The look didn't escape Mulder's notice.
"Did you think I wouldn't recognize you?"
No answer.
"...Which one of the other two is Peter?"
"The one in the flowered shirt. He was next to the oldest. The oldest one was Travis, and the girl's name was Brianne."
"Peter said they're all gone except for the two of you. How long ago?"
"The two in the picture are dead...Travis at the age of twenty, and Brianne, when she was just sixteen. The other two brothers not in the picture have disappeared and are presumed dead."
"But you don't know for sure?"
"We've tried to find out. The old bastard has covered his tracks really well."
Mulder let go of Alex's leg once he'd set it back down, and he looked down at the floor. Alex waited a beat then sat up.
"...What is it?"
"That night...I found out that you and I shared something very important in common. Today I find out that there's even more." He lifted his gaze to Alex's face. "You've had siblings disappear without a trace, too."
Alex nodded. "We weren't raised together, though. I'd only seen them a few times."
The men got off the floor, and Mulder pulled the step into the middle of the floor and looked at his watch as Alex started an easy cadence. When he began to get winded a little while later, he stopped, and Mulder recorded his time.
"You'd never met Samantha before Peter brought you to that house?"
"Never. I didn't know her long at all, but she was...she was a kind, compassionate woman. She didn't have to know us for long to accept Peter and I as her brothers. She spent so much time with me for the short while she was there. She'd just...sit with me sometimes, saying nothing. Sometimes she'd read to me...try to get me to eat. When I asked Peter to find a way to get her out, she refused. She said she wanted to stay and help take care of me. When I got worse, and it was a pretty sure bet that I was going to die, they decided to give me my last wish...only their attempt failed." Alex lowered his head. "I'm sorry, Mulder," he whispered. "I...I'm sorry."
"...Me too...did...did she remember me?"
"After she'd read the files, she said she'd started having memories...fragments here and there of her other family. She didn't remember fully, but she knew there was something more. I told her about you...that you missed her and had been looking for her, and she wanted to meet you and remember. But she wouldn't go when I told her to. She...she wouldn't leave me. I begged her, Mulder. I tried, but she...maybe if she'd escaped when I wanted her to, she wouldn't have been hit. And...and she'd be with you now."
Mulder turned toward the windows, hands clenching into fists. He said nothing for a while, then Alex saw his fists loosen, and he turned back to face the younger man. His face was a mask of pain, but his words were gentle, and Alex felt hot tears prick the backs of his eyes.
"But that isn't the way it happened. It wasn't your fault that she didn't try to leave earlier. It's the hand we were dealt, and we've got to live with it."
Alex blinked rapidly, just barely managing to hold back the tears.
Mulder looked away quickly, more affected than he'd ever want to admit by the other man's distress.
"Why...uh...why don't you go get ready, and we'll go see your brother?"
Alex lowered his head and left the room in silence, and Mulder dropped down into a chair, hands over his face as he composed himself. Nearly half an hour had passed before Alex re-emerged, freshly showered and changed.
"Ready?" Mulder asked, getting up and picking up Alex's keys.
"Yeah," Alex murmured, and the two men left for the hospital.
"What was she doing here, Bruce? You told me it was all over!"
"It is. I swear!"
"How'd she even know you were in here?"
"I don't know, Tammy. I didn't tell her!"
"So maybe she's clairvoyant, huh, Bruce? Maybe that's it."
Peter groaned as he tried to tune out the sound of his roommate fighting with his wife.
He'd been alone until this morning, but then they wheeled 'Bruce' in, and the fun began soon afterward.
Just as he was about to scream, a nurse came in and admonished the couple to be quiet or Tammy would have to leave. He shot her a grateful look as she left, and as he was about to look away, Alex appeared in the doorway. He stared shocked at his brother, and as the younger man entered the room, he started asking questions.
"What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you I didn't want you taking a taxi?"
"I didn't. Mulder brought me."
Peter's eyes grew wide and he abandoned his chastising tone.
"You...I thought you said you weren't going to ask him?"
"I didn't. He brought it up on his own."
Peter looked around Alex and into the hall. "Where is he?"
"Waiting room."
"Oh. Well, I'd like to see him to say thank you for all he's doing, but in a minute, 'kay? I'd like to visit with you for a little while first."
Alex pulled up a chair and took a seat, casting a quick glance in the direction of the frantically whispering couple.
"What's with them?"
"That's his wife. His girlfriend came to visit a while ago, and their paths crossed as she was leaving.."
"I see." Alex shook his head and turned his attention back to Peter. "You don't look as bad as I expected you to."
Peter laughed softly and winced. "God, I feel bad enough."
"Hell of a pair, aren't we?"
"Yeah...I almost hate to ask this, but...how are you and Mulder getting along?"
Alex averted his gaze. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Better than I expected...I guess. I...I don't know."
Peter chewed on the inside of his lip as he studied his brother. Then he changed the subject. "Did you do your exercises?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
Alex looked up at him and changed the subject again. "The old bastard know what happened to you?"
"Way out in New York? How would he know?"
"How does he know any of the shit he knows?"
Peter shrugged. "True. But if he knows about this, he doesn't care, because I haven't heard a peep, and I assume, neither have you."
Alex shook his head.
"Well...you wanna go get Mulder now? Unless you're enjoying your time away from him." He watched carefully for any bit of a reaction.
"No. I...I..I mean...it's okay. I'll go get him."
Peter watched Alex leave the room, and he squinted. That, he believed, was indeed a reaction.
Alex returned a few minutes later with Mulder in tow. He entered the room and stood to the side while Mulder approached Peter's bed.
"Agent Mulder. We meet again."
Mulder nodded and looked Peter over. "How do you feel?"
"Could be worse. Agent Mulder, I want to thank you. God knows you didn't have to stay and take care of Alex, and I...I totally understand why you wouldn't want to, but I am grateful."
Mulder nodded and lowered his gaze.
"Well, I've got a vested interest in his well being now, don't I?"
"Yeah." Peter stared at Mulder, then he shifted his focus to Alex, whose hooded gaze was on Mulder. "I guess you do."
They stayed a bit longer, then Peter insisted that Mulder take Alex home.
"I haven't even been here an hour," Alex argued.
"That's long enough. You go home, get some dinner, and rest." Peter looked to Mulder. "You'll make sure he eats?"
"Don't worry," Mulder answered and rose from his seat. "Let's go, Krycek. You can come back tomorrow if you want to."
Sighing, Alex got up and stopped at his brother's bedside.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay, kiddo. You have a good night."
Alex turned and followed Mulder out of the room. The two walked in silence to the car, and it wasn't until they were inside and on their way home that Alex spoke.
"Thank you..." He glanced quickly at Mulder then back at the road. "...for taking me to see Peter. And...for everything."
Not knowing how to answer, Mulder remained quiet. When they arrived back at the apartment, he started dinner. He allowed Alex to help a little at the other man's insistence, and when it was done, they sat at the table and ate together, and though the silence was hardly comfortable, both men managed to get through it. Mulder let Alex clean up, again at his insistence, and when he was through, he came into the living room to find Mulder slouched in a chair, watching t.v. He stood several feet away, not knowing what to do, when Mulder looked up at him.
"You look tired."
"A little."
"Think you overdid it?"
Alex shrugged.
"You wanna..." Mulder gestured to the television. "...watch a little t.v. before you turn in?"
Alex chewed on his lower lip. "What're you watching?"
"Independence Day. It's on FX."
Alex moved carefully past Mulder's chair and sat on the sofa. "What is it?"
Mulder shot a surprised look his way. "It's a movie. It was in the theaters a few years ago. You've never seen it?"
"No," Alex said softly. "I don't go to the movies."
Mulder almost asked why, but he choked the question down. Instead, he held the remote out to the younger man. "If you want to watch something else..."
"No," Alex said, refusing to take the remote. "That's okay. I wouldn't know what to watch, anyway."
"Don't watch much t.v. either?"
"No. Not until recently."
Mulder nodded and turned his attention back to the movie. A few minutes went by, and Alex cleared his throat.
"What's it about?"
"Aliens invade earth and do all sorts of damage until Will Smith, Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum find a way to take 'em out."
"Alien invasion," Alex repeated softly. "Figures."
Giving no response, Mulder turned his eyes back to the t.v. Ten minutes into the silence, his cell phone rang. Looking at the display, he drew the phone to his ear and greeted the caller.
"Hello, Scully."
"Hi, Mulder. I'm home. How's it going?"
"All right."
"All right? You sure?"
"Yes, Scully. Would you like to talk to Krycek so you know I'm not lying when I tell you that he's still alive?"
"Would you be mad if I said yes?"
Mulder pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it before shoving it at Alex.
"She wants to talk to you."
Casting a wary glance Mulder's way, Alex gingerly took the phone from his grip and held it to his ear.
"...Hello?"
"I didn't think he'd actually give you the phone. How are you?"
"All right."
"You don't have to go into detail, Krycek, just yes and no answers will be fine. Is he being a help to you?"
"Yes."
"Is he making your life miserable?"
"No."
"Is he brooding?"
"...No."
"You hesitated there. Is he or isn't he?"
"Not all the time."
"I hear Peter is coming home day after tomorrow. I can't make it back out there until then. Can you deal with Mulder alone for a couple more days?"
"Yeah."
"All right. You can give the phone back to him now."
Alex handed the phone back to Mulder, who'd been watching him curiously.
"What was all that about?" he asked Scully.
"Nothing. I just wanted to ask him a couple of questions."
"Like what?"
" If I'd wanted you to know, I'd have asked you. I've got a few more things to wrap up here, and I'll be on a plane day after tomorrow, 'kay?"
"Scully, I told you; you don't have to."
"I know that, but I'm going to. Once Peter gets home, you'll need some help."
"Uh huh," Mulder said, suspicion creeping into his tone. "All right, then. I'd say that I'd see you day after tomorrow, but I'm sure you'll call tomorrow, right?"
"Probably."
"Right. Okay, then. Goodnight, Scully."
"Night, Mulder."
Mulder disconnected and set his phone down on the cushion by his leg.
"She insists on coming?"
"Yeah." And that was all Mulder said before returning his attention to the movie. Alex said no more, and a little over thirty minutes later, his eyes were closed. Mulder didn't notice that he was asleep until the movie ended. He shut the t.v. off then sat and watched Alex sleep. It amazed him at how in this state, Alex so resembled the picture on the shelf. Young and innocent and so very vulnerable.
He stared a while longer then looked away, giving himself a mental slap.
//He's just not himself because of the surgery. There's nothing vulnerable about this man. He's the same double dealing, conscienceless...//
A soft whimper from the sofa stopped him in the middle of his thoughts.
"Go...no, don't...please." Alex went silent for a few seconds, then he shifted and whimpered again. "M...Mulder...Mulder, I'm....don't deserve to....sorry....I'm sorry..."
Mulder pulled his lower lip into his mouth and chewed on the corner. Cautiously, he slid off the chair and came to squat in front of the sofa, watching closely as the younger man continued to talk in his sleep.
"...Don't...let me....wanna die..."
Mulder's heart skipped two beats, and he stared hard. When Alex woke suddenly, he gasped, looking down into wide, distressed eyes. Alex's chest heaved as he fought for breath, and Mulder looked away and lifted himself back into his chair.
"Y-you were dreaming," Mulder said softly. "Sounded like a nightmare."
Alex drew a deep, shaky breath and let it out hard.
"Yeah. Yeah, I..." Licking his lips, he looked at his watch. "Is...is the movie over?"
"Yeah. And it's getting late. Maybe you should go get some rest."
Alex slowly pushed himself to the edge of the sofa and rose to his feet. He looked around the room then let his gaze rest on Mulder for a moment before it flitted away.
"You uh...can have Peter's room, I guess, until he comes home."
"No. No, I'll...I'll sleep on the couch."
"You don't have to."
"I'm used to it. I'll probably be more comfortable here."
"...All right." Alex began to move away. "There are extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet."
Mulder nodded, and the younger man shuffled away. He sat until he heard Alex's bedroom door open and close, and then he got up. He found what he needed in the closet and, making up the sofa, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and dropped down on top of the blanket. Picking up the remote, he sped through the channels twice before landing on the evening news. Still clutching the remote, his hand dropped to his side, and he stared at the t.v.
"...And in local news, a Lordsburg truck driver found a whiskered screech owl roosting in his attic yesterday. Upon his return home from a two week trip, his wife had complained about noises in the third floor crawl space, and he went up to have a look around. After several minutes of looking, he finally found the tiny visitor sitting on a beam in the southwest corner of the attic. 'I would have missed him all together,' Mr. Hartwell said, 'if he hadn't opened those huge, yellow eyes and looked at me.' The bird was captured without incident and..."
The reporter's voice faded into the background as Mulder's thoughts wandered to the predicament he was now in. He looked around the apartment from his spot on the sofa, and he groaned softly.
"What the fuck am I doing here?"
//Does she have to tell you again?//
//Yes. Yes, she does.//
"Samantha," he whispered, closing his eyes. "Samantha, where are you? Talk to me. I...I need to know. Please tell me why."
He opened his eyes and scanned the room, but he was alone.
Alone.
In the apartment of Cancerman's son.
He was off the couch like a shot, poking around, looking for anything that might be of interest. When he found nothing, he considered sneaking into Peter's bedroom, but he thought better of it. Krycek wouldn't have offered him the room if there was anything in there he didn't want him to see.
Taking the picture from the bookcase, he shuffled over to the sofa and lay down again. He balanced the frame on his abdomen and stared down at the group of youngsters. They were happy children at one time, gap toothed smiles, sparkling eyes. When had it changed? When had Alex become the man he knew...or had known?
//Had known? Well, if he isn't that man any more, who is he now?//
He fell asleep pondering that question.
Alex crept into the living room at seven o'clock, shocked to find Mulder still asleep. He stood uncertainly in the doorway, wondering what he should do, when he noticed the picture lying on the sofa beside the motionless man. He tiptoed closer, stopping when he realized that it was the picture Peter kept on the bookshelf.
//Profiling, Mulder? Trying to put yourself in that little boy's head and figure out what went wrong?//
Carefully, he picked the picture up, and when Mulder didn't stir, he slipped away, replacing the picture on the bookshelf. He turned and stared at the other man, his eyes traveling the length of the bare chest, rising and falling in relaxed rhythm, and his breath quickened.
He'd seen Mulder with no shirt on before, in fact he'd seen him wearing next to nothing, but he'd never had the luxury of a good long stare, and now he took full advantage of his opportunity.
He studied the long, lean muscles, the dusting of golden-brown hair trailing from Mulder's chest, down his flat, muscular stomach and disappearing past the folds of the light blanket. When he caught himself wondering if Mulder was wearing anything under that blanket, he forced his eyes back up to the older man's chest. His gaze lingered on the light brown nipples, made hard, probably by the cool air emanating from the central air conditioning system, then it rose to Mulder's face, his features so uneasy, even in sleep, and he found himself wondering if that would change were someone to touch him...bring him pleasure...
//Yeah? Like who?//
Alex closed his eyes and backed off a few steps before turning and retreating to the kitchen. Mulder found him in there, less than an hour later, brooding over a cold bowl of oatmeal.
"You been up long?"
Alex looked up, finding Mulder still bare-chested but wearing jeans. His gaze lingered a little too long on the older man's chest, then it rose to meet curious, sleepy eyes. Alex swallowed hard and cleared his throat.
"I don't know. Maybe an hour." He couldn't take his eyes off of the other man, drinking in the flushed face and mouth, tousled hair, and those eyes. Damn, those eyes.
Mulder looked from Alex to the cereal, and he winced at the unappetizing lumps.
"Is it supposed to look like that?"
Alex blinked and looked down into his bowl.
"Probably not."
"Give me a few minutes, and I'll see if I can make something else."
"This is okay," Alex said quickly as Mulder turned to leave the kitchen. The other man stopped and faced him.
"If it was, you'd have eaten it by now."
He didn't say anything else as he exited the room, and Alex watched him go then pushed the bowl away and moaned as he leaned over, and his head hit the table with a dull thump. The position was uncomfortable, and he picked himself up, grimacing as he did so. He rose to clear away the evidence of his attempt at breakfast, then he checked his watch.
Peter should be up by now.
Grabbing the phone off of the cradle, he frowned as he recalled the number, then he dialed. The phone rang three times, and he was about to hang up when he heard a small commotion, some cursing, then his brother's voice sounding an agitated greeting.
"What's wrong? Pete, you okay?"
"Yeah, kid, I'm fine. Well...you know...I just dropped the phone."
"Oh. How're you feeling this morning?"
"A little better every day. I'm sure I'm going to be uncomfortable for a while to come, but I guess that's to be expected."
"Yeah."
"How are you?"
"Okay. I'm going to be having breakfast soon, then I guess do my exercises...I'll be there to see you sometime in the afternoon, I guess."
"Okay, good. How are you and Mulder getting along?"
"All right. We watched a movie last night. Well, he did. I fell asleep."
"Uh huh. He's not being unkind, is he?"
"He...he's trying hard. The effort shows in his face sometimes, and I still can't understand why he's putting himself through this. I..." Alex went silent for a moment then continued. "...I wish he wouldn't do it."
"I know. But he is. Accept his help, Alex."
"I am. But he doesn't want to be doing this, Pete. I hate that he's..."
"Hate that he's what? Unhappy? In pain?"
Alex said nothing.
"Maybe not as much as think, Alex. Have you considered that?"
"...What?"
"Maybe Mulder isn't as unhappy in his predicament as you think he is."
"...What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just means that maybe he doesn't despise you as much as you imagine he does."
Alex laughed, but there was no amusement in it.
"You think this is fun for him? If you do, I think they'd better give you another cat scan to make sure you didn't crack your skull."
"I didn't say I thought he was having fun. I just don't think it's quite as repulsive to him as you seem to think it is."
Mulder picked then to walk into the kitchen, freshly showered but unshaven, dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. He saw Alex on the phone and turned his face away, heading toward the refrigerator.
"Alex? You there?"
"Yeah. Yeah, uh...I'll see you this afternoon, 'kay?"
"He there?"
"Yeah."
"All right, then. I'll see you later."
Alex hung up and placed the phone down on the table in front of him. As soon as he did that, Mulder's voice reached him.
"Your brother?"
"...Yeah."
"How is he today?"
"Little better. Gonna take a while."
"Yeah. What time do you want to go see him?"
Alex shrugged. "I don't know. Whenever's good for you."
"It's not like I got anywhere to be," Mulder answered flatly. "As long as we get your exercises out of the way first, we can go any time."
Alex nodded and looked down into the glass of juice that Mulder had just placed in front of him.
"How did you sleep?"
Alex frowned into his glass.
"...Okay. Uh...w-was the couch all right?"
"Fine."
Silence followed until Mulder finished and served breakfast. He took a seat at the table and watched intently as Alex brought a spoonful of newly made oatmeal to his mouth and blew at it. As the younger man opened his mouth and looked at him, Mulder quickly averted his gaze, suddenly uncomfortable.
"It's good," Alex said, drawing Mulder's attention back to his face. "I'd never think to put raisins and walnuts in it."
"Neither would I," Mulder admitted. "But my mother always did it this way. I'm just following her recipe. There's a little cinnamon in it, too."
"Yeah, I can taste it. It's kinda like an oatmeal cookie."
"Yeah. That's how she got Samantha and me to..." Mulder's voice trailed off as Alex's head dropped at the mention of their sister's name. "Well, anyway, it's pretty good."
Still gripping the spoon, Alex lowered his hand to the table. Mulder watched him for a while longer then looked down at his own bowl.
"What were you dreaming about last night?"
Alex's head snapped up.
"...What?"
"You said my name." Mulder met the other man's eyes. "You were very upset and you kept apologizing...what was it about?"
Alex looked down again.
"I don't remember."
"...I don't believe you."
Alex pressed his lips together for a moment then dipped his spoon into the oatmeal again.
Mulder waited for some response. When none was forthcoming, he sighed and asked, "You gonna say something?"
"I don't know what you want me to say," Alex murmured when he'd finished his mouthful. "You're not going to believe me anyway."
"I'd believe the truth."
"Not from me." Alex ate a little more then slipped a quick look at the other man. "Right?"
Mulder dropped his gaze, and the two finished their breakfast in silence. When they were finished, he cleaned up and found Alex in the living room, already starting his exercises. He joined the younger man, helping him when he had to and saying nothing. When they were through, Alex disappeared into the bathroom, and Mulder heard the shower go on. When the younger man returned, Mulder asked him if he'd like to go to the hospital then. He gave a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders, leaving Mulder to make the decision.
They left the apartment twenty minutes later, and neither man said anything for first few minutes, then Mulder broke the silence.
"I think if you're having nightmares about me, I have a right to know."
Alex's head turned, and he stared at the driver.
"...Why?"
"Why?"
"Yeah. Why. Do you think that because you've forced your sister's heart on me and you're here playing nursemaid to me, you have the right to demand that I tell you what I dream about?"
"Forced my sister's heart on you?"
"Do you remember me telling you that I didn't want it?"
"Yeah. And why didn't you want it? So you wouldn't feel like you owed me anything? Too fucking late, Krycek. You owed me plenty before this shit happened."
Alex slumped in his seat and brooded in silence. Even after they reached the hospital, he remained quiet until he got to Peter's room.
"Hey, here he is now," Peter said to the attractive blonde nurse who had just finished taking his blood pressure. "Hey, kiddo. I was just telling the lovely nurse Kendrick here about my handsome, single younger brother."
The nurse blushed and gave Alex a trace of a smile. "Hello," she said softly, getting a similar greeting from Alex and nothing more. She gathered her things, excused herself and left, and Peter looked to Alex, eyebrows raised.
"Good looking, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"You guess."
"Yeah. I guess. I didn't really notice."
"How am I supposed to fix you up if you don't cooperate?"
"What makes you think I want to be fixed up?"
Peter shrugged. "You don't think the attentions of a pretty young nurse would be nice?"
"I'm not interested, Pete."
"Why not?"
When Alex gave no answer, the older man arched one eyebrow.
"Where's Mulder?"
"Car."
"In the car? Why's he out there?"
"Why not?"
"Because I like him and would like to visit with him too."
"So, call him. Ask him to come in."
"Why didn't you ask him to come in with you? Why'd you leave him sitting in the car?"
When Alex didn't answer, Peter drew his own conclusions.
"You have an argument?"
Alex walked over to the window and stared out into the parking lot.
"He's making demands."
Peter frowned. "Demands?"
"He wants me to tell him what I was dreaming about last night. It's none of his business."
Then Peter understood.
"He heard you call his name?"
No response.
"I'm curious about that, Alex. I'm sure you can understand why he would be, too."
"Curious is one thing, Peter. But he's got no right to demand that I tell him."
Peter studied his brother for a moment. "Would you tell him if he asked nicely?"
Alex lowered his head a fraction and gave no answer.
"That's what I thought," Peter murmured, wincing as he pulled himself up a bit. "Alex...I'm your brother."
"Thanks for the info, Pete."
"What I mean is, I love you no matter what. I've never judged what you've done or who you are, and I never will."
Alex stared. "Yeah, okay...and?"
"Just remember it, okay? And remember something else. You can talk to me about anything. Anything at all."
"Why are you talking to me like I'm a fifteen year old?"
"I'm not doing that."
"No? Funny; that's what it sounds like."
"I'm sorry if it bothers you. I just want you to know that you can come to me with anything and I'll understand."
"Where is this coming from, Peter? I don't..."
"Lunch time, Mr. Tate."
Alex fell silent and looked in the direction of the door. The young nurse re-entered the room, carrying a silver, covered platter. Placing it on Peter's tray, she gave Alex a shy smile and positioned the tray in front of the patient.
"Yeesh." Peter stared at the tray as if he could see through it to the contents inside. "What is it this time?"
"Broiled chicken, salad, and rice pudding for dessert."
Peter looked to Alex. "Eating the food in this joint is more painful than my injuries." He gave the nurse a grin. "Thank you for delivering it personally, though, honey. Your presence does take some of the sting out of it."
The nurse lowered her eyes. "Oh. Well, I...I was just passing by, so..." She cut a small glance at Alex then looked away.
Peter gave her a wide grin. "I sure thank you. You're a doll. Isn't she lovely, Alex?"
Alex glared at his brother. Before he could say anything, someone else answered.
"I never had a nurse who delivered my food personally."
Both brothers and the nurse looked toward the door and found Mulder standing there. He sauntered into the room and smiled at the nurse.
"Hello."
The nurse returned the smile and the greeting.
"What are you doing here, Mulder?" Alex asked, cutting the older man off before he could say anything more. "I thought you were going to wait in the car."
"I was," Mulder answered, letting his gaze linger on the curious nurse before turning to face Alex. "But then I started thinking," he said coolly, "that it wasn't very polite of me not to come in and see how Peter was doing."
"You could have called."
"Excuse me. I'll just say hello and go back to the car." He turned his attention to Peter. "How're you doing today, Peter?"
"Better today," Peter answered, his wary gaze switching back and forth between the two men.
That's when the nurse spoke up.
"Well, I have to get back." She looked from Peter to Mulder, who was purposely ignoring the daggers Alex was staring at him. "I've got other patients I need to see."
"Aww," Peter teased. "I thought I was your one and only."
"Sorry," the nurse smiled, shrugging. "But if it makes you feel any better, you're definitely my favorite."
"Okay, I'll settle for that."
The nurse excused herself and vacated the room, and Peter grinned at the other two men.
"I love teasing her just to see how red her face gets."
"That's not a nice thing to do," Alex murmured. Peter snorted at his remark and shrugged it off.
"Alex here doesn't seem interested, Mulder, but how about you?" Peter asked, his gaze on Alex. "She's pretty, she's single..."
"Knock it off, Peter."
Peter turned an innocent gaze on his brother. "What? What am I doing? You did say you weren't interested, right? Why can't I try and fix her up with Mulder?" He turned his attention to Mulder. "You're not involved with anyone, are you?"
"No," Mulder answered. I'm not."
"You looking?"
Mulder smiled and shook his head.
"I wouldn't subject any poor, undeserving woman to the life I live." Mulder changed the subject. "What about you? You're single...aren't you?"
"Yeah, I am, but I'm sort of interested in someone right now."
Alex's head snapped up. "You didn't tell me that."
"I don't tell you everything," Peter teased. "Besides which, you've kind of been busy with other things, you know? So..." He looked from one man to the other. "What're you going to do today?"
"Do?"
"Yeah, Alex. You're not going to spend all day here. What're you going to do?"
"I don't know, I..." Alex let his words trail off and looked down at the floor.
"How about you, Mulder?"
"I don't...I have my lap top. I'll probably just do some work or something."
"And leave my brother staring at the walls? Why don't you two go out to a movie or something?"
"Peter," Alex said, quietly exasperated.
"What? What's wrong with that? Just think; for two hours or so, you won't have to talk to each other. Won't that be nice?" He thought for a moment. "Hell, you could go to two movies. That should take you right up to dinner time."
"I wanted to talk," Mulder murmured softly for the record, and Peter looked to his brother expectantly.
"What you want," Alex said just as softly, "is to intrude on my personal space, and you want me to just go along with it because you feel it's your right."
"Just because I asked you what you were dreaming about?" Mulder asked, incredulous. "Jesus, Krycek, forget I asked."
"You didn't ask. You demanded. I owe you plenty. Isn't that what you said?"
Fascinated, Peter listened to the two men, his head bouncing back and forth between them.
"That's what I said," Mulder admitted. "And I stand by it. Are you going to sit there and tell me you don't?"
"No, I'm not," Alex said, getting up. "That'd be a lie, wouldn't it? I owe you my fucking life, Mulder. Happy?" Without another word, he walked out of the room, leaving Mulder and Peter staring after him.
"Ah, shit," Peter cursed. "Please, Mulder. Go after him. Don't let him take off. He's still not ship shape and..."
"I don't believe this shit," Mulder mumbled, cutting Peter off. He wheeled around and stormed out the door.
"No yelling!" Peter called after him, unsure of whether or not he heard. He sat back and moaned. Hell, even if Mulder had heard, he couldn't be sure that the agent would comply with his request.
Nurse Kendrick was standing at the station with two other nurses when Alex blew by her and seconds later, Mulder followed. Stopping her conversation, she watched as Mulder caught up to Alex at the end of the hall and walked alongside him as the younger man turned toward the elevators. Not very far away, she could hear what they were saying.
"You're just going to leave without saying goodbye to your brother?"
"I need some air," Alex threw back, punching the button. When Mulder remained beside him, he turned to the older man and growled, "You wanted to come up and visit Peter. Go back and visit."
"He wants me to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine."
The door opened, and both men stepped into the car. Mulder opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it, preferring to wait until the elderly woman already inside was out of earshot.
When the elevator reached the ground floor, all three riders got out, and Alex moved toward the exit with Mulder right behind him.
"Why are you following me?" Alex asked, still walking.
"Your brother asked me to make sure you didn't take off."
Alex stopped abruptly and turned on Mulder.
"I've about had it with being treated like a fucking child! I had a heart transplant, not a lobotomy!"
"What the hell is your problem, Krycek?" Mulder shouted back. "Your brother is just worried about you! He cares about you, and believe me, that's a whole lot more than you deserve!"
"That's right, Mulder, that's right! I don't deserve it! But yet he cares! I didn't deserve Samantha's heart! But I've got it, don't I? Why? Why the fuck did you do it? Was it so you could have something to hold over my head? Is making me miserable so worth the hell of still having me on this planet?" One eye glazed over. "Why? Why didn't you just let me die and be done with all of this? You still wouldn't have Samantha, but at least I wouldn't be here either, and that's gotta be worth something to you!"
Mulder watched the light in Alex's eyes fade. They rolled up into his head, and all the color drained from the younger man's face as he crumpled in front of him. He would have hit the ground had Mulder not broken his fall.
"Son of a bitch! Krycek!" Mulder struggled to shift the dead weight, gaining his footing before lifting Alex in his arms and heading back into the hospital.
"Somebody help me!" he shouted, and two nurses came running.
"What happened?"
"We were arguing in the parking lot, and he just...he collapsed," Mulder breathed as someone rolled up a gurney, and he unloaded his burden.
"Are there any existing medical conditions?"
Mulder looked up at the doctor who'd just arrived and accompanied the group into a nearby examining room.
"He's a heart transplant patient. He's only been in recovery for a few weeks."
"And he's been all right?"
"Fine. He just had a physical yesterday."
"When's the last time he'd had a biopsy?"
"I...I don't know. They'd scheduled one for two weeks. His brother should know, though. He's a patient here."
The doctor gave him a curious look.
"Here?"
"Yes, his name's Peter Tate. He's in room two-twenty. We were visiting him."
"I'll send someone to speak to him and..."
"No."
Mulder and the doctor looked down and found Alex gaining consciousness.
"No. Don't...don't."
"What's his name?"
"Alex Krycek."
"Mr. Krycek? I'm Doctor Baldwin." The doctor checked his eyes and ears and listened to his heart. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"Don't know, I...there was no air," Alex whispered, closing his eyes. "Everything started to spin."
"Was this sudden or had you been feeling unwell recently?"
"Sudden."
"Doctor," Mulder broke in, "he was upset in the parking lot. We'd been arguing, and he was pretty worked up. Then he just collapsed. I caught him before he could hit the pavement, and I brought him in here."
The doctor looked from Mulder to the man on the stretcher.
"How are you feeling now?"
"Just a little off balance. Gimme a minute and I'll be fine."
"I'd like to keep you a while," the doctor said. "I want to contact your own doctor, discuss your case..."
"I'm all right," Alex insisted, trying to sit up. Mulder stopped him and gently lowered him to the gurney.
"You're all right when the doctor says you're all right. Now lie still."
Alex looked up at the man hovering over him, breaking eye contact only when the doctor spoke again.
"Of course, you have the right to deny treatment, Mr. Krycek, but if you do that, I suggest you go to your own doctor right away. I'm sure this has been explained to you, but the operation you've had is no easy thing. It takes months and months to get back on your feet completely. Stress and strain is not to be tolerated," he said, directing his last words to Mulder.
"I'll see my own doctor," Alex promised.
"All right. Why don't you lie here for a little while longer, then if you're sure you're feeling better, you can go."
Mulder thanked the doctor, and when the man was gone, he pulled up a chair and took a seat by Alex's bed.
"I'll call Peter and tell him what happened."
"Don't."
"I have to."
"No. He'll worry," Alex sighed. "Just tell him that I'm very tired, and you're taking me home. Tell him we'll be here to get him tomorrow."
Mulder said nothing.
"And...after he's home and settled, I want you to leave."
Mulder nodded. "I'll find a nearby hotel and..."
"No," Alex said flatly, not meeting the older man's eyes. "Leave. Go back to D.C."
Mulder studied the other man in silence for a moment then answered.
"You need help. You can't..."
"I can. And what I can't or shouldn't do, I'll hire someone to do. I'm sure the hospital can recommend a service."
Mulder stared for a moment at the other man, then he lowered his head and sat quietly until Alex gathered enough strength to get up. Once they were on their way back to the apartment, Mulder pulled out his cell phone and dialed Peter's room.
"Hello?"
"Peter, it's Mulder."
"Did you find him? Is he all right? Where are you?"
"Yes, I found him. He's all right, just very tired. We talked, straightened things out, and I'm taking him home. I'm sorry, but I insisted he go home right away and rest," Mulder lied.
"I'm not sure I believe you," Peter said honestly. "But I don't have a whole lot of choice, do I?"
"You can talk to him if it'll make you feel better."
"Yeah. Put him on."
Mulder handed the phone to Alex, and he made himself sound as normal as possible to put his brother at ease.
"I'm okay, Pete. I guess I just tired myself out with that little scene."
"Uh huh. And you've settled things now?"
"...Yeah. It's all settled," Alex said as nonchalantly as he could. "We'll be there tomorrow to get you, okay?"
"Yeah. Uh...the doctor said I'd be released at around eleven, okay?"
"Great. We'll be there before then."
"Okay...Alex? Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Peter. Quit worrying. I'm going to go have a nice long nap, and I'll be great."
"Okay. I'll call later to check on you."
"All right."
"Later, kid,"
"Bye."
Alex hung up and placed the phone on the seat instead of handing it back to Mulder.
Mulder left the phone where Alex had dropped it and waited a few minutes before speaking.
"We should be going straight to your doctor."
"I'm fine."
You promised Doctor Baldwin that you'd see your own physician."
"And I will. But not until Peter is settled back home."
"It really was the stress, Fox."
Mulder's eyes shot up to the rearview mirror, and he found Samantha sitting in the back seat. He looked from the mirror to Alex, who was still sitting quietly beside him, then back to the mirror. She was still there.
"He's all right. But no matter what he says, he needs you. Don't leave him."
Mulder opened his mouth to argue, but then he looked over at his passenger and thought better of it. He wondered if she could hear his thoughts.
//He asked me to leave. No...he told me to leave.//
"And he means it. But the decision he's made is invalid. He's afraid, Fox."
//Afraid? Of what?//
Mulder's cell phone rang, and he snatched it up. When he glanced back into the rearview mirror, Samantha was gone. He cursed softly and answered the phone.
"Mulder."
"You sound a bit exasperated."
"A little. What's up?"
"I'm at the airport."
"What airport?"
"Las Cruces International."
"I thought...why didn't you call and tell me?"
"I just did."
"I mean before you left."
"I finished up at the office early, and I decided to see if I could get an earlier flight. What's the big deal?"
"Scully, I...not now."
"Oh? Something wrong?"
"Isn't there always?"
"God. What?"
"Later."
"I'll get a car and meet you at Peter's apartment in about half an hour or so."
"All right."
Mulder hung up and checked the back seat again, but Samantha was gone.
//Samantha. Shit. Samantha, please come back. I need more than these little cryptic bits and pieces you're leaving me with.//
Alex's head turned, and he stared at the driver. Mulder felt his gaze on him, and he turned his head.
"What?"
"Are you all right?"
"What do you mean?"
"You..." Alex's eyes left Mulder's intermittent gaze, and he turned his attention to the road. "...you made a sound."
"A sound?"
"A grunt...kind of. Sounded a little painful."
Mulder shrugged. "I don't know. It...it was nothing."
Alex left it alone, and the rest of the ride was spent in deafening silence. Only fifteen minutes after they'd arrived back at the apartment, the buzzer rang.
Lifting himself from the sofa, Alex shuffled over to the door and checked the peephole. The top of a red head greeted his eyes, and he sighed and opened the door.
"Didn't Mulder just talk to you?"
"Hello to you too, Krycek." Scully stepped around Alex and entered the apartment. "You look a lot better than the last time I saw you. Where's Mulder?"
"Bathroom."
Scully nodded and turned to face him. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm alive."
"Okay..."
Both pairs of eyes shifted to the hall and found Mulder coming out of the bathroom. He saw his partner standing in the living room with Alex, and he sighed with slight relief.
"How was your flight?" he asked in greeting.
"Fine. I was just about to ask Krycek how his brother was."
"He's doing all right. He'll be home tomorrow."
"Yeah, that's what he said the other day. That's why I'm here. You'll need more help than just Mulder."
"Unfortunately, Scully, you came all the way out here for nothing."
"What do you mean?"
"Krycek wants me to leave after Peter gets home tomorrow."
"Leave? You mean like leave New Mexico?"
"Yeah."
"Krycek," Scully said in a chastising tone. "Your brother is in no condition to be taking care of you, and you do need care whether you like it or not."
"I'll get a home health care worker."
She looked from one man to the other.
"Okay, what happened?"
Neither man said a word.
"Fine. Mulder, come with me, please. Krycek, excuse us. Mulder and I are going for a little walk."
Alex lowered his eyes and shrugged.
"You. Let's go."
Scully dragged her partner out of the apartment, and as soon as they were on the other side of the door, she started in on him.
"Okay, now tell me. What happened? What'd you do?"
"What makes you think it was me?"
"With your attitude?"
"I have no right to have one?"
"I didn't say that. Mulder, can we not do this? Can you just tell me what happened?"
Mulder sighed heavily and began to walk.
"Okay, here it is. He's been dreaming about me."
"How do you know?"
"Because I've heard him calling my name."
Scully said nothing, and Mulder eyed her suspiciously.
"You know about this, don't you?"
"Peter mentioned it to me."
"Oh, did he? Well, what else did Peter mention to you?"
"Just that he's sure Krycek has got some serious issues concerning you."
"And that's all he said?"
"Basically."
"Why do I suddenly feel like the butt of some joke?"
"I don't understand."
"Scully...Samantha keeps appearing to me. I know what you're thinking, but I swear it. I'm wide awake, and I am not losing my mind. Anyway, she keeps telling me that I can't leave him. That I have to stay and help him...that he needs me, and in time I'll understand. I...I can't put it all together, Scully. I don't get what it is she's trying to tell me."
The couple exited the building and started walking up the street.
"Just a block or so," Mulder instructed. "I don't want to be too far. He uh...he collapsed earlier."
Scully stopped dead in her tracks. "He what?"
"We kind of had an argument in Peter's room because I wanted him to tell me what the dreams were about, and he refused. He took off, Peter asked me to go after him...we fought in the parking lot, and the next thing I knew, I was catching him before he hit the asphalt. I carried him back inside, and before my legs could give out, somebody shoved a gurney under him. He was out for a short time, then he came around, he insisted he was all right, and we left."
"You left. Mulder, do you know that he could..."
"I know what could've been happening, okay? But he refused treatment as the doctor informed him was his right, and he seemed fine. On the drive back here, Samantha told me that he was all right. She said it happened just because he was so worked up. And again she told me I needed to stay."
Scully fell into a thoughtful silence for a moment then surprised Mulder with, "I think you need to listen to her."
"You what?"
"You should stay."
Mulder stared, mouth hanging open.
"You...you believe me?"
"I believe you know with all certainty that Samantha wouldn't lead you astray."
"...Was that an answer?"
"Mulder...how would you feel, really, if you left knowing that Samantha wanted you to stay?"
"I know, Scully, but don't you think I'll do Krycek more harm than good if I hang around where I'm not wanted?"
"If you could stay and not be....yourself..." Mulder gave her a dirty look. "...I think he'd change his mind about you leaving."
"Soooo, I have to bite my tongue, forget about what a rat bastard he's been, and play Mary Poppins so he can feel more at ease and let me stay?"
"I don't know, Mulder. What does Samantha think?"
"She's not here right now."
"I see."
"You think I'm crazy, don't you?"
"Have I ever?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Well...just behave yourself, Mulder. Let's go back, you make him some lunch, be nice, and I'll go to the motel we stayed at and get another couple of rooms."
Mulder closed his eyes for a moment and continued on in silence.
"I know what this must be like for you," Scully whispered, placing a hand on her partner's back. "You need to make peace with it...with him."
They made their way back to the building, and Scully left Mulder at the door with a promise to contact him when she was settled in her room. He returned to the apartment to find Alex stretched out on the sofa, eyes closed. He studied the younger man for a moment then softly called his name. When there was no answer, he paused for a moment then went into the kitchen to prepare a late lunch.
"So, Nurse Kendrick, which'll it be?"
The young woman smiled at the patient as she took his blood pressure.
"What?"
"My brother or his friend?"
"They didn't seem too friendly."
"Well, they were kinda in the middle of a disagreement."
"A disagreement."
"Yeah."
"Looked more like a lover's spat."
Peter stared.
"I'm sorry, I...I saw them leave your room. They were fighting at the elevator, and..."
"And what?"
"You just don't usually see two men being..."
Peter's eyebrows rose.
"Being what?"
The nurse looked uncomfortable, but she said it.
"Bitchy. I'm really sorry, I...I can't believe I said that, but that's the only way I can describe it."
"That's okay," Peter said softly, obviously a bit distracted.
The woman recorded her findings, apologized again and took her leave. He wasn't alone for long. Several minutes later, Dana Scully entered, knocking softly at the door.
"Dana! You're here!" Peter's eyes lit up as he struggled into a more upright position.
"Yeah, I'm a little early." Scully walked over to Peter's bed and gave him a smile. "How are you?"
"Bumped and bruised, sore as hell and stuck in this damned cast until the end of next month but other than that, not bad. Does Mulder know you're here?"
"Yeah, actually, I just came from your place."
"Oh. How're they doing?"
"Uh..."
"Don't sugar coat it for my benefit, Dana. They were here earlier, and I know they were going at it."
"Yeah, Mulder said that they'd come to see you."
"Did he tell you that Alex took off out of my room in the middle of their fight? I sent Mulder after him. They called a while later to tell me that everything was okay, and that Mulder was taking Alex home because he was really tired."
//Okay, so he knows nothing about Krycek collapsing.//
"Uh huh."
"So, how does he seem to you?"
"Umm...a little subdued. I don't know if you know this, but he's asked Mulder to leave once you get home."
"He what?"
"Yeah. He said he'll hire help for the both of you, but he wants Mulder gone."
"...Is he going to go?"
Scully pulled up a chair and dropped into it. "Remember I told you that he said that Samantha has appeared to him and asked him to take care of Krycek?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he insists that she keeps visiting him and asking him to basically hang in there. I told him that he should listen to her."
"So you believe Samantha's ghost is actually visiting him?"
"Mulder believes it. Intensely. And that's what I have to work with."
Peter looked down at his hands. "Dana, do you...do you think he really wants to stay?"
Scully eyed him. "And he's using this Samantha's ghost story as an excuse?"
"Maybe." Peter looked up at her. "Can I ask you a very personal question? It's...it's not about yourself. It's about Agent Mulder."
"You can ask, but I reserve the right not to answer if I think it'll invade his privacy...you understand."
"Yeah. Uh...does he date...women?"
Scully cocked her head. "What do you mean?"
"In the time that you've known him, has Mulder ever dated any women?"
Scully shrugged. "No, I...I don't think so."
Peter chewed on his lower lip for a moment then asked another question.
"How about men?"
Scully sat stone still, and she stared at Peter.
"Why would you ask that?"
"You don't sound as shocked as I imagine you should, Dana."
"Would you just tell me what you're getting at, please?"
"I've only recently come to wonder about my brother. His...sexuality. And when someone else noticed that his interaction with Mulder wasn't a normal male/male thing, it just reinforced my suspicions."
"What do you mean by their interaction?"
"To quote this other completely objective bystander, their arguing seemed more like a lover's spat. They were...bitchy."
There was silence for a while, then Scully spoke up.
"I'd never suspected anything of Mulder...I do recall that when he and Krycek were partnered together for that little while, I'd watch Krycek watching him with this...this look. After we discovered that he was a plant, I chalked that look up to nothing more than part of the act. I've seen it since, but just like before, Mulder seemed oblivious to it. Yet, there's something. Something in Mulder that's responding to Krycek in a way that does have me wondering."
"What do we do?"
Scully shook her head. "Confrontation by either one of us would be the worst thing, I think. If this is their path, they need to discover it on their own. I don't for an instant mean it to sound like I'm all for a relationship between them. And not for the reason you think. There's just so much bad blood there, that in my opinion, it's bound to be ugly and painful. But if something is there, going around it isn't good. They need to go through it. What do you think?"
"I think you're right. I also think that it's Mulder who has to make the first move. Alex never will since he's so sure that Mulder hates him with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. That said, how will Mulder ever come to the necessary realizations?"
"He says that Samantha keeps dropping these confusing hints...telling him that Krycek needs him, and that in time he'll understand why he has to stay."
"And you think little nuggets like that are going to be enough to steer him in the right direction?"
"I don't know. I think the best we can hope for now, is that she keeps talking to him and makes him curious enough to stay."
Peter nodded in agreement.
"So...speaking of staying...would you like to stay and have dinner with me?"
Scully wrinkled her nose. "I'm not real big on hospital food."
"Neither am I. I was hoping I could talk you into smuggling in some takeout for us."
Scully laughed softly, the sparkle in her eyes matching Peter's. "You might be able to convince me."
Mulder sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, his laptop open and running. Lunch had been over for almost two hours, and Alex had cloistered himself away in his bedroom after calling his doctor and making an appointment for tomorrow.
He hadn't wanted to do it, but Mulder had vehemently insisted and wouldn't leave him alone until he'd made the call. When the appointment had been made, he'd slammed the phone down and stormed into his bedroom, banging the door shut behind him. A short time later Scully had called, informing him that she was going to have dinner with Peter, and Mulder had grunted at the news.
"What's the matter with you, Mulder?" Scully had asked. "You and Krycek aren't still at it, are you? You know he shouldn't be getting all worked up."
"Yeah, I know," Mulder had said, disgust filling his voice. "Don't worry, we're not fighting. He shut himself up in his bedroom after lunch, and I haven't seen him since."
"Brother. Is this because of the same argument, or is it something new?"
"Oh, he's pouting because I made him call for a doctor's appointment tomorrow."
"Yeah, well, he'll get over that. By right, he should have gone in today."
"Which reminds me, Scully. You didn't say anything about Krycek's collapse to his brother, did you?"
"No. I figured that you hadn't said anything."
"Krycek didn't want him to know."
"Don't you think he's going ask questions when he finds out that Krycek has an unscheduled doctor's appointment tomorrow?"
"I'm sure. But at least he'll be home when he finds out, and he'll be able to see for himself that Krycek's really okay."
"Gotcha. Has any more been said about you leaving?"
"No."
"Have you made a final decision?"
"I'm still thinking about it."
"Well. Think hard, Mulder. Tomorrow's going to come fast."
"I know. You have a nice dinner."
"Thanks. See you in the morning."
Mulder hung up and went back to his work, but with his concentration broken, his mind started to wander to other things. His gaze rose from the screen and moved slowly around the room then stopped at the hall. He couldn't see Alex's door from where he sat, but he continued to stare at the hall entrance until his eyes lost focus. Blinking several times to clear the fuzziness, he returned his attention to his laptop and settled back into work.
When Alex awoke, it was dark. Too dark to see his hand in front of his face. He rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. The glowing red numbers read eight forty-two. Moaning, he pulled himself up and rubbed at his face. It had been hours since he'd retreated into his room. He'd been so ticked off about having to call the doctor that as soon as the call had been placed, he'd whirled around and stomped out of the living room, leaving Mulder alone. Now he wondered if the other man was still out there or if he'd finally said enough was enough and left.
Slowly rising to his feet, he made his way to the door and swung it open. He squinted in the pale light flooding into the hall from the living room, and his stomach began to rumble as the scent of food reached his nose.
Still here. And he'd cooked.
//Guess he's going to hang in until the bitter end.//
//Which, in accordance with your demands, will be sometime early tomorrow afternoon.//
Alex reached the end of the hall, and he stopped as Mulder came into view.
Seated on the floor, back against the sofa, pushing up his glasses as he pounded at the keys of his laptop, Mulder gave no indication that he'd sensed Alex's presence. He stopped to reach into a nearby plate and shove a piece of eggplant lasagna into his mouth. Before Alex could move or say anything, Mulder swallowed and spoke softly.
"The lasagna's probably close to being cold by now. You'll have to heat it up."
Alex stared for a moment more then lowered his eyes and shuffled into the kitchen. He cut himself a small piece of lasagna, popped it into the microwave for a few seconds then took a seat at the table and began to eat. He half expected Mulder to come in and check on him, but he never did.
When he finished eating, he rinsed the dish and put it into the dishwasher then moved slowly into the living room. Mulder was still working, and Alex sat quietly in the chair across from the sofa, watching for a while, then he asked what Mulder was doing.
"Just catching up on some reports," was the flat reply.
"...Any interesting cases lately?"
Mulder stopped typing, but his eyes remained on the screen.
"A few."
When it was clear that Mulder wasn't going to say any more, Alex changed the subject.
"Did Scully come back?"
"Actually, she didn't. She had dinner with your brother then went to her hotel room."
"...I think they like each other."
"Yeah." Mulder began to type again.
Alex went quiet and, lacking something better to do, let his gaze wander around the room. It stopped on the bag he recognized as Mulder's, propped against the wall by the door. He swallowed down the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, and he frowned down at his folded hands.
"I uh...I'll go watch t.v. in my room and let you work."
"Okay."
"...Goodnight, Mulder."
No answer.
Alex picked himself up and moved slowly back into his bedroom. Only when he heard the door click shut did Mulder look up from the computer. Pulling his lower lip into his mouth, he chewed on the plump flesh as he looked into the darkness of the hall, then he let his head fall against the sofa. He stayed that way until he fell asleep.
"You look perky this morning."
"Why shouldn't I? I'm going home!"
"Was it so bad staying with us?" Nurse Kendrick smiled.
"No, you made it more than bearable."
"I...I want to apologize to you, though, about yesterday. I was out of line with that comment."
"No, honey, I don't think you were, and I thank you."
"You...really?"
"Yes. Now, don't you worry about it any more." Peter looked at the clock that hung just outside his door. "They should be here soon."
"They're here now."
He smiled as Scully walked in, followed by Alex and then Mulder.
"Ah. My minions." He snapped his fingers at the three. "Bathe me, clothe me. Get me out of here."
The nurse smiled at Scully, tossed a fast, appraising look in Alex and Mulder's direction then wished Peter luck and said goodbye. When she was gone, Alex stepped forward.
"How're you feeling?"
"Better and better, kiddo." He slipped a glance at Mulder then returned his gaze to Alex. "How're you?"
"Okay," Alex said flatly, then he changed the subject. "You were kidding about being bathed, weren't you?"
Peter laughed. "Yeah. I had a nice, big burly nurse come in earlier and show me how to shower with this thing," he said, knocking on the cast. "You bring my clothes?"
"Yeah." Alex lifted the bag he'd entered with. "I couldn't find too many pairs of sweats in your room, so we might have to cut the legs of some of your jeans. You wanna get dressed now?"
"Yeah. I'm going to need some help, here. Mulder, you wanna help me up, and Alex can assist me with the clothes?"
"Sure." As Mulder stepped forward, Scully drew the curtain around the bed and stood outside. There was a lot of rustling, some murmured words of instruction, and several minutes later, Alex pulled the curtain back.
"Okay, let's get the hell out of here."
"Whoa, whoa," Scully said. "We have to wait for the wheelchair."
Peter groaned. "I hate those things."
"You and me both," Mulder agreed. "But as Scully is always so quick to point out, they're necessary."
"Well, you'd better get used to them because you're going to have to use one for a while," Alex warned.
"I don't wanna," Peter whined. "Why do I have to?"
"You can't use crutches until your ribs are healed," Scully said. "And by then, you'll probably be able to use a walking cast."
"Well, this sucks."
"Sorry."
The chair came minutes later, and as they were on their way out of the building, Alex informed Peter that since his car was too small for him to sit in comfortably, he would be riding in Scully's rental.
"Fine with me," Peter said, grinning at Scully. "That much less time I gotta spend looking at those two sour faces," he said, indicating the other two men.
The orderly helped Peter into the wheelchair, and the group left the hospital in virtual silence. It wasn't until Peter was settled into Scully's car that the talking resumed.
"Any new developments?"
"Not that I know of," Scully said, pulling away from the front of the hospital. "I haven't had time to ask Mulder if he's decided to leave or not. He and your brother don't look any more comfortable with each other, though."
"He can't leave," Peter said. "I just know that Alex is going to be impossible to deal with if he does."
"Well, I don't know what we can do stop him."
"Let's hope Samantha comes up with something, then," Peter sighed and closed his eyes.
In Alex's car, the two men rode quietly, following Scully's rental. When they came to a stop at a red light, Mulder turned to glance at the younger man.
"I made a decision last night. Well...this morning. I'm not leaving. I mean, I won't stay with you and Peter, but you need my help, and I'm not leaving."
"I told you, I'll hire some help," Alex answered without looking at the other man.
"Some help isn't my help."
Alex's head whipped around at that one.
"What the fuck do you think you can do for us that someone else can't?"
"I can keep you in line, apparently. You can yell, scream, curse at me or whatever else, but you do what you should do because I'm the one who can make you do it."
Alex laughed softly as Mulder spoke. "Who told you that?"
"No one had to tell me." He glanced at his passenger. "I don't hear you denying it."
"Fuck off, Mulder. You're really starting to work my nerves."
Mulder shrugged. "I got no problem with being annoying. Especially when I'm right."
"You've got an unbelievably fucking huge ego, you know that?"
"Well, you know what they say about men with big noses."
Alex emitted a disgusted grunt and snapped his head back toward the window, and he didn't say another word until they reached the apartment.
Once everyone was out of their vehicles, Mulder opened Scully's trunk and hauled the wheelchair out and unfolded it. He helped Peter into it and brought him into the building. The small group endured the elevator ride in silence, Peter and Scully observing their companions curiously. When they reached the apartment, Peter let out a loud sigh of relief.
"Home. Thank God."
"Do you want to be on the couch, or in your bed?" Mulder asked, stopping the chair in the middle of the floor.
"The couch. I don't want to be hidden away unless you all would rather not look at me."
Scully gave the man an indulgent smile.
"Of course not. But I don't know how long we're going to be here," she said, looking pointedly at Mulder.
Peter's eyes went to Mulder, waiting expectantly.
"Well, your brother wanted to hire a home healthcare worker, but I see no need for that when you've got two able-bodied people here who are willing to help you for free."
Peter's grin grew wide. "Great!" His gaze went to Alex, who was staring daggers at Mulder, and the grin faded. "Uh...I mean that...that's okay."
Still staring at Mulder, Alex spoke to his brother.
"You want some lunch, Pete?"
"Uh...yeah. I'm pretty hungry."
"I'll go see what I can find for you."
Alex moved away slowly, and Scully helped Mulder settle Peter on the couch.
"He's upset again, huh?" Peter asked.
"Again? How about still?"
"What happened, Mulder?" Scully asked, gently pushing Peter forward so she could get a pillow behind him.
"Nothing much. I just told him that I wasn't going back to D.C." Folding the chair up and storing it in an unobtrusive corner of the room, he headed toward the kitchen. "I'll go see if he needs help with lunch."
As soon as Mulder was gone, Peter turned to Scully.
"Twenty bucks says they're fighting within five minutes."
"I'd be crazy to take that bet." Scully sat down and checked her watch. "Thirty seconds...fifty....a minute twenty..."
In the kitchen, Alex was in the process of making turkey sandwiches when Mulder came through the door.
"Need any help?"
"I think I can lift a couple of sandwiches without rupturing something."
Saying nothing, Mulder went to the cabinet and pulled down a few plates and glasses. Then, rummaging through the refrigerator, he pulled out a pitcher of iced tea. He poured four glasses then started slicing the tomato he'd noticed Alex had put out.
Alex slammed down the knife he'd been using to spread mustard on his brother's sandwich, and he turned on the other man.
"I can handle it, okay, Mulder?"
Mulder ignored Alex's angry declaration and reminded him that they had to leave in about an hour for his appointment.
"And you still haven't told him anything yet."
"Would you leave me the fuck alone!"
"Three minutes, ten seconds," Scully murmured, still looking at her watch in the living room.
"You think I'm enjoying myself? You think I like this shit?" Mulder asked, his voice a bit louder.
"You must," Alex shouted. "If you didn't, you'd get the fuck out!"
Peter closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, then he opened them and looked Scully's way.
"Aren't they cute?"
"Adorable," Scully muttered then hollered, "Knock it off in there!"
The door slammed open seconds later, and Alex stormed out, carrying a plate in either hand. He dropped them down on the table then faced Peter.
"I got a doctor's appointment at two-thirty."
Peter frowned up at his brother. "Huh?"
Mulder came in with the other two plates, placed them on the coffee table and sauntered off into the kitchen for the glasses.
"I got a doctor's appointment. I was feeling kind of dizzy yesterday..."
"He passed out," Mulder said as he reentered the room with two glasses. Alex followed him with a spiteful glare as he went back for the other two.
"You passed out?" Peter shouted. "Why the hell am I just hearing about this now?"
"Because I knew you'd worry, and I wanted you to see that I'm fine."
"If you're so fine, what are you doing going to the doctor's?"
"Because he should get checked out to be absolutely sure that he's fine."
"Can I answer for myself?" Alex asked Mulder, who'd just come back into the room with the other two glasses.
Mulder handed one glass to Scully and the other to Peter.
"Just wanted to make sure he got the truth."
"You know, screw you and your truth," Alex said with soft menace. Mulder wasn't impressed.
"Better eat your sandwich before we have to leave."
Scully rolled her eyes. "Sit down, the both of you, and eat. God; don't you get sick of all this crap?"
Both men dropped into a chair and began to eat in silence. Peter turned an admiring gaze on Scully then dug into his lunch. A while later, she dragged Mulder into the kitchen to clean up, leaving Alex and Peter alone.
"Okay," Peter said softly. "You wanna tell me what happened yesterday?"
Alex sighed and cracked his neck.
"We were fighting in the parking lot, and everything started to spin, then it went black. Next thing I know, I'm waking up on a stretcher in the hospital. I lay there a while, I felt fine, and we left. I think I just got a little too worked up."
"And still you're fighting? I don't get it. What is it with you? You go from repentant and apprehensive to...combative, Alex. What the hell are you doing? You know this isn't good for you."
"I know," Alex sighed. "But he's such an arrogant bastard."
"I say this with love, kiddo, believe me...it takes an arrogant bastard to know an arrogant bastard."
Alex ran his fingers through his hair and said nothing.
"Do you not care any more about how he feels about you having Samantha's heart?"
Alex rested his chin on top of his folded hands.
"I never said that."
"Then what's with all the hostility?"
"He's an annoying, obnoxious, judgmental, self-righteous, pain in the ass control freak."
"Don't hold back now, Alex."
"You asked."
"Mmm hmm. And that's why you wanted him gone?"
"Yes."
"Yet, he remains."
"I think he's doing it just to piss me off."
"Yeah. I'm sure that's why he's doing it."
As Alex looked up at his brother, Mulder and Scully came back into the room.
"We need to get going in about ten minutes or so," Mulder announced.
Eyes still on his brother, Alex answered.
"Fine. Let's go make sure I'm still going to live a long, miserable life."
When they'd gone, Scully shut the door behind them and leaned against it.
"What're we gonna do?" Peter asked as she pushed herself away and walked back into the living room.
"I can tell you what I'd like to do," Scully muttered, dropping into the chair she'd previously occupied. "I'd like to bang both their big heads together. But since that's probably out, I say we step back and let them work this mess out on their own."
"They're not doing a very good job so far."
"Nope. They're both so damn stubborn."
"What's going to bring them around?"
"I don't know."
The pair sat in silence for a little while, then Scully slapped her leg, drawing Peter's attention.
"Well, let's not brood about it. What will be, will be."
"You're right." Peter gave the woman a big smile. "Okay, let's talk about something other than our respective crosses to bear."
Scully was game. "All right. What do we talk about?"
Peter gave her a smirk that resembled those she'd seen occasionally on his younger brother.
"Let's talk about you."
"You should have come right away, Alex," Doctor Scott chastised as he examined his patient. "Fortunately, I can't find anything wrong, but that doesn't mean that there couldn't have been. And had there been something, waiting even a few hours could have meant the difference between life and death. You're very fortunate."
"Yeah, lucky, lucky me."
"You are extremely fortunate, Alex."
Alex closed his eyes. "Ah, fuck."
Mulder's head snapped around at the sound of the familiar voice. Glowering at the old man in the doorway, he didn't take notice of the look of pure hatred that crossed Alex's face.
"Well...I can't tell you how much good it does my heart to see you boys getting along. Your sister would be so happy."
Mulder lunged at the smoker, and Alex stepped between them, hands on Mulder's chest.
"You lousy son of a bitch," Mulder growled. "You killed my sister."
"I most certainly did not," Spender said, feigning indignation. "Samantha's death was an accident."
"Keep her name out of your filthy mouth," Mulder spat. "She wouldn't be dead if you hadn't taken her to begin with."
"Mulder," Alex called softly. "Come on, Mulder, forget him. He isn't worth it."
"I'd only come to thank you for your generosity. You allowed my boy to live."
"I'm not your boy," Alex hissed. "If Samantha hadn't been hit, you would have let me die. Only the opportunity to experiment changed your mind."
"Your thankfulness is underwhelming, Alex."
"You want me to be thankful? Drop dead."
The old man's eyebrows raised and dropped back into place.
"I'm an old man. That'll come soon enough."
"Well, until then, stay the fuck out of our lives."
Moist, blue eyes went from one infuriated man to the other, and Spender smiled. "How is Peter?" He asked, changing the subject. "I hear he had a little fender bender."
"Like you give a shit how he is."
"Now, Alex," Spender began in a fatherly tone. "I care about all of my children...well, the two who are left."
"Get out," Alex said, his voice deadly soft as he continued to hold on to Mulder. "Get the fuck out before I let him go and help him take you apart a piece at a time."
Spender pulled a crumpled pack of Morleys out of the breast pocket of his jacket and slipped one into his mouth. "Don't get upset, Alex," he said, giving his son a sickly smile before he lit up. "It isn't good for your heart." And with that, he slipped away, leaving both men shaking with anger.
"I uh..." Doctor Scott slipped past the men. "I'll just leave you alone." He quickly left the room, leaving Alex standing face to face with Mulder, eyes to the floor.
"I didn't know he was going to be here."
"...I figured."
"...Sorry."
Mulder sighed heavily. "Not your fault."
"Mulder, go home," Alex said softly. "You don't need this."
"Neither do you."
Alex lifted his eyes to the older man's face. Mulder looked at him and looked away.
"...I...guess."
Silence.
"...Let's go."
On the way back to Peter's apartment, Mulder kept glancing over at Alex, who didn't turn his face away from the window. Finally, he cleared his throat and asked a question.
"Did you know your mother?"
"...Yes."
"Is she still alive?"
"She died when I was ten...at least that's what he told me."
"...Did you live with her?"
"Yeah."
"Did you know him then?"
"Yeah, he...he'd come around from time to time...I hated it when he did. I didn't like the way he looked at her...or me. He smelled like an ashtray, and he always had these men with him. They'd just sit there in the car...behind dark glasses...watching. When she died, I went to live with him. The only good thing was that I got to see Peter more than a couple of times a month. He lived with him. His mother 'died' when he was like, four."
"...What was it like? Living with him?"
"He was away a lot, which was a blessing. But when he was there." Alex shook his head. "It was...it was just...creepy."
"...Peter said he pumped you full of drugs and did tests on you. Do you know what?"
"I'm not sure. I don't...I remember...extremes of darkness and light...heat and cold. The cold went right down into my bones. I remember hurting so much sometimes that I couldn't get out of bed. There were times when I was so sick..." Alex stared out the window at the passing buildings and cars. "...I'd throw up until I couldn't stand. That went on for years. I think, when I was old enough to start working for him, they tried some form of chemical brainwashing. I was conscious of the things I was doing, but I couldn't stop myself...I didn't even have the desire to. But I knew something was wrong with me."
"Are you trying to tell me that the things you've done, you've done under the influence of drugs?"
"I...I don't know. I'm not trying to make excuses. I'm just answering your questions."
Mulder fell into a thoughtful silence and didn't snap out of it until they reached Peter's building. When they walked into the apartment, they found Scully and Peter deep in conversation. Only the sound of the closing door drew their attention.
"How'd it go?" Peter asked, not giving his brother a chance to speak first.
"I'm fine," Alex said, and Mulder nodded in agreement when Peter looked his way.
"Good. Okay, I feel better."
Scully rose from her seat.
"Well, I was just telling Peter that I was thinking about going into the kitchen to figure out what to make for dinner. Mulder, you want to help me?"
Mulder looked from Scully to Alex then back again. "Yeah, I guess." He returned his attention to Alex for a moment. "You wanna put your order in?"
Scully's head whipped around to find Peter already staring at her with a perplexed expression. She gave him a hint of a shrug then looked to Alex for an answer.
"No, I...anything'll be fine. I should be helping, though. I need to do as much for myself as I'm able to."
"He's right," Mulder agreed and said no more.
"All right," Scully murmured. "Krycek, you want to help me?"
"You don't have to," Mulder offered. "I got a few more dishes in my repertoire if you and Peter want to continue whatever conversation you were so wrapped up in when we came in."
"No, no. You keep the patient company, and Krycek and I will see what we can come up with."
Surprised and more than a bit uneasy, Alex followed Scully into the kitchen. Peter watched Mulder watching Alex, and when both he and Scully were gone, Mulder turned around and took a seat.
"...Glad to be home, I bet."
Staring at the other man, Peter nodded. "Very glad."
Silence for a while, then, "You and Scully seem kind of chummy. Was she who you were talking about when you said in the hospital that you had an interest in someone?"
Peter cocked his head, studying Mulder's tone and expression.
"Yes. Do you have any issues with that?"
"Scully's a big girl and perfectly capable of making her own decisions."
"Okay, but between you and me, what are your feelings?"
Mulder leaned back in his chair. "Why are you so interested in what I think?"
"Well...I'm the son of your worst enemy. Both you and Dana have suffered at his hands."
"Yeah."
"It's not hard to deal with?"
"Shouldn't you be talking to Scully about this?"
"We have talked a little bit."
"All right, then."
"But I want to know how you feel."
Mulder sighed and rubbed at one temple.
"Your father is who he is. You can't help who you're born to. All you can help is who you are. If Scully likes you and thinks you're a decent person and that it would be nice to get to know you, I got no problem with it."
Peter nodded. "Fair enough. Now can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"You and Alex left here fighting. When you got back, you were asking him what he wanted for dinner. What happened between here and there?"
Mulder shrugged. "Daddy dearest showed up at the doctor's office."
"Ah, shit. I thought he was still in New York."
"Guess not."
"I'm sorry, Mulder. That's the last thing you needed."
"It was no Sunday stroll in the park...Krycek really hates him, doesn't he?"
"We both do. It's terrible to have to say that you hate your father, but...and as much as I loathe him, Alex despises him," Peter said through gritted teeth for emphasis. "He'd often told me that since all that alien invasion stuff had come to an end, he'd given more than a passing thought to killing the fucker, but he couldn't do it until he found out for sure one way or another what had happened to Samantha. He didn't know for sure that our father really had her until he got sick, like I told you, and by then he was too weak to do anything." Peter looked toward the kitchen. "He'd spent a lot of time trying to find her, you know. But apparently our father kept her whereabouts tightly under wraps."
Mulder stared.
"Even before we'd found out for sure, he'd suspected that at the very least, the old man knew what had happened to her. Whenever he had the chance, he'd snoop around, but security was always ridiculous." Peter paused for a moment then went on. "Even then he was trying to do right by you."
Mulder looked away, shaking his head slightly.
"Don't get it, do you?" Peter asked.
"No." Mulder faced the other man. "Do you?"
"I wish I could give you an answer," Peter said, choosing his words carefully. "But I can't."
In the kitchen, Scully and Alex worked quietly for a while before she decided that enough was enough.
"You still want Mulder to leave tomorrow?"
"...Yes."
"Why?" Scully stopped chopping tomatoes and turned to face Alex. "And I don't want any bullshit answers, Krycek. From your heart, tell me why."
"He's had enough, Scully. It's as simple as that. So much has been done to him. He doesn't need this. He doesn't need to have to face me day after day, knowing that his dead sister's heart is beating in my chest. He doesn't need to be reminded that my father is the most vile, loathsome, scum sucking vermin to walk the face of the earth, and if he's here, it's going to happen...it did happen."
"It...when?"
"Earlier. He slithered in while we were in the doctor's office."
"Damn. What happened?"
"The old bastard said a few things to get Mulder's blood up, and I had to step between them to keep Mulder from killing him there in the office...not that I didn't want to do it myself, but..." Alex sighed. "Number one, that wasn't the place, and two, I'm not in any shape for that yet." He looked up at Scully, the pain evident in his eyes. "Make him go home, Scully. Take him away from all this shit."
Scully stared for a while, and when Krycek lowered his eyes, she spoke.
"Your brother's asked you this question, and you've never given him a straight answer. I want one now. Why do you care so much about Mulder?"
Alex shrugged. "Can't I feel remorse for all the stuff I had a hand in doing to him?"
"Mulder's not the only person in the world you've done things to, Krycek. Yet, he's the only one you seem to be concerned with."
Alex said nothing.
"What's the deal, Krycek?"
Why does there have to be a deal?"
"There doesn't have to be, but there is." Scully waited. When Alex still refused to talk, she threw her theory at him.
"Okay. Fine. Here's what I think. Confirm it or dispute it. I think you have feelings for Mulder."
Alex didn't look up, but she could feel the tension in him.
"I'm right, aren't I?"
"...I have feelings about everybody I know."
"Don't play that with me, Krycek. You know what I mean."
"My feelings are none of your business, Scully."
"Maybe not. But they directly concern my partner. So, I'm making it my business."
"I'm trying hard to keep your partner from falling victim to any more shit involving me," Alex said, "and I really don't see that a discussion of my feelings with you or anyone else would be conducive to that."
"You do care about him," Scully murmured, quietly shocked at her own words. She approached Alex, stood directly in front of him, and she pushed a bit more. "How long have you felt like this about him?"
"Leave it alone, Scully," Alex warned. "Forget this conversation. Forget what you think you know. And for Christ's sake, forget about sharing any of it with him."
Alex moved around the stunned woman and went about his business. Scully stood there for a while longer then went back to preparing dinner. The two worked together in silence, and when all was prepared and dinner was in the oven, they returned to the living room.
Peter didn't miss the look Scully sent his way, and he glanced from Mulder to Alex then back to Scully.
"I think I'll go back to the motel for a little bit. Dinner'll be an hour or so in the oven. Mulder, want to come with me?"
Alex shot a glance at Scully then Mulder, and he waited.
"No," Mulder answered. "I'm going to stay. It's almost time for Krycek's exercises...you're not going to be long, right?"
"Uh...right. I...I'm just going to get some work I left there, then I'll be back."
Scully gave Peter a smile, picked up her keys and went on her way. When she was gone, Mulder turned to Krycek.
"You wanna go change?" he asked. "Then we can get your therapy out of the way."
Alex gave the other man a docile nod and went into his bedroom. He reappeared several minutes later wearing loose-fitting sweats just as Mulder was getting the step out of the closet.
"If you'd rather not have an audience I can go into my room," Peter offered. "Just give me a hand, and..."
"No," Alex said quickly. "No, it's okay. You stay right there."
Peter nodded and watched quietly as Mulder assisted Alex with his therapy, and when they were done, the younger man left the room again for a shower.
"Have I told you how much I appreciate what you're doing?" he asked as Mulder put the step away and returned.
"No biggie," Mulder said with a careless shrug.
"It is," Peter said, "and you know it is."
Mulder changed the subject.
"You and Scully have a nice talk?"
Peter let him.
"Yeah. She's a fascinating woman. I'd like to know her better."
Mulder took a seat. "Well, if Krycek turns in early like he has been, I'll take off and let you two have a few hours to yourselves, okay?"
"You'd do that?"
"Sure, I'll...I'll go to a movie or something."
"What if Alex doesn't turn in early?" Peter looked hopeful. "Maybe you could both go out?"
"I don't know."
"Well, we got some time yet."
Alex returned a while later, showered and changed, and Scully came back shortly after that. The four ate dinner together, the only real conversation being that between Scully and Peter. Mulder said very little, and Alex said nothing at all until Scully got up and began to clear the table.
"I'll do it," he insisted, waving off offers from both Scully and Mulder to help. While he cleared the table, the three adjourned to the living room, indulging in quiet conversation.
"...and Skinner wanted me to just make sure that..." Scully stopped in the middle of her statement, watching Mulder's head snap around for the fourth time as Alex entered from the kitchen to take some more used dinnerware in to be washed. "...he wanted me to make sure that I burned all the files and painted the walls in the office neon pink. That okay, Mulder?"
"Mmm hmm."
Scully turned and raised and eyebrow at Peter, who just shook his head.
"Great. Well, I don't want to hear any complaints when we get back."
Mulder turned around. "Huh?"
"Nothing. You wanna go see if Krycek needs help?"
"He said he wanted to do it on his own," Mulder replied as Krycek came back for the last of the dishes.
"Looks like he's doing okay," Scully murmured. "Huh?"
"Yeah," Mulder answered, returning his full attention to Scully. "Yeah, I...I think I'll go out for a while."
"Out?" Scully asked, forgetting about Mulder's preoccupation with Alex. "Where would you go?"
"I don't know. Movie. Walk."
"Oh. You...you want me to go with you?"
"No," Mulder answered quickly. "No, you stay here and keep Peter company."
"Peter. Oh. You planning on asking Krycek to go with you?"
"I...if he wants to."
Scully nodded, and she and Peter gave each other a sideways glance. Alex finished up in the kitchen and joined them a short while later.
"How you feeling, kid?" Peter asked as Alex sat down next to him.
"Okay. A little tired. I think I'll turn in, in a little while."
"Yeah?" Peter looked at Mulder. "Well...you need your rest."
At that, Mulder rose from his seat.
"I'm going to go out now, then. I'll have my phone on should anyone need me."
"Okay, Mulder." Scully slipped a glance at Mulder. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some company?"
"No. You stay here with Peter. I'll be back in a couple of hours." Mulder felt Alex's eyes on him, and as he turned to look at him, the younger man averted his gaze.
"I'll uh...I'll see you later."
Silence followed in Mulder's wake as he left the apartment, and a short while later, Alex excused himself and went to his room.
"I've been waiting to be alone with you," Scully said moments after Alex's door closed.
"Yeah?" Peter grinned at her. "I'm flattered."
Scully laughed softly before correcting him.
"So I could tell you about the conversation I had with your brother in the kitchen."
"Oh." He gave her an exaggerated pout.
Smiling, Scully shook her head.
"Okay, okay, go ahead. What happened in the kitchen?"
The smile faded.
"Krycek definitely does have feelings for Mulder."
"...Did he tell you that?"
"In every way but in the exact words. So, I said them for him. And he told me to leave it alone and not say anything to Mulder."
Peter listened, and when Scully finished, he sat quietly, gathering his thoughts.
"So...he's...in love with Mulder."
"I wouldn't go that far," Scully said. "I mean, we don't know how deep his feelings go."
"No, not for sure...but what do you think?"
"I think," she said quietly, "I think you'd better get used to the fact that your brother is in love with another man."
"He's my brother," Peter murmured. "He's always had my support...he always will." He looked up at Scully. "What about Mulder? Any thoughts on him?"
"There's something going on with him. Things are a little more difficult with him, though, you know? Krycek is...well, he's Krycek. Triple agent. Liar. Thief...assassin. Hard thing for Mulder to get around, especially when he's been directly involved in some of Krycek's dirty dealings."
"Yet, there is something."
"Yeah." Scully sighed and slouched against the back of the chair. "Yeah, there's something."
The light from the screen flashed over the more than half empty theater, and Mulder found his attention wandering from the second-rate picture to the other patrons.
Three women, whispering and giggling...another man, alone like himself, stuffing his mouth with popcorn, and looking like he was actually interested in the film...two men, one aisle over, in the top row...they were kissing. It was hard to see, but every so often the light from the screen would get brighter, and it would reveal the hand of one moving in the other's lap.
Mulder stared, his gaze frozen on the pair, and he swallowed against the dryness in his throat.
There was a twisted beauty to them. A sensuality he couldn't describe. So completely different from a man and woman, so utterly alien. He couldn't take his eyes off of them.
The one receiving the attention bucked and writhed slowly, hands gripping the arm rests. He broke from the kiss, throwing his head back. Another flash of light revealed his face, contorted with lust, mouth open on a silent scream. He stopped bucking and sagged in his seat, and his companion dusted his cheek with kisses before pulling him into his embrace.
Mulder watched the men cuddle and talk, laughing softly, and the thoughts that passed through his head confused him.
"I'm sorry, Fox."
His head snapped around to the seat beside him.
"Samantha." His sister's name came out in something less than a whisper.
"I can feel the turmoil in you. I'm so sorry for your pain."
Mulder stared.
"You live by your instincts, Fox, and you're the kind who listens to his heart. They won't fail you. Remember that, and you can make the pain go away."
"I don't...what are you talking about? Please tell me. Please."
"It'll be hard, and it'll be confusing...for quite some time, probably. But being where I am now has afforded me certain insights. Trust me, Fox. And trust yourself. It'll be all right."
"What'll be all right?"
"In your heart, you know."
"No. I don't, I...I...Samantha. Samantha."
Several heads turned to look at the man who'd just broken the relative quiet.
"Sorry," Mulder muttered. "Thought I...saw someone I knew."
The heads turned back to the screen, and Mulder sank down in his seat, contemplating his sister's last words. When he returned to Peter's apartment almost three hours later, he found Peter and Scully sipping wine and talking softly. Scully was sitting beside Peter on the sofa.
"Am I interrupting?"
"Of course not," Scully answered, setting her glass down and looking at her watch. "It's about time I got going, anyway."
"Awww, nooo!" Peter protested. "It's not that late."
"It is for you," Scully said in a motherly tone. "You've had a long day, and you need some rest."
"No, I don't," he fairly whined.
"Yes, you do. Mulder'll help you get ready for bed."
Peter folded his arms across his chest. "Fine."
"I'll see you in the morning."
Mulder watched the interaction between the two and shook his head.
Scully said goodnight and headed to the door with Mulder right behind.
"So, you like him?"
"Huh?"
"You heard me."
Scully sighed. "It's that obvious?"
"Plain as the nose on my face."
"God, that obvious?"
Mulder snorted.
"It's amazing."
"What is?"
"I've heard of selective hearing, selective memory...now we've got selective vision."
"What?"
"Never mind. What have you been doing the past few hours?"
"Went to a movie."
"Any good?"
"It was...interesting."
"Okay...you going to come use the room I got you?"
"I don't know. Call me tomorrow and see if I'm there."
"Okay. Goodnight, Mulder."
"Goodnight."
Mulder returned to Peter and, helping the other man into his wheelchair, took him in to get ready for bed.
"Did you have a nice, relaxing few hours?"
"Huh? Oh. Uh...I guess. I saw a movie...Krycek go to bed soon after I left?"
"Yeah. Almost right after. Hey, Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"What's with the last names thing? I mean, I know that Dana said that you're not overly fond of your first name, and I know calling her by her last name is a work habit, but what about Alex? You don't work with him."
"I used to. I...I guess it's just a holdover from that. Did...did he say something to you about it?"
"No, nothing. Hell, even he does it. I was just curious. It's just kind of impersonal, you know?"
Mulder didn't answer. He finished helping Peter, and when he had the other man settled into bed, he turned to leave the room.
"Are you staying or are you going to the motel?"
"I don't know. You think you'll be okay here alone?"
Peter shrugged. "We should be. Just leave my chair by the bed in case I need to go to the bathroom or something."
Mulder wrinkled his nose. "Mmmm....."
"What?"
"I think I'd better stay. Last thing we need is you falling on your face trying to get to the bathroom."
"Yeah, but you've been sleeping on the couch. Wouldn't you like to be in a bed, tonight?"
"I'm used to sleeping on a couch," Mulder said. "It's no big deal, believe me."
"Well...if you're sure."
"I am. I'll leave your door open. If you need anything, just yell."
"Thank you."
Mulder nodded then looked toward the door. "Anything you want before I turn in?"
"No, I'm all set. Thanks."
"'Kay. Uh...do you know if Kr...your brother is asleep?"
Peter shrugged. "Go check."
"No. No, I don't want to wake him if he is. I was just wondering if he needed anything, but I guess if he does, he can get it himself."
"Yeah. It is best for him to do the things that he's able to do."
"Right. Okay, goodnight."
Peter smirked at the other man. "Goodnight, Mulder."
Mulder left the room and, pulling the linens from the closet, he made up the sofa. Stripping down to his underwear, he got under the sheet and shut the light off. He picked up the remote and turned the television on, turning the sound down low. Nearly an hour later, his eyes began to close. But before he could drift into a deep sleep, a sound caught his attention. He shut the t.v. off and listened.
Nothing. Maybe he really had been asleep, and he was dreaming.
He closed his eyes again. A few minutes later, he heard it again.
He sat up and listened.
Krycek was having another nightmare.
He pulled the sheet away and started to get up but thought better of it.
//He'll wake himself up. He doesn't need you.//
He lay down again and listened to the younger man's intermittent cries for a long while. When he couldn't stand any more, he got up and, on his way to Alex's bedroom, he turned on the hall light and glanced into Peter's room and found the other man snoring. He reached Alex's room and quietly opened the door.
The slim band of light from the hall revealed a light sheen of sweat covering Alex's face as his head rolled from one side to the other.
"Fucking bastard...no....let her go...God...Mulder..." He was crying. "...Mulder..."
Mulder approached slowly, eyes on the tortured face. His insides constricted as he listened to Alex cry, and, not realizing what he was doing, he sat down on the edge of the bed and brought a hand to the damp cheek and stroked gently.
"Krycek."
The other man's eyes snapped opened, and Mulder withdrew his hand. Alex drew in a number of trembling breaths, and he looked up at the shadowed face.
"You were dreaming again," Mulder said softly. "Sounded pretty bad."
Alex's eyes shifted from Mulder and looked around the room as if he couldn't quite believe he was awake, then he let out a hard breath and swiped at his eyes.
"Yeah," he whispered, voice rough and broken. "I...I'm okay, now."
"You sure?"
"Yeah...yeah."
Mulder surprised him by not demanding to know what the dream was about. The older man simply nodded and got to his feet.
"Okay. See you in the morning."
Alex watched the strip of light narrow and disappear as Mulder closed the door behind him. He stared into the virtual blackness of his room as his breathing slowly regulated, and he recalled bits and pieces of his nightmare.
He was in a hospital bed...Samantha in a gurney beside him. Alive. Calling for her brother. He couldn't help her, couldn't get up. He wasn't physically restrained, but something kept him down. Spender appeared, a halo of cigarette smoke swirling around him. And then Mulder. There in the bright whiteness of the room, but unable to reach them. Pleading for his sister to be released. Spender gave him a wan smile.
There was screaming all around. Mulder's, Samantha's, his, as Spender reached into Samantha's chest and pulled her heart out.
That was when he felt something touch his cheek, and he woke up to find Mulder sitting on his bed.
He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and moaned softly.
"God."
He took his hands away and looked at the clock.
Almost midnight.
Were they all still up? All sitting in the living room discussing Alex and his nightmares? Or was Mulder out there alone?
What did it matter?
He didn't know, but apparently it did, because he found himself getting out of bed and pulling on his jeans.
Mulder lay in the darkness, eyes open but seeing nothing. The soft swish of an opening door caught his ear, and he turned his eyes toward the hall. He waited for several seconds, but when no one appeared, he got up to check the hall. He found Alex moving silently back toward his door, and he called out softly to the other man.
Alex stopped at the door and turned around.
"Do you need something?"
"No. No, I...I thought you were all still out there."
"Scully went home a while ago, and Peter went to bed not long after."
"'Kay. Well, I'll go back to bed."
"You don't have to...if you're wide awake and you want to sit up for a while..."
"I can do that in my room. You go back to sleep."
"No," Mulder insisted. "No, really. It's okay. I'm not sleepy, anyway."
Alex stood there for a while, looking at the floor, then, with a little more coaxing from Mulder, he moved out into the living room.
"You want me to get you anything?" Mulder asked as Alex took a seat in the chair diagonal to the sofa.
"No, I..."
"You sure? Something to eat? Some warm milk?"
"Warm milk."
Mulder shrugged. "I don't know. Isn't that supposed to help a person sleep?"
"I guess, but I think I'd rather stay awake than drink warm milk."
"Okay. Anything else?"
"...Peppermint tea?"
Mulder raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
Alex stared.
"Okay, okay. Peppermint tea. Any sugar?"
"Two rounded teaspoons."
Mulder went into the kitchen and emerged almost ten minutes later, carrying a large, steaming mug. He handed it to Krycek and sat down.
"You don't want any?"
"What? Tea?" Mulder shook his head. "I'm not a tea drinker. And frankly, I'm surprised that you are."
"Why? Does it seem too girly to you?"
"Umm...yeah."
"I like tea," Alex murmured.
Mulder watched as Alex blew at the tea then raised the cup to his lips. He watched wickedly lush lashes sweep downward as the younger man took the first sip, and he continued to watch through the second and third. And then Alex looked up.
"Uh..." He backed away, looking more than a bit uneasy. "That's really good, huh?"
Alex licked the sweet, minty flavor away from his lips.
"Yeah."
"M-maybe I'll try some."
Alex watched Mulder turn and head back into the kitchen, and he waited until the other man reappeared with a mug of his own before returning to his tea. He watched Mulder over his still steaming cup, almost smiling when the older man took his first sip and shrugged.
"Yeah, I...I guess it's not bad."
"Never fails to make me sleepy," Alex murmured.
"Hmm. Okay."
There was quiet for a while, then Alex spoke up.
"Did you enjoy your night out?"
Mulder looked up. "Uh...it was okay. Saw a movie."
"Oh. Was it good?"
"I don't know. Okay, I guess."
The men drank their tea in silence after that, and when he'd almost reached the bottom of the cup, Alex's eyes began to close. Mulder watched his lashes lower then lift and lower again, staying down a little longer each time.
"Krycek."
The lashes rose again, and Alex shifted an unfocused gaze on the other man.
"...Hmm?"
"You were right about the tea. You're falling asleep."
"Mmm hmm."
"Why don't you go back to bed?"
No answer.
"Krycek."
"Yeah."
"Bed."
"...'Kay."
Mulder sat there for a few seconds longer then set his cup down and got to his feet. Gently, he pulled Alex's cup out of his loosened grip then placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Krycek. Come on."
He helped Alex out of the chair and, with one hand on the small of the younger man's back, he guided him back toward his room. Alex sank down to the mattress and was already falling back into sleep when Mulder tapped him softly on the shoulder.
"Your pants, Krycek. You gotta take your jeans off."
Alex mumbled some incoherent words and grazed his hand up over the inside of his thigh, over his crotch, and came to rest on the button of his jeans. Mulder's gaze followed the languid movement of Alex's hand, and he swallowed against the dryness that had invaded his throat. He stood there not really knowing what to do as Alex plucked ineffectually at the button, then he inhaled deeply and moved in.
Gently, he brushed the younger man's hand away and undid the button. Then he reached gingerly for the zipper and carefully drew it downward.
"You gotta help me out a little, Krycek. Lift up."
Alex lifted his hips far enough for Mulder to work his jeans down. When the waistband reached his thighs, he let himself go, the weight of his body dropping heavily to the mattress.
Mulder slipped the jeans the rest of the way down Alex's legs and pulled them off, folding them neatly and placing them on the chair. He turned back and took a good, long look at the other man sprawled on the bed, clad only in a white t-shirt and boxer briefs. His eyes lingered on the outline of Alex's cock, and he made himself look away. His gaze rose to the other man's face and remained there as he pulled the sheet up over him. When that was done, he stayed by the bed, looking down into the sleeping face.
Even as he lifted his hand and began to reach toward the younger man's face, his mind fought the action, denied the desire. But his body wasn't listening. Trembling, his fingers stroked over Alex's temple. A small sigh passed between the sleeping man's parted lips, and his head turned slightly, his cheek now being lightly cupped by Mulder's hand. Alex moaned softly, sweetly, as though at a lover's touch.
A short gasp broke from Mulder's throat, and he withdrew his hand, careful not to wake the other man. Clasping his hands together, he backed away and left the room, shutting the door softly behind him.
three weeks later
Peter hobbled from the kitchen to the living room in his new, walking cast, and he checked his appearance in the mirror by the door. Brushing a few hairs back, he moved into the living room and, picking up the remote, he turned the t.v. on and started flipping through the channels. He stopped on the comedy channel then checked his watch.
Dana would be there soon to pick him up for their last lunch together. For a while, anyway.
The buzzer rang, and he boosted himself off of the sofa and headed for the door.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Scully entered the apartment, giving Peter what he liked to think of as a sad smile.
"You're walking better. Getting used to it?"
"Yeah. It's little weird, but certainly better than the wheelchair or crutches."
"Krycek and Mulder haven't come back yet from his appointment?"
"Not yet. Should be soon, though, unless they decided to detour somewhere."
"Maybe they went to lunch too."
"Possible. Or maybe they're finally going to talk." Peter grabbed his keys and ushered Scully to the door.
"Ha."
"You never know. You're leaving tonight. Maybe they've finally come to the realization that they're going to miss each other, and they've gone off to get this crap straight...finally."
"Yeah," Scully snorted. "Maybe. Why do I doubt it, though?"
"I don't know," Peter answered, stroking the back of Scully's head as she opened the door and passed through it. "Have faith, Dana. They'll figure it out...just like we did."
Scully laughed.
"Oh, I'm sure it won't go that easy. Nothing with those two ever does."
The soft rumble of the engine filled the small compartment of Alex's car as Mulder hit the highway, and they headed back toward Peter's apartment. After a while, Alex's voice sounded, softly and full of resignation.
"Bet you'll be glad to get back home. No more doctor's appointments, no more chauffer duty..."
"I've had worse assignments," Mulder answered just as softly, giving Alex a hint of a smile.
There was quiet for a while, then Alex spoke again.
"Scully and Peter are going to miss each other. Peter's already started brooding, and she hasn't even left yet."
"Yeah. They really like each other. Too bad we live so far away from each other."
Alex turned his head halfway and looked at Mulder from beneath his lashes.
"For them," Mulder added quickly. "...you know."
Alex nodded and returned his attention to the road.
"It's lunch time," Mulder informed the other man softly. "You want to go somewhere maybe, and get something?"
"If you want," Alex murmured, picking at the outside seam of his jeans.
"We don't have to; it was just a suggestion."
"And I said yes."
"No, you didn't," Mulder reminded the other man. "You said if I wanted to. That's not the same as a yes."
"Okay, I meant yes."
"Are you sure?" Mulder pushed. "Because we don't have to if you don't want..."
"For Christ's sake, Mulder, let's just go have some damn lunch!"
"No. Forget it. I don't want to go anywhere with you with an attitude like that."
"Attitude? What attitude?"
"You give me an unenthusiastic, noncommittal answer about lunch, then you start yelling at me about it...you don't call that an attitude?"
"Well, if you wouldn't pick apart every friggin' thing I say, I wouldn't yell!
"How am I picking things apart simply by telling you that I don't think you really want to go to lunch?"
Alex massaged his forehead. "Fuck it," he said quietly. Then a little louder, "Do whatever you want, okay? Go to a restaurant; go back to the apartment...I'm leaving it up to you."
"Fine," Mulder muttered and said no more. Fifteen minutes later, they pulled up to Peter's building. Before Mulder even shut the motor off, Alex was out of the car and heading toward the door. Mulder sat there for a moment, hands gripping the steering wheel, then he killed the engine and got out of the car. By the time he got inside and reached the elevator, Alex was nowhere in sight. Sighing softly, he made his way to the apartment to find the door partially open. As he walked in, he heard a door slam down the hall. Though he really didn't need to check to know that it was Alex's door that he'd find closed, he did anyway.
"My last fucking day here, and he can't even make it a pleasant one," he muttered. "Jerk. You jerk!" He shouted at the closed door suddenly. In seconds, the door flew open, and Alex stalked down the hall and into the living room.
"Who the hell are you calling a jerk?"
"I'm calling you a jerk!" Mulder fired back, look the other man square in the eye. "We could've had a nice, pleasant last lunch together, but nooooo. You gotta fuck the whole thing up with that pissy attitude of yours!"
"I didn't start this, you did by trying to read shit into what I said."
"I just didn't want you to do anything you didn't want to do. Though you think that after all these weeks of my bending over backward for you, you'd at least..."
"Oh. There it is," Alex huffed. "Listen, Mulder, I didn't ask you to hang around here doing all this stuff for me. I told you to go home. How many fucking times did I tell you to go home, and you wouldn't go? How many?"
The couple walked down the hall, moving slowly toward Peter's door.
"I know I've said this to you before, Dana, but...thank you for everything you've done for Alex and me. You've gone way above and beyond the call of duty, and I'll always be grateful."
"I got a little something out of it too," Scully said, giving the man a tiny smile. "I got a new friend."
"Friends."
Scully's smile turned sly. "With benefits."
Peter opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by yelling coming from his apartment.
"And another thing! Your barbequed chicken sucks! I just ate it to be nice!"
"You? Nice?" Mulder laughed harshly. "That's a good one, Krycek."
"What the hell's going on here?" Scully shouted to be heard above the arguing men.
"Nothing that a trip back to D.C. won't fix," Mulder rumbled, staring daggers at the man who glared right back.
"Now there's something we can agree on!" Alex yelled.
"Oh, come on!" Peter pleaded. "You've been getting along so well the last couple of weeks. Why ruin it this last day?"
"Ask him," Mulder shot back. "He's the one acting like an asshole."
"Because I didn't answer with resounding joy when he asked if I wanted to go out to lunch! Grow up, Mulder."
Scully and Peter's heads snapped back and forth, following the argument. They let it go on for another few seconds, then Scully stepped between them.
"Knock it off! You're both acting like idiots! Just shut up and go to your neutral corners, okay? We'll be gone soon enough, and you won't have to look at each other again." She glanced from one to the other. "Won't that be nice?"
Both men went silent and slowly parted. Alex retreated again to his room, and Mulder walked into the kitchen, leaving Scully and Peter alone.
"Why can't they just admit how they feel?" Peter sighed.
"I think they're about as close as they've come," Scully answered, getting a confused look from Peter. "They're feeling it now...the effects of the inevitable separation. They just don't know what to do with it."
"Dana, you're going to be gone in a few hours. As much as I'm going to miss you, at least we've got an understanding. We know what's what between us. They don't."
"There's not much we can do," Scully answered softly. "They've got to settle it themselves." She helped Peter over to the sofa and sat down beside him. He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips.
"Yes, ma'am. Whatever you say."
Scully gave him a pleased smile.
"I like that."
Almost time to go.
Scully and Peter sat, talking quietly, kissing occasionally while Mulder stood out on the balcony looking down at the street. The conversation stopped when Alex's bedroom door opened, and he came out, walking slowly into the room. He came to a halt but his eyes continued to move, searching. They stopped when they found Mulder outside.
No one breathed, it seemed, while he stood motionless, making up his mind. When he began to move in the direction of the balcony, Scully let out a soundless sigh. She looked to Peter, who held up a hand, showing her his crossed fingers, and then they watched.
The soft swish of the door drew Mulder's attention away from the late afternoon sky. He turned and found Alex standing by the door. He stared for a brief moment then looked away. When he did, Alex's gaze dropped to the floor, and he swallowed hard, looking for something to say. Nothing came to him, and he began to think he'd made a mistake coming outside. Then Mulder looked at him again. And he was frozen in place.
Eyes on Alex's, Mulder turned around and leaned against the railing.
"Don't forget to do your exercises." He spoke the words so softly, Alex just barely heard. The younger man lowered his eyes and nodded. "Don't skip any meals and don't pick up anything more than ten pounds until the doctor tells you that you can."
"I know," Alex murmured, still looking at the floor.
Mulder nodded and looked down at his watch.
"Almost time to go."
Alex knew that but somehow hearing the words made it real. He felt his heart flutter and sink, and he staggered back a step.
Mulder frowned and immediately reached out to grab his arm.
"Are you all right?"
"Fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I just..."
The heat of Mulder's hand permeated his skin and spread throughout his body like a fire, and he shivered in its intensity.
"Krycek..."
"Mulder."
Mulder's eyes rose to the door. A regretful Scully stood there looking at him.
"It's time to go."
Alex's eyes closed, and he drew an unsteady breath.
Mulder released Alex's arm, and his lashes rose. He turned to face Scully.
"Thank you for everything," he murmured. "You've been a big help to us. God knows you didn't have to be."
"Time to bury the past," Scully said. "And move on with our lives." Her eyes went from Alex to her partner. "All of us." She backed away and went back to Peter, leaving Alex and Mulder to say their goodbyes.
The two stared for long seconds, then Mulder cleared his throat. "Take care," he croaked, and Alex nodded.
Mulder hesitated for a moment longer then brushed past Alex, joining Scully and Peter in the living room.
Looking supremely disappointed, Peter shook Mulder's hand and thanked him for his help then hobbled to the door with the partners. Kissing Scully sweetly, he let them walk away, waiting until they were out of sight to shut the door. Moaning as he leaned against the frame, he focused his gaze on his brother, who hadn't moved an inch. Peter ran a hand through his hair and pushed away from the wall. He walked to the balcony, stopping just inside the doorway, and he called Alex's name softly.
No answer.
"Alex."
"What do you want to do about dinner?" the other man asked, still looking into the street. "Scully was good enough to make sure we were stocked up, so..."
"Alex, forget about dinner for a minute. Talk to me."
"'Bout what?"
"They're gone. How do you feel about that?"
"...What do you mean, how do I feel? "
"You and Mulder had a pretty good row earlier. Why did you come out here?"
"Because...I...I didn't want him to go away thinking that I was a totally ungrateful prick."
"Uh huh. And did you get that point across to him?"
"I don't know."
"Alex."
"...Yeah?"
"Turn around. Look at me."
Peter watched his brother's shoulders rise and his back expand as he took a deep breath. Slowly, Alex turned, and Peter's heart constricted.
"Why didn't you say something to him?" he asked, his voice a low gasp as he read the miserable expression.
Alex breathed deeply as he fought to keep the tears out of his eyes.
"Say what?"
"Christ, Alex, what is it with you? Even now with you standing here on the verge of tears you can't admit how you feel about him."
Alex swallowed hard and turned away.
"Tell me, Alex. Let it out. It's okay. I'm your brother, and you can tell me anything."
"Why?" Alex asked, his vision becoming increasingly blurred. "You already know."
Peter placed his hands gently on Alex's shoulders and stood in understanding silence as the younger man let the pain consume him.
"I wonder how much work's going to be waiting for us when we get back," Scully mused, glancing at her silent partner. "Whatever there is, I guess it'll serve us right for taking so much time off, huh? ...Mulder?"
Mulder turned his gaze from the airplane's window to his partner.
"Mulder, you okay?"
Dull, hazel eyes lowered to the space between them.
"What's wrong? Tell me."
"Nothing, I..." He turned back to the window, looking down into the clouds they flew above.
"What did you say to each other out on the balcony?"
Mulder frowned. "What?"
You heard me. What did you and Krycek say to each other just before we left?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because whatever it was, it's got you pretty distracted."
"We didn't talk about anything much," Mulder answered. "I reminded him to do his exercises and eat, he thanked me for my help, and that was about it."
Scully stared but Mulder refused to look at her.
"Why was that it?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I want to know why that was all you talked about."
Mulder turned his eyes to his partner. "I don't...because. I...I mean, what else should we have talked about?"
"The sixty-four thousand dollar question," Scully murmured. "And guess what? I've got an answer."
Mulder stared. "Yeah?"
"You should have talked about the two of you. What this thing is between you, and what you're going to do about it."
Mulder's head snapped back toward the window.
"What's the matter, Mulder? Did I hit a nerve?"
Mulder said nothing.
"Well, I guess I must have," Scully concluded. "It's not very often you're at a loss for words."
"Leave me alone, Scully, okay?"
"Mulder, I'm trying to help you..."
"You can help me by just laying off," Mulder said softly. "Please, Scully."
Against her better judgment, she agreed.
"All right, Mulder. "But just for the record, I do not agree with this ignore it and it'll go away attitude you're taking. It's not doing anybody any good."
Mulder closed his eyes and said nothing, partly in the hopes that Scully would indeed, finally leave him alone, and also to try and force out the thoughts and images he'd been having a hard enough time trying to disregard. He'd achieved his first goal, but that second one was giving him serious trouble. The urge to call Krycek nagged him the entire flight, and even after he'd arrived home, but the stubborn side of him refused to give in.
//Call him for what? To see if he did his exercises? To tell him that if he's looking for his blue cereal bowl, it's still in the dishwasher? ...Just to say hey?//
Mulder dragged his bag into his bedroom, shook his clothes out onto the bed and, leaving them where they dropped, he trudged into the bathroom for a shower.
A long sigh escaped past his parted lips as he stepped under the warm spray. After the stress of his departure and that long flight, it felt good to stand there and let the pounding heat of the water work out the tension in his shoulders and back. Mulder closed his eyes and washed slowly, absorbing the stillness he could feel even there under the hard spray of the shower.
Peace. No Scully questioning him. No having to help Peter around, no unexpected appearances by Spender, no exercising with Krycek twice a day or fixing special meals for Krycek or fighting with Krycek or sitting with Krycek after a nightmare or...
He bowed his head, burying his face in his hands and stood like that for long moments. Then, taking a long, inexplicably painful breath, he lifted his head and finished his shower. When he was finished, he dried himself, changed into a pair of loose sweats and a t-shirt, and flopped down on the sofa. Picking up the remote, he turned the t.v. on and stared sightlessly at the flickering images. It was almost dawn before he dropped the remote and rested his hand limply over his crotch. Several minutes more passed before his thumb began to sweep gently over his resting cock. As it began to show interest, he closed his eyes and increased the pressure ever so slightly.
It had been weeks since he'd been able to have a nice, leisurely jerk off session. At Peter's apartment, he'd contented himself with the occasional quickie in the shower, and while they provided instant relief, he was left for the most part, unsatisfied.
His hand slipped inside the waistband of his sweats and gripped the hardening shaft. Squeezing and pulling slowly, he emitted an abbreviated gasp and imagined it was a soft, warm mouth around him instead of his hand.
"Mmmh..."
A nimble tongue, lashing at the head, probing the little slit at the crown...gentle suction, soft humming. Strong hands cupping his ass, pulling him in, urging him to go deeper.
Eyes as green as a forest at twilight, framed by sinfully lush lashes, looking up at him...
"God...ah, shhhhhh..."
He came fast and hard, sobbing harshly as he coated his hand and belly with a wealth of semen, and when he started to come down, he laid there, hand still loosely closed around his exhausted cock. Panting heavily, he considered the fantasy that had brought him to such an intense climax.
"Jesus...oh, what the f...."
"He's thinking of you too."
He sat up quickly, wide eyes searching. They found her quickly, standing by his desk. He fumbled with his sweats, hastily pulling them over his withering cock, and he spun into a sitting position.
"I love seeing you, Samantha, but you really should knock or something."
"Don't be embarrassed, Fox. I'm not."
Sighing heavily, Mulder wiped his hand on the leg of his pants and looked back at her.
"What were you saying?"
"I said he's thinking about you too. But not quite in the same way...not tonight."
"What do you mean?"
"He needs you. Call him."
"Call...what...look at the time. It's...it's about one there. He must be asleep."
"I know. He was. Now he's not. And he needs you."
"Peter's in a much better position to be of help to him than I am, don't you think? Mulder asked flatly.
"It's not Peter that he needs. Call him, Fox. Right now."
And then she was gone.
Mulder scrubbed at his face with his forearm, and he looked for the phone. Locating it, he hesitated for a number of seconds before taking a deep breath and dialing Peter's number. The phone rang three times before someone picked up. A soft, shaken voice answered, and Mulder's heart skipped a beat.
"Krycek? You all right?"
There was a brief silence, then Alex's voice sounded again, this time confused.
"I...Mulder?"
"Yeah, it's me."
Alex didn't ask how Mulder knew. He simply blew out a shuddering sigh and said, "I was dreaming. I woke up a few minutes before you called."
"Where's Peter?" Mulder asked.
"Asleep, I guess. He must not have taken the other phone into his room."
"Oh. You sound pretty shook up. Is...is it the same nightmare you've been having?"
"M-mostly. It's not always exactly the same."
"The part that's upsetting...is that the same?"
"It's all upsetting. But...the uh...the part that's really bad is..." Alex's voice trailed off, and he went quiet.
"What is it?" Mulder coaxed softly. And Alex surprised him by answering.
"It's not so much what's happening, though that's bad enough. It's...it's the feelings. The pain."
"You're in pain?"
"No. Yes. But...it's you. It's your pain I feel...more strongly than my own."
"...What happens in this dream?"
"I'm...I'm trying to help Samantha escape the house. I'm sick. I'm dying, yet I'm able to help her...you know how dreams can be. And uh...you're waiting for her." Alex went silent for a moment, and Mulder heard him trying to control his respiration. "...You're in the woods. On the other side of the road, and she begins to run to you when she sees you. She's almost across the road, and this truck comes out of nowhere." Alex sighed, the sound filled with anguish. "It uh...hits her. Kills her on the spot. You're...you're screaming. I'm screaming. There's blood...everywhere. The next thing I know, I'm on a table, watching doctors put her heart into my chest. And Spender's there. In the background. Puffing on a cigarette. You're there too. You can't move. You're forced to watch it happen, and your agony, it's...it's..."
Mulder closed his eyes as he absorbed the grief in Alex's voice.
"I'm sorry, Mulder," Alex gasped. "I'm...I never wanted to...to hurt you..."
Mulder bit into his lower lip and stopped just before he drew blood. He couldn't stand it. The pain swept over him, and he shivered in its intensity.
"I'm so s-sorry..."
//He needs you, Fox. That's no surprise; I've been telling you that. But here's the real revelation. You need him. Don't let another opportunity to tell him pass you by.//
Mulder squeezed his eyes shut and rocked gently, back and forth.
//Fox...//
"Krycek...Alex........we need to talk."
END
Prisoner of The Heart
by Aries
There was a full moon tonight. It hung low in the sky and lent an ethereal glow to the tops of the trees. A scene out of a Thomas Kincaid eight postcard set. The two figures picking their way along the narrow mountain path took no time to enjoy it. They moved stealthily along, making their way to a large house hidden in the surrounding woods. Looking up at the fence that surrounded the structure, and the woman shook her head.
