Go to notes and disclaimers


Sunflower Seeds III
by Jami Wilsen


Storms

Alex awoke to find himself in his bed. A hasty glance at the bedside clock told him it was nearly noon. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, trying to remember what happened to him. He remembered falling asleep with Fox on the fur beside the dying fire. He had a hazy recollection of Walter leaning over them, shaking his shoulder slightly. They must have staggered up to their respective rooms in the dark.

He wondered why they'd let him sleep so late.

He had no memory of experiencing the usual nightmares of smothering and choking in black oil, nor could he recall another panic attack while reliving the pain of losing his arm. But then, he never could. It was always too deeply buried unless his own screams woke him up but somehow, he knew he had slept very well. He felt awake and alert, better rested than he had in a very long time.


And then he gasped as he was assailed with the full recollection of everything he and Fox had said and done the night before. It had all happened so quickly, so removed from their usual tacit, wary circling of each other. Fox had been... willing, even aggressively active in pursuing a resolution with him. For a moment or two, he considered staying upstairs. He wasn't sure he could face Fox in the daylight. Walter was another matter; Walter had already given him too many reassurances that he accepted him here. But Fox... there was too much history. Alex could only hope that the sex would act as a cementing of their new relationship rather than a flame that would burn out all too quickly, burning up their truce along with it. He didn't think Fox was capable of putting all their issues behind him as glibly as he'd appeared to act last night. Not if his own unresolved doubts were anything to go by. Doubts? Hell, guilt. Why play games with himself. He still couldn't forgive himself for some things; why should Mulder? Perhaps they just needed time. Time to heal, to let things go. To get to know each other. Hell, they'd never known each other. At least Mulder was finally in a position to be able to relax his usual irrational reactions towards him.

With a sense of foreboding that the previous night had been too good to be true, he finally finished his shower, dressed and went downstairs.

Mulder was sitting at the computer. He looked over at Alex as he came down. "It snowed. In fact, it's still snowing. Have a look. If it keeps up, we'll be snowed in for good."

Alex went to the window. "How much?"

"Three feet, Walter says. It snowed all night. He's out shoveling; he said it keeps him fit. I think he's crazy. He's going to hurt his back. We may have to go bring him back inside at some point and finish the job ourselves."

"Why'd you let me sleep in for so long?"

Mulder didn't look at him, busy with the keyboard and answering absently, "Walt said you needed the rest. There's food in the pantry for you."

Fine, thought Alex to himself. If you want to pretend that nothing happened, I guess that's your prerogative. Still, he couldn't help narrowing his eyes and feeling a little disgruntled at Mulder's attitude. He had to fight the desire to go over and kiss the back of his neck, put his arms around him. Alex wondered if an open display of affection towards Mulder would shock him... coming from Alex. He sighed and went to rustle up something he could call breakfast.

Once he'd eaten though, there was no avoiding it. In fact, he didn't want to avoid it anymore. He straightened and returned to the living room. Sitting down in his chair, he said, "I'm kind of surprised that you didn't stick with Dana Scully. You two were close." He knew now was not the time to mention how much he hated her. If he did, Mulder would fly off the handle.

Mulder looked over at him with a frown and then away. "Yeah, too close. I think we waited too long. It felt like sleeping with my sister or something."

Alex lifted a brow. He couldn't keep the amazement out of his voice. "You actually...?"

"We tried for a while. But I think she just couldn't put up with me in the end. She said she'd had enough of looking after me all those years without having to do it for the rest of her life. Said one child to take care of was enough." He grinned, a softness covering his face as he spoke of her. It was an expression that Alex had not seen on Fox until now.

That familiar twinge of hurt returned. He tried to ignore it. Pointless jealousy. Trying to keep his tone light, he asked, "So who snaffled her in the end? I would've thought either you or Walter... I mean, it was kind of a shock to find you two together. Dana's quite a catch."

Mulder snorted. "Yeah, there was a waiting list. Poor Frohike. He really wanted his chance but she found herself a doctor. Someone a little more down to earth, who didn't remind her of spooky government conspiracies, aliens and world altering agendas." He smiled. "We're still friends; she comes up to visit now and then."


"Good," Alex replied, noncommittal.

Mulder shot him a knowing look. "Your conscience still bothering you?"

Alex sneered slightly. "Why should it? She involved herself. Besides, it's ancient history. Why are you dragging all that out again? I thought we'd gotten past this."

Mulder shrugged and turned in his seat, away from his work. "Have we? I still don't know what you were doing it all for, Alex. Why? How did you sleep at night, what justifications did you tell yourself? What was your angle on it?"

"Freedom. What did you think I was working for? It was always about freedom. Mine, mostly. But yours, too. In fact, everyone's. Hell, they were all tied together; came as a package deal. Think about it, how could I be free if no one else was?"

"You're a real humanitarian."

Mulder's own interests and motives in his original involvement were hardly impersonal or altruistic. Alex threw him a piercing look. "Samantha," he said, without elaborating further. He knew it would touch a nerve to remind Mulder that his own need to find his sister had been the prime factor in his search for the 'truth'.

But it had the desired effect. Mulder scowled, immediately baited. "I can't just suddenly start seeing my greatest enemy as my bosom buddy."

"Can't I be both?" Alex suggested it reasonably, as if he was offering it to him as an alternative. "Love and hate go hand in hand, after all."

Mulder ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Walter is my best friend. He's more than that; he's been there for me when no one else was. You hurt him, you hurt Scully—Dana. You hurt me..."

"Enough. I get the picture." Alex looked angry and Mulder felt a sudden fear. He couldn't explain why. Alex didn't usually show anger; it was always a retreat back to that flat, cold expression. But now he actually looked mad. Yet Alex didn't even raise his voice. "I should have known you'd back out of that little 'deal' you offered last night."

Guilt washed over Mulder at this reminder and he wanted to take it all back, to try to explain. To start over. Why was it so easy to lose his temper with this man? He was tired of feeling like he was navigating through an emotional minefield.

Alex beat him to it. "Why are you doing this? Why bring up old ghosts? I thought we laid them to rest yesterday."

Mulder decided to pay him back for his earlier remark. "My father."

This too had the desired effect. He didn't need to say anything else; it spoke volumes. Alex went very still.

Mulder took this opportunity to add another private matter to his list of grievances. "Diana Fowley. I loved her. You knew I did. I didn't agree with her part in things, I know she betrayed me but in the end she still loved me. You practically jumped with joy when they decided to off her, didn't you? Was it you who pulled the trigger?"

At the mention of her name a look of pure hatred spread over Alex's face. Frankly, he didn't see how that bitch's betrayal of Mulder was any more forgivable than his own. It was far more premeditated and her treachery to Mulder had endured over years and years. If only Fox could have seen for himself firsthand how sympathetic she had been to that smoking son of a bitch's plans and views. Still, there was obviously no point in arguing about it with Mulder. He always believed what he wanted to. But it remained a sore point for Alex. Deeply sore. He knew Mulder had always wanted to believe in her.

Mulder sighed and put his head in his hands, leaning forward. Tiredly, he said, "Look, Alex, I'm not going back on our agreement. But you have to give me time to get used to—to this new thing between us. I'm so used to hating you I don't know how to do anything else." And he almost bit his tongue as he heard how candid and callous those words sounded, especially in the context of their agreement and the admittedly hot exchange of mutual affection that had followed it.

"Bullshit. You're just afraid of examining exactly what you do feel for me." Alex sounded hollow and weary. "Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be here. No matter what we both agree, I'm always going to be a reminder to you of everything you tried to leave behind in coming here."

"You're the one who's bullshitting now. You're just feeling guilty for shooting him."

Alex stood up, fury written across his face. It made him rather formidable, and also as if he were looking down at Mulder with contempt. But Mulder saw with a rare flash of insight into Alex's soul that it was an attempt to cover up his fear. Alex's tone was venomous now. "Your 'father' was far more of a bastard than I ever could have dreamed of becoming. You know he was! To keep holding the act of killing him over my head every time I try to get close to you is like—it's like—" he ran cold suddenly, aware he was getting too worked up. And then whispered, "They cut me loose so early on. I never worked with their interests in mind after that. But it's oh so easy for you to pin the blame on me, the one face you could find to use as a convenient scapegoat. So much frustration—you needed to hate me. I understand that, Fox, I really do. Never mind that eventually, everything I did was inspired by one motivation: to someday hear you say you forgive me. God! All I wanted was a little credit towards the end, there, but you would never admit that I'd done something right, would you? And at the end of it all what did you do but continue to blame me. Fuck this. I don't have to explain myself to you. Either you get it or you don't. I'm tired of trying." He was breathing hard. He looked like he was ready to leave the room or go outside or break something.

Mulder found himself wishing he hadn't taken this particular tack with him. Tiredly, he said, "Sit down, Alex. You're right. Okay? Are you satisfied? You are right." Why was it so hard? Why did he find it so difficult to accept Alex as he was? It would be petty of him to continue to jab at him, making him hurt over the past. He knew Alex was telling the truth. But he still couldn't handle the murders, the assassinations. "I just find it hard to accept the deaths. Why did you kill? Will you at least explain that to me? How could you do it?"

Alex stared down at him, baffled. "I didn't have a choice. It was them or me. I wanted to live. If you can't understand that, then you've never been in that position, never had to face that decision. And I can't believe that you've never had to in all your years working in the FBI, Fox. There's blood on your hands, too, however much you might tell yourself you had no choice. Every time. Maybe the circumstances were different but I ask you, which of us had the harder choices? You were dealing with monsters and criminals. Weird life forms. I was dealing with aliens and old men who thought nothing of sacrificing the planet to save their own skins, to save an elite pocket of humanity in the face of an offer they couldn't refuse. It's a toss-up, I guess. But they were the ones who hired me. Considering the stakes, I don't think I really had many options to choose from."

"Now you sound just like them." Despite his words, Mulder's answer was soft, his voice placating, almost entreating him not to react despite the sting of what he was saying. In his own way, Mulder was trying to exorcise the residual frustration and pain he felt. "The end doesn't justify the means. Every pawn sacrificed was another stain on your soul."

Alex smiled bitterly at him. "My soul, my business. What would you have done in my place? Sacrifice yourself? Besides, it's over. Finished. You are so lucky that I've been there for you, that Walter and Dana have been there for you, to save your skin when you placed yourself in danger. God, so many times, too. I often wondered if you had a death wish or if you really were just recklessly, blindly stupid. The only thing that kept you alive was your DNA. You have no idea. You're fortunate that they considered you more valuable alive than dead. And besides, for every one of them I killed I can provide proof that they deserved a far worse end than I gave them. Including William Mulder. And he wasn't even your father, something you conveniently never care to discuss."

"What, no pawns got in the way? Duane Barry, others?"

A shadow flitted over Alex before he replied. "That wasn't me. As for the others, haven't you ever killed anyone and then regretted it?"

"Sure."

"I regret every single one. And there are far less than you're trying to make out. You always act like I'm some kind of mass murderer... I may not have been a true soldier but fuck, Mulder, you've killed more people in your lifetime than I have."

"Right. You're a real bleeding heart. Alex, I won't go back on what we agreed. I forgive you. But I can't forget it, I just can't. There are too many innocents, too many dead. You can't compare yourself to me and make me believe that every killing was a noble deed, done for the cause. Come on, Alex...Every single time?"

Alex took him by surprise, sinking swiftly to his knees in front of him and earnestly addressing him. "Just don't hate me. Please. I can't stand it when you hate me. I'll do anything you want as long as you stop hating me."

Taken aback by this unforeseen display on Alex's part, Mulder found himself stammering, "I—I don't. I don't hate you, not any more. All I'm saying is that I don't think I can ever forget what you are."

Alex asked quietly, sadly, "And what am I?"

Without shrinking away, Mulder looked Alex in the eye and regarded the solemn face of the one he'd always considered his personal nemesis. "A paradox; a final reminder of my life's pursuit and the inevitable losses that I've had to endure in trying to achieve my goals. You're the unwitting face of my enemy and the embodiment of everything about myself I've tried to deny. The mirror of my desire, my fear of what the truth would actually end up being in reality, and a constant reminder of just how responsible I actually was, all at the same time. You have to admit that's all rather a lot to cope with in one person, Alex."

With a helpless little moan, Alex leaned forward to rest his forehead on Mulder's knee. "All I want to be, Fox, is forgiven. That's all. I'm sorry. For all I've done, everything, for anything I've done, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Mulder could hardly deny the heartfelt sincerity in this plea and he wondered why nothing could ever be simple. He slipped down in front of him and held him close, comfortingly. "Alright. I forgive you. I do. I mean it; I won't go back on that. But you'll have to be patient with me. I thought I'd found my truth and seeing you again reminded me of all the things I still don't know, all the answers I never found. It woke up old memories and things I thought I'd buried."

Alex didn't answer, merely continued to keep his hold on him. It was at that point that Walter returned, coming in the front door and stamping snow off his boots, his glasses fogging up quickly in the warmth of the living room. He looked up, taking in the little tableau before him.

Dryly, he said, "Let me guess: another near miss?"

"We're working it out, don't worry." Mulder kissed Alex on the forehead and then stood up, helping him to his feet. "We... needed to touch base. That's all."

Walter noticed the way Alex avoided his eye though. Damn it, he thought. I can't leave these two boys alone together for ten minutes, let alone the time it takes to clear the driveway.

"Fine," he said firmly. "Then the two of you can go out and finish clearing the rest of the drive. Put these new-found brotherly sentiments to work."

Walter went wearily up the stairs to change, shaking his head.

He had a light lunch and then went back out to see how they were getting on. They had made it quite far back along the driveway, throwing themselves into it with great enthusiasm, armed with their shovels, when he waved at them to come in.

"It's not that big of a front, the weather will probably clear by tonight," Walter said as Mulder came inside, his nose and ears markedly red.

"Damn. It's gonna freeze, then."

"It's already frozen," Walter smiled.

"Yeah, but the temperature's gonna drop way below what it's been the last couple of weeks, if the clouds lift. And don't forget the wind chill factor."

"What was all that about, earlier?" Walter asked.

Mulder sighed. "Just working out some loose ends. I can forgive but I can't forget. You know, the usual. He killed my father, hurt you and Dana, the whole spiel."

Walter frowned. "Where is he?"

Mulder looked around and went to one of the windows. "He was right behind me." Peering out of it, he shrugged. "Maybe he went for a walk."

Concerned, Walter went to join him. "Out there, in this? Doesn't he know better? Go back outside and have a look."

Pulling his boots and coat and gloves back on, Mulder went out the front door. Scanning the driveway, he could see no sign of him. He went around back and checked by the storehouse and the sheds and there was nothing. No fresh tracks. He ended up walking back down the driveway where they'd been clearing, right up the point where they'd stopped. Sure enough, there was a set of Alex's tracks, leading off into the distance.

Alex himself was nowhere to be seen. Feeling stupid, he called out his name a few times. There was no response. He wondered why he hadn't tried harder to control himself earlier. Maybe Alex had wandered off in a sulk because of him...

Trying to ignore the unsettled feeling that came over him at this, Mulder returned to the house. When he came in, he said, "Maybe he's just gone off for some time by himself."

Walter took a breath. "Okay. We'll give him some breathing room. But if he doesn't show up in an hour, we'll have to go out in the jeep."

"He hasn't left; he's got all his stuff back here, and his car. He'll have to come back for it. He must be taking a walk."

Three hours later, Walter and Mulder were in Walter's jeep driving slowly over thick, powdery, snow-covered ground. They'd lost his tracks and had no idea which direction Alex had taken. The snow had covered them up. Finally, the drifts were too deep and they had to turn back. It was dangerous for them to continue.

But as darkness began to fall, Walter turned to where Mulder had taken up a unmoving vigilance at the window. "We might have to face the fact that he decided to take off."

When Mulder didn't answer, he added, "It's not your fault."

Mulder didn't turn around. "Yes, it is." He sounded disparaging of himself. "I had to get all accusatory with him and I pushed him too far. If he doesn't come back..."

"Fox, I think it's time you told me what you said. What really happened?"

"I let him know I still don't trust him. I said I didn't hate him anymore, but that it was hard to forget—the past."

"So why were you both on your knees when I came in?"

"It wasn't what you think it was, Walt, I promise. We just... came to an understanding, is all. At least, I thought we had," he muttered.

"So suddenly you're worried about him? Fox, do you think you might actually care about him?"


Mulder turned a dark scowl on him. "What are you getting at?"

"You're conflicted," Walter snorted, adding, "Exactly as I've been telling you all along."

Mulder surprised him by smiling a little. "Yeah, I know."

Walter came up behind him and leaned his arms across Mulder's shoulders, looking out at the falling snowflakes on their driveway they'd struggled to clear. "He'll be back. You'll see."

Softly, Mulder wondered, "Does anyone ever recover from the past? We can bury it but it can always come back to haunt us. Especially words."

"You realize we can't really forgive him until he learns how to forgive himself?"

"I know. I think the only thing that keeps me from forgiving him is the shooting of William Mulder. Krycek is right; my father was a bastard. I think I still have a lot of guilt over that. I went to my father that night for closure, for answers. If he'd told me, they'd have killed me. Not many choices for anyone, there. Dad couldn't really tell me anything, Krycek would've had to choose which of us to kill... and I was drugged out of my mind."

Walter held him a little tighter. "Don't you think it's time you also faced the fact that it was for that very reason that the confrontation you had with Alex afterward was so violent, on your part? Acid makes one paranoid at the best of times and what they were giving you was enough to send you completely off your head. Scully had to shoot you to stop you from killing him. And I don't care what Alex says—you aren't a killer, Fox. Even for revenge. You can be erratic and impulsive, even passionate, but you don't just kill. I know it's hard for you to accept, but you have passionate feelings for him, both love and hate."

Mulder leaned back into his embrace and nodded. "Of course. I just can't accept yet that I—I actually find myself liking a man who killed for money, sold his soul to that smoking devil, betrayed me and my partner, blackmailed you and played all ends against the middle. Whatever his reasons, there are no excuses that can justify mercenary behavior."

"It was a war, Fox," Walter reminded him. "We were all on the same side, actually, although it may not have appeared that way. We were stuck in the middle of it all, doing what we could. When I was compromised in my position at the Bureau, you never blamed me. In a way, you need to cut him the same slack now. And you have your own sins to remember. You haven't been beyond reproach."

"Alright, alright," Mulder said, a little testily. "I know I'm not lily-white, either. He was right; I carried a gun for years. I guess just because it was in an official capacity doesn't justify all the times I've killed anyone."

"Exactly. It could have been you in his position, easily, if it weren't for your sister's abduction and your drive to find her."

"You're right. I think that's what he was trying to say to me before you came in. Just the thought though, that he's gotten lost out there because of a stupid disagreement this morning... I don't think I can bear this." Mulder shook his head suddenly, abruptly. As if coming out of a trance. "There he is," he said, in a low voice.

Sure enough, a dark figure barely discernible amidst the rapidly descending and swirling flakes came clearer as Alex trudged back up to the house, along the driveway.

He stamped up the steps and came in the front door into the warmth, peeling off his hat and scarf. "It's freezing out there," he managed. "It's still coming down, too, it's covered up all our good work." He had the nerve to look exhilarated and cheerful.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mulder demanded. "How is it that you didn't fucking freeze to death?!"

Walter watched Alex impassively.

Alex came to a pause, taking in their angry faces. He grinned widely; he couldn't help it. "Well, well. This is a new experience for me. Do I detect a note of concern?" This last was aimed at Mulder. Alex's eyes were almost sparkling but with mischief or delighted happiness that they might care, it was hard to tell.

It was probably both, decided Walter. "We've been out searching for you. We had to finally turn back. Thought you'd jumped ship and decided to lose yourself out there. Frankly, I'm surprised you're alive. Aren't you frostbitten?"

Alex shook his head slightly. "I'm fine. I kept moving. You forget, I've had practice—in Siberia. Spent some time there." He flicked a glance at Mulder who looked away, already feeling guilty enough for the problem earlier without also having to recall that it was his fault Alex lost his arm.


Walter said, "Do you have any idea how worried we were, that you were lost and couldn't find shelter? Did it even cross your mind to tell us that you were going to pull this stunt?"

Alex raised a brow at this. "I didn't think I was here on a probationary basis. If I can't even take a walk—"

"No one minds if you need to clear your head, if you want to get out and spend some time on your own, Alex. That's not what we're saying. But making us worry about you is selfish. We've been pacing the floor. We were out there driving around expecting to find you stuck in a snowdrift or drowning in the middle of a frozen lake. Fox here has been frantic, beside himself with anxiety the entire time."

Mulder nearly protested but it died as a stricken look crossed Alex's face. Obviously Alex hadn't thought that they would worry. He probably hadn't guessed that they would care all that much if something happened to him, in fact.

Alex removed his coat with a sigh. "I didn't think it was that big a deal."

Walter's brows lifted alarmingly. "You didn't."

"No." He looked from one to the other.

Mulder quietly put in, "The least you could've done was let us know how long you were going to be gone. So we could know when to start worrying, when to organize a search party. We thought you'd run off, upset over what happened earlier."

Alex passed his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry. Next time I'll tell you. Okay? I'm not used to people... caring about my welfare, let alone thinking I can't make it in weather like this. Believe me, this is mild. I've known worse."

Something in Walter's face told Alex that there would be reparations later. For Christ's sake, he wanted to grumble and then thought better of it. He held his tongue, realizing that they had indeed got themselves worried sick about him. Him! It was a novelty, to warrant such attention. And he smiled, mostly to himself. It was a nice feeling. Yeah, he'd deal with any consequences in good spirits, knowing that it was an honor, actually, to be let into their home like this. And he really was sorry he'd made them worry for so long. He'd been enjoying the peace and the delicious freedom of wandering so much that he honestly hadn't realized that time had flown so quickly either. He put it down to the surreal quality of the outdoors with the snow falling. He was surprised though that the both of them thought he was so thoughtless as to wander off without taking note of landmarks or without a compass. And he hadn't actually gone that far.

Outside, the clouds fell down thickly like copious feathers falling from torn pillows, piling up in huge swells, the icy wind blowing them into sculpted shapes.

Alex offered to cook dinner that night, partly to make up for the stress they'd had to go through over his disappearing act. He'd been doing a lot of thinking on his own. He'd really needed to get out for a while. The solitude, the undemanding wilderness and the peacefulness of the snow everywhere had helped clear his thoughts and quell a few of the stronger anxieties that had been bothering him.

He'd come to the decision to do whatever it took to remain there with them. It was like a final call on his path in life, not to mention a chance to repair some of the damage he knew he'd done to both of them. He had returned this afternoon with a renewed sense of direction and purpose, not sure where it would take him eventually but adamant that he wanted it more than anything that had ever been offered to him.

Despite the whiteout outside, the blackness fell early due to their latitude. As far north as they were, the days were getting considerably shorter. It had begun to affect their daily routines, too.

Mulder gave up trying to get any reception on the TV, due to the interference from the blizzard, and ended up throwing himself into his couch to munch his way through the bowl of seeds. Walter was quietly reading yet again.

Alex was restless. He finally went upstairs to his room and shut the door.

Walter looked up at the sound as the door closed behind him, then looked over at Fox. "What?" It was obvious something was on Mulder's mind.

Mulder wetted his lips with his tongue, carefully choosing his words. "I know that I made everyone worry about me constantly, when I was working for the Bureau. It was a difficult habit to break but I got over it. I have you to thank for that."

"All you needed was for your life to settle down," Walter said, gruffly.

"No, Walt, you helped me to work on a potentially life-threatening habit I had. I was always throwing myself into dangerous situations and impossible places, often leaving myself stranded with only Scully's ability to ferret me out as a way of surviving what I'd got myself into. With nothing more for her to go on sometimes than a vague knowledge of how my mind works. And that wasn't easy for her, either. I can't even predict myself what I'm going to come up with next, you know? But you gave me a way out. You taught me how to value my own skin more both for my own sake and that of others. I considered my pursuits important above their needs and feelings. You made me think of other people before myself. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. I have to admit I did it partly out of selfishness, Fox. I hardly want you lost or dead. And it was more than a little satisfying to finally be able to knock some sense into you somehow." Walter's reply was humoring of him though, and he was smiling.

Mulder grinned at him. "Yeah, but you love me. Or I wouldn't let you. It may seem childish but it helps me to have a guideline, knowing what my boundaries are, where the line is when I cease thinking about how I make others feel. But," his smile fell away, "I thought you said something about this arrangement of ours applying to Alex as well."

"So?"

"So he's up there getting off scot-free after having scared both of us to death today. Aren't you going to paddle him for that?"

Walter smirked at him. "Why? You want to watch? Does it get you off, hearing him get smacked? I seem to recall someone employing stealth tactics in the hallway a couple days ago, when a certain rat came in from the cold..."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. Surely he deserves some kind of disciplinary measure for this."

"If he does, that's up to me," Walter pointed out.

"Yeah. So, what are you going to do?"


"I'll tell you two things about Alex that you may have not considered. First of all, he's more used to being alone that we are. He hasn't yet adapted to living here, any more than we've gotten used to having him around, either. He needs space. And time. And second, he needs more attention... as contrary as that may sound, seeing as he is used to being alone. He isn't used to being around people in a friendly situation. He hasn't adapted to this, or to us. So, any punishment has to be meted accordingly, wouldn't you agree?"

Mulder was in one of his famous pouts though. "I get it. I get spanked for unacceptable behavior while he gets a pat on the head."

"No, but you will if you keep this up," returned Walter. "I oughtta paddle you for what happened this morning."

"Ouch. You have a point. But seriously, what kind of feedback are you going to give him? Walt, I thought he was gone. You were worried too, I saw you. He could have died. He's not stupid, he's expecting it. He'll be worried if you don't go up there."

Walter looked upwards. And sighed. "You're right, I'm delaying the inevitable, aren't I?" And he stood up. Turning suddenly, he shook a finger at Mulder. "No eavesdropping this time, either."

Mulder grinned saucily. "I won't need to, if the look on your face is anything to go by. I'll be able to hear it just fine from down here. Don't worry, Walt. When you're all through, I'll be waiting in bed. Just be sure to bring him with you."

Walter regarded him with surprise. "Isn't that moving too fast? He hasn't been here that long."

"If we wait longer, it might just create more problems," Mulder pointed out. "Don't tell him I'm going to be there though. I want to surprise him. He might back out if he knows."

"Good point." Walter stretched until he could feel the bones pulling. "Okay. I'm gonna get this over with. See you in a while."

Mulder did not envy him as he went up to confront Alex, now knowing full well that it required a delicate balance between admonishment and care where Alex was concerned. He thoughtfully regarded the fire, unable to put out of his mind the events of the previous night. He replayed them inside his head as he gazed at the bearskin rug that still lay before the hearth. He found himself promising silently to make up for this morning's unpleasantness between them... after Walt was done with him.

Walter knocked on the door. At Alex's grunt, he went in. Alex was in the process of unpacking what little remained in his bags; it was obviously part of an attempt to move more solidly into his room. He eyed Walter warily as the man sat on the edge of Alex's bed. "Hi. What's up?"

Walter hesitated, wondering what tone to take. "You do realize that by not taking into account the fact that we'd be worried about you, you acted rather selfishly today?"

"Yeah," murmured Alex, "but you also know why I had to get out for a while."

"True. Still, you could have mentioned something to Fox. Or even come back in and said it to me if you were worried that he might try to stop you."

Alex was silent. He folded both arms across his chest and came to stand before him. "So? So what? I apologized to both of you and I promised I'd let you know next time. What's the big deal?"

"I don't think you're sorry at all. You're only saying that because we demanded it out of frayed nerves."

Alex tried not to smile at this.

Walter continued, "That hardly reassures me that you won't go off again. Or that you don't think that we're a couple of paranoid assholes for worrying about you: the accomplished assassin who can survive anything, even a horizontal snowstorm with temperatures down to minus forty. After sweating like that, too, shoveling the drive—you ran the risk of becoming hypothermic. You were gone for over four hours. Where the hell were you trying to go? The Canadian/Alaskan border? You aren't even familiar with this region." He stopped, giving Alex an appraising glance. "You think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, here? Or do you agree that maybe I have a point?"

Alex smiled. "I guess you have a point. You're making it very well. I can't really say anything to that, can I... but that's the idea, isn't it?"

"Your implication being?"

"You've got it into your head that simply administering a series of punishments for 'naughty' behavior is going to help me."

"I'm asking you, Alex: what do you think would help you best?"

"Time," Alex replied simply, his voice rough. "Time to adjust. To get used to being here. To—be here with you two. It means a lot to me; I don't want to do anything that might end up with you kicking me out. I didn't mean to jeopardize my stay here with what happened today. I need... space. I can't help it. I'm used to living on my own. Completely alone."

"How long do you think that might be? Before you consider yourself adjusted, I mean."

"Six months, to hazard a guess." Alex was grinning again now.

"I'd say that sounds like an understanding of probationary status, to me," Walter pointed out. "It also sounds like avoidance."


"Oh come on, lighten up."

Walter grinned back at him though. "You're afraid I'm gonna suggest you let me chastise you, aren't you? After all, it's a lot harder to forget making a promise like we've asked you to make, when you have the reinforcement of punishment as a reminder ."

To his surprise, Alex found that he was nervous about another spanking, despite the fact that he really did trust Walter now. He didn't want something that personal or arousing interfering with things. As long as it remained outside the sexual arena... He needed something else to hold on to. He knew Walter provided a secure threshold he could rely on, a harbor he could allow his emotional states to spill into without fear he'd be lost in them. Not only did it appeal to him, the idea that with a simple act of discipline he could let all his guilt float out of him completely, but he could simultaneously take the opportunity to clear some more of the psychological hang-ups he'd accumulated over the years. All that was required was trust on his part, trust that Walter meant well and that he did care for him. That he truly was doing it with Alex's interests in mind. He believed Walter; he knew the man had a paradoxically soft heart while having what it took to be able to administer discipline when needed. It made him perfect for this. He suddenly found himself envying the fact that Mulder had already been able to avail himself of this for years now. He came to a decision silently. It had to be done in a way that he wasn't going to find arousing, or else the experience wouldn't really help him. He looked down, almost protectively, self-defensively. He nearly winced as he realized how much he'd been giving away subconsciously the whole time he'd been here since he'd arrived, with his mere body language. He lifted his chin slightly, looking down at Walter, his arms still folded in front of him.

"A spanking isn't going to do it. But I don't think just a kiss and a hug from you will cut it, either. I need something else to drive the point home."

Walter took a breath. "I thought you might say that."

"How far are you willing to go?"

"I won't hurt you, if that's what you mean," Walter said in a disapproving tone. "This isn't about making you pay for your sins or any of that kind of crap. It's not a religious disorder or a game to me."

"I know that," Alex said quickly. "But I enjoy it too much, both the love and the act—well, your hand."

Walter waited. Then said, "It's up to you. What do you think you need?"

"Nothing heavy. A touch of the strap, maybe."

Walter sighed. "I'm curious, Alex. Were you beaten when you were young?"

Alex shook his head. "Not really; nothing worth remembering."

"Will my belt do?"

Alex considered this seriously. "Yeah. Yeah, it would."

"You sure? I don't want you coming up to me afterwards saying that I beat you... and for no good reason."

Alex's lips twitched. "Hardly. If anything, it gives me something real, something tangible to hang onto, to avoid in the future." He chuckled. "Don't worry, I can take it."

"I know you can. Okay, since you're sure. I'll be right back." Walter left then, to go retrieve his belt from his closet. It was hanging in his pants. He was glad Mulder hadn't come upstairs yet.

Walter was surprised. It was obvious that Alex had actually given this thought. He was tempted to believe that Alex was considerably more emotionally in touch with himself and mature than Fox was. It had taken Fox a long time to get to this point, to be able to face himself inside and see that he actually craved real limits he could work with, without using it as another means of feeling sorry for himself in attempts to avoid past pain. But then, Alex was smart and could hardly have survived what he had thus far without being intimately aware of his actual needs and having to deal with them. And Alex had known too that he couldn't indulge in lying to himself. It was purely the lack of human comfort that he was starved for. It was his heart that had been driven underground, into hiding. If anything, it was a testimony to the existence and depth of Alex's capability for feeling that he had turned out the way that he had. A little love and guidance and Alex would be a changed man, Walter felt sure. And he felt a measure of pride that he had been right; he'd been more right in his hunches about this man than he'd ever guessed— even before Alex's arrival in their home.


It was so easy to mistake this kind of situation for sexual or domination games. It was the same combination of dependability, strength and caring in Walter that had enabled him to support and lead men in the Vietnam War as in this situation, to provide an authority they could trust in a disciplinary sense. It had also been there to an extent in his position as Assistant Director, although he was less effective there because of the hypocrisy inherent in the hierarchical bureaucracy of a federal agency. He was just relieved that Alex could understand this and actually saw the positive opportunity it provided him.


By the time Walter returned to Alex's room, Alex was already leaning across the bed with his pants off, waiting for him. Walter was rather glad; it spared him making a scene of it. And from this position, he could administer the belt standing up.

He took a breath. "How many do you need, for making us worry for so long today?"

Alex replied, his voice slightly muffled from his position on the bed, "Five. For the hours."

He was right; it had been five hours that he'd been gone. Walter moved and saw Alex tense slightly, expecting the first blow.

He raised the leather belt, both ends in his hand, folded, and brought it down sharply. The sound reverberated harshly around the bare walls of the room as a slight red stripe appeared on Alex's left cheek. "Count them out."

"One." Alex's voice was even.

Walter brought it down again, this time a little harder, on the right butt-cheek. Alex couldn't help wincing. "Two," he said, a slight strain entering his voice.

"What is this for?" Walter asked. He brought the belt down again, even harder, this time laying it straight across both previous strokes and leaving a welt trail.

"Three. F-for making you worry about me. For making you wonder if I'd even come back."

Alex gasped as a lick of fire landed at an angle diagonally across the other burning paths, hard. "Four."

"And what will you do next time you go out?"

Alex closed his eyes, breathing hard, trying not to move away, wanting to avoid this last one. Somehow, he knew if he did, Walter would end up giving him more. He wondered why even now, despite having suffered so much more greatly in the past, this circumstance made him want to weep. Again, it was that Walter was only doing this because he cared, and because he knew that Alex actually cared, and it was like some kind of unspoken declaration of love that they agreed this was the only way he would accept any criticism from Walter. Ever. Violence and anger was too uncontrolled and bitter. This at least gave structure to something that could have been potentially damaging to the beginning of their relationship here. And he swallowed against the lump in his throat. He felt an enormous freedom as though a weight had lifted from him, as he said, "Next time, I'll tell you how long I intend to be gone. And where I'm going in case something happens to me."

"Good." And Walter gave him the last lash of the belt right on the underside of his bottom, where it was surely going to be sorest... As Alex would discover the next time he tried to sit down.

Alex jumped under it, wincing. "Five!" exclaimed Alex; incredibly relieved it was the last. Even now he couldn't help twisting beneath it as the flame raced over his skin, burning and itching.

Walter let the belt fall from his grip and snatched up the tube of aloe gel from the bedside table. Spreading the cooling gel on his fingers, he applied it to the broad red stripes on Alex's butt. "Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?" Walter asked him. "I had no idea you would be able to take such large steps, so quickly. I can't understand how you can believe that we have some kind of plan to kick you out, come the summer. Surely you know that you have a place here with us. How many times do we have to prove it to you, that we love you?"

As he'd come to expect, it was this that finally made Alex tighten and he could see the tears spring down.

Alex murmured hoarsely, "I didn't think anyone could care this way for me. I didn't even realize that you two would be worried. It didn't occur to me."

"Hell, after yesterday? I'm surprised, Alex. I thought you'd know you mean something to me, by now. I told you I loved you. And I'm guessing, even though things are still shaky between the two of you, that something happened last night with Fox."

"I know. You're right." Alex sniffed, the sound reaching straight into Walter's chest and tugging at him as he carefully spread the gel over the sore welts. "I'm sorry, Walt."

Walter leaned down to kiss his cheek. "All's forgiven. And now, if you're willing, I'd like you to come next door, to my room. You can lay on your side," he grinned, "and just—whatever."

"Whatever?" Alex smiled through his tears and was wiping them away as he gingerly pulled himself off the bed to stand up and pull up his shorts. He didn't look Walter in the face though.

Walter wondered long it would actually take Alex to believe that they loved him, that they didn't think less of him for breaking down in front of them. Oh well, he thought. They had a number of months, at least, to prove it to him. And he pulled Alex into his arms, holding him tightly. Alex relaxed against him, sighing with relief. They stood like that for a while.

Finally, Walter smiled. "Feel up to spending some time next door? You can stay the night if you want. Why don't you?"

Alex pulled back to look him in the eye this time. "Are you sure? In your room? You sure that's—okay?"

Walter realized this was a bigger thing for Alex than he had previously thought. "Of course," he said, as if it should be obvious. "No problem. Come on."

Walter deliberately left the light off as they entered the room. He shut the bedroom door and led the sightless younger man into the room towards the bed. "Go on, get under the covers. We'll snuggle up," he said quietly, tossing the belt in the direction of the closet and stripping his clothes off.

Alex took off his shirt. He felt for the bed and crawled between the sheets and the heavy blankets, taking a secret pleasure in the combination of scents that hit him. Subtly mingled there, were both Fox's and Walter's smell and it was indeed cozy as well as exciting. He felt slightly taken aback at being here. He wondered why he felt such original trepidation and put it down to the fact that before, he never would have imagined that they would let him in here. Oh, who was he kidding. He wanted to be here so badly. It was like finally achieving a fantasy and having it come true, fulfilled by two people he loved... He drew up short at this admission to himself. Stop it. He found himself shaking slightly and cursed his nerves. It wasn't 'generosity' on Walter's part; it was genuine affection and a desire to spend time with him. He was still bemused that Walter could put the past behind them like this.

The bed dipped slightly as Walter now came in after him, moving up closer under the covers and reaching out to him with an arm. In the still darkness, Alex found himself breathing easier as Walter's hand reached him and lazily slipped over his shoulder, down to his elbow and then to his hip where he lay on his left side, facing him. He had removed the left arm prior to the earlier session and was glad that it was dark. He still felt stressed about anyone seeing what was left of his arm. He was inordinately glad and relieved that neither of them had even acted as though they'd noticed, so far.

Walter's other hand went to his head, stroking his hair. As Walter moved closer to press in towards him, warm and solid, Alex jumped slightly at the touch of another hand, slipping in to touch him at his waist, from behind him. Mulder.

Alex tensed, biting his lip. Hell. He hadn't counted on this. He hadn't expected both of them to be there. And here he was in between them, in the middle... He found himself holding his breath and forced himself to take a few. Alex wasn't sure about this, mostly because he wanted it so badly.

Mulder's other hand pressed against his back as he moved in close behind Alex and lay against him. Mulder was naked, as was Walter. He could tell from the unmistakable rigid lengths that were brushed up against him from both sides, as well as the hot skin that he felt against him like being deliciously wrapped in comfort. He silently cursed the fact that his own ass was covered in gel and welts—he would have preferred for this to happen when he was able to enjoy it more. Mulder leaned against him, pressing his lower stomach against Alex's shorts, sliding his cock silkily between his closed upper thighs.

Alex hissed at the sensation and Mulder chuckled behind him, in his ear, holding him tight against him. "Wow, that's a couple of hot buns you've got there, Alex. I can feel them even through these. I think I could fry eggs on them without any trouble."

Walter meanwhile had moved in close as well and now Alex was sandwiched perfectly between them, gulping for breath and shaking more uncontrollably now. His hand was on Walter's arm. "Fox," suggested Walter, over Alex's head, "I move that we keep him here for a while."

"Yeah, I'll second that," Fox said into the back of Alex's neck, making him squirm slightly. His voice was lazy honey and made Alex shiver inside.

Being held so closely, so tightly, by both of them, was nearly more than he could bear. Sensory overload was threatening his brain and he wondered if one could come just from anticipation. He was already throbbing, aching, drooling hard; his cock leaping slightly against Walter's right side and his lower stomach.

Then Walter was kissing his face gently, slowly, pressing his lips to his skin, warm and full. "What do you want, Alex? Do you want to be enjoyed?"

"Yes," he gritted out as a shudder ran over him; Walter's hand had fallen to play with his nipples, pulling at them slowly, bringing them hard and stiffened quickly.

"Relax, Alex; just let it happen," Walter murmured.

In perfect anguish, Alex moaned, "Please don't tease me. Please! I need you."

Mulder asked in his ear from behind him, "What do you want us to do?"

Walter stopped, puzzled. "Which of us, Alex?"

"Both of you!" he exclaimed, unable to move as he lay squeezed between them. They had the upper hand over him right now. He moved, shifting slightly, and both of them instinctively held on to him, proving his point.

Mulder came to a decision. "Turn around, Alex."

Alex obeyed, Walter assisting him, and then Mulder was gathering him into his arms, tightly against him. And behind him, Walter's hands fell to his waist to slide his shorts down. At the sudden move, Alex felt a thrill shoot through him; he knew what Walter intended to do. Mulder was kissing him, slow and lingeringly.

The excitement and anticipation curled in his lower belly as Walter slid two wet fingers in his crack, while Mulder's kisses grew more demanding. Sensory overload, followed by conflicting desire and doubt assailed Alex. And as Walter's cock nudged at him now, forcing into him slowly, stretching him hard and deep, he found himself moaning into Mulder's mouth. And then Mulder's hand was reaching between them to grip Alex's throbbing prick—it jumped in his hand, nearly shooting at the stimulation.

Walter pulled out a bit, and then shoved back into him a little quicker, grunting himself at the sensation of Alex's ass clenching around his cock so tightly. Walter had been looking forward to this ever since that first taste of it the night Alex and he had spent the night.

All three of them began to move in unison; it was like a dance, with Alex thrusting back against onto Walter's hardness, then pushing forward into Mulder's hand, slick with his juices.

"God, Alex, fuck, oh fuck," Mulder was hoarsely muttering, strained.

Walter stopped a moment and ordered, "Fox, turn around."

The words didn't really register in Alex's mind but as Mulder pulled away from him and then backed up against him, reaching back to angle his ass against Alex's cock, realization hit him and he gratefully slid into him. Mulder had already lubed himself up, he discovered. With a whimper, he realized he'd never been in a position like this before, able to fuck and be fucked simultaneously.

And then they were undulating with a sort of sensual synchronized wave, every time Walter penetrated Alex deep, slamming into him harder and harder, he was forced with the momentum into Fox's slick, tight asshole even deeper, making Fox emit the most incredible open-mouthed cries.

Breathing hard, Walter said, "Come on, guys. Let's move. On your stomach, Fox. Alex, move with me."

It took some precision and Walter ended up pulling out of Alex to get them into position. Mulder was lying with his hips angled upwards and his legs apart, with Alex sliding into him again eagerly, laying over his back, kissing his neck and whispering into his ears. Walter was leaning over them, and then he was driving into Alex harder and faster this time, letting him have it, driving him into Fox so deep that Fox was nearly shouting under them.

They weren't going to last much longer at this rate. Alex started to come first, from the double-pleasure spiking into him as Walter battered his ass and his prostate, while fucking Fox under him—something he'd dreamed about for as long as he could remember knowing him.

As his ass began to clench and massage Walter's cock, Alex came, flooding Fox's hole with a burst of spasms while Alex cried aloud. Walter came with the next thrust into him. Fox's breath hitched as he reached down to grasp himself with one hand and he groaned loudly as his load shot over his own hand and onto the sheet.

Fox was lying in a dark comfortable haze under them, content to just lay there. Alex gave a little shudder and enjoyed being plastered against him, his member shrinking inside Fox. Walter got up and went out to the bathroom, collecting warm and wet towels as well as dry. When he came back in and turned on the bedside lamp, there were a number of protestations. They stopped though once he tossed the towels at them.

Once they were cleaned up and Walter was leaning up to turn off the light again, Fox found himself in the middle with an affectionate and contented Alex snuggling up against him, grinning and sighing happily. Alex was lying on his left side, so he could wrap his arm around him. Walter did the same from the other side, and Fox said sardonically, "Hey, guys, are we gonna have a repeat performance of that later?"

"Greedy," chuckled Walter, before seizing his neck in a mock bite, then licking at it to soothe the impression of teeth in his flesh. He lifted his head and said to Alex, "He's insatiable. You'll have to help me keep him satisfied now that you're around."

"Anytime," Alex breathed fervently, nuzzling against Fox with a warmth that made Fox's breath hitch in his throat and wonder how he could have ever doubted that Alex wanted this, wanted him.

Fox said quietly, "I love you too, Alex." Which of course made Alex freeze momentarily before clutching him fiercely.

Then, Mulder reached a hand over to Walter, curling it round his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss. "Thanks for putting up with us, Walt. I know it's been hard for you; having to be so patient and everything."

Walter ran an admiring hand down Mulder's chest, to his belly, stroking the soft skin there and encountering Alex's fingers. "I'm just glad you two have finally decided to work things out and stop behaving like idiots."

Alex cleared his throat. "Sorry, Walter."

"Yeah, we're sorry, Walt. We really are," Mulder chimed in.

"It's okay," Walter reassured them. "I expected we'd be off to a rocky start, considering the way you two have danced around each other for so many years. Just let's remember that there are alternatives to resorting to bitch-slapping and infantile sulking when you disagree."

"You mean like this?" Alex asked, innocently, entwining his fingers with Walter's and drawing their hands down to Mulder's quiescent cock.

Mulder breathed a sigh. "Guys, I think I'm out for the count for a while. I could go another round right now but I think it would be better if we waited."

Walter raised a concerned brow in the dark. "Jesus, Fox! This is the first time you've ever turned it down. Are you feeling okay?" They didn't remove their hands.

"Peace!" Mulder said. "I just mean I need some more recovery time, is all."

Alex chuckled wickedly. "I don't think Fox Junior here agrees with you."

Indeed, Mulder's cock was already lifting its head at the touch of their hands upon him.

Mulder groaned. "Mercy!"

Alex made a little noise of complaint, but he let go, went back to cozying up against him. Walter did the same.

They fell asleep together, warm and content, unspoken visions of positions and combinations of what they might try all together crossing their minds—all unknown to each other.

Mulder groaned. Walter was pushing him, urgently. "Come on you guys, wake up. Get up!"

Alex lifted a blinking head, tousled. "What is it?" he frowned.

"The sky's on fire," Walter grinned.

"Aurora?" Mulder asked, a little more enthusiastically.

"Come on, get dressed!" Walter was impatient now. "Let's go! Dress warmly," he said.

Alex lay back with a sigh. Mulder turned to him. "Alex, you don't want to miss this." He kissed him. Alex scowled. Mulder grinned and kissed him roughly, forcing him to wake up.

"Alright, alright," Alex relented. He winced as he scooted across the bed, his welts painfully reminding him of their presence.

They left the lights off and went out into the night. The sky was clear and it was freezing, just as Mulder had predicted. The stars burned cold and clear in the night sky. There was an icy wind that occasionally blew with a chill that was so cold it was sweet. In fact, it held the tangy fragrance of the nearby evergreen trees.

Whispering over the frozen snow was an electric light. There were bright green shafts of light in the sky. It looked like it was on fire. Alex gaped; he'd seen aurora before but not to this scale. Walter was carrying a large thermal blanket and an insulation wrap. "Come on," he said, heading for a slight rise, a little hill just off to the side of the house, where they'd have a perfect vantage to view the whole sky.

As they lay down to look at the sky, Alex was impressed. It was like staring up into a deep, dark bowl, lit with sharp blue pinholes of stars, with huge shafts of green now sweeping upwards towards the center of the sky in unison. In radials, shooting towards the center point above them, the aurora began to pulse with shivery motions.

Arcing above them, more shafts appearing to the south and the west, the radials began to appear as streamers, shaking across the sky and meeting up in the middle. A pool of electric light began to converge straight above, and melting with color as deep red and purple began to join the predominant green. A hint of blue came sweeping up along with the green, making the whole display look like a sea of shifting rainbows.

Then, they heard it. It was like a hissing roar, muted by the distance, but singing above them like a far-away engine.

"Fuck!" breathed Alex, wide-eyed. Walter and Fox chuckled beside him.

"Told you," said Walter, grinning.

"This is a good display, one of the best we've seen yet," Mulder remarked.

The lights began dancing now, the shafts looking like curtains, resembling the netted, gauzy lace of moth's wings as it flickered along unseen lines of energy towards the central pool. The center began to look like a starburst. If Alex had to compare it to something, he'd have said it looked like a supernova picture captured by the Hubble telescope or something.

And then he felt it; the hair all over his body was lifting. Each and every one was standing on end, his teeth chattering and not from the cold. The air was charged with sweeping magnetic waves, making him gasp. The cold was seeping up even through the insulated blanket and he relished the way it reached icy fingers upwards to numb and cool his welts on his backside.

Mulder's hand was reaching down for his waistline, slipping under his clothes and fumbling beneath to open his pants. Alex could only stare and let him do it; he was too entranced by the light show above him. It looked like a rainbow sun with angel's wings now. And then Walter's voice jolted him.

"Look on the horizon, over there in the east."

As Alex lifted his head, he caught sight of the crescent moon which was just lifting above the horizon. Mulder's hand found his cock and closed around it.

With his body shaking and shuddering while the lights danced and shook above them, Mulder began to pull on him with an expert hand. And from the noises Mulder was making, Walter was obviously doing the same to him. He lifted his head and almost laughed. Mulder's other hand was in Walter's pants...

But then the sharp, bright introduction of even brighter blue and green from the south came sweeping up, distracting him again. And all the while, the stars shone bright and high through it all, like a backdrop of diamonds. The entire sky was now ablaze.

And the pulsing of the lights were now moving in unison, all moving up to the center of the sky together. Almost in time with their hands as the three of them brought each other off. Mulder's warm skin was delicious on his, and Mulder's hand was moving faster on Alex's cock, really working it. With the rushing noise of the electric waves above them and his own body responding to the charged magnetism surrounding them in brief touches, he found himself coming, slow and hard, with gasps and moans as a liquid ecstasy moved and circulated in his body to match the feathers of light above them.

He heard Walter coming, on the other side of Mulder. And then Alex reached his hand into Mulder's pants, to lay it upon Mulder's thigh, rubbing it, stroking it in time with Walter's hand now pumping Mulder's cock hard. Mulder came with a choking, strangled moan as he climaxed over Walter's stroking fingers.

Strangely, as though aware of their change of pace now, the beams of light changed and became not so much powerful strobes of shafts rising above them but pale feathers, moving faster and faster with shivering ripples... they spread across the sky at a speed so quick that it looked like the surface of water as wind blew gently on it.

The light was so diffuse, and the central pool now spread huge wings like a giant butterfly, lacy white with sparkling, uneven congealing blobs of color.

The white of the snow on the ground was a perfect foil against the dark of the sky, and it reflected the colors and the lights in such a way that the miniscule snowflakes compacting together shone with tiny colors like fairy lights.

"Totally, fucking awesome," croaked Alex.

"I am really impressed," said Walter, "I don't think I've seen anything like this before, ever. I've never seen it move so fast."

"And we've been treated to quite a few, here," put in Mulder.

"Why does it make that noise?" asked Alex.

"Hell if I know," Walter said, shaking his head.

"Sure beats the crap out of a planetarium," murmured Mulder.

And now the swirling center grew larger until it took up a third of the sky. There were still paler flickers shooting up to join it but it melded all together like the shifting of oil on water, or the surface of a soap bubble, all rainbows but the distinct colors lumped beside each other.

It had become a vortex spinning slowly above them, fed by the radials of streamers. It was hard to know what to look at, because in every direction there were different colors still rising up. It was like staring into the face of a living being, though what manner of life was undeterminable; it could only be likened to that of an angel.

A distant object that looked like a satellite moving slowly above them reached the higher northern part of their sky and—abruptly shifted direction, executing a perfect ninety-degree angle turn...

"What's that?" Alex wondered.

"It's an X-File," quipped Mulder. "You'll see them occasionally out here on nights like this. Don't worry about it. They never land. Bastards."

Walter was laughing at him. "Fox has never given up the hope that someone not affiliated with the Rebels or the Grays will come down and give him some proper explanations."

"Hey, I can relate to that," Alex said. "Don't worry, Fox, I know how you feel."

They watched as the object slowly moved away, it's path unchanging as well as its speed. The crescent moon had risen clear of the horizon now and the aurora was beginning to fade even more. Alex was shaking from the cold by now, rather than just the electric tingle. "I'm freezing out here. I'd've gone in earlier to warm up, but I was afraid to miss anything."

"Yeah," Walter said, regretfully, "I guess we'd better go back inside. It looks like the show's winding down, anyway."

They sat up and began picking up the blankets. Trudging back inside, Alex said, "That was the most beautiful, amazing thing I've ever seen."

"There'll be others, too," Fox said. "It happens a lot up here."

"I can't wait," Alex said fervently. "I've seen aurora before but nothing to compare to that."

When they got inside, they gathered in the kitchen to make hot chocolate. After a cup or two and some mild enthusiastic reviewing of the lights they had seen, they retired back upstairs to Walter's room.

All three of them were exhausted and they fell asleep in an easy tangle, relaxed and warm, arms around each other. Somehow, this time Walter ended up in the middle with both of them on either side, nuzzled into him like a pair of rabbits.

xx

Sunflower Seeds IV: Winter

Jamiwilsen@hotmail.com

TITLE: Sunflower Seeds 3: Storms
ARCHIVE: RatB, Persuaders, Nixxers
FEEDBACK: Jamiwilsen@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: This piece of slash fanfic is written purely for entertainment purposes; all characters and X-File series' situations referred to belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, etc.
PAIRING: Sk/M/K
SEQUEL/CONTINUATION: Yes, 3rd
SPOILERS: Possibly all eps up to but not including Season 8, although I doubt it.
RATING: NC-17— language, slashy m/m sex, discipline, bondage (eventually, though not this chapter, either)
SUMMARY: Can a balance be maintained between all three living in such close quarters and sharing such a difficult history? Or will the storms, raging both inside and outside the house, have to blow themselves out first?
BETAS: Grateful thanks to Candace, Jennie and Jas for beta, as always this wouldn't have been readable without your help! Thank you so much!
DEDICATION: To Lorelei, for being my armchair coach and quarterback!

back to top



[Stories by Author] [Stories by Title] [Mailing List] [Krycek/Skinner] [Links] [Submissions] [Home]