Journal Entry #1
Shit.
I don't know why the hell I'm doing this.
Wait. Yeah I do. I know exactly why. It was that stupid conversation that
Mulder and I had the other night. We were talking about our respective lives
and what we did when we were enemies. He told me that he would lie awake at
night and wonder at my motivations.
My motivations. Fox—fucking—Mulder had nothing better to do than spend
his nights thinking about what made me tick. When he told me that, I had to
laugh. I told him to get a freaking life.
He told me he had one that he was perfectly happy with.
Now.
I didn't have anything to say after that. (Of course, it's kinda hard to talk
when I have my tongue shoved half way down his throat—not that he was
complaining or anything)
I decided then that I would start this stupid thing so that he would be able
to read it one day when we're both older and getting bored with each other.
(Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen!)
//See, Mulder. Don't ever tell me that I don't do the stupid, sentimental
little things for you.//
Anyway, I figured that I would start this thing tonight because Mulder is out
on a "date" tonight. This is a good thing because I have peace and quiet.
Plus, I won't have to worry about him looking over my shoulder ever five
seconds. It's a bad thing because I miss him terribly.
Does it sound like I've turned into a horrible sap? I'm sure it does.
Do I care?
No.
Well, okay. Yeah. I do care but some things are just more important, ya
know?
Fuck!! This is why I don't want to do this stuff. [sigh] But I promised
myself that I would do it for him. Damn it, Mulder, you better appreciate
this shit when I get around to letting you read it. You are going to make
it up to me.
Okay, let me clarify things about this date I mentioned. It actually started
about a week ago then came to a head earlier tonight. The whole thing was
just so unbelievable that I have to laugh every time I think about it.
Maybe if I get it down in black and white, it will feel more concrete . . .
more real. Man, it was so great. Leave it to Fox to blow one of my favorite
fantasies right out of the water. The reality was just so much more fun and
erotic.
Curious yet?
Good.
Mulder really is a perverted little slut once you get him going. He's usually
really commonplace about sex (Yeah, yeah he's a pervert but he's a well
mannered pervert. [snicker]) but he does have his moments when the sadistic,
evil part of him creeps out and wants to play.
You think I push people's buttons? I've got nothing on Special Agent Fox
William Mulder when he's in slut-mode. He's got a vindictive streak a mile
long.
Note: Don't get him horny then piss him off. (g)
He doesn't let loose too often, though. You know how he is. Never let anyone
see the real you. Always keep them at arm's length. Yeah, yeah, I know.
You're saying "Alex, Alex, you're not describing Mulder. You're describing
yourself." I'm not though. I mean, I am, but it's him too. No one in the FBI
(not even Dana) has seen much of the real Fox Mulder.
Not like I have.
I guess I should give you a little history. (When the hell did I start
treating this freaking journal like it's a real person? God, I must be more
fucked up than I thought. Stupid journal.)
Fox and I knew each other when we were kids. Hell, I won't lie. I worshiped
the ground he walked on. We became lovers when I was 15. Of course, it was
one of those childlike love affairs. You know, when you thought you were
doing all the great things that the older people do but then find out later
that you never even made around second base.
We had problems at the time but that's not something I'm going to go into
here.
Not right now.
Maybe not ever.
Our everlasting love lasted a year.
The Consortium wiped his mind before he went off to college and, when they
were done with him, he didn't know me from Adam. I think I went a little nuts
after that. I let Bill Mulder 'program' me into the perfect fucking assassin.
No morals.
No emotion.
No regrets.
No nothing.
Until the day that Fox remembered me. Then my life started again.
But hey, that's not the story I'm writing down right now. The one I'm sharing
now all started with the damn FBI Charity Bachelor Auction. (I did mention
that I'm an agent again, didn't I? No? OOPS. Sorry about that. I am. And,
yes, I am working with Fox and Dana in the X-Files. Dana and I are actually
good friends. Can you believe it? I couldn't at first, but I've found that I
genuinely like her. She's a great person—once I gave her a chance.)
Besides, when Fox runs off and ditches both of us (yes, he still does that.
And, yes, I beat the shit out of him when he comes slinking back home) she
lets me sleep in her bed with her.
Nope.
Not sharing that story right now either, so don't bother asking.
Geez... Come on... I have to save something for another day.
Like I said, this all started with the auction. Fox, Dana and I were on loan
to the VCU the week before the auction because the Section Chief had
requested Fox's help on a profile that was stumping the whole freaking team
assigned to it.
Fucking imbeciles. They couldn't do their jobs so the big bosses come whining
to Mulder to save their asses.
Of course he agrees. The King of Guilt. Remember? People are dying so of
course Mulder says yes.
Are any of the VC agents grateful for the help? Oh yeah! Every one of the
'spooky' jokes is a cry of thanks.
Assholes!
At least there aren't any children involved. The cases are bad enough for
Fox. Put dead children in the equation and you just about guarantee that
Mulder's going to try and drive himself to a breakdown.
Anyway, to get back on track here, the auction coordinator came in while we
were there and spoke quietly to all the guys that were taking part in the
festivities. Her name was Lisa something or other and the whole time she was
talking to the three single guys, she kept glancing over at Fox.
I was trying really hard not to laugh. I could tell that she wanted to come
over and talk to 'Spooky' Mulder but she was a little wary. Fox didn't notice
anything. He was buried in case files. He didn't even realize that Dana and I
were there anymore, let alone some girl that he didn't even know.
I guess she finally screwed up her courage because she walked over to our
table and came to a halt beside Fox, silently waiting for him to notice her.
I was seriously thinking of timing her to see just how long she'd stand there
without actively trying to get Fox's attention, when Dana took pity on her
and called Fox's name.
Four times.
Then she smacked him on the back of his head.
Boy, the look on his face after that one. It was great.
Of course, the pout just made little Lisa almost melt into a puddle beside
his chair. If it hadn't been so freaking funny, I might have been jealous. As
it was, I got a smack on the back of my head too.
For laughing.
Dana was on a roll.
To get on with my story, Lisa convinced Fox that he should be in the auction.
She just gushed over him so much that I think he agreed just so he could stop
blushing.
I made the mistake of giggling (Yes, okay. I giggled. Sue me. It was funny.)
so Fox promptly told Lisa that I'd be honored to be in it too.
Him and his fucking sense of humor.
Jerk.
Lisa gave us both all the info we needed and quickly scampered out the door
before we could change our minds or something. We were both grumbling to Dana
when the taunts started. No one said anything to me. Everything was aimed at
Fox.
Surprise, surprise.
One of the agents in particular, was the worst.
Ethan Carmichael.
Prick!
He was always slamming on Fox. He kept drilling two points in particular.
First, that Fox was such a fuck-up that no one would want him. He was just
going to make a fool out of himself and become more of a laughing stock than
he was now, and second, even if someone did bid on him, Mulder wouldn't
come close to what Carmichael himself would bring in. He always brought in
the most money—at least for the past 5 years.
Fox just ignored everyone. He spoke in low tones to me and Dana but said
nothing to any other agent in the room. He never looked up from the files he
was, once more, engrossed in.
I was starting to get worried when Fox caught my eye and winked. God! The
look on that face. He wasn't hurt, he was pissed!! I knew that this was going
to be one of those times when he got retribution.
I would've given anything to be able to see what was going through that
brilliant mind of his.
Well, the jokes and the taunts continued all week but he ignored everything.
He was such a good boy all week that Dana and I were scared to death but the
time the auction rolled around. We both knew that he had set something up but
wouldn't let us in on it. The only thing we could find out was that he had
sweet-talked Lisa into making sure that he went second—right after
Carmichael.
//God, you were beautiful tonight, baby.//
Dana and I were seated in the audience for his little 'show'. I was supposed
to be backstage but there was no way in the world I was going to miss this. I
didn't know what he were going to do, but I knew that it would be good.
Carmichael was his usual arrogant self. He pulled in almost $800. He flirted
and joked and tried the sexy stud act. It did absolutely nothing for me but I
guess it served it's purpose for the women.
I asked Dana if she had been impressed but she just looked at me and snorted.
I took that as a no.
Then it was Fox's turn.
Holy shit.
There was no sign of the absent-minded goofball that everyone thinks of when
someone mentions Fox Mulder.
Okay, picture this. The lights go down. A patch of fog drifts out over the
stage. A dark shadow moves gracefully out to the center of the swirling mass.
Music fills the room and I laugh softly as I recognize the familiar tune that
announces the beginning of every James Bond movie ever made.
That's my Fox. The suave, sophisticated, always in control secret agent.
Okay. Maybe he's not always in control.
And he's definitely not into secrets. Unless, of course, he's the one keeping
them.
Anyway, back to the 'show'.
A lone spotlight suddenly bathes the figure in light. Fox is standing there,
head down, arms folded nonchalantly across his chest. He's wearing this
beautiful jet black Armani tux that would make even the charismatic Mr. Bond
look like a street urchin in comparison. The suit molded his body
fantastically. I don't know when he had the time to get it made but that suit
definitely did not come off the rack.
As the music continued, Fox gazed out over the audience. He had that sleepy
look that he gets sometimes. The one that fools you into thinking that he's
all innocent and harmless, right before he jumps on you and fucks you into
oblivion. You know, the one that will make me do just about anything he asks
of me as long as I can get him to bed within the next 30 seconds.
I think every woman that was seated with staring distance of the stage, took
one look at him and creamed their panties instantaneously. You could almost
feel the heat rise in the room and that was just from one look. My Fox was
letting it all hang out today. Then he started to move.
Wow.
I don't have to describe it. I know you've seen this scene before. You know,
where Bond is strolling around the screen and every once in a while, he'll
pull his gun, strike a pose and a beautiful woman will come up and cling to
him, all pouty and sexual. Then he just walks away and does it again.
A different pose. A different woman. Same gun.
That's what Fox was doing. He even had the beautiful women. I didn't pay too
much attention to them though. I couldn't. I was too busy drooling. He was
sex incarnate. He was so hot that I could literally feel my blood boil just
looking at him.
I could tell that every woman in the place wanted him. I also knew exactly
what most of them were thinking.
They were all saying to themselves, "Oh my God! Who knew that 'Spooky' Mulder
really was a 'Fox'."
Damn, the way that man was moving on stage was incredible. He was so
beautiful, it was all I could do to force myself to stay in my seat. My cock
couldn't understand why we weren't ripping that gorgeous suit right off him
at this very minute.
Trying to calm down a little, I forced my eyes away from my sexy lover and
looked over at Carmichael. He was furious! I laughed out loud and Dana looked
at me funny. I waved her off, motioning that I would explain later.
The look on the condescending agent's face was great. I just about choked
myself trying to keep the laughter down to a dull roar. Everything just
wanted to come bubbling out of me. I loved the fact that Fox was showing
Carmichael up.
I couldn't wait until the bidding started.
The music score was coming to an end and, when Fox found Dana and I in the
crowd, he winked and laughed. I knew then that something else was up. Sure
enough, when the last strands of the Bond theme faded away, another song took
it's place and I had to laugh once more.
Will Smith.
Men in Black.
Mulder and his fucked up sense of humor.
Men in Black, indeed.
The only cover up Mulder would be involved it would involve a bed and some
sheets. [eg]
It was great though. He had a whole elaborate set up. This huge space craft
came down from God knows where and started firing on him. The girls all
scattered and suddenly Fox is standing there with one of those huge
monstrosities that they called a gun from the 'Men in Black' movie.
On stage, with most of the FBI watching him, he starts having this shoot-out
with the craft. More fog drifts in and the girls are back. They have 'ray
guns' also and the battle rages for a few minutes before there is this
spectacular laser light 'explosion' as the space ship suddenly disintegrates
into a million pieces.
I realize that the crowd has been chanting something while I've been focused
entirely on Fox. To my surprise—and pleasure—I don't hear them ridiculing
my love. They are actually cheering him on.
I heard people commenting that this was the best time they'd had at one of
these auctions in years.
A couple of agents at the table next to mine and Dana's actually said that
they respected the fact that Mulder could poke fun at himself like that. They
wondered if they had made a mistake by listening to all the 'Spooky" stories
instead of forming their own opinion of the former profiler.
I guess Fox's sick sense of humor should surface more often. He might have
more friends.
Needless to say, when he was done with his little act, he raked in about
$2500.00. Every woman in there wanted his ass. He ended up with Dana, which
is why I'm not worried or jealous.
I gave her the money to pay for him. You didn't really think I'd let anyone
else buy him, did you? I would hope that you know me better than that. I'd
really hate to have to kill someone for not being able to keep their hands to
themselves.
I spoke to him for a minute before I had to go back stage. I told him that I
loved the tux. It was truly exquisite, but, once he got home, it was being
torn from his body.
He just laughed and told me that he had gotten two of them just for that very
reason.
Man, he was so fucking beautiful tonight. I can't stop thinking how sexy he
had looked when that spotlight had hit him. I'm sure the whole bureau is
going to be talking about him even more now but now the conversations would
be totally different.
Oh, did I mention that I pulled in about $1500.00? Now Carmichael can be
pissed at both of us.
I could tell you what I did on stage, but I think I'll leave that for another
night.
I hear the door.
I hope Fox was serious about having two of those suits!!
END Journal #1
Alex's Journal
by Lexi Krycek
