He tore the envelope open, curious to see who would be writing to him. As
soon as he saw the opening, his breath grew short, and he glanced around to
make sure Frohike was nowhere nearby. He wanted privacy to read this.
June 27
Baby,
I miss you so much. It seems like forever since I saw you, since I touched
and tasted you. I don't know how I'm going to survive until you get out and I
can hold you again. Letters aren't enough, but they're going to have to keep us
going until we can see each other again. You can write me at the PO box in the
return address.
I fall asleep at night remembering how you feel and taste, and I wake up
wanting you. God, Alex, how did you worm your way into my heart? I feel like
something's missing every minute I'm not with you. I love you so much, and I
can't imagine my life without you in it now.
I told my sister about you last weekend, everything, even the stuff about
what I did to you at first. I hope you don't mind, baby, but I had to. She and
I have always been open with each other, and I wanted her to understand. You'll
be happy to know that once I explained to her, she took your side. She
basically tore strips off me for what I did, and she thinks you're pretty
amazing to put up with me at all, never mind getting past all that. I won't lie
to you; she's not real happy about what you did to end up in prison, but when I
said I loved you, she said that you had to be pretty special. We'll work it all
out, baby. We have to. She's all the family I have, and I need you too.
Did I mention that I've been dreaming about you? I have to change my sheets
every morning. God, I wish you were here with me. I want to fall asleep in your
arms and wake up with you still holding me. I want to see your beautiful face
on my pillow and be able to kiss you awake. That's all I want for the rest of
my life. I want to be able to love you, to walk down a street holding your
hand, to complain about basketball scores and plan vacations, all the things
that other couples do. Couples. God, that sounds so weird. I expected to spend
my life alone. I never expected to find you. And I sure as hell never expected
to find love the way we met. I swear I'll spend the rest of my life making that
up to you.
I gotta go now, baby; it's time for work. Think of me and write soon. I need
to know that you haven't changed your mind.
I love you.
Alex clutched the letter tightly, reading and rereading it. Mulder had said
he cared, but this was more than he ever expected. For him to say he wanted to
make it up to him about the rapes, he must really mean it when he said he loved
him. And he told his sister? Alex had to blink back tears of joy.
Fox Mulder loves me. He liked the sound of it.
He carefully folded up the letter and slid it back into the envelope before
putting it away with his few personal possessions. He got out some paper and a
pen and sat down to write his reply.
July 1
Lover:
Your letter came as quite a surprise to me today. I never expected to speak
to you again. I thought that once you had been transferred, that would be the
end of it, you would forget about me and move on. I'm glad you didn't forget
about me, baby, I can't forget about you. You're constantly in my thoughts, in
my dreams, sticky sheets are a constant problem as well.
I'm shocked that you decided to tell your sister about us. That must have
been a hard thing to do. I'm anxious to meet her when... this is hard... when I
get out of here.
Did you mean it when you said you loved me? Did you mean it when you said we
are going to be together forever? Because if you're not I need to be in here
for the rest of my life. I couldn't leave here and know that I couldn't be
with you.
I saw you the other day, just for a second. You were delivering an envelope
to another guard on my cell-block then left right away. I was coming back from
my shift in the kitchen. You didn't see me, but that brief time that I saw you
made me want you more than I wanted anything in my life. I don't know how long
I can stand to be apart from you, from kissing your sweet lips and caressing
your body.
I went into our place yesterday and just sat there. I don't know how long
it was, but Tagarelli started yelling at me to get back to work, so it must
have been a long time. I could see you there, lying on your back while I rode
you, your neck arched back in ecstasy. God, this is hard, I want you right
now.
I should go, my cell-mate is due back any minute from his shift in the
factory. I want to post this today so you get this as soon as possible.
I love you.
Alex looked down at the piece of paper that he had just written on. Tears
were still fresh in his eyes as he reread the document. He chewed on the top
of the pen, wishing he were chewing on Mulder's lower lip. He frowned, he
couldn't send this; it had information in there that would certainly fuck up
Mulder's career if the hacks got hold of it. No, he would have to take the
paragraph that said he saw him out of there.
Alex sighed as he tore up the first letter into tiny pieces and flushed it
down the toilet. No one said this was going to be easy, and keeping their
names and specific details of their life out of their correspondence was not
going to make it any easier.
July 6
Babe,
God, I hated this fucking holiday for making me wait to get your letter. I
was so afraid that you wouldn't write back.
I can't believe you thought I wouldn't still want you now. I thought we
settled that the last time we saw each other. I love you, Alex, nothing's ever
going to change that. I know it's hard after the things I've done to you, but
please trust me.
My sister came up to visit me for the 4th, and I had a hell of a time
talking her out of going to visit you. She wants to meet you so badly, but I
told her that you wouldn't want to meet her for the first time in prison. God,
I wish you could have been here with us. Most of my life holidays have just
been me and her, but this time it felt like something was missing. And it was,
you were.
I wake up every morning reaching for you. Which is strange when you think
that we've never spent an entire night together, but I know you should be
there beside me. I don't even have anything that smells like you, and I keep
trying to find you. I sometimes can't believe how much I love you. And I really
can't believe you love me.
I was wondering, what are you going to tell your parents about us when you
get out? Or are you going to tell them? I'll understand if you don't want to.
I know you never expected to get involved with another man. But yes, to answer
your question, I love you and I intend to spend the rest of my life with you.
How could I not? I feel incredibly lucky to have found you.
You're so beautiful, baby, I could just look at you for hours. Well, okay,
maybe I couldn't just look without touching (picture me grinning here). You
taste so damn good too. I could get drunk on you. Whoa, that did it. I have to
take care of things before I get ready for work. Think about me, hot and hard
and ready for you.
Yours.
Alex sat at his tiny desk and reread the last paragraph again. God, how
could he get so hard just from reading a letter? It's so easy when I think
of him. Alex sat back on the little stool and closed his eyes. He didn't
have time to take care of himself right now; Frohike would be back soon. Lights
out wasn't that far off; he'd have to wait until then. Thank god Frohike slept
like the dead and didn't hear him at night as he jerked off.
Alex got off the stool, put the letter in his pocket and went to lie on his
bunk. He tried to quell the raging hard on in his chinos, but it was not an
easy task. He couldn't be standing in front of his cell, ready for count, in
this condition; he really did need to calm down. He closed his eyes, but all
he could see was Fox, looking down at him as he made love to him. Beads of
sweat were on his lower lip, and his eyes were half closed as he thrust into
him. Alex swore he could hear and smell him...if he moved his head up, he
could just lick the sweat off of his neck...
Alex opened his eyes; this was not helping at all. He dug the letter out of
his pocket. He was happy that Fox was so close to his sister. A twinge of
jealousy ran through Alex; he was an only child, and a lonely one at that.
What he wouldn't have given for a brother or a sister when he was growing up.
He read the letter over and over, the throbbing starting to subside in his
pants. The one thing that bothered him was the paragraph about his parents.
Alex was such a great hope for his parents, the best schools, the most
expensive clothes, as many toys as he wanted. When he had gotten arrested, his
father had hired the best lawyers to defend him. His parents were still in
denial that he was in prison. He suspected they thought he was away at some
Country Club for a few years. His mother especially didn't want to admit her
son was in prison. Every letter she asked him how the weather was and if he
needed any spending money.
His father wasn't blocking Alex's situation as much as his mother was. He
had told him that when he got out, he could come work for him, or work for one
of his friends. Don't worry, Alex. I'll take care of everything. That's
what his father was good at, taking care of things. That was a constant
problem for Alex; he had tried to remain independent under his father, but it
wasn't easy.
Now Alex had another problem on his hands. How the hell was he going to
tell his parents that he was in a homosexual relationship after what he had
done to get in here? Alex sighed; they'd probably just give him a pile of
money and hope it would all go away. That was another thing they were good at,
throwing money at a problem until it was no longer a problem.
When Alex was in high school, he had started a few fights, which had led to
his expulsion from a Swiss Boarding School. His parents, the sensitive type
that they were, had decided to send him to an even more expensive, exclusive
school. That had not been any better; he had instigated a few more fights
there. Finally, after three attempts, they had sent him off to Military
School. That had just made him more angry. When it had come time to go into
college, he had been like a taut rope, threatening to break at any second.
What Alex didn't realize at the time was that he needed some affection. He
needed some love. Only Fox had made him see what he had been missing in his
life, the one thing that calmed him down. Didn't they realize that they
couldn't just spend money and give me things to make me happy? Didn't they
realize that having a kid meant spending time with him, not just ensuring the
family lineage would live on?
Alex snorted. Well, that's not going to happen now, is it?
How was he going to tell his parents? They wouldn't understand. His father
was always calling in favors with his business friends for Alex; he was always
trying to do things for Alex, always trying to control Alex.
Not anymore.
Alex hopped down from his bunk and got out his pad of paper and pen, then
sat down at his desk and began writing.
July 10
Dear Mother and Father:
Thank you for your last letter. The pictures of your Alaskan Cruise were
very nice. I'm glad you both had a wonderful time.
I have been thinking about my future, and I have decided that when I get out
in couple of years, I'm going to move to Boston. I have the condo there, and
I'm sure I can find a job in a warehouse or at the docks. I'm also going to be
moving in with someone as I am in love.
Alex ripped the sheet of paper off of the pad, wadded it up and threw it in
the waste bag taped to the desk. No, he couldn't tell them, not now. His
mother would probably hop on a plane in a hysterical fit, come here and
confront him in the visitor's room. That was something he didn't need. No, he
would have to wait and tell them in person.
September 12
Hey, Lover,
I dreamt of you last night. You came to see me and we made love on the
floor. I could feel you sucking on my cock and playing with my balls. You
moved your hand down and started rubbing your finger across my hole, teasing
me, making me moan out loud. You then pushed your finger inside, rough and
probing for that pleasure spot. When you found it, you stroked it until I came
in your mouth, shouting your name.
God, baby, I'm so hard for you right now just from writing this, I can
barely sit in my chair. I'm finding it hard to wait until lights out to take
care of myself. I sometimes go to a private place, lock the door and fantasize
about you and your sexy mouth, your perfect ass, your large cock as I jerk
myself off. If I concentrate real hard, I can see your face before mine as you
come.
I want to see you, to touch you, to smell you. I miss you so much I can't
stand it. Time goes so slow in here, a day seems like a week. I've stopped
keeping count of the days until my parole hearing, it's just too painful to see
all those many months ahead of us.
Thank you for the leaf from the tree in your front yard. It's nice to get
some sort of sense that the seasons are changing outside, as nothing tells you
they're changing inside here. I can't wait to see your house, to make love to
you in your bed.
I should go, I want to get this in the post as quick as possible so you can
press this to your chest as you take care of yourself and think of me.
Love you.
It was Thanksgiving and Mulder had gone down to spend the holiday with Sam
in Boston. He met her partner, Dana Scully, who seemed nice enough if a little
intense and overly analytical for his taste, and Sam's boyfriend, Jason
Prestwick. The day had been pleasant, but Mulder found it hard to get into a
celebratory mood. Fortunately, Sam had noticed and diverted the others'
attention from him. She had a good idea of what was bothering him, and she
hoped he wasn't setting himself up to get hurt. She still found it difficult to
believe that he'd fallen in love with the man who'd gone to jail for causing
Jamie's death. She had even more difficulty believing that her big brother had
raped the man and that Krycek had forgiven him and fallen in love with him too,
but she couldn't see any reason for him to lie about it.
As soon as Dana left, Mulder sat down to write to Alex, needing to feel some
connection with him today.
November 25
Babe,
I think I'm going to have to stop spending holidays with my sister until you
can be here with me. Much as I miss her and look forward to seeing her, every
time we spend a holiday together, I'm just reminded that you're not here, that
my family isn't complete.
It was a good day though. I met her boyfriend, the one she's serious about,
Jason. He's from old money here in Boston, but we talked a while today and he
seems okay. I think he'll make her happy. I watched them together, and they
both looked the way I feel when I'm with you. They're good together.
Had to take a quick break, babe, she and Jason just left to go spend the
evening at his place. I think she was trying to give me some time alone to
write to you. I think you two are going to get along great when you finally
meet. I'm just wondering if Western civilization will survive it. I think
having you around will let me get back to having fun with her and being her
brother instead of almost being her father.
I never told you about that, did I? Our parents died when I was eighteen and
she was thirteen. Somehow, don't ask me how, I managed to convince social
services that I could take care of her, and I became her legal guardian. I'd
just finished high school a couple months earlier, and instead of going to
college in the fall, I already had a full time job. I kept the little bit of
money left after Mom and Dad died for her to go to college, and I managed to
save some more the next few years till she graduated. Did I tell you my
sister's a genius? She got into medical school, and I worked a lot of overtime,
but we did it. She's a doctor, and a damn good one.
Fuck, I sound like a proud dad or something, don't I? What the hell do you
see in a boring old guy like me?
Anyhow, since she was kind enough to give me some time alone, I shouldn't
waste it. I'm already hard just thinking about you. God, I think I spend most
of my time hard lately. I need you so much, I miss you. I'm thinking about
kissing you now, baby, about tasting you, sucking on your tongue and hearing
that sexy little moan you make. I can feel you against me, your nipples hard
and your cock even harder where it's pressed against mine.
Touch yourself, baby, make yourself come like I'm doing. It makes me feel a
little closer to you to come while I'm writing to you.
Can you feel my fingers sliding down between your ass cheeks, teasing you by
lightly stroking over your opening? You're so hot and tight, you feel so good
on my finger. I can hardly wait to get my cock inside you, to feel you gripping
me. But first I have to get you ready, my fingers inside you, stretching you,
rubbing over your prostate to make you crazy. You're so sexy, so beautiful when
you squirm like that and I know that you want me.
I'd keep twisting my fingers inside you while I sucked on your nipples. My
other hand would be on your balls, rolling them together, petting you until you
scream for me. I want to hear you so bad, baby. I want you to hear me.
Thinking about you like this makes me horny as hell. I'm jerking myself off
thinking about you right now, babe.
God, I come harder just thinking about you than I ever did in bed with
anyone else. When you get out, I'm dragging you home and to bed and not letting
you up for a week. Maybe a month. I'm counting the days, lover.
I love you.
Mulder sat back, panting for a few minutes before he forced himself to get
cleaned up in case Sam got back early. He glanced at the letter again, then
grinned wickedly and smeared the come-covered tissue over the back of it before
folding it up and sealing it into an envelope. He knew Alex would smell it and
know what he'd done.
Alex was in his cell, resting after his shift when the mail came. He had
been working the early morning shift for the past two weeks during the
breakfast rush. He was tired; he wasn't really a morning person. He preferred
working the evening shift, but everyone was rotated every couple of months, and
he had to take what he could get.
Alex watched as the mail delivery person dropped a few envelopes on
Frohike's bunk. "There's a letter for you, Krycek," he said as he pushed his
cart down the tier to the other cells. Alex leaned his head over his bunk so
he could see what was there. His heart skipped a beat as he recognized the
writing on the envelope resting on the top of the pile. He jumped down off his
bunk, snatched up the letter, then hopped back up. He tore the envelope open
and started to read the letter. His fingers stroked the back of the piece of
paper; it felt strange.
He kept reading, his cock hardened and his pulse quickened at the
descriptions written on the page. By the time he got to the end of his letter,
his hand was down stroking his now aching cock. He moved over to his side so
anyone walking by would just see his back and read the letter again, his fly
open, his hand quickly moving over his erection. He brought the hand holding
the letter up to his face to wipe the sweat that had formed on his brow...
Wait a minute. He smelled his hand... It couldn't be... He then
brought the letter up to his face and sniffed it. That's why it felt so
funny. Alex turned the piece of paper over and licked it, tasting his lover for the first time in months.
This turned him on even more, knowing that his lover had come on the letter.
He moved his hand faster, the letter pressed to his face, his tongue making it
soggy. It didn't take Alex long to come into his hand with a quiet grunt. He
lay there for a minute, wishing he could have someone to kiss, wishing he could
have Fox holding him right now. He brought his hand up to his face and licked
his hand clean, his eyes closed, pretending it was Fox's come that he was
licking. When he was done, he did up his pants and lay back and dozed for
awhile.
About an hour later, Alex was awoken by the familiar scuffling sound of his
cell mate. Alex yawned then turned over onto his side and stared at the
strange man who was pulling a wire out of the wall.
"What are you doing?"
Frohike flinched at the question but continued pulling on the wire. "I've
done it, Krycek."
"What?"
"I've got enough wire to connect with the phone line."
"Uh-huh?"
"I'm going to be connected to the net sooner than you think."
"Why don't you just use the computers in the library?"
Frohike shook his head but didn't look up "They're all monitored. This way,
I can cover my tracks as I hack in and give myself early release."
"Yeah, whatever."
This time Frohike did look up. "Don't doubt me, Krycek. I can do it." He
finished pulling on the wire, showing a larger wire connected to the other end.
He then secured it with a piece of gum to the wall and replaced the piece of
brick that he had so very carefully chipped out of the wall. He stood and
smiled at his handiwork. "There." He turned and beamed at Krycek.
"I got to hand it to you, Frohike, you are one focused guy."
"Just wait until I get my palmtop, then I'll show you some magic." He then
turned and began gathering his laundry.
Alex rolled over onto his back and laughed quietly. If nothing else, this
Frohike character was very amusing.
"Going to do laundry," Alex heard as his cell mate left and went down the
hall.
Alex got off his bunk, dug out his pad of paper and went over to the small
desk to write Fox back.
November 30
Lover,
Your letter made me feel so good, baby. I can't believe you came on it for
me. I could smell you and I could taste you as I thought of your hard cock in
my mouth. I did as you asked and made myself come then licked my hand clean,
imagining it was you.
I can't wait to see you in person, to taste you, to make love to you.
You're all I think about; you're all I dream about. I can see your face when I
sleep, over me, your eyes half closed as you fuck me slow and deep. I swear
I've come more just from dreaming about you than when I was with you.
I'd better stop or I'm going to be coming again, and it's not a good time
right now.
Being inside, I don't miss the holidays that much, as we don't see all the
happy people around us. The only indication that we had to tell us that it was
Thanksgiving was turkey for dinner. There were a lot of guys who had visits
that day, but other than that, nothing. I wish we could arrange for a
conjugal, but somehow, I don't think it would be approved.
The more I learn about you, the more I love you. You are something special,
baby, giving up college for your baby sister. I can't say I've done anything
that unselfish. I can't wait to meet her, she sounds like a great person.
You should be proud of her; if she were my sister, I would be. I would have
done anything for a brother or a sister. I come from one of those "old money"
families like Jason. To my parents, love meant private schools and expensive
clothing. I wish I had someone like your sister, someone to talk to when I was
a kid. Someone to play with.
My parents want to come up for a visit at Christmas. I told them I didn't
think that was a very good idea. This isn't the sort of place that my mother
would be comfortable in. I can't see her waiting with the gangster's wives and
girlfriends for hours to talk on a phone through a thick piece of glass for
five minutes. My father may come up by himself.
I tried to tell them about us, but I couldn't do it in a letter. I am going
to have to wait until I am out and see them in person. I hope you understand.
My parents are used to having things a certain way...you'll see when you meet
them. I'm sorry, lover, I want to share my love with the world and I can't
right now. There's only another year until my parole hearing and hopefully
then we can start our new life together. We can then tell everyone that we're
together and in love.
It's dinner time, lover, and I have to go. I miss you. I love you.
A
Mulder carefully folded Alex's latest letter after reading it and put it
away with all the others. He felt like an idiot, or at least some teenager in
the throes of his first crush, keeping them, but they were all he had of Alex.
He couldn't throw them away. He sat back down to write his reply.
December 20
Merry Christmas, Alex!
I think I miss you even more than usual now. I decorated the tree today, and
I wished so much you could be here with me, drinking eggnog, singing silly
Christmas carols, arguing over where to put the balls — get your mind out of
the gutter! — whether the angel's on straight. All the little stuff that you
do with the people you love. Decorating the tree alone's not the same. I know,
I could have, should have, waited for S-my sister, but this is our tree, even
if you won't ever see it. Maybe next year. Please God!
Anyhow, I decorated it, and I imagined you under it, tied up with shiny red
ribbon and wearing a big red velvet bow. Never knew winter could be so hot! I
may never take that tree down. Come to think of it though, I should wrap you in
green ribbon to match your eyes. Mmmm, I'll bet you look great at St. Paddy's
Day. Oh hell, I got sidetracked again, didn't I? See what you do to me?
What I was trying to tell you was that I figured out what to get you for
Christmas, baby. Something really special. I think, I hope you'll like it.
You'll have to let me know.
Do you like winter sports? I hope so. I love to go skiing. I like to skate
too, but my sister insists I look like some kind of clumsy stork or something.
I'm counting on you to protect me from her when you get here. I want to go away
somewhere with you, somewhere wintry where we can ski all day, maybe snowshoe,
have a snowball fight, make out in the snow, go inside our cabin, strip off all
our wet clothes and make love in front of a roaring fire. Corny, huh? A friend
and I used to go skiing together. We had a lot of fun, but we were just
friends, you know? I don't think I've ever really had a lover before, just
friends I sometimes had sex with.
Shit, here I go again. You must be getting sick of me. I'd like just once to
get through a letter without sounding all sappy and needy. I know I could just
rip this up and start over, but that feels like a cheat. If you were here for
me to say this to, I wouldn't be able to erase things I'd already said, so I
won't do it just because I'm talking to you on paper instead.
Oh, time for work again. Gotta go, baby. I'm really looking forward to
hearing how you like your Christmas present.
I love you.
Fox grinned as he dropped the letter in the mail on his way to work. Alex
should get it on the 23rd or 24th, time enough to drive him nuts wondering what
his Christmas present was. God, am I ever looking forward to hearing how
he likes it.
Alex was in his cell, lying on his bunk, hands tucked behind his head. It
was late, and he had just gotten off his shift in the kitchen. He hadn't been
due to rotate back to evenings for another month, but some guy got released,
and Tagarelli wanted Alex back. He didn't mind; he liked evenings. When Alex
got back to his bunk after his shifts, it was quiet; Frohike was usually
sleeping, snoring lightly to himself...it was almost peaceful.
He climbed onto his bunk and noticed an envelope waiting for him. He knew
exactly who it was from, and his heart started pounding as he ripped it open.
There was just enough light in his cell from the tier that he could read and
write late at night.
He got comfortable and started reading the letter. Present? Alex
smirked. I wonder what he got me. His smile quickly turned to a frown.
What the hell am I going to get him, plastic spoons? He shrugged; surely
Fox didn't expect an actual present from him. He'd make it up to him when he
got out of here. He'd buy him whatever he wanted.
Alex hopped off his bunk to retrieve his pad of paper, then climbed back up.
Lover,
I got your letter today. I wish I could have been there to help you
decorate your tree; it sounds beautiful. Next year it will be our tree. I'd
do anything to be naked with you in front of a roaring fire. God, I'm hard just
thinking about it. I tell you, it's incentive to either act real good for
early parole, or break out of here somehow.
As for winter sports, I ski. But roaring down a hill on an inner tube is
fun as well. Mmmmm, that sounds so good, stripping off your wet clothes,
licking the moisture from your body. You're getting me hard again. I'm not
going to forget about the ribbon, either. The only thing is that I'm going to
surprise you with where I tie it!
I miss you, lover. I need to see you, to see your face. When I dream of
you, your face is losing its features. God, it's been so long. If I could just
see you for a few seconds, to make love to you again...I'd like to say I'd
suffer the rest of my sentence in silence if it could happen, but that wouldn't
be true.
I can't give you anything for Christmas except my love. I can also give you
a promise that when I get out of here, I'm going to make love to you in front
of a roaring fire then in a big, soft bed for hours and hours. I'm not even
going to let you get up to eat; I'm going to have people bring in food and feed
you myself. I won't let you out of my sight for days.
God, I'm so turned on just by thinking about it, I'd better go before I come
all over this letter and have to start again. Then again, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
I love you. I miss you. Have a great Christmas.
A. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, everyone was
stirring, especially us poor kitchen slobs. Alex snorted to himself as he
started another shift. Since food services were considered essential, he was
working, but he'd get another day off later. He could have had today off, but
since a lot of the guys had family coming to visit and he was alone, he'd said
he'd work. Thank god I talked Mom and Dad out of coming to visit. What a
lovely visit that would have been.
He turned around to hand a pile of trays to one of the other workers, and he
dropped them out of suddenly nerveless fingers. Standing against the opposite
wall, watching him with a mischievous glint in his eyes, was Fox. Alex just
stared, praying he wasn't dreaming again, that he wasn't about to wake up alone
in his cell again, clutching his pillow.
Alex's mouth felt dry, his knees felt weak, and his stomach flip-flopped
from excitement. Oh my god, it's really him. He swallowed, but his mouth
was still dry. Fox had his arms crossed in front of him in the familiar hack
stance, but that look in his eye sent shivers down Alex's spine. Fox's tongue
snuck out for a second to moisten his lower lip. That action sent a jolt of
electricity down to Alex's cock, making him almost melt to the floor. Alex
just stood there, looking at the man he had been fantasizing about for months.
He couldn't move, hell he could barely breathe, he could just see Fox's face...
"Fuck, Krycek, watch what the hell ya doin'! Shit, now we gotta wash all the
fuckin' trays again, and it's nearly mealtime. Well, whatchya waiting for? Pick
'em up!"
Alex jumped, startled out of his fixation by Tagarelli's bellow in his ear.
He hastily picked up the trays and carried them back to be washed again, aware
of Fox's eyes following his every move. His face burned as he went through the
motions, knowing Fox was watching him like that, undressing him with his eyes.
He couldn't ignore him. Turning to the guy beside him, he hissed, "Hey, what's
with Mulder? I thought he got promoted to D Block?"
"Yeah, but he was scheduled off, and a lot of the regular hacks in here have
families, so he swapped with someone."
Alex just nodded like it was no big deal, but he wanted to yell, show how
happy he was. Fuck, it'll be hours till we can be alone! This is torture, to
have him this close after so long and not to be able to touch him. He dared a
quick glance at Fox and gasped at the heat in his eyes.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, I just banged my funnybone. Come on, we better get this finished
before Tagarelli comes back over here." And I better figure out how to get
rid of this fucking hard on, or I'll be in deep shit before this shift is
over. He carefully avoided looking at Mulder again, despite feeling his eyes
watching him. They managed to make it through the next several hours of serving
dinner and cleaning up until the others were gone, leaving Krycek to finish up
the recycling and Mulder to watch him.
"Seems like old times, doesn't it?" Mulder observed from his position
leaning against the closed door.
"You're not going to start quoting corny lines at me, are you?" Alex joked,
his eyes running over Fox hungrily.
"Nah, I have other things in mind. Merry Christmas, Alex."
"I love my present."
"Ah, but you haven't had me yet."
"I will. God, I've been waiting so long for this. It seems like forever."
Fox stepped forward, straight into Alex's waiting arms, and then it seemed
like they were trying to devour each other. Mouths clung together desperately,
tasting one another for the first time in months, and their hands moved
frantically, stripping away the impediment of their clothing.
Soon they were naked, their warm bodies pressed up against each other in the
coolness of the cement-floored room. Mulder reached down to cup Alex's ass but
felt him pull away. Mulder stepped back and looked at his lover, who had a
look of admiration on his face.
"What are you doing?" Mulder asked.
"I'm looking at you. I'm remembering you. I want to be able to think of
you like this for a long, long time."
Alex walked over to touch Mulder, who reached out to him. "No. Stay still,
Fox. I want to touch you and look at you all over. I never want to not
remember this."
Mulder found it hard, but he stood still as Alex ran his hands all over his
body. He could not keep silent, however. "You know, we haven't seen each
other in months..."
"Shhh." Alex swatted him on the ass lightly. "I know, baby. We haven't
seen each other in months, and after this we're not going to see each other for
a few more. Please let me do this." Alex pressed himself up against Mulder's
back as his hands roamed over his lover's front. He kissed his shoulders
lightly as he whispered in his ear, "Let me do this, baby, let me remember
every inch of your body."
Alex noticed Mulder didn't argue as he ran his tongue down his back until he
was kneeling on the floor. He nuzzled the small of Mulder's back with his
chin, the stubble grating along the smooth skin. Mulder jumped at the
sensation, then sighed as Alex ran his hands up and down his legs. Alex was
kissing and licking Mulder's ass cheeks while his fingers played with his
balls. He moved his hands around to spread Mulder's ass while his tongue
flicked over the puckered opening. Alex could hear a muffled cry as he teased
his asshole, pressing his tongue against it and the skin around it until he
moved on.
Alex ran his tongue down one leg, around an ankle, then moved around so it
could travel up the other leg to Mulder's groin. He lingered there, nipping at
the sensitive skin where leg met thigh, sucking on the flesh, marking him as
his own. He pressed his face into the tawny patch of curls, drinking in his
scent, filing the smell away in his memory forever.
He moved up Mulder's front, licking the fine hair covering his belly,
avoiding the rosy-headed penis that jutted out from Mulder's body. He moved up
to his chest, stopping at the copper nipples, alternating between sucking one
and plucking the other with his fingers until Mulder was whimpering for him to
finish him off.
"Please, Alex...god, I need you."
Alex moved up to his lover's mouth again and kissed him, his tongue
exploring his mouth, memorizing the terrain inside. He felt Mulder's arms come
around him, and he leaned into his embrace, sighing with contentment. Small
moans began to form in his throat as their cocks rubbed together and swiped
each other's bellies, leaving sticky trails of pre-come. Suddenly, Alex
dropped to his knees and swallowed Mulder's cock, the unexpected action almost
making the prison guard scream.
Alex didn't linger; he just needed to taste his lover one more time, to put
that sensation in his memory banks for later use. He wished he could bottle
Mulder's smell, his taste, and open it up when he needed him. But for now he
had the real thing, and he wasn't going to waste a second. He swirled his
tongue over the head, collecting and swallowing Mulder's essence. He then
pulled off and looked up at his lover, who was looking down at him with that
heavy lidded stare that was in so many of his dreams.
"Make love to me, Fox."
Mulder reached down and brought Alex up for a tender kiss before he lay them
both down on the bed of cardboard. Mulder kissed Alex's neck and down to his
chest, careful not to leave any marks. He bit his nipples, smirking when Alex
moaned and broke out into a sweat. He reached over to his uniform, which lay
crumpled on the floor, and brought out the tube of hand lotion he had in his
pocket. He didn't want to be caught with a tube of lube in his pocket, and
this worked just as well.
He reached down between Alex's open legs, caressing his balls, stroking his
hard cock, making Alex shiver. He coated his fingers with the hand lotion and
moved them down to the puckered opening. With the first finger, Alex was
bucking his hips, forcing it deeper inside.
"I want you now. I have to have you now. Please, baby, please just do me."
Mulder removed his lone finger from Alex's ass and coated his erection
liberally before moving between Alex's legs. "Have I ever told you how
beautiful you look like this?"
"I dream of you on top of me," Alex said as Mulder started to push inside
the tight entrance. Alex arched his back and dug his shoulders into the
ground, his arms out from his body, fingernails scratching at the cardboard.
Mulder pushed in to the hilt, then waited; Alex was so tight and he hadn't
done this in so long that he was very sensitive. He looked down at his lover,
his eyes half closed, panting, sweat coating his body. This was just how he
remembered him, full of lust and ready to go.
He moved over Alex's body, caressing his sweaty face with his hand, kissing
his lips, tasting the salt on them. He pulled his hips back and thrust into
Alex, watching as his lover's eyes fluttered. He waited a few seconds then did
it again; this time Alex bit his lower lip and whimpered. Mulder smiled then
kissed him. As much as he would like to prolong this session all night, they
had better get a move on. Mulder wrapped his arms around Alex and began moving
his hips back and forth, adjusting the angle until he felt Alex shudder beneath
him; then he knew he had hit that spot.
Alex moved his hands down from Mulder's back and used them to keep his legs
open and wide. Mulder pounded into him, letting out a moan with every stroke.
Alex arched his neck back, his head digging into the cardboard. God, this
feels so good; please don't let me wake up from this dream. Soon, Mulder
reached down and took Alex's cock into his hand and pulled, stroking him to
perfection. Alex saw stars when he came, and he swore his heart almost
stopped. Mulder thrust a couple more times then moaned into Alex's ear as he
shot his load, the aftershocks making his body quiver until he collapsed.
Alex relished the warmth and weight of Mulder's body on his own; he wished
they could stay like this forever. Unfortunately, they only had a few minutes
until Mulder rolled off to the side and stroked his face.
"I love you."
Alex felt tears spring to his eyes, something that had never happened
before. He had always remained stone-faced, always kept his emotions in check.
With Fox, however, he couldn't do that. Fox brought out something in him that
made him not only feel good, but for the first time in his life, wanted. He
held them back, though, determined not to let his emotions get the better of
him.
"I love you, too."
Mulder kissed him for a long time before he pulled away. "We should go."
Alex breathed in and out quickly. "I don't know if I can let you go."
Mulder laughed, "We'll see each other again." His eyes glittered. "I'm
working here for two weeks."
Alex couldn't contain his smile. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never gave me a chance."
Alex groaned as he got up and got the wipes from the corner where they had
remained hidden all this time. He cleaned Mulder and himself up then got
dressed. Soon they were left standing before each other.
"Merry Christmas, Baby. I hoped you liked your present."
"Merry Christmas, Lover. I got you the same thing."
Both men laughed then kissed one last time before leaving the recycle room.
They were trying very hard to wipe the smiles off of their faces, succeeding
only when they turned the corner from the dining hall where another guard was
positioned. Mulder walked Alex back to his cell, both men having the urge to
grab each other's hand.
Alex watched as Mulder left him in his cell without a backward glance and
went back down the tier. He watched the bars slam shut in front of his face
before he turned around and got ready for bed. Frohike was sleeping already, a
makeshift stocking hung above his head. Alex smirked; he had to hand it to
Frohike, he always tried to make the best of things.
He started to get undressed, removing his pants and his button up shirt then
socks. He stopped when he got to the t-shirt though...something wasn't right.
He brought the shirt up to his nose and sniffed. It wasn't his shirt; it was
Fox's. A smile crossed his face as he climbed up onto his bunk and lay down.
"Merry Christmas, Fox," Alex whispered as he rolled over and went to sleep,
his lover's smell enveloping him like a warm blanket.
Mulder smiled when he woke up the next morning and pulled Alex's T-shirt out
of his night table drawer. He buried his face in it, able to smell his lover
first thing in the morning for the first time. It wasn't as good as having him
there, but it was something. He carefully put it away again, wanting to
preserve the scent as long as possible. He got up to get ready for work, really
looking forward to going in.
Who'd have thought I'd be anxious to go to a prison? There's something
very odd about that idea. Then again, I think I'd happily go to hell if I was
sure Alex would be waiting for me. God, I'm getting sappy again. This better
stop when I finally get him home.
Once dressed, he slid a picture of Sam into his pocket, wanting to show it
to Alex. He reminded himself to ask Alex to have a picture of himself taken by
the prison photographer and to mail it to him. He wanted to show him off to
Sam. He also wanted one for himself. He glanced at the clock as he left,
grimacing when he thought about how many hours it would be before they could be
alone. They only had these two weeks, and he resented having to waste even a
single second.
Shit, I better make sure that my days off are the same as his somehow. I
refuse to lose four days because we're on different schedules.
The day seemed to drag on forever. He loved watching Alex, but he had to be
careful not to be obvious. Alex teased him as much as possible, occasionally
brushing past him whenever he could without drawing attention. Both men looked
at the clock frequently, growing more frustrated as each minute felt like an
hour. Once their eyes met, and without a word they promised themselves that
some day, they'd be able to be together whenever they wanted.
Fox was ready to scream with frustration by the time everyone was done,
leaving Alex to finish up the garbage and recycling. He'd swear they were
moving in slow motion today, but eventually they left, and Alex grinned at him
as he shrugged on a parka, grabbed the garbage, and took it out to the
dumpster.
Fox pulled on a coat for himself and followed close behind, pressing against
Alex's back, trapping him beside the dumpster. Alex laughed huskily, leaning
back into him.
"What is with you and this dumpster? I'm telling you right now, when I get
out of here, you are gonna be in charge of taking out the garbage. I don't
trust you behind me around it."
Fox chuckled. "You mean you want to trust me? Not to grab you and fuck you
through the wall, I mean."
"Hell no!" Alex was quick to deny. "Please, feel free."
Fox suddenly bit the side of his throat, and Alex moaned faintly. Fox
reluctantly let go, knowing he had to before he marked his lover. That was
something else he'd do when he got Alex home. Meanwhile, there were plenty of
other things he could do. And judging by the way Alex was squirming against
him, he agreed. And had some ideas about what to do, too.
"Anxious, babe?"
Alex twisted around to glare over his shoulder. "Why should I be anxious?
Just because you've been staring at me like I was a rare steak all day! Stop
teasing, damnit, and do something!"
Mulder pulled Alex even more tightly against him, his hard cock nestled
between his cheeks, and he slid his hands inside Alex's pants, finding the
matching erection and stroking it while Alex writhed in his arms. He leaned his
chin on Alex's shoulder, looking down to watch his hand moving and seeing how
Alex arched into his touch. He loved how responsive the younger man was. He
just had to look at Alex and he got hard. He made a mental note to buy vitamins
before Alex got paroled, and he chuckled.
"Fox?" Alex's voice was very calm and quiet.
"Yes, Alex?" Mulder made sure that he continued stroking Alex's cock to
distract him.
"Stop laughing and fuck me!" He grabbed Mulder's other hand and pulled it
to his mouth, biting down hard. He heard Fox's yelp with satisfaction and had
to bite his lip to hold back a grin when Mulder yanked his pants down and
unfastened his own. He wanted them naked together, but it was just too cold
out. And he wasn't willing to wait till they got back inside; he wanted Alex
now. Both men groaned in frustration at the delay as Mulder grabbed the
lotion out of his pocket and squeezed some directly onto his cock, scooping a
bit up with a finger to swipe it over Alex's ass. Neither of them had the
patience for long preparation, so Mulder simply positioned himself and pushed
forward slowly. Alex was less patient and bucked back, taking Mulder deep
inside himself, then freezing with a hiss of indrawn breath at the burning
sensation.
Mulder continued stroking his cock, gritting his teeth as he remained still,
waiting for Alex to grow accustomed to him. It wasn't long before Alex relaxed
slightly and started to move, pulling away slightly, then pushing back, working
himself on Mulder's cock. He reached back, placing a hand on Fox's hip, holding
him tightly, trying to pull him even closer. Mulder cooperated by starting to
pump his hips, matching Alex's rhythm, then speeding up, keeping the motion of
his hand in sync, his free arm wrapped around Alex to hold him close.
Alex turned his head so he could reach Fox's mouth, licking at his lips,
memorizing his flavor. Then Fox shifted slightly, now striking his prostate on
every thrust, and Alex let his head fall back against his lover's shoulder with
a groan. His fingers dug into Fox's hip with bruising force while his other
hand remained braced against the side of the dumpster, holding them both
steady. After the hours of buildup, of watching and wanting Alex, it didn't
take long for Fox's thrusts to grow erratic and for him to cry out as the
pleasure raced through him. He thrust hard into Alex, his hand moving strongly
on Alex's erection until he felt the younger man shudder and the hot fluid
cover his hand. They stood motionless, still joined, panting, for long moments
until Mulder reluctantly withdrew and rearranged his clothing, both men
shivering from the cold now that they weren't distracted by other sensations.
Once Alex was fully dressed again, they went back inside to take care of the
recycling. It didn't take long, so they sat down for a few minutes just to
talk. Alex shifted over so that he was sitting in front of Mulder, leaning
against his chest, while Mulder wrapped his arms around him. Much as he'd like
to look at Fox, feeling him, being close to him, was more necessary just then.
He could feel Fox moving behind him and looked up and over his shoulder to find
out what he was doing.
Mulder smiled back at him and handed him the picture he'd taken out of his
pocket. "Here, I wanted you to see what Sam looks like."
Alex took the picture eagerly, inspecting it, seeing the happy smiles on
Fox's and Sam's faces. He could see the resemblance between them. They had the
same hair and eyes and smile. Fortunately for her, she did not have the same
nose, and Alex told Fox so.
"Hey, what's wrong with my nose?" Fox demanded.
"Nothing. On you. On your poor sister, it would be another matter entirely.
Feminine it's not."
Mulder had to laugh. Then he remembered to ask Alex to have a picture taken
and send it to him, and Alex promised he would. They talked for a little while,
holding each other and sharing details of their lives, ever aware of the short
time they had ticking past. The eight months until Alex would be eligible for
parole stretched before them, and they doubted they'd be able to see each other
again after these two weeks were over until he was paroled. Far sooner than
they wanted, Mulder had to take Alex back to his cell and leave him again.
Alex was in bliss. For the past two weeks, he got to see his lover every
day and ended each evening in Fox's arms. Alex hated his time off and longed
for his shifts in the kitchen in the evenings. He spent most of his time that
he wasn't working asleep, not only so the time would pass more quickly, but to
rest up from all the mindblowing sex.
He smiled to himself as he lay on his bunk, thinking of his lover, pressing
Fox's shirt to his nose. He had managed to get another one of Fox's
undershirts and slept with it under his pillow. His cock stiffened as he
thought of Fox and smelled Fox...God how was he going to wait until tonight? He
reached down and stroked himself through the cotton twill of his chinos,
moaning softly to himself.
Suddenly, Frohike appeared in the doorway, and Alex scrambled to lie on his
stomach, hiding his erection from his cell-mate. He groaned as he dug his
hardness into the mattress, using all his will not to fuck it in front of the
other man. He noticed Frohike was carrying a package. He didn't want to get
into what the other man was up to, but he needed a distraction.
"Whatcha got there, Fro?" he asked.
Frohike looked over his shoulder then went to the door of the cell and
looked down the tier. He then came back and stood on tiptoe to reach Alex's
ear. "I got my palmtop. I'm going to hack into the Justice Department's
database and set myself free. I'm going to be out of here by the end of next
month."
Alex cleared his throat to keep from laughing. "You got it, good. Don't
forget to send me a postcard."
Frohike pulled out a slim, black object from the package he was carrying, "I
had to pay a lot of money to get this baby in here. I have a connection..."
he drifted off and chose his words carefully. "Somewhere I can plug in the
battery to recharge." He bent down and moved the loose brick out of the way to
reveal a phone jack. He plugged the palmtop into the jack and turned the
machine on. It started with a whir and a loud ping that sent him scrambling
to turn the volume down. He tapped a few keys, and a large smile crossed his
face.
He turned back to face Alex. "See that, that's the fucking internet. I
told you I'd do it!" He turned back to his little toy and tapped away some
more.
Alex was impressed; he hadn't believed the little guy could do it, but he
did. "Congratulations," Alex said as he rolled over on his back, his erection
having gone down enough to let him do so. He didn't care if his cell mate was
planning to overthrow the government; all he could think of was Fox.
Alex was drifting off into a hazy dream about him and Fox in the middle of a
rainstorm of all things. They were walking along enjoying a warm summer day
when clouds suddenly gathered and they found themselves in the middle of a
rainstorm. They ran under a bridge to stay dry, but the rain kept falling
harder and harder. Both men were soaking wet and started laughing at each
other. Alex doubled over and howled at the image of Fox's clothes stuck to his
body and his hair plastered to his head.
Fox was laughing at him as well and reached out to Alex to steady himself.
Suddenly, they were kissing and ripping the clothes off of each other's bodies.
Alex had just started sucking in the cold, damp skin of Mulder's neck into his
mouth when he was awoken by the alarm.
"Lockdown"
His heart pounded as he sat up in his bunk and the cell door slammed beside
him. Frohike let out a squeak and hurriedly packed his palmtop and phone cord
behind the loose bricks in the wall. A minute later the SORT team ran down the
tier to some unknown destination. Alex held his mirror out the bars but
couldn't see what was going on. Whatever had happened was not on this tier.
A few hours later, Alex was getting frustrated. He groaned and flopped back
onto his bunk. The longer this incident took, the longer he would be away from
Fox. He looked at his watch; he was due to start his shift in half an hour.
Frohike wasn't taking any chances either and decided not to risk taking out his
palmtop. Finally, three hours later, Alex was let out to do his job, and
Frohike happily got out his palmtop and tapped away until his battery died.
Everyone was talking in the kitchen, wondering what had happened, but no one
knew. Finally, Tagarelli approached one of the hacks who'd sometimes talk to
him and asked what caused the lockdown. After a moment, he came back, stopping
beside Alex.
"Some dumb fuck over in D Block got himself killed. You knew him, Krycek,
that Spender asshole who killed that Smoking Man. He was a snitch for the
hacks, and somebody didn't like it. They found him with his belly cut open,
hamstrung, and his fuckin' tongue cut out."
Krycek made a face at the description. Even for someone who had killed his
own father, it sounded like a horrible way to die. He glanced over at Mulder,
wondering how this place would have changed him if he hadn't met Fox, didn't
know that he had a life to start with him when he got out of here. He was glad
he'd never have to find out. He looked away quickly, not wanting Tagarelli or
the others to see him staring at a guard.
Everything ran late that night because of the lockdown, so Alex knew he
wouldn't have much time with Fox. His shift would end very soon, so they
wouldn't have time to make love like they usually did. He wished Spender were
still alive so he could kill him for screwing up his time with Fox. This was
Fox's last day in the kitchen before going back to his regular job, and now
they'd be lucky to have even a few minutes together.
Alex glanced at Fox again and saw that his lover was as aware as he of how
little time they had. They exchanged an unhappy look, both praying that the
others would finish up and get out before Fox was relieved. By the time
everyone did leave, there was less than half an hour left till Fox had to go.
Alex whipped through the recycling, knowing that they only had a few more
minutes. The moment he was done, he grabbed Fox, yanking his pants down and
swallowing his cock. Mulder gasped and clutched at his head, staggering back a
step against the wall.
"Alex, what...God!"
Alex just held him, going down on him, determined to taste him one more time
before he left again. He sucked hard, one hand busily caressing Mulder's balls
and one finger of the other probing at his anus and sliding inside. Mulder
groaned and came hard, his fingers tangled in Alex's hair. Alex licked him
clean, then tucked him back into his pants, standing up to kiss him.
When Alex finally released his mouth, Mulder gasped, "What was that about?"
"I wasn't going to let you leave without tasting you one more time."
"Hell, I wanted to have time to be with you tonight, something to remember
for the next few months till I can take you home."
"I know, babe, I did too, but we couldn't help this. I'll remember you
regardless."
They shared another kiss, then had to leave, knowing that Mulder's
replacement would be showing up soon.
The walk back to Alex's cell seemed like the longest walk ever. Mulder
grabbed Alex's bicep half way there to guide him along, although it was totally
unnecessarily. He needed to touch him again, and this was the only way he
could. He could feel Alex's pulse race beneath his fingertips, Mulder's heart
was also beating fast in anticipation of saying goodbye. It's so hard to
leave him. I wonder if it would have just been easier to not have traded with
MacPherson and not seen Alex at all... Mulder cleared that last thought from
his mind. The past two weeks had been wonderful; he'd be reliving their
activities in his mind for months to come.
They came to a shuffling stop; they were now at the door to Alex's cell.
Mulder removed his hand from Alex's arm, his fingers slightly caressing it as
they pulled away. He saw Alex's shoulders drop, and he fought the very strong
urge to grab the man, kiss him and hold him tight. They hesitated a long
instant at the cell door until Mulder finally reached up and spoke softly into
his radio. "Open A224."
"Opening A224" came the reply from the small speaker at Mulder's shoulder.
The bars slid open, and Alex stepped inside but didn't turn around. "Close
A224," Mulder said in his soft voice again. "Closing A224."
The bars slid shut between them, a brutal reminder of where they were and
that time still had to be served before they could be together. Again, Mulder
wished he could say something or touch Alex, but he knew he couldn't. Finally,
he turned away silently and left, feeling like he was leaving a piece of
himself behind.
Alex turned and clutched the bars of his cell tightly as he caught the
barest glimpse of Mulder walking away. He told himself he wouldn't look; he
told himself he was going to be strong, but he couldn't help the wave of
emotion that overcame him at that moment. He wanted to call out to Mulder, to
tell him to stop and come back, to tell him that he loved him. He opened his
mouth but snapped it shut again. It was foolish thinking in a place like this,
and actions like that would get him killed. He sighed and leaned his forehead
against the cold metal for a minute, the silence of the tier strangely
soothing.
After a few minutes, he pulled away and got ready for bed. Frohike was
snoring happily to himself, obviously pleased with his developments of the day.
Alex stripped down to his boxers and climbed onto his bunk, lying on his side,
facing the wall.
I just wanted one more time with you. He reached under his pillow and
brought out one of Mulder's undershirts. He held it to his face and inhaled
the musky smell that was Mulder's alone. I miss you already. Alex could
feel his cock stiffen as he closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
The last time they were together, last night, had been incredible. Mulder
had straddled Alex's chest and brushed his cock against Alex's lips. Alex had
opened his mouth hungrily while Mulder pushed the tip inside. Alex had wanted
more and reached his hands behind to pull Mulder's ass forward, but he hadn't
moved. A wicked smile had crossed Mulder's face as if to say "that's all
you're getting, now what are you going to do with it?" Alex had nibbled around
the succulent head and teased the slit with his tongue. Mulder had reached one
hand behind him and was stroking Alex's cock and balls, keeping him on the
edge. Alex had run the smooth back of his tongue over the head again and
again, making his lover moan and sigh. Mulder had waited until the last second
before he climbed off of Alex and hauled his legs over his shoulders. He had
rammed into Alex hard, making his body jump with every thrust until he came
over Mulder's hand and his own belly. Alex must have passed out, because the
next thing he remembered was Mulder licking him clean and sharing it with him.
Alex stroked himself and squeezed his balls, remembering the past two weeks
and the highs that had come of it. He could smell Mulder; he could taste
Mulder on his tongue. He came as quietly as he could, biting his lip so it
bled to keep from moaning. He wiped up the come with Mulder's t-shirt,
mingling their scents forever.
He wanted tears to come; he wanted a visible sign of his sadness at Mulder
leaving. Instead, he rolled over onto his other side and tried to get some
sleep, clutching the soggy t-shirt to his chest.
The days turned to weeks, then months on the inside without any indication
that anything at all was changing. The same things happened every day; each
inmate had his routine and kept to it, like some mouse in a maze trying to find
the cheese. In this case, the cheese was parole. Alex had been looking
forward to his parole hearing since he first got to this place. His lawyer had
contacted him to tell him that a date had been set for six months from now.
Alex had started thinking about what would happen if they didn't grant him
parole. He spent nights awake so worried about whether he'd be paroled or not
that he didn't think about Fox anymore. He hardly got horny anymore, which he
thought was probably a good thing. At least he didn't have to keep quiet while
he jerked off or have to creatively hide an erection when he stood outside his
cell for count.
Lover,
I'm glad your sister dragged you away last weekend, it's good for you to get
out and do things instead of moping around your house. I didn't know she was a
Bruins fan; I think I'm really going to like her.
I got my parole hearing date, it's August 19th. I was happy when I first
got the news, but now I'm scared. What if they don't grant me parole? What
about that fight I had when I first got in here, will they use that against me?
I've been good and have kept my nose clean, but it might not be enough.
At night, I can't sleep, I just worry about me not getting out and you and
us. I want so much for us to be together, and it kills me when I realize that
I may be in here longer. God, I can't spend another six months in this place
away from you. I miss you so much as it is, I think I'll go crazy if I'm not
paroled.
I don't know how these other guys do it. Guys who are in here for 10, 20
years, for life, how the hell do they do it? How can they live day after day
knowing they're going to be in a cage for that long? No wonder why so many of
them keep with their own gangs, it makes them feel like it's really living in
here.
I should go, I'm starting my shift in 15 minutes. I love you, babe.
A
Mulder nearly cried when he got that letter from Alex. He could tell how
depressed and scared he was getting, and there was nothing he could do for him.
He wanted to hold him, comfort him, at the very least tell him that he would
get out, but he knew that there were no guarantees. It was by no means sure
that Alex would be paroled, although his chances were very good. He looked over
at the framed picture of Alex that he kept beside his bed and wished it was
really him.
"Hang on, babe, you'll be here soon," he murmured, then turned back to his
desk to write back to Alex.
February 24
Alex,
I know it's hard for you, but you have to keep thinking positive. Your
attitude can make a difference at your parole hearing. If you're upbeat and
seem ready to get along in society, they'll be more likely to let you out.
Thank god you're wealthy enough that even without having a job waiting for you,
they know you can support yourself. I wish we could say that you would be with
me, but if by some horrible chance you don't get out, I don't want to lose my
job and any chance of seeing you.
Shit, I can't imagine not being able to at least see you from a distance
sometimes. I'm really pathetic you know. I take my breaks at the times you're
likely to be outside so I can catch a glimpse of you. Pretty dumb huh?
I am so fucked up. I want to be with you constantly, but then I see Mike
again like last weekend and I feel so guilty. He's my best friend and I can't
tell him about you or even that I'm in love finally. How the hell can I tell
him that I fell in love with you after what happened to Jamie? It would be like
saying that he had to lose Jamie so I could find you. Hell, that IS what
happened!
Shit, Alex, I'm sorry. I just read back over what I wrote, and it's the last
thing you need to hear when you're already nervous and upset. I almost ripped
this up and started over this once, but somehow, I think you'd know and be more
tense wondering what I'd said. Please believe me, I do love you. It's just hard
with some people. Especially Mike, but I'll find a way to tell him. I won't
lose you, Alex. I'd give up my friendship with him first.
I bought a new set of sheets today. I'm keeping them for when you get out. I
wanted something that would be OURS. I can't believe the sappy stuff I do, but
it just feels right, you know? I have the date circled in red on my calendar—"the day Alex comes home". I hope you don't mind takeout. I can't cook worth a
damn. Sam used to say that she thought I was trying to poison her when she was
younger. That's why she took over the cooking. Actually I can cook a little,
but I hate doing it, so I never told her.
Do you have a favorite meal? I'm willing to learn. I have a few months to
perfect it before you get here.
I'm so excited about you being here, Alex. You have no idea how much I want
to see you in my bed. I want to fall asleep and wake up with you in my arms,
and I want to make love to you till neither of us can walk. I'll bet that's one
plan you won't argue with! I'm really looking forward to having a real life
together. You know, one where we spend enough time together that we actually
act like real people and argue and make up and all that shit instead of
grabbing at every second because it's all we've got.
Isn't that the craziest thing? I'm looking forward to fighting with you. I
told Sam that the other day, and she just looked at me like I was nuts. Of
course, that's nothing new. She wanted to know if she could just give me away
to you or if she's going to have to pay you to take me. I should have drowned
her when she was a kid. Can I sell her to you? One kid sister, slightly used.
Oh shit! I just realized how much I've said in this letter. Stuff that's
obviously about my life to anyone who knows me even slightly. But I want to be
honest with you, want you to know what I'm thinking and feeling. I'm going to
find a way to give this to you. Hey, added bonus—I'll get to see you for a
few minutes. I'll figure something out.
I've got to go now. I love you,
Fox
Mulder sealed the letter and slid it into his pocket. When he got to the
prison, he remembered that it was time for the annual TB shots, so he headed
over to the infirmary on his break. He checked the schedule and saw that Alex's
unit was supposed to come in the next day. A slow grin appeared on his face,
and he walked over to Brian.
When Pendrell saw him come in, he decided to take a break too, leaving his
assistant to continue. He and Mulder went outside despite the cold to have a
quick cigarette.
"How are you, Fox? It's been a while since I saw you."
"It's been less than a week. Mike and I had dinner with your family and
whipped your ass at poker, Bri. What are you trying to pull?" He eyed his
friend suspiciously.
"Fox, you never visit me here. What do you want?"
Mulder could feel the tide of red creeping over his cheeks.
"Uh huh. I thought so. Let me guess. This involves Krycek somehow."
Shamefaced but determined, Mulder nodded. "He's due to come in tomorrow for
his shot, Bri. Could you schedule him for last so no one else will still be
here? Please?"
Pendrell sighed. "I hope you know what the hell you're doing, Fox. This is
weird, even for you." He saw the impatient expression on his friend's face and
gave in. "Okay, he'll be here tomorrow evening at 6:45. Just don't do anything
that'll get me in trouble, okay?"
Fox nodded. "Thanks, Brian. You're a real friend."
"Yeah, right. I'm an idiot is what I am." He tossed his butt into the
receptacle nearby and turned to go back in. "I'll see you tomorrow, Fox."
The next evening Alex headed over the infirmary, grumbling because he was
scheduled so late. He was hungry, but he didn't know when he'd get a chance to
eat since he was supposed to be at work. He'd have to go straight there when he
got out of here. He knew he was supposed to stop to eat first, but he didn't
want to make Tagarelli wait and get him pissed off.
He walked in, noticing that there was only one guy ahead of him waiting his
turn. Soon he was up to the doctor and the others were gone, leaving him alone
with Pendrell and the guard. The guard stood impatiently waiting for Pendrell
to finish up with Krycek so he could go get his own dinner. The doctor had been
really slow that day, and they were running behind.
Jeez, you'd think the doc would want to get done so he could go home.
He gets to leave this shithole and go have dinner with his family. Move it
already, doc!
Krycek could see that the guard was getting impatient, and he agreed with
him. He couldn't imagine what was taking so long. Then he heard a voice behind
him.
"Hey, Brian, you ready for dinner?"
It was Mulder! He barely restrained himself from whirling around to stare at
the lover he hadn't seen in nearly two months.
"Sorry, Fox, I'm running behind today. It'll just be a few more minutes."
"Okay, no problem, I'm done for the day anyway." Mulder looked around.
"Hell, Finch, are you still waiting to go for dinner? Hey, I'm here and there's
only one prisoner. Go ahead, and I'll make sure Dr. Pendrell gets out okay."
"You sure, Mulder? Thanks!" The other guard got out before Mulder could
change his mind.
As soon as he was gone, Mulder caught Alex in his arms, burying his face in
his lover's hair, just inhaling his scent. Alex's arms wrapped tightly around
him, and they clung together. Finally Brian cleared his throat.
"Look, I'm sorry, but if we're in here too long, people are going to get
suspicious. Even as much as I drew everything out today, it only takes so long
to give a shot."
Mulder and Krycek both looked at him in surprise.
"Thanks, Bri," Mulder said, "I never expected you to do that."
Pendrell shrugged. "If you're going to risk your career, the least I could
do is give you a couple extra minutes."
"You can be godfather to our first child," Mulder vowed.
Both other men just looked at him.
"Fine, but you can bear it," Alex replied dryly.
"Okay, change of plan. You can have Sam instead."
"Fox, you're nuts." Brian shook his head sadly.
"Not to mention that her fiance would probably object," Alex pointed out.
"Well, if you two are going to be logical...." Fox pouted.
Alex laughed and kissed him. "Fox, much as I'm thrilled to see you, Dr.
Pendrell's right. You're risking a lot to do this. Why?"
Mulder rubbed his cheek against Alex's, nearly purring with pleasure to be
holding him again. "Because I really wanted to see you again. But I wouldn't
have taken the chance if I hadn't needed to give you this." He handed the
letter to Alex.
Alex took the envelope and turned it over a few times, staring in
bewilderment. "A letter? Why didn't you just mail it to me?"
"I couldn't. Not this time. I said too many things in it that were too
obviously about me, but I wanted to give it to you. Like I said before, I feel
like I'm cheating us both if I change my mind about saying something to you
after I write it. We have enough going against us without not being honest with
each other."
Alex blinked a few times as he tried to untangle that last sentence.
Pendrell watched them quietly, seeing with some surprise how they touched
each other lovingly and teased each other. He hadn't believed it, but they
really did seem to love each other. He hoped so because he was pretty sure Fox
was going to lose Michael's friendship over this. He wondered how Sam would
react, then remembered the familiar way Alex mentioned her and her fiance.
Knowing Fox, he'd told Sam about Alex. There was no way Fox would be able to
keep on working here once it got out though. He was basically giving up his
whole life for Krycek. He didn't seem worth it.
As he reached that point in his musings, he looked back at the other men
just as Krycek reached out to Fox, one hand curving along his jaw. He saw
amazing tenderness and caring in the gesture, and he realized that this
relationship wasn't one-sided. If this didn't work out, they were both going to
get badly hurt. But he somehow thought they'd find a way to make it work, and
since he didn't want to lose a good friend, he'd get used to Krycek.
With a final kiss, Mulder and Krycek reluctantly separated, moving apart
painfully.
"Only six more months," Alex breathed prayerfully.
Mulder smiled crookedly, staring at him wistfully. He took a deep breath and
started toward the door. "Go on, you'd better get to work before someone comes
looking for you." He looked away for a moment. "Just remember, I'll be waiting
for you, Alex."
Alex nodded and left without another word. He couldn't have spoken past the
lump in his throat if he'd tried.
"Come on, Fox, you're having dinner at my house tonight," Brian said,
hustling his friend toward the door and locking up behind them. He wasn't going
to leave Fox alone to brood as he clearly intended to. Six months. Please,
God, let Krycek get paroled as soon as he's eligible. A brooding, depressed Fox
Mulder is more than any man should have to deal with. He steered Mulder over
to his car, telling him that he would give him ride home later and drive him
into work the next day. Mulder gave in and went home with Brian to relax with
his family.
Alex got back to his cell, happier than he'd been in months. Frohike was
there, tapping madly at his little machine, sitting at the desk. Alex couldn't
resist and came up behind his cell mate and hugged him for an instant. Frohike
was totally spooked. He jumped up and pressed himself back against the wall.
"Hey, Krycek, I told you I'm not into that shit."
Alex laughed and sat down on Frohike's bunk, "Relax, I'm just happy."
The little man looked at him strangely, "Yeah, well keep your happy to
yourself." He twitched for a second before he looked at his watch, "Aren't you
supposed to be working?"
Alex's face fell; in all his excitement at seeing Mulder, he had forgotten
he still had a shift to work. "Oh shit!" he exclaimed as he scrambled up and
out the door and hurried as fast as he could without getting stopped on his way
to the kitchen. Tagarelli screamed at him for a good ten minutes, then
screamed about Dr. Pendrell, then just screamed for the hell of it, it seemed.
Alex didn't care; he was on too much of a high, and nothing was going to ruin
his mood tonight.
As the temperature outside rose with springtime, it grew even hotter inside
the prison. By the time June rolled around, it was stifling, especially on the
top tier where Alex was housed. Big fans tried to cool the air, but it just
moved the hot air around, not providing much relief. Fights broke out among the
inmates more frequently in the summer heat, setting everyone's nerves on edge.
Alex was especially grumpy and nervous with his parole hearing just over two
months away. He had met with his lawyer Dad's lawyer, and it looked like
he had a good case for early release. The psychologist's report that had been
completed a few months ago stated that Alex was truly sorry for his crime. His
record showed that he hadn't been in any fights since the first day he had been
in prison. Alex had also done an exemplary job in the kitchen.
Alex was still nervous though. He was convinced he wasn't going to get
paroled. He was sinking into a depression, fast. The more he didn't see
Mulder, the more he thought he would never see him. Mulder's letters didn't
cheer him up, and when he wrote Mulder, it was barely five sentences strung
together.
No matter how explicit Mulder's letters were, Alex failed to get aroused.
That's what hurt the most. What would have sent him into a frenzy before now
didn't merit a raised eyebrow. Every night he slept hugging one of Mulder's
undershirts even though he was convinced he couldn't smell him anymore.
When he wasn't working, Alex lay on his bunk and stared up at the ceiling;
he wasn't eating and barely worked out anymore. He was dropping weight and
starting to look gaunt.
He felt like crying and hitting someone at the same time but could do
neither. Instead, he remained stone faced and kept his emotions locked up
inside.
Mulder must have sensed something was wrong because his latest letter
emphatically stated that he loved him forever and nothing would keep them
apart. He pleaded with Alex to keep his faith and to think positive. Mulder
was sure that they would be together in a few months.
Alex doubted what Mulder was saying and folded the letter back up without
finishing it. He had convinced himself that he was in here forever, so why
should he bother trying?
A week later, Alex was lying on his bunk waiting to go to work, when Frohike
came into the cell.
"You know you've got mail down here," he said as he tossed two envelopes up
to him. "You used to hound the mail guy every day for your stuff, now you
don't even care. Why not?"
Alex looked at the two envelopes resting on his chest and slowly picked them
up, "Dunno, got less interesting." One was from his parents, the other from an
address he didn't recognize in Boston. He tore the envelope open and opened
it, revealing a typed letter on a few sheets of heavy, white paper. He thought
it might be from his lawyer, but after skimming down a few lines, he realized
it wasn't.
June 3
Dear Alex,
We've never met, but I feel like I know you already. My brother has told me
all about you. I can't tell you my name, but I can give you a hint as to who I
am when I say that I can't wait to welcome you into my family with open arms.
I'm writing you without my brother's consent or knowledge. I'd like this to
remain between us, okay? If he found out I sent this, he'd probably freak out.
(He likes to think he's still in charge of me). So this is our secret.
Actually, he's the reason I'm writing. He is so happy when he talks about
you, his face lights up and he gets all flushed and flustered. If he wasn't my
big old brother, I'd think it was kind of cute. Actually, it is cute.
My brother hasn't had much in the way of a love life (our secret,
remember?). He has had a few relationships, but they weren't very serious. But
now he has you, and you're all that matters to him. It's so good to see him in
love, to see him focusing his energy on someone. He loves you very, very much.
I can't tell you how much I like seeing him like this, so happy and full of
life.
My brother wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve; he liked to keep
things inside, but now he actually talks to me about his dreams and hopes for
the two of you. He's been going crazy buying new things for the house,
cleaning, painting, refinishing furniture.
He's not the same person I've known for my whole life, not the same man who
raised me. He's much happier and doesn't take everything so seriously. You
did that, you made him this new, better person, and I'd like to thank you for
that. Without you, he'd still be doing his same routine day in, day out and
not getting any joy out of life. You're his joy. You are his life.
I have to tell you, I know how he feels. I've also found someone I'm very
happy with and we're getting married. We are waiting to set our wedding date
until you two can be there together to share in our joy.
Oh, listen to me, I'm being sappy, but it's true. When you're in love,
that's all that matters, right? Who cares if the world is against you, or
you're having a bad day? You have someone who loves you, who makes you happy
and makes you laugh (no matter how bad his jokes are), and that's all that
counts.
I should keep this short, even if I have babbled for almost two pages. I'd
like to thank you for taking the time to read this, Alex. You may reply to me
at the address on the back of the envelope. There is no need to put a name on
your letter or the envelope.
I can't wait to meet you and see you in person. I don't know if I can wait
six weeks.
Hugs
Alex sat up on his bunk and stared at the letter in disbelief.
Samantha. He had never imagined that she would write him. He slid to the
floor and shoved the letter into his back pocket as he left to go to work.
All during his shift, he thought of Samantha's letter and what she had said.
Tagarelli had yelled at him a few times for pissing around as he called it.
He couldn't help it; he was in a daze, stunned by the fact that she had taken
time out of her busy schedule to write to him. Why would a successful
doctor even care? When it was time to do the recycling, he shut the door
behind him, dug the letter out and read it again. This time he paid more
attention to the words.
You are his joy...
He read it one more time.
I can't wait to meet you...
He loves you very, very much...
We are waiting to set our wedding date...
Six weeks...
Alex sank to the ground as he read the letter over and over again, feeling
like he just got hit by a ton of bricks. He had been feeling sorry for himself
and worrying over his parole and his own feelings when he should have been
thinking about Fox.
Fox. The man who was fixing up his house so they could live in it together.
The man who was obviously gushing to his sister about him. The man who loved
him. The man who obviously had faith and wasn't giving up on him. The man who
was determined that Alex was getting paroled.
He loves you, you idiot! Why the hell are you moping around for? You
should be strong for him!
"I'm so fucking stupid."
Alex stood and put the letter back into his pocket. He began pacing, angry
at himself for being so stupid, so selfish. His anger got stronger and
stronger until he punched the bin for the cardboard. It let out a loud bang
until he punched it again and again. He didn't realize that he was screaming
until Tagarelli and the hacks came in to see what the hell was going on.
They subdued Alex and cuffed him so he wouldn't lash out anymore.
"What the hell you doin', Krycek? Jesus Christ, look at your fucking hand,
it's all mangled up. Fuck, Krycek, you ain't getting out of this fuckin' job!
I don't care if you gotta put that shit away with your fuckin' teeth!"
Tagarelli looked at the guards. "Well what the fuck you waiting for?
Take him to see the doc!"
The guards looked at each other warily, then dragged Alex up to his feet and
led him out of the recycle room. Everyone was staring at him as he was led,
cuffed, out through the kitchen and down to the hospital.
"Got one more for you, Doc." One of the guards said as they led him through
the door to the infirmary. Dr. Pendrell had his back to them and was putting
charts and papers away.
"Well, he's going to have to wait for Barnes; I'm going home..." He stopped
talking as he turned around and saw who it was. He gave Alex a weak smile and
looked at his watch. "Okay, one more, but that's it." Brian led them over to
an examination table behind a screen.
The guards uncuffed Alex, allowing him to hop up onto the table. Pendrell
looked up at the guards, "You can go. I've got Hutchinson on the floor if I
need help."
"You sure? He just beat up a waste container, you know?" The other guard
started giggling.
"Yeah, you should lock up your garbage can in case he tries anything." The
first guard now started laughing.
Pendrell sighed, "I'll make sure he's a good boy. Go, let me work."
The first guard looked over at Hutchinson, who had come over to see what was
up, and nodded. "Okay, Doc, whatever you say." The three guards left
together, laughing and talking. "I'll be at the end of the ward if you need
me, Doc," Hutchinson called out.
"Yeah, okay." Pendrell gently held Alex's hand, which was raw and bloody.
"Can you move your fingers for me?" Alex moved his fingers. "Does it hurt?"
"Yes."
"I don't think it's broken, but I'm going to give you an x-ray just in
case." He finished examining Alex's hand, then looked him in the eye. "What
happened, Alex?"
"It's nothing, I had an accident."
Pendrell snorted, "Yeah, right. That's what they all say."
Alex didn't know if he could trust Pendrell, although Mulder seemed to
completely. He didn't know this man. He wanted to tell him how scared he was,
how much he loved Mulder and didn't want to lose him, how he had to get
paroled or he'd go nuts. "It was just an accident," he said softly.
Brian frowned but realized he wasn't going to get anywhere. One thing about
working in a prison, no one wanted to snitch on anyone or admit to any fault.
"Okay, accidental it is. C'mon, let's get you that x-ray."
The x-ray revealed a hairline fracture in one of the bones of his hands.
Pendrell recommended a cast for a few weeks, and "no handball." He grinned at
Alex, who just shook his head.
"You need better material, Doc, that was pretty bad."
"He's got all kinds of bad jokes; give him time, he'll tell you all of
them."
Alex's head whipped around at the sound of the voice. His heart leapt as he
saw Mulder standing beside the screen to the examination area.
Pendrell looked down at Alex. "I hope you don't mind."
"No, not at all..." Alex was stunned. God, Mulder looked good. Well,
except for his hair, it looked like a weed-whacker had trimmed it off. "What
the hell happened to your hair?"
Mulder's hand came up to touch it. "What, you don't like it? It's supposed
to be very in right now."
Pendrell rolled his eyes. "It's my fault. My kids were playing barber shop,
and they traded the play scissors for real ones."
Alex opened his mouth and laughed. He hadn't laughed in months; it felt
good. They made small talk as Pendrell wound the fiberglass strips around his
hand and wrist. They all agreed that Mulder's hair would grow back eventually,
but until then, he should go see an actual barber to get it trimmed evenly.
Finally, Pendrell was done, and he left them alone for ten minutes. "I can't
give you any more time than that, I'm sorry."
"Any time is good, Bri. Thank you."
"No problem. Don't touch the cast until it dries." Pendrell said as he
left. "Hey, Hutchinson, you watch that Sox game last night?"
Alex and Mulder stared at each other for a minute before they embraced.
"I've missed you so much, baby." Mulder said as he kissed up Alex's neck.
"I've been worried about you; I've been trying to find any excuse to look at
you, but you don't go out into the yard anymore." Mulder pulled away and
looked at Alex. "You're so skinny, I can feel your ribs."
Alex reached up with his good hand and caressed Mulder's cheek. "I know. I
haven't been feeling all that good lately. I haven't been eating...I..." he
drifted off and looked down.
Mulder didn't push him; instead he caressed Alex's back and waited for him
to continue.
Alex took a deep breath, "I've been feeling sorry for myself. I was
convinced I wouldn't see you again. I told myself so many stupid things..."
Tears formed in his eyes, but he didn't look up at Mulder.
Mulder tilted Alex's face up to meet his own gaze. He saw his eyes swimming
with tears and smiled. He knew Alex had emotions; it just took him a little
time to show them. He moved in and kissed him tenderly, probing into his mouth
with his tongue, pressing his hips into the examination table as he started to
harden.
Suddenly, Pendrell was back. "I'm sorry, guys, but, Mulder, you have to
go."
"I know, break only lasts so long." He caressed Alex's face before kissing
him one more time. "I love you. We only have a few more weeks, and then we
can be together."
"I love you too." Alex said as Mulder squeezed his knee before he left the
examination area. He looked up at Pendrell, "Thank you very much. I owe you
big time."
"Yeah, well, I may hold you to that one day."
Alex hopped off the examination table with renewed hope in his heart. The
world wasn't against him; hell, people were trying to help him. He held his
head up high as the guard escorted him back to his cell. He wasn't going to
let this place get to him any longer; he was going to take things one step at a
time. The first thing he had to do was get his attitude adjusted to the
positive. The next was get paroled and get out of here. Then he could
concentrate on making Fox Mulder the happiest man alive.
Finally, the day of Alex's parole hearing arrived, and he walked in, nearly
shaking with nervousness but trying to appear confident. He kept repeating to
himself Fox believes in me, like a mantra. He had to get out of here. He
couldn't expect Fox to wait forever. He sat down and answered all their
questions fully and honestly. Well, except for leaving out the detail of how he
would be living with Fox Mulder. There was no way he was going to destroy Fox's
career that way.
When the board returned their decision that he was ready for parole, for
long moments, he could only sit and stare at them in stupefied amazement. No
matter how much he'd told himself that he could do this, deep down he hadn't
believed that he would get what he so desperately wanted. Finally a huge smile
broke across his face, and he barely restrained himself from leaping to his
feet and hugging the board members. He was glad that Michael had opted not to
attend, wanting to move on with his life. Not only might his silently accusing
presence have affected the decision, it would have hurt him to see Alex getting
released. Alex didn't want to hurt him anymore.
He walked back to his cell in a daze, looking around for the last time,
barely noticing Frohike who was asking him how the hearing went. He eyed his
few clothes and personal possessions and couldn't imagine wanting to ever see
any of them again. All he wanted were the letters Fox had sent him. He gathered
them up from the box where he kept them in his locker and ignored everything
else.
He finally noticed Frohike and grinned at him, hugging the little man, who
yelped and squirmed away.
"Cool it with that shit, Krycek! I told you I don't swing that way!"
Alex only laughed. "You're looking at a free man, Fro! I am out of here!
Take anything you want that won't put you over your limits. I don't ever want
to see any of this stuff again. Have a good life, and try to stay out of
trouble."
With that Alex turned back to the waiting guard and indicated that he was
ready to leave.
As soon as Mulder heard that Alex had been paroled, he headed directly for
Skinner's office. The lieutenant regarded him curiously, wondering what brought
Mulder to his office, saying that he had to see him immediately.
Mulder walked in and handed him an envelope. "Lt. Skinner, I am tendering my
resignation with two weeks notice, starting today. I have already been approved
for vacation for that period, so I won't be back after I leave today."
"This is rather sudden, Mr. Mulder, although you seem to have planned it for
a while."
"I'm sorry for that, sir. I have been thinking about it, but I only just
reached a decision."
"And may I ask what brought you to this decision?"
Mulder hesitated, then remembered a conversation he'd had with Alex at
Christmas. He'd told Alex how he'd fallen into being a guard because it was the
best-paying job he could get while trying to raise Sam and how he'd had other
dreams. Alex had told him that he wanted him to go for his dreams. When he'd
objected, pointing out that college cost a lot of money and he would have to
support himself somehow, Alex had replied that he had enough money to take care
of them forever even if neither of them ever worked another day in their lives.
Mulder didn't want to sponge off Alex, but when he'd said that, Alex had looked
incredibly hurt. It had taken Mulder a while to find out why, but finally Alex
had admitted that he'd thought they were partners, which to him meant that each
provided what the other needed. It wasn't a matter of sponging; it was only
common sense to use what they had. Put like that, Mulder had seen his point and
apologized. Remembering the form his apology had taken, he hastily thought
about something else. Quitting or not, he didn't need to be sporting a hard-on
in Skinner's office.
"I never really wanted to be a CO, sir, and now I have the opportunity to
try something else. I want to take it."
Skinner frowned slightly. He'd hate to lose Mulder, who was a damned good
CO, but if the man was unhappy in his career, he should make a change.
"May I ask what changed?"
Mulder took a deep breath, then burned his bridges behind him. "I've fallen
in love, and I don't think our relationship would be favorably viewed if I were
to continue working here. He's offered to help me manage going back to school,
and I want to do it."
"He?" Skinner questioned.
"Yes," Mulder replied defiantly.
"Mulder, despite what you may have heard, it is not the policy of this
institution to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation."
Mulder laughed. "That may be true on paper, sir, but you and I both know
that it would never be accepted. That's why I've been very careful to keep it
secret all these years. But even if that weren't true, it still would cause
problems. You see, sir, the man I'm involved with is Alex Krycek."
Skinner's jaw dropped. He was shocked speechless, gaping at Mulder.
"K-k-kry-krycek?" he eventually stammered.
"Yes, sir. Now that he's been paroled, I just want to take him home and be
with him. Working here would make that impossible, even if he didn't want me to
try what I've always dreamed of. I'm not going to let anything interfere with
us being together."
Skinner had managed to regain some semblance of calm. "All right, Mr.
Mulder, given these details, I have to agree that it is for the best for you to
resign. In fact, you may leave now. You needn't bother to finish your shift."
"Sir?" Mulder was surprised and hurt that Skinner would throw him out
immediately because of what he'd said.
Skinner saw Mulder's reaction and smiled. "I'm not throwing you out in
disgust, Mulder. But Krycek is on his way out right now, and I'd imagine you'd
like to leave with him."
Mulder smiled back and held his hand out. "Thank you, sir. I'd like to say
that it has been a pleasure working with you."
Skinner shook his hand. "Likewise, Mulder. And good luck to you both."
You're going to need it.
Mulder hurried out of the prison for the last time, hoping he hadn't missed
Alex. He didn't think Alex had told his parents that he was scheduled to be
paroled that day or asked them to pick him up. He hoped not; he wanted to take
Alex home and be alone with him. He was in luck. Only a couple of minutes after
he pulled his car up outside the main gate, he saw Alex walk out, wearing the
suit he'd worn for his trial and carrying a cardboard box.
Mulder grinned and climbed out of the car, leaning against it and waiting as
Alex walked toward him, both of them ignoring the perimeter guards who stared
at them. Alex walked straight into Mulder's waiting arms, dropping the box to
wrap his own arms around his lover. They stood like that for long moments
before Alex raised his head from Mulder's shoulder, and their lips met in a
long, sweet kiss.
Eventually, Mulder raised his head again and cupped Alex's face in his
hands. "I love you."
The smile that spread across Alex's face was the most beautiful thing he'd
ever seen. "I love you too, Fox. And I'm never going to let you go."
"Good, because I don't intend to let you go either. Now let's go home."
Alex nodded eagerly, picking up his box of letters and placing them in the
back seat before sliding into the passenger seat beside Fox. He could hardly
wait to see Fox's, their, home.
All the way home, Alex gripped Mulder's hand, caressing the back with his
thumb. He didn't look back as they sped away from the prison to the town where
Mulder lived. He looked through the window at the blue sky, the green grass
and small farms that were along the highway. He was grateful for this, for the
freedom he now had. Business went on as usual as they approached the small
town. Kids played in the street; people sat on their porches and drank
lemonade. There were small shops along the way, selling their wares from peat
moss to ice cream. It seemed strange to him that a mere few miles away, there
were people who would never get to do all this again.
He stuck his hand out of the open window, letting the air pass over it. He
sighed and sat back in his seat; it was wonderful having the sun shine on his
face as he smelled fresh cut grass. All this was made even better by having
his lover beside him. He knew he had a huge smile on his face, but he couldn't
help himself.
"Is it how you remember it?" Mulder asked. "Outside, I mean."
Alex opened his eyes and squeezed Mulder's hand, "It's all that and more."
Finally, they pulled up to a modest two-story house in an older, yet
well-kept neighborhood. They got Alex's box out of the trunk and went inside.
Alex noticed Mulder didn't use a key.
"Don't you lock your door?"
Mulder laughed, "Why? All the bad guys are in the jail."
Alex shook his head but laughed anyway, "I guess you're right."
"Everyone in this town either works at the prison or is related to someone
who is. No one's going to rob anybody here."
Mulder led them inside, and Alex could smell fresh paint and that clean
smell that you got after all dust was obliterated. They walked forward and
were now in a living room modestly furnished, yet tastefully decorated. The
hardwood floor gleamed; the wood of the furniture shone. Alex was afraid to
move.
"Put your box down, and I'll give you the five cent tour," Mulder said.
Alex just stood there, biting his lip. "Where?"
"I dunno, anywhere." Mulder took the box from Alex and placed it on the
couch. He must have sensed Alex's apprehension because he went over to Alex
and hugged him. "I figure if we don't sit down and we eat in the bathtub, we
can keep this place clean." He laughed, "Hey, c'mon, it was a joke."
"You didn't have to go to any trouble for me." He stopped short; he
couldn't let Mulder know about Sam's letter.
"Ah, it was time, anyway. Sam's been nagging at me to get rid of some junk
and fix the place up. It does look nice, though, with everything refinished.
I'm glad you could tell."
Alex smiled and gave him a kiss. "It's a beautiful place. Thank you."
"You're welcome, baby, anything for you. This is your house, too. Don't be
afraid to touch things, to use things." Mulder pulled away. "But I'm not
finished my tour yet." He turned and waved his hand, "This is the living room.
Give me a day and I'll have the coffee table covered in newspapers and
glasses."
Alex laughed. He followed Mulder through the living room to the back of the
house where he found himself in a large kitchen.
"This is the kitchen, obviously. There used to be a pantry off to the side,
but I took it out to make it bigger. I never used it, anyway. A couple of
years ago, both the fridge and stove crapped out at the same time, so they are
both new. I also added the sliding doors and deck." Mulder opened a set of
vertical blinds that revealed a large set of sliding doors facing onto a deck
and a spacious back yard. A propane-fueled barbecue was on the deck. He
motioned to a door leading off of the kitchen, "There's a washroom there, and
this door leads to the basement."
Alex nodded, taking it all in. Mulder was certainly handy, that was for
sure. He followed him through to the living room again and up the stairs.
They creaked in places, and the banister was worn from many people using it
over the years. Mulder went down the hallway to the opposite end and started
with the room there.
"Here's Sam's room. I'm still not allowed to touch anything in there."
Alex looked in and saw a bed and a dresser, and pink walls. A collection of
antique dolls sat in the corner.
"Whatever you do, don't touch the dolls. She nearly poked my eye out one
day when I messed with them." He shut the door and went to the next room,
"This is the office if you can call it that." A computer was on a desk
against the far wall, facing the window. There were bookshelves along another
wall, almost bending from the amount of books piled on them. A small ghetto
blaster was on the side of the desk, and an assortment of CDs was lying beside
it. There was a reading lamp and a folded up futon in the corner.
"Sam bought me the computer and makes me e-mail her every day. I use it to
look up a few things, but I'm not on it all that much. The futon came in handy
when she brought her college friends home to stay."
Mulder brushed past Alex and pointed out the linen closet and the large
bathroom at the other end of the hall. "Now, remember to close the blinds when
you're having a shower. For some reason, the McTaggarts next door put a window
facing this way when they renovated last year. Mrs. McTaggart got an eyeful
one day when I was getting ready for work, and I think I scared the shit out of
her."
Alex laughed; he loved this Fox Mulder. He was fun and sexy and relaxed.
When they had been alone together in their room in the prison, Mulder had let
his guard down somewhat but not completely. This was the man he could love for
the rest of his life.
The gold flecks in Mulder's eyes glittered as they reached the last door.
"This is our room."
Alex felt a surge of warmth run through him at the sound of that. Our
room.
There was an antique bed made of walnut, that had belonged to Mulder's great
grandmother, pushed back against one wall. There were two matching dressers
side by side and bedside tables on either side of the bed. A large chest with
a padded top stood at the foot of the bed.
Alex was speechless as he saw the large bed and warm furnishings. The walls
were painted a dark green, textured bits of light green highlighting the dark
color, making it a cozy escape. The sheets and comforter were also green,
alternated with white and cream. He couldn't wait to sleep in such a luxurious
bed. Sleep beside my lover.
"I wanted to match the color of your eyes," Mulder said, "but the woman at
the hardware store said this was the closest she could come to sparkling like
emeralds floating on the sea.".
Alex took Mulder's hand in his and kissed it.
"I don't really have anywhere else to put the dressers." Mulder said, "The
closet takes up most of this one wall." He went over to one of the dressers
and opened a drawer. "I... uh... I bought you a few things. Jeans, a few shirts,
underwear, socks. Things I thought you would need. I also bought you a
toothbrush and a new razor..." Mulder's face flushed. "But if you don't like
them, we can..."
Alex stopped what Mulder was saying by covering his mouth with his own. He
pulled away, reluctantly and looked into Mulder's eyes. "Thank you. That was
very thoughtful. Have I told you how much I love you?"
"Yes, you have, and I love you just as much." Mulder reached out and
brought Alex toward him, kissing him softly on his lips, lingering as long as
he liked. His hands wandered up and undid Alex's tie, removing it slowly
before he pushed his jacket over his shoulders and laid it on the chest at the
foot of the bed. Mulder started unbuttoning the shirt, kissing his way down as
the skin was exposed.
Alex arched into Mulder's touch as the lips moved down to his chest. It had
been so long, and he wanted this so much. His hands clenched into fists as
Mulder moved down to suck on his nipple, as he was finding it hard to keep his
emotions in check. He was shaking; he couldn't believe the love that was
pouring out of Mulder.
He decided to get it together and help out a little bit to keep from
shivering so much. He reached forward and realized that Mulder was still
wearing his uniform. He undid the heavy, black belt that still held handcuffs
and an empty holster and slid it over Mulder's hips. It fell to the floor with
a thud. He tried to work on the fastenings to Mulder's pants, but his fingers
were shaking too much.
"Relax, Alex. Let me do this. Let me make love to you the way I've been
dreaming about for months."
Alex moaned encouragement as Mulder swiftly stripped him of his remaining
clothing and lay him gently onto the bed. It was so soft, the softest thing
he'd ever felt. He watched as Mulder removed the rest of his clothing and
stood there, running his fingers up and down Alex's body, making him quiver
even more.
"I need you, Fox."
"I know you do, baby. I need you, too." Mulder lay down beside Alex and
kissed him, his hands moving all over his torso, tweaking a nipple, and back
down to the curls at his groin.
Alex gasped as Mulder's mouth moved off of his and began moving down his
body leaving a wet trail behind. His nipples were hard, tight buds; his cock
was aching. Mulder moved down to dip his tongue in and out of his bellybutton
while his fingers drew lazy circles on his thigh. Alex gripped the sheets in
his hand as Mulder's mouth went lower and lower until it descended on his cock.
He sucked in his breath as Mulder moved his tongue over and around his cock,
pausing to suck the cream off of the top. He closed his eyes, savoring the
tenderness of Mulder's actions. Mulder sucked and nibbled on his hardness as
one of his hands cupped his balls and caressed the fragile skin. Suddenly the
mouth was gone, and Alex opened his eyes to see Mulder coating his fingers with
lube.
A whimper of pleasure left his mouth as Mulder moved the slick digits into
his ass. He felt as Mulder's lips kissed his thighs, nipping lightly at the
skin. The fingers in his ass were stretching him, making him wider. He opened
his legs and arched his hips, wanting them deeper, wanting them more. He
shuddered as a third finger joined the first two and dragged across his
prostate.
"I want you," he whimpered.
"I want you too, babe. Just give me a minute." Alex watched as Mulder
slicked up his large cock before he dragged his legs up over his shoulders.
Mulder entered him in one slow glide, bliss showing on his face. "God, you're
beautiful, Alex. I wish I could take a picture of you right now."
Alex moaned, "Fuck me, Fox."
Mulder laughed, "You're starting to get demanding already? You've been here
less than an hour."
"Please... please... I need you, Fox." Alex was practically sobbing.
Mulder moved his hips back and forth. "You like that, baby."
Alex arched his back and thrust his hips up for more. "Yeah, I like that.
Please...."
Alex met Mulder's mouth as he was kissed. Mulder started to move his hips
again, setting a pounding rhythm. Alex held onto Mulder's shoulders, his
fingers digging in. This felt so good; he'd never imagined this feeling so
good. He wasn't going to last long; it was coming; he could feel the tingle in
the base of his balls, fanning out up his spine. He bit his lip and stifled
the moan coming from his throat.
"Don't hold back. No one can hear you. Let it out. I told you that when I
got you home I was going to make you scream with pleasure."
Alex let out a loud cry, more than making up for the silence of the past
years. He felt himself come and come, shooting his thick cream over his chest.
Mulder also let out a loud moan, saying Alex's name over and over again. Alex
then felt something strange; he was shaking and his face felt wet.
"Baby, you okay?"
Alex tried to answer, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a
sob. He felt Mulder wipe him clean, then come to lie down beside him, holding
him and rocking him gently.
"Shhhh, it's okay, babe. You're with me, it's okay."
Alex turned his head to Mulder's chest and cried like he'd never cried
before. All that pent up frustration and agony over the past two years had
finally been let loose. Alex always kept his feelings bottled up, but today,
now, he had to let them out.
Mulder held him until he finished, dropping kisses on his forehead, not
questioning or accusing, only soothing, kissing his tears away. When he was
done, Alex kissed the wet chest beneath him. Finally spent, he allowed himself
to relax and drift off to sleep.
He woke up a few hours later, feeling much better for the rest and
discovered that he was alone in the bed. He got up and dressed in a pair of
black jeans and t-shirt that Mulder had bought for him and went looking for his
missing lover. He found Mulder in the kitchen, muttering under his breath and
lightly dusted with flour.
Alex leaned back against the door jamb, enjoying the chance to watch Fox and
also amused by his grumbles. "What's the matter, babe?"
Mulder nearly jumped out of his skin when Alex spoke unexpectedly. He turned
around, a pouty expression on his face. "I wanted to make Chicken Florentine
for you since you said it was your favorite meal," Alex wondered why he had
flour out in that case but didn't dare ask, "but it's a total disaster. I'm
hopeless in a kitchen!"
"Fox, I don't expect you to cook for me," he laughed. "You already told me
that you can't. We can order out, or I can cook. My mother insisted on gourmet
cooking lessons when I was younger. I make a mean Boeuf Bourgignon, let me tell
you. And you haven't lived till you've tasted my Key Lime Pie. But I'm just as
happy with a pizza and a beer." As soon as he said that, his eyes lit up. "Do
you have any beer?"
Mulder handed on to him. He'd stocked up, knowing that had to have been one
of the things Alex had missed in prison. "Maybe you should sit down and drink
it now," he suggested.
"Why?" Alex eyed him suspiciously, wondering what Mulder was up to.
"We're not going to be alone for long. While you were asleep, I called Sam
to let her know the good news. She'd never have forgiven me if I hadn't let her
know that you were here with me. Anyhow, she's coming tomorrow. She says she
wants to meet her new brother."
Alex blinked in surprise. "'Brother'?"
"I suppose technically it should be brother-in-law, but let's not quibble."
"Your sister thinks of me as a brother?"
Mulder suddenly understood that Alex was nearly overwhelmed by Sam's
acceptance. He'd been an only child, so this meant a lot to him. "You are her
brother now, Alex. Even the law will say so after we've lived together for a
couple of years. You're part of the family now."
Alex smiled tearfully. "Thank you. Thank you for giving me my life back and
making it so much better than it's ever been."
Mulder smiled. "We're gonna make a new life together, babe."
Alex frowned. "What about... Michael?"
"I'll have to talk to him," Mulder said, an uneasy expression crossing his
face, "but if I have to make a choice, I'll never give you up."
Alex stepped into Fox's arms, praying that Mulder wouldn't lose a friendship
that meant so much to him over him. He made an effort to break the somber mood.
"So, where's my pizza?"
Mulder laughed at him and pulled out the phonebook to order something
edible. While they waited, they cleaned up the aftermath of Mulder's attempt to
cook, and Alex truly felt like he'd come home.
Hardened Criminal
Part IV: Correspondence
by Nicole S and Orithain
Alex sat back down on his bunk after mail call, surprised to have gotten a
letter. His parents faithfully sent him one every week, but he'd already gotten
that one this week. Besides, he didn't recognize the writing.
February 20
