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Mulder writhed ineffectually, the very bindings conspiring to keep him
engorged
as he desperately tried to get himself off, or to get himself free. He was
furious, but excited too, and could clearly picture the scene when Alex would
return and he could turn the tables on him. The very thought was almost
enough.
The idea of Alex, red faced and drenched in sweat, shuddering his orgasm out
beneath him was so sexy that Mulder felt as if he could almost come.
Almost... He was close, so close when the door opened, and he heard a
giggle.
Oh, no! Scully. She was leaning on the doorjamb, helpless with laughter as
she
surveyed Mulder's predicament.
"Alex called me and told me that he'd left a turkey ready for roasting on his
bed." Her giggles overwhelmed her again, and she stood, crowing out her
mirth
while Mulder's excitement dwindled and died, his cock shriveled to nothing,
and
he averted mortified eyes from his partner's laughing face. "He asked me to
come
and rescue it. I hadn't a clue what he was talking about until I got here. He
said he'd be back soon. Oh, Mulder... You look so damned f..fff... " She
dissolved again, snorting and slapping her thighs. Mulder glared at her,
indignant, and at last she stepped forward and released the gag that held him
silent.
"When you're done, Scully..." He realized that in his current situation it was
just not going to be possible to retain any shred of dignity. "Scully, please
let me out of here, I'm cold."
Still guffawing, Scully released him from the handcuffs, leaving him to
unfasten
his own ankles. As he did so, she retreated again to begin laughing anew.
She
was still there, dabbing her eyes with a scrap of lace handkerchief when Alex
returned.
Leather and faded black jeans worn with a touch of arrogance made Mulder
hard all
over again, and though he himself was by this time decently clad in his
sweats,
he felt uneasy as he surreptitiously checked out the direction of Scully's
glance. It was only after she had taken her leave with an oblique message
regarding Alex's 'turkey' that he had begun to feel comfortable once more.
Now,
here he was, and he could swear that Alex was going to be the
death of him.
He was hard, aggravated and embarrassed. Sitting on the couch in the dark,
waiting for Alex to say something - waiting and thinking. Before Alex had
come
into his life it seemed as if he had always waited, eternally vigilant as he
waited for answers, reasons, and hope. He had thought his quests would give
his
life meaning, but now he only waited for them to end. He realized he had
never
waited for beginnings, only endings. Until Alex had come into his life he had
never waited for something to awaken, he had spent his time putting things
to
rest. Now he was waiting for the vessel of his hope, answers, and reasons to
relent, and take him into his arms again. Then everything would be right once
more. They would be home.
Alex had told Mulder that he, Mulder was home. As far as Alex was
concerned, an
elevator, cars, restaurants, anywhere that Mulder was beside him, was home
for
Alex.
Mulder thought of the games kids played where something was always
designated as
base, the safe place. To Alex, Mulder was base. He was safe, grounded, and
loved
with Mulder. Alex had never played games as a kid. He didn't understand
them.
You didn't play to win, you won, and therefore it was not play, but Alex
understood base. If Mulder had always waited, Alex had always looked for
base. In
their love they had also found answers to their deepest needs. The answer
for
each of them was the other.
The bedroom door had opened so quietly that Alex was standing in front of
Mulder,
half hidden in the darkness almost before he noticed. He was silent.
Mulder kept his tone quiet. "You left something unfinished."
Alex was closer now; Mulder never knew how he did that, covered space
without
moving. His eyes were now in the light that was coming through the window.
He
gave Mulder his most arrogant stare. The light caressed those beautiful
features.
It rested on a high cheekbone, outlining the top of a pale ear, lending a deep
blue shadow to the dark hair, showing the shine on the lush lips. Mulder began
to
rise from the couch, began to rise everywhere in fact and Alex was further
away
again, hidden, unearthly.
"No" was husked from the darkness.
"I need you" Mulder responded.
"No" was repeated again.
Mulder was angry, he started to finally let it show.
"So, is this my punishment? I can't touch you?"
"Yes"
"For how long? How long does King Alexei plan to punish me?" Mulder was
sarcastic, harsh. "You are punishing yourself too!" Mulder shouted.
"Czar Alexei" was the only response, more a breath with sound than words.
"What if I say you're full of shit! What if I decide I WILL touch you" Mulder
rasped out, furious at being thwarted.
There was no answer.
"I could kick you out for what you did to me tonight! I can stay away from
you.
You're no great treat. You don't make the rules!" This was Mulder at his most
enraged. The tone withered other men but this dark creature of his remained
apparently unmoved. He moved into the light again, moved closer to Mulder.
Mulder heard a deep chuckle. He would have lunged at anyone but this man.
He
feared Alex. He loved him, trusted him, but still he feared him. Alex was
the
kind of enigma who could actually cause all these emotions to dwell together
in
understanding.
Mulder heard Alex move for the door. He knew Alex was letting him hear
this,
allowing him to make his decision. Alex was fully capable of leaving the room
silently, while Mulder continued shouting at the empty darkness, but he let
Mulder hear.
Empty. Without Alex empty was all that existed.
"No. NO." The second time the word rose, fear made it quaver. "No. Stay.
Don't
leave."
"I won't," Alex breathed out, closer than before. Alex was right in front of
Mulder now, almost nose to nose, a familiar position.
"I know you better than you know yourself", spoken intimately, low, the
breath
felt on Mulder's face.
Ever curious, Mulder had to ask. He knew that Alex was expecting him to ask.
Alex
had uncanny ability to slip inside the skin. He was a natural profiler, far
more
perceptive than Mulder, far more dangerous because he had no moral
limitations
about using what he found.
"What do you know about me, Czar Alexei?" Mulder asked, quieter now,
calming
himself, knowing that as long as Alex was with him, he would always consider
himself the winner, no matter what the issue. That, in the end, was all that
mattered, all he really cared about.
"I know that if I left you'd suffer. Not for yourself, but for me. You'd suffer
knowing I'd lost everything. For the first time in your self-centered life,
you've found someone who means more to you than yourself. You can't hurt
me, it
would kill you."
Mulder was rocked. He slumped to the couch and put his head in his hands.
Alex
still stood close, unmoving. How did he know? How did Alex know this about
him?
How did he find Mulder's core and lay it bare so easily? How did this creature
know THESE THINGS? Mulder the mystery, Mulder the prima donna, Mulder the
brilliant always-right FBI agent was an emperor with no clothes to Alex.
Thoughts
and ideas washed over him as if he was lying in the surf with the tide coming
in,
his need for Alex, his respect for Alex, his love for Alex, his awe of Alex.
It
was typical of Mulder that it didn't occur to him that he didn't know Alex.
"Alright", Mulder whispered. What comes next?
"Wait" floated toward him.
"You think I can't, don't you?" Mulder's aggrieved tones hung in the air
between
them, a curtain of utter forlornness that Krycek acknowledged with a swift
gesture as he leaned forward to stroke his hand over the planes of his
lover's
cheek and down to drag the full lower lip. His fingers moved over it,
caressing
it negligently before withdrawing his hand.
"I know you can. You must." There was amusement in the disembodied voice,
amusement and something more, a tenderness that Mulder rarely, if ever,
saw in
his wild lover.
He shivered, and his hand dropped to the bursting erection he was sporting.
He
closed his eyes, his head thrown back as he dug inside his pants, preparing to
bring himself off as speedily as he could. He was totally unprepared for the
hand that flashed out to seize his wrist.
"No." The voice was cold again. There was no tenderness there now, and
Alex
sounded mad this time. "You have to learn some restraint, some control.
This
is it, Fox, this is where you learn."
Mulder groaned. He needed Alex, wanted to feel the honeyed swirl of his
knowing
lips stroking him to that place where he was at last able to forget who he
was,
and the quest that hung around his neck like a millstone. He wanted to feel
totally Alex's creature, his and only his, bound by the swipe of a tongue, and
by
the heat of a kiss into a servitude that only the two of them realized, and
neither of them would ever willingly forfeit.
"But I love you. I need you." Alex began to laugh as he heard Mulder's words.
Mulder flashed annoyance at him, and then realized that his ploy had been
seen
through and discarded instantly. His shoulders slumped, and he shuffled his
feet
moodily.
"I guess I'll go and get a shower then." He stood, moaning a little as the
hard-on he was sporting communicated with the silk of his boxers, sending
little
bolts of electricity the length of his cock.
"You'd better wait for a minute. I don't want you to fuck things up for
yourself, love." Alex reached into his pocket to bring out a tangle of soft,
washleather straps. "I want you to wear this."
Mulder looked long at the cock and ball restraints that Alex was holding out
to
him. He knew that he had opened another of Alex's secret doors. Mulder
never
knew what was going to be behind any of them. Alex hid himself completely.
He
let only Mulder into his lair, but even then he never deliberately revealed
himself. He left it to Mulder to make his own way through the dark
complexity. It
had to be that way. Alex's life had bound him so completely that he couldn't
reveal himself without help.
Mulder groaned. Not only was he pounding physically, but now his excitement
intensified. Exploring Alex required all of Mulder's faculties to stay sharp.
He
was instantly alert, danger took expansive breaths when one of those doors
began
to creak. The sexuality and sensuality of the man's insides rivaled his
outside,
perfection within perfection.
Mulder groaned again. Alex moved closer to him, tilting his head a bit as his
eyes kept their impenetrable expression. Sphinx's eyes, Mulder had often
thought.
Eyes painted in the likeness of an ageless deity.
"Will you put it on me?" Mulder whispered. "Will you do that much for me,
Czar
Alexei?"
Alex didn't speak. He placed his warm hand at the base of Mulder's balls,
pulling
them down to make room for the constrictive leather bands and to keep
Mulder from
coming as the straps were bound on his genitals.
When he had finished, he stroked his hand up Mulder's hard and helpless cock.
As
Mulder shivered and bit down on his lip, Alex rubbed his cheek on Mulder's. It
was a slow, languorous move, stroking the other man's face as a cat does
when
marking his territory. Before Alex moved away, he pushed his nose deeply
into the
nape of Mulder's neck and nuzzled, nipping and lapping briefly with teeth and
tongue. He pushed in even further and Mulder had to work to stand firm
against
the pressure. Alex took a deep breath through his nostrils, filling himself
with
Mulder's scent before he was finished and moved away entirely to the other
side
of the room. Mulder watched him, speechless, and
his cock bobbed a sad little farewell. Nothing had ever turned him on more
than
Alex wanting his scent, needing to be filled with his essence, burrowing deeply
into him for what he sought. The first time Alex had ever done that with him,
Mulder had ripped the clothes off the other man's body, shredding them in his
mindless lust. Alex had been bemused at Mulder's behavior.
This had all happened in a matter of moments, yet time was drawn out for
Mulder.
He stood still, his senses stunned by the other man. He had no idea what to
do
next.
Part 2
Stepping into the bathroom, he stripped off his clothing and surveyed his
swollen
self ruefully. Heaven knew what Alex was intending for him, but he knew it
would
not be pleasant. He also knew that he would be going through with it,
helpless
to resist, because he wanted his tormentor so much.
Sadly, he ran the water and stepped under the shower, hoping that he would
be
able to last the course, and longing for it to be over and done with. He sent
his
mind back to earlier that evening. Alex had left him, erect and squirming,
tied
hand and foot to their bed, and gone out.
All he'd done was laugh at Alex. He couldn't see for the life of him why it
was
such a big deal. Alex, faced with a huge quantity of knives and forks, of
differing sizes, had reached into his boot and yanked out a wicked bowie
knife,
proceeding to hack up the wonderfully tender beef Wellington that had been
served
to him. They had been at a fancy restaurant close by his mother's home,
and Alex
had been under the spotlight as Mulder's mother gave him the once over.
The solemn fashion with which his Alex, beautiful in his unaccustomed suit
and
tie, had dealt with the offending cutlery had merited a snide snicker out of
Mulder. Had he paid attention to the sideways look Alex had shot him through
his
lush eyelashes, he would have known of the score to be settled, but the
evening
had proceeded well enough after that, and Mulder had forgotten all about it.
He'd
also forgotten Alex's strong reluctance to attend that evening, and how Alex
had
given in as always to Mulder's hounding, even allowing Mulder to dress him up
so
he would be presentable to meet Mrs. Mulder.
When they had gotten home it was not late. Alex had moved in, pressing up
against him, kissing him out of his clothing and onto the bed, before snapping
on
the cuffs, and setting him up for the most amazing orgasm. Alex had gone
down on
him voraciously, sucking him into the back of his throat as he slid knowing
hands
over him, touching him, teasing him, making him groan in sheer bliss.
He had been coming. The boiling in his balls had just begun, and his whole
body
was shrieking 'Alex' with every dazzled nerve ending, when Alex, still urbane
in
suit and tie, had stood up and smiled at Mulder. He'd removed his suit very
carefully, hanging it up in his closet, before donning his regular uniform of
black denim and T-shirt. Fox had grunted at him, and Alex had shaken his
head
and smiled.
"No, Silver-Spoon-Boy." Then Fox had heard the door to the apartment close,
and
he had been alone.
Now, sadly soaping himself up, he wondered what the test was going to entail,
and
how long Alex would make him suffer. Finally, he switched the water over to
cold, and yelped when the icy water had its desired effect on him, reducing
his
erection to the shape and texture of a prune, and causing his balls to climb
with
alacrity into his body cavity.
Alex sauntered into the bathroom just at that moment, and Mulder heard a
gentle
snicker as he deduced his lover's actions.
"Cold enough for you?"
Climbing out of the shower, blue with cold but otherwise unstimulated, he
found
Alex waiting with a towel, and hoped that Alex was going to dry him off.
Mulder found that his hopes had been quenched again. Alex handed him the
towel
and left the bathroom. He dried himself rapidly, rubbing his arms and
shoulders
briskly but being very careful to be delicate as he dried his terribly
sensitive
genitals. He wrapped the towel around his waist as he walked into the
bedroom.
Alex was already in bed, stretching his long muscles soundly as he burrowed
into
the covers, ignoring Mulder thoroughly. It was clear to Mulder that Alex was
not
in a giving vein this evening.
Gingerly climbing onto his side of the bed, Mulder lay in silence for a
minute.
"Alex?" He ventured into the silence.
No answer.
"Alex, talk to me" he asked. He knew he had antagonized Alex fiercely, but he
had
to find out why, and how much.
The word "Sleep" was finally growled out to him. It was the biting growl, the
one
that let Mulder know he could go no further at the moment. Needing the
comfort
and wanting to give it, he slowly reached over and gently began to stroke the
inside of Alex's right arm at the elbow. Long, soft touches, soothing in their
rhythm. Mulder had seen Alex do this to himself when he had been in extreme
distress. It had fascinated Mulder, he had seen films of wild animals that
groomed themselves to help calm down after being frustrated, angered, and
afraid.
Seeing Alex in this act was something Mulder had stored away for future use.
It
was a risk to try this now, but he wanted to help Alex relax, something he
knew
that Alex was not very good at on his own.
For a moment Alex froze at Mulder's touch, and they both remained still.
Then
Mulder slowly began his stroking again, sweetly and easily on the sensitive
area
of skin, and only there. Petting delicately over and over in long, gentle
strokes. Alex began to rumble deep in his chest, a quiet sound of deep
contentment. He moved over a bit closer to Mulder, but still not touching
him. As
Mulder felt Alex relax, he relaxed with him and they both fell asleep to the
slight movement of the gentle caress.
Mulder's dreams were uneasy and confused. He had never slept well before
he had
found Alex, and now only slept well when securely wrapped in his lover's
arms.
The events of the evening weighed heavily on him, and he hovered restlessly
between sleeping and waking, his heart aching, his mind playing over the
events
of the day, but finding no fault in his own behavior as his mind remained
firmly
in denial.
Climbing out of the bed in the early hours, leaving the sleeping Alex to lie
buried under blankets and pillows, he pulled on his running gear and left the
apartment behind, striding out in the new morning as the sun broke on the
horizon.
Running was a form of meditation for him, and his mind dwelt on his
beautiful,
enigmatic lover, and tried to determine what he'd done, and from then how to
fix
it. He racked his brains, but was unable to account for Alex's attitude to
him,
and could only hope that he would be over it when
he awoke today. Later, Mulder would often recall this run and his mindset at
the
time. He would regret how closed and unyielding he had been for so long.
>From there, his imagination roamed to a place where he and Alex were
making
love, entwined and sweating, wrapped around each other as Alex buried
himself
deep in his body, tongue and cock moving in synchrony as they sped towards
completion. He could feel the excitement of the idea combining with the
endorphins generated by his run to give him a real rush, and lengthened his
stride, praying that he would be permitted to love Alex and feel complete
again.
The fact that Alex might somehow feel less than complete never occurred to
him.
He was so used to being catered to that he never even recognized his own
self-absorption.
He paused at the bakery at the end of his street to buy bagels and cream
cheese
for breakfast, and then as an afterthought, a carton of cranberry juice.
Once he
had completed his shopping, he loped off back to his apartment, his body
singing
from the exercise, and his hopes high.
Alex was still sleeping, and Mulder made coffee, took his shower and was
dressed
in shorts and T-shirt when he took the breakfast in to wake him. As he
approached
the bed, Alex opened his eyes, a fleeting smile crossing his face like ripples
on
a pond before disappearing into the depths of stormy green eyes.
"Good morning, Alex. I thought you'd like breakfast?" Mulder's tone was
questioning. It was obvious that his lover was still not feeling relaxed; his
entire posture was radiating 'touch-me-not' vibes.
His heart sank. It was not going to happen this morning. He smiled sadly at
Alex, and sat down on the edge of the bed, offering the tray he had
prepared.
Alex threw off the covers and rolled swiftly out of the bed. He was walking
past
Mulder when he dipped down and spoke quietly into his ear,
"Wipe that dying puppy look off your face." Alex then went into the bathroom
and
shut the door. After a minute, the shower was turned on.
"Damn, damn, double damn, shit damn" Mulder said to himself. He knew that
Alex
always woke up ravenous, yet the man was still too upset to eat.
Mulder was also in the throes of pounding himself for trying his lethally
effective 'sad pout' on Alex. It was just too damn hard to admit that he had
really fucked up this time. He knew he shouldn't have pushed so hard at Alex
the
night before. He knew that there were times that Alex reacted badly to his
harassment, and he knew that there were times when it drove Alex mad, yet
he had
insisted on having his own way and now they were in the midst of a situation
that
should never have begun.
He would have been shocked and not a little offended to be told that he,
rather
than Alex, was the brutal one in their relationship.
Alex emerged from the bathroom, naked and flushed. His hair was tufted up
and
looked as if ducks had nibbled at it. At least, that's how Mulder described it.
Usually Alex let Mulder comb his hair and arrange it to his satisfaction,
something Mulder adored doing. It was one of the many personal things that
Alex
had given over to Mulder in his desire to please
his lover.
Mulder knew he was going to have to start the process, so he cleared his
throat.
"You're sorry. You shouldn't have pushed me. You'll never do it again," Alex
said
flatly, repeating Mulder's thoughts back to him in the very words and tone he
had
used before with Alex, before Mulder could even speak.
"What do you want me to do, love?" Mulder was treading very softly now. His
usual
ploys were not working. Damn, they always worked with Scully! When was
he going
to learn that one of the greatest reasons he loved Alex was because he could
not
manipulate him! DAMN!
"Go to work", Alex replied.
"But I want to make this right, Alex. I don't want to leave you like this."
Mulder pointed down to the cock and ball harness he was still wearing, "I
don't
want to leave me like this!"
Mulder was finishing the sentence when he was lifted up and slammed against
the
wall. Alex was pressed to him, more threatening naked than any armed
intruder
could possibly be.
"Don't you even touch yourself today" Alex snarled. "Not even to piss".
Mulder's mouth dropped open. "How am I gonna piss without touching
myself?" he
gasped.
Alex pressed closer, storms no longer in his eyes. They were flat now,
reflecting
pools that showed back reflections but nothing of what was under the
surface.
Frightening eyes.
And it happened, at the most terrible times, as usual. Mulder's mouth
started
moving before his brain kicked in.
"I suppose I could get Scully to hold it for me while I piss", he said and
cringed inside as he heard the words coming out of his possessed mouth.
Alex became completely still. They both remained frozen, a tableau of
tension.
Alex backed away, moving again with his floating gait. He smiled at Mulder.
Mulder hoped with all his heart that he would never have reason to see that
smile
again in his entire life.
Alex leaned toward him and whispered, "Scully is your friend and a
convenience to
me. The second she is no longer a convenience . . ." his words trailed off,
sucked into the tension in the room. Alex turned away and Mulder thought of
what
Alex had just said, how he had said it. He was still shaking as he went into
the
bathroom to get showered and dressed.
Mulder heard Alex moving around in the living room, making much more noise
than
usual. After he finished dressing he walked out and gaped. Alex was doing his
stretching exercises, nude. It was a beautiful sight. He had just gotten to
limbering his calves, so he was slowly lowering himself from the waist down
until
his palms were on the floor. This put his ass straight up in the air. Mulder
had
to walk past this bounty on his way to the door and he knew he could not
touch.
Not unless he wanted there to be two men each with one arm living in that
apartment. He saw a spoon sitting beside his cellphone.
He put the phone in his pocket and lifted the spoon and looked at it.
"Use it to lift your dick", rumbled across the room to him.
Mulder closed his eyes. It was going to be a very long day.
The naked man took a deep breath, made a powerful, swift move that
brought him
upright. He stared at Mulder as he began to stroke his torso, moving
his hand down to his groin and the hardening erection. He moaned and threw
his
head back, exposing his perfect throat and snarled as he began to weave his
hand
in and around his balls.
"Go!" sliced across the room.
Mulder opened the door, squared his shoulders, put the spoon in his other
pocket
and left for work.
The day dragged on interminably. Mulder snapped at Scully, growled at
Skinner's
secretary until she burst into tears, and blew his top when the AD asked him
for
his expenses.
He went out, ostensibly to look up some records in the Library of Congress,
but
in reality to creep about feeling sorry for himself as he brooded over his
lover's behavior towards him. He racked his brain trying to devise ways of
making
Alex give up and take him back into his loving arms.
He pondered away the afternoon fruitlessly and the evening found him
installed
once again in his office, just beginning to write the report he should have
been
working on throughout the day. At 7pm, the phone rang. Reaching
lackadaisically
to pick it up, he snapped his name into the receiver.
"Just checking." The voice tickled his senses even as it brought the lump to
his
throat. His body thrilled and the leather constraints he wore made their
presence felt as they bit painfully. "Are you coming home soon?"
"It will take another hour or so. I've got a report that has to be on Skinner's
desk in the morning. How are you feeling, love?" His voice lent a new
dimension
to the word 'earnest'. He was so sincere he could have made a living as a TV
evangelist, but unfortunately, his words seemed to fall into silence. He
almost
placed the phone back in its cradle before Alex's husky whisper came again.
"I'm fine. Look to yourself. Be home by nine if you want to eat." the
unmistakable click of the hang up at the other end of the phone, followed by
the
dial tone, left him bereft.
He turned, sighing heavily, back to his report.
Mulder was in the car and on his way back
to his
apartment, making it in the door just as his watch clicked precisely to 9pm.
He
was very pleased with himself. He'd stopped at a swank downtown deli and
brought
home some authentic Russian pastries, white chocolate covered cherries and
a
bottle of expensive dry Merlot.
Even though he'd been miserable the entire day, he still was not ready to
admit
to Alex that he had been wrong. He still was trying every circuitous route,
every
maneuver he could muster to get back into his angry lover's arms without
having
to do the unthinkable, admit he had been wrong.
He entered the apartment, it was dimly lit, and his hopes began to arise.
Perhaps
Alex had made them a nice dinner and they were both going to fuck like
bunnies
all night. Just as he was smiling to himself at the thought of Alex with a
sweet
puffy bunny tail, he noticed the kitchen table.
No plates were set out. There was no sign of Alex. He called out and got no
answer so he paced through the apartment on his manhunt. When he went
into the
bedroom and turned on the light he found a can of beans and the can opener
sitting on his pillow. Underneath the beans was a folded piece of
paper. He opened it and read it,
"If you are going to give me that earnest crap you should have the gas
coming out
of both ends," the unsigned note said.
Mulder sat on the bed, put the can of beans on his lap, used the can opener
to
open them and pulled out the spoon from his coat pocket. He rubbed it clean
with
his tie and proceeded to eat the beans out of the can. He was miserable.
Suddenly the front door slammed open. Mulder jumped, spilling beans all over
himself and his side of the bed. Cursing vociferously, he went to the living
room
just in time to see Alex standing in the middle of the room as he coaxed the
last
drops of vodka out of a large, empty bottle.
Seeing Alex standing there, hair in disarray, unshaven, wearing his uniform of
black jeans and black leather jacket as he tipped back in a serpentine
movement
that caused his head to pull back as his pelvis thrust forward was riveting.
Alex
caught sight of Mulder and gave him a quick glance.
"Got beans on your shoes", Alex commented.
"Where's your shirt?" Mulder responded. When Alex had turned to look at him
Mulder had noticed that Alex was slick with sweat, his chest heaving and no
shirt
covered his muscled torso.
"Why? Need it to clean your shoes?" Alex leered at Mulder. He took the bottle
and
threw it across the room and it made a deafening sound as it crashed into
the
wall. Mulder was stunned. He'd never seen Alex really drunk, totally plastered.
It was frightening. The thought of Alex out of control made Mulder's
stomach do
a rollover and in the process a full-bodied fart escaped him.
Alex snickered at him, and for a change Mulder had the grace to seem
ashamed as
his lover gazed at him in disgust. He backed away, swallowing dryly, as he
looked at the state Alex had gotten himself into. He began to wonder if he
would
ever again feel Alex's warmth around him, or hear that brown-sugar voice
caress
him with its rough sweetness.
Defeated, he shuffled off into the kitchen, and dumped the can in the
garbage. He
picked up at his bottle of Merlot, looked at it longingly, then shrugging, he
tossed it in the corner. Moving over to the sink he took off his jacket and
slipped off his shoes, holding them under the tap to remove the tomato
sauce that
clung to them before grabbing a piece of kitchen paper to wipe the water
away.
>From the other room he could hear Alex singing softly to himself. Alex's
voice
was normally a joy, but Mulder couldn't for the life of him decipher the song.
It
rose and fell, a testament to Alex's inebriated state. Mulder sighed heavily
then
stood up, resolving to make a difference.
He made his way back into the living room and knelt on the carpet in front of
his
estranged beloved, and offered Alex a bottle of carbonated water he had
brought
him from the fridge.
Part 3
"Alex," he said, trying to think of ways he could get through to his lover
without making the situation any worse than it already was. Alex, who was
lounging on the couch singing his pseudosong and idly trying to impale one
pink
nipple with a safety match, opened one eye to glare at him in the kind of way
that an owl would, if woken in the height of the day.
Mulder proffered the bottle, and relaxed a tiny bit when Alex accepted it
from
him, unscrewing the cap with some difficulty. He drew backwards with a
little
twitch of anxiety as Alex lurched upright. He relaxed again visibly when he
saw
Alex upend the bottle, draining it with thirsty gulps.
"Baby, we need to talk, please?" He remained on his knees, wanting to touch,
wanting to soothe his sweetheart, but he dared not. Alex, all huge, muzzy
eyes
and sloppy grin, merely stared at him with total lack of understanding. The
livid color in his cheeks, and the total nowhere of his expression slowly told
Mulder that anything said right now would be lost forever.
He stood, and held his hand out to Alex, and when he took it, Mulder pulled
him
to his feet, towing him towards the bedroom.
"Come on, baby, that's it. Sleep's what you need... that's the way." He sat
Alex down on the edge of the bed, and knelt again, intent on unzipping his
boots
and removing them. The song had resumed once more, over his head, and as
Mulder
stood to help him off with his jacket, before laying him down and covering him
with the blanket, he felt as though he had stepped through a barrier into a
time
where he didn't exist.
He stood looking down on his lover, and then, sinuses clogged with unshed
tears,
he turned back to the living room, his couch, his memories and his loneliness.
He
had worked himself into an excellent sulk, and he was thoroughly prepared to
get
the most out of it. Alex didn't want him, didn't care if he were touched or
not. Alex was somehow remote from him, and becoming more so with every
passing
hour.
A crash, accompanied by the sound of breaking glass woke Mulder from his
fitful
doze. He ran into the bedroom, sure that Alex had fallen out of bed, possibly
taking the lamp and nightstand with him. The bedroom was empty. Mulder
turned
towards the bathroom and froze, stunned. Shards of broken mirror were
sprayed
over the bathroom. The medicine cabinet had taken a blow of such force that
the
door hung by one hinge, its contents lying mangled in the sink, strewn over
the
floor.
Alex was naked, and slicing his chest repeatedly with one of the mirror
pieces.
He was moving in slow, rhythmic swipes, hat started at the bottom left of
his
abdomen and continued with such vengeance they reached up into his upper
right
arm and shoulder, eyes closed as he mutilated himself over and over. Mulder
moved
fast, coming in low to catch Alex off guard, prepared to take any measure to
stop
the bloodletting. He knew what this was, he was seeing someone bound in
excruciating pain with no way to express it other than outwardly, manifesting
the
lacerated emotions with lacerated skin.
Mulder rammed into Alex, who seemed almost in a trance, and knocked the
piece of
glass from his hand as he caught Alex around the waist to keep him from
falling
over backward into the bathtub. Alex let out a huff of breath at Mulder's
onslaught and finally opened his eyes. Mulder knew he had to get Alex some
medical attention. Blood was running down his body, covering his torso and
legs,
puddling at his feet.
At this point the worst had to be over, Alex hadn't eaten all day, he was still
drunk but not in a stupor and now he had to be in shock from the cold and
blood
loss. Pulling a towel off the rack he moved to wrap it around the unmoving
man.
If Mulder had thought to look at Alex's face, to look into his eyes, he might
have been prepared.
Alex was so fast, so terribly fast. He grabbed Mulder's shirt, lifting him from
the floor and smashing him against the door. Mulder's head rocked back and
hit
hard, he slumped to the bathroom floor. He saw Alex dip, slide into a crouch
and
in his semi-conscious state it seemed that the younger man shifted from
something
that usually wore human skin into the creature always hidden inside, the
being
that hated the constrictions of humanity.
Mulder began scuffling his feet, scrambling in a frantic attempt to get as far
away from this beast approaching him as possible. Alex moved closer. He
stared at
Mulder, his eyes no longer evidencing any humanity, his face devoid of all
expression. Then he rose-unfolded really- and left the bathroom. Mulder was
beginning to regain himself, he started to stand and at the sound Alex
turned.
Alex stared at Mulder with his chilling sphinx-eyes. For the very first time,
Mulder was afraid for his life. When he thought about the moment
afterwards, he
realized that his fear of Alex must have been so tangible it had stopped Alex.
His lover had pivoted smoothly and moved away.
Something in Alex didn't want to hurt Mulder, so he began preparations to
flee
instead. He pulled the bureau drawer so harshly it came out entirely, the
clothes
upended with the drawer. Alex reached into the mess and pulled out a black
t-shirt pulling it over his head.
Mulder realized that Alex was going to run and he panicked. He couldn't let
Alex
go like this. Wounded in body and soul as he was, he was capable of
unspeakable
acts. As Alex was zipping his jeans, slipping into his boots, Mulder called to
him. He hadn't dared to move from the bathroom door.
"Alex, please, you're hurt, need to see a doctor, shouldn't drive . . . " his
voice trailed off.
"Shut the fuck up" was snarled back to him.
Mulder couldn't relent, "At least tell me where you are going, please".
"To some other Hell" was the low, venomous response.
Alex picked up his leather jacket, checked his pockets for extra clips and
picked
up his gun, then headed for the living room. Mulder, desperate, followed him.
He
reached out to touch Alex and the man jumped, leapt as if he had been
touched by
fire. Alex was enraged, he put his hand around Mulder's throat and started to
squeeze. As Mulder choked, Alex lifted his chin and threw Mulder away from
him,
turning his fury onto the room.
He swept through it like a maniac, throwing the TV against a wall. It
shattered
and sparks flew. He overturned lamps, slammed over the empty goldfish
tank and
swept everything off the shelves, then upended Mulder's desk. Mulder was
horrified, not at the mess, but at the display of raw violence, knowing he had
instigated this, fueled it. He knew it was meant for him but Alex had
channeled
it onto the inanimate things instead. When the room was thoroughly
demolished,
Alex opened the front door and moved into the night
It was a very long time before Mulder moved. He stood, numb, staring at the
door
as it swung gently on its hinges. After a while, what seemed like forever to
Mulder, he moved to close it, and then his shoulders slumped as he finally
accepted defeat. He had had his lover here with him, and he had not been
able to
help him.
He wondered if it was something he could have prevented, or if it was always
going to happen. Alex had never been able to put things into words the way
he,
Mulder could. It made him so sad. Maybe that was it. Maybe he had lost his
last chance and now his beautiful lover would drift on, find someone else's
bed
to grace, and maybe be happy.
"Nooooo!" That sound was dragged from him as if he had been physically
harmed.
He turned, slamming his hand into the wall with such force that the plaster
crumbled, and his hand split, the finger bones shattering as he made
contact.
Uncaring, he turned away, heedless of the blood that dripped from his
mangled
hand to the carpet, and headed for the kitchen to take a garbage sack and
begin
the sad task of cleaning up.
The shards of glass cut him, the broken wood and china stuck their slivers
into
him and he continued to pick things up and discard them as if he were an
automaton, a pain far deeper than these superficialities knifing into his
guts.
At four in the morning he had all the detritus from Alex's rampage cleared
and
disposed of, and was starting in to vacuum and polish, his mind focused on
the
single purpose of clearing away every last vestige of it's happening. He
swept
and polished, vacuumed and dusted until the place was cleaner than it had
ever
been. No broken furniture, no broken dreams, and nothing to remind him of
his
lover's departure remained to taunt him.
He had cleared the bedding from the bed and remade it with fresh new
sheets. He
had bundled everything up and taken it down to the laundry room and it was
washing now, cleaning away every trace of his Alex. Soon he would have only
faint reminders.
That thought, reverberating inside of him, sounding through him again and
again
in the gloating tones of desolation, was the cause of his final collapse. He
stood in the emptiness of his spotlessly clean apartment. It was not just
empty
of possessions for which he had never really cared. Love had gone. His lover
had
left him, and he was alone again.
His shoulders shook, and finally he broke down, stormy tears flowing as he
sank
to the carpet and rocked to and fro, hugging his injured hand to him almost
forgetfully as he keened.
It was there that Scully found him when she let herself into his apartment
some
time later, wondering why he hadn't shown up for work.
It took her just a few moments to surmise much of what had occurred.
During all
their years as partners, Mulder provided the mental pyrotechnics and
Scully's
abilities had often been overlooked. She was used to being underestimated,
depended on it in fact, had learned early how to take advantage of the
misogynistic elements that she worked within every day as an FBI agent.
She approached the man who was sitting on the floor and staring off into
space.
Taking everything in its proper order, she went back to her car to bring up
her
ever-present doctor's bag. After removing the shards from Mulder's hand,
she
bathed it and bandaged it. It would need to be x-rayed, but his hand had just
been the first part of her triage. Now she needed to help him emotionally, for
it
was evident he was drained. Mulder had not spoken as she tended to him, and
she
had also been silent. Between his wounds, the state of his apartment, being
AWOL
from work and the absence of everything that had been a reminder of Alex,
she
knew that something was very wrong. She also knew that Mulder was in
shock.
Something had exploded in this apartment. The blast was in Mulder's eyes.
Scully stood, and made her way do the kitchen.. Her movements were less
commanding than usual. This part of the triage would require finesse.
Contrary
to the common opinion of her, she possessed a great deal of that quality;
she
simply preferred not to waste it on fools. Scully came back from the kitchen
with
a glass of orange juice and a newly opened pack of sunflower seeds. She
placed
them beside Mulder, and covered him with the blanket she had snagged out of
his
bedroom closet.
After she'd bundled up the still silent man, she took off her shoes and
padded
quietly around the apartment, giving Mulder some space to breathe but
keeping him
aware of her presence.
As she looked around she made a mental note of all the missing
paraphernalia. Not
just the TV, lamps, assorted knick-knacks that she knew now resided in the
downstairs dumpster, but all of the Mulder-clutter was gone. Mulder would
have
been shocked if he knew that she was completely familiar with the
circumstances.
He had no idea that for many of her early years, her father had been a hard
drinker before he took the oath. She knew the signs of a drunken rampage all
too
well.
As she poked around the place, she kept a surreptitious eye on Mulder. As
she
suspected, her presence, ministrations and silence were beginning to seep in.
He
was drinking some orange juice and absently crunching on his beloved seeds.
The
juice would bring up his blood sugar and the seeds were comforting, just what
she
wanted for him right now.
Scully went into the living room and sat down on the floor beside Mulder. She
took his wrist and checked his pulse. It was steady now. He was ready for
the
last step of her own personal Mulder care.
"I found your ET cufflink", she said quietly. "You must have dislodged it
during
your cleaning". Mulder's eyes began to focus just a bit.
"I thought it had phoned home," Mulder answered. Scully was pleased at the
typical Mulderian reply.
"Mulder, I want you to listen to me. Are you ready to do that?" she asked
him.
"I always listen to you, Scully" was his slightly huffy reply.
"No you don't, Mulder, you wait to talk. Now I want you to listen to me, are
you
ready to do that?" She calmly responded.
This got his attention at last. He figured that Scully was going to pelt him
with
questions and then end up with telling him it was best to be without Alex. He
appreciated her coming over, all her tending to him, but he wanted her to
sermonize and then leave. So he nodded 'yes' to her.
Get it over with, he thought.
"Mulder, I know you are hurting, but you've got to hear this." She was being
very
gentle with him.
Here it comes. She's going to tell me that I'm better off without Alex.
"Alex isn't like anyone else, Mulder, you can't manipulate him." This comment
caused his head to snap up and his eyes to completely focus.
"He's more than your equal in everything, and you are so damn condescending
and
demanding it's a wonder he's been able to stay with you this long."
Mulder was shocked. He had expected sympathy, consolation, anything but
this!
This was too outrageous!
"What are you talking about!" He shouted at her as he rose to his full,
indignant
height.
"Mulder, if you want to get back the one person you've ever loved more than
yourself, sit down, shut up and listen to me" Scully spoke quietly.
Her quietness was what got through; he dropped down to the floor,
astonished.
"Scully? What can I do? He cut himself to ribbons, godammit! He hurt
himself,
and I couldn't stop him, I couldn't help him. He walked away. I don't know if
I'll ever see him again." Mulder broke down into sobs, heartsick as he
recalled
what had happened.
Scully listened to the weeping for a minute or two, and then put her hands on
her
hips.
"Why don't you cry? That'll make everything fine, won't it? You'll just be
able
to go right back to your former behavior and know that you felt really bad,
without needing to change anything." Mulder's head whipped up and he stared
at
Scully, normally sleepy eyes as round as pennies as he allowed the sense of
what
she had said to soak in.
"I don't understand. What are you talking about?" He sounded lost, and she
tried to gauge his attitude, decided that she would never have a better
chance at
getting her message across, and ploughed on.
"Alex is the man you love, right?" He nodded, and she continued. "He loves
you,
and lets you know that he loves you, right?" another nod. "So how come you
don't
reciprocate? All I see is you demanding more and more from him. You
demand his
time, and his attention, his compliance and his approval, and you punish him
with
your snotty attitude when you don't get them from him just exactly when
you
demand it. Mulder, you're killing him.
"Love isn't what you can get from a relationship. It's what you give back to
it
too, and all you've been doing is taking. You don't give anything to him, so
you
end up driving him away."
Mulder sat, his face a picture of misery. He was trying to listen, Scully's
words about his lack of skill in that area were still rankling. A technique he
had been taught at Oxford came back to him.
"I hear you say that he loves me and I play games with him, that I demand
from
him without giving anything back to him? Did I leave anything out?"
Scully patted his arm, approvingly.
"You say you love him, but you're trying to change him. You're trying to stop
him from being Alex, and make him into something new... something less. He
cant
take it, Mulder, he doesn't know how to change, and he doesn't know how to
tell
you."
Mulder had to ask, things were getting deep and he really needed to
understand,
"Scully, why are you telling me this?"
"You expected me to use this opportunity to advise you to stay away from
Alex,
didn't you? You were planning on letting me say my piece then you'd ignore
me as
usual and do what ever the hell you wanted to do, right?"
Mulder stared up at the small, dignified woman, open-mouthed.
"I'm doing this because it's what you need. You love Alex. I don't know,
Mulder,
frankly he scares me, but I do think he loves you. I do know that you are
happy
when you are with him, and before him I hadn't realized how unhappy you
really
were. I don't want you to be alone. Not many people are ever going to be able
to
cope with you, Mulder, but Alex can most of the time. Right now, he needs
help-
your help. He wouldn't have destroyed the apartment if he hadn't been in
overwhelming pain."
Scully patted him on the head, then put her hand on his shoulder as she
lowered
herself down to sit back down on the floor beside him.
"Mulder, you are so intelligent, but you just aren't that smart. Are you even
aware that the two qualities don't come in the same neat shrink-wrapped
package?"
She gave him a sweet little teasing smile when she said 'shrink-wrapped'.
Scully
wanted to get through to this man who was her best friend, not pound him
down.
"So, I'm intelligent, but I'm not smart?" Mulder was locked into her now, very
likely one of the few times it had ever happened. "You mean that for all my
education and knowledge and ability to retain that knowledge . . .
"You are a blockhead," she finished for him. "Yes, Mulder, that's what I
mean.
"Call me Charlie Brown," he murmured. He was looking down at the floor.
After a
moment he looked up at Scully.
"Samantha used to call me a blockhead", he said softly, honest tears in his
eyes
now. Tears for things that had been lost. "I never understood before, but she
knew me so well, she was so smart . . .and intelligent," he added.
Scully watched him and had the grace to not offer condolences for things
that
were too raw to be assuaged by small words.
"When did she call you that, Mulder? Do you remember the times when she did
it?"
"Yeah. She hated it when I tried to, as she put it "pull a Foxy move" on her.
When I tried to push, or demanded that I get my way or when I . . ."
Scully saw him hesitate, saw his hazel eyes ignite for a moment as a long
dormant
fire was being stoked behind them, she waited.
Mulder took a deep breath and looked away, then he turned and looked Scully
in
the eyes,
"Samantha hated it when I tried to manipulate her because I could talk
faster,
spew out more facts and justifications, would roll right over her in order to
get
my way. She hated it when I wanted her to fit my ideas of who she should
be."
Mulder lowered his eyes, "She hated it when I took advantage of the fact she
loved me so much just to get my own way all the time."
Scully was watching him, still silent. She knew he trusted her so much that
he
was telling her things he was only beginning to admit to himself. She knew
that a
good doctor was someone who didn't just hear, he listened.
Mulder leaned in and gave Scully a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I treat you
pretty badly too sometimes, don't I?" he asked.
Scully decided that was a discussion for another day. She looked at him and
then
as she began to rise, she leaned in and kissed him also on the forehead. She
leaned on his shoulder and whispered in his ear,
"Sometimes you can be a real blockhead, Charlie".
Mulder gave her one of his rare, sweet sincere smiles. She gathered her
things
and as she was putting on her shoes, she said to him,
"Okay, now we go to the hospital and get your hand x-rayed. I think you can
handle the rest of the internal investigation of this X File on your own."
Mulder began to rise, and Scully helped him get dressed. His hand was very
sore
by now, and he knew he had to get it looked at. Mulder knew that if Scully had
not known him so well, cared for him so much, and handled him as carefully
as a
newborn baby that he would still have been on the floor, sulking, crying and
having a great time feeling terrible. He also knew that for the first time, he
had been honest with himself and he wasn't too proud of what he was seeing.
Scully's female radar read him perfectly, she looked at him as they were
leaving
his apartment and told him,
"Mulder, it's never easy seeing our own faults."
"You are right about that. It's perfect isn't it?" he asked, "The two females
who
have loved me the most both tell me the same thing."
Scully said nothing, merely leading him to the car and waiting for him to climb
inside. She knew that the silence would not last for long. Pulling away from
the curb, she stole a glance at her partner. He was apparently lost in
thought;
his brow creased with more than mere pain. After a couple of minutes, just
as
she had known he would, he began to talk.
"He left me, Scully." The voice was carefully neutral. She nodded to herself.
He
was testing the waters.
"Do you think he really has?" She returned, in an equally bland fashion.
"Dammit, Scully, I don't know what to believe. He smashed the place up. I've
never seen him like that before. He was wild. He didn't know me. It was as
if
he'd gone somewhere else. Oh, Scully... he... " Mulder's voice broke, and he
looked away, out of the window.
"What did he do?" She breathed the question, almost afraid of the answer.
"He cut himself. H-he sliced his arm and his chest open. I stopped him and
he
was going to... I don't know. He turned away from me and tore
through the apartment. I couldn't stop him from hurting himself... Scully, he
hates me." The hitch in Mulder's voice told its own tale.
"Mulder, he doesn't hate you. He loves you. He just hates what you're doing
to
him. You have to try and find another way to be with him." Her voice was
gentle
but her face was set, and as he glanced at her, he realized that she meant
it.
"I don't know what you mean." Whining voice, sidelong glance that slid from
hers.
"Don't you?" Just that and no more. When he thought to argue, she pressed
her
lips together and drove on in silence. Some minutes went by, then he spoke
again.
"Where do you think he's gone? Do you think he'll come back to me?" There
was
pain to be heard in his voice now, and he looked as if his façade was
beginning
to crumble at last.
"Do you?" Scully turned to face him.
"No." The one word carried with it all the agony he had hidden up until
now.
"What are you going to do then, Mulder?" Her question stung, she could see
that,
and she was glad. She was trying to peel away his layers of resistance, to
get
to the core of Mulder. She knew that if she could just get deep enough there
was
a part of him that adored Alex, and wouldn't let him just leave without
fighting
for him.
"I don't know what to do." He sat, eyes wide, looking at nothing that she
could
see. She slapped her hand down on the dash. "Dammit, Mulder. What would
Krycek
do?"
He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his uninjured hand,
then
he seemed to take command of himself again.
"I have to find him, Scully. He'll need help. Let me out here, please." He
took
hold of the door handle expectantly.
"You can wait an hour and get that hand treated properly first." The
response
cut across his rambling, and he turned to her.
"But... "
"But nothing, Mulder. First we treat the hand, and then if you like, I'll help
you search for him." And with that, Mulder had to content himself.
Part 4
Scully talked to Skinner, telling him that Mulder was overly stressed and in
her
medical opinion, he not only needed a vacation but also her to keep an eye on
him. It was immediately granted.
They searched, but they didn't find him that day. They didn't find him the
day
after that either. Mulder was desolate, and went through his days in a fog of
misery, trying to place himself inside the skin of his beloved. As Saturday
drew
around, it found him back on his couch, wearing Alex's clothes and swigging
vodka
as he tried to put himself into the frame of mind that Alex had carried with
him
into the cold of that night.
Cold.
Alex was so cold that it roused him just a little. He wasn't functioning very
well, he didn't know why, except that he was so cold. He could barely feel his
hand, and his feet didn't respond very well, nor did his legs, even up to his
groin.
He couldn't remember how he got here. Alex made a move to try and sit up,
but
it was a no-go. Didn't really want to sit up that much anyway. Wanted to keep
sleeping. He wondered vaguely why his belly and arm hurt so much, but the
pain
was lessening, so after a while it left his thoughts. He wondered why he was
sweating when he was so damn cold, then realized he was shivering and
couldn't
stop.
Fox would have a fit . . . no . . . Fox would look down on him again, expect
him
to understand things he didn't even have words for. Fox didn't really like him,
he only wanted to fuck him. Fox liked Scully. Scully could talk to Fox.
That had hurt so badly. He had to watch them communicate and leave him
out. Like
an animal, they thought he was an animal, treated him like an animal . . .
maybe
they were right. It didn't matter to him now. He was drifting into a place
beyond time where things stopped mattering at all.
As his mind began wandering again he remembered being lost in the snow in
Russia,
long ago. Right now it seemed as if he was in that very same place, lost, cold,
confused and alone. Nobody would come and look for him this time either.
He had become used to being alone when he was lost the first time in the
terrible
cold. Since then he'd always taken care of himself. Now he wanted Fox, but
he
knew Fox wouldn't look for him. Nobody deliberately sought out dangerous
animals.
They avoided them. Fox was teaching him that. He was so far beneath Fox
he
didn't even get treated like a human being.
They all thought he was never afraid, but he was. Right now he was so very
afraid. He'd let himself care, allowed himself to love, and he hadn't been good
enough . . . he'd tried, but he just wasn't good enough.
They'd told him that from the beginning in Russia. Should have listened. Didn't
want to love, couldn't stop it from happening.
Alex was getting sleepy again. The fatigue was deeper down in his bones this
time. It was weariness, exhaustion even deeper than he'd known in Russia.
He
tried to curl up into a ball and lay his head down on the cold basement floor
so
he could look at Fox's favorite poster as he slid into unconsciousness.
"I want to believe." The words ghosted from his mouth and were whisked
away by
time and loss as he succumbed to oblivion.
As soon as
the morning
had dawned, Mulder had called Scully. He was finding it difficult to drive
with
his broken fingers. Scully had appeared, and fussed around re-bandaging his
hand, checking out his hang-dog expression, forcing him to eat, and generally
clucking over his appearance.
Mulder's hand was freshly strapped up, and she had given him some
painkillers to
reduce the throb of it. He had suffered the attention in order to placate
Scully, and was chafing now to search for Alex. Scully was fussing over him
in a
way that seemed to him to be superfluous, and he was winding up to let loose
a
truly horrendous flow of invective at her when she finally straightened up
and
announced that he would do.
"Jeez, Scully, not a moment too soon. If you only knew how close I was to
bursting my clothing and turning green, you'd have been afraid.
"Okay, Mulder. I said I'd help you, and I will. Have you had any new
thoughts?
Where do you think he might have gone?" Her face was soft, her expression
gentle
as she prompted him "Have you had any ideas?"
Mulder shook his head, thinking of all the times in the last few days he and
Alex
had done more than spar with each other. Shaking his head, he came rapidly
to
the conclusion that he was fresh out of ideas this time. He raised haunted
eyes
to Scully.
"I never... I didn't... Oh, Scully, how am I ever going to make it up to
him?" He pulled himself to his feet, and started for the door, determined to
find
his lover and drop to his knees in front of him to beg his forgiveness.
Scully,
forgotten, trotted in his wake, feeling somewhat like a tugboat in the shadow
of
a mighty cruise ship.
Back in the car, Scully took the wheel, as Mulder sat thinking. He showed no
signs of stirring as they approached and then passed the Hoover Building.
They
were leaving it behind, when Mulder raised his head.
"Could you back up for a minute, Scully? There's something I want to check
out.
I'll need to go down to the office." She looked at his set, determined face,
and
quickly turned into a side street, driving back around to come up to the ramp
that led them down to their parking stalls. As they left the vehicle, he took
off in a hurry. She practically had to run to keep up with the long strides he
was taking, and he showed little sign of wanting to wait for her.
"Alex told me about the things that he valued once. I remember him telling
me
about something of mine that he admired. He told me it was what he loved
about
me, and I was shocked because I'd always thought it was a joke on my part.
It's a
starting place. He might have been and taken it. If he has, there will be
witnesses. Oh, Scully, do you suppose he ran to someone else? Someone
who will
give him what I haven't?" He stopped short, his face a mask of anguish, and
Scully could do nothing but pat his arm as he stood, processing this new
pain.
When at last he started to walk again, it was with a very different gait. It
was
as if somewhere along the way he had lost his will to fight. Head drooping, he
stumbled the rest of the way down the corridor and into his office.
Shoving open the door, he flicked on the light and made for the filing cabinet,
intent on pulling the file he had long held on Alex. Scully stood in the
doorway
watching him as he riffed through the drawer, intent on his quest. The groan
made
both of them jump.
Mulder drew his gun and made for the other side of the desk, seeking out the
source of the eerie sound he had just heard. Scully clipped along behind him,
not particularly worried about seeing a ghost, but certainly determined to
prevent an intruder shooting Mulder if she could.
As she made for the desk, Mulder suddenly dropped to his knees, and she
instantly
assumed a fighting stance and yelled "Freeze."
Mulder didn't speak, and as he hunkered down behind the desk, she raced
around to
see what had happened.
The unconscious form of Alex Krycek greeted her. Mulder was kneeling
beside him,
fluttering aimlessly, and she realized straight away that he was not going to
be
of any use whatsoever.
Krycek lay in a curve that spilled his long limbs awry, and his breathing was
hesitant. His skin was grey and he looked ill. Dried blood flecked his face.
Blood crusted the front of his black T-shirt, making it stiff, and his upper
arm
was also caked in blood.. There was no sign of his leather jacket.
"Oh, my love." Mulder didn't say anything more. He merely removed his
jacket,
laying it over the fallen man, and then sat beside him, chafing the one hand
that
he was holding.
Scully quickly moved in to check on Alex. She was stunned to see him in this
condition. It had never crossed her mind that Alex Krycek was vulnerable to
anything. As she was doing her vitals checks, her mind finally allowed in
everything that she had pushed out for so long.
All these years and she had been treating the man as badly as Mulder, worse,
because she had seen him as impervious to any human condition. She had
been
giving Mulder her advice for his benefit alone, now it hit her hard to be
confronted with the reality that she too had been dismissing Alex as
somehow less
than they were. Scully had seen Alex as something that brought comfort to
Mulder, nothing more.
She realized that they had treated X-File monsters with more regard than
they had
given to Alex. How did they both come to this? After all they had learned, all
the truths that had finally been revealed, why did they both treat this man
so
shamefully? Was it because Alex was so fundamentally different? Neither
one of
them had even bothered to try and understand him, what he'd been though.
Her
beautiful, pale skin flushed as she worked on the inert, terribly wounded man.
He
had been wounded in so many ways and yet no one had offered him any help.
He was
so alone. She could see now that Alex hadn't turned to someone else
because
there was no one else. He was tethered to Mulder. Without him, Alex would
drift
away into the nothing that waited to re-capture him.
She wondered what it was that had drawn Alex to this place, what Mulder had
been
referencing as something that Alex admired. She knew that even 10 minutes
earlier, she wouldn't have given that comment a second thought, so total was
her
dismissal. Now, she was realizing her errors, and wishing that she could
atone.
Mulder was desperate, and as he routinely did in the midst of a crisis he
began
to regain himself, to become the intensely concentrated professional.
"We have to get him out of here, Scully." There was urgency in the voice. His
face was mask-like, save for the eyes, and those were suffering as he clung
tight
to his stricken lover's hand. Scully nodded, grabbing for her phone and began
dialing for an ambulance, but Mulder's hand shot out at that, stopping her.
"Not a hospital, Scully. He won't be able to handle that." She paused for a
minute, and then nodded. Mulder was right. There was a time and a place for
everything. Alex would be fare better off in a place he knew, with an
understanding lover.
"You do know that he needs you, don't you, Mulder?" Mulder gazed at her
dumbly,
a slight nod all the answer he gave. "You either have to give him what he
needs,
or cut him loose. It can't be about you any more."
Mulder flushed. He turned almost brusquely to tend to his lover, lifting
Alex's
head a little until he could insert his thigh beneath it, and then squirming
under until he had Alex pillowed between his legs. The moan from Alex made
him
stiffen a minute, and he turned appealing eyes onto Scully.
"Please help me get him home." The need that radiated from the two men in
their
tableau there on the floor of their office struck a chord in her. She nodded,
and began to make another phone call.
Finally replacing the phone, she bade Mulder to wait, and vanished out of the
office, returning ten minutes later with a tall, thin black man who she
introduced as her landlord. Between the two of them, they managed to get
Alex up
off the floor and into Mulder's arms. Then they made for the exit, where
Scully's acquaintance, whose name was Lance, had a truck.
Following the conversation with Scully, Lance had loaded into the back of the
truck a blanket and some cushions. They made Alex as comfortable as they
could,
and then, despite protests from Scully, Mulder crawled into the back with
Alex,
settling himself to hold him during the ride. Nothing that they could say
would
stir him from his purpose, and finally they set off.
Alex moaned a couple of times, but appeared not to surface into
consciousness.
Mulder had sat himself with his back to the side of the truck, secured the
supine
body against him in a manner that would jolt him the least and was now
talking to
him, telling him all the things that he had never said when Alex was able to
hear
them.
Holding Alex in his arms, and talking to him at last about all the things that
he
had wanted to say, but never dared, Fox Mulder suddenly felt peaceful. He
was
focused, and knew that whatever happened next, he would treat Alex the way
he
would want to be treated. He bent his head to kiss the face of the other
man,
and was rewarded by a tiny, sighed "Fox," so faint that he wasn't sure he
had heard it.
"Oh, babe, I love you so much. Don't do this to yourself any more. I can't
bear
it." He tightened his hold on Alex. When Alex opened his eyes a tiny crack
and
said "Stupid," he couldn't hold back any longer, and tears flowed to drop onto
Alex's face.
The truck pulled up outside Mulder's apartment, and the three of them busied
themselves in getting Alex into the apartment, and onto a bed. Scully had
placed
a towel on the bed, and Mulder laid Alex down onto it, before going to find a
bowl of water and a washcloth.
Scully set to work. She had to cut Alex's clothes off him. The struggle to
undress him would have been too painful. She laid the warm washcloth on
Alex's
chest so the blood that had caused his skin to adhere to the material would
begin
to loosen its harsh hold. Slowly, she and Mulder removed the blood soaked
T-shirt. Mulder moaned as he saw the damage that had been done to that
pale,
sweet skin. In dealing with Alex's outward wounds, so visceral and raw, each
step
brought Mulder inevitably closer to the damage that he had inflicted on the
man
emotionally.
Scully was unusually quiet, gentle even in her ministrations as she tended to
Alex. Mulder noticed this. He would have to ask her about it later, right now
all his concentration was for the man on his bed, the man he loved, the man
he
lived for.
Alex began to stir a little, his eyes had opened but were unfocused. He began
a
feeble thrashing. He was so used to waking in danger that it was an
instinctive
reaction, to take flight even when he could barely move.
"Talk to him Mulder", Scully said quietly. "He's confused, and he's so damn
wild
I don't know how much more damage he'll do to himself. I need to have him as
still as possible for this." She began to work on the wounds.
Mulder moved in closer to Alex, and the unseeing man shifted his head toward
the
movement, taking a deep breath through his nostrils. Mulder had always been
intrigued by Alex's use of his senses, how Alex would scent him, touch him,
taste
him. He knew that those things were a strong part of Alex's defense and
recognition patterns. Alex was still semi-conscious, but as soon as he
smelled
Mulder, he nuzzled into his pillow. Mulder recognized this. It was Alex's
personal signal for Mulder to come closer. He did, inching in to the wounded
man, careful not to move the bed or interrupt Scully's ministrations.
A small ripple ran through Alex, not of pain, Scully had taken care of that
with
drugs, but of recognition. He knew Mulder was with him. Mulder had seen
Alex do
this before, how he initially quivered whenever his lover approached him.
How could I have ever allowed this to happen? Mulder wondered. How could I
ever
have thought that someone who literally shook with delight when I was near
was
not worth everything?
Part 5
"Alex, I'm here. You're home, and you're safe." Mulder spoke softly against
the
skin of his face, so Alex could feel his breath. Alex's extended his tongue
and
gently tasted Mulder's skin, letting out a small sigh of contentment at the
familiarity. Mulder was again captured by this man's singular difference to
anyone else he had ever known. Had he expected a man who could smell a
foe, and
react instantaneously but occasionally sucked his thumb in his sleep, to
conform?
The enormity of his presumption was becoming clearer to him each minute.
He had exactly what he wanted. He had the man of his dreams, fantasies and
needs
and he had tried to change him.
Unbelievable.
"Alex baby, I love you. Stay with me, beautiful, don't ever leave again" Mulder
breathed to Alex.
As his eyes began to focus, Alex could see him now. He watched Mulder with
a
flat, dull expression. Yes, Mulder thought, you'll stay with me. You'll let me
destroy you. For all your strength, you'll let me take away parts of you a
little
bit at a time. No more of that, I need you too much. I need you as you are,
want
you as you are.
"I promise you beloved, from this day on, things will be different." Mulder
vowed, and heart in his mouth, he willed all that was inside him to reach forth
to Alex.
The flat eyes changed just a bit, and for the first time ever, Mulder saw fear
in
them.
"It's all right, baby, you don't need to be afraid anymore. I'll protect you as
you've protected me," he promised. "I won't hurt you anymore. You were
right, it
kills me to see you in pain."
This admission was rewarded with the ghost of a smile. Oh, Alex, Mulder
thought,
You know me and I haven't even tried to know you. I've studied you, pushed
and
prodded and probed like you were a thing, but I never tried to understand
you.
I never did use any restraint with you. I took all I wanted when I wanted
and
you gave, you always gave and you tried so damn hard to understand me.
"Beautiful," Mulder whispered, "I think that I have the most wonderful man in
the
world, and getting to know him will be my greatest joy."
The wounded man watching Mulder let out a shuddering breath and closed his
eyes.
Mulder knew he would have to back up his words, too much damage had been
done for
mere words to assuage the deep pain he had seen reflected in Alex's eyes.
Scully was finishing now, she had been concentrating on her work, listening as
she stitched and bandaged.
"Do you want me to stay the night?" she asked quietly. "I don't mind."
Mulder looked at her closely, he saw tears in her eyes. So much had happened
to
them all. He could tell that Scully had made many of the same realizations he
had, not a moment too soon. Alex's desperation to get his message through,
to
make contact with Mulder, had almost killed him. What had been a swift
journey
for Mulder had been an agonizing, endless tangle for Alex.
"No, if you think he will be alright with me, go home and rest. We've worn you
out." Mulder answered.
"We've worn him out. We've worn him down", She replied as she watched Alex
sleep. "I'm ashamed, Mulder." Before he could reply to that startling
statement
she spoke again, "Call me, for any reason. I'll be over tomorrow morning". She
was not asking him, she was stating a fact. Mulder had a lot to digest here.
Even Scully had been profoundly affected by the recent events.
"Thank you, Scully, for everything" he said as he saw her to the door.
She stopped for a moment, turned and looked at him. "We're arrogant people,
Mulder." She spoke softly, her eyes lowered, then she turned and went out
the
door.
Mulder sat watching Alex sleep. He had been in the same position now for
hours,
and still he sat, his eyes searching for any signs that the sleeping form of
his
lover might wake and need something. Alex slept on, his breathing noisy and
his
body restless. He was searching for something, but Mulder wasn't sure what
it
might be.
At 3am, he heard a sound, soft as a whisper. He moved over to the bed to
gaze
down on Alex. The eyes were open, and he was looking around, searching
frantically for something.
"Hello, beautiful. Is there something you need?" Mulder smiled down at the
man
in the bed. "Whatever you need, just say. Want some water?" The lowering
and
raising of long, thick lashes was an assent, and Mulder grabbed for the bottle
he
had brought in just for this eventuality, sat on the edge of the bed and
slipped
a hand under the broad shoulders, raising Alex and propping him up against
his
chest. As he brought the cold water to Alex's mouth and held it for him to
swallow, he rubbed his face against the dark, feathery hair of his lover,
wanting
to feel it against his lips, and wishing that it were possible to do more.
Alex drank long and deep, finally allowing Mulder to put the bottle down with a
scant inch in the bottom of it. He murmured a soft 'thank you' that barely
brushed itself over Mulder's ears, and Mulder gently laid him down again.
"Do you need anything else?" He knew he was being stupid, and that his pleas
were as much to make him feel better as they were for Alex's well being, but
he
couldn't help himself. He needed to make some kind of gesture to repair the
harm
he knew he had caused.
Alex said nothing. He had closed his eyes once more, his lashes fanning out
on
his cheeks, black in the half-light against the fine-grained pallor of his
skin.
Mulder bent to kiss the sharp protrusion of Alex's cheekbone and was
rewarded as
he drew away by the ghost of a smile quirking the carefully molded lips.
"Love you, Fox... . Fuck off and let me sleep." A breathy sound that might
have
been a snicker made it to where Mulder had retreated, and Mulder smiled
grimly as
he realized that Alex was onto him even now.
"Baby, I know you're tired, and I know you know what I... oh, fuck, baby, I
just
want to make it up to you. I know you think I'm a shit, and maybe I am, but
I'm
your shit. I love you. I can't begin to tell you how much I want to make it
up
to you." Mulder had returned to the bedside, and was now resting his head on
the
pillow beside Alex. Alex turned his head to the side where he
was, and there was a gleam of half-lidded eyes as he made an effort to look
at
Mulder.
"Come to bed. Want... . Hold me." A faint breath and that was all, but it
rocked
Mulder. He quickly shucked the clothes he had been wearing, tidying them
away
out of sight, knowing that Alex would hate to see them scattered on the
floor.
Then he moved quickly around to his side of the bed, climbing in beside the
over-warm body of his love. Alex gave a little moan, and somehow without
seeming
to exert any overt effort, drew closer to Mulder until he was pressed up
against
him. Mulder could tell when he fell asleep, and shortly afterwards he followed
Alex down into slumber.
Alex continued his restless movements even in deeper sleep. After a few
hours of
holding his lover, Mulder decided to check his temperature. He deftly inserted
the computerized thermometer in Alex's ear and within a second, had the
reading.
The hurt man's temperature had gone up a degree, so Mulder decided to
rouse Alex
just enough to get some more drugs into him.
Picking up the pill bottle that Scully had left, he shook out 2 capsules as she
had instructed. He swept his hand gently over Alex's warm brow and it
furrowed in
response. Mulder kissed the furrow. He had loved that line from the first
time
it had appeared. He often thought of it as his. After all, who had ever given
Alex more reason to frown than he had?
Vague stirring motions told Mulder that he could probably slip Alex the pills
without completely waking him. He whispered to him,
"Beautiful, I want to give you some pills. Come on, baby, wake up a little for
me."
Alex moved restlessly again, but his head turned toward Mulder and he
opened his
mouth. Such trust he has in me, Mulder thought. What did I ever do to earn
it? He
gently lifted Alex a little and slipped the pills into his mouth one at a time,
giving a generous sip of water with each one. Alex downed them easily, never
opening his eyes, merely drooling a little water. As Mulder lay Alex back on
the
bed, it seemed as if he had never completely awakened, just as Mulder had
hoped.
He went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and took a long swig of
orange
juice. He was awake now, but he didn't want to disturb Alex, so he decided
he'd
work at his laptop. Firstly, he needed to check and make sure all was well in
the
bedroom. Quietly walking in, he checked Alex's breathing and looked at the
time.
In about an hour he would take another temperature reading and see if the
pills
were helping.
Alex was still moving restlessly. Mulder sat in the bedroom chair to keep
watch
for a while. He couldn't bear to be apart from Alex, so he figured he'd stay
with
him. It would help him feel useful. Mulder could never get enough of looking at
him and he didn't often get to indulge in his passion for voyeurism with this
man. Alex always seemed to know when he was being watched, and it made
him
uncomfortable. Mulder was snatching at an opportunity that rarely came his
way.
He sat now, watching, memorizing, studying and cataloging. He took in each
feature slowly, tucking the notations away in his many-layered mind.
As he looked over his lover, he began to grow hard. He shouldn't have been
surprised, but he was. With the recent stress and hurt, he thought his libido
would be taking a catnap, but it was waking up with a vengeance as he gazed
raptly at the sleeping man. He felt guilty for a moment, but then decided
that
the joys of self-relief were supremely under-rated.
He stroked himself through his boxers, and immediately realized that he had
better shuck them fast. He was so ready to come he was about to explode.
Within
a few strokes he was biting his lip to suppress a groan as he climaxed. Mulder
closed his eyes for a minute. It had been way too long since he had touched
Alex. He wanted Alex so much his guts throbbed all the way to the base of
his
balls. Mulder reached down, picking up his boxers, and used them to wipe
himself
as he took a look at the clock. An hour had flown by. It was now time to
check
on Alex. Moving over to him as quietly as possible he prepared to insert the
thermometer in the sleeping man's ear.
"Pervert," was softly growled up at him.
He turned on a small night-light and saw overly bright eyes now watching him.
Caught! He should have known. Alex was proof that the supernatural existed.
"I'm just trying to take your temperature. You were burning up," Mulder
answered. "That's why I am defiling your ear. Not that I wouldn't do it
ordinarily" he ended somewhat under his breath.
"You were scruuuuutinizing me again, Mulder, " Alex rolled out the word
lasciviously.
Oh yes, Mulder thought, baby was definitely on the upswing.
"How long have you been completely awake, sneak?" He ran his hand over
Alex's
lips as he spoke. A quick tongue appeared and licked his hand, sucking in a
finger and holding it for a moment before releasing it.
"Long enough", was the mocking reply. "You taste like your boxers," Alex
said.
"And how would you know . . ."
"I've chewed through them a few times," cut him off in mid-sentence.
This, indeed, was true. Mulder had kept those pairs in a special place; he
couldn't bear to part with them when they had such lovely teeth marks
shredding
them.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, but I was concerned," Mulder sat down
on
the bed.
"You're taking good care of me?" Was said in a questioning voice.
Mulder leaned in and kissed Alex softly, on his lips, then on his ear. "That's
going to be the order of the day from now on. You'll just have to get used to
it".
His words were greeted with silence. Mulder looked into Alex's eyes. The
other
man was solemnly studying him. Mulder waited, knowing that there was more
waiting
to be said.
"Mulder?" spoken so softly it went almost unheard.
"Yes, I'm listening, I'm paying attention."
For the first time, I AM paying attention
"Will you talk to me?" The faint query sounded childlike. "Will you talk to me
like you talk to her?"
Mulder knew instantly what he meant, and regret left a hole in him that he
knew
would never completely fill in again.
"Yes, baby, I will. I need to talk to you" he replied gently. "I need you,
Alex,
for who you are; for all you are. I've been a fool. She told me that the other
day, and I finally realized it was the truth."
Green eyes widened. "She told you?" Was the surprised reply.
"Yes, she did. She also told me that she and I are arrogant people, and she's
right".
"The truth is out there . . .now", was said almost to himself, but loud enough
for Alex to hear.
"I like your arrogance" was the unexpected response. "You can't be you if you
aren't arrogant." This last was said as a statement of fact.
"How about I tone it down for a certain, special person? Would that still be
me?"
Mulder was once more fascinated by his unpredictable beloved. He should be
apologizing on his knees, and Alex was telling him not to stop being himself.
The
very thing Alex needed so much, he gave fully. Mulder was in awe of just how
fortunate he was to have his Alex.
"Yeah," was accompanied by a wide yawn.
"How about I get back into bed and we both sleep some more? Does that
sound good
Sleeping Beauty?"
"Don't you need to defile my ear again?" was barely a murmur as sleep was
overtaking the exhausted man.
"Oh yes, Alex, I need to defile your ear and a whole lot more once we get you
well again." Mulder reached for the thermometer as he said this.
"Pervert", was breathed out to him again as Alex nuzzled in closer, lying his
head on Mulder's chest as he finally gave way to complete rest.
The morning came and
went, while the
lovers continued to sleep.
When Special Agent Dana Scully let herself into the apartment, and crossed
quietly to the bedroom to peer around the door, she could see Mulder, his
arm
flung protectively around Alex, who lay facing the door. Both of them
appeared
to be deeply asleep, and she caught her breath as she gazed at them. Alex
had
regained some of his color, though the dark circles beneath his eyes were
mute
testament to the ordeal he had been through.
Backing quietly away, she made for the kitchen, taking with her the bag of
groceries she'd brought with her. Shaking her head at the interior of
Mulder's
fridge, she began to stow them away. Once it was done to her satisfaction,
she
began preparations for a meal. She set coffee on to filter, and set to
scrambling eggs and frying slices of ham as she fed the toaster.
Portioning out the food, she quickly added juice, Alex's medication, coffee,
sugar and cream to the tray she had prepared, and carried it through to the
bedroom. As she entered the room, she could see that Alex was staring at
her,
his face an inscrutable mask, though he seemed content to lie still within the
circle of Mulder's arm.
Bringing the tray up to the bed, she placed it on the floor and sat on the edge
of the bed, putting out her hand to feel his temperature.
"Not scientific, Scully. Fox uses a gadget he stuffs in my ear." The words
were
whispered. Scully took a deep breath and tried to divert him from talking.
"Are you hungry, by any chance? I don't think I can eat all of this
myself."
Mulder began to stir at that point, opening first one eye, and pausing to
nuzzle
into the back of Alex's neck, before deciding that he was actually required to
be
physically present. Reluctantly, he released Alex, and rolled to sit up,
pulling
pillows into place for Alex to lean on. Scully picked up
the tray and gave it over to Mulder, while she returned to the kitchen for the
coffee.
When she returned with the drinks and a plate of toast, she discovered the
two of
them bickering over which one of them most deserved a particularly juicy
piece of
ham, and found herself grinning like a lunatic. She stayed to chat with them
as
they consumed the entire feast, finding that it was much easier to be at
ease
with the two of them than she had feared it might be. Whatever demons
they were
battling, they were certainly not visiting them on her.
She made sure Alex had taken the antibiotics she had prescribed for him,
cleared
away the dishes that were now pretty close to polished clean, and then left
them
to it, pausing only to caution Mulder against allowing Alex to overdo things.
He
was still weak, and a little feverish. He had to be in a lot of pain, but he
was
already making noises about getting up and carrying on as usual. Scully had
let
the two of them know in no uncertain terms just how she would deal with the
pair
of them, should they allow Alex to make himself any worse.
As she let herself out, Alex grinned hazily up at Fox.
"Now there's a terrific houseguest. Brings the food, cooks, cleans up and
goes.
Invite her again if you like." Mulder stroked Alex's smooth flank, needing to
touch Alex, but not quite sure yet if his caresses would be welcome.
"She's okay, Scully. I think sometimes that she understands you better than
I
do. Help me to understand you, baby. I can't bear to see you hurting any
more."
He lay alongside Alex, leaning up on one elbow as he searched Alex's face.
"Fox, I can't explain myself. So many things have happened to me, to bring
me to
where I am now." Alex spoke in a rush, his words tumbling over one another
in
their efforts to be released.
Mulder laid a hand against Alex's face, gently turning him until the two of
them
were eye to eye, the tips of their noses almost touching. Alex extended the
tip
of a very pink tongue once again, reaching to touch it to Mulder's lips, before
relaxing back once more.
"Baby, tell me something about yourself. Something you think I really need to
know. Just one thing." Alex considered him, peeping at him slyly from
beneath
his sinfully long lashes, before smiling a tiny smile that just missed being a
self-satisfied smirk.
"When I was at Quantico, I really did stick up for you. It wasn't a lie."
Mulder
felt stunned. He didn't know what to say. At that minute he was fighting a
losing battle with his libido. Alex's artlessly seductive manner was getting
to
him, and the urge to move in just that little bit further and place his lips
against that perfect mouth was almost too much for him to bear.
He rolled back to lay against the pillows, trying hard to keep himself under
control.
The pain medication that Scully had slipped into Alex's orange juice was
beginning to take effect. As Mulder was manfully struggling not to start at
Alex's toes and devour him entirely, the object of Mulder's longing was
getting
sleepy. Mulder was dumbfounded as Alex crept over to him, pushed and
plumped on
him as if he were a pillow that needed to be fluffed, tucked his head into
Mulder's shoulder, then fell deeply asleep again.
Mulder lay there staring at the ceiling and opened his mouth to let out a long,
silent wail. He was going nuts. Such was life with a sex god.
He looked down at the soft, dark head lying so sweetly against him. How could
a
man have such a beautifully shaped head? Not only was his head perfectly
shaped,
even Alex's ears were lovely. Mulder hadn't been able to isolate the word that
described that nose, no words he found so far did it justice. He had spent one
entire day in the FBI library just looking up words that might describe Alex's
nose, but nada. Not one did it.
That had been the day he fully realized his obsession with Alex. He knew that
he
was going to give up years of his life if he tried to describe Alex's eyes.
Even
the color had no real word. Green was just a driver's license description.
He had seen lots of beautiful bodies in his life - most of them dead of course,
but still beautiful. There was a quality inside Alex that lit the spark of
seductiveness, turning it into an inferno. It was always there, burning bright,
even now as Alex slept. He even breathed sexy.
That was Mulder's last straw so he gently unfolded the doped man from
himself and
headed toward the bathroom. What a week! At least in the past he had been
able to
come home to Alex to let that fire burn out his problems, but now he seemed
to be
the water that almost quenched the fire. Self-revelation was not nearly as
satisfying as self-fulfillment. When you have a sex god knocked out and cozy
in
your bed, a man had to do what a man had to do.
Fox Mulder gave himself a mental shake and headed for the shower. Turning
on the
water, he waited for the flow to grow warm and stepped underneath it.
Grimly, he
surveyed the effect that watching Alex had produced on him, and sighed. He
could
jerk off - again - true, but what would be the point?
Soaping his body up, he allowed himself to picture the clean limbs and
sleeping
features of the man currently slumbering in his bed. He allowed the warmth
of
the water to batter his limbs, feeling the sensuous patter of the flow on his
body. He hissed in a breath as he felt the run-off trickle down the inside of
his thighs, and then, regretfully, he turned the water over to cold. Teeth
gritted, he allowed the shock of it to cool his ardor, causing his penis to
shrink down and his breath to catch with the sheer, heart-stopping blast.
He was going to wait. He was going to prove to Alex somehow that he was
more
than just a bunch of wants and needs. He loved Alex, and he would wait for
him
to lead in their newly re-worked, fledgling relationship. He was going to
prove that he didn't always need instant gratification. He was going to show
Alex that he loved him enough to give him anything he wanted, even if it
meant
that he had blue balls.
Shivering and wishing that life were kinder, he stepped out from under the
punishing stream, and reached for a towel to dry himself. Taking the razor,
he
soaped his face, shaving efficiently, and then slapped on cologne that stung
his
face, making him curse like a stevedore.
Dressing himself in his casual clothes, he headed out of the apartment and
off to
the mall. He had decided that he was going to make Alex feel loved if it
killed
him.
Making for the first store on his mental list, he made a few purchases. He
bought sweet scented massage oil, a variety of candles in different shapes
and
fragrances, and a butt plug. Having found the bathroom, he took a minute of
two
to insert the plug, happy in the knowledge that discomfort now would become
pleasure later.
He bought a bunch of sweet scented roses, and a quart of Black Forest ice
cream,
a bottle of Stoli and a jug of cranberry juice. Finally, he went looking for
an
outfit, feeling rather silly, but sure that Alex would be worth it.
He bought a raw silk shirt and a pair of tight pants that clung nicely to his
ass. He was going to make Alex know that he was not only his chosen
companion,
but also the most important thing in his life.
Returning home, he found Alex still sleeping. Swiftly stowing everything he
had
bought, he found his laptop where he had left it, settled down in the chair in
the bedroom, and began his wait for Alex to wake up once more. He knew
that
there would be much discussion before the two of them would be able to
make love
again, but at least the way was open now for the two of them to get things
straightened out. They never again would have the same problems.
He was content. Somewhere inside him, lurked a feeling of excitement. He
and
Alex would be closer together than ever before this episode was closed. He
couldn't wait.
He had been working at his laptop when the telephone rang. Scully was calling
to
check in, as reliable as the phases of the moon.
"How is he, Mulder?" Straight to the point as always.
"Still sleeping, after that Orange Juice Mickey you slipped him. Thanks for
doing
it, he was in a lot of pain," Mulder was downright jovial about her sly doping
of
his lover.
"Would you have been able to get a pill into him any other way?" she asked,
matching his jovial tone.
"Yeah, I probably could have managed a suppository but you would have had
to make
another house call just to identify my remains."
Scully had let out a very distinct snort at the mental image. "You sound good,
better than you have in a long time." She was still taking temperatures.
"I am, Scully. Thank you. For everything." Mulder knew she'd get all the
inflections. It suddenly occurred to him that it was no wonder this
relationship
made Alex so jealous. For the first time, he was seeing things from Alex's
perspective.
"Keep him on the painkillers at least through the night. They have a side
effect,
they are natural anti-inhibitors . . ."
" . . . So that is why he's been talking so much!" Mulder finished the
sentence,
as he finally understood Alex's unusual verbosity earlier in the day.
"I thought you might like to know, this might be a good time . . ."
" . . . He's opened up more in the last few hours than ever before. Think it
would be ethically justifiable to keep him drugged forever?"
"Nope. You still have your own work to do." Scully wasn't leaving him any room
for squirming. They said their good-byes. Mulder heard coughing from the
bedroom
and headed in to check on Alex.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he reached over and put his hand on Alex's
pale
forehead. It was still too warm. He was being peered at by a half-awake
beauty in
serious need of a shave and sporting a spectacular case of 'bed hair'. Mulder
leaned into his warmth, stroking Alex's shoulders,
"Don't you ever look bad?" He murmured. "It would help so much if you could
just
not look so damn beautiful all the time." He was now gently rubbing Alex's
back
as he talked, "Get fat. Look dissipated. Have the decency to at least look
terrible once in a while," he said in a truly exasperated tone. His little
tirade
was rewarded with soft snickering.
"Feed me." Alex attempted to roll over, but he stopped abruptly, and his face
drained of color.
"Stay still," Mulder commanded. "Let me help you". He gently took the
wounded man
in his arms, helping him finish the turn. He propped him in the bed with plenty
of pillows to support him, and one under his aching right arm. Mulder sat
beside
Alex and stroked his forehead until his breathing became less harsh.
"I have some food ready. You still hungry?" He knew the answer to that.
Alex
was always hungry.
Alex nodded, momentarily spent from the fierce pain. Mulder kissed the pale
face
and went toward the kitchen. When he returned, he had a large tray set with
soup,
sandwiches, white chocolate cherries and more orange juice. Alex's eyes
were
closed but he snapped them open when he smelled the food. They began a
quiet
meal; Mulder really did have to feed Alex. His arm was too sore to move and
when
he insisted, it was unsteady, so in the interest of getting food into rather
than
on himself, he let Mulder do all the work.
Alex had noticed the red rose in the water glass that was sitting on the tray.
He
looked at it intently, and asked Mulder to bring it close so he could smell it.
Mulder watched as Alex inhaled the fragrance and closed his eyes, looking like
a
vintner tasting an excellent wine. Again Mulder marveled at what he didn't
know
about this man. Alex opened his eyes just a bit, the lashes covering his
expression.
"What's a guy got to do to get one of those cherries?" he husked.
It was the most erotic moment in Mulder's life. Alex, supine in his bed, the
red
rose highlighting the beauty of his skin, peeping at him as he thrummed for
chocolate. Mulder took a moment to catch his breath, letting his memory
record
this moment indelibly.
"A guy has to take his antibiotics and pain medication first," He was finally
able to answer.
"No."
"Yes."
"NO!"
"I also have ice cream", Mulder was playing rough now, determined to get the
pills into Alex. He could see the other man was hurting badly. He was not
going
to lose this battle of wills.
Silence. Long silence. The two men watched each other, unmoving, unyielding.
"Black Forest Ice Cream," Mulder finally broke the silence.
"Damn!" The soft sigh was barely perceptible. He gave Alex the pills, leaving
the
rule unspoken between them that first came the medicine, then the treats.
They shared the ice cream and the cherries, savoring every bite. Mulder was
having a wonderful time feeding Alex, and his lover was enjoying being
pampered.
Mulder held out the last white chocolate cherry.
"It's yours if you tell me something else about yourself that I don't know," he
teased. Alex could never leave any sweets in the apartment, if they were
there,
he was obsessive about hunting them down. Mulder dangled the cherry in
front of
him. Alex snapped his teeth at it, almost catching it and surprising Mulder
into
sharp laughter.
"You Russian sweet-hound!" he exclaimed. The cherry was now dangled a safe
distance away from its predator.
"I'm not Russian," Alex said mildly. This was chased by a brief yawn. The pain
medication was kicking in, in every way. Mulder stayed silent.
"My mother was Tartar, so I am considered Tartar."
"That's Mongolian, isn't it?" Incredible, it fit so well. Alex's beauty, his
large beautiful eyes with those unbelievable lashes, lush dark hair and pale
skin, the elegantly molded body were all exotic.
"Yes. My mother was a direct descendant of Genghis Kahn. She was tribal
royalty."
"Alex, baby, is this the truth?" Mulder asked, incredulous.
"Umhuh, I spoke Mongolian until I was 5. I could ride a horse before I could
walk
and I could cut your head off with a sabre, so give me that cherry!"
Mulder did.
"What about your father?" Alex had intrigued Mulder far more than he had
ever
anticipated.
"She chose him from outside of the tribe. She read in the ashes that he
would
give her a manchild. He was a warrior, a Russian. As royalty, she had the
right
to choose the father for her child. He never knew about me, she took what
she
wanted from him and the tribe disappeared back onto the steppes."
Here was a Tolstoy character incarnate reclining in his bed.
"Tell me more," Mulder prompted. He had mentally shifted from bleak D.C.
into a
world of grand adventure. That it was over the top was what made him
believe
Alex. Plus the man was pumped full of the equivalent of a truth serum.
"Enough for now," Alex answered. He suspected he had talked too much but
he
didn't know how it had happened. "I didn't mean to tell you so much", he
mumbled.
"You're safe, baby, I will keep all your secrets," Mulder reassured him.
"Am I safe with you?" Alex asked, his voice trembling.
Mulder leaned in until he was right in front of Alex's face.
"Yes. I promise. You are safe with me from this moment on."
A gentle smile crossed the tired man's face.
"That's all I ever wanted."
"I've never given anyone all they ever wanted before. I am going to love doing
it for you," was Mulder's tender reply.
There was no response. His stomach full, and his mind eased by the gentle
words
of the man he loved, Alex had allowed the medication to bear him away to
dreamland.
Part 6
Mulder stood gazing down on his lover. His heart was so full that he felt as
if
he could no longer contain it. He wanted to hold Alex tightly. He wanted to
kiss him until their lips bled, and then to smear the blood until it mingled.
He
wanted somehow to climb inside of Alex's skin so that the two of them could
no
longer ever be parted. He was sure of his love for Alex, as he was sure he
needed oxygen. Somehow, from being a treacherous rat-bastard that
required
battering and chastising for his crimes, Alex had become his lodestar.
Without
Alex in his life, Mulder no longer knew how to function.
He glanced at his watch. It was still early, and he knew that he wouldn't
sleep.
He dropped to his knees beside Alex, unwilling to wake him from his healing
rest,
but desperate to touch him, to know him in ways he hadn't even realized
existed
until now.
He studied the features of his enigmatic beloved, at rest as he was. He had
seen
this face contorted in anger. He had seen it softened by love for him, and he
had seen it most frequently hidden by a mask that gave away nothing of the
man
behind it.
Gazing down at him now, he drank in the beauty of bone lying spare beneath
the
smooth, concealing flesh. He took in the mystery of darkened hollows, filled
with blue-veined, translucent lids beneath which lay green, inquisitive depths.
This man was totally unfathomable, and he, Mulder, wouldn't have it any other
way.
He stooped, brushing his lips against Alex's. He could do this, he knew he
could. He could avoid the easy lure of jerking himself off, because his Alex
was
sick. When he became well again, Mulder would be ready for him. That would
be
soon enough.
He turned to find his running gear, dressed himself, and left the apartment,
sublimating all his energies into the length of his stride, pushing himself
hard
as he paced through the lamplit world of the evening.
On his return, his first care was to check on Alex. He was lying quietly, but
the flash of eyes in the light from the doorway told Mulder that he wasn't
sleeping. He moved to the bedside, and saw Alex's teeth gleam in a pirate
smile
as he inhaled the rich scent of Mulder's exercising.
Kneeling to bring his face in line with that of his love, he placed his
forehead
against Alex's, and murmured his hello.
"You smell good." The roughened edges of his chocolate voice trailed over
Mulder's senses, and he shivered.
"Just doing a little sublimating, baby. I want you so much. I've got to get a
hobby." Mulder's words were self-deprecating, and he invited Alex to share in
the joke.
"I know how it is. Me too," Alex confided, and Mulder could see that there was
indeed a growing presence beneath the bedclothes. He kissed Alex gently.
"I can help you out there, love. Just give me a chance." Carefully, trying
not
to disturb the injured man, he felt beneath the covers, fingers dancing over
lean
flesh to discover the source of Alex's discomfort lying long and heated
against
his belly.
Mulder took hold of it, and Alex gasped, leaning his head back, and closed his
eyes. Realizing that masturbation was probably going to be far too painful
for
Alex to contemplate, Mulder rolled back the bedclothes, revealing Alex's
cock,
licked his lips, and went down on him.
This was no tease. This was a prescription for pleasure as Mulder used his
mouth
to draw that pleasure into the man he loved, sucking hard at the glossy
purple of
the head, running his tongue around it, before sinking down to engulf it
utterly.
Alex's hips jerked uncontrollably once, then twice, and at last a third time as
Mulder stroked his tight balls, and they gave up their bitter content. The
wordless cry and the bitten lip let him know that he had made Alex feel
good.
Tenderly replacing the covers, he brushed Alex's lips with his own, and turned
to
go and take yet another cold shower.
Make that a freezing shower. Mulder was determined to prove he had
self-restraint. Years ago, Scully had suggested that he look up the word
since he
clearly had no concept of what it meant. Now his behavior had literally
shredded
Alex. Mulder's empathy was emerging from its burrow, poking its head into
the
light, bewildered and blinking at being roused from dormancy. It really,
really
wanted to slink back down into the sweet cobwebby places again. He knew he
had to
get it into action before it did.
Toweling his hair, he walked into the bedroom. Alex was sitting up, his long
legs
planted over the side of the bed as he began an attempt to rise.
"What are you doing!" burst out of Mulder. He was about to remonstrate
further
but his exclamation had gained him a searing flash of green. Those eyes had
their
own language, equal parts threat, promise, death and delight. Mulder thought
that
Alex should have them registered as a deadly weapon. No wonder the man
talked so
little, his entire body was a vocabulary.
"I need to move around" Alex spoke straight ahead, not turning to look at
Mulder
again. He was concentrating on fighting the pills and pain to get to his
feet.
"No you don't, you need to stay still, you are too weak to be moving around."
Mulder was adamant, firm.
"Fuck weak," hissed out to him. So much for firmness.
Mulder moved over to Alex, placing his hands on both shoulders to hold the
other
man down on the bed and keep him from rising.
"Help me, or get the hell out of my way, but don't pretend you can stop me",
Alex
still did not look at Mulder. He spoke coldly. The implied threat as
substantial
as nitroglycerine about to start shaking.
Mulder knelt down until he was on eye level with Alex. Now he had to back up
his
previous promises, he had to find a way to communicate with his primal
lover. The
idea of putting out a fresh haunch of meat surrounded by Godiva chocolates
flitted through his mind but it would never work with Alex. He'd be putting a
Band-Aid on a shotgun wound.
"Tell me why it is necessary for you to get up, okay? That's all I want to
know",
Mulder's tone was conversational.
Alex sent a seething glare through him, tossed his head restlessly, and rolled
his shoulders.
"I'm bunched up", his voice was almost inaudible, so low that he rumbled.
Mulder
recognized a known danger signal.
Mulder fought a smile, but the smile won.
"You're what? Bunched up?" Mulder was giggling now.
The glare lost all heat. It became glacial.
Mulder was trying so hard, but he was totally taken off guard and he just
kept up
that damn giggling.
"Bbbbbbunched uuuup?" he was finally able to squeak out. The squeak became
a howl
when Alex whipped his head toward him and bit his nose. Hard.
"OOOOOOowwwwwwwwwww! Hey! I fed you dammit, you can't be hungry again!"
It was now Alex's turn to be taken off guard. He let out a shout of laughter,
brief and unexpected.
The two men both recognized the absurdity of the situation at the same
time. They
fell silent and looked down at their feet, like two little boys caught stealing
butter beans from their neighbor's garden.
Mulder spoke first, "Alex, what do you need? Tell me what you need, baby."
He was
calm, focused on his volatile lover, ignoring his throbbing nose, focused with
the eerie Mulder concentration. It was the first time in any instance other
than
a sexual one that Alex had ever been the recipient of that focus. It began to
calm him, work its magic and take away the turmoil. Mulder's full attention
filled him with an inner stillness he could never achieve on his own. He looked
up and met the other man's eyes. This feeling was new to him. It was
blissful.
He spoke quietly,
"I need to piss".
Mulder knew they had made a major breakthrough. Self restraint was kicking
the
inside of his head the same way a baby kicks inside its mother, getting his
attention, demanding recognition. He gave in and listened to it. Don't try to
squeeze too hard now, be nonchalant. Let the moment flow.
He smiled at Alex, a natural smile, with a happy little quirk to its corner.
"How about you lie back down, and I get the jug that Scully left and you can
use
that? Hmm, baby? It won't hurt you that way, it's the smart thing to do, not
the
weak thing," his voice was full of good humor but not mocking. He watched as
Alex
visibly began to relax his body. A small groan escaped him, being tensed for a
fight while in such bad shape took a toll.
Mulder thought quickly, he could offer to help Alex, but empathy spoke up
and
told him not to. Not now, let him make his own choice. Alex slowly scrooched
back
on the bed, lying his head on the pillows. He was sweating, the exertion of
getting up, together with the confrontation had weakened him. Fox checked
him
over with a brief glance and went and got the urine bottle. He knelt beside
the
bed and held the bottle while Alex relieved himself. Getting to his feet he
took
the bottle into the bathroom and rinsed it with soapy water. His nose was
beginning to hurt. He checked in his shaving mirror and saw that he was going
to
have a glorious bruise but his skin had not been broken.
He heard a soft call from the bedroom. Walking in, Alex motioned for him to
sit
on the bed. Alex looked at his nose for a moment then lowered his lashes,
"I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted. I shouldn't have laughed. No wait. Alex, sometimes you
are
just funny and you don't even realize it. 'Bunched up' was funny. I was
couldn't
help laughing, but I wasn't making fun of you. I was laughing because it was so
unique, so you and I love that."
"Like I love your arrogance?"
"Yes, good point. I love the things that make you you, just like you love
those qualities in me."
"You think I'm funny?" This was asked in a genuine incredulous tone.
"Absolutely, my beautiful one. Your mind, intellect, and wit are a constant
source of pleasure for me. No one anywhere is anything like you. I had no
choice
but to love you, you're irresistible to me in every way."
"I'm your little X File," said tonelessly, flat.
"You are Alex, my beloved, my other half, the diviner of my soul and my
heart's
delight. You're my reason for living. You are not my little X File".
Serious green eyes studied him intently, weaving past his expression, making
way
into his essence, waiting to be hurt, ready to snap shut and keep out the
darkness of pain. For the first time, they found no reason to fear or flee.
Alex
let out a quiet breath that turned into a sigh. It started from his toes and
worked its way out of his body, taking all the fear with it. When it left,
stillness came in to refill the empty places. Blessed stillness that only
Mulder
could ever have given to him. All he'd ever wanted. He shuddered from the
alien
feel, giving it time to find its place in him.
Mulder saw all these things. He wouldn't have a week ago, but this terrible
week
had made him raw also and his rawness brought extra sensitivity and he saw.
He
understood.
"How about I give you a nice sponge bath and a shave? Will you let me do that,
Alexei?" He asked quietly, not telling, not insisting but asking permission,
admitting that Alex had the right to refuse, and acknowledging for the first
time
they were equals. Asking to be allowed to help the person he loved more than
himself.
"Hmmmm", Alex was thrumming again. Mulder loved that sound, only he ever
got to
hear it. Only he could cause it to manifest. That was all the answer he
needed.
Mulder retreated to the bathroom and collected Alex's things together. Once
he
had razor, foam, cologne, a couple of large towels and a comb together, he
brought them through to lay beside the bed, and then ambled off for more
supplies, leaving Alex looking content as he watched.
Eventually he had everything that he thought he might need, and came in
bearing a
large bowl of water from which the steam was rising. Setting it down on the
floor, he pulled back the duvet, and exposed his lover's naked body.
Pausing to survey the lean length of him, Mulder took in the narrow feet, the
long, sturdy legs with their sprinkling of hairs. Those legs lead up to ivory
hips separated by the flat belly, the wisp of fuzz that thickened at his groin
into a floss of dark curls, and the lolling brown of his genitalia, neatly
curled
at rest between his legs.
As his glance traveled upward over the deep muscles of his chest, the
dressings
that Scully had applied stood out from Alex's pale skin. His arm lay on the
pillow, bandaged from elbow to shoulder, and his chest and shoulders were
also
shrouded in gauze. Alex lay against his bank of pillows, observing Fox take
inventory, his lips quirked in the vaguest ghost of a smile as he did so. The
smile broadened as he watched Fox remove his shirt, followed by the sweat
pants
he wore, leaving him clad only in his Calvin Klein's, and Alex lowered his lids
in a deliberately lascivious movement that sent a sudden rush of strange
creatures to flutter in Mulder's belly.
Raising Alex's feet, Fox slid a towel beneath them, and began to apply soap to
a
large brown sponge. Wielding it briskly, He sat on the edge of the bed,
picked
up one leg, and began to apply the soap. Lathering, stroking, and then
rinsing,
he worked his way up the first leg, finally drying it tenderly and laying it
aside while he focused on the other one. Once he had cleansed both legs, he
dried them off gently and moved up sit beside Alex.
Alex, who had viewed his lover's proceedings with a smile, looked a little
disappointed when Fox turned his attention to the recumbent man's face,
first
washing it tenderly, and then raising him gently so that he could give Alex's
neck and shoulders the same treatment. Once he had finished passing the
face
cloth over the sweat-slick skin, he thrust a hand behind Alex's shoulders to
pull
him forward just enough to drape a towel around his neck, a little clumsy with
the bandages that still covered his own hand.
When he picked up the canister of shaving foam, squirted a little into the
palm
of his hand and then began to apply it to Alex's stubbly chin, the recipient of
this honor began to giggle. As Fox traced the jaw, the cheeks and the chin of
his beloved with the fragrant white soap, Alex's laughter grew. In an
exasperated moment, Fox took a dollop of foam and transferred it to the tip
of
Alex's nose, and grinned at the sudden cessation of the hilarity. Sitting as
close to him on the bed as he could, Fox began to shave Alex, Alex pulling
faces
to stretch his skin tight for his lover, and Fox's face coming out in sympathy
as
he worked.
Deftly wielding the razor, Mulder began to clear the undergrowth that
obscured
Alex's features, and as he got half way around the beautiful face, he
paused.
"Baby, you look so cute, I could eat you." Alex peeped at him through lowered
lashes, and Mulder's belly flipped strangely, making him gasp. He leaned
forward
to brush his lips over Alex's parted ones, and again, sending his tongue to
flicker in a tantalizing tease of the other man's mouth. Drawing away, he
searched Alex's half-shaven face, dwelling on the languorous droop of his
half-veiled eyes, the beauty of his finely molded mouth and the way that his
tongue tip licked delicately, cat-like, tasting the traces of Mulder's kiss.
He was lost. Hordes of tiny fluttering creatures invaded him, and he felt his
cock shudder and rise. He leaned forward again to lick softly at the lips,
slip
inside them to seek out that pink and pointed tongue, and his lips touched,
then
pressed, and at last crushed down on Alex's mouth as he kissed
Alex with all the soul that he had. The foam that covered Alex's cheek spread
out
until it smeared Fox too, and still they kissed, Fox delving in to explore the
hard barrier of teeth, and the softness that lay beyond, tasting, touching,
and
cataloguing.
Breaking apart at last, Fox realized that he would need to put more foam on
Alex
if he were to complete the business of removing his whiskers. About the
only
patch that remained on his lover's face was the dollop he had stuck on his
nose.
Amazingly enough it remained. Fox schooled his features into a solemn
expression
and began to replenish the shaving cream. Alex gave him a flirtatious
sideways
look and began to do his Santa Clause impression, and then Mulder found
himself
giving Alex a white, foamy beard and bushy white eyebrows.
"You looked like a bear backing out of a hole. Now you look like my
Granddad."
Mulder caught hold of the towel once more, as Alex said mildly, "Come on,
Fox,
shave me, It's cold under here."
Contrite, Fox turned to pull the duvet over Alex, but Alex shook his head,
"No, I meant under the foam. Come on. Get it off me, baby, please." Grinning
at
him, Mulder picked up the neglected razor and re-applied it, removing the
foam
from the area he had already shaved before progressing round to the other
side.
Watching Alex preen under this treatment, he wanted so badly to hold him
tightly
and make love to him that he thought he might explode, but he continued
until the
rest of his lover's face was devoid of whisker. Rinsing the razor off one
more
time, he lifted his hand to the foam covered eyebrows, and Alex's eyes
opened
wide.
"You wouldn't." The breathy protest was soft, but Fox paused, and smiled
into
his lover's eyes, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Is that a challenge, baby?" He placed a soft kiss on the lips so close to
his.
"Fuck, no. I look ridiculous without my eyebrows." The aggrieved voice made
Fox
snicker.
"How the hell do you know?" He inquired politely, trying to imagine the way
Alex
would look. Alex merely grunted at him, refusing to be drawn, and Mulder
finally
completed the shave, laying the razor aside and taking the cloth to wipe all
traces of the foam from the face of his lover.
"Why is your hand in bandages?" Alex had noticed, and Mulder blushed,
resisting
the urge to hide his injured paw behind his back.
"I hit it on something." He mumbled. Alex ducked his head then to place a
kiss
on the bandage that covered his hand, and Fox froze, before sweeping Alex
up into
his arms, and kissing him as hard and as passionately as he could. The kiss
deepened until he suddenly recalled, contrite all of a sudden, that Alex was
suffering from severely infected wounds, and that his very passion could be
hurting him.
Slowly releasing him, settling him back against the pillows, Mulder turned
back
to his task, and resumed his bathing of his beloved's body. Soaping up the
flannel, he passed it over the smooth sides, the shoulder with its terribly
ruined arm, concentrating on the armpit. Then he switched, attacking the
injured
side. Mulder cleansed his lover, slowly, gently, and thoroughly,
devoting the care and attention to each new part of Alex that it deserved.
At last, only the genitals remained, and Fox turned his attention to them,
washing them, patting them gently dry, and kissing them gently before
drawing the
duvet up once again to cover Alex.
As much as Alex reveled in all of Mulder's attentions and ministrations, it
was
clear they had also exhausted him. Signs that only Mulder could read showed
the
younger man was in pain again, needing rest. Alex had grown quiet, his left
shoulder hitched slightly, he was breathing through his mouth, all things that
Mulder knew were signs of unspoken distress. He had been surprised at how
much
he'd enjoyed caring for his lover. Mulder was new to being careful on
someone
else's behalf. He hadn't the experience to know the act ministered to both
parties. It was something he was noting, filing away to think about later.
Right
now, he wanted to find a way to have Alex get the rest he needed, aware as
he was
of Alex's intense dislike of feeling 'managed'.
Mulder kneeled down by the bed so he could get close to Alex's luminous eyes.
The
two men watched each other in silence for several moments, each enjoying
the
simple pleasures of having the other near. Mulder reached over and began to
casually stroke Alex's glossy, dark hair. The loving gesture took on so much
more
meaning when he considered that no one ever did so twice if they did not
have his
permission. Having a broken hand in a cast for six weeks tended to cause
people
to remember not to make the same mistake.
"Alexei, I'm tired. I need to catch up on some rest, so how about I go take a
nap
on the couch for a while. Do you mind?" Mulder asked.
"Sleep here", was the soft response.
Mulder gently climbed into the bed, making himself comfortable on his side,
arranging pillows, making sleepy sounds as he puttered. After he had settled,
the
warm body beside him began to snuggle over to him, tucking into him and
conforming to his body. Mulder pulled the blankets over them both, keeping
Alex
warm. The dark head lay on his shoulder, and he reached out and closed his
arms
around the broad shoulders and deep chest. The two men gradually settled in
and
grew still. After a very brief time, Mulder heard soft snoring.
How easy that had been, he thought. They would still have been in a tug of
wills
if he had insisted that Alex needed to sleep. With a less demanding approach,
the
two of them had bedded down peacefully. He began to reflect on the
differences
his new behavior with his tempestuous lover had produced. It could have been
like
this all along if he had been paying attention. Living together was never going
to be smooth, but it also didn't have to be so difficult. When he vowed to
change
for Alex's sake he had no concept that he would also benefit.
He mentally sifted through the things he had been observing and began to
ponder
on them. There was a lot for Mulder to absorb, he was determined not to
make the
same mistakes with Alex again. He didn't think either one of them would live
through it if he did. Holding onto his precious love, he too slipped into
contented sleep.
Part 7
The morning came slithering past the drawn drapes, and poked shiny fingers
into
the eyes of the two sleeping men. Alex lay tangled up in the arms of his
lover,
and for a change, he slept soundly, as dead to the world as though he had
finally
learned to trust.
Mulder was the first to wake, feeling the heat of close contact with Alex as
if
it were a prize he had won. He resisted his first impulse, which was to hug
the
sleeping man until he was breathless, and slowly rolled until he could watch
his
love sleeping.
Alex lay snuggled against him, his short hair standing in spikes and his tender
mouth slightly open as he snored faintly. His lashes curled thickly against
translucent cheeks that curved into stubble-stained chin. The innocence
that
shone from him was not even slightly tainted by the slender neck, and the
delicate molding of his lips. Mulder thought that he could watch him for the
rest of his life.
As ever, the weight of Mulder's gaze told on Alex, and instinct kicked in.
Before
many more minutes had passed by, Mulder saw the flutter of lashes that
raised a
mere fraction, permitting Alex to see without being seen. Another instant,
and
the faintest crinkle appeared above his nose, just between his brows as
Mulder
watched, and saw wakefulness cross his face like the tide. When finally he
found
himself under the scrutiny of a pair of brilliant green eyes, Fox was trembling
with the need to hold back and not touch, not hurt, not frighten his lover
away.
Alex smiled. It was a smile without artifice, and for the first time Fox felt
his head reel as he realized just what he had found, and how close he had
come to
losing it. For Mulder, time started there and then, with that smile. Alex's
face lit up the room in a way that the sunlight could not, and Fox thought to
himself that he could drown happily inside that smile, if only Alex would
continue to show it to him.
"Good morning, baby. How do you feel?" The words in themselves were
mundane,
but the response they evoked turned them into magic, glittering in the air
between them. Alex grinned at him, lazily stretching, and the sweat-slick
sheen
of sickness he had worn for the past day or so seemed hardly noticeable.
"Feel pretty good, Fox. Hungry. You gonna feed me?" The tip of a pinkly
curled
tongue swiped at the rose of Alex's lips, and Fox couldn't hold himself back
now.
Leaning forward to place his own needful mouth to Alex, he sank himself into
a
kissing that was soft, but insistent, and which had total possession as its
hidden agenda.
Alex chuckled faintly as his mouth met and was consumed by Mulder's. He
melted
into the warmth of closeness, and his arm, swathed in bandages as it was,
moved
clumsily to lie around Fox as they kissed each other breathless.
When at last Mulder broke away, he was trembling; his whole body a
testament to
the desire he was trying to control.
Grinning hugely at nothing, and possibly happier than he had ever felt, Fox
Mulder hopped out of the bed and took himself off to find sustenance for his
lover. When Dana Scully finally appeared, a little while later, she found
the two of them eating toast and laughing at jokes only they could
understand.
On the wall beside Alex, Mulder had put up his poster, which read 'I want to
believe', and now the two of them were bickering amicably about whether or
not it
was straight between bites of thickly buttered toast.
As she began to remove Alex's dressings to check on the state of his
wounds, he
smiled shyly at her.
"Thanks, Scully. It's getting better now." Looking down at him, she shook
her
head and affected as stern an expression as she could manage.
"Don't you try and sweet talk me. I know your kind. Give you an inch and you
take more than just a mile. You're lucky I didn't bring my whip with me. You
deserve to be beaten, you. you. " Alex's eyes had widened a little as she
started
to speak, but as the speech progressed, he had grinned lazily, and then begun
to
chuckle, until finally her chastisement had disintegrated into giggles.
Mulder,
feeling somewhat left out, lounged on the bed watching the interplay between
the
two of them, and shaking his head in wonder.
Scully sat more of her endless supply of pills on the breakfast tray,
explaining
to the two men when and how Alex was to take them. Alex wrinkled his nose
in
frustration at being told he still needed to be medicated but his demeanor
was
remarkably calm, the most he allowed himself was a swift lowering of his
lashes
so he could peep out at the small redhead. A twinkle started in Mulder's eye
and
wove its way down to his mouth, he was having a delightful time observing
the
enormous change in both of his partners attitudes towards one another.
Having succeeded in giving out all the information without having even one
bottle
hurtle through the room, Scully felt comfortable enough to do a more serious
examination of Alex's unbandaged, healing wounds. She started with a
perfunctory
hand on his forehead, the classic female gesture of concern.
Once more, Alex commented on her using her hand instead of the digital
thermometer. He probably would have remained his usual silent self, but he
needed
to gain a little ground after being told he still needed to take the affronting
medicines.
"Again with the hand on the brow? Where's that high tech gadget Fox had?
He kept
menacing my ear with it every time he came near me. I guess I'm lucky he
didn't
feel the need to stick it up my ass." She gave him a level stare.
"I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time." She was rewarded with a laugh.
Alex's
eyes gleamed at her from beneath lowered lashes, as he took her measure,
and
found her more interesting than he had believed.
The back and forth banter would probably gone by without remembrance, but
Scully
had never, in all the years and all the encounters, heard Alex laugh. It was a
heady, sweet sound. Almost childlike in its breathy expulsion. How long has it
been, she thought, since this man had laughed? Is laughter like other
expressions of emotions and if not exercised it doesn't mature and lose its
inherent youthful simplicity? She looked over to Mulder, catching him
watching
his lover, mesmerized. He was also affected by hearing the unexpected
laughter.
The two of them looked up at the same time, holding
each other's eyes as they shared the same thoughts. Sharing thoughts for
the
first time about Alex, it was a time of breakthroughs for all of them.
Back to business again, she ran her fingers lightly around the healing scars
on
Alex's body. He had done much damage to himself.
Alex lay quietly, unflinching at what she knew had to be a very painful
examination. Mulder pulled in closer, knowing she was being as cautious as
possible but aware Alex was in pain. Alex lay his head back on the pillows, his
only concession to distress, and as she continued up onto his arm, Fox began
softly stroking the dark hair in a soothing rhythm. For all the quiet
languidity
of the morning, he never lost his awareness that his lover was an
unpredictable,
dangerous being. Fox wanted Alex to be cared for, but he also wanted to
keep
Scully safe should Alex become distressed and turn on her out of an
instinctive
need to stop the pain.
Finally, she was finished, never commenting on the extent of the scarring.
She
too, was aware that they had been spending a gentle moment with someone
who could
instantaneously become lethal. Scully was not about to push Alex. She
suspected
that he was not in complete control of himself, ever. Feral reactions came
from
him so readily, she had observed he had to put effort into bringing civilized
behavior to the forefront.
She began to re bandage his arm and torso. Something crossed her mind,
something
she would have discarded even attempting previously but she decided to try
and
make the connection now.
"Mulder, would you get me a mug of hot tea, please?"
"Coming right up. Do you want no-name brand, or my treasured 16-year-old
Earl
Grey tea bag?
Her eyebrows rose significantly. "You have a 16-year-old tea bag?" Mulder,
you
amaze me.
"Hey, I amaze myself. It came straight from Oxford. I packed it when I came
home
from college," he beamed at her as he gave his explanation. "It was old when I
got it so I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt when I say it's merely
16-years-old. If you don't use it, I'm going to have to sign it up for Social
Security".
Now it was her turn to wrinkle her nose, "Give me the no-name brand,
please".
When Mulder was safely out of earshot, she looked down at Alex. "I'd like to
ask
you something," she ventured.
He looked up at her in curiosity and nodded his assent.
"What does Mulder's poster mean to you, Alex?"
He looked from her to the poster, and then dropped his eyes, almost as if he
were
shy. Scully wouldn't normally have noticed, but as a faint flush crept over
his
cheek, she put out her hand to lay it against his face.
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me, you know. I was just curious. It
seems
to mean so much." She began to withdraw her hand, and he leaned his face
into
it, and then shyly peeped at her from under those thick lashes, as though
measuring her.
"It's okay. I don't mind." The breathy tone floated to her, and she sat
beside
him, her hand still on his cheek. "I gave it to him, way back when you were at
Quantico and I was his partner." The flush deepened on his neck as he spoke,
and
he fell silent once more. Scully waited, not sure if she
would hear more, or if he had finished.
Mulder could be heard in the background, muttering to himself as he did
things in
the kitchen, and Scully had almost decided that Alex was not going to confide
any
further in her when he began speaking again.
"He used to have this poster up that said "the truth is out there." Remember
it?"
She nodded silently, willing him to continue. Another pause, and this time she
relaxed, knowing that Alex would continue in his own time. Alex looked up at
her,
and she could see doubt warring with trust in the depths of his eyes. She
smiled
at him, and withdrew her hand at last, settling herself in a friendly attitude
of
attention.
"When. when I was in the X-Files office one day, I saw it. It just wasn't the
right motto. I bought him the new one." Alex smiled as he remembered back.
"That's when he looked at me, and said 'what do you want to believe, Krycek?'
and
I."
He was. He was definitely blushing. Scully raised an eyebrow at him as she
held
her breath, wondering what he would tell her.
"I kissed him. It was the only way I could answer him." Alex looked at her,
something challenging in his glance, and she nodded, wondering what Mulder's
response might have been, but not wanting to break the spell. "That's when
we
first. "
The voice died away. Alex was remembering a time long gone, and Scully had
begun
wishing that someone felt that deeply about her. They were sitting in
silence,
each with their own thoughts when Mulder came back into the bedroom,
triumphantly
bearing a mug full of tea.
He passed the prize over to Scully, and stood back with a proprietary air as
she
sipped it. As she drank, he apparently decided that she was not going to hurl
the cup from her and shriek that he was poisoning her. He relaxed, and sank
back
down to curl at the end of the bed, around Alex's feet.
"You guys are really quiet. What's the matter?" He looked from the one to
the
other, and they both ignored him for a short while, still sharing some kind of
secret bond, then Alex lifted his eyes again.
"I was just telling Scully here."
"Call me Dana, Alex. I think you probably deserve it now I've seen you naked."
Scully grinned at him. To her surprise, Alex blushed again.
"I was telling Dana about the poster." He glanced up at it as he spoke, and
Mulder smiled as he listened.
"Yeah, Scully. That was the first gift Alex gave me. It kinda started the
whole
thing between us. We were down in the basement, and I can still remember
the way
he looked at me. Oh, baby, you were so earnest and sweet. When you kissed
me, I
couldn't believe it. I'd been wanting you so badly, and you seemed so
innocent."
Mulder squirmed up to lie alongside Alex, idly toying with the long fingers
that
lay at rest on the bed. "You were so damned hot I couldn't believe it." He
put
up a hand to stroke the dark feathery hair. "Sometimes I still can't."
"I like that poster. Wanted to believe in you. Still do." Alex rested his
head
against the grey clad shoulder beside him. Scully sipped her tea and
watched,
delighting in the affection that seemed to enclose the two men, wrapping
them in
a glow of warmth that was infectious. As Mulder briefly
touched his lips to Alex's, she shook her head with a smile.
One of the many traits that made Scully such an excellent friend and partner
was
she knew when to arrive and when to leave. Mulder had always appreciated
that
about her, even if he never told her. She finished her tea, gave Alex a
sisterly
pinch on his blanketed toes, gaining her another slight blush which she dearly
enjoyed, made a mental note to buy Mulder some decent tea and headed for
the
door. Mulder saw her out, meaning to thank her for all of her help.
"Thank you, Scully." Mulder said. He didn't quite know how to express
everything
he was feeling, it gave him a flash of profiler insight into Alex's constant
predicaments with emotional expressiveness. He was about to blunder on
when she
interrupted him.
"Thank you, Mulder. Thank you for calling me and trusting me. Thank you
for
letting me help. I needed to be able to do this, I needed a chance to start
over
with Alex too." She gave Mulder a surprisingly strong, swift hug and then was
out
the door.
He sauntered in to the bedroom, musing over the influx of information of the
past
few days, all the things that seemed to be under his nose that he had never
spotted before. When he entered the room he sat on the bed, still reflecting,
sorting. Alex watched him. He knew the look, Fox was downloading data again.
He
could watch Mulder all he wanted and the man never noticed. That never
failed to
amuse Alex.
Alex quietly began to slip into a sitting position and swing his legs over the
bed. It was time for him to get his bearings back. He had both feet on the
floor
when Mulder snapped to and saw his movements. A swift flash of determined
green
eyes and a slight upward chin jerk let him know that this time, Alex would not
be
dissuaded. He reached over and placed his hand on top of Alex's.
"Let me help you, Alexei. After all this time in bed you're going to be a bit
dizzy." Mulder gave the hand a slight squeeze as he said this, signaling that
he
just wanted to be helpful. Alex stayed in place and nodded. Mulder came
around
the bed and as Alex rose from the bed he placed his arm around the trim
waist. He
was immediately startled at the amount of weight Alex had lost, but he kept
quiet. Alex did indeed sway a little, but with each step he became more
sure-footed. 'Soon he'll be gliding again, moving in his usual unusual
manner,'
Mulder thought. They walked together through the apartment, Alex stopping
at the
window for a moment before moving on. He began to sway again after about
10
minutes and Mulder guided him back to the bedroom.
"Back to bed, baby," he said and Alex complied. He was getting stronger but
he
still tired easily.
Alex looked at him with a puzzled expression and then swiftly looked down.
Something was bothering him, very much.
Mulder sank to his knees, he loved being eye to eye with Alex, but Alex would
not
look up.
"What is it, Alex?" The mood of the morning was still quiet, but a small
crackle
of energy was now evident. Alex was quiet for a very long time and Mulder did
something he had never done before. He waited patiently for Alex to answer.
He
knew Alex would answer, but he had always been impatient with
the long silences in the past and often went onto something else before Alex
spoke. When Mulder did that, Alex never brought the subject up again. Never
voiced his unspoken answers.
"Where is the Mulder-clutter, the TV, the . . .?" his words trailed off.
Mulder
had been ready for this. He suspected that Alex did not remember anything
of what
had happened the night he tore through the place in a rampage. Alex was still
looking down, he had become very rigid and his breath was coming in sharp,
swift
gulps.
"Just a minute, let me show you something," Mulder said, and he gently ran
his
hand over Alex's down turned head. He walked over to his bureau and opened
a
drawer, took something out and returned to his station, kneeling by the bed.
"Alex, look at me. Please". After a moment Alex looked up, radiant eyes
clouded
in distress.
"Hurricane Alex touched down here a few nights ago. He was caused by a long
cold
front that refused to move, meeting with an incoming rush of turbulent
warmth,
and when the two collided he couldn't bear the pressure any longer and he
erupted
in the apartment. He did considerable damage to lots of things but he swept
the
place clean of the unyielding freeze that had been here for so long. I think he
was necessary, and he did me two great favors".
The only answer was the slightest unclouding of two emerald eyes and a tiny
frown
that Mulder always thought of as his very own.
"First, Hurricane Alex thawed out an arctic New England heart, and second he
found my lost ET cufflink", Mulder brandished the little cufflink as if he had
ushered an entire alien into the room just for Alex to see.
Alex leaned over and kissed Mulder rapidly, soundly and thoroughly all over his
face, paying special attention to the nose he had attacked just days ago.
The day passed quietly. Alex slept, woke to take medicine when it was
offered,
and ate the food that Mulder brought him. Mulder stayed at his side for
much of
the time, wanting to be the first thing his lover saw when he awoke, and
finding
a satisfaction in just being with Alex. His mind was full of questions that
burned against the inside of his brain. He wanted to find out more of Alex,
even
as he knew that his love would always be a creature that he could only half
know.
It was if Alex had come to him from some shadowy time beyond the mundane
world.
How could he ever hold him? How would he ever be able to keep him close
when he
was so obviously from another place? He didn't know, but he would try.
As the shadows began to lengthen, Alex stirred, stretched himself
luxuriously,
and requested assistance to get up, flashing Mulder a small, mischievous
smile as
Mulder hastened to do what was needed.
"I could get used to this," He observed as they walked through to the
bathroom.
"I deserve a servant. You're supposed to crouch down for me to rest my
feet on
your back, though." Mulder gave him a long, level look as they arrived at
their
destination, and Alex grinned unashamedly.
"It's a good idea in principle, but I can think of far better ways to fill the
day than as a footstool. If you want me to crouch down, I can be
persuaded, but it would have to be for something more exciting than having
your
feet on my back." Alex snickered. He was casting around the bathroom,
trying to
find his toothbrush, as he spoke, and as he took in the damage that had been
caused by his rampage his face clouded over.
He brushed his teeth swiftly, all his previous playfulness forgotten in his
anguish at his own destructiveness. Fox sat on the edge of the tub and
watched
as Alex shaved. The hand was steady again, although Alex's face appeared a
little pinched. As he ran the water away, Alex turned and stepped towards
the
bath.
"What, love?" Mulder knew very well what Alex wanted, and was afraid that it
would prove too much for him.
"Need a shower. Help me?" Alex fixed huge, beseeching eyes on Fox, and
right
there his will to resist crumbled, and he found himself turning to start the
water and test the temperature.
"Alex, are you sure it's going to be okay? I don't want you to be hurt. " He
was already slipping off his shoes, stepping out of his sweats and reaching to
steady his lover as Alex eagerly stepped beneath the flow.
"I'll be okay. Thanks." Alex wore a private little smile as Fox climbed in
behind him, snaking his arms around him as he reached for the shampoo. As
Alex
washed himself, Fox held Alex steady, trying to hold himself in check as he
felt
the warm naked length of Alex pressed against him. He was so in need that
he
could only hang on and grit his teeth, knowing in his heart that Alex was not
yet
fit enough and that he would still have to wait.
He was hard, and Alex was leaning back against him as he soaped and
sponged
himself. It was nothing short of torture, and when Alex suddenly turned
around
with what could only be described as a giggle, and began to wash him, it was
almost too much.
When Alex reached down to soap Mulder's balls, his talented fingers slid along
tingling flesh to stroke rhythmically along his cock, and he could no longer
stop
himself from groaning, and pushing into Alex's hand.
One stroke had him gasping. Two, and he tensed, eyes unfocused as he
fought
himself, not sure if he would be able to remain standing if he came. Three,
and
then four and it was all over. He felt the molten flow of his ejaculation
surging up from somewhere behind his navel to slam its way though him
spurting
from him to be washed away as Alex moved in slowly to kiss him.
His chest was heaving, and Alex's mouth was tracing heated patterns on the
skin
of his shoulder. He gave another moan and pulled Alex up to lean against
him.
"Fox, I'm clean now." The smile was pure mischief, and Mulder gave him an
answering grin as he reached to turn off the tap and then moved to make
sure that
Alex got safely out of the tub.
Gingerly drying Alex, he placed kisses on every part of the man that he could
reach. Alex was quietly amused, and appeared to be holding up well.
"Do you want to stay up out of bed for a while, Alex?" Fox was thinking that
it
might be a good thing to tire him out before settling him back into bed for
the
night. Alex nodded solemnly, and Fox proffered the sweats he had been
wearing,
before going off to find something else for himself to wear.
Fox checked Alex's healing wounds and decided they didn't need to be re
bandaged.
Alex was a fast healer. That quality had saved his life in countless
situations.
It was his hidden wounds that had never healed. The indomitable Mulder
attention
was now focused on seeing to it that those wounds finally got the proper
attention and never reopened again.
Fox had thrown on a bathrobe so he could check on Alex's progress with the
sweats. Dressing with one arm was difficult enough, dressing with one
wounded arm
could be a circus act. He came around the corner to see Alex standing in his
nude
glory and glowering at the sweatshirt which was tangled up into a half-inside
out
ball. The sight was irresistible. Alex looked like a frustrated little boy, all
frown and rumpled hair. Mulder scooted up behind him and wrapped his arms
around
the now too-slim waist. Alex continued staring at the offending garment and
Mulder noticed he was trembling.
"Need some help?" Fox asked.
"All I can get" Alex said, too quietly. Mulder noticed the mood change
immediately. It had to be frightening as hell to have only one arm and then
have
it out of commission.
"It's okay Alex. Everything is okay now. Let me help you, it's what you'd do
for
me." It was a logical, true response. Alex always responded to logic.
Alex leaned back into Mulder's arms. He nuzzled his cheek against Mulder's,
His
body began to lose its tension. Fox reached around and picked up the
sweatshirt,
untangled it, and slipped it over Alex's head. Then, he picked up the sweat
pants.
"I only have one problem with this," he said solemnly.
Huge green eyes met his, watching him, expressionless, ready for an
oncoming
blow.
"I like you so much better naked", Mulder grinned as he ran a hand
appreciatively
over Alex's beautiful, firm ass and down a long, powerful thigh.
The watchful eyes blinked, needing time to register that play had been
offered
and not pain. Alex frowned and snorted, ducking his head to hide his
enormous
relief, not ducking fast enough though. file:Oh Alex, how many times have I
hit
you with words? They caused you more pain than my fists.
Alex stepped into the offered sweat pants and Mulder pulled them up for him.
He
let the younger man keep his head ducked, permitting him to get composed.
They
walked out to the living room together. Mulder saw Alex scanning the room,
cataloging all that was missing. He also noticed that Alex was still trembling
and now seemed skittish and wary. Deal with this now, Mulder thought. Alex is
vulnerable, help him. It was an entirely new concept for Fox, that his deadly
lover could be vulnerable, afraid.
Mulder was going to put his hand on Alex's shoulder but thought better of it.
It
was best not to touch Alex unexpectedly when he was uncertain of himself.
The old
scuffmarks from his shoes hitting the ceiling proved it.
"Alexei", spoken quietly, almost nonchalantly.
Again, huge green eyes met his; again they were expressionless, sphinx eyes.
"Out with the old, Alexei, in with the new. It's my new motto. I've never
meant
anything more in my life." He put everything in himself into those few
words.
"I want to believe", was the barely audible reply.
Settling his lover down onto the couch, Mulder took himself off to the
bedroom to
get dressed. Lacking a mirror, he studied himself in the reflection of the
undraped window as he posed in his new and flattering clothes. He brushed
his
hair and stalked out, barefoot and loose hipped, to sit beside his appreciative
Tartar prince.
Alex leaned back to survey Mulder appreciatively. Mulder felt a surge of
excitement worm its way up from his nether regions, and shivered a little.
file:Got you, baby.
He smiled.
"See anything you like?"
Alex was studying him intently, starting with the bare feet, and working his
way
up with a slow intensity that made Mulder quiver. He could feel himself
respond
to the scrutiny as though it were a hand on him, and his breathing shortened
as
he watched the other man lean forward, deliberately slicking his lips with a
curl
of pink tongue.
"You are an incitement to riot, baby." Mulder whispered, his voice made
throaty
by the desire that was coursing through him. Alex smiled then, a knowing
smile
that hinted at knowledge of pleasure beyond the ordinary, and Mulder felt
himself
stiffen as his body tingled in response.
"You gonna riot for me, Fox?" Alex's voice was quiet too, and there was a
promise in it to which Fox could feel his cock respond.
"What do you want me to do, Alex?" Mulder leaned closer, hoping that Alex
would
sway in and kiss him, but he didn't. Instead, he shifted back to lay against
the
cushions, drawing his knees up and assuming a casual attitude.
"Come on, Fox. Show me what you can do. I want to see you move for me."
Mulder
turned and faced Alex. Alex looked blandly back, wiggling his eyebrows at
Mulder.
"I'm trying to decide if there's anything I like. Come on. Sell it! Show me.
I
haven't got all night." Mulder stared at Alex as if he had gone mad. Then the
humor of the situation hit him and he giggled.
"Okay, you asked for it, you degenerate brat! Here it comes." He stood,
brushing down his clothes and turned to walk away from Alex, heading for the
kitchen and the small radio-cassette player that sat on the top of his
fridge.
He returned carrying the small black object, and plugged it in. The sound of
Isaac Hayes began to fill the apartment, and Alex practically choked as he
recognized "Shaft."
He didn't laugh for long. Mulder began a long legged, loose limbed glide
around
the furniture until he was a mere couple of feet away from Alex, and there
he
stopped, moving gently to the music as he got the feel for it. He could see
that
Alex found it interesting. His keen eyes spotted the sheen
of sweat that had broken out on Alex's forehead. He swayed to and fro to
the
beat of the music, and almost negligently moved one hand to trail over his
groin,
as the other moved up to unfasten the topmost buttons of his shirt.
Alex licked his lips again, and Mulder could tell that he was getting it right.
He shuffled around a little, until he was standing sideways on to Alex, and
moved
both hands back to slide over his behind as he threw his head back, his eyes
closed.
This time, he was rewarded by the sound of a quick intake of breath and
smiled as
he felt the rush of blood to his cock, making it bulge against the tightly
fitting front of his pants. He remained with his side turned to Alex, and
slowly
unfastened more buttons, until the shirt was hanging loosely off one
shoulder.
He shook his head until his hair flopped over one eye, and gradually shimmied
out
of the shirt until it was held only at the cuffs. Slowly, he unfastened one
cuff, and withdrew his hand, tugging the shirt off with as much style as he
could
manage. Alex grunted at that, a guttural sound that made Mulder's pulse
leap to
hear it.
His hand moved to the top button at his fly, and he opened it, sliding his
hands
down inside to run over the silky skin beneath. At this, Alex gave a definite
gasp, and Mulder threw back his head again, moaning theatrically, and turning
his
back on Alex as he slid down the zipper and pushed his pants down a fraction
of
an inch.
Alex was making his appreciative sound now, and Mulder pushed the pants
down to
around half mast, wriggling suggestively, and then pulling them back as he
heard
a sigh of disappointment. He turned and walked closer to Alex, his erect
cock
plainly visible at the opening of his fly, and pushed his hips towards Alex,
pulling back as Alex reached to touch. He backed off with a wagging of his
finger
as he taunted Alex, who was no longer leaning back.
Spinning around again very suddenly, he slowly slid the pants down until they
reached his knees, stepping out of them and bending to peer at Alex
lasciviously
from between his parted legs.
Alex was no longer on the couch at all.
Alex had forsaken his vantagepoint to come up behind Fox, and a second
later, Fox
found himself flipped over to lie on his back on the carpet. Suddenly Alex was
on
top of him, kissing him hard and there was no evidence of pain in Alex at all
as
he drove his tongue to the depths of Fox's mouth. Ruthlessly Alex held him
still
as he parted Fox's thighs and fumbled for the solid erection that Fox was
sporting. His touch was fire, hot and sweet, that burned the length of his
cock,
sending tight tingles along his inner thighs and making him moan, this time
for
real.
His arms slipped around Alex, holding him as tightly as he dared, afraid to
burst
his lover's stitches. Alex seemed to have no such fear, and he continued to
mine
for Fox's fillings as he gathered moisture from the steadily oozing cock he
was
holding, prior to moving back to seek out and find the opening that lay behind
his balls.
Fox parted his thighs to assist Alex, and groaned as he felt the press and
then
the burn as fingers found their way inside him. The mouth that was
pressed to his showed no sign of letting up. Fox thrust up against the
fingers
that were stroking him so intimately, and moaned again as he felt them
withdraw.
Seconds later, he felt the pressure of Alex's dick and spread himself as wide
as
he could, holding his breath as he felt Alex press into him. His belly turned
liquid as the slide and rub of his lover's cock brought him to a level of
desperation that manifested itself in the bucking of his hips and the avid
sucking at Alex's mouth.
Deliberately, Alex pushed himself deeper and deeper into Fox, until he was
entirely encased in rippling, shuddering heat. Fox could feel Alex against
him,
inside him, sliding against the sweetest spot of all as he began to move.
It didn't last long. It couldn't. Fox had been a very long time without, and
he
felt the tightness turn into a tingle, turn into a flooding need to pour
himself
out. Loose oceans of liquid silver coursed through him as Alex moved faster,
finally stuttering to a halt as he strained to push inside Fox just one more,
tiny fraction of an inch.
As Alex collapsed, mouth still glued to Fox's, Fox threw both arms around
him,
and held him tightly, the feel of Alex buried inside him almost making him
want
to cry.
At last, as Alex drew away to smile hazily at him, he gazed up at him.
"I've missed you, moy lyubov. I guess you feel better." He rolled his head to
nuzzle into Alex's neck.
"Feel good." That sweet mouth descended onto his once more, and intelligent
thought was suspended for the time being.
Alex nuzzled and nipped around Fox's hairline, pushing in deep to gain his
scent,
pull it into himself. This never failed to go straight to Fox's cock. He was
ready to take on round two with his feral playbaby when Alex yawned widely
and
started snuggling down into Fox's shoulder, fully prepared to sleep right
where
he was. Mulder knew the sensible thing was to get Alex back into bed before
he
completely conked out, but the seductiveness of having his lover curled
around
him 'right now' won. Alex could sleep anywhere, but Mulder had noticed it was
a
wary rest, never sound. Only when Alex was next to him did he truly relax
into a
deep sleep. He felt Alex stretch his shoulders and back as he relaxed, and
within
minutes he was soundly asleep.
Fox reached up and put his arms around Alex, feeling the deep chest as it
evenly
rose and fell. He liked being this man's security blanket, liked it a lot more
than he had ever realized before.
Time passed as the lovers remained bound together. Fox didn't sleep, he was
enjoying the sensations too much. He'd missed this intimacy, underestimated
how
much he needed it. Alex had changed him in the most fundamental ways.
This week
had caused him to realize so many of them. Lying on the floor holding his
precious beloved was the most important thing in the world to him,
something he'd
almost lost. He could sleep later, he was not about to miss a moment of his
precious Alex-as-his-blanket-time.
Alex started hiccuping in his sleep, Fox knew this would wake him in a few
minutes. Once Alex got the hiccups, he couldn't shake them completely for
several
days. They didn't stay with him constantly over that period of time,
but they kept returning, vexing Alex each time. Privately Fox thought it was
very
funny, but he'd had the sense to keep that to himself.
He was right, the dark head lifted slightly from his shoulder and moonlight in
the window highlighted the planes on the beautiful face. Alex's body spasmed
again and Fox heard a quiet, "Fuck."
"Let's get into bed, baby," he suggested as he lightly ran his fingers over the
wing-like eyebrows of his lover.
"Umpf," Was the best Alex could manage between assaults on his diaphragm.
He
really was exhausted; Fox could see it in the tightness of flesh around his
mouth. They slowly disentangled themselves, both reluctant to leave their
warm,
satisfying cuddle. Each one supported the other as they headed into the
bedroom.
Alex was not fully awake and he slipped into the bed in one sinuous motion,
reaching out for Fox immediately. Not about to let anything about this night
go
unsavored, Fox dropped all thoughts of washing up as he also crawled into
the
bed, taking Alex's questing hand in his. He was rewarded with a long, deep
sigh
of satisfaction, interrupted by a fierce hiccup. Alex moaned as he buried his
head into Fox's shoulder again.
"Shhh, Alexei, they'll stop in a minute", he whispered. He began gently rubbing
small, soothing circles on the broad back, and loving the feel of warm skin.
Alex
burrowed in a little deeper in response. As the offending spasms subsided,
Fox
again felt the complete relaxation of the powerful body that was nearly
merged
with his own. He fell asleep a very happy man.
The morning came before they were ready for it.
As Mulder opened his eyes on the day, he stretched his limbs luxuriously. Life
felt good. He was entranced by the feeling of well-being that suffused him.
Casting his mind back to the night before, he relived his lover's sudden
recovery. Alex had amazed him. He'd delighted him, that was for sure, but it
was astonishing to Fox to see Alex back in such physical strength. He was
still
aching, in a pleasant sort of way, from the pounding Alex had given him, and
just
thinking about it was turning him to jelly.
At last, Alex loved him again. Alex wanted him. Life was good.
He lay, his mind dwelling on Alex's beauty, his sensuality, and the sheer heat
that he radiated, and he began to formulate a plan.
What if. His mind raced a little. What if he could get Alex to trust him. The
thought made Mulder shudder, and down in the area of his groin, certain
parts of
him were acting like a Greek Chorus as he thought about the things he could
do to
Alex. He could picture Alex, totally beside himself, drenched in sweat and
begging for release, and the thought made him want to wake Alex up right
now and
beg him. He rolled over to face Alex, and his heart jumped to his mouth as he
gazed at the pale face of the man he loved, smoothed out and innocent in
sleep.
He could be a little boy. Who could tell that he was deadly? Who would ever
know, looking at the carefully molded lips, the lush, dark lashes, and the high
cheekbones, that this man was an assassin? He looked more like a choirboy.
Mulder allowed himself to think of Alex, clad in white robes,
face lit by sun through stained glass, singing a paean to the glory of God. It
wasn't far fetched. Alex could sing very well.
Alex, as ever, seemed to pick up on the fact that he was being watched, and
opened his eyes drowsily.
"Watching me again? Go to sleep." Mulder grinned at him, and leaned forward
to
cover Alex's lips in an all-consuming, toe-curling kiss. Alex seemed amenable
to
this, stretching out to mold himself along Mulder's warm, sleepy body, and
permitting Mulder to explore his mouth in a most amiable fashion.
Minutes later, he drew away, and moved to get up out of the bed. Alex
reached
out a still somewhat shaky hand to hold him back from leaving the bed.
"Stay." The word was terse, but it was spoken with a delicious little dimple
showing at the corner of Alex's mouth.
"Sorry." Mulder rolled over to his elbows, feet dangling over the edge of the
bed, and took Alex's face in his hands. "The bathroom calls me. I must
obey."
He grinned down at Alex's sudden pout. "Tell you what, baby, I want to try an
experiment. You know what I want?"
Alex shook his head, still smiling a little as he looked up at Mulder. His
tongue slyly poked out to moisten his lips in a move that Mulder just knew
was
calculated to drive him crazy. He stroked a considering finger down from the
tip
of Alex's tip tilted nose, dragging the lower lip down as he did so, and
smiling
at Alex's attempt to capture it with suddenly bared teeth.
"I want to tie you up, baby. Tie you tight enough so that you can't fight
back,
and then I want to drive you out of your mind. I want to make you wait until I
decide that you're ready, and I want to see you lose control and let that
animal
inside of you loose for me. One day, baby, it will happen, and you'll come so
hard. " Fox shook himself. The image his mind was generating made him feel
as
though his knees were stuffed with Jell-O.
Alex shook his head, a frown on his face. It was apparent to Fox that the
idea
was a little unsettling for him. Dropping a quick kiss on Alex's nose, Mulder
took himself off to the bathroom, leaving Alex to ponder what he'd said.
Fox was so eager now that he had to work hard at not rushing out of the
bathroom.
His visions of Alex unleashed were becoming increasingly erotic, but he knew
he
had to move slowly with his primal beloved. Exiting from the bathroom, he
saw
that Alex was sitting up in bed, casually nude, one long leg curled under him.
Alex looked up at him, a long penetrating gaze that revealed nothing.
"You don't understand this, do you, baby?" He asked Alex.
His only answer was a brusque head motion that meant "No". Alex was
unsettled by
the suggestion of being bound. Mulder had expected it. You don't take
something
wild and expect it to submit easily.
"You did it to me" Fox said quietly.
"Is that why? Retribution?" Alex's voice was cool. Fox wanted him to
understand,
and as he had expected this was Alex's first thought.
"Oh no, not that, beautiful. No retribution. Playtime. For both of us."
Alex frowned, and looked down. Mulder began to talk to him in earnest.
"Alexei, if I had you aroused and asked you not to touch me, would you do as I
asked?"
"No."
"If I had you aroused and asked you not to touch yourself if you wanted to
come,
would you do as I asked?
"No."
"If I had you so aroused that you could let yourself be free, let down all your
barriers and show me who you really are, would you do as I asked?
Alex looked up at him, reached out and gently brushed Fox's arm, then moved
away
a bit and looked down as he spoke.
"You can't ever do that Fox. I . . . don't know." The words trailed off.
"You're afraid of what you might do. I know that, Alex." Fox was watching
Alex
intently, wondering what it was like not to know your own capabilities? To be
so
wild that nothing was off limits? He realized that he wanted to know, he
wanted
to see Alex in that condition. It was an exquisitely sensual concept.
"That's why I want to tie you, Alex. So you can be free and know that you
won't
hurt me. So I can touch you as I want, tease you as I want, make you wait to
feel
soooo good. I've seen that part of you before, now I want you to know what
it's
like to be free from all fear of your actions. Wouldn't you like to be free,
Alex?"
"So you'd tie me so I can be free?" Impossibly thick lashes started to rise
slowly revealing glinting green eyes. Eyes that told Mulder that Alex was
getting
the idea. Now it was Alex's turn to ask questions.
"Will you let me go when I want?"
"No".
"Will I be able to get free by myself?"
"No".
"Will you let me talk?"
"No".
Now the most important question. The one that meant the most.
"Will you stay with me?"
Part 9
"Oh yes, baby. I won't leave your side for a second." Mulder could begin to
feel
it now, the answer was in Alex's physical responses. He had begun to quiver,
as
he so often did when he was most aroused, when he was near Fox. Alex lifted
his
chin, staring arrogantly at Mulder.
"You won't win."
Fox was about to protest this was not a contest, but he reconsidered. In
Alex's
mind, everything was competitive. Alex saw this as a personal challenge, a
test
for both of them. In a way it was. It was a test of how much Alex trusted
him, a
test of his willingness to let Alex be himself.
"Yes I will. I'll make you crazy with need, watch you fight to get loose, be
there the entire time as you writhe under my touch, helpless and hard." He
was
breathing hard as he finished his speech. If he didn't get himself under
control
he was going to come right here on the sheets just thinking about what he
had
planned for Alex. His erection was merrily playing skyscraper, and about to
add
another floor.
Alex was panting, he had started a low rumbling deep in his chest. His eyes
had
dilated, and he began a slow cat-like crawl across the bed, powerful muscles
moving slowly under silken skin as he approached Mulder. He was as hard as
Mulder, and it was clear now that he was prowly, eager, needing some hard
playtime after all these days of rest. Both of them were aroused intensely
from
the wordplay. He stopped inches from Mulder's face.
Hot breath was panted on Mulder's cheek, as the words were growled in his
ear.
"You. Won't. Win."
The game was on.
Fox risked leaning forward to place a quick kiss on the mouth so close to his,
and then backed away swiftly, leaving Alex crouched on the bed.
He sank back on his haunches, hungry eyes watching as Mulder dressed
himself and
left the room.
Mulder was making coffee and heating up a couple of pop tarts when Alex
wandered
into the kitchen. Fox could see that he had something on his mind, and the
Mulder of a week ago would have pestered him, demanding to know what was
bothering him, and would probably never have found out. The new Mulder
waited
with a quiet certainty that everything would come in its season. Sitting at
the
table with a steaming mug in his grasp, Alex took a breath.
"I don't... " He stopped, eyes brilliant, uncertain as he willed Mulder to
reply. Mulder touched his hand, waiting, a soft smile on his face.
"I don't want to be gagged. Need you to talk to me, Fox. Need to be able to
talk to you." He was looking down into his cup, and he missed the fierce look
of
exultation that flashed over Fox's face.
Whether you know it or not, baby, I won, and you're gonna win too.
"Alex? Baby, are you going to try it? I promise you that I'll not gag you. I
promise you that you'll have the best time, and I promise you that I'll take
good
care of you." Mulder's face was tender now, and Alex, a little sheepish,
nodded,
and then ducked his head to lay it briefly against the hand that was covering
his
own.
"When?" The word was so soft that Fox almost missed it.
"When do you want?" Mulder was holding his breath now, so excited that he
could
barely keep from trembling.
"Now." The demand was unequivocal. Green eyes leveled, and stared through
Mulder like a bullet, firing clean into his gut, and causing tremors of lust to
shake him.
"I have to get ready then, love. I need a little time for that. Suppose you
give me a couple of hours?" Alex was smiling now, but still looking a little
insecure. "Alexei? It will be good. I promise you."
Leaving Alex to finish his coffee and breakfast, Mulder rose and went to see
about getting the things he would need.
As he left the room, he could hear a whispered Russian phrase follow him. He
didn't stop right then to ask what it meant. Instead he stored it up in his
head
for later, for the time when they would be lying against each other, sated
and
Alex might tell him what it meant.
"Speshit' takzhe, moi lyubov."
Mulder came out of the bedroom with his car
keys in
hand.
"Alex, I need to get a few things, I won't be long." He said this in as breezy
a
manner as possible, hoping he could get make a clean getaway. As he
approached
the door, there was a swift, hard tug on the back of his sweatshirt. Alex
hadn't
made a sound leaving the kitchen. He seemed to materialize in back of
Mulder,
Pop Tart in hand. Fox would have been exasperated, but the sight of his
beautiful
lover-assassin calmly consuming the child's breakfast treat, while his eyes
tracked Mulder's every movement, was intoxicating.
"Hey Alex, why don't you come with me?" Mulder said in a teasing tone. Alex
had
finished off the Pop Tart and was paying attention to licking all the icing off
every finger. He didn't respond, just smiled, and began licking with longer,
deeper strokes of his tongue, pausing to suck each finger entirely into his
mouth. Mulder watched this display with great delight, Alex's every day
behavior
made porn videos lame in comparison.
Fox had been casing the boutique for weeks, and had developed a friendship
with
the owner. She was very good at her work, a fount of information on what
Fox may
want to purchase and why. When Fox came in that day with a silent, uneasy
Alex
behind him, the owner had understood immediately.
As Alex looked around, she took Mulder aside and advised him that some of
the
things he had been considering would need to be more advanced, stronger.
Mulder
wondered if she was trying to get more money out of him until she inclined
her
head toward Krycek, and murmured to him, "You really expect to hold that
creature
with playthings, Honey? You're going to need pro equipment unless you want
him
ripping this stuff in half before he heads in to do the same to you." The point
was well made. Alex left the store, pacing an endless figure eight right
outside
the door. The owner watched him covertly as she rang up Mulder's
purchases. She
packaged everything very nicely, and took Mulder's hand and placed a card in
it.
"Here Honey, this is my private number, you call if you need any
'consultations'."
They drove home in silence, Alex not rummaging through Mulder's purchases
as he
usually did. He had started quivering again, and Fox placed his hand on Alex's
knee.
"We don't need to do this. I don't want you to be afraid."
Alex snorted, growling deep in his throat. "You'll be afraid if I get loose."
This was not a threat, it was a statement of fact and Mulder knew it.
"You won't get loose, Alex. Not until I'm ready."
"Lady made you buy the real stuff, didn't she?" Alex hadn't missed anything.
"Yes, after seeing you, she did."
"Good. That's why I went with you." ###
Alex was lying on their bed, bound and ready for Mulder, and Mulder couldn't
believe just how lucky he was.
Heavy-duty leather cuffs with double locks and sheepskin linings held Alex's
hand
and feet. He also wore a special upper-arm cuff that would prevent him from
lifting up his left side. All of these things had been used for two purposes,
to
keep Alex from experiencing any pain and to keep this powerful man from
escaping.
When Fox had finished the binding, Alex had tested the equipment with swift,
strong movements. He'd panicked for a moment when he realized he could
not
readily get free. Fox had been expecting this; helplessness was not a state
Alex
easily accepted. As he saw Alex's expression become alarmed, he had knelt
beside
him. Stroking his torso, running his fingers through Alex's hair and talking
soothingly had helped his lover control his alarm. Alex began to relax under
the
gentle hands and voice. Soon he was in control again, deliciously spread
eagled,
waiting for Mulder to do whatever he willed with him.
Mulder had given him a bath with musk scented oils, and dried him tenderly,
kissing him as he did so. Alex had permitted the activities with a lazy,
knowing
smile that Mulder found he couldn't look at for too long without feeling very
close to exploding. His lover had visibly restrained himself from taking the
initiative, and the strain was showing on him too.
When the time came for Alex to lie on the bed, his nervousness began to
show in
full. Fox remained quiet as Alex stalked around the room, casting sultry
glances
at him. Fox could tell that he needed to be sure, now that the time had come
for
commitment. Alex stood with his back to Fox, then straightened, rolling
those
broad shoulders as he turned. He stalked over to Fox, chin lifting, cock hard,
a
delicious sight.
"Do it", he growled, and then went to lie down on the bed.
Fox took his reclining lover's hand, kissed it and began. He finished
tightening
the ankle cuff strap to the heavy bedframe, and gently stroked Alex's leg,
sliding his hand along from the bone of Alex's knee, up his inner thigh.
"Thank you, love. Thank you for giving yourself to me. I promise that you
won't
regret it." Alex gave him a look from which all tenderness had fled.
"I want you. Do it now," Alex's voice was more animal rumble than human
speech.
Fox gazed down at the length of Alex, stretched out for him. His heart was
fluttering in his throat. His mouth felt dry and cottony as he surveyed the
solid planes of his lover's body. He smiled down at Alex, and sat down
beside him, stooping to lick his chin. Then he reached out to lay his hands on
Alex's chest. He leaned forward to inhale Alex's scent, and then began to lick
and suckle at Alex's throat. As he did, he began to tell Alex just what he had
in store for him.
"I'm going to kiss every inch of your body, then I'm going to lick it. Maybe
it'll be gentle, maybe not. You won't know until you feel it, baby." He suited
action to words, his mouth travelling to suck at the angle of Alex's jaw. Fox
knew he'd better pay attention to Alex's face now, because in a little while he
was not going to be able to get near that part of his passion-suffused
beauty. He
had prior experience with how Alex used his teeth when he was frustrated.
His
nose still hurt.
Alex had responded immediately to Fox's words. Sharp, hard breathing,
narrowed
green eyes, his tongue running over dry lips. He rolled his hips, finding the
parts of his body that he could move were very limited. He'd growled for real
this time, animal sounds he was not even aware of making.
"Gonna suck on your skin until you have my marks all over you. I'm gonna
sign
you all over." He delved into the soft skin of the inside of Alex's elbow, and
nibbled, then sucked until the bruise rose purple between his teeth. As Alex
uttered a faint moan, Mulder moved to attack the flesh at the base of his
throat,
licking and sucking, drawing back to blow on the spot, and then nuzzling in
again. He'd stopped when Alex used his chin to butt him harshly on the top of
his
head. Fox had never been so excited. Alex was going to fight him in every way
he
could, making the reversed positions even more erotic.
Fox moved further down Alex's torso, making a point of getting eye contact
with
him as he did. He rubbed the top of his head as he grinned at Alex, letting him
know that he was about to make Alex pay for the head-butt.
Alex grunted, shifting his position uneasily, as he understood Fox's unsaid
message. Mulder continued to use his tongue and teeth on the softness of
his
extremities and Alex writhed in a futile attempt to move away. Mulder
suddenly
began to scratch lightly over flesh that had been sensitized by repeated
suckling, and Alex began to say something in Russian in his husky, sex
deepened
voice.
Picking up the very cock and ball restraint that Alex had fastened on him a
week-
or was it a lifetime ago - Mulder showed it to Alex. The bound man was not
expecting this, and he reared his head, pounding it on the bed.
"NO!" He roared out to Fox.
"I make the rules now, baby, and you have no choice. You can fight this, but it
is going to go on you." Fox said quietly, almost serene in his awareness of
being
completely in control of his pantherbaby.
Alex fought him, bucking his hips strongly, but he had very little movement
from
the tightly pulled restraints. Fox smiled, and fixed the device to Alex's
already
healthy erection. Alex shuddered at the touch, tossing his head on the pillow.
Sweating now, his lush eyelashes spiky from the moisture. Mulder retreated
from
his genitals almost at once, murmuring "Not yet, love. Definitely not yet."
Guttural Russian, spat out venomously was
the response.
Turning back to Alex's torso, he began to play with the recumbent man's
nipples,
licking first, then sucking, then nipping sharply at each one in turn. With
each
nip, Alex fought to move away. When he finally moved his mouth to the area
of
Alex's underarm, his fingers took over, plucking and scratching until Alex
began
to writhe ceaselessly, and uttered a needy but fierce "Fox!" Alex's cock was
now
stone hard, red and throbbing, his balls beginning to swell from the need to
come.
Mulder smiled up at him then wordlessly, and sat up, then stood and moved to
where Alex's tidy feet lay, held at ankles that were encased in their
strapping.
Taking the restrained man's foot in both hands, he knelt to breathe on the
captive limb. Alex, who had his head up, watching him with a thunderous
expression of outrage, gave a shriek and flung his head back onto the bed as
Fox
suddenly sucked Alex's big toe into his mouth, swirling his tongue around
it.
Torture! Alex couldn't kick, couldn't draw his foot away, had to bear the
sensation of heated tongue on ticklish flesh. His body was drawing in as far
as
the tight restraints would allow, his back bowing slightly in his frenzy to get
free from the tickling. That damn tickling was going straight to his cock. Fox
watched him surreptitiously, silently thanking the boutique owner for making
him
buy the strongest restraints. No other would have held Alex.
"I'll kill you . . .fuck me . . .now!" Alex's voice was rough and rumbling, his
breathing coming in harsh, swift pants.
Fox snickered, and redoubled his attentions on the foot before turning back
to
him with a wide grin. Alex screamed in response, gritting his teeth and
frowning
furiously.
"Wait, darling. It's feeling good, but it's only just starting. By the time I
let you come you're gonna think that you died and went to heaven."
This lovingly spoken intention was met with a lethal green slit-eyed glare and
violently snapping teeth. Fox was nowhere near those teeth, but Alex had to
express his frustration somehow. With that, Fox stooped and went to work
on his
lover in earnest, licking and nibbling, scratching and blowing cool air over
the
resulting abrasions, until the man on the bed was writhing continuously, his
head
moving violently from side to side.
Slowly, inexorably, Mulder drew closer and closer to the center of Alex's
body,
mouth and hands busily working to drive his lover crazier. After another ten
minutes of this, Alex was beyond coherency. He was spewing Russian at Fox
in the
vilest possible tone. Mulder was totally aroused himself, and had begun to
feel
as though he himself was the subject of the torture. Watching Alex begin to
lose
himself in erotic madness was a scintillating experience.
Abruptly sitting up, he smoothed down his silken clothing, and turned to
Alex.
"I'm a little... warm, baby. I need to cool off." Alex, sweat trickling down
his
face, purple cock drooling, and chest heaving, watched him with widening
eyes.
His entire body grew tense, and rigid.
"Nooo. . .you, you promised not to leave!" The voice, starting low, rose to a
panicked intensity as Fox stood up, about to leave the bed. He recognized
Alex's terror immediately and turned back to him. He went to the bed and
knelt
beside his lover, making strong eye contact. He cautiously placed his hand on
Alex's damp hair.
"I'm thirsty, baby. It's hard work slaving over a hot Alex", he said
soothingly.
"I'll be back in a flash, promise." When he saw the panic leave Alex's eyes, he
left the room, reappearing swiftly with a couple of cans of cold lager. Alex
was
fighting to get his breathing under control.
Popping the tab on one of the cans, Fox took a long pull at the contents, and
then, still cautious of his teeth, scooped Alex's head up to present him with
the
can. Alex drank a little, and spat it in his face. Fox released him, laughing.
Pantherbaby did not appreciate his timing.
"There's nothing quite like a cold beer when you're hot and bothered." He said
sweetly, watching Alex as he poured a libation into his navel. Alex hissed,
and
spat at him again. He was furious, getting near to the place where Fox
wanted
him. He screamed in rage when Fox leaned down, lapping the beer up with a
hot
tongue.
Placing the can on the bedside table, Fox began to unfasten the buttons on
his
shirt, slipping it off his shoulders and moving his fingers up to pluck at his
own nipples. Alex watched him intently, a jungle animal sizing up its prey.
Fox
threw his head back, his hands sliding over his own flesh in teasing, circling
patterns. Alex began to thrash harder, frustrated beyond his ability to cope
because he could not touch Fox.
"Fox." Alex's whisper was seductive and Mulder smiled down at him sunnily.
"Soon, baby, I'm gonna go to work on that gorgeous cock of yours soon." He
shucked the shirt, and unbuttoned the 501s he was wearing, bucking his hips
so
that Alex could see that he wore no underwear, and that he was aroused...
"Now!" Alex was still whispering, but his voice would have carried for a mile.
"Give . . ." the voice tapered off into a low, rumbling growl.
"I'm ready, I think. I'm gonna start on your cock now, sweet thing. I'm going
to lick it, and you're going to really know what it feels like to go out of
your
mind."
"I'm going to rip off your head", was the tender response. Fox didn't doubt
that
at that minute, Alex meant every word.
Fox slowly lowered his jeans, finally sitting and kicking them off his legs,
and
then climbed astride Alex, rubbing his cock along the firm muscles of the
other
man's belly while Alex bucked up to get more contact, growling unceasingly.
After
a few minutes of intense motion, Fox rolled off and bent to inspect the cock
that
was bobbing wildly against Alex's belly. When he moved off him, Alex shrieked
incoherently, raging at him, getting closer each time to letting go. Fox gently
took hold of the hot, rigid cock, making it jump all over again, then sucked
the
tip of it into his mouth, dipping his tongue into the eye of it, and tasting
the
steady beading of pre-ejaculate that was forming.
Tongue swirling, he concentrated on the crown, chuckling as Alex began to
threaten him all over again. Voice almost gone now, Alex was speaking a
mixture
of all the different languages he knew. He was a one man United
Nations of profanity.
The cursing grew softer, hoarser, until it gave way to gasping sobs. Fox had
never heard Alex sob before, so he gradually began to use firmer, more
sweeping
sucking motions, dipping his head down to take more and more of Alex in until
the
whole of his cock was embedded in the heat of that sensual and delicious
mouth.
Alex was stretched out, taut as a bow as he desperately tried to let go. He
was
past all ability to think, need drove him now.
Alex was shuddering, his head bent impossibly back and his mouth opened in a
soundless scream when Fox loosened and removed the cock restraint.
"Come on, baby, come for me now, if you can." And he went down on Alex,
sucking
him down as far as he could, while Alex's body gave an enormous buck
upwards,
coming close to pulling his arm and legs from their sockets, in a screaming
rage
as he shot spurt after spurt into Fox's hot mouth.
Fox continued to suck on Alex for several minutes after he finally went limp.
He
was lying, bathed in sweat, and glowing. Looking at him seared Fox's eyes, he
was so damned beautiful.
"Let me go." The voice was raspy, exhausted spoken in a whisper.
"Are you kidding me, love? I've only just begun. There's a long, long way to
go
before I let you go. It's going to get better before we're done." Alex's face
clouded over, a storm was brewing.
"I came for you, damn it. Let me go." The voice was pure venom,
accompanied by a
swift, startlingly fierce exertion on the unrelenting restraints. Fox nodded to
himself. There was going to be a lot more fun before he was through - fun
and
danger. He knew better than to let himself forget that for a moment.
"Oh, baby. There's no way. I'm not done with you yet. You and I are going to
really know what the edge is like before we're done. Trust me, love. I won't
let you fall. I love you so much, my Alexei."
Alex was fighting the restraints, furious at Fox for not doing as he had
commanded, paying absolutely no heed to Fox's words. He was tired of the
game
now, he wanted to be free, needed to be free.
Fox climbed carefully to sit astride Alex's hips again, and his untended
erection
stood out accusingly as he did so.
Alex had been prepared to rage further, but the evidence of his lover's
arousal
quickened his interest. He watched Fox hungrily, licked his lips.
"Give it to me?" The voice was husky, the beast in his eyes veiled for the
moment, and Fox leaned down to kiss his chest.
"Just watch, Alex. Rest and watch." Mulder began to stroke himself, rubbing
his
fingers over the crown of his erection to gather up moisture before taking
hold
of himself and beginning to stroke his cock. As he caressed himself, his hips
began to shudder, and he could feel that he was very close indeed. "All
yours,
baby. It's all for you." He was pulling hard on himself, feeling the build of
orgasm rush towards him as he gazed into Alex's hot, impotent eyes.
Alex was watching Fox's hand moving over his penis. Moans continuously
came from
him, he couldn't stand not being able to touch his lover, yet he was
mesmerized
at the display. He licked his lips again, watching his love
work himself up to a frenzy.
"Fox... want... " The sound of Alex's voice worked on him like an
aphrodisiac, and he felt the wave of tension along his thighs, the tightening
and
pulse of his balls, and the flash flood of pleasure that shot through him,
built
and shot again. He arched and groaned as his cock spat white onto Alex's
chest,
his chin, and across his lips.
Alex dragged his tongue over the little splashes of thick fluid that glistened
on
his face, and his eyes were fixed onto Mulder's.
"Let me go. Want to fuck you, need to," husky breathy words, desperation in
their delivery. When Fox moved back just a bit, he encountered the cock
that he
had emptied just a few minutes prior, standing hard once more. Fox smiled
down
at Alex.
"For me? You shouldn't have."
Alex briefly lifted his head, breaking eye contact. His breathing began to
become
labored. Fox moved off his chest, alarmed by the abrupt change.
Fox knelt beside the restrained man, prepared to release him immediately if
he
was in real distress.
"Alexei, look at me. Talk to me", his voice was quiet, very concerned.
The dark head turned towards him, shudders now running through the taut
body, but
it was those eyes, those sphinx eyes that transfixed Fox.
"Please, Fox, please . . .pain," the familiar voice was laced with distress,
pleading, but the eyes remained unreadable and suddenly, in a flash of
insight,
Fox understood.
"Oh Baby, you're so good. I never realized how good you are until now. You
almost
had me. A week ago you would have won, but not now. Beautiful One, there
are
going to be some things you won't like now that I'm paying close attention to
you. This is one of them." Fox let a slow, victorious smile play across his
lips.
Alex screamed in rage. Incoherent sounds ripped from him as realized his
ploy
hadn't worked. He wasn't going to be set free. He was trapped.
Part 10
Trapped.
He went berserk.
Fox had wanted him to play near the edge, Alex had gone over it. Now he was
lethal. Fox watched him, rapt, but very cautious. He was witnessing the
purest
form of fury, and he was its focal point. Fox had been the diamond cutter,
striking with precision until the veneer of civilization shattered, exposing
the
inner Alex.
This was a spitting, hissing Bengal tiger, and he gazed in awe at the bound,
primal rage.
"God, Alex, I love you so much." He moved to stroke Alex's soft, firm skin,
massaging the remnants of his ejaculation into the firmly muscled chest and
arms.
Alex was trembling, long deep shudders travelling through his body. Eyes that
were slitted pools, black as the abyss, stared into Fox.
He continued to caress and stroke his lover for a minute or two more,
seduced by
the power of the fighting, bound body. Then he turned to search the night
table.
Alex was past controlling himself, fighting the restraints continually. Even in
his extremis, he watched Fox's every move, missing nothing. It felt as
though
Fox was the enemy now, but Fox knew that the whole of humanity was the
enemy of
the beast that lived hidden inside Alex.
Mulder fumbled through the contents of his drawer, and removed the small
sachet
that he found there, tearing it open with white teeth, and then squeezing the
contents out into his hand.
Alex stared at him, his face mask-like in the lamplight. The room filled with
the
smell of his anger, heat rose from his body as it strained violently to be
free.
Fox made a point of smiling sweetly and without any malice as he knelt at
groin
level, and took hold of the glistening erection that was spiking from Alex's
groin. He began smoothing on the lube that he had warmed between the palm
of his
hands, ignoring the ominous snarling of the man he had at his mercy. As he
slid
his hands up and down the length of the purple-brown shaft, Fox lowered his
head
to take first one of Alex's balls, and then the other into the warm haven of
his
mouth, playing his tongue over the crinkled velvet of his scrotum.
He took a slippery finger and stroked from Alex's balls, along his perineum
and
down to his anus, pausing to tease it with a fingertip. He slid his finger in
and circled it, withdrawing it again to press the soft flesh beneath Alex's
balls.
Alex had been thrashing, sweat flying from his hair, his lips pulled back from
sharp teeth as he vacuumed the air from the room into his throbbing lungs.
He
began to buck, and Fox leaned hard onto him, holding his hips in position as he
told Alex to wait, because he was in control.
The snarl that greeted this last message came from the center of Alex's
body and
worked its way out. He was exhausted, but he could not stop. He was past
words,
past thought, past anything but sensation. He was terrifying, he was also
indescribably erotic. Fox licked the length of the vein that ran down the
center
of Alex's cock eliciting a low, throaty ululation, a cry that went straight to
Fox's middle.
Quickly, he scrambled to sit astride Alex, working hard to balance himself. He
fed the length of Alex's penis into his slick, hot channel, taking Alex inside
until Fox sat with the other man's cock embedded totally within him.
Alex renewed his fighting, fervent in his need to be free; showing a
systematic
determination that was frightening in its intensity. He had just enough breath
to
hiss. Mulder gazed down at him in awe. This was what he'd dreamed of. Alex
was
so sexy like this that it made Fox melt inside. The taut flesh, sweat-slick
and
straining, was a thing of beauty, and the wildness in his lover's eyes was
entrancing in its danger. Fox had always courted danger, now he was astride
it,
riding it and swept into the savagery.
Fox had known that Alex contained a savage within him, and had long wanted
to see
it reveal itself. Now he had it displayed for him, and it was so bestial that
he
was shocked, and not just a little afraid. He fed on the fear, letting it
excite
him even more. He began to move on his lover's cock, impaling himself,
groaning
out his love for Alex as he rode him.
Looking at Alex, he was entranced, and couldn't stop from telling him so, the
words slipping out through gritted teeth as Fox moved on him. The burn of
penetration had eased into a sensation that was first a dull ache, and next a
curling of pleasure that brought the breath rapidly between his teeth and
made
him feel as though his guts were turning to liquid. Moving his hand down to
clasp his own erection, Fox began to stroke it again, eyes glued to Alex as he
raged beneath the onslaught - raged, and then responded, knowing nothing
but
arousal. Lost to anything else.
>From the slow tease to wild, desperate fucking they went in the space of a
few
minutes. Mulder, so turned on by his helplessly bound lover that he could
hardly
function, set a pace that moved faster and harder as he plunged over Alex's
body.
Alex, rigid and trembling, was unable to hold back, and the scream as he
came
mingled with Mulder's cry. Between the two of them they felt the sensations
take
them, and as the heated intensity of orgasm rocked them, they felt utterly
connected, their eyes locked, and their bodies slick against each other with
the
effort of coming. As Alex discharged himself inside Mulder's silken interior,
Fox
loosed a spattering of creamy white over his lover's belly for the second
time
that evening, and then collapsed forward to lie along the panting body, head
on
Alex's chest.
For the next little while, they lay, sated, Mulder's head snugged against his
lover's heart, listening to the pounding subside, and become a regular, steady
beating. Alex began again to struggle against his bonds.
"Fox." The voice was raspy, and Mulder looked up at Alex, taking in
exhausted,
dark eyes, and a haunted expression. "Let me go . . .bathroom." The latter
was
spoken with such an air of tragedy about it, that he had to bite his lip to
stop
himself from laughing at his lover. Alex was too worn down to be subtle, he
was
unknowingly overacting, trying every trick at his disposal to get free. Fox
was
ready, again.
"It's okay, baby. I've got just the thing for you here." Fox gave a sweet
smile
and dove to one side of the bed, returning with the hospital bottle he had
placed
there in case of just such an eventuality. Alex, who really did want to
relieve
himself, refused. He began to move his head back and forth on the pillow in
frustration.
Fox spoke quietly to him "Alexei, I am not going to let you go until I am
finished. I told you that when we started. Now let me help you."
"Let me go!"
"No."
Fox spoke the last with a quiet authority. Alex began finally to realize he was
not going to get free. He could not get himself free, he had proven that, and
Fox
was not going to give in to any of his manipulations. He moaned, as anger,
fear,
and finally anger at his fear took him over. He began trembling.
Fox had been watching him intently. He was ready. Reaching underneath the
bed he
pulled out a soft, damp cloth and began wiping his lover's overheated body.
As he
gently wiped, he took up an equally soft, dry towel and dried where he had
wiped.
He used long slow strokes, moving down the perfect legs. Working as
carefully as
if he were grooming a skittish, terrified thoroughbred. Alex still refused to
look at him, but the trembling began to subside.
Fox heard soft, rasping words being spoken. "Speak English, Alexei", he
said.
"Why?"
"Why won't I let you go?
"Da".
"That's easy love, because I'm not finished." Fox would give no other
explanation.
"Don't be afraid of me Alex, you're absolutely safe. Don't be angry because
you
can't get away, it's what I planned all along." Mulder the profiler had been
able
to discern that much from his complex lover.
Alex was quiet for a long time, then he turned his head and watched Fox
solemnly,
peeking at him under long, spiky lashes. Fox let him watch. He continued his
gentle ministrations in silence. He took his time, and worked especially
carefully along the new long scar that reached from torso to muscled arm.
In silence he lifted up the hospital bottle again and showed it to Alex, who
this
time nodded his assent. Fox helped him relieve a very full bladder.
Mulder had taken up the can of lager, and was drinking from it thirstily. When
he
caught sight of Alex's longing expression, he moved to raise Alex's head once
again.
"I know you've got to be thirsty, baby. You can't roar and screech the way
you
have without being parched. Want a drink, love?" Alex nodded, fixing him
with a
wide-eyed expression that held far more respect that Fox had seen from him
before.
Fox smiled. "Tell you what, I'll trade you a drink for a chance to wipe your
face for you, but no biting, right?"
Alex nodded, and his lids fluttered closed as he turned his face up to Fox.
Mulder tenderly wiped the beloved face, moving the damp hair off the perfect
forehead and toweling gently to dry it a little.
"Will you let me kiss you, baby? No biting? I so want to kiss you," he
asked.
Again, Alex nodded assent.
Fox quickly stooped to cover his lover's plush lips with his own, cradling
Alex's
head in his hands as he explored the recesses of the mouth that had only
a few minutes prior been spitting fury at him.
Long and luscious, the kiss deepened, and Mulder found himself moaning as he
stroked Alex's face, kissing him until his breath hitched. When finally he
drew
away, Alex's eyes were shining, and Fox grabbed the can, bringing it to Alex's
lips where he drank greedily. Mulder looked down at Alex, lying in disarray
and
the glimmer of an idea filtered through his mind. Did he dare? He gazed
lovingly
down at Alex, who was now licking his lips.
He placed the can back on the nightstand, and stood to consider the limp
form of
his lover. Alex, who had been looking somewhat smug, began to appear a
little
apprehensive as an entirely new expression crossed Mulder's face. He began
to
collect pillows, and toss them together down at Alex's hip level. When he
began
to push them under Alex's hips, Alex raised his head, looking at Mulder
reproachfully.
"What now? Let me go!" Alex did not relent. Neither did Fox.
Fox laughed, and there was a note of suppressed excitement in his voice that
communicated itself to Alex, making him restless again. Looking at Fox, Alex
could see that his lover was erect, and furrowed his brow as he attempted to
work
out what was arousing him so much.
As Fox climbed onto the bed to kneel between Alex's knees, Alex began to
feel a
little apprehensive, and when he reached for the lube, slathering it over his
fingers, Alex raised his head again, puzzled.
"Aren't you tired yet?" Fox laughed again, a laugh Alex did not particularly
like.
"God, no, never too tired." He swooped down to lick and nibble at Alex's groin
again, chuckling deep in his throat as Alex moaned uncertainly. "It's okay,
beloved, I'll never hurt you, but this is gonna be so damned good."
His slippery fingers traveled down to the soft depression at the base of
Alex's
balls, and gently, teasingly, Fox began to slip his fingers in and out of his
lover. As he played, his mouth working busily to augment the sensations as
he
ran his tongue over the hardening ridges and veins of Alex's penis. Alex, his
body splayed and his hips raised over a mound of pillows, couldn't see what
Fox
was doing, but the sensations he was experiencing were new to him. As Fox
managed to insert a second finger inside his anus alongside the first it
suddenly
dawned on him what Fox was going to do.
"No!" His voice was hoarse, and contained a note that was very close to
panic.
"You don't get to choose, love. I'm in control, and I promise that whatever I
do
to you, you're going to love. Stay with me, baby." Alex fought and sweat
began
to bead his forehead and his upper lip once more. He did not like this at
all.
"Fox? Please!" At that point Mulder had two fingers inside Alex, and he
crooked
them as he felt for the place he knew would feel good for his lover, using his
tongue to add a counterpoint around the head of Alex's cock, as it filled and
stood beaded with moisture.
As he manipulated the channel, he could feel it loosen, and he added more
lube,
stroking it inside Alex, circling his fingers, spreading them apart a little
to
widen the opening. Alex was shivering now, these sensations were new to
him, and
he was torn, hanging between anger at the intrusion and lust from the
sensations.
Fox took advantage of Alex's exhaustion, playing on his inability to fight him
for real, and took the head of Alex's cock between his lips, his tongue teasing
the slit from which dripped little trickles of moisture.
"You make love to me, baby, and it's always wonderful. What you do to me
feels
amazing. I want to show you how good it feels. I want you to know what you
do
to me." Fox sucked noisily on Alex's cock, and managed to get a third finger
inside the restrained man's anus to widen the passage there.
Alex said nothing, he was trapped and he was furious. His eyes were very
wide
and dark. He bit his lip and shivered. Fox turned to apply some lubrication
to
his own cock. He knew that he had to make this really perfect for Alex if he
wanted to maintain his trust. Fox had already come twice, and he was
almost
certain that he'd be able to hold back and make it feel good, but he was so
aroused that there was a nagging suspicion of a doubt in his mind.
Alex growled then, and Fox felt the sound as a thrill that ran the length of
his
cock. He hoped he would be able to make it last.
Crouching, he removed his fingers, hearing Alex gasp and moan at their loss,
and
watching the little wiggle that his lover gave as he sought further
stimulation.
That was what he'd been waiting for, a sign from Alex's body that what he
was
about to do would be okay.
"Give me a minute and it will feel really good, I promise." He took hold of
the
other man's cock, squeezed it as he centered his own and began to thrust
himself
slowly home. The heat made him cry out as his prick slid deep inside the
other
man. Pausing there, suspended between delight and terror, Mulder drank in
the
sensations.
Alex's ass felt hot and tight, and the walls clung to his rigid cock, slick and
delicious, smoothing and sucking as he drove inside, pushing up tight until his
balls rested against the sleek, plush softness of Alex's cheeks.
Leaning hard on his lover, pressing inside Alex as far as he could go, Fox
began
to work the sturdy cock which had drooped a little as he sank himself into
the
core of his lover. He could feel Alex's body start to quicken, and his
breathing
turn from the shallow panting of panic to deeper rasping intakes of air.
Constant
moans escaping him signified desire. As Mulder rocked in and out of his lover
he
kept up a running commentary telling Alex how grateful he was, how
wonderful Alex
felt beneath him, and how much he, Fox, loved him.
Alex began to growl in return, a low sound that kept pace with Fox's words.
Alex
began to fight again, but this time he was moving with Mulder and not against
him. Fox was overwhelmed by the change, the eroticism of having the strong
body
undulate with him as the primal in Alex took forefront again.
It grew. The glow of desire became a flame that licked his groin, curled
around
his cock, and ignited him. All too soon he knew that he would lose himself
inside Alex. Despairing, he pounded into him. He was so caught up
with the miracle of sweet sensation that had taken him that he was taken
completely by surprise by Alex's sudden tremor as his ass clenched around
him,
milking his cock. He screamed with astonishment echoing the roar that had
come
from Alex.
Opening his eyes, he looked down on his lover, whose head was thrashing
from side
to side, and whose cock was trailing sticky dribbles of ejaculate down over
Fox's
fingers as he pumped it. The sight was too much. He felt the tightening, and
the surge as he drove in hard, and then he was coming, shooting into Alex for
the
first time ever, and sobbing as he did so, because it felt so damned good, and
he
never had thought it would happen.
They lay together at last, hearts pounding together as they began to
recover.
Alex's chest heaving beneath Fox's cheek as he lay gasping. Slowly, Fox slid
up
to lie with his mouth buried in the crease of Alex's neck, and Alex rolled his
head so that he could lie with his lips touching Fox's forehead.
After a few minutes, Fox raised his face and their lips met in a kiss that was
both tender and gentle. For long minutes they continued to kiss, their lips
soft
against each other now that passion had been slaked. For perhaps the first
time,
Fox felt the sweet certainty of absolute love for this being in his arms.
As their lips parted, Alex fixed him with a look that was three parts mischief
and one part dogged determination.
"Again?" Fox gave a shout of laughter.
"Do you really think that either of us could manage another? You've gotta be
joking, baby. I reached my limit about one and a half orgasms ago. God
knows
where I got the strength for that last one." Fox was kissing down the side of
Alex's face, as Alex lay, totally relaxed, seemingly permitting whatever
liberties Fox cared to take. At Mulder's words he sniggered, arching an
eyebrow.
Mulder was about to unfasten the cuff that held Alex's truncated left arm,
when
his senses became fully alert. Stopping, he moved down to Alex's side. There
was
no way he was going to release his Pantherbaby until he was totally sure the
beast inside was quelled. As a test, he laid his hand gently on Alex's cheek.
No
attempt was made to bite him. That was good. Fox petted an enticingly
shaped
ear, letting his fingers run down to caress a long, elegant neck. Alex gently
moved into the caress, another good sign. Finally, Fox leaned down to
examine the
smoldering green eyes and saw only play and the after effects of satiation in
them, the best sign of all. He began to unfasten the cuff, smoothing the
skin,
and laying kisses along the arm. He put the cuff aside, and turned to release
Alex's feet. Long legs were stretched luxuriously, each foot seductively
rolled
around. The beast he summoned had completely retreated. When at last he
moved to
loosen the strap that held Alex's right arm, he was unprepared when Alex
lunged
upwards, his face horribly blank as he loomed over Mulder.
He jerked backwards, scooting to the end of the bed in a single movement,
and
falling off to land on his behind with a thump. Alex dissolved into
giggles.
"I owed you that. I'm too tired to intimidate you properly." He grinned
unrepentantly before slipping round to lounge with his head pillowed on his
arm,
peeping at Mulder from beneath the thick fringe of lashes. Mulder clipped
him
smartly around the back of the head.
"Let me know when you plan on doing it properly! I'll have my heart pills ready
and you'd better know CPR!" Fox managed between wheezes. He had expected
to be
dead in seconds. "You took ten years off my life just then."
"Next time, I may take off more . . ." Alex let the sentence drop.
Fox's eyes grew round, "Next time?" There was so much promise in that
unfinished
sentence. Alex took him by the back of the head and pulled him in for a deep
kiss. There was to be no answer for Fox that night, he would have to live with
the tease, for now. He twined his fingers into Alex's short hair, and leaned to
kiss him again. "I love you, you asshole!"
"Czar Asshole." Alex's smile was seraphic as he lolled on the bed. "Come,
minion, and know your place. With a low laugh, Mulder clambered to his feet
and
moved to lie alongside Alex, and take him in his arms again.
"Alex... " His lips were alongside Alex's delicate ear, his voice a breathy
tickle. Alex raised his eyebrow in inquiry again. "I didn't quite tell you
the
truth before. You really are my own private X-File."
Alex pulled away just far enough to take in the earnest face of his lover, and
smiled again, a little of the wildness in his spirit showing through as he did.
Green fire lit his eyes as he softly replied,
"I know."
|
Disclaimer: We don't make any money on these boys. They don't belong to
us, and
in truth if they just belonged to each other we'd be more than satisfied. If
we
all write to 1013, maybe some day... Pairing: Mulder/Krycek Rating - NC17 for M/M slash. If this offends, move on. Plot: Explanation of the comment in "Wedding of the Year" that Alex had tormented Fox physically. We were asked. Spoilers? Well, Alex has one arm... Thanks to phyre for beta. Archive: MKFightClub, RatB, Basement, Chaelyndra... anywhere you like, if you tell us. |
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