Mulder knew that they hadn't spoken, at least openly, about any commitments
to each other; but he had been so endlessly worried about not hearing from
Krycek... Alex for such a long time.
Mulder understood that Alex was more than capable of taking care of himself
and that he was strong and skilled. But Mulder knew he interacted with very
dangerous people. He also knew that Alex always managed to get himself out
from the trickiest situations. Sometimes battered yes, but always alive. But
ever since he had started to develop deeper emotions for Alex, Mulder hated
and agonized over him playing Russian roulette with his luck and life. He
loved the man so much, but hated the things he did. Love and hate, so close,
such a fine line between.
But now Alex was back, sitting slumped in one of Mulder's armchairs facing
the couch Mulder had been sleeping on. He had been sitting there, cautiously
studying Mulder until he woke up.
Mulder met the familiar green eyes and they stared at each other in silence,
as if they just needed to absorb each other's features. Mulder wondered how
long Alex had been sitting there watching him sleep. Dear God! He looked so
pale, rumpled and weary.
"You're back", Mulder said. A stupid statement of the obvious, but there was
so much unsaid in this short sentence.
Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His long thick eyelashes
rested against his pale cheeks. "At last", he said and opened his eyes
again. His voice husky and low, his eyes glazed and somehow pained.
"Oh Alex, come closer", Mulder whispered softly. Alex smiled shyly.
"You don't mind me coming here?" Worry in the green eyes, worry and caution.
"Mind?" Mulder was stunned. "I have longed for you every second since you
left and you actually think I would mind?"
Alex lowered his eyes and fidgeted with his torn jeans for a while. Mulder
ached to hold the man in his arms, but knew that he had to let Alex take the
first step, or otherwise he might bolt like a wild animal. Then Alex looked
up again, oceans of emotions in his deep green eyes.
"It's so nice to be back".
Mulder just smiled broadly letting the warmth and love reach his eyes for
Alex to see. God, he was so astonishingly lucky.
"Please come to me Alex", Mulder said again holding out a hand.
"I will, but I need to take a shower first, I haven't been able to do that
for a long time".
Mulder wouldn't mind holding Alex in his current condition, but he didn't
argue after a look into Alex eyes. There was so much there. What have you
seen? What have you been going through? What have you been doing? So many
questions, but none would be answered right now. Alex needed to clean
himself, maybe not just for the physical reason, and Mulder wasn't the one
to question that. Oh Alex... his Alex.
Alex seemed to have to gather strength before rising from the soft armchair.
His strength and youthful zeal looked somehow faded when he walked towards
the bathroom.
Mulder sighed, sat up on the couch and stroked his hand through his hair,
letting it rest on his neck for a while. He went to the kitchen, prepared
some tea and poured a lot of sugar and lemon into Alex cup.
The clock on the microwave oven was just 4:00 a.m. and Mulder yawned as he
went back to the couch again, putting the cups of hot tea on the coffee
table. He folded the thick soft blanket, put it over the back of the couch
and then sat down and sipped his tea.
Suddenly Alex was in the room. He moved like a feline, silent and lithe. His
hair, longer than it used to be, was tousled and damp. He was wearing a gray
T-shirt and a pair of Mulder's sweats. Was he really as thin as he looked,
Mulder wondered?
"I've made you some tea, it's a new blend and really good", Mulder smiled at
the man who looked so young, so insecure and fragile, and patted the space
beside him on the couch. Alex hesitated one second and then carefully went
came over and sat down.
He wrapped both hands around the cup, as if to warm the long slender
fingers. His hands, so strong and yet delicate. Breathing in the rich scent
of the tea, Alex closed his eyes and tasted it. A soft smile lightened his
face and he looked at Mulder.
"You remembered I like it sweet with lemon. It's very good Mulder thank
you". A sudden shiver went through Alex body and Mulder looked worriedly at
him.
"You're cold Alex?"
"A little bit, but this'll warm me up", Alex said.
"Come here now, I need to hold you", Mulder said, took the cup from Alex and
pulled him close. He let Alex lean back on him, so that his head rested on
his shoulder, and then put the warm blanket over them, before giving him the
teacup again.
Alex smiled and sipped his tea. It felt so great. Lying against Mulder's
chest, smelling him, feeling kind of safe, drinking this wonderful sweet
tea, and warm, it was warm. He had been cold for such a long time.
Mulder held Alex, stroked his hair, fingered his long locks and just enjoyed
having him here, so close. Alex shivered once in a while, but gradually he
seemed to get warm. Mulder could feel he had lost a lot of weight and a
sudden cough that rattled in his chest, made Mulder hold him even tighter.
"You're okay?" Mulder whispered in Alex's ear.
"Yes I'm fine... now," Alex said quietly after swallowing a couple of times.
He leaned over to put the almost empty teacup on the table. "I'm really
tired though".
"Sleep then my beautiful Alex, I'll watch you", Mulder said and pulled the
blanket up a bit further. Alex turned his head, looked up at Mulder,
stretched out his right arm and pulled Mulder's head closer to his face.
"Ya tak lyub-lyu te-bya", he whispered, and then a kiss, sweet and somehow
innocent burned Mulder's lips. One soft heartfelt kiss, and then Alex
snuggled closer to Mulder's chest and fell asleep.
The end
Shelter
by Scout
He was back! Suddenly and unexpectedly after a long absence.
End Note: Russian phrase at end is a direct attempt at pronunciation of
"I love you so much."
