...a beach in the sun...
...warm sand and cool water...
...hazel eyes that really saw him...
...and he wondered if the other remembered too. Because they say you never
forget your first time...
Summer vacation. Have any two words ever sounded sweeter? And yet, by the
third week, the inactivity begins to pall. You start to long for something,
anything , new. So when your parents suggest a weekend at the beach, you
jump at it. Even if it means being seen with your parents. So you pack
your bathing suit, and all the books you can fit in a shopping bag (just in
case it rains, or you get bored), and you climb in the back of the car,
already listening for the sound of the waves...
It was late afternoon, and Alex was deep in his book as the car pulled into
the motel parking lot. This was the second time he had read "Stranger in a
Strange Land, " and although there were a lot of things he still didn't
get, he loved the ideas; the language of it. Pulling himself out of the
story reluctantly, he looked around. Crappy motel, scraggly trees, tiny
playground. He opened the car door, and then he heard it. The music of the
sea. Gulls, waves, the bells on the channel markers, boat horns, all
combined into one sound. A siren song.
He dashed into the room as soon as his father opened the door, rooted around
in his suitcase for his bathing suit, and ran into the bathroom to change.
He grabbed a towel and his book and was flying out the door when his mother
stopped him.
"Alexei—"
"Mom, please—it's Alex , okay?"
"Da, Alex, then. Don't go into the water unless there is a lifeguard.
Promise me."
"Mom, I'm thirteen now. I don't need—"
"Alexei."
Sigh. "Yes, Poppa."
"Mind your mother,"
"Yes, Poppa. Sorry, Mama. I promise, no swimming unless there's a
lifeguard."
"Good boy. Now, go."
He was out the door like a shot.
The day had been overcast, though warm, and as Alex ran past the long
concrete building that housed the showers and changing rooms, he could see
no one. He looked over the grassy dunes teeming with birds, the flat white
sand full of pebbles and bits of broken shell. No lifeguard, no other
swimmers. His promise to his mother weighed on him. He had a hard time
lying to her, and if he was caught in a lie, the punishment would come from
Poppa's belt. Not worth it, when he could wait until tomorrow. He toed off
his sneakers, threw down his towel and book and walked to the water's edge.
They couldn't possibly object if he waded in a bit, right? It wasn't
really swimming.
As he walked in the gentle surf, the water lapping at his knees and
sometimes splashing higher, he thought of his recent birthday. So, big
deal, his first summer as an official teenager. Felt pretty much the same
to him. Girls were starting to look at him differently, but so far, he saw
nothing of any interest in them. And the noise of their giggly, screechy
voices! It was usually more enjoyable to just stay in and read than to try
to make any sense out of what they wanted from him.
Suddenly a brown and white streak of fur shot past him into the water. A
voice yelled "Mitzi! Come back here! Bad dog!"
Alex looked and saw a kid his own age or maybe a bit older running down to
the beach from the road. "Hey—catch her! Mitzi! NO!"
Alex didn't think twice before diving into the water after the spaniel.
Luckily, she decided he looked like a playmate, and swam over to him. He
grabbed the trailing leash and tried to tow her back onto land. She wanted
none of that, however, and he went under a couple of times before he felt
the sand under his feet again. Keeping a firm grip on the leash, he dragged
the reluctant dog over to her owner, who was dancing from foot to foot by
the very edge of the water. He handed over Mitzi's leash, and then jumped
back as she shook the water from her coat. Both boys laughed, until Alex
began to cough from the water he had accidentally swallowed.
"Hey, thanks, are you okay? I mean, I would have gone in too, except you
looked like you had her under control; and, well, I'm not really dressed for
swimming."
"Swimming." Oh, jeez, look what he did. Alex groaned. "My mom is gonna
kill me."
"Why? You've got your trunks on. What's the problem?"
"She made me promise no swimming. And now I'm all wet—I can't lie to
her. I mean, I've tried , but it never works. I'm dead."
"Are you sure you can't get out of it? There's always a loophole if you
look hard enough. What were her exact words?"
Alex imitated his mother's accent flawlessly. "Don't go in the water unless
there is a lifeguard, Alexei. Promise me."
"Aha! I have solved your problem. For before you stands—ta- dah!—
the newest member of the Tri-Town Life Saving Squad."
"Are you kidding?"
"Nope, I qualified last week. I don't start the job until Monday, but it's
a fact. I am a lifeguard. And you are off the hook, my friend."
"Oh, man that is so cool." They stood grinning at each other until Mitzi
began to pull towards the water again.
"Shoot, I've gotta get her home. You wanna go? It's just up the road."
"Sure, why not?" They stopped to pick up Alex's things, and he put his
sneakers on his wet feet. Then they continued towards the stairs, the dog
pulling Alex's new friend enthusiastically along.
"Slow down, Mitzi! Dumb dog. So's that your name? Alexei?" He wrapped
his tongue around the syllables awkwardly.
"Well, technically it's Alexander, but my mother calls me Alexei. It's kind
of a baby name. I keep reminding her to call me Alex, but so far, it's not
working."
"Yeah, well, Alex is a cool name. So's Alexei, for that matter."
"So what's yours?"
Instead of answering directly, the boy looked down at his feet for a moment.
Then he said, "I really hate my name. It's a stupid name. I want to
change it as soon as I'm old enough, but the problem is I don't know what I
want to change it to ."
"Okay, well, what should I call you?"
"I dunno, I really can't think of anything. What do you think I look
like?"
Alex stopped walking and considered the question and the face before him.
Brown hair parted on the side and flopping into the hazel eyes. Prominent
nose, lopsided mouth...
"Hmm, maybe...Daniel? No...Michael? No. I'll just keep trying until I
find one you like, how's that?"
"Okay. I guess I can trust you to come up with something decent."
"How about...Walter?"
"Gag! No way ! Get real, c'mon, don't do this to me, man."
Laughing and bumping each other from side to side, they walked down the side
of the road. When they reached a large white house, Mitzi turned up the
sidewalk to the front door and sat patiently while the door was opened and
her leash was unclipped. She ran into the house, barking excitedly, and a
voice called "Thank you, dear! Tomorrow, then?"
"Sure, Mrs. Appleton. See you tomorrow!" He shut the door and turned to
walk back down the sidewalk to the road.
"Wait, that's not your dog?"
"Nah, my mom won't let me get a dog. I walked Mitzi every day this week
while Mrs. Appleton's son was at camp. She paid me five dollars to do it,
but I'd have done it for nothing if she didn't." He looked wistfully back
at the house. "She's a great dog. Even if she does go in the water every
chance she gets. Come on, let's go. Where are you staying?"
Alex raised one finger. "Ah, but how do you know I don't live here?"
"Well, for one thing I know everybody who lives here, and for another
thing, if you were local, you wouldn't have been at Menemsha Beach, you
would have been at Lambert's Cove, which is for residents only."
"Brilliant deduction, Holmes. I'm staying at the Sandpiper Motel. And I
probably should get back there before too long. So you live here year
'round? It looks like a really nice place."
"Yeah, I guess. Hey, you're not naming me. Come on, man."
"Clyde."
"No."
"Eugene."
"No."
"Brian."
"N—yeah. Brian. I can live with that. You may call me... Brian ."
"Are you sure?"
"For now. I guess if I hate it, it's better to find out before it's legal,
right?"
"Okay, 'Brian', let's go."
They ran off down the road together toward Alex's motel.
When they reached the door of the room, Alex turned to look at Brian.
"Okay, so..." He felt awkward, suddenly, not knowing where to put his hands
or where to look.
"Thanks for the help with Mitzi, I really appreciate it. Do you need me to
be your alibi?"
"Nah, it'll be fine. Thanks anyway."
"So, like, tomorrow, we could go to the beach. If you want to, I mean. I
could like, pick you up here at nine, if you want?"
"Sound great. I'll see you then, I guess."
"Yeah, well, bye, Alex."
"Bye, Brian."
The next day dawned wet and rainy. Alex sat in the small coffee shop where
his parents had brought him for breakfast and sulked. Now what was he going
to do with his day? The bag of books he had brought held no interest for
him. All he could think of was that he wouldn't see Brian. He had really
had fun yesterday. The way Alex's family moved around, it was hard for him
to make friends. But he and Brian had just clicked somehow. And now there
was nothing else he wanted to do if he couldn't spend time with Brian.
"Stupid rain," he muttered.
They arrived back at the motel room a few minutes before nine, and Alex had
no sooner gotten comfortable on his bed with his book when there was a knock
at the door. His father answered it, and Alex heard a familiar voice say,
"Um, hi. Is Alex here?"
He bolted for the door, and saw Brian in a yellow raincoat and boots like
the guy on the fishsticks box. He tried not to laugh, but couldn't help it.
Brian was smirking under the hood of his raincoat. "Shut up, jerk. I
brought some for you, too. They're my old ones. Since we have to walk, my
mom thought we should try to stay dry."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, we can't go to the beach, but I thought maybe you could come over to
my house. We could watch tv or play a game or something. If you want to."
Alex looked at his mother with his best 'lost puppy' face, with just a touch
of 'I wish I had a friend" thrown in. It never failed. Two minutes later,
they were on their way.
Brian led them through the woods, skirting back yards and sometimes climbing
fences. At last they arrived at what Alex assumed was Brian's house. They
entered through the back door, stopping to hang their rain-gear on hook in a
small foyer. Leaving their boots on the mat, Brian led the way into the
kitchen.
The house was silent. "Where's your parents?" asked Alex.
"My mom has a dippy committee meeting all day today and my dad—uh—- he
doesn't live here anymore. He moved to West Tisbury."
Alex winced. "Oh. Sorry."
"It's okay. He was never around anyway, so it's not like I even miss him or
anything. Come on, let's go up to my room."
Brian's room was the usual teenage hodge-podge of leftover childhood and
coming adulthood. A stack of board games filled one shelf of a large
bookcase. Above the games were stacks of comic books and MAD magazines. On
the next shelf were dozens of paperbacks, with more stacked on top and on
the desk beside the bookcase. Alex was impressed.
"Wow, I think you have more books than I do." He suddenly realized this
was kind of a dorky thing to say, and blushed. But Brian seemed to
understand, and just grinned.
"Not much else to do around here. I read a lot."
"Yeah, well, so do I. Just—some of my friends think it's kinda weird."
"Sounds like you need new friends."
Alex snorted. "The way we move around, I'm lucky to have the ones I got."
"So what do you want to do? You're the guest, you get to pick."
"Uh, I don't—" Alex felt a little odd. He was used to trying to fit in
wherever he went, blending, never putting himself out in front for any
reason. Now, all of a sudden his opinion was wanted. What if he picked
wrong? Would Brian laugh at him? Or just decide he didn't want to hang out
anymore? But if he didn't choose something, Brian would think that Alex
didn't want to be here. So—what? His gaze roamed over the stack of board
games. "Stratego?" he guessed blindly.
When he looked at Brian, he could see he'd made the wrong choice. "What's
wrong?"
Brian made a small noise, then straightened his shoulders. "Nothing's
wrong. But there's—a piece missing."
"Why don't you throw it out then?"
"Because I might find it. Someday I might find the missing piece, and
then I'll be able to play it again. Okay?" Brian's voice sounded curiously
between anger and tears for a moment, and Alex tensed unaccountably. "Just
—just pick another game, all right?"
"Sure. Um, Monopoly?"
Brian smiled again. "I get to be the racecar."
The awkward moment was over as quickly as it had begun. Alex shifted mental
gears and shrugged. He didn't really think the problem was a missing game
piece, but it was obvious that Brian didn't want to talk about it. So he'd
play Monopoly.
"Roll to see who's banker," he said.
After three hours they called it a draw and went to investigate the
possibility of lunch. In the kitchen, eating bologna sandwiches and
drinking Kool-Aid, they talked about books, and school, and inevitably,
girls .
"I just don't get them. It's like they always have to be with others of
their kind. Like they share one brain between them. And some of the stuff
they say, it's just stupid."
Alex nodded. "Every once in a while I meet an intelligent one, but mostly
they just ...aren't. It's kind of scary, how they seem to have some kind of
secret language that no guy can ever hope to understand."
"Yeah, well, who would want to, anyway?" Brian finished his Kool-Aid and
stood up. "What next? I think it's gonna stop raining, maybe we could go
down to the beach and look for stuff in a while."
"Sounds good. But for now—I dunno. What do you usually do when it
rains?"
Brian looked a little embarrassed. "Actually, I read and listen to music."
Alex laughed. "So do I. So why don't we?"
Back in Brian's room, Alex headed straight for the stack of Mad magazines.
"This is so cool. My mom won't let me buy these. She thinks they're bad
for me, or something."
"My mom doesn't much notice. As long as I'm quiet, she leaves me pretty much
to myself."
"Wow, that sounds great."
"Yeah, well, I guess."
Brian put an album on the turntable, and they sprawled on his bed, reading
especially funny parts out loud to each other and snickering over the
adventures of Spy vs. Spy. When Brian got up to turn the record over, he
glanced out the window and noticed the rain had stopped, and the clouds were
clearing. He was about to suggest that they leave for the beach when he
looked at Alex. Really looked at him for a moment. And thought, what the
hell.
"Hey, Alex? Can I ask you something? I mean, don't like, freak out or
anything, but—uh—did you ever kiss anybody? Like, not your family,
but—somebody else?"
"What, like a girl? No way."
"Did you ever want to?"
"Not really. I can't think of any girls I'd want to kiss."
"What about if it wasn't—never mind. Let's go to the beach. It stopped
raining, sometimes stuff washes up."
Alex was by now used to Brian's abrupt changes of subject, and followed him
down the stairs. They put their boots back on and went out the back door.
Again they made their way through back yards and woods, emerging not far
from the beach where they had met. And again the beach was deserted. They
wandered along the water's edge, sometimes stopping to look at an
interesting shell or piece of driftwood, until they reached some large
rocks. Brian climbed on top of one and turned to give Alex a hand up.
Then he jumped down the other side, into a clear area in the middle of the
boulders.
The rocks were taller than the boys, and Alex leaned back against the
tallest of them and looked up at the sky. He felt as though he were in some
kind of faerie circle, or maybe another Stonehenge. He smiled to himself at
his whimsy, and then looked at Brian to share his thoughts. What he saw
made him forget any fanciful ideas he might have had. The fierce look in
Brian's eyes—
"Alex, you know what I asked you earlier? I've never kissed anybody before
either. But I—I want to—"
And all Alex could manage to say was "Yes."
Their lips met tentatively. Brian's hand came up to rest on Alex's
shoulder, and the older boy leaned in to deepen the kiss.
Alex's arms stole around Brian's waist, before creeping up his back. He
wasn't sure what he should be doing, but it felt so good just to hold Brian
like this.
When Brian pulled away, Alex opened eyes he didn't remember closing. Brian
was looking so intently at him, it was as though he wanted to imprint the
moment onto his brain forever. "I'm—", he began.
Alex leaned forward and captured Brian's mouth again. He could faintly
taste the flavor of Kool-Aid from their lunch on the other boy's lips as he
opened his own slightly. "Don't say you're sorry," he said as he moved
back. " 'Cause I'm not."
"No, I just—I never—"
"Yeah, well now we both have." He felt Brian's laugh beneath his hands,
still pressing against his back, and he chuckled himself.
"So now what?"
"Heck, I don't know. This was your idea. I don't think I'm ready for—
anything else. I mean, I liked that, I really did. But it's just—"
"Yeah, I know." Brian sighed. "When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow before lunch. My father wants to catch the noon ferry."
"Oh. Darn."
"Brian? Do you think we're—" The word wouldn't come out. "I mean, I
don't—I don't feel any different. But everything's changed, all the
same."
"Not everything. You haven't changed. You're still Alex. But now you're
the Alex who kissed me. It doesn't change who you are inside. Does it?"
"No, I guess not."
"So it means what it means. It felt good. I'd like to do it again, in
fact. Doesn't mean I'm gonna wake up wantin' to wear a dress tomorrow."
Alex snorted. "You'd make a fairly ugly girl, actually."
"Thanks."
Their mouths met again, and this time it was more intense. Alex felt
Brian's hands at his waist, pulling their bodies closer, and he gasped. As
his lips parted, Brian's tongue snaked out to touch the tip of Alex's. It
was like an electric shock. Alex's eyes flew open again, to see Brian's
amused ones staring back.
"What the heck was that?"
"I've been doing some research..."
"I guess you have."
"...do you want to hear this or not?"
"Sorry."
"And I read something called 'The Kinsey Reports,' and they talked about
people being attracted to members of their own sex like it was normal. They
didn't make any judgements about it, they just said it happens. And a lot
of people are attracted to both sexes; and I guess the only way you know
is if you know . If you meet someone, and...you just know."
"So now we know?"
"Exactly."
"So now ...what?"
"That I don't know."
"And I have to leave."
"Yeah. Hey, give me your phone number."
Alex did so, and Brian repeated it.
"Write it down when you get home."
"Don't worry, I never forget stuff like that."
"So you gonna call me?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Okay. I'd like that. I mean, I like talking to you."
Brian smiled and kissed Alex once more, briefly. "We better get you back,
your mom said before dinner, and it's getting late."
They walked back along the road, talking about nothing in particular.
Occasionally as they walked their hands would brush, and Alex glanced
sideways to see Brian looking at him. He blushed, and Brian smiled.
Back at the motel, there was another awkward moment.
"Alex, I wish I could—"
"Yeah, me too. But not here, okay? My parents..."
"Okay, well, I'll try to stop by in the morning before you leave. My mom
drags me to church with her, but I'll get away as soon as I can."
"Okay. See you then."
But he hadn't seen him again, not until this moment, standing in a crowded,
noisy office with his hand held out to be shaken. Brian hadn't come to the
motel the next morning before they had left, and Alex's father had been
transferred again soon after they returned from their trip.
But Alex remembered.
...the taste of Kool-Aid...
..."Hotel California" playing on the turntable...
...and what it smelled like after the rain at Menemsha Beach.
end
Menemsha Beach
by Starfish
The first time Alex Krycek saw his newest 'assignment', he heard gulls
crying. Smelled salt air. And remembered...
