by Claire Dobbin
"What about McDonald's tonight?" Walter suggested as cheerfully as he
could, unable to bear the gloom any longer.
Alex senior, looked over at him doubtfully. If they went to McDonald's
again, it would be the third time in a week, and Walter knew that
breached Alex's tolerance for fast food.
"Yes please, Dada," a small voice floated over from the back of the
car.
Alex glanced at Walter as he turned in his seat towards his son. "The
patented Skinner 'cure all'," he complained, clearly irritated by the
suggestion.
Walter wisely said nothing more. Instead he watched the road ahead and
the interaction between the two people around whom his world revolved.
Alex was reaching back to wipe a snotty nose, his face wearing a
reassuring smile.
"McDonald's it is then, half pint," he promised, pleased to see the
sad brown eyes brightening at the words. "Maybe we'll get Dino-Chi
this time."
"Yes, yes, yes," the younger Alex chanted.
Walter groaned silently. That meant happy meals all round, but hell,
if that's what it took.
He signalled and turned right through the school gates, sensing how
the temporary bubble of happiness burst as the child realized they had
arrived at their destination. In the mirror he watched the chubby
hands grip more tightly onto the handle of the Rug Rats lunch pail.
"It's an early day today, Alexander," Walter reminded as he parked the
car, "so Daddy will be here for you at one thirty."
"Okay." The emotion in the single word was sufficient to warn the two
men that the tears were about to resurface.
They looked at each other anxiously; feeling at sea as to how to deal
with the problem they faced, desperately hoping their plan of action
was the right one. A show of unity as they both brought their son to
school each morning, no lingering good byes, and as much love as could
be fitted into the life of one small boy taking his first steps into
the big bad world.
Stepping out of the SUV, Alex opened the back door to unbuckle his
son, while Walter lifted out his school satchel. There was none of the
usual boisterous clambering out once the straps were released and Alex
had to tug gently on the small hand to get Alexander moving.
Once he'd guided the child's feet down out of the car Alex knelt on
the ground in front of his son and wrapped his arm around him,
repeating a litany of soothing words into the delicate ear. Walter
reached down to adjust the boy's woollen cap, then ran his hand
through his lover's hair knowing the man needed reassurance as much as
the child. Alex looked up, appreciating the gesture of support. He
stood up and they each caught hold of one of Alexander's hands and
began to walk towards the kindergarten entrance.
The schoolyard was filling up with children, all well wrapped up
against the cold and intent on their play. A few of the moms who were
standing around chatting exchanged greetings with Walter and nodded at
Alex. The younger man, fixated on his child's anxiety, didn't register
the contact. Walter sighed quietly and tried to be sociable for the
two of them.
Suddenly Alexander stopped dead in his tracks and was pulled forward a
few steps before his dads realised what had happened. He began to cry
softly and turned towards Alex, holding on tightly to his leg. His
eyes were riveted on the front door that had just swung open. Walter
followed his gaze, as did Alex, and they say the problem immediately.
Stevie Baker, the obnoxious brat who had made it his mission in life
to victimize their son, had just bounced out keen to start his work
for the day.
Alexander began to sob and Alex's face took on a murderous look that
had Walter wondering what was the statutory sentence for eviscerating
a five year old.
"Come on, Alexander Sergei," Walter said with a confidence he didn't
feel. "Time to be a man."
That brought a withering scowl from Alex, before he gently pulled
Alexander round to continue the walk into school.
"My tummy hurts, Daddy," Alexander's voice quavered.
"Does it baby? I'll take a look at it once we get inside," Alex
promised.
It was Walter's turn to scowl at Alex's continued use of 'baby' but he
let it go. It was not the time to make an issue of it. They headed
towards Alexander's classroom and stopped at the coat rack outside it
Alex knelt down and began removing the child's winter layers, while
Walter went into the classroom to put Alexander's satchel and lunch
pail into his locker. Mrs. Mulso, Alexander's teacher looked up and
wished him good morning.
"Good morning," he responded.
"How are things this morning?" she asked, concerned.
"About the same," he told her, unhappily.
She stood up and left her desk to walk to him.
"I know it's hard to believe, but this will get better. He'll learn to
deal with it."
Walter looked at her unconvinced.
"He's fine in his own group. Once you leave and he settles, he's a
happy little boy. Please try to remember that. The problem is confined
to what goes on in the playground and you know we are monitoring
that."
"I know and I appreciate all you're doing," he said sincerely,
grateful for the school's acceptance of their family situation.
"It'll be fine, you'll see," she offered, looking over to watch the
child trail reluctantly into the room. "Good morning, Alexander. Want
to help Joe and Melissa give the rabbits their breakfast?"
"Uh-huh," he nodded, looking a little happier. He reached up towards
Walter for his hug. The big man swept him up into a hug of bear-like
proportions and succeeded in eliciting a chuckle.
"Be good," Walter told him as he set him back on his feet.
"Bye Dada, bye Daddy," he chirped, accepting the kiss Alex planted on
his head before scurrying off to join his friends in the pet's corner.
The two of them spent a couple of minutes watching their son join in
the busy activity with the other children before Mrs. Mulso's quiet
cough let them know it was time to go.
Together they headed back to the car park, but just as they left the
schoolyard, Alex made the mistake of glancing back. He immediately saw
Alexander's sad face peering after them through the classroom window.
Walter firmly took hold of Alex's arm as the other man turned to
retrace his steps.
"Oh no, Alex," Walter said as he gave Alexander one last wave and
directed his lover towards the SUV. "Time to let him deal."
"For fuck's sake, Walter, he's not a marine," Alex snapped,
reluctantly getting into the car.
"Nor is he a baby," Walter countered, starting up the engine.
The comments left them at an impasse and they began the drive to their
Georgetown house in silence.
After a few blocks Alex said, "Maybe we should think about another
school."
Walter shook his head. "There isn't a school on the planet that
doesn't have a Stevie Baker, and few of them have pastoral care as
good as 'Hillview'."
"I guess not," Alex conceded.
Walter thought long and hard before he spoke again. "You know, Alex,
maybe it's time to let him out of the cotton wool a little."
He could feel the other man staring at him. "Are you saying I'm over
protective?"
Walter tried not to laugh out loud, but he couldn't help the snigger
that escaped his lips. "Over protective? Of course not, all parents
have their child's dentist and doctor and teacher vetted by the FBI.
It's common practice to have a child's bedroom covered by a state of
the art CCTV system. To say nothing of..."
"Okay, okay, I get the message," Alex cut him off. "But we need to be
careful because of... because of..."
"And I agree. We do have to be careful, but not to the point where we
smother him."
Alex's silence was as close as he could come to agreement.
"You know," Walter cajoled, "a lot sooner than we expect he's going to
want to spread his wings and we better be ready to let him. He's never
spent a night away from us, nor we away from him. What happens the
first time he wants to do a sleep over?"
Alex looked at him aghast.
"And more than that," Walter continued, "if his friends are ever going
to be allowed to sleep over at our house we better get out there and
start making connections with their parents."
Alex groaned. He didn't need anybody else but Walter and Alexander.
But for his son's sake he'd have to make the effort. They pulled into
the driveway of the house and Walter pulled forward to take a kiss.
The younger man leaned heavily into the comfort for a few minutes.
"I'll be home as soon as I can," Walter promised as they parted and he
watched Alex climb out of the car and walk to the front door. He
couldn't miss the depressed slump of the shoulders as Alex let himself
into the house, giving him a faint smile as he disappeared.
Walter reversed out of the drive and pointed the car towards the
beltway. He drove some distance before he found himself pulling over
and killing the engine. He flopped back in his seat. Even after eight
years of getting used to the idea it still sometimes threw him to
realise that he and Alex Krycek, not only loved each other and lived
together but also had a child. The odds on that had to be
astronomical.
The conversation that had begun it all was burned into his memory.
They were sitting wrapped up in each other watching a football game
when Alex had quietly told he was happy, his life was wonderful and he
wanted a child.
Walter remembered the shock of the words and the terror that had come
in their wake. A child was definitely not part of his game plan. Not
even with Sharon. But he didn't dismiss the possibility and instead
let Alex spend the next couple of weeks working through the arguments
for and against.
At the end of it all he could find no reason why they shouldn't bring
a child into the world. They were healthy, happy and financially
sound. Okay, so they had an unfortunate history but overcoming it had
made them all the stronger. And Walter had to agree that sharing their
love with a child and raising it to be happy and fulfilled would help
redress some of the mistakes they had made.
He would never forget the look on Alex's face the day he told him yes.
Alex crushed Walter to him and allowed himself to be taken to bed.
They had made love beyond the point of exhaustion and Walter found
himself laughing as he commented that it was a pity that all the
energy they had just expended was not going to get the job done.
Getting the job done turned out to be no barrel of laughs. Finding a
surrogate and achieving conception proved to be a fraught and
frustrating business, though obtaining the samples of genetic material
had its compensations. Only Alex Krycek could make performing in that
nasty little room in the clinic into a sexy and pleasurable
experience.
Learning that he, not Alex, was going to be the father had been a
total surprise. He explained to Walter that some medical issues from
his days in the Consortium made him uneasy about being the child's
biological father.
Anyway since he had no family with whom he had contact he thought it
better that the child have a connection with the Skinner clan. They
had accepted his and Walter's relationship and, after their initial
bewilderment, had surprised Walter by being supportive of the two
men's desire for a child. Being a Skinner would give the child sound
emotional and legal safeguards and would provide Walter and Alex with
peace of mind.
Some thirteen months later they'd brought home Alexander Sergei
Skinner from the hospital and all the pieces of Walter's life had
clicked into place. What astounded him above all was the way Alex
bonded with the baby. Alex was ecstatic. Walter was convinced that he
loved the child all the more because he was Walter's. It seemed that
nothing could dent his permanent good humour, not the diapers, nor the
teething, or even the constant fear that they might be doing
something wrong. Within months they had the biggest library of baby
care books on the North American continent and Walter threatened to
take away Alex's credit cards if he came home with one more toy.
Apart from the odd minor crisis that had been dealt with by a visit to
the paediatrician or a phone call to Walter's sister, this was the
first unpleasant ripple in their lives together as a family. But
things like this happened to families; Walter understood that in the
way that Alex didn't.
Walter came to a decision, turning the key in the ignition he speed
dialled the office and told his secretary he wouldn't be coming in for
family reasons. He turned the car round and headed home.
Alex was upstairs making Alexander's bed when he heard the front door
open and close. He walked out to the landing and was surprised to find
his lover crossing the hallway.
"Walter I'm up here," he called. "Is something wrong?"
Walter took off his coat and threw it over the end of the banister. He
bounded upstairs and took his lover in his arms.
"Everything's fine, Alex, everything's going to be fine," he said
confidently.
The tense body in his arms was not convinced.
"I knew it was going to be tough for him to be raised by two gay men.
But that was the theory, now itıs the reality. I was so selfish
wanting him because he's the one who'll pay the price."
Walter released Alex and pulled him into the study with him. He stood
him in front of the corkboard that over the last four and a half years
had become the chronicle of Alexander's life. Wrapping his arms around
the man he loved he said, "Look at us Alex and tell me this is wrong."
He sensed his lover's gaze as it moved over the hundreds of snapshots
that patchworked the board. From the first picture of them looking
terrified and holding seven pounds eight ounces of crabby baby like he
was a one off piece of Dresden china, to the picture of him standing
proudly between them on his first day at school.
"He's a bright, happy child Alex, who has two loving parents and a
supportive family. All children should be so lucky."
"But—"
"Let's trust ourselves on this Alex. We've done good so far."
Alex turned into him held on tightly, choosing to let Walter bear the
weight for a little while. They stood like that for long minutes until
Walter said, "Alex, listen."
The younger man straightened up and listened hard, trying to identify
what Walter had heard. All he could hear was silence.
"What?" he questioned.
"No patter of little feet, no incessant questioning, no ears that can
hear the grass grow."
Alex looked at him confused.
"When was the last time we had the house to ourselves?"
Alex smiled broadly as Walter's meaning became clear. He checked his
watch.
"We have four hours," he said, beginning to unbutton Walter's shirt.
"Let's see if I can still make you scream. I've missed the screaming."
His hand stole under the crisp white cotton and unerringly found its
way to Walter's right nipple. His hard pinch made the older man grunt
and draw in a sharp breath.
"Looks like I haven't lost my touch," he said smiling in pleasure at
his lover's response.
It wasn't long until the house was resounding to ecstatic screams, and
to Walter Skinner's immense gratification they weren't all his.
alter tried to ignore the morose atmosphere in the car, unsure about
which of the two passengers was unhappier. Alex, forty something, in
the front seat fidgeted uneasily, his lips compressed into a tight
line. Alexander, four and a half, bundled up in his booster seat in
the back, sniffled miserably.
