by Jami Wilsen
He wondered why they'd let him sleep so late.
He had no memory of experiencing the usual nightmares
of smothering and choking in black oil, nor could he
recall another panic attack while reliving the pain of
losing his arm. But then, he never could. It was always
too deeply buried unless his own screams woke him up
but somehow, he knew he had slept very well. He felt
awake and alert, better rested than he had in a very
long time.
With a sense of foreboding that the previous night had
been too good to be true, he finally finished his shower,
dressed and went downstairs.
Mulder was sitting at the computer. He looked over at
Alex as he came down. "It snowed. In fact, it's still
snowing. Have a look. If it keeps up, we'll be snowed in
for good."
Alex went to the window. "How much?"
"Three feet, Walter says. It snowed all night. He's out
shoveling; he said it keeps him fit. I think he's crazy.
He's going to hurt his back. We may have to go bring
him back inside at some point and finish the job
ourselves."
"Why'd you let me sleep in for so long?"
Mulder didn't look at him, busy with the keyboard and
answering absently, "Walt said you needed the rest.
There's food in the pantry for you."
Fine, thought Alex to himself. If you want to pretend
that nothing happened, I guess that's your prerogative.
Still, he couldn't help narrowing his eyes and feeling a
little disgruntled at Mulder's attitude. He had to fight the
desire to go over and kiss the back of his neck, put his
arms around him. Alex wondered if an open display of
affection towards Mulder would shock him... coming from
Alex. He sighed and went to rustle up something he
could call breakfast.
Once he'd eaten though, there was no avoiding it. In
fact, he didn't want to avoid it anymore. He straightened
and returned to the living room. Sitting down in his
chair, he said, "I'm kind of surprised that you didn't stick
with Dana Scully. You two were close." He knew now
was not the time to mention how much he hated her. If
he did, Mulder would fly off the handle.
Mulder looked over at him with a frown and then away.
"Yeah, too close. I think we waited too long. It felt like
sleeping with my sister or something."
Alex lifted a brow. He couldn't keep the amazement out
of his voice. "You actually...?"
"We tried for a while. But I think she just couldn't put up
with me in the end. She said she'd had enough of
looking after me all those years without having to do it
for the rest of her life. Said one child to take care of was
enough." He grinned, a softness covering his face as
he spoke of her. It was an expression that Alex had not
seen on Fox until now.
That familiar twinge of hurt returned. He tried to ignore
it. Pointless jealousy. Trying to keep his tone light, he
asked, "So who snaffled her in the end? I would've
thought either you or Walter... I mean, it was kind of a
shock to find you two together. Dana's quite a catch."
Mulder snorted. "Yeah, there was a waiting list. Poor
Frohike. He really wanted his chance but she found
herself a doctor. Someone a little more down to earth,
who didn't remind her of spooky government
conspiracies, aliens and world altering agendas." He
smiled. "We're still friends; she comes up to visit now
and then."
Mulder shot him a knowing look. "Your conscience still
bothering you?"
Alex sneered slightly. "Why should it? She involved
herself. Besides, it's ancient history. Why are you
dragging all that out again? I thought we'd gotten past
this."
Mulder shrugged and turned in his seat, away from his
work. "Have we? I still don't know what you were doing
it all for, Alex. Why? How did you sleep at night, what
justifications did you tell yourself? What was your angle
on it?"
"Freedom. What did you think I was working for? It was
always about freedom. Mine, mostly. But yours, too. In
fact, everyone's. Hell, they were all tied together; came
as a package deal. Think about it, how could I be free if
no one else was?"
"You're a real humanitarian."
Mulder's own interests and motives in his original
involvement were hardly impersonal or altruistic. Alex
threw him a piercing look. "Samantha," he said, without
elaborating further. He knew it would touch a nerve to
remind Mulder that his own need to find his sister had
been the prime factor in his search for the 'truth'.
But it had the desired effect. Mulder scowled,
immediately baited. "I can't just suddenly start seeing
my greatest enemy as my bosom buddy."
"Can't I be both?" Alex suggested it reasonably, as if
he was offering it to him as an alternative. "Love and
hate go hand in hand, after all."
Mulder ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Walter is
my best friend. He's more than that; he's been there for
me when no one else was. You hurt him, you hurt
Scully—Dana. You hurt me..."
"Enough. I get the picture." Alex looked angry and
Mulder felt a sudden fear. He couldn't explain why.
Alex didn't usually show anger; it was always a retreat
back to that flat, cold expression. But now he actually
looked mad. Yet Alex didn't even raise his voice. "I
should have known you'd back out of that little 'deal' you
offered last night."
Guilt washed over Mulder at this reminder and he
wanted to take it all back, to try to explain. To start over.
Why was it so easy to lose his temper with this man? He
was tired of feeling like he was navigating through an
emotional minefield.
Alex beat him to it. "Why are you doing this? Why bring
up old ghosts? I thought we laid them to rest
yesterday."
Mulder decided to pay him back for his earlier remark.
"My father."
This too had the desired effect. He didn't need to say
anything else; it spoke volumes. Alex went very still.
Mulder took this opportunity to add another private
matter to his list of grievances. "Diana Fowley. I loved
her. You knew I did. I didn't agree with her part in
things, I know she betrayed me but in the end she still
loved me. You practically jumped with joy when they
decided to off her, didn't you? Was it you who pulled the
trigger?"
At the mention of her name a look of pure hatred spread
over Alex's face. Frankly, he didn't see how that bitch's
betrayal of Mulder was any more forgivable than his
own. It was far more premeditated and her treachery to
Mulder had endured over years and years. If only Fox
could have seen for himself firsthand how sympathetic
she had been to that smoking son of a bitch's plans and
views. Still, there was obviously no point in arguing
about it with Mulder. He always believed what he
wanted to. But it remained a sore point for Alex. Deeply
sore. He knew Mulder had always wanted to believe in
her.
Mulder sighed and put his head in his hands, leaning
forward. Tiredly, he said, "Look, Alex, I'm not going
back on our agreement. But you have to give me time
to get used to—to this new thing between us. I'm so
used to hating you I don't know how to do anything
else." And he almost bit his tongue as he heard how
candid and callous those words sounded, especially in
the context of their agreement and the admittedly hot
exchange of mutual affection that had followed it.
"Bullshit. You're just afraid of examining exactly what
you do feel for me." Alex sounded hollow and weary.
"Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be here.
No matter what we both agree, I'm always going to be a
reminder to you of everything you tried to leave behind
in coming here."
"You're the one who's bullshitting now. You're just
feeling guilty for shooting him."
Alex stood up, fury written across his face. It made him
rather formidable, and also as if he were looking down at
Mulder with contempt. But Mulder saw with a rare flash
of insight into Alex's soul that it was an attempt to cover
up his fear. Alex's tone was venomous now. "Your
'father' was far more of a bastard than I ever could
have dreamed of becoming. You know he was! To
keep holding the act of killing him over my head every
time I try to get close to you is like—it's like—" he ran cold
suddenly, aware he was getting too worked up. And
then whispered, "They cut me loose so early on. I never
worked with their interests in mind after that. But it's oh
so easy for you to pin the blame on me, the one face
you could find to use as a convenient scapegoat. So
much frustration—you needed to hate me. I understand
that, Fox, I really do. Never mind that eventually,
everything I did was inspired by one motivation: to
someday hear you say you forgive me. God! All I
wanted was a little credit towards the end, there, but you
would never admit that I'd done something right, would
you? And at the end of it all what did you do but
continue to blame me. Fuck this. I don't have to
explain myself to you. Either you get it or you don't. I'm
tired of trying." He was breathing hard. He looked like
he was ready to leave the room or go outside or break
something.
Mulder found himself wishing he hadn't taken this
particular tack with him. Tiredly, he said, "Sit down, Alex.
You're right. Okay? Are you satisfied? You are right."
Why was it so hard? Why did he find it so difficult to
accept Alex as he was? It would be petty of him to
continue to jab at him, making him hurt over the past.
He knew Alex was telling the truth. But he still couldn't
handle the murders, the assassinations. "I just find it
hard to accept the deaths. Why did you kill? Will you at
least explain that to me? How could you do it?"
Alex stared down at him, baffled. "I didn't have a
choice. It was them or me. I wanted to live. If you can't
understand that, then you've never been in that
position, never had to face that decision. And I can't
believe that you've never had to in all your years working
in the FBI, Fox. There's blood on your hands, too,
however much you might tell yourself you had no choice.
Every time. Maybe the circumstances were different but I
ask you, which of us had the harder choices? You were
dealing with monsters and criminals. Weird life forms. I
was dealing with aliens and old men who thought
nothing of sacrificing the planet to save their own skins,
to save an elite pocket of humanity in the face of an
offer they couldn't refuse. It's a toss-up, I guess. But
they were the ones who hired me. Considering the
stakes, I don't think I really had many options to choose
from."
"Now you sound just like them." Despite his words,
Mulder's answer was soft, his voice placating, almost
entreating him not to react despite the sting of what he
was saying. In his own way, Mulder was trying to
exorcise the residual frustration and pain he felt. "The
end doesn't justify the means. Every pawn sacrificed
was another stain on your soul."
Alex smiled bitterly at him. "My soul, my business. What
would you have done in my place? Sacrifice yourself?
Besides, it's over. Finished. You are so lucky that I've
been there for you, that Walter and Dana have been
there for you, to save your skin when you placed
yourself in danger. God, so many times, too. I often
wondered if you had a death wish or if you really were
just recklessly, blindly stupid. The only thing that kept
you alive was your DNA. You have no idea. You're
fortunate that they considered you more valuable alive
than dead. And besides, for every one of them I killed
I can provide proof that they deserved a far worse end
than I gave them. Including William Mulder. And he
wasn't even your father, something you conveniently
never care to discuss."
"What, no pawns got in the way? Duane Barry, others?"
A shadow flitted over Alex before he replied. "That
wasn't me. As for the others, haven't you ever killed
anyone and then regretted it?"
"Sure."
"I regret every single one. And there are far less than
you're trying to make out. You always act like I'm some
kind of mass murderer... I may not have been a true
soldier but fuck, Mulder, you've killed more people in
your lifetime than I have."
"Right. You're a real bleeding heart. Alex, I won't go
back on what we agreed. I forgive you. But I can't
forget it, I just can't. There are too many innocents, too
many dead. You can't compare yourself to me and
make me believe that every killing was a noble deed,
done for the cause. Come on, Alex...Every single time?"
Alex took him by surprise, sinking swiftly to his knees in
front of him and earnestly addressing him. "Just don't
hate me. Please. I can't stand it when you hate me. I'll
do anything you want as long as you stop hating me."
Taken aback by this unforeseen display on Alex's part,
Mulder found himself stammering, "I—I don't. I don't
hate you, not any more. All I'm saying is that I don't
think I can ever forget what you are."
Alex asked quietly, sadly, "And what am I?"
Without shrinking away, Mulder looked Alex in the eye
and regarded the solemn face of the one he'd always
considered his personal nemesis. "A paradox; a final
reminder of my life's pursuit and the inevitable losses
that I've had to endure in trying to achieve my goals.
You're the unwitting face of my enemy and the
embodiment of everything about myself I've tried to
deny. The mirror of my desire, my fear of what the truth
would actually end up being in reality, and a constant
reminder of just how responsible I actually was, all at the
same time. You have to admit that's all rather a lot to
cope with in one person, Alex."
With a helpless little moan, Alex leaned forward to rest
his forehead on Mulder's knee. "All I want to be, Fox, is
forgiven. That's all. I'm sorry. For all I've done,
everything, for anything I've done, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Mulder could hardly deny the heartfelt sincerity in this
plea and he wondered why nothing could ever be
simple. He slipped down in front of him and held him
close, comfortingly. "Alright. I forgive you. I do. I mean
it; I won't go back on that. But you'll have to be patient
with me. I thought I'd found my truth and seeing you
again reminded me of all the things I still don't know, all
the answers I never found. It woke up old memories
and things I thought I'd buried."
Alex didn't answer, merely continued to keep his hold on
him. It was at that point that Walter returned, coming in
the front door and stamping snow off his boots, his
glasses fogging up quickly in the warmth of the living
room. He looked up, taking in the little tableau before
him.
Dryly, he said, "Let me guess: another near miss?"
"We're working it out, don't worry." Mulder kissed Alex
on the forehead and then stood up, helping him to his
feet. "We... needed to touch base. That's all."
Walter noticed the way Alex avoided his eye though.
Damn it, he thought. I can't leave these two boys alone
together for ten minutes, let alone the time it takes to
clear the driveway.
"Fine," he said firmly. "Then the two of you can go out
and finish clearing the rest of the drive. Put these
new-found brotherly sentiments to work."
Walter went wearily up the stairs to change, shaking his
head.
He had a light lunch and then went back out to see how
they were getting on. They had made it quite far back
along the driveway, throwing themselves into it with
great enthusiasm, armed with their shovels, when he
waved at them to come in.
"It's not that big of a front, the weather will probably
clear by tonight," Walter said as Mulder came inside, his
nose and ears markedly red.
"Damn. It's gonna freeze, then."
"It's already frozen," Walter smiled.
"Yeah, but the temperature's gonna drop way below
what it's been the last couple of weeks, if the clouds lift.
And don't forget the wind chill factor."
"What was all that about, earlier?" Walter asked.
Mulder sighed. "Just working out some loose ends. I
can forgive but I can't forget. You know, the usual. He
killed my father, hurt you and Dana, the whole spiel."
Walter frowned. "Where is he?"
Mulder looked around and went to one of the windows.
"He was right behind me." Peering out of it, he
shrugged. "Maybe he went for a walk."
Concerned, Walter went to join him. "Out there, in this?
Doesn't he know better? Go back outside and have a
look."
Pulling his boots and coat and gloves back on, Mulder
went out the front door. Scanning the driveway, he
could see no sign of him. He went around back and
checked by the storehouse and the sheds and there
was nothing. No fresh tracks. He ended up walking
back down the driveway where they'd been clearing,
right up the point where they'd stopped. Sure enough,
there was a set of Alex's tracks, leading off into the
distance.
Alex himself was nowhere to be seen. Feeling stupid,
he called out his name a few times. There was no
response. He wondered why he hadn't tried harder to
control himself earlier. Maybe Alex had wandered off in
a sulk because of him...
Trying to ignore the unsettled feeling that came over him
at this, Mulder returned to the house. When he came in,
he said, "Maybe he's just gone off for some time by
himself."
Walter took a breath. "Okay. We'll give him some
breathing room. But if he doesn't show up in an hour,
we'll have to go out in the jeep."
"He hasn't left; he's got all his stuff back here, and his
car. He'll have to come back for it. He must be taking a
walk."
Three hours later, Walter and Mulder were in Walter's
jeep driving slowly over thick, powdery, snow-covered
ground. They'd lost his tracks and had no idea which
direction Alex had taken. The snow had covered them
up. Finally, the drifts were too deep and they had to
turn back. It was dangerous for them to continue.
But as darkness began to fall, Walter turned to where
Mulder had taken up a unmoving vigilance at the
window. "We might have to face the fact that he
decided to take off."
When Mulder didn't answer, he added, "It's not your
fault."
Mulder didn't turn around. "Yes, it is." He sounded
disparaging of himself. "I had to get all accusatory with
him and I pushed him too far. If he doesn't come
back..."
"Fox, I think it's time you told me what you said. What
really happened?"
"I let him know I still don't trust him. I said I didn't hate
him anymore, but that it was hard to forget—the past."
"So why were you both on your knees when I came in?"
"It wasn't what you think it was, Walt, I promise. We
just... came to an understanding, is all. At least, I
thought we had," he muttered.
"So suddenly you're worried about him? Fox, do you
think you might actually care about him?"
"You're conflicted," Walter snorted, adding, "Exactly as
I've been telling you all along."
Mulder surprised him by smiling a little. "Yeah, I know."
Walter came up behind him and leaned his arms across
Mulder's shoulders, looking out at the falling snowflakes
on their driveway they'd struggled to clear. "He'll be
back. You'll see."
Softly, Mulder wondered, "Does anyone ever recover
from the past? We can bury it but it can always come
back to haunt us. Especially words."
"You realize we can't really forgive him until he learns
how to forgive himself?"
"I know. I think the only thing that keeps me from
forgiving him is the shooting of William Mulder. Krycek is
right; my father was a bastard. I think I still have a lot
of guilt over that. I went to my father that night for
closure, for answers. If he'd told me, they'd have killed
me. Not many choices for anyone, there. Dad couldn't
really tell me anything, Krycek would've had to choose
which of us to kill... and I was drugged out of my mind."
Walter held him a little tighter. "Don't you think it's time
you also faced the fact that it was for that very reason
that the confrontation you had with Alex afterward was
so violent, on your part? Acid makes one paranoid at
the best of times and what they were giving you was
enough to send you completely off your head. Scully
had to shoot you to stop you from killing him. And I
don't care what Alex says—you aren't a killer, Fox. Even
for revenge. You can be erratic and impulsive, even
passionate, but you don't just kill. I know it's hard for
you to accept, but you have passionate feelings for him,
both love and hate."
Mulder leaned back into his embrace and nodded. "Of
course. I just can't accept yet that I—I actually find
myself liking a man who killed for money, sold his soul to
that smoking devil, betrayed me and my partner,
blackmailed you and played all ends against the middle.
Whatever his reasons, there are no excuses that can
justify mercenary behavior."
"It was a war, Fox," Walter reminded him. "We were all
on the same side, actually, although it may not have
appeared that way. We were stuck in the middle of it all,
doing what we could. When I was compromised in my
position at the Bureau, you never blamed me. In a way,
you need to cut him the same slack now. And you have
your own sins to remember. You haven't been beyond
reproach."
"Alright, alright," Mulder said, a little testily. "I know I'm
not lily-white, either. He was right; I carried a gun for
years. I guess just because it was in an official capacity
doesn't justify all the times I've killed anyone."
"Exactly. It could have been you in his position, easily, if
it weren't for your sister's abduction and your drive to
find her."
"You're right. I think that's what he was trying to say to
me before you came in. Just the thought though, that
he's gotten lost out there because of a stupid
disagreement this morning... I don't think I can bear
this." Mulder shook his head suddenly, abruptly. As if
coming out of a trance. "There he is," he said, in a low
voice.
Sure enough, a dark figure barely discernible amidst the
rapidly descending and swirling flakes came clearer as
Alex trudged back up to the house, along the driveway.
He stamped up the steps and came in the front door
into the warmth, peeling off his hat and scarf. "It's
freezing out there," he managed. "It's still coming down,
too, it's covered up all our good work." He had the
nerve to look exhilarated and cheerful.
"Where the hell have you been?" Mulder demanded.
"How is it that you didn't fucking freeze to death?!"
Walter watched Alex impassively.
Alex came to a pause, taking in their angry faces. He
grinned widely; he couldn't help it. "Well, well. This is a
new experience for me. Do I detect a note of concern?"
This last was aimed at Mulder. Alex's eyes were almost
sparkling but with mischief or delighted happiness that
they might care, it was hard to tell.
It was probably both, decided Walter. "We've been out
searching for you. We had to finally turn back. Thought
you'd jumped ship and decided to lose yourself out
there. Frankly, I'm surprised you're alive. Aren't you
frostbitten?"
Alex shook his head slightly. "I'm fine. I kept moving.
You forget, I've had practice—in Siberia. Spent some
time there." He flicked a glance at Mulder who looked
away, already feeling guilty enough for the problem
earlier without also having to recall that it was his fault
Alex lost his arm.
Alex raised a brow at this. "I didn't think I was here on a
probationary basis. If I can't even take a walk—"
"No one minds if you need to clear your head, if you
want to get out and spend some time on your own, Alex.
That's not what we're saying. But making us worry
about you is selfish. We've been pacing the floor. We
were out there driving around expecting to find you
stuck in a snowdrift or drowning in the middle of a frozen
lake. Fox here has been frantic, beside himself with
anxiety the entire time."
Mulder nearly protested but it died as a stricken look
crossed Alex's face. Obviously Alex hadn't thought that
they would worry. He probably hadn't guessed that they
would care all that much if something happened to him,
in fact.
Alex removed his coat with a sigh. "I didn't think it was
that big a deal."
Walter's brows lifted alarmingly. "You didn't."
"No." He looked from one to the other.
Mulder quietly put in, "The least you could've done was
let us know how long you were going to be gone. So
we could know when to start worrying, when to organize
a search party. We thought you'd run off, upset over
what happened earlier."
Alex passed his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes.
"Look, I'm sorry. Next time I'll tell you. Okay? I'm not
used to people... caring about my welfare, let alone
thinking I can't make it in weather like this. Believe me,
this is mild. I've known worse."
Something in Walter's face told Alex that there would be
reparations later. For Christ's sake, he wanted to
grumble and then thought better of it. He held his
tongue, realizing that they had indeed got themselves
worried sick about him. Him! It was a novelty, to warrant
such attention. And he smiled, mostly to himself. It was
a nice feeling. Yeah, he'd deal with any consequences
in good spirits, knowing that it was an honor, actually, to
be let into their home like this. And he really was sorry
he'd made them worry for so long. He'd been enjoying
the peace and the delicious freedom of wandering so
much that he honestly hadn't realized that time had
flown so quickly either. He put it down to the surreal
quality of the outdoors with the snow falling. He was
surprised though that the both of them thought he was
so thoughtless as to wander off without taking note of
landmarks or without a compass. And he hadn't actually
gone that far.
Outside, the clouds fell down thickly like copious
feathers falling from torn pillows, piling up in huge swells,
the icy wind blowing them into sculpted shapes.
Alex offered to cook dinner that night, partly to make up
for the stress they'd had to go through over his
disappearing act. He'd been doing a lot of thinking on
his own. He'd really needed to get out for a while. The
solitude, the undemanding wilderness and the
peacefulness of the snow everywhere had helped clear
his thoughts and quell a few of the stronger anxieties
that had been bothering him.
He'd come to the decision to do whatever it took to
remain there with them. It was like a final call on his
path in life, not to mention a chance to repair some of
the damage he knew he'd done to both of them. He
had returned this afternoon with a renewed sense of
direction and purpose, not sure where it would take him
eventually but adamant that he wanted it more than
anything that had ever been offered to him.
Despite the whiteout outside, the blackness fell early
due to their latitude. As far north as they were, the days
were getting considerably shorter. It had begun to
affect their daily routines, too.
Mulder gave up trying to get any reception on the TV,
due to the interference from the blizzard, and ended up
throwing himself into his couch to munch his way
through the bowl of seeds. Walter was quietly reading
yet again.
Alex was restless. He finally went upstairs to his room
and shut the door.
Walter looked up at the sound as the door closed
behind him, then looked over at Fox. "What?" It was
obvious something was on Mulder's mind.
Mulder wetted his lips with his tongue, carefully choosing
his words. "I know that I made everyone worry about me
constantly, when I was working for the Bureau. It was a
difficult habit to break but I got over it. I have you to
thank for that."
"All you needed was for your life to settle down," Walter
said, gruffly.
"No, Walt, you helped me to work on a potentially
life-threatening habit I had. I was always throwing
myself into dangerous situations and impossible places,
often leaving myself stranded with only Scully's ability to
ferret me out as a way of surviving what I'd got myself
into. With nothing more for her to go on sometimes than
a vague knowledge of how my mind works. And that
wasn't easy for her, either. I can't even predict myself
what I'm going to come up with next, you know? But
you gave me a way out. You taught me how to value
my own skin more both for my own sake and that of
others. I considered my pursuits important above their
needs and feelings. You made me think of other people
before myself. Thank you."
"You're very welcome. I have to admit I did it partly out
of selfishness, Fox. I hardly want you lost or dead. And
it was more than a little satisfying to finally be able to
knock some sense into you somehow." Walter's reply
was humoring of him though, and he was smiling.
Mulder grinned at him. "Yeah, but you love me. Or I
wouldn't let you. It may seem childish but it helps me to
have a guideline, knowing what my boundaries are,
where the line is when I cease thinking about how I
make others feel. But," his smile fell away, "I thought
you said something about this arrangement of ours
applying to Alex as well."
"So?"
"So he's up there getting off scot-free after having
scared both of us to death today. Aren't you going to
paddle him for that?"
Walter smirked at him. "Why? You want to watch?
Does it get you off, hearing him get smacked? I seem to
recall someone employing stealth tactics in the hallway a
couple days ago, when a certain rat came in from the
cold..."
"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it.
Surely he deserves some kind of disciplinary measure for
this."
"If he does, that's up to me," Walter pointed out.
"Yeah. So, what are you going to do?"
Mulder was in one of his famous pouts though. "I get it.
I get spanked for unacceptable behavior while he gets a
pat on the head."
"No, but you will if you keep this up," returned Walter. "I
oughtta paddle you for what happened this morning."
"Ouch. You have a point. But seriously, what kind of
feedback are you going to give him? Walt, I thought he
was gone. You were worried too, I saw you. He could
have died. He's not stupid, he's expecting it. He'll be
worried if you don't go up there."
Walter looked upwards. And sighed. "You're right, I'm
delaying the inevitable, aren't I?" And he stood up.
Turning suddenly, he shook a finger at Mulder. "No
eavesdropping this time, either."
Mulder grinned saucily. "I won't need to, if the look on
your face is anything to go by. I'll be able to hear it just
fine from down here. Don't worry, Walt. When you're all
through, I'll be waiting in bed. Just be sure to bring him
with you."
Walter regarded him with surprise. "Isn't that moving too
fast? He hasn't been here that long."
"If we wait longer, it might just create more problems,"
Mulder pointed out. "Don't tell him I'm going to be there
though. I want to surprise him. He might back out if he
knows."
"Good point." Walter stretched until he could feel the
bones pulling. "Okay. I'm gonna get this over with.
See you in a while."
Mulder did not envy him as he went up to confront Alex,
now knowing full well that it required a delicate balance
between admonishment and care where Alex was
concerned. He thoughtfully regarded the fire, unable to
put out of his mind the events of the previous night. He
replayed them inside his head as he gazed at the
bearskin rug that still lay before the hearth. He found
himself promising silently to make up for this morning's
unpleasantness between them... after Walt was done
with him.
Walter knocked on the door. At Alex's grunt, he went in.
Alex was in the process of unpacking what little
remained in his bags; it was obviously part of an attempt
to move more solidly into his room. He eyed Walter
warily as the man sat on the edge of Alex's bed. "Hi.
What's up?"
Walter hesitated, wondering what tone to take. "You do
realize that by not taking into account the fact that we'd
be worried about you, you acted rather selfishly today?"
"Yeah," murmured Alex, "but you also know why I had to
get out for a while."
"True. Still, you could have mentioned something to
Fox. Or even come back in and said it to me if you were
worried that he might try to stop you."
Alex was silent. He folded both arms across his chest
and came to stand before him. "So? So what? I
apologized to both of you and I promised I'd let you
know next time. What's the big deal?"
"I don't think you're sorry at all. You're only saying that
because we demanded it out of frayed nerves."
Alex tried not to smile at this.
Walter continued, "That hardly reassures me that you
won't go off again. Or that you don't think that we're a
couple of paranoid assholes for worrying about you: the
accomplished assassin who can survive anything, even
a horizontal snowstorm with temperatures down to minus
forty. After sweating like that, too, shoveling the drive—you ran the risk of becoming hypothermic. You were
gone for over four hours. Where the hell were you trying
to go? The Canadian/Alaskan border? You aren't even
familiar with this region." He stopped, giving Alex an
appraising glance. "You think I'm making a mountain
out of a molehill, here? Or do you agree that maybe I
have a point?"
Alex smiled. "I guess you have a point. You're making
it very well. I can't really say anything to that, can I... but
that's the idea, isn't it?"
"Your implication being?"
"You've got it into your head that simply administering a
series of punishments for 'naughty' behavior is going to
help me."
"I'm asking you, Alex: what do you think would help
you best?"
"Time," Alex replied simply, his voice rough. "Time to
adjust. To get used to being here. To—be here with
you two. It means a lot to me; I don't want to do
anything that might end up with you kicking me out. I
didn't mean to jeopardize my stay here with what
happened today. I need... space. I can't help it. I'm
used to living on my own. Completely alone."
"How long do you think that might be? Before you
consider yourself adjusted, I mean."
"Six months, to hazard a guess." Alex was grinning
again now.
"I'd say that sounds like an understanding of
probationary status, to me," Walter pointed out. "It also
sounds like avoidance."
Walter grinned back at him though. "You're afraid I'm
gonna suggest you let me chastise you, aren't you?
After all, it's a lot harder to forget making a promise like
we've asked you to make, when you have the
reinforcement of punishment as a reminder ."
To his surprise, Alex found that he was nervous about
another spanking, despite the fact that he really did trust
Walter now. He didn't want something that personal or
arousing interfering with things. As long as it remained
outside the sexual arena... He needed something else
to hold on to. He knew Walter provided a secure
threshold he could rely on, a harbor he could allow his
emotional states to spill into without fear he'd be lost in
them. Not only did it appeal to him, the idea that with a
simple act of discipline he could let all his guilt float out
of him completely, but he could simultaneously take the
opportunity to clear some more of the psychological
hang-ups he'd accumulated over the years. All that was
required was trust on his part, trust that Walter meant
well and that he did care for him. That he truly was
doing it with Alex's interests in mind. He believed
Walter; he knew the man had a paradoxically soft heart
while having what it took to be able to administer
discipline when needed. It made him perfect for this.
He suddenly found himself envying the fact that Mulder
had already been able to avail himself of this for years
now. He came to a decision silently. It had to be done
in a way that he wasn't going to find arousing, or else
the experience wouldn't really help him. He looked
down, almost protectively, self-defensively. He nearly
winced as he realized how much he'd been giving away
subconsciously the whole time he'd been here since
he'd arrived, with his mere body language. He lifted his
chin slightly, looking down at Walter, his arms still folded
in front of him.
"A spanking isn't going to do it. But I don't think just a
kiss and a hug from you will cut it, either. I need
something else to drive the point home."
Walter took a breath. "I thought you might say that."
"How far are you willing to go?"
"I won't hurt you, if that's what you mean," Walter said in
a disapproving tone. "This isn't about making you pay
for your sins or any of that kind of crap. It's not a
religious disorder or a game to me."
"I know that," Alex said quickly. "But I enjoy it too much,
both the love and the act—well, your hand."
Walter waited. Then said, "It's up to you. What do you
think you need?"
"Nothing heavy. A touch of the strap, maybe."
Walter sighed. "I'm curious, Alex. Were you beaten
when you were young?"
Alex shook his head. "Not really; nothing worth
remembering."
"Will my belt do?"
Alex considered this seriously. "Yeah. Yeah, it would."
"You sure? I don't want you coming up to me
afterwards saying that I beat you... and for no good
reason."
Alex's lips twitched. "Hardly. If anything, it gives me
something real, something tangible to hang onto, to
avoid in the future." He chuckled. "Don't worry, I can
take it."
"I know you can. Okay, since you're sure. I'll be right
back." Walter left then, to go retrieve his belt from his
closet. It was hanging in his pants. He was glad Mulder
hadn't come upstairs yet.
Walter was surprised. It was obvious that Alex had
actually given this thought. He was tempted to believe
that Alex was considerably more emotionally in touch
with himself and mature than Fox was. It had taken Fox
a long time to get to this point, to be able to face himself
inside and see that he actually craved real limits he
could work with, without using it as another means of
feeling sorry for himself in attempts to avoid past pain.
But then, Alex was smart and could hardly have survived
what he had thus far without being intimately aware of
his actual needs and having to deal with them. And
Alex had known too that he couldn't indulge in lying to
himself. It was purely the lack of human comfort that he
was starved for. It was his heart that had been driven
underground, into hiding. If anything, it was a testimony
to the existence and depth of Alex's capability for feeling
that he had turned out the way that he had. A little love
and guidance and Alex would be a changed man,
Walter felt sure. And he felt a measure of pride that he
had been right; he'd been more right in his hunches
about this man than he'd ever guessed— even before
Alex's arrival in their home.
He took a breath. "How many do you need, for making
us worry for so long today?"
Alex replied, his voice slightly muffled from his position
on the bed, "Five. For the hours."
He was right; it had been five hours that he'd been
gone. Walter moved and saw Alex tense slightly,
expecting the first blow.
He raised the leather belt, both ends in his hand, folded,
and brought it down sharply. The sound reverberated
harshly around the bare walls of the room as a slight red
stripe appeared on Alex's left cheek. "Count them out."
"One." Alex's voice was even.
Walter brought it down again, this time a little harder, on
the right butt-cheek. Alex couldn't help wincing. "Two,"
he said, a slight strain entering his voice.
"What is this for?" Walter asked. He brought the belt
down again, even harder, this time laying it straight
across both previous strokes and leaving a welt trail.
"Three. F-for making you worry about me. For making
you wonder if I'd even come back."
Alex gasped as a lick of fire landed at an angle
diagonally across the other burning paths, hard. "Four."
"And what will you do next time you go out?"
Alex closed his eyes, breathing hard, trying not to move
away, wanting to avoid this last one. Somehow, he
knew if he did, Walter would end up giving him more. He
wondered why even now, despite having suffered so
much more greatly in the past, this circumstance made
him want to weep. Again, it was that Walter was only
doing this because he cared, and because he knew that
Alex actually cared, and it was like some kind of
unspoken declaration of love that they agreed this was
the only way he would accept any criticism from Walter.
Ever. Violence and anger was too uncontrolled and
bitter. This at least gave structure to something that
could have been potentially damaging to the beginning
of their relationship here. And he swallowed against the
lump in his throat. He felt an enormous freedom as
though a weight had lifted from him, as he said, "Next
time, I'll tell you how long I intend to be gone. And
where I'm going in case something happens to me."
"Good." And Walter gave him the last lash of the belt
right on the underside of his bottom, where it was surely
going to be sorest... As Alex would discover the next
time he tried to sit down.
Alex jumped under it, wincing. "Five!" exclaimed Alex;
incredibly relieved it was the last. Even now he couldn't
help twisting beneath it as the flame raced over his skin,
burning and itching.
Walter let the belt fall from his grip and snatched up the
tube of aloe gel from the bedside table. Spreading the
cooling gel on his fingers, he applied it to the broad red
stripes on Alex's butt. "Do you have any idea how
proud I am of you?" Walter asked him. "I had no idea
you would be able to take such large steps, so quickly. I
can't understand how you can believe that we have
some kind of plan to kick you out, come the summer.
Surely you know that you have a place here with us.
How many times do we have to prove it to you, that we
love you?"
As he'd come to expect, it was this that finally made Alex
tighten and he could see the tears spring down.
Alex murmured hoarsely, "I didn't think anyone could
care this way for me. I didn't even realize that you two
would be worried. It didn't occur to me."
"Hell, after yesterday? I'm surprised, Alex. I thought
you'd know you mean something to me, by now. I told
you I loved you. And I'm guessing, even though things
are still shaky between the two of you, that something
happened last night with Fox."
"I know. You're right." Alex sniffed, the sound reaching
straight into Walter's chest and tugging at him as he
carefully spread the gel over the sore welts. "I'm sorry,
Walt."
Walter leaned down to kiss his cheek. "All's forgiven.
And now, if you're willing, I'd like you to come next door,
to my room. You can lay on your side," he grinned,
"and just—whatever."
"Whatever?" Alex smiled through his tears and was
wiping them away as he gingerly pulled himself off the
bed to stand up and pull up his shorts. He didn't look
Walter in the face though.
Walter wondered long it would actually take Alex to
believe that they loved him, that they didn't think less of
him for breaking down in front of them. Oh well, he
thought. They had a number of months, at least, to
prove it to him. And he pulled Alex into his arms,
holding him tightly. Alex relaxed against him, sighing
with relief. They stood like that for a while.
Finally, Walter smiled. "Feel up to spending some time
next door? You can stay the night if you want. Why
don't you?"
Alex pulled back to look him in the eye this time. "Are
you sure? In your room? You sure that's—okay?"
Walter realized this was a bigger thing for Alex than he
had previously thought. "Of course," he said, as if it
should be obvious. "No problem. Come on."
Walter deliberately left the light off as they entered the
room. He shut the bedroom door and led the sightless
younger man into the room towards the bed. "Go on,
get under the covers. We'll snuggle up," he said quietly,
tossing the belt in the direction of the closet and
stripping his clothes off.
Alex took off his shirt. He felt for the bed and crawled
between the sheets and the heavy blankets, taking a
secret pleasure in the combination of scents that hit him.
Subtly mingled there, were both Fox's and Walter's smell
and it was indeed cozy as well as exciting. He felt
slightly taken aback at being here. He wondered why
he felt such original trepidation and put it down to the
fact that before, he never would have imagined that
they would let him in here. Oh, who was he kidding. He
wanted to be here so badly. It was like finally achieving
a fantasy and having it come true, fulfilled by two people
he loved... He drew up short at this admission to
himself. Stop it. He found himself shaking slightly and
cursed his nerves. It wasn't 'generosity' on Walter's part;
it was genuine affection and a desire to spend time with
him. He was still bemused that Walter could put the past
behind them like this.
The bed dipped slightly as Walter now came in after him,
moving up closer under the covers and reaching out to
him with an arm. In the still darkness, Alex found himself
breathing easier as Walter's hand reached him and lazily
slipped over his shoulder, down to his elbow and then to
his hip where he lay on his left side, facing him. He had
removed the left arm prior to the earlier session and was
glad that it was dark. He still felt stressed about anyone
seeing what was left of his arm. He was inordinately
glad and relieved that neither of them had even acted
as though they'd noticed, so far.
Walter's other hand went to his head, stroking his hair.
As Walter moved closer to press in towards him, warm
and solid, Alex jumped slightly at the touch of another
hand, slipping in to touch him at his waist, from behind
him. Mulder.
Alex tensed, biting his lip. Hell. He hadn't counted on
this. He hadn't expected both of them to be there. And
here he was in between them, in the middle... He found
himself holding his breath and forced himself to take a
few. Alex wasn't sure about this, mostly because he
wanted it so badly.
Mulder's other hand pressed against his back as he
moved in close behind Alex and lay against him. Mulder
was naked, as was Walter. He could tell from the
unmistakable rigid lengths that were brushed up against
him from both sides, as well as the hot skin that he felt
against him like being deliciously wrapped in comfort.
He silently cursed the fact that his own ass was covered
in gel and welts—he would have preferred for this to
happen when he was able to enjoy it more. Mulder
leaned against him, pressing his lower stomach against
Alex's shorts, sliding his cock silkily between his closed
upper thighs.
Alex hissed at the sensation and Mulder chuckled
behind him, in his ear, holding him tight against him.
"Wow, that's a couple of hot buns you've got there,
Alex. I can feel them even through these. I think I
could fry eggs on them without any trouble."
Walter meanwhile had moved in close as well and now
Alex was sandwiched perfectly between them, gulping
for breath and shaking more uncontrollably now. His
hand was on Walter's arm. "Fox," suggested Walter,
over Alex's head, "I move that we keep him here for a
while."
"Yeah, I'll second that," Fox said into the back of Alex's
neck, making him squirm slightly. His voice was lazy
honey and made Alex shiver inside.
Being held so closely, so tightly, by both of them, was
nearly more than he could bear. Sensory overload was
threatening his brain and he wondered if one could
come just from anticipation. He was already throbbing,
aching, drooling hard; his cock leaping slightly against
Walter's right side and his lower stomach.
Then Walter was kissing his face gently, slowly, pressing
his lips to his skin, warm and full. "What do you want,
Alex? Do you want to be enjoyed?"
"Yes," he gritted out as a shudder ran over him; Walter's
hand had fallen to play with his nipples, pulling at them
slowly, bringing them hard and stiffened quickly.
"Relax, Alex; just let it happen," Walter murmured.
In perfect anguish, Alex moaned, "Please don't tease
me. Please! I need you."
Mulder asked in his ear from behind him, "What do you
want us to do?"
Walter stopped, puzzled. "Which of us, Alex?"
"Both of you!" he exclaimed, unable to move as he lay
squeezed between them. They had the upper hand
over him right now. He moved, shifting slightly, and both
of them instinctively held on to him, proving his point.
Mulder came to a decision. "Turn around, Alex."
Alex obeyed, Walter assisting him, and then Mulder was
gathering him into his arms, tightly against him. And
behind him, Walter's hands fell to his waist to slide his
shorts down. At the sudden move, Alex felt a thrill shoot
through him; he knew what Walter intended to do.
Mulder was kissing him, slow and lingeringly.
The excitement and anticipation curled in his lower belly
as Walter slid two wet fingers in his crack, while Mulder's
kisses grew more demanding. Sensory overload,
followed by conflicting desire and doubt assailed Alex.
And as Walter's cock nudged at him now, forcing into
him slowly, stretching him hard and deep, he found
himself moaning into Mulder's mouth. And then Mulder's
hand was reaching between them to grip Alex's
throbbing prick—it jumped in his hand, nearly shooting at
the stimulation.
Walter pulled out a bit, and then shoved back into him a
little quicker, grunting himself at the sensation of Alex's
ass clenching around his cock so tightly. Walter had
been looking forward to this ever since that first taste of
it the night Alex and he had spent the night.
All three of them began to move in unison; it was like a
dance, with Alex thrusting back against onto Walter's
hardness, then pushing forward into Mulder's hand, slick
with his juices.
"God, Alex, fuck, oh fuck," Mulder was hoarsely
muttering, strained.
Walter stopped a moment and ordered, "Fox, turn
around."
The words didn't really register in Alex's mind but as
Mulder pulled away from him and then backed up
against him, reaching back to angle his ass against
Alex's cock, realization hit him and he gratefully slid into
him. Mulder had already lubed himself up, he
discovered. With a whimper, he realized he'd never
been in a position like this before, able to fuck and be
fucked simultaneously.
And then they were undulating with a sort of sensual
synchronized wave, every time Walter penetrated Alex
deep, slamming into him harder and harder, he was
forced with the momentum into Fox's slick, tight asshole
even deeper, making Fox emit the most incredible
open-mouthed cries.
Breathing hard, Walter said, "Come on, guys. Let's
move. On your stomach, Fox. Alex, move with me."
It took some precision and Walter ended up pulling out
of Alex to get them into position. Mulder was lying with
his hips angled upwards and his legs apart, with Alex
sliding into him again eagerly, laying over his back,
kissing his neck and whispering into his ears. Walter
was leaning over them, and then he was driving into
Alex harder and faster this time, letting him have it,
driving him into Fox so deep that Fox was nearly
shouting under them.
They weren't going to last much longer at this rate. Alex
started to come first, from the double-pleasure spiking
into him as Walter battered his ass and his prostate,
while fucking Fox under him—something he'd dreamed
about for as long as he could remember knowing him.
As his ass began to clench and massage Walter's cock,
Alex came, flooding Fox's hole with a burst of spasms
while Alex cried aloud. Walter came with the next thrust
into him. Fox's breath hitched as he reached down to
grasp himself with one hand and he groaned loudly as
his load shot over his own hand and onto the sheet.
Fox was lying in a dark comfortable haze under them,
content to just lay there. Alex gave a little shudder and
enjoyed being plastered against him, his member
shrinking inside Fox. Walter got up and went out to the
bathroom, collecting warm and wet towels as well as dry.
When he came back in and turned on the bedside lamp,
there were a number of protestations. They stopped
though once he tossed the towels at them.
Once they were cleaned up and Walter was leaning up
to turn off the light again, Fox found himself in the
middle with an affectionate and contented Alex
snuggling up against him, grinning and sighing happily.
Alex was lying on his left side, so he could wrap his arm
around him. Walter did the same from the other side,
and Fox said sardonically, "Hey, guys, are we gonna
have a repeat performance of that later?"
"Greedy," chuckled Walter, before seizing his neck in a
mock bite, then licking at it to soothe the impression of
teeth in his flesh. He lifted his head and said to Alex,
"He's insatiable. You'll have to help me keep him
satisfied now that you're around."
"Anytime," Alex breathed fervently, nuzzling against Fox
with a warmth that made Fox's breath hitch in his throat
and wonder how he could have ever doubted that Alex
wanted this, wanted him.
Fox said quietly, "I love you too, Alex." Which of course
made Alex freeze momentarily before clutching him
fiercely.
Then, Mulder reached a hand over to Walter, curling it
round his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss.
"Thanks for putting up with us, Walt. I know it's been
hard for you; having to be so patient and everything."
Walter ran an admiring hand down Mulder's chest, to his
belly, stroking the soft skin there and encountering
Alex's fingers. "I'm just glad you two have finally
decided to work things out and stop behaving like
idiots."
Alex cleared his throat. "Sorry, Walter."
"Yeah, we're sorry, Walt. We really are," Mulder chimed
in.
"It's okay," Walter reassured them. "I expected we'd be
off to a rocky start, considering the way you two have
danced around each other for so many years. Just let's
remember that there are alternatives to resorting to
bitch-slapping and infantile sulking when you disagree."
"You mean like this?" Alex asked, innocently, entwining
his fingers with Walter's and drawing their hands down to
Mulder's quiescent cock.
Mulder breathed a sigh. "Guys, I think I'm out for the
count for a while. I could go another round right now
but I think it would be better if we waited."
Walter raised a concerned brow in the dark. "Jesus,
Fox! This is the first time you've ever turned it down.
Are you feeling okay?" They didn't remove their hands.
"Peace!" Mulder said. "I just mean I need some more
recovery time, is all."
Alex chuckled wickedly. "I don't think Fox Junior here
agrees with you."
Indeed, Mulder's cock was already lifting its head at the
touch of their hands upon him.
Mulder groaned. "Mercy!"
Alex made a little noise of complaint, but he let go, went
back to cozying up against him. Walter did the same.
They fell asleep together, warm and content, unspoken
visions of positions and combinations of what they might
try all together crossing their minds—all unknown to each
other.
Mulder groaned. Walter was pushing him, urgently.
"Come on you guys, wake up. Get up!"
Alex lifted a blinking head, tousled. "What is it?" he
frowned.
"The sky's on fire," Walter grinned.
"Aurora?" Mulder asked, a little more enthusiastically.
"Come on, get dressed!" Walter was impatient now.
"Let's go! Dress warmly," he said.
Alex lay back with a sigh. Mulder turned to him. "Alex,
you don't want to miss this." He kissed him. Alex
scowled. Mulder grinned and kissed him roughly, forcing
him to wake up.
"Alright, alright," Alex relented. He winced as he
scooted across the bed, his welts painfully reminding him
of their presence.
They left the lights off and went out into the night. The
sky was clear and it was freezing, just as Mulder had
predicted. The stars burned cold and clear in the night
sky. There was an icy wind that occasionally blew with a
chill that was so cold it was sweet. In fact, it held the
tangy fragrance of the nearby evergreen trees.
Whispering over the frozen snow was an electric light.
There were bright green shafts of light in the sky. It
looked like it was on fire. Alex gaped; he'd seen aurora
before but not to this scale. Walter was carrying a large
thermal blanket and an insulation wrap. "Come on," he
said, heading for a slight rise, a little hill just off to the
side of the house, where they'd have a perfect vantage
to view the whole sky.
As they lay down to look at the sky, Alex was impressed.
It was like staring up into a deep, dark bowl, lit with
sharp blue pinholes of stars, with huge shafts of green
now sweeping upwards towards the center of the sky in
unison. In radials, shooting towards the center point
above them, the aurora began to pulse with shivery
motions.
Arcing above them, more shafts appearing to the south
and the west, the radials began to appear as streamers,
shaking across the sky and meeting up in the middle. A
pool of electric light began to converge straight above,
and melting with color as deep red and purple began to
join the predominant green. A hint of blue came
sweeping up along with the green, making the whole
display look like a sea of shifting rainbows.
Then, they heard it. It was like a hissing roar, muted by
the distance, but singing above them like a far-away
engine.
"Fuck!" breathed Alex, wide-eyed. Walter and Fox
chuckled beside him.
"Told you," said Walter, grinning.
"This is a good display, one of the best we've seen yet,"
Mulder remarked.
The lights began dancing now, the shafts looking like
curtains, resembling the netted, gauzy lace of moth's
wings as it flickered along unseen lines of energy
towards the central pool. The center began to look like
a starburst. If Alex had to compare it to something, he'd
have said it looked like a supernova picture captured by
the Hubble telescope or something.
And then he felt it; the hair all over his body was lifting.
Each and every one was standing on end, his teeth
chattering and not from the cold. The air was charged
with sweeping magnetic waves, making him gasp. The
cold was seeping up even through the insulated blanket
and he relished the way it reached icy fingers upwards
to numb and cool his welts on his backside.
Mulder's hand was reaching down for his waistline,
slipping under his clothes and fumbling beneath to open
his pants. Alex could only stare and let him do it; he
was too entranced by the light show above him. It
looked like a rainbow sun with angel's wings now. And
then Walter's voice jolted him.
"Look on the horizon, over there in the east."
As Alex lifted his head, he caught sight of the crescent
moon which was just lifting above the horizon. Mulder's
hand found his cock and closed around it.
With his body shaking and shuddering while the lights
danced and shook above them, Mulder began to pull on
him with an expert hand. And from the noises Mulder
was making, Walter was obviously doing the same to
him. He lifted his head and almost laughed. Mulder's
other hand was in Walter's pants...
But then the sharp, bright introduction of even brighter
blue and green from the south came sweeping up,
distracting him again. And all the while, the stars shone
bright and high through it all, like a backdrop of
diamonds. The entire sky was now ablaze.
And the pulsing of the lights were now moving in unison,
all moving up to the center of the sky together. Almost
in time with their hands as the three of them brought
each other off. Mulder's warm skin was delicious on his,
and Mulder's hand was moving faster on Alex's cock,
really working it. With the rushing noise of the electric
waves above them and his own body responding to the
charged magnetism surrounding them in brief touches,
he found himself coming, slow and hard, with gasps and
moans as a liquid ecstasy moved and circulated in his
body to match the feathers of light above them.
He heard Walter coming, on the other side of Mulder.
And then Alex reached his hand into Mulder's pants, to
lay it upon Mulder's thigh, rubbing it, stroking it in time
with Walter's hand now pumping Mulder's cock hard.
Mulder came with a choking, strangled moan as he
climaxed over Walter's stroking fingers.
Strangely, as though aware of their change of pace
now, the beams of light changed and became not so
much powerful strobes of shafts rising above them but
pale feathers, moving faster and faster with shivering
ripples... they spread across the sky at a speed so quick
that it looked like the surface of water as wind blew
gently on it.
The light was so diffuse, and the central pool now
spread huge wings like a giant butterfly, lacy white with
sparkling, uneven congealing blobs of color.
The white of the snow on the ground was a perfect foil
against the dark of the sky, and it reflected the colors
and the lights in such a way that the miniscule
snowflakes compacting together shone with tiny colors
like fairy lights.
"Totally, fucking awesome," croaked Alex.
"I am really impressed," said Walter, "I don't think I've
seen anything like this before, ever. I've never seen it
move so fast."
"And we've been treated to quite a few, here," put in
Mulder.
"Why does it make that noise?" asked Alex.
"Hell if I know," Walter said, shaking his head.
"Sure beats the crap out of a planetarium," murmured
Mulder.
And now the swirling center grew larger until it took up a
third of the sky. There were still paler flickers shooting
up to join it but it melded all together like the shifting of
oil on water, or the surface of a soap bubble, all
rainbows but the distinct colors lumped beside each
other.
It had become a vortex spinning slowly above them, fed
by the radials of streamers. It was hard to know what to
look at, because in every direction there were different
colors still rising up. It was like staring into the face of a
living being, though what manner of life was
undeterminable; it could only be likened to that of an
angel.
A distant object that looked like a satellite moving slowly
above them reached the higher northern part of their sky
and—abruptly shifted direction, executing a perfect
ninety-degree angle turn...
"What's that?" Alex wondered.
"It's an X-File," quipped Mulder. "You'll see them
occasionally out here on nights like this. Don't worry
about it. They never land. Bastards."
Walter was laughing at him. "Fox has never given up
the hope that someone not affiliated with the Rebels or
the Grays will come down and give him some proper
explanations."
"Hey, I can relate to that," Alex said. "Don't worry, Fox, I
know how you feel."
They watched as the object slowly moved away, it's path
unchanging as well as its speed. The crescent moon
had risen clear of the horizon now and the aurora was
beginning to fade even more. Alex was shaking from
the cold by now, rather than just the electric tingle. "I'm
freezing out here. I'd've gone in earlier to warm up, but I
was afraid to miss anything."
"Yeah," Walter said, regretfully, "I guess we'd better go
back inside. It looks like the show's winding down,
anyway."
They sat up and began picking up the blankets.
Trudging back inside, Alex said, "That was the most
beautiful, amazing thing I've ever seen."
"There'll be others, too," Fox said. "It happens a lot up
here."
"I can't wait," Alex said fervently. "I've seen aurora
before but nothing to compare to that."
When they got inside, they gathered in the kitchen to
make hot chocolate. After a cup or two and some mild
enthusiastic reviewing of the lights they had seen, they
retired back upstairs to Walter's room.
All three of them were exhausted and they fell asleep in
an easy tangle, relaxed and warm, arms around each
other. Somehow, this time Walter ended up in the
middle with both of them on either side, nuzzled into him
like a pair of rabbits.
Storms
lex awoke to find himself in his bed. A hasty glance at
the bedside clock told him it was nearly noon. He swung
his legs over the side of the bed, trying to remember
what happened to him. He remembered falling asleep
with Fox on the fur beside the dying fire. He had a hazy
recollection of Walter leaning over them, shaking his
shoulder slightly. They must have staggered up to their
respective rooms in the dark.
And then he gasped as he was assailed with the full
recollection of everything he and Fox had said and done
the night before. It had all happened so quickly, so
removed from their usual tacit, wary circling of each
other. Fox had been... willing, even aggressively active
in pursuing a resolution with him. For a moment or two,
he considered staying upstairs. He wasn't sure he could
face Fox in the daylight. Walter was another matter;
Walter had already given him too many reassurances
that he accepted him here. But Fox... there was too
much history. Alex could only hope that the sex would
act as a cementing of their new relationship rather than
a flame that would burn out all too quickly, burning up
their truce along with it. He didn't think Fox was capable
of putting all their issues behind him as glibly as he'd
appeared to act last night. Not if his own unresolved
doubts were anything to go by. Doubts? Hell, guilt.
Why play games with himself. He still couldn't forgive
himself for some things; why should Mulder? Perhaps
they just needed time. Time to heal, to let things go. To
get to know each other. Hell, they'd never known each
other. At least Mulder was finally in a position to be able
to relax his usual irrational reactions towards him.
"Good," Alex replied, noncommittal.
Mulder turned a dark scowl on him. "What are you
getting at?"
Walter said, "Do you have any idea how worried we
were, that you were lost and couldn't find shelter? Did it
even cross your mind to tell us that you were going to
pull this stunt?"
"I'll tell you two things about Alex that you may have not
considered. First of all, he's more used to being alone
that we are. He hasn't yet adapted to living here, any
more than we've gotten used to having him around,
either. He needs space. And time. And second, he
needs more attention... as contrary as that may sound,
seeing as he is used to being alone. He isn't used to
being around people in a friendly situation. He hasn't
adapted to this, or to us. So, any punishment has to be
meted accordingly, wouldn't you agree?"
"Oh come on, lighten up."
It was so easy to mistake this kind of situation for sexual
or domination games. It was the same combination of
dependability, strength and caring in Walter that had
enabled him to support and lead men in the Vietnam
War as in this situation, to provide an authority they
could trust in a disciplinary sense. It had also been
there to an extent in his position as Assistant Director,
although he was less effective there because of the
hypocrisy inherent in the hierarchical bureaucracy of a
federal agency. He was just relieved that Alex could
understand this and actually saw the positive
opportunity it provided him.
By the time Walter returned to Alex's room, Alex was
already leaning across the bed with his pants off, waiting
for him. Walter was rather glad; it spared him making a
scene of it. And from this position, he could administer
the belt standing up. 
