Fox slept the sleep of the just; as
soon as he felt the bed slightly dip beneath him, he came immediately awake
and reached for his gun on the table beside the bed. "No good, Sunshine," came the cat-like purr of a sultry voice next to his ear, "it's not there, you left in on the chair last night." "Lexi!" Fox exclaimed. "When did you get here?" He turned his head toward Alex, almost too quickly as it turned out; it spun from the punishment he had taken on New Year's eve. When his vision cleared, he saw Alex's eyes ablaze with something like passion. "About three hours ago," the younger man replied. "You were so quiet, you didn't even wake me." Alex smiled at him. "I used my key. And besides, you were so wrecked, I don't think anything would have woken you." "What key? You don't have a key?" "Yes I do!" Alex chuckled softly. "You gave it to me on my last birthday." "That wasn't a key, that was a lock pick!" Fox caught himself just in time and listened to what he had just said. He shot Alex one of his more stern looks, but the impish grin on Alex's face disarmed him immediately, as it nearly always did, and he smiled in spite of himself. "Room in that bed for one more?" Alex asked. For the first time he noticed the state of undress of his almost naked guest, saw the goose flesh on Alex's skin from the coolness of the room. The boxers were slightly tented near the groin area and Fox felt his own stir to some semblance of life in response. "Nice boxers, Alex." "Very tasteful, aren't they?" "Yes they are. I should know, I thought so when I bought them." Fox said. "Why'd you take my underwear?" Alex's face blushed slightly—he wasn't about to tell this man the real reason he wanted his underwear—but he had resolved never to lie to his lover again, so he said nothing, just stood there, eyes cast towards the floor, waiting for Fox to invite him into his—their—bed. "Room in that bed for one more?" Alex asked again. "Come on." Fox threw back the covers so Alex could get in. Alex looked between Fox's legs and saw his glove—still squeezed between his lover's thighs. He reached out and picked it up. He looked first at the glove in this hand and then he looked at Fox. Krycek brought the glove to his nose and smelled it and then licked it—a long, sensuous swipe of his tongue along the finger area. "Smells good, Mulder. What have you been holding with this?" This time it was Fox's turn to blush and his blush deepened further when he looked down and saw himself achingly hard. "You look like shit, Fox. What have you been doing? Come to think of it, this bed doesn't look or smell much better. You haven't changed these sheets since the last time I was here." For some reason, Alex was really oddly touched by this in a strange, almost too intimate way. "Let's change them now, it's time." Fox said. He tried to jump from the bed but winced slightly from the pain in felt all over. He stood up straight and his fully engorged cock slapped against his belly. As he started to walk toward the closet, it swung in front of him in a back a forth motion like a musician's metronome. The sight of Mulder's ass had always had a spell-like effect on Alex, and now, with that magnificent ass uncovered, the spell took on an almost alchemical proportion. He felt his own shorts tighten to such a painful degree that he had to slip them from his body—his own turgid cock standing immediately at attention. Fox reached deep into the closet and chose a brand new, unopened set of sheets and turned towards the bed again. Alex's state of arousal didn't escape his notice—and he never grew tired of the sight of it, either. He tossed the sheets to the man waiting for them. "Black satin, Mulder. Kinky! I'm beginning to think that they pay you federal employees too much." In no time both men had disposed of the soiled sheets and had the bed remade. They hopped in bed and lay side by side on their backs with their hips touching. "This is kinky, Mulder! I like it." Fox just laughed and turned toward Alex. "Nothing's too good for you." Alex couldn't keep his hand off Fox any longer. He turned and their erections slid against one another. Both men sighed from the sensation. Alex bridged the distance between them and kissed Mulder's ear, running his hand along the older man's arm. Fox moaned slightly from the pain. Alex pulled back and looked at Fox. "What happened to you? If it doesn't endanger national security, tell me who did this to you and I'll shoot the bastard! I'll choke the fucking life out of him! I'll rip his arms off!" "He bit me, Lexi." Mulder smiled at Alex's offer. "It's too late for that, though, he's already dead." "You shot him! Good, serves the bastard right." "Well no, not exactly." Fox was enjoying this. "He was already dead when he bit me." "What?" Fox couldn't help himself, he howled out loud when he saw the look on Alex's face. Saw how the man's eyebrows shoot straight up in a look of surprise; saw how Alex's eyes seemed to grow even larger and greener in their sockets. "You're shitting me Fox." "No really, it's true. Do you know what necromancy is, Alex? "What do you think I am—stoopid? Sure I know." "Okay, smart arse, what is it?" Fox smiled as he saw the look of concentration on Alex's face, could almost see the wheels turning in his brain to come up with the right answer or, at least, a reasonable stab at it. "Well?" Fox asked. "Okay, Okay, Okay," Alex said, "I got it. It's the uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one." Alex's face cracked as he began to howl with laughter. Fox blew him a raspberry for his effort. "Right," Alex said, "that's necrophillia, isn't it?" "Good, good, Alex, one point for that answer," Fox said as he caressed Alex's cheek with the back of his hand. "A necromancer is a person who has, or believes he has, the ability to bring people back from the dead. And this guy could do it." Krycek's expression clearly spoke of his disbelief, but his voice was silent. "Not only one, but this guy brought back four. One of them bit me. End of the world stuff, you know, weird shit! Jesus, Alex, it was like being in a bad version of 'Night of the Living Dead'—as if there could even be a worse version—and I doubt that." Alex chuckled. "I guess!" "Have you ever heard of Frank Black, Alex?" "I think so, when I was at the academy, I think he was some kind of profiler, wasn't he?" "Yep! He knew what was going on. He was in with another rogue group of FBI agents—he and Scully saved my ass in the nick of time." "Such a worthy ass to be saved, too!" Alex quipped. "Mulder, you look like a man in dire need of a back rub." Fox quivered at the thought of Alex's hand on him, all over. "But it will spoil the new sheets, Alex," Mulder whined. His objection was pro-forma: more of show than of substance. "It's sandalwood, Mulder, it will smell great in the bed." Alex looked at him wickedly. "It's not like our sheets have never had a few spots on them before only this time you won't be embarrassed even to let Scully see them." The older man didn't look convinced. "Okay, okay, I'll buy you a new pair, Mulder." Fox smiled. "Promise!" Alex held up two fingers, "Scout's honour." "When were you a Scou...no, no, never mind—I really don't want to know." Alex found the oil in the drawer, uncapping it with his teeth. He put the small, uncapped tube in his mouth and gently squeezed a dollop of the scented oil into the palm of his hand to warm it. At moments like these, he didn't like any help at all and Fox never offered it. "Roll over," he instructed. Mulder rolled over as quickly as his aching and abused body would allow. Alex straddled the other man's upper thighs and looked down on the sinuous palette splayed out before him. Alex's breath caught in his throat, moved by the beauty of his lover, by the constructed simplicity of skin, muscle and bone, by its dedication to purpose and functionality, by its curvaceous lines and tight plains melding into and becoming all that was Fox Mulder. With the oil still warming in the palm of his hand, he bent over and first licked and then kissed the small, hairy dimple at the base of Mulder's spine. Fox moaned so low it was barely audible. "Keep doing that, Alex, and my back's not the only thing you'll be rubbing." "Where there's breath, there's hope, Mulder." Very slowly he dribbled the warmed and scented oil from his hand into the channel formed by Mulder's spine. He felt the man shiver where the liquid touched him. He gently eased himself a little further up on Mulder's body—his cock gliding through the crack of Mulder's ass. "Mmmm, feels good, Alex. Do it again." "Shut up and lay quiet," Alex said as he mock slapped Mulder's head. Alex started with the flat of his hand at the base of Mulder's back where it joins his ass; with long, fluid strokes he moved his hand upward toward the shoulder. He didn't use much pressure, just grazing the flesh of his lover; the movement of his hand and the friction it caused seemed to slightly warm and relax the man beneath him. He used his fingers to grip Mulder's shoulder muscle and gently squeezed and kneaded the knots out of the abused flesh. Unexpectedly, he bent over and kissed the exposed flesh of the back of Fox's neck and felt the man shiver. His hand continued on its journey of exploration of Mulder's back, always careful not to apply too much pressure on the bite marks and slight abrasions on the perfect flesh. Alex paid special attention to Fox's shoulders, putting more oil on his hand and working all the muscles in a slow circular motion with his wrist. Fox seemed to be so relaxed as to almost be asleep. "Alex, that feels great," Fox moaned between clenched teeth. "Glad to be of service, Mulder." Alex shifted his body down slowly to straddle Mulder's thighs, raking his turgid cock along the crack of Mulder's ass again. He continued his downward trip and kissed each muscular globe, in turn, nuzzling the stubble of his cheek against each one of them. He dribbled a little of the oil into the channel and rubbed his thumb down the length of it, feeling Fox move back against it in a wanton and decadent display of the pleasure he felt. Alex slapped Mulder's ass a little harder than necessary. "Roll over!" Krycek raised himself up on his knees as Fox rolled over. He dribbled some more oil into his hand and positioned himself on Fox's thighs again. He pointed to Fox's hard and aching cock. "Little Fox looks happy," he said in a mock serious voice, but his eyes were laughing. "You bastard!" "So my mother told me—often. You been talking to her?" Alex took his oil-slicked hand and grabbed Fox's cock firmly, spreading the scented liquid over the entire length of it. Fox closed his eyes tightly enjoying the gift Alex's hand was granting him. He sighed softly as he placed his body in Alex's more than capable control. Krycek placed the small plastic bottle between his teeth and bending his head over Fox's chest dribbled the oily substance from his chest to his groin. He took his hand from Mulder's cock; he braced the hand under Mulder's armpit and lowered his body to rest on Fox. Their oily cocks rubbed and jostled together as Alex slid his chest over Mulder's, up and then down again, working the perfumed unguent into both of their bodies. The older agent was in another dimension, only rooted in this one by the erotic feel of his lover's body gliding over his own; his only sensation, the maddening feel of Alex's cock sliding over his and the heat of Alex's chest. "Fox!" "Fox!" The older man finally opened is eyes and groaned. "Don't come, Fox, not yet." "Jesus, Alex, you're killing me." The response he got was a feral, possessive smile from that mouth that was bearing down on his own. His arms went up to encircle his lover—as the breath left his body—when Alex thrust his tongue deeply into his mouth, tasting him deeply and then sucking his own tongue back in Alex's mouth where he sucked on it for all he was worth. With their cocks still rubbing against one another, Alex laid his head on Mulder's shoulder and kissed his neck; licking him, he slowly worked his way up to Mulder's earlobe. "Turn over for me, Mulder," Alex whispered into Mulder's ear; to the older man that sound was as sweet as the music of the spheres itself. Fox didn't know if he could even move, let alone roll his sensitized body over. But Alex lifted himself from Mulder's chest and he did just that. Bracing his hand under Mulder's armpit again, and letting the mangled stump of his other arm lie on Mulder's other side; he eased his slicked chest down on Mulder's back. He gently bit into the fleshy base of Mulder's neck and slid his almost painfully turgid cock into the channel of Mulder's ass. When the head of his cock grazed Mulder's anus, the older man let out a keening, moaning, hiss of pleasure. Alex knew his instrument well and he played Mulder like a fine, old Stradivarius, each stroke of his bow eliciting the expected and sweet sound from the priceless instrument. Mulder gripped the edges of the mattress and the sounds that he made, made no sense to Alex—he had no idea what language Fox was speaking, and he knew several. Alex rested his full weight on Fox and his partner lifted his groin slightly off the mattress to expose more of his ass to Alex's cock. This small space was enough for Alex to push his hand beneath them and grab Fox's cock. The hand they left him with, the hand that now squeezed Fox's turgid organ fit like a glove. The fingers seemingly molding themselves to Mulder's rod like a second skin. As he thrust down against Fox it drove the man's cock further and harder into his hand. Time after time, his hand grazing the sensitive head of his lover's cock, and each time, as his own cock slid over Mulder's asshole, the older man moaned something that sounded suspiciously like Alex's own name. They were in simpatico now, their rhythms perfectly matched; if a state of perfect happiness and erotic contentment could be reached on this earth, they had reached it. "Fox, I'm close...come with me!" Alex's grip on Mulder's cock tightened and both men's movements became increasingly erratic and with a groan and a shout each spurted his seed on the new, black satin sheets. Krycek collapsed on top of Fox, his cock still jerking within its sheath of Mulder's ass. "You, okay?" Mulder shook his head. Alex licked at the small red spot, which was slowly appearing on Mulder's neck where he had bitten him. "That was perfect," he said. Fox nodded his head in complete agreement as he expelled lungs-full of air onto the sheets beneath his mouth. His arms and hands lay listlessly about his lead like a frame for his chestnut hair. His back, so recently covered with the sheen of sweat, was slowly cooling; the rivulets forming themselves into thin white lines as the salt settled back against his skin. His flesh shivered slightly against the cold and Alex rubbed his hand up his partner's flank in an attempt to warm him. Alex shimmed down Fox's body, his face coming to rest on the other man's ass. He kissed one of the globes while he used his hand to separate them and expose the channel between. He gently lapped at his own come covering Fox's hole and the oh, so sensitive flesh beneath it. Mulder groaned loudly and his whole body jerked. Alex threw himself up on the bed to lie next to the older man. He gently urged Fox turn over and lay against his chest. Mulder opened his eyes and looked into the emerald ones before him. Alex inched his head towards him and took his mouth in a passionate, loving kiss, sharing the taste of his own come with the man. Fox visibly shook with emotion as Alex's hand touched every part of his body within reach. Alex's hand reached Fox's cock and gave it a little, loving pat. He sat up and with little effort bent he head over Fox's genitals and took his mate's flaccid cock completely into his mouth, licking it from stem to stern; wrapping his tongue around the base and sliding it up its entire length, suckling and preening it of every last drop of its sticky residue. He dropped the cock from his mouth and moved him attention on to Fox's scrotum, cleaning that too. Alex smiled and lay his head on Mulder's stomach. "Jesus, Alex, how do you get to Carnage Hall?" Krycek smiled at the old joke, "Practice, practice, practice, Mulder." Fox moved into his place, nuzzling his face into Alex's neck. Licking at the folds of skin, the small little creases where sweat and salt had gathered. He loved to listen to the change in Alex's breathing when he did this, loved the way Alex tightened his arm around him as he suckled. "Alex...Alex, when did you first realize that you were attracted to men, that you were BI?" The laugh started low in Krycek's diaphragm and by the time it reached his mouth it was eroticism personified. "You just can't say it, can you Fox? Repeat after me, slowly—GAY. The word won't hurt you." Fox blinked and rubbed his hands over the younger man's chest. "Okay. When did you first realize that you were attracted to men?" Krycek realized suddenly that his lover was serious. He took a few deep breaths into his lungs and not for the first time today, he decided to be painfully truthful. "I can't remember ever not being, Fox. I think I always knew I was gay. That's not to say that I've never had sex with women. In my line of work, you have to use every advantage you have, and I've used sex to get what I wa..." Alex stopped speaking abruptly when he saw the look of pain cross his partner's face and decided to tread lightly over thin ice. He pulled Mulder closer to him so that more of their skin touched; he turned towards him, wedged one of his legs between Fox's and threw the other over Mulder's thigh. His hands played with the silk of Mulder's hair: one of his favourite pastimes, it seemed. The room was deathly quiet, you could almost hear a pin drop. The only sound heard was the gentle breathing of each man. Alex still looked at Mulder; his eyes had that far away look—the look of a man thinking, the look of a man formulating, judging consequences, and finally the look of a man making a decision. "Alex—" Fox said as he gently rubbed the younger man's chest. Alex smiled at him and gently kissed his cheek. "In high school I was always deeply closeted. No one ever knew. I went on a few dates just to keep the rumour mill quiet. The girls were all nice, but no sparks, nothing ever developed. My best friend at the time, Felix, lived just a few streets over. Best friend isn't the right word; we were close, very close. He was gay too. We were never lovers, more like brothers...no we were closer than brothers. "We did everything together, I mean everything. If he wasn't at my house, I was at his. And his mother treated me like a son. She made one wicked chocolate pudding, and every time she did she was sure to get Felix to call me over. Together we'd finish he whole thing. "At the time we lived in upstate New York, quite close to the Canadian border. One weekend in the summer, Dad, in one of his rare episodes of generosity, told me that I could have the car on Saturday night. Felix and I hatched this plot to drive up to Toronto: we'd heard that things we a bit wild up there at the time. We were bound and determined to go to our first gay bar, and being Toronto, we figured that we wouldn't see anyone who knew us. We figured that if we timed it just right we'd be back home in lots of time not to get in too much trouble. "I don't really know what we were thinking about, but we ended up in a leather bar. We might as well have had a sign hanging from our chests reading 'Fresh Meat'; we were immediately set upon by these muscle-bound guys in leather—chicken hawks, I guess." Alex smiled and slightly flushed at the same time. Mulder's hand was doing soothing things to Alex's chest, as though he were trying to tame a wild animal; he didn't want to speak and destroy the mood—didn't want to interrupt Alex's story. "I was scared out of my mind, Fox. I don't mind telling you that. Felix was set upon by this dark-haired fellow while a blonde dude sat next to me. And he didn't waist much time. He put his hand right between my legs—in front of everybody—and started to squeeze me. My teenage hormones raged and I got so hard. So hard, I thought I'd explode when he bit my earlobe. But Felix, he didn't seem scared at all. God, he looked like he was in seventh heaven. "The other guy had his hand down Felix's shirt playing with his nipple and whispering something in his ear. Felix smiled and shook his head in agreement with whatever was said. Suddenly he looked at me and got up from the table with the other man and went into the back room. Now I was really nervous. "My guy tried the same thing, but I was just too scarred to go along with it. He smiled and blew gently on my ear but didn't push it. He didn't leave me alone though and I can't really say that I wanted him to either. I was sure everyone was watching me, but they were just too busy to give a damn. The blonde lowered my zipper and pulled me out. God I was horny, my breath was laboured and I was moaning. He played with my balls and I'm sure I was shaking all over. "He laughed at me, he actually laughed. A couple of quick pumps later, I was coming all over the underside of the table, his hands, my pants, everything. I was mortified but incredibly turned on at the same time. I didn't go down and he just held me, rubbing against the helmet of my cock, rubbing my own cum into my rod, dipping his hand into my pants and rubbing some more cum on my balls. He leaned in closer to me 'God you're beautiful when you're like this,' he said. 'You're going to be a heartbreaker some day.' "I didn't know what to say, didn't know where to look." Alex laughed out loud and rubbed his tongue over Mulder's open lips. "I guess he tired of the game after that, as he tucked me back in my pants, rubbed my head and got up from the table to go look for fresh game. I was so embarrassed; I just laid my head down on the table, but I wasn't approached by anyone else. "I don't know how long I was there, could have been a half-hour, could have been an hour. Finally, Felix came out of the back room alone. His shirt hanging out of his pants—he was just zipping up when he caught my eye. I've never seen a smile quite like that before in my life. He had gotten himself back together by the time he reached the table. I stood up and nodded to the door and we left. "He was quiet until we got to the highway and then couldn't contain himself any longer, 'God, Alex, I got fucked, and it was...it was incredible. I didn't know I could feel like that.'" Krycek stopped his narrative there; he went quiet and pensive all of a sudden and almost appeared to have stopped breathing. Mulder kissed him on the cheek and that brought him back to the present with a start. He looked at Mulder but his eyes were sad, so sad with such a look of loss that it made Mulder want him to stop the story there, but Alex went on. "We were almost home free when I had a blowout. I got the car under control pretty easily, no damage done. We got out to change the tire, but the goddam spare tire was flat too. Now, my Dad was a hardass—I guess they all are. He always wanted me to be a 'man' you know, never take the easy way out—if something had to be done, you had to do it now, and no later. Don't depend on anyone else to do it for you, but do it yourself. So here we were, two teenaged boys in the middle of fucking nowhere, in the middle of the night and my father would expect me to pick that wheel up and put it on my back and walk to the nearest gas station to get it fixed. "But I didn't feel like doing that, not this night. I just got back in the car, put the emergency flashers on and waited. Not long after a car pulled over to see what was wrong and he said that he would stop at the nearest gas station and get them to come back and fix it. And that was all right with me. "We were there about an hour, I guess, before the repair truck reached us. Fifteen minutes later we were on our way again, but the flat made us late, very late getting home. "I told my Dad that we had a flat and I had to get to a garage to get it fixed. I knew what he wanted to hear and I lied." Alex rubbed his thumb along Mulder's lips. "I guess I haven't changed all that much, have I?" Alex asked softly with not a hint of humour in his voice. Mulder closed his eyes slowly, never taking his hands off Alex, never ceasing the gentle, loving caresses of the younger man's flesh. "Well somehow, and I never really found out how, Dad had spoken to Felix's parents and found out the truth." Mulder could feel Alex physically tense his chest muscles, like he wanted to run away from something but never really could. "He came right home, grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and dragged me down the basement and beat the crap out of me. 'When are you going to be a man,' he kept saying. I was black and blue for days." "Jeesus, Alex! I'm sorry," Mulder said. "Well, I don't have to tell you about the problems between fathers and sons," Alex softly whispered. Mulder closed his eyes in silent agreement. "We moved away shortly after that. I tried to keep in touch with Felix—wrote the usual letters and a few phone calls, but we slowly drifted apart. I don't have to tell you the direction in which my life turned then." "I was just out of Quantico—just before they assigned me to you—and the smoker sent me on some stupid wasted trip to New York. I was walking down the street at dusk when I heard this small voice: 'Lash, Lash, is that you?'" "Lash!" Mulder said...the confusion evident in his voice. Alex turned to Fox and batted his long, lustrous lashes at him in his best 'Betty Boop' imitation and grinned. "Oh, I see." "Yep, it was Felix's mom...she always called me that and it never really bothered me. Not the way she said it; not with the real affection she had in her voice. Anyway, I turned around and was shocked out of my skin. 'It is you,' she said and took me into her arms and hugged me and shuddered at the same time. I couldn't believe the change in her: she looked old: gray hair, weak voice, and hands that trembled. She looked like a woman defeated by life. She asked me what I was doing here and I made up some convincing lie. "I asked about Felix, where he was these days, the usual stuff. She visibly paled, looked like she actually grew smaller, caving in on herself. Then she told me, she gave me those dreaded letters, gave me the address of the Hospice he was at. 'He doesn't have much time, Alex,' she told me and implored me to go to him. "Fox I was sucker punched, I couldn't think, I couldn't see, goddam it, I don't think I could even breathe. "When I came back to myself, she was holding me by the shoulders and small, unshed tears were rolling down her cheeks. I reached out and rubbed them away. 'Tears don't wash away anything, Alex, you remember that! Go to him, please!'" Alex looked at Fox but he wasn't really seeing him. His eyes were glazed, unblinking. He seemed to be fixated on the wall at some point on the wall just over Fox's ear. Fox had seen that same look of horror on Alex's face before: when he'd told him, in all it's gory detail, of the Russian peasants' attempt at rustic surgery the Tunguska woods; he'd seen it again when Alex broke down one night and told him of the Oil alien's invasion of his person. But this time there was something just a little different about it—this time Alex was in pain, but not for himself—for someone else. "I shook my head at her, and whispered that I would. I turned away before she could see my eyes—I just had to get away. I turned the corner and started to run. I ran, and I ran; I ran until the blood pounded in my ears, I ran until my lungs screamed at me in agony, I ran until I felt that my heart would burst. Finally I could run no longer and collapsed against the side of an abandoned building to catch my breath. I know how I must have looked. Alex stopped his narrative suddenly and rubbed the back of his hand over Mulder's cheek. He smiled weakly at him and Mulder had no words, no words at all; he could only return that smile and hold the younger man closer to him than ever before. "I must have looked mad, Mulder, sweaty, rumpled in my cheap suit, I must have looked like a man who just lost everything. A man who had just seen conclusive proof that God is dead, a man who has just seen the body. I don't know how long I wandered the streets, but it must have been hours. I finally made it to the Hospice and was met at the door by some kindly looking woman. 'I'm Alex Krycek,' I said, 'I'd like to see Felix.' She looked at me with a look of sadness on her face. 'I'm sorry Mr. Krycek but Felix is too weak to receive visitors today.' "I stood there, unmoving, my anger mounting when I realized that maybe Felix's mom had called ahead. I just said one word: 'Lash'" Alex smiled and suddenly kissed Mulder on the forehead and the tension that had built up in the room dissipated like an electrical charge, and both men were able to breathe just a bit easier. "'Yes, Lash, come in. You're expected,' she said. She led me quietly to a closed door and I could hear the wheeze of machinery inside. She laid her hand gently on my shoulder, 'He's spoken of you,' she said. She looked sad, but in an incredibly strong and resigned sort of way. 'He's weak, so don't say too long.' She reached out and squeezed my arm; in as much as to say that there is nothing we can to but accept it. But I wasn't in an accepting mood. "I pushed open the door gently and the antiseptic smell hit me in the face like a wall of bricks. You know the scene, a little sign on a table asking all visitors to don gloves and mask, not for their protection but for the protection of person they are visiting. I did that. I walked toward the bed and there was Felix. Not the Felix that I remembered, that I loved like a brother but something else. Just the husk of what Felix used to be. He couldn't have weighed more than sixty pounds, shriveled up and turned in on himself like an old man. The breath caught in my throat when I looked at him. "When he opened those eyes, and turned that sky-blue look on me, there was my Felix. The body might have been broken, but the spirit was as strong as ever. 'Lash,' he croaked. 'Lash...you look good.' What could I do? What could I say? Nothing really. So in the end, I merely said 'Felix'. "I moved towards his bed when he said, 'Alex, no, don't come closer...protect yourself'. 'Fuck that,' I said and I kept moving towards him. He had this look of horror on his face, but I just couldn't stop myself, I had to touch him. When I reached him, gently I took him into my arms, hugging him, rubbing my gloved hand over his sweat-soaked golden hair—what was left of it. I kissed his cheek and Felix's breath caught in his chest. We both began to weep then, almost in silent, mutual recognition that this was the last time for us." Alex's hand searched out his mate's and held on for dear life. "'One time, Lash, it was only one time,' Felix said to me. 'Toronto?' I asked him. After a few seconds he shook his head. 'Yes'" Alex's voice was husky with emotion as he continued: "What could I do? Nothing, I felt so impotent. I pulled up a chair and sat down beside his bed. I carefully took his hand within my latex-covered ones. Not an easy job with the amount of needles going into his hand feeding fluids into his ravaged body." We pretty much didn't say anything after that; we just looked at one another. Just as his eyes were drooping closed I said, 'Love you, Lex.' A slow, lazy smile of contentment crossed his lips, 'Always, Lash, always,' he said. I held his hand a while longer as he dropped into a peaceful sleep. I looked again into that beautiful face one last time, put his hand back on his chest and left the room." Alex folded himself against Mulder; his breathing heavy, obviously trying to hold back the flood of tears threatening to erupt. He whispered gently into Mulder's ear, "I never saw him again after that, I said my good-byes to him then and I never even got to the funeral. But when I get a chance to go there, I always try to get to the gravesite and place one red rose on the stone." Alex didn't say another word. Not an additional syllable. He just lay quietly, wrapped in the warmth of his lover's arms, breathing in Mulder's scent. "I'm sorry, Alex," Mulder said. Alex raised his head and looked in Mulder's eyes, "One thing I learned—early—Fox is that life is harsh, it's brutal, sometimes it makes no sense at all; one thing life isn't and that's fair." The finality in Alex's voice told Mulder that this conversation was finished. "Look at us," Alex said, "such gloomy Gusses!" Alex laughed then, quietly, but it was a laugh nonetheless. "What were we talking about, anyway? On yeah, men and my attraction to them, think that question was asked and answered." Alex grinned then, and the mood lightened considerably. Fox rolled Alex over onto his back and climbed on top of him. He bent down and kissed the green-eyed man on the ear. "Okay, then tell me when you were first attracted to me?" Alex's eyes twinkled. "That's an easy one, real easy. When I held out my hand and said, 'Krycek, Alex Krycek'." Alex laughed. "You're kidding me, Lexi!" "Nope, you were so damn sexy in those glasses and your snotty attitude." Mulder put his hand on his own chest. "Snotty attitude, who me?" He said with a grin, "couldn't be. Alex, I'm wounded." "Yeah, right" Alex said. He turned the tables on Mulder by flipping him completely from his body, until suddenly Alex was on top and kissing Mulder's nose. "Okay," he said. "Your turn. When were you first attracted to me?" "Alex," he said pensively after a few minutes, "never underestimate the erotic attraction of a dumb conversation." "What?" "'The Department of Transportation estimates that the number of car accidents caused by sleep deprivation...'" Mulder's voice trailed off. "You're shitting me, Fox!" "Nope, not at all. It was then, in the heat, in the traffic in New York that I fell in lust with you at least. That recalcitrant lock of hair falling over your forehead, you sweating like a pig in that cheap suit. That was the moment for me." Alex grinned and kissed his lover, long and deep. He smacked Fox on his naked ass. "You look like shit, Fox, you need some sleep." "Ah gee, thanks for the compliment." "You sleep, I have to go out for about a hour, but I'll be back." "I suppose it wouldn't do any good if I asked you what you had to do?" Fox asked him seriously. "None whatsoever," Alex answered him with a grin. "Now where did I put those 'tasteful' shorts." Mulder watched Alex while he dressed and made himself presentable to the world again or at least to a certain strata of it, with the black jeans and the leather jacket. He watched Alex tuck the empty sleeve of the leather jacket into the back of his pants and wondered where the prosthetic was, but didn't ask. "You're sure you're coming back?" "Yes, babe, in about an hour...you sleep." From the door, Alex looked back at Fox again and smiled. "Now sleep!" "Okay, Mom, I promise." Alex closed the bedroom door softly behind him and picked up his nearly empty back-pack as he opened the apartment door; in the hallway he turned back to the door, tried the knob again making sure that the apartment door was locked behind him. **** The sun had now set; the only light
visible in the apartment was a soft glow coming from beneath the door
of Fox's seldom-used bedroom. The silence was profound, only broken by
what appeared to be a slight scratching from the main entrance. The End. Comments always appreciated: Riticulan |