Interlude

Two Hands, One Heart



Author:   Ellen
Rating:   NC-17  (overall story)
Spoilers:   Up Through "She"
Summary:   A peaceful moment from 'Covenant'.

Disclaimer:   Angel, Doyle and Cordelia are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, 20th Century Fox, and/or The WB.

Thoughts between Angel, Doyle and Cordelia are marked //like this.//

Author's Note:   This Interlude is written on the 19th day of March, 2000, in memory of Dom Biagiotti, who died on the 19th day of March, 1983.

Never thought I'd make it to this day myself... sorry that you couldn't be here with us.






He's finally fallen asleep.

He still drinks too much.  Smokes, too.  He's sweating in his sleep and the smell of too much alcohol and too many cigarettes is mixed in with that very special scent that only he has.

Sometimes, when I tease him, I call it Demon Spice, but only in our minds.  I can smell it faintly myself and much more strongly through Angel's senses.

Angel and I look at each other over his sleeping form and Doyle's face shines back to me, reflected in Angel's eyes.

It's reflected in my own, too, I can see it, through Angel's eyes.

Even without the bond, right now, I would be able to read his mind.

A year ago, I would never have been able to look at Angel this way.  I would never have seen, or even recognized, that look on his face.

It frightens me sometimes, how much he loves us both.

Doyle... the beloved of both our souls....

Yes, that I could understand so easily.  In a way, he is our souls, both Angel's and mine.

When we tried to live without him, we were empty.

As my eyes meet Angel's, his hand is softly touching Doyle's face as he sleeps and Doyle murmurs something in his sleep and he turns his cheek against those cool fingers.  Dimly, through his sleep, I can feel his contentment at the touch.

I reach out, to touch the soft, dark waves of Doyle's hair and my fingers meet Angel's there.

Oh yes, I understand everything about loving Doyle.

But loving me?  Angel, loving me?

Even stranger, me, loving Angel?

Who would have thought?

I smile at him and shake my head, at the same time.  And he smiles back.

Yes, Angel smiles now.  And he's so beautiful when he smiles.  Not just handsome, that he always was, but... beautiful.  Who would have expected that?

And what I feel in his mind, when he looks at me... it's like what he feels when he looks at Doyle.

Just as strong, just as protective...

Just as passionate.

I wouldn't believe it, except that I can feel it inside me, part of me.

We are his mirror and he is... well...

I can't believe I'm thinking this or that he's hearing it in my mind and he is smiling that slow, lazy, delicious smile, like when he was evil, except so much better, because the pleasure that he's thinking about right now isn't about somebody's pain.

It's not about pain any more.  We are so way far beyond that now.

It isn't even about atonement any more.

Doyle gave us both forgiveness and he taught us how to accept it.

He showed us that we could love.  God, did he ever.

He showed us that we could be loved.  That was even harder.

But we got it, finally.  We get it.

Thanks to him, I can see that smile, not only on Angel's face but throughout his mind and... body... and know that it's for me, too, just as much as it is for Doyle.

It's funny how things happen, isn't it?

We had to love Doyle first, before we could learn to love each other.