Steff and I chose our theme song to be - "I'll Be There For You" by the Rembrendts.  It's also the theme song for the hit TV series Friends, which I got her hooked onto! :)

It's been quite the journey, one I never expected.  The internet was fairly new when I first was introduced to it.  It still ran off a DOS system.  However, I was fascinated that I could get connected to so many people all over the world and it was a distraction that I badly needed.  After graduating from high school, my childhood best friend, Shelley, died from AIDS related complications.  Facing a summer without her was hard, much less a life without her.  I was shipped off to university as soon as the summer ended.

I was lost, confused and completely alone.  There was a great empty void that didn't seem to be going away anytime soon.  I met Vicki, a girl who was hearing impaired as well and we became friends.  More like joined at the hip.  I was just so happy that I had found someone that understands my hearing impairment and whom I could hang out with.

I got involved more in the internet by joining an assortment of X-Files mailing lists, including the Duchovniks, that was started after everyone complained on the X-Files list that we were drooling over David Duchovny too much.  I lurked as Steff and Walter (the list god) bantered back and forth.  How wonderful it seemed to see that type of bantering, the type of bantering I shared with Shelley.  It made me miss it even more.

One day, a note came into my box.  It had the subject, "Closed Captioning" and it was from Steff.  She wrote to the Duchovniks about the closed captioning and how she hated the way David Duchovny mumbled because she could not understand him.  My eyes lit up.  Could it be?  Was she really hearing impaired or did she just use the closed captioning just because?  I decided to take a big chance and email her personally, trying to sound as apologetic as I felt I was bothering her with something that could just be nothing.

How nothing became something I will never know.  She replied that she was hearing impaired and suddenly, we were bantering.  Suddenly I was not alone anymore.  Suddenly the void was being filled.  Not replacing Shelley, Shelley could never be replaced....but it was being filled with a newfound love.  A love from a new friend.   I have had so many friends ditch me because they didn't like one thing or another about me...but Steff, Steff stuck by me, through it all.  All I had to say was, "I need you" and she would be on the next plane to Canada.  That sort of love speaks volumes and I'm proud to call her my friend.

---

The American
(Written by Steff - August 2001)

When I think back on all the years Jazz and I have been friends, through the tough times and the great ones, one thought comes to mind.  It’s David Duchovny’s fault.

We met because of David Duchovny.  We both belonged to a mailing list called the Duchovniks and it was there we first really started talking to each other.  Just in case you don’t know, David Duchovny is an actor on the X Files.  He’s a very attractive man and there were plenty of people around the world who noticed that when the show came on the air.  The Duchovniks came into being because if you happened to make a comment regarding his looks on an X Files list, you were certain to be blasted.  Finally, the fans that lusted after him decided to make a mailing list of their own.  One where they could ooooh and ahhhh after him without fear of reprisal.

Now that that has been established, let me go on.  I was the very first person to join the Duchovniks and was very prolific. I always had a comment about everything and having the freedom to express myself meant I did so at every opportunity.  I only had one complaint about David.  He had the tendency to mumble his lines a lot.  I’m hearing impaired as it is, I didn’t need the added difficulty of an actor slurring all his lines together into one large word!  After one particularly undecipherable episode, I shot out a message that said: “Thank God I have closed captioning! Otherwise, I’d never know what the heck he was saying!” The rest of my message was some lewd comment about how he was tied up on the episode.  I never missed an opportunity to be naughty.  I went merrily on my way from there, never dreaming that message would be the catalyst to starting one of the greatest friendships I ever had.

A day later, a very tentative, short message appeared on my personal email.  It startled me, because I didn’t usually get messages from strangers.  It asked: “I don’t mean to bother you or anything.  You can ignore this if you’d like.  Are you hearing impaired? You mentioned closed-captioning, and I was just curious, because I use it, too.”

I was startled at how tentative and unassuming the message was, but also very happy to hear from her.  I didn’t know anyone else who was hearing impaired and it was a relatively new problem with me.  I’d started losing my hearing in high school, but no one believed me until I went to get my hearing checked myself.  Finding someone else who had the same problems and experiences was a wonderful thing.  I wasn’t alone!!  There were other people who knew what I was going through and could commiserate with me!  I told my friends about this stranger writing and they could hear how excited I was and encouraged me to write back.  I did so immediately and told her that we had the same problem.  To my great delight, she wrote me again and we started a regular correspondence.  I found that we were alike in many ways: our love of animals (especially our dogs.  I had a Maltese, Tessi, and she had a Golden, Tuck), our favourite music and shows and our general belief system.  I joked that we must have been twins separated at birth, but it was really great to find a connection, even on the Internet.

Of course, she lived in Canada, and I lived in the States.  It was tough to be separated by that many miles, but we resolved to keep at it and become better friends.  And we have.  She’s been there for me when I lost my dog and later, my cat MK.  She encouraged me when I had a terrible job and dreadful boss.  I comforted her when she lost her horse and gave her a pep talk when her job turned ugly or people didn’t treat her right.  Here we are – eight years later.  I think we’re closer than we’ve ever been and I’m so happy to say that she is my friend.
 

Steff says "Your Song" by Garth Brooks makes her think of Jazz. :)
Jazz says "Now and Forever" by Carol King makes her think of Steff. :)

Steff thought of something she found on the net called "Mental Diet" when we were ringing in 2003 together.  We vowed to help each other out and remind each other of the "Mental Diet" whenever we were down and out.  It goes like this --

"If something difficult comes along - what you could call a problem - treat it as an opportunity to grow, to learn and to make things even better.  OK, I know this sounds like pie in the sky. But believe me, when trouble arises, it is better to try to think and act positively rather than give in to the despair that can overtake us.  One of the unique exercises recommended was to put yourself on a Mental Diet. Simply stated, this is an attempt to get through one entire day without one negative thought. Be assured: This is one of the toughest things you will ever do.  From the minute you wake up until you go to sleep that night, you have to consciously reject all negative thoughts - about everything.  Now, of course, something negative will come to mind - for example, if you were to see Hillary Clinton on TV, how could you not think negatively? Well, what you do is quickly put those thoughts out of your mind and, instead, focus on something good. The author put it this way: "When a negative thought approaches your front door, that is OK. Just don't let it in." So you have to concentrate all day long on turning away these negative thoughts.  The result? Well, one thing you
quickly realize is that we all have too many negative thoughts. Secondly, what good are they? Why not think good thoughts? It makes you happier and thus makes others in your orbit happier, too.  But here is the biggest benefit: By thinking positive, good, kind and happy thoughts, you will find that you are actually healthier, happier and more energetic. Things actually will go better for you. Your own world will improve. This is a fact. Period."
 

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