When Blair was in a stall of the restroom, he overheard two new guys talking about he and Jim. They were discussing that it was too bad that Jim Ellison had jumped the fence and gone over to join that damn new detective Blair Sandburg.

Miller said, "Do you suppose everyone knows and they just put up with it because they are afraid of Ellison?"

Marshall said, "Yeah, I think they all know. He has a lot of pull with the detectives, but gods forbid that they have to depend on the rest of us. Because they won't get any help from us. We hate their kind."

As Blair listened he felt himself getting more and more upset. First of all, he wasn't sleeping with Jim. God dammit, Blair thought, the least I could do is get the fun part of it, if someone is going to say this shit. Blair pulled up his legs so they wouldn't see him there, when he heard the one say, you did check the stalls didn't you?

"Well," Miller said, "Ellison is going on stakeout tonight and I hear that a bunch of the guys are going to let him have it."

"What do you mean?" Marshall asked Miller. "I mean, they can't hurt Ellison, no matter what."

"Oh who says?" Miller said, "What's the fag going to do, tell on us?"

"I really don't think that would be a good move on their parts." Marshall said timidly.

"Marshall, you are such a whimp." Miller said, "The next thing you know is you'll be saying that the fag has aright to his boyfriend."

"Actually," Marshall said suddenly getting bold, "if they aren't hurting me, why should I care? You know this is becoming way too personal for me. I won't be involved. I'll call in sick first."

"Marshall," Miller said, "don't even think about telling Ellison or Sandburg. Because if they find out, we'll know who to come after."

"I'm not going to say anything to anyone." Marshall shot back.

"Good," Miller said, "Keep it that way. Now lets get back to work and I don't want to hear a word from you about this to anyone."

When Blair heard the door shut he finally put his feet down. They had cramps in both of them. Blair wondered what the fuck he was going to do. He hadn't a clue. He might have to talk to Joel or Simon and get their opinion without mentioning names. Shit, Blair was scared to death.

As he opened up the stall, Marshall was standing there waiting. Blair fell back into the stall and started breathing hard and knew he was having an anxiety attack. Marshall leaned in and said, "Sandburg, calm down. I knew you were in here. He told me to check the stalls. I saw your hiking boots."

Blair started breathing easier and said, "Why didn't you tell him I was in here?"

"What do I look stupid?" Marshall said, "Ellison would kill me and besides that Miller scares the fuck out of us."

"How many guys are going to be there tonight?" Blair asked, "I have to warn him. At least be there to help him."

"Miller said about six or seven." Marshall answered. "I have to go before he notices I didn't come out. Tell Ellison to take care."

Blair realized that it wasn't just he and Jim that were in major peril. It was also Marshall. Because Miller had said that if Marshall talked and warned them, he'd know it was he and that would be that. Then they'd go after Marshall. Shit, Blair didn't know what to do.

Blair went into the bullpen and Jim was walking through carrying a coffee for both of them. Smiling Jim handed one to Blair and said, "Chief, anything wrong? You look pale."

"Everything is fine, man." Blair answered, "do you have stakeout tonight? Cuz if you do, could I go along?"

"Sandburg, what is up with you?" Jim said laughing, "You're my partner, and of course you'll be there."

Blair took a drink of the coffee and burned his mouth as he spit it out on Jim's shirt. Jim yelled, "Sandburg, what is going on? Coffee is usually hot."

"Sorry, Jim." Blair said, "Do you think we could we leave early today?"

"Not if this is how you're going to act." Jim said laughing. "I'll go and see what Simon says."

As Jim walked off, Blair went to Joel's desk and asked, "Joel, could I talk to you for a few moments? If you're not too busy."

Brown, Rafe, Conner and Joel all just looked at Blair strangely. Blair was on the verge of a panic attack, but didn't realize it at that moment.

"Come on, Blair." Joel said and then he motioned for someone to keep Jim away.

When they got into the interrogation room, Conner, Joel and Rafe all stood there looking at him with questions in their eyes.

Blair was having a hard time breathing. He was scared to death. He just didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. Fuck, he thought, I'm screwed no matter what.

Conner pushed Blair down into a chair and started rubbing his back and saying, "Blair, calm down, try to slow your breathing down. You need to find your center. Do that and then we'll talk."

Joel sat down on a chair across from Blair and said, "Okay, Sandburg, spill. We want to know what is going on and we want to know now."

Brown came in the door and said, "I just sent Ellison down to the parking garage and said Sandburg was down there waiting, so lets get this done with."

This made Blair's attack worse. He could hardly get his breath. When the door flew open, Jim stood there with a paper bag and had Blair start breathing into it. Jim said, "It's okay, Chief, we'll figure it out. Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

Finally getting his panic under control they all sat there waiting for him to say something, Blair finally said, "Jim, please don't go tonight. Just stay home with me."

"Chief, we are on this duty, we have to be there." Jim said, "Do you know something I should know?"

"No," Blair said quickly, "I just have a bad feeling about it, is all."

Conner stood up and said, "All right, enough of this shit. Someone is threatening him, Ellison, you can tell."

"This true, Chief?" Jim asked.

"No." Blair answered truthfully.

"Then who was?" Brown asked, "I've seen you be scared for yourself many times and you don't have those panic attacks unless it's about someone else."

"Who is it?" Rafe asked. "Sandburg, you can talk to us, you know that."

"This is my first official stakeout and I'm having second thoughts." Blair said, "Jim, please lets not go."

"Chief you have to give me more than that to go on." Jim said, "Sorry, we're still on. If you want to stay off, that's fine. Conner, can you go with me tonight instead?"

Blair could tell Jim was really upset with him. Blair started having another attack and this time Simon walked into the room and said, "What the hell is going on here? What are all of my people in one room? And what is wrong with Sandburg?"

"We don't know what's wrong yet." Conner said.

"Could everyone please leave," Simon said, "I want to talk to Sandburg alone."

They all stood outside the door and Simon said, "Jim, I don't want you to listen. This is private."

Then turning to Sandburg, he said, "Okay, out with it. What is going on? I know something is up. You've been looking like walking death since you came out of the restroom earlier."

Blair jumped up and started pacing. Back and forth, over and over again until Simon wanted to strangle him, but instead Simon let him work off some energy.

"Sir," Blair said, "have you ever had to choose something and you don't know what to choose, because either way, someone will get hurt?"

"Yes." Simon said, "You have to just figure out whom would be the most hurt and go with that. And you pray that the other person will be all right."

"Sir," Blair said, "There is a number of cops planning on beating the shit out of Jim tonight after the stakeout."

"Why?" Simon asked.

"Because they think that Jim is fucking me." Blair said quietly, "And they don't want a fag in the force. One of the guys that was in on the discussion knew I was in the restroom and he waited for me. The other guy told him that if anyone found out, they'd just beat the shit out of him instead."

Blair started breathing really hard again and Simon said, "Blair, stop it. Calm down. Now first of all, I won't have you two alone tonight, I'll send backup. Secondly, I'll have the other person watched too."

"Simon you can't keep doing that." Blair said sadly.

"Sandburg," Simon said, "Are you sleeping with Detective Ellison? Not that it matters, but I didn't know."

With sad tear filled eyes, Blair said, "I wish, but no."

Simon smiled and said, "Well, don't worry, kid, we'll work things out."

"Now, I'm going to call Ellison in here and tell him it was nothing more than an anxiety attack." Simon said. "You're just nervous over your first stakeout and don't want to let him down, this sound good to you?"

Blair nodded his head in the affirmative. Simon opened the door and said, "Ellison, get in here."

Everyone else tried to come in and Simon said, "Get back to work, people." Then he slammed the door shut.

Smiling Jim said, "You okay, Chief?"

Blair couldn't help it; his partner's voice was his undoing. He went into his arms and Jim just held him tight and rubbed his back. Jim said, "It'll be okay, Blair, I promise."

"He's nervous about tonight, Jim." Simon said, "Having anxiety attacks is all. He'll be all right, he just thinks he's going to let you down is all."

"Sir," Jim said, "I don't think so. Something is wrong, but it's not because he's afraid he'll let me down. Blair knows there is no one I trust more."

Blair mumbled something into Jim's chest and Jim said, "Okay, we can leave now."

"Come in tonight before the stakeout, Jim." Simon said.

"Sure sir," Jim said, "Come on, Chief, lets get out of here and get a little sleep."

When they got into the truck, Jim said, "Want to tell me who threatened me, Blair?"

Blair just looked at him strangely and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, man."

"Chief," Jim said, "I've been hearing stuff all day about someone beating the shit out of me after the stakeout because I'm fucking you. So I already know, okay?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Blair asked.

"Because I was hoping that you'd tell me the truth." Jim said, "Why was this so hard for you to do?"

"Because there is someone else that will suffer, if we know." Blair said.

"They threatened you, Chief?" Jim asked.

"No," Blair said, "One of the guys in the restroom knew I was there and he didn't tell anyone about it. So if you found out, he'd be the one they'd blame."

"Don't worry about it, Chief." Jim said quietly. "We've been through worse than this."

When they got to the loft, Jim said, "Come upstairs, I'm going to talk to you till you fall asleep."

Blair didn't even argue with him. He followed Jim up the stairs. They slipped out of their clothes and slipped under the covers with their boxers on.

"Blair do you think it bothers me that they talk about us being together?" Jim asked.

Blair almost choked on his saliva. "Jim you trying to kill me here?" Blair asked.

"Well, do you?" Jim asked.

"How could it not?" Blair said, "How could they respect me if they think you're fucking me?"

Jim brought his lips down on Blair's and kissed him softly. "Now Chief," Jim asked, "how do you feel about that? Does this put a different light on this whole thing?"

"Jim what are you doing?" Blair asked trying to recover from the shock.

"I'm letting you know, that I wish I was fucking you. And I would gladly get the shit beat out of me, if I was." Jim said smiling.

"Jim," Blair growled, "this isn't funny, not even a little bit."

"I couldn't agree more." Jim said, "I want you Sandburg, if you don't want me tell me now."

"Jim," Blair pleaded, "I tell you someone wants to beat you up for this very same thing and now you want to do it?"

"I've wanted to for a long time, Blair." Jim answered.

"How long?" Blair asked.

"For about one year, I guess." Jim said, "I'd really like to fuck you. I'd like it more if we did it together."

Smiling Blair said, "Okay."

They started kissing more and Jim pulled Blair over on top of him and pushed Blair into his body. Their cocks were lined up just right, so that it felt like sparks were going off somewhere. Both men were moaning. Jim knew that this was going to be fast because they needed this badly.

Blair pulled Jim away from his body for a second and asked, "Jim, would you fuck me?"

"Have you ever done that, Chief?" Jim asked.

"No." Blair answered, "but I'm a quick learner and I want you inside me. Please?"

"Under one condition." Jim said, "Every time you get one of the anxiety attacks, you have to think of this and take deep breaths and remember how great this feels. Do we have a deal?"

"Yeah, man." Blair said, "I can handle that, I think."

"Wow," Jim said, "In that case I hope you have those often, and just keep thinking of this." And the kissing went on.

Blair knew that everything would be all right. He'd be fine. Jim would be fine. They'd kick ass together and that's the way life would be. So, now he could just concentrate on being fucked senseless.