March 31, 2000
Dear J, (no not Jim, Journal *g*)
Here I am again, still at it, today was a little bit better. I saw Jim smiling a few times. Almost like the old days. God I miss those old days. While I was at target practice I overheard someone say that I was almost as good as Jim. Man, I'm pumped after hearing that. I think Simon and Jim will be surprised at how well I'm doing. Other than the fact that I'm totally alone, it is great. Only four more weeks and I'm out of there. I wonder how Jim will do with me as his "real" partner? Things I keep wondering about. I wonder if he trusts me enough to be his only backup. Oh wow, where did that come from? I hope he does, I hope he doesn't have second thoughts about this. I wish I could talk to him about this. So in the mean time I will just keep talking to you, J. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and ran into Rafe. I was so happy to see him, it was almost heartrending. Man, I kind of humiliated myself, I even hugged him. Although he didn't seem to mind. I think he knows something is up. He asked me to go to the game with him. I jumped at the chance to get out and do something with someone else. I'm way too attached to the "big guy." Well, now that came out wrong, didn't it? LOL How humorous, I wish I was that attached to him that way.
Okay, now on to something very serious. Something is up with Jim. First he was yelling at me about towels on the floor and now he yelling about grocery shopping and cleaning the kitchen. Geesh, it is like being new to this sharing apartment scene all over again. Maybe he needs a break. God I hope not. I wish he would talk to me.
Okay, I am not really in the mood for a little poem, but since I promised you, I guess I will do it.
Thoughts of Jim.
Seeing Jim.
Tasting Jim.
Fucking Jim.
Joy
Friendship.
Lover.
Living.
Fucking.
Joy
Jim naked.
Jim naked with me.
Jim naked with his cock in my mouth.
Jim naked and fucking my ass, like nothing I ever imagined.
Okay I seem to see a pattern forming here. Now I need a cold shower. I thought this writing was supposed to help me. Haha. Well, okay, shower and then off to fix dinner. I am going to be extra nice to Jim and see if this improves his mood.
J, I think I really, really love Jim. What do I do now?
B.S.