July 1, 2000
Dear Blair:
Okay, you are insisting that I do this, so I won't call it a journal, I will call it a Blair. :) I don't know where to start because this is all new to me. You told me to put my thoughts, feeling and desires and then to top it off I have to right [write] poetry. And what is with that saying? To top it off. :)
Lets see what is first, Blair. How do I feel about you, well, I would say this is probably the easiest thing to answer in the world? I adore you, you are my lifeline. I could not exist without you. I love you more than life itself. All right this is getting sappy. You told me to tell the truth, but this is enough to make me want to start over. But it is the truth, I do admire you and am so glad you are not only my lover, but also my best friend. I trust you more than anyone in the world. I can't believe that we have been together for all this time and I haven't ruined it yet. I know, I know, I have tried. :( Sorry, my love.
My thoughts, well that one is easy too. I think I am in way over my head here. I don't have a way with words like you do, Blair. I have never been as good at expressing myself as you are at telling me what I mean to you. I am so grateful that you can do that. I am going to try to open up more. I think that you are making one of the finest partners I have ever had in Major Crimes. I am so glad that you are there. You are all the backup I need. I am also very proud of you. You can't even begin to imagine how proud. My heart about burst when you graduated that day. I had tears in my eyes and Simon knew that I was going to lose it, so he teased me out of it. He knew that it would embarrass me. He is a good friend, Chief. One of the best. Right after you, of course. What an impact you have had on everyone in Major Crimes. They were all there that day and they were as proud of you as I was. Yes, Chief, you have made a lot of friends and have left a lasting impression on one and all.
What do I desire? Well, for one, you. You are the most beautiful creature that I could ever ask to be with. And I do ask a lot, don't I? I want to be with you forever, and hope that you wish the same thing. I am sure you do. I am still a little on the insecure side. Call me strange, but I find it hard to believe that you would want my old body. I am losing my hair, I don't have much of a personality and I am not all that good to you most of the time. But I do desire the wanting to feel good enough about us. I desire you every moment of every day. God, how I do love you.
Okay, this is just something I wanted to say to you. This might not be too bad. If I have a bad day, I can write it down instead of yelling my fool head off at you first. Right? This would [could] work in [on] both of our behalf's I hate when you are always right, you know that, Sandburg? But I also love when you force me to do things for my own good. I hope I feel this way tomorrow. By then I might hate this whole idea. You know how moody I get sometimes.
Okay, now the hard part, dear Blair. I haven't a clue as to how to write poetry. I like to read it, I like to hear it, but writing it is something completely different. But I will still try, just because you asked me to. The things I do for love. :)
Can you believe that we are together, Blair and me?
I am still shocked right from my to my knees.
We are in love; can you even imagine this to be true?
I adore this man, with his beautiful eyes of blue.
Jim