-- Dear Blair 11 --
Their Lives

by Patt Paulos-Darrow

Dec. 7, 2000
Thursday

Dear Blair:

Well, vacation was fantastic; I can't remember a time when I was more relaxed. You are not only a great lover, but you are great fun to be with as a friend too. Greece was a wonderful experience. You kept telling me how much I would love it. You were 100% correct. I did. And Egypt is nothing like I thought it would be. I mean I expected to see only the pyramids, but heck it is a pretty with it country. That was the best two weeks of my life. Loving you has been the best thing in the world for me. I only hope that you allow me to show you forever and ever. I dread going back to work. I know you are too. At least we have another four days before we officially have to be back on duty.

You have been acting kind of blue all night long. I know that is why. Don't worry, we will try and get away at least every six months. I promised you that and I plan on sticking to it. Even if it is just for a weekend of fishing. While on the plane I asked if you would like to dance all night long when we get home. You are stunned. You can't believe what a romantic I have turned into. When we got to Cascade we made our way to the truck and could not wait to get in it and just start unwinding.

On the way home, you popped in a CD. Foreigner, The Very Best and Beyond. And you were singing to me all the way home. You are the sweetest man I have ever met. First song that came on was Soul Doctor and you sang to me and told me I was your soul doctor. It was wonderful just listening to your voice as the songs continued on. You know how much I love some of these songs, so those are the ones you really sing to me. Juke Box Hero is one of my favorites and you gladly sing that. Then as you moved closer to me, you started singing Urgent. This cracked me up and turned me on at the same time. Then right from there you go into Double Vision, saying I am causing you to have Double Vision. Again, I am laughing my head off. Loving every moment of this. You are such a joy. Then I decided to get in on it. I sang, I Want To Know What Love Is to you. Because after all I do know now. And then next was I don't Want To Live Without You and finished up my singing with Feels Like The First Time. You love it. I can smell your arousal and can hardly wait to get home. We are like newlyweds. I thought it would wear off. As we park and head up the stairs, you started singing all alone, Hot Blooded. This makes me laugh but also move much faster. I can't wait to get you in our bed.

We walked into the loft and everything was clean, dusted and bright and shiny. You asked me how I got that worked out. LOL I laughed and said, well, it pays to be buddies with your boss. And he said he would keep everything nice for us. There is a note by the phone that is telling us to call as soon as we get in. Simon wants to hear about our trip, but also wants to be sure we made it back in one piece. You are reminding me of what a great friend he is. You asked if you could invite he and Daryl over for dinner tomorrow night. Like I could refuse you anything. It will never happen. Unless, you could be hurt in some way. You made yourself a note to call Simon in the morning.

There is a note from Megan, H, Rafe and Joel. They are all welcoming us home. Telling us how much they missed us and can't wait to see us. You give me one of those looks and asked if we could have everyone over tomorrow. Like I said before, like I could ever refuse you anything. Looks like we'll have a full house tomorrow night.

The telephone starts ringing and I tell you to please let the machine pick it up. So you do. It is your Mom. You are so happy to hear her voice that you have to pick it up. Then she informs you that she is in town. I was seething inside, but didn't want to ruin it for you, babe. I knew how much this visit meant to you. But for me, it was a royal pain in the ass. (And there is only one kind of pain in the ass I enjoy) She is on her way over and you inform me that she will be staying with us. I know it all will be fine. She is only staying four days. Damn it, that is the last four days of our trip. I am regretting our coming back to Cascade until we really needed to. I'm a selfish bastard. I know this. I continue to work on it.

That night as we lie in bed with your Mom in the room below us, I wanted to strangle you. But you decided that we could have some fun without making too much noise. You climbed on top of me and started rocking back and forth rubbing our cocks together. You slipped some glide on us to help. And I have to tell you, this might just be enough tonight. You are whispering to me about how much you love me and want me. And before too long I am cumming all over you and you follow me soon after. Both of us didn't make a sound, we let all sounds go into each other's mouths. God, what you do to me and for me.

Fucking poem time. Shit I had forgotten how much I hated these. You always want to read the poems though. So I will do it to make you happy.

Dec. 8, 2000
Friday

Dear Blair:

This morning I wake up and hear you calling everyone telling them hello and asking them all over for dinner. So far everyone is coming as planned. I can tell you are very excited. You like the friendships with these people so much more than I do. I like them all a lot. I just don't need them like you seem to. Maybe I do and just don't want to admit to it.

Your mother comes out of the spare room and says she wants to talk to you about some things. I am holding my breath here. She says that she wasn't that happy about us being together at first, but has since then come around. She loves me and hopes that we will be nothing but happy. She tells Blair how much she loves him and how proud she is of him. He just sits there with his heart beating really fast. I know that he is on the verge of tears. So, I take this as my cue. I called down, "good morning everyone!" "Anyone want to go out for breakfast?" And they both smiled at me and said, "last one to the shower has to pay." Of course I didn't get there fast enough. Because I can't say no to anything you do. I am so totally whipped.

That night when everyone comes over it is great. They are all talking at once and you are trying to tell everyone all about the great things we saw while in Egypt and Greece. You went and got the pictures and they all rolled their eyes, but they looked anyhow. The night flew by. We enjoyed seeing everyone.

When they were leaving Daryl kept hugging me telling me how much he had missed me. Why do you suppose that is, Chief? You think he and Simon are having problems? No, probably just missed us. See, I have a hard time believing anyone would miss me. I know, I know. I am working on the self-esteem problems. Everyone left and we were in bed by 1:00 a.m. It was a great night. Thanks, to you, everything went smoothly. We were cuddled in bed and you decided to put some old Star Treks on. I don't know why the people who were on the show didn't see the slash elements there. You and I sure do. And sometimes we have to laugh. This is one of my favorite things to do. Just lie with you and relax.

Okay, time for the stupid assed poem. I still call them names, because I hate them.

Dec. 9, 2000
Saturday

Dear Blair:

Well, you have been acting all weird today. I don't know why. I am going to talk to you as soon as your Mom leaves us alone for a change. Something is up. I am listening to you talking to her smiling the whole time when all of a sudden I hear your heart beat speed up and listen to what you are saying. Naomi is talking about it is too bad that you won't even have children because you would have had beautiful children. I totally agree with her. But I have to talk to you. I think that maybe this is something that might be bothering you. I hope not. We talked about it before, but sometimes it is different when you find out you can't have them. I am sad all of a sudden. I end up leaving for the day so you can spend time with your Mom.

I stop over at Simon's house and Daryl is glad to see me. What is up with him? Anyhow, he hugs me again and said he was glad to see me back. Then he informed me that Simon was missing us both. Driving everyone crazy in the bullpen. Go figure. Then ever so casually I asked if he noticed anything different about you. And you told me that Blair looked a little sad when Henry said his girlfriend was pregnant. Oh man, now I know I am looking scared. Daryl jumps up and says, let me go and get dad, okay? When Simon comes into the room he said, "What's wrong?" Daryl said something is up with you and Blair. I tell Simon that I am worried that you made a mistake in choosing to love a man. You will miss out on having a family. Simon laughed and said, Jim, ever hear of adoption? Geez, I never even thought of that. I think I can talk to you about this. I could love a child. I think I could be a good dad. I know you would be. We will talk, lover. Don't you worry.

That time again. Fucking poems, I really hate them babe.

Dec. 10, 2000
Sunday

Dear Blair,

Well, you are looking at me like I am insane. I curled up to you this morning and ask you if you want to adopt a baby. You said, no, never even thought about it. I asked if something else was wrong and you said nope. Just as simple as that. But I knew you were lying. What is wrong? So I took you in my arms and would not let go. All of a sudden I could feel you shaking and could hear soft cries coming from you. I kept holding on tight. You apologize to me and tell me you will be fine. You don't even know what is wrong with you. And as you get in closer to me, you tell me that yes, you do want a child. A special needs child would be good. Not a baby. And we could handle a special needs child. They need love too. God, I love you so much.

I tell you that we will go tomorrow and fill out paperwork and see what our chances are. And I ask if it would be all right if in the mean time we keep Stephen's children from time to time to give us practice. You laughed and said you would love it. I know that Stephen would love a break. Three little ones are a handful. The twins are going to be 18 months old, you remind me of this. :) You remember everything. We love Shannon and Molly. They are just so darned sweet. And baby Liam is a darling. He is going on four months old now. Hard to believe. Yes, that is my busy brother, Stephen.

I start to nibble on your neck and you remind me that your Mom is down in the room below and I just take that as incentive to go at it harder. So I do. I am stroking you like I haven't done in a good long while. Driving you to the edge and then pulling away. It is sweet misery. And you are trying to be so quiet. But I am determined to bring out that noisy Blair if it kills me. I start sucking on your nipples and you are moaning now, I know that it won't be long and you will be all out yelling. I am a demon, I know. So sue me. I work my way down and take you cock into my mouth and I do it so softly that it about drives you nuts. But I want this to last a long time. You start thrusting up into my mouth and I meet each thrust. I slip my fingers into my mouth to get some moisture and then start finger fucking you. You love that while I am blowing you. And just like that you are screaming your head off. Actually, this is what you said, "Jim, oh yeah, Jim, blow me, suck me, fuck me, fuck me hard," After you are done, I enter you and you get hard again, right away. We go at this pretty slow until I can't hold back any longer and I start pounding into you.

It feels so good. I keep thinking of that stupid Foreigner song, I Want To Know What Love Is. God, I do know what love is. As I think of this I just lose it. I am a goner. I shoot into you and you come right afterwards. Man, you are my lover, my best friend, and my life. I am so happy.

Here is my sappy poem.

Dec. 11, 2000
Monday

Dear Blair:

You made an appointment at the lawyers today and they had us fill out the paper work. They said it will take quite some time, but that is okay. We have lots of time. They said we had lots of things going against us. We are gay, we are cops and we don't have a house. I don't see the problem with that, but then again, we don't have kids yet. Well, at least the paperwork is done and we are on a waiting list. This seems to make you happy. I am glad.

We head into work today and both of us are astounded by the amount of paperwork piled on our desks'. I guess no one else knew how to do any. You even mention something to this effect. Go get em, tiger. It is good to be back. Things have been quiet, thank goodness cuz we have to finish this work.

Rafe and Henry asked you out to lunch today because they knew I had to be in court. So, I had to eat lunch alone. I hated it. I know life goes on. Get a grip Ellison. But I miss you during little things like that. Just missing out on lunch with you makes me crazy.

Okay, here is the poem for today. Still sucks, I still suck at doing them, I would rather be sucking something much harder.

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