Warning: Not betaed

Sounds weird but here is my short answer for your challenge:

Premise: very simple but weird.

Someone...be it Blair, Rafe, Simon, an OFC, has to for some reason or another take Jim's temperature rectally...yes you read right...rectally. Don't ask me why it should be done, but there it is.

There's only one catch....it can't be because Jim is a baby or child, and it can't be part of a BDSM scene, or play scene. It has to be for real. Think you can handle it....I know you can.

"Simon, he is burning up!" the frantic voice of the guide, Blair Sandburg screeched over the phone.

"So take his temperature, if it is over 104, call 911" Simon knew attempting to calm the frantic guide would be useless, but....he had to try.

"But... but.... he bit it and broke it! I am sure none of the mercury stuff got in him, but its cracked! He keeps thrashing around, and frankly the way his senses are spiking...." Watching Jim move around the sofa scared him but not enough to subject him to the Hospital, not yet.

"Look, I'll send Conner with a new one, and she can stay and help, after all she knows all about this stuff right?" Simon offered

"No! Do not send Conner here! I need you to come! Megan is just not the right one for the job! He is on the couch, and I need to get him in bed!"

"Oh, ok, I will be there in a few I'll pick up a new thermometer, give me 20 minutes" with a sigh Simon surrendered.

"Great, but try and make it faster please!"

25 minutes later:

"Simon, thank god you are here, what do you say we get him settled upstairs, then get his temp?" Opening the door and quickly returning to his Sentinels side.

Staring at the frantic man before him for a second, Simon, moved to assist the pair. After a good ten minute struggle, they got Jim, up into the loft bed and striped down.

"Whew, ok, now where's the thermometer?" Blair turned ready to begin treating his patient.

Simon, with a half grin handed two over, "Your choice"

"Huh?"

"Oral and Rectal"

"What! Why didn't you get an ear one or a patch?"

"Oh, man... ok, you hold him, and lets try the oral first"

5 minutes later, bruised and battered, the pair gave up

"ok let me find some thing to use as lube"

Simon fished into his jacket pocket and handed over some vaseline. With a blush...

"I got it for just in case, I did have a son, who had need of one a few times."

"Oh.. great then you..."

"Not gonna happen Sandburg, just take his damn temp!"

"Oh, ok, er lets see, dip the end, spread, whoa hold him Simon! Ok, easy big guy, er Simon how long should we wait?"

"Five minutes if we can keep him still that long"

8 minutes later...

"104.9. hospital for you big guy! Yea thats right he has 104.9 temp. Yea, send the ambulance to apt 307, 852 Prospect."