It started, as most of their arguments did, over something incredibly trivial. Blair had left his towel lying on the floor of the bathroom again, and really, it wasn't that big a deal. Jim knew this. He had seen it there and stepped over it, so no harm was done. All he should have done was scowl at Blair and remind him grumpily to please refrain from throwing his crap all over the loft and did it really take that much effort to hang the damn thing up. So, Jim honestly had no idea why he was standing over Blair, screaming at the top of his lungs, but damn, it felt good.

But Blair was screaming back. Blair was pissed, that much was obvious, and he was matching Jim word for word, and pushing him right back every time he pushed, and Jim was only getting madder and madder because Blair wasn't listening to him.

He'd felt it building for weeks now, something deep inside that welled up whenever he so much as looked at Blair, or whenever Blair looked at him with those big blue eyes and smiled at him, and he didn't know what the feeling was, which scared him, and being scared only made him mad. A vicious cycle, really. And Blair kept getting the worst of it. Because Jim couldn't yell at work, not without getting his ass kicked, and he couldn't yell in the supermarket if he didn't want to get arrested for disturbing the peace, and he'd learned his lesson about yelling in the truck, thankyouverymuch, which left Blair, who was not cooperating, dammit!

"Will you listen to me? Fucking listen for once in your fucking life, Sandburg!"

The things pouring out of his mouth were foul. He was getting really personal, and that knot in his chest was getting bigger and bigger and it hurt. He was starting to wonder if this would end like it did the last time he got this mean, when Blair ended up dead, for chrissakes, and maybe he should cool it before Blair just gave up on him and left him for good.

Somehow, that thought got through to his neanderthal brain and he stopped yelling for just one second, just long enough to hear what Blair had been screaming all this time, and it was "What do you want from me?!" And his traitorous mouth decided to answer, and that knot deep inside uncoiled and sprang out from between his lips, and it answered:

"I want you to need me!"

And that shut Blair right up.

He stared up at Jim, his mouth hanging open, eyes wide and wet, chest heaving. And Jim felt something break inside.

"I want you to need me... as much as I need you."

And, all of a sudden, he couldn't stand to be there anymore. He couldn't bear to see the shock and surprise in those eyes turn into disgust, so he turned around and slammed out of the loft and started running, not knowing where he was going, but knowing that as long as it wasn't there, he would be alright.

He could hear that voice behind him and the familiar footfalls as Blair pounded down the hallway after him, so he grabbed the dial to his hearing and wrenched it down. Let Blair say what he wanted, let him say exactly what he thought of the freak he'd been sharing space with. Let him get it off his chest, but Jim wouldn't hear it. He couldn't bear to hear it.

After a while, he stopped running. He was far away from the loft by then, and breathing hard, so he slowed to a walk instead. Somehow, he'd ended up in the park, which was as good a place as any to reflect on when and how his life had dissolved.

He'd thought it would be easy. Let the little hippie help him through the worst of the shit with his senses, then cut him loose. He'd given his word that the kid could write his paper, so he wouldn't go back on it, but he'd make sure the kid was damn certain his name wasn't used. A few weeks ought to be long enough, maybe a couple of months. But somehow, that little "neo-hippie witch doctor punk" had squirmed into his life, pushing through all of his walls like vapor until he was enveloped in Blair's presence, until there was no Jim Ellison without Blair Sandburg. Jim was utterly dependent on him, and he hated it.

No... He didn't hate it. The realization jolted him as though he'd been struck by lightening. He didn't mind needing Blair, what he minded was that Blair didn't need him. That was what had leapt from his mouth back in the loft, shocking them both of them into silence. Blair could walk away from this whole thing any time he wanted, and that scared Jim more than anything in the world.

He found himself sitting on a park bench, his face buried in his hands. What had he done? It was only a towel on the floor, how had he let it become so much more? He would have to go back. Blair couldn't have packed up and left yet, he had too much stuff. Maybe there was still time to make this right.

So, he stood and headed back to the loft at a brisk jog, slowly turning his hearing back up as he went. If Blair had gone, there was no point in going home at all. But Blair hadn't gone. He could hear him moving around in the loft, his heart racing. And he was talking to himself. No, not to himself... to Jim.

"...hope you're listening, man, because I'm starting to go hoarse. Please, please, please come home, Jim, we really have to talk. I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I really am, but you caught me by surprise. Are you listening? I wish I had your hearing, then I'd know whether or not I was talking to myself. I'm just gonna assume you're listening and go with it. If I have to do it all over again later, well, then I'll do it all over again. That's what throat lozenges are for."

Blair didn't sound angry, as Jim would have expected; he sounded... scared. Jim picked up his pace.

"I've been thinking about what you said. And how you said it, too. I knew you were on edge these past few weeks... it was almost as bad as when Alex was in Cascade. I like to think I learned my lesson from that period in our lives, so I kept trying to get you to talk about what was bothering you, but I have a feeling even you didn't know. Am I right on that, Jim? Were you as in-the-dark as I was?"

Jim nodded, his fast jog turning into a run. "I didn't know, Blair... I didn't know."

"Well, even if you were, I guess you aren't now. And I'll bet it's just killing you that you even thought it, much less said it out loud. But Jim.... Man.... I thought you know where we stood. I do need you. You gave me the first home I ever had, and... leaving you would be like cutting off my own arm."

He was close now. He could see 852 Prospect just at the end of the block, its lights and Blair's voice beckoning to him.

"Please come home, Jim. I'm waiting for you, man. I need you to be here. I just... I just need you."

Jim stepped into the building and made a bee-line for the stairs. Blair was mumbling to himself now, a shaky mantra of "please come home, please come home, please come home." Jim suddenly felt very warm inside, knowing that not only was Blair not angry with him, he was worried sick that he wouldn't return.

He skidded to a stop in front of #307 and jammed his key into the lock, only to have the door swing open before he could turn the knob. Blair stood in the doorway and stared at him, his eyes searching Jim's. He looked so frightened and so uncertain that Jim ached to reach out and hug him, but he refrained. "Hi," he said quietly, suddenly nervous.

"Hi," came the answer. Blair stepped back, making room for Jim to come inside. "Uhmm... so did you... hear...?"

Jim turned away as he nodded, unable to face him. "Yeah. I heard."

"Jim...." Blair gulped, and Jim felt his warmth as his guide came to stand directly behind him. "Jim," he said again, the name breathed like a blessing, and then his arms were wrapped around Jim's waist, his head resting on Jim's back. "I'm sorry. I thought you knew."

And Jim turned around and looked down into eyes that held only understanding and love, and he knew. "You need me."

Blair nodded, smiling even as his eyes filled with tears. "I love you."

"Love you too," Jim breathed, and kissed him.

Notes: "I Want You to Need Me" is performed by Celine Dion. "I Need You" is performed by LeAnn Rimes. Full lyrics are below, if you're interested.

I Want You To Need Me
(Diane Warren)

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes
I want to be the touch you need every single night
I want to be your fantasy
And be your reality
And everything between

I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
The way that I taste you feel you breathe you need you
I want you to need me
Like I need you

I want to be the eyes that look deep into your soul
I want to be the world to you
I just want it all
I want to be your deepest kiss
The answer to your every wish
I'm all you ever need

I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
The way that I taste you feel you breathe you need you
I want you to need me
'Cause I need you

More than you could know
And I need you
To never never let me go
And I need to be deep inside your heart
I just want to be everywhere you are....

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes
I want to be the touch you need every single night
I want to be your fantasy
And be your reality
And everything between

I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
Cause baby I taste you feel you breathe you need you
I want you to need me
Like I need you

I Need You
(Ty Lacy/Dennis Matkosky)

I don't need a lot of things
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason
You're my only truth

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds rage
And it's so amazing
'Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do
I need you
I need you