Blair was lying on his bed, listening to his CDs. Jim was out on a call that didn't involve him. It wasn't like he was a real cop yet, so he shouldn't expect anything to be different. All Blair knew was that Simon had said Jim would be gone most of the night.

So, he settled in and decided to listen to some Bryan Adams. He was sad, and sometimes his music made things come to light. He also realized that it was growing harder to get laid now. No one was really jumping at the chance to go out with him. It wasn't like he had a disease; he was in limbo. He guessed he would have a date with Rosie and her five daughters.

'Well, it's better than nothing. Right, Sandburg?'

Oh good, now he was talking to himself. 'Lack of sex makes you nuts and makes you talk to yourself.'

He walked to the front door to be sure it was locked up tight. 'Don't want anyone coming in while I'm busy. No way.' He had things to do. He had Rosie's daughters to keep very, very busy

As he headed into his room, he started taking off his clothes. He was throwing them into a pile, 'Fuck Mr. Neat,' he thought. 'Oh shit, I wish I could fuck Mr. Neat. Oh Sandburg, you are losing it big time.'

He was naked lying back on his bed, he picked up the CD player, put on his headphones and turned it on. It was "Please Forgive Me." He loved this song. As he started the CD, his hands were already running over his cock. It was semi-hard; not really there yet, but give those daughters a few minutes and things would look different. Soon, he would be calling each of those daughters by their first names.

Still feels like our first night together,
Feels like the first kiss,
It's getting' better. baby, no one can better this.
Still holdin' on, you're still the one.
First time our eyes met,
Same feelin' I get,
Only feels much stronger,
Wanna love you longer.
You still turn the fire on.

By this point, he was really getting into loving himself and the song at the same time. He turned the CD player off as he bent over and reached into the drawer for some Astro-glide. 'Oh yeah, that makes things much more interesting.' The cool jell had to be warmed in his hands first. He started moaning as he resumed his stroking. He turned the CD back on.

As the song got to the chorus Blair started feeling like he was near the edge. It felt soooooo good. He used his limber body to bend perfectly and reached around, pushing a finger into his opening. 'Oh Goddess, this is wonderful.' It had been a long time. He continued to push that finger in and out, while stroking with his other hand. The sensation was almost too much, but each time he would back off. Then, he listened to the music., letting the words sink in.

All of a sudden, without knowing why, he was crying, but he was also still stroking himself. He was crying hard and singing along with the song. 'I fucked up our lives so bad.' He wished he could talk to Jim about it, but every time he wanted to, Jim said everything was fine. ' Fine, my ass.'

He was singing along with the CD and didn't hear the footsteps outside his room.

Still feels like our best times are together,
Feels like the first touch,
Still gettin' closer, baby, can't get close enough,
Still holdin' on, still number one.
I remember the smell of your skin,
I remember everything, I remember all your moves,
I remember you.
I remember the nights, ya know I still do.

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong.
With every word and every breath I'm prayin',
That's why I'm sayin'

He was moaning louder now, gasping out the lyrics, telling no one in particular that he wanted to do this to Jim so badly. And he was so close even though he was sad. 'Can't stop old table leg fucker Sandburg.' And the tears were coming harder and harder.

Please forgive me, I know not what I do,
Please forgive me, I can't stop lovin' you.
Don't deny me, this pain I'm goin' through,
Please forgive me if I need you like I do.
Babe, believe me every word I say is true,
Please forgive me if I can't stop lovin' you.
Never leave me, I don't know what I'd do,
Please forgive me, I can't stop lovin' you.

And then he was sobbing and cumming at the same time, wondering how a person can do both things simultaneously. But then he just wiped himself off and rolled over on his side, curling into a ball, depressed. He loved Jim. That much he was sure of. He had to think about what to do. He needed to move on. He couldn't have Jim finding out about how he felt. It would make things even harder than they were.

All of a sudden, he felt someone sit down on the bed, and it scared him at first, but then he saw that it was Jim. This made him cry more, but Jim wiped his tears away and kissed him. Pulling the crying man closer, Jim kissed Blair again, telling him with kisses that he didn't need to be forgiven. Oh god, he was so confused.

Jim leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Blair, I have loved you forever."

And they held on to each other for a long time.

Finally, Jim smiled. "Chief, do you think you could do some of what you said you wanted to do to me, right now?

Blair laughed, pulling Jim's clothes off as fast as he could. 'Oh yeah, this is going to be fun. Making love to a Sentinel. All right.'

Looking at Jim, he said, "Do you regret anything that I have said or done?"

And very easily Jim answered, "Never."

Simple as that, and then there were no more words. Blair was loving this wonderful man. It was as good as he thought it would be. No, it was better. Because Jim loved him back. Jim needed him. Jim wanted him.

As they started getting with the program, Jim smiled at him and said, "No more fucking Rosie and her five daughters, do you hear me?"

Blair just held on for dear life. This man was just what he needed, wanted and desired. Perfection came to mind. And to think he almost didn't play with Rosie tonight.