Blair came home from the precinct and was all wired to go. Jim asked him what the hell was wrong with him. He said very casually, "They chose me to pick the health slogan for the Precinct T-shirt this year." "They are sick of Vice always winning." As he stood there beaming, Jim wondered what the hell he had in mind. Well, there were many things he had in mind, but the most important was safe sex. So, he went to the web and looked until he found the perfect thing for the shirts.

He knew that everyone that had a sense of humor would wear it with pride. Okay, so Jim probably would kill him for even suggesting this, but he didn't care. He was thinking this was a really good idea. He went and had one shirt made for himself and one for Jim. So they could wear them for the contest the next week. Now all he had to do was talk Jim into it.

He chose a nice light gray with black really nice Bart font. It was looking great. The front of the shirt read, before you have me, you have to read the back of my shirt.

The back of the shirt had these 21 Slogans.

21 Slogans To Help Promote Safe Sex

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your Willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong when you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it
8. If you think she's spunky cover your money
9. If you slip between her things, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you're going into heat, package your meat
13. When you're undressing your Venus dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants & blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, Never deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in oil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. NO GLOVE NO LOVE!

Well, Jim got up the morning of the contest and walked into Blair's room and said, "Chief, come on you don't want to be late and miss showing off your shirt." So Blair drug himself out of bed and put the t-shirt on and handed one to Jim. He took one look at it and said, "No fucking way." And he threw the shirt on the table and stormed up to his room.

Blair followed him up there and said, "Jim you told me all week long that you were proud of me doing this and you would stand behind me, and now you won't even wear one for me?"

"Chief, you have to know that this would look really bad. Us both wearing the same t-shirt." Blair glared at him and yelled, "I would say fuck you, but I guess that would not appeal to you, you asshole."

And he was out the door before Jim could even say a word. Jim felt really bad and decided that if it meant that much to him he would wear it. Then all of a sudden, he backed up and said, "What the hell does he mean by that remark about fucking me?" "Holy shit, Blair is thinking about fucking me?" And Jim got the shirt on in record time and was off to the bullpen.

Once he got there he looked everywhere for his partner. He asked everyone and no one knew where he was. A couple of guys from Vice said, "Hey nice shirt Ellison, your boyfriend give it to you?" And he smiled as he said," What's it to you, assholes?" As he said this Blair came around the corner and caught the end of it and just stood there in shock.

He smiled at Jim, Jim smiled back. They didn't even need to say anything. He leaned over and said, "Chief, this is one fucked up shirt, but so am I, so it was perfect for me." Blair could not help it, he laughed his ass off.

He went into the bullpen and was still laughing. Everyone was admiring his handiwork and Simon just sat there in shock. He said, "Sandburg, this is not what I had in mind." But before he could say anything more, the Chief came in and told Major Crimes that they won the t-shirt Contest this year.

They were all yelling and laughing and the Chief told everyone how proud of them he was. (like anyone really cares)

On the way home that night, Blair drove his car and Jim drove his truck. They had a lot of time to think. Well, when they drove up, Blair looked up at Jim and said, "Okay, big man, I give you ten seconds to get upstairs, cuz I am going to try out all 21 ways tonight." And this is no lie, Jim was running up the stairs.