Lessons Learned

Blair Sandburg eased the door closed quietly behind him, settling his backpack gently on the floor. He hoped that Jim was still at work, and the inevitable confrontation could be put off at least temporarily, but there was no point in taking chances. Not that he could hide anything like this from the Sentinel for long.

Now if I can just get into the bathroom and get cleaned up before Jim gets home.

“Sandburg, that you?” Jim’s voice drifted down from the top of the stairs, “where’ve you been?”

Damn. No such luck. Forcing a light chuckle, Blair answered, “Who else would it be, man? I’ve been at the U, where else? You know, my other home away from home? Filling in for Chuck. Down payment on the payback I owe him for the last six times he covered for me.” Each sentence got a little louder as Blair inched further and further into the bathroom, out of the Sentinel’s direct line of sight.

Turning the faucet on full, Blair thrust his left hand under the cold running water as he looked into the mirror, studying the growing discoloration around his left eye. He sucked in a sharp breath as he fingered the tender area gently. “Damn.”

“Something you wanna share with the class, Chief?” Jim drawled, leaning against the bathroom doorframe, arms folded across his bare chest. “What the hell happened?”

“Nothin’, man. No big deal.”

“Right. Torn clothes, fat lip, black eye... did you have those knuckles looked at? What if they’re broken?”

“They’re fine, Jim. Just leave it, okay?”

“No Sandburg, it’s not okay.” Jim sighed. “Blair...”

The young man looked up sharply at his roommate. Worried blue eyes returned his startled glance.

“Talk to me. Let me help.”

Blair sighed. Just what he’d hoped to avoid.

“Look, Jim, really, it’s no big deal, nothing that hasn’t happened before. I can handle it.”

Jim stood up straight, scowling darkly. “This has happened before? Goddamn it Sandburg, why didn’t you ever say anything? Why haven’t you pressed charges?”

“I... I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” Blair slammed off the faucet, edging around Jim to head for his room.

“Well I do!” Jim growled. “I thought we were friends, damn it. I thought you trusted me.”

“I do trust you!” Blair took a deep breath, lowering his voice back to a more normal tone. “I just... can’t... talk about this... with you. Just, please, let it go.”

“Obviously you don’t.” Jim called after his roommate’s retreating back. “If you did, you wouldn’t be afraid to tell me that you’re gay.”

Blair stopped dead in his tracks. Thunderous silence echoed through the loft. He slowly turned on his heel to face Jim. “What makes you thi-....” He swallowed heavily. “How did y-....” He walked slowly back toward the couch, dropping down onto it and pulling his legs up to wrap his arms around his knees, watching Jim. Waiting.

Jim shrugged. “It was lots of little things really.” He walked around to settle on the opposite end of the couch where Blair sat. “I am a Sentinel you know,” he tapped his nose, “I could smell them, the sex, on you.”

“Oh god,” Blair muttered, pressing his face against his knees, hair falling in a curtain around shoulders.

“It’s been a while though...”

Blair looked up, a quick glance at Jim through his hair, wondering at that odd note in his voice. “Dry spell,” he murmured softly.

Jim cleared his throat. “Yes, well, and then there was Naomi.”

“Mom?” Blair squeaked. “She didn’t-...”

“No, not in so many words.” Jim grinned. “But she did point out some pictures of you with special friends, when she was showing me those photo albums of hers.”

“Great. Just great.” Blair muttered, shaking his head.

“And then of course there’s my own instincts.” Jim shrugged.

“Instinct?” Blair looked up with a frown.

“Yeah, you know, instinct.”

“Jim...”

“You know... ‘Takes one to know one.’ Instinct.”

Blair’s eyes widened as his mouth dropped open, but no sound emerged.

Jim reached across, pressing a finger under Blair’s chin until his mouth closed with a snap. “Lookin’ like a guppy again,” Jim chuckled. “I’m surprised your own instincts are so faulty there, Chief,” he shrugged.

“I...” Blair cleared his throat and tried again, “I suppose I was just afraid to look too closely.”

“Afraid?”

A small nod. “Afraid of not seeing what I wanted to see. Or worse, only seeing it because I wanted it so badly.”

Jim sucked in sharp breath, reaching out to gently brush the long curls out of Blair’s eyes. “Wanted me?”

Blair let his feet slide to the floor as he leaned forward a tiny fraction, pressing his cheek against Jim’s fingers. “I was afraid I was falling in love with a man who could never love me back the way I wanted him to... want him to....”

With a wide grin, Jim tangled his fingers deeper into Blair’s hair, pulling the younger man close to press a hard kiss against eager lips.

“Mmmmfph... ow ow OW!” Blair pulled back, licking at his swollen lip.

“Oh god Blair, I’m sorry. I forgot.” Jim brushed his thumb softly across Blair’s lip, his tongue and lips following with gentle strokes. He lifted Blair’s left hand in his, tenderly kissing the scraped and swollen knuckles. “I still want to talk about this.”

“Jim...”

“Simon mentioned the incidents at Rainier.”

“How did Simon know?”

“There was a department wide bulletin. With the anniversary of the tragedy, and the candlelight memorial vigil planned for tonight, every cop in the city will be on the alert to see that everything runs smoothly and peacefully tonight.” He brushed a gentle finger thoughtfully across Blair’s lip. “No one wants what happened to Matthew Shepard to ever happen to anyone else again.”

Jim pulled Blair into his arms, settling the smaller man across his lap.

Blair blushed, squirming against the larger man’s hold, “Jim! What’re you-....”

A soft kiss put a halt to the protest as Blair surrendered to the Sentinel’s embrace. “You need to report this, Blair.” Jim brushed Blair’s unruly hair back uncovering the dark purple bruising that was still growing around the young man’s eye.

Sigh. “I know, Jim. I’m just not looking forward to it.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Blair shook his head, “You don’t need to.”

“I want to.” Jim lifted Blair’s chin, forcing him their eyes to meet. “If we’re gonna learn anything from Matthew’s death, then the good people in this world are going to have to stand up and say ‘no more’.”

“I know.” Blair pressed his forehead against Jim’s. “It’s so scary to think how easily that could’ve been me. Not in that time and place, but just that what happened to him could’ve easily happened to me. I was only 16 when I first came to Rainier. So naive. My mom and her friends had always been so accepting and supportive of me. It never even occurred to me that the rest of the world wasn’t like that.”

“Jesus, Blair,” Jim pulled the younger man into a tight embrace, a sudden vision of how empty his life would be without this force of nature in his arms.

Blair savoured the embrace for a moment, then pulled back a bit. “There’s one other thing I learned. Life is too short and unpredictable. When you find love, you’ve got to grab it with both fists, and hold on tight.”

Jim grinned widely, “I can do that.”

Blair shifted, straddling Jim’s lap as the Sentinel pulled him close again. Nuzzling into the younger man’s neck, Jim kept one hand wrapped in his hair as the other slid under Blair’s shirt, ghosting across bare skin, seeking, searching.

“Oh god Jim!” Blair gasped, arching as Jim’s fingers found their prize and tugged on the gold hoop piercing the younger man’s nipple.

Jim frantically pushed Blair’s shirt out of the way, baring the bright ring to his eyes, and lips.

Blair threw his head back, pulling Jim’s mouth against his chest with a groan.

Teeth and tongue toying with the nipple ring, Jim’s fingers were free to concentrate on Blair’s jeans. Fumbling with the button and zipper, Jim soon had worked Blair’s erection free. Wrapping it in his fist, he stroked quickly, Blair’s gasps music to his ears.

“God, Jim, wait... I’m gonna-... no!”

Blair convulsed, shooting his seed, jet after jet, across Jim’s chest. Collapsing into Jim’s arms, Blair pressed his flaming cheeks against his partner’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled.

Jim lifted Blair’s chin. Tenderly kissing the bruised mouth, he met Blair’s embarrassed eyes with a wide grin. “You’ve marked me now. I guess that means I’m yours?”

Blair returned the grin. “You better believe it, mister. All mine. Forever.”

Warmth lit Jim’s eyes as he murmured, “I can live with that, Chief.”

Lifting Blair’s injured hand again, he used Blair’s fingers to scoop some of the semen splattered across his chest. Raising them to his lips, Jim sucked the tips of Blair’s fingers into his mouth, cleaning them thoroughly with his tongue before planting a kiss against the swollen knuckles.

He smiled into Blair’s bright eyes. “What do you say we go get cleaned up, take you and your bruises to the clinic to be checked over, and then go to the Candlelight Memorial at Rainier tonight?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” Jim smiled. “We can file a report about the assault tomorrow morning.”

“Deal.” Blair planted a quick kiss on Jim as he jumped up to head for the bathroom, in a whirlwind of flying curls and shirttails.

Jim smiled, content for the moment to sit and watch before taking his own turn to clean up.

Blair stopped and turned to smile brightly at his partner. “Jim?”

“Ya, Chief?”

“I really love you.”

Jim let the words wash over him, the warmth in his heart expanding to encompass his whole body. “I know, Chief. I love you, too.”