Archive Date: May 28, 2001
Author's Webpage: http://diana.slashcity.com
Feedback: Always welcome, good or bad. I get some of my best ideas
from my readers. Email address above.
Notes: This series totally ignores the Jedi Apprentice books.
Pairing: Series pairing Q/O; this story is pre-slash
Series: Children of the Temple #4
Summary: Knight Qui-Gon Jinn discovers that resistance is futile.
Knight Qui-Gon Jinn opened the door to his rooms and smiled as he saw his former master standing outside.
"Master Yoda, what a surprise," he said with ironic amusement. "I just pulled a batch of muffins out of the oven."
The ancient Jedi master gave his former padawan an innocent look. "Fortunate it is that visit you now I chose."
"Very fortunate," Qui-Gon said dryly. He stood aside to let Yoda enter. "Padawan, look who's come to visit."
Mace Windu was setting the table in the suite's common room for tea, and he smiled with pleasure at the sight of the oldest Jedi. "Master Yoda," he said with a respectful bow. "You'll be joining us for tea?"
"Since asked I will," Yoda replied, serenely ignoring the way his former padawan rolled his eyes. "Good boy you are, Padawan Windu."
"Thank you, Master Yoda," Mace said, a faint smile on his lips as he glanced over at his master. "Although I'm afraid my master wouldn't agree at the moment."
"Ah," Yoda said, taking a seat at the table. "Trouble you are in, hmm?"
"Yes, he is," Qui-Gon said, giving his padawan a mock-glare as he took his place at the table. "Someone made himself very scarce today when it was time to visit the Initiates' wing."
Yoda turned inquiring eyes on the padawan who was blushing as he poured the tea and nodded sagely. "Hide your master did also when your age. Dislike that task he did."
"It's not that I dislike it," Mace said with a shrug. "I just worry that he's going to end up bringing one of the little monsters home with him."
Yoda choked on the muffin he was eating, and Mace jumped up to pat the elderly master's back while Qui-Gon fetched him a glass of water.
"Are you all right, Master Yoda?" Mace asked anxiously, watching the green-faced master regain his breath.
"Fine I am. Dry muffin was."
Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed at the implied slur on his cooking abilities, suspecting that something else lay behind the incident. "All right, Master - what are you up to?"
Yoda's eyes met his, a hint of a smile in them. "Up to? Understand your meaning I do not."
Qui-Gon snorted. "Don't even try that, Master. I know you too well. Whatever it is you're going to try to talk me into, the answer is 'no'."
"Talk you into something I am not," Yoda protested. "Only curious I am. Spend much time with the young ones you do?"
Qui-Gon frowned. "Of course. We all do - it's part of our duty as Jedi to help nurture the young ones."
"The younger Initiates love his stories," Mace piped up.
"Telling stories you were doing today?" Yoda asked innocently.
"No, as a matter of fact - by the time I went down today, they were down for their naps so I helped monitor the sleeping room," Qui-Gon said slowly. "Why?"
Yoda shrugged. "Curious I was. Felt your presence I did when passed by to visit the nursery."
"I didn't get a chance to stop by the nursery today," Qui-Gon said with a sigh.
"Go you should," Yoda advised. "New little ones there are. Bigger the others have gotten." He paused. "Crawling is young Kenobi."
"No, really?" Qui-Gon asked with a pleased smile. "When we left on this mission last month, he had just gotten to the rocking on all fours stage but he hadn't figured out how to move forward."
Yoda snorted. "Figured it out he has. Crawled out of nursery four times he has."
Qui-Gon chuckled. "He's a little demon, isn't he? I pity his poor master when he gets older." Something in Yoda's amused expression made Qui-Gon suddenly sit up in his seat and stare at his former master in consternation. "No. You can't possibly mean - I can't! I've already got a padawan!"
"Who a knight will be when old enough Obi-Wan is," Yoda pointed out.
Mace gave his master a perplexed look. "He's right, Master. I should be ready for my trials in eight or nine years - unless you don't think I'll pass them?"
Qui-Gon reached over to lay one of his large hands over his apprentice's. "You'll pass them, Padawan. Of that I have no doubt."
Mace gave his master one of his solemn smiles. "Thank you, Master. But I don't understand what the problem is then. You can't tell much about Kenobi now because he's just a baby, but he seems bright and he's strong in the Force. If Master Yoda's seen him as your apprentice, why fight it?"
"The problem - as Master Yoda damn well knows -" Qui-Gon glared over at his former master, "is that the Healers say that Obi-Wan had an early Force-bond trauma. They believe he will have to pair-bond with his master - or do you disagree with them, Master?"
"No. Pair-bond Obi-Wan will with his master," Yoda said simply. "Pair-bond he will with you."
"It's impossible!" Qui-Gon said sharply, getting up from his chair and stalking over to the window.
Yoda gave Mace a speaking glance and the padawan nodded silently. Rising from the table, he began clearing away the remains of their tea and then busied himself in the kitchen. Yoda hobbled over to where Qui-Gon stood with his back to the room and waited patiently.
"You can't ask this of me," Qui-Gon said lowly.
"Ask I do not," Yoda pointed out. "Will of the Force it is."
Qui-Gon snorted. "How can it possibly be the will of the Force to bind little Obi-Wan to a man thirty years older than he is?"
"Age matters not. Know this you do." Yoda's eyes narrowed as he studied his former padawan. "From the past not future your trouble is."
Qui-Gon sighed and his whole body slumped. He leaned his head against the window and murmured, "I'm - damaged, Yoda. You know that better than anyone."
Yoda moved closer and touched the younger man's hand. "Yes, Padawan," he said softly. "Know it I do. Know also that heal each other you will."
"It isn't fair to the child. He deserves someone who is closer to his own age, someone who can love him completely, without hesitation. Someone who has a whole heart to give him."
"Knows your heart already he does. Loves you. Needs you."
Qui-Gon's breath caught in his throat. "Don't do this to me, Master," he begged. "I can't bear to do this again."
Yoda sighed. "Much fear in you, my padawan, much pain. Release it you must, or destroy you it will."
"Another reason why I'm a poor choice for that innocent child," Qui-Gon muttered, but even to himself his protests sounded weaker.
Yoda patted his knee. "Right choice you will make." He turned away from the man at the window, imperiously gesturing to Mace who had just come out of the kitchen. "Tired I am now. Ride to my rooms you will give me, hmm?"
Mace glanced once at his master who was still standing at the window, staring silently outside, then turned back to the elderly Jedi. "It would be an honor to do so, Master Yoda."
Qui-Gon was barely aware of the door closing behind them as they left, his attention all focused inwardly as he searched for a solution to his dilemma. But even as he did, he knew that it was futile. It was already there, the faint but unmistakably familiar ache of a bond between his life force and another's. He realized that it must have been forged that day in the nursery five months before, forged and growing slowly but steadily ever since. It wasn't as deep or as intense as it would become in time, but even now it would take a deliberate effort to break it.
Or another shattering catastrophe.
He drew a deep breath and straightened up, resolved to correct the mistake that had been made, to set the child free from him. With swift steps, he headed towards the Initiates' wing.
The classrooms were quiet at this time of night, all the younger Initiates tucked in bed while the older ones bathed and studied. The nursery was quiet as well, except for the fussing coming from the corner of the room where he remembered Obi-Wan's crib was located. Knight Trellin was standing beside it, making soothing noises to the child, and she looked up with a faint smile as he came closer. He realized that she looked exhausted, her normally tidy hair tumbled down around her face.
"Rough day?" he asked in a low voice.
"Yes." She pushed back her hair with an exasperated sigh. "It's Obi-Wan. If I didn't know for certain that he was in perfect health, I'd say he was sick or having a problem teething or - "
Obi-Wan abruptly stopped fussing and began gurgling happily instead, his eyes fixed on Qui-Gon. Trellin turned her head and stared at her old friend.
"How did you do that?" she demanded.
Qui-Gon shrugged, avoiding her eyes, and leaned closer to the child. A smile lit up the infant's face and he chortled, raising his arms in the air in a definite demand to be picked up. Qui-Gon felt an answering smile on his own face, and acceded to the child's demand, carefully lifting Obi-Wan into his arms, then looked back at his age-mate. Trellin was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest, watching him intently, and he could feel an unaccustomed heat on his face.
"You're what he's been looking for all day," she said. "You got back yesterday, didn't you? And he started fussing yesterday - he must have known you were back somehow. Were you in the Initiates' dorm earlier today?"
Qui-Gon nodded his head absently as he settled Obi-Wan more securely in his arms. The child was looking up at him adoringly, and Qui-Gon wondered how he could have missed all the signs. "We appear to have linked. I'm sorry, Trellin - "
"Well, you should be!" she said with amused exasperation and lightly smacked his arm. "You should have warned us so we could buffer the effects until the link settled."
Qui-Gon blew out a sigh of relief - Trellin obviously thought that it was a typical nurturing/training bond, not something deeper. "I didn't even know myself," Qui-Gon admitted. "Not until Master Yoda told me."
Her eyes narrowed. "That's not like you, Qui-Gon. You're experienced enough to know what a training bond feels like."
He shrugged a little sheepishly. "I know you see this kind of thing all the time, but I don't and I didn't expect it to happen. After all, Mace and I didn't start developing our link until he was six."
She laughed and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Idiot," she said affectionately. "I'm happy for you both. And relieved - I didn't think that Obi-Wan would be able to form a normal training bond. But since he did, I can't imagine anyone else who I'd rather see raise Obi-Wan, old friend." She kissed Obi-Wan's forehead and grinned at Qui-Gon. "And you can make it up to me by watching him while I get some dinner and rest."
Qui-Gon watched Trellin leave the room, feeling more and more unsettled. First his master and now one of his dearest friends knew about the link and, more than that, approved. If he were going to break it, he'd have to do it now before anyone else found out - or tried to stop him.
He closed his eyes and reached out to touch the child's mind, seeing the links Obi-Wan had formed with others. There were the shallow nurturing links like sparkling silver threads between the infant and the nursery caregivers like Trellin. There was a thick thread, now blackened and shriveled, which was obviously his link to his mother, and wrapped about it was a thicker silver thread that he realized must be Knight Meduri's mother-bond with the child. And then there was his own link with Obi-Wan, a vibrantly colored thread that even now pulsed with the energy passing between them. It was not yet as developed as his training bond with his padawan, Mace, but there was no doubt that - given time and nurturing - it would grow into a bond far surpassing any others. A link that would one day allow them to share emotions and even thoughts as naturally as breathing, that would bind them together heart and soul and body.
He reached out towards it and then hesitated. At this point all it would take was a little pressure at a certain spot to disrupt the link, a pinch in the delicate thread that would reduce the energy flow between them and allow the bond to wither and die. A much kinder option than ripping the thread out by the roots, which the Universe was certainly bound to do to the child someday, given the difference in their ages and the dangerous nature of their lives. He reached out again.
A soft but insistent noise disrupted his concentration, and he blinked his eyes open, looking down into the small face turned up towards his. Obi-Wan stared back, and his blue-green eyes seemed to be filled with wisdom beyond his age.
Quietly, Qui-Gon said, "You have made a poor choice, little one. There are many, many others who would make you a much better teacher, and a better mate."
Obi-Wan blinked and then yawned, as if indicating that he was bored with the whole conversation, and closed his eyes. One hand clutched Qui-Gon's tunic trustingly as the little body snuggled closer to him. It was clear that - as far as the child was concerned - the matter was settled.
Qui-Gon chuckled and something frozen in his heart began to melt. He pressed a kiss against the soft curls, unable to stop smiling. "All right, I get the message," he told the drowsy infant. "I'll try to trust that the Force has some reason behind this madness."
A gentle hum through the link was his only reply, and he was aware that the child had drifted into sleep. For a moment, he considered settling the infant in his crib and returning to his own bed, but it was only for a moment. The warmth and acceptance wrapping around his heart was too intoxicating to walk away from right now. The thought of being without this bright light in his life - a thought that had seemed so right, so inevitable just moments earlier - was suddenly unbearable. And surely he'd be able to keep the bond at the training level, not let it become deeper. After all, it was impossible that Obi-Wan would want someone so much older for his mate.
He carefully eased into a rocking chair, wrapping a fold of his cloak around the child as he shifted Obi-Wan into a more comfortable position. A feeling of contentment flooded him and he kissed the soft hair again, relishing the warm-baby scent, and closed his own eyes. Consigning his fears and doubts to the Force, he let himself drift into sleep.