JAOA Webpage: http://digitalmidnight.simplenet.com/garden/jaoa.html
Category: AU, Drama
Disclaimer: George Lucas is god. I just slip in and play with
the toys when he's not looking.
Pairing: Amidala
Rating: PG
Series: JAOA
Summary: Amidala reflects on her children and their future.
"The babies are ready, your majesty."
Queen Amidala did not look up from her reading. "You may leave them. Thank you, Cerdane."
Amidala continued to read until she heard the hum-hiss of her chamber door shutting. Only then did she allow herself to look up, stand, and move over to the cradles of her own two children.
A smile split her face.
"Hello, angels," she said softly, using the nickname their father had given them out of habit now. She stood back from the cradles by a single step, leaning over to look at them both.
Two of them. Two children. Her own. Less than two years ago they had been inside of her, a part of her own body. Now they gurgled and cooed in cradles. One day they would be their own beings. Just as she was.
Her eyes began to move back and forth. Finally, after enough time had passed, she stepped forward and let one small, light hand touch the blankets of each one in turn. First Luke, then Leia.
She had not considered what motherhood would mean to her. In a way, she had already had been mother to an entire planet, at least by one way of thinking. Naboo had been reborn thanks to her actions with the Jedi and the Gungans. No longer was it the quiet, unknown planet in the far reaches of the universe. It was now an active trade post, a force in the Senate, and a population that existed peacefully with both its underwater neighbors and those of its neighboring planets.
All of that, because of her.
And now, children. A husband and children.
She smiled again.
Ani. Her once not-so secret admirer was now her partner for life. She could not put a label on the moment when it had happened. Could not, if asked, truthfully say when she had finally looked at Ani and no longer seen a small slave boy but instead a strong, intelligent and handsome man. But she had. And when Ani, dressed so proudly in his Jedi clothes, had first courted then proposed to her, answering yes had felt like the most natural thing in the universe.
Her eyes clouded over for one mere moment as her memory took her to that of the Clone Wars. To the years spent on Naboo with her stomach and heart secretly sick that Ani would die out there, somewhere, and she might never know of it. She had lived in fear of the transport pods, hating to go out there and chance that a ship's doors would open, a black robe would appear and carry with it a Jedi Council member who would tell her, in that calm, passionless voice they all had, that Anakin Skywalker was dead.
Unable to help herself, Amidala made a face of disgust.
Jedis. A legend that did not bear up well in the cold, harsh light of reality. Oh she could feel affection and admiration for Jedis like Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, certainly. But for the Council and the Temple she bore no love at all.
Life without passion. Children without homes. Children, like her own.
She had never been told, growing up on Naboo, what the Jedis were really like. She had known of them, yes. Been glad for them when the Federation attacked, certainly. But now, in her life, in the lives of her babies--
Now she wanted them gone.
Children who were of the Force - who carried a high midi-chlorian count - were taken from their parents, if possible, by the age of one. Then put into a Temple where they were kept from their families and homes until the age of 13 when they either became Padawans or were shunted off to the Agri-Corps or Healers.
Kept from their families and homes, she was told, out of their best interests. Children who had familial attachments, who had love and affection for their mothers and fathers, were too apt to fear losing them. And fear led to hate, and hate led to the Dark Side.
Obviously.
A small noise interrupted her reverie. Luke had woken up and was now murmuring to himself. His small, pudgy arms waved around, almost as though he were trying to reach for her.
Amidala smiled. He was so much like his father, she thought.
She reached down at once to scoop Luke into her arms. He settled into her chest naturally, almost as though he were a part of her. He was so much different from Leia. Leia was always quiet, and thoughtful. Small as she was, she was resourceful and could take care of herself.
Luke, on the other hand - Luke needed her.
"It's all right," she said to Luke gently. She unbuttoned just enough of her ceremonial robe so that he could snuggle closer to the soft shirt underneath. One of Luke's hands reached up, trying to grasp the golden beads that sprayed through her hair. Smiling, she loosened one, from a discreet and unseen spot, and handed it to him, watching as he gummed the large bead that was too big for even him to swallow.
This is what the Jedi wanted. They wanted to take this - this small child, this baby, and put it into a Temple. Him and his sister both, and legions of babies just as small as they.
Smaller, in fact. She'd been told many times in hints that were sometimes polite and sometimes not-so-subtle that Luke and Leia were actually older than most who were taken by the Jedi. Any older and it risked the Dark Side.
Older. Like Ani who had been taken at 9 and was a Jedi Knight now.
What did the Jedi do to them, she wondered. Was there a little ward set up with row upon row of bassinets filled with baby Jedis-to-be? And did they sit there day after day all by themselves or were they given toys to play with and were they held by Jedi Nannies? Or were toys and Nannies the way of the Dark Side? Tenderness leads to affection and affection leads to passion, after all. And everyone knew where passion led.
Jedi babies. The thought of it was so absurd as to be repulsive. Why not call them Jedi cattle and be done with it?
But what could she do? If there was one thing she had to admit it was that Luke and Leia were strong with the Force. Her personal doctor had told her that both of their midi-chlorian counts were high. Not as high as Ani's, but high. And with a count that high there was always the danger of the Force taking over, of it being too strong for the child to handle. She'd heard the horror stories of Jedis gone insane. The Council had made sure of that. She did not want that for her children.
But she did not want them taken from her either.
What then? Tell Ani? Tell him what she thought of his Jedis and all they stood for? Tell him that after all he'd been through to become one? And then all he'd done in the Clone Wars to keep the Jedis alive?
Moreover, tell him she didn't want her children in the Temple with him because she wanted them here with her?
Luke stirred again, this time managing to actually free a lock of her hair and wind it around his tiny fingers. Smiling, she gently pried it loose, feeling a peace within herself as he took one of her fingers and wrapped his entire hand around it.
"Muh-ma."
She grinned. "Yes, angel. Mama. Your mama. Just as you are my Luke. My baby Ani."
And just as you always will be, she added silently, daring anyone in the Force or the Council to contradict her.