Acknowledgment #1: All praise goes to Black Rose, who gave me permission to
play in her wonderful AU. This story, while not canon for the JAOA universe
(which makes it an AU of an AU *g*), probably takes place a couple months
after "Stage 2" and "Rituals".
Acknowledgment #2: for Lilith, Marnee, and Lorelei, from their quadsib
LapisLaz.
JAOA Webpage: http://digitalmidnight.simplenet.com/garden/jaoa.html
Category: AU, Humor
Disclaimer: I've tried to wax poetic about this, but I somehow can't.
I've flat-out stolen these boys from George Lucas (and Black Rose) and
that's that. I do promise to give them back when I'm done. *g*
Notes: [This is telepathy] and these are thoughts.
Pairing: Anakin, Han, Q/O
Rating: PG
Series: JAOA
Summary: Our boys get adopted by another pathetic life-form.
Han palmed the door chime, struggling with the squirming armful he carried. [Yes? Ah, Padawan Solo. Come in, young one.] That warm friendly voice echoed through his head, leaving him with the usual itchy, uncomfortable feeling he always got when one of the masters mindspoke with him. But he didn't mind it when Master Jinn did it - mindspeech was preferable to watching him turn pale trying to talk and breathe at the same time.
The door opened, and Han went into the sunny room, looking for General Kenobi. Good - he wasn't there. If the General had left Master Jinn alone, he must be doing better today. Han respected General Kenobi immensely, but the man intimidated him no end. Kenobi was a powerful Jedi, a war hero, and fiercely protective of his lifemate. Indeed, if Han had to use one word to describe the man if would be "fierce". And Han felt uneasy when that fierceness was directed at him, even in friendship or instruction. He much preferred his own Master's carefree cheerfulness, or Master Jinn's patient amusement.
[You do seem to have us all neatly cataloged, don't you young Solo.] A mental laugh accompanied the thought. [I'm in our room, Padawan - come in, and bring your friend.]
[Yes, Sir.] Han went through the left hand door and entered the bedroom Master Jinn and General Kenobi shared. The older man was in bed, half reclined on a pile of pillows, and laid down a datapad as Han entered the room.
[What do you have there, Han?]
"I'm not sure what it is, Sir - it looks like a cat, but...". Han set the squirming animal on the bed next to Qui-Gon and held it securely. The animal stopped squirming when it's paws hit the bed, sinking it's claws into the coverlet and freezing, then letting out a sound that made it plain that the next person to try and move it from this position would be punished severely, to the limits of its abilities to maim and destroy.
[Well, it is a cat - sort of.] Qui-Gon looked at the blue-furred animal, noting the iridescent wings sprouting from its shoulder blades. [It's a Toydarian cat.]
"Is everything from Toydaria blue with wings?"
The Jedi master laughed aloud at that, allowing himself the luxury of making a sound for the sheer fun of it. [No, young Padawan, not everything. When humans first met the Toydarians, of course, cats went with them. The Toydarians for some reason decided that the best thing about humanity was its choice of pets, and decided to begin adopting cats.] Qui-Gon put out a hand and began to stroke the animal gently, then scratched the base of the wings. [Then a Toydarian geneticist decided to alter his new pets to suit himself, and engineered a litter of blue-furred, winged kittens. They bred true, and were very popular. You don't see them very often off of Toydaria, however.] The cat began to purr gently, deciding that it could deal with this sort of attention quite well for the moment. [Where did you find it, Han?]
"It found me, Master Jinn - I literally fell over it this morning coming out of the locker room after swim practice. And then it followed me back to my room. I don't think Master Anakin will let me keep it, though." Han frowned at the animal, which was having kitty ecstasies, arching her body under the large hand now gently scratching the base of her spine above her tail. "We'll be gone a lot and it wouldn't be fair to keep it cooped up all the time in our rooms with no one around."
[It?]
"Well, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl." Han turned faintly pink. "Every time I tried to look, it tried to eat my thumb."
[Well, I imagine if someone was trying to determine what sex you were by inspection, you might try to bite something, too.] Laughter rang through his head as the master encouraged the cat to raise its hindquarters even further, allowing him to make the necessary examination. [It's a female, Han - and judging from her size and development, I'd say she's fairly young, not more than a year old.]
At this point the cat, purring loud enough to be heard in the next system, delicately climbed into the older man's lap, then up his chest, placing herself nose to nose with the amused face. Sniffing around his nose and up along his brow, she brought her nose down to his and touched noses with him, then ran the side of her face along his cheek. Mission accomplished, she backed down into his lap and curled up to sleep.
"Well, that certainly settles that." Han grinned. "I think she followed me because she knew I would bring her to you. You've been adopted, Sir - whether you like it or not."
[I am well aware of cat custom and behavior, Padawan Solo. But I have the same problem you do - I'm not sure Obi-Wan would be pleased by an addition to our family. I seem to attract stray and needy creatures the way over-ripe fruit attracts flies - and this has ever been a source of aggravation to my lifemate. There is also the possibility that she already has a home and is just having herself an adventure.] Qui-Gon lifted the datapad on the bed. [Hmm, she doesn't seem to be listed in 'Lost and Found'.]
"General Kenobi wouldn't let you keep it?" Han looked at Qui-Gon, a puzzled frown on his face. "But I thought you were his Master? Why can't you do as you please?"
[I was indeed Obi-Wan's master, young one. But we are long past Master and Padawan - Obi-Wan has raised up and knighted a Padawan of his own. We are lifemates, sworn to each other for better or worse. I would be a fool not to take his likes and dislikes into account - people who wish to stay together must learn compromise. Indeed, keeping a successful relationship alive is not unlike negotiating a successful peace treaty. No one gets everything they want, but everyone gets some of what they want.]
"Well, if you don't want the cat, I suppose I should take her down to Master d'Agostine. She'll take her in, or find her a home if she can't keep her." Han smiled as he thought of the Padawan 'House Mother', who had a dozen animals she called 'her small apprentices'.
[I did not say I did not want the cat, young Solo. I just said Obi-Wan might not wish to have it.]
"Well, if General Kenobi doesn't want it, then I suppose it has to go."
[Not necessarily. Remember what I said about relationships and treaty negotiations?]
"Yes, but..."
[Listen well, young Padawan, to something you will soon learn. In any bargain, it is always best to start from a position of strength. And it is sometimes possible to stack the deck in your favor before the meeting starts.]
"Yeah? So, how do we go about stacking this deck, Master Qui-Gon?" Han grinned. This was something he understood.
[If you will look in that cupboard above the table in the common room, Padawan, you will find a sabacc deck and a randomizer. If you would bring them here?]
Obi-Wan and Anakin walked into the apartments still discussing the briefing they had just attended. "I tell you Anakin, you'd best take it easy when you bring up the subject of the marriage contract - or the Adastrians will skin you and used your hide for a rug."
"I will, Master." A trickle of the Force blew through, with the mental signature of Anakin's Padawan. Both men felt it, and Obi-Wan glanced at his former apprentice, who had a strange grin on his face. Following the trace into the bedroom, Obi-Wan found his lifemate where he belonged for a change - in bed.
But he was not alone. Han sat with his back to the door, his head bowed, a sabacc hand visible over his shoulder. Qui-Gon held a similar group of cards. [The trick to keeping your hand from changing, Han, is to feel how the randomizer will affect the Force and then block it when...] Obi-Wan was about to burst out in scandalized indignation when he noticed something moving on the bed between them.
There, curled up around the randomizer, was a cat - at least he thought it was a cat. It looked like a cat - but when the hell had cats acquired wings? At that thought, a long furry tail waved into the air and smacked the trigger button on the randomizer. Obi-Wan felt another waver in the Force from Han, and heard the young man groan as his cards shifted.
"Aw, Sith," the he muttered. "Ruined a perfectly good twenty-two. You need to show me that trick with the ..." Han saw Qui-Gon's eyes shift and looked behind him, seeing General Kenobi in the doorway, a look like thunder on his face. Stifling a squeak, Han threw the cards on the bed and scrambled to his feet. The cat, looking highly offended at the flying gamechips, uncurled from the machine with a leisurely stretch-yawn and half-jumped, half-fluttered down to the floor. With queenly grace, the elegant creature meandered across the rug to Obi-Wan and began twining her way around his ankles, purring loud enough to be heard across the room.
The General stood there with his mouth open to shout, but for some reason words had deserted him. His Master, his lifemate, was teaching someone else's young Padawan to cheat at sabacc, there was an unknown animal sniffing and rubbing at his ankles (no doubt looking for a tender spot to savage), and his own former apprentice was standing behind him trying not to fall down with barely contained amusement.
[Ah, Obi-Wan, you're back I see. Did the briefing go well?] A slight smile flitted across Qui-Gon's face.
Obi-Wan stared. "The briefing? Never mind the damned briefing - what in the name of the hundred little gods of Malastaire are you doing? And where did this animal come from?"
[I was giving Padawan Solo a lesson in applied Force manipulation.]
"You were teaching him to cheat at sabacc!"
[Actually, we had just gotten around to sabacc - I was also teaching him the situational ethics of necessity to be applied when one is short of resources with which to complete one's mission.]
"What?! Qui-Gon, if he..."
[After all, Obi-Wan - the man standing behind you - or falling down behind you as the case may be - would not be there if I had not applied those same ethics of necessity with that junk dealer on Tatooine.]
[You cheated at dice.]
[Actually, the die was already rigged and weighted in his favor - I simply applied the Force in sufficient amounts to insure...]
"Aaahh!" Obi-Wan leaped into the air, landing off-balance and nearly falling over, saved only by a Force-grab from Anakin, who lowered him slowly to the ground. "That damned animal bit me!" The cat, which had crouched and frozen when the Jedi had jumped, now paraded back over to the bed, jumping up and picking a spot next to Qui-Gon's right hand to lie down. The older man began to pet the animal gently, scritching her under her chin and producing another monstrously loud purring noise.
[I'm sure she didn't do anymore than give you a love-bite, Obi-Wan - she is a remarkably affectionate creature. I shall be sorry to see her go.]
"Go? Where is she going?" Suspicion filled Obi-Wan's voice.
[Well, I imagine she'll probably wind up with Master d'Agostine - though I hope she has enough room for another stray. Poor thing, she really won't be happy there, though - I have a feeling she doesn't like having to share her people.] Qui-Gon sighed. [I have heard that having a pet can do wonders for people's morale and health - what a pity we never had time for one.]
"I never knew you wanted one, Master." [I'll make a bargain with you.]
[A bargain, my love?]
[Yes. You stop teaching the boy to cheat at cards and we can keep the cat.]
[Well, actually, Han knows much more than I do about cheating at sabacc - he's a master at it. Of course Anakin is better than both of us...]
[I know that - Anakin was telling me this morning how he first found the boy - scandalous, that, but oh well...]
[So why ...]
[Why did I offer you a deal? Qui-Gon - you taught me everything I know about negotiating. Should I teach my teacher, then?]
[If the Padawan teaches the Master, then the bond is true.]
[I love you.]
[And I you, Obi-Wan.]
"Han, come here." Obi-Wan waited until the young man dragged himself across the room, reluctance in every step. "Listen to me, Padawan. If I ever catch you either giving or receiving lessons in how to cheat at sabacc again, I'm going to make sure you spend the rest of your apprenticeship peeling baga roots in the canteen - do you understand me?"
Han looked up. "But General, Sir..." He stopped as he saw his own Master behind the General nodding his head vigorously, a large grin on his face. "Yes, General Kenobi. I understand." He smiled. "But perhaps some evening you and Master Jinn would care to engage myself and my Master in a friendly game?"
Obi-Wan looked a bit surprised, but a small smile finally reached his face. "I imagine it might be arranged sometime, Padawan Solo. Now, I think perhaps you and your Master have some things to talk about - unless I am mistaken, you are about to leave on your first mission. I wish you luck - both of you." As he spoke, Obi-Wan put out his hand and tousled Han's hair. "But before you leave, come see me - you need another hair-cut, and I don't think you want to let Master Anakin near you with a pair of shears ever again." He grinned at the young man.
"Oh! Yes Sir, General Kenobi Sir!" He looked at his own Master, who was no longer even trying to contain his laughter. "I'm sorry, Master - but even your own wife said you shouldn't cut my hair."
"Don't worry about it, Padawan - a wise man knows his limits. I'm a Jedi Knight - not a barber. C'mon, we need to get a travel kit put together for you." Anakin hugged his Master, then went over to the older man and kissed him gently on the forehead. "You two take care of each other for me, OK?"
[Always, Anakin - be well, travel safely, and bring yourself and the boy home to us soon.]
[I will, Master Qui-Gon.] At that Anakin turned, and guiding Han in front of him, they left the suite. Obi-Wan walked over and sat down on the bed, taking care not to upset the cat, who was still purring loudly under his Master's large, gentle hands. Gingerly, he stroked her head, relaxing when she did nothing more than purr louder.
"What are you going to call her?"
[I've been thinking about that. How does the name Asfala strike you?]
"Rather pretty, actually. Does it mean something?"
[In Toydarian, it means "tiny flyer".]
"Works for me." Obi-Wan got up from the bed and stretched, then leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the older mans lips. "Well, we have a cat. A cat with iridescent blue wings. What do you suppose a blue-winged cat eats, Qui-Gon?"
[I imagine she would probably enjoy that can of rula-fish in the cupboard until we can find more suitable fare. The more important question is where she will deposit the remains of her dinner when she has -ah- processed it.] As Qui-Gon watched, a priceless, horrified look spread over the younger man's face.
"Oh, sith..."