Archive: M_A, SWAL, and on my website
Archive Date: December 2, 1999
Author's Webpage: http://solo4.abac.com/CircuitArchive/OtherOddities.html
Category: First-Time, Angst
Disclaimer: Mr. Lucas owns everything. I own nothing. But I'm
grateful to get to play with his toys even if he doesn't know about it
and wouldn't approve.
Feedback: Always welcome
Notes: Many Thanks to my betas: Mercutio, Marcelle, SSPND and Anne
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Obi-Wan hands the sacred chalice to the wrong person and both
he and his Master pay the consequences.
At dusk, the inhabitants of the capital city of Jacaranda gathered around the large green park to see the High Priestess Festival choose the Representative of the Gods. Dressed in a white sheath with pink flowers twined in her long, violet hair, she was beautiful, an image of purity. She moved forward, offering Obi-Wan a chalice filled with sweet wine.
The day before, the Trolian Prime Minister had all but said the people wished to honor the Jedi by asking Obi-Wan to take part in their fertility ceremony -- a hold over from their agricultural past. Qui-Gon had not seen the harm in the offer since Obi-Wan had the right to refuse without any damage to the negotiations in progress. Honor maybe, but this was not required of any Jedi.
The ceremony itself was simple, consisting of drinking from the chalice again tomorrow morning, a few chanted words and then the Representative and the Participant made love in the square while those gathered watched. It was public, but the altar was set back from the crowds, in the center of the park, creating at least the illusion of privacy. No one would venture too close. The couple was to spend several hours at their task, until the sun rose high and the Gods were satisfied. How they would know when the Gods were happy, Qui-Gon had not asked nor had he questioned the specifics of the ceremony, assuming of course, that Obi-Wan would refuse it.
When Obi-Wan took the offered cup and drank from it, Qui-Gon swallowed his surprise. Princess B'ellina, the high priestess, smiled happily, taking another step forward and leaning up to kiss Obi-Wan on the mouth. The people gathered around cheered, and the kiss deepened.
To Qui-Gon's horror, Obi-Wan handed the chalice to him and without considering the consequences until too late, he took it. Realization stuck forcefully, he'd just agreed to accompany Obi-Wan to the altar the following morning to have sex.
A gasp rose from the assembled and the princess pulled back. Her smile not as pleased as it had been. Qui-Gon could understand her feelings; he was not pleased either. She looked up at him. "Oh, dear. I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."
He didn't even bother to ask what. Everyone gathered now assumed he had a sexual relationship with Obi-Wan. Which he most assuredly did not.
The sudden silence from the crowds startled him and he looked at Obi-Wan, trying to convey his dismay. Obi-Wan's expression clearly said that he knew what he'd done. The question was why in all seven hells of Hoth had Obi-Wan handed him the cup? And until he could discuss this alone with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon knew he would not get an answer.
But the first thing that came to mind was that his Padawan desired him. Not that he could credit the notion. Obi-Wan had never shown any interest in that direction, ever. Which was just fine with Qui-Gon -- he had no interest in sleeping with his Padawan either.
Qui-Gon sighed. He had to find a way out of this and then have a long talk with his Padawan.
Princess B'ellina was looking at him expectantly. "You must drink the wine, Master Jinn."
No graceful way out. If he didn't drink, he would reject being chosen as the Participant to the ceremony. And while Obi-Wan could refuse the right to be chosen to be the Representative of their Gods, and not be penalized, the Participant chosen really could not refuse without grave insult.
He drank. The wine burned all the way down his throat.
The crowed cheered again. This was getting out of control fast. Desperately, Qui-Gon wondered if there was some way to salvage the situation. Grasping at straws, he came up with the only thing he could think of on such short notice. "Isn't this a fertility rite?"
The princess smiled proudly at him. "Yes, but any act of love where the seed is spilled will please the Gods."
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to object in some way, but Qui-Gon put a hand on his Padawan's shoulder to stop him. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do now. "We will be honored to take part in your ritual." He bowed slightly and nudged Obi-Wan to do the same. "We will need instructions on what is required." There had to be a way out of this, and Qui-Gon hoped he could find it.
"Of course. I'll speak with you both later in the evening. Now I must finish the ritual before the sun is gone completely." She took the chalice and returned to the altar to finish the ritual.
Turning to him, Obi-Wan looked as shocked at he felt. "Master? What are we going to do?"
"I'm not sure Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon was horrified. Making love to his Padawan would do neither of them any good and could in fact do considerable harm to the relationship they had spent years building. "I'd sincerely like to avoid having sex with you in public." Or at all, he added to himself.
He loved his Padawan dearly, and the lad was certainly pretty enough, but as far as he was concerned, Obi-Wan was still a boy. He sighed. That wasn't quite true or fair; at nineteen Obi-Wan was considered an adult in the Republic and on most worlds. But to Qui-Gon's forty-eight year-old eyes, he was more child than man. At least that was what he tried to tell himself.
Obi-Wan turned to look at him and Qui-Gon could feel the slight hurt coming through their bond. "Is doing this so distasteful to you that you would defy the Trolian traditions?"
He sighed again and shook his head. Most times, Obi-Wan was a mature young man, but every now and then the old insecurities of his adolescence came to fore, and Qui-Gon had to walk very carefully. This looked like one of those times, but unfortunately it would be inappropriate to discuss it here. Making a point of looking around at the crowds, Qui-Gon frowned. "We will discuss this back in our room, my Padawan." He sent a wave of deep affection down their bond and patted Obi-Wan's shoulder comfortingly.
Obi-Wan smiled slightly and bowed. "Yes, Master."
He sent Obi-Wan back to their quarters, but before he could return to them himself, Qui-Gon had to speak with the Prime Minister. He hoped to find a way out of the situation without insulting everyone concerned, but feared there might not be one, short of leaving the planet and the delicate negotiations.
The Trolians were requesting entry into the Republic, and had vast quantities of several chemicals used by healers as medicines. All of the chemicals were available elsewhere, but not as abundantly as they were on this world. Insulting them, and Qui-Gon assumed it would be a grievous insult at this point, would not do the negotiations any good.
The Prime Minister met him with a huge smile. "Master Jinn, I am so pleased you and your apprentice will be taking part in our ceremony. It will go a long way towards sealing our bargain with the Republic. Of course, when we spoke yesterday, I had not realized he was your lover." Qui-Gon groaned inwardly. This was not what he wanted to hear. "Yes." Should he deny that they had a sexual relationship, especially since it they didn't? And if he did that, what would it do to the negotiations? Best bet -- stall for time. "I must contact my council about this."
The Prime Minister looked at him, bewilderment clear in his pale eyes. "You gave consent for your apprentice yesterday to be asked, surely there won't be a problem."
Swallowing, Qui-Gon stalled again. "I should check with them on this, since it now concerns both myself and my Padawan." Despite his reluctance, he suspected the council would expect him to carry out the ceremony. In the past he had been asked to do far more unpleasant things in order to achieve what the Senate or Council wanted.
This was clearly not what the Prime Minister wanted to hear. With a curt nod, he was dismissed, the Prime Minister's displeasure palpable.
After returning to his quarters, Qui-Gon contacted the council to request confirmation on their course of action. They spoke with Obi-Wan at length, asking whether he did this of his own will, and were assured that his Padawan had no problem with the public performance or with making love with his Master. Qui-Gon's own fears and wants were not addressed and he was asked, as expected, to go through with the ceremony.
Mace Windu contacted him after the council session. "Qui-Gon, are you all right?
Not really surprised by the call, his friend's concern touched him nonetheless. He and Mace had been year-mates and despite the fact that they now disagreed on many council issues, their history was long and loving.
Qui-Gon smiled. He and Mace had shared their first kiss together, and been friendly lovers for a long time, until a few years ago when Mace finally met his true love. Delighted by the news, Qui-Gon had been honored to stand at his best friend's side for the bonding ceremony, lifting his glass in joy to toast the two of them and wishing them all the best.
Always someone who he'd been able to be honest with, Mace now waited patiently for him to speak. He drew in a deep breath. "No, of course I'm not. I'm not at all comfortable with this situation."
The sigh Mace released said he wasn't surprised by Qui-Gon's protest. "I know it will be awkward for you. But Obi-Wan is willing."
As if that were the answer to everyone's concerns. No one seemed to realize, "That's not the problem. I'm not willing."
Surprise rose on Mace's dark features. "What is the problem?"
Biting back another sigh, Qui-Gon attempted to explain the obvious. "The problem is that sex will interfere with Obi-Wan's training. How am I supposed to work with him after being this intimate with him and in front of people?"
Mace shook his head. "I don't think that being intimate will hurt either of you, nor do I need to point out that there are more than one Master/Apprentice bonded pairs in the Temple."
Yes, he knew there were quite a number of them. While it wasn't encouraged, it also wasn't against any rules and many took that for tacit approval. If both parties were of age and it didn't harm the Padawan's training, it was more or less accepted. Especially when pair-bonded teams had an astronomically high success rate in the field.
That didn't negate the fact that Qui-Gon didn't want it to be an issue between himself and Obi-Wan. "I don't care about others. I care about Obi-Wan and me."
"And after talking to him, I don't think it's going to be an issue. Not with him. What is the real problem Qui-Gon?" Mace missed his point.
And Qui-Gon had to spell it out in no uncertain terms. "The real problem is that I don't want to have sex with my Padawan."
"Why not?" A puzzled look crossed Mace's face and it made Qui-Gon want to laugh. His friend's question, however did not. It annoyed him.
"What do you mean, why not?"
"He's a lovely young man. What reason could you have to reject him when this is clearly so important to the Trolians?" Mace's tone bordered on impatient as if this were one more diplomatic problem that Qui-Gon should just deal with.
But he couldn't. It was important. "He's a child and I'm a man. And that seems like a good enough reason to me."
Shaking his head, Mace folded his arms over his chest. "He's not a child."
"Close enough." Qui-Gon glared right back at his friend, wondering how they had managed to stay friends for all of these years when they never agreed on anything.
"He's what, nineteen? And from Temple gossip, fairly experienced. He isn't the problem."
Mace knew him too damned well. There were times, like now, when he very much resented that small fact. But he wasn't going to lie about it, not when an evasion might work just as well. "No. I just can't get past the fact I see him as a child."
No luck. Obviously, Mace saw right through it. "By the Force, look again. And this time open your eyes."
All right, when all else fails, tell the truth. He hadn't wanted to admit that, but... "I don't want to. I want to see him as a child. I don't know if I can deal with him as man, not yet."
Never slow on the uptake, Mace nodded sagely. "I see the problem."
He was sure that his friend did. Still, his fears about what this might do to his feelings for his Padawan were not up for discussion right now, even though he knew Mace would be sympathetic. It should not be an issue yet, and as long as he could keep a proper distance between himself and Obi-Wan, it would not become one. His potential emotions concerning Obi-Wan should not be brought to the surface, especially at this point in their relationship.
In all of their years together, he'd never sensed so much as a hint of romantic or sexual feelings from Obi-Wan. As far as he was concerned, it could stay that way indefinitely. Time enough for them to find out what might or might not lie between them when Obi-Wan was a Knight and old enough to decide his own mind. Right now, his Padawan was too young to consider any kind of serious relationship. "Mace." It was a warning.
As Qui-Gon knew he would, Mace backed off. "Then you will do it?"
Even thought he knew he didn't, he asked anyway. "Do I have a choice?"
Mace looked right at him. "Do you want to mortally insult the Trolian people?"
He shook his head. The possible upset to himself would not be worth defying both the council and Trolian people. "No."
"Then, no. But talk to Obi-Wan." Mace's tone was affectionate and sympathetic, but it did not do much for Qui-Gon's peace of mind.
"You're such a help, Mace."
"I live to serve." And with a bow, the connection ended.
Qui-Gon sighed. Time to face Obi-Wan, and get an explanation. It might be a good idea to lay out some ground rules as well. Perhaps they could get through this with their relationship intact. Perhaps he could get through this without having to deal with the true depths of his emotions concerning Obi-Wan. And maybe he would be elected the next Supreme Chancellor of the senate. It was not an absolute impossibility, just entirely unlikely.
While Qui-Gon finished talking to the council, Obi-Wan paced. He'd tried to meditate, and he hadn't been able to still his mind. Of all the stupid things he'd ever done, this had to top the list. What had he been thinking when he handed that chalice to Qui-Gon instead of back to Princess B'ellina? Taking a deep breath, he knelt again, hoping to find his calm center this time.
His mind did not rest, going over the same questions. Did he really want his Master like that? Was that what this was about? Finally, he knew he'd have no peace unless he explored the possibility honestly. He had to admit he was very fond of his Master, loved him in fact. But just what the nature of that love was, Obi-Wan had never considered too closely. Now he supposed that it was more than time to do so.
In the time they had been together, Qui-Gon had been all things to him: teacher, father, brother, friend, counselor and, more than once, healer. Now he would be a lover, as well. That seemed to be quite a lot for one man. But then, Qui-Gon was a very special man.
The trouble was that Obi-Wan had never really thought of Qui-Gon in that fashion, not as a lover. In fact, it was something of a joke between them as Obi-Wan had never developed the usual crush on his Master that most young Padawans experience. He'd always felt a little left out that he couldn't commiserate with his friends when they complained of the crushes that they'd had.
Was it possible that he did love his Master after all? He called up an image of Qui-Gon in his mind and thought about it. Did he find Qui-Gon attractive? Well, his Master was a handsome man, very handsome actually. And he'd always regarded Qui-Gon in a proprietary sort of way. Qui-Gon belonged to him, was his Master. Now he considered how he would feel if Qui-Gon were to take a lover, someone whom his Master might love romantically rather than the occasional friend he visited among the other Jedi. Jealousy ripped through him and he had to take a breath to relieve the sudden pressure in his chest. No, he would not care for that at all.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to kiss that bearded mouth. Soft, he'd bet. A spike of unexpected desire danced through him, and he gasped, the answer becoming very clear. He smiled to himself. What a surprise. But not an unpleasant one.
Before he could even start a fantasy with a new guest star, the door to Qui-Gon's room opened and his Master came out. A blush started at his toes and worked its way up, heating his face as he ducked his head, not meeting Qui-Gon's eyes.
"Padawan?" Was his Master's tone more hoarse than usual? "Obi-Wan? What's wrong?"
Damn. He did not think this was the time to admit his newly discovered feelings. Besides the fact that there hadn't been any time to assimilate it, he doubted Qui-Gon would appreciate them at this moment, anyway. "Nothing."
"Then why are you flushed?"
Lying was not an option. He'd never lied to his Master and he wasn't going to start now. But there were always ways to avoid the truth. "What did the council say?"
Qui-Gon allowed him his diversion. "That we have no choice. I do wonder why you handed me the chalice. Is there something you wish to tell me?"
With a great deal of effort, he controlled the blush and tried to evade again. He could not honestly answer, without causing them both distress. It didn't help either that ten minutes ago the answer would have been far different. "Then, we will have to do this tomorrow morning?"
Nodding, Qui-Gon frowned and shot him a pointed look. "Why did you hand me the cup? Didn't you realize what you were doing?"
No hope to avoid the question, but as he had been taught, there were different ways to tell the truth. "No. I didn't even think about it." Which was true at the time, at least on the surface. "It was heavy and I was enjoying Princess B'ellina's kiss." He shrugged and let a smile form on his face.
Qui-Gon nodded again. "I see."
Feeling his Master's unease, he sighed, meeting Qui-Gon's eyes and trying to convey how sorry he was. This would no doubt be very awkward for his reserved Master. In spite of his new found feelings or perhaps because of them, he wished he could take it all back. "I'm so sorry about this. They told me yesterday that if I were to accept the invitation to be the Representative of their Gods, I would drink from the chalice. Then to accept the Princess as the Participant, I would hand the chalice back to her after I drank from it."
"And you didn't. Why is that?"
Obi-Wan felt a blush crawl across his face again. "I was going to accept and choose her. She was pretty and I thought it would make the mission go better. I mean, it would not have been a hardship to have sex with her, even in public."
Qui-Gon nodded again and sighed, seeming to accept his explanation. "What is done, is done."
And can't be undone. Obi-Wan sighed, too.
"I think it's time for rest. Tomorrow we will be up early."
"Yes, Master." He bowed and retreated to his room.
The first pink and red streaks of dawn were just beginning to light the sky as Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon made their way to the altar in the city center. Trying for calm despite what was to come, Obi-Wan concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and not thinking about anything at all as they approached the altar. Nerves twittered in his stomach as the reality of what was about to happen came home to him.
The Princess met them at the base of the huge stone altar. Her welcoming smile shone with pleasure as she handed Obi-Wan a wine filled chalice. He drank and then handed the cup to Qui-Gon, who also drank from it. Returning it to the Princess, she held it high repeating several phrases in a tongue Obi-Wan did not recognize, but thought it was the ancient version of Jacaranda's language. The crowd answered her call, and she took another sip from the cup and then chanted again.
When she was finished, she set the cup on the side of the altar and smiled again at them. "Thank you for your sacrifice. Our Gods will be most pleased with the offering."
"We are honored to serve," Qui-Gon said, sincerity ringing in his voice. Both he and Qui-Gon bowed. The Princess returned the bow and moved away, signaling for them to begin.
Obi-Wan lifted himself up onto the high ledge and held out his hand for Qui-Gon to do the same. His Master joined him.
Stripping off his robe, he lay back against the white pad at the center, which was surprisingly soft. "All right, what now?"
His Master turned to look at him. "Now, we begin."
Well, that's helpful. Obi-Wan said nothing, waiting for his Master to make the first move.
Lying down, Qui-Gon took him into his arms, and kissed him for the first time. With surprising sweetness, his Master's mouth moved on his, exploring almost eagerly. Obi-Wan opened his mouth, inviting Qui-Gon in and then following him back to do some exploring of his own.
Qui-Gon had always treated him with great care, and Obi-Wan realized this would be no different. His Master would never hurt him. The big hands swept over his skin, touching and caressing, sending tiny sparks of wonder down his spine.
Obi-Wan had no doubt this would be an excellent experience. How could it not be? Behind his reserve, Qui-Gon Jinn was one of the kindest men he'd ever met.
Not a passive lover, Obi-Wan allowed Qui-Gon to lead for a time, before rolling on top, initiating a deep kiss, and burying his hands in Qui-Gon's unbound hair. Despite that he hadn't thought of his Master in a sexual way before yesterday, he'd always loved the long hair, had always had a secret fantasy of running his fingers through it. It was as soft and silken as he'd thought it would be; Obi-Wan gathered a hand full and rubbed it against his face, breathing deeply.
Smoothing back the long tresses from Qui-Gon's face, he pressed another deep kiss to the lush mouth. He kissed Qui-Gon's neck, sucking on the soft skin under the beard. Arching to allow better access, Qui-Gon groaned deeply. Obi-Wan moved down Qui-Gon's long neck, nipping along his Adam's apple, and licking at the hollow of his throat. Pausing for a moment to go back to kiss Qui-Gon's mouth, he luxuriated in the soft kisses. Taking his time to taste fully, arousal building with each sound his Master made. Never would he have suspected that Qui-Gon could be so sensual.
After too short at time, the tables were turned again and Qui-Gon settled on top of him, a tiny smile touching his lips. Given no time to think as Qui-Gon made his way down Obi-Wan body, kissing and licking, not stopping anywhere for long. Obi-Wan writhed and strained under the rage of sensations pouring through him. He could not keep still as the assault on his senses escalated. All too soon, Qui-Gon's warm mouth covered his cock, taking him in and sucking deeply.
Obi-Wan cried out, pleasure coming swift and sharp, too fast for him to process, as the sensations quickly overwhelmed him and he came.
While the orgasm had been intense, a vague disappointment moved through him. That hadn't taken very long. He'd half hoped that they might be at this for a while. Opening his eyes, he looked up a Qui-Gon.
"Are we finished?"
Shaking his head, a small smile touched Qui-Gon's mouth. "Not for some time. There is much more to do if we are to please the Gods. Next, I'll take you..."
"Of course, Master." He should have expected that. The muscles in his shoulders clenched and he forced himself to relax each one. It wasn't that he didn't like being taken in that manner, he did, but he'd liked to have been asked rather than told.
Qui-Gon was not done. "And you'll take me."
"What?" he stammered, caught completely off guard. The idea thrilled him as much as it surprised him.
"I said..."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I heard you. I'm just surprised."
"Why?" Qui-Gon's mouth twitched up just a little in a knowing half-smile.
"Well..." What could he say to that? That Qui-Gon was the Master was the only thing that came to mind and he wasn't going to say that, even if it were true.
Qui-Gon's big hand ran along his thigh, caressing slowly. "Don't get caught up in perceived roles, my Padawan, there are many paths to pleasure."
So it would seem. Obi-Wan smiled and leaned up to kiss Qui-Gon. "Maybe we should get back to them."
A hand slid into his hair, and Qui-Gon kissed him again. "So we should."
Gently, Obi-Wan was pushed backward until he was lying flat on the pad. "Do you want me on my stomach?"
"Which do you prefer?"
He hadn't done this all that often, but he'd found that he preferred to see who was making love to him. "Face to face."
"As you wish," Qui-Gon said, reaching over to pull a small vial of oil out of his cloak, and setting it to one side.
Moving to lie next to him, Qui-Gon nuzzled his chest with his beard, the sensations of the whiskers sending more shivers down his spine. Obi-Wan's breath caught and held as his Master's mouth found one of his nipples, worrying it with teeth that didn't quite bite down hard. The sharp sensations sent fire along each nerve, creating a maelstrom of pleasure that bordered on pain, but never quite got to that point. Unable to do otherwise, Obi-Wan moaned, wanting, but denied.
After years of torture, Qui-Gon moved lower, to his belly and then his groin once again sucking his cock nearly to the point of bursting. Slick fingers dipped between his legs, finding the tight entrance to his body and pushing in gently. Obi-Wan pushed up into the caress, trying not to whimper at the intense pleasure slowly grinding through him.
His legs were spread and lifted, cool morning air rushed over his heated thighs and then Qui-Gon was pushing into him. Pain first then, a second later, pleasure soothed the small hurt, starting slow and building. Over and over, Qui-Gon pressed in, driving him faster and farther, compelling him to feel each movement as pressure built to unbearable proportions. Breaking him at last, the world spun on its axis and Obi-Wan knew nothing except the unbelievable wonder of the cock inside and the sensations ripping through his body. He came, arching his back, and screaming Qui-Gon's name, unaware of anything else in the universe.
Sometime later, he opened his eyes to find Qui-Gon smiling down at him. "You do make a bit of noise don't you, my Padawan?"
If there had been any censure in that amused tone, Obi-Wan would have died of embarrassment, but Qui-Gon seemed more pleased than anything else. Still, he couldn't help a blush. He'd always been noisy about his pleasure. Most of his lovers found it endearing and certainly no one had complained.
"Don't be embarrassed. I found it very arousing." Qui-Gon put a gentle hand on his cheek and kissing him softly. "I like to give pleasure and you made sure I knew I had."
Obi-Wan leaned into up to snatch another kiss from his Master's lips. Delighted at the easy response he received. "And now it's my turn. If you're still willing?"
Another smile. "Of course. We need to keep our audience happy."
Damn. He'd completely forgotten about the crowd watching them. Obi-Wan started to look up, Qui-Gon put a hand on his jaw. "Don't. Concentrate on me and what we are doing."
"Yes, Master." He leaned into the hand and then turned his head to kiss the palm, his tongue snaking out for a lick.
Qui-Gon made a sound that was surprisingly like a giggle. "Tickles."
He caught Qui-Gon's wrist in his hand, pressing his mouth lightly to the cluster of veins and licking again. No giggling this time, just a sharply in-drawn breath and then a sigh.
"Nice," Qui-Gon murmured, leaning his head on Obi-Wan's shoulder and snuggling closer, almost drowsy in the movement.
Obi-Wan wasn't going to allow that. Slipping his arms around Qui-Gon, he rolled on top of his Master, wanting nothing more than to give back all the pleasure he'd received in Qui-Gon's arms.
His hands went first, touching and caressing, leading his mouth as he slowly, meticulously moved down the long body, savoring each kiss, each taste, each smell separately. At some point along the path to pleasure they had taken this morning, Obi-Wan realized he did not want this to be the only time. In the depth of his being, a seed had been planted a long time ago, and now it had grown and flowered until he felt he would bust with the joy of his love for his Master. But if it were to be the only time then he would enjoy it to the fullest, despite the crowds watching them, despite the way they started.
Every sound that Qui-Gon made warmed a previously cold place inside him and Obi-Wan wished he could drag it out forever, but all too soon the arousal overtook him, his desire to be buried in the tight hot flesh of his Master's body became paramount. With all the care and love he could command, he slowly sank into the slick heat of Qui-Gon's body. Hearing a quiet grunt of discomfort, Obi-Wan stopped, holding himself still until he could feel the constriction ease and he could continue his descent into the most exquisite pleasure he'd ever known.
He started to move slowly, hoping to draw out the lines of tension until they were taut and humming, but he could not. His pleasure peaked far too soon and he fell into the bright flame, reaching out with his mind and body to Qui-Gon, wanting to feel all of him, wanting to know all of him. In that moment he found the welcome in both body and mind that he had been looking for since they had begun this strange odyssey of pleasure.
For one single instant that seemed to stretch out into eternity, he knew Qui-Gon, knew everything about him, his hopes and dreams and desires. Then it was gone in a flash of the whitest light of pleasure he could ever hope to know.
Obi-Wan vaguely realized that he'd screamed again, and this time his voice had been joined by Qui-Gon's. Drawing deep slow breaths, he tried to calm the rapid pounding of his heart. Amazing, absolutely amazing. A wave of contentment washed over him.
Before his pulse had completely slowed, Qui-Gon sat up. "I think honor and the Gods have been satisfied, my Padawan."
The cool nonchalant tone rocked Obi-Wan out of the languid warmth he'd been feeling and took much of the joy out of the morning. "Master."
Pulling on his robe, Qui-Gon moved off the altar, acting as if nothing had happened. "The Ceremony must be finished. Put on your robe."
Modesty seemed pointless now, but he did as he was told. Quickly Obi-Wan scrambled off the altar and wrapped his robe around him.
The Princess approached and bowed again. "Thank you. The Gods are most pleased."
Obi-Wan wondered irreverently about how, exactly, she knew that, and Qui-Gon shot him a reproving look. He lowered his eyes. Damn, how had his Master known what he'd been thinking?
Princess B'ellina handed the chalice to Obi-Wan and he took a sip, and then handed it, in turn, to Qui-Gon, who drank as well. He took a sip and handed it back to the Princess.
A few more chanted phrases and the crowd responded. And then it was all over.
Except of course for whatever repercussions this had on his relationship with his Master. Obi-Wan began to fear for the future. Taking his cue from Qui-Gon, he waited until the crowd moved away from the edge of the park. The princess stood with them quietly.
She thanked them and then took her leave as the few remaining people dispersed.
Obi-Wan could feel the tension vibrating in his Master, but could not detect its cause.
Qui-Gon was holding himself stiffly, and his voice was nearly cold as he spoke. "I think it's time we went back to our rooms."
"Yes, Master." Following his Master back to their quarters, he didn't dare speak. Through their bond, he could feel his Master's turmoil, but could not guess the cause, besides the obvious. If it was what they had just done, why would Qui-Gon be so much more upset now that it was over. Had his performance been so far below what his Master was used to? He'd never had any complaints, never been told he was a clumsy lover. What was wrong? He'd made love with all the tenderness and passion in him. Had he done something wrong?
"There is nothing wrong, Padawan." Sharp and nearly harsh, the words did not soothe him, but rather frightened him to think that his Master was so upset.
But there was a bigger issue here. "You heard my thoughts?"
Qui-Gon stopped and took his arm. "You did not speak?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. I was thinking about what was wrong. Why you were angry with me."
"I'm not angry with you." The tone was cool, but a reassuring touch came across their bond, pressing gently against his mind. Yielding to it immediately, he opened himself to his Master's touch. For one second, he could feel Qui-Gon again, all of him as he had when they had made love, all the glory and substance that made up the man he loved. Then abruptly it was gone without at trace, and if not for the memories burned into his brain, he would doubt it had ever occurred.
Qui-Gon released him, turning silently to start towards their rooms again. "Come."
As soon as they entered their suite, Qui-Gon left him with a curt command to shower and then meditate on this morning. Obi-Wan didn't need to think about it, he already knew what he had done. He could feel it along the much stronger bond with his Master.
With the weight of his disappointment bearing down on him, he stripped off his robe and stepped under the streaming water spray. This world had many luxuries, and the best of them by far was the real water showers. Not that he cared much for any such amenities now, not with his Master's unhappiness seeping through their bond.
How could he have been so stupid? First he'd handed Qui-Gon the chalice, and then he'd initiated a life-bond with Qui-Gon. Some rational part of his mind pointed out that Qui-Gon accepted the wine and must have had at least some inkling of what it signified. There were no forced life-bonds, and in fact it could not be made without the active participation of both parties.
Still, Qui-Gon seemed not to want either. No doubt his Master would impart the information the reason for the rejection with his usual calm and logic and Obi-Wan would be expected to accept the verdict no matter how badly it hurt him.
Right now, Qui-Gon was closed off from him completely. He could not sense anything beyond the residual turbulence that some how penetrated his Master's shields.
When the door closed, separating him from Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon slid to the floor. A sigh escaped his lips and he allowed his eyes to shut. A deep breath and then another, and he regained the strength to open his eyes again. With a resolve that he was surprised he could muster, he did not reach out to touch the bond between them. Instead, he viciously cut-off all of his emotions, halting the warm sensations right in their tracks, and arresting the bond that was trying to grow between them. Almost a living thing, it protested the loss of connection with Obi-Wan. The ache in his body was the mirror to the one in his soul.
He moved toward the shower, a part of him loathe to wash Obi-Wan's smell from his skin, another part of him hating the first.
Foolish, foolish old man. What were you thinking, trying to tie the boy to you? Qui-Gon groaned as the hot water hit his tired, sated muscles. Thinking about anything was out of the question -- a measure of peace was all he required at the moment. He let the heat of the water relax him enough that he might be able to meditate as he'd told Obi-Wan to do.
As his thoughts strayed to his Padawan, he could not help remembering the texture of Obi-Wan's skin, the smell of his body, the taste of his mouth. The images and essences imprinted on him would haunt him forever.
Qui-Gon groaned out loud, pulling himself back sharply from the memory. Remembering caused him further pain and he would rather not put himself through that, no matter how sweet the memory. Later, when Obi-Wan was finally gone, then he could remember. For now, he had a Padawan to train and a potentially volatile situation to handle.
No doubt Obi-Wan expected to continue what they had begun this morning. But Qui-Gon would not allow that to happen. As much as he wanted to allow himself the luxury of self-deception, he could not. He admitted to himself the reason had more to do with his feelings for Obi-Wan, rather than the reverse. The worst of his fears had come to pass, and he'd fallen desperately in love with his Padawan. Now, there was no graceful way out of this without giving up Obi-Wan. And that, he simply could not do.
He dialed Mace Windu on the com unit waiting a moment for the connection to go through. A holoimage of Mace pulling a robe over his naked body and yawning hugely, came into view.
"Qui-Gon?" Mace rubbed his eyes and blinked several times at him, obviously trying to wake up completely.
"It's done. Honor, the Gods and the Trolian people should be satisfied by our performance." Qui-Gon could not keep the bitterness out of his tone.
He could hear Mace's quiet sigh and see the concern in the dark eyes. "Are you all right?"
No, not right at all. He felt ravaged and left raw by the encounter. "Yes, we are both fine. I just wanted to report in. We'll begin negotiations again tomorrow as today is a holiday."
Qui-Gon could see Mace's features change, worry settling on the dark face. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then spoke again. "Qui-Gon. Do you want to talk about it?"
Shaking his head, Qui-Gon sighed. There was nothing he wanted to do less than talk about what happened. "No. Not really."
"Then why did you call me?" An exasperated sigh came from Mace, but Qui-Gon could also hear the affection and concern behind it.
"To tell..."
Mace crossed his arms over his chest, and glared. "You know it's the middle of the night here."
Looking at the chronometer, Qui-Gon saw he was right. "I'm sorry, I didn't think about the time difference."
"Qui-Gon, I won't ask again."
Even over the distance, he could feel Mace's concern. "I'm..." Qui-Gon found it hard to express his fears, even to his best friend.
"What? I'll help if I can, you know that."
"Nothing can help now." It was already far too late for him to change how he felt and he would not anyway. Despite the pain his love for Obi-Wan would cause him, it was too precious to consider giving up.
"Why don't you just tell me, already."
"As I had feared, I can no longer deny my love for him." Speaking the words twisted something deep inside him, and he had to close his eyes for a moment to center himself, releasing the feelings into the Force. In all likelihood, it had been true for a very long time, but up until he'd actually kissed Obi-Wan, he'd been able to hide or sublimate the feelings. No longer. It would stare him in the face each time he looked into those grey-blue eyes.
Sympathy lit his friend's dark eyes. "And how does he feel?"
Obi-Wan no doubt thought he returned the feelings, but Qui-Gon had no intention of tying the boy to him, bond or no. At the thought of Obi-Wan, the bond pulsed again, trying to reach out, and Qui-Gon pulled it back and beat it down. For a moment it flared painfully before subsiding back to a tolerable ache. "Does it matter?"
Looking decidedly unhappy with his answer, Mace raised a hand to reach out, but of course that wasn't possible, and he dropped it to his side again. "Of course it does."
"He's a child." His voice lacked all conviction, now that he had irreversible evidence to the contrary.
Another exasperated sigh came from Mace, this one more frustrated than amused. "We've been through this before. He is an adult, albeit a young one."
"And I am more than old enough to be his father." Although the words were true, Qui-Gon did not think of himself that way, not anymore. Perhaps he never had.
And obviously neither did Mace. "But you are not. And you know it."
Qui-Gon sighed. The truth could not be run from, and he did know it. "I would not tie someone so young to me."
"Don't you think that's Obi-Wan's decision? You know you'll probably outlive Obi-Wan by at least a decade. Assuming of course that nothing unfortunate happens on a mission."
The universe had many species of human, all of whom were similar but not the same. Most lived an average of one hundred-twenty to one hundred-fifty years. Qui-Gon's particular version of human lived a few decades longer than average and Obi-Wan's tended toward the lower end. Despite the grey in his hair, which was a family trait, he was only entering his middle years. "No. But it doesn't matter. I am the one who is supposed to be teaching him."
"He is old enough to make an informed decision."
His head bowed, Qui-Gon turned away, weary beyond measure. As hard as it was to admit his fears, nonetheless Qui-Gon did. "I couldn't live with anything less all of him, and he's too young to give that."
"Again I tell you to ask him. He is not a child. But you are certainly acting like one."
Trust Mace to put him in his place. He turned back to look at his friend, wry smile on his face.
And Mace wasn't finished yet. "You have two choices here. You grant your Padawan the right to make his own decisions. Or you can make it for both of you and have him resent it because he was not consulted."
When it was put that way... "There has to be another option."
"You could give him up entirely."
"It might come to that." But even as he said it, he felt the bond pulse between himself and Obi-Wan, trying to reach out for him. He squelched it.
"Then you are a fool."
"I thought we'd established that already." The ache in him grew as he continued to reject the bond. A deep yearning for the touch of Obi-Wan's mind against his tried to sway him, but there was too much at stake for him to give into the craving. What was best for Obi-Wan must take precedence over his desires, and his Padawan's for that matter.
Mace sighed gustily, shaking his head. "Qui-Gon, you know the answer, just open your mind to it. Good night."
With that, Mace ended the connection.
Why hadn't he told Mace about the bond? He was trying to counter it, even though he knew rejection was not possible, not in the long run and from the growing pain in his chest, perhaps not in the short run either. At this point, his only desire was to buy time. There was so much more to life than his Padawan had experienced. It was far too soon for the young man to settle down for good.
Before anything else could happen, he had to speak to Obi-Wan and in truth he feared that more than anything else he'd have to face. Those luminous eyes would slice him to the bone, leaving him nothing but a shattered shell and he could not afford to be anything other than firm about this. Obi-Wan needed time and by the Force, he'd see that his Padawan received it.
The bond withered a little more as Qui-Gon rejected another of Obi-Wan's attempts to touch him. Could his Master actually break the bond? He had always heard that once initiated, a life-bond could not be broken. Unfortunately, it could be abandoned. The pain of repeated rejection said Qui-Gon wanted do just that and didn't care about the cost to Obi-Wan.
He rubbed his chest, knowing the ache wasn't really there. The one thing that would ease him was the one thing he was denied. Why had Qui-Gon allowed the bond to form, if he were going to reject it? Did Qui-Gon want to punish him for daring to initiate it in the first place? He could not believe that of his Master, he would never be so cruel.
The backs of Obi-Wan's eyes stung, but he would not give into the despair. There had to be a way to convince his Master that he was worthy of the bond.
Over and over he reviewed the last few moments of their love-making, and could find no reason for the harsh rejection. He had been gentle, putting all of his newly found love into his touch and kisses. The taking had been so beautiful, the pleasure so intense. In his life, he'd never experienced anything so profound. Hearing Qui-Gon call his name in passion had moved him greatly. Why had his Master drawn away so abruptly? He could not imagine what he'd done and was so engrossed in his thoughts, he did not hear the door open or his Master enter the room.
"Obi-Wan?" The tone was nearly cold and Obi-Wan shivered.
He could not remember a time when Qui-Gon had spoken to him like that, even before he'd been taken as Padawan. Something coiled coldly in his chest, but his training held and he didn't let it show. Turning from the window, he met the cool regard. "Yes, Master."
"We will discuss the situation, now."
Nodding because he had no choice, Obi-Wan dropped his arms to his sides, and waited for Qui-Gon to begin.
But his Master said nothing. "Master?"
Qui-Gon looked right at him, meeting his eyes with a grave stare. "I feel that what has happened is a mistake. And that we should try to let it go."
The ache became sharper edging towards pain as he fought to remain emotionless at the verdict. Obi-Wan knew he should nod and agree, ever the obedient Padawan, but this was too important to him to allow Qui-Gon to push it aside. He shook his head slowly. "I can't do that."
"You have no choice," Qui-Gon said in a tone that Obi-Wan knew better than to argue with.
But he could not find acceptance. "There is always a choice, Master. And I would make a different one."
"I have decided what is best for both of us."
The words cut through him, cutting deeply. "Without consulting me?"
Maybe he should resign himself to his Master's choice. Defying Qui-Gon always ended up with him being punished, usually severely. But this time he couldn't take his own advice. It hurt too much to consider, he had too much to lose.
Qui-Gon took a breath and calmly met his eyes. "Yes. I am your Master. It is my responsibility to make decisions about your welfare."
And what could he say to that? It wasn't fair. How could he possibly hope to sway his Master? "What about the bond? It won't go away."
"It can be ignored."
The bond pulsed weakly, already thinning out. Obi-Wan took a shuddering breath, closing his eyes, wanting to understand. What made him so unlovable? "What have I done? What makes me so unworthy that you would let a bond this strong die between us?"
"No. Obi-Wan, that is not true. You are more than worthy."
Then why would Qui-Gon reject him so completely? Crushed, his self-esteem in tatters, Obi-Wan looked up, meeting the cool blue eyes, feeling the sting behind his own. It hurt so badly that nothing mattered, except ending his pain. "I ache for you, my Master. Why won't you love me back?"
Qui-Gon took a step towards him, and then stopped, closing his hands into fists, clearly fighting some unseen demon. Desire lit his eyes for one moment and then was banked behind the calm Jedi face that Obi-Wan hated at the moment.
"I don't believe this will be good for you or for our relationship. It doesn't have anything to do with how worthy you are."
This time he did nod. If Qui-Gon didn't want him, then no matter how hard it was, there could only be acceptance. But he had to get out of this room, had to get his emotions under control. Another moment of this, and he'd be in tears. He'd much rather his Master did not see anything else to convince him of Obi-Wan's unsuitability as a mate.
"I'm going to meditate in the Palace garden." Without waiting for approval, he started for the door.
"Obi-Wan."
He ignored it. Not in a million years could he face Qui-Gon, not with his hopes and his love lying broken at his feet. Later, when he had put himself back together, then maybe he'd be ready to finish this conversation.
"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon rapped out, his voice the consistency of iron, brooking no arguments. "I am not finished."
Unfair! But effective. Used to obeying that particular tone, Obi-Wan stopped short. He had two choices, submission or defiance. Disobedience would no doubt cause his Master further anger, something he did not wish. But submission would cost him what little control he had left, not to mention the rest of his pride.
No choice, really. Complete submission did not come easily to him, and it has been years since he'd done it, but he gave in to the requirement now.
Turning around, he lowered his eyes, not making contact with Qui-Gon's and folded himself onto his knees, leaning forward to press his forehead against the ground, his hands flat beside his knees. He took a breath and then another. The threatening tears started to leak out of his closed eyes.
Please, please, please, he begged silently, waiting for Qui-Gon's verdict, waiting to have his world torn apart. Just get it over with.
For a long moment, the room was still, with only the sounds of his harsh breathing echoing across the tiles. Then Qui-Gon's hands were on his shoulders, raising him up, and pulling him into his arms.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, his mouth against Obi-Wan's forehead, soft lips pressing a kiss to his hairline. "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."
As he opened his mouth to speak, a sob escaped, but he managed to get the words out around the lump in his throat. "It's not your fault that you don't love me. I understand."
Qui-Gon shook his head, his big hands moving comfortingly on Obi-Wan's back. "I do love you."
He pulled back, trying to meet Qui-Gon's eyes, but his Master would not look at him. "Then why? Why would you do this to us?"
"I wanted, still want to give you time."
A suspicion filled Obi-Wan's mind. "Time for what exactly?" He needed no more time to know his what he wanted and needed in this life. His love for Qui-Gon would not diminish and if he were very lucky, it might grow into a wondrous, powerful thing.
"Time to find love, to have fun, to be an adult without having the responsibilities of another person."
What exactly was Qui-Gon talking about? "Those things were all possible within the bond. I can do all of that anyway."
"Obi-Wan, I'm nearly fifty."
As if that made a bit of difference. Their ages would even out over time and then he would overtake Qui-Gon as he aged slightly more rapidly. "So, I'm almost twenty. And you're still likely to outlive me."
"You need time to have other lovers."
He couldn't hold back a laugh. That was ridiculous, he'd had other lovers. "You aren't serious, are you?"
Pulling back a little to look at Qui-Gon's face, he could see that his Master was quite serious. "Yes. I most certainly am."
Obi-Wan shook his head, absolutely amazed. "Do you really think, that after what you did to me, after what we did to each other, that I would ever let anyone else but you touch me again?" his voice rose a notch and broke. The very thought of anyone else touching him made him nauseous.
"Obi-Wan."
"No. No, don't Obi-Wan me. I know what I've done in the past, and I know what happened today. There is no comparison. You may never make love to me again, but I will allow no one else to touch me." He realized that it was a ridiculous pledge to make at not-yet-twenty, but he also knew it to be true.
Gentle fingers caressed his cheek, but before he could lean into the touch, Qui-Gon pulled away. "Never is a very long time."
There was no doubt in his mind what he wanted. "I've touched and tasted perfection, do I now settle for less?"
Qui-Gon shook his head. "I am not perfect."
Well, that was certainly true. Obi-Wan smiled. "No, you are not, but what we had together, especially that last time, was as close as I expect to ever come to it." He put his hand on Qui-Gon's face. "And if I can't have that then I would rather live on the memory than a pale substitution."
Nodding slowly, Qui-Gon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I..."
"What?" He waited a beat, his pulse pounding, his whole body balanced on a knife's edge. "Qui-Gon?" It was the first time he'd called his Master by name, but it felt right to say it now.
Opening his eyes, Qui-Gon's gaze flayed him to the bone. "Be very sure, Obi-Wan. I will not survive your loss to someone else."
His breath caught and twisted at the soft words. Qui-Gon did love him. He would take special care with that love, would cherish it forever. "I am sure. I promise you that."
The bond between them surged and Obi-Wan was flooded with a tide of deep affection, love and lust, all the things he'd been feeling since... was it only this morning?
Reveling in the feeling coming through their bond, Obi-Wan leaned forward again and pressed his mouth to Qui-Gon's. His kiss was returned ten-fold and the bond surged again joyfully. Reaching out with his mind, Obi-Wan felt the welcome wrap around him and go through him. Dancing only with the surface thoughts, he knew deeper that explorations would come later. Right now, he was more than content to relish what he'd been given and take each day as it came.