Archive: master_apprentice, and my homepage only. Anyone else, just ask.
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Drama
Feedback: This author grovels for feedback! If you like it, tell me. Heck, if you don't like it, tell me!
Notes: Thanks to Marnee for Beta'ing this!
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: R
Series: Vaartuslik #4
Summary: Obi-Wan learns to deal with the loss of his master. Qui- Gon learns to deal with being a Monk.

Two women stood at the temple door, their eyes curious as they looked at Qui-Gon. Finally, one of them spoke. "You should not be here."

"I have permission to stay."

"This place belongs to the Jedi-it's holy!"

"I am quite aware of that." He thought of using the mind trick, but these women weren't hurting anything. "That is why I came here."

The second woman nudged the first. Then he heard her whisper,"He's wearing a lightsaber!"

"You're a Jedi!" The first woman seemed to be happy with this news.

"I am a Jedi Monk. I came here for solitary reflection," Qui-Gon explained.

"We welcome you to Gilawrten." The first woman bowed formally.

"We would ask you, if we would be permitted to bring you foodstuffs as offerings." The second woman bowed.

"I am not a god," Qui-Gon pointed out.

"In the old times, it was tradition for the locals to donate food to the temple."

He could feel how much this meant to the woman. "Then I would be honored by your donations."

"Will there be more Jedi coming to the temple?" the first woman asked.

"I've been told, that if I find this place satisfactory, that someday, others might come here."

The women looked pleased. "Thank you."

It was a late night on Coruscant. Obi-Wan was at yet another training session; not for his body, but his mind. His new Master insisted that his mind was out of shape. It was the neverending loneliness that made him want to cry. It felt as if a part of his soul was missing. Perhaps if he did as Windu said, the emptiness would leave.

"Center your mind," was the command of Mace Windu.

Obi-Wan Kenobi sat cross-legged on a pillow, trying to close his mind. His new Master walked around him, his mind probing at Obi-Wan's.

"I can feel darkness within you. You must close your mind."

"I am trying."

"There is no try! There is just do!" Windu's voice was sharp.

Obi-Wan closed his mind down the way he used to do when he was abused as a child. His mind felt nothing.

He could feel the touch of Windu's hand on his shoulder. "Much better."

"Master, why did you say you felt darkness inside me?"

"We all have the capacity for darkness. That is all, I just felt your capacity."

"Yes..." The word stuck in his throat. "Master."

"We'll have one more exercise. Then you'll be able to rest." Windu looked him up and down. "Busy day tomorrow."

"Yes, Master."

"Concentrate your mind," came the command.

Obi-Wan was woken by the feel of lips on his cheek, then hands on his body, caressing him. The touch was familiar to him, a touch he knew almost as well as he knew himself.

Master. The person touching him wasn't real, instead using the force to visit. He tried to mold his body into the touch.

I am no longer your master, the visitor reminded him. I'm a monk.

A monk? he asked puzzled.

Yes, a monk. The hands stroked his hair. Sleep, beloved.

Yes, Qui-Gon. The younger man pretended to fall asleep. Instead his mind was racing, reaching out, trying to locate his Master.

He saw his Master. He sat on a mountain; Obi-Wan could feel the area surrounding him. Qui- Gon was in a disused Jedi temple. There were the ruins of a city at the foot of the mountain. A different city that was inhabited could be seen in the far distance.

The air was cool to Qui-Gon. He was tightly wrapped in his cloak. Outside, the suns were just specks in the distance, much smaller than the sun of Coruscant, or many inhabited planets. More like stars instead of suns.

Suddenly, the connection was broken off.

The place seemed familiar to him, very familiar. That was the problem of being Qui-Gon's Padawan. He had been to many, many planets on diplomatic voyages. He would just have to remember where.

Obi-Wan got out of bed. He went to the window, looking out at the night sky of Coruscant. Three months it had been since he came here. Three long months.

The visit gave him something to believe in. Perhaps his Master wanted him back. Qui-Gon had called him beloved. The word made his heart fill with hope.

The feel of his Master's mind breaking off hurt. The loneliness returned. He told himself that Qui- Gon was just checking on how he was doing. But why the kisses? Why the caressing?

Master, how could you leave me? he asked the stars.

Obi-Wan spent the next few months at his assignment teaching the five year-old classes. He found that he enjoyed teaching the younger kids. Perhaps I can do this when I become a Master.

That is, if I last that long.

He stood on duty, while the kids played in the Academy yard. He thought of Qui-Gon. Now his Master was a monk, Obi-Wan a teacher.

He wondered if the older man enjoyed the solitary life. Qui-Gon had always been reserved, but he never thought his Master would go off to be alone.

Why didn't you let me into your walls? Obi-Wan thought. I wonder if you ever knew that I loved you.

A young child ran up to him. "Obi-Wan, will you play ball with us?"

He looked across the playground. His new Master was standing, watching him. I need to talk to you, come here.

"I'm sorry, perhaps later," he told the child.

The only training he had received from Windu was endless evenings of mind-control exercises. As he walked across the grass, he wondered if he hadn't conducted last night's practice right. He never seemed to please his new Master. Windu wouldn't tell him the day of the exercise if it had been completed right, but would always wait until the next day.

Obi-Wan Kenobi had always been afraid of Mace Windu. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was because the man was always so big, so hulking. So able to see right through him.

His third Master. Would he ever be able to become a Knight? He knew that Windu only took him because of his friendship with Qui-Gon.

He followed Windu to his office. The Master asked,"How are you doing?"

"I am fine." There was a pause as the word stuck in his mouth. "Master."

"You still don't feel convertible calling me Master." The man smiled at Obi-Wan. "Why don't you call me Windu."

"Yes, Windu," Obi-Wan repeated.

Windu gestured to the couch. Obi-Wan sat down. Windu sat down a few feet away from him. "Your exercises last night were done very well. I've seen much progress in you." Obi-Wan tried to hide his surprise. "Your mind control is a lot better than it was when you first arrived."

"I've been working, Master."

"Tonight, your exercises will be short," Windu promised. "Tell me, what happened between Qui- Gon and you."

Obi-Wan looked away from the man. "I don't feel comfortable talking about him."

"I know you were involved with him. You were his lover," Windu said.

Obi-Wan looked up at the man in shock. "I was never Qui-Gon's lover," he objected.

The man waved his hand. "Tell me the truth."

Obi-Wan found himself telling the entire events of Quafala to Windu, of not really knowing what had happened, except for his Master's leaving.

"You were the first person Qui-Gon could trust to form the bond of Vaar."

Obi-Wan looked at the older man, not understanding what he was saying. "I am?"

"He must really love you, for him to get this scared."

"Qui-Gon scared?"

"That's why he ran. He's scared." Windu thought for a moment. "He used to do this when we were at the academy. Anytime he was afraid, he would be off in a shot."

"What should I do?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Give him some time. When you start feeling him, then go find him."

"Do you really think I will begin to feel him?"

"He loves you. Eventually, he will let down his barriers enough to see how you are," Windu said wisely. "You chose to have a Vaar with him. No matter what he wants to do, you can't just break off a Vaar. It's a life-long thing."

"You'll let me try to find him?" Obi-Wan asked. "But you're my Master."

'I am only your Master for now. You are meant to be with Qui-Gon. Besides," the man smiled again, "your master is too good of a Jedi to allow him to run off."

When Obi-Wan went back to his quarters, he asked the computer to describe a Vaar. The computer describe a lifebond between a Master and apprentice. A tie that was beyond friendship, beyond love.

Lover... Obi-Wan felt light headed. He grabbed the desk. Memories washed over him like a wave.

Obi-Wan kissed his Master's lips, and felt his Master's arms go around him, pulling him close.

Then Qui-Gon pulled away from him. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'm no longer a little boy." he pointed out.

"You're a man now." Qui-Gon unfastened the younger man's hair, running his fingers through Obi-Wan's braid. "We will take this slowly."

"I want this."

Their first time together. The Vaar had been formed then. His hand touched the amber amulet at his neck. Qui-Gon had always worn it; now it was on him. The emptiness was no longer there. Instead, his heart filled with Qui-Gon's spirit. Windu had been right: no matter how much his master wanted to, there was no way to break the Vaar.

Now that the Vaar was reformed, Obi-Wan knew exactly where his Master was. The mythical planet of Gilawrtin. He would have to go there. His Master might not want him, but Obi-Wan needed to feel his Master's arms around him. He would have to close his mind. If he knew where Qui-Gon was, his Master would also know his plans.

Qui-Gon went onto the ledge. The lights in the distant city enticed him. Beckoned him to come and rejoin society. He reminded himself yet again that a monk was to live alone, away from all other life. This temple... his mother had told him tales of the legendary temple. The first home of the Jedi.

His mind drifted to Obi-Wan. He couldn't break that final tie with his former Padawan. Why can't my love for you leave?

What would you say if you knew I invaded your dreams?

He reached out with his mind, using the last parts of the Vaar. Coldness, all he could feel was coldness. He realized that perhaps even the smallest link was gone.

The he could see Obi-Wan in his mind's eye. He was wearing overalls, with a company logo on them. He was sitting at a flight computer.

Perhaps a training exercise. Qui-Gon told himself.

He could feel an emptiness inside Obi-Wan. That something was lost, and he wasn't sure what.

Then Qui-Gon could feel the Padawan's mind touch his, a sadness in his thoughts. Master, why won't you forgive me?

You're not the one that needs forgiveness.

Then why leave?

It's for the best this way. I love you. Qui-Gon closed his mind to the Padawan's.

Qui-Gon looked up at the stars. They seemed to call him a liar.

I'm a monk now, he reminded himself, as he turned to go back to his duties.

Obi-Wan found a beauty to Gilawrtin. The place was so out of the way that there weren't even regular pleasure ships here. Instead, he had to hire himself out as a worker on a transport. Qui-Gon's mindtouch had surprised him.

Obi-Wan left on what was euphemistically called shore leave. He had three days. Only three days.

In the spaceport, Obi-Wan could feel something reach out, for a brief instant touching his mind. He turned. Standing several yards away, was Xanatos. He wore a black silk cape. His hair was loose and his eyes glowed. His former captor pulled the hood up over his head, and disappeared.

For an instant, Obi-Wan felt dizzy. How can he touch my mind?

Master, I must find my Master!

Obi-Wan stopped at a stand that had a large sign: "Marnee's fruits." A woman stood behind the stand, looking bored. "Care to buy some fruit?"

"What can you recommend?"

The woman showed him several fruits. "These are the best on Gilawrtin."

"I'll take one of each." As the woman packed the food, he asked,"Is there a Jedi temple on Gilawrtin?"

"Not an occupied one."

"Well, any deserted ones?"

The woman stopped packing. "No, nothing."

Obi-Wan waved his hand; he could feel his mind touch the woman's. "Tell me about the temple."

"The only Jedi temple on Gilawrtin is forbidden to strangers."

"Where is it?"

It's on Kiv mountain. The deserted city is at the foot of the mountain."

"How far away is this Kiv mountain?"

"A two-hour aircar ride from the new city."

"Thank you for the fruit." Obi-Wan paid the woman and left.

Obi-Wan went to a rental agency. It was full of people. He took a number and sat down to wait. A young girl sat on the chair beside him. He asked the woman with her, "Why is this place so crowded?"

"The public transport went on strike this morning. The new city is very spread out."

"Hence the need for transport," Obi-Wan guessed.

The child looked Obi-Wan over. "Are you a Jedi?"

"No, I'm a visitor." Obi-Wan said.

"Hush, Kalia," the woman said.

"Jedis can be visitors, too," Kalia insisted.

"Of course they can," he told her. "Why did you want to know if I was a Jedi?"

"You don't know the prophecy?"

"Please, I would like to hear the prophecy," Obi-Wan said.

"There is an old tale that once the Jedi return to Gilawrtin, we will be allowed to live in the holy city."

"What's the holy city?"

"It's beneath the Jedi Temple. People from around the galaxy used to go there to study at the Temple."

"Then what happened?"

"The Jedi had to leave during the Sith war. They never returned," Kalia said morosely. "The Jedi vowed they would come back."

The mother's number was called and she got up and went towards the counter.

Obi-Wan couldn't stand the sadness of the child. "Don't tell anyone, but I am a Jedi."

The girl's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes, really. But don't tell anyone."

"I won't." She promised. Kalia's mother called across the room, telling her that it was time to go. The girl climbed onto Obi-Wan's lap, and gave him a large hug, then her lips brushed his cheek. "Thank you."

Obi-Wan kissed her back. "Remember, it's our secret!"

"I promise," the girl said, running after her mother.

He opened himself to the Force. It told him where his Master was. He drove through the streets of the deserted city and wondered why anyone would leave it. He found a building, and parked his car inside.

Then he began walking through the streets. The place was chilly, even for him. Obi-Wan took his cape out of the backpack and put it on. That was better, much better. He looked up to the suns. They seemed like small jewels in the distance, instead of suns.

It would be getting dark in a few hours. He would have to concentrate on finding his Master. He walked over the cobblestones of the streets, every stone still in place. None of the buildings needed paint. The grass in yards had even been trimmed.

Someone had taken care of this place. Then he remembered the child telling him at the rental agency, "When the Jedi return, the holy city can be reopened."

Did someone take care of this place in remembrance of the tale?

Something nagged in the back of his mind. Xanatos. Was it a dream that he could feel the man's presence? Windu had reassured him that you couldn't feel the presence of another without a mental bond. Obi-Wan still had his doubts. He had never made a mental bond with Xanatos, yet the older man could touch his mind.

Obi-Wan! Where are you? Xanatos said in his mind. What part of the new city are you in?

For the first time, he was grateful for Windu's teaching. He closed his mind to the outside intruder. He now knew that Xanatos was on this planet.

Whatever he wants from me, he can't have it, Obi-Wan vowed.

Obi-Wan looked up at the mountain. He took out his viewscope and turned it to infrared. There was movement. He zoomed in on the action; there were two women carrying a basket. They bowed when they saw Qui-Gon. The Master bowed back. They gave him the basket and left.

Obi-Wan walked towards the temple, at all times keeping his mind closed. This place oozed the Force. The living force surrounded him, pushing him onwards. He stopped a few meters before he arrived at the temple; he hid in the bushes, waiting for his Master to show himself.

It was an hour later when Qui-Gon stepped outside the temple. He walked to the edge of the cliff, staring out at the stars. Obi-Wan had never seen his Master look so full of despair before. Then he felt his Master reaching out with his mind, looking for Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan stepped out in the open. "Master."

Qui-Gon turned to him, unable to keep the surprise off his face. "Obi-Wan, you shouldn't be here."

"I was on shore leave, so I decided to visit the temple."

Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. "Shore leave? You've left the Jedi?"

"I work on a transport ship," he said, darting the real truth.

"Windu let you leave the Jedi?" There was anger in his voice as he walked towards Obi-Wan.

"He told me that if it made me happy, then I should go."

"I don't want you here. Go back to your ship!" Qui-Gon went into the temple and Obi-Wan followed him. His Master spun around to face him. "I am a monk, that means I work alone!"

"Do you really think you could break our bond by running away?"

"You have a new Master."

"I will never have a new Vaar."

Qui-Gon flinched. "You remember our Vaar."

"I could never forget."

"Your memories might be there, but the bond is gone." He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"Why did you leave, Master?"

"I took the Vaar from us."

"It never left." He moved a step closer to Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan lowered his barriers. The bond that he was hiding reformed. "It will always be with us."

"Can you remember what happened on Quafala?"

"I still have some missing memories," Obi-Wan admitted.

"I came to this place because I wanted to be alone." His master turned from him. "I need time to think."

Obi-Wan reached out, touching his Master's shoulder. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"I don't want to talk about this." His Master shrugged his hand off. "I am no longer connected to you. Go back to Corusant."

"Master, Xanatos is on Gilawrin."

"How do you know this?"

"I saw him at the spaceport. He called out to me once after that." Obi-Wan too a deep breath, and let it out. "He has a mental bond with me."

"Then you must be careful to still your mind."

"I have been, Ma -- Qui-Gon."

"Keep on your guard. Perhaps he won't find out where you are."

"It's almost dark. I'd better go."

"That wouldn't be a good idea," his Master said reluctantly.

"You want me to leave," Obi-Wan reminded him.

"You will leave first thing in the morning." Qui-Gon walked off. It wasn't a question, but an order.

Qui-Gon's mind raced. Obi-Wan was here! How did he get here without Qui-Gon feeling it? He had never taught his Padawan that.

Oh yes. Windu.

Windu had taught Obi-Wan far more about mind control then he had been able to.

It had taken all his will not to run to his Padawan and take him into his arms. To pull him to the floor and make slow love to him. To feel his lover inside him.

He had to think of Obi-Wan. He had to think of his lover's well-being over his own carnal need. He would have to send Obi-Wan back to that ship he was working on. How in star blazes did Windu allow Obi-Wan to leave the Jedi?

Qui-Gon would just have to convince him to go back. Windu would be a better Master then him. Obi-Wan could be a great Jedi with the proper training and guidance.

The sight of Obi-Wan being tortured flashed through his mind.

Never again. I will never cause Obi-Wan to risk his life. I love him too much.

The fact that Obi-Wan now had a mindbond with Xanatos nagged at him. The result of the mindrape. It would be much better for Obi-Wan to stay at the temple for the rest of his visit.

Obi-Wan woke to the smell of food cooking; a whisper of a mental touch caressed his skin. It felt good to feel the presence of his Master nearby.

He wants me out this morning, he reminded himself. He loves me, I can feel it. Why is he cutting himself off from me?

Obi-Wan went outside. He watched the suns rise; even though the stars were only dashes in the sky, he thought it was beautiful. He wished he could share it with Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon stepped out onto the porch. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Wonderful, Master"

"Qui-Gon. I'm no longer your Master," Qui-Gon corrected.

"It's a habit. I'll work to change it."

"I made breakfast, you're welcome to share it with me," Qui-Gon offered.

"Thank you, Ma - I mean, Qui-Gon." He followed his Master into the temple. "It's so peaceful. I wish I could stay here, to meditate."

"Perhaps you can." Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan to his make-shift kitchen and stirred the food in the pot. He put some of the food into a bowl and gave it to Obi-Wan. For the first time, Obi-Wan realized that his Master was wearing his lightsaber.

"Thank you." Obi-Wan sat down on the floor. He began to eat slowly. It was stew. Why did his Master always cook stew? In their years together, they had his homemade stew at least three days a week. "It's good."

"I thought I would be a good host and fix your favorite food." Qui-Gon got his own bowl and sat down.

"Don't you like stew?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I hate it," Qui-Gon admitted. "But I can still remember your reaction to the stew when you first became my Padawan."

"I was so hungry. Hayata had me afraid to eat." For the first time, Obi-Wan realized that his Master was doing this for him. "He said that the Jedi would poison me."

"You trusted my food."

"It was because at the time, you were the only one I did trust." He looked down to the food. "You're still the only one I trust."

How can he say that? After what I did? He heard Qui-Gon think.

Finally Qui-Gon said, "You're free to spend your shore leave at this temple."

"Thank you."

"It's a large temple. You should be able to find yourself something to do."

"I'll try and stay out of your way," he promised.

"Do you still have your lightsaber?" Qui-Gon asked.

"You know we have to give them up when we quit."

Qui-Gon went to Obi-Wan's backpack and took out the tunic. He picked up the lightsaber and tossed it to Obi-Wan, who caught it. "I know you're not supposed to have this, but with Xanatos around, you should wear it."

"Yes, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan snapped the lightsaber to his belt.

Obi-Wan watched Qui-Gon washing. There was a large natural fountain in the middle of the temple, still full of water. Qui-Gon was immersed to his waist in the water with his tunic off. Obi-Wan could see the ripples of the muscles on his lover's back. There was a scar on his shoulder, that hadn't been there the last time they had been together.

It's new. Where did he get that scar?

Qui-Gon finished washing. He wiped himself off with a towel, then turned and picked up his tunic. For the first time, he saw Obi-Wan. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to wash up."

Qui-Gon got out of the water. There was a new scar on his leg, too. Obi-Wan turned from the man.

Another scar.

"I've all ready checked the water. It's safe for Ahwakee." Qui-Gon picked up his pants and put them on.

"Thanks."

"I need to meditate."

He watched Qui-Gon leave the fountain area. Why is he so worried about the water here?

Obi-Wan unsnapped his lightsaber and put it on the floor. Then he went into the water still clothed; he planned to take them off in the water and wash them. The water was clear and he waded out to the middle.

Scars, where did he get scars?

Suddenly, an image flashed through his mind. He was fighting Xanatos with his lightsaber. Xanatos had a gun in his hand, he shot Qui-Gon through the leg.

"NO!" he gasped.

Like a flood, the memories of his captivity came back to him. He had betrayed Qui-Gon.

No wonder he doesn't want me anymore. I betrayed him.

Then the memories of his mind invasion rushed over him and he found himself blacking out.

Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan's spirit crying out to him. He could see his Padawan, unconscious in the fountain.

Qui-Gon ran to the fountain and looked into the water. Obi-Wan was at the bottom of the fountain, unmoving. Without hesitating, Qui-Gon dove into the fountain. He picked up Obi-Wan in his arms and t ook him out of the water, amazed by the lightness of his Padawan. He set Obi-Wan gently on the floor. He wasn't breathing. His heart wasn't beating. He pulled Obi-Wan's head back, and began CPR on him.

Don't die! Qui-Gon repeated like a chant, as he resuscitated his apprentice. Time rolled to a standstill as he tried to gather the Force around him, to have the Force cure the young man.

Obi-Wan began to cough.

"It's all right. You're safe." Qui-Gon stroked the young man's hair.

Master, why didn't you let me die?

I love you too much to let you die, he confessed.

How can you love me? I betrayed you, Obi-Wan asked.

Not now, my beloved. Don't think about the past.

Obi-Wan was surprised by the care that his former Master was giving him. His chest hurt, though he had no idea why. He lay on a pallet that Qui-Gon had put together on the floor of the kitchen. It was warm here.

His former Master came into the kitchen, carrying some herbs. He separated them, then threw some into a pot of boiling water. "How are you feeling?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Better." He tried to sit up. There was a sharp pain in his chest and he sank back down to the floor.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he lied.

"You're in pain," Qui-Gon said.

"I think I hurt myself when I fainted." Obi-Wan looked away from his former Master. "I had a flashback. It made me pass out."

"I could heal you," Qui-Gon offered.

"I deserve my pain," Obi-Wan murmured.

"Of course you do." Qui-Gon spooned some of the liquid out of the pot into a bowl. He put a cloth in the bowl, then walked over to him. He sat down, and began to wipe Obi-Wan's face with it.

"What is this?" Obi-Wan asked.

"It's something my mother always made when I had a fever."

"I didn't know I had a fever."

"You do." Qui-Gon was so gentle that Obi-Wan wanted to cry.

How can he be so kind to me? I betrayed him.

Why can't he trust me enough to let me help him? Qui-Gon thought.

His former Padawan's pain shimmered around him like a rainbow. Obi-Wan tried to accept the pain like he had been taught but pain wouldn't leave him.

Now, Obi-Wan had a high fever. Qui-Gon unfastened the younger man's tunics, opening them up so that he could try to cool his body off. There was a large bruise on his chest. Qui-Gon's heart sank. Broken ribs. He had caused this injury.

Qui-Gon dunked the cloth back into the bowl, then began to swab Obi-Wan's chest. Obi-Wan doubled up in pain when Qui-Gon touched the bruise. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

I let my concentration slip. I will accept this pain, Obi-Wan telepathed.

You're ill!

I deserve this pain.

Don't say that. Qui-Gon reached out, wiping off his Padawan's face.

There were tears in Obi-Wan's eyes. "How can you stand to touch me?"

"Why wouldn't I touch you?"

"You know that I betrayed you." Obi-Wan looked away from him. "Xanatos knows everything about us. If I had been stronger, I might have been able to free you."

"You remember what happened?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I remember everything," Obi-Wan admitted.

"Everything?"

"He raped me. He made you watch. I feel so filthy!" Tears poured down the Padawan's face. "Now I know why you don't want me. You can't forgive me for being with someone else. I don't blame you, I can't forgive myself."

"A part of me died when I saw your attack." Qui-Gon reached out, caressing Obi-Wan's cheek. "I don't blame you for what happened."

Obi-Wan was now sobbing openly. Qui-Gon lay on the floor and very carefully took his Padawan into his arms. "How can you stand to touch me?. I cheated on you!"

"That isn't why I rejected you. It was because of my weakness." It hurt to admit this. "I wasn't able to h elp you when you needed it. I should have been stronger."

"You were injured!" Obi-Wan gasped. "What happened to me wasn't your fault, it was mine!"

"You should have escaped when you had the chance."

"I had to try to rescue you!"

"I wasn't worth the pain you went through."

"If I hadn't given in, you would have been killed. I wouldn't have forgiven myself."

"You would have been alive," Qui-Gon pointed out.

"It wouldn't be much of a life without you." Obi-Wan looked into his eyes. "You're half of my soul. If I had left without you, I would have betrayed myself."

Qui-Gon realized the wisdom of his Padawan's words. Obi-Wan meant what he said. "You are in danger being near me. Xanatos tortured you because of me."

"Isn't that the chance I take being your Padawan?"

"I can't risk you."

"I am a Jedi. Part of my life is risk, whether you're a part of it or not."

"Let me try and heal you," Qui-Gon asked. "You must be healed if you are going to fight Xanatos."

Obi-Wan took Qui-Gon's hand and laid it across his chest. "Heal me, Master."

Obi-Wan had fallen asleep during the healing. When he woke, the pain in his chest was gone.

Qui-Gon was still beside him. He saw the gray in his Master's temples for the first time. He was aging. The man had, in his love for him, risked hiding himself away forever. All in the cause of the greater good. Obi-Wan could feel through the Vaar that his Master still did not want the Master/Apprentice relationship.

"How are you feeling?" Qui-Gon's eyes were concerned.

"Much better." He sat up and was surprised when Qui-Gon helped him. Then he felt something, a s hifting in the Dark Force. Xanatos' mind reached out and touched his. He kept the bond open just long enough to find out where Xanatos was, then he shut down his mind.

"Did you feel anything?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Xanatos. He's on this planet." Obi-Wan tried to center himself.

"I think if we work together, we can defeat him," Qui-Gon said. "Our Vaar is strong enough."

"What about the mindbond with Xanatos?"

"He will try to use it against you."

"I won't let him," Obi-Wan vowed.

"The mindrape made him know you. There is a drawback. You now know him."

"How do I know him?"

"If you searched your mind, you would realize that he gave you a part of him."

"I don't want to think about that." Obi-Wan closed his eyes. "Windu taught me to block things like that out."

"Those things can help you defeat Xanatos," Qui-Gon pointed out. "You can't spend your life on the run from him."

"I know that."

"Fear leads to the Dark Side."

"I have the Dark Side within me." Obi-Wan looked away. "I am now evil."

"You can fight it! Do you want it gone?"

"Yes, I do."

"Being evil is a choice! You have to choose which side you want to be on!"

"I want to be rid of the darkness," Obi-Wan admitted.

"Don't be afraid," Qui-Gon told him. They waited inside the temple for Xanatos.

"He will come here. The darkness is strong in him."

"Let him come."

"He will profane the temple with his evil!"

"No, Obi-Wan, he won't." Qui-Gon's voice was quiet. "There was a reason I choose this place. It is full of the Light Side of the Force."

"But Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan began to object.

"Remember your teachings. Even if there is a bit of light, it will weaken the darkness."

"So he will be weak if we fight outside."

"If we can draw him into the temple."

"Then he will lose most of his powers!" Obi-Wan guessed.

"Right you are." Qui-Gon smiled.

Obi-Wan, I know you're in there! he heard Xanatos say.

If you want me so much, come get me! Obi-Wan challenged.

Qui-Gon's hand touched his shoulder, supporting. There was no need for words through the Vaar.

You are part of the Dark Side now!

If I am so much of the Dark Side, how can I find peace in this temple?

Obi-Wan could feel where Xanatos was; he had come into the Temple from above. He perched above them o n the balcony. The man was planning to jump down to them in surprise.

Obi-Wan turned, and turned on his lightsaber. At the same time, Qui-Gon did, too.

Xanatos jumped down. He was holding the lightsaber that he had been working on when Obi-Wan was a captive. "Qui-Gon, give me Obi-Wan."

"I do not own Obi-Wan. He goes where he wants to," Qui-Gon said.

"Why do you think I would go anywhere with someone so evil?" Obi-Wan asked.

Xanatos turned on his lightsaber. It was a frightening sight, the two sides of the lightsaber turning on at the same time. He charged at the two Jedi.

Obi-Wan opened himself fully to the Vaar. The two Jedi now worked as one. Any time Xanatos parried, one of the Jedi was able to fight back.

Xanatos was good, very good at fighting. The two Jedi were just a little bit better.

Xanatos waved a hand, and pieces of the ceiling started raining down on them. They moved sideways, which made Xanatos move forwards. Qui-Gon waved his hand, and more of the ceiling came down. Xanatos stopped concentrating on the fight, and started working on the ceiling.

Obi-Wan looked at a statue. It was very large. He concentrated, and the statue flew across the path, s mashing into Xanatos. The enemy fell to the ground, unconscious, his lightsaber under him. Obi-Wan could hear the sizzle of flesh.

Qui-Gon turned his former Padawan over and turned off the lightsaber. Then he went outside and threw the lightsaber off the cliff. It landed against the rocks and shattered.

"What are we going to do with him?" Obi-Wan asked.

"There is a room in this temple. It was built to contain the Sith." Qui-Gon looked down to Xanatos. "It will fit him."

"Will he be able to get out?" Obi-Wan asked concerned.

"There is only one way to get out of the room. That is to embrace the Light Side." Qui-Gon picked up the unconscious enemy, and walked into the temple.

Obi-Wan knew he wasn't supposed to disturb Qui-Gon when he was meditating, but he had to talk to him. He sat on the ground beside the older man. "Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon opened his eyes and looked down to the younger man. "I am meditating."

"I am sorry to disturb you." Obi-Wan looked away. "My transport is leaving this evening. As you said, I must go."

"Do you have an aircar?"

"Yes, Master...I mean Qui-Gon."

A smile tugged at Qui-Gon's lips. "I think I like Master better."

Obi-Wan tried to fight down his heart soaring. "You want me back?"

"I can't live my life without you. I was wrong to leave you," Qui-Gon admitted.

"What made you change your mind?"

"When we fought Xanatos, I realized that our bond made us stronger."

"Together we are stronger then apart," Obi-Wan said. "One soul, two bodies."

Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan. "I am leaving the choice to you. Can you take back a Master who deserted you?"

"My place is with you." Obi-Wan reached his hand behind Qui-Gon's head, pulling him down, opening himself to the kiss.

Qui-Gon pulled himself away from Obi-Wan. "You're still healing. Later, beloved."

Obi-Wan reluctantly agreed with his lover. "Yes, Master."

"I think it's about time we get off this planet. Do you think your transport ship needs a new crew member?"

"They always need more help."

"Can your transport get us to Coruscant?"

"It works out of Coruscant."

Qui-Gon got up. "Then let's gather our things, and leave."

"Have you thought of how you're going to talk the Council into letting you resume your training?" Q ui-Gon lay across the bed, his head propped up with pillows. They were in their shared quarters on the transport.

Obi-Wan sat down on the bed with his Master; he could feel Qui-Gon's arm around his shoulder. "I lied. I never left the Jedi."

"Why did you lie?" The fingers caressed his shoulder.

"I was afraid you would send me back if you knew the truth," Obi-Wan confessed. "You would have, wouldn't you?"

"On the first transport." Qui-Gon smiled.

It felt good to be back with Qui-Gon, but it wasn't in the way Obi-Wan had expected. They were now friends, nothing more. Qui-Gon had insisted that they only be friends until Obi-Wan had completely recovered from his trauma.

Suddenly, a shiver of coldness ran down Obi-Wan's back. In his mind, he heard Xanatos voice. Did you really think your jail could hold me?

You're free! Obi-Wan thought.

Of course I am free! The next time we meet, I will have my revenge!

Obi-Wan closed his mind to Xanatos. He looked up to Qui-Gon. "Master, Xanatos is free."

Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. "Is he on this ship?"

Obi-Wan thought for a moment. "No, he's not."

"Then we have time."

"Xanatos will come for revenge," Obi-Wan said. "Are you going to return me to Windu?"

"Our strength lies in our togetherness. With our Vaar we can defeat him once and for all," Qui-Gon promised.

Back to SWA-L Archive