Archive: SWAL, M&A, WWOMB
Category: AU
Disclaimer: The "Star Wars" universe belongs to George Lucas. The
"Bonding" universe belongs to Anne Higgins. This story belongs to me.
Notes: "Bazodee" is a Caribbean creole word meaning "thinking clouded by
psychological chaos". Very small vignette.
Pairing: Q/Mace
Rating: PG
Series: This story is set in Anne Higgins' "Bonding Through the Years" Universe.
Summary: Mace Windu copes with losing his lover to Obi-Wan.
Mace Windu had done his duty, and more than his duty. He had helped save the Kenobi family. He had helped Qui-Gon cope with the newness and strangeness of a soul-bond to an infant. He had explained about the soul-bond to the family, soothed their fears, and wrangled permission for Qui-Gon to say goodbye to the child alone. He had held Qui-Gon close and wiped away the tears and tried to ignore the presence of the infant boy in his lover's mind.
But all duties end, even the duties of love and friendship.
"Qui-Gon."
His lover looked up at him and smiled. "Mace! You're back."
"Just a few hours ago." Mace looked into those blue eyes, and saw the distance in them, the distance that even Qui-Gon wasn't aware of.
The distance Obi-Wan Kenobi had put there in the moment of his birth, ten months ago.
It was hard enough on Mace before the child learned language, but now...
He touched Qui-Gon's hair, ruffling it with his fingers. "I can't do this anymore, my friend."
Qui-Gon stood and looked down at him. "What do you mean?"
"I can't share you anymore. Your bondmate--I told you I was a selfish man. I told you."
"So this is...over. Dammit, Mace, I don't want to lose you." Mace closed his eyes against his lover's pain. Against the grim set of that jaw and the tears in the eyes and the barely-restrained violence.
"I will always be your friend. But I can't share you with him. Please...don't make this harder."
He heard Qui-Gon sit down, heavily, and he opened his eyes. The tall Jedi had buried his head in his hands. "I don't want to lose you."
"You already have."
The hands dropped away, and Mace found himself looking into those deep blue eyes. Qui-Gon bit his lip and whispered, "Mace, if I'd had a choice--"
"You're a fool if you think that, my friend." He leaned in and kissed his lover--his ex-lover--for the last time. The kiss was long and desperate, and when he pulled back, he had to turn away from the anguish in Qui-Gon's face. "One day, you'll know just how much of a fool you are."
"I love you."
Mace ran his fingers lightly over his friend's features. "I know."
Then he turned and walked out the door.