Archive: OK to SWAL and Master/Apprentice; all others, please ask.
Feedback: I'll take it as simple and/or as detailed as I you please,
on-list or privately...I crave it, I desire it, I write faster when I get it! Don’t
make me beg! *g*
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: PG-13 (for a brief moment) and uber-angst!
Series: This story does indeed stand alone, but is part of a series;
comes after "Touch", "Mortal Wounds", and "Scorched".
Spoilers: Yes; toward the end, a significant one for Phantom Menace.
Summary: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon wrestle with the difficult guidelines which
must define their relationship.
"And here, Master?" Obi-Wan teased gently.
Qui-Gon Jinn's eyes rolled back in his head as he fought to control his reaction to his Padawan's tongue against his body. A soft gasp escaped him, enough for Obi-Wan to smile wickedly against the taut skin of his Master's thigh, which he'd been caressing with his mouth. He had found his target. So sensually, Obi-Wan drew his lips across the skin of the thigh, and down...
"Enough!" Qui-Gon panted, abruptly shifting his weight and displacing Obi-Wan from between his legs.
Obi-Wan lifted his head with a confused, slightly wounded frown. He was alarmed, and hurt, although he tried very hard to shield this from Qui-Gon. Nevertheless, his Master read him as easily as one reads the open summer sky, and Obi-Wan found himself captured in his Master's embrace, briefly, as a reminder he was cherished. His Master's lips brushed over his with intoxicating, annoying tenderness, then retreated as Qui-Gon released him and sat upright on the edge of the bed, quickly pulling his tunic and leggings on.
With a sigh, Obi-Wan sat up in the bed, hesitant to abandon their lovemaking. Every day had brought a new delight, a different kind of sensation. His body had begun to covet these nuances of variation, the indelible mark Qui-Gon was leaving upon his skin, and in his heart. From even before the first day of his apprenticeship, he'd shared a remarkably close bond with his Master, but the remaining confines of his Master's psyche had crumbled on the night he first took his Padawan to his bed. Obi-Wan felt he'd been allowed a glimpse into a treasure vault, his Master's deepest dread and desire, and he held that knowledge sacred. For the first time since that night, he sensed something else...deception. Qui-Gon was deliberately hiding something from his apprentice, something which had the distinct resonance of fear, and Obi-Wan had decided he would not allow any secrets to be kept.
Qui-Gon felt a focusing of the Force being brought to bear against his hastily erected mental barriers, but repelled the questioning with great effort. More and more, Obi-Wan's strength and clarity within the Force surprised him, but he would not be taken to task this night...not while he still had so many conflicting beliefs about what must be settled between them.
"What is it, Master?" Obi-Wan's expression reflected his worry. It was not like Qui-Gon to hide things from him. Not anymore.
"It will keep, Padawan." Qui-Gon turned, looking at his student with eyes which gave away nothing. What he saw was an achingly young man with an unguarded expression which reflected bright hope and confidence. Qui-Gon sighed. "You must trust me in this. We will speak about my concerns when I have resolved my feelings."
Obi-Wan reached out tentatively with the Force, becoming more aware every moment that something was deeply troubling his Master. For the first time since their connection to one another had been altered by passion, Obi-Wan was frightened by an irrational fear -- that his Master, having possessed him, now meant to forsake him to an uncertain destiny.
Qui-Gon could sense his student's fear. It was palpable, almost destructive in its apprehension. The Master Jedi knew he must distance himself from the younger man, if only for a short time, to collect his thoughts and achieve some clarity of purpose regarding this vague sense of foreboding he had been struggling to overcome. He fastened his lightsaber to his belt and said without turning, "There are many things to be discussed." He paused, and the words which followed escaped before he felt able to dominate them. "You will be here when I return?"
"Where else would I go, Master?" The reply was innocuous enough, but Qui-Gon felt the words tinged with a nebulous challenge. Qui-Gon nodded his head and fled his student's company, distressed by the lack of control he was feeling.
Obi-Wan watched the door slide shut behind his Master and hunched down in the bed they shared, defeated. If his Master meant to sever their relationship, there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. He felt powerless next to his Master's able manipulation of both events and surroundings. Obi-Wan took a deep breath and settled back into the bedding, shivering with cold. All answers would come in their own time. This, Master Yoda had managed to teach him, between numerous protests and interruptions. All answers would be revealed, in time.
Qui-Gon stood near the largest portal on the astro-navigation deck and stared at the cold brilliance of the stars before him. He'd placed his apprentice in danger by allowing his feelings to infringe upon his duty. There was no excuse for such a flagrant violation of the Jedi Code.
A wry smile crept across Qui-Gon's face, speculative, mindful. He'd broken the Code on many occasions since becoming a Master. His resolution would not turn to the bidding of others. Even Master Yoda had never been able to dissuade him from a particular course of action. Lecture after lecture, discipline after discipline, and he remained headstrong, following his own counsel. He sensed the same bravado in Obi-Wan. It both pleased and worried him. If his apprentice was to become strong in the living Force, this rebellion which was burning within him must be quelled, to some extent. And what would become of Obi-Wan if he were forced to subjugate himself to the will of others?
Qui-Gon knew there was much he could teach the younger man, and much which would be sacrificed if he chose to remain as Master to this particular exquisite Padawan.
He turned and began the slow walk to their sleeping quarters.
"Obi-Wan. Wake now."
The voice was serene, but firm. Confused in the darkness, Obi-Wan sat up too quickly, his head swimming. "Master?"
"Here." The warmth of Qui-Gon's hand hovered near Obi-Wan's face, lingering there for a long moment before his fingers touched Obi-Wan's face. They were withdrawn quickly, leaving Obi-Wan with a sigh of impatient yearning.
"Where have you been?" Obi-Wan spoke the words in a neutral tone, hoping for a simple answer, but was doubtful when Qui-Gon hesitated.
"There is something we must discuss." Obi-Wan searched his student's eyes as he said, "There must be nothing but calm and openness between us when we travel together, Padawan."
"I understand, Master, but -" Obi-Wan began.
Qui-Gon silenced him with a look. "Obi-Wan. When we travel together, we represent the will of those who dispatch us to do their bidding. There must be nothing outward between us. Do you understand the importance of this?"
"I believe so, Master," Obi-Wan said slowly. "We cannot allow our passions to dictate to us, nor can they interfere with the mission we must complete."
"Yes," Qui-Gon replied, sadness tingeing his tone. "I cannot allow my feelings for you to jeopardize an assignment. Never again."
"Nor can I," Obi-Wan agreed. The full magnitude of this was clear to him. No matter the battle, or the stakes, each must be ready to sacrifice the other. His eyes filled with tears as he looked to his teacher, his lover, the man who had become the most important person in his world, and tried to picture life without him.
Qui-Gon's breath caught in his throat as he saw the look of genuine distress on Obi-Wan's face. He reached out and took his apprentice's face between his hands, and as the Force fluxed between them like soft water between grains of sand, he channeled trust and love to his apprentice.
Suddenly, stunningly, Qui-Gon saw his future revealed...a battle which could not be won, a death which was unavoidable, a grief which would shape the destiny of another. He knew, instantly, that Obi-Wan would be the source of one of the greatest trials any Jedi could ever face...but he would not be there to share that risk. And as suddenly as that wisdom was revealed, it was snatched away.
"Master??" Obi-Wan sensed the shift in his Master's abilities, but could not comprehend the full force of his grief, for Qui-Gon had already locked that away, along with the great curse of unexpected knowledge. So many things were not to be, and so little time was left to them...
"Hush, Padawan." Qui-Gon enfolded Obi-Wan in his embrace, so powerfully that his student's surprise registered clearly within the confines of their mental bond. But Qui-Gon had no time to indulge Obi-Wan's curiosity. Every instant, every gesture, every embrace was vital now.
And there would be only one chance left for him to save this young man. Qui-Gon hoped he would be strong enough, when the time came.