Pairing: Q/O
Rating: R
Summary: Anyone else notice Obi-Wan's braid changing sides during
the movie?
The digital counter on the wall near the window over looking the sun-browned fields of Skywalker Ranch spun ever upward, the numbers now nearing the 200 million mark. Ignoring the vista spread out before him and the counter that detailed just exactly how much money tickets and merchandise for his newest movie had raked in, George Lucas paced, his attention centered on the speakerphone on his massive desk.
"No, no I don't want DiCaprio! Everyone will be expecting Anakin to drown or get hypothermia then! What about that Damon kid? Or Ed Furlong? He's proved he can work with CGI, we wouldn't have to worry about him staring in the wrong direction all the time."
Suddenly, the massive wooden doors to the director's office blew open and in stalked two Jedi knights. Two very pissed-off Jedi Knights.
"Liam! Ewan! What are you doing here? You should be out doing more promo shots for the movie! We've got the new rash of summer films coming out and I don't want to lose any market share!"
"Relax, Mr. Lucas," the taller man murmured, laying his hand on Lucas' shoulder. The writer/director immediately slumped into one of his expensive slingback chairs, his eyes crossing comically.
"I think you overdid it, Master," the apprentice chuckled before his stoic expression returned.
"Good delivery," George mumbled, staring blearily at the pair.
"We have a matter of grave importance to discuss with you Mr. Lucas." Qui-Gon Jinn stared impassively at the multi-millionaire. "It has come to our attention that..."
Not able to hold back any longer, Obi-Wan Kenobi pushed forward, waving his hands about. "Who the fuck edited this movie???"
"Padawan." At that word, the rebellious apprentice fell silent though he continued to glower at the director and one hand crept up to touch his long braid.
Having recovered somewhat, George, stared at the two in total confusion. "Paul Smith and Ben Burtt, you know that. Good men, both of them"
"Then *why* couldn't they remember which side of my head my braid was supposed to be on?!" Obi-Wan grated, lifting the hair from his right shoulder and waving it at the creator of the Star Wars universe.
"What..."
"Watch and learn, Mr. Lucas." Qui-Gon waved his hand and an image formed on the wide screen TV that dominated one wall of the spacious office.
Immediately the opening credits of The Phantom Menace rolled, the action pausing at the scene where the two Jedi first revealed their faces.
"See!" Obi-Wan growled. "It's on the _right_ side - where it should be."
"So? I know it's supposed to be on the right side. That's where the costume designers said it should be. What is the point of this? I have an interview with 20/20 later today and...Where did you two get a copy of it anyway? Damn bootleggers!"
Fixing the producer with a cold stare, Qui-Gon waved his hand again and the scene jumped. This time the action showed the Jedi's entrance to the Gungan city and at his first close up, Obi-Wan left out a howl of frustration. "Look, there! It's on the left side! The left side! What are you going to do about that?"
"Why didn't _you_ catch it when they were putting on your make up?" Lucas asked, sounding mildly amused at the apprentice's fit.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said smoothly, resting his hand on the smaller man's shoulder and leaving it there. The younger Jedi immediately relaxed and shifted closer.
Qui-Gon's expression turned affectionate for a moment, then hardened again. "It also changes sides in the scene where I deliver the cruiser parts to the Naboo ship before going back for Anakin. A most unfortunate occurrence wouldn't you say?"
The director looked disgruntled and his foot tapped in irritation. "Well what do you want me to do about it? The movie has been in release for over two weeks and millions of people have seen it. Millions more _want_ to see it, I just can't pull all the copies back from the theatres to fix such a tiny mistake..." His voice died off as he saw the expression on the other men's faces. "Can I?"
"Yes you can." This was accompanied by the subtle wave of Qui-Gon's hand once again.
"And yes you will," Obi-Wan added, still sounding a bit grumbly.
"I can and I will," Lucas agreed, reaching for his phone to begin calling his people to set the process in motion.
Qui-Gon smiled then. "Oh, and one more thing we would like changed..."
Hearing what the Jedi wanted, Lucas stared at them in horror. "I can't do that! It would wreck the other movies! The whole plot of Episodes 4-6 would be ruined. I can't and I won't."
"Stubborn as a Sith," Obi-Wan growled, looking as if he wanted to toss several of the director's awards through his window.
"Patience, Padawan," Qui-Gon chuckled, giving his apprentice's shoulder a squeeze. "This is true, we cannot anger the fans by negating the other episodes."
"But they want you to live!" Obi-Wan exclaimed soulfully.
"I would rather live also but this point we will have to concede." He then turned his attention back to the worried looking writer. "There is something else you can do for us though which would be almost as good..."
(Several months later)
The crowds waiting for the re-release of The Phantom Menace were even larger than those that had formed the first time the movie was shown. Speculation as to what changes George Lucas had made in the film ran rampant but somehow no one had been able to find a thing about the scenes that had been re-shot and why.
Hushed whispers greeted the start of the movie and then faded away as the audience searched in vain for the additions and changes that had been made.
As the movie passed the one hour mark, the murmurs began again. So far nothing had been different as far as the fans could tell.
Finally, the climactic lightsaber duel commenced, and the crowd let out a pained groan as Qui-Gon was once again run through by Darth Maul's blade. The whimpers were especially loud from the section of slash fans who had camped out for weeks in the hopes that the new version would let the Jedi Master live.
The plot continued as before, Obi-Wan falling into the shaft and then emerging to split the Sith in two. Meanwhile, some of the fans were getting a "been there, done that" look on their faces - what else was left that could have been changed?
As the Jedi apprentice cradled his fallen Master's head in his arms, audible sniffling could be heard from the slashers' section and even from a few of the gen fans. The sniffs then turned into gasps and then exultant cheers when, in a final farewell to his Master, Obi-Wan laid a long, steamy kiss on Qui-Gon, complete with tongue.
Of course the fact that Qui-Gon died a moment later did dampen the slashers' spirits a bit but the rest of the dialogue in the movie was drowned out by their repeated utterances of "I *told* you!"
Sitting in the back of the darkened theatre, sharing a box of heavily buttered popcorn which they snacked on in between rounds of necking, the two Jedi smiled.
"Told you it would work," Obi-Wan grinned as he nibbled on his Master's ear.
"You are wise beyond your years, Padawan," Qui-Gon laughed, sucking the butter-flavored topping from his apprentice's fingers. "Now then, shall we go put all this grease to some better use?"