Notes: Ah. Well, I found my word processing program (thank god for cd-rom) and therefore am able to write the story to commemorate my fifth viewing of "The Phantom Menace". I gotta confess - I watched it this time without crying (possibly due to the fact that it was a matinee and there were a *lot* of distracting children in the audience), and paid attention to some of the *other* characters on-screen... Hmm...
I looked all over the place and could not find any reference to Captain Panaka's first name, so I just made one up. Hopefully he'll return in the other prequels and I'll find out what it really is. I have an extraordinarily hard time writing songfic for SW, and I'm not sure why, because I *love* songfic. That said, I adore this song by BNL, and have listened to it over and over ever since I got it.
Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Captain Panaka(/Qui-Gon Jinn)
Rating: R-ish, I suppose.
Series: Fifth in the 'Post-Viewing' series (more companion pieces than sequels to each other), after "Landslide", "Afterwords", "Quiet", and "Another Day".
Spoilers: For TPM.
Summary: A different sort of 'romance'.
Warnings: I don't use betas. :( Any mistakes are solely my fault and the fault of my *#^&@ spellcheck.

...and if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up...

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**Call**
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On a ship on the outskirts of Mos Espa, Tatooine...

Captain Panaka stood just outside the doorway, watching the young Jedi stare at the still- disassembled hyperdrive. He'd been in there most of the day, readying it for the parts that Qui-Gon, Jar Jar and the Queen had ventured into the Tatooine city to find. The two Jedi were in near-constant contact, and although Obi-Wan hadn't said anything directly, Panaka got the impression that things were not going as well as expected on Mos Espa. If he waited for information to be volunteered by either of the Jedi who were accompanying this mission, he knew he'd be completely in the dark. They were both closed-mouthed in the extreme; no doubt they could communicate with each other without even bothering to speak. If they weren't completely selfless in their motives, they'd be a dangerous pair; knowing that they were was the only reason he'd acquiesced to the Queen's insistence on accompanying Qui-Gon to the city in her continued guise as one of the handmaidens.

It frustrated him that, even as the head of the Queen's security, he didn't know where she was or what was happening in the city. Even though he knew that she was in more than capable company, the uncertainty was keeping him awake. Most of the handmaidens, the 'Queen', and the others on the ship had retired long ago. Something told him that the reason for Obi-Wan's continued alertness was caused by worry more along the lines of his own than the problems with the hyperdrive. "Going to repair it by will alone?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

Obi-Wan looked up at him, a grimace on his face. "If I could, we'd be out of here by now."

"It was a joke."

"I know," Obi-Wan said, rubbing his hands over tired eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm not in the best humour, at the moment."

Restraining himself from mentioning that 'humour' was not on the list of attributes the Jedi showed, Panaka said, "Then it is that bad."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Not necessarily," he said, displaying a show of reassurance Panaka wasn't entirely sure he felt. "Something will turn up. Master Qui-Gon will figure out a way to get the parts that we need."

Panaka nodded his head. "You have a lot of faith in him."

"He's my Master," Obi-Wan answered, as if that explained everything that needed to be said on the matter.

"I don't know much about Jedi," Panaka said. "I'll have to take your word that that's a good thing."

For the first time since they'd met, Obi-Wan smiled, and even relaxed a little. "You've never met a Jedi before?"

"Once, about five years ago, 'interrogating' a space pirate I helped pick up. It was the shortest confession I ever witnessed, and the simplest. I often wished she'd have stayed with us longer."

"We haven't much call to stay in one place for very long." Obi-Wan looked at the fried hyperdrive generator in muted frustration. "Although, this might be the exception. If we don't get the parts we need to fix this hyperdrive, Tatooine could become the new home of us all."

"Come on," Panaka said, encouragingly. "Staring at it won't fix it - you said so yourself. You must be hungry."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Not really."

"Thirsty then. At least sit down for a moment."

Although he looked as though he wanted to protest, Obi-Wan eventually nodded his head. "I don't suppose worrying this will help it at all," he conceded. "Thanks."

They went into the main area of the starship. It was dark and most of the other people on the craft were asleep; only Panaka and the Jedi were still moving about. They sat, and Panaka poured himself a cup of water from a carafe on the table, then pushed it towards Obi-Wan. "Too bad we didn't bring more of this," he said, picking up his cup. "Water might be the most valuable commodity that we have on this ship, at least to the people on this planet."

"Unfortunately, we only have enough for ourselves," Obi-Wan said. "And only for a limited time."

"Like you said, Qui-Gon will figure something out." He smiled to himself, thinking, /Or the Queen will./ He had long ago learned not to underestimate the resourcefulness of the young monarch he served. He set down his cup. "How long have the two of you been together?"

"Since I was thirteen," Obi-Wan said. "Almost half my life."

"That is a long time."

"It's normal, for Jedi. It isn't unusual for apprentices spend fifteen or twenty years - or longer - with their Masters before they face the trials."

"I couldn't imagine it. I've been on my own since I was sixteen."

"By choice?" Obi-Wan asked.

"No, not really," Panaka conceded. "My father died, and my mother re-married, and started a second family. I was a reminder of the man she'd lost." He shrugged. "I didn't feel like I belonged there any more, so I left."

"And lost your family."

"It happens to everyone, sooner or later." Panaka re-filled his cup. "What about your family?"

"I have a younger brother," Obi-Wan said. "Parents. The same as everyone. I lived in the Temple on Coruscant since I was very young. I see them - " he paused " - I suppose, every couple of years, or so." He shook his head. "It's an entirely different life. You're right; it does happen to everyone, sooner or later."

"To some sooner than others. Qui-Gon is like a surrogate father to you, then?"

Obi-Wan laughed quietly, surprised at the question. "More like a mentor," he chuckled. "I don't really think of him in terms of age; it's more of an experiential difference between us. For some, those experiences come very young. Take your Queen, for example; she's quite young to be in the position that she is."

"Yes, I guess she is. I suppose having such a young Queen would seem strange to someone from a planet of rulers the age of those in the Senate. Sometimes the changes that we've been through in the past few years seem fantastic even to me. And now with this Trade Federation invasion - " His voice trailed off, remembered thoughts of the troubled planet they'd left behind coming to the fore.

"We all have a destiny to follow, though."

"And you think it's completely out of our hands?"

"Not exactly. We all make choices; destiny is not so much a straight line as a series of curving roads that all lead to one place."

"Is that why you told us not to send any transmissions off the ship? Because it won't make a difference one way or another?"

Obi-Wan looked at him, sharply. "You know as well as I that it's a trap. Someone is trying to make a trace on our position to find the location of the Queen."

"Is that you speaking, or your Master?"

"I agree with him on this point," Obi-Wan said, firmly. "Even if you did send a message, what good would it do? There's nothing that we can do from way out here in the outer rim, and we have no way to get off this planet until the ship is repaired."

"And that's the reason that we haven't sent any transmissions. The only reason."

"We aren't the enemy," Obi-Wan said, quietly. "We want the Queen safe and the blockade ended as much as you do."

"Not quite as much, I think," Panaka said. Then he shook his head, attempting to diffuse the sudden spark of anger that had cropped up between them. "You're right. Arguing over details isn't going to solve anything."

"You should get some rest."

"I was about to say the same thing to you."

"Somehow, I don't think I'll be able to get any sleep tonight," Obi-Wan admitted. "But you're right." He looked shrewdly at the man sitting opposite.

"What?"

"I'm wondering why you came to find me tonight," Obi-Wan said. "I sense an ulterior motive."

The way he said it made Panaka laugh. "You caught me," he said. "I wondered if you knew anything about the goings-on in the city that you hadn't mentioned."

"It wouldn't serve any purpose for me to be deceptive," Obi-Wan said.

"No, but you aren't exactly a fount of information, either." His tone softened as he continued, "I was serious when I said that spending all night working on the hyperdrive wouldn't do you any good, though, other than giving you a backache."

Obi-Wan nodded and stretched a little. "I think I might be too late to prevent that. It's no big deal."

"Here." Panaka stood and walked until he was directly behind the Jedi. He dug his fingers into the man's shoulders, surprised at the amount of tension he felt there; Obi-Wan had given no indication that he was in any sort of pain.

"We work beyond the pain," Obi-Wan said, in response to the unspoken question. "It's a secondary concern."

"It must catch up with you, eventually."

The young Jedi smiled. "When we have time to consider it, yes."

"That must be unpleasant, dealing with something days or weeks after the fact." He continued to rub, feeling the muscles relax under his touch.

"It's no different than what millions of others go through. Pain isn't something that anyone likes to deal with."

"True. It's a necessary evil."

"Yes," Obi-Wan smiled. "You don't need to do that, you know."

"I don't mind. Consider it an apology for my 'deception'."

"In that case, I appreciate it."

Panaka pulled at Obi-Wan's robe, and the young man shrugged it off, leaning his head back. Despite his placid facade and closed eyes, Panaka could tell, by touch, that he was enjoying the massage.

"You have good hands."

"So I've been told."

A grin came over Obi-Wan's face, although he kept his eyes closed. Panaka continued the strong rubbing until the Jedi's communicator beeped. He looked almost apologetic as he got to his feet to answer it.

"Obi-Wan."

"Yes, Master." He spoke as he walked into the cockpit of the ship, for privacy.

Captain Panaka shook his head, and sat down again, chuckling. Apparently to a Jedi, privacy was a need that was insurmountable.

Obi-Wan came back into the main room after a few minutes, looking slightly troubled.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no," Obi-Wan said. "I'm sorry about that. I suppose I should get back to work."

"I thought you were going to rest."

"Was I?"

"Touché. All right, suit yourself." Panaka stood, prepared to leave and find himself a corner of the ship to rest in.

"You're going to sleep?" Obi-Wan asked, in mild disbelief.

"There's nothing else for me to do."

"Thank you," Obi-Wan said, extending his arm. "For the company, and for the massage. I appreciate it."

Panaka took it in a warrior-clasp. "You're welcome." Before Obi-Wan could pull away, however, he pulled the younger man to him and caught him off-guard, kissing him on the mouth. When their lips made contact, Obi-Wan didn't try to pull away again, although the other man knew that the Jedi's power could have him flat on his back with a minimum of effort.

When they parted, Panaka said, "I've wanted to do that all afternoon."

"Really?"

"Either that, or hit you."

"So have I," Obi-Wan said, with an ironic smile. "I'm glad you decided not to hit me."

"So am I. I don't think hitting you would have made me feel any better."

"But kissing me did?"

"Yes. Satisfied a curiosity. I was beginning to wonder if you Jedi were men, or gods."

"I'm a man," Obi-Wan said, firmly. "Beyond anything else, we're the same underneath." He smiled. "I can't keep calling you 'Captain Panaka.' What's your given name?"

"My friends call me Dami."

"Dami," Obi-Wan repeated. He was the one who moved to close the distance between them, this time.

They went nowhere, realizing that, although they were in the middle of the ship, private quarters were at a minimum and there wasn't likely to be any other place they could go. Instead, they sank into one of the padded benches that lined one side of the ship's wall, opening clothing so they could touch skin, but not removing anything entirely, to preserve a little modesty should anyone come in unexpectedly.

Dami Panaka continued to kiss Obi-Wan as he exposed his pale skin, brushing his lips over the young Jedi's throat and chest. His responses were muted, the small sounds of enjoyment he made barely perceptible, even as close as they were to each other. Dami wondered if Obi-Wan's reticence masked something else than the unwillingness to draw attention to what they were doing.

Sensing his question, Obi-Wan looked at him, smiling. "It isn't what you think," he said, soothingly, bringing their mouths together once again. Sweeping his lips over to Dami's ear, he continued in a whisper, "It isn't the people on the ship that I'm concerned about disturbing."

Realization of just who Obi-Wan meant struck hard. "You don't mean - ?"

Obi-Wan nodded, amusement plain in his eyes. "It's part of our bond. What I feel, he feels." Before Dami could pull away from their embrace, he held on to him, fast. "It's all right," he said. "If he's asleep, it will be like a dream."

"I don't know how comfortable I feel about sharing this with more than one person."

"We are all connected," Obi-Wan said, knitting the fingers of his right hand together with his new lover's. "It's a matter of perception. If you learn to clear your mind, you can feel what any person on this ship - or on this planet, or in this galaxy - is feeling."

"I don't understand."

"I know. Trust me."

For someone to whom trust did not come easily, Dami found his own acquiescence to the man surprising, and yet completely natural. The thought came to mind that Obi-Wan was influencing him, somehow, using one of the rumoured mind control tricks on him, but gradually he realized that he was simply giving in to his own body's feelings on the subject.

They touched each other gently, not with the wild exuberance of passion, but with a muted curiosity and an exactness, as if they had done this before, or as if it was destined to be. Although they were both quiet, they did not still, but moved over and against each other, tracing patterns of touch against skin, pale and dark, feeling a rising ache of need which was greater than either of them alone. In the back of his mind, Dami felt the presence of a third all around them, and, although it was a strange feeling, it was not exactly upsetting. He held Obi-Wan, touched him, tasted him, swallowed his cries of release, and followed with his own. When it was over they slumped together, half-smiling, half-laughing, half-clothed, still, holding each other, the echo of another voice in their minds.

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**Answer**
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In the Royal Palace at Theed, Naboo. . .

Captain Panaka and the Queen stayed up very late, going over the preparations for the victory celebration, complete with security arrangements for the many visiting dignitaries. It was only the arrival of Sabé, wearing a very stern look that warned him against the possibility of argument, that signalled it was time for him to leave. He stood, an apologetic look on his face, took his hat and gloves from where they lay on the table, and left his Queen in the very capable hands of her closest handmaiden.

After checking in one final time with the guards on night-duty in the Palace, he fully intended to go straight to his room and try to sleep for at least a few hours. Something drew him away from his quarters, however - directly opposite the Queen's - and pushed him down into the wing where the Jedi were staying. He knew exactly where he was headed; he himself had overseen the assignments for their revered guests. The echo of his boots reverberated through the silent hallways, reverent in their quietude.

Once he arrived before the room that was his destination, he stood still for several minutes, half-deciding a dozen times to go back to his quarters without knocking. They had spent almost no time together since their one night on the ship on Tatooine; those few hours had been an expected oasis in the middle of chaos, and yet, fleeting as it was, it tied them together. It had been harder still to face Qui-Gon; the man had said nothing, and somehow - Dami had the unsettling feeling that the elder Jedi could read his every thought. Finally, he did rap, softly, at the door. If Obi-Wan was asleep, then such a gentle sound wouldn't disturb him, and would be able to leave having done what he came to do. After a moment, the door opened. "I thought you might be awake."

Obi-Wan was just the way that the Queen had described him: calm, not showing his grief outwardly, but cloaked in a powerful sorrow that was almost palpable to the touch. He had been that way since Dami had found him in the power generator, kneeling over the still body of his fallen Master. It had taken long minutes for him to relinquish his hold on the man; then he walked, ages older than he had been the last time they'd seen each other, out of the room and the palace entire.

The Jedi moved aside, back into the room that was lit only by streaming moonlight. Dami followed him, closing the door softly and leaning against it, unsure of what exactly had brought him here. The call was stronger than anything he had felt before; it had pushed him, without words, and bade him answer.

Obi-Wan sat on the bed, the silver glow of light making him appear almost ghostly. "I can't sleep," he said. "I can't seem to close my eyes."

"Something's missing."

Obi-Wan nodded. "It isn't even a physical presence; I simply cannot feel him anywhere, anymore." He turned his head, looking Dami in the eyes. "He's one with the Force."

Although he didn't completely understand the concept, Dami nodded. "It was his destiny." The laugh that answered was hollow, pained. "I'm sorry, that was stupid of me."

"No," Obi-Wan said, quickly. "No, I'm sorry. It wasn't stupid. It's a comfort, really it is. Or, at least, it will be."

Dami walked to the bed and sat. So close, he could smell the smoke from the funeral fire that still clung to Obi-Wan's clothing. "Don't push it, just because you think you have to be a Jedi Knight all the time."

Obi-Wan smiled. "I won't."

"Where's Anakin?"

"In his room." Obi-Wan nodded towards the connecting door that joined their two rooms. "He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I really envy the young their resiliency, sometimes."

"Let's hope he stays young a while longer." He looked at Obi-Wan critically; the exhaustion was plain on his face, and yet he was still fighting it. Perhaps there were dreams he did not yet want to face alone. "You really should get some sleep."

"So should you."

"I could stay - if you want."

"I'd like that." Obi-Wan lay down on the bed, still fully clothed, without the energy even to undress himself.

Dami pulled off the young man's boots, and then his own, and lay down on the bed beside the young Jedi, pulling the blanket up over the two of them and putting one arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. The smell of smoke was strong in the room, especially this close.

He didn't say a word when he felt Obi-Wan's body start to shake, silently, just pulled the younger man close and held him. There was nothing that he could say that would possibly make any difference. He felt the wetness of tears against his neck, and closed his eyes, reaching out to absorb some of Obi-Wan's pain.

It was true, what the Jedi had said before about the connectedness of all beings; he felt as sure of that now as he had ever been about anything. The loss of Qui-Gon was all around him, reflected in the Queen's eyes, in Annie's muted exuberance, in the silent, heart-shattering sorrow of the man in his arms. Especially there; part of Obi-Wan, that he had felt before, was now missing. One with the Force, and yet gone.

Finally, the young man stopped shaking, and lay still. Dami knew that he was not sleeping, but waited, silent.

His voice, when he spoke, was raw. "Thank you. I didn't tell you that before."

Dami nodded, and raised his hand, brushing it through the Jedi's short hair. "Sleep, Obi-Wan."

"It must be nearly morning already."

"There's a few hours before sunrise."

"You don't have to stay."

"I said I would." After a moment's pause, he added, "I want to."

Softly, Obi-Wan lifted his hand, palm down, and placed it in the centre of Dami's chest, over his heart. "I was wrong, you know."

"About what?"

"He isn't gone. It isn't that he isn't anywhere - he's everywhere. I'm looking for him. That's my problem." He shook his head, and repeated again, "I'm looking for him."

"So when you stop looking, then you'll find him?"

"When I stop looking," Obi-Wan said, softly, looking at Dami with blue-green eyes muted with sorrow, "he'll find me."

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