Archive: yes
Archive Date: February 15, 2000
Author's Webpage: http://adult.dencity.com/insanityoutlet/
Category: Humour
Disclaimer: No Hershey bars were harmed in the production of this fic. Oh
yeah and Lucasfilm, Lucasfilm, Lucasfilm
Feedback: would be lovely
Notes: This isn't what it looks like -really! The snapshot was written
yesterday, Snow Days was written late Friday with TUE and Marag
honestly wrote most of this herself but had to call on me when she squicked
herself (any foodstuff and sex will do it for her).
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: R
Hershyite was a small planet. Backwards in many ways, but yet so technologically advanced in others. They had one and only one export -Cho-ko-lit. It was a foodstuff derived from the Kokoa plant, which grew in abundance all over the planet. Cho-ko-lit had very little nutritive value. But every known species in the Galaxy could consume it, and many found it to be of a highly, um, well, lets just say that every known species in the galaxy found a use for it.
The people of Hershyite were a loving, happy, plump people. They worshiped one God, and every four years freely elected a new Dictatorship.
All in all a very inoffensive people. Except once a year, when the held the "Roast". On the 14th day of the 2nd month of their yearly rotation, the entire planet celebrated the Roast. This was the day that the beans of the Kokoa plant harvested over the pervious weeks were gathered together and roasted over a slow fire. The result was Cho-ko-lit, and a planet wide orgy.
Oh, and did I mention the sacrifice?
"We have to WHAT?"
"Obi-Wan please, control your reactions." Qui-Gon tried to sound calm and reasonable.
"Qui-Gon, they want us to- to- "
"Sacrifice your virginity and declare your love to the entire planet," replied Cupidus, the Elder of the town, in an attempt to be helpful. He was quite concerned that these Jedi just didn't seem to be with the program.
Obi-Wan made a sound in his throat that, to Qui-Gon ears, sounded suspiciously like a whimper. "Cupidus, can you tell me did Master Yoda understand the nature of your request when you told the council that you required two Jedi for your Roast?"
"But of course. Master Yoda himself was a participant many, many years ago."
"I'll kill him. Um...who was he with?"
"Obi-Wan I am sure that such questions are not appropriate."
"Not at all Master Jinn. It was a Jedi named Master Fozzi, if memory serves me correctly. A wise man, but with a very odd sense of humour."
Neither Jedi had a reply to that.
Cupidus decided that it was time to hurry things along. He had a great deal of work to do before the ceremony tonight, and he still hadn't managed to get to a flower shop. His mate was not going to be pleased. Blarin liked blue Thornrosis flowers, and as they were only available once a year, he had better get his act together. "Come gentlemen, now you understand it is time to separate you until the fuc - uh, ceremony begins. Master Jinn, you will come with me, please. Your young apprentice will remain here; he will be taken care of."
Unsure that he liked the sound of that, Qui-Gon nonetheless allowed himself to be ushered from the cabin.
Several hours later, Obi-Wan was beginning to feel like, well like a sacrificial Redshurtus. So here he was. He was clean; every inch of him was clean. His body had been scoured, both inside and out, and every single one of his body hairs had been removed from the neck down. He was totally hairless. It felt weird, it felt cold, it felt smooth, and it felt, um, well
okay so it's sexy all right? get on with it.
Since one of the rules was to never argue with a main character, the multitude of women got on with it.
A strong scent began to waft over the village. Soon the sacrifice would take place. The smell of the roasting beans was dark, rich -it overwhelmed the senses. Obi-Wan listened to the chant and became entranced as he was led through the village.
"All hail oh great God of Kokoa, hear us, listen to us moan your
name in ecstasy:
We call to you, your sweetness, and your smooth supple form:
Come...
Come...
For so long the people of Hershyite had prepared for this day. For today was the day that the unknown love of the two who would become one would be offered to the one true God, the Lord Cho-ko- lit, God of Kokoa.
Obi-Wan was led to a clearing where a large vat of liquid Cho-ko- lit, deep, dark and brown, bubbled. Drums could be heard in the background. It was all rather primitive - well except for the Jumbotron and the Vid-Cameras set out to capture the event in real time. Obi-Wan was most grateful that his Master had refused to allow instant replays.
Still unsure of what exactly was about to happen, Obi Wan slowly lowered himself into the vat of rich, thick liquid. The smell was intoxicating, the heat enticing; it surrounded him, filled him, like a lover's embrace. All around him the people chanted.
"Hear us Cadburrius, we offer you this man, half of the gift of love."
Obi-Wan slowly rose from the vat, the liquid thickening and sticking to his slim muscular body as it hit the cooler air.
Qui-Gon watch in awe as the liquid Cho-ko-lit hardened into a form fitting shell around his padawan. "You don't expect me to lick that off do you?"
"Either you, or the women present, Master Jinn. The choice is yours."
Qui-Gon took one look around him at the salivating hordes and decided that his padawan might not survive. "Very well, what must I do?"
Cupidus only just managed not to roll his eyes in disgust - these Jedi were positively thick. "You have to fu - you must make love to him, passionately...continuously -through the floor."
Qui-Gon somehow managed to look astonished and aroused at the same time. "But he's a virgin. I am a virgin."
"Actually Master Jinn, that's the point. Look, just go up there, lick off the Choc-ko-lit and fake it from there okay? I have an orgy to attend."
With a resigned sigh, Qui-Gon made his way to the bed where his encased padawan was resting. He sat at the edge of the bed, making sure not to come in contact with any of the Cho-ko-lit.
"What now?" asked Obi-Wan.
"It seems I am to make love to you."
"Can we ditch the Cho-ko-lit first?"
Qui-Gon made a face.
"What?" asked Obi-Wan apprehensively.
"Apparently I have to lick it off."
"At least they shaved me first, that should make things easier."
"Everywhere?"
"Yes."
"Oh." Qui-Gon looked suddenly intrigued and certainly more willing. He cocked his head to one side, considering his padawan's coated form.
"I suppose I could think of you as a giant turtle...you are after all Cho-ko-lit covered and have nuts."
"You can think of me as a giant Cho-ko-lit bunny for all I care, just get me out of this -I'm starting to chafe."
Bending over his apprentice, Qui-Gon began to lick.
Several hours later, Obi-Wan was finally clean of Cho-ko-lit, more or less, almost vibrating with excitement. His erection was quite hard and begging for attention. Qui-Gon lay at his side, out of breath and holding his stomach, groaning mournfully.
"Come on, Master, we aren't done yet."
"I think I am. If I never see another bite of Cho-ko-lit again I might die a happy man."
"But what about the making love part?"
"What if you just...you know."
"Would that count?"
"I don't see why not -if spending 8 hours licking 20lbs of Cho-ko- lit of your body doesn't declare my love, I can't think of what would."
Satisfied that his immersion in Cho-ko-lit had not gone in vain, Obi-Wan grabbed hold of himself and dealt with the twelve inches
shut up, Master
of flesh that rose stiffly between his legs.
Sliding a finger through the pearly white drops that decorated his chest, he held it out to Qui-Gon.
"Taste?"
"I don't think so."
Obi-Wan shrugged, licking the finger himself.
"Yum, Cho-ko-lit flavoured!"