Archive: approved
Archive Date: November 08, 1999
Author's Webpage: www.jbx.com/~gila/ficindex.html
Category: PWP, BDSM
Disclaimer: disapproved
Feedback: approved
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Uh, sex.
It was no use.
Obi-Wan came out of his meditation and hung his head, weary. It hadn't helped at all. He was tired; the deep rest and contemplation of his meditation had only served to heighten his feelings. If even that wasn't going to work... Obi-Wan hated to think what his remaining recourse would be.
"Padawan." His Master's voice came from behind him, not startling him though he hadn't been aware of Qui-Gon's approach.
"Yes, Master?" he responded without thought, lifting his head to look over his shoulder. His thoughts were still quieted; only vague images and impressions of what he desired played in his mind.
He shut them away as he faced his Master. Qui-Gon was looking down at him with a serious expression. His Master waited another moment, looking at his apprentice intently until Obi-Wan began trying to recall every possible Bad Thing that had happened lately that he had done or might have been construed to have done.
He had half-opened his mouth to ask what he needed to do to redress whatever it was Qui-Gon had come here for when he realised there was only one thing.
He froze.
Qui-Gon sighed, slightly, and walked around to kneel before him. His Master looked at him thoughtfully, and worriedly. Obi-Wan felt his heart leap. He'd tried so hard to shield these feelings, these needs; he'd thought he'd succeeded. Apparently he had not.
He hung his head again.
He felt Qui-Gon's hand on his arm an instant later. "Obi-Wan, look at me. You are not wrong."
Obi-Wan blinked at the strength he heard; the words didn't surprise him, he never expected anything but support from Qui-Gon any more. But the urgency with which he was insisting....
"These feelings are not wrong."
Obi-Wan lifted his head and glared at his Master. "How can you say that? How can you say that something so dark and twisted and--"
Qui-Gon raised his hand to grab Obi-Wan's chin, not quite forcing him to keep silent but seizing his attention completely. "Obi-Wan." His voice was as soft as his grip was hard. "I'm telling you this because it is true."
Obi-Wan stared for a moment, then pulled himself free. He looked away, ashamed. "You say that but you don't know what it's like. What I'm feeling...." He squeezed his eyes closed tightly, wanting to fight the images that came but unable to hinder them even into speech. "What I want, what I need.. it's debasing, it's horrid. Humiliating and--"
Again his words were cut off. But this time Qui-Gon had taken Obi-Wan's face with both hands and kissed him, lovingly as he ever did.
Obi-Wan wanted to pull free. "Please don't."
"Listen to me, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan pulled back, away from his Master, his lover, and scrambled to his feet. "How can you sit there and be so calm?" he cried out. The frustration and anxiety of holding his feelings back surfaced with a rage. "How can you be so calm when I want--" he cut himself off again, unable to name the image in his mind: the image that threatened to arouse him with its mere thinking, despite all his struggles to disallow it.
He turned away, wishing he knew why these things had come to him, these despised feelings. These twisted needs he had never suspected were inside him -- how had they got there?
How did he get them out?
Hands closed on his shoulders, and a tender voice whispered, "Let me help."
He let himself be turned, and looked up, poised at the very edges of his control. "How? How can you help? Can you get rid of them for me? Tell me what I did to want them?"
Qui-Gon was looking at him with patience and understanding -- and Obi-Wan wanted to scream. Qui-Gon held him firmly. "Why do you fear them?"
Obi-Wan looked at his Master in surprise. "Are you joking?"
"I am not. Tell me why you fear them."
"I can't." Obi-Wan managed. Telling would mean naming what he feared, and he could not speak of them to his lover. Of the one he wanted doing those things to him.
Qui-Gon simply waited a moment more, then nodded. "Obi-Wan, do you trust me?"
"Of course!" Obi-Wan frowned. That hadn't been an issue between them since he'd been thirteen years old.
"Come, then."
Qui-Gon walked away; after a confused moment Obi-Wan followed. Qui-Gon led them from their quarters. Obi-Wan stayed just a step behind his Master, quiet and utterly perplexed.
His confusion did not subside as Qui-Gon left the Jedi Temple and headed for the public transport level. Obi-Wan took his place at his Master's side, silently waiting for their destination to be revealed. And the point of their travel.
When they arrived, Obi-Wan recognised only the general neighbourhood. He looked up at Qui-Gon, but his Master remained focused on making his way... somewhere. Obi-Wan could detect only determination from his Master, determination with a underlying feeling of concern.
Something else as well, something wonderful and familiar; however, it had no place in Obi-Wan's understanding of what was happening so he dismissed it. He, himself, could feel such arousal for Qui-Gon at the strangest and most inopportune times. There was no need to remark upon Qui-Gon's feelings, now.
They headed into a large, nondescript building with no signs or indications as to its purpose. Obi-Wan had never been here, and recognised nothing about it to guess at its function.
He followed his Master inside, holding back his questions with the ease of experience.
When they reached their final destination, he was no less confused. They'd stopped at a front desk and Qui-Gon had spoken to the man there. Obi-Wan had no idea what his Master had asked for, but Qui-Gon had been given a small card and then he'd led Obi-Wan upstairs to a room.
Obi-Wan stopped just inside the door, and looked at his Master. "Are you going to tell me what we're doing?"
He was surprised when Qui-Gon said, "No." Qui-Gon walked into the room, looking around briefly, then stopped and faced him. "Come here, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan did so.
Qui-Gon regarded him momentarily, then nodded. "All right. I want to show you something. I want to remind you of two things, first." He stepped up to Obi-Wan, standing close enough to touch. "One: you trust me. Two: I love you."
Obi-Wan had opened his mouth to ask what Qui-Gon was babbling about, when Qui-Gon picked him up and held him. Not tenderly, not even comfortably. Qui-Gon had lifted him with the Force and was holding him still.
"Mas-"
"Do not speak."
Obi-Wan stopped, more from confusion than from a desire to obey. But when he remained silent Qui-Gon nodded, and that part of him that lived for his Master's approval softened.
The rest of him waited to see what was going on.
Qui-Gon came forward and stripped him quickly. Obi-Wan bit back a comment that they could have done this at the Temple. He was worried, suddenly, that they could not have.
He struggled against his Master's grasp and Qui-Gon glanced up at him. His Master said nothing, but the look rebuked him enough. Obi-Wan stopped trying to move and let himself be stripped fully naked, then let down to the floor.
Not let free. He was simply allowed to stand again. He reminded himself that he trusted Qui-Gon. That Qui-Gon loved him.
But this entire thing had started because of what he wanted and it looked like-- Obi-Wan began struggling again in earnest as the fear within him grew. "Master, please!" Surely Qui-Gon wasn't going to....
Qui-Gon placed his hand over Obi-Wan's mouth. Frowning slightly as Obi-Wan found himself silenced, Qui-Gon reached out for something and brought it near. Obi-Wan only saw what it was as his Master raised it to wrap around his head.
He held still in shock, as Qui-Gon gagged him.
Qui-Gon ran his fingers down Obi-Wan's face, tenderly as he would had they been making love. But Obi-Wan stared at him in disbelief. He could have spoken around the gag, not clearly but he could make noise enough to make his demands known.
But he didn't. He didn't want to know what Qui-Gon would do next to keep him silent, if he did.
Qui-Gon lifted him again, this time moving him across the room. Obi-Wan felt his heart rate speeding as he realised he had no idea what his Master was going to do -- and he was apparently at Qui-Gon's mercy to stop it. He shivered as the dark images spoke to him, whispering themselves closer in his awareness and he tried to shut them out. He shut his eyes, struggling to shove them back where they belonged, in the depths and unexamined corners of his soul.
Then he was dropped, carefully, in some kind of chair. He opened his eyes. Qui-Gon was arranging his arms and legs in it and Obi-Wan recognised the sling for what it was.
He fought to get out, hating how he wanted what was being done, hated that he was so close to admitting how much he wanted this. Qui-Gon rubbed a hand through Obi-Wan's short hair, acting for all the world as if he'd merely toppled his lover onto the bed.
The sling wasn't physically uncomfortable until Obi-Wan realised just exactly how exposed he was. Not that Qui-Gon had never seen him, never touched him everywhere... but Obi-Wan couldn't move, couldn't decide for himself just how and when he wanted to be seen.
Besides, he then realised, Qui-Gon was still standing there fully dressed. Looking down at him. Smiling.
Obi-Wan squirmed.
Qui-Gon touched his face, trailing one finger down his cheek and Obi-Wan turned his head towards it. It was mortifying, he told himself against the rising voice that was telling him he was gratified to have this at long last. Qui-Gon touched his shoulder, rubbing once, then drawing his hand down Obi-Wan's chest.
Obi-Wan whimpered against the gag.
Then Qui-Gon moved to stand in front of him, between his upraised legs. Obi-Wan found himself looking at Qui-Gon's face, trying to find anything in his expression or his emotions that would tell him what his lover had planned. All he found was love. Obi-Wan frowned. He didn't ask -- couldn't, not like this -- but he watched closely as Qui-Gon moved his hands again.
He placed them on Obi-Wan's chest, palms flat and fingers spread wide. Obi-Wan swallowed, then Qui-Gon drew his hands down Obi-Wan's torso, slowly and easily down his stomach and to his thighs. He kneaded Obi-Wan's thighs once, digging his fingers in gently before moving farther down Obi-Wan's legs. It felt fantastic.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. He could feel the straps of the sling, one wide one up the length of his back, holding most of his weight. Two smaller strips under his shoulders and up his arms, which he could grab onto. He did so, barely thinking about it as Qui-Gon continued to touch his legs. His legs, raised high in the air by the last two loops, high and spread until there was no part of him Qui-Gon could not reach, if he desired.
Obi-Wan kept his eyes tightly closed and waited, nervously.
His hands were taken by the Force and lowered, slipped into smaller straps. Obi-Wan looked, then, jolted at the sight of Qui-Gon tying his wrists to the loops at the sides of the sling. Not high enough that he would have to worry about circulation problems, but in such a position that he could do nothing at all with them.
He tried to ask his Master what he was doing, but as he caught sight of Qui-Gon's face, his voice died in his throat. He had seen that look before, a thousand times.
But never like this. Never tied at his lover's mercy, anticipating any of the shameful things he'd dreamed of doing. Obi-Wan never expected to do them at all, but never, never in his most depraved imagination had he thought Qui-Gon would stand there and look at him this way as he did them.
This was wrong. Maybe he'd been wrong to think Qui-Gon was actually going to do....
Obi-Wan looked again at the position he as in and realised that Qui-Gon was doing, had done, and would no doubt do everything he'd ever imagined. Or worse.
At the moment, Qui-Gon was merely standing again between Obi-Wan's legs, waiting. Obi-Wan met his gaze as bravely as he could. Not that it would have mattered had he panicked and demanded to be let go. He knew, somehow, Qui-Gon would not release him.
He felt his Master's hands again, on his legs, coming up underneath his thighs towards his ass. They touched him, firmly, kneading... spreading him even wider open.
He heard himself whimper and tried to pull it back. He closed his eyes again in faint hope that it would become unreal, that he might waken from his meditation with nothing more than burning shame at the vividness of his imagination.
Qui-Gon kissed him, on his inner thigh, and brushed his beard gently across Obi-Wan's skin there.
Obi-Wan didn't dare move. It was obvious what Qui-Gon thought he was doing, he told himself. Obvious he was trying to show Obi-Wan the truth behind his desires.
But why was he doing it? Obi-Wan wanted to wail the question aloud. He still didn't open his eyes. He felt Qui-Gon kiss his other leg, then, just as tenderly. Obi-Wan let out a tensed breath, shuddering and pulling half-heartedly at his bonds.
He felt a finger touch him, then, lightly at his anus. He tensed all over. A moment later he asked himself why. He normally loved it when his lover touched him there. But somehow everything had changed. He tried to close his legs, and could barely move them an inch inwards. He tried tensing his anal muscles and Qui-Gon merely rubbed his finger around the sphincter, teasing with him feather light touches.
It reminded him vividly of the first time they had done this, when Obi-Wan had been a virgin for that one act and had lain in his lover's arms as they prepared him. He'd been trembling, then, soothed and aroused by kisses and touching.
He felt those same kisses, suddenly, and felt those same touches again.
Oddly, it calmed him, eased the tension as he focused on those caresses. He remembered how gentle Qui-Gon had been, and how amazing there loving had felt that night. Though they hadn't done more than let two of Qui-Gon's fingers inside him, they had crossed a barrier that they could retrace. It had been a barrier Obi-Wan never regretted seeing fall.
What was Qui-Gon trying to bring down, this time?
He considered opening his eyes to see if Qui-Gon would tell him. But he felt Qui-Gon's hands on him and his questions faded. One on his stomach, pressing lightly, one underneath him, poised to fuck him. Obi-Wan strained against the straps holding him, trying to pull himself towards his lover.
Right now he didn't care about being bound, being taught something new or facing the desires he shunned. He wanted Qui-Gon to push inside him, whether hard and fast or slow and gentle he didn't really care. He wanted to dispense with this... whatever they were doing, and make love to Qui-Gon.
He yelped when he was bitten on his inner thigh and looked up to see Qui-Gon stand and walk away.
Walking away.... Obi-Wan felt his throat and stomach muscles tighten. Surely Qui-Gon was not going to leave him? Or worse, end the inexplicable loving and proceed finally to his punishment?
Obi-Wan wouldn't be surprised at either. Teaching him to banish his desires by showing just how horrible a situation they could get him in. Obi-Wan tried to looked away, so as not to see which Qui-Gon would do.
He blinked when Qui-Gon simply returned with something in his hand. He blinked again in stupefaction as Qui-Gon came to stand beside him and leant down to kiss his temple. He heard his Master's words again, in his head. Trust. Love.
Was that supposed to mean he was safe? Or that he would forgive his Master his actions today?
Qui-Gon kissed him again, cradling his head for a moment before moving around to stand before him again, trailing his hand along Obi-Wan's body as he went. Obi-Wan shivered at the touch, so incongruous with his fears. Qui-Gon moved a chair over and sat, looking up at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan watched his Master, framed between his legs. His body was beginning to shake and suddenly the arousal started to appear. He'd been more afraid 'til now, so ashamed of wanting it that he had managed to fend it off. But now, the way Qui-Gon was looking at him, touching him again so gently... kissing him as if loving him with his mouth would be enough....
Obi-Wan grew hard and he strained against his gag for a different reason than to beg.
Then again.... Obi-Wan grinned to himself. Begging was something he'd never been ashamed of. He tightened as he felt a single finger begging to penetrate him -- totally without warning and, from the feel of it, totally without lubrication.
He wriggled, concerned, but Qui-Gon merely sat there calmly. And worked his way inside, slowly. Only a little ways, Obi-Wan was both relieved and disappointed when Qui-Gon removed his finger.
He tried to move again, not to hide himself but to draw Qui-Gon in again. It was futile, of course, he could barely move at all. But he couldn't lie still, either. He was about to consider use of the Force when he felt a touch again.
This was cold and sticky -- he had recognised that lube had been applied to something, when it was pushed inside him. His body arched as if of its own volition as the cold, hard length penetrated his body. He tried to move his legs and couldn't; it was just as well, he didn't know if he wanted to bring them down to shield himself or pull them up to open up, further. He pulled at the bonds on his wrists, as well, trying to hang onto something as his Master fucked him.
He was moaning, now, sounds muffled by the gag. He tossed his head back and strained his legs, trying for something he still didn't recognise. Qui-Gon was pushing the dildo in harder, pulling it nearly all the way out and then practically shoving it back inside.
Obi-Wan shouted; his body tensed and he threw his head back. The sling held him tightly, without any firm tether except support. Hanging free in the air, he could not push against or towards, he could not move to grab onto Qui-Gon or even ask for anything.
Qui-Gon had a hand on Obi-Wan's stomach which felt like fire; the heat on chilled skin he hadn't noticed was cold ate into him and touched the fire inside, pulsing with each thrust of the dildo. Obi-Wan shook once, and tried to reach out.
He felt only his Master, holding onto him. Obi-Wan shouted in a straining voice, no longer fighting the bonds that held him. Rather he let them hold him up, spreading him out, giving his Master freedom to do just exactly as he wished.
He came with a strangled cry, shaking and pulling at the loops on his wrists and knees.
When he opened his eyes, panting, he found his lover watching him with hunger in his eyes. Obi-Wan found himself deftly removed from the sling with hands and Force, gag removed, and settled on his knees at Qui-Gon's feet.
His hands were brought behind his back and tied; he didn't even care to see with what. He waited as Qui-Gon removed his robes and stood before him. Obi-Wan needed no directions; he opened his mouth and Qui-Gon slid inside.
It was hard to maintain his balance but he found he didn't need it. Qui-Gon was holding him, doing all the work, in fact, as Obi-Wan knelt there. He tried to suck at his lover's cock, tried to move his tongue to flick at the head whenever Qui-Gon pulled it out. But Qui-Gon seemed determined to stymie his every move. Finally Obi-Wan just dropped his jaw as wide as he could and sat there as Qui-Gon fucked his mouth.
He could hear his Master's grunts, as his fingers dug into Obi-Wan's shoulders, tightening with each explosive breath. He nearly gagged, once, as Qui-Gon when too deep inside him. Obi-Wan frantically tried to relax himself as Qui-Gon continued to thrust. Hands now gripping his head held him still, grunts now half-shouted with each long thrust.
Obi-Wan tried to move his tongue or his jaw, wanting to do something to help his Master along. He leant forward a bit and nearly lost his balance; as he fought to regain it, Qui-Gon continued as if ignoring Obi-Wan completely.
Obi-Wan shivered and every muscle in his body relaxed. All he could do was kneel there, and let Qui-Gon do... as he wished. Obi-Wan closed his eyes as his Master began to shout; then he was coming, pulling free of Obi-Wan's mouth not quite in time. Obi-Wan had to swallow but was in no danger of choking; though as Qui-Gon pulled away Obi-Wan followed, finally giving that length a nibble and a suck as he'd wanted to do.
He looked up at his lover, leaning his head against Qui-Gon's leg and tilting his head up. He rubbed his cheek against Qui-Gon's thigh, feeling the last of his tension seeping away as he watched his Master lose himself.
Qui-Gon fell, only somewhat tidily, into a kneeling heap beside Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan leant forward and nuzzled him. "I love you," Obi-Wan said as he kissed his lover's chest, then neck, then worked his way up with eager kisses to Qui-Gon's mouth.
Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around him and held him tight, kissing him thoroughly. He moved backwards and laid them both on the floor, holding Obi-Wan partially on top of himself. They continued kissing; Obi-Wan trying to lever himself up so he could reach everything he wanted to kiss.
Qui-Gon laughed softly and Obi-Wan finally stopped and looked down at him.
Qui-Gon was smiling at him, content and satiated and glowing. Obi-Wan felt rather the same, himself, and suspected he wore the same silly grin on his face as his lover was.
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said, finally understanding what his lover had shown him.
Qui-Gon reached up and touched his cheek. "You're beautiful, Obi-Wan. Have I told you that lately?"
Obi-Wan grinned and shook his head.
Qui-Gon hugged him. After a moment he asked, "Now will you tell me what you want?"
Obi-Wan felt his chest tighten -- a fleeting moment of fear that he might say it aloud. Then he relaxed. "Yes, Master. Later."
There was a wave of love, then, and reassurance.
Followed by humour. "We have the room for the rest of the day, Obi-Wan. And there's a well-stocked cabinet and drawers. And closet. And--"
Obi-Wan raised his head. "Master?" he asked calmly.
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
He discarded the first five things that he wanted to ask. "Are you going to untie my hands?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "Not until we leave."
Obi-Wan felt himself getting hard, again.