Archive: M&A, SWC, all others ask and you'll undoubtedly
receive
Category: Humor
Disclaimer: The cute ones belong to George. Every night before
sleep I pray for his forgiveness.
Feedback: Sure, why not.
Notes: This bunny was given to me by Mac, Emu, and Wolfe. Now
all of you will be made to suffer as a result of their madness.
Thank you to Kaly for once again playing spot the missing comma and the
awkward sentence.
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: PG 13; the series will eventually earn an NC17, I
promise
Series: Humanoid Sexual Techniques; story 2
Spoilers: You're kidding right?
Summary: This is just the prep work. Actual class to follow.
Warnings: No spew warnings for this installment either. Well,
maybe.
Qui Gon's entry into their quarters was greeted with a wave of misery flowing to him from the direction of his Padawan's quarters. He approached the door. Obi Wan, may I come in?
There was no response, but the door slid open. Obi Wan was seated on the floor. Next to him was a large box bearing the distinctive Galactic Get-offs logo. Spread out in front of him were a large assortment of sexual aids.
Before he could ask, Obi Wan answered. "Master J'lath gave them to me." He sensed Qui Gon's unspoken "Oh really," and turned to glare at him. "They're for class. I'm supposed to discuss they're proper use."
Qui Gon burst out laughing.
Obi Wan did not. Qui Gon forced himself to regain some measure of control. He should at least try and be sensitive to his apprentice's feelings. Stepping over a large, bright purple dildo, he sat on the edge of the bed, near Obi Wan.
Looking around, he observed, "This is quite a collection."
Obi Wan nodded glumly.
"Do you suppose J'lath has used them all?"
"Master," was the shocked reply. Qui Gon had been hoping for a laugh.
"Well if I had all of this hanging around my office I'd certainly be tempted."
Obi Wan turned and stared at him.
"What?"
"I thought I knew you. Reserved, controlled Master Jinn. But today you're...I don't know what you are. But you're not acting like my master. What is it about sex that seems to make people behave in the weirdest ways?"
"You think I'm behaving oddly?"
"You kissed me in front of my class!"
"You asked me to help."
"I did not. I told you to help or leave. That is not asking for help."
"So you would have preferred it if I left?"
Obi Wan swallowed hard. As humiliating as the whole thing had been, it had gotten him a few kisses. "I didn't say that."
"So you would like my help."
Obi Wan looked around him. He had no clue how to use half of these things, more than half. He had to have help. "Just no more classroom demonstrations."
Qui Gon's eyes twinkled. "I'm not sure I can guarantee that, Padawan." Ignoring the look of consternation on Obi Wan's face, he added, "Shall we have dinner first or would you like to begin right away?"
"Begin what?" Obi Wan squeaked.
"Preparing for tomorrow's class. What did you think I meant?"
"Oh. Uhhh. Dinner first." Obi Wan ignored the question.
"Shall we eat here?"
"Yes." Gratitude flowed from Obi Wan.
"Is there a reason you wish to avoid the Dining Hall, Obi Wan?"
"No, Master. None. Why do you ask?"
"No reason." Qui Gon controlled the smirk that was threatening to appear. "Come on. You can peel the trabivonis."
"I hate trabivonis."
"Yes, but I like them."
"How you can eat anything that shade of pink I'll never know."
Oh, yes you will, Padawan. Yes you will. Qui Gon thought as he headed toward the kitchen.
With the remains of dinner cleaned up, Obi Wan went to retrieve the syllabus from his room. His master had barely contained his smirk throughout dinner. Qui Gon's amusement was beginning to grate. Perhaps, he thought, it was time he turned the tables on his master. Returning to the common room he plopped down in his usual spot on the floor, not far from Qui Gon's favorite chair and began reading.
Qui Gon entered the room a few moments later and surprised his padawan by joining him on the floor, reclining on his side close to Obi Wan. "So, Padawan where shall we begin?"
"Actually it's pretty straight forward. The syllabus lists all of the various types of touch I'm expected to cover. I can just take the info from here and pass it on to the students."
"And what if they ask for another demonstration?" Qui Gon's eyes twinkled.
"Well," he said slowly, "I've been considering it and a demonstration might not be such a bad idea after all." He schooled his features so that no hint of mischief showed and inquired innocently, "Would you really be willing to help?"
"Certainly," Qui Gon answered. "I'm your Master. It is my job to assist you."
Pompous ass, Obi Wan thought. "Thank you, Master. I truly appreciate any aid you can give me." He could no longer keep the mischief from his voice. "I suppose we should decide now how much clothing you'll be removing."
"What?"
"Master, Jedi robes cover pretty much everything. How can I properly demonstrate tactile stimulation if the only skin I can touch is on your face and hands?"
Qui Gon fought back the strangling sounds which threatened to escape his throat. He was a Jedi Master. He would not allow himself to be bested by a mere apprentice, not even his own.
"Do you think my tunic will suffice?"
"Yes, Master. I am sure it will."
Obi Wan smiled ingenuously. "And just think what this will do for your reputation among the padawans. You're already one of the most longed for masters, once word gets out that you're appearing partially dressed in the Humanoid Sexual Techniques class, I expect Master J'lath will be inundated with requests from students eager to take it."
The smile became a smirk. "I'm sure the other masters will be pleased as well. To see you taking such an interest in the education of the mid-level students." Obi Wan's laughter was now barely contained.
Qui Gon shot him a deadly look. Then he upped the ante. Sitting up he reached behind him and pulled off his tunic. "If you're going to use me as an instructional aid I insist that you practice first."
Obi Wan's eyes widened slightly, but he kept his voice controlled. "That's a reasonable request."
He scooted closer to his master. "The first touch listed in the syllabus is feathery touch. It should be barely there." Obi Wan reached a hand up to his master's shoulder, hoping Qui Gon would not notice the trembling he couldn't control. He slowly let the pads of his fingertips slide down Qui Gon's front, over hard muscle.
Is it light enough?
Yes.
"Next is light touch. Firmer than feathery." He traced the same path again, with a slightly firmer touch. As he did so he fought to control his reaction to the contact. It was thrilling to be able to touch Qui Gon in this way. He had touched him countless times, but usually from necessity, rarely for pleasure, and never like this.
"Gentle touch, " he whispered, "can be both entire hand and just the fingers." He flattened his hand against his master's chest and slid it across his torso. There was no mistaking the sharp intake of breath as his fingers brushed a nipple.
"Exploratory." He brought his other hand to Qui Gon's back and let them both roam over his master. The tension between them was now almost palpable.
"The rest of it just discusses some places to touch. I don't think we should demonstrate that."
"No, probably not."
"Some of the items from Master J'lath's box are for this class. Shall I demonstrate them?"
"Probably. We wouldn't want to deprive your students of information they might need."
Obi Wan stood and went to retrieve the items described.
Returning, he settled back in next to his master. He held up a large feather. "Do you suppose this really feels good?"
"Only one way to find out."
"So there is." Obi Wan's eyes twinkled as he ran the feather along the side of his master's neck, across his shoulder, and down his side. When Qui Gon twitched slightly, he ran it back and forth over the spot, eliciting giggles.
Qui Gon twisted away from the feather, breaking the contact.
"I hope you show more control tomorrow, Master. Cause, well, you just don't seem very dignified when you giggle."
Qui Gon gave him a hard look. "The feather simply isn't very erotic, Padawan."
"Are you sure? I hardly think Master J'lath would include it in the syllabus if it isn't enjoyable. Perhaps we didn't try the right places?"
"Enough with the feather."
"Very well, Master."
He lifted up a padded glove and began pulling it on. One side was furry, the other made of leather.
"What is that for?"
"Touching, I believe." A vibrating noise began to come from the glove. "Ready?"
Qui Gon's eyes were a little wider than usual, but he nodded.
Obi Wan didn't even try to hide his grin as he moved behind his master and pressed the leather side of his glove to the back of Qui Gon's shoulder.
He leaned forward and asked sofly, his voice near his master's ear, "Is it pleasurable Master?"
"Ummm, it's actually rather relaxing."
"Relaxing? Is relaxation a good thing during sex?"
"In the right circumstances." Qui Gon turned and gave his padawan a speculative look. "You've never encountered the right circumstances?"
Obi Wan flushed. "Uhh, no. I guess not."
"Don't worry, Padawan. It is a situation which can be remedied."
Obi Wan let that pass and moved the glove to the other shoulder. Qui Gon closed his eyes, relaxing further.
After a few moments, Obi Wan asked quietly, "Shall we try the furry side?"
Qui Gon almost laughed at that. It sounded ridiculous. "Why not?"
This time Obi Wan moved the glove slowly across his master's back and shoulders. "Is this side pleasurable?"
"Actually, it's a little ticklish."
Obi Wan shook his head. "Are you sure you want the whole Temple knowing how ticklish you are Master? The next time you disagree with Master Windu he might decide to use a feather on you."
"Just how do you think the whole Temple will find out, Padawan?" There was a slight edge to his voice.
"Are you kidding? Do you know how quickly gossip travels among the padawans? Everyone knew about your little kissing demonstration before lunch."
"Everyone? I'm sure not everyone knew."
"I'd bet even Master Yoda knew."
"I hardly think that Master Yoda gossips with the padawans."
"He does with me."
Qui Gon turned to stare at him and Obi Wan burst out laughing.
"I didn't tell him. I swear," he sputtered between the deep breaths he was he was taking in a futile attempt to bring his laughter under control. Qui Gon looked even more aghast. "I don't know how he found out."
Obi Wan finally succeeded in controlling his laughter, almost succeeded in schooling his features into a serious expression. "But he did ask me if you were any good at it." Laughter again overcame him.
When Obi Wan at last stopped and wiped the tears from his eyes, Qui Gon spoke, "What did you tell him?"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
Qui Gon's eyes narrowed. "Yes, I want to know."
Obi Wan smirked. "I told him that there was nothing my Master did not excel at."
Qui Gon nodded. "A wise response, my Padawan."
"I'm not sure he believed me. I think you might have to kiss him if you truly want to convince him."
"I'll consider it." His stern expression softened. "Perhaps we should return to our preparations. It is getting late."
"Yes, Master." Obi Wan was almost shaking with contained laughter. He ran through a couple of quick focusing techniques to bring himself back under control.
He held up his gloved hand. "More?"
"No. What else is on the list?"
Obi Wan pulled off the glove and reached for a small bottle. "Just this. The label says it's edible. I wasn't really sure if it belonged to this section or the next one."
"Both, probably." Qui Gon sighed and reached for the bottle. Obi Wan handed it over. "It looks sticky. But I suppose I could always lick it off."
Qui Gon gave him an appraising look. "You could at that." Then he dove for his apprentice and pinned him to the floor. Pulling open Obi Wan's tunic he added, "Then again so could I."
Obi Wan squirmed, trying to escape. "You can't hold my arms and open the bottle at the same time." As soon as he said it, Obi Wan realized his mistake.
"Watch me." The bottle rose in the air and the top turned slowly. Then the top came free and was set down on the floor. The now open bottle was turned so that some of the liquid dripped slowly onto Obi Wan's exposed chest.
Obi Wan inhaled sharply. "Master."
"Yes, Obi Wan."
Qui Gon released Obi Wan's wrists, and began to rub the liquid across his padawan's skin.
"Nevermind."
Qui Gon grinned at him, looking very pleased with himself. Of course, he had been infernally pleased with himself all day in Obi Wan's view. The more uncomfortable he was, the happier Qui Gon seemed to be. Obi Wan knew he should be annoyed. He wanted to be annoyed, but his master's hands felt too damn good.
"Is it pleasurable, Obi Wan?" Qui Gon already knew the answer.
"Ummm."
"Since we're only preparing for the touch class, I don't think I should lick it off. Do you?"
"I suppose not." Obi Wan managed, just barely, to contain a disappointed sigh.
Qui Gon released him, moving to sit on the floor next to his sticky padawan. "Is that everything?"
Obi Wan touched a finger to the sticky liquid covering his front. Then he raised the finger to his mouth. "Interesting flavor. But I don't think it really qualifies as chocolate."
Qui Gon laughed. "Padawan, if you're done tasting? I asked if we've covered everything."
"I think so Master. But you could always take a second look while I grab a quick shower."
"Whatever you wish, Obi Wan."
Obi Wan left and a smirking Qui Gon went to wash his hands.
Returning Qui Gon picked up the syllabus. He still couldn't believe that this stuff was actually being taught. In my day we had to figure it all out for ourselves. He tried to recall just whose idea this class had been, decided that it must have been Mace. Mace always was insecure about his technique. Skimming down the list he caught sight of a method of touching they'd missed. The corners of his mouth curled up.
Soon after Obi Wan entered, wrapped in a plain robe.
Qui Gon rose to meet him. "It occurred to me that there is a type of kiss which was missing from your list today."
"Uh, Really, Master? What is it?"
"Good night." And with that Qui Gon leaned over and kissed him. "Until tomorrow," he whispered, then left.
Running through the categorizations he had learned earlier that day, Obi Wan decided that it had been a caress kiss. No tongue, but most definite interest. Smiling to himself Obi Wan gathered up the syllabus and the various educational aids and retired to his own room.