New Beginnings

New Beginnings
by Meridian

Archive: M_A, SWAL, and on my website
Archive Date: November 09, 1999
Author's Webpage: http://solo4.abac.com/CircuitArchive/OtherOddities.html
Category: First-Time, PWP
Disclaimer: Mr. Lucas owns everything. I own nothing. But I'm grateful to get to play with his toys even if he doesn't know about it and wouldn't approve.
Feedback: Always welcome
Notes:All of those wonderful Virgin Sacrifice stories clogged my brain until I had to write one myself. This doesn't have the sacrifice part, but it does have the virgin. *g*
Many thanks to my betas: Mercutio, Marcelle, Suzan, SSPND and Anne
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: NC-17

Qui-Gon let the Force pass through him, soothing him, centering him. It was 25 years tonight, and this year he was home for the anniversary, not that it mattered. Even after all this time, remembering still brought enough pain to shock him. He reached out, finding comfort in the Force and the drift of memory. Time to heed the call, to speak of his true feelings, to overlay tonight's memories with new ones.

Yes, at last he understood what he had been feeling these past few restless days. His Padawan was nearly ready for his trials and well past childhood. Perhaps he should wait until the Knighting, but he'd waited before in his life, and while that had been the only option and correct, now he was prompted to act, to allow the emotions between himself and Obi-Wan to flower fully. It was the will of the Force.

Do it now, he ordered himself, still uneasy about Obi-Wan's reaction to what he would have to reveal. "Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, Master?" his Padawan asked, looking up from the holo vid game he'd been engrossed in.

"I'd like to talk to you about something important." Qui-Gon rose from his desk, and moved toward the sofa where Obi-Wan was sprawled.

Obligingly, Obi-Wan sat up, his eyes apprehensive, almost unsure. "Is something wrong, Master?"

"No. Not wrong. Not exactly." That was an intelligent start.

Now, Obi-Wan looked more concerned. "Master?"

"I..." He paused to take a breath and gather his scattered thoughts and found himself surprisingly reluctant to speak. Of course, he'd never spoken to anyone as he was about to do with Obi-Wan, not on such a deeply personal level. A shiver twittered down his spine. A lifetime speaking to people, of saying difficult things and having people accept them, should serve him better than this. "I know of your feelings for me..."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened in surprise. He opened his mouth, then closed it again and lowered his head. When Obi-Wan spoke, regret colored his tone. "I'm very sorry, Master. I'd hoped I'd hidden it better than that."

Qui-Gon sighed, feeling the echo of Obi-Wan's distress through their bond. Trying to send a pulse of reassurance, he was blocked by Obi-Wan's shields. "No. You misunderstand. It's all right."

"I know. It's to be expected. Padawans always fall in love with their Masters." Obi-Wan smiled with false brightness. "And then they fall out again."

Putting hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder, he tried again. "Some do. But you didn't. That's fine. We can deal with it."

Horror bled across Obi-Wan's face, and he slipped off the sofa to kneel before him. "Master, please. I know I've slipped, but I promise I'll try to control it better." The panic in Obi-Wan's tone broke his heart.

"No. Padawan. Listen to me. You don't need to hide it."

The change of expression on Obi-Wan's face was nearly comical, his eyes went wide and suspicious. "I don't? Why not?"

"I was getting to that." Qui-Gon took a deep breath and met suspicious eyes, trying to convey the depth of his feelings through the contact. "Because your feelings are returned."

Qui-Gon wasn't sure what he'd expected. Delight, happiness maybe, at the very least some form of pleasure, but Obi-Wan looked at him, his face even more doubtful. "Out of the blue? What did I miss?"

Hardly out of the blue, Qui-Gon had known of his feelings and of Obi-Wan's for some time. "No. I felt it was time to speak."

Folding his arms over his chest, Obi-Wan looked up at him. "Just like that? I'm not sure I understand."

"What is there to not understand? I love you." By the Force, how wonderful it felt to say the words out loud.

"And I love you. I have for some time, and that's it -- you've obviously known for some time too. Why now?"

"Why not?" Qui-Gon shrugged. Trust Obi-Wan to make this more complicated than it already was. What did his Padawan expect, for him to change his mind?

"Well, nothing happened. There haven't been any brushes with death, no horrible assignments, I haven't hurt myself, you haven't hurt yourself. Nothing. Why now?"

"What have you been reading? I've realized that the time is right for this." Qui-Gon put his hand on Obi-Wan's, squeezing gently. "Why are you so worried?"

Obi-Wan turned his hand up to interlock their fingers together. "With no warning, I have everything I've ever wanted handed to me. Forgive me if I'm a little taken back by it."

"Have you had so little that you want in your life, my Padawan?" Qui-Gon wondered what he had missed that he'd get this reaction from giving the young man what he'd most desired. And could think of nothing that he hadn't given Obi-Wan, indeed he often thought himself too indulgent a Master.

"No, Master. It's that I have wanted you for so long. This," Obi-Wan moved his other hand through the air encompassing them both, "is something I never thought to have."

Best get the rest of it over with as well. "It may not be everything you want. I'm not such a bargain."

"You love me?"

The second time was much easier than the first. "Yes."

"I love you." Obi-Wan grinned, an eager sexy grin and kissed the back of Qui-Gon's hand before releasing it. The simple touch thrilled Qui-Gon.

"And we're going to start a sexual relationship in the next few minutes?" Obi-Wan's eyes glittered with hope.

Anticipation raced through him. There was nothing he wanted more than to say yes, and pull Obi-Wan into his arms, but... "I'd like to, but there is one problem I feel I should mention before we go any further. Not really a problem, more of a complication."

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Um... what sort of complication?"

He wasn't embarrassed about it. Not exactly. It was just a fact of his circumstances, nothing really he could have done about it. "I don't have any experience at this."

"At love?" A too knowing look entered Obi-Wan's eyes, as if this were something he could understand and share.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the problem. "At sex."

It took a second for the meaning to sink in. "You're a virgin?" The words were choked with shock, and Obi-Wan's eyes widened perceptibly. He shook his head as if he didn't believe what he'd heard.

And Qui-Gon could understand his problem. It wasn't something one would expect of a man as old as he was. "It is true, Obi-Wan."

"I don't doubt you. But how?"

He tried to give Obi-Wan an inscrutable look, but with a smile tugging at his lips, the effect was ruined. "What do you mean, how? I would think it's fairly obvious how."

"Bad choice of words. I mean, how does a man as sophisticated and worldly as you are manage to remain a virgin, especially at your age."

It wasn't as hard as Obi-Wan clearly wanted to believe. He shrugged. "A lot of factors played into it."

"But don't you want to? How could anyone not want to?"

"It's more than wanting to have sex. It's complicated." His eyes met Obi-Wan's, trying to convey his peace with himself. He'd made the choices he'd made, and lived with them for a long time.

"Will you tell me?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "It's rather a sad tale." More than sad, devastating, and he hoped he could get through it.

Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon centered himself in the Force and called up the memories from his past. "When I was seventeen, I was an intense young man, passionate in my belief in rightness of what I was doing and in the living Force. I wasn't the sort to indulge in the casual liaisons as most of my friends and year-mates did. I simply was not interested in those types of encounters, even with dear friends."

He saw an image of himself in his mind. Tall, slender, and intense. He'd turned down all offers of casual sex as kindly as he could. Just not interested.

"I can imagine."

"Yes. My Master and I led a delegation to Alleghenia. Do you remember the Alleghenian treaty?"

"Always a lesson, Master?" Obi-Wan smiled. "Alleghenia is a mineral rich planet that applied for and was granted entry into the Republic about thirty years ago."

"Correct." Qui-Gon smiled back. Obi-Wan was ever the diligent student. "Another Master, Ja'elle and her Padawan accompanied my Master and me. To make a long story much shorter. I fell deeply and completely in love with Ja'elle, and her with me. She was thirty-four."

She came to his mind easily, tall for a human woman, but not nearly as tall as he was, dark hair, a lush mouth, but it wasn't so much her looks that attracted him. It was the deep serenity of her mind and heart. She was Jedi to the core. And he admired her as much as he loved her.

"Because of the difference in our status and ages, Ja'elle decided we should wait until I was Knighted before becoming involved sexually. It seemed like an eternity to me then."

"What did you think of that? About waiting, I mean?"

"She was the adult and a Master. I had little choice but to obey. We spent what time we had together, always in public, lest we be too tempted. I remember sitting together in the garden for hours, talking of any subject that came to mind. We would walk the halls of the temple holding hands." His voice was hushed, remembering the touch of her smaller hand in his. The long conversations that lasted until dawn. The laughter they shared. "A very strong bond grew between us."

"A bond? I thought bonds of any kind had to be initiated. How?"

"I was never certain, probably due to the intensity of our feelings for each other. In any case, about the time I was nearing my trials, Ja'elle was sent on a mission, a very dangerous mission..." Qui-Gon closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back the sting.

"I don't need the details, Master. You don't have to go on."

Soft-hearted Obi-Wan. It was one of the many things he loved about his Padawan. "I do. I have to say it. She was captured, brutalized and then murdered. I felt it all through the bond we shared." Qui-Gon took a breath. A few tears escaped his best efforts to contain them and he wiped his eyes. "I still sometimes have nightmares about it."

Obi-Wan put a hand on Qui-Gon's arm, and squeezed comfortingly. Qui-Gon patted Obi-Wan's hand, wishing he could wrap himself in his arms, but the tale wasn't complete yet.

"I went on, because it was my duty to do so and I believed that was what she would have wanted. But it took me years to recover from the trauma. And then more years before I could consider another relationship. By that point, I was in my mid-thirties, I had a Padawan and no time to pursue a relationship. And I could not accept a casual tryst. It is not in my nature."

"I expect not. I... I guess you realize that my feelings for you are hardly casual."

He smiled. Yes. Without a doubt, Obi-Wan's feelings were very far from casual. "I did know that. I would not be suggesting a relationship were that not true. I had thought to wait to speak to you, but I have felt more and more that the time to speak is now."

"But why now? Not that I'm complaining. I've loved you for years and years."

"You are within a year of your Knighthood, your training is nearly done. I am being selfish. I should wait, but I find that I cannot."

Another smile, this one of invitation. "Don't you think you've waited long enough?"

"I expect I'm quite ready to move things along. But are you sure you wish to take on a lover with no experience?"

A smile quirked on Obi-Wan's lips. "Define no experience. That can cover a lot of ground."

That was easy enough. "None."

One red-gold eyebrow rose in question. "None? How is that possible? A virgin is one thing, complete inexperience is another. Surely you've been kissed?"

And he returned the wry smile. "Twice."

"Twice?" Obi-Wan's voice rose a notch and he blushed.

Qui-Gon laughed, perfectly at ease with himself. "Once when Ja'elle left on that last mission. I begged a kiss from her."

It had been a very long slow kiss and Qui-Gon could still remember the taste of her mouth and the smell of her hair. The feel of her hands on his face and then on his body. It had been a kiss to last a lifetime. And it had.

"And the second."

"Do you remember the diplomatic mission to Islamerada?"

"The island world when I was fifteen?"

"The diplomatic attache cornered me after the negotiations ..." Qui-Gon shrugged. It had been so meaningless, so lacking in warmth or emotion, serving only to convince him further that he'd made the right decision about not pursing casual encounters.

Obi-Wan shifted closer on the sofa, his hand sliding very slowly along Qui-Gon's beard. "Kisses should be given freely. I'd like to do that now."

Leaning into the hand, Qui-Gon smiled. There was nothing, nothing in the world that he wanted more. "I'd like that. Very much."

The first tentative touch of Obi-Wan's mouth against his had a sweetness he hadn't expected. A second touch was less hesitant, pressing harder, Obi-Wan's other hand slid into his hair, pulling out the band that held it, and drawing him closer.

Pulling back slightly, Obi-Wan did not let go of his face. "Open your mouth," Obi-Wan whispered, leaning in again.

He did as he was instructed, parting his lips and to allow Obi-Wan's tongue to enter his mouth. Pure pleasure exploded through him, and his stomach squeezed tight. A deep moan came up from his chest. Qui-Gon's heart nearly broke at the sweetness, so perfect that it bordered on painful.

As Obi-Wan pulled back, Qui-Gon opened his eyes and smiled at him. "Beautiful."

"It becomes more so, my Master." Obi-Wan brushed his lips over Qui-Gon's again.

The incongruity of using his title in this situation made him laugh. "I'm not the Master here. Perhaps I should call you that?"

Obi-Wan blushed deeply. "No, Qui-Gon. Don't, please."

Clearly, his Padawan had had more varied experiences than he'd realized. Qui-Gon smiled knowingly. "I hadn't meant it that way."

"Of course not," and then Obi-Wan seemed to understand what it implied, "you knew what..."

"What you were blushing about? Obi-Wan, I'm nearly fifty, I am hardly an innocent. Inexperienced, to be sure, but I'm not unsophisticated in most matters. And we were talking about remedying the inexperience."

"Are you saying we should get back to it?" Obi-Wan leaned in, capturing Qui-Gon's mouth again before he could respond.

When the kiss ended, they were both breathless. "This is going to work better if we find a flat surface, preferably a soft one."

"That would make sense. Shall we use my bed? It's bigger." Standing, Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan to his feet, and wrapped his arms around his beloved Padawan. Holding Obi-Wan close, he nuzzled his neck, moving his hands over the broad back and round buttocks, exploring the firm musculature.

Qui-Gon leaned in for another slow kiss, and then pretended to pout when Obi-Wan pulled back. "I was enjoying myself."

"It gets better. Much, much better."

"So you keep telling me." He liked what he'd been doing. Running his hand across Obi-Wan's back, Qui-Gon tried to pull him back into the embrace, hoping to do more of it.

But Obi-Wan was having none of it. "Bedroom?"

Qui-Gon nodded and held out his hand.

Obi-Wan took it and led him into his bedroom, the huge bed looming against one wall.

They stood in front of it, both breathing hard. Excitement, anticipation, and something else that remained elusive, all flowed through Qui-Gon at once. He wasn't exactly nervous, perhaps a bit anxious, but he had no fear of what was to happen. Obi-Wan loved him, and he knew very well that his Padawan had enough experience for both of them.

Obi-Wan put a hand on his neck and pulled him down for another slow kiss. Surrendering to the pleasure of Obi-Wan's mouth, he pushed at the tunic his Padawan wore, working the belt with one hand until it came loose and fell to the floor, leaving the broad chest bare for his fingers. He ran his fingers tips along the firm contours, soft skin and crisp hair, enjoying the contrasts. Obi-Wan groaned as he brushed across a pebbled nipple.

Reaching out, Obi-Wan stripped him of his robe and the rest of his clothes with quiet efficiency, Obi-Wan held him still with both hands on his shoulders. He stood naked under the hot gaze, feeling neither embarrassed nor shy. Being comfortable within his own skin was something every Jedi strove for and something that had always come easily to him. He knew his looks were slightly above average and his body was fit and healthy.

Obi-Wan started to remove his own clothes, and Qui-Gon stopped him. "Isn't that my job?"

"If you want to."

As an answer, Qui-Gon removed Obi-Wan's open tunic, letting it fall to the floor. Undressing his Padawan was not difficult, he'd done it before, admittedly not with the intent he had now, but getting the clothes off was not a problem. He let the desire he felt show in his eyes and Obi-Wan did not stand as easily under his gaze. "You are so beautiful, my Obi-Wan."

"As are you." Obi-Wan pulled him into his arms, his calloused hand running along his flanks and down his back to palm his buttocks.

Qui-Gon pushed back into the hands, enjoying the feel of Obi-Wan touching him. He had never understood how starved he had become for simple touches. "I always thought that the affection of friends and my Padawans was enough for me. I find that I was wrong." He moved his hands along Obi-Wan's bare skin, caressing slowly, hoping to stoke the same fires in his beloved. Turning him around, Obi-Wan slowly pushed him down onto the bed, and then followed him down, embracing him tightly.

Skin to skin was electric. He could feel it echo down his spine and outward into his body, coalescing with fire in his groin. Almost of their own volition, his fingers roamed over Obi-Wan's back and buttocks, stroking along the crease between the cheeks. Obi-Wan gasped and he pulled back, not quite sure if he'd done something wrong. That should have been pleasurable, at least he'd always thought it would be. "What?"

"Why did you stop?"

"You gasped." It was surprisingly difficult to admit, but he did anyway. "I wasn't sure that you were enjoying it."

Obi-Wan kissed him again. "I was. Believe me, I was. You could continue on in that direction if you wanted to. I'd like to have you inside me."

The idea held a lot of appeal, but even knowing what to do in theory, he didn't want to hurt Obi-Wan. Perhaps it would be better for him to gain some experience before attempting it himself. "I think it would be better if you..." he searched for a proper word, "if you made love to me first."

Excitement seemed to radiate off of Obi-Wan and he smiled brilliantly. "I'd like that, too. But you do know that it will probably hurt the first time, at least somewhat."

"I've read that. I think I can stand a little pain."

With infinite gentleness, Obi-Wan pushed him onto his back and leaned over him, kissing him deeply. He responded, opening his mouth to the touch, and welcoming the exploring tongue. His mouth was slowly besieged, plundered. Quiescence was not in his nature, and he turned the tables and explored Obi-Wan's mouth in as much detail.

Allowing his explorations for a time, Obi-Wan pulled back to move his mouth along Qui-Gon's jaw and down his neck, kissing and nuzzling. All Qui-Gon could do was arch under the sensations rushing through him, giving in without time to even assimilate them. He tried to control, to stay centered, but gave it up after a very short time under Obi-Wan's hands and mouth.

Slowly and thoroughly, Obi-Wan moved down the length of his body, sparing no expanse of flesh, and when he reached Qui-Gon's feet, he turned around and came up the inside of his legs. Thought was not possible as Qui-Gon rode the sensations, giving himself completely to the splendor of Obi-Wan's caress.

Somehow, and Qui-Gon wasn't sure exactly how, he ended up on his belly, his hard cock pressed into the sheets, with Obi-Wan leaning over his back, kissing his neck. Oh, he liked that. A fine trembling started in his body, and got worse with each vertebrae that was sucked or nipped as Obi-Wan moved downward.

Obi-Wan parted the cheeks of his buttocks and ran his tongue down between in a caress that Qui-Gon felt to the depth of his entire being. After laving over the muscle several times with his tongue, Obi-Wan pressed a finger into him. He thought he'd screamed as the pleasure overwhelmed him, his hips canting downward, pressing his cock against the bedding and, gasping for breath, he came hard.

Before he could recover from the powerful orgasm, his breath still coming in deep pants, Obi-Wan slipped a second finger into him, stretching him. And then a third, this one intruded on his post-orgasm haze enough to notice and he grunted.

"Push back on my fingers, my love. It will help the constriction," Obi-Wan murmured, rubbing in soothing circles on the small of Qui-Gon's back.

He did as he was told and the slight discomfort eased. Obi-Wan guided him to his knees, and positioned himself behind. "Ready?"