Archive: yes
Archive Date: January 27, 2000
Author's Webpage: http://adult.dencity.com/PumpkinPatch/
Category: humour
Disclaimer: Lucasfilm, Lucasfilm, Lucasfilm
Feedback: This is a different style than my usual and I would really like to know what you thought of it -good or bad.
Notes: For optimum effect, each section has been posted on it's own, even though some of them are fairly short.
Many thanks to Destina for the beta and to michelle for encouraging me back when this was no more than a single outlining paragraph and for filling in the gap when writers block hit -this would still not be finished if it wasn't for her.
Rating: G
Summary: A prophesy has the council meddling in the lives of Qui- Gon and Obi-Wan.

Prelude

"No."

"Refusing the majority, are you?"

"No. But why can't we just ask them?"

"They must not know of our interest."

"So it isn't any of our business."

"Under normal circumstances, no. But with The Prophesy..."

"What makes us so sure The Prophesy was referring to them?"

"They are both strong in the Force."

"As is every Jedi -or none of us would be here."

"Enough. This has been discussed. Decided we have. Mace, refuse do you?"

"No, Master. I will try."

"There is no-"

"There is only do or do not. I know and I will do my best. You cannot ask more of me than that."

Mace

They entered my quarters, Obi-Wan's nose wrinkling just a bit before his face settled back into a serene façade. I had burned the main course, but had thought I'd gotten rid of the smell. Obviously I was mistaken. The fact that this whole thing was a mistake wasn't helping matters in the least. Though my friend and his apprentice appeared to see nothing amiss.

"Ah, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, come in, come in! It's good to see you." I could hear the forced cheer and almost panicked joviality of my tone and barely managed to contain my wince. They were sure to suspect something if I kept this up.

Sure enough, Qui-Gon was looking at me as if I'd grown a second head and begun spouting ribald poetry. Damn the Council anyway for their insistence on skulduggery and creeping about in the shadows. Especially the ancient little gnome who led us. Why he believed being 800 years old gave him the right to pry into everyone's affairs was beyond me. But we let him, as I suspected generation upon generation had done before us. This time he may have gone too far.

"A glass of brandy perhaps, before we start our meal?" I certainly could have used the alcohol to help calm my nerves, Force knew the meditation hadn't worked, but Obi-Wan refused as I knew he would and Qui-Gon shook his head after looking at me for a long moment.

"Perhaps after our meal then." I suggested as I ushered them into the dining area. I pointed them to the table, letting them choose their seats.

I thought I had worried out each little detail when laying the table and setting up the chairs, but as they slid into the two chairs closest together, I realised that there was no way I could ascribe any meaning to their selection They could have chosen those seats because they were used to facing me, side by side, in the Council Chambers. It could have been due to the nature of their master and apprentice relationship, the roles bringing them together. It could even have been that the chair they left was closest to the kitchen, leaving me a clear path for serving. So much for the easy way out.

We ate in silence for some time. For the moment I was too embarrassed by my participation in this furtive inquisition to do much else. I imagined that Qui-Gon suspected something was up and was waiting for me to be more forthcoming. Obi-Wan took his cues from his master and ate silently. It soon became apparent that I would learn nothing from their behaviour towards each other. Calm, polite, they were everything that Jedi should be. Nothing more and nothing less.

If I hadn't already been convinced of my failure, this would have been where I became so. However I continued on doggedly. If nothing else I could respect the Council's decision to keep this nonsense from them, though for their sake rather than the Council's.

Qui-Gon regarded me steadily through the first course, which consisted of Corellian greens. I made a few inane comments as to the availability of the leafy vegetables on Coruscant and how the recent spate of bad weather on Corellia was sure to drive the price up. I had planned to gently guide the conversation in a direction that would, hopefully, reveal their relationship. Unfortunately, faced with the two of them, I seemed unable to do much more than babble ineffectively.

Qui-Gon responded readily enough, but these were hardly the topics of great conversation. Obi-Wan ate silently, shooting his master puzzled looks whenever he thought I wasn't looking.

Qui-Gon took pity on me when I served the next course -a hastily thrown together Endorian soup. I usually wouldn't have bothered with the soup course, but the unfortunate incident with the main meal catching on fire had left me a little short on food. My friend took over the conversational ball and soon had it rolling handily. He was probably worried that if he didn't, he and his apprentice would be treated to a lesson on the recent politics on Endor and how they affected the spicing of my soup. By the time the soup had been consumed, I was no closer to my objective than I had been when they first arrived.

My pitiful main meal was eaten with grace and no mention was made of the fact that what little there was of it tasted somewhat singed. By dessert I had calmed down enough to ask a few telling questions.

"So, Obi-Wan, are you seeing anyone at the Temple?" I watched his face carefully as I asked, but he showed no surprise or discomfort at the question. He swallowed his mouthful of berries and touched his napkin to the corner of his lips before answering me.

"No, Master Windu."

"A lovely young man like yourself? It hardly seems possible."

"We are so often on missions that I have little time for more than catching up on my studies when we are home. It wouldn't be fair to anyone here to start a relationship with them." He shrugged, seeming unconcerned about it.

"Perhaps I should suggest that the Council curtail some of your activities so that you have more time to follow your studies. We wouldn't want you to fall behind." I addressed this last to Qui- Gon. He smiled at me. I smiled back, hoping he had not taken my question as a slur on his teaching method.

"Come, Mace, you know I have always felt that sticking too close to the temple was a mistake. It leaves an apprentice with too little knowledge of what awaits him when he becomes a knight and is expected to go on missions of his own. Besides," he said as he sat back, crossing his hands over his belly. "I think perhaps my apprentice exaggerates the situation."

Obi-Wan chuckled lightly and bowed his head in acknowledgement of his master's words.

"I wouldn't want anyone to believe you to be anything other than a hard taskmaster," Obi-Wan said with a small smile of his own. Qui-Gon chuckled and I joined him.

"What of yourself, Qui-Gon? Did you know that Ame-Sari has married?"

"Ame-Sari?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Yes, she and your Master used to be involved."

"That was before you became my padawan, Obi-Wan."

"And she has moved on quite handily, Qui-Gon. I can't say though that I remember you seeing anyone since."

"A master must concentrate on his student. A relationship of the sort I had with Ame would be a distraction I could ill afford."

"Unless it was with your padawan," I joked, working very hard to keep my tone light. It was as close as I could come to outright asking the question. Qui-Gon merely raised his eyebrow at me.

"Perhaps you would like that brandy now?" I asked quickly, managing to smoothly change the subject.

Before they left Qui-Gon confronted me. I should have known that he would and had something prepared, but I was behaving like an astrish with its head in the sand over the whole issue, so it really was not surprising that he caught me unaware.

"Dinner was nice, old friend, but I feel there is something you aren't telling us. Some reason you asked us here."

Caught, I said the first thing that came into my mind.

"I was thinking of leaving the Council, returning to field work." If I had announced my intentions to disrobe and dance naked through the Temple halls Qui-Gon could not have looked more shocked.

"Why on earth would you want to do a thing like that?"

"These are dark times and all our number are needed in service."

"And you serve by sitting on the Council, Mace. I would never presume to tell you what to do, but you did ask me. Your place is on the Council."

"Yes, I must admit to leaning this way myself."

They donned their robes and had made it to the door before Qui-Gon turned to me again.

"Mace, are you all right?" His voice was low and invited confidences. "Would you like me to send Obi-Wan back to our quarters so that we may talk more freely?"

"No, no, old friend. That would be unnecessary." The last thing I needed was him grilling me over this, as I was sure he would do were not the curious eyes of his padawan upon us. He nodded, looking most unconvinced, and they took their leave.

I sagged against the door and cursed the Council and Master Yoda once again.

Interlude I

"Smarter than that you are."

"I panicked."

"You are a veteran of some of our toughest missions."

"I panicked."

"You are always one of the calmest and most unruffled voices on the Council."

"I panicked."

"Panic Jedi do not."

"Jedi also do not machinate against their brothers. I still say if we need to know we should just ask."

"Important this is. We must not ask them."

"I still don't understand why not."

"If they were to become aware of the role they play it could quite possibly change the outcome."

"But we don't even know what the outcome is!"

"Enough. Already we have debated this. This dissension we do not need. Dark times are coming and we must act as one. Or won already the dark side has."

"Well I did what I could and came up empty."

"Plan B we must follow."

"There's a plan B?"

"When 800 years old you are, contingency plans you too will always make. Depa Billaba shall find out. Same restrictions. They are not to know we wish to know."

"Mace is Qui-Gon's friend. Do you really think I can succeed where he failed?"

"Failed he did because of his friendship. You will not have the same reservations."

"Very well. I will do my best."

Depa

"Well children, now that Master Jinn has given you a brief overview of how a master and his apprentice work together on a mission, he and Padawan Kenobi would be happy to answer any of your questions." The words had barely left my mouth when a dozen little hands went into the air.

"Yes Tsli," I said, smiling at one of the smaller initiates in the class.

"Padawan Kenobi, what's it like having a Master?" I smiled at the question. I knew that having these two answer questions from my initiate's class had been a good idea. Youngsters have the ability to see into the truth of things and they haven't yet learned that some things you shouldn't ask. My only regret was that, young as they are "are you two lovers?" was not likely to be one of their questions. I watched as Obi-Wan pursed his lips as he considered the question. There were a thousand different ways he could answer it, I wondered which he would pick.

"Well it's a lot of hard work, but of course, that's what it takes to become a knight."

"Padawan Kenobi-"

"Master Billaba, would it be okay if they called me Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, of course." I nodded at the children to let them know that they were to do so and glanced over at Qui-Gon. He was smiling indulgently at his padawan, arms crossed comfortably over his chest as he leaned back against the wall. I had the sense that he knew that the bulk of the questions would be aimed at his student. This too was part of my plan -the younger was far more likely to betray himself with his words than the older, and of course the children were more interested in what he had to say as they were hoping to become padawans themselves.

"Is it scary leaving the common dorms, Obi-Wan?" Beta-Nik was the youngest of the children in my class -just out of the creche and into the dormitories; her question was not a surprise.

"It's always a little bit scary doing something new, but when you become an apprentice, you aren't alone. You have a master to take care of you."

"I thought it was his job to make you work hard?" That was Alini, never forgetting anything you said and always willing to call you on it if she believed you had contradicted yourself.

Obi-Wan laughed.

"Yes, it is, but a master does more than one thing -he is teacher, family, refuge..."

"How old were you when you went on your first mission?"

"I was not quite thirteen."

"You go on a lot of missions, don't you?"

"Yes, we do."

"Do you ever get lonely?"

"No."

"Never?"

Obi-Wan seemed surprised by the question.

"Well, no. I always have Master Jinn to keep me company."

"And that's okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he seems rather scary."

Obi-Wan glanced at me, his eyes dancing brightly though he managed to keep his face grave. Behind him Qui-Gon had gone into a coughing fit that I could tell was disguising laughter.

"Master Jinn makes sure that I learn everything I need to become a Jedi. Even when we are on a mission he ensures that I keep up with my lessons. He is a very hard taskmaster. But he takes care of me too, and if there is anything I need, I can go to him. Often he anticipates me and what I need is given to me before I even know that I need it. I am looking forward to becoming a knight, but I will miss being Master Jinn's padawan."

"Wow." A number of the children nodded in agreement with little Beta-Nik's wonder.

"It sounds like you two are really close." I pushed, just a little, hoping for something a little more intimate.

"Of course," replied Obi-Wan with an easy shrug, "he's my master."

And there of course lay the problem. Master and Padawan were, by the very nature of the relationship, closer to each other than to anyone else. The fact that Kenobi and Jinn were also sent on far more missions that your average master/apprentice pair only served to strengthen that bond between them. How we were ever to discover whether or not the two were lovers without asking them outright was beyond me. Though I was still hoping for an impertinent and awkward question or two from my students to illuminate the subject. I was to be disappointed. Everything that was thrown at the two men was handled with aplomb as if this were any other mission.

"But do you like him?" asked another little boy.

"Yes," Obi-Wan was smiling openly now, "I do."

"Does he like you?" pushed Timi.

"I believe so, but perhaps you should ask him that."

The young student was clearly intimidated. "Umm, Master Jinn, do you like Obi-Wan?"

Qui-Gon managed to keep his face straight as he answered, "Yes, I do."

"Is that why you take care of him?"

"Yes, but he takes care of me, as well."

"He does? How?"

"Well, he cooks for me, and he keeps me company, and he makes me laugh, and-"

"He cooks for you? Don't you know where the Dining Hall is?"

"I do, but sometimes we have to cook for ourselves when we're on missions-"

"They don't feed you?"

"Uh, no, not always."

"Does he cook better than the Dining Hall?"

"Yes, he does."

"Why don't you cook?"

"Because I'm not good at it."

"Why?"

"I'm just not."

Obi-Wan lips were pursed tight as he tried to keep from laughing. He took pity on his master. "Did you know my Master can sound like a krayt dragon?"

"He can?" several children asked.

"He can. Would you like to hear it?" A roomful of small heads bobbed up and down.

Leaning back, Qui-Gon brought his hands to his mouth and let forth a fierce yell. The children were all suitably impressed, except for one young man who was sitting quietly, chewing thoughtfully on his lower lip.

"Did you have a question, Arn'ti?" I asked. He nodded.

"If your Master takes care of you because he likes you, and you like him too, what happens if you don't like each other?"

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan exchanged glances, before Qui-Gon answered slowly. "That doesn't happen very often. You see, masters choose their apprentices very carefully, usually with guidance from the Force."

"The Force told you to make Obi Wan your padawan?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "It did."

"How? Did you have a dream about him or a vision or something?"

"Well, no." Qui-Gon glanced at his apprentice. I was unable to read the understanding that flashed between them. "Masters and padawans form a special bond through the Force. It lets them communicate. That bond formed between Obi Wan and I before I decided to take him as my padawan. That is how I knew it was the will of the Force that Obi Wan become my padawan."

I hadn't known that the bond had formed before they became master and apprentice. I wondered if any of the others councillors did and what it might mean with regards to The Prophesy. Was it a sign?

"You have a really long braid," observed Jon-Nis.

"Well it's been growing for a very long time, ever since I became Master Jinn's padawan."

"How long ago was that?"

"Almost nine years."

"Wow, that's a long time."

"Longer than I've been alive!"

"So you're old too."

Master Jinn was making that choking sound again and I have to admit that even I was having a hard time not laughing.

"Too?" asked Obi-Wan, clearly puzzled.

"Well, Master Jinn must be almost as old as Master Yoda is."

"I don't believe anyone is as old as Master Yoda is," said Obi- Wan in a low voice, looking towards the door as if he expected the ancient master to suddenly appear there. The children giggled. I would have to ask Obi-Wan if he would like to take on some teaching duties. He has quite a knack with the children.

"Does Master Jinn make you get up early?" asked Yanal. I hid my grin yet again; Yanal usually arrived to classes barely on time and with large, sleepy eyes.

"Yes, he does. We get up at dawn and begin the day with meditation."

"That's very early!" exclaimed Yanal.

"Being a Jedi is not an easy life," interjected Master Jinn. "Any master who let their padawan laze abed would be doing him a disservice."

"Master Jinn is quite right. If he did not make me work hard and get up early and make sure I followed all my studies, I wouldn't be able to become a Jedi Knight and I want very much to be a Jedi," Obi-Wan told the class earnestly. Master Jinn moved to stand next to his padawan, putting a hand on the young man's shoulder.

"Obi-Wan is going to be a wonderful Knight one day. It has been an honour to teach him."

"Being your padawan has been the honour, Master."

They looked into each other's eyes and I hoped for the moment to linger, for I felt that we were on the verge of a revelation. But the children were calling out more questions and the moment was lost.

The initiates grilled the pair for the better part of an hour, the two of them answering the questions with easy camaraderie. And while the scheme had been nothing but positive for the children, it left the Council no wiser than before.

Interlude II

"Best you could do that was?"

"Given the restrictions, yes."

"Making children do the dirty work for us -is this what the great Jedi council has been reduced to?"

"It was a legitimate way to observe and question them and the children learned a lot. I may have to start bringing in master/padawan pairs to talk to them more often."

"But it still didn't work."

"No, unfortunately not."

"It was the wrong approach."

"I didn't see your little dinner party getting us anything except a few burnt offerings."

"At least the only one I involved in this ridiculous quest was myself!"

"And Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan."

"Well we can hardly do this without them."

"Enough. Bickering children we are not."

"Speak up."

"It's not important."

"So, is there a plan C?"

"Yes, speak to them Yaddle will."

"I figured you'd drag me into this sooner or later, old man."

"Better you will do."

"I, too, will do my best."

"Good. Then better you will do. Find the answer you will. Left the job to these younglings I should not have."

Yaddle

I am almost 500 years old. The only one older than I on the Council is that worm Yoda. I usually hold my elder in the highest esteem and accord him the utmost respect. However, today I cannot.

I could not believe my ears when I heard him suggesting -no, he did not suggest, he ordered- me to discover the true nature of the relationship between the young humanoid pair. And with that ridiculous proviso of not asking them outright. We are making fools of ourselves all because he is convinced that the "promised one who is two" should not know of their destiny for fear of this somehow altering it. Destiny either is or it is not.

Nevertheless, I shall do my duty.

I attempt to merge unobtrusively in the line to the kitchen, placing myself just ahead of them. Unfortunately, due to my somewhat limited stature, one of the younger padawans who is pushing his way ahead to join his friends trips over me and as a result my tray and I are sent flying.

It is Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi who come to my rescue, pulling me out of the line and over to an empty table. The master runs his hands over me quickly, looking for injuries while the Padawan looks on worriedly.

"Is she okay, Mast- are you okay, Master Yaddle?" He corrects himself mid-sentence and I manage to pat his knee while pulling myself away from his master.

"I am fine," I reply with as much dignity as I can assemble. "Though I think perhaps I might forgo dinner in the dining lounge today."

"No, let me get you something," suggests Padawan Kenobi. I nod.

"Perhaps something for yourself and your master as well and the two of you can join me for evening meal?"

He nods enthusiastically and takes off, not even asking what we want. I would imagine he knows his master's stomach well enough and Yoda and my own appetites are the stuff of legends among the padawans. Jinn and I are left on our own.

Billaba had thought the younger to be the one to give away the game, but he had not. So I concentrate my efforts on the elder, hoping to have all their secrets ferreted out before our meal was brought to us. I begin immediately on the offensive.

"He is quite a good-looking young man -your padawan."

"Indeed, Master, he is."

"Sought after?"

The man shrugs.

"He is never without a companion if he so chooses."

"Ah, there is someone special here at the Temple then."

"We are here so little, Master Yaddle, that I doubt he has had time to form too many bonds."

"Outside your own."

"Indeed."

"I would imagine he would chafe under such conditions, demand more of a social life, more freedom."

"Obi-Wan is a very serious young man who is far more concerned with the progression of his studies than whether or not he has the pleasure of someone's company on various outings."

The man is infuriating. Just as had happened with Windu and Billaba, Jinn is eluding every probe, seemingly unconsciously. He is either very, very good or truly guileless. And though I suspect the former, I can not accuse him of it without revealing the Council's interest.

When his padawan returns I focus on my food -my plate is heaped high and I spare the young man a happy smile, which he returns. He really is quite lovely. If I were a few hundred years younger myself...but he is so desperately young. They all are, these humanoids. I am reminded of my doubts that The Prophesy makes reference to this species. Surely the weight of all rests on a more long-living and obviously wiser people.

On the other hand, the thought does make me wonder if perhaps we have taken the wrong approach from the start. If Jinn is truly in love with Kenobi, perhaps instead of dancing around the subject of whom they are dating is the wrong approach. Perhaps it would be easiest to see if he is jealous of the young one's affections.

I let my smile to Kenobi linger and touch his arm, caressing him with my mind as well as my hand.

"You are a beautiful young man and you treat an old woman with such kindness. I would love to repay you with the benefit of my experience."

His eyes widen and he looks over at me with a small gasp as I let my hand drop into his crotch, making it clear what experience I am referring to. He stands up again, rather abruptly this time.

"I think...I believe. I mean. I wanted another desert."

"Another dessert, Padawan?" Jinn asks him, looking as if he is about to choke. Ha, I've got you two now. "But I thought you hated simmerberries."

"No, you've got it all wrong, Master, they are my favourite." And with that the youngling flees. A strange noise is coming from Jinn and I turn, smiling serenely in my triumph -never send a child to do a master's work, I think. That's when I realise that Jinn isn't upset at all and is, in fact, laughing. Soft, helpless chuckles.

"I am sorry, Master," he says to me, bringing himself under control with obvious effort. "It was just the look on his face when you put your hand in his lap!" He begins to laugh again, quickly choking off the sound as his padawan returns once again to our table. Kenobi sits, subtly moving his chair a little away from mine as he does so and he eats with great speed, excusing himself as soon as the food on his tray has disappeared.

Well. Not only did I not succeed in making Jinn jealous, I've frightened Kenobi. Poor young thing is probably still a virgin. Ah well, at least the Council has its answer now -the two are not lovers.

Interlude III

"That was quite the display, I didn't know you had it in you."

"I got results, didn't I?"

"Results at any cost, is that what we're looking for now?"

"I didn't burn anything."

"At least I got out of it with my dignity intact."

"Is this how you respect your elders?"

"Arguing must stop. What to do next we must decide."

"What do you mean what to do next?"

"Lovers they are not. Lovers they must be."

"Are you suggesting that we somehow...influence them?"

"No, suggesting we influence them I am not."

"Well at least there is some sanity in this!"

"No influence there should be. Only do. I say make them lovers we must."

"I will have no part in this."

"Asked you to do this we did not."

"Yaddle, Depa, surely the two of you see the folly of this course of action? Where is it going to end?"

"When the two of them are lovers we will know that The Prophecy is vouchsafed."

"Mace, set you are against helping out in this?"

"You want me to help? And do what? Make them supper and then take them into my bedroom and invite them to make use of it? No, I draw the line at this. And I council the rest of you to do so as well."

"Then deepen their bond Yarael shall."

"You are going to use Jedi mind tricks to get them into bed together?"

"The Prophesy is clear. This is where they are heading, we are only expediting the matter."

"Yarael?"

"I am ready to serve."

Yarael

"What possessed you to perform the Wind's Breath without practice or supervision?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Healer. It is almost as if we were compelled to do so."

"No, no. You can't get up yet, you are too weak."

"I must attend my Padawan."

"Yes, he's right beside you, still unconscious. You Jedi think you can do anything, but you forget that your bodies have limits."

The healer continues to admonish and fuss while I try to be invisible at my post by the door. This is all my fault. I should have been more specific when I directed them. But it is done now and not only have I failed, I almost cost two men their lives. I see now where our meddling has brought us and it must be stopped. What were we thinking?

The Wind's Breath is a very dangerous paired saber drill. One that only closely bonded teams choose to perform. It takes months of preparation and working on small pieces of it at a time before the drill as a whole is attempted. Except that Jinn and Kenobi attempted it from start to finish, without prior practice or even desire to perform the difficult drill before this day. So why did they do it? Because I suggested, very subtly and powerfully, that they should develop a deeper bond and indulge in intense physical activity together. It never occurred to me to look at all the ways they could take this. Because copulation was the result the Council was seeking, I allowed myself to be blinded to other possibilities of my Force-suggestions.

The fact that they managed to complete the difficult drill with only exhaustion as the cost is a testament to the close bond they already possess and their strength in the Force. Their display convinced me of two things. First, that these two are the two of The Prophecy and second, that we must stop this madness before someone gets killed. Mace has been right from the start -we should not have interfered -the Force will guide them and will do so more easily if we do not attempt to meddle.

Interlude IV

"You failed, no worse or better than those before you."

"I almost killed them!"

"Predict their reaction to your suggestions you could not."

"And that is my point."

"Point taken, it is. Next course of action we must consider."

"I was thinking perhaps it was time that we bring in Oppo Rancisis."

"Oppo? You think this is a job for Oppo?"

"Master Rancisis is our best military strategist."

"Exactly."

"I do have a number of tactics we could consider."

"Well then by all means, let us hear them."

"The most obvious is of course to give them both drugs that increase their libido."

"Too risky. We can't accurately predict how the drugs will affect them and there is no guarantee that they will turn to each other to relieve their need."

"Well then, we could throw them together in a dangerous situation."

"Surely you have been paying attention to their mission reports? They have found themselves in a large number of dangerous situations and I fail to see what good one more would do."

"Well, if we were to ensure that one of them became hurt, it would perhaps trigger-"

"I can't believe I'm hearing this! Have we learned nothing from Poof's mistake? These are sentient beings we are talking about here. Very easily breakable sentient beings."

"Which is why I do not believe The Prophesy refers to Jinn and Kenobi -they are members of too weak a species to be the saviours of us all."

"Yes, we are well aware of your prejudice against humanoids, you don't need to bring all that up again."

"You are a weaker race."

"The Force brings equality. Even the smallest being can be invincible if he harnesses the power of the Force."

"None of this matters. Oppo's suggestions we must consider."

"No, I cannot allow that."

"Speak for the entire Council you do not."

"Look, I'll give it another try, but only if I am promised that fail or succeed, mine will be the last attempt to interfere with their lives."

"And what are you going to do? Feed them another dinner?"

Mace Redux

I had turned the air-exchanger on high, but Obi-Wan's nose wrinkled once again as they entered my quarters. He was a little slower to lose the expression of distaste this time and he coughed once or twice. Even Qui-Gon cleared his throat. I smiled at them, pretending there was nothing wrong. Pretending that I had meant to spill an entire bottle of Rinan love spice on the sitting couch of my living room. It was supposed to be a subtle dusting, but despite my having spent almost the entire day working to find a calm centre, I had managed to knock the bottle over before properly stopping it. The place now reeked of the cloying flower used to make the aphrodisiac. I noticed one of Qui-Gon's eyebrows lift and knew that he had correctly identified the smell. Fate was marginally kind to me though -Kenobi seemed unaware of its significance.

"Come in my friends, so nice to see you again." My voice was steady today. I had no cheer to offer, forced or otherwise. I just wanted this dinner over without ruining the long-standing friendship between myself and Qui-Gon. Whether or not they were to become lovers and whether or not this crazy dinner pushed them in that direction I left in the hands of the Force, wanting only my role, indeed the Council's role, in this concluded.

"I must admit I was rather surprised to have another invitation from you, so soon after our last meal." Qui-Gon was doing that impassive Jedi Master thing he does so well, but I knew that he was worried for me. I knew that while I attempted to push him into his padawan's arms, he would be spending the evening gently poking me to confide in him whatever it was that had me acting so strangely.

"Well, as I managed to botch up the main course last time, I thought I'd give it another try. Nothing burnt this time," I added with a smile at Kenobi.

"Oh good, I thought maybe the perfume was to cover-" He cut himself off, looking stricken.

"No, I ah...spilled a bottle of...it was to be a gift and I wanted to make sure I had ah...picked the right scent." Qui-Gon was looking at me, a slight frown on his face, but he said nothing, a restraint I imagined he would have to exercise again and again over the course of the evening.

I motioned them into the dining room, watching with approval as they sat in the same chairs they had used the last time. If they noticed that the chairs were closer to each other than before, they kept it to themselves. Nor did they comment on the centrepiece, whose three fat pink candles provided the room's only illumination.

"Let us eat, my friends," I suggested as I sat in the third chair.

"Tarn cakes! These are my favourite," said Obi-Wan, happily digging into the dish already on the table.

"Really?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"Yes. You know, this tastes just like the tarn cakes they serve in the dinning hall."

"That would be because I asked Tunibal for his recipe," I lied smoothly, with a smile. In truth, they were the tarn cakes from the dinning hall. I had asked the temple's chef for enough for four of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's favourite dishes. I owed the man a favour. Considering where the love spice had come from, it seemed I now I owed a number of favours throughout the temple.

Perhaps my meditations earlier had succeeded more than I had realised, for I managed to remember to steer the conversation towards those subjects that interested Obi-Wan, that could highlight his attractiveness to Qui-Gon.

"You've done quite well in the 'saber competitions in past years, haven't you, Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, sir."

"First in your class how many times?"

"Six."

"In fact that's every year you have entered, is it not?"

"Yes, Master Windu."

"Very impressive, wouldn't you say, Qui-Gon?"

"My padawan is well aware of my feelings regarding his performances -all his performances, whether in the competition ring or not."

"Of course," I laughed and stood abruptly, hearing that forced tone creeping into it. "Ready for the next course?"

"I don't know," said Obi-Wan, looking longingly at the plate of tarn cakes I had picked up, "I'd hate to waste all those cakes."

"There's plenty more food, Obi-Wan. You don't want to ruin your fine figure with too many of these." I clamped my mouth shut as I realised how my words could be interpreted and with a mumbled "be right back" I beat a hasty retreat into the kitchen, refusing to look at Qui-Gon.

I spent several minutes calming myself and going over my plan in my head. I then spent several more wrapping the cakes and putting them in the cold-box, keeping my mind focussed on my task as I warmed the flowering blossom stew. Besides having been assured that the dish was one of Qui-Gon's favourite indulgences, it was a traditional meal at many bonding ceremonies throughout the galaxy, given its delicate flavour and lovely presentation; I didn't think it would hurt to have Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan thinking of bonding.

I debated how long I should leave the two of them together, finally deciding that if I left it too long, rather than encouraging them into using the time and candlelight to fall in love, one or the other was likely to come looking for me. The last thing I needed was for them to discover that I had been dishonest regarding the food and the boxes from the dining hall would have given me away immediately.

I came back out to silence, both men waiting calmly for my return.

"How about some music," I suggested, using a flicker of the Force to turn the player on. I hid my wince as the quiet was filled with Alderian love chants, the rhythm of the drums subtly pulsing around the three of us. I had forgotten that I'd left my player cued to that track, my plan to use music abandoned. In my haste to break the silence I had discovered between them I had forgotten my reasons for deciding against the music. Qui-Gon's brow was climbing back up to his hairline. I was beginning to dislike that expression. Much as I was growing to dislike the little green troll who seemed to believe any Jedi younger than himself needed his guidance in conducting their affairs.

"Fragrant blossom stew," I said, plonking the pot down with rather more force than I'd intended and the stew sloshed over the edges, spilling the tiny pink and purple flowers around the sides. "Well, that's a good sign." Qui-Gon's damn brow climbed even higher and Obi-Wan, who had heretofore kept his expression tightly schooled, was looking at me as if I had suddenly sprouted a full head of hair. I ran my hand over my scalp, finding it as smooth as ever. "Custom dictates that spilling a few of the flowers ensures a sure bond."

"Really? I have eaten this dish many times, and I must say that I have never heard of such a thing before now."

"Come now, Qui-Gon, you know that every race has its own customs," I declared loftily, meeting his eyes and all but daring him to call me on it. He didn't, but his expression made it clear that he knew I was full of it. I hastily served the stew, somehow managing to spill it around each bowl as my hands refused to obey my directive to stay calm. After the first spill, I began to babble on about the bonding ceremonies of the people of my home world, making the majority of it up on the spot. Qui-Gon ate silently, sparing me concerned glances between mouthfuls while Obi-Wan ate quickly, his head moving back and forth between the two of us. By the time I was winding down, having exhausted my creativity and my ability to dissemble at about the same time, they had finished their servings. My bowl, by contrast, was almost untouched, but I knew I could not manage another bite. As it was the tarn cake was sitting rather like a large stone in the pit of my stomach.

"More?" I tipped the serving bowl, picking up the spoon.

"No," they answered hastily at the same time. I forced another smile and began to clear the table. "I'll just get dessert then."

I again used my time in the kitchen to calm myself, leaving the master and padawan to their own company. How exactly was I expecting to make them fall in love? They had been to countless worlds together, no doubt seen untold beauties both natural and manmade. Had they not been alone together in all sorts of situations? Seen each other in a variety of lighting? I remembered various missions from my days as a knight where accommodations were less than roomy or frightfully cold, where I shared a bed or body heat, or both, with my mission partner. Did I really believe my little apartment, my single dinner, for all its flickering candlelight and too much love spice, would trigger something that none of these other, uncontrived, situations had? I vowed to enjoy the rest of the evening with my friend and his padawan and put these machinations behind me.

Coming back to the dinning area, my good intentions fled as my heart leapt at the sight of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, heads close as they whispered together. I favoured them with a beaming smile as I gently placed the delicate glass serving platter on the table.

"Dinan Delight," I said, smiling expectantly at Obi-Wan. His eyes widened with happy surprise, as well they should have. Tunibal had grudgingly agreed to make the complicated dessert that Obi-Wan fancied, though I feared I would never be able to dig myself out from under the debt I now owed the Master Chef. Obi-Wan ate the dessert with relish. I nudged Qui-Gon.

"He seems to like it."

"It is his favourite," Qui-Gon answered dryly, fixing me with a speculative look. "As were the tarn cakes. And we are both rather fond of the blossom stew."

"I seem to have chosen rather well."

"Indeed." Qui-Gon turned his attention back to his own dessert, eating efficiently.

"Well," said Obi-Wan, licking his lips. "I'm afraid I must be going. I have a test in the morning."

"No!" I exclaimed, the sound loud in the sudden silence that had fallen over the room, the love chant having just come to an end. "I mean, have another serving of the Delight -it doesn't taste the same if it's not fresh."

Obi-Wan cast a regretful glance at the dish before shaking his head. "No, I really must be going. Good night, Master Windu. Good night, Master." The padawan bowed his head toward us each in turn and took his leave.

"That seemed rather sudden." I turned to Qui-Gon, my turn to use the climbing eyebrow trick.

"Mace, what's wrong?" Qui-Gon it seemed was opting for the direct approach, thereby nulling the effect of my expression.

"What makes you think something is wrong?"

"Your behaviour tonight, old friend. Why don't you tell me what's really going on here."

"Okay, you've caught me, I was testing out my dinner technique." I let my voice trail away, hoping he would let my vague words stand, but my luck where Qui-Gon was involved was at an end.

"By seducing my padawan in front of my very eyes? Or were you hoping for my approval, or even help, before repeating your performance just for him?"

"What? Seducing your padawan? Qui-Gon, I don't-"

"How stupid do you think I am, Mace? The love spice, the candlelight, the music, his favourite foods..."

"I thought you were the one partial to the fragrant blossom stew," I answered, risking him discovering my ruse regarding my cooking. I was still not quite sure where I had gone so wrong that Qui-Gon thought that I was interested in Obi-Wan.

"Only because it is one of his favourites. I prefer my flowers on the vine."

"Oh." I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. "I can assure you Qui-Gon, seducing your padawan was never my intent. I have quite a different...ah...pairing in mind."

Qui-Gon watched me for a moment and I managed to hold his gaze. Apparently satisfied, he put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"I am here for you, my friend, if you wish to talk about it. Perhaps a fresh perspective would help?"

"I am sure that it would, Qui-Gon, but I am not at liberty to discuss the matter with you." He frowned at me.

"You are sure?"

"Yes, quite."

Another reassuring squeeze to my should and he dropped the matter like the true friend that he was. We spent the rest of the evening playing sechek and debating philosophy. I only wish I had remained as good a friend to him as he had to me. He had once warned me that I would have to compromise my principles to sit on the Council and I vowed that he would never know how right he had been.

I protested when he took his leave, long after 12th bell, but he left, turning back when he reached the door.

"Be careful," he said softly, obviously still worried for me. I nodded and the door closed quietly behind him.

Though I had failed, I was relieved that it was finally over. There was only the Council left to face and then I could put the whole mess behind me.

Interlude V

"I failed."

"Expect them to ravish each other during your dinner we did not."

"Nonetheless, Windu is right, they did appear to be quite unaffected, other than Qui-Gon's worry for Windu's sanity. What were you thinking?

"Yes, that performance was even more embarrassing than your first."

"I pani-"

"Yes, we all know you panicked. Let's not waste any more time with that. We need to focus on what we are going to do next."

"What do you mean 'what we are going to do next'?"

"Your dinner failed."

"Yes, it did. I said I failed. You said I failed. We have all agreed that my dinner was a colossal failure. However, our agreement was that this would be the final interference on our part."

"I still believe that Master Rancisis could get the job done for us."

"Matters not that does. Agreed we did that final attempt Mace would make.

"But he failed -and he'd already failed once before in this."

"You knew that going in. If you weren't going to follow through, why did you agree to the conditions in the first place?"

"Agreed we did. Follow through we will."

"So we're just giving up?"

"What of The Prophesy?

"Are we expected to just sit idly and wait for them to fall in love and join together?

"Yes. Trust in the Force we must."

"Can someone explain to me why we didn't do that from the onset?"

Epilogue

"Master, how long does Master Yoda's race live?"

"No one is entirely sure."

"Do you think it's possible that he is going senile?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Well today he told me that your legs were very shapely. He said that you were in fact quite comely, and that he had always thought so."

"That is odd. Perhaps he's been chewing on his gimer stick again."

"Master?"

"It has hallucinogenic properties, supposedly used in healing and as a meditation aid, but many of Dagobah's denizens -both sentient and not- are quite addicted to the plant."

"Master, are you suggesting that Master Yoda has been acting strangely because he is stoned?"

"Well, when you put it that way I have to admit it sounds absurd. You know though, now that you've brought it up, many of the Council have been behaving oddly. There was the whole dinner fiasco with Mace -not just once, but twice."

"And Yaddle's performance in the dining hall."

"Not to mention Poof seemed oddly upset regarding our mishap with the Wind's Breath kata. I'm not even sure how he knew we'd attempted it, let alone why he would visit us in the infirmary."

"Do you think something is wrong?"

"I do not know. It certainly bears watching, but we must tread carefully."

"Would it not be better to ask them directly?"

"No, we must not let them know we suspect anything."

"As you wish, Master."

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