Archive: OK to SWAL and Master/Apprentice; all others, please ask.
Category: pre-slash, angst, background. No smut (sorry!) this time
around.
Feedback: Yes, pretty please! On-list or privately, detailed or short -it
inspires me.
Notes: This one sort of bounced around in my brain until it fell out! Please bear
with me. *g*
Pairing: Q/O (OW is about 20)
Rating: PG
Series: It's a stand-alone, but technically could come before my
current series time-wise ("Touch", "Mortal Wounds", "Scorched" and
"Boundaries").
Spoilers: None
Summary: Qui-Gon faces up to the truth about the nature of his relationship
with his Padawan.
"Sense his feelings, you do." Yoda spoke with firm certainty. "Dangerous, this is." He looked up at Qui-Gon Jinn, who seemed to loom over the diminutive Jedi Master despite the fact he was kneeling on the brilliantly colored mosaic tile floor. "The boy is not ready. Be stronger, you must. Not so transparent."
Qui-Gon did not even attempt to conceal his thoughts. Yoda's large blue eyes were like a drill boring straight into him, drilling down to his most private feelings. "Perhaps I am transparent to you, Master Yoda, but Obi-Wan has no idea I know." He paused, then added, "And he is no longer a boy, Master."
Yoda's eyes narrowed in response to the defiance in Qui-Gon's tone, and he tapped his cane impatiently on the floor, a sure sign of his growing agitation. "Always so ready to disobey, Qui-Gon Jinn. Know the rules, you do. Choose another Padawan, you should. Why do you not do so? Jeopardize your future, you will."
"I do what I must, Master." Waves of disapproval and skepticism from Yoda brought a half-smile to Qui-Gon's face. "Your ambitions are not mine."
"A Jedi's place is where best he can serve. On the Council, you should be. Reckless, stubborn, foolish!" Yoda rattled off a list of Qui-Gon's faults with building vehemence. "Transferred these qualities to the boy, you have. Ruined his future, too."
"No, Master Yoda, I have not." Qui-Gon stood suddenly, dignified but out of patience. "Obi-Wan follows his own path. It is one of his many strengths. I don't know what the future holds for him, but my immediate future will be as his Master, and if my decision keeps me from my own advancement, so be it."
"Master, hmm?" Yoda questioned. *"And nothing more?"*
Silence shimmered hotly in the circular room as the two Jedi stared at one another.
Without another word, Qui-Gon bowed to Yoda, and left the room. Yoda exhaled a deep, resigned sigh, shaking his head in frustration. "You heard him," he said, apparently speaking to the open air. "Follow his heart, he will. Treacherous it will be for them both."
Mace Windu emerged from the shadows where he had concealed himself before Yoda summoned Qui-Gon. So great was his control within the living Force that he could hide himself entirely, revealing no mental or physical evidence of his presence. "He's right," Windu told Yoda. "Kenobi has no idea Qui-Gon knows. Qui-Gon has been careful not to reveal his emotions. This isn't the first time such a thing has happened, you know."
"No." Their eyes met. "Rules there are, to govern it. Expected it is, for a Padawan to desire his Master. Qui-Gon knows this." Yoda's words fell heavily, ringing of truth. "Mutual, it is."
Windu nodded in agreement. "That's the reason he will not step back."
"Dangerous," Yoda said again for emphasis, hoping all the while he would be proven wrong. Together, the Jedi Masters left the council chamber.
Qui-Gon pressed the control pad at the entrance to the quarters he shared with Obi-Wan and entered silently, hoping to avoid disturbing his Padawan. Obi Wan slept peacefully on his stomach in a disheveled heap, blankets wound around his legs and waist, bare limbs sticking out in different directions. He seemed younger in sleep, and breathtakingly handsome. His mind was at peace, his convoluted thoughts racing across a serene dream world, his breathing even and deep. One hand dangled over the floor just above his lightsaber, an accident of placement.
Qui-Gon's gaze lingered on the younger man, raking the contours of his body. Instead of detached speculation, what arose in him was something darker, more disturbing.
He had not expected to be taken to task over the strength of Obi-Wan's attachment to him. He'd known of it for quite some time, since Obi-Wan was still a young teenager. There had always been a connection between them, one so strong it had transcended even the lack of a Master/Padawan relationship, in the very beginning. Qui-Gon had resisted taking Obi-Wan as his apprentice, amazed not just by the strength of Obi-Wan's devotion, but his own reciprocal feelings.
It had been seven years since the hopeful, courageous boy had accepted Qui-Gon's offer to become his Padawan. In that time, the boy had become a man, determined, headstrong, skilled...not unlike Qui-Gon himself. Qui-Gon hesitantly admitted to himself that Obi-Wan *did* exhibit some of his more troublesome traits. Perhaps this explained Yoda's concern.
And perhaps, it did not.
As Qui-Gon undressed in the dim light, fabric rustling like the sound of leaves blowing together in the treetops, Obi-Wan stirred. Qui-Gon reached out with the Force and touched his student's mind, reassuring him.
Recently, Qui-Gon had detected faint stirrings of a powerful longing in his student. Obi-Wan would avert his eyes at times, striving to conceal his mind from his Master's, but the palpable sense of wishful yearning communicated itself clearly. He overestimated his skill at camouflaging his needs. Under his Master's scrutiny, Obi-Wan would sometimes become like a sheet of thin glass, behind which gleamed fevered fantasies of his Master's body twined with his, of words which could be spoken aloud without fear of repercussion.
Qui-Gon yanked a sleep tunic over his head and stopped for a moment, his mind racing. His reaction to those thoughts had been mild amusement, and he had easily diverted them without arousing Obi-Wan's suspicions. Try as he might to convince Yoda that his purpose for refusing to hand Obi-Wan over to another Master was selfless, Qui-Gon suddenly understood it was a deception - more of himself than anything else. His own sleep lately had been filled with renderings he could not ignore...Obi-Wan's mouth locked against his in possessive victory, tongues clashing in battle, hands roaming territory which had previously been the province of eyes alone...
"Master?" A sleepy voice penetrated Qui-Gon's reverie. Startled, he turned to see Obi-Wan sitting up, wiping sleep from his eyes. "Is everything all right?"
Qui-Gon was taken aback by the fact that Obi-Wan was awake...and he hoped his introspection had not somehow communicated itself to his student. Quickly, he went to the younger man, pulling down the screens of tranquillity and inner peace across his face and heart. "All is well, Padawan. Don't trouble yourself."
Obi-Wan sensed something...and turned his face up toward his Master with an anxious expression. "Master...?" he pressed, uncertain. "I feel...something...I don't know..."
"Back to sleep, young apprentice," Qui-Gon said briskly, manhandling his student back under the sheet so abruptly he had no time to protest. Qui-Gon's hand rested lightly on top of Obi-Wan's, the touch communicating comfort and serenity. Obi-Wan threw his other hand over his Master's and went immediately to sleep.
For Qui-Gon, sleep was a long time coming, and was filled with unsettled, troubling dreams.