Archive: Yes
Archive Date: February 20, 2001
Category: Angst, Romance, AU
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, entertainment only, don't sue
Feedback: We all need some, be it good, bad or ugly.
Notes: mind speech://
First, Big thanks to Angel for an excellent Beta job!Trust me when I say with out her this would be a mess. Her suggestions
were invaluable. She saved you from my summaries. *g*
Second Happy late V-day to you all.
Pairing: Anakin/Obi-wan, Anakin/Amidala
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Anakin comes for the Jedi Order, but all he finds is Obi-Wan.
Warnings: stress, too many romance novels and v-day have conspired against
all you lovely people to bring you this little concoction.
Obi-wan Kenobi fixed his gaze on the flame in the fireplace in a desperate attempt to center himself, but it was useless. Over the last few months, he had spent almost no time in meditation. His mind, filled with horror after horror, was unable to empty itself of the nightmarish visions that were his constant companions.
His dreams were filled with the screams of dying knights. Temple after temple was being destroyed and the Jedi had nowhere to hide, all because of Anakin Skywalker. Things were so bad that he found it difficult to tell the difference between his dreams and reality.
//He's truly gone,// Obi-wan thought dully, all the predictions of Yoda and the others coming back to his conscious mind in a rush. He had never forgotten them, allowing them to color his every interaction with Anakin, but had honestly tried his best to make Anakin a proper knight.
"Did you really?" As had become his custom, he ignored the voice so like his master's. "How long can you ignore me? Will you wait until the dreams come true?"
The dreams. A shiver ran through Obi-wan at those words.
Fire! It was all around him. He heard the crack of a splitting beam and watched in shock as the entire temple sank into the ground, the terrified screams of his brothers and sisters drowned out by laughter. He had no idea where these events were taking place, though his guess would be Coruscant.
"Well, Master. Shall we end this?"
Without thought he ignited his saber and battle was joined.
In a strange way, this battle reminded him of the dozens of practice sessions the two of them had shared. Their movements were as flowing as ever. He knew if he could watch from a distance, the battle between them would look like a lovely, choreographed dance. He won, barely, and watched as the bubbling inferno below them swallowed Anakin up.
"I thought I taught you better than this, Obi!"
"M-M-Master. Why are you here?"
A slow smile touched the face of Qui-gon Jinn. "I'm here because I have unfinished business and the need is great enough that I can show myself to you. I see you're ready to acknowledge my existence. NOW, on to what needs to be said: you're botching this but good, you know! He's not completely lost to you or the Jedi, though I really don't blame him for turning."
"You don't what!" Obi-wan bellowed, the Jedi calm that had made him famous gone. He rose and stalked around the room with the ferosity of a caged tiger. "I can't believe those words are coming out of you. You, who were killed by a sith are condoning the fall of a knight???"
"What is it exactly that is getting under your skin, Obi? Is it that deep inside where you have hidden your strongest needs, feelings, desires, and your love for Ani, you agree with his choice as well?"
A stunned silence was the only reply. Then, "I don't understand," in the respectful tones of an apprentice to his master. The stern expression softened.
"Let us see, shall we? His mother was killed because the Jedi weren't protecting her as they promised. The Council brought her to Coruscant after how much pleading? He begged them, Obi-wan, after nights of dreams in which he saw her die and they ignored the dreams after giving their word to keep her safe.
"Dreams?"
"You never even knew! What does that say of your relationship?"
"The Council said I shouldn't complete the bond. I agreed. I had to! Even without the bond fully formed I felt him like a beacon, burning..." The words slowed, his voice softened gaining a dreamy, contemplative note. "Sometimes in my dreams, I would feel him reaching for me. I felt his power, Master. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. There were moments I would want nothing more than to hold him close to me and keep him from ever knowing harm. Then the words of the Council would come back to me and the moment would pass."
"Why did you never attempt to even become his friend?" Qui-gon's tone sharpened. "When Amidala left him for the Alderaanian prince, I believe your words were 'a Jedi is beyond this emotional display, Anakin.' You never truly believed in him." Obi-wan opened his mouth to protest. "Don't bother. You trained him well, there's no doubt of that, but where is the trust that should have been there? Where was the relationship that should have allowed him to come to you when he suspected 'Dala was cheating on him? Where were you when he discovered what had happened to his friends?"
"Can't you understand? He was so bright, pure, as in no darkness, almost blindingly so. I couldn't fight what he was beginning to mean to me, so I pushed him away. It hurt when he married 'Dala. I was glad when she left him for Bail. What does that say of me? It meant he could be my partner all the time. I was torn between my duty and my needs. I did the right thing. Are you happy now? Is this what you want? He tried, went above and beyond anything asked of him, and I was a bastard. I'm not even making sense." He ended in a pitiful wail.
"We Jedi aren't super-beings, though in recent times the order has lost sight of that. Get him back, Obi-wan, or it will be a long time before there are any Jedi and all of our traditions will be lost. As for making sense, your heart and your mind are having a bit of a disagreement. Now, I'm going to pay a visit to Mace. Be well, Obi-wan. You haven't done too badly, all things considered. I would only complain of the relationship you don't have with Ani. Fear not, Obi" Then he was alone but lighter of spirit.
Convincing the Council to clear the temple was not the battle he expected. He would have bet a lot it had something to do with a certain dead, meddlesome master. It was sad to see the temple cleared. He would be alone until Anakin came. Used to the constant activity involved in training knights, the quiet was disturbing.
He passed the time reading and pacing. Then he took a long unflinching look at his feelings. He accepted the fact he loved Anakin, that he always had. A part of him had been afraid to complete the bond and had been glad the Council had not allowed it. The idea that Anakin was lost made him ache inside. Remembering the bright, happy child Anakin had been and comparing him to the focused, driven young man he had become, Obi-wan fluently, and in several languages, cursed himself, the Council and anyone else who had hurt Anakin. He hoped for a chance to correct his mistakes and make things right between them.
At night he would dream. Sometimes, the dreams would be filled with joy and light. At other times, the dreams left him shaking with dread. He woke one day, knowing this would be the day he would fight Anakin. He understood that today would make the future bright or dark, and that there was still a choice to be made.
It was just as in the dream, only the temple was empty. There would be no screams of death as he and his former apprentice fought. He wondered how Anakin had learned where he would be. He hoped it was skill and not another traitor in the Jedi ranks because he was certain the order would not survive a second knight gone over to the dark. He sighed, knowing it was rather doubtful it would survive Anakin.
He paced for the simple reason that inaction was impossible. Meditation was out of the question. Under different circumstances, Obi-wan would have calmed his mind in preparation for this battle, but his conflicting needs would allow him no peace. The walking allowed a sort of haze to descend over him, so that when the cool voice spoke, his surprise was genuine.
"Shall we end this, Master? The disdain in that one word almost stunned the already off-center knight.
"Ani," using the nickname of his training days, hoping for a miracle, "we don't have to fight. We don't have to be on opposite sides. Please, Ani."
The response was swift and brutal. A blast of force energy that sent Obi-wan stumbling back a step. That action made it apparent that Anakin would not fight by the rules, but Obi-wan was determined to be as honorable as he could. With a heavy heart and a sigh, he drew his saber and counter-attacked. They were soon completely lost to everything but the moment. Qui-gon's command to bring Anakin back to the light made him desperate and after the thorough examination of his feelings, he was, more than ever, determined to try.
The battle raged through the temple, destroying everything. They finally leaped on to a walk which completely surrounded the temple. Anakin suddenly began the sequence that would lead to his complete loss and Obi-wan realized it too late to stop. As Anakin tumbled off the walk, Obi-wan met his eyes and saw conflicting emotions and, without thinking, used the Force to stop the fall. Here was a chance and he would take it. He held Anakin inches above the inferno they had created below.
"You're going to hear me out."
"I have nothing to say to you and I certainly don't want to hear anything you would say."
Obi-wan leaned out over the walkway, "But you will because you don't have a choice." Then he flipped and dropped, until they were floating side by side.
He wasn't sure how long he could keep them both floating, but he had to try. He cupped Anakin's face, tilting it so their eyes could meet. "This battle is over." A snarl was his only reply.
"I haven't given you much reason to believe in me over the years. I realize that now. I can't change the past, but I can--"
"No! Forget it, Kenobi. You see what I am? I chose this path in complete knowledge of what I was doing. I chose it because nothing was ever good enough. The slightest mistake was always blown out of proportion. If I did well, it wasn't good enough. I could never gain even your support and the Council...
"Do you have any idea what that was like? They couldn't stand me. They wanted me gone and when I proved too powerful. When they couldn't see the perfect little knight in my future, they told you not to get too close to me." The gasp of horror Obi-wan made was drowned out by the continuing tirade. "I tried so hard for your approval, but it was never enough. 'Dala leaving was the last straw. I quit. Do you hear me? Do you know the power I have at my disposal right now? What I could do?"
"Stop!" The ring of command silenced him as it had in the past. "How did you know?"
"I put it together. I saw how other masters and padawans interacted and I just knew things weren't right. I thought maybe it was because you missed Master Qui-gon too much to allow the bond to fully form and accepted that. I figured with time it would get better and you wouldn't hate me so much."
"I never hated you." His arms were wrapped around Anakin before he was aware of what he'd done.
"I can never go back."
"Shhh!"
"It's true! What would they do? I want them dead. They deserve to die. They never wanted me here. The only people to ever really want me around are all dead!"
"That's not true."
"No? My mom, Master Jinn, the guys from Alfa-Squad? They're not all dead?"
The loss of all but one member of that elite force had been a devestation to the Republic. The best and the brightest fighter pilots lost, thought Obi-wan. A sense of failure forced total honesty from him.
"I want you here. I've always wanted you here. More than was probably healthy." In a sudden shift of topic, "Ani what did I tell you about the effects of the unknown?"
"What does it matter? I'm going to kill you just as soon as I figure out how to get out of this or you let me up, or let me fall!" The conviction was gone. Qui-gon was right, Ani wasn't lost and his heart leaped with joy. If they both survived this, he would never let Anakin Skywalker go.
"Uh-huh. Now answer the question."
Scowling, he explained, "The unknown is a frightening thing for everyone, but for the Jedi, it's especially frightening because we're used to knowing most things."
"Good." He brushed his lips across the nearest patch of skin. "Well done."
"What are you doing?"
"Mmm?"
"I said...Never mind. Can we please get back to our fight? I was winning."
"Course you were." Obi-wan felt the peace he had been lacking over the past several months rush over him as the minutes passed and Anakin didn't pull out of his embrace.
"In all the years we were together, you never held me like this. Why now?"
"I'm wiser now. An old friend badgered me until I realized I was a total fool. Then I decided to stop being a fool and save us all years of hell."
"Who badgered you? I'll kill them! Who do they think they are?"
"Master Jinn came to me and explained the error of my ways." A snort of laughter was the only reply.
Anakin slowly turned in Obi-wan's embrace until they faced one another. The laughter was gone. "What did he say?"
"It started after you left on that last mission. I ignored it. He told me to go after you, ordered me really, but I didn't. I'll always regret that. You shouldn't have had to face that alone. If I had known, Ani."
"It was horrible. They were in pieces. My only real friends." A shudder wracked him as he spoke. "I did a reading to see how they'd died and I was trapped. When I came back to myself, I had slaughtered the little ones. Children! I knew then I could never go back. He was there, Obi-wan. He said he would help me."
"Who?"
"The Sith lord. He's training me. I have to go back, Obi-wan. I--"
He wouldn't allow it. He had no clue of what was coming and at that moment couldn't have cared less. He gently shushed the torrent of words with his lips.
//know! I won't let you go again, ever. You belong with me.//
//I can't. He's calling me. I have to kill you and the Council. I have to kill them, too.// Obi-wan reached out with his mind, gently inserting it into the maelstrom of thoughts. He found the thick thread binding Anakin to a far-away presence.
The right thing to do would be to follow the thread to its source, but all he wanted was the man in his arms, so, without further thought, he snapped it. With a low cry, Anakin slumped in his arms. Feeling quite exhausted, he only just managed to hold up Anakin's full weight.
Using the Force, Obi-wan lifted them back up to the walk and collapsed, Anakin held tight in his arms.
He came to slowly, his head aching and his entire body numb. He tried to stretch and couldn't. Then memory came back and he tightened his hold around the man in his arms.
//Where am I? What happened?//
//You're safe.//
//Temple, fight. You said you'd never let me go.//
//I never will.//
//What are you offering?//
//What will you accept?//
//I don't know.//
//Slowly, then.//
"Yes. That would be good. He's gone from my mind. What did you do?"
"I snapped the thread binding you to him."
"Is that why I feel like a herd of banthas are clomping round my head?"
"I'm sorry, but he was twisting your judgement."
"I really want to kill Mace."
"I know. So do I."
"There's so much for me to deal with. I've done some hideous things over the last few months. I have to sign the divorce papers and she's pregnant. Did you know that?" Tears were slowly running down Anakin's face.
"You won't have to deal with it alone." He gently wiped the tears away. "Do you know what I've figured out?"
"No..."
"Emotions aren't bad. It's like anything: how you use them. I think maybe the Order is losing sight of that."
"I've missed our talks."
"So have I. I promise you won't have to do without them again. That's if you'll stay?"
This time, it was Anakin's lips that reached for available skin. They were a bit more specific and found Obi-wan's waiting mouth. This kiss was light and gentle, filled with love and longing. The contact was electric and Obi-wan found himself completely captured by the feelings running between them.
The kiss ended naturally and the two men watched each other.
"Should we maybe try to put that back together?" Anakin was waving at the disaster below them.
"Ani, that's oozing, and it looks disgusting."
"We can do it, Master. It's like when I put the Luna back together."
He winced at that particular memory. Exhausted beyond endurance, they had been returning from a mission, needing to give a less-than-stellar report, and they had been forced to crash-land. It had been a hard landing and Obi-wan had actually considered calling for help. Ani had asked for six hours before Obi made the call. Their relationship had been feeling the strain of the Council's interference, so he had agreed. To his amazement, the ship was not only flight worthy, but had most of the wepons in working order.
"I'm Obi-wan to you, Ani. You are a knight, which makes me no longer your master. As for that, we can try."
They were still trying when the Council returned to the temple. Yoda found them snuggling on the walkway, their feet dangling off the side while the stone and marble reformed in the shape of the temple.
He eyed them for a long moment before speaking. "Wrong, we were. Too set in our ways, we are. A lot of harm, we have caused. My blessing, I would give."
Two sets of eyes popped open. "Blessing? You would bless us?"
"Wrong, I was, young Skywalker. A good knight you were, a good knight you shall be again. Too much stock in our skills, we put. Not enough faith, do we have." The old master floated up to them and hovered at eye-level and laid a hand on each of them. "Bond, you have formed. Hard, your road shall be. Forgiveness of you both, do I ask."
Anakin hugged him. "Yes, I forgive you. I always liked you the best. You always had candy." Like magic, Yoda pulled a butter-scotch candy out of the air and handed it to him.
"I forgive you as well, Master Yoda."
"Leave you, I will. A good job you are doing. Take care of one another, you will."
Yoda left them. Anakin and Obi-wan watched as he spoke with the other Council members. As the Jedi were leaving, a medium-sized bundle appeared next to them.
"What do you think this is, Obi?" Anakin poked gingerly at it.
"A portable habitat so we don't have to sleep on the ground while we put the temple back together, would be my guess," Obi-wan replied, laughter in his voice.
"Oh, hey, that was pretty thoughtful." With a flick of Anakin's hand, it set itself up at some distance from the temple.
"We should stop, Ani. It's getting dark. This'll still be here in the morning."
In answer, Anakin hugged him close and lowered them to the ground next to the habitat. As they entered they noticed that there were some very nonissue supplies. Among them: candles, a bottle of Corelian wine and lube. "Oh Force, Obi, it says edible."
"Ani, slow! Remember?"
"Uh-huh, but you're so beautiful. There were times I almost threw myself at you." Soft laughter greeted that statement.
"I was almost always half out of my mind around you." A hand reached up and stroked his cheek for that and Obi-wan noticed it was the prosthetic hand. He gently took it with his own and brushed a kiss to the palm. "I never thanked you. You saved my life." Anakin went still.
"There's so much for me to work through, Obi-wan. I have doubts about being a good partner for you."
Obi-wan held him close. "You're perfect and if I never told you before, it was simply because I was allowing a bunch of old fools to guide me. I'll never do that again."
"You mean it." The wonder in Anakin's soft voice brought an ache to Obi-wan's heart.
"I'll spend the rest of our days proving it to you." A nod against his shoulder was his answer.
"You think they left us food?" The shaky question broke the charged atmosphere forcing a smile to both faces.
"You know, dear heart, I was under the impression that constant eating ended after teenage years." A light kiss and a quirky grin were the response.
It turned out there was food. A surprising amount of it and all of it finger-foods. As they fed one another and shared the wine, a soft breeze flowed around them. A shadowy figure smiled. Things had been put on the right path. Now it was up to them to see it through. Qui-gon Jinn's work was done.