Pairing: Q/O
Rating: R
Spoilers: Set right after TPM
Summary: What trials did Obi-Wan have to face to be considered a
full Jedi Knight?
"Ready are you?"
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Once the trials have begun we have no way of stopping them until they are complete."
"I understand, Master Windu."
The twelve members of the Jedi Council exchanged a wordless look then exited the room, the hushed rustle of their cloaks seeming oddly amplified by the bare marble of the walls and floor. Once they were gone, Obi-Wan sank to his knees, his arms folded within the sleeves of his robe, his face obscured by the shadow cast by his hood.
This was his final test as an apprentice, one his Master had said he was ready for, but there was a tiny kernel of self-doubt within him. _If I was ready, then why couldn't I save him?_ It may have been the will of the Force but that did not make the loss of his teacher, friend, and lover any less difficult to bear.
_If only..._ Anguish rose in Obi-Wan's mind, threatening to choke him and send his thought into a maddening spiral of despair. He had to accept the pain in order to begin healing but there was a part of him that didn't want to lose this ache, if nothing else it reminded him that he could still feel something other than the hideous emptiness that eaten it's way into his chest.
_Center yourself._ That was the first order of business. Nothing would be accomplished until he had calmed himself enough to complete this simple task. Concentrating on each breath as it expanded his lungs, Obi-Wan let slowly let the physical fall away, trying to lose himself in the constant song of the Force.
A soft breeze entered the circular room through the many rectangular windows, bringing with it the soft scents of the lush vegetation that surrounded Naboo's capitol city of Theed. Faint sounds of celebration reached the Jedi apprentice's ears then faded away as his concentration turned inward, years of practice winning out over his turmoil.
Though his mind was slowly emptying of conscious thought, Obi-Wan's posture remained ramrod straight and there wasn't even the slightest hint of a waver to his stance. None of the Jedi apprentices knew what the final test in their training consisted of, the trials were whispered of but were one of the Academy's closest guarded secrets. They were not physical, as no Padawan was recommended by their Master until they had proved themselves skilled in both the martial and parliamentary aspects of their calling.
As he slipped deeper into his meditative state, the Force sang around Obi-Wan, bright crystalline tones that were almost painful in their beauty. There was a moment of perfect stillness when he hung suspended amidst the splendor of the living Force, then images began to form behind his closed eyelids.
Memories flickered past almost too fast to consciously recognize. Obi-Wan caught glimpses of his early years at the Academy; first friendships, first lessons, the thrill of truly understanding what the reality of the living Force could bring.
The years sped by, slowing only to allow the young Jedi a closer look at those moments that could be considered defining in the path his life had taken. The last fight with Bruck at the Academy, the flare of hope that Master Qui-Gon would take him as his Padawan and the crushing despair when he saw that was not to be so.
The trip to Bandomeer with all it's danger and adventure, then the time on the planet itself. Obi-Wan's breathing deepened as he relived his first meeting with Qui-Gon's failed apprentice, Xanatos, his kidnapping and subsequent rescue from the mining platform. The same sense of calm flowed through him as, in his mind, he prepared to detonate the electro-collar he had been fitted with as one of Offworld Mining.
"Stand back as far as you can."
"No, Padawan. There has to be another way."
It was the first time his Master had called him that though at the time it had gone unnoticed in the pressure of the moment. Later, after the matter had been resolved, the word had scorched a path through Obi-Wan's brain, bringing with it a hope which was realized when Qui-Gon accepted him as his apprentice.
Years of missions followed that first fateful one with both men learning from each other. There were successes and failures and both came close to dying more times than they cared to count but the Force was strong with them and they prevailed. And somewhere, somehow, along the way their relationship changed, deepening far past the bonds of a Master and his Padawan. Both resisted at first, bound by the constraints of the code and the fear of rejection. When the fear was finally released, it revealed a love so deep and genuine that they wondered how they had denied it for so long.
A single tear rolled down the apprentice's cheek as he relived the gentle passion of that first time and the wondrous trail of discovery it led to. The Council had questioned both Jedi relentlessly after their relationship had become known but neither man would be swayed in his conviction that this was the right path for them.
When an emergency mission to Chandrila proved beyond a doubt that the newly born intimacy between Master and Apprentice had only deepened and improved their bond, the Council relented, allowing Qui-Gon to continue Obi-Wan's training.
More years passed and a particular memory of a short respite on one of the pleasure worlds brought a slight smile to the young Jedi's lips but it remained only a fraction of a second before Obi-Wan's expression became blank once more. The events rolled through the recent past and finally slowed, resuming what felt like normal time during the final battle with the Sith Lord.
Once again Obi-Wan was trapped behind the hazy red containment field watching the black-clothed Dark Lord but this time the scene was strangely split. In one vision, the Sith was attacking Qui-Gon, in the second, he menaced Anakin.
In his deep state of meditation, Obi-Wan did not question the reality of both images, in this place they were both the truth. The crashing sense of urgency filled him once again as he watched the two battles and it was then he knew. Only one of them would survive the fight - and his choice would determine the outcome.
Indecision tore at the apprentice as he watched Anakin's frantic dodges and Qui-Gon's slowly tiring movements. The field would drop any minute now, even a second's delay on his part would spell disaster for both of them. His blue-green eyes anguished, Obi-Wan looked from his Master to the boy Qui-Gon had such hopes for.
_He is the chosen one._
The words rang in his ears and it was then Obi-Wan knew what he must do. Though part of him felt as he was dying, a sweeping wave of tranquility rolled through him, carrying the pain away and leaving only a sure sense of purpose. Letting his gaze go to his Master's face one final time, Obi-Wan powered up his lightsaber and turned his attention to his target.
The barrier flickered off and the young Jedi raced toward the Sith Lord, cutting him down the second before his blade would have descended on the small boy. Behind him, he heard the other Dark Lord give a triumphant laugh as he ran the Jedi Master through and then the dull thud of Qui-Gon's body hitting the floor.
Obi-Wan gathered the shaking Anakin close to him, for the moment unable to turn and see once again the horrid stillness that had claimed his Master.
The vision faded, leaving the apprentice shaken and weak, clinging to his composure by the barest of threads. A soft blue haze coalesced beside the kneeling Jedi and part of it brushed over Obi-Wan's spiky hair. _You have done well, Padawan._ The words ghosted across the young man's mind, disappearing before they had even been fully understood. His mind whirled with a thousand questions and then slowly quieted once again as he sought his answers within the Force and himself.
Outside, the members of the Jedi Council nodded to each other. The trials were never easy and this test had been more severe than most, akin to a final tempering of a sword in a forge. The only way to see if the blade would remain whole under stress was to strike at it's weakest spot. If it was going to fail, far better to know now than when lives were at stake.
Leaning heavily on his cane, Yoda walked into the circular room, the sharp tapping of wood on marble enough to rouse Obi-Wan from his trance. The elderly Jedi studied the young man for a long moment, searching his eyes for the self-recrimination and doubt that had been there earlier. They were still present, but it was also clear that Obi-Wan was dealing with them and not wallowing in them.
The apprentice rose up on one knee and bowed his head respectfully, his thoughts calm. At this point it did not matter to him what the Council decided, he knew where his path led and how he would follow it just as his Master had.