1001 Ways to Annoy Amanda

Disclaimer: We don't own Methos, Duncan or the various other Immortals/Mortals running around in this story. The Highlander gang belongs to R:P/D, as well, Ali and Simon Ross belong to the wonderful people who own Cold Squad. We think, however, we'd take better care of them all...we'd even learn to share Duncan and Methos...

Author's Notes:

Don't ask us. This story started out as a joke and somehow evolved into an actual planned series. So, don't look for a *huge* extent of plot here, there isn't a lot. It's just a convenient excuse to cross-over some of our favorite characters.

We'd love to know what you thought of this *story*...so if you'd like to tell us you liked it, hated it...or even to tell us that we're both insanely weird, you can E-mail us either here or individually at keikimo@hotmail.com or terabithia@hotmail.com

And one more thing you should know. This has been run through a spell check and while it was edited by two very wonderful people...ourselves...it hasn't been beta'ed in any form. So these are our apologies in advance for any overuses of words, improper nouns and all that wonderful grammatical stuff...

As well, in the things we're apologizing in advance for, this story has been through three different computers, 4 different file transfers, and about 8 different word processing programs. And...we're also posting from Hotmail! :) So...we apologize deeply if any weird characters or line lengths show up.


Duncan felt the buzz as the lift carried him up to the loft. When the elevator stopped he stepped out with extreme caution.

Then he saw the figure sprawled on his bed.

"Methos do I dare ask what brings you back to town?"

"That's Inspector to you Highlander, and it's a conference."

"What are you talking about Methos?"

"Inspector Ross...and I'm here for a conference. So I decided to come and crash at your place since it was handy and I thought you were in Paris at the time." Methos shrugged, nodding towards the sword in Duncan's hand. "Little jumpy?"

"You know, if I didn't have friends who kept insisting on breaking in whenever I wasn't around, I probably wouldn't have to worry."

"Apparently you haven't hung around Amanda long enough then..."

"She usually has the decency to wait until I get home." Duncan said. "She learned her lesson a couple of decades ago."

"I always was a slow learner." Methos drawled. "Actually I saw her today. Just out of the corner of my eye. But it was her."

"I suppose she thought it would be fun to pull off a robbery at a police conference."

"No...haven't you heard?" Methos gave an evil grin, it was always fun to watch Duncan turn purple.

"Heard what?"

"She's got a new boy-toy. Tall, dark, handsome. Not exactly who I'd go after...but I can definitely see what she finds attractive about him."

"Okay seeing as this is Amanda is that Sex-toy, or partner in crime."

"I'm going to let her know you said that...she'll probably take your head with her fingernails."

"Right after she takes yours for letting me know about her new boyfriend?"

"I didn't say that he was a boy*friend*...that would imply something semi-permanent and serious...and as we both know Amanda, I'm not sure if that word would imply. But nevertheless, he's some sort of an ex-cop who's still a cop and goes to these stupid conference things cause he wants to feel important or something."

"Okay... maybe I'll have to just show up in her hotel room. That could be fun. Scare the poor boy to death, bug Amanda for all the times she pulled that on me."

"Ooo... sounds like fun can I come."

"Are you ever going to grow up old man?"

"Not today... maybe next year if I feel like it."

"You're impossible. You are aware of that, right?"

"And just *how* do you plan on getting in her hotel room without me anyways? I somehow doubt *you've* ever learned the unique talent of breaking and entering."

"Methos, you're an Inspector, here for a Police Conference, and you plan on *breaking and entering*?" Duncan asked with a grin. "I'm sure that would look good on your record."

"That's why you're coming along. If I get caught, I can always arrest you..."

"Gee thanks. You know that isn't really wise... do you remember what happened when Amanda got me arrested."

"You don't know where my rainy day stashes are MacLeod."

"Don't I?" Duncan mumped sweetly.

"MACLEOD!?!"

"Yes?" The Highlander said sweetly.

"How many..."

"Oh I hadn't really counted. Now are we going... or am I going to have re-learn how to pick locks."

"You can pick locks... yeah right." Methos scoffed.

"I didn't spend years with Amanda with out picking up a few tricks old man." Duncan said calmly pulling on his coat.

"Wow...I didn't know they gave out merit badges for robbery." Methos muttered, grabbing his coat out of the air as it was tossed to him. "Let's just *try* and not get caught...I'd rather not have to explain this all to the Sergeant."

"Sergeant?"

"Come on Mac..." Methos wandered into the elevator, ignoring the puzzled glance Duncan was giving him. Let him ponder over that one for a while...

***** *****

Amanda was calmly strolling along the hall enroute to her hotel room, when she felt the buzz just outside the door. Who the heck had found her now? Even Duncan didn't know she was in town this time...she had purposely *neglected* to inform him. Slowing to a stop, she grabbed her sword, and pushed open the door with her foot, slowly walking in. "Nick? Where are you?"

"Told you so..."

"I think I'm hurt."

"Duncan? What the hell are you doing here?" Amanda turned the corner and spotted Methos and Duncan, lounging on the two beds in her room. "And you! I thought you were in Vancouver with that...woman."

"She's got a name you know..."

"You too?" Duncan accused glaring at the old man. "Both my favorite lovers taking up with other people I must be losing my touch."

"Oh... thank you Amanda!" Methos muttered sarcastically, glaring at the woman who was still hovering in the doorway. "And since when are you keeping tabs on my social life?"

"You're not the only one with connections you know." Amanda said with an evil grin, titling her head to one side a studying him carefully. "Wonder what she'd say if I called her here to arrest you for break and enter."

"Would someone like to explain what we're talking about to the poor, jilted lover? Is this the Sergeant we were talking about earlier?"

"Yes...I was going to tell you about her."

"When, before or after we had sex?" Duncan rolled over. "And you." He snapped at Amanda. "What are you thinking getting involved with a cop? Do you know how hard it is to break a person out of prison these days Amanda? I for one, don't want to even try."

"He's not a cop anymore...and we aren't involved."

"Yet." Methos muttered under his breath.

"Why you...antiquated, moldering old..." She hissed launching herself at the old man.

Duncan lay back on his bed and howled as the two of them did their best to kill each other. Finally, after Amanda began to get the upper hand, he joined the battle. After a few more moments he'd managed to use his greater size to overpower them both, laying back against the pillows with both of the other Immortals to either side, held in a headlock. "Now children..." He said peaceably.

"Don't pull this *children* crap on me MacLeod. I'm older then you by about forty six hundred years." Methos snapped, pulling himself away so hard his neck would have broken if Duncan hadn't released him.

"Try acting it sometimes." Duncan snapped back.

"Yeah well talk to her, she's the one who launched herself at me like an attack missile." Methos pointed towards Amanda then returned to trying to smooth the wrinkles out of his sweater. "I on the other hand, was just trying to defend myself..."

Amanda, who had finally managed to squirm free of the arm around her neck as well, smiled sweetly. "You know just for that I think I *will* use this...." She waved Methos's cell phone in front of his face.

"Oh who are you going to call? Your boyfriend?" Methos scoffed.

"No your girlfriend... I'm sure you've saved her number on here..."

Duncan sighed. "Are you two sure you're older then me?"

"Yes!!!" They both snapped.

"They leave me for mortals and they're mean to me." Duncan pouted.

The big Highlander didn't pout often but when he did, it was effective. Amanda caved first. "Now Duncan it's not as though we were ever really together." She said gently.

"You said you loved me." The pout deepened.

"You know I can't stay put... besides you were with him." She muttered pointing across the bed at Methos.

"Well, he said he loved me too." The pout was transforming itself into an even more effective hurt expression.

Methos blinked. "Did you think I was lying?"

"Well you left. Without saying goodbye I might add."

"You knew I was going from the start."

"That's not the point."

"Fine, I promise I'll say goodbye next time." The old man said, and a second later found himself being pulled down into a crushing hug. Oh brother the Highlander was being demonstrative. With a sigh he relaxed against Duncan and rested his head against the well-muscled shoulder.

"And what about me? I always say goodbye." Amanda complained.

"At least he didn't hook up with another man." Duncan said accusingly. Methos smirked at her from his spot cuddled against the Scot's side.

"Neither did I. Nick and I aren't together! We're as much together as he and that Ali girl are..."

"Really...?" Methos asked with a grin before feeling the arms around his chest tighten threateningly.

"You might want to tread lightly here... you're going to end up implicating yourself."

"I was only going to mention the fact that Ali and I *aren't* sharing a room." Methos blinked innocently and grinned at her, knowing Duncan couldn't see his face.

"Oh please, spare me the investigation here. You don't know anything, you're just fishing for facts."

"You came in here, asking where he was. That usually means you expected him to be here."

"Fine so maybe we're sharing the room...you'll notice there are *two* beds."

"Means nothing."

"Shut up Methos!" Amanda snapped. Then switched to pleading. "Duncan you can't actually believe him over me."

"Hmmm..." Duncan looked thoughtful.

"Duncan..." She wailed.

"It doesn't really matter Amanda. I'll just steal Methos back from this Sergeant of his." He announced smugly.

"Oh, so *he's* worth stealing back but I'm not." Amanda pouted. "What does he have that I don't?"

Methos opened his mouth, an evil glint in his eyes when Duncan clamped a hand firmly over his mouth. "Don't even think that Methos."

Amanda looked at both of them then rolled her eyes skyward. "Besides *that*! I mean you've gone after women before obviously *that* isn't the only requirement."

"You know, I think I should feel insulted... but I'm not sure."

"You shouldn't." Duncan said patting the cropped hair. "I won't steal you *back* Amanda because I can see full well that you have no intention of being stolen. You like it just where you are."

"Well, yes I do...but that wasn't really the point." She sulked.

"Just admit you've been beat." Methos advised with great superiority.

"Why you..." She snapped leaping at him again. They were all tangled together each trying to get the upper hand when they heard the door open and the shocked shout.

"What the HELL?"

All three froze. Staring at the tall, dark haired man in the doorway.

"Nick." Amanda gasped in a very un-Amanda like squeak.

"I don't even want to know." He sighed, turning and closing the door behind him as he stalked out.

Duncan turned to look at Methos. "You didn't mention he was *that* good looking." He commented.

"Well I hadn't really gotten a good look." Methos looked thoughtful for second. "I think we should go apologize for evading his room."

"No way." Amanda practically shouted. "It's bad enough you took Duncan, but now you're going after Nick. No, no, no! Hands off, he's mine."

"I think we should let him decide. Besides it's not as though we could keep him. You two live too far away." The old man grinned at her. "Come on Duncan. Let's go have some fun."


Part Two