Disclaimer:
Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount. What I choose to do with them is my
own.
Warning:
This story contains the death of a main character.
Harry Kim was in his quarters practically
bouncing off the walls. They were gong home, they'd found the worm hole they
had all hopped for and dreamed of all this time. Once they were through it they
would still be a month's travel from home, but that didn't matter. A month was
a hell of a lot less then sixty-five years. He'd get to see his family, his
friends, and Libby. Part of him couldn't help but hope that she'd waited for
him. But another part couldn't bare the thought of her being alone for all that
time.
He sat down, then jumped up again and headed
for the door. He just couldn't sit still. Tom would find something for them to
do. Maybe they could go join the party in Sandrine's or one of the ones in the
mess hall, observation lounge, and assorted other places around the ship.
Moments later he walked in to Tom's quarters.
"Tom?" He called knowing his friend was here since he'd asked the
computer. No sign of him maybe in the excitement Tom had just forgotten his com
badge. He was just turning to leave when something caught his eye. A dark stain
on the floor just barely visible through the bed room door. Harry moved a step
closer, then seeing the pale hand in the middle of the stain he bolted across
the room. But the sight that greeted him stopped Harry in his tracks before he
got there.
His best friend was sprawled on the floor the
dark stain now easily identifiable as blood. It took a moment to get past the
shock then Harry was on his knees beside his friend, a shaking hand frantically
searching for a pulse in Tom throat. He was horrified by the coolness of the
other man's skin. Tom couldn't be dead not now, not when they were so close to
home.
But he was.
Harry raised a shaking hand to his com badge.
"Kim to sickbay." He never could remember exactly what he said to the
doctor. He vaguely remembered Tom's body disappearing in the shimmer of the
transporter beam. All he knew was it had been nearly an hour between then and
his next clear memories. Those were almost as bad. He'd still been kneeling on
the floor hand covered in blood. Tom's blood. The Captain kneeling beside him
gently urging him to stand. "Captain." He'd rasped his voice rough
from crying, though he didn't remember the tears.
"It's all right Harry." She'd said
softly steadying him as he'd stumbled to his feet. "Let's get you back to
your quarters and cleaned up." She'd continued in that same soothing
voice, and she'd wrapped an arm around him and lead him back to his quarters.
Nearly an hour later Janeway had left Harry's
quarters, the Ensign sleeping soundly with the help of a sedative. She'd put
him on a suicide watch and the doctor was monitoring him. She didn't want to
lose him not now. Walking back down the corridor she entered Tom's quarters
again. Glancing around she found what she was hopping for on the desk. A neatly
folded note addressed in Tom's hand writing 'Captain Janeway' and a small pile
of disks.
I had to Captain. I just couldn't go back.
I'm sorry.
Tom
And that was it save for a tiny PS asking her
to distribute the disks to who they were addressed to. A quick look revealed they
were for her, Chakotay, B'Elanna, two for Harry, and a general one for the rest
of the crew.
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******
Tom's suicide threw the whole ship in to
turmoil. Emotions were running high, there where a few fights. Janeway delayed
the journey through the worm hole. Tom's memorial service was held. They all
watched as the capsule carrying his body was launched in to space. Tom had
wanted this way not willing to leave the one place he'd finally made something
of himself. He'd said as much in his message to the Captain. As she watched the
capsule floating in space in the recording she thought about that massage.
Tom had been sitting cross legged on the
ground on the ground next to the hole he'd been digging the day she'd come to
talk to him at Auckland. This time in his uniform instead of prison gray.
"Well I certainly have come a long way
since you pulled me out of here haven't I Captain." He began with soft
smile nothing like his trademark smirks. "I'm sorry things had to be this
way. But I jut couldn't face coming back to this place, where no one trusts me,
where my father visits me and gives me that look that says 'I love you, but you
really screwed up this time.' I don't want to be buried at home. No one there
knows what I've become, leave me here in the Delta quadrant. But there's a
wooden box in my closest Captain. It's for my father to bury it's all I really
am. You're welcome to look through it and add anything you feel should be there."
He paused here then continued in a tight voice as though he were close to
tears. "Thank you for giving me this chance Captain. It's nice to know
someone trusts me."
She had looked through the box. It had taken
her a week to decided if it was right then finally she'd gone and found the
box. She'd sat on his bed and carefully opened the lid of the fine wooden box.
Inside she'd found mementos from many of the planets they been to, a pad with
his field commission and a list of all his commendations, a disk labelled
Sandrine's, a few carefully written out poems, and a piece of Harry's sheet
music.
She'd replaced everything in the box and
headed for Chakotay's quarters, to ask him if he could set Tom's insignia and
pips in the lid.
**************************************************************************
***********
Each of the other crew members who'd received
disks reacted in different ways.
B'Elanna stonily ignored her disk shoving it
to the back of her sock drawer. And refused to discuss Tom's death with anyone.
Everyone said she was in denial, but the Captain never once urged her to talk
or get help.
Chakotay had been more than a little
surprised when the Captain had handed him the message disk from Tom. And he had
to admit as he hesitated before starting the program that he had the tiniest
worry that it was just one final practical joke.
But it wasn't Tom appeared at the conn in
uniform looking very much a proper Starfleet officer.
"Well Chakotay, here we are. I'm gone,
so you're safe from practical jokes." Tom grinned. "Okay you're
probably sitting there say can't he even be serious now. Here you go the only
time you'll ever see me totally serious. I know you didn't really like me all
that much, Chakotay and at the very least you resented owing me your life. So
I've decided to believe you. Wrong tribe. And if you still feel you owe me
something. Just get this ship home. She's a Lady who deserves the honor, look
after her for me. And look after Harry I know he'll take this hard I almost
stayed for him..." In that final moment before the recording ceased
Chakotay could read Tom's face no masks just an open book.
It took Harry a week before was past the
shock of finding his best friend dead and ready to watch the message Tom had
left him.
Went to the holodeck in the middle of first
shift knowing he'd encounter fewer people then. Of course he could have gone
anytime since he was no longer on active duty. Janeway had invited him to the
bridge just to watch when they passed throughout the worm-hole, trying to raise
his spirits he supposed. But he'd turned her down and stayed locked in his
quarters instead. Now he was in the holodeck. "Computer run program."
He said shakily.
Around him the gridded walls disappeared and
were replaced by Sandrine's. And there was Tom looking just the same as he
always had. "Hey Harry." He grinned then the grin faded. "I'm
sorry Harry, I know you're probably the one who found me. It can't have be
pleasant. But I had to do it, you understand I know you do or you will. I
couldn't go back there... Out in the delta quadrant I was a real person again a
Fleet officer not a court marshaled screw up convicted of treason.
Harry every thing I've got is yours, the
stuff I've picked up out in the far reaches of the galaxy, it's probably worth
a fortune. Any back pay I've got coming for services rendered, but I wouldn't
count on that Harry you know how the Fleet feel about me. And most importantly
this program Harry. Take it with you where ever you go. It makes people happy.
At least I have that to offer. Good Bye Harry." And then Tom disappeared.
Harry dropped to his knees and cried some
more. He'd thought after the last week he'd have cried himself out. But here
were more tears.
**************************************************************************
******
In the month it took to get home to earth Harry cried many more times. The first day they could see earth on the screens, the beautiful planet was plastered on every monitor on the ship. Harry turned his off. The first thought he had upon seeing in was the blue of it oceans, was just the color of Tom's eyes.