Forever And Always
Diclaimer: Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount what I choose to do with them is my own. This story is NC-17 for Male/Male sex
Part One
Tom lay in bed. Stretching he contemplated getting up. nah he though I don’t have duty for at least another hour.
He heard a soft foot step near the bed, how did Chakotay get up so damn early every morning. Then suddenly something wet and cold hit his face. “*Hey*” he elped sitting up yanking the cloth off his face.
“Morning.” Chakotay chuckled, dropping a kiss on the top of his lovers head. Tom groaned threw the cloth at the Commander and flopped back on to the pillows pulling he covers over his head.
“Common get up Tom you promised me we’d have a nice leisurely breakfast this morning.” Chakotay said pulling he blankets of Tom’s grasp. “Not your usual stuff your face and skip on to the bridge at the last possible second.
“But ‘Kotay...”
“Don’t ‘But ‘Kotay’ me Tom you promised it would be today.”
“Okay, Okay I’m up.” Tom said rolling out of bed, heading for the shower. “I just don’t see why we have to do this people will catch on soon enough anyway.”
“If you don’t want to...” Chakotay said seriously.
“It’s fine Chakotay” Tom said turning to kiss the big man reassuringly, before stepping into the shower.
Convinced the Commander turned back to the room to et dressed. Suddenly he was pulled back in to the shower. “*Tom* what are you doing?” He yelped. “I already had my shower.”
“Well you’re going to need another one by the time I’m done with you.” the young man said softly as he dropped to his knees, gently nuzzling his lovers penis.
“Tom we have duty.”
“Not now we don’t.” Tom murmured convincingly. “But if you really want me to stop...” he added gently stroking Chakotay’s hardening erection.
“Don’t you dare.” The big man groaned, expecting the low chuckle his young lover let out.
“Well if you insist love.” Tom said taking his lover in his mouth. Working gently he brought Chakotay to the very edge of release the released him, rising.
“Tom” Chakotay said desperately.
“Fuck me” Tom whispered in to Chakotay’s ear.
Chakotay felt every bit of desire drain out of his body and stepped out of the shower pushing Tom away from him.
Tom stumbled back against the shower wall then fell, through his confusion he vaguely felt the pain. All he was aware of was the bottom of his stomach dropping out. What had just happened?
Tom sat silently for several minutes longer unaware of the water beating down on him, finally gathering his thought he turned off the water and stepped out of the stall wrapping a bath towel he walked out in to his bed room hopping to see Chakotay but part of him knew he wasn’t there.
“He doesn’t want me.” he whispered to the empty room before collapsing on to his bed sobbing.
Janeway had her eyes on the crono thirty seconds and Lt. Paris would be late he rarely pushed things so late. Twenty. Ten. Just as the crono flipped over to five the turbo lift doors slid open and Tom stepped out not his usual showy skid, but a slow stiff walk as though he were in pain. As he quietly took the conn keeping his eyes on the floor.
The Captain wondered if her Pilot and First Officer had had a fight only a week into their relationship. First Chakotay called to say he’d be working in his quarters for a few hours the Tom reporting to duty so subdued. Rising she walked up behind him. “Is everything all right Mr. Paris?” she asked laying a hand on his shoulder.
Tom flinched away from the weight of the Captain’s hand on his bruised shoulder. “Everything’s fine Captain.” he lied quickly.
Moving back to her seat she settled down, something was defiantly wrong on her ship, she just didn’t know exactly what.
Chakotay sat in his quarters brooding. How could Tom ask him to... do that. How could he possibly want something so terrible done to him, much less done to him by someone who loved him so much.
His mind wandered back to his early days with the Maqui. he’d been captured by the Cardasians. it had only been three days before he’d been rescued. But those days... They’d been horrible, he’d been beaten, starved... Raped. Even now he could hardly admit it.
Those three days were what allowed him to understand Tom’s suffering in prison. Not the returning Maqui as he claimed.
Tom returned from his lunch break early at least at the conn he had something to think about other than Chakotay. behind him the turbo lift opened he ignored it until he heard the Captain greet Chakotay. How in the galaxy was he going to survive the rest of this shift.
Chakotay wondered if Tom was mad at him for leaving him this morning. His young lover had tensed the moment he’d realized he was on the bridge. He decided to leave finding out until after their shits were over. He almost wished he hadn’t left it when Tom left the bridge at the end of his shift. Tom kept his eyes on the floor and made a hasty retreat.
Entering his quarters Tom collapsed on the couch. Duty had been agony between his bruised shoulder and hip, and Chakotay his lover who didn’t want him anymore. he hadn’t though he’d survive the shift. Painfully he rolled over on to his unbruised side, and began to weep. Eventually he cried himself to sleep.
Chakotay got off duty two hours later. He made his way as quickly as he could to Tom’s quarters. Once he was inside he felt a brief smile flicker across his face at the sight of Tom sleeping on the couch. Asleep Tom looked so young and innocent.
Letting Tom sleep he walked back to the bed room and changed out of his uniform. Returning to Tom he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Wake up Tom” he said softly.
Tom opened his eyes, blinked and recoiled from the Commander. “What do you want?” he asked softly.
“You need to ask?” Chakotay said cupping Tom’s cheek, wondering why the young man seemed so distant.
“You still want me?” he asked not daring to believe it.
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“You didn’t want me this morning.” Tom whispered painfully.
“I wanted you I always do.”
“Then why... Why didn’t you take me?” the young man said softly his clear eyes shining with tears.
“Why would you want me to?” Chakotay asked confused.
“Because I love you.”
“Then why would you want me to do something to horrible to you.”
“Why do you think it’s horrible?” Tom asked.
“Because it is.” Chakotay said in a matter of a fact way. Tom felt a tiny thread of understanding work it’s way through his mind. Someone had hurt *his* Chakotay. “Chakotay it...” he stammered trying to find a way to explain. “It doesn’t have to horrible, if you’re with someone who cares it can be wonderful.”
“But in prison... You...”
“I knew long before prison it could be wonderful.” Tom said wrapping his arms around Chakotay. “Please believe me ‘Kotay.”
“I’m trying.” the big man said burring his face in the curve of Tom’s neck.
“You don’t have to not right away. Just think about it.” Tom said soothingly feeling a strong desire to kill whoever had hurt his lover. “Every thing will be fine” he said as much to him self as to Chakotay. Part Two
Tom sat alone in the empty mess hall staring blankly out at the stars deep in thought. Chakotay was asleep in his quarters. He’d refused to tell Tom what had happened to him, and the Tom’s gentle questioning had only upset him. Tom had held his lover for hours until he’d finally fallen asleep, what could have happened to Chakotay to make him think being fucked was so horrible. Well there was one answer but he didn’t want to think about it, because then he’d be forced to go kill something.
As the Commander, Chakotay was fine, as Chakotay he was fine, but as Tom’s lover Chakotay was vulnerable. Tom still felt slightly guilty about upsetting Chakotay, but he realized that even if it hadn’t happened this morning it would’ve happened at some point anyway. All he could do now was help his lover through it, after all it wasn’t like he didn’t have some experience in this department.
With a sigh he pushed him self to his feet and headed back to his quarters. He didn’t want Chakotay waking up along he’d been so upset, babbling about how Tom wouldn’t want him anymore if he found out. He’d thought that way himself once but Chakotay hadn’t cared. Why should his reaction be any different? But the big man simply wouldn’t believe him.
Tom quietly entered his quarters, tip-toeing in to the bed room. At the sight of Chakotay sleeping in his bed he felt a vague sense of wonder block out his worry, he still couldn’t quite believe anyone as amazing as the Commander would want someone with a past like his. But then Chakotay considered his own past worse then Tom’s so it didn’t really matter he thought as he stripped off his uniform and climbed he in to bed. Chakotay snuggled up beside him in his sleep resting his head on Tom’s shoulder. “Night love” he whispered kissing the top of his lovers head.
The following morning on the bridge Janeway smiled as Chakotay and Paris stepped on to the bridge together, hoping they’d worked out their problem. But her smile quickly faded, no something still wasn’t right but it was better then yesterday, they were both here today. She watched they moved on to the bridge Chakotay looked to Tom as though asking permission at Tom’s slight nod he moved to his seat. Over the shift Janeway watched the pair carefully. Several times she saw Chakotay looking desperately at Paris, who seemed to sense it and would glance back reassuringly from time to time.
If they hadn’t been in empty space she would have pulled him off duty and reamed him out. This was the second time in two weeks Chakotay had allowed his emotions on to the bridge. On second thought she should ream them both out, if this got out of hand it could undermine the entire command structure.
Chakotay sat in his quarters alone, Tom was off having diner with Kim and Torres. He’d been invited of course, but he didn’t feel right invading Tom time with his friends. Besides this gave in time to think. He wanted desperately to believe Tom. His sweet Tom who didn’t seemed to care if he believed him or not the he just loved him. Over the last few days Tom had been his usual playful, lovable self he hadn’t even brought up the subject again.
He was so lost in thought Chakotay didn’t hear the door open or Tom call his name. He jumped when he felt his lovers soft lips brush the palm of his hand. Looking down he found Tom kneeling beside his chair, looking up at him adoringly. “Hey.” Tom smiled.
“I’ve been thinking.” Chakotay said softly. “I believe you.”
“Chakotay” Tom exclaimed leaping up to hug him murmuring. “I’m glad”
“I believe but I’m still afraid.” he whispered buried his head against Tom’s shoulder.
Tom tightened his arms. “You don’t have to be I swear it. You know I’d never lie to you, and you know I’d never hurt you”
“I know.”
“I love you Chakotay.”
Several minutes later Chakotay pulled back and looked up at Tom. “Could we try?” he asked. “Would you...”
“We will try.” Tom said. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“What if I said now?” The Commander asked.
“If you meant it, I’d say lets go to my quarters.”
“Why not here?”
“Because if we try and you still think it’s horrible I don’t want those memories here be.” Tom explained.
“Oh...” Chakotay said taking that in. “Tom.”
“Yeah?” he asked distractedly.
“I meant it.”
“Then what the hell are we still doing here?” Tom asked pulling Chakotay to his feet.
As they made their way to his quarters, Tom sensed Chakotay’s growing nervousness, and silently damned who ever had caused his fear. Quickly he banished the anger it had no place tonight. Now all that was left was to banish Chakotay’s fear.
Tom proceeded Chakotay into his quarter, not even waiting until the door slid shut before pouncing on his lover kissing him hard, sending him stumbling back towards the couch.
Chakotay whimpered a protest when Tom released his mouth, then briefly tried to remember how he’d ended up on the couch, naked, with an equally naked Tom straddling his body, then decided he didn’t really care. “Chakotay, are you really sure about this?” Tom asked softly.
“I want to try.”
“Come on then.” the young smiled heading for the bed room. “And stop being so nervous.”
The Commander trailed behind him slowly, wishing it where that easy. He quickly thought through every thing Tom had ever said on the matter.
‘It can be wonderful, with the right person.’
‘I’d never lie to you and I’d never hurt you.’
No Tom would never hurt him he knew it.
Tom watched as Chakotay came through doorway looking thoughtful then suddenly a smile spread across his face, and he looked trustingly over at the younger man. “What?” Tom murmured as the Commander came into his arms.
“Nothing” he answered as he began trailing kisses along the curve of Tom’s throat. Tom smiled slightly he didn’t know what Chakotay was thinking but he certainly wasn’t afraid any more. The Commander saw the smile flicker across Tom’s lips. “Just what are you smirking about fly-boy?”
“Noth...” he began to say but he was cut off by Chakotay’s mouth covering his in a hungry kiss and he was crushed into the mattress by his lovers weight. When Chakotay finally raised his head releasing the young man’s mouth, Tom lay gasping his eyes clouded with passion. “You are to good at that...” he murmured feeling somewhat dazed.
After a few minutes Tom had managed to catch his breath. “So ‘Kotay are we just going to do this all night or are you going to let me up so I can make love to you?” he asked half teasing half serious.
“As nice as this is, I really have to know.” Chakotay said rolling to one side freeing his young lover.
“Good.” Tom said pushing the Commander on to his back. Propping himself up on his elbow began stroking the other hand down Chakotay’s broad chest, before following the path his hand had taken paying special attention to both dark nipples sucking at them, delighting in the ardent sounds the big man made. Pausing for a moment he reached out to retrieve the small tube of lubricant he lubricant when all this had started. Continuing his attentions Tom used his hands and mouth to arouse Chakotay to the point where his mind was focused only on what those hands and mouth were doing. Without pausing Tom flipped open the top of the lubricant with one hand keeping the other hand on the commanders body.
Chakotay thought he would go mad from all the pleasure Tom was giving him, his brain was no longer capable of keeping track of where the pleasure was coming from. He was so distracted he wasn’t immediately aware of Tom sliding a slick finger into him, it took several moments for his brain to separate that sensation from the others. He froze the moment he realized.
“Tom?” he gasped.
“Do you want me to stop?” Tom murmured seriously. When his lover shook his head he gently stroked his finger across the big mans prostrate sending a wave of pleasure through him.
“Gods Tom.” Chakotay gasped.
“Shhhh. Everything will be fine.” he murmured reassuringly as he eased a second finger in to the Commander’s ass.
Tom’s other hand had never ceased it’s exploration of Chakotay’s body, and he was trying desperately to block the feeling of it out so he could concentrate on what the other hand was doing to him. Finally he gave up and grabbed the wandering hand stilling it. Tom looked up quickly to ensure there was nothing wrong, a glance into Chakotay’s eyes told him everything was fine, so he went back to gently stretching the tight passage. He wouldn’t hurt Chakotay this was the first time anyone had ever trusted him like this he wouldn’t ruin it not for anything.
Moaning softly as Tom continued, Chakotay let his head fall back on to the pillows. He tried to remember how he could have thought this would be horrible, but he couldn’t think clearly. Another flash of pleasure ran through him as Tom carefully added a third finger watching him carefully for any sign to stop. And suddenly he knew Tom was right. He wanted Tom inside him now. “Tom please.” He groaned desperately. “Now”
Tom looked at Chakotay trying to judge if the Commander had really meant what he had just said. Again a look in to those beautiful velvety brown eyes gave him his answer. Gently he eased his fingers out of Chakotay’s ass. “Roll over.” he instructed, he would have preferred to be able to see Chakotay’s face and his expressive eyes, but for the first time or closest thing to it this would be easier. The big man did as he was told and flipped on to his stomach Tom gently pulled him up on to his hands and knees. Tom positioned himself out, “Chakotay, you’re sure about this” he murmured wondering what he’d do if the other man said no.
“Tom please.” Chakotay groaned he’d never been so aroused in his life, he was getting desperate. Tom pushed forward as slowly as he knew how, but it was difficult this so tight he was fighting the urge to drive him self quickly to the hilt. But he couldn’t he wouldn’t hurt him, not now. His entry was so slow Tom was almost surprised when he felt himself come up against Chakotay.
“Chakotay?” Tom gasped.
“Don’t stop” The Commander whimpered.
“Oh Chakotay love.” He groaned as he slowly withdrew and gently thrust back in to his lover’s body. Continuing to thrust in and out Tom reached around taking a hold of Chakotay’s erection stroking it in time with his thrusts.
Chakotay felt his passion coiling in his belly, tighter and tighter he was teetering on the edge of release. Tom’s hand stroked him once more and he exploded. “Tom” He shouted as his muscles tensed and he came over Tom’s hand. Tom gasped as Chakotay came his muscles tightening around him. “Oh Gods Chakotay” he hisses before coming with a wordless howl. Both men collapsed to the bed exhausted.
Tom came back to himself first, rolling off Chakotay’s back he lay for a moment, gathering his thoughts he reached out to run his hand down the big man’s side.
“Mmm... Tom” Chakotay said sleepily. “Not to sound repetitive, but Gods that was incredible.”
“I’ll say.” He sighed. “Best I ever had”
“I’m glad I listened to you.”
“So am I love” Tom smiled pulling Chakotay in to his arms as they both drifted off to sleep.
Chakotay woke up before the alarm as usual but instead of getting up today he was perfectly content to lay in Tom’s arms. He let his mind wander back to last night. Tom had been right it had been wonderful.
Tom’s alarm chimed bringing a moan from the Lt., and Chakotay couldn’t help chuckling when he pulled his pillow over his head. Tom was by no means a morning person. “Come on love.” He said poking him in the side. “We really need a shower before we go on duty.” Tom just rolled over. “Okay you asked for it fly-boy.” Chakotay said rise from the bed, picking his lover carrying him in to the bath room.
Setting Tom on his feet in the shower stall, he turned on the cold water stepping back before it could catch him. “Ahhhh, Chakotay you are going to get it.” Tom howled as the freezing water hit him. Quickly he fumbled with the temperature control heating up the water.
“You awake now?” The Commander asked as he slipped back in to the shower now that the water was warm.
“One of these days Maqui” Tom growled, as he started washing himself.
“I know, I know.” Chakotay laughed. “If you’d just get up in the morning I wouldn’t be forced to use such drastic measures.”
“Fine I’ll try, now will you hurry up so we can go to breakfast.”
Tom said stepping out of the shower.
By the time Chakotay was finished his shower Tom was already in uniform. “Come on slow poke” Tom teased.
In the mess hall they were receiving a lot of curious glances as they got their meal and sat down together.
B’lanna pounced on them the second she came in. “So the rumors are true, you two *are* going out.” She said in a voice that made it half a question half a statement.
“Well a little more them going out B’lanna.” Chakotay said as he tried some of what ever it was Nelix had served them.
“So you’re together then?”
“Forever and always, B’la” Tom grinned reaching across the table to take Chakotay’s hand. “Forever and always.” He murmured again his eyes locked with the Commanders.