Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount
what I chose to do with them is my own. This story is NC-17 for male/male sex.
Part One
Chakotay lay on his bed trying to keep his
mind occupied. Or trying to fall asleep he wasn't sure which. He hadn't been
sleeping well of late, he had taken to prowling the corridors late at night.
That didn't worry him much but the fact that his wanderings always brought him
to the same place. Deck four compartment forty-two, Tom Paris' quarters. Even
when he consciously tried to avoid going any where near Paris' quarters he'd
still find him self right there. He didn't have a clue why he was so drawn to
Paris. He'd go to Sandrine's sit in a dark corner just so he could watch Paris.
He had even pulled Tom's picture from the personnel files. I must be going
insane he thought as he finally started to dozed off.
The next morning on the bridge Chakotay sat
in his chair he had skipped breakfast and reported for duty early since it was
pointless anyway. He would just spend his time staring at Paris instead of
eating, and it was far more likely that someone would notice in the mess hall.
When Paris stepped out of the turbo lift with Ensign Kim, Chakotay felt his
heart jump. What the heck is wrong with me he wondered as he watched Paris
saunter over to his seat. Several hours later the commander found himself
staring at the golden haired head in front of him. I am *not* attracted to him,
I am *not* attracted to him... Chakotay repeated to himself over and over
again. But by the end of the shift he knew he was lying to himself, he just
wouldn't admit it.
It was a week later he finally admitted it he
was attracted to Tom Paris, so what he thought it wouldn't be the first time he'd
been attracted to a man. But it had been a hard week every night he either
wandered the ship or dreamed of Paris. He'd even taken, unconsciously he told
himself, to jerking off to thoughts of Tom Paris and just what he'd do if he
ever got Tom in his bed. Each day on the bridge was torture, sitting for hours
watching Paris' hand on his console, imagining those hands on his body.
Chakotay was a lot more then attracted to Tom but he refused to admit it or
even acknowledge the fact. He almost wished for a crisis to take his mind off
Paris.
Late the next evening Tom was at Sandrine's
playing pool when Chakotay came in search of him. Chakotay had finally managed
to work up the courage to tell Tom how he felt, or if he chickened out at least
try to start a friendship. Quickly checking that Paris was the only person in
the holo deck. Walking over to the pool table Chakotay tried to think of some
way to start talking with out starting an argument. "Good evening
Commander." Paris drawled as he bent to make a shot. "Care for a
game?" "Sure" he said feeling off balance, he hadn't expected
this side of Paris. "You know Commander I've been meaning to talk to you"
Tom said nonchalantly. "Really?" "Yeah." "I've been
thinking we should get to know each other a little better it would probably
help our working relationship." Tom went on, lining up his next shot. "Not
to mention it would look better to the crew if the senior officers got along."
"Actually I've been thinking along those lines myself." Chakotay
choked. "Hmm. We must have more in common then we thought." "Yeah."
They continued playing for a while until Chakotay finally realized he'd
probably never have this chance again Tom was usually with Harry or B'lanna, or
a Delany. "Aw hell" he swore. "What is it Commander?"
looking up Tom asked "Tom, I need to talk to you..." He started
before he lost his nerve. "I've needed to for a while I just wouldn't
admit it. I'm attracted to you that's about all I know right now. I have
feelings for you but I can't figure them out, I've been going insane for the
last two weeks trying to figure them out." Chakotay turned away running
his hands through his hair. "Chakotay" Tom stammered after a few
moments. "I... Don't know what to say... I mean..." "Tom don't"
Chakotay said softly. "Don't say anything. I had to say it I couldn't keep
inside any more. If you ever... Oh forget it" he said heading for the
door. "Chakotay wait I..." Tom called and when the older man paused
he continued. "Let me say something. I'm glad you told me. I'd rather
know." Turning Chakotay looked at him, the look in his eyes hit Tom like a
sledge hammer. Anguish, confusion, desperation. "Tom please don't you'll
just make it worse." His voice was heavy and pained. Turning away again he
exited the holo deck. Tom dropped heavily in to a chair staring at the door for
a long time before he actually became conscious of the stream of thoughts
running through his mind. What had just happened? Chakotay cared about him, was
attracted to him. He remembered the crush he'd had on the quite native american
when he'd joined the Maquis. What he wouldn't have done for him to say this
back then. But now... Now he didn't have a clue what to think, how to deal with
this. Slowly he rose and made his way back to his quarters.
Back in his quarters Chakotay threw himself
face down on his bed what had he done. Paris would never respect him if he
thinks... What did Tom think? Was Paris laughing at him or was Tom confused, or
afraid. "What have I done" he moaned in to his pillow. Rolling over
he stared out in to the stars.
Staring out at those same Tom Paris thought
he was going out of his mind life had been so simple this morning flirt with
the Delanys and half the other women on the ship, hang out with Harry, have the
occasional dream about the Commander. But now those dreams could come true and
he wasn't sure what he wanted any more. He couldn't get that look he'd seen in
Chakotay's eyes out of his mind either. The torment he saw there... Maybe
Chakotay would understand, he wasn't a fool he knew what happened in prison but
he was still seemed to want him. What should he do, go see Chakotay, or just
try to forget it all.
Captain Janeway had to wonder what was going
on when both Lt. Paris and Commander Chakotay reported for duty looking tired.
Her mind strayed to all the obvious possibilities. Tom didn't have his 'I got
some last night' look on his face, so in the end she had to assume he'd just
had a bad night. But Chakotay had been looking tried for a couple of weeks now,
but today he just looked like death warmed over. "Commander may I have a
word with you in my ready room." she said rising, and heading to the ready
room. Sensing the Commander at her heals. Seating her self at her desk she
faced him. "Commander I am seriously considering pulling off duty or at
the very least sending you to the doctor" she began. "But Captain"
Chakotay interrupted. "Don't but Captain me Chakotay. You look awful and
it has been getting worse for weeks. "Captain I'm fine" he almost
snapped. Then added more softly "Just a little tired. "No Commander
you are not fine. I'm reliving you of duty for the rest of the day, you will go
see the doctor and find out if the is a medical reason for this. If there isn't
I would suggest you ask the doctor for some thing to help you sleep."
Janeway said. "After you see the doctor he and I will discuss this and
decide when you will be put back on duty." The look on her face told
Chakotay he didn't stand a chance of getting out of this. "Yes Captain"
he sighed. "Dismissed." Chakotay turned and walked out. As he crossed
the bridge to the turbo lift he got several odd looks. He tried to figure out
how everyone always knew exactly what happened behind the closed doors of the
ready room. Entering the turbo lift to face the doors as they slid shut he
caught sight Paris staring after him. His blue eyes a mixture of worry and
curiosity.
As the doors of the turbo lift slid shut Tom
turned slowly back to his console. Why was the Captain sending Chakotay away?
he wondered worried. It took him a moment to realize he *was* worried. Why am I
worrying? he thought. Shaking his head. It's Chakotay, not Harry or B'lanna. It's
Chakotay that's why. Shot through his mind. Where the hell did that come from
he wondered trying to concentrate on his work.
Chakotay strode in to sick bay. The doctor
was sitting in his office working on something. "Doctor" Chakotay
said entering the office. "Ah Commander" the doctor smiled. "The
Captain called me. I believe she said you were having trouble sleeping." "Yes"
he confirmed deciding not to try to explain it wasn't a problem the doctor
could fix. Besides the Captain wouldn't let him back on duty with out the
doctors consent anyway. "If you'll come with me" the doctor said
leading him over to a bio bed. Chakotay sat on the bed thinking as the doctor
ran scanners and tricorders over him. Had Paris watching him meant anything?
Did he care, even a little bit? "Well Commander there isn't any physical
reason for your problems sleeping." The doctor said from his computer
terminal. "But you are suffering for lack of sleep bordering on
exhaustion, I'm going to recommend to the Captain that you be put on medical
leave for the next week" he paused holding up a hand to stop Chakotay's
protest before it started. "And prescribe a sedative to help you sleep."
"Doctor, I'm fine." "Commander you are unfit for duty." the
Doctor said tersely. "Right now I'm going to give you an injection of a
strong sedative and you are to go straight to your quarters to sleep it off.
Tomorrow I want you to come back and I'll give you a milder sedative to help
you sleep at night. Understood?" the Doctor asked as he prepared the hypo
spray. Chakotay nodded tiredly. Realizing he really was tired. He felt the
pressure of the hypo as the doctor pressed it to his neck. "Now straight
to your quarters the sedative will only take ten minutes to take affect."
and Chakotay allowed himself to be steered out the door. Chakotay was glad it
was peak working hours so he didn't meet anyone as he made his way back to his
quarters. The Commander of a starship neglecting his health to the point he had
to be removed from duty did not set a good example. When he entered his
quarters he went straight into his bed room stripped of his uniform, and
collapsed on to the bed. Using the last of his energy to pull a blanket over
himself, he fell in to a deep dreamless sleep.
Tom sat in the mess hall supposedly eating
dinner. But he was actually just pushing his food around his plate. "Tom?
TOM" Harry said waving a hand in front of Tom's vacant gaze. "Huh
what?" Tom jumped. "Off exploring new corners of the galaxy?" "Uhhh
yeah" Tom said quickly, trying to stop himself from blushing at getting
caught thinking about Chakotay. "So you want to go to Sandrine's tonight?"
Harry asked poking at the fluorescent pink mass that was dinner. "Nahh I
got some things to do" Tom said getting up to leave. "I'll see you
around Har"
Tom lay on his bed thinking. Since Chakotay
had told him last night Tom hadn't been able to get the commander out his mind.
He did care about Chakotay. That he knew. Whether he cared as an officer, a
friend, or as a lover he really didn't know. He was pretty sure it was more
then as an officer but how much more. Thinking about how much he cared started
him wondering how much Chakotay cared for him he'd said he had feelings, but
how deep were those feelings. He wondered if Chakotay was spending as much time
thinking about this as he had been. Rolling over Tom contemplated going to get
something from the doctor to help him sleep. An hour later he had given up
trying to sleep and headed for sick bay. The Doctor was already active when Tom
entered sickbay. He looking up from the hypo capsules he was filling. 'Lt.
Paris how may I help you?" "I need something to help me sleep. I
couldn't sleep last night, and so far tonight I haven't been able to either.
And since I'd rather not fall asleep at the helm tomorrow." "I see"
the doctor said picking up a hypo sprat inserting one of the capsules and
pressing it to Paris' neck. "This should help." "You just
conveniently happened to be filling the capsules with a sedative?" Paris
asked curiously. "It just so happens that Commander Chakotay is also
having trouble sleeping. I'm just glad you aren't ignoring your condition."
"This body is a temple, gotta look after it" Tom joked. "I'll see
ya 'round Doc" Out in the corridor he walked slowly to the lift thinking.
Chakotay wasn't sleeping well either, a wave of quilt washed over him as he
realized why Chakotay wasn't sleeping well. Damn he thought viciously we really
need to work this out. But to work it we both need to figure out what we feel.
Tom felt great when he reported for duty. But
his heart sank when Chakotay wasn't on the bridge. And as the sift wore on he
was acutely aware of the Commanders absence. He was edgy and constantly felt as
though someone was about the plunge a knife in to his back. Despite their
animosity he'd always felt safe when Chakotay sat behind him. Janeway could
tell the Commander's absence was affecting the bridge crew. She herself
restless, Ensign Kim seemed a bit off balance. but the worst was Lt. Paris, who
was jumping at everything from her orders to the quite sounds of the consoles.
Chakotay's alarm woke him nearly twenty hours
after he'd fallen asleep. Rolling over he stretched and decided to just be lazy
this morning since he didn't have to report for duty. That thought was slightly
bitter, but he knew the Captain was just acting in the best interest of the
ship and her crew. What to do about Paris was another matter. He had to work
this out or he'd just get pulled of again Rising Chakotay walked in to the
bathroom and turned on the water for a shower. Half an hour later Chakotay left
his quarters heading for sickbay. "Good morning Commander." Kes
smiled as he entered. "The Doctor said I should give these to you"
she added handing him a hypo and a pouch of capsules" "Thank You Kes"
"He also said to make sure you eat a proper breakfast, and that you should
get some exercise as a natural way of getting yourself to sleep." "Yes
M'am" Chakotay laughed. "I'll just drop these off at my quarters and
go to the mess hall." "Alright Commander but I will ask Nelix so you
better actually go." She said waving a stern finger at him. "I'll go,
I'll go" he said retreating from sick bay chuckling.
Paris was sitting in the mess hall eating dinner. Todays sift had been impossible, every second torture. He'd been alone, he hadn't even felt so alone when he'd been fightin to get the ship back from the Kazon. He really did need Chakotay. Tom looked up feeling someone's eyes on him, and he found himself looking straight in to Chakotay's dark eyes. They stared at each other for several seconds before the Commander tore his gaze away and went to get his dinner. Having found himself a quite corner Chakotay settled down and tried to distingish what exactly dinner was. "Commander?" a voice questioned above him. "Mind if I sit?" Looking up he saw Tom Paris standing over him. "Go ahead" he said weakly. They sat in silance for a few minutes Chakotay poking at his dinner. "Chakotay" Tom finaly said looking anywhere but at the older man. "Have you figured out how you feel?" Chakotay's head snaped up. "I... I think so" he stamered "I love you" Tom looked at him and a smile spreding across his face making his eyes sparkle. "Good, that makes what I have to say a lot easier." he said softly "I need you Chakotay. I didn't know it until I had to sit through the shift with out you today, I missed you." "Come on Tom" the other man said rising. "We've got to talk, and unless my taste buds are dead you didn't eat any more then I have lets go replicate something." "Yes sir" Tom said rising to follow the Commander out of the mess hall.
Part Two
Tom moved nervously around Chakotay's
quarters, while the commander got them dinner. What am I doing he wondered
watching as the big man.
"Tom you're going to wear a hole in the
floor if you keep that up." Chakotay said without looking up.
"Sorry" Tom said dropping in to a
chair.
Sitting across from him on the couch Chakotay
handed Tom's plate of something Tom didn't notice what, he was to busy looking
at the Commander. Finally he managed to look away and examined his plate.
Both men preoccupied themselves with the
food, neither knowing what to say. Then suddenly Tom reached across the space
between them to brush his fingers across the other man's cheek. Their eyes met
as the fingers lingered.
'What are we getting into?" Chakotay
murmured setting aside his plate.
"Something we both need." Tom
whispered leaning forward to brush a kiss across Chakotay's lips. As he drew
back shyly Tom felt a large hand come to his shoulder to stop him. Looking up
he found the older man's deep brown eye's intent on him.
"Definitely something we need."
Chakotay said huskily, then standing he pulled Tom to his feet warping his arms
around him and bending his head to cover Tom's lips with his own. Tom sighed
happily slipping his arm around the older man's waist.
Chakotay licked at Tom's lips urging them
apart. He felt Tom hesitate for a split second then open his mouth allowing
Chakotay's tongue to slip in to his mouth and tangle with his own, then draw
back urging him to follow.
When they finally broke apart gasping Tom was
leaning heavily against Chakotay allowing himself to be supported by the
muscular arm for a few moments before he pushed himself reluctantly away.
Chakotay slowly released Tom unwilling to let
him go. "Chakotay there are thing you should know about me before..."
Tom trailed off turning to stare at a wall. "Before you make any
decisions."
"Tom nothing could change how I feel"
Chakotay said running a finger down across the young man's cheek.
"But..." Tom stammered, looking at
Chakotay his clear blue eyes allowing the Commander to see him confusion.
"You can tell me if you want to."
the big man said softly, leaning back against the wall and drawing Tom in to a
loose embrace. "But it won't change anything."
Tom didn't believe it, the past always
mattered. But better to lose Chakotay now then down the road sometime when he
truly did need him. "There were some things in prison." Tom said
softly, as though he was afraid. "I was..."
"I know Tom." Chakotay said unable
to stand the pain in the young man's voice. He pressed Tom's head in to his
shoulder stroking the golden hair. "Unfortunately you weren't the first
young Maqui to get sent to prison..." he murmured remembering the bitter
men who came back. "Gods I'm glad the Captain got you out of there"
Tom pulled back to grin at the commander. "You're
glad?!?" he teased. "I pretty grateful myself"
Chakotay saw the humor just as Tom was using
it as a defense. "Please Tom believe me, it doesn't matter." he said
looking into those blue eyes.
"You don't care?" The Tom said
sounding like a confused child.
"I do care" Chakotay exclaimed. "I'd
gladly kill everyone of the people that hurt you."
Tom stared for a moment. "Oh Chakotay"
he cried throwing his arms around the Commanders neck.
Chakotay tightened his arms crushing the
younger man against his chest. "I love you Tom Paris nothing will ever
change that."
They stood together for several minutes,
until Tom pulled away. "Well now that we've bared our souls, what do we do
next." he asked with a suggestive leer.
"Oh I don't know I was thinking about
studying ships manuals or maybe playing some chess..." Chakotay said
innocently.
"Yeah we could do that," Tom said
thoughtfully. "But I had a different idea."
"Really, tell me about..." Chakotay
started but broke off in a gasp as Tom began trailing kisses along the curve of
his throat. "Mmmm... I think I like your idea."
"I thought you might." Tom murmured
between kisses, his fingers finding the fastening of Chakotay's shirt. He undid
the buttons slowly ensuring his fingers occasional grazed the golden skin
beneath causing the big man's breathing to quicken.
When Chakotay pulled him up to kiss him
roughly Tom carefully slid his fingers across the broad chest brushing lightly
against the dark nipples, drawing sharp gasps from the Commander. Encouraged Ton
shifted so that he could kiss and gently bite at fist one nipple then the
other. "Tom" Chakotay gasped arching towards him.
"Yes?" Tom purred licking his way
down to the waist band of the other man's pants.
Chakotay moaned looking down at Tom who was
now kneeling before him, working impatiently to undo his belt. Few seconds
later he was tugging down both pants and boxers down. Letting them fall he
leaned forward to run his tongue along the hard penis in front of him, then
took the head into his mouth swirling his tongue around it.
Groaning Chakotay grabbed at Tom's head
hoping to end the torment. But some how the young man anticipated the movement
and caught his hands and pressed them back trapping them against the wall. "You
like that?" Tom teased nuzzling the commander's erection.
"Oh gods Tom" Chakotay almost
shouted thrusting his hips forward and trying to free his hands.
"You want something" Tom surmised
resting his cheek against one muscular thigh.
"Please" Chakotay begged his voice
cracking with desperation.
Tom smiled briefly then took Chakotay into
his mouth swallowing him as far as he could sucking hard.
Chakotay's reaction was immediate he
stiffened, arched forward with a shout and pumped his release into the warm
mouth that engulfed him siphoning every last drop away.
Weakly Chakotay slid down the wall breathing
hard, eyes closed he felt Tom wrap his arms around him and pull him against his
chest.
Holding Chakotay Tom smiled happily I pleased
him he thought he says he loves me. Everything would be fine now he knew it.
When he'd finally gotten his breathing back
to normal he leaned back to look at the younger man. "Gods Tom that was
incredible" he murmured, brushing his knuckles across Tom's cheek.
Then suddenly he rose. Tom looked up at him
his eyes reflecting his fear. Chakotay understood immediately Tom was terrified
that he wasn't wanted. Reaching down he offered Tom a hand, which was
tentatively accepted, and helped him to is feet hopping that it would be enough
to dispel the young man's fear.
But a glance in to the usually clear blue
eyes showed them to still be clouded with fear. Then suddenly an idea stuck
Chakotay. He scooped the younger man in to his arms "*Chakotay*" Tom
exclaimed clutching at him. "What are you doing?"
"I'm taking you to bed, and then it's
going to be your turn to beg" the Commander explained as he carried Tom in
to the bed room, lay him on his bed and began working on the fastenings of Tom
uniform.
Sitting up Tom struggled to shed his uniform
but his efforts were hindered by the distraction of Chakotay's mouth ravishing
his. It seemed to take forever until Chakotay finally tossed the uniform aside.
Chakotay let his hands wander over Tom's body
learning where he was sensitive. "Chakotay" Tom gasped when the
Commander began tracing circles on the inside of his thighs.
"Yes?" he questioned mimicking Tom's
earlier teasing. Tom moaned letting his head fall back on the pillows. Chakotay
watched the young man laying on his bed gasping for breath his head tossing from
side to side. Laying back he pulled him back against his chest running his
fingers over Tom's erection stroking lightly then more forcefully.
Tom couldn't remember that last time he'd
been so hard, Chakotay was doing everything exactly right was the last coherent
thought before his mind burst into flames. He writhed under Chakotay's hand.
Having brought him to the brink of release
Chakotay now held Tom there. "Chakotay please" he whimpered. The
Commander stroked him heavily twice more and Tom came forcefully into Chakotay's
hand.
Tom lay exhausted in Chakotay's arms drifting
off to sleep. "Hey wake up sleepy head" Chakotay murmured gently
shaking his shoulder. "We've got to get cleaned up."
"Mmmmmm..." Tom complained. "But
'Kotay I'm tiiirrred"
"Come on you" the Commander laughed
hauling Tom to his feet. "I could make that an order if you like."
"No sir" Tom yawned allowing
himself to be lead into the bathroom. He watched as Chakotay adjusted the water
temperature and steeped in to the shower pulling Tom in behind him. Chakotay
washed them both quickly sensing Tom was only half awake. Shutting off the
water Chakotay grabbed a towel for each of them. He quickly dried them both
off. Tom looked so tired that Chakotay picked him up and carried him to bed
again. He lay his young lover down gently climbing into bed after him pulling
the covers up over them both.
Tom snuggled up beside Chakotay resting his
head on a strong shoulder. The Commanders arms coming around him locking him to
the big man's side. "Good night Chakotay" he whispered sleepily.
"Night love" Chakotay murmured back
as he drifted off to sleep for the first time in weeks with out a sedative.
The next morning Janeway was surprised when
Chakotay showed up on the bridge at the beginning of shift, but before she
could say anything he asked to speak to her in her ready room.
"Commander you are supposed to be on
medical leave sleeping." She said sternly once they were both seated.
"Yes I suppose I am. Actually that's
what I wanted to talk to you about" Chakotay said. "Captain I know
the doctor recommended a full week of leave but I am feeling much better now,
and want to return to duty."
"Chakotay I can't have you on the bridge
if you're just going to end up in the same condition again."
"I know that Captain" Chakotay
started, then paused looking away, and continued. "I knew I wasn't
sleeping well and I knew why."
Janeway looked at him curiously. "Would
you care to explain?"
"Not particularly, but if it will
convince you to let me back on duty" he shrugged.
"It might"
"I had some unresolved feelings about
one of the crew members."
"And those feelings have been resolved
now?"
"Yes Ma'am"
"Very well Commander you may return to
duty, but if I see any signs of fatigue you will be off my bridge so fast your
head will spin." She warned him. "Dismissed"
"Thank you Captain" Chakotay smiled
as he turned towards the door.
"Oh and Commander"
"Yes"
"I hope you and Mr. Paris can behave
your selves on the bridge." She said with a knowing grin.
"Of course we ca... You *knew*"
Chakotay gaped.
"I know everything that happens on my
ship Commander" Janeway said coolly. "Now back to work with you."
"Yes Ma'am" he said with a chuckle,
as he walked out on to the bridge. He paused a moment to gaze at Tom at the
conn then went to his chair. He sat for a moment then grabbing a padd and
quickly typed a message on it, rising he walked over to the conn, casually
dropped in front of Tom and returned to his seat.
Tom looked down at the pad. He felt a warm glow
spread over him and knew his life was going to a lot different from then on,
when he read the message. 'We stand together for ever and always.'