Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Note: A little Christmas whine to start out the season.
The Dr. Demento song is sung to the tune of 'Walking in a Winter
Wonderland.'
"External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect. They often "came down" handsomely, and Scrooge never did."
But he's going to.
We are going to bring that squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner DOWN!!! How could he ruin Christmas? How could he be so mean? How could he overcome thousands of years of tradition and culture to start a cynical movement of self-denying ascetism that totally balks at any 'non-realist' notion of comfort, peace, trust and joy?
Well, it's not like he didn't have HELP! I can't believe we busted the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. We didn't KNOW! Oh, god, we've wrecked Christmas!! Not just Christmas but EVERY major Winter celebration: Kwanzaa, Hanukah, Saturnalia, the Solstice, everything! The Spirits were conveniently called the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future but what they are, REALLY, are the Guardians of hope and cheer at a time when the world is at it's coldest and darkest. And we LOCKED THEM UP!!! Doi. Duh.
Wow, the entire miserable populace of this city is wandering around like it has Seasonal Affectedness Disorder. There is no kindness, no joy, no bright, glowing lights, no feasting, no festivities, no songs! No Chipmunk's Christmas Album!! I'll never hear their high, chipmunk voices sing 'Rudolph' or 'All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth' or even 'Walking Around in Women's Underwear' again. Wait, that last one was from my Dr. Demento Christmas CD. It's gone, too!!
Oh, Scrooge has HAD it!
We're going to fix our stupid mistake and Scrooge "will honour Christmas in his heart, and try to keep it all the year. He will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within him. He will not shut out the lessons that they teach." He won't screw it up for everyone else!
That's a promise from ME!
THE END
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