It was their turn for a grocery run, both Egon and Peter, so with cash in hand, they took Ecto to the local supermarket. Once there, they loaded the basket with necessities like milk, eggs, Twinkies (Egon insisted), and assorted other edibles, then drove back to the garage.

When they returned, they noticed a car parked outside, right behind Janine's Volkswagen.

"Must be another one of Janine's dates," Peter observed.

"Dates?" Egon asked, surprised, "I thought Janine had given up tryingto date other men, ever since that fiasco with Paul Smart."

Peter gave him a sad, little smile. "Well, it's not as if you have been paying her any attention, lately," he said, "being holed up in that lab for so long. You've hardly said much more than 'Good morning,' and, 'I need this file, Janine.'" Peter pushed the button to open the garage doors automatically. "She's not made of stone, you know," he added.

Egon realized that what Peter said was true. He had been throwing himself into his work, practically ignoring Janine altogether. No wonder she wanted to date again. He sighed, and prayed that the date would go sour, like most of her other ones, so he could have another chance to put things right between them again.

As Peter drove Ecto inside, Egon spied a large, well-muscled individual standing next to Janine's desk, talking with her. Peter whistled, softly.

"He's an even bigger guy than you, Big Guy," he said. "I guess Janine got tired of seeing scrawny lab rats, and wanted a man with a real body." Peter chuckled briefly. "He could sweep her off her feet, all right...while she's still in her car!"

Egon made a face. Why wait for the date to sour on its own? Why not help the situation along? a little voice in his head said to him. He looked down at his shoulders, fully expecting to see a small devil that would resemble Peter sitting there. Seeing nothing, he glanced at Peter.

"Would you mind carrying the groceries by yourself for a moment, Peter? I wish to speak with this... individual for a moment," Egon asked.

Peter rolled his eyes and gave Egon a grin. Jealousy rears its ugly head again, he thought, as he got out of the car, and opened up the back. "Go ahead, Egon, I can get these."

Egon exited the car, and approached Janine's desk just in time to hear her say, "I'll be right back, Herman, and then we'll go." He watched her head in the direction of the bathroom.

Trying to approach the man casually, Egon asked, "Are you taking Janine out to someplace nice?"

"Herman" looked at him, and nodded. "Yeah, I thought we'd try that new Italian restaurant, downtown."

Egon shook his head. "Oh, no, you can't take her there. The food makes her break out, afterwards."

"How about Greek food, then?" the burly man asked.

"Allergic to the feta cheese, makes her swell up like a bullfrog. Not a pleasant sight, believe me." Inside, Egon was grinning wickedly to himself.

Peter walked by with an armload of groceries, and rolled his eyes again before heading upstairs. Mr. Herman scratched his head for a moment.

"There's the Peruvian place--"

He stopped as Egon shook his head again. "The restraining order clearly states that Janine would be arrested if she gets within one hundred feet of the restaurant. She now has to cross the street in order to walk down the block; a shame, really," the blond said.

Herman quickly glanced in the direction of the bathroom. "Did she get into a fight?" Herman asked.

Egon looked thoughtful. "You could say that," he nodded. "And you could also say that the Thousand Year War was only a skirmish." Oh, good one, Egon, he patted himself on the back. "See this scar?" Egon showed Herman a nasty cut on the back of his hand he had received when an ill-tempered gooper bit him while trying to escape. It was barely healed, and still an angry red color. "I was trying to protect the waiter from being stabbed by a steak knife when Janine found out that we were being served llama steaks, instead of beef."

Herman's eyes widened. "Llama steaks?" he stammered. "Stabbed?"

Egon nodded, soberly. "Janine has a thing for llamas; she thinks they're 'cute.' She went ballistic when she found out she was eating one." He leaned towards Herman to whisper conspiratorially. "I shouldn't really say this, but," Egon took an exaggerated glance towards the bathroom, himself, "You know how we keep Slimer around, and he's a ghost, right?"

Herman nodded.

"Well, it's kind of the same thing with Janine, but she isn't a ghost," Egon's voice became a near whisper, "she's a vile, ill-tempered demon from one of the many NetherHells. It followed us home through a spacial rift, and devoured the real Janine, so we had no choice but to train it to take her place."

The next thing Egon knew, a meaty hand was at his throat, hauling him off of his feet.

"Are you telling me that Cousin Janine is dead, and you've been keeping it from the entire family?" Herman snarled in his face.

"Cousin?" Egon choked out, kicking his dangling legs uselessly, and trying to unlock the fingers gripping his collar. "You're Janine's cousin? Not her date?"

Herman shook Egon like a rag doll. Janine, at that moment, walked out of the bathroom, and saw Egon's plight. She rushed up, and pulled on her cousin's arms.

"Herman, put Egon down this instant!" She tugged uselessly at the massive biceps. "Right now, do you hear me?!"

"Go away!" Herman yelled at her, "I'm gonna make this guy pay for letting you eat Cousin Janine."

"What?!" she yelled. "Herman, put him down right now, or I'm telling Mom that it was you who broke her antique vase when we were kids, got it?"

Herman gave her a sideways glance, then released the hold he had on the physicist. Egon fell to the floor and sat there, gasping for breath. Herman clenched his fists at his sides and looked as if he wanted to kick him.

Janine put her hands on her hips. "Now, what the heck is going on around here?" she demanded of both of them.

Herman spoke first. "He said you were a vile, ill-tempered demon from NetherHell, that's what!"

Janine shot a poisonous glare at the would-be love of her life. Egon, red-faced, tugged at his collar.

"Janine, I can explain..."

"I'm waiting." She started tapping her foot, impatiently.

"You see, Janine, I... you... he..." he trailed off as her eyes narrowed at him. Clearing his throat, he said, "I thought he was your date, not your cousin."

"So you thought you could scare him off? I'm surprised you didn't try to bribe Peter to do it!" she yelled.

"There's not enough money in the world to make me take on this bruiser, Big J," Peter said, on his way back to the car for another load of groceries. "What story did he tell you?"

"That she was a nasty, she-demon from one of the NetherHells that you guys trained to replace her after she was eaten up," Herman answered.

"Well..." Peter started, but snapped his mouth shut when Janine glared at him.

"Not one word, Dr. V, I mean it!" she warned.

Peter shrugged, and headed for the rest of the groceries. Egon, meanwhile, had picked himself up, and was brushing the imaginary dust off his clothes. Janine returned her attention to him.

"The next time you don't want me to go out with anyone, why don't you ask me for a date, instead?" she spat in his face. Egon cringed under her verbal assault.

"Yes, Janine. I'm sorry, Janine."

"Good," she smirked, "because we're going out to that Greek restaurant on Saturday, got it?"

Egon nodded.

"You can't, you're allergic to the feta cheese, remember?" Herman piped in, concerned. "Makes you look like a swollen bullfrog, right?"

"WHAT?!" Janine shrieked. "Egon!" She shot daggers at him with her eyes.

"Eeep!" Egon turned to run, but was caught by Herman, who grabbed the back of his collar. The big man grasped the seat of Egon's pants also, and hefted him like a gunny sack.

"This guy needs to learn a lesson on treating you with respect," Herman winked at his cousin, and started to carry Egon outside.

Janine grinned. She knew Herman wouldn't hurt him, he was just trying to save her dignity, that's all. A few seconds later, she heard Egon's outraged yell, and the clatter of the garbage cans outside in the alley. She had to fight to stifle the giggles that threatened to bubble out of her.

Herman came back in, making grand gestures of wiping the dirt from his hands. He offered Janine his bent elbow. "Shall we go, Cousin?"

"Let's, Cousin." She put her arm through his, and they walked to his car.

Egon was just rolling to a sitting position in the middle of the spilled garbage, when they drove off. His glasses were gone, somewhere amongst the banana peels and egg shells, no doubt.

Peter ambled into the alleyway, and squatted at Egon's feet. "Well, Spengs, ya got your wish, and now she's dating only you, again," he chuckled.

Egon put a hand to his forehead and groaned. "I just wish I didn't have such bad luck with her family."

"Are you kidding?" Peter patted his friend's leg, comfortingly, "Herman likes you, if he didn't, you would be inside one of the trash cans, not lying all over them like an alley cat." He tossed Egon back his glasses he found lying nearby. "Next time, Egon, let me talk to the big monsters for you; I think my dignity can handle being tossed out like yesterday's garbage better than yours can."

He helped Egon to his feet, and brushed off some of the garbage that was clinging to the physicist's clothes. "Why don't you change, and we'll all head for the Peruvian restaurant I've been hearing so much about."

"All right, Peter," Egon smirked, "I've been dying to try out those llama steaks, myself."

"Llama?" Peter looked a little green. "Uh, on second thought, how about we order a pizza instead, okay?"

The End

Back to:

• Authors
• Titles
• Date
• Index