Janine didn't have time to take the stairs to the main floor. She cut quite an interesting figure sliding down the fire-pole in her red velvet mini-skirt, heels, hose with sparklies at the ankles and no top.
She hit the ground and stumbled down the last flight of steps to the basement lab/laundry room and was brought to a violent halt by the locked door.
Inside, Ray jumped at the THUD! and, reluctantly went to investigate. There was Janine, down but not out, her face so red he could practically see the heat waves rising from it. He knelt down. Eye-level with each other, Janine stared at him in horror. "Hissss Mmmotherrrr!!" Ray had no idea what she was talking about but he nodded anyway. She continued, "Thisss...is...ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ray nodded again, agreeing completely, and held out his arms.
Janine collapsed against him and he half pulled, half dragged her inside.
And re-locked the door.
***Do You Know What I Know?***
Mrs. Spengler got as far as the rec-room and stood indecisively in front of the entertainment center. Too wound up to sit down she waited for someone to come to her. She cooled her burning face with her hand and wished for a plumed fan, something Scarlett O'Hara might use when she came down with a bad case of the vapors. Although when those Southern Belles said 'vapors' they MEANT gas...she shook her head. Squirrel Thoughts. A sure sign of senility.
"Merry Christmas, dear Peter! Merry Christmas to me!" Peter floated down the stairs and jumped in front of her, joy clearly exhibited in every inch of his sticky, ectoplasm-drenched body. "Mama Spengler! Sorry, we don't have a fainting couch."
"What in the world is going on?!"
"I thought you weren't going to ask?"
She gave Peter her trademark Don't Sass Me squint that worked so well on Egon. It didn't work on Peter. The incorrigible brat.
Egon appeared. He had regained his composure but he was still wrapped in that ratty towel. Mrs. Spengler made a mental note to stop by Macy's Holiday Whites Sale on her way home if she survived whatever was happening now.
Egon's voice was calm and very collected. "Peter, please answer my mother's question."
"Spengs, please put something on before your new nickname becomes 'Winky.'"
Egon looked down at himself and pulled a face. His mother almost laughed at the way her son drew his ragged dignity together and returned upstairs. She turned to Peter again and raised her eyebrows. Well?
Peter gave her his best smoldering Valentino gaze. "Gimme a big kiss and I'll tell you everything!"
Again with the big kiss. That was twice in five minutes and a continuing joke with him. He'd been teasing her ever since she met him, during his freshman year in college. Egon's new friend had inspired her to remember a line from Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet.'
An eagle hath not so green, so quick, so fair an eye.
Hmmm...wouldn't he be surprised...? Mrs. Spengler grabbed Peter by the ear and yanked his head down. Planting a barely-there kiss on his lips she released him immediately.
It was a mistake. Calling Peter Venkman's bluff was ALWAYS a mistake. Especially in this instance as he'd always held the opinion that if there was One Thing that Mrs. Spengler wanted, needed and never received from her tight-ass stick of an ex-husband was a real, virile, deep, warm kiss. Hey, she deserved a very merry Christmas, too.
He reached into his pocket and, bringing out the holly pin, held it over her head. His other hand fell to her shoulder. "I said a BIG kiss."
***Do You Hear What I Hear?***
Blondie's 'Call Me' was playing on the radio. "Call me! Call me, any, any, any time!" Egon and Winston were throwing on more layers than was physically comfortable but psychologically they were feeling much better. Winston's footlocker had been locked against Peter's 'What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also.' philosophy. So had Egon's trunk. No wonder poor Janine was still wandering around half-naked.
A strange beep brought his attention to Egon. Dressed, he was now studying a PKE meter with grim fascination. "What are you doing, man?"
"They're in the basement."
"Who?"
"Janine and Ray."
Winston sighed. "Egon, listen, for someone who doesn't give Janine the time of day you can sure be one jealous bastard."
Egon did not deign to reply and headed for the stairs. Winston smothered a laugh. Lord, what a day.
***Do You Feel What I Feel?***
Ray took a warm red and black checked flannel shirt, one of his own, out of the dryer and held it up for Janine. She turned around and put her arms into the sleeves as easily as if he were simply helping her on with her coat. "...and behind Egon was his MOTHER! The look on their faces! The way they looked at me! I wanted to DIE!" Ray adjusted her collar and tried hard not to get the nervous giggles but let out a snort anyway. She wanted to snap at him but the memory of Winston and Dopey Dawg overcame her and she let go. They laughed together, surrounded by the warmth of the dryer, the scent of Spring Breeze fabric softener and Janine's perfume. She wrapped her arms around him. Good 'ol Ray. You couldn't stay mad at him and he made the shittiest day shine.
***Do You See What I See?***
Winston gaped at the scene below him and froze. Whoa, whoa Nellie. Peter released Mrs. Spengler and Egon...Egon had been staring at the meter and missed the whole thing.
Winston turned his shout into a loud cough. Peter coughed back. Then they were both choking, coughing and hacking as if they both had the worst bronchial infections imaginable.
"Ahem!" Mrs. Spengler joined in. "Ahem! Cough!"
Ignoring Peter and Winston, Egon looked up at her. "Mother, you're covered in slime. Did Peter put you in a headlock again?"
"NoIhavetogotoMacys!" She waved a lovely, manicured hand at them all, ta ta, and slid down the fire-pole to the first floor. They heard the front door open and close. So ended Mrs. Spengler's uneventful visit.
Egon was surprised. "She's never used the pole before." Sparing his clean clothes, he decided to forgo the grungy pole himself and continued downstairs.
Unable to speak, Winston sat on the stairs and spread his hands out in the universal What The Hell? gesture. Peter could only respond with a ludicrous I Had To Do It expression. Then Winston remembered something important. "Peter! Egon's going after Janine and Ray!"
Peter quickly calculated Ray's crush on Janine and Janine's unhappiness concerning Egon and decided the two just MIGHT, COULD, POSSIBLY be up to something down there. This bodes ill. Winston and Peter nearly tripped over each other to get to the lower levels.
***All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth***
They reached the laundry room door just as Egon knocked on it. "Whooo iss iiit?" Sang a voice from inside.
Peter shoved Egon out of the way and pounded on the wood. "NEWYORKPOLICEDEPARTMENTOPENTHISDOORNOWASSHOLE!!!"
"NYPD? Let's see some badges!"
Winston threw his weight against the door. "BADGES?! WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' BADGES!!" He slammed on the door with his fists while Peter kicked at it. Egon stood back and had the good grace to look abashed. What had he been thinking? What did he have the right to do? He shouted "GHOSTBUSTERS!!" and added his own frantic banging to Winston and Peter's.
"Not THEM! We give!" The door was unlocked and Ray threw it open.
All three men looked past him to Janine. She was laughing and surrounded by piles of neatly folded clothes.
Peter narrowed his eyes. All this time and they'd been folding clothes? Riiight. Winston studied Ray for signs of guilt and saw none. Egon scrutinized Janine.
"What?!" She demanded.
"Ah, Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Egon."
"God bless us, every one." Peter added, grinning.
For the peace of the firehouse and the beauty and glory of the Holiday Season the five of them smiled huge shit-eating smiles at each other and made a silent pact. The same pact Janine and Ray made when the two of them got this sordid ball rolling.
Whatever went on, or whatever we know or suspect went on...we will never speak of this again.
End
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