Disclaimer: Just doing this for fun, but I sure wish they were mine.
"Nope, I'm not gonna do it!"
Peter's voice came muffled through the bathroom door, which he had locked against intrusion.
"Come on, Dr. V, it's not as if I haven't seen it before!" Janine Melnitz, standing in the middle of the hallway, shouted to make herself heard, "it's not my fault the guys got called away on an emergency bust!"
"Damn stupid Class Twos, they only exist to make my life miserable." Janine's boss was clearly in discomfort, by the tone of his voice, "and when did you see it before?" he demanded sourly.
The secretary smirked. "I've played nursemaid for you guys long enough to see plenty," she informed him through the door, "and what I don't see, my imagination fills in the rest.
"There was silence from the bathroom for a couple of minutes. Janine finally got fed up with waiting and turned away from the door. "Well, if you want to suffer, fine by me. Don't say I didn't offer to help.
She stopped when she heard the distinctive click of the door unlocking. She looked back as the door cracked open a bit, then she spied Peter's green eye peeking out. "You're not gonna take advantage of me, are you?" he asked cautiously.
"Not if I want my paycheck next week," Janine retorted.
"Okay." The door opened all the way and Peter stepped aside, admitting Janine.
She noticed he had shucked his Ghostbusting uniform, but was still clad in his jeans and tee shirt. "Well," she said, "I ain't got all day."
With a resigned groan, Peter unbuckled his belt, then unzipped the fly of his jeans. He turned his back to Janine and gingerly eased his pants and undershorts down off his rump, bending over the sink.
"Ouch," she said, inspecting the damage, "what did you do, sit on a cactus?" His posterior was covered in long, slim spines, deeply embedded into the skin.
"Yes," Venkman snapped, "damn Class Two got the drop on me, and pushed me into a cactus patch. That's the last time I go on any greenhouse busts!" His annoyance and embarrassment came to the surface as he continued, "I had to lie in Ecto face down across Ray's lap to get home! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?"
"Not any more embarrassing than showing me your butt, I'll bet." Janine leaned over Peter's shoulder to retrieve the tweezers and disinfectant from the medicine cabinet, "now relax, and let Auntie Janine fix you right up." She patted his head like a three-year-old, then dragged over the stepstool to sit on.
Peter gripped the sink tightly, his knuckles showing white through the skin. "Hurry up before I change my mind," he gritted through clenched teeth.
"Well, now that I've seen it, you don't have to worry anymore. And I won't tell Egon, either," she chuckled.
"Like he's not going to know," Venkman snorted, "I doubt he'll believe the cactus needle fairy came in while he was away."
Janine carefully closed the tweezers around a cactus needle, and deftly pulled it free, hearing her employer yelp in the process. "It was either me, or an ugly nurse in emergency who wouldn't be so gentle," she plucked out another one, and Peter flinched. "Hold still; your moving around only makes it worse."
"Gentle?" Peter remarked, "King Kong would be more gentle than you doing this!"
"Fine," Janine tossed the tweezers in the sink, "you do it, then!" Getting up from the stool, she left the bathroom, "I didn't want to look at your hairy butt anyway!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" The psychologist's whiny voice followed her to the top of the stairway, "I didn't mean it, please come back and finish. I'll be quiet and try not to move, but it hurts like hell!"
Janine rolled her eyes. "What a baby," she muttered under her breath as she stepped back to the bathroom. Venkman was still bent over the sink, with the most pathetic look on his face. Wouldn't be a bit surprised if that look was part of a sympathy ploy, she thought.
She snatched the tweezers out of his hand, and took her position back on the stool. "Remember, I can push these suckers in, as well as take them out," she growled at him.
"Okay, shutting up now..." he bit off a pained yelp as Janine began pulling out the needles, not as gently this time around.
"My butt's not hairy...is it?" he asked after a moment.
Janine leaned back, taking in the view as a whole. "Nah, not really. Maybe just a little."
"Good. I was worried for a minute."
Silence reigned in the bathroom for a few minutes, the only sound being Peter's quiet grunts of pain each time a needle was pulled free. Finally, Janine proclaimed his butt free of cactus needles, and Peter heaved a great sigh of relief.
He made as if to pull his jeans back up, but Janine waved the bottle of antiseptic in his face. "Not so fast, Dr. V, we need to make sure your not-so-hairy butt doesn't develop gangrene, and we'd have to cut it off."
Peter groaned. "You're enjoying this, aren't you, Melnitz?" he snapped, bending over the sink again.
"If I had my camera, I'd take pictures for the Enquirer," she retorted, thrusting a hand towel in his face. "Bite the bullet, Dr. V."
Peter wadded up the terrycloth and stuffed it into his mouth.
"Then again, with your pants down and your mouth gagged, Bondage Monthly would pay better than the Enquirer would." Janine ignored the indignant glare Venkman shot her, and soaked up a washcloth with the disinfectant. "Okay, this is gonna sting a little," she warned.
"Uh fink?" mumbled Peter through the towel.
She was as good as her word; the psychologist howled into his makeshift gag as the stinging liquid seeped into every open wound, making his rear end seem as if it were on fire. Thankfully, the pain was short lived, and he could finally remove the towel from his mouth. "Damn, that hurt!" he complained.
"Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy," Janine commented, putting the tweezers and bottle of disinfectant back in the cabinet as Peter zipped himself back up, "I'll bet Winston wouldn't have said a word."
Peter made a rude noise. "He would have cried like a girl, and yelled for his momma!" he said, attempting to salvage some dignity from the situation, "and I just know that he'll want to hear about you wanting to look at his butt, too."
"I didn't say that, Dr. V, and you know it!"
"And who's next, Ray? I'd better get on the mobile, and warn him!" Peter rushed out of the bathroom, heading for the stairs.
"Ooooo!" Janine stamped her foot in annoyance. Try to do something nice, and it gets you nothing, she thought. As she picked up the discarded cactus needles, a germ of an idea made her lips curl in amusement. Maybe if she poked these into his mattress, and Peter went to lay down for a nap...
The End
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